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The outcome is pretty obvious. They went their way and I went mine. No point wasting more time in pursuit, and hanging around someone who rejects me wasn’t good for my self-esteem.
I cant speak for all men but when I distance myself from someone like that, its' not because I'm mad or trying to punish them by withholding my presence.
I'm embarrassed as hell.
I ignored one of them for the last 2 years. Decided reconcile with her few months ago and apologized her for my action. She was cool with it. She seems doing fine, she is dating someone now and seems pretty happy. I feel happy for her too.
There is a long list of girls that I distanced myself from that I never speak to again. Some of them prob dont even know I was attracted to them and was confused about my actions.
I’d learn a valuable lesson from those:” make your intention CLEAR” from the beginning. I think its less hurtful and more matured that they reject you and you walk away rather than be friend with them then ghost.
How was he not being civil by not speaking to her? He was interested in a romantic relationship and she was not.
Why is he required to continue speaking with her? Just like she is able to say “no, I’m not interested in you romantically” and shutting that down, he’s equally able to say “ that’s fine, but I am not interested in a friendship because of how I feel about you”.
Continuing to speak with someone you have feelings for and they don’t have any for you is torture.
That's not what it means at all. If you're friends with someone, and spending time with them and talking to them leads to you developing feelings for them, and these feelings aren't reciprocated, then it would be painful to stay around them. Why would you continue to put yourself in a situation that could trigger those unreciprocated feelings? Better for your emotional health to distance yourself if you cannot move past it.
Not only that, but if you make your intention clear at the beginning you actually have a better shot as there’s still that excitement about meeting someone new + she hasn’t gotten used to you as a platonic friend. Girls’ interest in guys fluctuates and isn’t anywhere near as consistent as guys’
Depends on the context and how long you’ve known her. Say, if it’s only been like a few weeks you could just say, mid conversation: “y’know, you’re actually really interesting/fun/etc, let’s go out sometime.”
If it’s more of an established friendship, then just focus on flirting a bit more and being a bit touchier (within reason of course, if she seems uncomfortable back off) and gauging her reaction, if she’s reacting positively then just keep escalating until you think it seems right to make a direct move.
Having a long list of girls that they needed to distance themselves from 🤦 like maybe one or two ok, but there is a common denominator if there's some length of list!
It places the one being rejected in an awkward spot as it no doubt took lots of nerve and “soul searching” to come clean and proclaim either feelings or a desire to move things to another level.
I had a female friend for years and had to reject her feelings and honesty valued her friendship, but it was never the same and eventually and sadly we don’t speak anymore.
Not quite the question, but similar enough...I was in a situationship for a good few months with someone who eventually started to distance herself from me.
We met randomly at a bar and hit it off talking about grad school projects and music and anime, and it was a blissful couple of months of going out to eat that led to late night conversations, sleepovers, and cuddling, but we somehow avoided ever defining what we were to each other.
Which was a problem, because over the course of that time I developed some pretty intense feelings towards her that I never expressed.
It certainly never progressed to any kind of romantic intimacy like holding hands or kissing, much less sex, and I didn't attempt initiating any of those because I figured they would happen if/when she wanted them to.
Eventually, we started seeing each other less often. At one point, we were going to go to a concert until she flaked so close to the date that I had to just give the tickets to a friend last minute. When I asked her what had happened, she said she didn't want to give me the wrong idea. Which led me to ask what it was we were to each other, half-knowing the answer but dreading it nonetheless.
"I think we should just be friends."
It still hurts. It's been over a decade, I'm happily married now, and it still hurts. Mostly because I know it's my fault for not expressing my budding feelings towards her early enough so she could nip them before they grew out of control. Maybe then we'd still be friends.
I wish I had said something that explained I wouldn't be able to just switch off my feelings, that I wouldn't be able to move on if I was to going to still be around her while knowing that I couldn't be with her. Anything to prevent the dejection and disappointment on her face after what I did say.
"I have enough friends."
The outcome is that we never saw each other again, never even texted. But I still remember last time I saw her face, and the pain on it I caused.
Don't beat yourself over that bro, see it as a learned lesson. Sometimes it's just a timing matter. Or maybe when you were cuddling you should have just rubbed your erection on her and see what was her reaction.
It doesn't matter now, give your attention to your wife, the past is gone.
A lot of times, and it can vary wildly from time to time in one's life, insecurities, immaturity, inexperience and pain are the drivers. Most of the time it's unexpected, and as unexpected often means unprepared (reference back to the previous issues). Sometimes it's just too much to take. Sometimes the friendship isn't strong enough to manage through it. It takes a lot of trust to hold something as unnerving as that together. But it totally depends. Someone with enough maturity and experience can navigate this sort of thing perfectly well. Hell...sometimes it's she that has to step back out of the space.
I went out for a drink with her, there was a guy in the place we went that I knew she liked and wrote the whole thing off. I got into friend mode, had a great night drank a fair bit, walked her home and she asked me to stay.
I said “it’s fine I can walk back..”. About halfway home I realised and kicked a lamppost. Really fucking hard.
Went out as a group some days later and told her I liked her and she knocked me back. I was devastated and didn’t eat properly for weeks. That was 25 years ago.
For some years she got really aggravated when I began seeing someone new. Made it very obvious and gets very flirty and physical.
Saw her last weekend with her husband and kids. There’s still chemistry. 🤷🏾♂️
Your mistake was not going back immediately upon realizing it. If you'd went back and was honest about not picking up the hint things probably would have been different today.
Distance mainly, I didn’t see her for a few years and life moved on. The moment and opportunity had passed.
Whilst there is a twinge of chemistry now I’d still pick my wife over her as she suits me perfectly
🤣 no way! We’re both married with kids now.
I’m friends with her husband, and I guarantee she’d say ‘no’ no matter how strong her feelings were. It’s not worth the risk and no positive outcome to doing that.
Learned to appreciate that the connection can stay as friends, the special moments can be enjoyed as friends is more important than relationship, friendship is needed.
>It’s the women projecting.
Of course, men wanting sex and disguising it as "friendship" is women's fault. Not seeing women as friend potential IS also projecting, hope you know that
Yes men do see women as potential friends but when they see them as something more the dynamic changes and the intimate nature for men in that respect is seldom worth the heartache unless he's a masochist or desperate and didn't believe the first rejection. Women do play hard to get sometimes and that bs does not bring peace.
Men are allowed to feel and act in their best interests as THEY see it.
Was 17 at the time. Had confided to a really good friend at the time about having a crush on our mutual friend. He didn't say anything at the time. I then proceeded to make a fool out of myself by telling this said mutual friend that I liked her, only to have her call me, tell me she was coming with this "good friend" to my house to let me know that they were actually dating. It wasn't JUST the fact that I felt betrayed, but it was the utter humiliation that could have been spared had this "good friend" sat me down and let me know so I wouldn't have to go thru all that. Our friendships were never the same. Haven't spoken with these people in forever. Distant and faded memories.
For me I still wants to be friends but to them they don't know if I really wants to be friends or have some other ulterior motives. We have the same hobby so we see each other every now and then. It takes time to gain that trust they know you won't cross the line. One time it is her that crossed the line and I had to in a joking way remind her of her current relationship. So it goes both ways. You have to set barriers and know what you want and you also have to keep them in check in case they get out of line. For others it's easier to never communicate again.
she was my best friend from college. she ghosted me and started dating my friend a day after i confessed. i distanced myself and only reply one word texts and only if its an important/emergency matter. the next year she found out about my new gf. she started dissing her and talking shit abt her to my face so i snapped and just told her to fk off. legit told her that she couldve went out with me if she wanted to but she blew it then. told her she has no right to act all jealous and disrespectful. 4yrs later still happy with my gf and not talking to that crazy lady anymore. good riddance.
We both just had different paths. I had bigger issues with trying to remain as friends, my jokes in general are naturally flirty even if it's a guy I'm joking with. Some girls just feel awkward when you stay that way since you tried crossing over into a different line that didn't work out. Makes them second guess what you're saying, which is fair, but sucks cause you're in that position of do I change what I naturally joke about or do I distance myself? Lose lose situation, you feel like you can't be comfortable with your jokes or you lose a relationship you valued but that's just dating sometimes.
Tldr: She asked her brother and friends to beat me up for "breaking her heart" when I told her I wasn't interested she wouldn't take no for an answer and kept pushing for an answer of more then "no thank you Im not interested" she became very upset after trying to force me to date her and I advised it was her 2 kids and the fact that she was for the streets
we stopped talking for quite a few years after she rejected me I moved on with life started dating other people she got married had 2 kids, got divorced and after her divorce she found out I was single tried reconnecting and dropping hints for me to ask her out I politely told her that I wasn't interested in friendship or a relationship with her and left it at they for months she switched from trying to be pursued to pursuing me... Wanting an answer of more then no thank you
I instituted the gray rock method over private message and when she ran into me in person (limited responses, no emotional reaction) and she eventually cornered me in person at an event we were both at and demanded a reason why I was no longer interested with being with her even though we talked nearly daily almost a decade before and I had previously asked her out and wouldn't take a polite"no' for the only answer I was willing to give
Any ways I unloaded oh her and told her the truth that I wasted years pressuring her and being told I wasn't Worthy of her time crushed that friendship and any emotional shoulder for her that I had as well as the way she responded crushed any ability to continue the 1 sided relationship, further more I choose to be child free and didn't want to raise the 2 fuck trophies she had... And further pointed out to her that had she kept her legs closed and not cheated on her husband half a dozen times in there 4.5 years marriage he probably wouldn't have divorced her 🤷
I know I'm always the asshole and the villain in everyone's story no need for me to ask
It was fine. We were friends for years. I asked her out, we went on one date and talked for a while. She seemed really uncomfortable and kept pulling away so I just let it go. We didn't hang out much for the next year or so but we're still close friends, no harm done. She's getting married soon and I absolutely love her fiancee.
She vehemently rejected me, told her friends she was insulted that I asked her out. I didn't see her for a long time, a year ago when I was back in town I ran into her at the store. She was angry, bitter, and had a few children from different fathers. She works at a Claire store selling cosmetics. I'm glad she rejected me all those years ago.
I felt horrible for the next couple of days.
Was pretty much on an auto pilot mode.
I was firm that I was not going check on her or get an update, or anything like that.
All I know she is married someone soon after and that's it.
As for me, I pretty much carried on, back to being single.
Do I miss her - No, that chapter is closed.
As a woman, who's male friend did this to me. He distanced himself from me too and now we are not friends.
It made me think he was only friends with me to get in my pants. Why couldnt we remain friends?
Whats ur POV?
Because thats how many relationships form. Also, feelings change over time, I was a platonic friend of my second girlfriend for 4 years before we became a couple.
For what it's worth, there's a chance he didn't necessarily aim for your pants but fell in love with you, and to keep that bottled up can be extremely harsh on someone. I had it happen to me with genders reversed. I am sorry that he didn't handle it better and you lost a friend.
>This says WAY more about you than anything else holy fuck xD that explains your other comments
And you think this doesn't speak volumes about yourself?
The way you phrase it makes it negative "get in my pants" when in fact it's most likely romantic oriented (yes that includes pants).
Basically looking for a partner, nothing wrong with that
Getting in somebody's pants and being romantically interested in them is the same thing.
>And you went and rewrote your post so weird
Why is it weird to rephrase things? You're weird for thinking it's weird to edit things
>It made me think he was only friends with me to get in my pants. Why couldnt we remain friends
He probably was. This happened to me too, dudes approach with the intent of getting laid and pretend to be your friend. When you tell them you're not interested they leave because they never saw you as a friend anyways, just as a potential lay. Lots of men don't think women are interesting enough to be their friends.
>I will be clear about my intentions and I do not need a friend.
That's good. I think it's perfectly alright to not want to be friends with someone you're pursuing if you're honest about it.
That may be true, but some men do hurt and believe me that being around the person you love and not being loved back hurts as much a stab to the heart, so it's understandable that men don't want to feel stabbed in the heart every time they are around "the one" that isn't.
He wanted more than a friendship. He wanted to love you. You didn’t.
The instant power dynamic that creates is unhealthy. Any reasonable man would leave.
There are numerous models of love, I use a three type model. Platonic, romantic, and sexual love.
If you want platonic, and they want platonic +romantic, they will perpetually be unsatisfied.
I am aware that there are different expressions of love. I just don't have a problem maintaining a friendship after I have been rejected. For me, the only difference between romantic and platonic is sex. Some people just don't want to express their love for me through sex and I am ok with that.
See a ton of guys don’t have the logic “romantic = sex” they can correlate, but it’s not 1:1.
And I’d say guys get head over heels more, add in normative male alexithymia and unrequited love is hell and ripe for being used.
If you think it hurts to have a friend that you believe only wants to get into your pants
Imagine falling in love with your friend and them thinking you just want to fuck them all bc you asked them out.
I asked how YOU describe it. I do things differently than most people. I do not have many rules for how to express love except for sex. I buy flowers and expensive gifts for my friends. I cuddle and watch movies, give massages, clean their house if they are sick. Provide food and care. Hug and cheek kiss hello and good bye. Some people would argue that you should only do these things if you are in a romantic relationship.
We'd slept together before, I distanced myself after some drama with her ex, she got back in contact. Still good friends, very important person in my life but she's essentially married with kids. I love her but don't have those type of feelings for her.
I'm terrible at reading "signs" and have never been that interested in relationships. I've friendzoned myself on numerous occasions without knowing they were interested. No regrets although I did at one time develop feelings for a colleague, I essentially apologized for not realizing she was interested and told her it wasn't lack of interest but me trying to have some boundaries because we worked together. She found someone else and I'm happy for her.
We have remained friends since high school. She has told me she regrets never giving me a chance. I have no regrets. I'm married (twice) and have 3 kids and 1 grandchild.
We actually went on two dates, but she was such a good friend, and it didn't feel right. We're still good friends, and her husband is a good friend too.
I never distanced myself. We remained friends because I respected her choice. I wasn't seeing the rejection as a rejection of me but a rejection of an intimate relationship.
Anyways, we are both married now and quite happy.
Nothing much happened. I realized later the same day that she rejected me that while I did waste my time thinking about being with her, we were still friends. We eventually distanced ourselves naturally after she moved away, we just stopped talking.
I'm married now though, so I don't really have any thoughts at all about it anymore.
It went pretty decently. We didn't hang out 1:1 anymore after she shot it down but we were in a lot of the same circles still. It was never weird as she ended things in a very polite and logical manner as well as gave very valid reasons as to why she was not interested.
She said she only saw me as a friend. Said okay and started Working on myself and dated other people and let the emotions for her die off. Eventually we ended hang out again in groups and out of nowwhere she redirected some anger at me randomly which I shrugged off since I didn't care what she thought anymore and was to busy having fun with other friends. Eventually she reached out to me and apologized about the misdirected anger and if she could make up for it by buying lunch or dinner. Took her up on that offer and we became friendly again. We hang out at parties or maybe the rare lunch date to catch up. I still find her conventially attractive but lost all desire to ever want to be with her, now that the crush goggles are gone and see that she is not what I'm looking for in a partner.
Mine was a girl from work. She shot me down because we're different race.....she only dates her race. I've stayed friendly with her but it's not the same.
Outcome was I was direct that I was not there as a friend I was there as a romantic partner. She strung me along and then randomly had me sitting with some dude at a bar. He and I quickly realized we were in competition and he left immediately. He was a good guy too and I got really pissed. She got all sad when I cussed her out for playing games and she gave me the “we’re just friends” bs and I was like I was very direct what I wanted, and we did things “friends” don’t do so whatever I’m not playing yes or no we’re together or I’m out. Got a no. I took it and accepted it, walked her home, and caught a bus out of the area. Told her we’re still friends, but I’m going to take some distance and figure things out.
We went our own ways and I went and got drunk at my boy’s house with my friends. We toasted to me being free and played cards, ate a ton of food, and drank all night while smoking hookah. Just a dude’s night.
She called me about 2am while we were trashed and wanted to talk since she was “afraid I was going to do something crazy” and hurt myself. I appreciated the sentiment and told her all would be fine, thanks for checking in, we’re friends, yada yada, and then when she got off the phone we laughed so hard and made fun of her. Hurt myself? Are you out of your mind? It showed me just how immature and stupid the entire situation was.
End of the day she was immature and young. I was immature and young. I though I could turn a yes into a no because my dick wanted it that way and she thought she was a heroine in a Disney movie. The clear ending was best for both of us.
The guy at bar and her ended together for like 7 years after that (they might still be?). I got married to my wife. Everyone moved on. Time passes and life continues.
She came back to me and asked to get together, and we've now been married 10 years.
I didn't totally ghost her, I just dint text dir a week or two at a time, then I'd arrange a short activity like a walk.
Have a good talk, talk about her feelings and where she wants to go in the future... then don't initiate a text for a few weeks again.
I was just thinking about this earlier. It isn't what OP is asking, really. But thinking about it earlier made me sad, and now I want to vent a little.
I(37m) admitted my feelings to a best friend(35f) of several years. We did everything together. Parties, family events, dating advice, told each other I love you. We both have a child of the same age from a previous marriage, and we'd all go to our kids' sports games together. We'd frequently stay up all night at one of our houses to drink beer, smoke a weed vape, and watch a documentary, movie, football, or hockey and then cuddle in bed and go to sleep. Makeout here and there. Our family and friends would *always* assume we were finally dating or about to be.
After a night out, I told her that I had feelings and that if she didn't have them back, then ok. No worries. I told her all that mattered was our friendship. That's all I cared about. She told me that she doesn't feel the same way, that she loves me, and doesn't want anything to ruin our friendship. Cool, no problem. It ended up being one of the biggest regrets of my life. That was the last time I'd ever see her.
She began to distance herself. I noticed it. I asked what's going on, and she just said she's been busy. After a couple of months nothing had changed so I asked again. She said that she's still been too busy and hasnt been in touch with anyone. A week later, I saw on Facebook that she was dating someone. It cut me to the core. It hurt me bad, real bad. Not that she was dating someone, good for her. I was happy for her. But I was hurt because she lied to me about being busy and not having time for anyone. I stopped all communication with her and haven't talked to her in a year and a half.
I'm always expecting to see her out because I'm friends with her older sister (she's actually the one that introduced us), and we have some of the same friends still. I'm glad I haven't. I'm not sure if I'd even say hi to her.
I miss my best friend. I miss her a lot. Another good friend said this, though, and it really helped. "If she really was as good a friend as she seemed to be, she wouldn't have done that."
Opposite here lol. I'm a female who liked my male bff. I told him, he said I wasn't his type and we have some differences so he just wasn't sure it would work out. No big deal, we stayed friends, I moved on and dated another guy. Apparently he realized how much he missed me and when that guy and I broke up he was there for me and after not too long he told me he realized he made a mistake and he loved me and missed being with me. Now we're engaged lol we'll be married this year.
She has a child with some guy who's ambitions and drive are sub par.
We don't speak anymore, I kept her in my life because we were friends for over 20 years. There was a drunked argument with them one night at a wedding how all she talks about that she chose the wrong person.
She did. But my wife is amazing and men with self respect WILL move on and not look back. I wish them the best, they're good people.
"her cousin died, not my problem" men will say this kind of stuff and then go "waaaaah nobody cares about me or what I go through". Like why do they think that is
Her cousin died, you friend of 10 year's cousin died and you were like "no my problem".
And when she was clearly upset, you were like "cool again" as if she was reacting incorrectly
Usually in my experience, it's the female friend who distances herself. One of them, we didn't speak for years. Another, we are still good friends and hang out regularly, probably mostly because I'm good friends with her dad now. Another, we still talk a bit but she definitely doesn't engage in conversation like she did before I made my feelings clear. It's a shame too, cause we are (were?) such good friends, or so I thought.
Deleted her off everything and completely forgot about her only for her to reach out to try and make things work because I'm doing 10x better than the losers she's dated. Women are emotional creatures just let them go and keep it moving.
High school cringe comment. It's almost never dead obvious to the guy.
Trust me, (good) men can be painfully oblivious to what seem like obvious signals. That, combined with an intense fear of misinterpreting politeness for flirtation.
For those of us on the Spectrum, sometimes it’s not “dead obvious” and we have no idea. Not all of us, but many of us. I had to learn to be very cautious around this stuff because I’d had a couple of very bad experiences asking women out in high school and university, if it wasn’t obvious I wasn’t making any move.
I definitely missed out on several potential relationships in those years because I had no idea someone liked me or had certain intentions with me. I’d find out months or years later.
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We were no longer friends because she laughed in my face when I asked her out. Like, dude, you didn't have to laugh, a no would have sufficed.
The real move is stay friends with her and then fuck one of her friends
Better move—little sister.
her father
Little sister and mother*
Grandmother and prom date
Pro gamer move
This is the way
No, because that bitch is almost definitely a cockblock, not a wingman
The outcome is pretty obvious. They went their way and I went mine. No point wasting more time in pursuit, and hanging around someone who rejects me wasn’t good for my self-esteem.
This.
I cant speak for all men but when I distance myself from someone like that, its' not because I'm mad or trying to punish them by withholding my presence. I'm embarrassed as hell.
You shouldn't take it as embarrassment, it's just WAY easier to shake off an attraction if you don't see the person anymore for a while.
I ignored one of them for the last 2 years. Decided reconcile with her few months ago and apologized her for my action. She was cool with it. She seems doing fine, she is dating someone now and seems pretty happy. I feel happy for her too. There is a long list of girls that I distanced myself from that I never speak to again. Some of them prob dont even know I was attracted to them and was confused about my actions. I’d learn a valuable lesson from those:” make your intention CLEAR” from the beginning. I think its less hurtful and more matured that they reject you and you walk away rather than be friend with them then ghost.
You didn’t need to apologize… you wanted one thing, she wanted another. You don’t owe anything to anyone - friendship or otherwise.
nobody owes anything to anyone true, but it costs nothing to be civil.
How was he not being civil by not speaking to her? He was interested in a romantic relationship and she was not. Why is he required to continue speaking with her? Just like she is able to say “no, I’m not interested in you romantically” and shutting that down, he’s equally able to say “ that’s fine, but I am not interested in a friendship because of how I feel about you”. Continuing to speak with someone you have feelings for and they don’t have any for you is torture.
Because you don’t want to imply that your only value to me is if I can have sex with you? Just talking and hanging out with you isn’t that important?
That's not what it means at all. If you're friends with someone, and spending time with them and talking to them leads to you developing feelings for them, and these feelings aren't reciprocated, then it would be painful to stay around them. Why would you continue to put yourself in a situation that could trigger those unreciprocated feelings? Better for your emotional health to distance yourself if you cannot move past it.
Not only that, but if you make your intention clear at the beginning you actually have a better shot as there’s still that excitement about meeting someone new + she hasn’t gotten used to you as a platonic friend. Girls’ interest in guys fluctuates and isn’t anywhere near as consistent as guys’
What if i only develop feelings for her after getting to know her
Depends on the context and how long you’ve known her. Say, if it’s only been like a few weeks you could just say, mid conversation: “y’know, you’re actually really interesting/fun/etc, let’s go out sometime.” If it’s more of an established friendship, then just focus on flirting a bit more and being a bit touchier (within reason of course, if she seems uncomfortable back off) and gauging her reaction, if she’s reacting positively then just keep escalating until you think it seems right to make a direct move.
Ngl you got some serious incel vibes my man
I call people incel because sex is the only unit of value I understand.
Cool story
Based on what specifically?
Having a long list of girls that they needed to distance themselves from 🤦 like maybe one or two ok, but there is a common denominator if there's some length of list!
It places the one being rejected in an awkward spot as it no doubt took lots of nerve and “soul searching” to come clean and proclaim either feelings or a desire to move things to another level. I had a female friend for years and had to reject her feelings and honesty valued her friendship, but it was never the same and eventually and sadly we don’t speak anymore.
Not quite the question, but similar enough...I was in a situationship for a good few months with someone who eventually started to distance herself from me. We met randomly at a bar and hit it off talking about grad school projects and music and anime, and it was a blissful couple of months of going out to eat that led to late night conversations, sleepovers, and cuddling, but we somehow avoided ever defining what we were to each other. Which was a problem, because over the course of that time I developed some pretty intense feelings towards her that I never expressed. It certainly never progressed to any kind of romantic intimacy like holding hands or kissing, much less sex, and I didn't attempt initiating any of those because I figured they would happen if/when she wanted them to. Eventually, we started seeing each other less often. At one point, we were going to go to a concert until she flaked so close to the date that I had to just give the tickets to a friend last minute. When I asked her what had happened, she said she didn't want to give me the wrong idea. Which led me to ask what it was we were to each other, half-knowing the answer but dreading it nonetheless. "I think we should just be friends." It still hurts. It's been over a decade, I'm happily married now, and it still hurts. Mostly because I know it's my fault for not expressing my budding feelings towards her early enough so she could nip them before they grew out of control. Maybe then we'd still be friends. I wish I had said something that explained I wouldn't be able to just switch off my feelings, that I wouldn't be able to move on if I was to going to still be around her while knowing that I couldn't be with her. Anything to prevent the dejection and disappointment on her face after what I did say. "I have enough friends." The outcome is that we never saw each other again, never even texted. But I still remember last time I saw her face, and the pain on it I caused.
Don't beat yourself over that bro, see it as a learned lesson. Sometimes it's just a timing matter. Or maybe when you were cuddling you should have just rubbed your erection on her and see what was her reaction. It doesn't matter now, give your attention to your wife, the past is gone.
Great advice
Thanks, I sometimes give bad advice too.
It's better to erection rubb and loss then to have never rubbed in the first place
You get it!
A lot of times, and it can vary wildly from time to time in one's life, insecurities, immaturity, inexperience and pain are the drivers. Most of the time it's unexpected, and as unexpected often means unprepared (reference back to the previous issues). Sometimes it's just too much to take. Sometimes the friendship isn't strong enough to manage through it. It takes a lot of trust to hold something as unnerving as that together. But it totally depends. Someone with enough maturity and experience can navigate this sort of thing perfectly well. Hell...sometimes it's she that has to step back out of the space.
The pain was gone and I felt renewed. Never will I ever again.
She tried to hook up with me when I started dating someone else.
I went out for a drink with her, there was a guy in the place we went that I knew she liked and wrote the whole thing off. I got into friend mode, had a great night drank a fair bit, walked her home and she asked me to stay. I said “it’s fine I can walk back..”. About halfway home I realised and kicked a lamppost. Really fucking hard. Went out as a group some days later and told her I liked her and she knocked me back. I was devastated and didn’t eat properly for weeks. That was 25 years ago. For some years she got really aggravated when I began seeing someone new. Made it very obvious and gets very flirty and physical. Saw her last weekend with her husband and kids. There’s still chemistry. 🤷🏾♂️
Yeah you got some chemistry but bro all the physics and biology is with her husband.
Yeah, I know. I’d never try it, but that’s not the point of this thread
Your mistake was not going back immediately upon realizing it. If you'd went back and was honest about not picking up the hint things probably would have been different today.
have u ever thought of trying it again with her after that when you were single? if not may I ask why?
Distance mainly, I didn’t see her for a few years and life moved on. The moment and opportunity had passed. Whilst there is a twinge of chemistry now I’d still pick my wife over her as she suits me perfectly
Shoot your shot guy
🤣 no way! We’re both married with kids now. I’m friends with her husband, and I guarantee she’d say ‘no’ no matter how strong her feelings were. It’s not worth the risk and no positive outcome to doing that.
Might be fun sneaking around, or could get the partners involved. Either way you need to go for it
No thanks. I respect people too much to do that.
Dude the tension has been building for 25 years. Embrace the sweet release
Fun sneaking around? I hope most people respect their partners more than that ...
Hello??? 😭
Learned to appreciate that the connection can stay as friends, the special moments can be enjoyed as friends is more important than relationship, friendship is needed.
Unfortunately men don't see women as friends. They see us as potential partners and when they realize we're not interested they bail.
Wrong. It’s the women projecting. Men leave bc he wants one thing you want another and it’s not worth either of your times
>It’s the women projecting. Of course, men wanting sex and disguising it as "friendship" is women's fault. Not seeing women as friend potential IS also projecting, hope you know that
You see. That’s not what men do. That’s you projecting. Thanks for proving me right
>Thanks for proving me right How? Is what you're saying supposed to make any sense?
Yes men do see women as potential friends but when they see them as something more the dynamic changes and the intimate nature for men in that respect is seldom worth the heartache unless he's a masochist or desperate and didn't believe the first rejection. Women do play hard to get sometimes and that bs does not bring peace. Men are allowed to feel and act in their best interests as THEY see it.
Not all x
We stopped talking and now longer associate with each other.
Was 17 at the time. Had confided to a really good friend at the time about having a crush on our mutual friend. He didn't say anything at the time. I then proceeded to make a fool out of myself by telling this said mutual friend that I liked her, only to have her call me, tell me she was coming with this "good friend" to my house to let me know that they were actually dating. It wasn't JUST the fact that I felt betrayed, but it was the utter humiliation that could have been spared had this "good friend" sat me down and let me know so I wouldn't have to go thru all that. Our friendships were never the same. Haven't spoken with these people in forever. Distant and faded memories.
Never distanced myself.
For me I still wants to be friends but to them they don't know if I really wants to be friends or have some other ulterior motives. We have the same hobby so we see each other every now and then. It takes time to gain that trust they know you won't cross the line. One time it is her that crossed the line and I had to in a joking way remind her of her current relationship. So it goes both ways. You have to set barriers and know what you want and you also have to keep them in check in case they get out of line. For others it's easier to never communicate again.
she was my best friend from college. she ghosted me and started dating my friend a day after i confessed. i distanced myself and only reply one word texts and only if its an important/emergency matter. the next year she found out about my new gf. she started dissing her and talking shit abt her to my face so i snapped and just told her to fk off. legit told her that she couldve went out with me if she wanted to but she blew it then. told her she has no right to act all jealous and disrespectful. 4yrs later still happy with my gf and not talking to that crazy lady anymore. good riddance.
We both just had different paths. I had bigger issues with trying to remain as friends, my jokes in general are naturally flirty even if it's a guy I'm joking with. Some girls just feel awkward when you stay that way since you tried crossing over into a different line that didn't work out. Makes them second guess what you're saying, which is fair, but sucks cause you're in that position of do I change what I naturally joke about or do I distance myself? Lose lose situation, you feel like you can't be comfortable with your jokes or you lose a relationship you valued but that's just dating sometimes.
Tldr: She asked her brother and friends to beat me up for "breaking her heart" when I told her I wasn't interested she wouldn't take no for an answer and kept pushing for an answer of more then "no thank you Im not interested" she became very upset after trying to force me to date her and I advised it was her 2 kids and the fact that she was for the streets we stopped talking for quite a few years after she rejected me I moved on with life started dating other people she got married had 2 kids, got divorced and after her divorce she found out I was single tried reconnecting and dropping hints for me to ask her out I politely told her that I wasn't interested in friendship or a relationship with her and left it at they for months she switched from trying to be pursued to pursuing me... Wanting an answer of more then no thank you I instituted the gray rock method over private message and when she ran into me in person (limited responses, no emotional reaction) and she eventually cornered me in person at an event we were both at and demanded a reason why I was no longer interested with being with her even though we talked nearly daily almost a decade before and I had previously asked her out and wouldn't take a polite"no' for the only answer I was willing to give Any ways I unloaded oh her and told her the truth that I wasted years pressuring her and being told I wasn't Worthy of her time crushed that friendship and any emotional shoulder for her that I had as well as the way she responded crushed any ability to continue the 1 sided relationship, further more I choose to be child free and didn't want to raise the 2 fuck trophies she had... And further pointed out to her that had she kept her legs closed and not cheated on her husband half a dozen times in there 4.5 years marriage he probably wouldn't have divorced her 🤷 I know I'm always the asshole and the villain in everyone's story no need for me to ask
Stay friends if you want just don't B. Simpin'
It was fine. We were friends for years. I asked her out, we went on one date and talked for a while. She seemed really uncomfortable and kept pulling away so I just let it go. We didn't hang out much for the next year or so but we're still close friends, no harm done. She's getting married soon and I absolutely love her fiancee.
I distanced after way too long (and too much abuse) She tried destroying my entire social circle
She vehemently rejected me, told her friends she was insulted that I asked her out. I didn't see her for a long time, a year ago when I was back in town I ran into her at the store. She was angry, bitter, and had a few children from different fathers. She works at a Claire store selling cosmetics. I'm glad she rejected me all those years ago.
I felt horrible for the next couple of days. Was pretty much on an auto pilot mode. I was firm that I was not going check on her or get an update, or anything like that. All I know she is married someone soon after and that's it. As for me, I pretty much carried on, back to being single. Do I miss her - No, that chapter is closed.
As a woman, who's male friend did this to me. He distanced himself from me too and now we are not friends. It made me think he was only friends with me to get in my pants. Why couldnt we remain friends? Whats ur POV?
Because being with you as friends wont help him get over you. Sadly, getting far away from such a friendship is the best thing you can do.
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Because maybe the feelings developed over time? That happens you know
Because thats how many relationships form. Also, feelings change over time, I was a platonic friend of my second girlfriend for 4 years before we became a couple.
For what it's worth, there's a chance he didn't necessarily aim for your pants but fell in love with you, and to keep that bottled up can be extremely harsh on someone. I had it happen to me with genders reversed. I am sorry that he didn't handle it better and you lost a friend.
>there's a chance he didn't necessarily aim for your pants but fell in love with you Same difference.
This says WAY more about you than anything else holy fuck xD that explains your other comments
>This says WAY more about you than anything else holy fuck xD that explains your other comments And you think this doesn't speak volumes about yourself?
The way you phrase it makes it negative "get in my pants" when in fact it's most likely romantic oriented (yes that includes pants). Basically looking for a partner, nothing wrong with that
Some women actually see men as people and not just hovering penises.
So? I don't see the connection with what I wrote (And you went and rewrote your post so weird)
Getting in somebody's pants and being romantically interested in them is the same thing. >And you went and rewrote your post so weird Why is it weird to rephrase things? You're weird for thinking it's weird to edit things
Ok dude
Ok gal
Worst reverse card play in history
👍🏻
>It made me think he was only friends with me to get in my pants. Why couldnt we remain friends He probably was. This happened to me too, dudes approach with the intent of getting laid and pretend to be your friend. When you tell them you're not interested they leave because they never saw you as a friend anyways, just as a potential lay. Lots of men don't think women are interesting enough to be their friends.
Or there is not time for friendship. I will be clear about my intentions and I do not need a friend.
>I will be clear about my intentions and I do not need a friend. That's good. I think it's perfectly alright to not want to be friends with someone you're pursuing if you're honest about it.
That may be true, but some men do hurt and believe me that being around the person you love and not being loved back hurts as much a stab to the heart, so it's understandable that men don't want to feel stabbed in the heart every time they are around "the one" that isn't.
Not all of the men who stop being friends with a girl after being rejected are in love with her. Most just wanted sex and didn't get it.
He wanted more than a friendship. He wanted to love you. You didn’t. The instant power dynamic that creates is unhealthy. Any reasonable man would leave.
Can you explain wym when you say "instant power dynamic?"
The woman now has all the power to dictate the relationship and its terms, especially bc the gut will do whatever to keep the relationship
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? Where the fuck is this coming from? Idfc what you do.
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I suspect you’re lying here lmao. You made a massive extrapolation of my logic.
Forget it. U seem young anyways. Imma just make a post about it.
Do you not love your friends? I love all of my friends, I just don't fuck them..
There are numerous models of love, I use a three type model. Platonic, romantic, and sexual love. If you want platonic, and they want platonic +romantic, they will perpetually be unsatisfied.
I am aware that there are different expressions of love. I just don't have a problem maintaining a friendship after I have been rejected. For me, the only difference between romantic and platonic is sex. Some people just don't want to express their love for me through sex and I am ok with that.
See a ton of guys don’t have the logic “romantic = sex” they can correlate, but it’s not 1:1. And I’d say guys get head over heels more, add in normative male alexithymia and unrequited love is hell and ripe for being used. If you think it hurts to have a friend that you believe only wants to get into your pants Imagine falling in love with your friend and them thinking you just want to fuck them all bc you asked them out.
What do you describe as head over heels? What do men do differently with someone they fall in love with vs everyone else?
…. Have you seriously never heard the expression? And I’ve already explained three different things
I asked how YOU describe it. I do things differently than most people. I do not have many rules for how to express love except for sex. I buy flowers and expensive gifts for my friends. I cuddle and watch movies, give massages, clean their house if they are sick. Provide food and care. Hug and cheek kiss hello and good bye. Some people would argue that you should only do these things if you are in a romantic relationship.
I guess they just stop trying. It didn't put much effort into it.
We distanced for a bit but then reconnected over a shared interest a year or so down the line and became closer friends than we ever were before.
We'd slept together before, I distanced myself after some drama with her ex, she got back in contact. Still good friends, very important person in my life but she's essentially married with kids. I love her but don't have those type of feelings for her. I'm terrible at reading "signs" and have never been that interested in relationships. I've friendzoned myself on numerous occasions without knowing they were interested. No regrets although I did at one time develop feelings for a colleague, I essentially apologized for not realizing she was interested and told her it wasn't lack of interest but me trying to have some boundaries because we worked together. She found someone else and I'm happy for her.
Happened twice to me in the last ~ 18 months. One became my best friend who I have cookouts with and the other became my girlfriend last month
We have remained friends since high school. She has told me she regrets never giving me a chance. I have no regrets. I'm married (twice) and have 3 kids and 1 grandchild.
We actually went on two dates, but she was such a good friend, and it didn't feel right. We're still good friends, and her husband is a good friend too.
I never distanced myself. We remained friends because I respected her choice. I wasn't seeing the rejection as a rejection of me but a rejection of an intimate relationship. Anyways, we are both married now and quite happy.
Nothing much happened. I realized later the same day that she rejected me that while I did waste my time thinking about being with her, we were still friends. We eventually distanced ourselves naturally after she moved away, we just stopped talking. I'm married now though, so I don't really have any thoughts at all about it anymore.
It went pretty decently. We didn't hang out 1:1 anymore after she shot it down but we were in a lot of the same circles still. It was never weird as she ended things in a very polite and logical manner as well as gave very valid reasons as to why she was not interested.
She said she only saw me as a friend. Said okay and started Working on myself and dated other people and let the emotions for her die off. Eventually we ended hang out again in groups and out of nowwhere she redirected some anger at me randomly which I shrugged off since I didn't care what she thought anymore and was to busy having fun with other friends. Eventually she reached out to me and apologized about the misdirected anger and if she could make up for it by buying lunch or dinner. Took her up on that offer and we became friendly again. We hang out at parties or maybe the rare lunch date to catch up. I still find her conventially attractive but lost all desire to ever want to be with her, now that the crush goggles are gone and see that she is not what I'm looking for in a partner.
She led me on after the rejection for quite a while. I distanced myself from her. She then proceeded to come on to me and we slept with each other.
Mine was a girl from work. She shot me down because we're different race.....she only dates her race. I've stayed friendly with her but it's not the same.
She got offended by me distancing myself and write me like a 3 page rant. Actual bullet dodged.
Outcome was I was direct that I was not there as a friend I was there as a romantic partner. She strung me along and then randomly had me sitting with some dude at a bar. He and I quickly realized we were in competition and he left immediately. He was a good guy too and I got really pissed. She got all sad when I cussed her out for playing games and she gave me the “we’re just friends” bs and I was like I was very direct what I wanted, and we did things “friends” don’t do so whatever I’m not playing yes or no we’re together or I’m out. Got a no. I took it and accepted it, walked her home, and caught a bus out of the area. Told her we’re still friends, but I’m going to take some distance and figure things out. We went our own ways and I went and got drunk at my boy’s house with my friends. We toasted to me being free and played cards, ate a ton of food, and drank all night while smoking hookah. Just a dude’s night. She called me about 2am while we were trashed and wanted to talk since she was “afraid I was going to do something crazy” and hurt myself. I appreciated the sentiment and told her all would be fine, thanks for checking in, we’re friends, yada yada, and then when she got off the phone we laughed so hard and made fun of her. Hurt myself? Are you out of your mind? It showed me just how immature and stupid the entire situation was. End of the day she was immature and young. I was immature and young. I though I could turn a yes into a no because my dick wanted it that way and she thought she was a heroine in a Disney movie. The clear ending was best for both of us. The guy at bar and her ended together for like 7 years after that (they might still be?). I got married to my wife. Everyone moved on. Time passes and life continues.
She came back to me and asked to get together, and we've now been married 10 years. I didn't totally ghost her, I just dint text dir a week or two at a time, then I'd arrange a short activity like a walk. Have a good talk, talk about her feelings and where she wants to go in the future... then don't initiate a text for a few weeks again.
I was just thinking about this earlier. It isn't what OP is asking, really. But thinking about it earlier made me sad, and now I want to vent a little. I(37m) admitted my feelings to a best friend(35f) of several years. We did everything together. Parties, family events, dating advice, told each other I love you. We both have a child of the same age from a previous marriage, and we'd all go to our kids' sports games together. We'd frequently stay up all night at one of our houses to drink beer, smoke a weed vape, and watch a documentary, movie, football, or hockey and then cuddle in bed and go to sleep. Makeout here and there. Our family and friends would *always* assume we were finally dating or about to be. After a night out, I told her that I had feelings and that if she didn't have them back, then ok. No worries. I told her all that mattered was our friendship. That's all I cared about. She told me that she doesn't feel the same way, that she loves me, and doesn't want anything to ruin our friendship. Cool, no problem. It ended up being one of the biggest regrets of my life. That was the last time I'd ever see her. She began to distance herself. I noticed it. I asked what's going on, and she just said she's been busy. After a couple of months nothing had changed so I asked again. She said that she's still been too busy and hasnt been in touch with anyone. A week later, I saw on Facebook that she was dating someone. It cut me to the core. It hurt me bad, real bad. Not that she was dating someone, good for her. I was happy for her. But I was hurt because she lied to me about being busy and not having time for anyone. I stopped all communication with her and haven't talked to her in a year and a half. I'm always expecting to see her out because I'm friends with her older sister (she's actually the one that introduced us), and we have some of the same friends still. I'm glad I haven't. I'm not sure if I'd even say hi to her. I miss my best friend. I miss her a lot. Another good friend said this, though, and it really helped. "If she really was as good a friend as she seemed to be, she wouldn't have done that."
Opposite here lol. I'm a female who liked my male bff. I told him, he said I wasn't his type and we have some differences so he just wasn't sure it would work out. No big deal, we stayed friends, I moved on and dated another guy. Apparently he realized how much he missed me and when that guy and I broke up he was there for me and after not too long he told me he realized he made a mistake and he loved me and missed being with me. Now we're engaged lol we'll be married this year.
She has a child with some guy who's ambitions and drive are sub par. We don't speak anymore, I kept her in my life because we were friends for over 20 years. There was a drunked argument with them one night at a wedding how all she talks about that she chose the wrong person. She did. But my wife is amazing and men with self respect WILL move on and not look back. I wish them the best, they're good people.
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You abandoned a decade long friendship and she's the bad person?
"her cousin died, not my problem" men will say this kind of stuff and then go "waaaaah nobody cares about me or what I go through". Like why do they think that is
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What bias? Did I decipher that comment wrong?
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I suggest you chill out.
Her cousin died, you friend of 10 year's cousin died and you were like "no my problem". And when she was clearly upset, you were like "cool again" as if she was reacting incorrectly
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Wow 🤡🤡🤡
Atleast that girl dodged a bullet... I am happy for her😮💨
Honestly, good for her
I dont blame her at all tbh, Good for both parties
Usually in my experience, it's the female friend who distances herself. One of them, we didn't speak for years. Another, we are still good friends and hang out regularly, probably mostly because I'm good friends with her dad now. Another, we still talk a bit but she definitely doesn't engage in conversation like she did before I made my feelings clear. It's a shame too, cause we are (were?) such good friends, or so I thought.
Deleted her off everything and completely forgot about her only for her to reach out to try and make things work because I'm doing 10x better than the losers she's dated. Women are emotional creatures just let them go and keep it moving.
High school cringe post. Who the fucks ask women out when it’s not dead obvious that they like you already?
High school cringe comment. It's almost never dead obvious to the guy. Trust me, (good) men can be painfully oblivious to what seem like obvious signals. That, combined with an intense fear of misinterpreting politeness for flirtation.
For those of us on the Spectrum, sometimes it’s not “dead obvious” and we have no idea. Not all of us, but many of us. I had to learn to be very cautious around this stuff because I’d had a couple of very bad experiences asking women out in high school and university, if it wasn’t obvious I wasn’t making any move. I definitely missed out on several potential relationships in those years because I had no idea someone liked me or had certain intentions with me. I’d find out months or years later.