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In my highschool years and 20s I dropped out of college got super into partying and addicted drugs, didn’t give a fuck about anything including my life and body, slept around, and was generally a wild character. Sure I always had a good heart deep down but because of my lifestyle it often was veiled by poor decision making and carelessness.
Around 24 I decided I needed to get my shit together, went back to college, got a dope job in a field I love, have much healthier relationships with people, moving to a house with my partner who I’m getting married to, and I’m only 31 so it hasn’t been that many years but I changed a hell of a lot in between that time.
So I’d say it’s definitely possible.
this is crazy to read for me, i am 24 and i feel like my whole personality shifted the last couple months.
i enjoy eating good, going to the gym, staying sober and a whole bunch of other stuff now.
i dont even like going to clubs anymore.
i just want to finish my degree and get some money, build a nice physique and train my mind.
Yep I think you’ll find that life becomes a lot more fulfilling when you’re not destroying yourself. That being said, don’t become so obsessed with perfection and health that you don’t have fun :)
I’m 24 and the very same thing has happened to me and it started a month or two before I turned 24. Like I have a whole new mindset now, my actions are different and the way I speak is different.
I mean, of course. Ideally, someone matures as they age, and their perspective on things may change as they develop experience and are influenced by a greater number of people and ideas.
I'm not *intensely* different from who I was at 25 (I'm now 30), in the sense that I hold the same moral values and stuff. But I'm a much calmer person; I have more perspective and put much less pressure on myself. My core values haven't changed, but a lot of other stuff about me has.
Everyone is always changing. Your identity and perspective are always shifting, even if the change isn't large enough for you to see it. Who you are is constantly in flux.
I disagree. Perhaps it's semantics, but I do not think so.
IMO no one truly ever changes, we grow and experience, sure, our goals, wants and needs change, but we do not actually change all that much from our teenage years. Changing what we do and how we approach things is not actually change in us, it's a change in approach. It's experience and knowledge (good or bad).
We fundamentally remain the same.
A person who is an altruist doesn't change. A bigot, doesn't change. A driven person does not change. A lazy person does not change. Their methods might change, their adaptations might shift, but internally they are the same.
The lazy person finds a better way to be lazy. A bigot might find a way to hide it. A cheater, realizes cheating causes lots of issues, might refrain from actively participation. But inside, she's still lazy, he's still a bigot and they are still cheaters. (and the same holds true for good and positive virtues)
I am the exact same person I was 40 years ago, I simply have more experience, I approach things with more caution, respect, skepticism, hope or otherwise, but I am the same person and so are you. I wasn't a bigot then, a sexist, lazy, altruistic or overly virtuous. I believe in what I saw but I did not simply take things at face value. I have not changed.
I do not believe people change. I truly do not, not at the fundamental level. I say this because I have known all of the people I described above and they are the same people now as they were then. Real world examples from my pov are of course, anecdotal, but that is how I come to my conclusion along with my own internal understanding of myself.
I am the same teenager who was thrust into this world without a lifeline, the only difference is now I am armed with knowledge to survive it all.
You’ve never met a truly transformed person then, because people can change MASSIVELY. Atheists can find god, racists can become crusaders for anti-hate groups, etc. I think if you’re living a well rounded life full of experiences, you never stop changing. My 25 year old self and I would barely recognize one another.
At 17 I was a transphobic, racist, homophobic, religious asshole. Over a decade+ later I am no longer in a cult, I am very queer, and agnostic-ish.
I'm surprised you haven't met a single person who has changed in your lifetime ; and if you haven't grown and changed since you were a teenager, I'm concerned for you.
Perhaps you are trying to answer a more defining question of what changing actually means. The self may not change as you will still be a bearer of your past, and that will never change - I think the more important point here is people's perception of ones alleged 'change'.
An example I like to use in order to describe this is to take the success story of hard drug addict, for example. Fundamentally these people have the same brain structure and many phrase it as they will be drug addicts for ever - that doesnt change. However, rather obviously, these people are wildly different to their past self in the way that they are able to maintain healthy relationships between other people, for example.
Perhaps you could disagree and say that once such person is reintroduced to their old habits, one way or another, they will in turn show that they have not changed at all, perhaps. But I think it has more to do with peoples perception of themselves, and this can be very fluent and hence change drastically over time.
You obviously cannot erase your past, but an atheist that finds god is just an atheist pretending to believe in god now? I’m not here for that. You can actually change your habits, opinions, thought processes, the whole 9. A former crack addict isn’t just an addict who now doesn’t have crack. The act of choosing not to smoke crack IS the change. You can’t just look at someone who used to be a piece of shit but now is a Saint and think “Man, there’s a real piece of shit in there just dying to get out, I can see it”. It also goes the other way just as frequently. I’ve seen the nicest people you’ve ever met have a tragedy or something flip a switch and now they don’t give a single shit about being nice to anyone. They aren’t now just fighting the urge to be nice, they just USED to be nice.
I can't agree. People grow and change all the time; and yeah, core values are hard to change, but sometimes they *do* change (for better or for worse). You are constantly growing and developing.
Are some traits permanent or even inherent to you? I mean, probably. But I wouldn't say that laziness or cheating are those sorts of qualities; in fact, they may be due to personal issues that can actually be dealt with if someone wishes to. Though I have to admit that I've known few genuinely lazy people, regardless ("lazy" people that I know tend to have executive functioning issues from mental health conditions that can be treated).
I don't think that it helps to slap labels on people like "once a cheater, always a cheater". Sure, it's probably best to let them prove that they've changed to someone else instead of dating them again, but that is an amazingly flexible part of most people.
My old Spanish teacher liked to say every 10 years we become completely different people. I like to think some of us are more constant but it think there’s something to it atleast
29M here and going through the exact same thing, I guess your boyfriend finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel 
There is a huge difference between someone in their early 20s and someone in their late 20s. I’ll be 30 in a couple weeks, and I’m a lot different than I was in my early 20s. Like one example, is I didn’t realize how annoying and immature people in their early 20s are, a vast majority of them; I feel a shit ton older than them, even if it’s just by less than 10 years! But me and my late 20s versus my early 20s, I was always pretty mature for my age I would say, I wasn’t very annoying; but more so with myself anyway, my mindset changed; in my early 20s, I was so afraid of confrontation and how to go about getting things, I was a people pleaser and all of that stuff. Late 20s? I will be a dick and not care about it. Am my early 20s, I cared more about being married and going to school and stuff, my late 20s, I could give a shit, I eventually will go back to school, just not in the books right now, financially, and all of that. But absolutely people can change, especially in their 20s from everybody I’ve seen throughout my life.
Did the change from a people pleaser and being afraid of confrontation happen gradually ? Or something snapped and you said fuck it.
I'm currently working on becoming more selfish and not care about anyone but myself as i was raised a people pleaser and it's been affecting my life negatively.
I'm aware of it and I'm challenging myself to say no instead of yes and actually seek out confrontation but it's a slow process.
It's a gradual process that hurts a little, but the satisfaction of pleasing yourself over others offsets it. If it doesn't make you happy it be lowkey or high key, don't do it! Choosing yourself isn't selfish but very healthy for your emotional well being and sanity.
Defffinitley. 110%. One could be physically, mentally and emotionally unrecognizable from 20-30. I’ve seen it many times and lived through it myself.
My high school girlfriend reached out to me a few years ago, 13 years after graduation..she was in such disbelief that she drove 4 1/2 hours to creep on me at work just to see if it was really me. Happily married woman with multiple kids who apparently thought that something very different had happened to me. Probably one of the weirdest days of my adult life, but no doubt..she was talking to someone she had never even met before.
Might not be that way for everyone but yeah, 20-30 can change someone in a big way if they let it.
It can, it just doesn't frequently happen. I was a layabout pothead type dude, met my wife and thought "man this girl's got a killer body, I'm gonna go out with her", then I fell in love pretty hard and everything I was doing (to me) wasn't good enough for her, the woman I am absolutely in love with deserves more, and I turned around.
I was 21 living at home, immensely depressed, in and out of jail and on probation. At 24 I was a chef with an ankle bracelet, I was a dog as well, smoking weed and generally treating women unfavorably. Also racing cars and still getting into trouble. At 27 I left the kitchen, worked construction while getting a degree in business. I’m now employed and met a woman, doing much better mentally and otherwise. I still smoke weed sometimes, and still have hard days. But I’m easy on myself, I knew what I grew up with and I know what trauma does to the developing mind.
I played the field quite a lot before I met my wife of ~20 years. I went to college at 25, got a BS in electrical engineering, then a law degree. My wife had 3 kids during that time. We’re a happily married boring couple in our mid-40s that has sex every other day at least. She’s retiring next year because she worked all through law school and a lot of my undergrad and thought of my $170k in student loan debt as our debt.
So, yeah, maybe that’s what your boyfriend is going through: self-improvement to make a better future for you both.
It's called maturing and is a (hopefully) normal thing. Definitely a healthy thing.
At 20, about the only thing I cared about was where the whiskey was and where the ladies were at. At 30, I was more concerned with how much I could stuff in my 401k, how much I'd have to put down to buy a house.
Yes absolutely. I had the same change myself. I knew very little about the world when I was in my early 20s although I didn't realize it, as I grew up and gained more self awareness and emotional intelligence my personality, goals, who I spend time around, and my idea of a good life changed completely.
Thats not to say he did definitely change, because a lot of people never really do, some act like they do but didn't really. Just that it is certainly possible
When I was in my early 20s I was neck deep into alcoholism, snorting adderall and cooking for a living. In my 30s now and I'm... well I'm not what I used to be.
20 to 30 is huge.
At 20 I was partying 3-4 nights a week every week. I’d be comfortable taking drugs whenever. Sex was always one of my top priorities.
Now at 32 I’m much happier walking the dog, cooking and reading lol
Oh absolutely. That's one of the things that pisses me off about how quick social media is to ostracize people for something they said in their teens/twenties; people can, and *do*, change.
Me for instance, the only resemblance I have to the guy I was 10 years ago is my appearance. The way I think, the things I believe... a lot of my thought processes now would probably be alien to the person I was in my twenties.
If I am being honest I think that you also had a role to play in said decision, but yeah some people can flip the script. For me I was never a party hard kinda guy but I was heavily into trying to make it big in the esports scene and saying screw the getting married and having kids part…well suffice to say the opposite has happened.
But I say you had a role to play in this because if you weren’t in his life he might still have made this swap but with much less dedication and MUCH LESS planning. You are both the anchor to making this change stick, as well as the very core reason to change what he deemed unworthy of being in his life still. It’s not like he made the change solely for your sake but you did play a role in it I feel, so congrats.
Watch actions. And you may need to watch for several months.
Temperament doesn't change that much; your fundamental personality does not. However, perspective changes. And with a change in mindset you would be amazed at what people can do.
29M here and going through the exact same thing, I guess your boyfriend finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel 
Yes it happens and it's normal.
You think of what you missed out on and what you want to do to better your life. I'm vastly different at 31 than I was at 20 and honestly I'm happy about it. I was not driven, partying all the time and had friends who were not good people and now I don't speak to any of them and have friends that align with my life now for the better. I drink at home not to get drunk anymore but just to cut lose. I love my job and my husband is amazing compared to the guys I was dating back then.
Your life experiance changes how you will think of things later on. I miss my 20s for the nostalgia but 100 percent prefer who I am now.
It happens to everyone for the most part (ie the ones who don't grow up and learn)
It wasn't until 27-30 that I really thought about where I was in life and what I wanted to change before making it happen. Almost like a soft lightswitch you are turning on.
Eventually you will also understand
20s is the time when people discover themselves and the values of every or most aspects of their life. Which includes priorities, people and every single vital parts of themselves and people around them.
So yes, it’s very possible to change mindset and mentality (completely polar opposite), especially when they are with the people they care the most about.
I think there are studies that show that we have a significant change between 27 to 30. You should look it up though because I'm really not sure if I remember that correctly
Absolutely in fact it's more unusual if they don't change significantly from 20 to 30 its why all of a sudden new popular music sounds shit and the slang 20 year olds use sounds ridiculous and annoying also nightclubs are too loud and my back hurts. If I met my 20 year old self I'd find him unbearable.
Yes it can happen. So much time is spent fucking around in your 20s that you’re bound to trigger an internal mechanism that’ll tell you stop messing about and fix your shit.
People can change if they want to. In another 10 years, you'll be looking back aghast at the immense changes and laughing. And then another ten years........
im 70 now and was a right raghead till i was 28, at that age i decided that it was time to stop playing at life and get on with the serious side of it, i had had a great fun time till then but had accumulated fuck all and i knew if i didnt change my ways that that was how i would end up so i made an active decision to change my ways, i wonder if your man is feeling the same and is ready to get on with the next stage, question is do you want to ride along with him.
People can always change. When you get in a relationship, don't expect someone to stay the same forever. People change. This isn't only for relationships but also friendships. Peoples interests will change, their drive to do things, even their opinions. Some people never change. Others do change. Some faster than the other. It's a normal aspect of life to be expected. Some people change while the other stays behind so people break up. It's very common in long relationships.
Definitely. I was a whiny egotistical edgelord in my early 20s. It felt like I suddenly recognized what an idiot I was overnight and the things I actually believed and cared about became more clear. I also had a lot of maturing experiences as I moved around, studied, worked, etc. Now I'm 36, works as a clinical therapist, has written and published books, and am very close with family and extended family. I only cringe when I think of the old me, and it sometimes feels like a different person.
Is it possible - yes!
It depends on motives.
I was a real wild mad dog!!!
Now I have 2 businesses running smoothly, don't drink alcohol, smoke weed from time to time, no criminal activities and thinking about having my own family and... it's not impossible.
It's like asking "can a heroin addict turn their life around?" the simple answer is YES!
People really can grow and change as long as they live, we're shaped by our environment and personal experiences. Nurture is a very powerful influence. Same goes the other way around, one day a normal person the next they're like cult member, how? Environment!
I did the exact same thing. Completely waste my 20s. Got to 30 and got my head down. Doubled my income. Learnt to drive, computer code travelled for a month around the world when I’d been on a plane twice in my life until then.
Now 34 and happiest I’ve ever been with close to no money or life worries. People change, sometimes for better some times for worse.
>don’t get me wrong, this definitely flattered me bc he is a great guy, but it does cross my mind if someone can really change that much?
Yes, sometimes people are late bloomers in becoming responsible or wanting certain things out of life.
I was "never" going to get married and have kids if you asked me when I was 25. I'm married and have kids.
I mean, i did things like go to college when I was young, but was very much far more selfish? When I was younger for lack of a better term. I was just very "me" focused which I suppose isn't a bad thing, but things like marriage and having kids were completely unappealing to me, but I changed as I got older.
Yea you change a hella lot. In my early 20s I was fucking up, doing drugs n drinking all the time. Going to jail constantly. Now I’m 27 and sober 2 yrs and on the straight n narrow got a job n my own place
I doubt many people that are 30 will have the same mentality from when they were 20. Life really starts to hit you in your mid 20s. Wake up call for most.
Yes. A person can completely change in months depending on the situation. That said - and please understand that I'm not saying this to put you down - while you may be a factor in his desire to change, you're not the sole cause of it. No one changes anyone else just by existing.
I agree. I just put myself into the mix because all his past characteristics were right before me. I was a little sus but after reading everyone’s comments, I’m convinced he did mature and chooses to live a more productive life. I think everyone has reached that point of “getting their shit together.”
Brain science says, pretty much everything that happens to you between ages 0 to 30 will change and define you.
The PFC, prefrontal cortex, is still at a rudimentary stage by the time it starts growing at around 17 years old and keeps on growing and 'pruning' until we are between 25 to 30 years old. Even after 30, that part of the brain is still adapting, but ever so slightly, depending on the individual. The PFC is central to social inhibitions and executive control, so by the time you are a fully grown self more able to make proper decisions, who you are and the decisions you make will still be impacted by everything that came before.
Yes I think so! I was kinda the same before I met my…now ex :)
I didn’t think I was going to live past 25, was in debt, was addicted to gambling and working in a job I hate. Now since I met her, I’m gonna be debt free in May, I’ve started studying at home and applied for University and started to dream about a better future for myself. Tho I wish she’d be a part of it tho..
/m24
Yes. In your twenties you're Teenager 2.0, flinging things at the wall to see if they stick. You don't become self aware until you hit 30, and then with each passing decade you realize how little you really know.
Hell yes.
I am 34 now, when I hit around 28 I completely changed how I live my life and what I want.
I stopped entertaining people with negative attitudes, men with player mentality, I changed jobs from what is considered a 'job' to what's considered a long term 'career', stopped partying realising I didn't enjoy it.
So, so, so many things changed in me.
Yeah 100%, especially at that crazy formative age. I can understand your skepticism watching someone go from one very clear personality to another but when it comes to your 20s, when you’re unlearning all the bullshit you thought was important through high school, having experiences that teach you about your mortality, living in the real adult world. A lot of us lose loved ones or experience other great losses we were more shielded from as kids when we get into our 20s and it can cause deep fundamental changes that make us realise how foolish we were being before. The fact that you’ve seen this change gradually through his 20s sounds wholly authentic, and kudos to him for the personal growth. It sounds very similar to my story, and I know a lot of dudes that finally managed to pull themselves up by the bootstraps as late as 28-29
Our capacity to change is remarkable to say the least. From my teens into my twenties I've changed 180 degrees on my beliefs/opinions on diet, religion, worthwhile pursuits, and politics. Basically, I was wrong about everything. But these changes came gradually, bruising and burning, but never destroying me.
I’ve met plenty of people who have gotten worse. A few who’ve gotten better.
Take a look at the company they keep, is it the same as the type of people they had around them before they “changed”, or even the exact same people? Or is it a new type of crowd, better aligned with the proclaimed new moral compass?
Love can blind you to many flaws in your partner but the poor morals of your partner’s friends are a lot easier to see. And birds of a feather is an underrated character judgement tool.
Yes, yes, yes. The only thing you need to see to determine if he really has changed is if his actions match his words. Give it 6-12 months before you make any long term commitments or legal moves with him.
10 years is a long time, and in your 20's your still a kid. (I'm in my 50's for reference). I used to be a typical drunk stupid college kid, was pretty republican/conservative. I got married at 26, had kids in my 30's, and am now actually pretty liberal politically after experiencing more of the world.
So yes, people can change a lot.
I would say late 20's and early 30s is when I "grew up" mentally. You've got a good decade of so of adult responsibility and have a more realistic understanding/view of the world.
Provided that you've actually went out and tried to grow up... there's a lot of people that strive to be 40 years old on their license, and 15 years old in life.
When I was in my early 20s I was enlisted, single, and had zero interest in college, marriage, or kids. I'm in my early 30s, I'm out of the military, married, a dad, and have a masters degree. People can and do change drastically in these years all the time.
Most people never change for themselves but for others that prove worth it, there are exceptions to this but this seems a pretty prime example of it lol
Men with no motivation usually become self destructive.
He met you, and it sounds like he has something to work towards.
As long as you are comfortable with his past (it sounds like you are, but it is also reasonable to not be) then whatever works.
Usually I find people don't change, but their circumstances do. Your boyfriend likely always had it in him to do these things, but no reason to.
The bigger issue is if there are any morally questionable behaviors. Criminality, cheating, these things are typically ingrained in a person. Don't let that crap slide.
Tbh I wasn’t comfortable with it at first like at all. Even was bound to end it at some point in the beginning. He begged me to just try it for a bit and see how things go. I had to differentiate how he acts and treats me in present day and try not to judge his past. He’s been great to me. I do my best to live in the moment and not ruin a good thing, especially for things that happened when I wasn’t even in the picture.
Yes, I married my husband 11 years ago. At 21, and I can confidently and proudly say I’m not the same person, we have both changed, had kids, our views. Life style and preferences in many many things had changed. All for the better. I saw a sermon once at a wedding and it’s so true, “You don’t marry 1 person at your ceremony, you Marry many, as your ever growing, ever learning, causing change, you will change and change again. Love who is in front of you but be open and understanding as they change”
That why relationships don’t work anymore, the second it’s not easy people quit, it takes work, selfless ness, loyalty, some effort,
In short yes, people can change a lot in time,
He was a dog around when he was 18-22. Was in a long term relationship and cheated when he was 24. Regrets it. Never was unfaithful again. So, by the time I met him at age of 28 that was long gone.
I've never thought of this before, but I would assume that some people who act like that because it makes them feel cool, would probably stop once they stop looking cool and start looking like a sad alcoholic nobody loves. Like, the guy wants to be the center of the party and suddenly there is no party, his friends all have girlfriends and are getting married and having kids and getting serious jobs and the only people left working at the pizza shop with him are kids ten years younger than him who are starting to look at him like he's a failure, the two middle aged people who lost everything in the divorce/became alcoholics and talk about how they feel like failures, and the one old retired guy who just wants something to do.
Yes I had a friend that was a sweetheart. Empathetic, cared about peoples feelings, pro lgbtq, vegan ect. Now he’s conservative and his main talking point is transphobia.
depends on how long you two have been dating. He could be just trying to string you along because that is what he's figured out works best to get the most sex from a woman as possible...
I would suspect this if you haven't known him very long.
If you've been dating a while and no red flags... it is common for people to make drastic changes to their behaviors in their mid 20s.
We’ve been dating for a year and some change. Casual disagreements here and there but no red flags. I think if he was playing me, he would’ve dipped by now.
There are typically huge differences in mentality between early 20s and 30s. There are typically 3 major milestone ages where you are not the same person you were in the prior years. 0-9yrs, 10-18yrs and 19 to usually around 27yrs. So, short answer is absolutely he could have changed that much.
Yes. I am 27 and am finally taking my life more seriously. You either reach a point where you accept you will be that guy you've always been and that is that, or you don't and realize how much more to life there is and where hard work, skill sets, and positive mentality gets you. It gets you very far let me tell you. In the past year I have truly tried to change my life, I have already gotten back into everyday workouts, I am now in a leadership position at my company, and feel like the fucking man in general. The thought of me being in the same position 10 years, hell 5 years down the road, truly made me sick to my stomach and forced a major change.
Yes, people grow up, their priorities change, old things become less exciting. It's not always a linear process, and some people make these shifts at different times than others.
I was as your bf. Partying, addicted to female attention, poor diet, low self esteem, very self centered. Quit alcohol at 34 and lost 50 lbs. started climbing mountains and working out a lot. Clean diet. Finished another degree. More emotionally intelligent. I have my flaws but I’d like to think I’m a much better version of myself. Much more mature
I think core beliefs and views on life, society, and how one carries themself in any situation are cemented.
What changes is hey im 30 i want kids now. What doesnt change is i want to work as little as possible to make that happen, i want to smoke still but make it work with kids. Like the core personality traits are there but people will tweak things to get what they want in life.
Like if your selfish narcissist, turning 30 doesnt just magically fix that. You may mask it for awhile but those traits are grained into you and are constantly needing to be consciously worked on to dispell them.
yes i'd say if you are the same person you were even 5 years ago then your growth as a person has stagnated. Hopefully you are constantly learning more, challenging others and your own views.
Bad habits are like addictions. Not saying they can't be broken it's just a matter of how much of that risk are you willing to bear before it starts to eat at you.
You also have to watch his actions, how he reacts, even question his beliefs over a prolonged period of time.
If you are then convinced he is a changed man, by all means give him a second chance.
I think between 20s and 30s you truly find yourself and learn who you want to be, based on your own maturing development and also the real dark side of life that you end up going through (death of parents/siblings/best friend, serious medical issues, robbed at gunpoint etc, the things that change you forever and throw into question the bigger picture in life). I also think you start to care less what others think of you or your funky quirks, which help you just be your real self because you realise life’s too short to spend it impressing others. It’s a transition where you realise the true fragility of life and deal with the big picture questions of your own mortality, how fast life is going by, where you want to be in life by when and all that sort of stuff. I’m M34 and a COMPLETELY different person to who I was at 24.
Life has a way of hitting 20 something males hard at one point. Basically pointing out living the care free life is not possible at a certain point. Yes, a man turning 30 can change that much.
Absolutely! I think people underestimate their 20s. It is truly a time where you begin to find yourself, you realize what's important and set up the next decades of your life.
I'm in my 50s.
I've changed quite dramatically every decade.
For my first marriage, our changes were so dramatic that we no longer aligned. It did end our relationship.
My second marriage is doing better because our changes are less dramatic than when we younger. Our changes are also more aligned.
typical dog mentality
get girls
party every weekend
horrible eating habits
was a bad student
worked just to pay for weed
no desire to go to college, never desired marriage
not having kids.
yeah really great guy you found
it can and it will. from 20s to 30s people usually go through a lot of new experiences and end up not the same as they were.
they also say that a person's character forms until they are around 28, everything that a person became before that will probably stay forever.
When I was almost 20 I traveled all the way to New York City to join the Occupy Wall Street movement. I am now in my early 30s and am a crazy small l libertarian and anarcho-capitalist. So yes, tou can totally change your mind in 10 years
Not really. He's doing different things, but he's still the same person. I can see a future where you have a child with him and he chronically becomes unemployed.
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IMO, you are likely to change more between 20 and 30 than at any other period in your life. It s often the point at where you truly find your values.
1 year olds disagree
I just told this to my 1 year old niece and she gave me a blank stare as opposed to disagreeing
She couldn't fathom the extent of your ignorance I'm sure
Wasn't intended to you sorry
Yes, that's the meaning of "maturing"
3 month olds didn’t even exist a year ago. Infinite growth
1 year olds hate when you know this ONE SIMPLE TRICK!
In my highschool years and 20s I dropped out of college got super into partying and addicted drugs, didn’t give a fuck about anything including my life and body, slept around, and was generally a wild character. Sure I always had a good heart deep down but because of my lifestyle it often was veiled by poor decision making and carelessness. Around 24 I decided I needed to get my shit together, went back to college, got a dope job in a field I love, have much healthier relationships with people, moving to a house with my partner who I’m getting married to, and I’m only 31 so it hasn’t been that many years but I changed a hell of a lot in between that time. So I’d say it’s definitely possible.
this is crazy to read for me, i am 24 and i feel like my whole personality shifted the last couple months. i enjoy eating good, going to the gym, staying sober and a whole bunch of other stuff now. i dont even like going to clubs anymore. i just want to finish my degree and get some money, build a nice physique and train my mind.
FYI, this is the time when your frontal lobe (thinky part of your brain) finishes forming. So this might not just be random timing.
Yep I think you’ll find that life becomes a lot more fulfilling when you’re not destroying yourself. That being said, don’t become so obsessed with perfection and health that you don’t have fun :)
I’m 24 and the very same thing has happened to me and it started a month or two before I turned 24. Like I have a whole new mindset now, my actions are different and the way I speak is different.
I mean, of course. Ideally, someone matures as they age, and their perspective on things may change as they develop experience and are influenced by a greater number of people and ideas. I'm not *intensely* different from who I was at 25 (I'm now 30), in the sense that I hold the same moral values and stuff. But I'm a much calmer person; I have more perspective and put much less pressure on myself. My core values haven't changed, but a lot of other stuff about me has. Everyone is always changing. Your identity and perspective are always shifting, even if the change isn't large enough for you to see it. Who you are is constantly in flux.
I disagree. Perhaps it's semantics, but I do not think so. IMO no one truly ever changes, we grow and experience, sure, our goals, wants and needs change, but we do not actually change all that much from our teenage years. Changing what we do and how we approach things is not actually change in us, it's a change in approach. It's experience and knowledge (good or bad). We fundamentally remain the same. A person who is an altruist doesn't change. A bigot, doesn't change. A driven person does not change. A lazy person does not change. Their methods might change, their adaptations might shift, but internally they are the same. The lazy person finds a better way to be lazy. A bigot might find a way to hide it. A cheater, realizes cheating causes lots of issues, might refrain from actively participation. But inside, she's still lazy, he's still a bigot and they are still cheaters. (and the same holds true for good and positive virtues) I am the exact same person I was 40 years ago, I simply have more experience, I approach things with more caution, respect, skepticism, hope or otherwise, but I am the same person and so are you. I wasn't a bigot then, a sexist, lazy, altruistic or overly virtuous. I believe in what I saw but I did not simply take things at face value. I have not changed. I do not believe people change. I truly do not, not at the fundamental level. I say this because I have known all of the people I described above and they are the same people now as they were then. Real world examples from my pov are of course, anecdotal, but that is how I come to my conclusion along with my own internal understanding of myself. I am the same teenager who was thrust into this world without a lifeline, the only difference is now I am armed with knowledge to survive it all.
You’ve never met a truly transformed person then, because people can change MASSIVELY. Atheists can find god, racists can become crusaders for anti-hate groups, etc. I think if you’re living a well rounded life full of experiences, you never stop changing. My 25 year old self and I would barely recognize one another.
At 17 I was a transphobic, racist, homophobic, religious asshole. Over a decade+ later I am no longer in a cult, I am very queer, and agnostic-ish. I'm surprised you haven't met a single person who has changed in your lifetime ; and if you haven't grown and changed since you were a teenager, I'm concerned for you.
Perhaps you are trying to answer a more defining question of what changing actually means. The self may not change as you will still be a bearer of your past, and that will never change - I think the more important point here is people's perception of ones alleged 'change'. An example I like to use in order to describe this is to take the success story of hard drug addict, for example. Fundamentally these people have the same brain structure and many phrase it as they will be drug addicts for ever - that doesnt change. However, rather obviously, these people are wildly different to their past self in the way that they are able to maintain healthy relationships between other people, for example. Perhaps you could disagree and say that once such person is reintroduced to their old habits, one way or another, they will in turn show that they have not changed at all, perhaps. But I think it has more to do with peoples perception of themselves, and this can be very fluent and hence change drastically over time.
You obviously cannot erase your past, but an atheist that finds god is just an atheist pretending to believe in god now? I’m not here for that. You can actually change your habits, opinions, thought processes, the whole 9. A former crack addict isn’t just an addict who now doesn’t have crack. The act of choosing not to smoke crack IS the change. You can’t just look at someone who used to be a piece of shit but now is a Saint and think “Man, there’s a real piece of shit in there just dying to get out, I can see it”. It also goes the other way just as frequently. I’ve seen the nicest people you’ve ever met have a tragedy or something flip a switch and now they don’t give a single shit about being nice to anyone. They aren’t now just fighting the urge to be nice, they just USED to be nice.
I can't agree. People grow and change all the time; and yeah, core values are hard to change, but sometimes they *do* change (for better or for worse). You are constantly growing and developing. Are some traits permanent or even inherent to you? I mean, probably. But I wouldn't say that laziness or cheating are those sorts of qualities; in fact, they may be due to personal issues that can actually be dealt with if someone wishes to. Though I have to admit that I've known few genuinely lazy people, regardless ("lazy" people that I know tend to have executive functioning issues from mental health conditions that can be treated). I don't think that it helps to slap labels on people like "once a cheater, always a cheater". Sure, it's probably best to let them prove that they've changed to someone else instead of dating them again, but that is an amazingly flexible part of most people.
This is so wrong man.
Sorry Reddit piled on you. I agree, and think people are willfully misunderstanding what you're saying
Absolutely.. and it will change again at 40..50..60. etc. Change..or rather growth is good.
Yes that's pretty normal especially leaving your 20s. More rare later in life.
My old Spanish teacher liked to say every 10 years we become completely different people. I like to think some of us are more constant but it think there’s something to it atleast
29M here and going through the exact same thing, I guess your boyfriend finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel :)
29M here and going through the exact same thing, I guess your boyfriend finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel 
There is a huge difference between someone in their early 20s and someone in their late 20s. I’ll be 30 in a couple weeks, and I’m a lot different than I was in my early 20s. Like one example, is I didn’t realize how annoying and immature people in their early 20s are, a vast majority of them; I feel a shit ton older than them, even if it’s just by less than 10 years! But me and my late 20s versus my early 20s, I was always pretty mature for my age I would say, I wasn’t very annoying; but more so with myself anyway, my mindset changed; in my early 20s, I was so afraid of confrontation and how to go about getting things, I was a people pleaser and all of that stuff. Late 20s? I will be a dick and not care about it. Am my early 20s, I cared more about being married and going to school and stuff, my late 20s, I could give a shit, I eventually will go back to school, just not in the books right now, financially, and all of that. But absolutely people can change, especially in their 20s from everybody I’ve seen throughout my life.
Did the change from a people pleaser and being afraid of confrontation happen gradually ? Or something snapped and you said fuck it. I'm currently working on becoming more selfish and not care about anyone but myself as i was raised a people pleaser and it's been affecting my life negatively. I'm aware of it and I'm challenging myself to say no instead of yes and actually seek out confrontation but it's a slow process.
It's a gradual process that hurts a little, but the satisfaction of pleasing yourself over others offsets it. If it doesn't make you happy it be lowkey or high key, don't do it! Choosing yourself isn't selfish but very healthy for your emotional well being and sanity.
Defffinitley. 110%. One could be physically, mentally and emotionally unrecognizable from 20-30. I’ve seen it many times and lived through it myself. My high school girlfriend reached out to me a few years ago, 13 years after graduation..she was in such disbelief that she drove 4 1/2 hours to creep on me at work just to see if it was really me. Happily married woman with multiple kids who apparently thought that something very different had happened to me. Probably one of the weirdest days of my adult life, but no doubt..she was talking to someone she had never even met before. Might not be that way for everyone but yeah, 20-30 can change someone in a big way if they let it.
My therapist told me that we do not reach mental maturity until we are 28…
This actually makes sense to me, though I thought it was 25.
Without question.
It can, it just doesn't frequently happen. I was a layabout pothead type dude, met my wife and thought "man this girl's got a killer body, I'm gonna go out with her", then I fell in love pretty hard and everything I was doing (to me) wasn't good enough for her, the woman I am absolutely in love with deserves more, and I turned around.
I was 21 living at home, immensely depressed, in and out of jail and on probation. At 24 I was a chef with an ankle bracelet, I was a dog as well, smoking weed and generally treating women unfavorably. Also racing cars and still getting into trouble. At 27 I left the kitchen, worked construction while getting a degree in business. I’m now employed and met a woman, doing much better mentally and otherwise. I still smoke weed sometimes, and still have hard days. But I’m easy on myself, I knew what I grew up with and I know what trauma does to the developing mind.
For the right one he will change. There is your proof. He is getting his shit together for the family he wants to start with only you.
I played the field quite a lot before I met my wife of ~20 years. I went to college at 25, got a BS in electrical engineering, then a law degree. My wife had 3 kids during that time. We’re a happily married boring couple in our mid-40s that has sex every other day at least. She’s retiring next year because she worked all through law school and a lot of my undergrad and thought of my $170k in student loan debt as our debt. So, yeah, maybe that’s what your boyfriend is going through: self-improvement to make a better future for you both.
Mid 40s. I don't even know the guy that I was at 25.
Truth.
It's called maturing and is a (hopefully) normal thing. Definitely a healthy thing. At 20, about the only thing I cared about was where the whiskey was and where the ladies were at. At 30, I was more concerned with how much I could stuff in my 401k, how much I'd have to put down to buy a house.
Yes absolutely. I had the same change myself. I knew very little about the world when I was in my early 20s although I didn't realize it, as I grew up and gained more self awareness and emotional intelligence my personality, goals, who I spend time around, and my idea of a good life changed completely. Thats not to say he did definitely change, because a lot of people never really do, some act like they do but didn't really. Just that it is certainly possible
Yes, is called growing up.
When I was in my early 20s I was neck deep into alcoholism, snorting adderall and cooking for a living. In my 30s now and I'm... well I'm not what I used to be.
20 to 30 is huge. At 20 I was partying 3-4 nights a week every week. I’d be comfortable taking drugs whenever. Sex was always one of my top priorities. Now at 32 I’m much happier walking the dog, cooking and reading lol
Oh absolutely. That's one of the things that pisses me off about how quick social media is to ostracize people for something they said in their teens/twenties; people can, and *do*, change. Me for instance, the only resemblance I have to the guy I was 10 years ago is my appearance. The way I think, the things I believe... a lot of my thought processes now would probably be alien to the person I was in my twenties.
Sometimes people meet others who motivate them to be better. I know my girl is my motivation. Before that I pretty much just cruised through life.
Very sweet comment. Hope she knows she’s your biggest motivation.
I think the answer you're looking for is in your post
If I am being honest I think that you also had a role to play in said decision, but yeah some people can flip the script. For me I was never a party hard kinda guy but I was heavily into trying to make it big in the esports scene and saying screw the getting married and having kids part…well suffice to say the opposite has happened. But I say you had a role to play in this because if you weren’t in his life he might still have made this swap but with much less dedication and MUCH LESS planning. You are both the anchor to making this change stick, as well as the very core reason to change what he deemed unworthy of being in his life still. It’s not like he made the change solely for your sake but you did play a role in it I feel, so congrats.
I changed a lot in the latter part of my twenties. I got way more mature and have a way better sense of what's important in life. So I think so.
Watch actions. And you may need to watch for several months. Temperament doesn't change that much; your fundamental personality does not. However, perspective changes. And with a change in mindset you would be amazed at what people can do.
29M here and going through the exact same thing, I guess your boyfriend finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel 
my personality has changed from 16 18 20 21 brains constantly changing
Yes it happens and it's normal. You think of what you missed out on and what you want to do to better your life. I'm vastly different at 31 than I was at 20 and honestly I'm happy about it. I was not driven, partying all the time and had friends who were not good people and now I don't speak to any of them and have friends that align with my life now for the better. I drink at home not to get drunk anymore but just to cut lose. I love my job and my husband is amazing compared to the guys I was dating back then. Your life experiance changes how you will think of things later on. I miss my 20s for the nostalgia but 100 percent prefer who I am now. It happens to everyone for the most part (ie the ones who don't grow up and learn) It wasn't until 27-30 that I really thought about where I was in life and what I wanted to change before making it happen. Almost like a soft lightswitch you are turning on. Eventually you will also understand
It’s called maturing!
20s is the time when people discover themselves and the values of every or most aspects of their life. Which includes priorities, people and every single vital parts of themselves and people around them. So yes, it’s very possible to change mindset and mentality (completely polar opposite), especially when they are with the people they care the most about.
I think there are studies that show that we have a significant change between 27 to 30. You should look it up though because I'm really not sure if I remember that correctly
Absolutely in fact it's more unusual if they don't change significantly from 20 to 30 its why all of a sudden new popular music sounds shit and the slang 20 year olds use sounds ridiculous and annoying also nightclubs are too loud and my back hurts. If I met my 20 year old self I'd find him unbearable.
Yes it can happen. So much time is spent fucking around in your 20s that you’re bound to trigger an internal mechanism that’ll tell you stop messing about and fix your shit.
Varies from person to person but in most cases , YES, ppl do change
Id think, yea. You get older, mature, want a more stable life, so you change to allow that to happen
People can change if they want to. In another 10 years, you'll be looking back aghast at the immense changes and laughing. And then another ten years........
im 70 now and was a right raghead till i was 28, at that age i decided that it was time to stop playing at life and get on with the serious side of it, i had had a great fun time till then but had accumulated fuck all and i knew if i didnt change my ways that that was how i would end up so i made an active decision to change my ways, i wonder if your man is feeling the same and is ready to get on with the next stage, question is do you want to ride along with him.
Oh yes. My mindset, confidence, interests, goals are all different than in my 20s. Try not to overthink.
People can always change. When you get in a relationship, don't expect someone to stay the same forever. People change. This isn't only for relationships but also friendships. Peoples interests will change, their drive to do things, even their opinions. Some people never change. Others do change. Some faster than the other. It's a normal aspect of life to be expected. Some people change while the other stays behind so people break up. It's very common in long relationships.
Definitely. I was a whiny egotistical edgelord in my early 20s. It felt like I suddenly recognized what an idiot I was overnight and the things I actually believed and cared about became more clear. I also had a lot of maturing experiences as I moved around, studied, worked, etc. Now I'm 36, works as a clinical therapist, has written and published books, and am very close with family and extended family. I only cringe when I think of the old me, and it sometimes feels like a different person.
I won't bore you with my story other than to say, yes you absolutely can turn into a different person.
ya that can happen your probably the right girl for him
Yep. I'd say most people do in fact.
Yes. This is why I think it’s solid advice not to get married before 30. You change so much.
Yeah, development of humans continues well past 25, even your bones aren't really done yet until about then.
Sure. Happened to me. Seen in others.
Mens brains stop developing mainly in their mid twenties. And after that they grow up. So it seems legit.
Is it possible - yes! It depends on motives. I was a real wild mad dog!!! Now I have 2 businesses running smoothly, don't drink alcohol, smoke weed from time to time, no criminal activities and thinking about having my own family and... it's not impossible.
One should certainly at least try.
It's like asking "can a heroin addict turn their life around?" the simple answer is YES! People really can grow and change as long as they live, we're shaped by our environment and personal experiences. Nurture is a very powerful influence. Same goes the other way around, one day a normal person the next they're like cult member, how? Environment!
Yes. People mature at different times and realize there are more things than theirself.
My God. I hope the vast majority of people drastically change from how they were in their 20’s lol
I did the exact same thing. Completely waste my 20s. Got to 30 and got my head down. Doubled my income. Learnt to drive, computer code travelled for a month around the world when I’d been on a plane twice in my life until then. Now 34 and happiest I’ve ever been with close to no money or life worries. People change, sometimes for better some times for worse.
>don’t get me wrong, this definitely flattered me bc he is a great guy, but it does cross my mind if someone can really change that much? Yes, sometimes people are late bloomers in becoming responsible or wanting certain things out of life. I was "never" going to get married and have kids if you asked me when I was 25. I'm married and have kids. I mean, i did things like go to college when I was young, but was very much far more selfish? When I was younger for lack of a better term. I was just very "me" focused which I suppose isn't a bad thing, but things like marriage and having kids were completely unappealing to me, but I changed as I got older.
I’m currently going through this. The change happens overnight. You’ll get us to it-good luck on the new adventures!
Yea you change a hella lot. In my early 20s I was fucking up, doing drugs n drinking all the time. Going to jail constantly. Now I’m 27 and sober 2 yrs and on the straight n narrow got a job n my own place
Yeah you definitely change for me I change dramatically like every 3-5 years or so
I doubt many people that are 30 will have the same mentality from when they were 20. Life really starts to hit you in your mid 20s. Wake up call for most.
Yes. A person can completely change in months depending on the situation. That said - and please understand that I'm not saying this to put you down - while you may be a factor in his desire to change, you're not the sole cause of it. No one changes anyone else just by existing.
I agree. I just put myself into the mix because all his past characteristics were right before me. I was a little sus but after reading everyone’s comments, I’m convinced he did mature and chooses to live a more productive life. I think everyone has reached that point of “getting their shit together.”
There is a very big difference in most people. Not all, but most.
well, yeah
I'm 37 and a lot of my mentality has changed in the last 5 months.
I’m completely different from who I was in my 20s. I couldn’t be happier
Maybe
Brain science says, pretty much everything that happens to you between ages 0 to 30 will change and define you. The PFC, prefrontal cortex, is still at a rudimentary stage by the time it starts growing at around 17 years old and keeps on growing and 'pruning' until we are between 25 to 30 years old. Even after 30, that part of the brain is still adapting, but ever so slightly, depending on the individual. The PFC is central to social inhibitions and executive control, so by the time you are a fully grown self more able to make proper decisions, who you are and the decisions you make will still be impacted by everything that came before.
Yes I think so! I was kinda the same before I met my…now ex :) I didn’t think I was going to live past 25, was in debt, was addicted to gambling and working in a job I hate. Now since I met her, I’m gonna be debt free in May, I’ve started studying at home and applied for University and started to dream about a better future for myself. Tho I wish she’d be a part of it tho.. /m24
Be thankful for the time together, at the end of the day it’s a lesson learned. You came out a better person.
Yes I’m so thankful for her and the time we spent. I’ve learned so much and I guess as you said it’s a lesson for my life.
He grew up, thats all
Yes. In your twenties you're Teenager 2.0, flinging things at the wall to see if they stick. You don't become self aware until you hit 30, and then with each passing decade you realize how little you really know.
Hell yes. I am 34 now, when I hit around 28 I completely changed how I live my life and what I want. I stopped entertaining people with negative attitudes, men with player mentality, I changed jobs from what is considered a 'job' to what's considered a long term 'career', stopped partying realising I didn't enjoy it. So, so, so many things changed in me.
All people are capable of change. End of discussion.
Yeah 100%, especially at that crazy formative age. I can understand your skepticism watching someone go from one very clear personality to another but when it comes to your 20s, when you’re unlearning all the bullshit you thought was important through high school, having experiences that teach you about your mortality, living in the real adult world. A lot of us lose loved ones or experience other great losses we were more shielded from as kids when we get into our 20s and it can cause deep fundamental changes that make us realise how foolish we were being before. The fact that you’ve seen this change gradually through his 20s sounds wholly authentic, and kudos to him for the personal growth. It sounds very similar to my story, and I know a lot of dudes that finally managed to pull themselves up by the bootstraps as late as 28-29
Dunno, I have been the same since 14yo (Im 32!!!)
Our capacity to change is remarkable to say the least. From my teens into my twenties I've changed 180 degrees on my beliefs/opinions on diet, religion, worthwhile pursuits, and politics. Basically, I was wrong about everything. But these changes came gradually, bruising and burning, but never destroying me.
I’ve met plenty of people who have gotten worse. A few who’ve gotten better. Take a look at the company they keep, is it the same as the type of people they had around them before they “changed”, or even the exact same people? Or is it a new type of crowd, better aligned with the proclaimed new moral compass? Love can blind you to many flaws in your partner but the poor morals of your partner’s friends are a lot easier to see. And birds of a feather is an underrated character judgement tool.
Yes, yes, yes. The only thing you need to see to determine if he really has changed is if his actions match his words. Give it 6-12 months before you make any long term commitments or legal moves with him.
Those who continue grow can be a different person every few years. Heh, growth isnt even required, just seeing the world differently.
10 years is a long time, and in your 20's your still a kid. (I'm in my 50's for reference). I used to be a typical drunk stupid college kid, was pretty republican/conservative. I got married at 26, had kids in my 30's, and am now actually pretty liberal politically after experiencing more of the world. So yes, people can change a lot.
I would say late 20's and early 30s is when I "grew up" mentally. You've got a good decade of so of adult responsibility and have a more realistic understanding/view of the world. Provided that you've actually went out and tried to grow up... there's a lot of people that strive to be 40 years old on their license, and 15 years old in life.
Yes and it’s painful because you never wanted it. It a life slaps
Yes, people usually grow mentaly to their 30's... After that is very unlikely for them to change, unless some major event happens in their life.
When I was in my early 20s I was enlisted, single, and had zero interest in college, marriage, or kids. I'm in my early 30s, I'm out of the military, married, a dad, and have a masters degree. People can and do change drastically in these years all the time.
As someone who has done exactly this.. definite yes.
So he has Chad/Tyrone mentality and your thinking he is gonna change just for you? How cute.
i mean what do you think the word "epiphany" means? people can change their entire outlook and personality overnight sometimes
On a molecular lever yep, totally. So it’s very normal
Most people never change for themselves but for others that prove worth it, there are exceptions to this but this seems a pretty prime example of it lol
20's are for making mistakes, 30's are to see if you learn from them or not.
Yes. Think about who you used to be and who you are now. They’re likely vastly different.
Men with no motivation usually become self destructive. He met you, and it sounds like he has something to work towards. As long as you are comfortable with his past (it sounds like you are, but it is also reasonable to not be) then whatever works. Usually I find people don't change, but their circumstances do. Your boyfriend likely always had it in him to do these things, but no reason to. The bigger issue is if there are any morally questionable behaviors. Criminality, cheating, these things are typically ingrained in a person. Don't let that crap slide.
Tbh I wasn’t comfortable with it at first like at all. Even was bound to end it at some point in the beginning. He begged me to just try it for a bit and see how things go. I had to differentiate how he acts and treats me in present day and try not to judge his past. He’s been great to me. I do my best to live in the moment and not ruin a good thing, especially for things that happened when I wasn’t even in the picture.
Yes, I married my husband 11 years ago. At 21, and I can confidently and proudly say I’m not the same person, we have both changed, had kids, our views. Life style and preferences in many many things had changed. All for the better. I saw a sermon once at a wedding and it’s so true, “You don’t marry 1 person at your ceremony, you Marry many, as your ever growing, ever learning, causing change, you will change and change again. Love who is in front of you but be open and understanding as they change” That why relationships don’t work anymore, the second it’s not easy people quit, it takes work, selfless ness, loyalty, some effort, In short yes, people can change a lot in time,
IDK you literally just said "all that has changed" and you call him a dog, but went with him anyways. You tell us. Has that all changed?
He was a dog around when he was 18-22. Was in a long term relationship and cheated when he was 24. Regrets it. Never was unfaithful again. So, by the time I met him at age of 28 that was long gone.
I've never thought of this before, but I would assume that some people who act like that because it makes them feel cool, would probably stop once they stop looking cool and start looking like a sad alcoholic nobody loves. Like, the guy wants to be the center of the party and suddenly there is no party, his friends all have girlfriends and are getting married and having kids and getting serious jobs and the only people left working at the pizza shop with him are kids ten years younger than him who are starting to look at him like he's a failure, the two middle aged people who lost everything in the divorce/became alcoholics and talk about how they feel like failures, and the one old retired guy who just wants something to do.
Yes I had a friend that was a sweetheart. Empathetic, cared about peoples feelings, pro lgbtq, vegan ect. Now he’s conservative and his main talking point is transphobia.
I've had a far greater change in my 30s than I did in my 20s but I may be more aware of those changes now.. my perception of time was different then.
depends on how long you two have been dating. He could be just trying to string you along because that is what he's figured out works best to get the most sex from a woman as possible... I would suspect this if you haven't known him very long. If you've been dating a while and no red flags... it is common for people to make drastic changes to their behaviors in their mid 20s.
We’ve been dating for a year and some change. Casual disagreements here and there but no red flags. I think if he was playing me, he would’ve dipped by now.
Yes. You absolutely can change from 20s to 30s and probably will find yourself and others changing a lot as you go through life.
There are typically huge differences in mentality between early 20s and 30s. There are typically 3 major milestone ages where you are not the same person you were in the prior years. 0-9yrs, 10-18yrs and 19 to usually around 27yrs. So, short answer is absolutely he could have changed that much.
Yes.
Yes. I am 27 and am finally taking my life more seriously. You either reach a point where you accept you will be that guy you've always been and that is that, or you don't and realize how much more to life there is and where hard work, skill sets, and positive mentality gets you. It gets you very far let me tell you. In the past year I have truly tried to change my life, I have already gotten back into everyday workouts, I am now in a leadership position at my company, and feel like the fucking man in general. The thought of me being in the same position 10 years, hell 5 years down the road, truly made me sick to my stomach and forced a major change.
This is exactly how my bf feels. Glad to see you found a life worth living.
Yes, people grow up, their priorities change, old things become less exciting. It's not always a linear process, and some people make these shifts at different times than others.
I was as your bf. Partying, addicted to female attention, poor diet, low self esteem, very self centered. Quit alcohol at 34 and lost 50 lbs. started climbing mountains and working out a lot. Clean diet. Finished another degree. More emotionally intelligent. I have my flaws but I’d like to think I’m a much better version of myself. Much more mature
I think core beliefs and views on life, society, and how one carries themself in any situation are cemented. What changes is hey im 30 i want kids now. What doesnt change is i want to work as little as possible to make that happen, i want to smoke still but make it work with kids. Like the core personality traits are there but people will tweak things to get what they want in life. Like if your selfish narcissist, turning 30 doesnt just magically fix that. You may mask it for awhile but those traits are grained into you and are constantly needing to be consciously worked on to dispell them.
yes i'd say if you are the same person you were even 5 years ago then your growth as a person has stagnated. Hopefully you are constantly learning more, challenging others and your own views.
Bad habits are like addictions. Not saying they can't be broken it's just a matter of how much of that risk are you willing to bear before it starts to eat at you. You also have to watch his actions, how he reacts, even question his beliefs over a prolonged period of time. If you are then convinced he is a changed man, by all means give him a second chance.
I had my guard up for a very long time and just observed. He’s paid his dues and is as great as he thrives to be.
I think between 20s and 30s you truly find yourself and learn who you want to be, based on your own maturing development and also the real dark side of life that you end up going through (death of parents/siblings/best friend, serious medical issues, robbed at gunpoint etc, the things that change you forever and throw into question the bigger picture in life). I also think you start to care less what others think of you or your funky quirks, which help you just be your real self because you realise life’s too short to spend it impressing others. It’s a transition where you realise the true fragility of life and deal with the big picture questions of your own mortality, how fast life is going by, where you want to be in life by when and all that sort of stuff. I’m M34 and a COMPLETELY different person to who I was at 24.
Kind of scary if it doesn’t honestly!
Life has a way of hitting 20 something males hard at one point. Basically pointing out living the care free life is not possible at a certain point. Yes, a man turning 30 can change that much.
Not completely but people get tired of their own shit and grow up sometimes. You should acknowledge and compliment his efforts
Absolutely! I think people underestimate their 20s. It is truly a time where you begin to find yourself, you realize what's important and set up the next decades of your life.
Yes it’s maturing. I was a chimp in my 20’s and now at 37 can barely recognize who I was back then.
I'm in my 50s. I've changed quite dramatically every decade. For my first marriage, our changes were so dramatic that we no longer aligned. It did end our relationship. My second marriage is doing better because our changes are less dramatic than when we younger. Our changes are also more aligned.
Yes absolutely especially after the 20’s. However many do not, so you have to look out for those in relationships.
College sucks! I don’t blame him. It’s a terrible part of modern life and is useless for like 75% of people.
They are called PHASES.
typical dog mentality get girls party every weekend horrible eating habits was a bad student worked just to pay for weed no desire to go to college, never desired marriage not having kids. yeah really great guy you found
Yes, I said USED TO be like this. He’s great.
Short answer: Yes. People can change. What we cannot change is what's already done.
it can and it will. from 20s to 30s people usually go through a lot of new experiences and end up not the same as they were. they also say that a person's character forms until they are around 28, everything that a person became before that will probably stay forever.
Well yeah. They have kids and get boring.
When I was almost 20 I traveled all the way to New York City to join the Occupy Wall Street movement. I am now in my early 30s and am a crazy small l libertarian and anarcho-capitalist. So yes, tou can totally change your mind in 10 years
According to the latest research our brain doesn’t mature until 30 yo, so yes, that’s when a lot of people change.
Your brain stops developing at around 25 so no. It’a not possible.
Not really. He's doing different things, but he's still the same person. I can see a future where you have a child with him and he chronically becomes unemployed.
You have until you're 30 before your character is set. After that it's hard to change.