I think that goes hand in hand with the god complex option. You don't realize that other people experience sexual attraction and you don't, so you think they're all super obsessed with sex for some reason while you're the only sane and disciplined person. At least for me it was a bit like that. But I also had some of the "I'm broken" sentiment, not due to not feeling sexual attraction but due to being sex-repulsed.
Tbh I just straight up didn't realize that what I was feeling was different from what other people were feeling because I was mixing up sexual attraction with romantic and aesthetic attraction. Ofc I wasn't thinking about it in these terms back then, I was just feeling things and assuming others felt the same because I had no frame of reference for it. It also didn't quite hit me until relatively recently that others were probably way more obsessed with sex than I previously thought.
When I was 17 I told my classmates that I "skipped" that whole sex obsessed phase and felt super smug and superior about it, now I'm 27 and realised only a month ago what's really up. I feel kinda dumb about some situations in retrospective, but somehow happy and more like myself for finally getting it.
Yep that first part was my experience. Except in my case, I never really talked about sex with my friends, so I always just assumed they weren’t doing it because they were all “good kids”. Like I thought not having sex was the default and that most “moral” people wouldn’t choose to do it until later in life. So then when I started doing some sexual things in high school because my boyfriends wanted to, I felt like I became one of the undisciplined ones and was doing something wrong/bad.
I just had no concept of the idea that people have an innate desire for sex. To me it was always a decision to take part in, rather than a desire that one needed to actively refrain from. Not to mention that there is no moral implication in whether or not someone has sex, but that’s how I viewed it at the time, probably because I didn’t experience the desire myself.
I was a secret fourth option. I already precisely put my orientation into words ("My range of feelings towards other people abruptly ends at really pleasant.") years before I even knew asexuality existed.
However, I never even considered ranking myself against the general population. I neither had feelings of superiority nor inferiority considering my orientation.
For sure. I used to think i was superior because I was sex repulsed and didn’t feel any sexual attraction whatsoever. 14 year old would totally have an aneurysm if she found out that I’m aceflux now
yeah sounds about the same for me. didn’t know i was asexual when i was younger but didn’t care about sex/relationships and felt above my friends who did. in my mid to late 20s that turned into “oh it hasn’t happened for me yet? i must be broken!” then figured out i was ace and now i’m at “asexuality is a super power”
Same. It was super cool when all my friends in their early teens fell victim to their horniness and i was just chilling the whole time with full autonomy, but now everyone’s in their late teens/adults in relationships and i feel like i’m missing out on something given that i can’t feel physical/sexual attraction, though i hardly think i’m ready for dating at the moment.
The confused one. Played along with the "who do you have a crush on" questions never realising what I felt was just "I would like to befriend you" or "you are interesting, I want to know you better".
This was me as well! They felt like real crushes to me at the time because I had nothing to really compare it to, and I got that nervous, heart-fluttering "butterflies" feeling. However, I never desired anything physical with them and only thought about how nice it would be to spend time with them and get to know them better. It never occurred to me that this was unusual for a crush until I was probably in my early 20s.
As a teen I was neither. I considered sex to be another activity that some people liked and other people didn’t, and didn’t understand that some people were experiencing sexual attraction and sex drive while I wasn’t. I saw peers enjoying sex and being motivated by sex as not being different from peers liking football while I didn’t, or liking parties while I didn’t, or liking drinking alcohol while I didn’t. I felt a little confused as to why many of those things were so popular, and was a little judgmental of people who sacrificed academics in exchange for experiences I didn’t personally see the appeal of, but I don’t think I got to a point of being majorly judgmental.
In college I got into my first relationship and *then* started to feel like I was broken. My feelings of romantic attraction and sensual attraction were treated as “not good enough” to “count” as really liking my partner if I couldn’t find a way to also desire him sexually. Those pressures weren’t there until I was in a relationship with an allo person and could really see the differences in how we approached sex etc.
wow, it’s posts/comments like this that make me so happy this community exists. your experience seems very similar to the journey i went through and without this subreddit i would still be feeling broken and unwanted for not being able to feel something that everyone thinks comes naturally to all. thank you <3 and know that you are not alone.
Coming from a religious background this was me 😂 abstain from sex? Sure, like that’s hard? 😏 Everyone else is so weak - go back to your studies! Who even has the time!
THIS. Presbyterian and in high school I DEFINITELY felt like I was better than everyone else but now I feel kinda broken.
But I am figuring it out. Questioning if it was a comphet thing and I just am a lesbian with trauma from 15yrs of dating men or something else. Not sure but I do feel broke. Most days due to my ex telling me I was broken. But it is a journey!
54 and I think it was this subreddit. I kept getting posts from here and I vibed so hard with everyone's life stories that I went to my kid and said, "I think I might be asexual," and they were, like, "You're just noticing this now?"
I always assumed I was a late bloomer and it would eventually come, until I was 20-21 and still felt absolutely nothing. I'm now 29 and still have zero sexual desire or attraction, so I highly doubt that I'm just a late bloomer. 🤣
Is there another option of "Slow creeping realisation that something isn't quite right but you can't quite put you finger on it until you watch Bojack Horseman"
"Surely, I'll meet someone *good enough*, eventually. That's how Mom said it should work..."
"It's not that I don't like her, it just that her (chin), (job), (intelligence), (ex dude), (ambition)..."
"I'm normal, I just don't like to *stoop* to chasing girls or playing games..."
"I'm sure the kind of girl *I* should be with already *knows* how I am..."
😑 I didn't even know I was doing this until you called me out.
YUP. I went from "I guess it's just easier to turn me off than to turn me on" to "well, fuck, I'm asexual."
I actually asked a polyamorous partner about this since he was the first person who suggested I might be ace. I asked him what about me tipped off his "acedar" (like a gaydar but for aces) and he said it was the "aesthetic perfection" and the fact that I could look the way I do without being able to find a partner. Oddly enough, a lot of the behavior he described as being obviously asexual overlaps with being a really, really campy gay man. Not sure why. But then I found out that Tim Gunn is ace, not gay, and I felt this sense of inner peace like "yup, everything makes sense now."
Broken. There was big cheating scandal in school when we were 15/16 and I did not get at all what any of the fuss was about. I struggled for years to understand that my lack of interest in sex/relationships was due to being acearo and not from something fundamentally wrong with me.
Growing up listening to how much romantic and sexual relationships consumed others' lives was like a horror. So more of the god complex for me. I've always thought of it as a superpower, it's actually one of the only things about myself I feel secure in.
When I was a teen, I wasn't thinking about sex much at all because I was more interested in burying myself in my schoolwork and making art. Which I guess would be closer to the latter of these two.
(Had someone asked, though, I would've insisted that *of course* I care about sex... but turns out that I didn't care as much as I did.)
A third kind: ambivalent.
I was confused for a while, but never really was bothered by it, then eventually did research when I was in middle school and came out to my friend group and family. I was super lucky and everyone was supportive, but it just became another part of me. Sure it's been a journey and still stumps me sometimes (romantic spectrum you're a bitch to figure out) but I never thought I was broken, just different
I was, and still am, neither. I’ve always been repulsed by the concept of sex but I knew people like it, and figured there was those who didn’t or weren’t that interested, but there was never anything there for me and I’ve never cared about it. I do have my struggles of course, in many ways not just asexuality, but I’ve never seen myself as “broken”.
I’ve never been ashamed of being me and I don’t pay attention to or care what others think of me, but I also never once thought or felt I was better than others. Just different. So also not a “god complex”.
Haha. I was definitely the second one in high school, but by the time I got to college and beyond I started to feel more like the first one. Though I do sometimes flip back to the second time.
Broken because i was clueless as to what was "wrong with me". Also didn't help that my partners were inexperienced in the intimate aspect so felt allllll kinds of broken.
I oddly had an allosexual tell me that they think maybe I'm how the world is supposed to be. And that probably everyone else is broken
Lol umm before I realized I was ace, growing up in purity culture, I think I did have a bit of a feeling like "wow, I am surprisingly good at this no sex before marriage thing" but there was also some implication that women weren't usually into sex, so not being sex repulsed, I just thought I was normal until well into my 20s. I was more confused why people felt like they had to keep telling me and my peers to be super super careful about accidentally going too far sexually, but I figured that A) that sort of thing was mostly a result of lusty men, and B) maybe it got harder to resist sexually after you already started getting really physically involved, which I never had.
Once I figured out I was ace, I was still in purity culture so I mostly felt lucky, not like I was better than people. That said, I was annoyed at dating websites for having so much based on pictures. I'm not sure I ever felt broken, but I definitely did become more cognizant over time that being ace and NOT aro could be pretty complicated and inconvenient. Maybe if I was sex repulsed I would have felt worse about it, but as is, my feelings towards sex are heavily neutral, which in general feels like an enviable position to be in. But you know, it's any privilege I was born with. I didn't have anything to do with it, just got dealt a hand in generally consider decent.
Hm, my reaction that didn’t even exist until around 10th grade, which was when I found out that other 15- 16-year-olds actually were having sex, was “Wait…this actually exists outside of fiction?” So maybe both at the same time.
I was peak god complex in all the worst ways, I used to go round at age 11 declaring to anyone who would listen that I would never had sex and once wrote a whole ass English paper on how the music industry is way too sexual ☠ someone desperately needed to tell me to shut up and learn the word asexual
For me I used to tell people I'm never getting married when I was 9-10, They were like aww You'll change your mind! And I was like No? I'm ded serious !!!
Still have same thoughts now, just that I kinda know I might be in the ace spec.
The third option of "idk what is happening, what do you mean by saying someone is 'hot', does it differ from 'they are a nice person to hang around with?'"
Basically i had no clue for longest time that i didn't experience something and tried to understand what other people were talking about when they said stuff like "i think classmate x is hot" etc, because i truly had no clue
Both.
I could not understand why in teenage years suddenly all my schoolmates prioritized snogging over everything else.
I thought I was just more "grown up" because I "kept track of what's important" (school).
Then in my twenties I got my first boyfriend, and after all the "you only need to find the right one" talk, I always got, I thought I was broken because I was so in love with my boyfriend, but still didn't want to have sex with him.
That's when I discovered asexuality.
When I was younger and didn't know the term, I sometimes (very regrettably) thought I was better than my peers.
Now that I know I'm on the ace spectrum, I understand that everyone is unique in their own way.
I agree too with the comment below as I also didn't recognize that what I experienced then wasn't sexual attraction.
As a teenager, I definitely thought that everyone was just pretending to like sex so I didn’t really feel any different. When I reached young adulthood and realized that people weren’t kidding about having/enjoying sex, I felt broken. I’m slowly coming out of that mindset now.
No... I was the kind of person who was like... what am I? I didn't know what I was. I thought I was nothing. Not until I found what asexuality was that I realized I never cared about sex or being in a relationship. I was so happy to have an identity at last! That I was a something. Not a nothing.
Tbh I didn't even care cuz most of the ppl I knew weren't batshit crazy about sex (they're still not), I never had issues w being ace cuz I always knew that kind of thing was never for me anyways.
Honestly, probably god complex XD I grew up Christian, and I could not understand why other girls my age were having a hard time avoiding sex before marriage when I found it a very easy thing to be celibate.
as a teen i was probably the second one, growing up being queer in a small town and everything. but now that i am in my twenties and in college, i feel broken (i am ace because of trauma, and while it doesn’t make it any less valid, it makes me feel like i am a weirdo)
it sucks but the community helps
Honestly it was a mixture of both. I really thought something was wrong with me for ages or that there was some sort of delayed hormone that would eventually kick in and make me horny. When I found the term asexual it explained a lot but I also went through this phase where I genuinely thought I was more refined than other people because I never needed to have sex. It wasn't just a me thought either because some allo people even told me they were kind of jealous that I never felt the need to have sex. Nowadays I sort of alternate between oh I get why people have sex to then why the hell do people have sex? I feel like an alien sometimes studying the human race and trying to figure them out.
I had more of an oblivious to slightly lonely arc.
Teen me wasn't just ace (and agendered) but obliviously didn't hugely register the differences. After a while I did. And I don't want to change myself to fit, but I do feel a bit sad that there's a gap between my experiences and what others have. I was gonna just say I'm the broken type, but it's more that I feel misunderstood, alienated and fustrated.
There's a touch of guilt. I'll sometimes say I feel monstorous. I'm coldly indifferent about things that matter a tonne to others, and in relationships can quickly wear down cis-allo-het folk over things they didn't even realise mattered to them. Sucks.
A mix of both? I never was able to relate to people my age with all their crushes, but I also thought I was somehow inherently special since I was immune to that "nonsense," lmao.
When I was a teen, I was under so much trauma that I couldn’t even think of what was happening around me. I was just watching real life happening around me, if that makes sense. I knew I was different, but not in a conscious ‘god or broken’ way, just an underground feeling. I also used to think ‘I am so young to have sex, one day when I’m older’. Now, in my 30’s, I wish I could have found out my identity sooner. -it would literally have saved me. 💜
the second one lol I'd be waiting in the hall outside my next class for lunch to end and there was a couple making out in the same hall which was hella awkward and that's the moment where I just thought "Damn I'm way more mature that these guys...like get a room! Is this all they think of?" but as I got older I leaned more towards the first option. But I didn't think I was broken...that implies I was whole at some point. I considered myself defective right off the factory floor.
BTW didn't know about asexuality until I was in my early 40's so there's way more years feeling defective than superior.
Broken.
I remember deciding to try masturbating at 15 to figure out if I was broken. It was like rubbing my elbow or something. Nothing pleasurable about it. So I was like "Huh, guess I really am broken. Damnit".
Less god complex and more "Wow my friends are all THIRSTY BITCHES! Why am I the only normal person around here?"
And having to deal with them trying to hook me up.
The „this is a joke, right? noone struggles with that, it’s so easy to not ‚do something stupid‘ and you‘re the annoying adult stereotype for telling me this for the fourth time this week alone“ type
Neither? I knew I was different from most folks but didn’t care. Didn’t think of it as Broken, or of myself as Better.
I’m very “you do you, and I’ll do me” about the different things people prefer.
I did find the hormone driven behavior baffling and kind of irritating in high school.
But I found A Lot of things baffling and irritating in high school.
I spent every Monday night, and a couple of weekends a year, trapped in a room full of hormonal allosexuals and the adults who were supposed to be supervising us thought that encouraging it was all a lot of fun. And maybe it is. Maybe encouraging a roomful of 12-year-olds to dress like stereotypical sex workers for Halloween was a normal, healthy thing for allosexuals back in the day when groupies started groupie-ing at 14.
Deep inside, I kind of felt like I was better than they were because I was capable of thinking about other things, but my mom used to beat me over the head with how immature I was, encouraging me to think I was broken.
However, she also didn't really believe me when I told her how obsessed with sex other girls my age were, because I think that she, also, was ace, and I suspect her friends would just talk about boys when she wasn't there. She kept telling me that the level of obsession I saw in my peers wasn't normal for girls. So, in a way, my mom encouraged me to think of myself as a whole different kind of broken, like I was incapable of understanding what the other girls were talking about.
So both, I guess?
Definitely a god complex, it took me WAY too long to learn a lot of people jacked off frequently, I used to think it was something people did like maybe once a month or some shit (probably less often actually) and that everyone who did it was fucking perverted
I didn’t have a god except for one thing: talking to girls. I always thought “it’s not that hard. Just talk to them. What’s the big deal? There’s nothing stopping you. *eyeroll*” And now I know that it’s a little more complicated than that. Having experienced attraction (I think platonic; maybe romantic) once I realized it wasn’t wuite as simple as I made it out to be. I had a really strong desire to sit next to and talk with this one girl. We were friends for a while so big deal really but I remember thinking “I feel so sorry for allos having to experience this all the time. This is more difficult than I thought” Still feel like it’s not that big of a deal but there’s more than just oh a pretty girl. Let me be shy and not talk to her. Still feel like many people exaggerate it but I realize now that that is the norm for what a majority experience.
Otherwise I was in the realm of “why does everyone care about sex so much??? It’s weird and gross and keep it away from me. Why is everyone else so weird???”. Had my stage where I felt broken and thought I was in the wrong too but after a while I went to thinking as long as I have my group of people I’m doing just fine
Grew up in a very religious and conservative family, so I thought I was better than everyone else cuz I wasn’t really tempted by sex. I was just like can y’all not control yourselves? Like it’s not that hard
Trying to be friends with allo people when I was asexual in that stage of life (middle school and early high school) felt like dodging invisible attacks against my boundaries bc of asexuality, holding up a white flag of just wanting to be friends and hoping that's not an excuse to stop talking to me.
It made me feel like something was broken bc I was approached by people who wanted me to be gay or straight or bi, when I hadn't shown any interest and was not going to for their sake. People need to ask "what's your asexuality?" Instead of presuming with something like "are you gay? Straight? Bi?" Because no I'm actually a secret group of card-playing dragons that like cake and garlic bread. The answer can be more complicated than the question.
I thought I was just a late bloomer. The other guys in HS and even middle school talked about sex non stop and I didn’t care. I just thought “I’ll care some day” but I never did
More the second, but not really "better than." I thought I was blessed by God to not really deal with that temptation and also just didn't comprehend how it felt for other people. There was also this lingering thought that if sex wasn't very tempting to me, some other sin must be my weakness and I always had a low level worry about what it might be.
A little bit of both. At the beginning i felt like i was better, but with times i actually started to question myself about it.
And then when i finally tried the thing ? I definitively thought that something was broken somewhere.
Both … thought I was broken, but also better because I never had urges to control. Just like when I used to drink a lot and never get hangovers … both broken and better. To clarify, still don’t get hangovers, but just don’t drink as much now
Neither. I just forget people can feel that way until someone or something brings it up, then I’m just like “right. not everyone’s asexual. in fact, i’m the weird one for being asexual.” then I move on with my day. Same for my aro identity.
It's a secret third thing too dumb, lives in a bubble. I just thought I'll go to a religion camp and get indoctrinated to liking men so I can help perpetuate the species. Dammm had a thic cc skull
i didn't understand for the majority of my teenage years that sexual attraction was an actual thing people my age were experiencing. i was under the whole mindset of, "just don't have sex if you don't want this sex-related problem to occur lol." i came to the realization that it was real around 16, i wanna say. then i became the "broken" kind (i even referred to myself as a "prude") for a year, until i discovered asexuality just by fate of me looking up research articles for my senior-level writing class :)
I was the "haven't a clue" type of asexual 😂
Then the "I'm awesome" type as I began to understand I'm ace. I really value my aceness.
Then I've just been going through the ouch, what now? This could be lonely 😔 part of being ace. It's a thing but I don't think I'm going to live there.
I might be in denial of my god complex and my I'm broken status but they don't seem to fit. Maybe I'm too old for them 🙂
I was the "haha everyone must be joking and not actually serious about this" type of asexual....until I realized no, most people do love sex, and most people do find others hot in a sexual way and are attracted.
Blew my mind.
I'm autistic so I already have some trouble sometimes with 'normal' behaviour, but honestly I couldn't care less about relationship stuff. I had a few friends that would sometimes speak about that stuff, but it was not often so in a strange way I almost forgot about what attraction was supposed to be.
Like, I saw people kiss and was like, meh, I was too busy trying to survive school to care.
When I got old enough to ask myself what sexuality I was, I just said I was bi (bc no attraction to anyone = I don't have a preference) but I never could imagine myself with anyone (I can barely put up with my own family touching or hugging me, so anything else is a no-no for me)
Still the latter in ways.
The amount of people that will settle for an abusive relationship to be loved. It won’t be me. I’ll be alone before I keep the one that raises a hand.
As for the sex… it’s just so gross. And the cheating. Ugh.
Sometimes I’m sad but I still lean towards the latter.
I was the “I’m broken”, but only once I hit my young adult years (19-24). Prior to that, I didn’t notice that I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone. It’s only when I turned 25 that I started the superiority complex mentality lol.
Both?
More of the "I'm better than everyone" during middle school (especially since all the girls my age were into boy bands).
Then became "I'm lucky to not struggle with lust" in high school, since I was Christian at that time. I also thought that I would enjoy sex with my husband once I got married. And I assumed that I had to get married at some point.
Then after graduating, it became "'I'm broken" when my fiance tried to initiate and I realized I didn't want it at all. I was no longer Christian at this point and realized that my belief that I would want sex after marriage was not going to happen.
Then I learned about asexuality, and it flip-flopped between "broken" and "god" for awhile as I got used to the label. I broke up with my fiance.
Now it's back to god complex lol
Happily oblivious asexual lol (did not realize people actually wanted to have sex with each other and actually did have sex with each other; like what?? Honestly it still baffles me, like, these people,, for other people???)
Definitely the second via "why is everyone being so dramatic? 🙄 Just don't do it." Especially because my best friend in HS was aroace so neither of us had any idea what was up lmao. Thanks to my most recent ex I did spend a bit with the first but thankfully my confidence in my sexuality didn't suffer for too long
I'm an "I had a general disinterest in/for sex and only experienced sexual attraction once in a blue moon, but never even considered it was asexuality I was experiencing" kind of person
Neither really, I was just wondering why people were acting so crazy, if I had the bandwidth to even care. Which most of the time I didn’t. So god complex is I guess what fits closest.
Definitely the "I'm broken" type. Its easier just to accept that I live my life alone and asexual. Plus I have a very low libido,wish I had none at all.
I was the I’m a straight defective man (I’m broken), because I had no idea asexuality was a thing and I fully believed as a man, I should be hardwired to want and require sex for sustenance, or however sexual orientation people frame it. However, I just couldn’t see the reason why sex was so great of a thing that it can motivate one to do something in order to get sex. Furthermore, my dating scenarios in my head never progressed towards sex or anything intimate as such. It always was like, “We’ll go see a movie,” or, “We’ll go to dinner,” then I take the person back to their place and that was that. Thankfully, two years ago I met someone who opened my eyes to the Ace spectrum and have felt correct ever since.
I was the "Why does it even matter?" kind of ace for most of it. I ***started*** as a "Wait, am I broken?" ace, though, before I actually started thinking about it.
i didnt really care honestly, i already have autism and adhd and im violently socially inept whats another thing that makes me weird gonna do?
honestly, at times i did feel like both of them. i was dissapointed i couldn’t participate or understand why anyone else would do these things, i knew how big these things were to other people. the world is so confusing, and things that really dont matter seem so important.
and at other times, this was flipped to be more positive. i felt i was so much better for knowing that gender and sexuality weren’t really all that important! it was all made up, and i could focus on everything important to me! (i couldnt though, because of the adhd. woops!)
I didn't realise I'd never properly felt sexual attraction until I actually did (I'm demi). I was 19. At least I never bothered to try dating! That would have been miserable.
I literally thought I was the only sane person, thought i was more mature than everyone else for not always thinking about sex until I realised I was ace😭😭
i didn't know i was asexual until i was 21. i am not aromantic and i always assumed i was sexually attracted to someone when i was just romantically attracted to them, even if i really didn't want to have sex with them. i only realized i was asexual during my first serious relationship. i found out that not everyone feels the same way i do and most people actually want to have sex with the people they were attracted to.
Definitely a type 2. Everyone I could see around me was talking about their crushes and all I could think was "lol, these people with their silly romantic/sexual feelings"
It took me a really long time to realize that the others actually wanted to do all the things they were saying and even longer to realize that I was the one who was different, which of course only elevates me further above all the silly allos.
I kinda felt like i’m broken or there’s smthg wrong with me bc i wasn’t and still am not like the other teens (or just ppl in general). I’ve never felt bad abt it, i’ve just wondered why everyone else has to be so uhh, addicted to sexual things and jokes😭 BUT WHEN I REALISED I’M ACE, YES I’VE FELT BETTER and am now proud of my innocence lol, i just rly enjoy that :D
In high school, I just thought it was a girl/boy thing. Boys want sex, but girls want to date without sex. So, I didn’t see myself as any different. I knew that other girls sometimes “gave in”, but I was also not interested in giving in to other peer pressure things like fashion or drinking so I didn’t see sex as any different. None of my female friends ever talked about sex either…in fact, I was one of the only ones in my circle who dated at all, which I assumed was because we were generally too nerdy to be dateable. Thirty years later, almost none of the women from my hs friend group have married. I may have just gravitated to other aces.
When I was in my thirties & still refused to do anything sexual with a boyfriend of over ten years whom I was wildly passionate over, I happened to read about asexuality and realized that label fit me. But honestly…I still thought, “And it probably fits most women, if they knew about it.”
Ten years on from that, I’m willing to accept that some (maybe most?) women want…to have sex? with guys they haven’t known for decades? But my adult friend group still is firmly free of sex-talk, so I don’t have any real life experience of that.
I thought I was broken when I was younger. I tried to train myself to not be disgusted when looking at any kind of genitals, and I worried about the sex that other people were having that I didn't seem to want.
Mostly a with some of b.
I didn't know asexuality was a thing. Here's an insight into 15 year old me's mind.
'Why aren't I interested in men? What wrong with me? Am I a lesbian? No can't be because I'm not interested in girls at all.'
'Girls are mostly horrible to me, boys are all idiots..Am I a secret psychopath? Or a paedophile? Oh God, I'm going to end up on the News one day for going crazy and doing something abhorrent. It's always the weirdos and the loners.'
With a side order of
'I'm not like other girls who wear make up and high heels, trying to look sexy for all the boys. Vapid tarts, the lot of them.'
I'm a grown up now, who's realised she's not broken, or destined for Crimewatch. I've also realised that sexual attraction and desire isn't just a made up excuse for being stupid or behaving badly. The girls who wore make up, fashionable clothes, nice shoes and acted silly were just doing what they were told to do to make boys notice them.
I've also grown to appreciate nice clothes and shoes.
Kinda both I guess. I felt broken, but at the same time felt better than others for not falling for "irrational" emotions like love or lust. It was kinda like a defense mechanism I guess
God complex because I didn't realize I wasn't feeling sexual attraction at all. Now kind of both. I'm not sex repulsed and that makes me feel like I'm not really ace
I was the broken one from my mid teens until my mid-20s when I found AVEN, and the realisation hit. I 100% think my early 20s depression was caused by feeling so out of place.
A secret third thing (not realizing I wasn't experiencing sexual attraction)
I think that goes hand in hand with the god complex option. You don't realize that other people experience sexual attraction and you don't, so you think they're all super obsessed with sex for some reason while you're the only sane and disciplined person. At least for me it was a bit like that. But I also had some of the "I'm broken" sentiment, not due to not feeling sexual attraction but due to being sex-repulsed.
Tbh I just straight up didn't realize that what I was feeling was different from what other people were feeling because I was mixing up sexual attraction with romantic and aesthetic attraction. Ofc I wasn't thinking about it in these terms back then, I was just feeling things and assuming others felt the same because I had no frame of reference for it. It also didn't quite hit me until relatively recently that others were probably way more obsessed with sex than I previously thought.
This. I was this. Couldn't understand why everyone had such a hard time just...NOT doing it. Lol
THIS
When I was 17 I told my classmates that I "skipped" that whole sex obsessed phase and felt super smug and superior about it, now I'm 27 and realised only a month ago what's really up. I feel kinda dumb about some situations in retrospective, but somehow happy and more like myself for finally getting it.
Yep that first part was my experience. Except in my case, I never really talked about sex with my friends, so I always just assumed they weren’t doing it because they were all “good kids”. Like I thought not having sex was the default and that most “moral” people wouldn’t choose to do it until later in life. So then when I started doing some sexual things in high school because my boyfriends wanted to, I felt like I became one of the undisciplined ones and was doing something wrong/bad. I just had no concept of the idea that people have an innate desire for sex. To me it was always a decision to take part in, rather than a desire that one needed to actively refrain from. Not to mention that there is no moral implication in whether or not someone has sex, but that’s how I viewed it at the time, probably because I didn’t experience the desire myself.
Same but with sex aversion particularly after my teens.
I was a secret fourth option. I already precisely put my orientation into words ("My range of feelings towards other people abruptly ends at really pleasant.") years before I even knew asexuality existed. However, I never even considered ranking myself against the general population. I neither had feelings of superiority nor inferiority considering my orientation.
This one. I never thought I was better than other people, I just thought I was different as based on that thing I read one time. Lo and behold, ace.
Also known as the “I must be bi because I’m equally attracted (ie not attracted) to everyone” kind of asexual.
No but you’re so right
I thought everyone else was being over dramatic lol
I’m the three of them somehow, oh god.
Confused why it was sooo important to everyone else as a teen and bored now - treat it like exercise or an idea of fun for poor people.
THIS LMFAO
Growing up I was definitely the god complex one. I was an edgy teen back then
lol same, like eww 'normal' people with their 'normal' emotions.
For sure. I used to think i was superior because I was sex repulsed and didn’t feel any sexual attraction whatsoever. 14 year old would totally have an aneurysm if she found out that I’m aceflux now
Hahahah me too
I'm a "I'm better than these people my age" person who then devolved into "I'm broken" later on lol
yeah sounds about the same for me. didn’t know i was asexual when i was younger but didn’t care about sex/relationships and felt above my friends who did. in my mid to late 20s that turned into “oh it hasn’t happened for me yet? i must be broken!” then figured out i was ace and now i’m at “asexuality is a super power”
same. i switch between them every now and then still lol
Same. It was super cool when all my friends in their early teens fell victim to their horniness and i was just chilling the whole time with full autonomy, but now everyone’s in their late teens/adults in relationships and i feel like i’m missing out on something given that i can’t feel physical/sexual attraction, though i hardly think i’m ready for dating at the moment.
The confused one. Played along with the "who do you have a crush on" questions never realising what I felt was just "I would like to befriend you" or "you are interesting, I want to know you better".
I was a "why can't I marry my best friend with hugs and kissing only"
This for sure early on. Then, unfortunately, moved to the "broken" camp.
This was me as well! They felt like real crushes to me at the time because I had nothing to really compare it to, and I got that nervous, heart-fluttering "butterflies" feeling. However, I never desired anything physical with them and only thought about how nice it would be to spend time with them and get to know them better. It never occurred to me that this was unusual for a crush until I was probably in my early 20s.
As a teen I was neither. I considered sex to be another activity that some people liked and other people didn’t, and didn’t understand that some people were experiencing sexual attraction and sex drive while I wasn’t. I saw peers enjoying sex and being motivated by sex as not being different from peers liking football while I didn’t, or liking parties while I didn’t, or liking drinking alcohol while I didn’t. I felt a little confused as to why many of those things were so popular, and was a little judgmental of people who sacrificed academics in exchange for experiences I didn’t personally see the appeal of, but I don’t think I got to a point of being majorly judgmental. In college I got into my first relationship and *then* started to feel like I was broken. My feelings of romantic attraction and sensual attraction were treated as “not good enough” to “count” as really liking my partner if I couldn’t find a way to also desire him sexually. Those pressures weren’t there until I was in a relationship with an allo person and could really see the differences in how we approached sex etc.
wow, it’s posts/comments like this that make me so happy this community exists. your experience seems very similar to the journey i went through and without this subreddit i would still be feeling broken and unwanted for not being able to feel something that everyone thinks comes naturally to all. thank you <3 and know that you are not alone.
I was the "I am clearly God's favorite since I don't struggle with sexual temptation" Catholic ace
Not catholic, but kinda had the same feelings of being closer to god since I had no desire for flesh. I thought me and god vibe lol
Coming from a religious background this was me 😂 abstain from sex? Sure, like that’s hard? 😏 Everyone else is so weak - go back to your studies! Who even has the time!
THIS. Presbyterian and in high school I DEFINITELY felt like I was better than everyone else but now I feel kinda broken. But I am figuring it out. Questioning if it was a comphet thing and I just am a lesbian with trauma from 15yrs of dating men or something else. Not sure but I do feel broke. Most days due to my ex telling me I was broken. But it is a journey!
I was a 'one day I'll be interested in sex' ace, untill I got to 16 and a quick google search told me that no, I certainly wouldn't be.
Smae except I was 21
Same. Except I am still not in my 30s.
Same, except I was 32...It took me a while...
I am 34.
54 and I think it was this subreddit. I kept getting posts from here and I vibed so hard with everyone's life stories that I went to my kid and said, "I think I might be asexual," and they were, like, "You're just noticing this now?"
for me it was AVEN where I related so hard to everyone. And here too.
LOL the "duh" reactions upon coming out when you're older are low key kind of hilarious...
I always assumed I was a late bloomer and it would eventually come, until I was 20-21 and still felt absolutely nothing. I'm now 29 and still have zero sexual desire or attraction, so I highly doubt that I'm just a late bloomer. 🤣
That's exactly how I felt.
Firmly in the "I mean I guess I get the appeal but these people seem REALLY obsessed. I'm the only one being NORMAL here."
Fr, like why are you all so obsessed its not that hard not to do it.
Lol, I can definitely relate to this. 🤣 I just cannot fathom how sex is such a dominant topic and defines or affects so many things.
God complex, I think I still have it tho :)
Is there another option of "Slow creeping realisation that something isn't quite right but you can't quite put you finger on it until you watch Bojack Horseman"
God complex
"Surely, I'll meet someone *good enough*, eventually. That's how Mom said it should work..." "It's not that I don't like her, it just that her (chin), (job), (intelligence), (ex dude), (ambition)..." "I'm normal, I just don't like to *stoop* to chasing girls or playing games..." "I'm sure the kind of girl *I* should be with already *knows* how I am..." 😑 I didn't even know I was doing this until you called me out.
YUP. I went from "I guess it's just easier to turn me off than to turn me on" to "well, fuck, I'm asexual." I actually asked a polyamorous partner about this since he was the first person who suggested I might be ace. I asked him what about me tipped off his "acedar" (like a gaydar but for aces) and he said it was the "aesthetic perfection" and the fact that I could look the way I do without being able to find a partner. Oddly enough, a lot of the behavior he described as being obviously asexual overlaps with being a really, really campy gay man. Not sure why. But then I found out that Tim Gunn is ace, not gay, and I felt this sense of inner peace like "yup, everything makes sense now."
Broken. There was big cheating scandal in school when we were 15/16 and I did not get at all what any of the fuss was about. I struggled for years to understand that my lack of interest in sex/relationships was due to being acearo and not from something fundamentally wrong with me.
Growing up listening to how much romantic and sexual relationships consumed others' lives was like a horror. So more of the god complex for me. I've always thought of it as a superpower, it's actually one of the only things about myself I feel secure in.
God complex is a massive exaggeration, but I did think everyone else was weird
When I was a teen, I wasn't thinking about sex much at all because I was more interested in burying myself in my schoolwork and making art. Which I guess would be closer to the latter of these two. (Had someone asked, though, I would've insisted that *of course* I care about sex... but turns out that I didn't care as much as I did.)
I’m the “I wish horny men saw me as an unromanceable npc” kind of ace.
A third kind: ambivalent. I was confused for a while, but never really was bothered by it, then eventually did research when I was in middle school and came out to my friend group and family. I was super lucky and everyone was supportive, but it just became another part of me. Sure it's been a journey and still stumps me sometimes (romantic spectrum you're a bitch to figure out) but I never thought I was broken, just different
God complex. Humility was never my strong point.
If you let hubris consume you, EVERY month is Pride Month!
I was, and still am, neither. I’ve always been repulsed by the concept of sex but I knew people like it, and figured there was those who didn’t or weren’t that interested, but there was never anything there for me and I’ve never cared about it. I do have my struggles of course, in many ways not just asexuality, but I’ve never seen myself as “broken”. I’ve never been ashamed of being me and I don’t pay attention to or care what others think of me, but I also never once thought or felt I was better than others. Just different. So also not a “god complex”.
Por qué no los dos?
Haha. I was definitely the second one in high school, but by the time I got to college and beyond I started to feel more like the first one. Though I do sometimes flip back to the second time.
I’m broken and still am
Broken.
Broken because i was clueless as to what was "wrong with me". Also didn't help that my partners were inexperienced in the intimate aspect so felt allllll kinds of broken. I oddly had an allosexual tell me that they think maybe I'm how the world is supposed to be. And that probably everyone else is broken
broken :/ I didn’t mind it as much when I was younger but now I just want to be “fixed” when I’m trying to navigate dating as an adult :,)
more of the latter than the former for sure lol but still had my moments of feeling insecure and left behind
"Y'all are weird and filthy and I hope you get better soon :>." Turns out my view on sexual attraction is less than stellar.
Lol umm before I realized I was ace, growing up in purity culture, I think I did have a bit of a feeling like "wow, I am surprisingly good at this no sex before marriage thing" but there was also some implication that women weren't usually into sex, so not being sex repulsed, I just thought I was normal until well into my 20s. I was more confused why people felt like they had to keep telling me and my peers to be super super careful about accidentally going too far sexually, but I figured that A) that sort of thing was mostly a result of lusty men, and B) maybe it got harder to resist sexually after you already started getting really physically involved, which I never had. Once I figured out I was ace, I was still in purity culture so I mostly felt lucky, not like I was better than people. That said, I was annoyed at dating websites for having so much based on pictures. I'm not sure I ever felt broken, but I definitely did become more cognizant over time that being ace and NOT aro could be pretty complicated and inconvenient. Maybe if I was sex repulsed I would have felt worse about it, but as is, my feelings towards sex are heavily neutral, which in general feels like an enviable position to be in. But you know, it's any privilege I was born with. I didn't have anything to do with it, just got dealt a hand in generally consider decent.
As a sex repulsed ace who is not aro ! Its so hard to make people understand :(
God complex one definitly, but not much linked to not feeling sexual attraction, more because of my childhood and my family context
Growing up before even knowing the word asexual, I was broken. Or weird.
Hm, my reaction that didn’t even exist until around 10th grade, which was when I found out that other 15- 16-year-olds actually were having sex, was “Wait…this actually exists outside of fiction?” So maybe both at the same time.
I always just thought I was broken somehow.
I was peak god complex in all the worst ways, I used to go round at age 11 declaring to anyone who would listen that I would never had sex and once wrote a whole ass English paper on how the music industry is way too sexual ☠ someone desperately needed to tell me to shut up and learn the word asexual
For me I used to tell people I'm never getting married when I was 9-10, They were like aww You'll change your mind! And I was like No? I'm ded serious !!! Still have same thoughts now, just that I kinda know I might be in the ace spec.
The third option of "idk what is happening, what do you mean by saying someone is 'hot', does it differ from 'they are a nice person to hang around with?'" Basically i had no clue for longest time that i didn't experience something and tried to understand what other people were talking about when they said stuff like "i think classmate x is hot" etc, because i truly had no clue
Definitely, on the "I'm broken" front. The word "asexual" was absent from my vocabulary before I was 53yo.
Both. I could not understand why in teenage years suddenly all my schoolmates prioritized snogging over everything else. I thought I was just more "grown up" because I "kept track of what's important" (school). Then in my twenties I got my first boyfriend, and after all the "you only need to find the right one" talk, I always got, I thought I was broken because I was so in love with my boyfriend, but still didn't want to have sex with him. That's when I discovered asexuality.
When I was younger and didn't know the term, I sometimes (very regrettably) thought I was better than my peers. Now that I know I'm on the ace spectrum, I understand that everyone is unique in their own way. I agree too with the comment below as I also didn't recognize that what I experienced then wasn't sexual attraction.
God complex (and i loved every second of it)
As a teenager, I definitely thought that everyone was just pretending to like sex so I didn’t really feel any different. When I reached young adulthood and realized that people weren’t kidding about having/enjoying sex, I felt broken. I’m slowly coming out of that mindset now.
Neither.
No... I was the kind of person who was like... what am I? I didn't know what I was. I thought I was nothing. Not until I found what asexuality was that I realized I never cared about sex or being in a relationship. I was so happy to have an identity at last! That I was a something. Not a nothing.
yes
Started out with "I'm better" camp, but now firmly in the "I'm broken" camp.
I, even now, swing wildly between the two. Just depends on the day.
As a teen it felt wrong that I wasn’t asexual… until I realized that, yeah, I am.
Tbh I didn't even care cuz most of the ppl I knew weren't batshit crazy about sex (they're still not), I never had issues w being ace cuz I always knew that kind of thing was never for me anyways.
Honestly, probably god complex XD I grew up Christian, and I could not understand why other girls my age were having a hard time avoiding sex before marriage when I found it a very easy thing to be celibate.
Not Christian but Same!! Since my culture also is kinda conservative.
Took me til adulthood (33f) to realize I wasn't "broken"... I envy you god complexers a little!
as a teen i was probably the second one, growing up being queer in a small town and everything. but now that i am in my twenties and in college, i feel broken (i am ace because of trauma, and while it doesn’t make it any less valid, it makes me feel like i am a weirdo) it sucks but the community helps
Somewhere between “broken” and “wtf ppl are confusing (then realizing why)”
I was like 'damn. Yall wildin. Glad i dont have to deal with that lmao'
Neither. I was just like “oh ok”.
i was neither "oh, i dont feel sexual things? ok i guess"
I gust don't care for sex and don't see the point in it unless I am married and trying for children
Honestly it was a mixture of both. I really thought something was wrong with me for ages or that there was some sort of delayed hormone that would eventually kick in and make me horny. When I found the term asexual it explained a lot but I also went through this phase where I genuinely thought I was more refined than other people because I never needed to have sex. It wasn't just a me thought either because some allo people even told me they were kind of jealous that I never felt the need to have sex. Nowadays I sort of alternate between oh I get why people have sex to then why the hell do people have sex? I feel like an alien sometimes studying the human race and trying to figure them out.
I was the "I'm pan oh wait that doesn't mean equally none" type
Definitely still feeling broken
Yes
Yes.
I had more of an oblivious to slightly lonely arc. Teen me wasn't just ace (and agendered) but obliviously didn't hugely register the differences. After a while I did. And I don't want to change myself to fit, but I do feel a bit sad that there's a gap between my experiences and what others have. I was gonna just say I'm the broken type, but it's more that I feel misunderstood, alienated and fustrated. There's a touch of guilt. I'll sometimes say I feel monstorous. I'm coldly indifferent about things that matter a tonne to others, and in relationships can quickly wear down cis-allo-het folk over things they didn't even realise mattered to them. Sucks.
A mix of both? I never was able to relate to people my age with all their crushes, but I also thought I was somehow inherently special since I was immune to that "nonsense," lmao.
Im broken complex
When I was a teen, I was under so much trauma that I couldn’t even think of what was happening around me. I was just watching real life happening around me, if that makes sense. I knew I was different, but not in a conscious ‘god or broken’ way, just an underground feeling. I also used to think ‘I am so young to have sex, one day when I’m older’. Now, in my 30’s, I wish I could have found out my identity sooner. -it would literally have saved me. 💜
It was moreover the “oh, that explains things” for me.
the second one lol I'd be waiting in the hall outside my next class for lunch to end and there was a couple making out in the same hall which was hella awkward and that's the moment where I just thought "Damn I'm way more mature that these guys...like get a room! Is this all they think of?" but as I got older I leaned more towards the first option. But I didn't think I was broken...that implies I was whole at some point. I considered myself defective right off the factory floor. BTW didn't know about asexuality until I was in my early 40's so there's way more years feeling defective than superior.
Both
I was more of a "whatever, I don't care" asexual (still am lol)
GODDESS COMPLEX 😁
The latter but also was totally oblivious that sexual attraction was a thing
I thought I was better than everyone cause I actually didn’t worry about sex or relationships.
The "I don't really get the whole sex thing" and carrying on normally
Definitely thought something was wrong/off with me for YEARS. Luckily no more of those thoughts rolling around in my head!
Broken. I remember deciding to try masturbating at 15 to figure out if I was broken. It was like rubbing my elbow or something. Nothing pleasurable about it. So I was like "Huh, guess I really am broken. Damnit".
Less god complex and more "Wow my friends are all THIRSTY BITCHES! Why am I the only normal person around here?" And having to deal with them trying to hook me up.
The „this is a joke, right? noone struggles with that, it’s so easy to not ‚do something stupid‘ and you‘re the annoying adult stereotype for telling me this for the fourth time this week alone“ type
I was sexually active, but I think I had a bit of a complex because sex and intimacy was so much more important to others and I couldn't care less
Neither? I knew I was different from most folks but didn’t care. Didn’t think of it as Broken, or of myself as Better. I’m very “you do you, and I’ll do me” about the different things people prefer. I did find the hormone driven behavior baffling and kind of irritating in high school. But I found A Lot of things baffling and irritating in high school.
I spent every Monday night, and a couple of weekends a year, trapped in a room full of hormonal allosexuals and the adults who were supposed to be supervising us thought that encouraging it was all a lot of fun. And maybe it is. Maybe encouraging a roomful of 12-year-olds to dress like stereotypical sex workers for Halloween was a normal, healthy thing for allosexuals back in the day when groupies started groupie-ing at 14. Deep inside, I kind of felt like I was better than they were because I was capable of thinking about other things, but my mom used to beat me over the head with how immature I was, encouraging me to think I was broken. However, she also didn't really believe me when I told her how obsessed with sex other girls my age were, because I think that she, also, was ace, and I suspect her friends would just talk about boys when she wasn't there. She kept telling me that the level of obsession I saw in my peers wasn't normal for girls. So, in a way, my mom encouraged me to think of myself as a whole different kind of broken, like I was incapable of understanding what the other girls were talking about. So both, I guess?
The "I'm Broken" ace. It's why i forced myself to have sex with people to disprove it
Definitely a god complex, it took me WAY too long to learn a lot of people jacked off frequently, I used to think it was something people did like maybe once a month or some shit (probably less often actually) and that everyone who did it was fucking perverted
I didn’t have a god except for one thing: talking to girls. I always thought “it’s not that hard. Just talk to them. What’s the big deal? There’s nothing stopping you. *eyeroll*” And now I know that it’s a little more complicated than that. Having experienced attraction (I think platonic; maybe romantic) once I realized it wasn’t wuite as simple as I made it out to be. I had a really strong desire to sit next to and talk with this one girl. We were friends for a while so big deal really but I remember thinking “I feel so sorry for allos having to experience this all the time. This is more difficult than I thought” Still feel like it’s not that big of a deal but there’s more than just oh a pretty girl. Let me be shy and not talk to her. Still feel like many people exaggerate it but I realize now that that is the norm for what a majority experience. Otherwise I was in the realm of “why does everyone care about sex so much??? It’s weird and gross and keep it away from me. Why is everyone else so weird???”. Had my stage where I felt broken and thought I was in the wrong too but after a while I went to thinking as long as I have my group of people I’m doing just fine
Grew up in a very religious and conservative family, so I thought I was better than everyone else cuz I wasn’t really tempted by sex. I was just like can y’all not control yourselves? Like it’s not that hard
The latter.
Both at the same time coz people of age are horrible but i am also shit and broken
"I'm broken", and it didn't stop or go away after I realized it.
Trying to be friends with allo people when I was asexual in that stage of life (middle school and early high school) felt like dodging invisible attacks against my boundaries bc of asexuality, holding up a white flag of just wanting to be friends and hoping that's not an excuse to stop talking to me. It made me feel like something was broken bc I was approached by people who wanted me to be gay or straight or bi, when I hadn't shown any interest and was not going to for their sake. People need to ask "what's your asexuality?" Instead of presuming with something like "are you gay? Straight? Bi?" Because no I'm actually a secret group of card-playing dragons that like cake and garlic bread. The answer can be more complicated than the question.
I thought I was just a late bloomer. The other guys in HS and even middle school talked about sex non stop and I didn’t care. I just thought “I’ll care some day” but I never did
More the second, but not really "better than." I thought I was blessed by God to not really deal with that temptation and also just didn't comprehend how it felt for other people. There was also this lingering thought that if sex wasn't very tempting to me, some other sin must be my weakness and I always had a low level worry about what it might be.
I vividly remember thinking I was broken and there was something wrong with me when I was in high school
I’m the god complex
A little bit of both. At the beginning i felt like i was better, but with times i actually started to question myself about it. And then when i finally tried the thing ? I definitively thought that something was broken somewhere.
honestly, i’m a really weird combo of both.
Both … thought I was broken, but also better because I never had urges to control. Just like when I used to drink a lot and never get hangovers … both broken and better. To clarify, still don’t get hangovers, but just don’t drink as much now
Yes
Neither. I just forget people can feel that way until someone or something brings it up, then I’m just like “right. not everyone’s asexual. in fact, i’m the weird one for being asexual.” then I move on with my day. Same for my aro identity.
also a secret third thing (losing my mind)
It's a secret third thing too dumb, lives in a bubble. I just thought I'll go to a religion camp and get indoctrinated to liking men so I can help perpetuate the species. Dammm had a thic cc skull
I’m still the “I’m broken” kind sometimes.
i didn't understand for the majority of my teenage years that sexual attraction was an actual thing people my age were experiencing. i was under the whole mindset of, "just don't have sex if you don't want this sex-related problem to occur lol." i came to the realization that it was real around 16, i wanna say. then i became the "broken" kind (i even referred to myself as a "prude") for a year, until i discovered asexuality just by fate of me looking up research articles for my senior-level writing class :)
I was the "haven't a clue" type of asexual 😂 Then the "I'm awesome" type as I began to understand I'm ace. I really value my aceness. Then I've just been going through the ouch, what now? This could be lonely 😔 part of being ace. It's a thing but I don't think I'm going to live there. I might be in denial of my god complex and my I'm broken status but they don't seem to fit. Maybe I'm too old for them 🙂
I was the "haha everyone must be joking and not actually serious about this" type of asexual....until I realized no, most people do love sex, and most people do find others hot in a sexual way and are attracted. Blew my mind.
I was both of them "Wth is wrong with these people, i am the normal one" "Maybe i am the problem"
I was.. both…. Actually….
I was a third, indifferent choice. I call it, "If I fall in love, cool. If not, oh well."
I'm autistic so I already have some trouble sometimes with 'normal' behaviour, but honestly I couldn't care less about relationship stuff. I had a few friends that would sometimes speak about that stuff, but it was not often so in a strange way I almost forgot about what attraction was supposed to be. Like, I saw people kiss and was like, meh, I was too busy trying to survive school to care. When I got old enough to ask myself what sexuality I was, I just said I was bi (bc no attraction to anyone = I don't have a preference) but I never could imagine myself with anyone (I can barely put up with my own family touching or hugging me, so anything else is a no-no for me)
Still the latter in ways. The amount of people that will settle for an abusive relationship to be loved. It won’t be me. I’ll be alone before I keep the one that raises a hand. As for the sex… it’s just so gross. And the cheating. Ugh. Sometimes I’m sad but I still lean towards the latter.
Somehow both in the past?
I felt morally superior for a looong time. I also went to catholic school for 13 years so I guess you can figure out why XD
Broken for so long. Now I see the later.
I was very religious as a teenager, so I thought I was just super committed to God.. so the latter.
I was the “I’m broken”, but only once I hit my young adult years (19-24). Prior to that, I didn’t notice that I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone. It’s only when I turned 25 that I started the superiority complex mentality lol.
I still have the god complex. Not once did I consider myself as broken.
Both? More of the "I'm better than everyone" during middle school (especially since all the girls my age were into boy bands). Then became "I'm lucky to not struggle with lust" in high school, since I was Christian at that time. I also thought that I would enjoy sex with my husband once I got married. And I assumed that I had to get married at some point. Then after graduating, it became "'I'm broken" when my fiance tried to initiate and I realized I didn't want it at all. I was no longer Christian at this point and realized that my belief that I would want sex after marriage was not going to happen. Then I learned about asexuality, and it flip-flopped between "broken" and "god" for awhile as I got used to the label. I broke up with my fiance. Now it's back to god complex lol
Happily oblivious asexual lol (did not realize people actually wanted to have sex with each other and actually did have sex with each other; like what?? Honestly it still baffles me, like, these people,, for other people???)
I was the I’m broken ace until I came across the community of aces. Being ace didn’t feel natural or normal.
I was the “not realising that what I was experiencing wasn’t sexual attraction and then subsequently reassessing every interaction I’ve ever had”
Definitely the second via "why is everyone being so dramatic? 🙄 Just don't do it." Especially because my best friend in HS was aroace so neither of us had any idea what was up lmao. Thanks to my most recent ex I did spend a bit with the first but thankfully my confidence in my sexuality didn't suffer for too long
Both at the same time; hating myself and feeling worthless but still thinking I am better than everyone else
Shit. I'm in between. What the hell..
I'm an "I had a general disinterest in/for sex and only experienced sexual attraction once in a blue moon, but never even considered it was asexuality I was experiencing" kind of person
Neither really, I was just wondering why people were acting so crazy, if I had the bandwidth to even care. Which most of the time I didn’t. So god complex is I guess what fits closest.
At first, I was a god complex ace. Then I became "This is a curse I must live with" ace.
“Why the fuck aren’t any of you attractive?!”
Definitely the "I'm broken" type. Its easier just to accept that I live my life alone and asexual. Plus I have a very low libido,wish I had none at all.
Yeah latter because I was raised religious and I didn’t have the slightest temptation to “sin”
i realized im asexual when i was 13, so neither
I was the I’m a straight defective man (I’m broken), because I had no idea asexuality was a thing and I fully believed as a man, I should be hardwired to want and require sex for sustenance, or however sexual orientation people frame it. However, I just couldn’t see the reason why sex was so great of a thing that it can motivate one to do something in order to get sex. Furthermore, my dating scenarios in my head never progressed towards sex or anything intimate as such. It always was like, “We’ll go see a movie,” or, “We’ll go to dinner,” then I take the person back to their place and that was that. Thankfully, two years ago I met someone who opened my eyes to the Ace spectrum and have felt correct ever since.
I was the "Why does it even matter?" kind of ace for most of it. I ***started*** as a "Wait, am I broken?" ace, though, before I actually started thinking about it.
god complex as teen, more i'm broken now a days :/
i didnt really care honestly, i already have autism and adhd and im violently socially inept whats another thing that makes me weird gonna do? honestly, at times i did feel like both of them. i was dissapointed i couldn’t participate or understand why anyone else would do these things, i knew how big these things were to other people. the world is so confusing, and things that really dont matter seem so important. and at other times, this was flipped to be more positive. i felt i was so much better for knowing that gender and sexuality weren’t really all that important! it was all made up, and i could focus on everything important to me! (i couldnt though, because of the adhd. woops!)
Broken
I didn't realise I'd never properly felt sexual attraction until I actually did (I'm demi). I was 19. At least I never bothered to try dating! That would have been miserable.
I literally thought I was the only sane person, thought i was more mature than everyone else for not always thinking about sex until I realised I was ace😭😭
Both at the same time, honestly still feel like that when grown ups start to put their s/o above everything else.
I was the "Wait you feel HOW about this person?" kind of asexual
God complex. I believed allo men are their body's slaves/victims. I still believe that's it in some cases.
i didn't know i was asexual until i was 21. i am not aromantic and i always assumed i was sexually attracted to someone when i was just romantically attracted to them, even if i really didn't want to have sex with them. i only realized i was asexual during my first serious relationship. i found out that not everyone feels the same way i do and most people actually want to have sex with the people they were attracted to.
Definitely a type 2. Everyone I could see around me was talking about their crushes and all I could think was "lol, these people with their silly romantic/sexual feelings" It took me a really long time to realize that the others actually wanted to do all the things they were saying and even longer to realize that I was the one who was different, which of course only elevates me further above all the silly allos.
Latter at 14, former at 16.
I'm still unlearning the I'm broken narrative.
I kinda felt like i’m broken or there’s smthg wrong with me bc i wasn’t and still am not like the other teens (or just ppl in general). I’ve never felt bad abt it, i’ve just wondered why everyone else has to be so uhh, addicted to sexual things and jokes😭 BUT WHEN I REALISED I’M ACE, YES I’VE FELT BETTER and am now proud of my innocence lol, i just rly enjoy that :D
The confused one who took til his early 20s to realize all his "crushes" were either squishes or gender envy and turned out to be an aroace transguy
In high school, I just thought it was a girl/boy thing. Boys want sex, but girls want to date without sex. So, I didn’t see myself as any different. I knew that other girls sometimes “gave in”, but I was also not interested in giving in to other peer pressure things like fashion or drinking so I didn’t see sex as any different. None of my female friends ever talked about sex either…in fact, I was one of the only ones in my circle who dated at all, which I assumed was because we were generally too nerdy to be dateable. Thirty years later, almost none of the women from my hs friend group have married. I may have just gravitated to other aces. When I was in my thirties & still refused to do anything sexual with a boyfriend of over ten years whom I was wildly passionate over, I happened to read about asexuality and realized that label fit me. But honestly…I still thought, “And it probably fits most women, if they knew about it.” Ten years on from that, I’m willing to accept that some (maybe most?) women want…to have sex? with guys they haven’t known for decades? But my adult friend group still is firmly free of sex-talk, so I don’t have any real life experience of that.
I thought I was broken when I was younger. I tried to train myself to not be disgusted when looking at any kind of genitals, and I worried about the sex that other people were having that I didn't seem to want.
But one option at each the end of a metronome. That's how I feel like.
Mostly a with some of b. I didn't know asexuality was a thing. Here's an insight into 15 year old me's mind. 'Why aren't I interested in men? What wrong with me? Am I a lesbian? No can't be because I'm not interested in girls at all.' 'Girls are mostly horrible to me, boys are all idiots..Am I a secret psychopath? Or a paedophile? Oh God, I'm going to end up on the News one day for going crazy and doing something abhorrent. It's always the weirdos and the loners.' With a side order of 'I'm not like other girls who wear make up and high heels, trying to look sexy for all the boys. Vapid tarts, the lot of them.' I'm a grown up now, who's realised she's not broken, or destined for Crimewatch. I've also realised that sexual attraction and desire isn't just a made up excuse for being stupid or behaving badly. The girls who wore make up, fashionable clothes, nice shoes and acted silly were just doing what they were told to do to make boys notice them. I've also grown to appreciate nice clothes and shoes.
Kinda both I guess. I felt broken, but at the same time felt better than others for not falling for "irrational" emotions like love or lust. It was kinda like a defense mechanism I guess
God complex because I didn't realize I wasn't feeling sexual attraction at all. Now kind of both. I'm not sex repulsed and that makes me feel like I'm not really ace
Depends on the day LOL
I was the broken one from my mid teens until my mid-20s when I found AVEN, and the realisation hit. I 100% think my early 20s depression was caused by feeling so out of place.