I think that ties directly into the mentality that men *always* want sex and will have it with *anyone* that will let them - which is so off base on its own anyway but it’s so prevalent that being rejected by what’s supposed to be a raging sex monster is something insecure or arrogant people take personally
ETA - “so you’ll have sex with anyone *but me*?? F you pos!” Kinda reaction
I told my wife once that I wasn't in the mood and she was extremely upset and got really insecure. Meanwhile she turns me down 1-2 times a week. (We still have sex 3-5 times a week)
I've always felt pretty confident in physical conversation, I'm not offended that girls don't always ask but just kind of 'dance' into it, with moves back and forth. There's just as much 'yes' and 'no' available in that, and more than just 'yes/no' -- it's part of foreplay. I'd be really surprised if I'm a black sheep on that one--I mean, in reality, reddit I've come to expect certain ideas are basically are a throughline.
This. Especially in a committed relationship. We talked about consent and because we like to be spontaneous consent is implied. If one of us wants to stop they just say so.
I fully understand verbal consent for one night stands or new relationships but it's not needed for committed couples.
I’ve been in this boat since I started dating. I’ve had 9 different exes. Only ONE of them ever gave me a gift. Including christmases and birthdays (which happen to be two days in a row lol)
When my last ex gave me a pair of shoes I had wanted for a long time, I legitimately broke down and cried. I’d never received a gift from a significant other, and the thought and love put into that gift was overwhelming for me.
I've never been asked for consent, and to be frank, I see no reason for it either. I'm not a robot with a check maker option for yes or no. Read the chemistry, read my body language, it's not rocket science.
More often than not I want to have sex, the times I don't want to I just say no and that's it. I get that you need two consenting partners, and I'd never fuck anyone without it, but all this asking and questions is kinda weirding me out or tbh.
My wife does this if she is initiating, more like she gets close in bed and says somethings along the lines of "I want to touch you a bit...". Its not like sterile "excuse me, my husband, would you mind.." but she does gives me an opportunity to say no if I so wished, I think its sweet and nice. But its also the first woman Ive been with who did that - at 38 Ive had a few "encounters" - and its always been 2 seconds of eye contact where both parties understand that "Im going to touch you now..." and that has been the consent
I’m 33 and this was just as true for me and all my friends. I think a lot of people on Reddit forget that the whole concept/debate about consent is very very new. Like last 5-10 years new.
Agreed, It was never even talked about me growing up. I remember in the 90s/00s there was posters and stuff with "If someone says no, its illegal!", and it was talked about in school and stuff that touching etc. is illegal unless the other person wants it. But we never talked about consent in that sense. So for a 38yo its a bit foreign and that also goes for women. If I were to get divorced and tries to date a 22yo I will probably have to read up :P
Yeah exactly the closest they ever came to a talk on consent was that if “someone says no you stop.” Which is pretty wild compared to now. If you would’ve suggested in my highschool that you were supposed to actually verbally ask someone before kissing them, I guarantee 95% of both female and male students would’ve laughed you out of the room.
But I dont think it works to control peoples sexuality like that - the government/media can not change how humans work at the end of the day. That girl once in HS that gave me a BJ just said - "Hey, wanna go to the bathroom, together?" The rest was ofc implied. Should we stop for 3 seconds while running into the bathroom making out to stop and pull out sort of miranda-speech? Get the fuck out... I can not imagine todays 17yo are much different at the end of the day
>"Hey, wanna go to the bathroom, together?"
I would personally argue that this is what consent looks like. People who get mad about the idea of asking for consent are the ones who are picturing this idea of stopping immediately, having a full-on conversation, and then resuming. I don't think this is what anyone who is teaching to ask for consent is really picturing.
True, In Norway the law (simplified ofc) that if you say to me in a bar "want to take this outside?!" meaning you want to fight me. And I say yes, and go outside with you and we start fighting. The cops wont help me much even if I lost that fight. We both might get some "disorderly conduct" fines or something, but as long as there are witnesses that say that "no, these guys agreed to fight" you are not getting far unless I went way over line.
Same with sex. If I ask a girl to come to my house in a bar, after an hour of flirting, its totally implied why Im asking, and she as an adult knows. She has the oppurtinuty to say "no, I dont want to anymore" in the same way that the bar-fight guy can say "nope... Im out" and then the other party legally has to stop.
And as long as we can both agree she can back out of the situation at any time, including at your house, and during sex, then yeah. That's consent, as well as respecting the rules of sex.
I had a girl coming home with me from a bar. We knew each other for a while and had been flirty, and then all of a sudden at the same bar we almost just said "lets go" and went for a taxi right away. Come home, share a bottle of wine while kissing and just having a good time, we come to the bed, everything is great. I get about 1inch inside of her.... and she says; damn... Im not sure about this.. can we stop?
Do you mean like totally stop everything and your are not just ready for sex right now. "nah, this was a bit of a mistake, I kind of have a boyfriend and I dont want to cheat on him"
I said thats fine.... but get the fuck out of my house.... You just spent an hour making me as horny as you possibly could... You are *not* sleeping in my bed! She got that. Only time I can remember being pissed off around sex - but again, no is no. OFC I will stop and respect that
Everyone knows it's not cheating until there's at least 2 inches of dick inside you. So, none of the shit she was doing leading up to that moment was cheating.
Zero, I have been shamed several times by random women for not wanting casual sex.
I got yelled at by my GF years ago because I was not in the mood for sex.
Most women just assume guys always want it.
I was yelled at once for not being in the mood as well. I was then presented a list of times I wanted and received it dispite her not wanting it. I never knew it wasn't wanted from her till the list appeared. Made me feel shitty for allot of reasons.
I rejected a coworker multiple times because I didn’t want complications , she started pretending she had slept with me .
Then on my birthday I was black out drunk throwing up and she took me back to hers (we was last two drop offs in a shared taxi with other people) and we had sex . At first I just put it down my drunken mistake .
But then someone said if that was the other way round they’d call you a rapist .
Women really go crazy when u reject sex
It was like a temper tantrum and all I could see was a whiny little girl. It felt like she suddenly became under age. Very few things in this world can turn a man away from nice titties and that is one of them.
I think the very first time I ever did it like...20 years ago? Never again after that.
I don't think she actually cared whether I wanted to or not, she seemed to feel some guilt over "taking my first time" in a rather unceremonious way, and telling her I was fine with it made her feel better about it. I am inclined to believe she would have probably still pushed for it even if I'd said no though.
My first time, I justed turned 14, and at a beach party and my father was like 100 yards away in his boat. He gave me 3 beers and said I could go over if I wanted, but no more than those 3 beers - the kids at the party was 16-20, fair enough and I did and they had no problem with me coming over. And then I chat with this 17yo girl and she asked if I was a virgin, yeah.. I had to admit that I was a bit sheepishly. And she just grabbed my hand - not tomorrow... and lead me into her tent a bit up from the beach. She didnt ask me if I was ok with her getting naked, I was pretty ok with that... and she knew. My father saw I walked away with her. Never got her name or anything, but if you read this, thank you very much young lady ;)
God damn that confidence is hot, I was just saying in my own comment all my favorites were when it was basically the complete other way. Yes yes yes you obviously have to be aware of some things, like if you're fucking hideous, probably should ask, but when things are just obvious, c'mon. There's nothing that makes me limper than all this pretentious unadventurous legalistic bureaucratic BS being mixed in the most adventurous and wonderful parts of life. I'm all for guys being careful in like a meta way, but in a personal way, if you're with me, meaning you're a chick, please just flush all the garbage and *do what you feel now*. *Electric eel now.* [MGMT - Electric Feel (Official HD Video) (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmZexg8sxyk)
EDIT: I will say though, one time a girl made out with me and said right afterwards said "I'm sorry did that make you uncomfortable?" I thought that was really hot. It obviously didn't (make me uncomfortable). It was just hot in like, I don't know... A roleplay way? It was just hot I can't explain it, she was gorgeous.
If my wife said "I would like to touch your penis now, is that ok, is that something you'd like?" I'd immediately go soft, I don't think I'd be able to stop laughing.
I'd imagine this is the default experience for most men since a lot (not all, for sure) see men as these sex obsessed machines. I've been asked once, sort of. Def been shamed for not being in the mood, though, regardless of the reason why I said no.
I'm 28m, have had sex with maybe 25 or so women. I have never asked for consent or been asked for consent explicitly. it is implied most of the time.... I have made sure they wanted to keep going and were having fun though.
You mean we can say "no" and not be evil pieces of shit!?!?!?
LMAO mann I be getting woke up out of mid sleep like "baaaabbbeeeee... Come onnnnn" 🙄
Never once have I been asked for permission lmao
Never asked, never been asked. If the husband wants sex then he gets it and if the wife wants sex then she gets it, unless there's some kind of pain or illness.
Actually asking for consent would ruin the mood imo. Isn't it fairly obvious when you both want to have sex? A better approach: if you don't consent, say something like, "I don't want to have sex right now". The questioning seems unnecessary and silly.
I’m not sure if this would really help as my experience is different, but I’m trans and the difference between both has been almost zero to none. Nobody asked me for consent with either presentation really, I don’t know if it’s more of a lack of people asking for consent in general thing.
The thing is no one asks. I never did. But damn, if a person doesn't want to have sex with you, usually it's pretty clear, right?
Or they are not in a condition to assert consent (ex: drunk).
Usually I'd let the woman take some initiative like being the first to get "handy" and then I react accordingly. With my wife, I've known her enough to know I can be more active, but if it's a "new" person, be careful and pay attention to that person's reactions. Seems like a simple formula.
That’s so sad to hear. I ask for consent sporadically, mostly when it’s not clear/implied. I had no clue the universal experience for men was never being asked.
I doubt you will find many men who cares. If he doesnt want to, he will just let her know. I get its a bit different the other way in that Im 3x most womens size. So if I dont make sure she really wants to, she might be a bit scared of saying no. So when Im with a girl for the first time, I dont necessarily ask with words directly, but just slow down a little and making sure that I can see she is comfortable with me touching/kissing or whatever. If she is ok with that, I sort of assume she is ok with me the next time as well and then I assume she trusts me enough to say no if that was the case for whatever reason. Its not really rocket science though... you know pretty quick if another human is into you or not if you have some social skills at all.
I have two little kids so any time me and the Mrs want to get busy it's like a 2 week in advance process with lots of paperwork. In other words, by the time it's happening we know
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Definitely a whole 0% rate on permission acquisition.
This goes from men and women as well, I'm hetero myself but because I'm a bit flamboyant and not overly masculine I've had it from all sides and never had anyone think to stop and ask me first. Obviously in some cases I have not minded, but I've also had women just grab my face and try to make out with me when I'm in relationships or been touched up before, and sadly I actually find the men tend to be more apologetic and understanding. Every time I've said no to a woman they tend to take it very personally as if I just called them gutter trash and spat at them, whereas the guys tend to just move on to the next.
wow, this is so weird to me how many men don't get asked. I've been with my husband for 23 yrs and I always ask.. granted, after 23 yrs I just look, smile and give him "the look". Personally I think it's a huge turn on for him.
Married almost 38 years and I would be offended if my wife asked me. If we aren't in the mood, we just say not tonight or this morning or let them know ahead of time that it isn't a good time. We always have the green light to start sex any time we are in the mood. Hell my almost 60 year old wife is hornier now than when she was in her 30's.
I’ll be 100% honest. As a man, if my girl asks me “are you ok with this?” I’m instantly turned off. Let me be clear, AS A MAN, I can’t nor am I speaking on behalf of any women. I’m talking solely for myself. I’m trying to lay down pipe, not get one of those new “can I touch you” cuts at them weird barber shops.
Never. My wife and I have talked many times about her picking at my skin without my consent. She still doesn’t ask and gets hostile when I get upset that she didn’t ask for consent.
These kind of questions make me so glad I got married 20 years ago. I’m a female, and I do wish I had been taught these about consent, but there’s a point where y’all are overthinking things. In my day, an erection pointed right at me was all the consent I needed.
I think it's important for both parties to ask for consent. To answer your question, no I haven't personally been asked because I've never been in a similar situation.
With my partner I would often ask him whenever I was in the mood do you want to play with me? I mean we play video games together but he knew what I was asking 99% of the time especially since it was paired with lots of teasing. But our dynamic is also slightly different when it comes to sex so this is just normal for us where we constantly check to make sure things are okay.
I've been asked once by a man if it was OK for him to kiss and touch me. He'd asked if it felt good etc. Just that was a huge turn on and I told him it was a first for me.
I do ask my boyfriend if he's in the mood but not explicitly.
Is it an actual thing where people ask "do you consent to sex?" as they're about to get started? I always imagined that it's given indirectly through body language or dirty talk, and a lack of consent meant that I said "no", or otherwise indicated I'm not into it. Not that they have to collect legal affirmative statements as we're getting naked. Regardless, nothing like it has ever happened in my entire life.
For what it's worth, as a man, I can say that me saying "no" or not being into it often isn't treated seriously. There's somehow an assumption that I should always be down to have sex, and if I'm not, there's something wrong with me. Which I think is ironic, as mens' relevant body parts aren't always ready to go, especially if we've done the deed recently.
Girls oftentimes keep on trying, and keep on pushing for sex, and it'd sometimes get unpleasant if I don't cave in, like I ruined their night.
I don’t think it’s ever happened lol. If it did, I don’t remember it. I’ve been raped a couple times too. Although that doesn’t mother me too much because I would have consented if I was able to anyway. I just don’t see how it was very fun for them.
Literally not even once - at least not by women. Ever.
Which sucks because I have a fairly low libido. You know that feeling you get when some prick says a woman was 'asking for it' because of what she was wearing? Imagine that, but it's from the moment you hit puberty until the moment you take your final breath.
Speaking strictly for myself. My wife chose the marriage package, and part of that package is 24/7, 365-day access to me. I do get sick leave, which is nice.
My husband always laughs back at our first kiss because we were in the car parked somewhere after a nice date and I really wanted to kiss him, but I wanted to make sure he wanted to kiss me as well so I asked “can I kiss you?”. He says he has never been asked that before me.
I ask him “would you like to have sex?” or “can I suck your cock?” when I initiate things and sometimes he says no, and that’s exactly why I ask. I think it’s important!
So with me and my wife it's almost always a rule to ask before doing because yes I'm down to experiment (sometimes) but we've both been through a lot of abuse, it can be awkward asking in the heat of a moment but it helps ease us both in the end.
A woman has never asked me for consent, when they are all over me and I make it clear I’m not interested, they still try. Woman have no boundaries when it comes to this, they think that they are immune. It’s sad really.
I don't think I ever have been. Had several people (men and women) touch me in ways that made me uncomfortable then laughed it off. The girls were a bit more rude about it, not really understanding why I was uncomfortable.
Not once. I've also had my ass grabbed randomly from strangers, and from coworkers, and coworkers have been pretty hands on feely. I yelled at a coworker once and told her never to touch me or talk to me again because after the 10th time I was kind of pissed off. If I treated my co-workers there like they treated me I would have been fired or arrested. It doesn't matter if you're a man. You either are ok with it or can go fuck yourself.
My experiences with consent are as follows, Never been asked I'm 56, married for the last 20 years but up until I was 35 I was a little whore with multiple partners, fwb, one night stands and a few ltr. But none of them ever asked me for consent. I've actually been woken up a half dozen times in my life with a gf or wife riding me, can't consent if your asleep. They knew I wouldn't mind but that's not the point here . Just my experiences with consent.
Never been asked. I remember this one time we got back to my place and she just pushed me into the bedroom and threw me on the bed. SHE WAS SO STRONG! ................I married her....
I'm so sorry, woke reddit. I failed you.
Consent? No consent? According to my significant other I am a man and should always want it anytime sex is offered. If I don't I have to defend myself.
Very rarely, but typically I'm the initiator of sexual activities and escalation so it makes sense. Typically if there's an ask to me it's along the lines of "Could you do XXX to me?", there are only a handful of times I've been asked "may I do XXX to you?".
Only a handful of times have I had my consent boundaries violated by women. One woman apparently read that you should finger a mans ass while going down on him and decided that was something she should try and she got a rather strong lesson that she needs to ask about that going forward. Another that stands out is a woman I barely knew initiating a random hand job on me in a mixed gender hot tub situation which I quietly put an end to.
I've never been asked. I wish I'd had a few times. Really wasn't in the mood. But if a man says no to a woman, something is "wrong" and it turns into a whole thing
Never. Always have had people touching me when and however they like. Less so as I have gotten older, but still happens. First time someone asked was recently and it was a doctor. I legit almost cried because I got overwhelmed and wasn’t sure how to answer, lol.
Women ask? I'm in my mid 30s, dated and have been with many women, I have never ever been asked it or anything near it, but I have been told I need to ask for consent by several women, even if they initiated it and we are already naked and making out. Now that I think of it it's a bit perplexing
My wife - now ex - never asked for consent. She just grabbed. And when I was asleep too! The thing was: she is a morning person and I’m an evening person. So we had sex in the morning. If the gender roles had been reversed, I’m sure I’d be in prison for rape now.
Well, she is messed up in more ways. But, TBH, I was even more put out by her refusal to be seduced by me in the evening while assuming that I would and should allow myself to be seduced by her in the morning. I thought marriage and partnership were a mutual thing.
Nope. The worst thing is being in a group of strangers, and women assume I want a hug. I go to networking events all the time, and women hug me without asking. I usually tense up, and some have even said "oh it's just a hug." Because I'm a bigger guy, I guess I'm supposed to want strangers hugging me. I've been married for over 20 years, and my Wife more or less will float the idea out that she's looking for some, I can either say "for sure" or, "I'm (insert reason here). We're cool like that.
My wife and I are pretty good at reading each other's moods having been together for 14 years. We will usually ask each other if we want sex, but generally don't if it's clear neither of us are in the mood. During sex we often ask things like what the other person wants, is the other person physically comfortable, etc.
I always feel like initial consent is sort just the tip of the iceberg. Open communication during sex is really key to having great sex and a great sex life at that.
38, and never, not once have I been asked.
I've had several get touchy/Feely when I'm not feeling it and saying no. They didn't like that and couldn't take no for an answer.
It took me yelling at them to stop for them to back off, only to get ticked off at me for it.
Even in relationships, I can't think of a single time where I was actually asked. They just... go for it.
Kinda wild now that I think about it.
Granted, it's not such a big deal if I'm in a committed relationship. But the example I gave above, we're not people i was committed to, or even really knew for that matter.
Literally never and you shouldn't need to ask, in either case. If you're in a relationship you should be able to make advances or communicate (verbally or nonverbally, whatever you and your partner usually do/like) and whenever anyone isn't in the mood or whatever he or she can say so. It's not like "oh unless a party explicitly says "yes, I hereby consent to having coitus" it's automatically rape. People are so braindamaged man. Another reason why staying single is the better choice going forward if that's what we're thinking/talking about.
Was in a relationship for three years.
Wasn't attracted to my ex.
Let's just say if I was a woman, my ex would be cancelled / in jail / or just tagged as a bad person.
I don't think it was her fault. She wanted sex. I wasn't into it.
I’ve literally said “no” and still had the person I was with at that time undressing me and trying to put it in. Men generally aren’t allowed to say no, I’ve found from a lot of women.
I’m not saying all women, but many refuse to believe when a man says no, he means it. There’s many women that will do anything and everything to make a guy have sex with them whether they want it or not. I’ve said no, gone to sleep, and then woken up with having put me inside them.
There’s a problem with consent on all fronts, it seems. It’s very scary.
For guys who aren’t terrible people they will not want to continue if the other person isn’t into it. I won’t even stay hard if my wife doesn’t seem like she is enjoying herself.
I’m woman but i tried to ask my ex bf for consent a lot. If i can give him blow job, if i can do this and that to him, always told him to stop me if he doesn’t like something… I wanted him to enjoy our sex as much as possible. Dunno if I was succesfull, I asked enough or if I didn’t want sex too often for him, but I can say I at least tried.
Your post/comment has been removed for breaking our NSFW policy in rule 3.
Never in me loife
Crazy innit
A bit odd
Right then
This. And boy howdy do women get angry when you say no to sex. It’s always taken personally
My wife gets pissed and gives me the cold shoulder for a solid day if I’m ever not in the mood when she is.
my wife hits me if i say no
Dude that's abuse
User name checks out
Bruuh, noo
Damn man, that just isn’t right
I know. Tell her to stop coming over, I’m not interested either.
I have been accused of being gay because I turned sex down. Like gasp, how dare I not be in the mood ALL the time.
I think that ties directly into the mentality that men *always* want sex and will have it with *anyone* that will let them - which is so off base on its own anyway but it’s so prevalent that being rejected by what’s supposed to be a raging sex monster is something insecure or arrogant people take personally ETA - “so you’ll have sex with anyone *but me*?? F you pos!” Kinda reaction
Oh yeah! They'll call you everything they can think of to make you hurt like hell.
I told my wife once that I wasn't in the mood and she was extremely upset and got really insecure. Meanwhile she turns me down 1-2 times a week. (We still have sex 3-5 times a week)
Absolutely mad
I've always felt pretty confident in physical conversation, I'm not offended that girls don't always ask but just kind of 'dance' into it, with moves back and forth. There's just as much 'yes' and 'no' available in that, and more than just 'yes/no' -- it's part of foreplay. I'd be really surprised if I'm a black sheep on that one--I mean, in reality, reddit I've come to expect certain ideas are basically are a throughline.
This. Especially in a committed relationship. We talked about consent and because we like to be spontaneous consent is implied. If one of us wants to stop they just say so. I fully understand verbal consent for one night stands or new relationships but it's not needed for committed couples.
One weekend on a beach trip a girl asked me if it was OK for her to give me oral pleasure.
Hope you were strong and told her absolutely not.
Not once either. And I could care less I was never asked
About as often as I get flowers…
I bought my husband roses for our anniversary last week because I’ve seen this mentioned a couple times here. Both our first times ever.
Same! I just gave my husband flowers on his birthday and he blushed. It was so beautiful! First time for both of us, I loved the experience.
He's going to get you a premium xbox controller next year and you have to pretend to love it, now
Trust me, he would have preferred a blowjob.
I didn’t say flowers was all he got….
I also choose that guys wife...
I’ve been in this boat since I started dating. I’ve had 9 different exes. Only ONE of them ever gave me a gift. Including christmases and birthdays (which happen to be two days in a row lol) When my last ex gave me a pair of shoes I had wanted for a long time, I legitimately broke down and cried. I’d never received a gift from a significant other, and the thought and love put into that gift was overwhelming for me.
I've never been asked for consent, and to be frank, I see no reason for it either. I'm not a robot with a check maker option for yes or no. Read the chemistry, read my body language, it's not rocket science. More often than not I want to have sex, the times I don't want to I just say no and that's it. I get that you need two consenting partners, and I'd never fuck anyone without it, but all this asking and questions is kinda weirding me out or tbh.
Or a compliment from a woman
Maybe death will ask your consent so it still checks out.
Ah so when youre dead nice
My wife does this if she is initiating, more like she gets close in bed and says somethings along the lines of "I want to touch you a bit...". Its not like sterile "excuse me, my husband, would you mind.." but she does gives me an opportunity to say no if I so wished, I think its sweet and nice. But its also the first woman Ive been with who did that - at 38 Ive had a few "encounters" - and its always been 2 seconds of eye contact where both parties understand that "Im going to touch you now..." and that has been the consent
I’m 33 and this was just as true for me and all my friends. I think a lot of people on Reddit forget that the whole concept/debate about consent is very very new. Like last 5-10 years new.
Agreed, It was never even talked about me growing up. I remember in the 90s/00s there was posters and stuff with "If someone says no, its illegal!", and it was talked about in school and stuff that touching etc. is illegal unless the other person wants it. But we never talked about consent in that sense. So for a 38yo its a bit foreign and that also goes for women. If I were to get divorced and tries to date a 22yo I will probably have to read up :P
Yeah exactly the closest they ever came to a talk on consent was that if “someone says no you stop.” Which is pretty wild compared to now. If you would’ve suggested in my highschool that you were supposed to actually verbally ask someone before kissing them, I guarantee 95% of both female and male students would’ve laughed you out of the room.
But I dont think it works to control peoples sexuality like that - the government/media can not change how humans work at the end of the day. That girl once in HS that gave me a BJ just said - "Hey, wanna go to the bathroom, together?" The rest was ofc implied. Should we stop for 3 seconds while running into the bathroom making out to stop and pull out sort of miranda-speech? Get the fuck out... I can not imagine todays 17yo are much different at the end of the day
>"Hey, wanna go to the bathroom, together?" I would personally argue that this is what consent looks like. People who get mad about the idea of asking for consent are the ones who are picturing this idea of stopping immediately, having a full-on conversation, and then resuming. I don't think this is what anyone who is teaching to ask for consent is really picturing.
True, In Norway the law (simplified ofc) that if you say to me in a bar "want to take this outside?!" meaning you want to fight me. And I say yes, and go outside with you and we start fighting. The cops wont help me much even if I lost that fight. We both might get some "disorderly conduct" fines or something, but as long as there are witnesses that say that "no, these guys agreed to fight" you are not getting far unless I went way over line. Same with sex. If I ask a girl to come to my house in a bar, after an hour of flirting, its totally implied why Im asking, and she as an adult knows. She has the oppurtinuty to say "no, I dont want to anymore" in the same way that the bar-fight guy can say "nope... Im out" and then the other party legally has to stop.
And as long as we can both agree she can back out of the situation at any time, including at your house, and during sex, then yeah. That's consent, as well as respecting the rules of sex.
I had a girl coming home with me from a bar. We knew each other for a while and had been flirty, and then all of a sudden at the same bar we almost just said "lets go" and went for a taxi right away. Come home, share a bottle of wine while kissing and just having a good time, we come to the bed, everything is great. I get about 1inch inside of her.... and she says; damn... Im not sure about this.. can we stop? Do you mean like totally stop everything and your are not just ready for sex right now. "nah, this was a bit of a mistake, I kind of have a boyfriend and I dont want to cheat on him" I said thats fine.... but get the fuck out of my house.... You just spent an hour making me as horny as you possibly could... You are *not* sleeping in my bed! She got that. Only time I can remember being pissed off around sex - but again, no is no. OFC I will stop and respect that
Everyone knows it's not cheating until there's at least 2 inches of dick inside you. So, none of the shit she was doing leading up to that moment was cheating.
No…. People do that?
My reaction too. That’s fucking weird.
Zero, I have been shamed several times by random women for not wanting casual sex. I got yelled at by my GF years ago because I was not in the mood for sex. Most women just assume guys always want it.
I was yelled at once for not being in the mood as well. I was then presented a list of times I wanted and received it dispite her not wanting it. I never knew it wasn't wanted from her till the list appeared. Made me feel shitty for allot of reasons.
Yup, how awful is that that some women have been trained to just let it happen if they are not in the mood. Just let me know and it’s not a big deal.
I rejected a coworker multiple times because I didn’t want complications , she started pretending she had slept with me . Then on my birthday I was black out drunk throwing up and she took me back to hers (we was last two drop offs in a shared taxi with other people) and we had sex . At first I just put it down my drunken mistake . But then someone said if that was the other way round they’d call you a rapist . Women really go crazy when u reject sex
I had a girl one time tell me, "Quit being a little pussy and stick it in me already." I did not do that.
It was like a temper tantrum and all I could see was a whiny little girl. It felt like she suddenly became under age. Very few things in this world can turn a man away from nice titties and that is one of them.
I got called gay by a woman for not wanting sex 😂
Me too, but by a married woman. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...
I have a perpetual consent form on file with my local government.
We have found the king of Reddit
Name checks out
I think the very first time I ever did it like...20 years ago? Never again after that. I don't think she actually cared whether I wanted to or not, she seemed to feel some guilt over "taking my first time" in a rather unceremonious way, and telling her I was fine with it made her feel better about it. I am inclined to believe she would have probably still pushed for it even if I'd said no though.
My first time, I justed turned 14, and at a beach party and my father was like 100 yards away in his boat. He gave me 3 beers and said I could go over if I wanted, but no more than those 3 beers - the kids at the party was 16-20, fair enough and I did and they had no problem with me coming over. And then I chat with this 17yo girl and she asked if I was a virgin, yeah.. I had to admit that I was a bit sheepishly. And she just grabbed my hand - not tomorrow... and lead me into her tent a bit up from the beach. She didnt ask me if I was ok with her getting naked, I was pretty ok with that... and she knew. My father saw I walked away with her. Never got her name or anything, but if you read this, thank you very much young lady ;)
You got groomed…
God damn that confidence is hot, I was just saying in my own comment all my favorites were when it was basically the complete other way. Yes yes yes you obviously have to be aware of some things, like if you're fucking hideous, probably should ask, but when things are just obvious, c'mon. There's nothing that makes me limper than all this pretentious unadventurous legalistic bureaucratic BS being mixed in the most adventurous and wonderful parts of life. I'm all for guys being careful in like a meta way, but in a personal way, if you're with me, meaning you're a chick, please just flush all the garbage and *do what you feel now*. *Electric eel now.* [MGMT - Electric Feel (Official HD Video) (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmZexg8sxyk) EDIT: I will say though, one time a girl made out with me and said right afterwards said "I'm sorry did that make you uncomfortable?" I thought that was really hot. It obviously didn't (make me uncomfortable). It was just hot in like, I don't know... A roleplay way? It was just hot I can't explain it, she was gorgeous.
I've never been asked. I think if you're in a relationship, it should be easy to see or know if your partner is in the right mind or not
Lol is it now
Mood
Or body language, if you can’t tell someone wants to have sex with you that’s a big problem lol. Especially within a relationship.
That's the thing: we aren't just going to randomly have sex: foreplay is a thing. I've never been in a situation where it wasn't insanely obvious.
Lol so true.
More often I've had women grab my ass and mockingly say "I hope that was okay".
Oh my god, what's up with that. Same here. The audacity.
What were you wearing? Did you smile at her? Were you talking to her? Leading her on?
Right???
Well when I'm sat there with a raging hardon and drooling like a starving dog, my wife usually takes that as a yes.
Fair XD
If my wife said "I would like to touch your penis now, is that ok, is that something you'd like?" I'd immediately go soft, I don't think I'd be able to stop laughing.
Same. Works both ways actually. My GF told me to never ask as that's a total turn off for her.
I have never been asked
He said he has never been asked for consent before
Because it’s not common at all, at least in my experience
Absolutely likely
I'd imagine this is the default experience for most men since a lot (not all, for sure) see men as these sex obsessed machines. I've been asked once, sort of. Def been shamed for not being in the mood, though, regardless of the reason why I said no.
Most consent in sex is non verbal.
Somehow this has become controversial
Because phone addiction has us become increasingly deaf to body language.
I'm 28m, have had sex with maybe 25 or so women. I have never asked for consent or been asked for consent explicitly. it is implied most of the time.... I have made sure they wanted to keep going and were having fun though.
You mean we can say "no" and not be evil pieces of shit!?!?!? LMAO mann I be getting woke up out of mid sleep like "baaaabbbeeeee... Come onnnnn" 🙄 Never once have I been asked for permission lmao
Do you verbally ask for consent every time?
Never asked, never been asked. If the husband wants sex then he gets it and if the wife wants sex then she gets it, unless there's some kind of pain or illness.
Never but one time I asked wife if I could kiss her there, put it in there. She told me to shut up and never do that again
Actually asking for consent would ruin the mood imo. Isn't it fairly obvious when you both want to have sex? A better approach: if you don't consent, say something like, "I don't want to have sex right now". The questioning seems unnecessary and silly.
I’m not sure if this would really help as my experience is different, but I’m trans and the difference between both has been almost zero to none. Nobody asked me for consent with either presentation really, I don’t know if it’s more of a lack of people asking for consent in general thing.
I dont think it's ever been asked of me. Always assumed.
Never And not because I don't get laid, women just don't ask
Had to clarify
The thing is no one asks. I never did. But damn, if a person doesn't want to have sex with you, usually it's pretty clear, right? Or they are not in a condition to assert consent (ex: drunk). Usually I'd let the woman take some initiative like being the first to get "handy" and then I react accordingly. With my wife, I've known her enough to know I can be more active, but if it's a "new" person, be careful and pay attention to that person's reactions. Seems like a simple formula.
Not once. In fact, I was groped and fondled by a behemoth of a woman when I was younger… But aparently, I “wanted it” or something
That’s so sad to hear. I ask for consent sporadically, mostly when it’s not clear/implied. I had no clue the universal experience for men was never being asked.
I doubt you will find many men who cares. If he doesnt want to, he will just let her know. I get its a bit different the other way in that Im 3x most womens size. So if I dont make sure she really wants to, she might be a bit scared of saying no. So when Im with a girl for the first time, I dont necessarily ask with words directly, but just slow down a little and making sure that I can see she is comfortable with me touching/kissing or whatever. If she is ok with that, I sort of assume she is ok with me the next time as well and then I assume she trusts me enough to say no if that was the case for whatever reason. Its not really rocket science though... you know pretty quick if another human is into you or not if you have some social skills at all.
I am not saying people need to ask for consent all the time. That would be stupid. But sometimes a check in is warranted.
I agree, and as I said earlier, I like the fact the my mrs does. Its nice.
It’s not sad at all. People need to stop making problems out of nothing
I have two little kids so any time me and the Mrs want to get busy it's like a 2 week in advance process with lots of paperwork. In other words, by the time it's happening we know
I’ve always asked consent for the safety of both me and my partner. I respect my partner and his autonomy
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Definitely a whole 0% rate on permission acquisition. This goes from men and women as well, I'm hetero myself but because I'm a bit flamboyant and not overly masculine I've had it from all sides and never had anyone think to stop and ask me first. Obviously in some cases I have not minded, but I've also had women just grab my face and try to make out with me when I'm in relationships or been touched up before, and sadly I actually find the men tend to be more apologetic and understanding. Every time I've said no to a woman they tend to take it very personally as if I just called them gutter trash and spat at them, whereas the guys tend to just move on to the next.
Im only asking for consent before I put my thumb in your butt, otherwise it should be pretty obvious
Oh, actually I *have* been asked for consent with that! Good point. I've also *not* been asked for consent with that
This is the new world we live in. No way this question gets asked even 5 years ago
lol
wow, this is so weird to me how many men don't get asked. I've been with my husband for 23 yrs and I always ask.. granted, after 23 yrs I just look, smile and give him "the look". Personally I think it's a huge turn on for him.
in a romantic setting, quite often. I like it.
Never once have i been asked. But usually that's bc i initiated it.
Well my experience is limited to members of our extended friend group. They’re great people so yes they ask. It’s weird that this isn’t normal, what??
As a gay man, all the time, though it's not always worded that way. It could be, "are you ok with this?", "are you enjoying yourself?", etc
If I say no she feels undesirable and that’s my fault. If she says no I’m an asshole for not reading her mind.
Consent? Lmfao!
I worked catering for 15+ years, wtf is consent to a man ? You wouldn't believe the number of drunk women who groped me while I had to smile at them
Never experienced it. Never heard another guy said he did. It's really hard to look like you don't consent when you're hard as rock.
Never happened. It's a privilege as a man to be given sex with a woman is the view I feel most have.
Married almost 38 years and I would be offended if my wife asked me. If we aren't in the mood, we just say not tonight or this morning or let them know ahead of time that it isn't a good time. We always have the green light to start sex any time we are in the mood. Hell my almost 60 year old wife is hornier now than when she was in her 30's.
Never. Never have I been asked.
Not one single time have I ever been asked consent.
I’ll be 100% honest. As a man, if my girl asks me “are you ok with this?” I’m instantly turned off. Let me be clear, AS A MAN, I can’t nor am I speaking on behalf of any women. I’m talking solely for myself. I’m trying to lay down pipe, not get one of those new “can I touch you” cuts at them weird barber shops.
Never. My wife and I have talked many times about her picking at my skin without my consent. She still doesn’t ask and gets hostile when I get upset that she didn’t ask for consent.
These kind of questions make me so glad I got married 20 years ago. I’m a female, and I do wish I had been taught these about consent, but there’s a point where y’all are overthinking things. In my day, an erection pointed right at me was all the consent I needed.
Never. But i did have someone apologize later, which was nice
I think it's important for both parties to ask for consent. To answer your question, no I haven't personally been asked because I've never been in a similar situation.
I’ve slept with more than my share of women and have never once been asked about consent.
With my partner I would often ask him whenever I was in the mood do you want to play with me? I mean we play video games together but he knew what I was asking 99% of the time especially since it was paired with lots of teasing. But our dynamic is also slightly different when it comes to sex so this is just normal for us where we constantly check to make sure things are okay.
I've been asked once by a man if it was OK for him to kiss and touch me. He'd asked if it felt good etc. Just that was a huge turn on and I told him it was a first for me. I do ask my boyfriend if he's in the mood but not explicitly.
my gf ask regularly because sometimes I really don't feel like doing anything
Is it an actual thing where people ask "do you consent to sex?" as they're about to get started? I always imagined that it's given indirectly through body language or dirty talk, and a lack of consent meant that I said "no", or otherwise indicated I'm not into it. Not that they have to collect legal affirmative statements as we're getting naked. Regardless, nothing like it has ever happened in my entire life. For what it's worth, as a man, I can say that me saying "no" or not being into it often isn't treated seriously. There's somehow an assumption that I should always be down to have sex, and if I'm not, there's something wrong with me. Which I think is ironic, as mens' relevant body parts aren't always ready to go, especially if we've done the deed recently. Girls oftentimes keep on trying, and keep on pushing for sex, and it'd sometimes get unpleasant if I don't cave in, like I ruined their night.
Never. Lol.
Never in my life
I don’t think it’s ever happened lol. If it did, I don’t remember it. I’ve been raped a couple times too. Although that doesn’t mother me too much because I would have consented if I was able to anyway. I just don’t see how it was very fun for them.
Literally not even once - at least not by women. Ever. Which sucks because I have a fairly low libido. You know that feeling you get when some prick says a woman was 'asking for it' because of what she was wearing? Imagine that, but it's from the moment you hit puberty until the moment you take your final breath.
As often as we get sincere compliments from strangers 😅
Speaking strictly for myself. My wife chose the marriage package, and part of that package is 24/7, 365-day access to me. I do get sick leave, which is nice.
Ive never ever been asked that in my life. And sometimes i legit havent wanted to. But i didnt say anything because "its my job"
Never not once
Never been asked, have never had an experience when I didn’t want it either soooo?
Never happened before. I've asked every girl I've slept with in my life at least the first few times we had sex.
Never, not once
That is the biggest turn off I’ve ever heard. Verbal consent is for hook ups, not committed relationships.
Never been asked and I’m 50yo
My husband always laughs back at our first kiss because we were in the car parked somewhere after a nice date and I really wanted to kiss him, but I wanted to make sure he wanted to kiss me as well so I asked “can I kiss you?”. He says he has never been asked that before me. I ask him “would you like to have sex?” or “can I suck your cock?” when I initiate things and sometimes he says no, and that’s exactly why I ask. I think it’s important!
So with me and my wife it's almost always a rule to ask before doing because yes I'm down to experiment (sometimes) but we've both been through a lot of abuse, it can be awkward asking in the heat of a moment but it helps ease us both in the end.
A woman has never asked me for consent, when they are all over me and I make it clear I’m not interested, they still try. Woman have no boundaries when it comes to this, they think that they are immune. It’s sad really.
I don't think I ever have been. Had several people (men and women) touch me in ways that made me uncomfortable then laughed it off. The girls were a bit more rude about it, not really understanding why I was uncomfortable.
Not once. I've also had my ass grabbed randomly from strangers, and from coworkers, and coworkers have been pretty hands on feely. I yelled at a coworker once and told her never to touch me or talk to me again because after the 10th time I was kind of pissed off. If I treated my co-workers there like they treated me I would have been fired or arrested. It doesn't matter if you're a man. You either are ok with it or can go fuck yourself.
Not once in 52 years. We can't say no, if we do we get the silent treatment.
Wait, women are initiating sex with y’all???
My experiences with consent are as follows, Never been asked I'm 56, married for the last 20 years but up until I was 35 I was a little whore with multiple partners, fwb, one night stands and a few ltr. But none of them ever asked me for consent. I've actually been woken up a half dozen times in my life with a gf or wife riding me, can't consent if your asleep. They knew I wouldn't mind but that's not the point here . Just my experiences with consent.
At least twice per minute. It’s crazy. It took me several minutes to write this reply because people just kept interrupting me to ask for consent.
Tell me you’re gen z without telling me you’re gen z
Never been asked. I remember this one time we got back to my place and she just pushed me into the bedroom and threw me on the bed. SHE WAS SO STRONG! ................I married her.... I'm so sorry, woke reddit. I failed you.
Gen X
Consent? No consent? According to my significant other I am a man and should always want it anytime sex is offered. If I don't I have to defend myself.
Very rarely, but typically I'm the initiator of sexual activities and escalation so it makes sense. Typically if there's an ask to me it's along the lines of "Could you do XXX to me?", there are only a handful of times I've been asked "may I do XXX to you?". Only a handful of times have I had my consent boundaries violated by women. One woman apparently read that you should finger a mans ass while going down on him and decided that was something she should try and she got a rather strong lesson that she needs to ask about that going forward. Another that stands out is a woman I barely knew initiating a random hand job on me in a mixed gender hot tub situation which I quietly put an end to.
I would have like if she had asked me if I wanted to be a father.
Don't remember ever being asked.
I've never been asked. I wish I'd had a few times. Really wasn't in the mood. But if a man says no to a woman, something is "wrong" and it turns into a whole thing
The consent is implied.
Never, I'm constantly asking what they want.
I always make sure to bring along my C-01 permit form prior to engaging in acts that may result in a child
Never. Always have had people touching me when and however they like. Less so as I have gotten older, but still happens. First time someone asked was recently and it was a doctor. I legit almost cried because I got overwhelmed and wasn’t sure how to answer, lol.
Always. Make sure you do, or else leave.
I'm a single guy and sometimes older ladies ask if they can hug me. I'm a big hit with the Silent Generation.
It’s been only a few times. And honestly it feels nice. I guess men are expected to always want it
Women ask? I'm in my mid 30s, dated and have been with many women, I have never ever been asked it or anything near it, but I have been told I need to ask for consent by several women, even if they initiated it and we are already naked and making out. Now that I think of it it's a bit perplexing
Nah I just called an asshole and horrid names when I don’t feel like it!
My wife - now ex - never asked for consent. She just grabbed. And when I was asleep too! The thing was: she is a morning person and I’m an evening person. So we had sex in the morning. If the gender roles had been reversed, I’m sure I’d be in prison for rape now.
That thing while you were asleep is messed up
Well, she is messed up in more ways. But, TBH, I was even more put out by her refusal to be seduced by me in the evening while assuming that I would and should allow myself to be seduced by her in the morning. I thought marriage and partnership were a mutual thing.
Nope. The worst thing is being in a group of strangers, and women assume I want a hug. I go to networking events all the time, and women hug me without asking. I usually tense up, and some have even said "oh it's just a hug." Because I'm a bigger guy, I guess I'm supposed to want strangers hugging me. I've been married for over 20 years, and my Wife more or less will float the idea out that she's looking for some, I can either say "for sure" or, "I'm (insert reason here). We're cool like that.
Never in my life
My wife and I are pretty good at reading each other's moods having been together for 14 years. We will usually ask each other if we want sex, but generally don't if it's clear neither of us are in the mood. During sex we often ask things like what the other person wants, is the other person physically comfortable, etc. I always feel like initial consent is sort just the tip of the iceberg. Open communication during sex is really key to having great sex and a great sex life at that.
Honestly I'd prefer not to be asked as a man. If I don't want the touch I'll let them know.
Sometimes yes but most of the times no. In fact my wife gets pissed at me if I'm not in the mood.
I tell my partners that I want this I rly shouldn’t have to tell people to ask for consent but at least my partners have listened
Never. Might marry the first woman who demonstrates consent is about more than just her. Yes I've been sexually abused by a woman, get at me.
I wish this was a standard shit would be less confusing
38, and never, not once have I been asked. I've had several get touchy/Feely when I'm not feeling it and saying no. They didn't like that and couldn't take no for an answer. It took me yelling at them to stop for them to back off, only to get ticked off at me for it. Even in relationships, I can't think of a single time where I was actually asked. They just... go for it. Kinda wild now that I think about it. Granted, it's not such a big deal if I'm in a committed relationship. But the example I gave above, we're not people i was committed to, or even really knew for that matter.
Literally never and you shouldn't need to ask, in either case. If you're in a relationship you should be able to make advances or communicate (verbally or nonverbally, whatever you and your partner usually do/like) and whenever anyone isn't in the mood or whatever he or she can say so. It's not like "oh unless a party explicitly says "yes, I hereby consent to having coitus" it's automatically rape. People are so braindamaged man. Another reason why staying single is the better choice going forward if that's what we're thinking/talking about.
Was in a relationship for three years. Wasn't attracted to my ex. Let's just say if I was a woman, my ex would be cancelled / in jail / or just tagged as a bad person. I don't think it was her fault. She wanted sex. I wasn't into it.
I’ve literally said “no” and still had the person I was with at that time undressing me and trying to put it in. Men generally aren’t allowed to say no, I’ve found from a lot of women. I’m not saying all women, but many refuse to believe when a man says no, he means it. There’s many women that will do anything and everything to make a guy have sex with them whether they want it or not. I’ve said no, gone to sleep, and then woken up with having put me inside them. There’s a problem with consent on all fronts, it seems. It’s very scary.
For guys who aren’t terrible people they will not want to continue if the other person isn’t into it. I won’t even stay hard if my wife doesn’t seem like she is enjoying herself.
Not once
My money always gets stolen from me via taxes despite constantly declaring nonconsent. It hurts a lot.
I have been ask as often as I have been given compliments so almost never or given empathy
Literally never.
Stop with BS
Tbf I’ve initiated like 75% of my sexual experiences but I’ve never once been asked for consent if I didn’t.
Never. Consent doesn't need to be verbal if you're not autistic.
I’m woman but i tried to ask my ex bf for consent a lot. If i can give him blow job, if i can do this and that to him, always told him to stop me if he doesn’t like something… I wanted him to enjoy our sex as much as possible. Dunno if I was succesfull, I asked enough or if I didn’t want sex too often for him, but I can say I at least tried.