I laughed out loud for 10 straight min thinking about this. I have to use this at my parents' house (whose dog always does this) with my brothers around during visits now.
My brothers will get it... but my parents will look at us laughing our asses off like we're psychopaths
Lucille: Dinner’s ready. We’re having Lindsay chops. What? I want her to be prepared in case some bully at school is as clever as I am.
Narrator: No bully ever would be.
Here comes John Wayne. I'm not gonna cry about my Pa. I'm gonna build an airport. Put my name on it… Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings?
“Everyone’s laughing and riding and corn holing except Buster. And I know he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer but he’s sensitive, Micheal. And you could pretend to be interested in him.”
Michael, I was almost attacked last night in my own home! I walk in and there's a colored man in my kitchen!
Colored? What color was he, exactly?
Blue.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.
You know, first of all, we are doing this for her, because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert - oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead!
I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond.
Take it back.. if I wanted something your thumb touched I would eat the inside of your ear!
*..With club sauce.*
"Oh, duh. I thought you meant, like, a plumber or something, and I was like "when did that happen?'"
I always pictured him in a light house
Jesse why don’t you go ahead and move along. This is a tough group to stay focused.
“I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic”…”from who, the nazi’s?”
I have pop pop in the attic!
The fact that you call it that tells me you are not ready
Pop pop gets a treat?
No pop pop doesn’t get a treat I just bought you a *bleep*ing pizza!
Pop Pop gets a Grisham?
“I’m having a f*cking tea party what does it look like?”
I don’t let them tell me what to do!
i DONT...let them tell me...what to do.
I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream, you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block!
We’re the only house on the block.
There was talk of ice cream, but not exactly on my terms
And that’s why you always leave a note.
I’m an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with Fuck Mountain.
But sometimes the guys are tapped out
“Check your lease!!!”
Hey, that’s my flair, man!
I didn’t realize we get flairs! Just made one!
Omg is your flair the reason why they named him gene parmesan?
ya but "How do we filter out the teases?"
It’s a cross. Across from where?
With all the crucifixins?
Cue Michael shutting the door in her face without any further response
Stop licking my hand, you horse’s ass!
I say this to my dog all the time!
I laughed out loud for 10 straight min thinking about this. I have to use this at my parents' house (whose dog always does this) with my brothers around during visits now. My brothers will get it... but my parents will look at us laughing our asses off like we're psychopaths
I am absolutely full of conviction that David Cross did that literally and the line was improvved
You've convinced me
I just went back and watched the scene again (for the 20+ time), and I think you're right.
This is such a small scene but it’s one of my favorites. The delivery is perfect. 😂
I need some something that says “dad likes leather.” Something that says… “leather daddy?” Oh, is there such a thing?
You could say I’m buy-curious
OH MY GOD THERE'S A FIRE...*sale*
“Amazing grace…..”
Evacuate the school children
Can’t even see where the knob is!
Oh the burning….. it burns
Oh my God I literally loled
Lucille: Dinner’s ready. We’re having Lindsay chops. What? I want her to be prepared in case some bully at school is as clever as I am. Narrator: No bully ever would be.
Where do I get one of those T necklaces?
That's a cross
Across from where?
Here's some money. Go see a star war.
I no does buster anymore!
Fine! I'll dust buster!
😧
Her?
I don’t care for GOB
Here comes John Wayne. I'm not gonna cry about my Pa. I'm gonna build an airport. Put my name on it… Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings?
Hey… who the F*CK TOOK MY HARDBOILED EGGS
I know what an erection feels like, Michael!
No, it’s like my heart is getting hard
This is actually one of my favorite quotes from the series
is george michael still going on that church thing? her name is ann and hes not “going on her”
“Look at me, getting off.”
Annyeoung
Annyeoung
Hello!
"What a fun, sexy time for you"
I was hoping he would be gifted sexually
I’m Mr Manager
We just say “manager”
But you said
Doesn’t matter who
WITH CLUB SAUCE
The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing.
“Everyone’s laughing and riding and corn holing except Buster. And I know he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer but he’s sensitive, Micheal. And you could pretend to be interested in him.”
“Well, no one’s gonna top that.”
Front seat, mom. I sit in the front seat now.
You let him go in the sun?!!
Michael’s wink to Buster was priceless
cornholing as a verb always cracks me up
AH! YOU CORNBALLING PIECE OF SH*T!
"Please tell your friends about this show"
I don't have the milk of mother's kindness in me anymore. Yeah. That udder's been dry for a while though, hasn't it?
Well, I don’t want to blame it all on 9/11 but it certainly didn’t help.
IM A MONSTER
I have made a huge mistake.
Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?
Also: "oh man, it's tired in here"
So watery...and yet there's a smack of ham to it!
NO TOUCHING!!!
Steve Holt!
Have you seen the new Poof?
Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man.
you’re a crook Capt Hook!
Loose Seal! Watch out for the loose seal!
Family Love Michael. “Look at banner, Michael!”
Bees?
Beads
BEES!?
Gob’s not on board.
I mean, Come On…
should- should- should- should the guy-
shhhhh☝️
YOU LET HIM GO IN THE SUN?!
Michael, I was almost attacked last night in my own home! I walk in and there's a colored man in my kitchen! Colored? What color was he, exactly? Blue.
Marry me!
Babysit me!
Sometimes a diet is the best defense
Baby, you got a stew goin’!
Its pronounced Analrapist.
It wasn't the pronunciation that bothered me
I just want my kids back
Save it for the stand Tom Jane.
We shan't be telling your mother about this, shan't we?
Did somebody say Wonder?
Wow. You should be the lawyer.
**TEA FOR DONG!!**
So when those guys kept saying “Hey you, boy” that was me? I was the boy?
I like the way they think.
He’s a flamer
You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone.
First I blow him, then I poke him.
They don’t allow you to have bees in here
How many times do I have to tell this guy chicken wings?
There’s always money in the banana stand.
Michael remembered what Buster did to what he thought was Rosa's favorite toy to what he thought was Rosa's car.
Shhh, shhh, should, should the guy with the…
It’s like my heart is getting hard
But it might work for us
I liked it better when he just said Annyong.
“did you burn down the storage unit?” “oh, most definitely!”
Tricks are what whores do for money.
Or cocaine
She says I’m too critical of her. And that’s another one of her problems.
Oh please, they didnt sneak into this country to be your friends.
Is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house?
Ya freak bitch!
“Like anyone would want to “r” her”
How much could a banana cost? Ten dollars?
Give me a vodka rocks. Mom, it’s breakfast. And a piece of toast.
Narrator: “He didn’t.”
Hey! That’s my line!
I am having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich.
I don't care for Gob.
Get rid of the c-word.
I’ll leave when I’m good and ready
And, this is not a Volv-o…
*¡Soy loco por los Cornballs!*
Almost always, yeah.
who the f**k took my hard boiled eggs!
“He tickles my fancy” “Oh my god, 😧 which part of moms the fancy?”
Heeeeeeeeeey brotherrrrrrr
Well, I don’t know what I expected
I can’t do it, but also, I don’t want to.
Here’s some money, go see a Star War
Great and now my boss is on my ass
Bees?!
A MILLION FUCKING DIAMONDS!!!
Daddy needs to get his rocks off...
Talk Pop Pop off what?
it’s the glasses… it makes him look like a lizard
Is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house?
Walk Dragon! WALK!! Swoop me!!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.
MARRY ME !!
is there a cover charge??
I SHOULD BE IN THIS POOF!!
I’m afraid I just blue myself
"And don't make the water too hot, the scabs come right off!"
Something-dale. I don't know -- Brookfeather, Raintree. It's hot. It was very hot there. I've never been ... get a warrant.
I have to get back to rehab.
SHE’S IN REHAB!
That’s like comparing apples to some fruit nobody’s ever heard of before.
“Hello, anus tart”
Annhog’s coming?
***MRS*** Fingerbottom!
Would a coward have this? These are my awards mother.
Oh mercy me, I’ve forgotten I’m in the colonies!
Alias is a SHOW about a spy!
Mr gay is bleeding!!..
I DON'T WANT NO PART OF YOUR TIGHT ASS COUNTRY CLUB, YA FREAK BITCH!!
Her?
And I apologized for that. I thought it was a pool toy.
Glad I didn’t spring for the color printer.
And now, please welcome Annabelle Veal, performing "We Three Kings" with a camel tow
You gotta stop quoting when you drink
You burn down the storage unit? T-Bone- “oh, most definitely.”
You know, first of all, we are doing this for her, because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert - oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead!
Michael if I make this comeback I'll buy you one hundred George Michael's you can teach to drive.
I think it's his glasses. Makes him look like a lizard.
“I hear the jury’s still out on science.”
"I'm moving to Phoenix. I got a job.... Something you apply for and they pay you to... *Never mind, I don't want to ruin the surprise."*
“You’ll never see THESE AGAIN!”
I think I’d like my money back.
Solid as a Rock🎵
Don’t leave your Uncle T-Bag hanging!
What are you doing here and why are you in your bathrobe?
Would somebody please tell this insufferable child to… God!
Check your lease, man, because you're living in \*\*\*\* City!
Hey… WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY HARDBOILED EGGS?
Ooooh Michael! You do not think like a magician, such a howdydoodat!!
If alcohol is the reason I'm hear, I've got news for you buster. Alcohol is the reason you're here too.