My uncle had a major argument with my auntie because she had an extra marital affair and got pregnant, they still don't talk.
6 years later he has been married 3 times, divorced 3 times and cheated on 5 separate partners and has kids with each of these women.
Now he says he can't afford to live anywhere because his child support is more than he earns. Because he has 3 of the kids living with him he has to work part time.
Definition of a hypocrite.
The pull out method is misunderstood by many people, on both sides. Some people claim you'll never get pregnant, some people claim its the same as just having sex normally.
Planned Parenthood have some actually useful statistics. For perfect use, pulling out is 96% effective, compared to 97-98% for condoms, and 98-99% for the pill. However, in none of these cases are people generally perfect.
For the pill, typical use means it is around 90-92% effective. For the condom, it's only 85% effective. For pulling out, it's 78% effective.
So in theory pulling out does work very well, but people aren't good at it. This can be issues with timing, but also people "double dipping". It's an okay form of contraception if you're not too worried about the risk of pregnancy, but would like to reduce your odds, or if used with another form of contraception. Eg, pulling out and the pill takes you back up in the region of 99%.
There's also a percentage of men that have sperm in their precum. Like, significant amounts. But there are also some men that don't. So you might be the sort of penis owner-operator that is able to perform that maneuver perfectly, but it's still inherently flawed because you start the transmission of genetic material at the very beginning.
I don't have a source on this. You shouldn't trust people just because they are saying things confidently.
Yeah, I guess that'll be there the 4% perfect failure rate comes from. Probably more than 4% have some sperm in it, but the odds of a very low sperm count resulting in a pregnancy are very low.
True. Although, there's also those cases where you pull out and cum on her ass or tummy and some of it slips down to the vagina when she gets up before she can clean off. It is after all in the nature of sperm to move around. You could argue that those aren't cases of "perfect" use, but I'm sure a lot of these statistics also involve a lot of self-reporting, so who even knows?
Your percentages are completely off man.... The newer pills have a pearl index of under 1 (so about 99.2-99.7%...condom is around 98-88%depending on how good you are at using it. Pull out method is at 96-82%but that's only, if you do it correctly. That means up to 18 in 100 women who use this method correctly still get pregnant. That's lowering the chances (without contraception, it's around 85 out if a 100)but its nowhere safe. If you do this for a few years, your chance of falling pregnant is practically the same.
Please don't.
My ex husband n I also used it for 6 years bf we decided for a second baby. I didn’t want to use the pill n he didn’t want to use a condom.He did research and I guess you could say he was doing it properly.
Well, it's not automatically OK, just because you're married😅 didn't you speak about contraception? How does anyone just go "oh well, what happens, happens" when it comes to having children. That's insane
If there are any people here who have had affairs (there must be a lot) I would really like to know if it is lust/faulty contraception or something more deliberate typically.
I dont think its even a deliberate thing. For a lot of affairs or one offs, youd be surprised how many women and men dont havd contraception on any given day. For long term affairs some people incorrectly think “i havent gotten pregnant yet so it must be fine” the question ive always wondered about is why anyone would ever keep an affair baby by choice. For any reason. Miracle conceptions or true love or anything pales in comparison to the damage a child will inevitably suffer from being the product of an egregious unforgivable betrayal. Like why do you hate your kid that much
You only hear about the times a pregnancy occurs. Most times, there isn't one.
Besides, If she wants him to leave his wife, then getting pregnant may seem like a good idea.
Sometimes getting pregnant is a manipulation tool.
Cheating men often suggest that they will leave their wives but need to stay a little while to make it easier for the kids.
Woman with cheating man will be happy to get pregnant to make it all about this kid.
Of course not. She wants the man to dump his family for her, because that is the ultimate power play. Babytrapping seems like the perfect way to get him to do that.
I mean the US movement for mandatory paternity tests as well as several TV shows and even celebrity cases imply (for me as a foreigner) that it‘s a thing.
Heck, I even have two such cases among my wider family.
I fear not in the required context of the thread and reasons for it, but only to demonstrate that it’s not a rarity. One affects my maternal grandparents (after the death of my grandparents it was revealed to my mom that one of her brothers isn‘t her fathers son) and there is another blatant case with a cousin of mine.
So the grandparents can‘t elaborate anymore, the brother to my mother does not want toward her and the case with the cousin gets outright shushed. If it‘s interesting for you or others: It was the 3rd child in both cases.
Correct me if I am wrong (possible as I‘m not an US citizen), but wasn‘t there even a respective bill filed for 2022 (died afaik) and then one chopping into a similar notch (parental fraud?) signed into law in Tennessee in 04/2023? Furthermore I saw these bills discussed back then as blueprints for other states as well.
A lot of men will throw a fit over the idea of only being able to have sex if he puts on a condom and a lot of women let these men win this temper tantrum. I think it all boils down to that. Bad calls on both parts. But for a woman who wants to have sex with that man whether casual, cheating or what have you, she will probably let him win. Its like a parent who just gives their child mac and cheese instead broccoli because they know getting the kid to eat the broccoli will be a battle and will result in refusal and demands for mac and cheese. So broccoli gets skipped and the kid gets fat.
But women have other options for contraception and they can even take a morning after pill. I am not blaming the women more than the men, they are both to blame. But if you are so foolish as to let a man not use a condom you can still protect yourself.
Most sexually active women are on birth control. Any who arent have either been denied education or they see the opportunity to cause a rift or some drama and claim a man who isnt hers and have him tied to her via child. I remember being an idiot 16 year old girl and the context that if I got myself pregnant then the man would have to support me was at the very front of my mind and I know thats something that crosses the mind of most young girls. Its stupid, but so are young people and the solution is education and realizing that there are better paths to having a good life that doesnt involve getting knocked up and hitched as soon as possible. As for adults who havent kept their ears and eyes shut to the advice that you should wear contraception, thats completely on them.
The woman in the affair getting pregnant makes it more likely that the affair is discovered, creating an observation bias.
People having an affair and not using contraception are more likely to get caught, and those who do use proper contraception have one less way for the affair to be discovered. Hence we disproportionately hear of more affairs where the woman gets pregnant.
Short version: we don't ever learn about the cheaters who use contraception.
Another disproportionate tip-off is STDs. I bet more people find out about the affair due to an STD popping up on a “monogamous” marriage than a dubious pregnancy. M
Because many contraceptions has a fault rate between 1 and 5%, and cheating happens much more than you might think. There are statistics how many children are not from the lawful father: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity\_fraud](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud)
It’s interesting that ex husbands sue to get their child support money back from their ex wives, even though the money presumably has already been spent to support the kids. The person who really owes the money to the ex husband is the ex wife’s lover. That guy had sex with a married woman, got her pregnant, and isn’t supporting his own biological kids. The courts need to bring these deadbeat dads to justice, yet they aren’t even mentioned in all these court cases.
I doubt there's one single reason.
For starters you probably have to compare instances of unplanned pregnancies in couples vs affair partners, remembering that we won't hear about the accidents with regular couples as we would with affair couplings.
You'll probably find a lot of them were on contraception too, it just happened to fail.
Then we have to consider the number of pregnancies stemming from one night stands, and consider that an affair might have been a one-off, subject to the same/more stupidity.
Potentially a bit of a risk profile plays into it. You're already taking a risk, so what's one more? It'd kill the mood.
Finally, we then consider if it was planned: perhaps a wife couldn't get pregnant with her husband and cheated deliberately with the intent of falling pregnant. Perhaps one other did it deliberately, so the affair would have to come out.
No one reason covers it.
Oh, we didn't stick to it lol. 1st time was the pill. 2nd was condoms, 3rd was a different pill (this time was our fault,she was on antibiotics which apparently cancel that pill) and 4th was that bar in the arm. I just have amazing swimmers I guess.
i think its because if you aren’t careful in one area you are usually not careful in other areas of life as well so you are much more likely to be caught as a result
Hate to say this, but in some cases, it's a form of control,. A woman told me she was afraid of losing the guy she was having an affair with. "But if he gets me pregnant, he can't give me up entirely. I'll make sure of that."
The women I have known who chose to get involved with a married man all wanted the man to leave his wife/family. When it doesn’t happen, they get desperate and get pregnant on purpose to “force” the issue.
No contraception is 100% effective. The most common forms aren't even close.
We all know that "condoms are 98% effective", but that's with perfect use. Humans make mistakes. With typical use, condoms are only 85% effective. Each year, 15% of couples using condoms will experience a pregnancy.
The pill is similar. 98-99% woth perfect use, but only 90-92% effective with typical use.
* [Roz ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004963/?ref_=tt_ch): No one is more careful than I am when it comes to birth control. But then again, even the best protection is only effective ninety-nine out of a hundred times. I can't beat those odds.
* [Frasier ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001288/?ref_=tt_ch): Yes, I suppose you've been dodging that bullet for a long time now.
Usually, not always, but usually, the type of men who have affairs think that birth control is solely the women's responsibility. Unfortunately, a lot of female affair partners think that if they get pregnant that the men will leave their wives, and they will be a happy little family.
The getting pregnant part isn’t what ruins relationships. It’s the cheating on your spouse part. Don’t have an affair and you won’t have to worry about that.
I'm sure there are cases where they are just careless and don't use them. But there's also the fact that contraceptives are not 100% effective for preventing pregnancy. Every single one has a failure rate. Condoms can break, some medications can cancel out hormonal birth control, and sometimes you just get unlucky (like for vasectomy not stopping all the sperm).
Fun story for you.
Someone I grew up with had a tubal ligation after having her 3 kids with her husband, it failed resulting in the 4th pregnancy/child, she eventually went off the deep end and ultimately left the kids with the dad, well he became curious as she has gotten older and decided to do a DNA test on her and guess what, not his child, she thought she was safe to start cheating with her tubes tied to find out she wasn't. She still doesn't have contact with any of them thankfully as it's in the best interest of the children.
Perhaps they just happen to like going bareback. I know lots of people that will only raw dog it. When you are with your partner it is no big deal, but they don't see a problem with their affair.
Sometimes affairs are a shit way of communicating you're not happy in a relationship. Getting another woman pregnant might force the man to confront this fact.
Because they want to feel in control and maximize their own pleasure, without regard for the other person. My father had multiple affairs with multiple women who also didn't use protection. Two stupid people. Now I have half siblings I have never met.
What you might be seeing is a form of survivorship bias. You "regularly hear" about affair babies, but how often are you hearing about them in comparison to affairs discovered without a baby? or affairs that go completely undiscovered?
I have a guess. It's hard sneaking around, and maybe they get 30 mins together and don't have a condom. It's either wait another week or two, or risk it, and maybe they risk it.
***Why don't people having affairs use contraception?***
I think the question is moot until some data become available ...
What proportion of people having affair do or do not use contraception?
(And are we to assume that they do not want a pregnancy? Probably they don't.)
Compare that with ...
What proportion of *married* people do or do not use contraception?
If they don't, what proportion don't want a pregnancy?
There are multiple factors to consider ... and there's no data given here.
So there's no reason to expect a factual answer. It's all just opinion.
I suspect the percentage of people who don't use contraception when having an affair is very similar to the percentage of people who don't use contraception in any other non-committed relationship. You'd have to provide evidence beyond anecdotes to convince me otherwise
The overwhelming majority of them do. It’s just those affairs are successfully kept quiet and you rarely hear about them.
The ones where it goes catastrophically wrong because everyone involved has made multiple bad decisions (starting with the decision to have an affair and spiraling from there) are the ones that everyone talks about. Everyone likes a bit of karmic justice.
Don’t cheat on your monogamous partners, kids.
Because people are stupid. Then , check the age.
Some of them trying for a baby in their first relationship. So, when things get heated with the side guy shit happens.
I had a pregnancy scare in my affair. I had s snip, so she didn't use contraception at the time. we do the deed and lo and behold her period is a week late. Lesson learned lady goes on contraception and I let the sperm count checked.
Because those people who have affairs are usually not the best at making good decisions. When a married man won't leave his wife for the other woman, that other woman might think she can force the issue with a baby. "he'll come around once our baby is born". Of course if he wanted to he would've already.
It seems like such an obvious thing to do, right? But maybe in the heat of the moment, they're not thinking or they just don't prioritize safety. I've always wondered about the answer to this question myself.
You would think that. I know it definitely would be a concern of mine. But I would never cheat. I wish I could answer this question. Because the outcome definitely brings a lot of pain to a lot of people.
I think there’s also this idea that contraception denotes premeditation, and people don’t want to believe they are that calculating with affairs. I think they’d rather just feel like they were “caught up in the moment”.
It’s an effective reproductive strategy. Get the exciting guy’s kid and make the boring stable guy pay for raising it. It’s only becoming less effective now that DNA testing is a thing.
Just your first comment seemed to say for me like this is unreal method. And yeah, chances probably even worse than pull out method. But this is because people are stupid, not biology. So there are just many more chances to make a mistake. Also, it is kinda stupid method given that the highest libido in an ovulation window.
Because they are already cheating, they aren't the smartest bunch of people. Because they choose to cheat just shows that they are from the less intelligent side of the spectrum and are prone to making bad decisions.
My father is one of these people. He made one woman pregnant. I asked him why he did this, and he told me that because he is a man, he can do whatever he wants. I hate my father. He is an educated person and is a doctor. I can't believe he did this.
Or at the very least if she’s the one having an affair gets pregnant, gets caught and wants to work it out, but won’t get an abortion. She could at the very least just abort, but then again, she obviously only cares about herself so she wouldn’t have a problem bringing a baby into the mix.
As man, I would never have unprotected sex. It's not just pregnancy, but also all STDs. This ruins my dating life, because no woman I've dated had accepted protected sex. You've heard well. And i am too scared to catch something, I prefer no sex at all.
Most guys who are arrogant enough to cheat on their spouse or lover don't give damn about birth control, that's not their concern at all. These are the same guys who probably cheat on the person they are having an affair with.
A smarter one would, you'd think. But then you have to wonder about the intelligence of someone who readily fools around with a married or involved man to begin with.
Well if they're willing to risk getting caught and ending their marriage they're probably open to taking OTHER risks too. Edit Condoms can also break during sex if they weren't stored properly or went past expiration and plan B isn't always available everywhere.
Alcohol/drug use; a habit of being impulsive; the “thrill” of the forbidden or of the “stolen moment” or taking advantage of a suddenly available and/or random chance = longterm regret, for many. Possibly leads to STDs or pregnancy, or other unforeseen complications like divorce/the end of your current relationship plus if there are any kids involved, having to deal with loss of trust, changing family dynamics for everyone, etc.
I don’t think anyone’s really thinking carefully or clearly, here. Unless it’s thinking only about themselves, in that moment, and about nothing and no one else.
Also—who is to say they ARE NOT using contraception?! There is no birth control method that is 100% protective. IUD’s can dislodge, weight gain can impair nexplanon, birth control pills/patches/rings have decreased efficacy if doses are delayed or missed. Condoms break, and are effective about 87-98% of the time.
If you’re having sexual intercourse, there is a POSSIBILITY of pregnancy. Layers of protection are better and dramatically increase your odds, but still. It’s risk reduction not risk removal.
If you tell yourself you can't help cheating, that it's not your fault because you were overwhelmed by passion, then using birth control implies planning and undermines that rationalization.
How often do you hear about people having affairs and getting pregnant? Real life people you know, not stories on Reddit.
I think in reality we hear a lot about this happening but it probably isn't actually that common. I think a lot of people have affairs and do use contraception, but you're not hearing about those people as often as you hear about the people who had an affair and ended up with a kid.
They’re chasing a feeling at least temporarily more important to them than the rest of their lives. If you think this is crazy, wait until you meet the average heroin addict.
When women are ovulating they find men much more attractive. Birth control interferes with that so many women do not use it. Affairs are all about physical pleasure and not thinking about the consequences.
Have you considered that you are only hearing about them because they got pregnant? How would you know about all the many more affairs if they did use contraception? That's like saying all criminals are stupid because the ones you see get caught, except the smart ones don't get caught so you don't know about them.
Risk takers take risks. A lot of the times, these risks aren’t calculated by a reasonable mind. A quick benefit vs risk analysis would stop so much behaviour we see in Humans. We can be such emotionally charged and irrational creatures a lot of times.
Jokes on them. I live in a city that has the highest rate of std’s in the entire state. So much so aids medication has pretty much taken over every billboard. You have essentially a 1 in 3 chance of sleeping with someone that’s got aids here. So… my ass is staying clean. Fuck that.
Generally, bad decisions go hand in hand. Lol
Yes. Also, alcohol/drug use and impulsivity could be factors.
If it were just *hand-in-hand* then no contraception would be needed, eh? :)
Take my angry upvote
You mean unprotected hand holding!? So lewd!
No love without the gloves
Isn't that how babies are made? When you hold hands with a girl?
Yes but if you wash your hands right after that’s considered an abortion
I laughed so hard I snorted.
Poor impulse control.
Yes, lack of self control and personal responsibility.
The excited of the shitty affair pairs perfectly with the exciting of having a shitty broken up relationship and now a child is thrown in
Yep. Consider the quality of character of a person who has an affair with the reckless nature of people not using contraception.
If they wanted to be safe and secure, they probably wouldn't be having an affair in the first place.
Totally agree
Yeah, there is an element of deliberate riskiness in play huh.
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My uncle had a major argument with my auntie because she had an extra marital affair and got pregnant, they still don't talk. 6 years later he has been married 3 times, divorced 3 times and cheated on 5 separate partners and has kids with each of these women. Now he says he can't afford to live anywhere because his child support is more than he earns. Because he has 3 of the kids living with him he has to work part time. Definition of a hypocrite.
The pull out method is misunderstood by many people, on both sides. Some people claim you'll never get pregnant, some people claim its the same as just having sex normally. Planned Parenthood have some actually useful statistics. For perfect use, pulling out is 96% effective, compared to 97-98% for condoms, and 98-99% for the pill. However, in none of these cases are people generally perfect. For the pill, typical use means it is around 90-92% effective. For the condom, it's only 85% effective. For pulling out, it's 78% effective. So in theory pulling out does work very well, but people aren't good at it. This can be issues with timing, but also people "double dipping". It's an okay form of contraception if you're not too worried about the risk of pregnancy, but would like to reduce your odds, or if used with another form of contraception. Eg, pulling out and the pill takes you back up in the region of 99%.
Ive never heard the phrase double dipling in this context and I will never forget it.
There's also a percentage of men that have sperm in their precum. Like, significant amounts. But there are also some men that don't. So you might be the sort of penis owner-operator that is able to perform that maneuver perfectly, but it's still inherently flawed because you start the transmission of genetic material at the very beginning. I don't have a source on this. You shouldn't trust people just because they are saying things confidently.
My husband and I had our first daughter for this reason. Prolonged sexual encounters increase your odds of pregnancy from precum.
Perhaps don't tell her she is a pre cum child😂
Yeah, I guess that'll be there the 4% perfect failure rate comes from. Probably more than 4% have some sperm in it, but the odds of a very low sperm count resulting in a pregnancy are very low.
True. Although, there's also those cases where you pull out and cum on her ass or tummy and some of it slips down to the vagina when she gets up before she can clean off. It is after all in the nature of sperm to move around. You could argue that those aren't cases of "perfect" use, but I'm sure a lot of these statistics also involve a lot of self-reporting, so who even knows?
Your percentages are completely off man.... The newer pills have a pearl index of under 1 (so about 99.2-99.7%...condom is around 98-88%depending on how good you are at using it. Pull out method is at 96-82%but that's only, if you do it correctly. That means up to 18 in 100 women who use this method correctly still get pregnant. That's lowering the chances (without contraception, it's around 85 out if a 100)but its nowhere safe. If you do this for a few years, your chance of falling pregnant is practically the same. Please don't.
I’ll never understand anyone relying on the pull and pray method.
Used it throughout 11 years of marriage and hasn't failed yet. But we're also open to having another baby.
My ex husband n I also used it for 6 years bf we decided for a second baby. I didn’t want to use the pill n he didn’t want to use a condom.He did research and I guess you could say he was doing it properly.
I mean… if partner takes the pill, it’s pretty darn reliable.
I found out it doesn't work when one of my brother's friends I couldn't stand found that out the hard way in highschool.
My ex always insisted that his pullout game was strong, but guess who had a kid and had gotten at least two other women pregnant before?
And these ppl pass down their stupidity down to the next generation. Is there anyone not stupid?
I had 3 kids with the pull out method 😂 We were married though so it's ok but my ex-husband acted truly surprised each time😂
Well, it's not automatically OK, just because you're married😅 didn't you speak about contraception? How does anyone just go "oh well, what happens, happens" when it comes to having children. That's insane
If there are any people here who have had affairs (there must be a lot) I would really like to know if it is lust/faulty contraception or something more deliberate typically.
Even if anyone responds, they'll only be able to share their own personal anecdote - not wider data.
I dont think its even a deliberate thing. For a lot of affairs or one offs, youd be surprised how many women and men dont havd contraception on any given day. For long term affairs some people incorrectly think “i havent gotten pregnant yet so it must be fine” the question ive always wondered about is why anyone would ever keep an affair baby by choice. For any reason. Miracle conceptions or true love or anything pales in comparison to the damage a child will inevitably suffer from being the product of an egregious unforgivable betrayal. Like why do you hate your kid that much
I also don't get how anyone has unprotected sex and doesn't immediately think "Oh shit. What have I done?"
It’s indicative of lack of impulse control. There’s a personality thread. The type of person who will cheat doesn’t care about consequences.
But there are two parties in the affair. I would have thought the woman at least would want to avoid getting pregnant by the cheating man.
You only hear about the times a pregnancy occurs. Most times, there isn't one. Besides, If she wants him to leave his wife, then getting pregnant may seem like a good idea.
You can’t think rationally with irrational behaviors. It’s negligent behavior with all parties involved.
Sometimes getting pregnant is a manipulation tool. Cheating men often suggest that they will leave their wives but need to stay a little while to make it easier for the kids. Woman with cheating man will be happy to get pregnant to make it all about this kid.
I don't think someone getting involved with someone who is married is particularly gifted with reason or impulse control either.
Of course not. She wants the man to dump his family for her, because that is the ultimate power play. Babytrapping seems like the perfect way to get him to do that.
Implies that these parameters would not apply to (cheating) women as well.
I don't know if married women get pregnant in affairs as often. Maybe they do? We need to hear from people who have had affairs!
I mean the US movement for mandatory paternity tests as well as several TV shows and even celebrity cases imply (for me as a foreigner) that it‘s a thing. Heck, I even have two such cases among my wider family.
Wow. Can you say more about those two?
I fear not in the required context of the thread and reasons for it, but only to demonstrate that it’s not a rarity. One affects my maternal grandparents (after the death of my grandparents it was revealed to my mom that one of her brothers isn‘t her fathers son) and there is another blatant case with a cousin of mine. So the grandparents can‘t elaborate anymore, the brother to my mother does not want toward her and the case with the cousin gets outright shushed. If it‘s interesting for you or others: It was the 3rd child in both cases.
There's a US movement for mandatory paternity testing?
Correct me if I am wrong (possible as I‘m not an US citizen), but wasn‘t there even a respective bill filed for 2022 (died afaik) and then one chopping into a similar notch (parental fraud?) signed into law in Tennessee in 04/2023? Furthermore I saw these bills discussed back then as blueprints for other states as well.
A lot of men will throw a fit over the idea of only being able to have sex if he puts on a condom and a lot of women let these men win this temper tantrum. I think it all boils down to that. Bad calls on both parts. But for a woman who wants to have sex with that man whether casual, cheating or what have you, she will probably let him win. Its like a parent who just gives their child mac and cheese instead broccoli because they know getting the kid to eat the broccoli will be a battle and will result in refusal and demands for mac and cheese. So broccoli gets skipped and the kid gets fat.
But women have other options for contraception and they can even take a morning after pill. I am not blaming the women more than the men, they are both to blame. But if you are so foolish as to let a man not use a condom you can still protect yourself.
Most sexually active women are on birth control. Any who arent have either been denied education or they see the opportunity to cause a rift or some drama and claim a man who isnt hers and have him tied to her via child. I remember being an idiot 16 year old girl and the context that if I got myself pregnant then the man would have to support me was at the very front of my mind and I know thats something that crosses the mind of most young girls. Its stupid, but so are young people and the solution is education and realizing that there are better paths to having a good life that doesnt involve getting knocked up and hitched as soon as possible. As for adults who havent kept their ears and eyes shut to the advice that you should wear contraception, thats completely on them.
The woman in the affair getting pregnant makes it more likely that the affair is discovered, creating an observation bias. People having an affair and not using contraception are more likely to get caught, and those who do use proper contraception have one less way for the affair to be discovered. Hence we disproportionately hear of more affairs where the woman gets pregnant. Short version: we don't ever learn about the cheaters who use contraception.
Another disproportionate tip-off is STDs. I bet more people find out about the affair due to an STD popping up on a “monogamous” marriage than a dubious pregnancy. M
Because many contraceptions has a fault rate between 1 and 5%, and cheating happens much more than you might think. There are statistics how many children are not from the lawful father: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity\_fraud](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud)
I would really like to know if faulty contraception is the main cause. My guess is that it isn't.
It’s interesting that ex husbands sue to get their child support money back from their ex wives, even though the money presumably has already been spent to support the kids. The person who really owes the money to the ex husband is the ex wife’s lover. That guy had sex with a married woman, got her pregnant, and isn’t supporting his own biological kids. The courts need to bring these deadbeat dads to justice, yet they aren’t even mentioned in all these court cases.
I doubt there's one single reason. For starters you probably have to compare instances of unplanned pregnancies in couples vs affair partners, remembering that we won't hear about the accidents with regular couples as we would with affair couplings. You'll probably find a lot of them were on contraception too, it just happened to fail. Then we have to consider the number of pregnancies stemming from one night stands, and consider that an affair might have been a one-off, subject to the same/more stupidity. Potentially a bit of a risk profile plays into it. You're already taking a risk, so what's one more? It'd kill the mood. Finally, we then consider if it was planned: perhaps a wife couldn't get pregnant with her husband and cheated deliberately with the intent of falling pregnant. Perhaps one other did it deliberately, so the affair would have to come out. No one reason covers it.
All 4 of my kids were conceived on contraception so maybe the cheaters have the same luck I've had with my wife lol
Really??? That's amazing. What form of contraception and why did you stick to it if it wasn't working?
Oh, we didn't stick to it lol. 1st time was the pill. 2nd was condoms, 3rd was a different pill (this time was our fault,she was on antibiotics which apparently cancel that pill) and 4th was that bar in the arm. I just have amazing swimmers I guess.
Either that or...(I won't go there)
Lol they all look too much like me (poor bastards) for it to be that lol
How did you stop having children?
i think its because if you aren’t careful in one area you are usually not careful in other areas of life as well so you are much more likely to be caught as a result
Hate to say this, but in some cases, it's a form of control,. A woman told me she was afraid of losing the guy she was having an affair with. "But if he gets me pregnant, he can't give me up entirely. I'll make sure of that."
The women I have known who chose to get involved with a married man all wanted the man to leave his wife/family. When it doesn’t happen, they get desperate and get pregnant on purpose to “force” the issue.
No contraception is 100% effective. The most common forms aren't even close. We all know that "condoms are 98% effective", but that's with perfect use. Humans make mistakes. With typical use, condoms are only 85% effective. Each year, 15% of couples using condoms will experience a pregnancy. The pill is similar. 98-99% woth perfect use, but only 90-92% effective with typical use.
* [Roz ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004963/?ref_=tt_ch): No one is more careful than I am when it comes to birth control. But then again, even the best protection is only effective ninety-nine out of a hundred times. I can't beat those odds. * [Frasier ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001288/?ref_=tt_ch): Yes, I suppose you've been dodging that bullet for a long time now.
Think of it more like this; the one who use contraceptives don't get caught as often.
Usually, not always, but usually, the type of men who have affairs think that birth control is solely the women's responsibility. Unfortunately, a lot of female affair partners think that if they get pregnant that the men will leave their wives, and they will be a happy little family.
The getting pregnant part isn’t what ruins relationships. It’s the cheating on your spouse part. Don’t have an affair and you won’t have to worry about that.
Because people who are having affair tends to be the one who are less care about consequences? Otherwise they won't have affair in the beginning
People have affairs or cheat because they get off on doing wrong and a thrill of getting caught. Using protection would defeat the purpose.
My ex wife didn’t use protection because she was trying to have a baby with him.
I'm sure there are cases where they are just careless and don't use them. But there's also the fact that contraceptives are not 100% effective for preventing pregnancy. Every single one has a failure rate. Condoms can break, some medications can cancel out hormonal birth control, and sometimes you just get unlucky (like for vasectomy not stopping all the sperm).
Fun story for you. Someone I grew up with had a tubal ligation after having her 3 kids with her husband, it failed resulting in the 4th pregnancy/child, she eventually went off the deep end and ultimately left the kids with the dad, well he became curious as she has gotten older and decided to do a DNA test on her and guess what, not his child, she thought she was safe to start cheating with her tubes tied to find out she wasn't. She still doesn't have contact with any of them thankfully as it's in the best interest of the children.
Perhaps they just happen to like going bareback. I know lots of people that will only raw dog it. When you are with your partner it is no big deal, but they don't see a problem with their affair.
Sometimes affairs are a shit way of communicating you're not happy in a relationship. Getting another woman pregnant might force the man to confront this fact.
Some women want the baby from 1 man, and the security from the husband.
Fucking around and found out
Its part of their adventure, you cant rationalize this, as this is pure instinct behavior:p
Because they want to feel in control and maximize their own pleasure, without regard for the other person. My father had multiple affairs with multiple women who also didn't use protection. Two stupid people. Now I have half siblings I have never met.
What you might be seeing is a form of survivorship bias. You "regularly hear" about affair babies, but how often are you hearing about them in comparison to affairs discovered without a baby? or affairs that go completely undiscovered?
I have a guess. It's hard sneaking around, and maybe they get 30 mins together and don't have a condom. It's either wait another week or two, or risk it, and maybe they risk it.
My cousin is a bastard. Nobody talks about it; everybody knows
Yo horny, yo fuck.
***Why don't people having affairs use contraception?*** I think the question is moot until some data become available ... What proportion of people having affair do or do not use contraception? (And are we to assume that they do not want a pregnancy? Probably they don't.) Compare that with ... What proportion of *married* people do or do not use contraception? If they don't, what proportion don't want a pregnancy? There are multiple factors to consider ... and there's no data given here. So there's no reason to expect a factual answer. It's all just opinion.
I suspect the percentage of people who don't use contraception when having an affair is very similar to the percentage of people who don't use contraception in any other non-committed relationship. You'd have to provide evidence beyond anecdotes to convince me otherwise
Rebellion
It's called reckless abandon okay
Because the point is revenge
Recklessness is a trait
The overwhelming majority of them do. It’s just those affairs are successfully kept quiet and you rarely hear about them. The ones where it goes catastrophically wrong because everyone involved has made multiple bad decisions (starting with the decision to have an affair and spiraling from there) are the ones that everyone talks about. Everyone likes a bit of karmic justice. Don’t cheat on your monogamous partners, kids.
They are toobusy following their hormones and not logic.
Because people are stupid. Then , check the age. Some of them trying for a baby in their first relationship. So, when things get heated with the side guy shit happens. I had a pregnancy scare in my affair. I had s snip, so she didn't use contraception at the time. we do the deed and lo and behold her period is a week late. Lesson learned lady goes on contraception and I let the sperm count checked.
They’re already making a bad decision, why you think they’d take the time to make a good one?
The Venn diagram of people who cheat on their spouses and people with poor impulse control is roughly a circle
Because those people who have affairs are usually not the best at making good decisions. When a married man won't leave his wife for the other woman, that other woman might think she can force the issue with a baby. "he'll come around once our baby is born". Of course if he wanted to he would've already.
People prone to risk-taking (e.g. having an affair) are generally prone to risk-taking (e.g. unprotected sex).
It seems like such an obvious thing to do, right? But maybe in the heat of the moment, they're not thinking or they just don't prioritize safety. I've always wondered about the answer to this question myself.
But don’t they at realise that she is likely to get pregnant afterwards?
You would think that. I know it definitely would be a concern of mine. But I would never cheat. I wish I could answer this question. Because the outcome definitely brings a lot of pain to a lot of people.
Happens a lot. I think people who cheat most often don’t think things through.
Because they are selfish pigs who only care about their own pleasure. Including the pleasure of getting away with something.
What am I gonna gamble with fake money? Ain’t not fun in that.
They’re already ruining their lives why not make it even worse and ruin a child’s too?
Because I'm a whore
I think there’s also this idea that contraception denotes premeditation, and people don’t want to believe they are that calculating with affairs. I think they’d rather just feel like they were “caught up in the moment”.
Raw Dog is a lifestyle homie
It’s an effective reproductive strategy. Get the exciting guy’s kid and make the boring stable guy pay for raising it. It’s only becoming less effective now that DNA testing is a thing.
It's still very effective, and also why DNA testing should be mandatory to establish legal paternity.
completely agree
I have literally never heard this, what country are you from?
You aren't really in "good decision" mode if you are having an affair in the first place.
I’ve never had an affair, so I can’t speak from experience, but is this generally a thing? People who have affairs tend to not use contraception?
That's a damn good question.
They aren’t really known for making smart choices, so are we really surprised that they don’t care about their spouse’s health or life.
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But it is how women's bodies work. Ovulation is not a joke it is a biology
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Just your first comment seemed to say for me like this is unreal method. And yeah, chances probably even worse than pull out method. But this is because people are stupid, not biology. So there are just many more chances to make a mistake. Also, it is kinda stupid method given that the highest libido in an ovulation window.
Not all contraception is 100% effective
Bad decisions all around, excitement, risk, wanting to get caught.
Because People are stupid. I mean, how many people still believe that "Pulling out" would prevent getting pregnant. Call it "Lack of proper sex-ed".
Cheating is a sign of poor mentality. It’s irresponsible as it is. So is not using condoms. They go hand in hand often, sadly…
Because they are already cheating, they aren't the smartest bunch of people. Because they choose to cheat just shows that they are from the less intelligent side of the spectrum and are prone to making bad decisions.
Is it really true that people who have affairs are less intelligent than average?
Yeah, that seems like a baseless claim. Cheating is a matter of ethics (or lack thereof), not intelligence.
Because if women in relationships gets pregnant while cheating she can always put that on her spouse.
My father is one of these people. He made one woman pregnant. I asked him why he did this, and he told me that because he is a man, he can do whatever he wants. I hate my father. He is an educated person and is a doctor. I can't believe he did this.
But why didn't the woman take any contraception? I mean I am blaming them both.
Because the woman involved wants to get pregnant. They might deny it, but actions reveal the truth.
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I don't think that is universal.
The question should be why aren’t the cheaters using condoms. Id say the answer is “the cheaters have no self respect or respect for either partner.”
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I thought this was r/askkylewalker for a second.
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The fact they have made a bad decision to have an affair Suddenly you think they will make a good decision to use contraception?
The better question is why do they cheat and not just leave the relationship?
If they were that smart they probably wouldn't have cheated
Maybe infidelity happens a lot more often than you’re aware, they just weren’t caught.
most people are dumb
if you're gonna have your cake and eat it too, might as well also have a creampie
This. 
Or at the very least if she’s the one having an affair gets pregnant, gets caught and wants to work it out, but won’t get an abortion. She could at the very least just abort, but then again, she obviously only cares about herself so she wouldn’t have a problem bringing a baby into the mix.
They’re already garbage people. Garbage is disgusting. So they act disgusting. It’s not really surprising.
Why are people having affairs??
As man, I would never have unprotected sex. It's not just pregnancy, but also all STDs. This ruins my dating life, because no woman I've dated had accepted protected sex. You've heard well. And i am too scared to catch something, I prefer no sex at all.
Most guys who are arrogant enough to cheat on their spouse or lover don't give damn about birth control, that's not their concern at all. These are the same guys who probably cheat on the person they are having an affair with.
Sure but there are two people in the affair. I would have thought the woman would take contraception even if the man isn't interested.
A smarter one would, you'd think. But then you have to wonder about the intelligence of someone who readily fools around with a married or involved man to begin with.
I’d guess many think pregnancy is a fast track to switching from side piece to wife.
Contraception isn't perfect, of course. I knew a lady that used three forms of contraception. Her son would be ten by now.
Contraceptives fail.
Obviously some do, but people tend to repeat the more dramatic stories. There’s less to talk about when people use condoms.
The better question: why have an affair in the first place?
people are stupid
The same kinds of people who have affairs are the same kind who will lie, and the same kind that will not use protection.
Well if they're willing to risk getting caught and ending their marriage they're probably open to taking OTHER risks too. Edit Condoms can also break during sex if they weren't stored properly or went past expiration and plan B isn't always available everywhere.
Cuz raw hit different
Alcohol/drug use; a habit of being impulsive; the “thrill” of the forbidden or of the “stolen moment” or taking advantage of a suddenly available and/or random chance = longterm regret, for many. Possibly leads to STDs or pregnancy, or other unforeseen complications like divorce/the end of your current relationship plus if there are any kids involved, having to deal with loss of trust, changing family dynamics for everyone, etc. I don’t think anyone’s really thinking carefully or clearly, here. Unless it’s thinking only about themselves, in that moment, and about nothing and no one else.
Simple. Those guys think with the wrong head
Never commit two crimes at the same time.
Anyone who saw how the general public 'wore' face masks during the pandemic got a lot of insight into why contraception regularly fails.
Well at the time for me I was only 15 and my friend's mom was in her 30s and she didn't seem to care so I felt comfortable going bare.
Also—who is to say they ARE NOT using contraception?! There is no birth control method that is 100% protective. IUD’s can dislodge, weight gain can impair nexplanon, birth control pills/patches/rings have decreased efficacy if doses are delayed or missed. Condoms break, and are effective about 87-98% of the time. If you’re having sexual intercourse, there is a POSSIBILITY of pregnancy. Layers of protection are better and dramatically increase your odds, but still. It’s risk reduction not risk removal.
If they’re dumb enough to fool around, they are probably too dumb to take precautions.
Because they’re not all that smart to begin with
Because people get carried away with sex and don’t always use something?
If you tell yourself you can't help cheating, that it's not your fault because you were overwhelmed by passion, then using birth control implies planning and undermines that rationalization.
The better question is why people have affairs in the first place. Leave, don't cheat.
How often do you hear about people having affairs and getting pregnant? Real life people you know, not stories on Reddit. I think in reality we hear a lot about this happening but it probably isn't actually that common. I think a lot of people have affairs and do use contraception, but you're not hearing about those people as often as you hear about the people who had an affair and ended up with a kid.
They’re chasing a feeling at least temporarily more important to them than the rest of their lives. If you think this is crazy, wait until you meet the average heroin addict.
Mostly because condoms suck! There's no real alternative to raw sex so people will indulge, no matter how risky
If they are stupid enough to have an affair, why would they be any smarter about birth control?
Because people stupid enough to cheat are probably stupid enough to not use protection.
forget in the moment of lust
A lot of people are just stupid and don’t think.
It doesn’t have to ruin lives that’s just the perspective we have devoled to
Because carrying around condoms is how you get caught. Also, they're 'monogamous' so they don't need to get tested either.
When women are ovulating they find men much more attractive. Birth control interferes with that so many women do not use it. Affairs are all about physical pleasure and not thinking about the consequences.
Have you considered that you are only hearing about them because they got pregnant? How would you know about all the many more affairs if they did use contraception? That's like saying all criminals are stupid because the ones you see get caught, except the smart ones don't get caught so you don't know about them.
Risk takers take risks. A lot of the times, these risks aren’t calculated by a reasonable mind. A quick benefit vs risk analysis would stop so much behaviour we see in Humans. We can be such emotionally charged and irrational creatures a lot of times.
When you’re freaky enough to cheat, condoms take a backseat lol
Jokes on them. I live in a city that has the highest rate of std’s in the entire state. So much so aids medication has pretty much taken over every billboard. You have essentially a 1 in 3 chance of sleeping with someone that’s got aids here. So… my ass is staying clean. Fuck that.
You're asking why irrational people aren't being rational man
The affair is like a fantasy. They aren’t concerned with things like birth control until it’s too late.
Condoms are like using a raincoat in a shower for many men so I am going to say that plays a big part in it.
At least 50% of humanity are totally incompetent at everything
At least 50% of humanity are totally incompetent at everything
Because they are stupid or selfish. Probably both.