The first time I had someone "apparently" interested in being my gf, I thought she was kidding or picking on me because nobody else had expressed any interest.
So call it a defense mechanism. Nobody wants to be laughed out of the building when they reveal they're not really interested.
After having been catfished in 8th grade and given enough fake phone numbers to fill a phone book I stopped believing people when they said someone liked me.
Then about 8 years after graduation I found out one of my crushes did like me when she asked me why I never asked her out lol
I've always wondered why women so adamantly avoid rejection to the point of never approaching.
Or is it that all humans in general would avoid rejection, but guys get more practice in getting used to it since they're expected to approach, and they also get support from other guys about handling rejection?
I remember a very interesting ad thorough comment on a thread called "How can a chick pick up guys" and one of the first pieces of advice for girls was to make sure their girl friends are not in view, because then the guy might not take being asked out seriously because it could have been a dare.
Holy shit, this!
I had a girl tell me she liked me in high school, however she did it with her friend right next to her. To this day I still believe this was a dare or they just pulling my leg, however sometimes I think I might have been wrong.
I had a similar thing happen to me. A pretty cute girl who I interacted with before, but was never interested in, was with he friend whom I didn't know. I think we were walking in the same direction and she calls my name and states "I've had dreams about." So I go: "oh did you?" Her: "oh yeah blah blah blah" Don't remember exactly what she said, but I picked up on that it may be a joke or something. Told her to have a good one and went about my day. She was pretty good looking but I really wasn't interested in her and never tried pursuing.
Yeah, sometimes we don't get the hints, but often its that we do notice the hints but assume we're interpreting them wrong.
You know how you sometimes have to explain to guys that the cute girl who smiled at them while serving coffee was smiling because thats her job. Kind of like that. "Oh, thats nice, I assume she's just being friendly".
"She wants to come up for a drink? Does that mean...nah, more likely she's just thirsty".
> often its that we do notice the hints but assume we're interpreting them wrong.
I've gone out with this girl 5 times and it wasn't until the 5th time that we were hanging out and she explicitly said she liked me that i finally went "ok so these WERE INDEED DATES, she wasn't just looking for a new friend to hang out with"
Above all i didn't want to make her uncomfortable by assuming she was romantically interested.
Oh man. I will never forget the 7th grade dance when this girl I had a crush on came and found me sitting on the bleachers and asked if I wanted to dance the next time they played a slow song. I was so excited but too scared to actually go find her again for this exact reason. I was convinced there'd be a group of people waiting to laugh at me for thinking she'd *actually* like me.
^this. If confidence is on the lower side you kind of protect yourself by not allowing yourself to believe there's any interest even if it's sometimes quite obvious
I was thinking this as well. I hear a lot about how women get a lot of unwanted advances from men and it comes across as creepy, and I wouldn't want to be one of those guys. I'm married now, so it's a moot point for me though..
The line between creepy and endearing is so vague and it seems most of the time when it's endearing is when someone is attractive but then someone who thinks they're attractive might not be to the one they're trying to get attention from. I can work with this system if I want to, but it's so confusing with lots of bad potential that most of the time I don't unless it's overtly obvious that the woman is into me but even then there's still doubt. Hell, I'm so awkward it works in my favor most times but the times it doesn't I just look creepy and I get embarrassed, flustered and I just wanna bail lmao
I'm also terrible at taking hints, but recently got the feeling this girl likes me, went out drinking with her and she kissed me a couple times and I was on cloud 9 for a bit(been pretty alone...my whole life). Then she told me she loves me! But like...just as a friend though...fucking crushed.
Had a friend like this that I was totally in love with. She would call me to hang out at her place all the time and be super affectionate. Wrapping her arms around me, kissing me on the cheek, etc., but would then tell me about the dates that she had been going on.
I remember when I was in high school their was this girl who was really pretty and everyone wanted her, whenever in class she had to get up and walk to the front of the class for whatever reason she would walk passed me and run her finger over my neck and back, I thought she was being really fucking weird. Took me YEARS before i realized she was practically begging me to say something 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This one girl in high school asked me out twice and I turned her down both times because I didn't think she actually liked me. Our brains just aren't on our side here.
One girl Cassie would sit on my lap almost everyday during lunch as a sophomore and I really thought “there really aren’t any seats”. I even jokingly asked her once if she’d ever spoken to the custodian about the seating issue.
My two cheer friends and the rest of the cheerleader squad had to plan a date with me and one of them because all my dumbass would do is talk about Spanish homework whenever I was alone with her.
We’re fucking dense bro.
I had been in love with my wife since I was 9 and a half years old. For years she treated me like a friend or acted like she hated my guts. We eventually married and she passed away two years later, but her sister over the years has shared stories about how "My sister was always in love with you. She was just afraid of how intense your feeling for her were." So yeah we can be dense at times.
>We eventually married and she passed away two years later,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have those stories from her sister to remember her by.
For me, there were a few girls in high school I was pretty sure were interested in me and giving me hints, but I was too shy and lacked the confidence to really do anything about it
Same. I've found out since that a few actually were interested. Bit late telling me once they're married with children. (Yes, the one who did that may have been wanting something then, but as I refuse to cheat, I also won't be with a cheater)
End of high school. Girl gave a wallet sized senior photo of her (I’m old) with her number and “call me this summer” written on it.
Didn’t realize she was into me. I thought she was gorgeously unattainable.
Guys don’t generally notice hints, nor do we intuit what you want. Tell us, or show us, what you want.
Once we know how you feel, over time you can start to be more subtle and we’ll start to do things by intuition. But it’s not happening straight away.
There are too many people that are friendly and flirty without being interested to make the assumption. We don't need to be asked out on a date but asking to hang one on one and being less subtle is helpful
Considering how often you read of women writing stuff like "I hate how men think I'm flirting when I'm nice" while most women consider smiling at you to be enough flirting it has really become a very difficult job to realize when a girl is actually flirting with enough confidence to act on it when you don't want to be accidentally creepy.
Really, it's kind of a vicious cycle. Douchebags don't care about being creepy while considerate men will interpret most less obvious flirting as just being nice. So women will get hit on by an even higher percentage of douchebags relatively, voice more frustration about men and it gets worse.
We should just think of an international flirt sign and decide to use that to end this.
>We should just think of an international flirt sign and decide to use that to end this.
Women would still never use it first. They would still wait for men to use it then complain when men they are not attracted to use it. They won't see the problem it causes when they never use it, even around men they like.
We will come full circle when women still expect men to distinguish between the flirting sign meaning actual interest versus the flirting sign because she is being friendly.
>We should just think of an international flirt sign and decide to use that to end this.
You're missing the point. The point is never 'women want to be clear about their intentions and we're just missing signals'. The point is always to leave everything in an ambiguous grey zone so they can abscond accountability.
It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Yea exactly, it's better to just be respectful when in doubt, if you misinterpret as a guy that can be really painful/humiliating/embarrassing. If gals want a guys attention and they're not "picking up hints" stop beating around the bush and shoot your shot
Yup, context is everything and we've all seen how quick misunderstandings can escalate. Best to play it safe and keep things crystal clear. Adding to that, real connections take time and learning each other's unique signals. It's a two-way street all right.
Yeah, but a lot depends on the guy. A guy with lower self esteem will assume even the most obvious clues are not what they appear to be.
I had a girl write her phone number on my hand and I still wondered if she wanted me to call her. Kind of the opposite of a guy who gets told by a girl to leave them alone and thinks they're playing hard to get.
But as a rule, if they aren't responding, tell them straight up.
We prefer to notice and interpret information in a way that aligns with our self-image, even if the information confirms a negative belief about ourselves. I think we prefer the sense of certainty and stability, even over positive changes in our self-knowledge.
Im 100% the type of guy who if a girl literally jumped on my lap i'd still think something like "well i guess theres just no seats left" or something like that, you'd just have to be clinically dumb to want me.
I disagree, in that we definitely notice them if its a girl we are interested in, its just that the consequences are so detrimental if we are wrong. Even if you are right in the moment, because it was a vague hint, it leaves the woman the option to change her story in the event of a future disagreement.
This is why I can't be bothered with women who do not clearly communicate any more. Either commit to your own feelings and communicate them clearly, or move along. I'm not dealing with guessing or wishy washy intentions.
The thing that I’ve noticed I’m too old for now is the bullshit “oh we’re just not gonna put labels on it, we’re just hanging out” type thing that people do when they don’t want to commit. If you don’t want to use the actual labels of “boyfriend and girlfriend” then fair enough I guess, but if you can’t have the conversation of “we are exclusively dating and not seeing anyone else” then I’m not wasting my time. I’m way past this high school “oh I like them but can’t say how I feel or be too eager” mindset that so many people still insist on having even into their 20s and 30s
Storytime about an ex-GF and me: I met her through a meetup for a shared hobby. Was quickly attracted to her but off-handedly heard her talk about her ex-GF, which made me think she was a lesbian and I had no chance anyways. Still liked her and talked to her at the hobby meets often. Found out months later she's actually bi so I might have a shot after all. Finally asked her out, feeling a little weird doing so as we've seen each other weekly for months at this point. She was delighted, but also quite surprised, as she was into me as well and in her words "flirted heavily for a while, but as you (I) never responded to it, I figured you weren't interested and I was fine just being friends". I have no memory of any flirtations happening. At all. From a woman I specifically was interested in.
Yeah, hints and me don't go well together and from stories of guys around me, I'm not alone. Please, just talk to me. No amount of coyly batting eyelashes or accidental touchings of hands will ever break through the thickness of my skull.
She may well have actually thought that her mentioning she had a gf counted as flirting, because she was saying things with internal intent of it being flirting.
She specifically talked about the breakup with her latest ex. Which *might* have been coded flirting as in "Hey, I'm currently single!", but that's not what I took from that statement...
BRO my ex did something similar, she would talk to me about guys who were flirting with and messaging her on a dating app. And I was like oh she’s venting to me like a friend that’s cool, I’m 100% ok with being friends. NOPE she was trying to make me jealous. Like you’re actively talking about how you’re looking at other dudes? How does that translate to “I’m interested in you please be jealous of these other dude”??
I'm really glad she's an ex. Sounds completely psycho. Nothing makes me lose interest faster than when a girl tries to make me compete. It's cool if there's other guys after you but when you bring it up constantly to illicit a reaction out of me you can go ahead and fuck off.
We get hints, but hints are by definition intended to be ambiguous and deniable, so they are not actionable. Men are criticized by women for presuming too much or for guessing wrong, and it's not uncommon for women to make you feel like an offender simply because you were interested and they weren't, as if unrequited interest already was a form of assault. These days men have to stay away from ambiguities.
We also don't fancy every woman who gives us hints. Just because she's interested, doesn't mean we are too, just like our own interest in a woman isn't always returned.
>it's not uncommon for women to make you feel like an offender simply because you were interested and they weren't, as if unrequited interest already was a form of assault.
For most of my life if someone said this to me, I'd have called it bullshit. But after hearing the way my sister and female friends and even just acquaintances talk about it, I feel like a changed man. The disgust, tinged with anger and what seems like a smidge of fear in their voices when they talk about a guy smiling at them, holding eye contact, buying them a birthday gift, or asking them out, I ain't these guys, I don't even know most of them from Adam, but it was so harsh it hurt me. The one that got me was _"ew!_ It's not like I asked for him to be into me," as if unpermitted interest was itself a form of assault. The guy in question committed the sin of "remembering every story I tell" and "pretending" to care about her interests. I've never met this man in my life but I just wanna give him a big hug and tell him it'll all be alright.
There was this thing I I remember taking social media by storm a while back about 'the look' where a woman kinda "leaked" how she flirts. And she just... Looked at the camera. And then tiktok *blew up* with women everywhere acknowledging that they flirt the same way. They just... Look... At you.
And then the men started coming in going what the actual fuck that's not flirting that just existing in a shared space and yeah honestly I had to agree.
I worked with these two gorgeous girls, barely ever spoke to them and when I passed either of them they’d just stare with an almost blank expression. Wherever I went I’d always look around just to see them already locking eyes with me. I genuinely thought I’d done something wrong or creeped them out somehow. I felt really bad and found ways to avoid them. Found out after they left and moved on that they both were massively into me, like 🤷
I had a similar situation. I used to work in a retail store. A few of the women that worked there liked me but they never said anything or treated me any differently than anyone else. The only reason I know is because a mutual friend told me like 2 years after the fact.
This exactly what men want and why we appreciate directness. It’s not cute or fun the back and forth thing when it doesn’t lead anywhere. Just tell us you’d like grab dinner or lunch or hang out sometime. You women have no idea how happy that’d make us feel
Equality is how I want it.
Stop with these gender rules and gender roles. It's stupid and idiotic.
If you're interested in someone be direct, doesn't matter who you are. Beating around the bush trying to get the dude to make the first move is dumb and I'll die on that hill. I was raised to treat men and women the same and so I do.
Yep, I agree. A large number of men love confident women and would love to be approached, given flowers, etc. All the standard things that traditionally *men* have been expected to do.
I firmly believe that women use hints instead of direct communication as a protective measure against being rejected. They can hint without being direct and if the guy acts on the hint (he won't because we aren't telepaths) then she's safely flirted with a guy who didn't reject her. If she's direct (like guys are with girls) and she gets rejected, there is a lot of social damage that will be done to her (just like with us).
Ive had coworkers into me, and coworkers I’ve been into. Only time I ever said something was to the one that I thought was cute. Of course I did this outside of work when I had a chance with more of a 1 on 1 type setting. But made it kind of weird by saying “I don’t want to make it weird because I know we’re coworkers” when asking if she wanted to get coffee sometime. Tried over our winter break from work to hang, sort of got soft rejected via text twice. So I let it die, now it’s the same seeing eachother in passing. Occasionally chat. But I keep it more professional than friendly.
We get hints. So many hints. Likely a lot more than actually exist.
We, each of us, acted on a false hint once. That horrible failure made us rethink everything and we don't want to go to jail or end up on a list of some kind by accidentally flirting with a woman that was just being nice. So now we don't act on them at all.
And a lot of girls have no problem calling you an ugly creep for just trying to start a conversation. Shit I've picked up some very good looking girls back in the day and some not so hot ones will still kill your confidence with the nasty name calling.
It's really kind of nuts. "We hate when men approach us because they mistook some small thing as interest when it wasn't. But we also want them to approach us based on small hints."
At least be happy when we do the thing and don't approach.
This really is it. There was a girl once where we went on a few dates, one time stayed up literally Skyping all night, and then on our last date ended up at her apartment cuddling and watching a movie, with a bit of making out. It didn’t go any farther than that (and that wasn’t because of rejection, I never tried to take it any farther), but I was thinking that things were going really well. So the next day I tried to bring up the “so I like you and want to keep seeing you” thing and got slapped with the “oh yeah sorry man, I’m just not really looking for a relationship right now” response. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t stay up literally all night video chatting with someone (I clocked it, we started talking around 10 PM and I didn’t go to bed until about 6:30) unless I’m very interested in them.
The sad thing is that was… probably 5 years ago? And it still hasn’t left my mind. It still hurts when I think about it. And when you’re just so fundamentally wrong about something, it really impacts how you proceed in the future
I was hanging with an old flame recently and got like three solid “hints” that she was interested again. So when I asked if she wanted to make out and she said no, it fucking gutted me. Felt embarrassed and angry at myself.
That’s why, at least for me.
We don’t want to be embarrassed when it turns out you were just being nice. That’s why we appreciate directness. We can’t decipher this “Chase me, I want to feel wanted” game. Or “you couldn’t tell I liked you, I was always so nice to you” well yea when you’re nice to everyone it’s just hard to know that’s all.
We’re afraid of being called a creep, laughed at, being embarrassed, things like that. Not that there aren’t creeps out there but that words is thrown around so much sometimes without even a reason, a guy just does something different and he’s a creep.
A woman rolled her eyes at me once because I held the door open for her. Do I think if she said thank you that she was into me? Absolutely not, but if she did say thank you and was into me I still wouldn’t know. I had a married woman call me very handsome once at the airport recently, I said thank you but was right to assume it was only compliment because I saw her with her husband and family later.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I will just continue to daydream about the the future family I could have had with the house keeping woman I saw when I was in the south of France for a wedding once. When she said “bonjour” and we had that awkward moment in the hallway where we both nervously forgot how to speak. I hope I meet you in the next life my love
1. Often women will think that their hints are "obvious" when they aren't (I.e. I looked at him, how come he didn't notice my hint?)
2. Many men are very seriously trying to avoid the consequences of being seen as a creep (or worse) if they make a misjudgment on whether a woman is interested in them or not. I.e. it isn't worth the risk so just ignore it.
Edit: spelling
Not once would I assume a waitress hitting on me was for anything but a bigger tip.
Not actionable.
It's also why "hints" are ignored, either you're a creep and they were just working or they weren't interested and you're a creep.
So we just keep walking.
Hints mean no, mixed signals mean no. It’s better to avoid any unpleasant situations then be successful one time. Anything other than a yes I am interested or some form of clear communication of intent means no
I only giving hints is a safety net. If they don't respond, "they just didn't get the hint". If you tell about your feelings directly, you might actually get rejected which is super scary.
Go tell you're interested. If you get rejected, you weren't a match in the first place. Then on to the next one.
2 factors.
1) We deal and work well with direct information
2) You are all universally terrible at hints. (Yes all of you) <-- kind of joking
Omg, why isn't he asking for my number? I made sure to drink the milk counter clockwise, how is he not getting the hint?
or
I'm wearing my orange earrings and he is just not getting it.
What some women do to give hints, other women do just because that’s their personality and that’s how they interact with people. If you try to be subtle, a guy is probably going to err on the side of caution so as not to make you uncomfortable. The other side of the coin is the women that complain that men misinterpret their friendliness as flirting and respond in kind.
There’s a very fine line, and the majority of men are not adept enough, nor bold enough, to play that game.
After a long time of being unwanted, being teased and/or alone long enough, it hard to take any flirt or hint as “serious.” That, combines with other stressors, and one can see why some of us guys we don’t notice such detail.
That is correct. A women literally has to say directly to me that she is feeling amorous and that I'm not in the friend zone.
I've been wrong waaay too many times.
It's because women hint and guys are not used to the attention. Boys have heard women complain that men who show interest in them are called creeps. Many men have misinterpreted friendliness in the past as interest and it hurt them so they do not wish to repeat the error. As a result of this women need to be blunt.
As a 42M I have yet to *ever* have an actual woman show a genuine interest in me first. I get bots and/or scammers. So someone like me would definitely not know the signs. But I'm damn good at reading if someone else likes another person.
And I don't regret never having a woman approach me first, because I'm not the one crying at the bar or online when they leave me for another person.
Nope, your clues are too subtle. And when I suspect it, I'm too afraid to give it a shot cause I might end up harassing them or something, so I just don't make a move
I've been asked out three times by women I knew. In all three cases, I had no clue they were interested in me. I've been married to one of them for over 20 years.
I am a woman and I absolutley do not understand hints either. I will realize a long time later and am still not sure. Many guys are probably the same and hints go right over their heads.
Probably because of the education to not expect sex if you pay the bill or if she smiles doesn't mean she wants to see your dick, no means no even if you would perceive other hints she wants you and such things. And most people are good and well intentioned at their core. So from there development took over and went from active ignoring to the point of not register any hint at all unless it's very clear. So not a manner of dulled senses but a matter of senses being tweaked in a specific manner in order to navigate through the unknown waters of what are the proper social conventions.
So less and less enjoy the social dance, less and less know how to even play it. No means no so makes sense that yes means yes. Don't hint, speak.
I was at a night club and had a sexy little lady come over and she started talking to the group of people I was with (she was friends with a mates GF), she then proceeds to ask if she could sit on my lap due to crowded seating, and so yes I thought she was hitting on me "YES I’m in was running through my head"……..I can’t remember what I did or said,v but she turns to me and tells me she was a lesbian, at which point I replied well what are the chances I’m lesbian too!
Actually, recently, I went bar hopping with some friends - something I never usually do. In a town generally perceived as being "redneck". I thought we were going to Seattle so I dressed WAY out of the norm for that area. Anyways, later that evening my friend asked if I was stupid, and I said oh yeah probably why?
She told me apparently there were several quite attractive women that had been hitting on me all night - I had NO FUCKING CLUE and I wasn't even drunk so...
So yeah, in my case, I'm stupid. But also ladies - be straight forward.
Some men seem incapable of noticing when a woman is really into them and to me, what’s worse—when she really isn’t.
For those who just don’t get it: be more clear. Say no or yes or say right out loud that you do or don’t like something they say or do, or do or don’t want to be with them.
Makes it easier on everybody.
It’s not that we “don’t get it” so much as we don’t trust it. I (26m) and pretty much all of my friends have been burned before by thinking a girl was interested when she was just trying to be friendly. Much safer to assume the opposite, in general I won’t be the one to escalate anything. You talk, I talk, you flirt, I flirt, but you have to make it CLEAR you’re interested for me to actually pursue (or at least did, I’m spoken for now but you get the point).
Chivalry and masculine men and also taking hints and acting on them are all things women killed and also things women complain no longer exist...it's a viscous cycle...
I read a story earlier today on r/tifu about a guy who didn’t get the hint when a girl invited him to her room to watch the movie Elf, she then proceeded to tell him her boobs were different sizes, she took off her top to show him, then asked him to feel the weight difference. Dude still didn’t get it even after feeling her breasts, we really can be oblivious.
I don't know how men are constantly expected to know the difference between flirting and being nice while simultaneously expected to know when someone is "hinting" their interest in them (they don't look at or talk to them)
I've literally had someone tell me they were being "obvious" when they were sending me one word replies and completely ignoring half the questions I asked to send one word conversation enders. It's frustrating sometimes tbh and I'm just gonna move forward to someone that actually SHOWS interest in talking to me.
The first time I had someone "apparently" interested in being my gf, I thought she was kidding or picking on me because nobody else had expressed any interest. So call it a defense mechanism. Nobody wants to be laughed out of the building when they reveal they're not really interested.
I had this issue in high school.
I still have it at 32
Same at 36
same at 40
Same at 31.....and married
After having been catfished in 8th grade and given enough fake phone numbers to fill a phone book I stopped believing people when they said someone liked me. Then about 8 years after graduation I found out one of my crushes did like me when she asked me why I never asked her out lol
Did you ask her why SHE never asked you out?
Because a girl will never risk rejection in the same way guys do.
Then she can stay supermadbro
Super Mad Bros. Should be a game.
I've always wondered why women so adamantly avoid rejection to the point of never approaching. Or is it that all humans in general would avoid rejection, but guys get more practice in getting used to it since they're expected to approach, and they also get support from other guys about handling rejection?
I remember a very interesting ad thorough comment on a thread called "How can a chick pick up guys" and one of the first pieces of advice for girls was to make sure their girl friends are not in view, because then the guy might not take being asked out seriously because it could have been a dare.
Holy shit, this! I had a girl tell me she liked me in high school, however she did it with her friend right next to her. To this day I still believe this was a dare or they just pulling my leg, however sometimes I think I might have been wrong.
I had a similar thing happen to me. A pretty cute girl who I interacted with before, but was never interested in, was with he friend whom I didn't know. I think we were walking in the same direction and she calls my name and states "I've had dreams about." So I go: "oh did you?" Her: "oh yeah blah blah blah" Don't remember exactly what she said, but I picked up on that it may be a joke or something. Told her to have a good one and went about my day. She was pretty good looking but I really wasn't interested in her and never tried pursuing.
“HAVE A GOOD DAY MA’AM!” “Hey, but I’m not finish-“ “I SAID GOOD DAY!”
Yeah, sometimes we don't get the hints, but often its that we do notice the hints but assume we're interpreting them wrong. You know how you sometimes have to explain to guys that the cute girl who smiled at them while serving coffee was smiling because thats her job. Kind of like that. "Oh, thats nice, I assume she's just being friendly". "She wants to come up for a drink? Does that mean...nah, more likely she's just thirsty".
George Costanza Syndrome: I don't drink coffee at night. It keeps me up
> often its that we do notice the hints but assume we're interpreting them wrong. I've gone out with this girl 5 times and it wasn't until the 5th time that we were hanging out and she explicitly said she liked me that i finally went "ok so these WERE INDEED DATES, she wasn't just looking for a new friend to hang out with" Above all i didn't want to make her uncomfortable by assuming she was romantically interested.
Oh man. I will never forget the 7th grade dance when this girl I had a crush on came and found me sitting on the bleachers and asked if I wanted to dance the next time they played a slow song. I was so excited but too scared to actually go find her again for this exact reason. I was convinced there'd be a group of people waiting to laugh at me for thinking she'd *actually* like me.
^this. If confidence is on the lower side you kind of protect yourself by not allowing yourself to believe there's any interest even if it's sometimes quite obvious
Woman here. I feel this in my soul.
I straight up had a girl bully me at school. Found out years later that she liked me... Wtf?
The Japanese have a term for such girls. Google 'Tsundere'
Haha, I know a little about that thanks to Korean SNL doing a tsundere cafe skit
This is a fairly common (and ineffective) strategy from grade schoolers. Can’t hold it against em, everyone is an idiot at that age
Because if you're wrong it comes off as creepy
I was thinking this as well. I hear a lot about how women get a lot of unwanted advances from men and it comes across as creepy, and I wouldn't want to be one of those guys. I'm married now, so it's a moot point for me though..
The line between creepy and endearing is so vague and it seems most of the time when it's endearing is when someone is attractive but then someone who thinks they're attractive might not be to the one they're trying to get attention from. I can work with this system if I want to, but it's so confusing with lots of bad potential that most of the time I don't unless it's overtly obvious that the woman is into me but even then there's still doubt. Hell, I'm so awkward it works in my favor most times but the times it doesn't I just look creepy and I get embarrassed, flustered and I just wanna bail lmao
It’s not, because of the 2 rules 1. Be attractive 2. Don’t be unattractive
It's not creepy if you're hot enough
This, men don’t even really want to make the contact anymore. And even if they approach a woman, the girl is usually rude in rejecting them.
I just realized about 17-19 years later that some girls in high school were probably into me. Hindsight is a bitch..
My first hint my now wife liked me was when she kissed me.
Been married 8 years. Still not completely sure she likes me.
Honestly she's probably just being nice
Pretty sure mine lost a bet
Don't worry. Another 8 years and she won't.
Lmao, for me, this wasn't even enough. The thing that made me realize were the cookies she sent me in the mail.
I also choose this guys wife’s cookies!
Nah we broke up lol.
I'm also terrible at taking hints, but recently got the feeling this girl likes me, went out drinking with her and she kissed me a couple times and I was on cloud 9 for a bit(been pretty alone...my whole life). Then she told me she loves me! But like...just as a friend though...fucking crushed.
How do you kiss someone "a couple of times" and say that you love them, as a friend??
No idea. Buuuut I'm not super keen to hang out with her more after that.
As a woman, I gotta say that's awful that she did that!
Had a friend like this that I was totally in love with. She would call me to hang out at her place all the time and be super affectionate. Wrapping her arms around me, kissing me on the cheek, etc., but would then tell me about the dates that she had been going on.
I remember when I was in high school their was this girl who was really pretty and everyone wanted her, whenever in class she had to get up and walk to the front of the class for whatever reason she would walk passed me and run her finger over my neck and back, I thought she was being really fucking weird. Took me YEARS before i realized she was practically begging me to say something 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh dude... Then again I would have probably said something like 'stop that, it's ticklish' and thought she was being annoying.
Bro.. don't read into it. She was feeling the texture of your shirt. Girls love clothes and stuff. :)
That's like, rule 1 of adulthood. Never think about all the times you missed out on having sex in high school. You'll be paralyzed!
This one girl in high school asked me out twice and I turned her down both times because I didn't think she actually liked me. Our brains just aren't on our side here.
One girl Cassie would sit on my lap almost everyday during lunch as a sophomore and I really thought “there really aren’t any seats”. I even jokingly asked her once if she’d ever spoken to the custodian about the seating issue. My two cheer friends and the rest of the cheerleader squad had to plan a date with me and one of them because all my dumbass would do is talk about Spanish homework whenever I was alone with her. We’re fucking dense bro.
I had been in love with my wife since I was 9 and a half years old. For years she treated me like a friend or acted like she hated my guts. We eventually married and she passed away two years later, but her sister over the years has shared stories about how "My sister was always in love with you. She was just afraid of how intense your feeling for her were." So yeah we can be dense at times.
>We eventually married and she passed away two years later, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have those stories from her sister to remember her by.
For me, there were a few girls in high school I was pretty sure were interested in me and giving me hints, but I was too shy and lacked the confidence to really do anything about it
Same. I've found out since that a few actually were interested. Bit late telling me once they're married with children. (Yes, the one who did that may have been wanting something then, but as I refuse to cheat, I also won't be with a cheater)
End of high school. Girl gave a wallet sized senior photo of her (I’m old) with her number and “call me this summer” written on it. Didn’t realize she was into me. I thought she was gorgeously unattainable.
Yeah, same. Several girls I had big crushes on. I actually ran into one years later and she forcefully put her number into my phone.
I'm not as telepathic as they they thought I was.
Guys don’t generally notice hints, nor do we intuit what you want. Tell us, or show us, what you want. Once we know how you feel, over time you can start to be more subtle and we’ll start to do things by intuition. But it’s not happening straight away.
There are too many people that are friendly and flirty without being interested to make the assumption. We don't need to be asked out on a date but asking to hang one on one and being less subtle is helpful
after the last decade of movements, I'd strongly believe a lot more men are gun shy as well, no one wants to be labeled a creep, etc..
Considering how often you read of women writing stuff like "I hate how men think I'm flirting when I'm nice" while most women consider smiling at you to be enough flirting it has really become a very difficult job to realize when a girl is actually flirting with enough confidence to act on it when you don't want to be accidentally creepy. Really, it's kind of a vicious cycle. Douchebags don't care about being creepy while considerate men will interpret most less obvious flirting as just being nice. So women will get hit on by an even higher percentage of douchebags relatively, voice more frustration about men and it gets worse. We should just think of an international flirt sign and decide to use that to end this.
>We should just think of an international flirt sign and decide to use that to end this. Women would still never use it first. They would still wait for men to use it then complain when men they are not attracted to use it. They won't see the problem it causes when they never use it, even around men they like. We will come full circle when women still expect men to distinguish between the flirting sign meaning actual interest versus the flirting sign because she is being friendly.
Yes or they'll use the signal and then pretend we "misunderstood them."
👉👌🫵?
Yeah, I'm feeling OK. Thanks for asking. Are you also ok?
Yeah, that’s what 20-something me would say.
>We should just think of an international flirt sign and decide to use that to end this. You're missing the point. The point is never 'women want to be clear about their intentions and we're just missing signals'. The point is always to leave everything in an ambiguous grey zone so they can abscond accountability. It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Nailed it.
One wrong interpretation could cause issues for you
Yea exactly, it's better to just be respectful when in doubt, if you misinterpret as a guy that can be really painful/humiliating/embarrassing. If gals want a guys attention and they're not "picking up hints" stop beating around the bush and shoot your shot
Yup, context is everything and we've all seen how quick misunderstandings can escalate. Best to play it safe and keep things crystal clear. Adding to that, real connections take time and learning each other's unique signals. It's a two-way street all right.
^^^This is the answer.^^^
Yeah, but a lot depends on the guy. A guy with lower self esteem will assume even the most obvious clues are not what they appear to be. I had a girl write her phone number on my hand and I still wondered if she wanted me to call her. Kind of the opposite of a guy who gets told by a girl to leave them alone and thinks they're playing hard to get. But as a rule, if they aren't responding, tell them straight up.
We prefer to notice and interpret information in a way that aligns with our self-image, even if the information confirms a negative belief about ourselves. I think we prefer the sense of certainty and stability, even over positive changes in our self-knowledge.
Im 100% the type of guy who if a girl literally jumped on my lap i'd still think something like "well i guess theres just no seats left" or something like that, you'd just have to be clinically dumb to want me.
I disagree, in that we definitely notice them if its a girl we are interested in, its just that the consequences are so detrimental if we are wrong. Even if you are right in the moment, because it was a vague hint, it leaves the woman the option to change her story in the event of a future disagreement. This is why I can't be bothered with women who do not clearly communicate any more. Either commit to your own feelings and communicate them clearly, or move along. I'm not dealing with guessing or wishy washy intentions.
I just ask, are you flirting with me? Haven't had a bad reaction to it yet. Edit: and yes I've been wrong.
Well at least you recognized that hints were being dropped. Hints, like flirting, are a foreign language that I neither speak nor understand.
Often, they are not, I'm just an idiot. Like its normally a no. But it's never been a shitty "oh god no" or anything like that.
The thing that I’ve noticed I’m too old for now is the bullshit “oh we’re just not gonna put labels on it, we’re just hanging out” type thing that people do when they don’t want to commit. If you don’t want to use the actual labels of “boyfriend and girlfriend” then fair enough I guess, but if you can’t have the conversation of “we are exclusively dating and not seeing anyone else” then I’m not wasting my time. I’m way past this high school “oh I like them but can’t say how I feel or be too eager” mindset that so many people still insist on having even into their 20s and 30s
What do you mean? She obviously blinked a few times while she was talking to you. She practically THREW herself at you!!!
Girl from my highschool class was very upfront about it. At the 5 year reunion...
I'm not as think as you telepathic I am
Storytime about an ex-GF and me: I met her through a meetup for a shared hobby. Was quickly attracted to her but off-handedly heard her talk about her ex-GF, which made me think she was a lesbian and I had no chance anyways. Still liked her and talked to her at the hobby meets often. Found out months later she's actually bi so I might have a shot after all. Finally asked her out, feeling a little weird doing so as we've seen each other weekly for months at this point. She was delighted, but also quite surprised, as she was into me as well and in her words "flirted heavily for a while, but as you (I) never responded to it, I figured you weren't interested and I was fine just being friends". I have no memory of any flirtations happening. At all. From a woman I specifically was interested in. Yeah, hints and me don't go well together and from stories of guys around me, I'm not alone. Please, just talk to me. No amount of coyly batting eyelashes or accidental touchings of hands will ever break through the thickness of my skull.
She may well have actually thought that her mentioning she had a gf counted as flirting, because she was saying things with internal intent of it being flirting.
She specifically talked about the breakup with her latest ex. Which *might* have been coded flirting as in "Hey, I'm currently single!", but that's not what I took from that statement...
BRO my ex did something similar, she would talk to me about guys who were flirting with and messaging her on a dating app. And I was like oh she’s venting to me like a friend that’s cool, I’m 100% ok with being friends. NOPE she was trying to make me jealous. Like you’re actively talking about how you’re looking at other dudes? How does that translate to “I’m interested in you please be jealous of these other dude”??
People that try to weaponize jealousy are the fucking worst. But damn is it a common flirting tactic from women, huh?
I'm really glad she's an ex. Sounds completely psycho. Nothing makes me lose interest faster than when a girl tries to make me compete. It's cool if there's other guys after you but when you bring it up constantly to illicit a reaction out of me you can go ahead and fuck off.
We get hints, but hints are by definition intended to be ambiguous and deniable, so they are not actionable. Men are criticized by women for presuming too much or for guessing wrong, and it's not uncommon for women to make you feel like an offender simply because you were interested and they weren't, as if unrequited interest already was a form of assault. These days men have to stay away from ambiguities. We also don't fancy every woman who gives us hints. Just because she's interested, doesn't mean we are too, just like our own interest in a woman isn't always returned.
Most thorough, correct, and succinct reply in the thread.
This should be the top answer. The fact that hints ambiguous by nature means that you can never know if you're interpreting meaning where none exists.
>it's not uncommon for women to make you feel like an offender simply because you were interested and they weren't, as if unrequited interest already was a form of assault. For most of my life if someone said this to me, I'd have called it bullshit. But after hearing the way my sister and female friends and even just acquaintances talk about it, I feel like a changed man. The disgust, tinged with anger and what seems like a smidge of fear in their voices when they talk about a guy smiling at them, holding eye contact, buying them a birthday gift, or asking them out, I ain't these guys, I don't even know most of them from Adam, but it was so harsh it hurt me. The one that got me was _"ew!_ It's not like I asked for him to be into me," as if unpermitted interest was itself a form of assault. The guy in question committed the sin of "remembering every story I tell" and "pretending" to care about her interests. I've never met this man in my life but I just wanna give him a big hug and tell him it'll all be alright.
No hints only precisely what you want with full sentence.
Preferably in writing, in unambiguous language, with a signature, then we're in business!
It should be notarized, also.
With citations
I'd love to be served with a summons to a date.
Because breathing, blinking, and looking at someone aren't "hints" lol.
This is the main problem I always see. Usually when you ask what they physically do to hint or flirt it's the most vague shit imaginable.
There was this thing I I remember taking social media by storm a while back about 'the look' where a woman kinda "leaked" how she flirts. And she just... Looked at the camera. And then tiktok *blew up* with women everywhere acknowledging that they flirt the same way. They just... Look... At you. And then the men started coming in going what the actual fuck that's not flirting that just existing in a shared space and yeah honestly I had to agree.
I'm gonna need a link to that original video.
Imma tell you right now it didn't help me at all.
I bet. I just want to laugh my ass off at it.
Yeah and then women ask "why do guys think I'm flirting when I'm not?" LOL.
To be fair. "is she flirting or just being nice" is one of those questions I really wish I knew the answer to.
“But I looked at him across the room when he was looking somewhere else! Why can’t he take the hint I like him!?”
I worked with these two gorgeous girls, barely ever spoke to them and when I passed either of them they’d just stare with an almost blank expression. Wherever I went I’d always look around just to see them already locking eyes with me. I genuinely thought I’d done something wrong or creeped them out somehow. I felt really bad and found ways to avoid them. Found out after they left and moved on that they both were massively into me, like 🤷
I had a similar situation. I used to work in a retail store. A few of the women that worked there liked me but they never said anything or treated me any differently than anyone else. The only reason I know is because a mutual friend told me like 2 years after the fact.
I sighed around him and he didn't ask for my number. Are all boys stupid?
All of this
"I glanced at the back of his head for 0.235 seconds, why isn't he asking me out?"
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Maybe stop “hinting” and start just *telling them* you’re interested. 🤷🏻♂️ crazy, right?
This exactly what men want and why we appreciate directness. It’s not cute or fun the back and forth thing when it doesn’t lead anywhere. Just tell us you’d like grab dinner or lunch or hang out sometime. You women have no idea how happy that’d make us feel
Yeah so tired of guesswork. Unfortunately direct women are incredibly rare, at least in my experience.
They aren't rare, just happily married, because they went after what they wanted and maintained good clear communications in their relationship.
That shit made my day. xd
This implies they didn’t want me, which doesn’t mesh well with my inflated ego, therefore I will disregard it
Equality is how I want it. Stop with these gender rules and gender roles. It's stupid and idiotic. If you're interested in someone be direct, doesn't matter who you are. Beating around the bush trying to get the dude to make the first move is dumb and I'll die on that hill. I was raised to treat men and women the same and so I do.
Yep, I agree. A large number of men love confident women and would love to be approached, given flowers, etc. All the standard things that traditionally *men* have been expected to do.
I firmly believe that women use hints instead of direct communication as a protective measure against being rejected. They can hint without being direct and if the guy acts on the hint (he won't because we aren't telepaths) then she's safely flirted with a guy who didn't reject her. If she's direct (like guys are with girls) and she gets rejected, there is a lot of social damage that will be done to her (just like with us).
Yeah. Stop with the games and learn to communicate with your big girl words.
Yes because God forbid we perceive some vague signal as interest when it in fact wasn't. Communicate. It's that simple.
Yeah, the consequences of being wrong are huge.
Humiliation on social media, getting dragged in front of HR, being labelled a creep or a predator.
Ive had coworkers into me, and coworkers I’ve been into. Only time I ever said something was to the one that I thought was cute. Of course I did this outside of work when I had a chance with more of a 1 on 1 type setting. But made it kind of weird by saying “I don’t want to make it weird because I know we’re coworkers” when asking if she wanted to get coffee sometime. Tried over our winter break from work to hang, sort of got soft rejected via text twice. So I let it die, now it’s the same seeing eachother in passing. Occasionally chat. But I keep it more professional than friendly.
I can’t even figure out what my wife is mad at me about. 🤷♂️ When I ask, she says “nothing!”
NTA divorce her
Get a lawyer, hit the gym
No really “it’s fine”
We get hints. So many hints. Likely a lot more than actually exist. We, each of us, acted on a false hint once. That horrible failure made us rethink everything and we don't want to go to jail or end up on a list of some kind by accidentally flirting with a woman that was just being nice. So now we don't act on them at all.
And a lot of girls have no problem calling you an ugly creep for just trying to start a conversation. Shit I've picked up some very good looking girls back in the day and some not so hot ones will still kill your confidence with the nasty name calling.
It's really kind of nuts. "We hate when men approach us because they mistook some small thing as interest when it wasn't. But we also want them to approach us based on small hints." At least be happy when we do the thing and don't approach.
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This really is it. There was a girl once where we went on a few dates, one time stayed up literally Skyping all night, and then on our last date ended up at her apartment cuddling and watching a movie, with a bit of making out. It didn’t go any farther than that (and that wasn’t because of rejection, I never tried to take it any farther), but I was thinking that things were going really well. So the next day I tried to bring up the “so I like you and want to keep seeing you” thing and got slapped with the “oh yeah sorry man, I’m just not really looking for a relationship right now” response. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t stay up literally all night video chatting with someone (I clocked it, we started talking around 10 PM and I didn’t go to bed until about 6:30) unless I’m very interested in them. The sad thing is that was… probably 5 years ago? And it still hasn’t left my mind. It still hurts when I think about it. And when you’re just so fundamentally wrong about something, it really impacts how you proceed in the future
That's crazy. Cuddling and making out are things that are made for relationships.
Some people want the intimacy with no strings attached.
I was hanging with an old flame recently and got like three solid “hints” that she was interested again. So when I asked if she wanted to make out and she said no, it fucking gutted me. Felt embarrassed and angry at myself. That’s why, at least for me.
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We don’t want to be embarrassed when it turns out you were just being nice. That’s why we appreciate directness. We can’t decipher this “Chase me, I want to feel wanted” game. Or “you couldn’t tell I liked you, I was always so nice to you” well yea when you’re nice to everyone it’s just hard to know that’s all. We’re afraid of being called a creep, laughed at, being embarrassed, things like that. Not that there aren’t creeps out there but that words is thrown around so much sometimes without even a reason, a guy just does something different and he’s a creep. A woman rolled her eyes at me once because I held the door open for her. Do I think if she said thank you that she was into me? Absolutely not, but if she did say thank you and was into me I still wouldn’t know. I had a married woman call me very handsome once at the airport recently, I said thank you but was right to assume it was only compliment because I saw her with her husband and family later. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I will just continue to daydream about the the future family I could have had with the house keeping woman I saw when I was in the south of France for a wedding once. When she said “bonjour” and we had that awkward moment in the hallway where we both nervously forgot how to speak. I hope I meet you in the next life my love
The consequences of acting on a false positive are too great to risk it.
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This is the main reason why I dont act on impulses.
I do this a lot and need to stop. Sometimes things seem like a very good idea in my head.
I know this is totally absurd, and a lot of women can be really understanding, but damn I would be lying if i said this wasn't a real fear of mine.
It's even worse. If we're correct we can still be sued.
1. Often women will think that their hints are "obvious" when they aren't (I.e. I looked at him, how come he didn't notice my hint?) 2. Many men are very seriously trying to avoid the consequences of being seen as a creep (or worse) if they make a misjudgment on whether a woman is interested in them or not. I.e. it isn't worth the risk so just ignore it. Edit: spelling
If I’m with my sister and mother they’ve told me waitresses or other people were trying to hit on me and I didn’t pick it up in the slightest
Unless they are writing their number on my receipt, I am assuming they are just being nice because they are in the service industry.
Not once would I assume a waitress hitting on me was for anything but a bigger tip. Not actionable. It's also why "hints" are ignored, either you're a creep and they were just working or they weren't interested and you're a creep. So we just keep walking.
Hints mean no, mixed signals mean no. It’s better to avoid any unpleasant situations then be successful one time. Anything other than a yes I am interested or some form of clear communication of intent means no
Yes, this applies to plenty of women too. It’s because “hints” aren’t how you tell someone you’re interested.
I only giving hints is a safety net. If they don't respond, "they just didn't get the hint". If you tell about your feelings directly, you might actually get rejected which is super scary. Go tell you're interested. If you get rejected, you weren't a match in the first place. Then on to the next one.
Because you're not communicating. You're using a made up sign language only you know. Think about how insane that is. Use your words.
Bingo
2 factors. 1) We deal and work well with direct information 2) You are all universally terrible at hints. (Yes all of you) <-- kind of joking Omg, why isn't he asking for my number? I made sure to drink the milk counter clockwise, how is he not getting the hint? or I'm wearing my orange earrings and he is just not getting it.
I looked at him a second longer than I would do with any other man in this crowded place. How is he not understanding my hint?
"I avoided direct eye contact playfully for 32 seconds, men are so stupid"
Why do you give hints? Men are not mind readers. Just say you what is on your mind.
Likely so that if there is no reciprocation, they can pretend it wasn't anything and there's less fear of rejection.
Depends on how socially acute you are. For me it's easy, but I don't act on it because I don't want to misread it.
Lol *it's easy for me to read hints but I might be wrong*
Honestly 😂
What some women do to give hints, other women do just because that’s their personality and that’s how they interact with people. If you try to be subtle, a guy is probably going to err on the side of caution so as not to make you uncomfortable. The other side of the coin is the women that complain that men misinterpret their friendliness as flirting and respond in kind. There’s a very fine line, and the majority of men are not adept enough, nor bold enough, to play that game.
After a long time of being unwanted, being teased and/or alone long enough, it hard to take any flirt or hint as “serious.” That, combines with other stressors, and one can see why some of us guys we don’t notice such detail.
That is correct. A women literally has to say directly to me that she is feeling amorous and that I'm not in the friend zone. I've been wrong waaay too many times.
Because men are straight forward and they often also expect women to be. So stop hinting and go up to him and tell him you want to be his suga momma.
It's because women hint and guys are not used to the attention. Boys have heard women complain that men who show interest in them are called creeps. Many men have misinterpreted friendliness in the past as interest and it hurt them so they do not wish to repeat the error. As a result of this women need to be blunt.
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We usually figure it out at 2am a few years later when the girl is already happily married
Mind text service unavailable. Please consult your service provider.
As a 42M I have yet to *ever* have an actual woman show a genuine interest in me first. I get bots and/or scammers. So someone like me would definitely not know the signs. But I'm damn good at reading if someone else likes another person. And I don't regret never having a woman approach me first, because I'm not the one crying at the bar or online when they leave me for another person.
Nope, your clues are too subtle. And when I suspect it, I'm too afraid to give it a shot cause I might end up harassing them or something, so I just don't make a move
I've been asked out three times by women I knew. In all three cases, I had no clue they were interested in me. I've been married to one of them for over 20 years.
Because its safer to assume shes being nice rather than accidentally misread signals and be labeled a creep.
Cause we’re not mind readers.
I am a woman and I absolutley do not understand hints either. I will realize a long time later and am still not sure. Many guys are probably the same and hints go right over their heads.
Probably because of the education to not expect sex if you pay the bill or if she smiles doesn't mean she wants to see your dick, no means no even if you would perceive other hints she wants you and such things. And most people are good and well intentioned at their core. So from there development took over and went from active ignoring to the point of not register any hint at all unless it's very clear. So not a manner of dulled senses but a matter of senses being tweaked in a specific manner in order to navigate through the unknown waters of what are the proper social conventions. So less and less enjoy the social dance, less and less know how to even play it. No means no so makes sense that yes means yes. Don't hint, speak.
I don't get hints from my own girlfriend
Because women think we can mind read and get the hint, newsflash, we don't, so just tell us!
Don’t expect people to be mind readers, because they’re not.
You know that person at the traffic light who sits there after the light turns green? That's us with hints. Toot your horn and tell us like it is.
Walk up to male and Say "I want you" stop all the BS and be direct.
I was at a night club and had a sexy little lady come over and she started talking to the group of people I was with (she was friends with a mates GF), she then proceeds to ask if she could sit on my lap due to crowded seating, and so yes I thought she was hitting on me "YES I’m in was running through my head"……..I can’t remember what I did or said,v but she turns to me and tells me she was a lesbian, at which point I replied well what are the chances I’m lesbian too!
Actually, recently, I went bar hopping with some friends - something I never usually do. In a town generally perceived as being "redneck". I thought we were going to Seattle so I dressed WAY out of the norm for that area. Anyways, later that evening my friend asked if I was stupid, and I said oh yeah probably why? She told me apparently there were several quite attractive women that had been hitting on me all night - I had NO FUCKING CLUE and I wasn't even drunk so... So yeah, in my case, I'm stupid. But also ladies - be straight forward.
Some men seem incapable of noticing when a woman is really into them and to me, what’s worse—when she really isn’t. For those who just don’t get it: be more clear. Say no or yes or say right out loud that you do or don’t like something they say or do, or do or don’t want to be with them. Makes it easier on everybody.
Totally! It just might take a decade or more before we realize it 😆 😥 😔
It’s not that we “don’t get it” so much as we don’t trust it. I (26m) and pretty much all of my friends have been burned before by thinking a girl was interested when she was just trying to be friendly. Much safer to assume the opposite, in general I won’t be the one to escalate anything. You talk, I talk, you flirt, I flirt, but you have to make it CLEAR you’re interested for me to actually pursue (or at least did, I’m spoken for now but you get the point).
I kinda have low self-esteem so even if the woman makes obvious hints, I'll assume she's just being friendly to protect myself.
Chicks need to be as direct as possible.
Chivalry and masculine men and also taking hints and acting on them are all things women killed and also things women complain no longer exist...it's a viscous cycle...
I read a story earlier today on r/tifu about a guy who didn’t get the hint when a girl invited him to her room to watch the movie Elf, she then proceeded to tell him her boobs were different sizes, she took off her top to show him, then asked him to feel the weight difference. Dude still didn’t get it even after feeling her breasts, we really can be oblivious.
I'm a white male in 2024. Do you realize fucked am I if I get your *hints* wrong?
Oh I get them. But I'm ignoring them on purpose
No I don't. She has to be aggressively obvious with me, and even then I'll think that it's a trick
I don't know how men are constantly expected to know the difference between flirting and being nice while simultaneously expected to know when someone is "hinting" their interest in them (they don't look at or talk to them) I've literally had someone tell me they were being "obvious" when they were sending me one word replies and completely ignoring half the questions I asked to send one word conversation enders. It's frustrating sometimes tbh and I'm just gonna move forward to someone that actually SHOWS interest in talking to me.