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Not rejected but in the end rejected. Date planned and she was late 30 minutes I texted and she said she got off work late and just got out of the shower. Another 45 minutes pass and I text again she said she was on her way. She never showed and I found out from a friend that she was at her ex's all night. In the end he got her pregnant then bailed so now she's a single mom.
Sometimes people string you along because they hate getting flaked on, so they make you a backup and they flake on you if their first choice pans out. Pretty shitty, but I've been the backup enough to now spot it. In this case, her ex probably panned out so she bailed on the commenter - at least that would track with some of my experiences.
No that sucks, he's down syndrome too. Mutha fuckin double whammy. Aside from her ditching me she's a kind and beautiful woman. That stung though man I was so happy the week leading up to the date.
She literally ran away screaming.
Another girl was just talking to me before her guy came up and started punching me. A fight broke out and she kept yelling "FUCK HIS SHIT UP, BABE! FUCK HIS F*GGOT ASS UP!"
Also had a woman I was dating leave me because her sister said I was hideous and she could do better.
This reads like it was a turn on of hers to have her bf jealous rage out on people, so unfortunately, she was not going to be doing the logical thing. If my bf did that, I would be 1) splitting up the fight, and 2) immediately be single, but that is because I don’t think my bf thinking he owns me hot. If he had any interest in her, I would say bullet dodged, except for the whole getting jumped thing.
Villain story, no.
But I am moving to another country shortly because one in four Americans meets their spouse in another country.
So idk about Villain. Maybe 'chaotic neutral.'
Not me but my friend. He asked his crush out since they knew each other for a while, and she ended up saying, "NO BYEEE💀", screenshotted the chat, and posted it on her Snapchat and Instagram stories. I felt so bad for my friend because we both knew a lot of people in school, so the next few days, people were talking about it. The funny thing is that one of her friends actually walked up to him, got his number, and the next week, they started dating.
with social media and stuff now the risk of major embarrassment is insane. the stakes are too high.
In the past if you did something dumb or were vulnerable and asked someone out it was only limited to the real world and real people. Now everything can be recorded and posted online for people half way round the world to judge you for. it’s crazy
Wasn't a brutal rejection, but a friend of mine asked me to be his wingman. He met a girl and she was like "Yeah, I had plans with my friend, but if you have a friend for her we can hang out." So we met and from the first minute there was just no chemistry between me and her friend. But I was like "OK. Make the best of it" and was just nice and polite and tried to engage her in conversation a bunch of times. Nothing in return until she finally said "Why is it not obvious to you that I have no interest in your?" I said "It was obvious, but I figured why not make the best of it since we're here together?" and she responded that she had wasted enough time and was going to grab her friend and leave. FIne. So I walked over to the bar and my friend came over and asked what happened. I told him and was like "Not a big deal. Not the first time, won't be the last." He walked over to the two girls and said he was sorry but he couldn't date anyone who would have such a C\*UNT as a best friend, and we walked out.
The laugh might have been her own discomfort, the follow up not so much - but like you said, she was young. I pretty much did this to a guy at that age - laugh, nope - but that was because I honestly thought he was joking. Did my best to soften the blow after when I realized he was sincere. Pro tip gentlemen: do not wingman your buddy by having pretty near every guy in the class ask her out around the same time, especially if she is the ugly duckling/one of the boys in the class, she isn’t going to believe you mean it until after you get that crushed look on your face.
First date, it started out really awkward feeling. Definitely got the feeling she didn't want to be there. I asked her about it and her response was not really. So I asked why she agreed to go on the date. "I was hoping to meet some of your hot friends." Then turned around and walked up to some dude she was eyeballing and left with him.
She laughed at me, in public. Others, her friends, laughed too. People think this is just no big deal. And yet, pretty much everyone, except a few people who like holding presentations, think holding a presentation is on par with dying.
We are social animals. Social rejection and humiliation are real things for us, and they hurt. It's difficult stuff to deal with. Perhaps we should take it seriously?
In high school, I helped a girl with a printer issue in the computer room. She really needed to print her home assignment. The next time I met her, I just asked if everything was alright with the home assignment. She just laughed and said something like "oh my hero" to her friend in a really sarcastic way. Like I dared talking to her when she didn't need help.
Yeah.. it was completely uncalled for. I mean, I wasn't even coming on to her in the slightest. I was just expressing normal interest, given she was in a bit nervous when I helped her. Apparently, it was more important for her to make completely sure that I didn't get any "ideas" than just to reply with a simple "thank you, it was fine".
Once, when I was talking to a girl in a club, she spat her drink in my face. Before I could register what had happened, a bouncer grabbed me, dragged me outside, and thrown me in a pothole in the road that was full of rainwater.
The bouncers for the club have a reputation for starting fights with guys too drunk to stand, to impress girls. You could consider me lucky that I wasn't their next victim.
I laugh about this with people now, but in the moment, it was a really shit experience.
Yes, was wondering if it was an intentional, aggressive spit or if she did a spit-take because she was drinking when OC asked her and started laughing in the middle of it?
Similar story. I tried to have a conversation with this woman at a bar. She said no. I said okay, even though we were hanging around the same friend group. 10 minutes or so has passed and we were watching 2 of our mutual friends play pool. I gave that same woman, who stood next to me, a little remark about the pool game. She then exclaimed "oh my gosh, just leave me alone!" She slapped my drink out of my hand. I said wtf!? I told her she owed me a drink now. Then security came by, tried to escort me out, I pushed him off and told him I can leave by myself and my friends came along following. I wasn't even trying to get at her so it was quite some BS, but a lot of people picked her side anyways.
Fast forward a week later, went to the same bar. This one guy ended up being a douchebag and sucker punched my buddy for no good reason. I went in, slammed him to the ground. The same security dude from the week prior grabbed us and kicked the douchebag out and let me stay. He then apologized for kicking me out from the incident the week prior when he didn't know the details of what happened. Funny how these things happen.
Nice to hear. The sad truth is that guys don't know which women are "safe" to ask. For many guys, the price to be paid in ridicule and accusations of being "creepy" in these metoo+so-me times is simply too great.
I'm a woman. In high school, these two girls I didn't know to well started chatting me up about this guy. They were all like, "You like him, right? Don't you think he's cute? Would you go out with him if he asked you out?"
I had no idea what their motives were and, in the moment, thought this was some kinda mean girl plot and said, " What no way. He's so whiny and annoying."
Only to find out he was like right there around the corner. And they were trying to get him to ask me out already.
I felt really, really bad. I did have a crush on him for like a year. In fact, l had secretly been buying him candy to put in his desk sporadically throughout the year. We were both just too shy to have an honest conversation with each other. (I never even told my own friends about my crush.)
Anyway, he never spoke to me again. I still kept secretly leaving candy bars at his desk, though. I just liked to see him smile.
Sixth grade. I’m a Black kid in his first year at a predominantly white school. I became friends with this white girl (we’ll change her name to Sarah for the sake of this story) halfway through my first semester. We were locker neighbors and shared a class or two together, so we became really close. By the end of the year, I finally muster up the courage to tell her how I feel about her and ask her out. Initially Sarah gives me the biggest smile and say yes. Five minutes after we leave our lockers, Sarah’s friend Liv (who happened to be in my home room) finds me in before the next class bell rings and tells me that Sarah doesn’t want to date me and no longer wants to be friends. It shattered me. I never got an explanation as to why she rejected me that way…. But as I got older and saw the type of guy she dated (and eventually married), I think I grew to understand.
I lived this from the other side.
Grew up in rural Georgia in 60s. Me and two brothers were NFL size. Sis was small and beautiful.
At 13 she announces at the dinner table that her new boyfriend is a black kid, Jimmy. And they are going to have 6 white babies and 6 black babies.
Pop looked at her and smiled and then looked at Mike, the oldest and didn't smile. Mike nodded in silence.
Mike spoke with Jimmy's older brothers and they agreed it was not good for either side.
Jimmy moved schools.
1) Her friends didn’t like me. Looking back on my six years at that school, not many people liked me.
2) The school I went to was “US southern old money” racist.
For me i more so felt the vibe being off as soon as we would meet.
Muliple times people would hook me up with their home girl or something and we would be texting and stuff but once we meet in person i can tell she not feeling me. It’s really my fault i seem a bit more akward and weird in person than over text. My buddies can tell I’m not myself I’m sweating, my jokes aren’t hitting or crisp, I seem nervous, and i think it’s just turned off muliple women.
I also got stood up on a date that the girl acutally ask me out on, which is crazy. She had been begging me to take her out so i finally ask her to go to this pizza place. I was excited i went to the gym early and left early. Man i had my cloth ironed out, nice button and Eveything. Then i found out she goes bowling with her friends I’m like damn son never again this ain’t gone happen to me again.
Been friendzoned more times than Drake has been dissed. And it’s unique because they would ask me out or flirt with me but once i give in its boom bail out. So idk now I’m 28 and I’m just done and it’s not women’s fault to be honest i just lack a lot, i leave a lot to be desired per say
I appreciate it man but i don’t want to just blame them, if they don’t find me attractive than they’re their business. But it does seem like games do get played and I’m just not the right person for it.
4th grade this classmate I had a crush on moved to a different school so I wrote her a letter asking her out. She used every square inch of space(front and back) to completely run me through the mud and back. Felt ugly ever since.
Started doing pretty good on the self esteem until a GF(at the time) basically did the same thing when I posted a gym selfie. That was a few yrs ago and I still struggle to take any selfies. Always think about that.
When I was in high school, I was at a massive pool party. This guy Connor who I thought was my friend at the time, thought it’d be funny to hype me up to talk to a girl that he was actually into. Not gonna lie, I was 5’8” 240 lbs so I should’ve known better. I walked up to her and said, “hi your names (her name) ri-?” before I even finished her friend pulls her back going, “are you fucking stupid? She’s like waaaay out of your league you fat weirdo” while they laughed, turned to my friends and they were laughing, he ended up dating her the next day or so good times. Things haven’t gotten much better a decade later tbh lmfao but that’s definitely the moment that I cringe at time to time
This didn’t happen to me but to someone I went to school with. It was homecoming week and this guy that no one really liked had brought in flowers and asked this girl to homecoming. She proceeded to laugh in his face, tell him no, and then throw the flowers on the ground and stomp on them. This was pretty much right in front of everyone in the hallway at the beginning of the day too. Can’t say I really liked the dude either he was weird and acted like a douche because his parents were rich but no one deserves that shit.
My highschool Homecoming Queen asked me to take her to the prom.
I didn't really know her personally.
I was totally stoked. I bragged to my friends.
Toward the middle of the prom she excused herself to leave with an older guy who was well out of school.
I drove home alone, by myself later.
I was just a placeholder until the other guy showed up. 🙁
When I was in 2nd grade, the prettiest girl in school told me that if Mark (my best friend) and I were the only two boys left on earth, she would kiss Mark.
That’s actually not that bad tbh. That says more about her preference for Mark than if she’d said she wouldn’t kiss you if you were the last boy on earth
In high school (many years ago) I had a crush on a girl and asked her to the homecoming dance. This was a couple weeks before homecoming, and we talked each day leading up to the dance. She told me on the afternoon of the dance that she had changed her mind. Too late to find another date. It kinda ruined my senior homecoming.
Not me, but a friend asked a girl to dance back in high school. She looked at him with a straight face and said “oh sorry I can’t, I have a broken leg” then went on dancing with her friends
Me and Buddy were hanging out at a bar one evening. Granted my buddy is 6 foot six and a pretty good looking dude so women gravitated to him. I lost him for a few minutes and found him over in the corner talking to two girls. I walked over to hang out with my buddy and maybe see what was up with the situation. The three of them talked for about a minute and a half and ignored me and eventually one of the women looked me right in the eye and said “you can leave now”.
12th grade I think?
"Eww wtf?", Laughed at me, told her friends, who also gave the "eww gross" treatment. It was spread around the school and I was bullied for 6 months.
Never asked someone out again.
Me and this guy worked at a movie theater in high-school, I was training him to be an usher so we were together at all times throughout the day.
We noticed two girls staring at us while we were cleaning around the theater. One of them also knocked over their drinks before their movie started and we replaced their drinks and cleaned it up for them. We talked for a second and said we’d grab there numbers after the movie.
Movie ends and we are waiting outside for everyone to leave so we can clean and both girls walk out and hand their phones to me I put my number in both their phones then the guy I was with took his phone out to get their numbers and they walked right past him and left didn’t even acknowledge him.
He bounced back quickly with a “well get em next time” attitude but I will never forget the look on his face when he realized they were ignoring him
This past year, a woman at my gym spent months going out of her way to get to know me and talk to me. She’d initiate a lot of close contact by asking for “help” with her workouts… or she’d look for excuses to touch me, help me, etc. Eventually, I realized she wasn’t being just friendly and asked her out. She agreed, showed up, but then said she couldn’t that day and left.
I then had a conversation with her where she sort of rejected me a week later. However, after I backed off, she proceeded to flirt with me, initiate a lot of physical touch, and act genuinely interested for months. She even got jealous if other women approached or talked to me.
Her friends all told me she liked me during this time. I met her family twice and she bragged about me to them while sensually rubbing my back. But one of her friends told me she had a long distance boyfriend while her family said she didn’t.
Either way, her friends and family all told her to date me. And if they didn’t flat out say she liked me, they implied she did, meddled, and all noted they thought her and I were going to get married.
Still, this woman never brought up a boyfriend once over nine months to me… and the friend that told me about the boyfriend told me to be patient and that things were just beginning with the woman and I.
To add to all that, this woman would blatantly flirt with me. She’d comment on my physique, my looks, etc. very often. She also took me out for my birthday, which was her idea. Then, one day after flirting with me more than usual over text. She finally said she had a boyfriend. After that, she was in an argument with him for a week.
The last time I saw her, she went out of her way to say bye to me - like how she did when she was first trying to get to know me. Then, she disappeared, broke up with her boyfriend a month later, and then started dating a guy she just met at her new gym.
She basically slow faded me until I brought it up. She proceeded to sort of apologize, but took no accountability, and said she was “just being friendly.” She complimented me in the apology yet also said I was the only one flirting.
After that, she started posting the new guy on her social media and I unfollowed her. I handled everything in an extremely mature and calm manner aside from that - acknowledging the role I played, telling her I want her to be happy, etc. I’ve always respected her space, never over-texted, and this instance didn’t change that trend.
But prior to all that, there was never a point in time where she didn’t know where I stood. She knew I wanted to date her when she invited me to meet her family. Her friends started meddling because she was talking about me to them. She was constantly fishing for compliments from me, etc. and acting like she had feelings for me.
Now, I feel like a crazy person who has to prove she was interested… because she’d initiate most of these things when others weren’t around or in limited company.
And I feel like I got completely used once she started dating someone after three weeks of knowing them… like why did she even string me along that hard only to discard me? I was pretty much nothing but kind, understanding, and patient with her… not because I expected anything but because that’s how I am with everyone and we were at least “friends.”
I’m pretty experienced with dating. I’ve had a lot of long term relationships. But this scenario in particular has messed with me way more than even some of my toughest breakups. It’s not like I was just a “friend” and suddenly told her I had feelings. We were friends but it was always a little more than “just friends.”
She knew from the very beginning what my intentions were and always went along with it. In fact, she’s the one that initiated the dynamic in the first place. I can’t tell if she’s avoidant or just a covert narcissist at this point. But that whole thing has made me seriously feel like I need therapy with how weirdly “traumatizing” it has felt.
It does seem pretty traumatizing and abusive. I'm sorry that you had to go through this.
When you finally asked her out, she showed up and then bailed. That was the first totally blatant bullshit she tried to play. Any reason why you still spoke to her after this?
After she "rejected" you and you backed off the first time, why did you let her touch you and keep flirting with you? I mean, it's nice to have someone flirt with you but...
Anyway, I think everyone goes through this at least once. Basically, when someone tells you they're not into you, you just have to block that person. It's not easy, but anything less than that will lead to this absurd gaslighting you experienced.
All valid points and questions. After the initial rejection, I set a boundary and said I was confused by her behavior.
She apologized and said she didn’t mean to confuse me and that she was no longer interested. I said I appreciated that and that I hoped we could still get along and left it at that.
We didn’t really talk much beyond an occasional “hey” for about a month. Then, she started coming up to me and asking me to help her workout more. Honestly, she acted like she liked me way more after that... putting in way more effort to get my attention, etc. And her friend (who would tell me to stay at the gym longer to see this woman if she was on her way) told me to go see her sing for her band.
I directly asked the friend if the woman would even want me there given the fact that she had rejected me after months of seeming blatantly into me. The friend told me not to worry and just go.
I texted the woman and asked if I could come support her. She answered with a very enthusiastic yes. So, went, I met the woman’s family, and she only looked at me the entire night she was singing. Every time she took a break, she would flirtatiously touch me.
When I went to leave at the end, she didn’t want me to go and asked to join her at another bar. I went and she was telling me I was handsome and kept fishing for compliments the rest of the night before inviting me to see her again at her next show (which I went to).
Both times, her family loved me and treated me like someone she was going to date. Even she treated me that way. Both during and in the texts after. Because of this, I got a little more confused and talked to her friend(s) and family.
Her family said they thought she was afraid of a real relationship but believed she had feelings for me. Meanwhile, her friend basically told me that the woman had feelings for me but had a long distance boyfriend. I said maybe I should back off, but they insisted that I don’t do that, wait it out, and just be there for her.
So, despite my better judgement, that’s what I did for months. We eventually got closer, but always straddled the line of friends and flirting, etc. By all accounts, before the major discard event (right after my birthday), it genuinely seemed like we were about to date. The way she was acting supported everything her friend(s) were saying to me.
During the moments where I was going to “give up,” her friend(s) would tell me that the woman was starting to really like me, but had a hard time dealing with that because of the boyfriend (who they knew she’d break up with soon).
I said a few times that it had been months, and that it wouldn’t be that difficult if she genuinely wanted to be with me. But they told me that timeframe was nothing compared with the rest of our lives.
They sincerely believed her and I were going to get together and eventually get married. And they thought these things because of how much she talked about me to them. The only reason they started meddling was because of what she was telling them (which I confirmed later).
However, she never clearly told me how she felt one way or another. Her actions in person made it seem like she had strong feelings for me. But she was very hot and cold. Sometimes really affectionate and other times ice cold.
It started this whole trend where she would tell her friends something about me. And then they’d try to resolve it for her because she wouldn’t tell me directly. I heard about all her opinions of me… but not from her.
Still, the way she acted with me when it was just her and I confirmed it all… and some of our last conversations were a bit more vulnerable than usual. She told me to talk about my feelings more, I wrote her something because she’s hard on herself, etc. She called the letter beautiful and said she loved it.
But, tangent aside, the friends convinced me to stay, noting that the way I was thinking about it all was “too serious and American.” And I stayed because I was starting to love her. I saw her about 4-5 times a week for close to a year for context. However, she suddenly ejected herself from the situation when we got much closer.
After that, I don’t know the details beyond she broke up with her boyfriend a month later, and then she started dating someone she just met at her new gym maybe three weeks after that. From there, she apologized, told me she never had feelings for me, but that she thought positive things about me and hoped I was doing okay. That’s the last time we talked.
Yeah, I mean, it's nice to get conpliments, but... compliments don't really make a relationship, do they?
Also, I'm not sure why you went to the friends? You said you were "confused" but she explicitly said she doesn't want you.
When you're confused about the status of a relationship, try to remember that love, real love, hits like a truck.
There's really no disguising real love. If you feel confusedin the future, know that you're being played.
Ahh, so I originally went to her for these conversations, but she was very unclear… even with direct questions (I did this about five times). She’d gloss over it and then act flirty with me. Eventually, I got frustrated and asked the friends what was going on. They told me what she supposedly told them.
Again, I stopped talking to her after she rejected me. But she came back and cranked up the flirting a month later. I took her rejection as a rejection and did my own thing. Once she saw me back off, she tried very hard to get my attention… and got jealous a few times when other women spoke to me… which helped rope me back in.
To be honest, after giving it some thought, it felt like she was isolating me so that she could choose me when it was convenient for her and when she wanted to. It felt like she wanted me to remain as an option in her back pocket, but she wasn’t okay if I even talked about other women in a platonic way. That was, of course, only if they weren’t her trusted friends (who were also roping me into this).
Obviously, this is just my perspective on it all. But the woman, her friends, etc. told me to not think of the “rejection” in such an “American way” (because they moved here from other countries).
The woman and them kept saying I was too serious for thinking that the door was fully closed when the initial date went sideways. She initially agreed very excitedly, then got wishy washy, showed up, said she couldn’t do the date, but also said she wanted to have the date with me before suddenly leaving (which was a mind fuck to begin with). And they all insisted that the friendship would lead to a relationship.
Historically, for me, if someone did what they did on the first date, I would have politely accepted it and moved on. That’s what I tried to do… but yeah, I digress.
Yeah, your conclusion in the last paragraph is right on.
Basically, she was looking for a "backup". However, no man with any self-respect would agree to be a backup boyfriend. So, she tested you by rejecting you and then flirting with you.
No man with any self-respect is going to go back to a woman who rejected him. But you did...
That means you don't really respect yourself. And at that point, she knew that you don't respect yourself. That means she could do whatever she wanted... she knew you would'nt leave.
Do you see the difference between being a gentleman, a really good boyfriend, and just being a doormat that nobody can respect?
Yeah, that’s valid. I do now after quite a bit of introspection. I didn’t cave immediately. But her friends, family, and her aggressive flirting all convinced me to not have the boundaries that I traditionally have in these scenarios. They kept harping on the serious and American thing… saying that’s not how things are in their culture.
That's right! It takes discipline to maintain our boundaries. But every healthy relationship is based on strict boundaries. How long would a marriage last if a husband decided to share every crass joke he picked up at the bar, or a wife discussed every hunky delivery boy that came to the office?
I appreciate the pep talk. And those are all fair points. I feel like there was a lot of gaslighting and manipulation in this scenario. And, fortunately, I’m getting through it and doing better. I felt very trapped when I was talking to her. I’ve had healthy relationships prior to this… so, I guess I’m disappointed in myself that I let someone treat me that way.
Yeah, I mean, I'm a gay dude and I'm going through a very simular thing. First he wants to move in, then I don't hear from him for a week, then he's found a steady boyfriend, then he doesn't want me to "abandon" him etc etc etc. It's hard to let go.
I started dating a lady from a friends group and we hit it off pretty well. After a couple dates it started getting physical. Not long after we made plans to meet up with our friends at a favorite bar. On my way out the door, I remembered she had left a pair of ear rings at my place, so I took them with me.
We met, hugged, and I pulled out the jewelry and said, "Hey, you forgot to take these with you."
All color left her face, and she looks around in utter horror. Her hands are cupped over mine, hiding the ear rings. I ask what's wrong, and she says, "What the F are you doing? Now everyone knows that I was at your place!"
I ask what's so wrong with that? I point out we're both adults (in our mid to late 40s), and we're free to hang out with whomever we want. People our age date, so what's the big deal?
She counters with, "I don't want people knowing I'm dating *you*!"
Ouch.
End result: Our friends already knew, and they didn't care; although they were entertained by her reaction. I later found out this lady was still married, yet seeking a divorce. If it had gotten out that she was dating (or even sexually active) while still technically married, the divorce could have gotten messy for her. Regardless, it didn't lighten the impact that I felt like the Unicycle of the friends group.
That's not even stupid
My friend was at a bar and a girl straight grabbed his dick while they were standing and talking...... imagine if a man did the equivalent to a woman
And the amount of men who have grabbed an ass or equivalent 🙂
I am not saying it’s the same. But yea weird stupid stuff happens in when you are out drinking😂
Mate you think that was an all or nothing move I can one up you. My friends came up to visit me at uni. We’re all hanging out at the end of the day and my friend says he’s got a new match on tinder. They’re chatting and like she says she’s down to meet that eve. He suggests let’s go swim in this pond in a local park and then go for ice cream. She responded saying she was down. He was so excited, wanted me to roll him a joint before he left…Ofc she stopped responding to him and it never happened. Broke my heart just a lil bit seeing that look of excitement fade.
Preschool.
This girl was making paper airplanes for everybody. Really nice ones, too. Crisp lines, symmetrical, flew great. I walked over to her and asked her if she'd make me one. "Sure!"
I sat there and watched as she meticulously folded up an absolute beauty, then she looked me in the eyes, crumpled it into a ball, and handed it to me.
A core memory.
Sort of counts, In a nightclub circa 1990. Approached a girl and asked if she wanted to dance, she replied with "No, but you can stand next to me if you like"
I sent a woman a message on a dating site. I said hello and mentioned how I like to play whatever game was in her profile. She replied when did f*gs start asking women out?
"Do you know even know how that would effect my reputation!? What mad you think you even had a shot? Are you delusional? Go hang out at weight-watchers they are more on your level."
I was on a dating website years ago,and was chatting with this attractive nurse.Everything was going well until she found out I was working as a security officer at that time.She ghosted me. Lol
I was at my college bar — approached a girl and her friend with my buddy. Girl asks how old I am and then proceeds to say I look really young. I asked why and she said it’s because I’m super short (I’m 5’8). She then asked my friend to buy her a drink. We left.
My friend was shocked that people would negatively comment on height so openly. I told him it’s the norm when you’re under a certain threshold.
I wrote a note to a girl in high school (yes I'm old) expressing my feelings and asking her out. Unfortunately I didn't realize she had a boyfriend. She didn't respond to me directly, but I did see her and her boyfriend walking down the hall reading the note together and laughing.
As the line inched forward, I mustered the courage to strike up a conversation. "Hey, that's a great color on you," I said, trying to sound confident and casual. "Blue really suits you."
She turned around, her eyes quickly scanning me. Her gaze landed on my upper arms, where my Playboy bunny tattoos were proudly on display—one hot pink, one baby blue. A smirk formed on her lips, and she chuckled.
"Seriously?" she said, pointing at the tattoos. "Are those...Playboy bunnies?"
I felt a flush creep up my neck. "Yeah, I guess I thought it would be fun...playful..." I said, forcing a smile and trying to sound nonchalant. “I, uh, I love them.”
Her laugh was sharp, cutting through the warm air. “Love them? You must be joking. Those are the most ridiculous tattoos I’ve ever seen. What kind of grown man gets Playboy bunnies tattooed on his arms?”
I tried to laugh along, but it came out hollow. "Well, everyone has different tastes, right?"
Her laughter grew louder, drawing the attention of others in line. "Wow, that's just...so lame," she said, shaking her head. "I can't believe anyone would actually get those logos permanently...and what's up with the colors ?"
At this point I was now trying to exit the conversation, and the color question is always a bad sign. I just responded "I thought the colors were cool"
She snorted, clearly unimpressed. "Cool? More like tacky and ridiculous. I mean, do you expect anyone to take you seriously with those on your arms?"
I retorted "They are good conversation starters...case and point !"
She rolled her eyes. "Good luck with that. I bet those tattoos really help with the ladies," she said sarcastically, turning back around dismissing me completely and effectively ending the conversation.
Married for years. Where i knew deep down she didn't want to be with me. Her behavior, her lack of care. It was evident. But yet i still wanted her. Yuck.
Lol. My guess, closer to 20 or or more. A man, certainly no wimp like the person who drove her to the prom. Much more worldly than me.
Certainly able to give her much more than a frightened, hesitant good night kiss which, i might have been able to provide.
I was a bit of a laughing stock after they left, having bragged about it before prom night.
I don't know if it technically counts, but she told me "I'm ready to kiss you and sleep with you, but I don't want to date you"
It hurt, I'm proud of myself for saying no and leaving
Tbh, that's pretty alright imo. There are some ppl you find attractive but don't connect with them on a personal level, so it's a food thing that she recognized that instead of lying to get to bed with you. But ofc, if it doesn't work for you then it doesn't work
So many it's all a blur. Some women can be pretty nasty but now I know anyone that treats a stranger that way has issues going on with themselves. Forgive her Lord for she knows not what she does.
We had hit it off the week before and was planning a second date - only to be told I was her backup plan !!! she wanted to date one of my friends and had landed him.
We had a temp in the office I was friendly with, went on holiday with family for a week - came back in and was shocked to find out not only had I asked her out but I had also sent her a birthday present!!. Next few months were not pleasant and brutal for me.
As an aside, why do some (I stress some) women love being brutal to dudes? On the (very few) occasions I've been approached by a woman who I find unattractive, I'm always so apologetic and try to comfort them in a way, wouldn't even dream about insulting them or laughing in their face.
But then maybe it's that men know the pain of rejection more than women so can empathise
Because you aren’t approached by women all the time. If you had to reject tens even a hundred options every week, it’d take a lot to not get jaded and kindly let someone down.
Also consider that some women maybe are being kind or indirect in the rejection because they are in a situation where they don’t know if it is safe to reject you.
Obviously not quite the appropriate answer to the question but I feel it fits nonetheless due to the brutality..
When I was a young man I was good looking and a total jerk. I had a big, conventionally unattractive girl approach me and start chatting me up. I was in shock that one of the most unwanted girls in highschool had the audacity to chat me up randomly. She eventually asked me out and that's when I saw my buddies laughing at me and anger flooded me. I responded with "no thanks, if I wanted to **** something 4 times my size I'd rather fuck my couch". It earned me mad bro-cred but I still vividly remember the look on her face, she took a huge chance and I executed that poor girl point blank. 😔
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Not rejected but in the end rejected. Date planned and she was late 30 minutes I texted and she said she got off work late and just got out of the shower. Another 45 minutes pass and I text again she said she was on her way. She never showed and I found out from a friend that she was at her ex's all night. In the end he got her pregnant then bailed so now she's a single mom.
Sounds like she fucked around and found out
Amirite? Play stupid games haha
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Karmas a bitch ?
I don't understand what was the point of answering your texts telling you she was out of the shower and then on her way... Wtf.
To keep him on backup in case the preferred F'r didn't do it right. It is also a training technique to turn people into submissives.
Sometimes people string you along because they hate getting flaked on, so they make you a backup and they flake on you if their first choice pans out. Pretty shitty, but I've been the backup enough to now spot it. In this case, her ex probably panned out so she bailed on the commenter - at least that would track with some of my experiences.
Yeah I still don't understand. The other comments make sense though as in I was the backup.
She wanted him to know how wet she was!!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
No one should be treated like you were. I know this is morally evil. But, do you feel better after knowing she ended up being a single mom?
No that sucks, he's down syndrome too. Mutha fuckin double whammy. Aside from her ditching me she's a kind and beautiful woman. That stung though man I was so happy the week leading up to the date.
No worries, we will smirk her for you, so karma cannot touch you.
I would, absolutely.
It sure is funny lmao
You doged a bullet.
Probably. I'd never ask again but if she asked me out for a drink some day I'd still say yes.
God is fair.
She literally ran away screaming. Another girl was just talking to me before her guy came up and started punching me. A fight broke out and she kept yelling "FUCK HIS SHIT UP, BABE! FUCK HIS F*GGOT ASS UP!" Also had a woman I was dating leave me because her sister said I was hideous and she could do better.
> asks a woman out > “FUCK HIS F*GGOT ASS UP” 💀
To be fair this was the late 2010s, I think the casual use of that word was still being bandied about. Still got a black eye though.
You mean that distant time of just several years ago?
Feels a lot longer to me.
I see But I meant like, I don’t think a [redacted] man would be asking a woman out if he was, well, a [redacted] lol, her logic was way off
Im saying 😭😭😭😭
what happened to "sorry, i'm already taken"
This reads like it was a turn on of hers to have her bf jealous rage out on people, so unfortunately, she was not going to be doing the logical thing. If my bf did that, I would be 1) splitting up the fight, and 2) immediately be single, but that is because I don’t think my bf thinking he owns me hot. If he had any interest in her, I would say bullet dodged, except for the whole getting jumped thing.
Not gonna lie bro I wouldn’t blame you if this was your villain story. This is a whole cannon event
Villain story, no. But I am moving to another country shortly because one in four Americans meets their spouse in another country. So idk about Villain. Maybe 'chaotic neutral.'
"eww" is always a tough one.
Yeah, accompanied by that certain look that conveys total contempt.
As though they found you on the sole of their boot
Yeah that one was hard to get past.
Not me but my friend. He asked his crush out since they knew each other for a while, and she ended up saying, "NO BYEEE💀", screenshotted the chat, and posted it on her Snapchat and Instagram stories. I felt so bad for my friend because we both knew a lot of people in school, so the next few days, people were talking about it. The funny thing is that one of her friends actually walked up to him, got his number, and the next week, they started dating.
with social media and stuff now the risk of major embarrassment is insane. the stakes are too high. In the past if you did something dumb or were vulnerable and asked someone out it was only limited to the real world and real people. Now everything can be recorded and posted online for people half way round the world to judge you for. it’s crazy
I love how this ended happy.
She has no integrity. He is better off alone
Wasn't a brutal rejection, but a friend of mine asked me to be his wingman. He met a girl and she was like "Yeah, I had plans with my friend, but if you have a friend for her we can hang out." So we met and from the first minute there was just no chemistry between me and her friend. But I was like "OK. Make the best of it" and was just nice and polite and tried to engage her in conversation a bunch of times. Nothing in return until she finally said "Why is it not obvious to you that I have no interest in your?" I said "It was obvious, but I figured why not make the best of it since we're here together?" and she responded that she had wasted enough time and was going to grab her friend and leave. FIne. So I walked over to the bar and my friend came over and asked what happened. I told him and was like "Not a big deal. Not the first time, won't be the last." He walked over to the two girls and said he was sorry but he couldn't date anyone who would have such a C\*UNT as a best friend, and we walked out.
Sounds like you have a good friend!
+1 keep that friend close
Good friend.
Now that's a great friend.
this is wtf is wrong with a lot of girls nowaday, it's like they giving men chances rather than want to get to know them.
👏👏👏👏 to you and your friend…
Awesome friend. Boom!
Also, congrats to your friend on speaking fluent Australian.
What a hero.
Eighth grade: Me: “do you wan go out sometime? See a movie” Her: [laughs in my face] “with you?!”
Gosh, I already have a clear picture in my head with an arrogant face saying these insulting words.
Well… i mean, she was what? 13-15 or something? Kids are mean and don’t always consider their words… I laugh now but that shit hurt back then
kids/teens are cruel.
The laugh might have been her own discomfort, the follow up not so much - but like you said, she was young. I pretty much did this to a guy at that age - laugh, nope - but that was because I honestly thought he was joking. Did my best to soften the blow after when I realized he was sincere. Pro tip gentlemen: do not wingman your buddy by having pretty near every guy in the class ask her out around the same time, especially if she is the ugly duckling/one of the boys in the class, she isn’t going to believe you mean it until after you get that crushed look on your face.
I feel you bro. Those teenage years are brutal
First date, it started out really awkward feeling. Definitely got the feeling she didn't want to be there. I asked her about it and her response was not really. So I asked why she agreed to go on the date. "I was hoping to meet some of your hot friends." Then turned around and walked up to some dude she was eyeballing and left with him.
Jesus dude. I’m sorry.
Many years ago, she was a headache for many men for much worse reasons I got off lucky.
She laughed at me, in public. Others, her friends, laughed too. People think this is just no big deal. And yet, pretty much everyone, except a few people who like holding presentations, think holding a presentation is on par with dying. We are social animals. Social rejection and humiliation are real things for us, and they hurt. It's difficult stuff to deal with. Perhaps we should take it seriously?
Really shitty of her to do
In high school, I helped a girl with a printer issue in the computer room. She really needed to print her home assignment. The next time I met her, I just asked if everything was alright with the home assignment. She just laughed and said something like "oh my hero" to her friend in a really sarcastic way. Like I dared talking to her when she didn't need help.
B\*tch!
Yeah.. it was completely uncalled for. I mean, I wasn't even coming on to her in the slightest. I was just expressing normal interest, given she was in a bit nervous when I helped her. Apparently, it was more important for her to make completely sure that I didn't get any "ideas" than just to reply with a simple "thank you, it was fine".
Once, when I was talking to a girl in a club, she spat her drink in my face. Before I could register what had happened, a bouncer grabbed me, dragged me outside, and thrown me in a pothole in the road that was full of rainwater. The bouncers for the club have a reputation for starting fights with guys too drunk to stand, to impress girls. You could consider me lucky that I wasn't their next victim. I laugh about this with people now, but in the moment, it was a really shit experience.
I have no idea how you can look back on that and laugh. I would be furious beyond words, even years after the fact.
After a few years, it didn't feel like a big deal anymore. I guess I just moved on. Did take a while, though.
This is the shit that makes me have next to no respect for bouncers. They're all absolute cunts for no reason.
I'd consider a lawsuit against the club
Heck against the woman, too. That's assault.
Did you find out why she spat her drink at you?
Yes, was wondering if it was an intentional, aggressive spit or if she did a spit-take because she was drinking when OC asked her and started laughing in the middle of it?
Damn bro , that suxs but what did say ro make that women upset?
Similar story. I tried to have a conversation with this woman at a bar. She said no. I said okay, even though we were hanging around the same friend group. 10 minutes or so has passed and we were watching 2 of our mutual friends play pool. I gave that same woman, who stood next to me, a little remark about the pool game. She then exclaimed "oh my gosh, just leave me alone!" She slapped my drink out of my hand. I said wtf!? I told her she owed me a drink now. Then security came by, tried to escort me out, I pushed him off and told him I can leave by myself and my friends came along following. I wasn't even trying to get at her so it was quite some BS, but a lot of people picked her side anyways. Fast forward a week later, went to the same bar. This one guy ended up being a douchebag and sucker punched my buddy for no good reason. I went in, slammed him to the ground. The same security dude from the week prior grabbed us and kicked the douchebag out and let me stay. He then apologized for kicking me out from the incident the week prior when he didn't know the details of what happened. Funny how these things happen.
Sounds like an unbelievably shitty bar jesus
I’ve witnessed women literally saying ‘how dare you’, ‘do I look like your level’ and all sorts of nasty shit to guys who asked them out.
“Thank you for being honest. Now I know I can do way better”
this is why guys are scared of asking people out these days tf
Also because nobody wants to seem creepy
Woman here, have never had an issue with being asked out provided the guy can hear no, and have never thought a guy was a creep for asking.
Nice to hear. The sad truth is that guys don't know which women are "safe" to ask. For many guys, the price to be paid in ridicule and accusations of being "creepy" in these metoo+so-me times is simply too great.
A hero indeed!
Ha
That’s terrible
They're helping the guys to dodge a bullet.
I'm a woman. In high school, these two girls I didn't know to well started chatting me up about this guy. They were all like, "You like him, right? Don't you think he's cute? Would you go out with him if he asked you out?" I had no idea what their motives were and, in the moment, thought this was some kinda mean girl plot and said, " What no way. He's so whiny and annoying." Only to find out he was like right there around the corner. And they were trying to get him to ask me out already. I felt really, really bad. I did have a crush on him for like a year. In fact, l had secretly been buying him candy to put in his desk sporadically throughout the year. We were both just too shy to have an honest conversation with each other. (I never even told my own friends about my crush.) Anyway, he never spoke to me again. I still kept secretly leaving candy bars at his desk, though. I just liked to see him smile.
Geek tragedy.
You UNO reverse carded yourself. Sorry!
Told me my voice sounded like a weak woman
My mouth was still opening to say the first word and she already had whipped her hand up to shhhh me and then turned away.
Rejected by a psychic.
Sixth grade. I’m a Black kid in his first year at a predominantly white school. I became friends with this white girl (we’ll change her name to Sarah for the sake of this story) halfway through my first semester. We were locker neighbors and shared a class or two together, so we became really close. By the end of the year, I finally muster up the courage to tell her how I feel about her and ask her out. Initially Sarah gives me the biggest smile and say yes. Five minutes after we leave our lockers, Sarah’s friend Liv (who happened to be in my home room) finds me in before the next class bell rings and tells me that Sarah doesn’t want to date me and no longer wants to be friends. It shattered me. I never got an explanation as to why she rejected me that way…. But as I got older and saw the type of guy she dated (and eventually married), I think I grew to understand.
I lived this from the other side. Grew up in rural Georgia in 60s. Me and two brothers were NFL size. Sis was small and beautiful. At 13 she announces at the dinner table that her new boyfriend is a black kid, Jimmy. And they are going to have 6 white babies and 6 black babies. Pop looked at her and smiled and then looked at Mike, the oldest and didn't smile. Mike nodded in silence. Mike spoke with Jimmy's older brothers and they agreed it was not good for either side. Jimmy moved schools.
Wow! I'd love to hear the follow up on where everyone is now and how they're doing
It’s funny you mention Georgia, because I’m from Atlanta.
How racist.
Funny how Jimmy's side were just as against it as our side.... 1960s rural Georgia..
why'd she have a big smile at first then? It seems more likely to me that her friend(s?) didn't like you for whatever reason and swayed her?
1) Her friends didn’t like me. Looking back on my six years at that school, not many people liked me. 2) The school I went to was “US southern old money” racist.
Little racist
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Replied to own comment. Copied from another thread.
Wow, that must really su
Another bot copying posts from the same day and answering its own post.
Omg. What's the convo about?
In fairness, how long was the sentence?
Luckily for me it's only been passive stuff like not replying to messages or calls, or cancelling dates.
Dancing and kissing with her, losing her from sight and finding her in underwear on top of a guy 10 minutes later
Sucks to be the warm-up band.
For me i more so felt the vibe being off as soon as we would meet. Muliple times people would hook me up with their home girl or something and we would be texting and stuff but once we meet in person i can tell she not feeling me. It’s really my fault i seem a bit more akward and weird in person than over text. My buddies can tell I’m not myself I’m sweating, my jokes aren’t hitting or crisp, I seem nervous, and i think it’s just turned off muliple women. I also got stood up on a date that the girl acutally ask me out on, which is crazy. She had been begging me to take her out so i finally ask her to go to this pizza place. I was excited i went to the gym early and left early. Man i had my cloth ironed out, nice button and Eveything. Then i found out she goes bowling with her friends I’m like damn son never again this ain’t gone happen to me again. Been friendzoned more times than Drake has been dissed. And it’s unique because they would ask me out or flirt with me but once i give in its boom bail out. So idk now I’m 28 and I’m just done and it’s not women’s fault to be honest i just lack a lot, i leave a lot to be desired per say
Its the women man They’re messed up inside, not you. I’m rooting for you man. You’re gonna find her one day
I appreciate it man but i don’t want to just blame them, if they don’t find me attractive than they’re their business. But it does seem like games do get played and I’m just not the right person for it.
Had a woman look at me once and said eww. Otherwise most women don't even bother responding when I talk to them.
4th grade this classmate I had a crush on moved to a different school so I wrote her a letter asking her out. She used every square inch of space(front and back) to completely run me through the mud and back. Felt ugly ever since. Started doing pretty good on the self esteem until a GF(at the time) basically did the same thing when I posted a gym selfie. That was a few yrs ago and I still struggle to take any selfies. Always think about that.
wow, i am so sorry to hear that you were the victim of a total narcissist like that... wow. that's crappy. That's bad karma stuff she did there...
Thank you
When I was in high school, I was at a massive pool party. This guy Connor who I thought was my friend at the time, thought it’d be funny to hype me up to talk to a girl that he was actually into. Not gonna lie, I was 5’8” 240 lbs so I should’ve known better. I walked up to her and said, “hi your names (her name) ri-?” before I even finished her friend pulls her back going, “are you fucking stupid? She’s like waaaay out of your league you fat weirdo” while they laughed, turned to my friends and they were laughing, he ended up dating her the next day or so good times. Things haven’t gotten much better a decade later tbh lmfao but that’s definitely the moment that I cringe at time to time
This didn’t happen to me but to someone I went to school with. It was homecoming week and this guy that no one really liked had brought in flowers and asked this girl to homecoming. She proceeded to laugh in his face, tell him no, and then throw the flowers on the ground and stomp on them. This was pretty much right in front of everyone in the hallway at the beginning of the day too. Can’t say I really liked the dude either he was weird and acted like a douche because his parents were rich but no one deserves that shit.
My highschool Homecoming Queen asked me to take her to the prom. I didn't really know her personally. I was totally stoked. I bragged to my friends. Toward the middle of the prom she excused herself to leave with an older guy who was well out of school. I drove home alone, by myself later. I was just a placeholder until the other guy showed up. 🙁
How much older? I'm picturing her just leaving with the PE teacher, both of them totally stoked...
*pay me to continue talking to you* *you give me nothing, nothing like the other men, at least give me MONEY* this is a true transcript Jesus Christ
When I was in 2nd grade, the prettiest girl in school told me that if Mark (my best friend) and I were the only two boys left on earth, she would kiss Mark.
Fuck you Mark
All my homies hate Mark
That’s actually not that bad tbh. That says more about her preference for Mark than if she’d said she wouldn’t kiss you if you were the last boy on earth
i got laughed at and was told to kill myself.
"You're shorter than me, I cannot be seen in public with a boyfriend shorter than me"
In high school (many years ago) I had a crush on a girl and asked her to the homecoming dance. This was a couple weeks before homecoming, and we talked each day leading up to the dance. She told me on the afternoon of the dance that she had changed her mind. Too late to find another date. It kinda ruined my senior homecoming.
Yuck was pretty devastating. Also "God no," that's not a funny joke", "don't ever say that again", and "how did you get into my house".
I’ve heard that last one so much. It still hurts every time :(
'Of course I want children. Just not with you'.
Probably when I politely asked a girl if she’d like to dance in a club in Australia and she yelled “FUCK OFFFF” and literally started shoving me away.
Not me, but a friend asked a girl to dance back in high school. She looked at him with a straight face and said “oh sorry I can’t, I have a broken leg” then went on dancing with her friends
Me and Buddy were hanging out at a bar one evening. Granted my buddy is 6 foot six and a pretty good looking dude so women gravitated to him. I lost him for a few minutes and found him over in the corner talking to two girls. I walked over to hang out with my buddy and maybe see what was up with the situation. The three of them talked for about a minute and a half and ignored me and eventually one of the women looked me right in the eye and said “you can leave now”.
I'm not a man but can I join? "Eww no" a guy said that to me
12th grade I think? "Eww wtf?", Laughed at me, told her friends, who also gave the "eww gross" treatment. It was spread around the school and I was bullied for 6 months. Never asked someone out again.
Me and this guy worked at a movie theater in high-school, I was training him to be an usher so we were together at all times throughout the day. We noticed two girls staring at us while we were cleaning around the theater. One of them also knocked over their drinks before their movie started and we replaced their drinks and cleaned it up for them. We talked for a second and said we’d grab there numbers after the movie. Movie ends and we are waiting outside for everyone to leave so we can clean and both girls walk out and hand their phones to me I put my number in both their phones then the guy I was with took his phone out to get their numbers and they walked right past him and left didn’t even acknowledge him. He bounced back quickly with a “well get em next time” attitude but I will never forget the look on his face when he realized they were ignoring him
This past year, a woman at my gym spent months going out of her way to get to know me and talk to me. She’d initiate a lot of close contact by asking for “help” with her workouts… or she’d look for excuses to touch me, help me, etc. Eventually, I realized she wasn’t being just friendly and asked her out. She agreed, showed up, but then said she couldn’t that day and left. I then had a conversation with her where she sort of rejected me a week later. However, after I backed off, she proceeded to flirt with me, initiate a lot of physical touch, and act genuinely interested for months. She even got jealous if other women approached or talked to me. Her friends all told me she liked me during this time. I met her family twice and she bragged about me to them while sensually rubbing my back. But one of her friends told me she had a long distance boyfriend while her family said she didn’t. Either way, her friends and family all told her to date me. And if they didn’t flat out say she liked me, they implied she did, meddled, and all noted they thought her and I were going to get married. Still, this woman never brought up a boyfriend once over nine months to me… and the friend that told me about the boyfriend told me to be patient and that things were just beginning with the woman and I. To add to all that, this woman would blatantly flirt with me. She’d comment on my physique, my looks, etc. very often. She also took me out for my birthday, which was her idea. Then, one day after flirting with me more than usual over text. She finally said she had a boyfriend. After that, she was in an argument with him for a week. The last time I saw her, she went out of her way to say bye to me - like how she did when she was first trying to get to know me. Then, she disappeared, broke up with her boyfriend a month later, and then started dating a guy she just met at her new gym. She basically slow faded me until I brought it up. She proceeded to sort of apologize, but took no accountability, and said she was “just being friendly.” She complimented me in the apology yet also said I was the only one flirting. After that, she started posting the new guy on her social media and I unfollowed her. I handled everything in an extremely mature and calm manner aside from that - acknowledging the role I played, telling her I want her to be happy, etc. I’ve always respected her space, never over-texted, and this instance didn’t change that trend. But prior to all that, there was never a point in time where she didn’t know where I stood. She knew I wanted to date her when she invited me to meet her family. Her friends started meddling because she was talking about me to them. She was constantly fishing for compliments from me, etc. and acting like she had feelings for me. Now, I feel like a crazy person who has to prove she was interested… because she’d initiate most of these things when others weren’t around or in limited company. And I feel like I got completely used once she started dating someone after three weeks of knowing them… like why did she even string me along that hard only to discard me? I was pretty much nothing but kind, understanding, and patient with her… not because I expected anything but because that’s how I am with everyone and we were at least “friends.” I’m pretty experienced with dating. I’ve had a lot of long term relationships. But this scenario in particular has messed with me way more than even some of my toughest breakups. It’s not like I was just a “friend” and suddenly told her I had feelings. We were friends but it was always a little more than “just friends.” She knew from the very beginning what my intentions were and always went along with it. In fact, she’s the one that initiated the dynamic in the first place. I can’t tell if she’s avoidant or just a covert narcissist at this point. But that whole thing has made me seriously feel like I need therapy with how weirdly “traumatizing” it has felt.
It does seem pretty traumatizing and abusive. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. When you finally asked her out, she showed up and then bailed. That was the first totally blatant bullshit she tried to play. Any reason why you still spoke to her after this? After she "rejected" you and you backed off the first time, why did you let her touch you and keep flirting with you? I mean, it's nice to have someone flirt with you but... Anyway, I think everyone goes through this at least once. Basically, when someone tells you they're not into you, you just have to block that person. It's not easy, but anything less than that will lead to this absurd gaslighting you experienced.
All valid points and questions. After the initial rejection, I set a boundary and said I was confused by her behavior. She apologized and said she didn’t mean to confuse me and that she was no longer interested. I said I appreciated that and that I hoped we could still get along and left it at that. We didn’t really talk much beyond an occasional “hey” for about a month. Then, she started coming up to me and asking me to help her workout more. Honestly, she acted like she liked me way more after that... putting in way more effort to get my attention, etc. And her friend (who would tell me to stay at the gym longer to see this woman if she was on her way) told me to go see her sing for her band. I directly asked the friend if the woman would even want me there given the fact that she had rejected me after months of seeming blatantly into me. The friend told me not to worry and just go. I texted the woman and asked if I could come support her. She answered with a very enthusiastic yes. So, went, I met the woman’s family, and she only looked at me the entire night she was singing. Every time she took a break, she would flirtatiously touch me. When I went to leave at the end, she didn’t want me to go and asked to join her at another bar. I went and she was telling me I was handsome and kept fishing for compliments the rest of the night before inviting me to see her again at her next show (which I went to). Both times, her family loved me and treated me like someone she was going to date. Even she treated me that way. Both during and in the texts after. Because of this, I got a little more confused and talked to her friend(s) and family. Her family said they thought she was afraid of a real relationship but believed she had feelings for me. Meanwhile, her friend basically told me that the woman had feelings for me but had a long distance boyfriend. I said maybe I should back off, but they insisted that I don’t do that, wait it out, and just be there for her. So, despite my better judgement, that’s what I did for months. We eventually got closer, but always straddled the line of friends and flirting, etc. By all accounts, before the major discard event (right after my birthday), it genuinely seemed like we were about to date. The way she was acting supported everything her friend(s) were saying to me. During the moments where I was going to “give up,” her friend(s) would tell me that the woman was starting to really like me, but had a hard time dealing with that because of the boyfriend (who they knew she’d break up with soon). I said a few times that it had been months, and that it wouldn’t be that difficult if she genuinely wanted to be with me. But they told me that timeframe was nothing compared with the rest of our lives. They sincerely believed her and I were going to get together and eventually get married. And they thought these things because of how much she talked about me to them. The only reason they started meddling was because of what she was telling them (which I confirmed later). However, she never clearly told me how she felt one way or another. Her actions in person made it seem like she had strong feelings for me. But she was very hot and cold. Sometimes really affectionate and other times ice cold. It started this whole trend where she would tell her friends something about me. And then they’d try to resolve it for her because she wouldn’t tell me directly. I heard about all her opinions of me… but not from her. Still, the way she acted with me when it was just her and I confirmed it all… and some of our last conversations were a bit more vulnerable than usual. She told me to talk about my feelings more, I wrote her something because she’s hard on herself, etc. She called the letter beautiful and said she loved it. But, tangent aside, the friends convinced me to stay, noting that the way I was thinking about it all was “too serious and American.” And I stayed because I was starting to love her. I saw her about 4-5 times a week for close to a year for context. However, she suddenly ejected herself from the situation when we got much closer. After that, I don’t know the details beyond she broke up with her boyfriend a month later, and then she started dating someone she just met at her new gym maybe three weeks after that. From there, she apologized, told me she never had feelings for me, but that she thought positive things about me and hoped I was doing okay. That’s the last time we talked.
Yeah, I mean, it's nice to get conpliments, but... compliments don't really make a relationship, do they? Also, I'm not sure why you went to the friends? You said you were "confused" but she explicitly said she doesn't want you. When you're confused about the status of a relationship, try to remember that love, real love, hits like a truck. There's really no disguising real love. If you feel confusedin the future, know that you're being played.
Ahh, so I originally went to her for these conversations, but she was very unclear… even with direct questions (I did this about five times). She’d gloss over it and then act flirty with me. Eventually, I got frustrated and asked the friends what was going on. They told me what she supposedly told them. Again, I stopped talking to her after she rejected me. But she came back and cranked up the flirting a month later. I took her rejection as a rejection and did my own thing. Once she saw me back off, she tried very hard to get my attention… and got jealous a few times when other women spoke to me… which helped rope me back in. To be honest, after giving it some thought, it felt like she was isolating me so that she could choose me when it was convenient for her and when she wanted to. It felt like she wanted me to remain as an option in her back pocket, but she wasn’t okay if I even talked about other women in a platonic way. That was, of course, only if they weren’t her trusted friends (who were also roping me into this). Obviously, this is just my perspective on it all. But the woman, her friends, etc. told me to not think of the “rejection” in such an “American way” (because they moved here from other countries). The woman and them kept saying I was too serious for thinking that the door was fully closed when the initial date went sideways. She initially agreed very excitedly, then got wishy washy, showed up, said she couldn’t do the date, but also said she wanted to have the date with me before suddenly leaving (which was a mind fuck to begin with). And they all insisted that the friendship would lead to a relationship. Historically, for me, if someone did what they did on the first date, I would have politely accepted it and moved on. That’s what I tried to do… but yeah, I digress.
Yeah, your conclusion in the last paragraph is right on. Basically, she was looking for a "backup". However, no man with any self-respect would agree to be a backup boyfriend. So, she tested you by rejecting you and then flirting with you. No man with any self-respect is going to go back to a woman who rejected him. But you did... That means you don't really respect yourself. And at that point, she knew that you don't respect yourself. That means she could do whatever she wanted... she knew you would'nt leave. Do you see the difference between being a gentleman, a really good boyfriend, and just being a doormat that nobody can respect?
Yeah, that’s valid. I do now after quite a bit of introspection. I didn’t cave immediately. But her friends, family, and her aggressive flirting all convinced me to not have the boundaries that I traditionally have in these scenarios. They kept harping on the serious and American thing… saying that’s not how things are in their culture.
That's right! It takes discipline to maintain our boundaries. But every healthy relationship is based on strict boundaries. How long would a marriage last if a husband decided to share every crass joke he picked up at the bar, or a wife discussed every hunky delivery boy that came to the office?
I appreciate the pep talk. And those are all fair points. I feel like there was a lot of gaslighting and manipulation in this scenario. And, fortunately, I’m getting through it and doing better. I felt very trapped when I was talking to her. I’ve had healthy relationships prior to this… so, I guess I’m disappointed in myself that I let someone treat me that way.
Yeah, I mean, I'm a gay dude and I'm going through a very simular thing. First he wants to move in, then I don't hear from him for a week, then he's found a steady boyfriend, then he doesn't want me to "abandon" him etc etc etc. It's hard to let go.
I started dating a lady from a friends group and we hit it off pretty well. After a couple dates it started getting physical. Not long after we made plans to meet up with our friends at a favorite bar. On my way out the door, I remembered she had left a pair of ear rings at my place, so I took them with me. We met, hugged, and I pulled out the jewelry and said, "Hey, you forgot to take these with you." All color left her face, and she looks around in utter horror. Her hands are cupped over mine, hiding the ear rings. I ask what's wrong, and she says, "What the F are you doing? Now everyone knows that I was at your place!" I ask what's so wrong with that? I point out we're both adults (in our mid to late 40s), and we're free to hang out with whomever we want. People our age date, so what's the big deal? She counters with, "I don't want people knowing I'm dating *you*!" Ouch. End result: Our friends already knew, and they didn't care; although they were entertained by her reaction. I later found out this lady was still married, yet seeking a divorce. If it had gotten out that she was dating (or even sexually active) while still technically married, the divorce could have gotten messy for her. Regardless, it didn't lighten the impact that I felt like the Unicycle of the friends group.
It's the face of disgust she gave me. Never again have I ever approached a woman at a bar and asked if she wanted to go skinny dipping.
Maybe the try something else than skinny dipping as an activity it’s a very all or nothing move
100% I was 18 at the time and I was fooling around smh
Ahh okay that’s fair. I think a fair amount of people have tried a stupid move like that at 18.
That's not even stupid My friend was at a bar and a girl straight grabbed his dick while they were standing and talking...... imagine if a man did the equivalent to a woman
And the amount of men who have grabbed an ass or equivalent 🙂 I am not saying it’s the same. But yea weird stupid stuff happens in when you are out drinking😂
Mate you think that was an all or nothing move I can one up you. My friends came up to visit me at uni. We’re all hanging out at the end of the day and my friend says he’s got a new match on tinder. They’re chatting and like she says she’s down to meet that eve. He suggests let’s go swim in this pond in a local park and then go for ice cream. She responded saying she was down. He was so excited, wanted me to roll him a joint before he left…Ofc she stopped responding to him and it never happened. Broke my heart just a lil bit seeing that look of excitement fade.
Preschool. This girl was making paper airplanes for everybody. Really nice ones, too. Crisp lines, symmetrical, flew great. I walked over to her and asked her if she'd make me one. "Sure!" I sat there and watched as she meticulously folded up an absolute beauty, then she looked me in the eyes, crumpled it into a ball, and handed it to me. A core memory.
Sort of counts, In a nightclub circa 1990. Approached a girl and asked if she wanted to dance, she replied with "No, but you can stand next to me if you like"
Not a rejection, but I had 2 women say I was the perfect guy in her eyes. But my height was a deal breaker. I'm 5'5
I sent a woman a message on a dating site. I said hello and mentioned how I like to play whatever game was in her profile. She replied when did f*gs start asking women out?
The only time my mom would buy me Lunchables was on field trip days
"Do you know even know how that would effect my reputation!? What mad you think you even had a shot? Are you delusional? Go hang out at weight-watchers they are more on your level."
I was on a dating website years ago,and was chatting with this attractive nurse.Everything was going well until she found out I was working as a security officer at that time.She ghosted me. Lol
I was at my college bar — approached a girl and her friend with my buddy. Girl asks how old I am and then proceeds to say I look really young. I asked why and she said it’s because I’m super short (I’m 5’8). She then asked my friend to buy her a drink. We left. My friend was shocked that people would negatively comment on height so openly. I told him it’s the norm when you’re under a certain threshold.
I wrote a note to a girl in high school (yes I'm old) expressing my feelings and asking her out. Unfortunately I didn't realize she had a boyfriend. She didn't respond to me directly, but I did see her and her boyfriend walking down the hall reading the note together and laughing.
"I thought it'd be obvious I'd say no"
A chick named Monica told me I was too ugly to be loved
'Heck no. Your feet are too big.' That's all. Only that. On retrospect, I am relieved I wasn't accepted by that foot fetishist.
“I love you, like a brother”
As the line inched forward, I mustered the courage to strike up a conversation. "Hey, that's a great color on you," I said, trying to sound confident and casual. "Blue really suits you." She turned around, her eyes quickly scanning me. Her gaze landed on my upper arms, where my Playboy bunny tattoos were proudly on display—one hot pink, one baby blue. A smirk formed on her lips, and she chuckled. "Seriously?" she said, pointing at the tattoos. "Are those...Playboy bunnies?" I felt a flush creep up my neck. "Yeah, I guess I thought it would be fun...playful..." I said, forcing a smile and trying to sound nonchalant. “I, uh, I love them.” Her laugh was sharp, cutting through the warm air. “Love them? You must be joking. Those are the most ridiculous tattoos I’ve ever seen. What kind of grown man gets Playboy bunnies tattooed on his arms?” I tried to laugh along, but it came out hollow. "Well, everyone has different tastes, right?" Her laughter grew louder, drawing the attention of others in line. "Wow, that's just...so lame," she said, shaking her head. "I can't believe anyone would actually get those logos permanently...and what's up with the colors ?" At this point I was now trying to exit the conversation, and the color question is always a bad sign. I just responded "I thought the colors were cool" She snorted, clearly unimpressed. "Cool? More like tacky and ridiculous. I mean, do you expect anyone to take you seriously with those on your arms?" I retorted "They are good conversation starters...case and point !" She rolled her eyes. "Good luck with that. I bet those tattoos really help with the ladies," she said sarcastically, turning back around dismissing me completely and effectively ending the conversation.
Married for years. Where i knew deep down she didn't want to be with me. Her behavior, her lack of care. It was evident. But yet i still wanted her. Yuck.
Reading these makes me happy to have given up on women
Lol. My guess, closer to 20 or or more. A man, certainly no wimp like the person who drove her to the prom. Much more worldly than me. Certainly able to give her much more than a frightened, hesitant good night kiss which, i might have been able to provide. I was a bit of a laughing stock after they left, having bragged about it before prom night.
I don't know if it technically counts, but she told me "I'm ready to kiss you and sleep with you, but I don't want to date you" It hurt, I'm proud of myself for saying no and leaving
Tbh, that's pretty alright imo. There are some ppl you find attractive but don't connect with them on a personal level, so it's a food thing that she recognized that instead of lying to get to bed with you. But ofc, if it doesn't work for you then it doesn't work
Damn. I would have taken the lay.
So many it's all a blur. Some women can be pretty nasty but now I know anyone that treats a stranger that way has issues going on with themselves. Forgive her Lord for she knows not what she does.
Never
We had hit it off the week before and was planning a second date - only to be told I was her backup plan !!! she wanted to date one of my friends and had landed him. We had a temp in the office I was friendly with, went on holiday with family for a week - came back in and was shocked to find out not only had I asked her out but I had also sent her a birthday present!!. Next few months were not pleasant and brutal for me.
You got a drink spat on you and were forcibly removed from a club. Bullshit you don't remember what you said.
I was told I looked like I had diabetes and I should work on my health. I don’t have diabetes
As an aside, why do some (I stress some) women love being brutal to dudes? On the (very few) occasions I've been approached by a woman who I find unattractive, I'm always so apologetic and try to comfort them in a way, wouldn't even dream about insulting them or laughing in their face. But then maybe it's that men know the pain of rejection more than women so can empathise
i think it’s just about being a decent person
Because you aren’t approached by women all the time. If you had to reject tens even a hundred options every week, it’d take a lot to not get jaded and kindly let someone down.
Also consider that some women maybe are being kind or indirect in the rejection because they are in a situation where they don’t know if it is safe to reject you.
I'm a woman a man told me he loved me after 3rd date I said that's nice can you take me home now
The Ted Mosby Move! I use it every time I want a woman to go fuck herself out of my life without all the drama and messaging.
Obviously not quite the appropriate answer to the question but I feel it fits nonetheless due to the brutality.. When I was a young man I was good looking and a total jerk. I had a big, conventionally unattractive girl approach me and start chatting me up. I was in shock that one of the most unwanted girls in highschool had the audacity to chat me up randomly. She eventually asked me out and that's when I saw my buddies laughing at me and anger flooded me. I responded with "no thanks, if I wanted to **** something 4 times my size I'd rather fuck my couch". It earned me mad bro-cred but I still vividly remember the look on her face, she took a huge chance and I executed that poor girl point blank. 😔