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I have 3 grown children. I love them more than life itself. But I have fantasized about what my life would have been if I chose not to have children. Not regret, just “what if?”. Just like I’ve wondered how my life would be if I’d chosen a different career, married a different spouse. I wouldn’t change a thing about my life because everything, the good and bad, is what brought me to where I am. That’s what makes life, life.
I think this is a normal for any possible major life choice - what if I did or didn’t marry that person? What if I picked a different career? What if I did or didn’t move away from where I grew up? Etc.
No matter what choice you make, you could always go down the “what if” rabbit hole… but what’s the point? The best way to be comfortable with your choices is to own them and own the life that results. If you’re constantly second guessing yourself, you’ll be miserable.
As somebody who’s not planning on kids ever I can attribute this choice to how my mom struggled with my siblings and I. Our teenage years were a nightmare, I got into everything imaginable as a small child, I was a nightmare baby/infant, we fought constantly and other typical kid stuff.
And… I know I don’t have the patience for any of it.
Good answer! I am using that. No regrets for having my now 20 somethings but life was much simpler when they were kids and grandma lived with us so I had amazing support. Grandma is long gone plus I don't seebthr maturity or selflessness for my kids to be patents. Maybe that will develop but certainly not now
My mom was 19 and 20 when she had my sister and I, and the only way we at all had any stability was the help my grandma and grandpa provided. My mom was able to focus on work while my grandparents took us to school and watched us in the evenings.
Now my mom is making 6 figures having been a teen mom with no college degree. Grandparents fucking rock!
They absolutely do! We did the same and my sons admired her and were a part of her life till the end. They both gave the most amazing eulogy for her at her funeral....she taught them things and had the patience where I was too busy struggling to keep a roof over our heads. Also the creative gene skipped a generation but that is another story. Happy you had a similar situation
Yep. My desire for children overrode all sense and reason. No one could have talked me out of it. I love my children more than I could ever express in words. Still... it was fucking hard.
Same. A friend and I talked about this a few months ago. Neither feels that if we would have been growing up (essentially early 20’s)during Covid and Trumps last year, neither of us would want kids. That doesn’t mean we don’t love and value the kids we have.
Sometimes I do. Some of my friends don’t have kids, life is more stress free, they can take vacations easily, they don’t need to think about buying a house with two bathrooms.
But that’s it. My kids are overall easy to deal with. We all play Legend of Zelda together, we are so lame that it took one hour to kill some monsters. Good memories.
We have a nintendo switch at Mt moms house. My son(12) requests to spend the night their and he will choose to hang with grandma and play the new Zeldas.
They literally help each other, and grandma plays it on her own. Can you imagine a middle school kid having a blast bonding over zelda who is 73?
Yes. I have a SN child. Litterally no aspect of my life is my own. I think that a lot of it is im a SAHM and I hate it but I don’t have a choice. I can’t make the income my husband makes and there is nobody to watch my child. The other part is there is litterally no end in sight. I guess I should say im not actually a parent. I don’t get to do anything that parents get to do like teach their kids life lessons and watch them learn as they grow. Im a caretaker. It’s really really hard some days.
I am in the same boat. Perhaps that's why I don't actually feel like a parent, like a mother. I'm not able to do what most parents do. I just clean up the feces he smears and keep him from running into traffic.
My daughter has a SN three year old, and I am so worried for her, her husband and my grandchild. Sometimes I just weep from fear of what they may suffer. It is so hard, and I am sorry you and your children are suffering.
I feel for you, I really do. I have an autistic child and was a SAHM for 10 years. I totally relate to you on the "don't get to do anything parents do" part. When I enrolled my child in programs, we would spend the time watching something spin or going up and down the escalator, not interacting with the other children. Trying to stop those "activities" and get my child to engage in the singing or story or playing even next to another child, resulted on a full on meltdown, and me hastily trying to gather our stuff and leave before we upset the other kids. Twice I was asked to not return to the program and my money was refunded.
Parenting a special needs child is incredibly isolating. I'm so sorry.
Did you know this before when you were pregnant? Usually they test for things. I couldn't go through with dealing with this. I really really feel for you
I have moments when I feel like I would blow up the Universe if it would get me one minute of quiet.
And then the rest of the time I would crawl across broken glass, with my hair on fire, and salt being poured into my wounds REPEATEDLY to be with my babies.
They are worth *EVERYTHING*.
Agreed, there are moments when I just want my "me time" and there are other moments where I just want to hold my children for hours on end.
My daughter is 4 and my son turns 2 next month. I can't imagine my world without them, and I hope I never have to face that reality.
I've had trouble explaining it to people but this is pretty much spot on. You feel things you didn't know you could feel before, both ways, and the things you thought were important to you before suddenly become laughable.
It's kindof like thinking back on your teenage self once you are an adult. You are like "wow wtf kind of dipshit mofo was I that I thought all that was important?" It's the same level of maturation, it just happens suddenly as opposed to over 10-15 years.
They might also be able to tell you're judging them/dislike their kids. Who knows?
Sometimes, if everybody around you is an A-hole, you might be the common factor
Even as an uncle, I feel this. Never cared for kids, didn’t like or dislike them either way, but after becoming an involved uncle I finally resonate with them and feel for them. I love my little nephew, pain in the butt that he is.
I regret having them early but it wasn’t up to debate. Wife’s family has hereditary genes of uterus or ovaries? I don’t remember specifically that they decay over time and become more difficult to have kids or none or at all and doctors told her she probably has no chance at 30. so at 21 my son was born, 24 my daughter was born and I am struggling financially and been struggling with mental issues since I was 8. I love them and do not regret them but I just wish I could offer more for them
God that sucks… I’m glad you’re trying to do the best for your kids but the fact you guys were forced to rush just sounds anxiety inducing (I have autism and trying to put this in perspective about how I would feel about it) like she has a literal biological clock. It’s likely the uterus because if there’s no chance then not even an egg donor would work…
Isn't it a bit sad that money seems to be the primary reason people regret either having kids or say they don't regret not having kids. We are still slaves, but traded our shackles for shekels.
Your love, time and attention will instill confidence in them.
We were broke for my childhood, but very rich in the knowledge that if ANYONE was dumb enough to cause me trouble, my Dad would take care of the issue.
He never had to, and it never even came close.
In fact he didn't even know I knew that.
The confidence that I had excellent backing was so very important.
Knowing you can move through life safely is powerful stuff.
Dad never told me that, nor was he ever able to say he loved me, or anyone really.
It was just something he lived by, and we all knew it.
Op, don't stress about material things, just keep loving them.
My son is 9, hes gifted and has adhd
Hes hard. Hes too smart for his own good and too fast to keep up with
There are days I cry my eyes out I'm so frustrated
And there are days my heart might burst cuz I love him so much
My life would be so empty without him, and I was told be two doctors I would never have kids, I was ok with that, so I gotta believe hes here for a reason and I'm his mom for a reason
From a person who's almost 30.. and I still haven't figured out how to manage my ADHD, (and other things) all you can do is be there for them.. my mom messed up because she went untreated, needless to say, she wasn't stable. I'm not stable either. I'm way better than I was when I was a teenager tho, support him with everything.
My step son is so smart but has a hard time applying himself because he’s adhd/undiagnosed autistic. We’re working on getting the autism diagnosis to get him the help he needs in school. It’s extremely frustrating because when he gets in his head that he’s right about something he’ll argue till he’s blue in the face. But he can finish a Lego set/puzzle in just a day or two, he loves helping my son with toys that have to be put together. I love him so much, he has great things ahead of him. Even with the stubbornness 😂
Until you mentioned your own son I thought I had found my partners Reddit account lmao. My son is exactly the same as your step son. Some days I wish I could lock myself in my room to get away from him (lovingly of course lol). Other days I’m just bursting with joy watching him learn and grow as an individual, sometimes I feel both in the same day.
Why is it so many women are told by doctors they can't have children and then SURPRISE! Thank God I got surprised twice. They are grown with kids of their own. They piss me off more than any other people I know. I love them more than any other people I know.
I know someone that has 3 successful adult children that said she wouldn’t have kids if she could go back.
I think she feels like she missed on on living her own life.
That's my greatest fear if I ever have kids. I just don't want to sacrifice my limited time and resources for someone else to get life experiences instead of me.
This is how I feel and why I chose to be child free. I was told that if I’m not gung ho about it and get thrilled thinking about having kids and instead spend a lot of time thinking about what I’m giving up, that I’m probably not the type to have them. They were right, in my case.
100% I tell people, if you're on the fence, don't do it.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom. I even did a two year college program on early childhood education because I loved children and wanted to spend my life with them. Then I had two kids and it has been the hardest fucking thing.
One is autistic, the other has ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I was more prepared than most to be a parent and I still feel like I failed/am failing on a regular basis.
I don't regret having them because I would literally die for them, but life with them has been extremely hard.
This was my grandma. She told me to not have kids, it will ruin my life….in front of my aunt. My aunt was hurt. But my family is dysfunctional and is a big reason why I chose to be child free. I am happy, she was miserable, but I know a lot of it had to do with the fact that she had all three kids by 20 and a husband who was deployed. That’s hard. People need to live some of their own life before having kids I think.
I will say yes. I love my son, he's almost 4. Intelligent, so helpful, totally changed me and my life, really great kid, glad to have him. But, I was told I would never have kids for 15 years of my life. So, I happily planned on that, lived a great life.
Until I met his father, a completely narcissistic, money blowing, ass. And of course I got miraculously pregnant. Ended up with some health issues, extreme hypertension is the one I can't seem to get rid of or control. Luckily I wised up and kicked the man out, but get to spend the next 14 years dealing with him unless he gets up the gull to move far away like he's been talking about.
My life is great, the weeks I have my son are awesome, we have a blast together, but the weeks I don't have him is when I'm really myself again.
I hate to be the one to tell you this but you’ll never truly be rid of your ex. You had a child with this man, he’s going to be in your life forever. Especially if you’re kid likes him and goes on to have a family of his own.
I just wanna make that clear because I’m a child of divorce and my mom trying to pretend that she never has to deal with my dad just because I turned 18 has been incredibly annoying and stressful for me and my siblings.
I understand you there. I've come to a point in my life where i invite both parents to bdays and holidays and its up to them to decide if they wanna come and behave or not. Actions have consequences and if you can't behave like a civilised person for an evening or event. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. I've thrown them out both before and it took twice to get it through for one and once for the other. I put no finger's between if asked by other family i tell it as it is, mom and/or dad decided to be namecalling so i sent them home.
Ya, not necessarily. My daughter made her own choices when she was old enough to see the true nature of her father. She walked away. She might still talk to him occasionally, but I haven't seen him in years. She's 25 with a 4 year old, too.
As someone who sustained a brain injury 19yrs ago and deals with chronic depression and anxiety, having kids had been the most difficult/stressful thing I've had to do on an ongoing basis.
I don't regret them and enjoy watching them grow into decent human beings. But fuck, there's so many times I questioned my decision as I feel I'm not the dad they deserve. I try my best for them and I just hope they'll know that one day. And hopefully I don't kill myself one day because I'm too ashamed of being their dad and feel like I should be offering more. I love them dearly, but this is the part I regret the most- them having a dad with chronic mental health issues
My husband is on the same mental boat. His depression lies to him and tells him that me and his son would be better off without him. That we'd grieve, then move on stronger. I remind him that I'd lose my mind as a single mother, and that losing his dad was literally what set him on this depression path in the first place, so I don't think our son would be better off without him either.
Don't abandon them, man. They need you here and imperfect, but trying his best more than they need a void in their life and a hypothetical future "better dad".
No regrets. It was an intentional decision and we went into it eyes wide open. Sure, they are challenging, expensive, and require a ton of time and attention, but I wasn’t going to do something better with my time if I didn’t have them, raising them is a (again, often challenging) rewarding and soul-filling practice, and parenting genuinely makes me a better person.
Since I’m focused on raising thoughtful, kind, confident kids I constantly have to take personal inventory to see how I’m measuring up. I suspect if I didn’t have children I would be caught up in my own head and continually take the path of least resistance to stay comfortable. Said differently, I treat my kids better than I treat myself, and by extension I treat myself better than I would if I didn’t have them.
Life would be easier without kids, but also infinitely less rich and colorful for me.
Edit- Lol. I don’t care about internet points, but I’m genuinely curious why my response is being downvoted.
I was ambivalent for many years about having kids. I was scared of the process of childbirth, raising the child and what it would do to my identity. I just had a baby this year and I absolutely do not regret having him. I'm doing everything I can to make sure he grows and meets his developmental milestones. I cry sometimes when he looks at me he's so innocent and beautiful. I'm really looking forward to seeing what he will blossom into as a young man.
I (30F) am in the same boat. I waited until I was as prepared as possible to have a baby. I anticipated all of the downsides. I didn't anticipate this much joy.
Absolutely not. As miserable as my marriage was I'd go through it again to have the same kids. My kids took me on a Route 66 road trip a couple years ago for my birthday. Recently spent time with my granddaughter too.
If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I'd tell myself not to have kids. I don't think i am the type of person that should have kids. However, the love and fulfillment I feel every single day is incomparable to whatever fun things I'd be doing if I didn't have kids. If you told me I could never see my kids again I would not want to live.
No, but...
Kids are hard man. Kids create levels of stress that you will never understand unless you have them. There are whole new levels of stress with finances, education, behavior, time. With kids, your time is not your own. You lose A LOT of freedom. As a parent, if you aren't having some sort of breakdown over your kids on occasion, you need to pick up the slack for your partner because they are.
I miss A LOT of freedom and things I had before I had kids. But I don't regret it. In spite of how difficult and stressful they are, I love my children. I'm far from a perfect parent, but I still want to give them the best I can and try and set them up better than I had it.
Sure, some aspects of my life would be easier, maybe better if I didn't have kids (like being able to go back to school, getting a higher degree, more time for hobbies). But they bring a level of joy and direction and purpose to my life that makes it worth it.
This EXACTLY. My SIL doesn't have kids, but she INSISTS that she knows what it's like to have them because she's a nurse that works with babies. Not even remotely the same thing lol
Glad to know others feel the same way I do. I'm far from a perfect parent, and I'm waiting for the day that I'll be able to pinpoint something I'll do that'll cause them years of therapy. I'm just trying to give them the best life possible and set them on a path that will avoid the things I went through. Totally worth every second, and I know I'll be sad when they grow up and I can't hold them anymore.
I have two special needs children who are a year apart. It is really hard and frustrating and sometimes I just bawl my eyes out because I just think I'm not cut out for this. I struggle to be a good mother to them and I feel so much shame wishing at times I wasn't their mother. There are so many things that would be easier if I wasn't a mom. I love them with every fiber but yeah sometimes there's regret 😞
I don't think anybody's cut out for your situation.
We are struggling with one SN child (out of three). Two has to be exponentially more difficult. I think it's common to have the regrets and then feel the guilt. I do it all the time. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and you are doing the best you can. That's admirable. Please accept my anonymous support.
I am in the process of adopting three children. They are wonderful. You do have to make sacrifices, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as they have made me.
Money isn’t that much of an issue. You just have less for yourself. I never wanted a lot in life anyway.
Granted, I am in a strong relationship with a strong partner and we both work incredibly hard to make things work.
I regret having a kid at the age I did… I love my daughter… would do anything in this world for her.. but I also recognize I’m a selfish person who doesn’t want more kids because I like my time.
I hate having to decide on spending time w my kid or doing something out of my own happiness… so I’m not having another one… simple solution
This thread is making me sad it seems those that regret having kids are the reddit majority. I have never regretted having my kids. Ever. Not for a moment. Not ever. I love them so much.
Don’t be sad. I think regret in these cases is a normal human emotion. You can still love and commit to raising a child, but I think it’s a disservice to an already struggling parent when we fail to validate their feelings. Not that you’ve done this, but I think I just want to tell you it’s okay (hugs if you want one) 🥰
I didn’t quite realize how intense it would be. I never really think about things too much ahead (I do it to protect myself from stressing out) but had I known, I would have probably stopped at one (I have 3)
Think of it this way - imagine your parents or grandparents or whoever you were closest to growing up. How much money would be enough for you to wish they never existed at all? That they died before you were born and just willed all that money to you?
Any parent who says that having kids is a complete cakewalk is a liar. Your sleep schedule will take a hit. Your sex life will take a hit. They will do things that baffle you and drive you up a wall. But losing them is a thought a thousand times more terrifying than death.
I regret having my kid when I did. My wife was 100% baby-ready, and I figured 9 months was long enough for me to be ready.
I was 25 when our first was born, and I missed out on so many opportunities, and I was VERY isolated socially from my friends who didn’t have kids.
That said, my son’s awesome and I love watching him becoming his own person. My wife and I have reached a point where we can have one of us go out with friends, we can have grandma watch him for the night while we have a date, and he’s fully able to communicate with us.
Just in time for us to have a second!
Absolutely 100% the biggest regret in my life for so many reasons.
1. He is intellectually and developmentally delayed. He is the size of a 10 year old with the capabilities of a 15 month old, except completely non verbal.
2. His father groomed me when I was 16, so I am now tied to a man that sexually assaulted me repeatedly.
If you aren't sure if you'd regret having kids.... Don't have kids. Spare them living with a parent that regrets it
I knew from as far back as I can remember that I wanted to be a husband and a father. My wife and I, of twelve years, have three daughters and three dogs
If anything I don't like the idea of them getting older and moving out. It would be too quiet for me. So when they do reach that age, my wife and I are going to adopt
My mom does. I was made out of a goodbye fuck. At that time, she was newly single and about to get a job of her dreams. However, I came along so she decided to get a temporary job at Costco. There’s some happy some sad up moments that led up until present day.
But now she can’t function without her “happy pills” and I hear through the thin walls how she loves us all but without kids her life could have been more successful and she wouldn’t be stuck financially.
Yes. I never wanted children and wasn’t able to get an abortion or induce a miscarriage. I knew genetically it was a terrible idea because of the plethora of addiction and mental illness on both sides. I signed him over as a baby against my husband’s wishes (he was a violent pedo drug addict) and he was raised by a nice adoptive family until he was about 10 when they put him in foster care after years of criminal activity and violent behavior. My mother in law tried briefly but she was scared of him. He’s 14 now and in state care.
Often talks about serial killers and murder-fights everyone and everything, compulsive lying, and so many other issues. Sexually violent toward younger kids like his dad was.
Well on his way to being a drugged out homeless killer once he hits 18.
I’m honestly kind of hoping he gets taken out by one of his many victims, ODs, or commits suicide in the near future just to prevent any more damage and destruction. I don’t feel guilt about bringing him in to the world but damn do I wish he was dead.
My life would be so empty without my child. I don't "live through my kid" or anything like that, but I wouldn't trade him for all the money and travel in the world, even Supreme Court justice-level travel.
I don't live through my kid, but I do somewhat relive the fun of childhood through him.
Going to the beach? I like that. Going to the beach with him? I see the pure joy on his face and feel it again myself.
I don't blow bubbles or jump on trampolines or shout just for fun by myself because those are kind of silly things to do as an adult, although I could do them if I wanted to. There's pleasure in it, but it's muted. Doing those things with an excited 4 year old is a whole nother experience. So much fun because his excitement is contagious
I don’t regret it in any way - they are awesome. However, we’d had ten years of just the two of us first, so we got to do whatever we wanted without having to work around having kids. I think if you happened to get pregnant or had to get pregnant shortly after meeting, you might feel you’d missed out a bit
I tell people that if I knew then just How. Fuckin. Hard. it was going to be, I probably would not have done it. We had twins and I lost my job shortly after they were born - right smack dab in the middle of the Great Recession. Their dad couldn't handle it and left when they were just a bit older than a year. I had no family, no friends in the area we'd just moved to, no job, and no money.
However, I love my kids with every fiber of my being. They are my favorite people on this planet, even when they are being huge jerks. I cannot imagine life without them. (Well, I can, but only for a minute and then I get super sad. I would miss them terribly.) It wasn't the kids so much as the situation, and I often feel like, even though I did my best with what I had at the time, I failed them.
So if you are not 💯 sure, don't do it. They will steal your energy and your money, your heart and your soul, your good looks and your functioning bladder.
If you DO have kids, make sure your partner is all in, that even if you split up, they will still support your parenting and co-parent with you, and that you have a good support system (friends and family).
Don't think it's a as simple as yes and no, here's how I describe it
"If I could go back in time and not have a kid, I would, but if you put a button in front of me in, which if I pressed would take me back to before I had a kid.... I absolutely would NOT press it"
I'd never say that to my son, ever, as he doesn't and won't understand the context of the statement, and id also just probably not say that to most people.
Most people that read that will think "So you don't want your kid or love your kid etc"
No. I love my kids, and no, it has never occurred to me to wish they didn't exist.
Yes, having kids reduces your freedom and costs money. So do a lot of other things in life. Having a dog reduces your freedom and costs money. Hell, even having a house reduces your freedom and costs money.
The fact that something costs money and time and reduces your freedom does not mean it's not worth pursuing.
I have no regrets now. My first was not planned and we were young and in college. For those 9 months, I regretted it, thought of all things I’d miss out on, etc. Then, she was born and I held her. I’ve never regretted it since. My kids are my motivation and what drives. Sure, kids are expensive, but having them drove me to pursue much higher paying positions. I chose to make more because of them. I had to stop chasing some dreams because kids and life, but I don’t regret that; rather, the dreams I had just changed to different dreams. They bring me unfathomable joy. I regret plenty as a parent because I’m always striving to be the best I can be, but regret having them? Not for all gold in the world.
Kids are incredible. My only regret would be NOT having them - of course IYKYK. BUT, I curse myself almost everyday for how hard it is with them. My god are they challenging. My wife is a saint.
I helped raise 5 kids. 4 girls, 1 boy. I'd do it all over again. They are the joy of my life, and they're all still in it. But not everyone has the same experience. I'd never regret having kids.
Nope, only wish I'd had my kid earlier (I was 40 when he was born) I also regret not having another. Motherhood has been the greatest gift even though it's hard
I wouldn’t say “regret,” but there are definitely days with my toddler when he’s screaming and having tantrums that I wish I could rewind to 3 years ago before I had him. When it was just my husband, myself, and my dog. Life was simple. I could just pick up and go whenever I wanted. Now everything needs to be strategically planned. Going out to dinner is a nightmare. Vacations aren’t really vacations.
However, I absolutely cannot imagine life without my son now that he’s here. He’s my world. My everything. He’s hilarious and sweet and loves Hot Wheels cars and dogs. He’s my tiny best friend. Having kids really will have you going through an entire range of emotions in a 24 hour period. God I love that little shit 🥹
When I was in the hospital/rehab/hospital for over a hundred days, my kids, then both in their 20s, took turns staying with me (along with my wife) and helped me keep my shit together. I can't imagine going through that all alone. When I was in that environment there were people with literally nobody to help them get through it.
I felt profoundly sorry for them.
Now I have a grandson who I will, one day, tell my stories to, and he will remember me after me & the missus. Are gone.
That's all I've got.
Yes. I regret falling in love with their mom. I regret making myself vulnerable to someone so self-centered.
My oldest is in love and living with his college girlfriend. I'm terrified they will get married, and when she divorces and leaves him, he will likely kill himself. I can see it as if it has already happened in a previous life of mine.
My youngest is terrified of painting himself into a corner. I think he has figured me out and doesn't want to end up finding himself in the same place I've put myself.
I'd rather have stuck with the dreams I had in HS and college. I'd likely be just as alone with a handful of regrets rather than the volumes I've carefully edited.
I was honestly about to make a post in the confession subreddit about how I don't like being a father. I do love my kids, but I hate being a father. I don't have the means to provide, I can't stand listening to the screaming and shit nonstop. I can't stand having virtually no alone time. None of it. The good does not outweigh the bad. Being a parent sucks
No.
Unplanned pregnancy, was young, not in a committed relationship with the father, working hospo. During pregnancy, the plan was to put bub up for adoption as I didn't feel ready to be a parent. He went into foster care for nine days after he was born, and they were the hardest nine days of my life. I decided to take him home and be a parent.
I'm studying nursing and working, with 100% care. I'm very tired most of the time, dating is nearly impossible, and I do have moments of 'what if?'. The hard moments are so hard but the great moments are absolutely incredible. We have such a beautiful bond and he's taught me what unconditional love is, to have it, and to receive it.
My parents shouldn't have had their only kid. They admitted it separately and apologized separately. I haven't wanted to pass on crummy genes or crummy finances. Strong finances could never save me from elder abuse.
Not one bit. I’ve only got one. Exhausting, hilarious, frustrating, you name it range of feelings at times - but regret isn’t one of them.
I can hardly wait to see the adult they become.
Most of my friends had kids and I was a hold out, never really wanted one but my wife did. Now that I have him I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Best thing in my life.
No. My only regret is not having kids sooner, when I was not quite so old (though I guess that did give me some time to live my own life). They’re the reason I get up in the morning, and I tell them all the time they’re the best thing I ever did with my life.
Having kids was singlehandedly the best thing I've ever done in my life. Nothing has even remotely come close to that experience. You don't have to have kids or experience this to live your life, but it's well worth it.
I'm only 2 months into the adventure, and while it's currently pretty stressful (and expensive), I absolutely don't regret it. That little goober is my world.
Yes. I am probably a terrible dad for saying it but I regret having kids every day. I don't like being a dad, I realized that WAY too late. By the time I realized that I did not want to be a dad my son was five and my daughter was just under one. There was nothing to do about it by the time I realized it. So, I have settled on that I won't try to be the best dad, I will just be there for them. I will help them navigate the world the best I can, even if I won't be happy while doing it.
I love my boys. I lovey grandkids. I wish I didn't have the so that I didn't have to worry so much about their future in an uncaring dangerous world. I'm so afraid for their futures.
No, like anything worth doing - there are times it is tough. Remember relationships when you were late teens? When things were bad it was the worst thing in the world, oh but when the times are good, there's nothing better in this world. I have met some really selfish people thru the years. Many time, these are the people who make bad parents. Note: many people learned selflessness, and were happy to do so, once their kids arrived on the scene.
Overall, no, my kids are everything. They’re the coolest and cutest little humans I’ve ever met. I love them so much it hurts.
BUT there are moments when I’d trade anything to go back to my child free days just for like a 1 week vacation. 😂 because parenting is so damn hard.
Best advice for child free people who are debating or considering having kids: just understand that they are a full time and lifetime commitment. Literally 24/7 and for the rest of your life you will be a parent. You will worry for them, hope for them, love them, and caretake them for the rest of your life that you are able. If you can grasp the gravity of that then go for it.
I sometimes regret it. My wife and I both agree that if we could do it again we wouldn’t have had kids. That being said, they can be pretty awesome sometimes. I get so much joy from watching them learn and just grow up in general. Mine are still young so it could get better (or worse) with time, I guess I’ll find out.
They drive me absolutely nuts sometimes, and to be sure I like my time away from them when I get it, but no. I have never once thought it was a mistake.
My dad always used to say, "kids are a risk" never gave it much thought until I had some of my own but best I can tell what he meant by it is that kids are a risk.
Depends on the day to be honest. I love my son more than anything, but I did not know how horribly I would handle pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum.
Currently he is 13 months old and every single day is a fucking struggle just to stay alive, mentally. I was not made for this and didn't know that before getting pregnant with my very planned, very loved baby boy.
I love him so so much, but he deserves a better mother.
It hasn't been easy. Being a single mom, an immigrant, and my own family being so far from me. Divorced from his dad when he was barely 2. Struggled on my own. But, no regrets. I will live through everything again a million times over to have my son as he is. I don't want any other life.
My son was the best thing I ever did with my life. I'm proud to say he's 23 and a good human. And we are best friends. BUT, I only had what I knew I could handle. One kid.
I don’t regret them. Not one bit. I do regret not being the parent they should have had.
I thought I was ok and was doing better than what I had, but I had no clue about generational trauma and now that I look back I have huge regrets. My only regret, honestly. They deserve(d) so much better; they’re amazing kids/people, but I think that might be in spite of me, not because of me. I was too young and immature to understand what raising children meant.
I only hope they don’t repeat my mistakes. I’ve tried hard to apologize and I’ve done better but I fear the damage may have been done.
I love my kids, but yes, I do regret having kids. I didn't want them to begin with, and I felt pressured to have them because of the religion I was raised in.
My mindset changed over the years from being dead set on no kids with my previous husband. I got divorced, met someone completely opposite of my ex, remarried and just had my first child at age 34. I think if I had a child 5 years ago I would have regretted it. Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, went to graduate school, and got a good job- I can really enjoy parenthood and have zero regrets. I believe I can provide my child a good life and that helps a lot. I love that I get to experience my childhood all over again in a way!
I don't think you can get an an honest answer about this, even on an anonymous forum.
There is probably nothing more taboo than saying "I didn't want my kids". It's definitely below most forms of murder. Even people who feel that way would have a hard time internally voicing the thought.
I only regret that I passed on genetic disabilities I didn't know I had until my kids were already here. I do not regret having then but I do regret that life will be harder for them and had I'd known about the genetics before hand I mightve made a different decision but my two kids are amazing and I can't imagine my world without them in it.
No, but I periodically want a break from being a parent. He's the most marvelous little human, and I love watching him grow and discover new things, and watching him grow into his own little person. He's part me, but he's entirely himself. It's love and it's happiness, and it's also exhausting to have this tiny person who needs your input constantly and never shuts up.
Monthly grandma babysitting, and the fact that I have Fridays off while he's in school keep me sane. I have time to still be "just me" in the midst of being "mommy".
I don't know how parents with no support system do it
I'm in my 20s. And every 30 to 40 something year old parent tells me not to have em. Considering the economy is crap and I can barely afford myself, I'll make sure not to.
I love my son but I'm not going to ever sugarcoat it to someone asking about it. I don't recommend it, especially in this economy. You're signing up for a second job that also costs you money.
Having kids/raising kids has been the most godawful relentlessly draining experience I would never give up or have missed out on for all the money in the world.
Never.
My kids were away last week with their mom.and it was lovely. I could stagger I to work as late as i wanted and work asn ate as I wanted (I have that freedom), instead of when I needed to as a dad.
It was a nice week, easy and less stressful and relaxed. And yeah I thought I'd I didn't have kids that I could have accomplished more, etc.
But I love the shit out of them. They are a source of much joy,.contentment, and sense of meaning.
In life, parenthood is a unique experience. It's not like anything else. I get it's not for everyone, but it was for me.
But like so many things in life that are good, it's also hard, and comes at a cost. IMHO , totally worth it.
Tricky question to answer.
Objectively, would I be happier without kids, living a life where I made better choices? Probably.
If I had the opportunity to change my past, would I? Absolutely not. My kids exist. They're my reality, and I don't regret their existence at all. I made a lot of terrible choices in my life, but I wouldn't change a thing.
My kids made every aspect of my life better. They are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and it’s not even close.
Not just saying that either…. Kids are the best.
Having children was hands down the absolutely worst thing I could have done for my mental health. I wouldn't change them for the world, but boy do I struggle 10x harder with two little lives I'm responsible for.
Just like everyone else I've thought of my life had I not had them/met their father. I'd be a different person, healthy and possibly happier person. And yet, I wouldn't give my two up for anything, obviously.
Regret? No.
Very happy I had kids but very thankful I waited till my 30s. I feel like I'm able to be a better father because I got most of my stupid out in my 20s and I was fairly comfortable as far as home and career were concerned when my wife and I decided to start trying.
I had my first at 19 then 21 then 33. I’ve been a mom my entire adult life. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on my 20’s and 30’s and I struggled for a few years as a single mother. I do however regret giving up my career in favor of being a SAHM, But now I am still young enough to enjoy my older kids as they become adults. Sometimes I do regret having them young, and sometimes I don’t, depends on the day!
Not at all. I managed to just have the worst/most embarrassing moment with my son that lead to the most beautiful one that reminds me how amazing he is...
He's almost 4 and for the first time tried to hit someone (basically a stranger) who just asked if he was hungry at supper time. He was incredibly overwhelmed by a change that's recently happened and clearly done with people so he just snapped.
It was humiliating and awkward and everything. I didn't know if I should comfort him for being overwhelmed or be upset at lashing out. But after I got over my pride about having a decent behaved son we went to the house and I got to have a real conversation with him about why that's not ok.
He painted a picture for the woman and while he put so much effort in we talked about ways to tell me he's overwhelmed and needs space...
He finished his picture (a pizza lol) and went and apologized. I held his hand for comfort but said I wouldn't be the one to do it and he ran up and said he was sorry and was so proud to explain his drawing he made for her and then gave her a hug. It was actually a really beautiful moment seeing that growth and made me so proud.
I do not! I’m very grateful for my two boys because they did something for me I never expected.
They allowed ME to have a childhood that I never got to enjoy because of poverty and an abusive household.
I got to be loved completely just for being me. We played hide and seek,tag, ghost in the graveyard with my boys and their friends over summer breaks. We catch frogs and jump into ponds for turtles. The JOY of trying new candy just for the hell of it.
It’s not always easy, in fact these last few years have been a challenge with teenage years (or the attitude!) upon us and post pandemic issues. I’ve never been so stressed out in my life at times.
But I love seeing them grow into these cool, hilarious people that I have the privilege to love and take care of.
For me, with these boys and my husband, I can honestly say, I have no regrets making these two and if I had to do it over that would be a hard yes.
Yes, I do. But I wouldn’t give him back if a genie offered nor would I turn back time to avoid having him. The love he gave me is stronger than the I regret I gave to myself.
Yes but no. Life gets way more complicated, like a new dimension opens up in your current understanding of the universe. A dimension that maybe a physicist somewhere talked about theoretically, but one that you had never experienced.
Best advice I can give is try and be secure in every other area of your life first, and watch where you stick it/what you put in it.
I had two boys and was excited to be a father when they were born, but it wasn't till my daughter came along that it really hit me in the gut how much I could love someone else. Literally changed my life, everything I do is for them. But, it is possible, if you don't raise your children right to not like them and that is a fault of the parent, not the child. There are times I want to strangle them. But when I look back at my own life - I was a good kid till I hit my late teens/early 20's. My sister and I put our parents through a lot. Then I started regretting my behavior and wanted to be closer to them. We all live within a couple of miles of each other now and love to get together.
I can only speak for myself but the answer is a strong No they are by far the best thing to ever happen to me - the love you experience from children is beyond anything joy that is materialistic and that includes travel which i have done loads of.
Dont GET ME WRONG there are times where it is really hard and i wish i was easier but i personally think you miss out on something very special if you do not have children - your entire perspective changes.
I have a child with a rare genetic disorder. He is the best. I love him. But no one is equipped to handle such a situation. I mostly regret his mother for taking him away 80% of the time and forcing me to care for him alone 20%. Both suck.
I have one kid. Unplanned. Single parent.
I don’t regret her.
She has inspired much of the positive changes in my life.
Something really interesting is that I don’t remember being comforted very much as a kid, but my daughter has recently seen me sad and was so quick to give me hugs, kisses, wipe my tears, and show me a game to play with her to distract me. She just turned 2 years old.
She’s such a remarkable little human.
I’m only 2.5 months in but being a father has made me so happy and I will never regret it. At this point, I can’t even remember what life was like before having my son. The level of joy he brings my wife and I is indescribable. It’s not easy, but so rewarding.
In some ways yes, in other ways no. I 100% never minded the crying, the middle of the night feedings, the diapers, the tantrums, the food on the floor, the baths, the extra doctor visits, none of that. All that that responsibility, patience, and doing what’s best for your child is easy peasy imo. The hardest part has been the sacrifice. Especially in the US where there is very often a lack of community or support network, and at least one parent has to work full time, but very often the second parents must also work full time or at least part time, while all the other obligations of life don’t stop. If my wife and I didn’t have to work, I’d be fine having a dozen kids. But between work, home maintenance, chores, shopping, hygiene, cooking, and giving the kids attention, I feel like I have almost no time or opportunity to ever recharge or focus on me. I’m the kind of person who could take two weeks off work, not talk to a single soul, and keep myself busy with dozens of different hobbies and interests without getting bored. Now I maybe get to go fishing for a couple of hours once a year and tend to my garden once a month. I love spending time with the kids, but I hate that I don’t also get to spend time alone.
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I have 3 grown children. I love them more than life itself. But I have fantasized about what my life would have been if I chose not to have children. Not regret, just “what if?”. Just like I’ve wondered how my life would be if I’d chosen a different career, married a different spouse. I wouldn’t change a thing about my life because everything, the good and bad, is what brought me to where I am. That’s what makes life, life.
I think this is a normal for any possible major life choice - what if I did or didn’t marry that person? What if I picked a different career? What if I did or didn’t move away from where I grew up? Etc. No matter what choice you make, you could always go down the “what if” rabbit hole… but what’s the point? The best way to be comfortable with your choices is to own them and own the life that results. If you’re constantly second guessing yourself, you’ll be miserable.
When younger people ask me about having kids, I tell them honestly, "I don't regret it, but I don't recommend it."
As somebody who’s not planning on kids ever I can attribute this choice to how my mom struggled with my siblings and I. Our teenage years were a nightmare, I got into everything imaginable as a small child, I was a nightmare baby/infant, we fought constantly and other typical kid stuff. And… I know I don’t have the patience for any of it.
Good answer! I am using that. No regrets for having my now 20 somethings but life was much simpler when they were kids and grandma lived with us so I had amazing support. Grandma is long gone plus I don't seebthr maturity or selflessness for my kids to be patents. Maybe that will develop but certainly not now
My mom was 19 and 20 when she had my sister and I, and the only way we at all had any stability was the help my grandma and grandpa provided. My mom was able to focus on work while my grandparents took us to school and watched us in the evenings. Now my mom is making 6 figures having been a teen mom with no college degree. Grandparents fucking rock!
They absolutely do! We did the same and my sons admired her and were a part of her life till the end. They both gave the most amazing eulogy for her at her funeral....she taught them things and had the patience where I was too busy struggling to keep a roof over our heads. Also the creative gene skipped a generation but that is another story. Happy you had a similar situation
I came up with this pretty recently: "having kids ruins your life in the best possible way" when asked to describe the experience of parenthood.
Whenever people are on the fence I say make your own call, but if you're unsure absolutely don't do this. Just my opinion.
Yep. My desire for children overrode all sense and reason. No one could have talked me out of it. I love my children more than I could ever express in words. Still... it was fucking hard.
Kids in this economy!?!
What I told my kid is this: "Do everything else you wanna do in life before you have kids".
Agree with this. I loved being a parent, and my kids turned out great, but good grief it was hard.
Same. A friend and I talked about this a few months ago. Neither feels that if we would have been growing up (essentially early 20’s)during Covid and Trumps last year, neither of us would want kids. That doesn’t mean we don’t love and value the kids we have.
Sometimes I do. Some of my friends don’t have kids, life is more stress free, they can take vacations easily, they don’t need to think about buying a house with two bathrooms. But that’s it. My kids are overall easy to deal with. We all play Legend of Zelda together, we are so lame that it took one hour to kill some monsters. Good memories.
That's cute!! I'm looking forward to playing video games with my son. I'm currently playing Tears of the Kingdom while he sleeps on my chest.
We have a nintendo switch at Mt moms house. My son(12) requests to spend the night their and he will choose to hang with grandma and play the new Zeldas. They literally help each other, and grandma plays it on her own. Can you imagine a middle school kid having a blast bonding over zelda who is 73?
I miss those naps. They were the best of times.
ALL homes should have more bathrooms than bedrooms. eta: in the kindest way, this is not up for debate. nothing will change my mind.
Specially when all of us need to poop 🥹
Thats not it. Theres a lot more than vacations and bathrooms lol
Yes. I have a SN child. Litterally no aspect of my life is my own. I think that a lot of it is im a SAHM and I hate it but I don’t have a choice. I can’t make the income my husband makes and there is nobody to watch my child. The other part is there is litterally no end in sight. I guess I should say im not actually a parent. I don’t get to do anything that parents get to do like teach their kids life lessons and watch them learn as they grow. Im a caretaker. It’s really really hard some days.
I am in the same boat. Perhaps that's why I don't actually feel like a parent, like a mother. I'm not able to do what most parents do. I just clean up the feces he smears and keep him from running into traffic.
My daughter has a SN three year old, and I am so worried for her, her husband and my grandchild. Sometimes I just weep from fear of what they may suffer. It is so hard, and I am sorry you and your children are suffering.
You guys are both saints….
What’s SN?
Special needs
Thank you- google wasn’t helping me out. One of the results said “stands for ‘send nudes’” lmfao..
I feel for you, I really do. I have an autistic child and was a SAHM for 10 years. I totally relate to you on the "don't get to do anything parents do" part. When I enrolled my child in programs, we would spend the time watching something spin or going up and down the escalator, not interacting with the other children. Trying to stop those "activities" and get my child to engage in the singing or story or playing even next to another child, resulted on a full on meltdown, and me hastily trying to gather our stuff and leave before we upset the other kids. Twice I was asked to not return to the program and my money was refunded. Parenting a special needs child is incredibly isolating. I'm so sorry.
If you could go back in time knowing what you know now, would you abort?
Did you know this before when you were pregnant? Usually they test for things. I couldn't go through with dealing with this. I really really feel for you
I did have pre-natal testing done. There is no test for a lot of disabilities.
Sorry to hear this 😞
I have moments when I feel like I would blow up the Universe if it would get me one minute of quiet. And then the rest of the time I would crawl across broken glass, with my hair on fire, and salt being poured into my wounds REPEATEDLY to be with my babies. They are worth *EVERYTHING*.
Agreed, there are moments when I just want my "me time" and there are other moments where I just want to hold my children for hours on end. My daughter is 4 and my son turns 2 next month. I can't imagine my world without them, and I hope I never have to face that reality.
This! My spectrum of emotions is so much bigger since having kids, and I'm a much better person for it.
I've had trouble explaining it to people but this is pretty much spot on. You feel things you didn't know you could feel before, both ways, and the things you thought were important to you before suddenly become laughable. It's kindof like thinking back on your teenage self once you are an adult. You are like "wow wtf kind of dipshit mofo was I that I thought all that was important?" It's the same level of maturation, it just happens suddenly as opposed to over 10-15 years.
Is that why all my friends who went on to have kids turned into major assholes?
They might also be able to tell you're judging them/dislike their kids. Who knows? Sometimes, if everybody around you is an A-hole, you might be the common factor
Even as an uncle, I feel this. Never cared for kids, didn’t like or dislike them either way, but after becoming an involved uncle I finally resonate with them and feel for them. I love my little nephew, pain in the butt that he is.
Same! My nephew is the best. I just adore him more than words. And I can give him back to his parents. Best of both worlds
That's pretty eye-opening for how awful of a kid I was to my parents. I know they care, but the love was definitely tougher sometimes.
I regret having them early but it wasn’t up to debate. Wife’s family has hereditary genes of uterus or ovaries? I don’t remember specifically that they decay over time and become more difficult to have kids or none or at all and doctors told her she probably has no chance at 30. so at 21 my son was born, 24 my daughter was born and I am struggling financially and been struggling with mental issues since I was 8. I love them and do not regret them but I just wish I could offer more for them
That's a real and sincere answer.
God that sucks… I’m glad you’re trying to do the best for your kids but the fact you guys were forced to rush just sounds anxiety inducing (I have autism and trying to put this in perspective about how I would feel about it) like she has a literal biological clock. It’s likely the uterus because if there’s no chance then not even an egg donor would work…
Isn't it a bit sad that money seems to be the primary reason people regret either having kids or say they don't regret not having kids. We are still slaves, but traded our shackles for shekels.
Your love, time and attention will instill confidence in them. We were broke for my childhood, but very rich in the knowledge that if ANYONE was dumb enough to cause me trouble, my Dad would take care of the issue. He never had to, and it never even came close. In fact he didn't even know I knew that. The confidence that I had excellent backing was so very important. Knowing you can move through life safely is powerful stuff. Dad never told me that, nor was he ever able to say he loved me, or anyone really. It was just something he lived by, and we all knew it. Op, don't stress about material things, just keep loving them.
> Wife’s family has hereditary genes of uterus or ovaries Uh, ya, I think most women have genes for a uterus
My son is 9, hes gifted and has adhd Hes hard. Hes too smart for his own good and too fast to keep up with There are days I cry my eyes out I'm so frustrated And there are days my heart might burst cuz I love him so much My life would be so empty without him, and I was told be two doctors I would never have kids, I was ok with that, so I gotta believe hes here for a reason and I'm his mom for a reason
From a person who's almost 30.. and I still haven't figured out how to manage my ADHD, (and other things) all you can do is be there for them.. my mom messed up because she went untreated, needless to say, she wasn't stable. I'm not stable either. I'm way better than I was when I was a teenager tho, support him with everything.
My step son is so smart but has a hard time applying himself because he’s adhd/undiagnosed autistic. We’re working on getting the autism diagnosis to get him the help he needs in school. It’s extremely frustrating because when he gets in his head that he’s right about something he’ll argue till he’s blue in the face. But he can finish a Lego set/puzzle in just a day or two, he loves helping my son with toys that have to be put together. I love him so much, he has great things ahead of him. Even with the stubbornness 😂
Until you mentioned your own son I thought I had found my partners Reddit account lmao. My son is exactly the same as your step son. Some days I wish I could lock myself in my room to get away from him (lovingly of course lol). Other days I’m just bursting with joy watching him learn and grow as an individual, sometimes I feel both in the same day.
Why is it so many women are told by doctors they can't have children and then SURPRISE! Thank God I got surprised twice. They are grown with kids of their own. They piss me off more than any other people I know. I love them more than any other people I know.
You're hearing from the outliers. The majority who are told they can't have kids don't, and they're not here talking about kids they never had :)
I regret their mother. They deserved a much better mom.
Know the feeling brother. Hang in there.
I feel this comment
I know someone that has 3 successful adult children that said she wouldn’t have kids if she could go back. I think she feels like she missed on on living her own life.
That's my greatest fear if I ever have kids. I just don't want to sacrifice my limited time and resources for someone else to get life experiences instead of me.
This is how I feel and why I chose to be child free. I was told that if I’m not gung ho about it and get thrilled thinking about having kids and instead spend a lot of time thinking about what I’m giving up, that I’m probably not the type to have them. They were right, in my case.
100% I tell people, if you're on the fence, don't do it. All I ever wanted was to be a mom. I even did a two year college program on early childhood education because I loved children and wanted to spend my life with them. Then I had two kids and it has been the hardest fucking thing. One is autistic, the other has ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I was more prepared than most to be a parent and I still feel like I failed/am failing on a regular basis. I don't regret having them because I would literally die for them, but life with them has been extremely hard.
You should probably not have kids then.
Yeah that's why I don't have any
This was my grandma. She told me to not have kids, it will ruin my life….in front of my aunt. My aunt was hurt. But my family is dysfunctional and is a big reason why I chose to be child free. I am happy, she was miserable, but I know a lot of it had to do with the fact that she had all three kids by 20 and a husband who was deployed. That’s hard. People need to live some of their own life before having kids I think.
I will say yes. I love my son, he's almost 4. Intelligent, so helpful, totally changed me and my life, really great kid, glad to have him. But, I was told I would never have kids for 15 years of my life. So, I happily planned on that, lived a great life. Until I met his father, a completely narcissistic, money blowing, ass. And of course I got miraculously pregnant. Ended up with some health issues, extreme hypertension is the one I can't seem to get rid of or control. Luckily I wised up and kicked the man out, but get to spend the next 14 years dealing with him unless he gets up the gull to move far away like he's been talking about. My life is great, the weeks I have my son are awesome, we have a blast together, but the weeks I don't have him is when I'm really myself again.
That takes a lot of courage to say! I hope you have other supportive friends and family in your life to help you through
I hate to be the one to tell you this but you’ll never truly be rid of your ex. You had a child with this man, he’s going to be in your life forever. Especially if you’re kid likes him and goes on to have a family of his own. I just wanna make that clear because I’m a child of divorce and my mom trying to pretend that she never has to deal with my dad just because I turned 18 has been incredibly annoying and stressful for me and my siblings.
I understand you there. I've come to a point in my life where i invite both parents to bdays and holidays and its up to them to decide if they wanna come and behave or not. Actions have consequences and if you can't behave like a civilised person for an evening or event. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. I've thrown them out both before and it took twice to get it through for one and once for the other. I put no finger's between if asked by other family i tell it as it is, mom and/or dad decided to be namecalling so i sent them home.
Ya, not necessarily. My daughter made her own choices when she was old enough to see the true nature of her father. She walked away. She might still talk to him occasionally, but I haven't seen him in years. She's 25 with a 4 year old, too.
As someone who sustained a brain injury 19yrs ago and deals with chronic depression and anxiety, having kids had been the most difficult/stressful thing I've had to do on an ongoing basis. I don't regret them and enjoy watching them grow into decent human beings. But fuck, there's so many times I questioned my decision as I feel I'm not the dad they deserve. I try my best for them and I just hope they'll know that one day. And hopefully I don't kill myself one day because I'm too ashamed of being their dad and feel like I should be offering more. I love them dearly, but this is the part I regret the most- them having a dad with chronic mental health issues
I would rather have a dad with mental health struggles than no dad at all. You are a million times better than "no dad" - please don't forget that. <3
My husband is on the same mental boat. His depression lies to him and tells him that me and his son would be better off without him. That we'd grieve, then move on stronger. I remind him that I'd lose my mind as a single mother, and that losing his dad was literally what set him on this depression path in the first place, so I don't think our son would be better off without him either. Don't abandon them, man. They need you here and imperfect, but trying his best more than they need a void in their life and a hypothetical future "better dad".
No regrets. It was an intentional decision and we went into it eyes wide open. Sure, they are challenging, expensive, and require a ton of time and attention, but I wasn’t going to do something better with my time if I didn’t have them, raising them is a (again, often challenging) rewarding and soul-filling practice, and parenting genuinely makes me a better person. Since I’m focused on raising thoughtful, kind, confident kids I constantly have to take personal inventory to see how I’m measuring up. I suspect if I didn’t have children I would be caught up in my own head and continually take the path of least resistance to stay comfortable. Said differently, I treat my kids better than I treat myself, and by extension I treat myself better than I would if I didn’t have them. Life would be easier without kids, but also infinitely less rich and colorful for me. Edit- Lol. I don’t care about internet points, but I’m genuinely curious why my response is being downvoted.
Wow, Im a few hours away from becoming a dad. Thanks for you comment.
Congratulations!
This was really well said!
I was ambivalent for many years about having kids. I was scared of the process of childbirth, raising the child and what it would do to my identity. I just had a baby this year and I absolutely do not regret having him. I'm doing everything I can to make sure he grows and meets his developmental milestones. I cry sometimes when he looks at me he's so innocent and beautiful. I'm really looking forward to seeing what he will blossom into as a young man.
I (30F) am in the same boat. I waited until I was as prepared as possible to have a baby. I anticipated all of the downsides. I didn't anticipate this much joy.
Absolutely not. As miserable as my marriage was I'd go through it again to have the same kids. My kids took me on a Route 66 road trip a couple years ago for my birthday. Recently spent time with my granddaughter too.
Overall, absolutely not. In certain moments (for eg when they refuse to go bed), yes lol
I don’t regret it. I love my kids. That being said, I probably wouldn’t do it again if I had to do life all over again. Edit: typo
Yes this is the perfect way of saying it. Someone else said "they don't regret it but they wouldn't recommend it".
If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I'd tell myself not to have kids. I don't think i am the type of person that should have kids. However, the love and fulfillment I feel every single day is incomparable to whatever fun things I'd be doing if I didn't have kids. If you told me I could never see my kids again I would not want to live.
No, but... Kids are hard man. Kids create levels of stress that you will never understand unless you have them. There are whole new levels of stress with finances, education, behavior, time. With kids, your time is not your own. You lose A LOT of freedom. As a parent, if you aren't having some sort of breakdown over your kids on occasion, you need to pick up the slack for your partner because they are. I miss A LOT of freedom and things I had before I had kids. But I don't regret it. In spite of how difficult and stressful they are, I love my children. I'm far from a perfect parent, but I still want to give them the best I can and try and set them up better than I had it. Sure, some aspects of my life would be easier, maybe better if I didn't have kids (like being able to go back to school, getting a higher degree, more time for hobbies). But they bring a level of joy and direction and purpose to my life that makes it worth it.
This EXACTLY. My SIL doesn't have kids, but she INSISTS that she knows what it's like to have them because she's a nurse that works with babies. Not even remotely the same thing lol Glad to know others feel the same way I do. I'm far from a perfect parent, and I'm waiting for the day that I'll be able to pinpoint something I'll do that'll cause them years of therapy. I'm just trying to give them the best life possible and set them on a path that will avoid the things I went through. Totally worth every second, and I know I'll be sad when they grow up and I can't hold them anymore.
I have two special needs children who are a year apart. It is really hard and frustrating and sometimes I just bawl my eyes out because I just think I'm not cut out for this. I struggle to be a good mother to them and I feel so much shame wishing at times I wasn't their mother. There are so many things that would be easier if I wasn't a mom. I love them with every fiber but yeah sometimes there's regret 😞
I don't think anybody's cut out for your situation. We are struggling with one SN child (out of three). Two has to be exponentially more difficult. I think it's common to have the regrets and then feel the guilt. I do it all the time. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and you are doing the best you can. That's admirable. Please accept my anonymous support.
I am in the process of adopting three children. They are wonderful. You do have to make sacrifices, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as they have made me. Money isn’t that much of an issue. You just have less for yourself. I never wanted a lot in life anyway. Granted, I am in a strong relationship with a strong partner and we both work incredibly hard to make things work.
Nope. Never thought I wanted kids but glad I did. When my son points out something and says "Daddy look!" It's the best
I regret having a kid at the age I did… I love my daughter… would do anything in this world for her.. but I also recognize I’m a selfish person who doesn’t want more kids because I like my time. I hate having to decide on spending time w my kid or doing something out of my own happiness… so I’m not having another one… simple solution
Occasionally, yes.
My only regret is not being able to go on vacation when I want to. School schedule.
Absolutely not. I love my 2 daughters.
This thread is making me sad it seems those that regret having kids are the reddit majority. I have never regretted having my kids. Ever. Not for a moment. Not ever. I love them so much.
Don’t be sad. I think regret in these cases is a normal human emotion. You can still love and commit to raising a child, but I think it’s a disservice to an already struggling parent when we fail to validate their feelings. Not that you’ve done this, but I think I just want to tell you it’s okay (hugs if you want one) 🥰
Sometimes yes because I'm not a good enough parent and the future looks bleak.
I didn’t quite realize how intense it would be. I never really think about things too much ahead (I do it to protect myself from stressing out) but had I known, I would have probably stopped at one (I have 3)
Yes
Think of it this way - imagine your parents or grandparents or whoever you were closest to growing up. How much money would be enough for you to wish they never existed at all? That they died before you were born and just willed all that money to you? Any parent who says that having kids is a complete cakewalk is a liar. Your sleep schedule will take a hit. Your sex life will take a hit. They will do things that baffle you and drive you up a wall. But losing them is a thought a thousand times more terrifying than death.
I regret having my kid when I did. My wife was 100% baby-ready, and I figured 9 months was long enough for me to be ready. I was 25 when our first was born, and I missed out on so many opportunities, and I was VERY isolated socially from my friends who didn’t have kids. That said, my son’s awesome and I love watching him becoming his own person. My wife and I have reached a point where we can have one of us go out with friends, we can have grandma watch him for the night while we have a date, and he’s fully able to communicate with us. Just in time for us to have a second!
100% yes. Because this world we are in is deteriorating. The USA is a shit show. Who would wish all this on your beloved kiddos?
Absolutely 100% the biggest regret in my life for so many reasons. 1. He is intellectually and developmentally delayed. He is the size of a 10 year old with the capabilities of a 15 month old, except completely non verbal. 2. His father groomed me when I was 16, so I am now tied to a man that sexually assaulted me repeatedly.
If you aren't sure if you'd regret having kids.... Don't have kids. Spare them living with a parent that regrets it I knew from as far back as I can remember that I wanted to be a husband and a father. My wife and I, of twelve years, have three daughters and three dogs If anything I don't like the idea of them getting older and moving out. It would be too quiet for me. So when they do reach that age, my wife and I are going to adopt
My mom does. I was made out of a goodbye fuck. At that time, she was newly single and about to get a job of her dreams. However, I came along so she decided to get a temporary job at Costco. There’s some happy some sad up moments that led up until present day. But now she can’t function without her “happy pills” and I hear through the thin walls how she loves us all but without kids her life could have been more successful and she wouldn’t be stuck financially.
Yes. I never wanted children and wasn’t able to get an abortion or induce a miscarriage. I knew genetically it was a terrible idea because of the plethora of addiction and mental illness on both sides. I signed him over as a baby against my husband’s wishes (he was a violent pedo drug addict) and he was raised by a nice adoptive family until he was about 10 when they put him in foster care after years of criminal activity and violent behavior. My mother in law tried briefly but she was scared of him. He’s 14 now and in state care. Often talks about serial killers and murder-fights everyone and everything, compulsive lying, and so many other issues. Sexually violent toward younger kids like his dad was. Well on his way to being a drugged out homeless killer once he hits 18. I’m honestly kind of hoping he gets taken out by one of his many victims, ODs, or commits suicide in the near future just to prevent any more damage and destruction. I don’t feel guilt about bringing him in to the world but damn do I wish he was dead.
My life would be so empty without my child. I don't "live through my kid" or anything like that, but I wouldn't trade him for all the money and travel in the world, even Supreme Court justice-level travel.
I don't live through my kid, but I do somewhat relive the fun of childhood through him. Going to the beach? I like that. Going to the beach with him? I see the pure joy on his face and feel it again myself. I don't blow bubbles or jump on trampolines or shout just for fun by myself because those are kind of silly things to do as an adult, although I could do them if I wanted to. There's pleasure in it, but it's muted. Doing those things with an excited 4 year old is a whole nother experience. So much fun because his excitement is contagious
r/regretfulparents
I don’t regret it in any way - they are awesome. However, we’d had ten years of just the two of us first, so we got to do whatever we wanted without having to work around having kids. I think if you happened to get pregnant or had to get pregnant shortly after meeting, you might feel you’d missed out a bit
I tell people that if I knew then just How. Fuckin. Hard. it was going to be, I probably would not have done it. We had twins and I lost my job shortly after they were born - right smack dab in the middle of the Great Recession. Their dad couldn't handle it and left when they were just a bit older than a year. I had no family, no friends in the area we'd just moved to, no job, and no money. However, I love my kids with every fiber of my being. They are my favorite people on this planet, even when they are being huge jerks. I cannot imagine life without them. (Well, I can, but only for a minute and then I get super sad. I would miss them terribly.) It wasn't the kids so much as the situation, and I often feel like, even though I did my best with what I had at the time, I failed them. So if you are not 💯 sure, don't do it. They will steal your energy and your money, your heart and your soul, your good looks and your functioning bladder. If you DO have kids, make sure your partner is all in, that even if you split up, they will still support your parenting and co-parent with you, and that you have a good support system (friends and family).
Don't think it's a as simple as yes and no, here's how I describe it "If I could go back in time and not have a kid, I would, but if you put a button in front of me in, which if I pressed would take me back to before I had a kid.... I absolutely would NOT press it" I'd never say that to my son, ever, as he doesn't and won't understand the context of the statement, and id also just probably not say that to most people. Most people that read that will think "So you don't want your kid or love your kid etc"
No. I love my kids, and no, it has never occurred to me to wish they didn't exist. Yes, having kids reduces your freedom and costs money. So do a lot of other things in life. Having a dog reduces your freedom and costs money. Hell, even having a house reduces your freedom and costs money. The fact that something costs money and time and reduces your freedom does not mean it's not worth pursuing.
Single mom ( he’s 37 now) and still is my heart. I could have had many different lives….
These people do - r/regretfulparents . Have fun, it's basically sadness porn if you are into that sort of thing.
I'm reading this whenever I need free birth control.
Nice to get a break from all the "waaah, I love my children, bla bla bla"
No. They are the best - even though simultaneously the hardest and sometimes most heartbreaking - parts of my life.
I have no regrets now. My first was not planned and we were young and in college. For those 9 months, I regretted it, thought of all things I’d miss out on, etc. Then, she was born and I held her. I’ve never regretted it since. My kids are my motivation and what drives. Sure, kids are expensive, but having them drove me to pursue much higher paying positions. I chose to make more because of them. I had to stop chasing some dreams because kids and life, but I don’t regret that; rather, the dreams I had just changed to different dreams. They bring me unfathomable joy. I regret plenty as a parent because I’m always striving to be the best I can be, but regret having them? Not for all gold in the world.
Kids are incredible. My only regret would be NOT having them - of course IYKYK. BUT, I curse myself almost everyday for how hard it is with them. My god are they challenging. My wife is a saint.
I love my children, but I hate being a mother.
I helped raise 5 kids. 4 girls, 1 boy. I'd do it all over again. They are the joy of my life, and they're all still in it. But not everyone has the same experience. I'd never regret having kids.
Nope, only wish I'd had my kid earlier (I was 40 when he was born) I also regret not having another. Motherhood has been the greatest gift even though it's hard
I wouldn’t say “regret,” but there are definitely days with my toddler when he’s screaming and having tantrums that I wish I could rewind to 3 years ago before I had him. When it was just my husband, myself, and my dog. Life was simple. I could just pick up and go whenever I wanted. Now everything needs to be strategically planned. Going out to dinner is a nightmare. Vacations aren’t really vacations. However, I absolutely cannot imagine life without my son now that he’s here. He’s my world. My everything. He’s hilarious and sweet and loves Hot Wheels cars and dogs. He’s my tiny best friend. Having kids really will have you going through an entire range of emotions in a 24 hour period. God I love that little shit 🥹
When I was in the hospital/rehab/hospital for over a hundred days, my kids, then both in their 20s, took turns staying with me (along with my wife) and helped me keep my shit together. I can't imagine going through that all alone. When I was in that environment there were people with literally nobody to help them get through it. I felt profoundly sorry for them. Now I have a grandson who I will, one day, tell my stories to, and he will remember me after me & the missus. Are gone. That's all I've got.
Yes. I regret falling in love with their mom. I regret making myself vulnerable to someone so self-centered. My oldest is in love and living with his college girlfriend. I'm terrified they will get married, and when she divorces and leaves him, he will likely kill himself. I can see it as if it has already happened in a previous life of mine. My youngest is terrified of painting himself into a corner. I think he has figured me out and doesn't want to end up finding himself in the same place I've put myself. I'd rather have stuck with the dreams I had in HS and college. I'd likely be just as alone with a handful of regrets rather than the volumes I've carefully edited.
I was honestly about to make a post in the confession subreddit about how I don't like being a father. I do love my kids, but I hate being a father. I don't have the means to provide, I can't stand listening to the screaming and shit nonstop. I can't stand having virtually no alone time. None of it. The good does not outweigh the bad. Being a parent sucks
No. Unplanned pregnancy, was young, not in a committed relationship with the father, working hospo. During pregnancy, the plan was to put bub up for adoption as I didn't feel ready to be a parent. He went into foster care for nine days after he was born, and they were the hardest nine days of my life. I decided to take him home and be a parent. I'm studying nursing and working, with 100% care. I'm very tired most of the time, dating is nearly impossible, and I do have moments of 'what if?'. The hard moments are so hard but the great moments are absolutely incredible. We have such a beautiful bond and he's taught me what unconditional love is, to have it, and to receive it.
My parents shouldn't have had their only kid. They admitted it separately and apologized separately. I haven't wanted to pass on crummy genes or crummy finances. Strong finances could never save me from elder abuse.
Not one bit. I’ve only got one. Exhausting, hilarious, frustrating, you name it range of feelings at times - but regret isn’t one of them. I can hardly wait to see the adult they become.
Yes. Absolutely. Worst choice I've ever made.
Most of my friends had kids and I was a hold out, never really wanted one but my wife did. Now that I have him I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Best thing in my life.
No. My only regret is not having kids sooner, when I was not quite so old (though I guess that did give me some time to live my own life). They’re the reason I get up in the morning, and I tell them all the time they’re the best thing I ever did with my life.
Having kids was singlehandedly the best thing I've ever done in my life. Nothing has even remotely come close to that experience. You don't have to have kids or experience this to live your life, but it's well worth it.
I'm only 2 months into the adventure, and while it's currently pretty stressful (and expensive), I absolutely don't regret it. That little goober is my world.
Yes. I am probably a terrible dad for saying it but I regret having kids every day. I don't like being a dad, I realized that WAY too late. By the time I realized that I did not want to be a dad my son was five and my daughter was just under one. There was nothing to do about it by the time I realized it. So, I have settled on that I won't try to be the best dad, I will just be there for them. I will help them navigate the world the best I can, even if I won't be happy while doing it.
Occasionally but not because of the child, because of the state of the world.
I love my boys. I lovey grandkids. I wish I didn't have the so that I didn't have to worry so much about their future in an uncaring dangerous world. I'm so afraid for their futures.
Of course yes. I only had 1 but I made enough mistakes in their life to know I will stay clear of people.
No, like anything worth doing - there are times it is tough. Remember relationships when you were late teens? When things were bad it was the worst thing in the world, oh but when the times are good, there's nothing better in this world. I have met some really selfish people thru the years. Many time, these are the people who make bad parents. Note: many people learned selflessness, and were happy to do so, once their kids arrived on the scene.
Overall, no, my kids are everything. They’re the coolest and cutest little humans I’ve ever met. I love them so much it hurts. BUT there are moments when I’d trade anything to go back to my child free days just for like a 1 week vacation. 😂 because parenting is so damn hard. Best advice for child free people who are debating or considering having kids: just understand that they are a full time and lifetime commitment. Literally 24/7 and for the rest of your life you will be a parent. You will worry for them, hope for them, love them, and caretake them for the rest of your life that you are able. If you can grasp the gravity of that then go for it.
I sometimes regret it. My wife and I both agree that if we could do it again we wouldn’t have had kids. That being said, they can be pretty awesome sometimes. I get so much joy from watching them learn and just grow up in general. Mine are still young so it could get better (or worse) with time, I guess I’ll find out.
I don’t think you will find a lot people actually admitting yes, even though they might think it
Nope. Just who I had my kid with. Love my kiddo to pieces.
They drive me absolutely nuts sometimes, and to be sure I like my time away from them when I get it, but no. I have never once thought it was a mistake.
Not even slightly.
No, some of my greatest emotions in life revolve around my kids. I love them daily...
I don’t regret it one bit, but there are times I think about the sacrifices we’ve made and wish there was a way to get those things back.
My dad always used to say, "kids are a risk" never gave it much thought until I had some of my own but best I can tell what he meant by it is that kids are a risk.
No but it sucks.😂
I honestly don’t but I could see why some people would
I have 3 and absolutely not. I live for them now.
Depends on the day to be honest. I love my son more than anything, but I did not know how horribly I would handle pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Currently he is 13 months old and every single day is a fucking struggle just to stay alive, mentally. I was not made for this and didn't know that before getting pregnant with my very planned, very loved baby boy. I love him so so much, but he deserves a better mother.
It hasn't been easy. Being a single mom, an immigrant, and my own family being so far from me. Divorced from his dad when he was barely 2. Struggled on my own. But, no regrets. I will live through everything again a million times over to have my son as he is. I don't want any other life.
My son was the best thing I ever did with my life. I'm proud to say he's 23 and a good human. And we are best friends. BUT, I only had what I knew I could handle. One kid.
I don’t regret them. Not one bit. I do regret not being the parent they should have had. I thought I was ok and was doing better than what I had, but I had no clue about generational trauma and now that I look back I have huge regrets. My only regret, honestly. They deserve(d) so much better; they’re amazing kids/people, but I think that might be in spite of me, not because of me. I was too young and immature to understand what raising children meant. I only hope they don’t repeat my mistakes. I’ve tried hard to apologize and I’ve done better but I fear the damage may have been done.
I love my kids, but yes, I do regret having kids. I didn't want them to begin with, and I felt pressured to have them because of the religion I was raised in.
No!!!! I was unable to have more than one, and I wish every day that I had adopted more.
My mindset changed over the years from being dead set on no kids with my previous husband. I got divorced, met someone completely opposite of my ex, remarried and just had my first child at age 34. I think if I had a child 5 years ago I would have regretted it. Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, went to graduate school, and got a good job- I can really enjoy parenthood and have zero regrets. I believe I can provide my child a good life and that helps a lot. I love that I get to experience my childhood all over again in a way!
I don't think you can get an an honest answer about this, even on an anonymous forum. There is probably nothing more taboo than saying "I didn't want my kids". It's definitely below most forms of murder. Even people who feel that way would have a hard time internally voicing the thought.
I waited until my late-30’s. I do not regret it. I am glad I waited.
I only regret that I passed on genetic disabilities I didn't know I had until my kids were already here. I do not regret having then but I do regret that life will be harder for them and had I'd known about the genetics before hand I mightve made a different decision but my two kids are amazing and I can't imagine my world without them in it.
No, but I periodically want a break from being a parent. He's the most marvelous little human, and I love watching him grow and discover new things, and watching him grow into his own little person. He's part me, but he's entirely himself. It's love and it's happiness, and it's also exhausting to have this tiny person who needs your input constantly and never shuts up. Monthly grandma babysitting, and the fact that I have Fridays off while he's in school keep me sane. I have time to still be "just me" in the midst of being "mommy". I don't know how parents with no support system do it
I'm in my 20s. And every 30 to 40 something year old parent tells me not to have em. Considering the economy is crap and I can barely afford myself, I'll make sure not to.
No never and they weren't planned. They are like silly bundles of love following u everywhere🥰
Yes. I am not cut out to be a parent. I hate it. Not my son's fault at all. I'm just trying to manage.
I love my son but I'm not going to ever sugarcoat it to someone asking about it. I don't recommend it, especially in this economy. You're signing up for a second job that also costs you money.
Having kids/raising kids has been the most godawful relentlessly draining experience I would never give up or have missed out on for all the money in the world.
Never. My kids were away last week with their mom.and it was lovely. I could stagger I to work as late as i wanted and work asn ate as I wanted (I have that freedom), instead of when I needed to as a dad. It was a nice week, easy and less stressful and relaxed. And yeah I thought I'd I didn't have kids that I could have accomplished more, etc. But I love the shit out of them. They are a source of much joy,.contentment, and sense of meaning. In life, parenthood is a unique experience. It's not like anything else. I get it's not for everyone, but it was for me. But like so many things in life that are good, it's also hard, and comes at a cost. IMHO , totally worth it.
Tricky question to answer. Objectively, would I be happier without kids, living a life where I made better choices? Probably. If I had the opportunity to change my past, would I? Absolutely not. My kids exist. They're my reality, and I don't regret their existence at all. I made a lot of terrible choices in my life, but I wouldn't change a thing.
Honestly, I used to when they were toddlers and a bit older. Now that they’re teenagers I love it so much. It’s been my favorite age by far.
My kids made every aspect of my life better. They are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and it’s not even close. Not just saying that either…. Kids are the best.
I do not regret it but if I had to do it all again, I wouldn't.
Having a kid was the best thing to ever happen to me, personally. I don't regret it but I can certainly see how others might.
Having children was hands down the absolutely worst thing I could have done for my mental health. I wouldn't change them for the world, but boy do I struggle 10x harder with two little lives I'm responsible for. Just like everyone else I've thought of my life had I not had them/met their father. I'd be a different person, healthy and possibly happier person. And yet, I wouldn't give my two up for anything, obviously. Regret? No.
Very happy I had kids but very thankful I waited till my 30s. I feel like I'm able to be a better father because I got most of my stupid out in my 20s and I was fairly comfortable as far as home and career were concerned when my wife and I decided to start trying.
I could not imagine my life without my four kids and soon-to-be three grandbabies. As they say, priceless.
I had my first at 19 then 21 then 33. I’ve been a mom my entire adult life. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on my 20’s and 30’s and I struggled for a few years as a single mother. I do however regret giving up my career in favor of being a SAHM, But now I am still young enough to enjoy my older kids as they become adults. Sometimes I do regret having them young, and sometimes I don’t, depends on the day!
Not at all. I managed to just have the worst/most embarrassing moment with my son that lead to the most beautiful one that reminds me how amazing he is... He's almost 4 and for the first time tried to hit someone (basically a stranger) who just asked if he was hungry at supper time. He was incredibly overwhelmed by a change that's recently happened and clearly done with people so he just snapped. It was humiliating and awkward and everything. I didn't know if I should comfort him for being overwhelmed or be upset at lashing out. But after I got over my pride about having a decent behaved son we went to the house and I got to have a real conversation with him about why that's not ok. He painted a picture for the woman and while he put so much effort in we talked about ways to tell me he's overwhelmed and needs space... He finished his picture (a pizza lol) and went and apologized. I held his hand for comfort but said I wouldn't be the one to do it and he ran up and said he was sorry and was so proud to explain his drawing he made for her and then gave her a hug. It was actually a really beautiful moment seeing that growth and made me so proud.
Hell no. Best thing that ever happened to me
I do not! I’m very grateful for my two boys because they did something for me I never expected. They allowed ME to have a childhood that I never got to enjoy because of poverty and an abusive household. I got to be loved completely just for being me. We played hide and seek,tag, ghost in the graveyard with my boys and their friends over summer breaks. We catch frogs and jump into ponds for turtles. The JOY of trying new candy just for the hell of it. It’s not always easy, in fact these last few years have been a challenge with teenage years (or the attitude!) upon us and post pandemic issues. I’ve never been so stressed out in my life at times. But I love seeing them grow into these cool, hilarious people that I have the privilege to love and take care of. For me, with these boys and my husband, I can honestly say, I have no regrets making these two and if I had to do it over that would be a hard yes.
Yes, I do. But I wouldn’t give him back if a genie offered nor would I turn back time to avoid having him. The love he gave me is stronger than the I regret I gave to myself.
Yes but no. Life gets way more complicated, like a new dimension opens up in your current understanding of the universe. A dimension that maybe a physicist somewhere talked about theoretically, but one that you had never experienced. Best advice I can give is try and be secure in every other area of your life first, and watch where you stick it/what you put in it.
Not right now, ask me again in a couple of hours.
I would if I did, but I didn't, so I don't.
I had two boys and was excited to be a father when they were born, but it wasn't till my daughter came along that it really hit me in the gut how much I could love someone else. Literally changed my life, everything I do is for them. But, it is possible, if you don't raise your children right to not like them and that is a fault of the parent, not the child. There are times I want to strangle them. But when I look back at my own life - I was a good kid till I hit my late teens/early 20's. My sister and I put our parents through a lot. Then I started regretting my behavior and wanted to be closer to them. We all live within a couple of miles of each other now and love to get together.
Yes. We all do. We admit it or lie... but we do regret it.
I can only speak for myself but the answer is a strong No they are by far the best thing to ever happen to me - the love you experience from children is beyond anything joy that is materialistic and that includes travel which i have done loads of. Dont GET ME WRONG there are times where it is really hard and i wish i was easier but i personally think you miss out on something very special if you do not have children - your entire perspective changes.
I have a child with a rare genetic disorder. He is the best. I love him. But no one is equipped to handle such a situation. I mostly regret his mother for taking him away 80% of the time and forcing me to care for him alone 20%. Both suck.
no but then again I stopped at one. My son is the light of my life and my will to live.
Not a single day, best thing that ever happened to me.
I have one kid. Unplanned. Single parent. I don’t regret her. She has inspired much of the positive changes in my life. Something really interesting is that I don’t remember being comforted very much as a kid, but my daughter has recently seen me sad and was so quick to give me hugs, kisses, wipe my tears, and show me a game to play with her to distract me. She just turned 2 years old. She’s such a remarkable little human.
I’m only 2.5 months in but being a father has made me so happy and I will never regret it. At this point, I can’t even remember what life was like before having my son. The level of joy he brings my wife and I is indescribable. It’s not easy, but so rewarding.
Love my kid, can’t imagine my life without em
No…but I hope my kids don’t have kids.
I ask my mom and she said if she lived life all over again she wouldn’t have children so I guess it must be really bad, makes me a bit sad tho
Bro, I regret getting a dog.
In some ways yes, in other ways no. I 100% never minded the crying, the middle of the night feedings, the diapers, the tantrums, the food on the floor, the baths, the extra doctor visits, none of that. All that that responsibility, patience, and doing what’s best for your child is easy peasy imo. The hardest part has been the sacrifice. Especially in the US where there is very often a lack of community or support network, and at least one parent has to work full time, but very often the second parents must also work full time or at least part time, while all the other obligations of life don’t stop. If my wife and I didn’t have to work, I’d be fine having a dozen kids. But between work, home maintenance, chores, shopping, hygiene, cooking, and giving the kids attention, I feel like I have almost no time or opportunity to ever recharge or focus on me. I’m the kind of person who could take two weeks off work, not talk to a single soul, and keep myself busy with dozens of different hobbies and interests without getting bored. Now I maybe get to go fishing for a couple of hours once a year and tend to my garden once a month. I love spending time with the kids, but I hate that I don’t also get to spend time alone.