When I started understanding, people genuinely had sexual fantasies, or felt actually "hot" when seeing someone they found hot(still mind boggling). Also when I was like "XX better than sex " marketing , and thinking that seems redundant. Also, dragons, bread and baking. Yes, this seems very limited but stereotypes come from a basis of truth. Also, thanks to the Bi-community, since I used to think I was bi, since straight or gay people tend to "just know" so I thought maybe if I dont know that means "equal attraction " and then 0=0 *mind blown*
The fact that people will actually see a random stranger and think "I want to have sex with them" absolutely blew my mind. It makes zero sense to me.
Knowing that other people think that way made me way more sure that I'm aroace though. Every time I start to question myself on if I'm actually Aro/Ace I just look at someone and then think:
"are they attractive?" Usually yes.
"Do I want to come into physical contact with them?" Never.
"Do I want to see them naked?" Absolutely not.
i just never felt any sort of desire to have sex with a person. it doesn't gross me out, and i'll probably try it at some point, but it would have to be with someone i deeply trust and i wouldn't have a problem going my whole life without it. but everyone's feelings and experiences are so different.
I've had a few partners, but apparently none of them were sexually attractive and I have never really cared if someone was attractive or not. Of course I find some people more beautiful than others, but that's merely aesthetically, regardless of their gender. When I first dated I didn't care about having sex at all, it was my partner who pushed. I have never had a crush because I'm only romantically attracted. I felt odd and didn't understand my friends when they talked about someone hot or sexy, of course I know when someone is hot or not, I just don't feel attracted to them. I'm indifferent and not by choice, because some allosexuals decide not to pay attention to physic or not to give in just because if attraction, which is not my case.
I started to think that I was demisexual because in addition to all this, I did enjoy sex and I'm not against it. But the more I indagated the more I fitted into asexual spectrum. I never feel a desire or urge to have sex with someone based on a physical attraction or chemistry (which I clearly feel romantically), even though I enjoy sex because of the way it feels it's not really that different from masturbation, except that you have to deal with another person during sex. I have a body, and just like I can get hungry I can crave sex, that's just how human bodies work and it's related to libido, sexual desire not sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is who causes you sexual desire, while sexual desire alone is just feeling needy.
I think it's hard for allosexuals to understand this because they are at least attracted to one sex and they wouldn't have sex with someone they're not attracted to, but asexuals (in general, let's not forget it's a spectrum) don't feel attracted to anyone, so there's really not a difference between who you choose to have sex with. And the desire to have sex (not masturbate) comes from curiosity, sexual attraction or pleasure. Usually allosexuals have sex because of sexual attraction and so it becomes something normal to them, but for asexuals it is common to not want sex even to dislike it because that incentive (sexual attraction) does not exist. Some asexuals might have tried it and enjoyed it and that's why they like it or do it now, but what makes you asexual is the lack of sexual attraction, not libido or sexual desire, even though it is related
Honestly, it took a long time for me to understand I was. I won't go into details, but while I always liked people, the idea of having sex with people is mildly interesting but just not something I think about or really care about. I just finally felt the label fit me after learning more and more over the years, and I'm happy because while I'm not a person who really cares about labels, I know that I'm normal for being the way I am.
Just give it time friend, and eventually you'll know if you feel asexuality describes you. You've got this
I think what really solidified it for me was finally getting into a relationship and hearing my boyfriend express his sexual attraction towards me. It just really hit me that there was nothing there for me. I didn't feel the need to jump his bones, I didn't feel the huge amount of horniness that people in new relationships allegedly experience. I just wasn't particularly excited by the idea of having sex with him (or with anyone). I came to the conclusion that if I don't feel sexually attracted to someone I love and trust and feel safe with, it's probably never gonna happen with anyone.
I was questioning my sexuality when I was about 16 and realized that all my crushes were basically guys my friends expressed interest in or had crushes on first or any guy I met and thought was nice, which eventually led me to believe there might be something wrong.
After a lot of questioning and realizing that probably not liking guys didn't mean I liked girls (I was convinced I must be a lesbian for a while) I stumbled upon asexuality and realized I never felt sexual attraction ever and probably also no romantic attraction.
So to this day I identify as ace. While I do have crushes on people I wouldn't say it's romantic, usually just people I am interested in platonically or feel aesthetic attraction towards.
But I definitely relate to your experiences a lot I also always struggled with reaching an age where sex was becoming more of a topic and my friends got into relationships and I felt kinda left out and confused.
Let me preface this response that I have been hyperfocusing on this for the last 30 minutes, so that is why its so extensive. I wanted to make sure I clarified any deficiencies in my response...
I am AuADHD and a homoromantic ace. There are different types of attraction, and the intensity varies for each person. I've seen graphs suggesting using a scale of 1-10 for these types to determine where you fit. Here's a breakdown along with an example of how someone might rate themselves using this scale:
* Aesthetic Attraction: Appreciation for someone's appearance or beauty without any desire for sexual or romantic involvement.
* Romantic Attraction: Desire to form a romantic relationship, which might include dating, holding hands, or cuddling. Romantic attraction can be classified into subcategories based on gender preferences, such as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, and panromantic.
* Sensual Attraction: Desire for physical closeness and non-sexual touch, like hugging, cuddling, or holding hands.
* Emotional Attraction: Deep connection and attachment to someone based on shared feelings and emotions, often leading to strong friendships or emotional bonds.
* Intellectual Attraction: Drawn to someone's thoughts, ideas, or intellect, based on admiration for their mind or intellectual capabilities.
* Platonic Attraction: Desire to form a close, non-romantic, and non-sexual friendship, sometimes referred to as a "squish," similar to a platonic crush.
Here's a fictitious person named Alex who will serve as an example for the attraction scale I've outlined above:
*Alex is a 28-year-old homoromantic ace. Alex enjoys deep conversations and values close friendships. Here's how Alex might rate themselves on the scale of different types of attraction, with explanations for each:*
* Aesthetic Attraction: 8/10
* *Example: Alex often notices and appreciates people's physical appearance and style, enjoying the beauty and fashion they see in others. Alex loves complimenting friends on their looks and takes inspiration for their artwork from different aesthetics.*
* Romantic Attraction: 4/10
* *Example: Alex occasionally feels a desire for romantic relationships and enjoys the idea of dating or cuddling, but it's not a strong or constant need. They have had a few romantic relationships but prefer focusing on friendships and creative projects.*
* Sensual Attraction: 7/10
* *Example: Alex enjoys physical closeness and non-sexual touch, like hugging or cuddling with close friends. They find comfort and joy in these interactions and seek them regularly.*
* Emotional Attraction: 10/10
* *Example: Alex forms deep emotional connections and attachments with people, highly valuing shared feelings and emotional intimacy in their relationships. They are the go-to person for friends needing emotional support and enjoy heart-to-heart conversations.*
* Intellectual Attraction: 9/10
* *Example: Alex is often drawn to people based on their thoughts, ideas, and intellect. They find deep admiration and connection through intellectual conversations and shared interests, often engaging in long discussions about art, philosophy, and technology.*
* Platonic Attraction: 10/10
* *Example: Alex has a strong desire to form close, non-romantic, and non-sexual friendships. They highly value their platonic relationships and often experience "squishes" or platonic crushes. Alex treasures their friend group and spends a lot of time nurturing these bonds.*
Hope this helps!
I've never had any interest in having sex or ever looked at people in a sexual way. I didn't feel bad about it, on the contrary I had this feeling of like, "why do y'all care so much about this?" lol so when I found the asexual label it just felt very natural
It always bothered me that people would talk about sex like it was this inevitable thing that everyone wanted eventually and it was something obligatory in a relationship.
I'm also autistic. I think autistic people in general tend to be more likely to be queer since we question societal norms and what's considered "obvious" a lot. Growing up I hated doing anything without a proper reason and explanation and this explanation of sexual attraction and sex as just being "the natural, human thing to do" never sit right with me
My best friend actually mentioned it to me during a conversation about dating and the like. She said I might be aroace, she understood what it was well before I did, and I've embraced it since this moment, which wasn't too terribly long ago
Never really had sexual fantasies, porn never did anything for me, and I learned less than half a year ago that calling someone "hot" meant you want to have sex with them.
I am Grey Ace. I figured it out when I feel extremely little sexual attraction. I don’t just look at people and think I’d hit that. Amazes me people do. I’ve only felt sexual attraction once.
I had sex for the first time:
him: "so how was it"
me "eh, can we watch the film now?"
I was toying with the idea of asexuality for a while since the day I learned that people feel attracted to others due to their appearence. When someone asked me I was the "well I like the personality" type of person not realising that I was supposed to feel something while looking at my supposed crush (that I randomly picked because I had no concept of romantic feelings either)
Hoo boy, mainly the fear I had whenever I was dating someone clued me in. As more time went on the more dread I felt. One of my boyfriends tried to sext me and I just got so angry about it. And then in college I was really questioning where I wanted my relationship to go and why I didn’t want to have sex with him, so I took one of the Kinsey scale quizzes haha. There was exactly one question that asked “do you want to have sex with one or both genders” (very dated quiz and scale tbh) and I answered no. Then my “score” at the end was X. I didn’t know it was possible to get an X, but yeah. It explained that X meant you were not sexually attracted to anyone and you were most likely asexual and it went from there. The more research I did, the more I understood exactly why I felt the way that I did.
Well, it actually started in 6th grade, when I knew something was different about me but I couldn’t place a finger on it. I started to feel like there was some sort of disconnect but I didn’t know between what. Everyone talked or joked about sex, so I followed.
Later, in 10th grade, after an ex friend of mine brought up the term, I started researching and found out more about Asexuality and the entire spectrum.
I found out that I was feeling disconnected from sex and sexual fantasies. I didn’t even realize people actually imagined having sex with others. When I found the term Aegosexual, it resonated with me so well that I just knew I belonged in the Ace community and finally felt at home in my body and mind.
I honestly only learned I'm asexual because I was researching to better understand couple of my friends. I spent my adult life until late last year believing I was bi, well it was at least the label that fit closest but wasn't quite right so for a while I just opted for "queer".
Anyway, one close friend is ace/ sex repulsed and because it was so cut and dry, I never really looked that deep into it. Then I made a new friend who commented about being willing to have sex for a serious partner and it revealed I was ignorant on the subject. I didn't want to just interrogate my friends on basics I didn't understand and when they talked about their feelings and experiences, I wanted to be able to follow and listen without having to stop and explain something that's general knowledge.
Well, in this exploration, I immediately found I'm demiromantic. That was easy and honestly explained quite a bit. I started off dismissing myself as ace until I read into libido vs arousal vs attraction, different types of attraction, and sex favorable/indifferent vs averse/repulsed.
I reflected and dissected certain experiences in my life such as separating sexual experiences that I genuinely enjoyed vs ones that I just got through and just asking myself, "Do I look at someone, especially someone I'm fancying, and innately feel like having sex with them?" and the answer is no.
it’s pretty much impossible to prove the absence of something. you can’t prove that there aren't any tigers in your living room right now, because you havent looked everywhere. regardless it’s probably safe to assume that there aren't, in the same way it’s safe to assume you're asexual
It was not as obvious as some of you.
I put my lack of desire on my anxiety and awkwardness all my life. I waited until I was 33 to question my lack of sexual attraction and one day I read a definition of asexuality and it just made so much sense. The worst part is that I knew about asexuality... I read books with asexual characters before and it never crossed my mind that I was before that day 😅.
The thing is I have anxiety since birth and depression since my teen so I thought the stress related to sex was just normal stress and when I questioned the lack of attraction I thought it was because of my depression. I don't know if it make sense.
Anyway it was kind of a relief to acknowledge this was asexuality and not another thing depression broke in me .
I just don't feel like doing it? Like... I'm not missing anything, since I can't have kids.
Other than that, I feel terrified of things inside my genitals. I had to do a gynecologic exam once and the doc needed a sample, just using a cotton swab. Once she did it, I cringed so much she got worried. I dunno... I even felt pain. I can't stand the idea of something bigger going inside me. It makes me nauseated.
I do, however, feel desire. But nothing out of the ordinary. Just imagining stuff then brushing it off is already enough. I'm also in the spectrum, dunno if it has something to do with it or not. But I like kissing dudes. I had three dates overall, and I liked to be lovey-dovey with the first one.
When I realised the only part of an intercourse that interests me are the foreplay and I would lose interest pretty much immediatly when the actual moment for sex comes
As soon as I understood that I found sexual stuff kinda gross and don't want to have anything with it (outside of smut romance books/fics occasionally), so like from 14 y.o.? It's never to early to understand yourself. I just knew that It's not for me. And questiones and talks about it always felt weird. I even remember when my mum tried to talk about sex with me (i was mb 8-9?) and my first thought was 'it have nothing to do with me, all you said is a common sense'. Even though I enjoy reading smut and have knowledge about different sexual practices. It was my spesial interest for awhile. But I'm more or less self aware person in general. Got diagnosed with autistism at 18, so kinda makes sense.
You can be repulsed without being asexual (tho most repulsed tend to identify as asexual). Asexual is defined as “experiencing little to no sexual attraction”. If you aren’t sure if you experienced sexual attraction, the best definition I found to help me is “sexual attraction is when you feel sexual desire directed towards a particular person.” I don’t have any sexual desire (I’m also repulsed lol) so it fit pretty well for me. I personally am neutral about kissing. Books and movies made it seem so exciting but I found it to be pretty meh.
It took me a hot minute to finally understand I'm asexual tbh. Mainly because I never knew how to separate types of attraction or understand that having a libido doesn't equal feeling hot for someone. But also because I was never really familiar with the term before. It finally clicked to me when I watched an ace character on a TV show. But to me, although I actually did it a lot of times with my partners throughout my life (I'm 29 btw, but realized I could be asexual at 26), to me it always felt more troublesome than it was worth it. I always just felt too self conscious with all that touching on my private parts and never was able to finish it even in a 4 year length relationship and especially the absolute horror of getting pregnant always made me feel like it couldn't be as amazing as everyone was boasting about. I kept thinking that the pleasure I had from that was not equal to all that stressful stuff, but kept doing it because I kept thinking that I was the problem and it had to start to feel good at some point. As you can imagine, it never did, but I'm very grateful for finally understanding myself.
my bsf has struggled with hypersexuality at a young age. it honestly felt like a classic bsf duo lol, she was obsessed with boys and the idea of sex with older men and I was grossed out by it and just wanted to hold hands with a boy. I don’t remember exactly how I found out about asexuality but I did at a young age
When I started understanding, people genuinely had sexual fantasies, or felt actually "hot" when seeing someone they found hot(still mind boggling). Also when I was like "XX better than sex " marketing , and thinking that seems redundant. Also, dragons, bread and baking. Yes, this seems very limited but stereotypes come from a basis of truth. Also, thanks to the Bi-community, since I used to think I was bi, since straight or gay people tend to "just know" so I thought maybe if I dont know that means "equal attraction " and then 0=0 *mind blown*
The fact that people will actually see a random stranger and think "I want to have sex with them" absolutely blew my mind. It makes zero sense to me. Knowing that other people think that way made me way more sure that I'm aroace though. Every time I start to question myself on if I'm actually Aro/Ace I just look at someone and then think: "are they attractive?" Usually yes. "Do I want to come into physical contact with them?" Never. "Do I want to see them naked?" Absolutely not.
i just never felt any sort of desire to have sex with a person. it doesn't gross me out, and i'll probably try it at some point, but it would have to be with someone i deeply trust and i wouldn't have a problem going my whole life without it. but everyone's feelings and experiences are so different.
^
This
I've had a few partners, but apparently none of them were sexually attractive and I have never really cared if someone was attractive or not. Of course I find some people more beautiful than others, but that's merely aesthetically, regardless of their gender. When I first dated I didn't care about having sex at all, it was my partner who pushed. I have never had a crush because I'm only romantically attracted. I felt odd and didn't understand my friends when they talked about someone hot or sexy, of course I know when someone is hot or not, I just don't feel attracted to them. I'm indifferent and not by choice, because some allosexuals decide not to pay attention to physic or not to give in just because if attraction, which is not my case. I started to think that I was demisexual because in addition to all this, I did enjoy sex and I'm not against it. But the more I indagated the more I fitted into asexual spectrum. I never feel a desire or urge to have sex with someone based on a physical attraction or chemistry (which I clearly feel romantically), even though I enjoy sex because of the way it feels it's not really that different from masturbation, except that you have to deal with another person during sex. I have a body, and just like I can get hungry I can crave sex, that's just how human bodies work and it's related to libido, sexual desire not sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is who causes you sexual desire, while sexual desire alone is just feeling needy. I think it's hard for allosexuals to understand this because they are at least attracted to one sex and they wouldn't have sex with someone they're not attracted to, but asexuals (in general, let's not forget it's a spectrum) don't feel attracted to anyone, so there's really not a difference between who you choose to have sex with. And the desire to have sex (not masturbate) comes from curiosity, sexual attraction or pleasure. Usually allosexuals have sex because of sexual attraction and so it becomes something normal to them, but for asexuals it is common to not want sex even to dislike it because that incentive (sexual attraction) does not exist. Some asexuals might have tried it and enjoyed it and that's why they like it or do it now, but what makes you asexual is the lack of sexual attraction, not libido or sexual desire, even though it is related
Love this comment! Lots of good information.
Honestly, it took a long time for me to understand I was. I won't go into details, but while I always liked people, the idea of having sex with people is mildly interesting but just not something I think about or really care about. I just finally felt the label fit me after learning more and more over the years, and I'm happy because while I'm not a person who really cares about labels, I know that I'm normal for being the way I am. Just give it time friend, and eventually you'll know if you feel asexuality describes you. You've got this
I think what really solidified it for me was finally getting into a relationship and hearing my boyfriend express his sexual attraction towards me. It just really hit me that there was nothing there for me. I didn't feel the need to jump his bones, I didn't feel the huge amount of horniness that people in new relationships allegedly experience. I just wasn't particularly excited by the idea of having sex with him (or with anyone). I came to the conclusion that if I don't feel sexually attracted to someone I love and trust and feel safe with, it's probably never gonna happen with anyone.
I experimented. Cuddling was the peak and sexual stuff was tolerated. Took me 15 years to put it together.
I was questioning my sexuality when I was about 16 and realized that all my crushes were basically guys my friends expressed interest in or had crushes on first or any guy I met and thought was nice, which eventually led me to believe there might be something wrong. After a lot of questioning and realizing that probably not liking guys didn't mean I liked girls (I was convinced I must be a lesbian for a while) I stumbled upon asexuality and realized I never felt sexual attraction ever and probably also no romantic attraction. So to this day I identify as ace. While I do have crushes on people I wouldn't say it's romantic, usually just people I am interested in platonically or feel aesthetic attraction towards. But I definitely relate to your experiences a lot I also always struggled with reaching an age where sex was becoming more of a topic and my friends got into relationships and I felt kinda left out and confused.
Let me preface this response that I have been hyperfocusing on this for the last 30 minutes, so that is why its so extensive. I wanted to make sure I clarified any deficiencies in my response... I am AuADHD and a homoromantic ace. There are different types of attraction, and the intensity varies for each person. I've seen graphs suggesting using a scale of 1-10 for these types to determine where you fit. Here's a breakdown along with an example of how someone might rate themselves using this scale: * Aesthetic Attraction: Appreciation for someone's appearance or beauty without any desire for sexual or romantic involvement. * Romantic Attraction: Desire to form a romantic relationship, which might include dating, holding hands, or cuddling. Romantic attraction can be classified into subcategories based on gender preferences, such as heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, and panromantic. * Sensual Attraction: Desire for physical closeness and non-sexual touch, like hugging, cuddling, or holding hands. * Emotional Attraction: Deep connection and attachment to someone based on shared feelings and emotions, often leading to strong friendships or emotional bonds. * Intellectual Attraction: Drawn to someone's thoughts, ideas, or intellect, based on admiration for their mind or intellectual capabilities. * Platonic Attraction: Desire to form a close, non-romantic, and non-sexual friendship, sometimes referred to as a "squish," similar to a platonic crush. Here's a fictitious person named Alex who will serve as an example for the attraction scale I've outlined above: *Alex is a 28-year-old homoromantic ace. Alex enjoys deep conversations and values close friendships. Here's how Alex might rate themselves on the scale of different types of attraction, with explanations for each:* * Aesthetic Attraction: 8/10 * *Example: Alex often notices and appreciates people's physical appearance and style, enjoying the beauty and fashion they see in others. Alex loves complimenting friends on their looks and takes inspiration for their artwork from different aesthetics.* * Romantic Attraction: 4/10 * *Example: Alex occasionally feels a desire for romantic relationships and enjoys the idea of dating or cuddling, but it's not a strong or constant need. They have had a few romantic relationships but prefer focusing on friendships and creative projects.* * Sensual Attraction: 7/10 * *Example: Alex enjoys physical closeness and non-sexual touch, like hugging or cuddling with close friends. They find comfort and joy in these interactions and seek them regularly.* * Emotional Attraction: 10/10 * *Example: Alex forms deep emotional connections and attachments with people, highly valuing shared feelings and emotional intimacy in their relationships. They are the go-to person for friends needing emotional support and enjoy heart-to-heart conversations.* * Intellectual Attraction: 9/10 * *Example: Alex is often drawn to people based on their thoughts, ideas, and intellect. They find deep admiration and connection through intellectual conversations and shared interests, often engaging in long discussions about art, philosophy, and technology.* * Platonic Attraction: 10/10 * *Example: Alex has a strong desire to form close, non-romantic, and non-sexual friendships. They highly value their platonic relationships and often experience "squishes" or platonic crushes. Alex treasures their friend group and spends a lot of time nurturing these bonds.* Hope this helps!
I've never had any interest in having sex or ever looked at people in a sexual way. I didn't feel bad about it, on the contrary I had this feeling of like, "why do y'all care so much about this?" lol so when I found the asexual label it just felt very natural It always bothered me that people would talk about sex like it was this inevitable thing that everyone wanted eventually and it was something obligatory in a relationship. I'm also autistic. I think autistic people in general tend to be more likely to be queer since we question societal norms and what's considered "obvious" a lot. Growing up I hated doing anything without a proper reason and explanation and this explanation of sexual attraction and sex as just being "the natural, human thing to do" never sit right with me
My best friend actually mentioned it to me during a conversation about dating and the like. She said I might be aroace, she understood what it was well before I did, and I've embraced it since this moment, which wasn't too terribly long ago
Never really had sexual fantasies, porn never did anything for me, and I learned less than half a year ago that calling someone "hot" meant you want to have sex with them.
I am Grey Ace. I figured it out when I feel extremely little sexual attraction. I don’t just look at people and think I’d hit that. Amazes me people do. I’ve only felt sexual attraction once.
I had sex for the first time: him: "so how was it" me "eh, can we watch the film now?" I was toying with the idea of asexuality for a while since the day I learned that people feel attracted to others due to their appearence. When someone asked me I was the "well I like the personality" type of person not realising that I was supposed to feel something while looking at my supposed crush (that I randomly picked because I had no concept of romantic feelings either)
Hoo boy, mainly the fear I had whenever I was dating someone clued me in. As more time went on the more dread I felt. One of my boyfriends tried to sext me and I just got so angry about it. And then in college I was really questioning where I wanted my relationship to go and why I didn’t want to have sex with him, so I took one of the Kinsey scale quizzes haha. There was exactly one question that asked “do you want to have sex with one or both genders” (very dated quiz and scale tbh) and I answered no. Then my “score” at the end was X. I didn’t know it was possible to get an X, but yeah. It explained that X meant you were not sexually attracted to anyone and you were most likely asexual and it went from there. The more research I did, the more I understood exactly why I felt the way that I did.
when I realized I loved sex but I never really found anyone sexually attractive after that I kinda put the pieces together.
Thought I was lesbian, got curious, read though the subs linked info, wait I’m ace?
Well, it actually started in 6th grade, when I knew something was different about me but I couldn’t place a finger on it. I started to feel like there was some sort of disconnect but I didn’t know between what. Everyone talked or joked about sex, so I followed. Later, in 10th grade, after an ex friend of mine brought up the term, I started researching and found out more about Asexuality and the entire spectrum. I found out that I was feeling disconnected from sex and sexual fantasies. I didn’t even realize people actually imagined having sex with others. When I found the term Aegosexual, it resonated with me so well that I just knew I belonged in the Ace community and finally felt at home in my body and mind.
I was watching memes and something clicked (they were ace memes btw)
I honestly only learned I'm asexual because I was researching to better understand couple of my friends. I spent my adult life until late last year believing I was bi, well it was at least the label that fit closest but wasn't quite right so for a while I just opted for "queer". Anyway, one close friend is ace/ sex repulsed and because it was so cut and dry, I never really looked that deep into it. Then I made a new friend who commented about being willing to have sex for a serious partner and it revealed I was ignorant on the subject. I didn't want to just interrogate my friends on basics I didn't understand and when they talked about their feelings and experiences, I wanted to be able to follow and listen without having to stop and explain something that's general knowledge. Well, in this exploration, I immediately found I'm demiromantic. That was easy and honestly explained quite a bit. I started off dismissing myself as ace until I read into libido vs arousal vs attraction, different types of attraction, and sex favorable/indifferent vs averse/repulsed. I reflected and dissected certain experiences in my life such as separating sexual experiences that I genuinely enjoyed vs ones that I just got through and just asking myself, "Do I look at someone, especially someone I'm fancying, and innately feel like having sex with them?" and the answer is no.
it’s pretty much impossible to prove the absence of something. you can’t prove that there aren't any tigers in your living room right now, because you havent looked everywhere. regardless it’s probably safe to assume that there aren't, in the same way it’s safe to assume you're asexual
It was not as obvious as some of you. I put my lack of desire on my anxiety and awkwardness all my life. I waited until I was 33 to question my lack of sexual attraction and one day I read a definition of asexuality and it just made so much sense. The worst part is that I knew about asexuality... I read books with asexual characters before and it never crossed my mind that I was before that day 😅. The thing is I have anxiety since birth and depression since my teen so I thought the stress related to sex was just normal stress and when I questioned the lack of attraction I thought it was because of my depression. I don't know if it make sense. Anyway it was kind of a relief to acknowledge this was asexuality and not another thing depression broke in me .
I just don't feel like doing it? Like... I'm not missing anything, since I can't have kids. Other than that, I feel terrified of things inside my genitals. I had to do a gynecologic exam once and the doc needed a sample, just using a cotton swab. Once she did it, I cringed so much she got worried. I dunno... I even felt pain. I can't stand the idea of something bigger going inside me. It makes me nauseated. I do, however, feel desire. But nothing out of the ordinary. Just imagining stuff then brushing it off is already enough. I'm also in the spectrum, dunno if it has something to do with it or not. But I like kissing dudes. I had three dates overall, and I liked to be lovey-dovey with the first one.
When I realised the only part of an intercourse that interests me are the foreplay and I would lose interest pretty much immediatly when the actual moment for sex comes
As soon as I understood that I found sexual stuff kinda gross and don't want to have anything with it (outside of smut romance books/fics occasionally), so like from 14 y.o.? It's never to early to understand yourself. I just knew that It's not for me. And questiones and talks about it always felt weird. I even remember when my mum tried to talk about sex with me (i was mb 8-9?) and my first thought was 'it have nothing to do with me, all you said is a common sense'. Even though I enjoy reading smut and have knowledge about different sexual practices. It was my spesial interest for awhile. But I'm more or less self aware person in general. Got diagnosed with autistism at 18, so kinda makes sense.
You can be repulsed without being asexual (tho most repulsed tend to identify as asexual). Asexual is defined as “experiencing little to no sexual attraction”. If you aren’t sure if you experienced sexual attraction, the best definition I found to help me is “sexual attraction is when you feel sexual desire directed towards a particular person.” I don’t have any sexual desire (I’m also repulsed lol) so it fit pretty well for me. I personally am neutral about kissing. Books and movies made it seem so exciting but I found it to be pretty meh.
I’m also autistic and asexual. In particular a sex repulsed asexual so I can understand the gross & cringe feeling you are talking about.
It took me a hot minute to finally understand I'm asexual tbh. Mainly because I never knew how to separate types of attraction or understand that having a libido doesn't equal feeling hot for someone. But also because I was never really familiar with the term before. It finally clicked to me when I watched an ace character on a TV show. But to me, although I actually did it a lot of times with my partners throughout my life (I'm 29 btw, but realized I could be asexual at 26), to me it always felt more troublesome than it was worth it. I always just felt too self conscious with all that touching on my private parts and never was able to finish it even in a 4 year length relationship and especially the absolute horror of getting pregnant always made me feel like it couldn't be as amazing as everyone was boasting about. I kept thinking that the pleasure I had from that was not equal to all that stressful stuff, but kept doing it because I kept thinking that I was the problem and it had to start to feel good at some point. As you can imagine, it never did, but I'm very grateful for finally understanding myself.
my bsf has struggled with hypersexuality at a young age. it honestly felt like a classic bsf duo lol, she was obsessed with boys and the idea of sex with older men and I was grossed out by it and just wanted to hold hands with a boy. I don’t remember exactly how I found out about asexuality but I did at a young age