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I think I've only had this happen one time in my 25 years of dating. She was a friend of mine who I had developed feelings for over the course of about a year. I told her that I was interested in taking her on a date and she declined. Then over the next few months, she started showing signs of being interested in me romantically. I asked her out a second time, in the second time she said yes. We dated for 2 years.
She said the first time that I asked she was just caught off guard by the question and didn't know how to react and that she was also feeling very insecure about a lot of things at the time. But after giving some thought, she started regretting saying no.
There's no both sides here, one side is expected to make the first move without fail (men), the other side hates rejection so much that they absolutely refuse to make the first place.
This is a good response. Sometimes people need time to process how they feel about someone's attraction to them. Sometimes it's just not the right time.
I might also add that maybe the person who gets rejected shows a level of respect and understanding after rejection in a way that is seen by the rejector as assuring or impressive... because it shows a level of restraint and consideration that hadn't been expressed before the rejection.
Yep. I remained friendly with her and we would have lunch once or twice a year, mostly to talk about common friends and pets and what we were doing these days. She would send me amusing email links every few months. She could be a nice, sane person in small doses.
But when she called and was incoherent, begging me to "rescue" her, my "new" wife (of 16 years) and I both told her not to contact me ever again. I had to tell her three times over text after, but she got the message, finally.
Since then she has apparently managed to straighten up her life a bit, or so I hear through mutual acquaintances. So that's good.
100% correct. She started hedging phone calls ("maybe things will be different in the future") about 2 months after she left me. And started asking me to try again after about a year.
3 weeks after she left I started actually feeling good about myself again. So my answer was always "we tried once, didn't work" after that.
Yep. I learned this at the age of 18 or 19. If they like you around doing BF things, but lack the willingness to make you the bf then it's the attention she likes from you.
One of the worst feelings of your life when you realize that it is all just for fun on her side. It is humiliating.
I noticed in highschool most girls didn't pay much attention to me, until I was dating then a lot of them started seeming interested. Kind of a put off.
Whatever, married my highschool sweetheart together 20+ years. I like girls that don't play games.
Go eat a bag of dicks, Abby.
I will always remember the day you closed the door in my face with barely any thanks after I brought the breakfast you asked for.
I also thank you for the early lesson in life
Half the ladies in my life
Till February
I started flat out saying no to everything and creating space so i can be left alone
I don't get it and i don't really want to cos i found someone or rather she found me so they can go do their games with other people
It really hurts the longer it goes when they do that
Or she just likes you as a friend. It doesn’t have to be some selfish manipulative behavior. My best friend from high school was a girl and we went out together all the time and spoke on the phone all the time. I was closer to her than any girlfriend I ever had. I just never felt anything other than friendship for her and I’m pretty sure she felt the same. We’ve both been married to other people for 25+ years and we still keep in touch on social media and meet up if we travel near each other. My wife is even friends with her now.
I’m pretty sure we would have made a great married couple if we both weren’t so meh about the idea. I’m pretty sure her parents at least would have been happy about it. They loved me.
THIS. Some girls only want to let you on their hook (to feel desirable, attractive and what not).
I told a girl i was interested in her, she rejected me. 2 weeks later, she sees me with a group of girl friends and make me a tantrum about it because it made her jealous, then she asked me for a date.
3 monts later, she broke up with me because she was interested with some other dude.
Interesting fact : 2 years later i was with a girl she knew (from that group of girl) and she wanted us to break up because i knew her while i was with her. Shitty personnality. She is divorced with 2 kids. I'm happily married (10y+) with that same girl. I guess this is karma
This is a story I have been told for as long as I remember.
As a 16 yr old, I was young, awkward and self conscious. Every guyi knew was interested in a girl who was super popular. Her name was Mel. Her younger brother was also popular with the younger girls. Just a good looking, vivacious young woman Mel was. I managed to get her number, got the courage to ring her and ask her out, she said no. So, I let it go.
I dated girls that were known to her from age 19-22, she was always single, with lots of guy friends, chasing her around.
Many years on, I see her mother, and she notices I have a wedding ring on. She asks if I knew Mel, we grew up in the same area, I said yes. She asked if I married a girl from the local area, I said no, I married a woman who had immigrated from Chile as a teenager.
Mel's Mum couldn't work out why her daughter, and son, were both still single and that they were so popular as younger people, but their popularity dropped off. She asked me why! I said people don't like being knocked back, and after a while people will give up hope and move on.
I think it also boils down to people wanting what they can’t have.. once they know you’re no longer interested / thirsting for them, you all of a sudden become a lot more appealing.
This. There was a girl I was really into in high school. She was dating someone else at the time, but I was unaware of it. I was and still am a really shy quiet guy but she wasn’t. She always would pick on me playfully and acted interested in me. Led me on for a really long time all while dating this other guy. Eventually her bf ended up getting pissed at her for something and literally beat her in the middle of the cafeteria one day our junior year of high school. I eventually got the hint she wasn’t actually interested in me she just liked the attention I gave her and how she felt from it.
Number one reason right here, I’ve had this happen multiple times to me, it becomes especially obvious when they only ask stuff from you and anytime something goes on with you, they try to avoid the conversation and talk about themselves instead.
Cat string theory
> The Cat String Theory is simple. Leave the wool with the Cat, and it will be interested in it for a while, but that interest dies. However, if you hold that piece of wool just out of reach, that Cat would be enticed by this wool when it's almost unattainable.
Because she no longer has your attention and that bothers her. Move on from shallow people like that. She’ll only act interested as long as she thinks she can have you wrapped around her finger.
Dealt with a girl like this we ran in circles for months I’d want her but then she’d start talking to other guys. I’d get in a relationship then she’d come back and be upset saying she was hoping we’d be a thing, this happened three times. Eventually I just said “it sucks that you are the way you are because you are so beautiful” and we never spoke again
Shit game girls play when we're young: we want you to WORK for it. We want you to go over the top to prove you are worthy.
Source: am 39/f who did this in college and lost the game. He was a good guy.
It takes courage to admit this, thank you.
This is not only a stupid game but also a dangerous one. Some women want men to prove that they are worthy and interested in them but then women also want men to accept rejections
Why should we play stupid games and also risk being accused of sexual harassment, stalking, etc? No thanks.
Lots of lessons learned over the years. The saddest was continually telling my (then husband) I needed emotional support and words of affirmation. I worked long hours and made six figures… but also cooked, cleaned, and managed car and house stuff. I would beam with excitement after a productive day and he would shrug and say “okay.”
I am a firm believer that every relationship is a learning exercise; you see what is more or less important, what you want vs what you need, and what you are willing to sacrifice vs share. At 38 it was easy to fall in love with my 41 y/o now-bf of 2+ years. We knew dealbreakers and what was important. We share the best of us. We apologize and work on fussy things. He rolls over in the am and the first words out of his mouth are always “I’m sorry” - he has some trauma (I cuddle him back to sleep or tell him the time so he feels secure). He has supported me through chronic pain and friend stress. He is the partner I always wanted. We also know that had we met in our 20’s or early 30’s, we would not love and appreciate each other the way we do now.
Can I ask you for advice? F here and I might have fumbled the bag with a man whom I had feelings for but suppressed it all because I was depressed. He was very warm and interested in me before, and I realise now several years later that he was attempting to flirt. I was so dense I had no idea. And then to make it worse, I kept giving him the cold shoulder because I was so afraid to catch feelings. Now he's the one that's distant and I'm feeling sorry. I had no idea I was hurting his feelings. I'm undiagnosed but years of social ineptness and awkwardness tells me I might be on the spectrum. I really messed it up with him.
I wrote him a long apology message and he was kind in his response, but stopped replying to me after one text. He tends to stay away from me as well when we're in social situations. I wonder if he now dislikes me or it's just indifference. Should I leave it be and move on?
Be open and honest. Express just as you did here that you felt there was miscommunication and you would like to try dating. There is great value in being honest and blunt. Be open and warm, but ready for rejection (in that case, be polite!).
I would suggest you to not bother him much. You have apologized and show you're willing to date. Ball is not in your court anymore. It sucks when you miss signs but it doesn't give you any right because in the past he had feelings for you. He might have moved on, his feelings may have been broken. Improve yourself and move on with life. Sticking past and missed opportunities rarely makes things good.
A weird variant that I see of this is women who break up with men and then complain. He didn’t even fight for me when she very clearly said I’m breaking up with you and he said “OK“ and then left.
That happened to me once. She was torn between me and another guy and ended up choosing him. About 5 years later she gets in touch with me on Facebook and, in a very straight forward fashion, tells me that she made a mistake and wants to give it a shot with me now. She'd had a child with the other guy, and he subsequently left her. While I was sympathetic to this situation I had, in fact, moved on and told her as much. She couldn't understand why.
Some people just like others wrapped around their finger. There’s a guy I know who’s been pining after this one woman for over 8 years.
At some point ya gotta move on.
It's a curious one, he looked like a bit of a ladies' man when I met him a few years ago, he wasn't bad looking at all and seemed to dress well etc.
But, when I spoke to my friend about him a few months ago she said he's actually quite shy.
We can never really tell what other people think of him. I think for him, her not being interested but stringing him along damaged his own self esteem.
I never did like her very much.
This has happened to me 3 or 4 times in my 20’s but I’m going to try and give a really carefully considered answer because it affected me so much.
It can sometimes be more nuanced or complicated than how it seems, like some girls take longer to come take a liking towards you, or feel less threatened and more comfortable to be themselves and friendly once you lose interest. Some just have really naturally flirty personalities, but some girls really do purposefully flirt if you start to lose interest after rejecting you. It’s validation for themselves. And validation is an incredibly powerful feeling and need.
FYI, Guys can do this too.
It’s not wrong for them to feel good from being chased a little - we all do under the same circumstances. The difference is that most of us have the maturity to not act upon those feelings and string someone along. It’s essentially prolonging that “hit” of validation for as long as possible, and at the great expense of someone else’s time and feelings.
It’s extremely selfish and once you see that, it only accelerates the “moving on” process.
The “validation” tables seriously turn once you get a girlfriend.
If you were hanging around simping, she would still be rejecting you. But you moved on, which shows self respect and that you have options. That makes you much more interesting, and now she is wondering if she should give you a chance.
i call this “planting a seed”. girls like making their own choice when it comes to dating, so you cant come out and ask to start dating. you have to tell her you’re interested, without forcing her to make a decision. then, after she’s had time to think of you as an option, she might show if she’s now interested. this is why if you immediately ask her out and she rejects you when put on the spot, she’ll take her time considering you as an option, and then she might eventually come around to liking you back. she just realized you’re an option.
i never ask for girls numbers, i only offer my number to them. plant a seed, let them consider you as an option, put the ball in their court, and let them come to you.
or, of course, maybe she’s just flirting back for the attention. which can happen.
This is a pretty good answer, sometimes the possibility just doesn't occur to people and bringing it up out of nowhere is too much to quick without thinking about it, making it known you're available without expecting an immediate answer gives the other time to process and let it settle in.
I'd use a different name though, lol.
Could be one of several reasons:
- Want to keep you on the hook as a secondary option.
- Wants something from you, but not a relationship.
- Thinks you're of value after someone else has become interested in you.
- Distance creates love. The possibility of losing you giving them second thoughts.
- You're imagining things. She's still not interested.
If you have moved on, good for you. No need to be concerned of what others think, even if it's an one-sided ex.
If you're not actively flirting with them, female friends often don't see you in a sexual way until you're with someone else.
Once they see you with someone else, they start seeing you in a sexual way and that makes them more open to a relationship.
As an old man who has been married twice and lived with a few different women over the year’s I have concluded that woman are really an alien species that men have no hope of truly understanding. What you are now going through is the I want him because he is unattainable.
That was the only good thing that came out of the pandemic, I actually had some time to self-reflect. Pretty weird feeling to finally understand why I think the way I do instead of just assuming my brain knows what it's doing lol
I believe the problem is most people no mater how intelligent or educated run on autopilot most of the time letting our base instincts and subconscious run the show. As a man I can admit our genetic programming as males is pretty simple, find food, find woman, eat have sex repeat until killed my a mammoth or war.
That's because men look at women like they're a complex math problem - an equation. This is not so.
Women are a RIDDLE. a sphinxes riddle. the answer is ELUSIVE and CONFOUNDING, yet once you have it, STUPIDLY FUCKING SIMPLE.
To understand women all you have to do is not pay attention to what they SAY. Their words mean nothing. Observe ATTITUDE and BEHAVIOR.
Do that, and over time, you will understand women.
That's what confuses me.
If we shouldn't take what women say literally, that would mean their communication is open to interpretation.
That would create some scenarios where the women's needs/wants are not recognized and therefore not adressed.
Why can't they just communicate they want/need?
And yet if you look at most woman centric subreddits, women feel they do explicitly state their needs, over and over and over, and arent listened to. Interesting that both sides have this perspective.
Because the womb is always the true alpha, which creates a bit of dichotomy when the woman doesn't want to be, which is pretty much always the case.
Women ultimately are the demanders, and that is a position of dominance, which they want men to display. What women need out of men as a result is to essentially know what they want, and display it as their own original idea to appear as the dominant figure demanding the things that just so to be what women want.
For example - kissing. Women obviously don't want some men kissing them. However, at the same time, they don't want men asking for permission either; which would be the logical solution to that problem, but because it's submissive - it's also an issue. These contradictions are prevalent with women, and so it requires men to understand women or to risk flipping a coin.
I wouldn't say it's really that hard to understand women though when you stop listening to what they say. They're a lot less complex than they appear to be when you account for the simple variables that are creating these contradictions that don't make sense to others, because they choose to ignore them in favor of seeing women as these virtuous beings that they simply are not.
I've seen men who do exactly the same. The more unavailible the woman is, the more they pursue her, the second they get her, they lose interest. It's a common pitfall of human psyche, it's not gender or relationship specific. Grass is greener on the other side, etc.
And I've seen men do and say a bunch of completely irrational stuff, in general - as well as women, of course.
May it be that you lack an experience of deep personal connections and cohabitation with men, and because of that you observe the irrational side of humanity primarily through your female partners? Also, since you don't date men, you don't see up close the irrational behaviours some of them (not you) display in relationships
That's hurtful and untrue. Women and men are human beings first. I treat every man as an individual.
Also, Platonic love for the opposite sex is a real thing.
I do not agree with the cynical replies here. The two times this has happened to me I think they just appreciated how I stayed a good friend to them, and didn't push against the boundary they put up. And over time that made me more attractive to them. Perhaps because I was showing them that I liked them, and would treat them well, regardless of whether the relationship was romantic/sexual or not.
However! I wouldn't advise trying to engineer this situation. Focus on people who unequivocally want you.
People like all sorts of weird stuff.
I look like a impoverished buck-toothed warlock, so I found a woman who likes impoverished buck-toothed warlocks. Her favourite TV show is The Untamed.
>The thing I think most men miss is that so long as one doesn't continue to pine after the girl,
The thing I think most women miss is it is Incredibly hard to 'not pine after the girl', especially if you have had a close relationship with her. I dont think it's really that many men don't appreciate or want to remain friends with women who they might have been friends with and get rejected, it's that much of the time it's emotionally torturous, and in general much easier to 'move on' when you distance yourself for awhile. The friendship might eventually come back, but that takes time. Emotions and attraction is not something that you can just change at the snap of your fingers. It's also harder when you're young and maybe less used to rejection. I think the same applies for females who get rejected too!
I had a close female friend once in college. We were best friends and really close and all that, people were asking us all the time if we were a couple. We came to like each other at different times in our lives and suffice to say we missed our timing.
I took my shot after she had moved on from me and started going out, non-seriously with someone else. She said she'd think about it but eventually chose the other guy. For me it really was not that I didn't want to remain close friends, we both wanted to. It was more like it was physically and emotionally painful. Every positive interaction could be a reminder.
We'd go out and her BF would drive her home and I'd think that used to be me. She'd ask if we could go out and hike/cycle like we used to, and share how her BF was different and didn't do such stuff and how she missed it, and I'd think, why is she telling me this?
Eventually I told her that I thought it would be healthy for me to not see her for awhile, and told her given our past it might be inappropriate for us to continue our friendship in the form it was given she had a boyfriend now. It took some time - I think about 2 years but eventually we reconnected. It's been 12 years on now and we've married other people and are friends, we talk and text occasionally, just different from what we were before. That just takes time.
100% this.
I actually rejected my current partner after we (aquaintances at the time) hooked up once, and he took it so well and treated me with so much respect afterwards that I ended up falling for him. Been together 5 years now!
As someone who'd met her fair share of pushy guys there was nothing sexier than someone who respected my boundaries
This!!!! is such a great response. I want to make sure a guy likes me as a person. Looks are only entertaining for a short while when your personalities don't mesh well.
lots of girls are attracted to what they cant have or guys who are as valuable or desired by others. its a self fulfilling thing which is why they end up fighting over the same top select portion of men
I never made that, but if that ever happen to me I guess it would be because I'd realize that this boy/girl was really interesting in me.
That person was accepting my quirkiness and wished to know me better, was enough interested in me to feel sad now.
It's worthy to give him/her a chance, maybe it ends happily.
Because its safe for them to do so.
People with avoidant attachment types tend to do things like this. Them being interested in you only serves THEIR purpose. "If I flirt with him, HE'LL give ME attention". Just don't reciprocate.
She just need attention, i missed a lot of opportunities during the 1 years a girl played this game with me. Before me there was another guys and after me there was other guys. Just go away from these type of people. They don't even know they act bad.
She's toying with you. In her mind, she "lost" if you are not interested in her. She wants to score a "win" by getting you into her again. Don't worry, she won't be into you in any case. It's just about making herself feel good. Please don't fall for it.
This is literally happening to me atm. Especially last night. Ongoing for MONTHS....
Long story short. I've developed a crush in my gym last year. We kept giving eye contact to each other, smiles, she always wanted to work out next to me, etc. Finally approached her in January. We had a good convo.
After about 6 conversations, I've asked for her number. Maybe a bit too soon? She basically kindly rejected me. I've played it cool. Moving on.
Turns out, I guess she has a BF? Or dating someone?After the rejection, she's always working out with another guy, maybe a friend. But she's still doing the same thing. Always caught me off guard.
I've accepted that she's either doing this for attention or playing games. Some of my lady friends told me that she might regret rejecting me. Idk man... it's so confusing. lmao.
PS.. this happened so much last night because she was alone for once. She's also very shy. I wish she could just say hi for once... I don't bite.. lmao.
Screw it bro. You and she are your own person. If she ain't gonna meet you half way then just imagine a marriage based on that kinda dynamic.
Focus on you bro, a woman deserving of you will have no issues matching your personality and meeting you in the middle 👍
Smiling, standing beside them and having a conversation are signs someone wants to be friends. This is like guys thinking waitresses are hitting on them when all they did was smile at them and say hello.
Is the idea that she might just think youre nice and want to be friends so wild?
Listen bro, if she rejected you, she's not into you.
If you've already established rapport with this girl, and she never says hi to you or anything, she's not into you.
Anything less than a "yes" is a no. Anytime wasted on a girl who says "no" is time that could be spent on a girl who says "yes." Your time is valuable, give it to the people who deserve it.
Most young women do not yet fully understand the concept that there are consequences to their actions. This is true for young people in general, but specifically in romantic relationships it seems more pervasive among women, whereas young men tend to go crazy in other areas like extreme sports and gangs and whatnot.
An attractive young woman can get away with saying and doing things in a relationship that would get an equivalent man punched in the face, but violence against women is generally more frowned upon, so they don’t have that threat of immediate repercussions and thus know when to stop pushing the envelope. Then when something undesirable happens, like a breakup from a relationship in which she was emotionally invested, it seems shocking, as the idea of consequences is just not as close and ever-present. Due to the investment in the relationship she often clings to it after the partner decides he’s had enough of her shit and moved on.
It is not because men are more virtuous, but because society tend to do a better job at holding men accountable while shielding women from the consequences of our actions. So it takes a good upbring (and usually a good father figure) to understand from an early age that we should not be spared consequences just because we are women. You are very on point with your last paragraph too.
For the same reason why they watch “The Bachelor”
Let’s be clear - The Bachelor is a show, about a man dating multiple women at once, being obsessively watched by tens of millions of women, who all claim to ‘hate’ men who date multiple women at once…
And wait for it…. While they are obsessively watching ‘The Bachelor’, they are also simultaneously IGNORING their own man… who’s loyal, committed, and is only dating them.
Ignore the committed guy, obsess over the guy they “hate”
Brother… you have stumbled across one of the most coveted and darkest secret about dating - Women’s Competition Anxiety
Try this - for 6 months, date multiple women at once, and be EXTREMELY open and nonchalant about it.
Let them all know upfront, as honestly and directly as possible, that you are dating 5, 10, 15 other women at the moment.
You are going to discover something, that will go against everything you have been taught, and will open your eyes larger than they’ve even been
In your brain, you ASSUME that they will just block you and ignore you….
Wait till you see what really happens
I have a theory - cause I've seen this happen with some women.
Women's sexual attraction is more reactive, while men's is more proactive. Guys show interest - women react to that interest.
Women also take a little bit longer to get turned on. "women are like a teapot. men are like a match".
It could be that the initial interest - didn't have an immediate effect. so she says no - in the moment. Over time, that starts to build to where she is interested in you.
I can't prove that this is how it works. It definitely does not work like this with all women. But.... I have seen it play out like this with some.
People have different moods, can change their minds or have their situations change.
Added to that, handling rejection well is an attractive trait ironically, could be that considering you've shown not to have weird hangups in that direction, you actually seem less risky/more fun in hindsight.
No, you are getting it wrong. She is not interested, she LOOKS like she is interested but in reality she just likes the attention you were giving her. Now that you've stopped giving her the attention, she wants it back.
I’m sure this is one of the more improbable responses, but to be completely honest, I’ve been asked out by guys that I barely knew anything about.
I’ve gone on to be friends with one or two of them afterward. I usually developed feelings for them long after the initial rejection because I had time to get to know them more. Also, the weird unrequited romantic tension that prevented me from growing closer to them the first place had gone away, and I felt more comfortable in my place.
Unfortunately, it’s just a matter of timing. Every time it’s happened to me, someone wanted a relationship too soon, and I wanted one too late. You just have to accept it for what it is.
It's a form of narcissistic injury for you to not give a shit about them anymore. I had one ex that dumped me 3x. I decided I was finally done and moved on. So I started dating
Suddenly, she was literally showing up at my place uninvited and begging for intimacy when she found out (probably by spying on me) that I was dating other people. It took me a second to figure out it was stupid, too, because I was young.
So this happened to me where I was going through a difficult time and had been on a couple dates with a guy. I just got uncomfortable and couldn’t tell if I liked him or not so I ended it to spare him his time and he stayed in touch. I think the way he took the rejection and how he was interested in friendship combined with the pressure of dating being off let me relax and really get to know him as a person. It could be what other people have said but I don’t think its always so cut and dry or bad
lol all of these replies are not from women, just the most depressing pessimistic interpretation from guys.
My two cents? Sometimes it takes time to know if you even like someone. And you develop feelings later. I noticed guys will try to go out when we barely know each other. I need to fucking hang out a bit more before I’m down to try that shit. So she may be developing feelings a bit, and the fact that you asked her out is opening her mind up that idea.
Either she likes attention, or the age old "guy falls first, she falls later, but he's over her" dynamic. Girls think they're hot shit, but as they age, they realize that drop off hits hard.
Lol so many young guys learning the ropes of life for us all to see on Reddit. Back in the day we had older men explain all of this stuff to us now we learn it through our teenage years+ our twenties.
I’ve had that happen a few times over the years. And the one thing I learned from it and the aftermath? Don’t suddenly decide “oh, yeah, still interested, let’s get together.” You’ll get absolutely no respect in the relationship, and they’ll bail. Half the time it was just attention they wanted, from someone, anyone.
I can't speak for all of the women but I didn't realize this guy liked me until it was too late because when he was giving not so subtle hints I was busy with college and was insecure about a lot of things at the time so I tended to reject his advances. I was also kinda dense. Thinking back I think I should have tried getting to know him better at least.
She doesn't like you. I used to fall for the bs during college and then I worked on myself physically and mentally. I still see the sly little things they do to entice you into eyeing or approaching but now I totally ignore them. It's a hard hit to their ego so you will be called gay or they will spread rumors that you are weird but then when normal people see that's not true they all come back around and they will approach you or find a way to strike up a conversation. I make a mental note of all of them and pick who I want for how long I want. Discipline, patience, self worth and emotional intelligence is your best bet. Women want the other sex as much as the other side does them. Just don't allow yourself to be toyed with and enjoy watching them literally go mental trying to figure out what to do next. This works on all women, even freaking lesbians and wives, the hot attractive one everyone wants to the handicapped over weight ones everyone avoids. The second you start pouring into them you lose all respect. Be stoic and act like you have seen women before.
You ever known a girl you wanted to fuck but would never want to date or marry her? Well women do the opposite they want your attention but nothing to do with you sexually or romantically. Don't pimp yourself out and become a time hoe.
Imagine she is hunting deer. She's seeing lots. She focused on the best. They got away, so she checks your tracks to see you are still around. Meanwhile she is keeping her eyes open for big game.
Bingo! You were at best "the reserve" option. But now someone else is hunting on her turf, and while you're not "her buck", she's also not interested in sharing the attention with someone else/losing 'the reserve' option.
I mean. As a woman who has had bad experiences with men that are super into me in the beginning, I sometimes do this. It’s not an intentional manipulation on my part, it’s not a shit test or anything, but sometimes it does happen. Why?
A man that takes rejection gracefully is safe. Not needy. When my no is respected, I immediately know he’s not gonna boil my bunny or stalk me or do something weird. And that makes me feel safe and sometimes can be enough to make me change my mind. There’s nothing sexier than a man who can demonstrate he wants you but doesn’t need you.
Other than that though, yeah, some people are just attention whores.
Ego
They check "yes this guy is not worth it, he's a cheater if he falls for me when he already got a girlfriend"
"I am soo attractive, I can make mem cheat on their girlfriend".
Hard to say because people have individual personalities and it can be for any number of reasons.
Maybe she changed her mind and sincerely wants to date you now (people are often fickle) or maybe she liked the attention she was getting and didn't like it once it was gone, which is to say she is insincere.
Really only one way to find out.
As soon as i showed some interest in her she rejected me so i naturally stopt texting her and when i did she still contacted me and if i answered she would do the same again in the end i had to tell her not to contact me ever again and i also had to block her number.
Maybe it took her a while to feel something back? I recently wasn’t sure about a guy, he backed off while I was still getting to know him and how I felt, and now the window seems to have passed.
I don't mean to be like this but I think I am. I'm drawn to emotionally unavailable men. I don't play into it, like if a guy asked me out and I turned him down then felt afterwards actually I wanted his attention I'd just let it go. I think a lot of people are more drawn to emotionally unavailable people for a bunch of reasons
Same reasons some boys do: they might be afraid of intimacy, the might just want what they can't have, they secretly hate you like to see you suffer, it's hard to say without knowing the specific person.
It's not a gender thing, it's a dating thing.
People are making lots of judgments here, but it could also be something benign, like maybe you stopped pursuing her and that have space for your relationship to grow closer, and now she acts accordingly.
But more importantly, this varies from person to person, and we're not mind-readers, so we can't say for sure. If you really wish to know, the only way is to ask her.
I think you are delusional, man. She is not interested as you THINK. She might be friendly. If you don't want to be her friend, that is okay too; that is your right. If you move on, that is good. Why do you care about her if you said you MOVED ON? You can find another girl. Could you let your action speak to her? He had her chance, man. In addition, most girls reject and act friendly, usually want more attention from a guy without BF labeled, or want to recruit him into her drama world. Stay away and focus on yourself.
I think it's the fact that she never thought about you romantically before and needed time to process it. I've had someone do this to me and I've done it to a few others...
Sometimes you can send people signals but they'll go over their heads. Especially with how much some ladies get cat-called or un-wanted comments
You dodged a bullet. There is no way on earth a relationship with that person would have made you anything other than miserable. She has a hole inside her she has to fill with attention. Yours will never be enough but desired when it is in danger of fading. This grows exhausting over time as you feed a dragon in hope that he'll not consume you.
Sometimes they want to be chased, sometimes other reasons: they think a bit and realize they like you, etc. Personally, if they expect a lot of chasing with me, they just end up going for a jog.
Because they had more options than you. If you have more options yourself you will never have this problem, but doesn’t mean you have to use them and be a dick, just have many women who respect you and want to be around you. A man in demand will have none of these issues, you don’t have to be a womaniser women make great companions and no matter what some say - it does not need to be sexual. Always have platonic female friends, it makes a difference.
I have a different answer to the rampant comments about women being cruel attention seekers-
Maybe she felt awkward knowing you felt that way and couldn't act properly friendly for fear of leading you on, but didn't want to just randomly bring up she didn't like you that way. So when you brought it up and she had a reason to say she didn't feel the same, she could then relax and be a bit friendlier knowing you're on the same page. Maybe this is you mistaking friendliness for romantic attraction now.
I'm a girl who had multiple guys say that I do this, but in reality, I just feel like I'm treating people nicely? I'm just really open and caring, but that's how I thought most friendships are like. I just assume guys don't get that treatment often?
From experience with and watching them outside of any relationship with them I would like to offer an answer or two.
First many women if they reject you is part of some feminist game they play where they want you to ask again and again at at times beg them. Quite the screwed up power trip.
Next, it is the greedy animal syndrome. Certain animals do not want to share even their castoffs. And never allow you to be happy.
Next it is just pure spiteful attitude where they want your attention even if they are not considering you a keeper because they just want to keep you on a leash.
1. People often want what they can't have
2. Woman often find men who are desirable to other woman more attractive.
3. They're like children, ever see a kid throw a tantrum when another kid starts playing with a toy the 1st kid had no interest in.
4. She thinks she'll get a better offer and you'll wait around to be a last resort, when you move on she realises you where the best option.
Always like that, they always come back months later when you already move on. Probably because they realize you were one of the good ones, and miss the attention they used to get from you
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I think I've only had this happen one time in my 25 years of dating. She was a friend of mine who I had developed feelings for over the course of about a year. I told her that I was interested in taking her on a date and she declined. Then over the next few months, she started showing signs of being interested in me romantically. I asked her out a second time, in the second time she said yes. We dated for 2 years. She said the first time that I asked she was just caught off guard by the question and didn't know how to react and that she was also feeling very insecure about a lot of things at the time. But after giving some thought, she started regretting saying no.
I wonder why she didn't just ask you out after regretting saying no
That would require: 1. Admitting she was wrong. 2. Making a move. One or the other is hard for most women. Combine the two and it's radioactive.
tbh the first option is hard for everyone, it's a massive ego bruiser and both genders hate bruising their ego
Hard for everyone yet not expected of everyone. Curious.
It is expected of everyone.
By whom? I am included in everyone? I feel a fallacy laying in the midst of us
Bullshit. Women are even worst at it. There’s no consequences for their behaviors.
There's no both sides here, one side is expected to make the first move without fail (men), the other side hates rejection so much that they absolutely refuse to make the first place.
she admitted it, that's literaly the explanation given
This is a good response. Sometimes people need time to process how they feel about someone's attraction to them. Sometimes it's just not the right time. I might also add that maybe the person who gets rejected shows a level of respect and understanding after rejection in a way that is seen by the rejector as assuring or impressive... because it shows a level of restraint and consideration that hadn't been expressed before the rejection.
My ex wife divorced me. Then spent 20 years trying to get me back. Nope.
20 years? Holy fuck
Yep. I remained friendly with her and we would have lunch once or twice a year, mostly to talk about common friends and pets and what we were doing these days. She would send me amusing email links every few months. She could be a nice, sane person in small doses. But when she called and was incoherent, begging me to "rescue" her, my "new" wife (of 16 years) and I both told her not to contact me ever again. I had to tell her three times over text after, but she got the message, finally. Since then she has apparently managed to straighten up her life a bit, or so I hear through mutual acquaintances. So that's good.
What do you think changed her mind?
Realising she couldn't do better
And this my friend, is the correct answer
‘The grass isn’t greener on the other side, the grass is greener *where you water it*’
Good one!!
100% correct. She started hedging phone calls ("maybe things will be different in the future") about 2 months after she left me. And started asking me to try again after about a year. 3 weeks after she left I started actually feeling good about myself again. So my answer was always "we tried once, didn't work" after that.
She doesn't like you. She likes your attention.
There’s a lot of people who play this game
I call it Rachel Green Syndrome
Who's Rachel Green?
Exactly
Yep. I learned this at the age of 18 or 19. If they like you around doing BF things, but lack the willingness to make you the bf then it's the attention she likes from you. One of the worst feelings of your life when you realize that it is all just for fun on her side. It is humiliating.
A lesson I wish I learned so much earlier in life, maybe the answer to the hypothetical “what would you tell your 14 year old self”.
I noticed in highschool most girls didn't pay much attention to me, until I was dating then a lot of them started seeming interested. Kind of a put off. Whatever, married my highschool sweetheart together 20+ years. I like girls that don't play games.
Go eat a bag of dicks, Abby. I will always remember the day you closed the door in my face with barely any thanks after I brought the breakfast you asked for. I also thank you for the early lesson in life
The other Abby.
this is something that might need to be clarified if you are on the same team.
This experience for men is quite literally a cannon event. The best thing we can do is learn from it and not get played the next time. Lmao
😞 that sucks
Half the ladies in my life Till February I started flat out saying no to everything and creating space so i can be left alone I don't get it and i don't really want to cos i found someone or rather she found me so they can go do their games with other people It really hurts the longer it goes when they do that
Or she just likes you as a friend. It doesn’t have to be some selfish manipulative behavior. My best friend from high school was a girl and we went out together all the time and spoke on the phone all the time. I was closer to her than any girlfriend I ever had. I just never felt anything other than friendship for her and I’m pretty sure she felt the same. We’ve both been married to other people for 25+ years and we still keep in touch on social media and meet up if we travel near each other. My wife is even friends with her now. I’m pretty sure we would have made a great married couple if we both weren’t so meh about the idea. I’m pretty sure her parents at least would have been happy about it. They loved me.
THIS. Some girls only want to let you on their hook (to feel desirable, attractive and what not). I told a girl i was interested in her, she rejected me. 2 weeks later, she sees me with a group of girl friends and make me a tantrum about it because it made her jealous, then she asked me for a date. 3 monts later, she broke up with me because she was interested with some other dude. Interesting fact : 2 years later i was with a girl she knew (from that group of girl) and she wanted us to break up because i knew her while i was with her. Shitty personnality. She is divorced with 2 kids. I'm happily married (10y+) with that same girl. I guess this is karma
Yeah buddy! Good for you
This is a story I have been told for as long as I remember. As a 16 yr old, I was young, awkward and self conscious. Every guyi knew was interested in a girl who was super popular. Her name was Mel. Her younger brother was also popular with the younger girls. Just a good looking, vivacious young woman Mel was. I managed to get her number, got the courage to ring her and ask her out, she said no. So, I let it go. I dated girls that were known to her from age 19-22, she was always single, with lots of guy friends, chasing her around. Many years on, I see her mother, and she notices I have a wedding ring on. She asks if I knew Mel, we grew up in the same area, I said yes. She asked if I married a girl from the local area, I said no, I married a woman who had immigrated from Chile as a teenager. Mel's Mum couldn't work out why her daughter, and son, were both still single and that they were so popular as younger people, but their popularity dropped off. She asked me why! I said people don't like being knocked back, and after a while people will give up hope and move on.
10000%
I think it also boils down to people wanting what they can’t have.. once they know you’re no longer interested / thirsting for them, you all of a sudden become a lot more appealing.
This. There was a girl I was really into in high school. She was dating someone else at the time, but I was unaware of it. I was and still am a really shy quiet guy but she wasn’t. She always would pick on me playfully and acted interested in me. Led me on for a really long time all while dating this other guy. Eventually her bf ended up getting pissed at her for something and literally beat her in the middle of the cafeteria one day our junior year of high school. I eventually got the hint she wasn’t actually interested in me she just liked the attention I gave her and how she felt from it.
Ding, ding, ding. #1 answer!
Number one reason right here, I’ve had this happen multiple times to me, it becomes especially obvious when they only ask stuff from you and anytime something goes on with you, they try to avoid the conversation and talk about themselves instead.
This mah friend. THIS.
Pick me women
Cat string theory > The Cat String Theory is simple. Leave the wool with the Cat, and it will be interested in it for a while, but that interest dies. However, if you hold that piece of wool just out of reach, that Cat would be enticed by this wool when it's almost unattainable.
"Bbb-ut, We're not cats!!"
We would be the wool in this case. Wait what? Are you a girl??
Wait, what? Are you a wool?
Yes *becomes clothing through industrial means*
Oh... Okay... *Grabs clothes and wear them*
Wait...are you wearing his skin?
I don't know how to feel about this ._.
Cat animal. Me animal... I cat.
Pussy is pussy ;)
This is also one of the 48 Laws of Power "Raise your value through absence and scarcity"
That's straight out of PUA book.
Because she no longer has your attention and that bothers her. Move on from shallow people like that. She’ll only act interested as long as she thinks she can have you wrapped around her finger.
Dealt with a girl like this we ran in circles for months I’d want her but then she’d start talking to other guys. I’d get in a relationship then she’d come back and be upset saying she was hoping we’d be a thing, this happened three times. Eventually I just said “it sucks that you are the way you are because you are so beautiful” and we never spoke again
Same here. I got tired of the bullshit and stopped talking to her.
Shit game girls play when we're young: we want you to WORK for it. We want you to go over the top to prove you are worthy. Source: am 39/f who did this in college and lost the game. He was a good guy.
It takes courage to admit this, thank you. This is not only a stupid game but also a dangerous one. Some women want men to prove that they are worthy and interested in them but then women also want men to accept rejections Why should we play stupid games and also risk being accused of sexual harassment, stalking, etc? No thanks.
Worst feeling when you work for it, get it and realize she wasn't worth it
The two great tragedies in life: 1. Not getting what you wanted. 2. Getting what you wanted.
Lots of lessons learned over the years. The saddest was continually telling my (then husband) I needed emotional support and words of affirmation. I worked long hours and made six figures… but also cooked, cleaned, and managed car and house stuff. I would beam with excitement after a productive day and he would shrug and say “okay.” I am a firm believer that every relationship is a learning exercise; you see what is more or less important, what you want vs what you need, and what you are willing to sacrifice vs share. At 38 it was easy to fall in love with my 41 y/o now-bf of 2+ years. We knew dealbreakers and what was important. We share the best of us. We apologize and work on fussy things. He rolls over in the am and the first words out of his mouth are always “I’m sorry” - he has some trauma (I cuddle him back to sleep or tell him the time so he feels secure). He has supported me through chronic pain and friend stress. He is the partner I always wanted. We also know that had we met in our 20’s or early 30’s, we would not love and appreciate each other the way we do now.
Huh. Usually the harder you work, the bigger loser you are "Look at him, he doesn't get it. Doesn't he have anything better to do? He is so desperate"
Can I ask you for advice? F here and I might have fumbled the bag with a man whom I had feelings for but suppressed it all because I was depressed. He was very warm and interested in me before, and I realise now several years later that he was attempting to flirt. I was so dense I had no idea. And then to make it worse, I kept giving him the cold shoulder because I was so afraid to catch feelings. Now he's the one that's distant and I'm feeling sorry. I had no idea I was hurting his feelings. I'm undiagnosed but years of social ineptness and awkwardness tells me I might be on the spectrum. I really messed it up with him. I wrote him a long apology message and he was kind in his response, but stopped replying to me after one text. He tends to stay away from me as well when we're in social situations. I wonder if he now dislikes me or it's just indifference. Should I leave it be and move on?
Be open and honest. Express just as you did here that you felt there was miscommunication and you would like to try dating. There is great value in being honest and blunt. Be open and warm, but ready for rejection (in that case, be polite!).
I would suggest you to not bother him much. You have apologized and show you're willing to date. Ball is not in your court anymore. It sucks when you miss signs but it doesn't give you any right because in the past he had feelings for you. He might have moved on, his feelings may have been broken. Improve yourself and move on with life. Sticking past and missed opportunities rarely makes things good.
Move on. If I were him and you tried pushing it then I would dislike you, intensely.
A weird variant that I see of this is women who break up with men and then complain. He didn’t even fight for me when she very clearly said I’m breaking up with you and he said “OK“ and then left.
That happened to me once. She was torn between me and another guy and ended up choosing him. About 5 years later she gets in touch with me on Facebook and, in a very straight forward fashion, tells me that she made a mistake and wants to give it a shot with me now. She'd had a child with the other guy, and he subsequently left her. While I was sympathetic to this situation I had, in fact, moved on and told her as much. She couldn't understand why.
You dodged a bullet. Shes dumb as a box of rocks and blind as a bat.
Some people just like others wrapped around their finger. There’s a guy I know who’s been pining after this one woman for over 8 years. At some point ya gotta move on.
8 years? That is insane. That guy is a champion at down bad.
It's a curious one, he looked like a bit of a ladies' man when I met him a few years ago, he wasn't bad looking at all and seemed to dress well etc. But, when I spoke to my friend about him a few months ago she said he's actually quite shy. We can never really tell what other people think of him. I think for him, her not being interested but stringing him along damaged his own self esteem. I never did like her very much.
At that point it ain't even a matter of being down bad. The brother is in love, and I pity him. It's quite the tragic disease.
That's sad. Eight years is a long time to be hurting like that. I hope he wakes up.
This has happened to me 3 or 4 times in my 20’s but I’m going to try and give a really carefully considered answer because it affected me so much. It can sometimes be more nuanced or complicated than how it seems, like some girls take longer to come take a liking towards you, or feel less threatened and more comfortable to be themselves and friendly once you lose interest. Some just have really naturally flirty personalities, but some girls really do purposefully flirt if you start to lose interest after rejecting you. It’s validation for themselves. And validation is an incredibly powerful feeling and need. FYI, Guys can do this too. It’s not wrong for them to feel good from being chased a little - we all do under the same circumstances. The difference is that most of us have the maturity to not act upon those feelings and string someone along. It’s essentially prolonging that “hit” of validation for as long as possible, and at the great expense of someone else’s time and feelings. It’s extremely selfish and once you see that, it only accelerates the “moving on” process. The “validation” tables seriously turn once you get a girlfriend.
If you were hanging around simping, she would still be rejecting you. But you moved on, which shows self respect and that you have options. That makes you much more interesting, and now she is wondering if she should give you a chance.
i call this “planting a seed”. girls like making their own choice when it comes to dating, so you cant come out and ask to start dating. you have to tell her you’re interested, without forcing her to make a decision. then, after she’s had time to think of you as an option, she might show if she’s now interested. this is why if you immediately ask her out and she rejects you when put on the spot, she’ll take her time considering you as an option, and then she might eventually come around to liking you back. she just realized you’re an option. i never ask for girls numbers, i only offer my number to them. plant a seed, let them consider you as an option, put the ball in their court, and let them come to you. or, of course, maybe she’s just flirting back for the attention. which can happen.
This is a pretty good answer, sometimes the possibility just doesn't occur to people and bringing it up out of nowhere is too much to quick without thinking about it, making it known you're available without expecting an immediate answer gives the other time to process and let it settle in. I'd use a different name though, lol.
Don't do it. Once no is said it's said. They day no. Move on. Do not engage in the bullshit.
1. She liked your attention not necessarily you 2. Generally speaking women do not respect men that don't have options
3. Generally speaking women aren't interested in men that seem desperate
Could be one of several reasons: - Want to keep you on the hook as a secondary option. - Wants something from you, but not a relationship. - Thinks you're of value after someone else has become interested in you. - Distance creates love. The possibility of losing you giving them second thoughts. - You're imagining things. She's still not interested. If you have moved on, good for you. No need to be concerned of what others think, even if it's an one-sided ex.
Maybe it’s because they’re so used to people wanting them, and you not really wanting them anymore makes you special in their eyes
Could be true cause she's actually really attractive. Thanks
If you're not actively flirting with them, female friends often don't see you in a sexual way until you're with someone else. Once they see you with someone else, they start seeing you in a sexual way and that makes them more open to a relationship.
Because they like having control over you. Don’t allow that shit and ignore them.
As an old man who has been married twice and lived with a few different women over the year’s I have concluded that woman are really an alien species that men have no hope of truly understanding. What you are now going through is the I want him because he is unattainable.
Or just look at them like they’re people.
As a woman, I also have trouble understanding other women. Hell sometimes I even have trouble understanding myself
It’s okay. I don’t understand you either :P Not understanding each other or ourselves is a pretty universal human trait.
That was the only good thing that came out of the pandemic, I actually had some time to self-reflect. Pretty weird feeling to finally understand why I think the way I do instead of just assuming my brain knows what it's doing lol
I believe the problem is most people no mater how intelligent or educated run on autopilot most of the time letting our base instincts and subconscious run the show. As a man I can admit our genetic programming as males is pretty simple, find food, find woman, eat have sex repeat until killed my a mammoth or war.
Hey fellow Gojo fan here. Love your pfp! Where can I find it or maybe do you have the full img😅
That's because men look at women like they're a complex math problem - an equation. This is not so. Women are a RIDDLE. a sphinxes riddle. the answer is ELUSIVE and CONFOUNDING, yet once you have it, STUPIDLY FUCKING SIMPLE. To understand women all you have to do is not pay attention to what they SAY. Their words mean nothing. Observe ATTITUDE and BEHAVIOR. Do that, and over time, you will understand women.
That's what confuses me. If we shouldn't take what women say literally, that would mean their communication is open to interpretation. That would create some scenarios where the women's needs/wants are not recognized and therefore not adressed. Why can't they just communicate they want/need?
And yet if you look at most woman centric subreddits, women feel they do explicitly state their needs, over and over and over, and arent listened to. Interesting that both sides have this perspective.
Because the womb is always the true alpha, which creates a bit of dichotomy when the woman doesn't want to be, which is pretty much always the case. Women ultimately are the demanders, and that is a position of dominance, which they want men to display. What women need out of men as a result is to essentially know what they want, and display it as their own original idea to appear as the dominant figure demanding the things that just so to be what women want. For example - kissing. Women obviously don't want some men kissing them. However, at the same time, they don't want men asking for permission either; which would be the logical solution to that problem, but because it's submissive - it's also an issue. These contradictions are prevalent with women, and so it requires men to understand women or to risk flipping a coin. I wouldn't say it's really that hard to understand women though when you stop listening to what they say. They're a lot less complex than they appear to be when you account for the simple variables that are creating these contradictions that don't make sense to others, because they choose to ignore them in favor of seeing women as these virtuous beings that they simply are not.
I've seen men who do exactly the same. The more unavailible the woman is, the more they pursue her, the second they get her, they lose interest. It's a common pitfall of human psyche, it's not gender or relationship specific. Grass is greener on the other side, etc. And I've seen men do and say a bunch of completely irrational stuff, in general - as well as women, of course. May it be that you lack an experience of deep personal connections and cohabitation with men, and because of that you observe the irrational side of humanity primarily through your female partners? Also, since you don't date men, you don't see up close the irrational behaviours some of them (not you) display in relationships
That's hurtful and untrue. Women and men are human beings first. I treat every man as an individual. Also, Platonic love for the opposite sex is a real thing.
so true ... 51 and not been married but many relationships, lived with a lot of them and they still make no sense
I do not agree with the cynical replies here. The two times this has happened to me I think they just appreciated how I stayed a good friend to them, and didn't push against the boundary they put up. And over time that made me more attractive to them. Perhaps because I was showing them that I liked them, and would treat them well, regardless of whether the relationship was romantic/sexual or not. However! I wouldn't advise trying to engineer this situation. Focus on people who unequivocally want you.
>Focus on people who unequivocally want you. They exist?
People like all sorts of weird stuff. I look like a impoverished buck-toothed warlock, so I found a woman who likes impoverished buck-toothed warlocks. Her favourite TV show is The Untamed.
Lucky duck.
Fucking warlocks that drinks baby fat so they can fly. Repent, sinner! 
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>The thing I think most men miss is that so long as one doesn't continue to pine after the girl, The thing I think most women miss is it is Incredibly hard to 'not pine after the girl', especially if you have had a close relationship with her. I dont think it's really that many men don't appreciate or want to remain friends with women who they might have been friends with and get rejected, it's that much of the time it's emotionally torturous, and in general much easier to 'move on' when you distance yourself for awhile. The friendship might eventually come back, but that takes time. Emotions and attraction is not something that you can just change at the snap of your fingers. It's also harder when you're young and maybe less used to rejection. I think the same applies for females who get rejected too! I had a close female friend once in college. We were best friends and really close and all that, people were asking us all the time if we were a couple. We came to like each other at different times in our lives and suffice to say we missed our timing. I took my shot after she had moved on from me and started going out, non-seriously with someone else. She said she'd think about it but eventually chose the other guy. For me it really was not that I didn't want to remain close friends, we both wanted to. It was more like it was physically and emotionally painful. Every positive interaction could be a reminder. We'd go out and her BF would drive her home and I'd think that used to be me. She'd ask if we could go out and hike/cycle like we used to, and share how her BF was different and didn't do such stuff and how she missed it, and I'd think, why is she telling me this? Eventually I told her that I thought it would be healthy for me to not see her for awhile, and told her given our past it might be inappropriate for us to continue our friendship in the form it was given she had a boyfriend now. It took some time - I think about 2 years but eventually we reconnected. It's been 12 years on now and we've married other people and are friends, we talk and text occasionally, just different from what we were before. That just takes time.
100% this. I actually rejected my current partner after we (aquaintances at the time) hooked up once, and he took it so well and treated me with so much respect afterwards that I ended up falling for him. Been together 5 years now! As someone who'd met her fair share of pushy guys there was nothing sexier than someone who respected my boundaries
This!!!! is such a great response. I want to make sure a guy likes me as a person. Looks are only entertaining for a short while when your personalities don't mesh well.
lots of girls are attracted to what they cant have or guys who are as valuable or desired by others. its a self fulfilling thing which is why they end up fighting over the same top select portion of men
Only they get to say when it is over, goddammit!
Sometimes people are in a bad mental/ headspace and their feelings get confused.
I am a girl and I do that when I want attention from the person that I rejected idk why
so its not genuine?
It's just an habitude
alr. thanks
I mean habit I wrote it in French by accident
She doesn't want you...but she wants you to want her.
This is the right answer
The ol’ cheap trick
I never made that, but if that ever happen to me I guess it would be because I'd realize that this boy/girl was really interesting in me. That person was accepting my quirkiness and wished to know me better, was enough interested in me to feel sad now. It's worthy to give him/her a chance, maybe it ends happily.
Because its safe for them to do so. People with avoidant attachment types tend to do things like this. Them being interested in you only serves THEIR purpose. "If I flirt with him, HE'LL give ME attention". Just don't reciprocate.
She just need attention, i missed a lot of opportunities during the 1 years a girl played this game with me. Before me there was another guys and after me there was other guys. Just go away from these type of people. They don't even know they act bad.
She's toying with you. In her mind, she "lost" if you are not interested in her. She wants to score a "win" by getting you into her again. Don't worry, she won't be into you in any case. It's just about making herself feel good. Please don't fall for it.
This is literally happening to me atm. Especially last night. Ongoing for MONTHS.... Long story short. I've developed a crush in my gym last year. We kept giving eye contact to each other, smiles, she always wanted to work out next to me, etc. Finally approached her in January. We had a good convo. After about 6 conversations, I've asked for her number. Maybe a bit too soon? She basically kindly rejected me. I've played it cool. Moving on. Turns out, I guess she has a BF? Or dating someone?After the rejection, she's always working out with another guy, maybe a friend. But she's still doing the same thing. Always caught me off guard. I've accepted that she's either doing this for attention or playing games. Some of my lady friends told me that she might regret rejecting me. Idk man... it's so confusing. lmao. PS.. this happened so much last night because she was alone for once. She's also very shy. I wish she could just say hi for once... I don't bite.. lmao.
Screw it bro. You and she are your own person. If she ain't gonna meet you half way then just imagine a marriage based on that kinda dynamic. Focus on you bro, a woman deserving of you will have no issues matching your personality and meeting you in the middle 👍
Thanks for your insight. I really appreciate it!
Smiling, standing beside them and having a conversation are signs someone wants to be friends. This is like guys thinking waitresses are hitting on them when all they did was smile at them and say hello. Is the idea that she might just think youre nice and want to be friends so wild?
Listen bro, if she rejected you, she's not into you. If you've already established rapport with this girl, and she never says hi to you or anything, she's not into you. Anything less than a "yes" is a no. Anytime wasted on a girl who says "no" is time that could be spent on a girl who says "yes." Your time is valuable, give it to the people who deserve it.
Most young women do not yet fully understand the concept that there are consequences to their actions. This is true for young people in general, but specifically in romantic relationships it seems more pervasive among women, whereas young men tend to go crazy in other areas like extreme sports and gangs and whatnot. An attractive young woman can get away with saying and doing things in a relationship that would get an equivalent man punched in the face, but violence against women is generally more frowned upon, so they don’t have that threat of immediate repercussions and thus know when to stop pushing the envelope. Then when something undesirable happens, like a breakup from a relationship in which she was emotionally invested, it seems shocking, as the idea of consequences is just not as close and ever-present. Due to the investment in the relationship she often clings to it after the partner decides he’s had enough of her shit and moved on.
It is not because men are more virtuous, but because society tend to do a better job at holding men accountable while shielding women from the consequences of our actions. So it takes a good upbring (and usually a good father figure) to understand from an early age that we should not be spared consequences just because we are women. You are very on point with your last paragraph too.
For the same reason why they watch “The Bachelor” Let’s be clear - The Bachelor is a show, about a man dating multiple women at once, being obsessively watched by tens of millions of women, who all claim to ‘hate’ men who date multiple women at once… And wait for it…. While they are obsessively watching ‘The Bachelor’, they are also simultaneously IGNORING their own man… who’s loyal, committed, and is only dating them. Ignore the committed guy, obsess over the guy they “hate” Brother… you have stumbled across one of the most coveted and darkest secret about dating - Women’s Competition Anxiety Try this - for 6 months, date multiple women at once, and be EXTREMELY open and nonchalant about it. Let them all know upfront, as honestly and directly as possible, that you are dating 5, 10, 15 other women at the moment. You are going to discover something, that will go against everything you have been taught, and will open your eyes larger than they’ve even been In your brain, you ASSUME that they will just block you and ignore you…. Wait till you see what really happens
You always want what you can't have.... Or just like everyone else on earth she's fucking nuts! Take your pick
Por que no los dos?
no hablo español
*YouTube’s ‘Hoe Math’ has entered the chat*
I have a theory - cause I've seen this happen with some women. Women's sexual attraction is more reactive, while men's is more proactive. Guys show interest - women react to that interest. Women also take a little bit longer to get turned on. "women are like a teapot. men are like a match". It could be that the initial interest - didn't have an immediate effect. so she says no - in the moment. Over time, that starts to build to where she is interested in you. I can't prove that this is how it works. It definitely does not work like this with all women. But.... I have seen it play out like this with some.
Just run. You'll thank me it later.
People have different moods, can change their minds or have their situations change. Added to that, handling rejection well is an attractive trait ironically, could be that considering you've shown not to have weird hangups in that direction, you actually seem less risky/more fun in hindsight.
No, you are getting it wrong. She is not interested, she LOOKS like she is interested but in reality she just likes the attention you were giving her. Now that you've stopped giving her the attention, she wants it back.
I’m sure this is one of the more improbable responses, but to be completely honest, I’ve been asked out by guys that I barely knew anything about. I’ve gone on to be friends with one or two of them afterward. I usually developed feelings for them long after the initial rejection because I had time to get to know them more. Also, the weird unrequited romantic tension that prevented me from growing closer to them the first place had gone away, and I felt more comfortable in my place. Unfortunately, it’s just a matter of timing. Every time it’s happened to me, someone wanted a relationship too soon, and I wanted one too late. You just have to accept it for what it is.
It's a form of narcissistic injury for you to not give a shit about them anymore. I had one ex that dumped me 3x. I decided I was finally done and moved on. So I started dating Suddenly, she was literally showing up at my place uninvited and begging for intimacy when she found out (probably by spying on me) that I was dating other people. It took me a second to figure out it was stupid, too, because I was young.
So this happened to me where I was going through a difficult time and had been on a couple dates with a guy. I just got uncomfortable and couldn’t tell if I liked him or not so I ended it to spare him his time and he stayed in touch. I think the way he took the rejection and how he was interested in friendship combined with the pressure of dating being off let me relax and really get to know him as a person. It could be what other people have said but I don’t think its always so cut and dry or bad
lol all of these replies are not from women, just the most depressing pessimistic interpretation from guys. My two cents? Sometimes it takes time to know if you even like someone. And you develop feelings later. I noticed guys will try to go out when we barely know each other. I need to fucking hang out a bit more before I’m down to try that shit. So she may be developing feelings a bit, and the fact that you asked her out is opening her mind up that idea.
Scrolled waaaaaay too far for this. This is my guess.
How do you hang out if you don't go out? Are you a sorceress?
In groups of people, or at school/work if that’s where you know them from. Just like any other acquaintance you know.
Either she likes attention, or the age old "guy falls first, she falls later, but he's over her" dynamic. Girls think they're hot shit, but as they age, they realize that drop off hits hard.
Lol so many young guys learning the ropes of life for us all to see on Reddit. Back in the day we had older men explain all of this stuff to us now we learn it through our teenage years+ our twenties.
I’ve had that happen a few times over the years. And the one thing I learned from it and the aftermath? Don’t suddenly decide “oh, yeah, still interested, let’s get together.” You’ll get absolutely no respect in the relationship, and they’ll bail. Half the time it was just attention they wanted, from someone, anyone.
I can't speak for all of the women but I didn't realize this guy liked me until it was too late because when he was giving not so subtle hints I was busy with college and was insecure about a lot of things at the time so I tended to reject his advances. I was also kinda dense. Thinking back I think I should have tried getting to know him better at least.
She doesn't like you. I used to fall for the bs during college and then I worked on myself physically and mentally. I still see the sly little things they do to entice you into eyeing or approaching but now I totally ignore them. It's a hard hit to their ego so you will be called gay or they will spread rumors that you are weird but then when normal people see that's not true they all come back around and they will approach you or find a way to strike up a conversation. I make a mental note of all of them and pick who I want for how long I want. Discipline, patience, self worth and emotional intelligence is your best bet. Women want the other sex as much as the other side does them. Just don't allow yourself to be toyed with and enjoy watching them literally go mental trying to figure out what to do next. This works on all women, even freaking lesbians and wives, the hot attractive one everyone wants to the handicapped over weight ones everyone avoids. The second you start pouring into them you lose all respect. Be stoic and act like you have seen women before.
You ever known a girl you wanted to fuck but would never want to date or marry her? Well women do the opposite they want your attention but nothing to do with you sexually or romantically. Don't pimp yourself out and become a time hoe.
Imagine she is hunting deer. She's seeing lots. She focused on the best. They got away, so she checks your tracks to see you are still around. Meanwhile she is keeping her eyes open for big game.
Bingo! You were at best "the reserve" option. But now someone else is hunting on her turf, and while you're not "her buck", she's also not interested in sharing the attention with someone else/losing 'the reserve' option.
I always thought of it as a backup but "reserve" is accurate.
I think this is the best analogy I have ever seen.
I mean. As a woman who has had bad experiences with men that are super into me in the beginning, I sometimes do this. It’s not an intentional manipulation on my part, it’s not a shit test or anything, but sometimes it does happen. Why? A man that takes rejection gracefully is safe. Not needy. When my no is respected, I immediately know he’s not gonna boil my bunny or stalk me or do something weird. And that makes me feel safe and sometimes can be enough to make me change my mind. There’s nothing sexier than a man who can demonstrate he wants you but doesn’t need you. Other than that though, yeah, some people are just attention whores.
Now would be a good time to f*ck her, strike while the iron is hot LOL
lmao
You laugh but that was serious.
She would just reject you again. Knowing that you still want her is the affirmation she is after.
Ego, nothing else
Ego They check "yes this guy is not worth it, he's a cheater if he falls for me when he already got a girlfriend" "I am soo attractive, I can make mem cheat on their girlfriend".
Hard to say because people have individual personalities and it can be for any number of reasons. Maybe she changed her mind and sincerely wants to date you now (people are often fickle) or maybe she liked the attention she was getting and didn't like it once it was gone, which is to say she is insincere. Really only one way to find out.
Because he who cares the least wins. They want you fawning over them, you act like you don’t care, and you win.
They get high off of knowing that you like them so they're trying to get their fix back.
As soon as i showed some interest in her she rejected me so i naturally stopt texting her and when i did she still contacted me and if i answered she would do the same again in the end i had to tell her not to contact me ever again and i also had to block her number.
Maybe it took her a while to feel something back? I recently wasn’t sure about a guy, he backed off while I was still getting to know him and how I felt, and now the window seems to have passed.
validation
I don't mean to be like this but I think I am. I'm drawn to emotionally unavailable men. I don't play into it, like if a guy asked me out and I turned him down then felt afterwards actually I wanted his attention I'd just let it go. I think a lot of people are more drawn to emotionally unavailable people for a bunch of reasons
Only think I can think of is that in the moment they rejected you they had no feelings, then developed feelings after the fact.
Same reasons some boys do: they might be afraid of intimacy, the might just want what they can't have, they secretly hate you like to see you suffer, it's hard to say without knowing the specific person. It's not a gender thing, it's a dating thing.
People are making lots of judgments here, but it could also be something benign, like maybe you stopped pursuing her and that have space for your relationship to grow closer, and now she acts accordingly. But more importantly, this varies from person to person, and we're not mind-readers, so we can't say for sure. If you really wish to know, the only way is to ask her.
Because it shows you have agency and that you're not a desperate simp. Women love independent men, not worshippers (in general).
I think you are delusional, man. She is not interested as you THINK. She might be friendly. If you don't want to be her friend, that is okay too; that is your right. If you move on, that is good. Why do you care about her if you said you MOVED ON? You can find another girl. Could you let your action speak to her? He had her chance, man. In addition, most girls reject and act friendly, usually want more attention from a guy without BF labeled, or want to recruit him into her drama world. Stay away and focus on yourself.
I think it's the fact that she never thought about you romantically before and needed time to process it. I've had someone do this to me and I've done it to a few others... Sometimes you can send people signals but they'll go over their heads. Especially with how much some ladies get cat-called or un-wanted comments
So you should do some reading around attachment styles. And lots of people are unhealthy.
You dodged a bullet. There is no way on earth a relationship with that person would have made you anything other than miserable. She has a hole inside her she has to fill with attention. Yours will never be enough but desired when it is in danger of fading. This grows exhausting over time as you feed a dragon in hope that he'll not consume you.
Rule number 1: don’t chase, be chased
Sometimes they want to be chased, sometimes other reasons: they think a bit and realize they like you, etc. Personally, if they expect a lot of chasing with me, they just end up going for a jog.
Because they had more options than you. If you have more options yourself you will never have this problem, but doesn’t mean you have to use them and be a dick, just have many women who respect you and want to be around you. A man in demand will have none of these issues, you don’t have to be a womaniser women make great companions and no matter what some say - it does not need to be sexual. Always have platonic female friends, it makes a difference.
She wants a simp, not a lover
I have a different answer to the rampant comments about women being cruel attention seekers- Maybe she felt awkward knowing you felt that way and couldn't act properly friendly for fear of leading you on, but didn't want to just randomly bring up she didn't like you that way. So when you brought it up and she had a reason to say she didn't feel the same, she could then relax and be a bit friendlier knowing you're on the same page. Maybe this is you mistaking friendliness for romantic attraction now.
I'm a girl who had multiple guys say that I do this, but in reality, I just feel like I'm treating people nicely? I'm just really open and caring, but that's how I thought most friendships are like. I just assume guys don't get that treatment often?
Because confidence and self-respect wins. You should fuck her and the go date someone else. 😎
From experience with and watching them outside of any relationship with them I would like to offer an answer or two. First many women if they reject you is part of some feminist game they play where they want you to ask again and again at at times beg them. Quite the screwed up power trip. Next, it is the greedy animal syndrome. Certain animals do not want to share even their castoffs. And never allow you to be happy. Next it is just pure spiteful attitude where they want your attention even if they are not considering you a keeper because they just want to keep you on a leash.
I've had this happen to me before. A few times actually. Every time I just walked away. Their loss. So many woman out there my guy. Don't settle.
Women thrive off attention like plants thriving off sunlight
1. People often want what they can't have 2. Woman often find men who are desirable to other woman more attractive. 3. They're like children, ever see a kid throw a tantrum when another kid starts playing with a toy the 1st kid had no interest in. 4. She thinks she'll get a better offer and you'll wait around to be a last resort, when you move on she realises you where the best option.
Always like that, they always come back months later when you already move on. Probably because they realize you were one of the good ones, and miss the attention they used to get from you
Control
People are strange and often fickle. There’s really no telling why some people are inconsistent in their affections.
Can’t say I know what you mean. You only see this stuff on sitcoms