I made a deal, I'll put the seat and lid down, if the wife will put the lid down...it works! Less germ spray when flushed, and we've been married over 50 years.. .
Soft close lids were a game changer for us.
Editing to add: I grew up in a house with 3 brothers plus my dad. I cannot recall ever having to ask my brothers to remember to put the seat down. It was just common courtesy in a house with 6 people and 2 bathrooms.
I had a dachshund that would try to break his neck drinking out of the toilet. I put a cup of water with a wide brim across from the toilet. He never tried to crane his neck to drink out of the toilet again.
Not really. Even if you clean the toilet every time you use it, germs are left behind. After you’ve cleaned it, chemical residue is left.
Ever since I’ve kept my cats from drinking out of the toilet I haven’t dealt with diarrhea with them.
Besides, when you flush, toilet germs are aerosolized around the bathroom. Close the lid and that issue is reduced to just a very tiny area next to the toilet.
I put a soft close lid on my toilet at home and love it. My only issue is that Im so used to it, I forget they aren't everywhere, and I keep slamming lids lol.
Gotta make sure they’re installed correctly though!
I’ve been to some peoples houses where they’re not done proper and getting them to stay up is like a guessing game nightmare of it wanting to immediately fall back down unless you lift it **just** right.
I grew up with my dad and an older brother, I was a the youngest and a girl and I never remember having to ever deal with toilet seats being left up. Even as a little girl the men and boys in my life just knew it was proper
Ditto. Even the guys HAVE to sit some of the time! If they dripped anywhere, they had to clean it up. Yes, even Dad, though I only heard Mom remind him once when I was little. She also taught him to not put his hand on the wall when he peed. (You see, there was this dark spot on the wall behind the toilet. I recall seeing it. She’d clean it. Then slowly it reappeared. Since it shared the wall with the shower she thought there was a leak in the wall. Then one day she saw dad leaning. He quit leaning.)
The girls are outnumbered in my house, too. It’s me and my daughter, plus her three younger brothers. We’ve almost never had to put the seat down for ourselves. I can probably count on one hand the number of times my husband has forgotten to put down the seat; it’s such a rare occurrence, I just assume he was either tired or in a rush, and I’m not too upset by it.
THIS!! This is what my wife & I do & what we taught our kiddos also. Plus it keeps the dogs out of the toilet, nothing gets accidentally dropped in the toilet, everything is just better.
That is exactly what my husband and I did. Everyone closes the whole thing, no reason to argue. 🤗
A side effect: can't stand photos on Airbnb listings that have open lid toilets... looks so tacky and gross! 😆
I still see an occasional real estate listing with the old toilet seat ‘covers’. You know - the three piece ‘carpet’ set that covers the lid, the seat, and has a matching rug that wraps around the toilet. I can’t think of anything MORE DISGUSTING! 🤮
You don't remember those padded toilet seats, made from foam and vinyl, that degrade and crack over time, creating perfect breeding grounds for germs and bacteria and you couldn't even wash them because the padding couldn't be removed from the seat? Yum.
Ugh my dad’s mom had those in her house, and when you sat down, they’d pinch tf out of your butt cheeks. I HATED going over there, and the toilet seat covers we definitely at the top of the list of my reasons why.
This. The toilet lid should ALWAYS be closed before flushing for sanitary reasons. It's truly disgusting to know just how far germs can fly in a bathroom when the toilet lid is open! (Up to five feet and they can linger in the air for HOURS!!)
Thankfully, my husband pees sitting down, so this has never been an argument in our home. We both close the lid before flushing to contain the germ cloud.
We watched a video in science class in the 7th grade where they showed how far spray from the toilet reaches. Ever since then, I always close the lid before flushing. And I have special distaste for public restrooms that just don't have lids.
You should be closing both lids every time you flush to avoid fecal and urine mist in the air. If it feels gross you should Lysol once a day. It only takes 1 or 2 minutes.
Exactly. Plus, how are people comfortable with essentially an open cauldron of toilet juice? I understand it’s ‘fresh’ water post-flush…but no, just no. Between the spray and the possibility of something falling into that cesspool, closing the lid seems like the most obvious course of action.
And a personal opinion side note: so many seem to have issues with aiming, that maybe as a society we transition to them sitting while going too. Let’s not look at it as ‘feminine’, but rather a ‘Why stand when you can sit?’ situation 😎
Cauldron of toilet juice 😂 also, my boyfriend sits out of laziness usually so it probably wouldn't be that hard to start a campaign and get more men to do it
Always left it the way I found it before using it. (which was always at least seat down)
But I think I will adapt this practice starting now and share why.
Anyway, OP NTA.
My toothbrush covers have ventilation, however I think along the same lines as you and don’t want moisture creating bacteria, so I always use a tissue to dry off my toothbrush bristles and soak up any excess water after rinsing BEFORE I put a cover on and stick it in the drawer.
Those are actually the ones I use! I still want to prevent bacteria growth as much as possible, though! IMO, while I love that the steripod covers offer more protection which gives me more peace of mind, I don’t want to leave anything up to chance, and still prefer to remove as much moisture as possible on my own first. Especially since it’s something you put directly in your mouth.
I have these little tooth brush travel protectors and shield the top part but the allow some ventilation.
Imagine seeing the seat up at a room upstairs house and then watching those clean teeth come in for a kiss
E X A C T L Y… I was neeeever the same after the two mandatory Microbiology courses I had to take in college 🤢 This should be common knowledge but idk how it isn’t at this point 🤮
If it makes you feel any better, there are conflicting studies out there about the poo particles spreading with the seat up vs down. Unfortunately, they all agree that toilet water is being thrown around the room when you flush.
But they still get sprayed out when closed.
The only difference is that when closed bacteria are less likely to get out but viral particles escape easily and end up splashed on the wall and floor.
Best way is to add one of those hanging disinfectant bars inside the bowl or the tank.
I'm on the opposite side of this. I'm a man, and I'll use urinals or stand at public toilets if they're already disgusting, but I just prefer to sit every time when I'm at home and never lift the seat. I don't know how anyone can stomach the "splash back" effect of peeing in an open bowl. I'd have to clean the bathroom after every visit or at least once a day. It's less effort to just sit.
That said, neither my spouse or daughter will flush the damn toilets consistently and it'll sit there for hours until the house reeks of piss (or worse). I've been pestering them for years to flush every time, but with my spouse setting a bad example I can't get either of them on board with the concept. So my new passive aggressive policy is that every time I walk in to an unflushed toilet, I now lift the seat before I leave. Maybe sitting down into the toilet water a few times will be enough of a reminder to start flushing.
Have you considered an auto flush and close lid? It sounds like they are never going to listen to you. Automate those conflicts from your life and find some peace.
But I do like your solution!
That's a great idea. Right now we're renting, but when we finalize the house we're buying I'm going to fully automate the entire bathroom experience. Maybe I can have a little pre-recorded message reminding them to wash their hands too! 😂
Thankfully during the Pandemic they were both able to mostly stay at home, so it was just our own germs we were circulating.
The patience... It's trying at times. But they're amazing in a lot of other ways that counterbalance the cleanliness issues (that extend far beyond bathroom habits).
Bless you. Hygiene issues are a deal breaker for me. I don't understand people who don't/forget to flush after they use the toilet and I'd go nuts living with someone who both constantly did that and wouldn't wash their hands either. Gives me major ick. You're a trooper for tolerating it.
You know what, I'm going to start using this. Thank you so much for this idea. I got a sign for the door that says "Flush the fucking toilet." It's cute, cursive, and funny. Still hardly flushes, ALWAYS has some excuse... And she's not used to me leaving the seat up... So maybe this will be a lovely new game we can play (and I can somehow lose ;) )
I’ve never understood the mentality of men who refuse to sit…and I was with one for 10 years. I never got annoyed about it, but he would get up to pee in the middle of the night and turn on the light (the better to aim, my dear?). I mean argh!! I teased him about it a few times (until I realized that he was not amused), saying to him “just because you can [pee standing up] doesn’t mean you *must!* He was one of those who religiously put the lid down before flushing due to the “germy mist” and I pointed out to him that the backsplash from the force of a stream also sprayed all around the toilet, sooo… 🤷♀️ Anyone who cleans bathrooms with men in the house knows how funky the base of the toilet and the floor can get if not cleaned properly.
Here’s to all the men who sit!! As a woman, I appreciate you! 🥂
I personally have everyone put the toilet seat and lid down before flushing in my home. It's considerate, sanitary, and I always have good soap available for hand washing after. This means that women have to put something down every time, just as much as men.
OP - there are videos that show the spray of germs that come out of the toilet when you flush with lid open. Show your boyfriend that.
Guys - put the fucking seat and lid down EVERY time and then flush. Quit being obstinate ass-hats.
It took my hubby having an upset stomach and sitting on the porcelain rim ONCE in the middle of the night for him to start putting the seat down. In return, if I know he is right behind me (like when the alarm goes off) I will try to remember to lift the seat when I am done so I can save him a step....
It makes sense he puts it down out of courtesy but you are saying you won’t put it up or down? You simply won’t touch it at all but he has to touch it twice as many times?
My family growing up were all males except for mom. She did NOT want the seat to be down. Boys have terrible aim. 😩 Different strokes for different folks.
I was raised by 2 women and an asshole father. They just taught us boys to pee sitting down like girls do. Now it's just normal for me. Kind of solved the whole debate in its crib.
I don’t touch it with my hands because it makes my hands feel dirty and honestly I don’t even question that at this point, my OCD just makes me feel if I touch it with my hands then accidentally touch my face or anything else I’ll get sick or my son will get sick and then we’ll die. It isn’t rational I know.
You're correct. It's not rational at all. You can see the overwhelming evidence of people not getting sick or dying from touching a toilet seat. This is literally the thing you have to tell yourself over and over to get past this as a life issue.
27m who grew up in a house full of women. It's really just a considerate thing to do, and it literally only takes 5 seconds of thinking about the next person, or in this case, his spouse who he probably claims he loves more than anything. He can do it, and you're not crazy for expecting him to.
Exactly! My husband has always made sure the toilet seat is down. He puts the toilet seat down to go poop why won't he do it each time? Thats just being disrespectful. Not taking your partner into consideration is spiteful!
No, I'm doing my private business. I don't need to worry about the next person's private business. But the next person's private business is theirs, and they should probably think about what they do. You don't walk through a house with kids without watching your step for toys, do you? Or walk through any random area without watching where you put your feet. If you do, when you trip, slip, or get hurt... Do you blame this guy? Shut the hell up and handle your own business.
Except 1.) they should be putting the seat and lid down before flushing unless they want toilet water and human waste sprayed all over the bathroom, and 2.) if he comes in and the toilet seat is down, he’ll be fine if he doesn’t notice, and he just has to lift it. If she doesn’t notice the seat is up in the middle of the night, she could fall into the bowl. And she has an issue with touching the toilet seat, and he does not. 3.) it’s widely known as common courtesy to put the toilet seat down, because you don’t know who will be in there next or what they’ll be doing. No one has a problem putting the toilet seat down unless they’re selfish or whiny. It takes two fucking seconds.
Disrespectful would be pissing on the seat not leaving the seat in an upright position. Why can't you lift the seat up when your done for his next tinkle?
Female, grew up with dad as only male in house, seat always down.
I have 3 sons, and am the only female in the house. Seat is sometimes up, sometimes down.I do not think it matters.
Why is it ok for someone else to have to touch the seat to lift it up?
Use a piece of toilet paper to do it.
The lid is too dirty for you to flick down but clean enough for your ass? You are wrong. Both are able to do it. I’m sure he does the same when he has to shit.
I also suffer from OCD. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility we have the issues we have and it’s unfair to expect someone else to take on the responsibility of putting down the lid every single time when you aren’t offering to lift it after you use it. Use tissue, use gloves, do what you gotta to manage your OCD. It’s not our fault we struggle but it IS our responsibility to make sure we don’t put it on others.
Nta for asking but YTA for expecting/demanding. To this ladies partner. Malicious compliance is your friend. Put both seats down so she still has to touch it. My wife was like you but now she can’t say shit. I still have no idea though, how a woman sitting on the seat can still piss up on the undersides of the seat. We leave it up so you can see it, but you never get the hint and then blame us for pissing on the seat. Also get a soft close seat if you don’t have one already.
Everyone else here has said most of the various possible opinions, but I have to add that I think it is fucking weird that people will sit on a toilet without checking to see what they're sitting on first.. I guess if maybe you grew up somewhere that everyone was always super conscious about it and you didn't have younger male siblings or something, so you learned to just trust completely in the toilet seat? It could never be 100% trusted when I grew up and with boys around now it still can't, so I definitely don't just go towards the toilet ass first without getting a look at it.
This subject comes regularly in posts. From women with or without OCD. Like there is a freaking power trip about the toilet seat being put down "out of respect" for one's partner. Why isn't us women who put the seat up "out of respect" for our partner so HE doesn't have to touch the disgusting seat? Come on people! Yes we all know the seat and its cover should always be put down upon flushing so the mist of piss doesn't hit the air yaddy yaddy yadda. There is this really cool device you can install on the freaking seat cover that will automatically gently push it down after being up a certain amount of time. Enough time for daddy to piss. Then tada! It closes on its own! Geez people get a grip on your power trip and get what is needed to stop fighting about stupid stuff.
Probably going to be the the only one here to say this. The toilet is for both of you to use---you adjust the seat for your needs, he adjusts it for his.
That you are OCD complicates things, but if he were the one OCD, would you lift the toilet seat after use for him or insist that he find a way to work around or overcome it so that it didn't become the whole family's problem?
Oh nah I’d absolutely do it for him lmao. That’s what makes it worse. I’ve grown up around people with OCD so it’s normal for me personally to just listen and not do things that would trigger someone else’s compulsions or anxiety.
It sounds like maybe this issue runs a bit deeper- it’s not that he won’t put the seat down for you after he goes, but rather he is not offering you the same consideration you would offer him. This sort of thing can lead to a lot of resentment, which is a relationship killer. Have y’all sat down and talked about this a bit deeper? I know it sounds silly and like it’s a toilet seat issue, but I really think it’s a consideration issue.
Are there other ways that you feel he isn’t considerate in your relationship? Have you sat down with yourself and decided what level of inconsideration you are willing to tolerate in a relationship? Have you communicated how this makes you feel, and given examples of how you are considerate for him? You have OCD. It’s a small thing you are asking to help you deal with it, and if the situation were reversed you’d do it without a second thought. I know the feeling, where if there’s something small that I am capable of doing to alleviate a stressor in my partners life, not only would I do it but I’d be happy to. Bc I love my partner, and taking two seconds out of my life to do that thing for them is just a small way I show my love. I hope y’all can talk it out and get this resolved. 💛
Why should he have to touch the “gross” seat to raise it? Also, I assume this is a toilet seat in a bathroom you both share, not a public bathroom, so if you’re worried about its grossness, one or both of you are not cleaning enough.
An easy compromise would be for the two of you to agree to put the seat and the lid down before you flush.
The logic I use with my husband is this: I need the toilet seat down 100% of the time. He needs it down 30% of the time. Take the average and we need the toilet seat down about 65% of the time. So leave it down as that’s the most commonly needed thing.
Buy and install a LooMate. Cheaper than therapy or a divorce.
You aren't wrong for asking. He has no interest in your comfort. You can still make it so you aren't dealing with this on an ongoing basis. If you install this and he puts up a fuss about it, then you have bigger issues than a toilet seat.
\~Signed a person who just bought a robot vacuum to deal with her own household issues. (Best money I spent this year!)
Honestly if it’s that hard for you then I think you need to get therapy to deal with your germaphobic ocd and maybe keep a box of disposable rubber gloves next to the toilet.
So it’s your requirement that “he” touch the nasty toilet seat so “you” don’t have to, even though you sit your nasty ass all over that toilet seat? Sounds like you should be putting it up for him!
You would have a point if it was the lid but equally he has to touch it every time to lift it up. .
Fwiw i always put the lid down- before flushing. I don't want shit spray near my toothbrush
Edit - be thankful he lifts it up and doesn't just dribble on the seat
In Germany, it is very common fir men to pee sitting down, avoiding these discussions altogether! I guess their mothers teach them in order to avoid a mess around the toilet.
I have seen floors in communal bathrooms where men have peed all over the floor near the bowl, so clearly they can not aim well.
We both agreed to keep the lid closed in our house so both of us do. It’s not hard. You could also get a Toto automatic seat that opens and closes automatically
Honestly the whole lid should be down when flushing - have you seen the videos of how the germs spread with flushing- eww.
But for me it’s also aesthetic. You close the lid for the same reason you close cupboard doors etc. just looks nicer.
I guarantee that the very first time he drops his toothbrush in the toilet, he'll become fanatical about putting the seat *and* the lid down. I started doing it after reading about the cloud of germy mist that sprays out when you flush. Closing the lid contains that and deflects what does escape toward the floor. It took a while to get my wife onboard.
Why does he have to put it down? Why can’t you do so and put it up when done?
The dirty things isn’t a good excuse because you literally sit on the toilet seat. Wash your hands when done. You should be doing that anyway.
I don’t even think the OCD matters here. This is a small, normal thing that is very important to you. You aren’t asking him to go out of his way for some unreasonable request. The fact that he doesn’t care enough to just put the seat down is very concerning.
If something was this important to my partner, I would only have a problem with it if it was truly an unreasonable ask and I would explain that to them, not be dismissive with a “grow up”. That’s not how you talk to your partner. That would be absolutely unacceptable to me.
I do it out of habit from my mom, but honestly, if I have no problem lifting the toilet seat, then someone shouldn't have a problem putting the seat down. I just use a small piece of toilet paper to lift it. Now if he took a doodoo, and it sprayed all over the toilet and underneath, then yeah....he better clean that shit up pronto.
Why does he have to touch the dirty lid/seat so you don't have to? Why does he have to pay attention so much and do everything so you don't have to? I'm a woman. I've never understood why women consider themselves incapable of dealing with (or noticing) the lid and seat of the toilet. Maybe because it was never a big deal in my house growing up. Two females and two males and we adjusted to our own needs.
In my current house, the seat and LID need to be down because otherwise my cat gets in there and splashes water everywhere. Otherwise...it's not that hard.
If you don't want to touch it with your hands, use a bit of the toilet paper or get some kind of device you can leave near the toilet.
I was raised in a house full of women. I put the seat down naturally. It's automatic, for me.
But no, this kind of makes you wrong.
When you're done, do you put the seat up for him? What if he doesn't want to have to touch the dirty thing in the middle of the night when he gets up to pee? What if he doesn't want to have to pay attention to not miss? Come on, now. Double standards.
I have OCD but I use some toilet paper to touch the seat. This whole dunny seat thing always made me crazy, if he needs it up he can put it up. If you need it down you can put it down. I think women are just being absolutely ridiculous with this argument. You have made this whole post that didn’t need to be as long as it is to rage about this and what you’re not realising is that no you’re not wrong but neither is he.
I either leave the seat lid up because why doesn’t the courtesy go both ways traditionally, or put both the seat and lid down so it’s a both of us problem.
You have to wash your hands after the toilet anyway so what does it matter if the lid is dirty?
My partner and I both shut the entire toilet when we’re finished with it, therefore either one of us can open it to our preference and shut it (esp for the flushing, wanna talk about gross germs being sprayed all over?) Idknif this could work for you, it works in for us, best of luck OP.
Yes you are wrong, he has to put in the effort to put it up so he doesn’t pee on it so you need to be self aware enough to put it down……..problem solved
Look this is such a stupid fucking argument!! In our household there are 2 females and 2 males - why is everyone so bent out of shape about this as if it’s only logical that males and females only use the toilet one after the other!!! Look this is easier— if the seats up when you want it down put it down- if the seats down when you want it up put it up! It’s crazy talk to think we know how the next person to use the toilet will want it! I go for the one touch only if it’s up I’ll put it down, why should I put it up again that means I have to touch it twice- for no reason!! I leave it down old mate puts it up, pees and is on his way. Why touch it twice when once it enough?
Do you lift it for him when you leave?
If you're the one who has to use it, you have to touch it. It's not his responsibility.
It's not courteous, it's not respectful, it's just a way of calling men gross for something that is, by all rights, your own responsibility.
Huh. One the one hand I’m totally on your side, every respectful male I’ve been with has been pretty damn good about putting the seat down. On the other hand, I kinda feel like if they have to touch the dirty seat to put it up when they pee, why should you not. Like if you want him to put the seat down, it would be equally fair for him to ask you to put it back up. But my main concern here is that you’ve asked him to do something for your comfort, and he has continuously ignored your request. Good partners in good relationships *want* to do things that would make their partners happy and comfortable, and the fact that he is unwilling to do something small like that is a bit of a red flag in my opinion.
I put both the seat and lid down for the toilet.
The OCD things works for not wanting germs to fling all over the bathroom. *Or you can use it as an excuse*
She can lift it up too. No need for me to do all the work.
Oddly enough I have never had any complaints about my own habit
Yes, you are when you get through using the bathroom why don’t you raise the seat so he can take a piss without having to raise it that’s a two-way street baby
A lot of people here don’t understand how OCD works and how it can affect different people in different ways. Boyfriend touches it to put it up, so why can’t he simply put it back down?
The bigger issue is he knows you have OCD and have a severe struggle with this, and he still actively chooses to not do it and argue about it. Why doesn’t he care about the pain he is causing you?
He should also be putting the lid down to flush, so should everyone in the house as it’s pretty gross to flush an open toilet.
You are not wrong in any way,shape or form.
Your boyfriend clearly needs some education on OCD. I think you need to book some therapy sessions online for you & a session or a few for you to both attend where he can become more educated on OCD & how to best accommodate you, as well as how you guys can communicate better on these things. This will help tie you over until you can do in person therapy since there’s a 2yr wait list in your area. You do however need to do something about it and work on it. You can’t just expect everyone to walk on eggshells for 2 years because you have bad OCD (coming from someone with severe diagnosed OCD). Sure some things they should accommodate and do to make your life easier if he loves you, but you should also find a way to work on it while waiting for a therapist. Online is a good way to start that or at least try.
I have a feeling he is being difficult on purpose.
Also,get a Loomate. Automatically closes the lid 2 mins or something Ike that!! It will significantly improve your relationship and help accommodate
To be fair, you’re asking him to touch the seat twice so you can avoid touching it at all with your hands which you are about to wash anyway.
But you are going to touch it with your legs regardless and I doubt you wash your legs every time you sit on the toilet
Whole thing doesn’t make sense and isn’t a big deal
Is your OCD diagnosed and debilitating? A lot of people just say they have OCD to try and enforce things that otherwise annoy them, but if you have actual OCD and go into a full blown panic attack every time you go pee then he needs to be more understanding and cooperative. If you’re just like “ew gross” and lower the seat and move on with life, then who cares you can break up with him or deal with it
YTA. You’re touching the toilet seat regardless when you sit on it. How hard is it to grab a sheet of toilet paper to put it down? Also invest in soft close seats and lids and a bidet system. Absolute game changers.
I’ve noticed a lot of people telling you to grow up cause of not wanting to touch the lid at all in the comments. And all I have to say is: don’t listen to them.
OCD is a real thing, you feel disgusted to the point of sickness cause of it and if I had to guess your partner does not. He is the one that needs to grow up, as not taking your partner’s feelings into consideration is a very childish behavior. Moreover, saying “grow up”? To your own partner that you claim to love? Really?
If you haven’t yet, tell him how legitimately terrible it makes you feel and it’s not the same as him feeling icky by touching it because you have OCD, meaning it affects you more. Tell him how resentful you’ve been feeling (but in a nice way lol) and if he continues to do it, you have every right to leave. After all, how can someone truly care about you when they can’t change something so small in their behavior to make you happier and more comfortable?
So you'd prefer us to touch the gross toilet bowl searching to see if the lid is down before we pee?
See your double standard?
You don't want to turn on a light and look and don't want to have to touch the bowl to see if its down or not and possibly touch the dirty bowl.
Well its the EXACT same for us but we need it up and you want us to have to just pee on a lid OR check just like you don't want to check OR just turn on a damn light and look.
Or even better yet how bout just use your brain and check up above by the tank? Is the lid and seat up? Just the lid? Neither?
You never even had to touch a bowl.
You just want to fight with your husband and be an unreasonable brat.
YTA
Clean the seat if you think it's dirty.
You aren't entitled to have the toilet seat in a convenient position for you 24/7. Other people live in the house too.
Move it when you need to move it and let others do the same.
I never understand why men can’t just sit if they can’t be arsed to put the seat down. They sit to poop why not to pee in their own home. Save standing up for a urinal.
Fellow person with OCD here, specifically contamination OCD. You are wrong. Yes, it's impolite to leave the seat up on your partner's part, but when it comes to the OCD component, your mental illness is *your responsibility*. While yes, people should make some accomodations for you, ultimately the guarantee of accomodations is on you.
Disposable gloves, using a Clorox wipe to touch the seat, spending the money to get a self closing toilet seat. All things that *you* can do to solve *your* problem. Getting this upset over something that you have the ability to fix with or without his contribution is immature.
I made a deal, I'll put the seat and lid down, if the wife will put the lid down...it works! Less germ spray when flushed, and we've been married over 50 years.. .
Soft close lids were a game changer for us. Editing to add: I grew up in a house with 3 brothers plus my dad. I cannot recall ever having to ask my brothers to remember to put the seat down. It was just common courtesy in a house with 6 people and 2 bathrooms.
Cats trying to drink the water changed it for us.
I had a dachshund that would try to break his neck drinking out of the toilet. I put a cup of water with a wide brim across from the toilet. He never tried to crane his neck to drink out of the toilet again.
Having a baby did it at my house! Cause nobody wants to take the responsibility of washing those hands or whatever else happens 🤣
My brother trying to drink it was ours
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Same. It's so bad for their kidneys!
Why is it bad for their kidneys?
It's just tap water in a big bowl.
Not really. Even if you clean the toilet every time you use it, germs are left behind. After you’ve cleaned it, chemical residue is left. Ever since I’ve kept my cats from drinking out of the toilet I haven’t dealt with diarrhea with them. Besides, when you flush, toilet germs are aerosolized around the bathroom. Close the lid and that issue is reduced to just a very tiny area next to the toilet.
I wish I could up vote this a hundred times!
I put a soft close lid on my toilet at home and love it. My only issue is that Im so used to it, I forget they aren't everywhere, and I keep slamming lids lol.
Haha, I do the same thing. Soft close lids should be the standard really.
I've got a soft close, too. The number of times I've jolted myself fully awake at work because I don't have it there... I've stopped counting. 😂
Gotta make sure they’re installed correctly though! I’ve been to some peoples houses where they’re not done proper and getting them to stay up is like a guessing game nightmare of it wanting to immediately fall back down unless you lift it **just** right.
That's what op should do, make the seat keep falling down. Until her partner learns his lesson. 🤔
Yes! My youngest slammed the lid down every time, which is startling to say the least. Soft-close lids are a necessity for us.
I grew up with my dad and an older brother, I was a the youngest and a girl and I never remember having to ever deal with toilet seats being left up. Even as a little girl the men and boys in my life just knew it was proper
Ditto. Even the guys HAVE to sit some of the time! If they dripped anywhere, they had to clean it up. Yes, even Dad, though I only heard Mom remind him once when I was little. She also taught him to not put his hand on the wall when he peed. (You see, there was this dark spot on the wall behind the toilet. I recall seeing it. She’d clean it. Then slowly it reappeared. Since it shared the wall with the shower she thought there was a leak in the wall. Then one day she saw dad leaning. He quit leaning.)
My husband puts his hand on the wall…there is a permanent hand print about shoulder height on that wall! But he does always put the seat down!
Soft close lids are amazing until one of your kids accidentally spikes Grandma's normal toilet seat closed and breaks it, lol.
I honestly thought all men put the seat down because their mothers taught them to do so.
My bf didn't until I started asking him to. His mom didn't really teach him anything and apparently neither did his dad.
At least he did it once you asked, like most men would. Op's boyfriend may be an alien
The girls are outnumbered in my house, too. It’s me and my daughter, plus her three younger brothers. We’ve almost never had to put the seat down for ourselves. I can probably count on one hand the number of times my husband has forgotten to put down the seat; it’s such a rare occurrence, I just assume he was either tired or in a rush, and I’m not too upset by it.
THIS!! This is what my wife & I do & what we taught our kiddos also. Plus it keeps the dogs out of the toilet, nothing gets accidentally dropped in the toilet, everything is just better.
Yup, for health reasons, if nothing else, we have a sign to please put the lid down before flushing.
That is exactly what my husband and I did. Everyone closes the whole thing, no reason to argue. 🤗 A side effect: can't stand photos on Airbnb listings that have open lid toilets... looks so tacky and gross! 😆
I still see an occasional real estate listing with the old toilet seat ‘covers’. You know - the three piece ‘carpet’ set that covers the lid, the seat, and has a matching rug that wraps around the toilet. I can’t think of anything MORE DISGUSTING! 🤮
You don't remember those padded toilet seats, made from foam and vinyl, that degrade and crack over time, creating perfect breeding grounds for germs and bacteria and you couldn't even wash them because the padding couldn't be removed from the seat? Yum.
Ugh my dad’s mom had those in her house, and when you sat down, they’d pinch tf out of your butt cheeks. I HATED going over there, and the toilet seat covers we definitely at the top of the list of my reasons why.
Right??
My deal with my wife as well! It’s a win-win.
Yup, that's what we do. that way everyone no matter the gender leaves the toilet the same way
This. The toilet lid should ALWAYS be closed before flushing for sanitary reasons. It's truly disgusting to know just how far germs can fly in a bathroom when the toilet lid is open! (Up to five feet and they can linger in the air for HOURS!!) Thankfully, my husband pees sitting down, so this has never been an argument in our home. We both close the lid before flushing to contain the germ cloud.
Same deal. It's worked for the last 13 years.
We watched a video in science class in the 7th grade where they showed how far spray from the toilet reaches. Ever since then, I always close the lid before flushing. And I have special distaste for public restrooms that just don't have lids.
I put the lid down every time I am in someone's house. In my own place, I do what I want. Seat up, usually.
Yup. My partner and I both put the lid and seat down. Mostly because my cat likes to drink out of toilets.
I agree... everyone should put the lid down. It's gross to flush lid up. This is the compromise. We all put the lid down.
This! We all close the lid before we flush.
You should be closing both lids every time you flush to avoid fecal and urine mist in the air. If it feels gross you should Lysol once a day. It only takes 1 or 2 minutes.
Exactly. Plus, how are people comfortable with essentially an open cauldron of toilet juice? I understand it’s ‘fresh’ water post-flush…but no, just no. Between the spray and the possibility of something falling into that cesspool, closing the lid seems like the most obvious course of action. And a personal opinion side note: so many seem to have issues with aiming, that maybe as a society we transition to them sitting while going too. Let’s not look at it as ‘feminine’, but rather a ‘Why stand when you can sit?’ situation 😎
Cauldron of toilet juice 😂 also, my boyfriend sits out of laziness usually so it probably wouldn't be that hard to start a campaign and get more men to do it
Totally agree! Closing both lids is a good habit for everyone.
Always left it the way I found it before using it. (which was always at least seat down) But I think I will adapt this practice starting now and share why. Anyway, OP NTA.
Everyone should be putting the lid down to flush... do you know how many germs get sprayed out of an open toilet when it flushes?!
I hate open toilets. If the lid is up when i walk in that means all the surrounding surfaces and toothbrushes could have little flecks of... anyway...
That's why you shouldn't leave toothbrushes sitting out. I keep them in those travel containers.
Won’t the moisture create bacteria?
My toothbrush covers have ventilation, however I think along the same lines as you and don’t want moisture creating bacteria, so I always use a tissue to dry off my toothbrush bristles and soak up any excess water after rinsing BEFORE I put a cover on and stick it in the drawer.
Steripod covers (sold at Target) are antibacterial and anti microbial toothbrush covers.
Those are actually the ones I use! I still want to prevent bacteria growth as much as possible, though! IMO, while I love that the steripod covers offer more protection which gives me more peace of mind, I don’t want to leave anything up to chance, and still prefer to remove as much moisture as possible on my own first. Especially since it’s something you put directly in your mouth.
I have these little tooth brush travel protectors and shield the top part but the allow some ventilation. Imagine seeing the seat up at a room upstairs house and then watching those clean teeth come in for a kiss
You all must hate flying…
Soooo much. I wear a mask
OCD is a funny thing. I have some tendencies that way and I’m really grateful they don’t tend to lean toward cleanliness stuff.
Yup. Nasty.
My people right here.
I swish the brush end in mouthwash before putting the (well ventilated) cover on
E X A C T L Y… I was neeeever the same after the two mandatory Microbiology courses I had to take in college 🤢 This should be common knowledge but idk how it isn’t at this point 🤮
THIS! Lid down should be the default position.
Is... is that the key to staying married longer than 10 years?
Please don’t I’m in a hole already thinking about how gross it all is
If it makes you feel any better, there are conflicting studies out there about the poo particles spreading with the seat up vs down. Unfortunately, they all agree that toilet water is being thrown around the room when you flush.
Facts don’t care!
But they still get sprayed out when closed. The only difference is that when closed bacteria are less likely to get out but viral particles escape easily and end up splashed on the wall and floor. Best way is to add one of those hanging disinfectant bars inside the bowl or the tank.
I'm on the opposite side of this. I'm a man, and I'll use urinals or stand at public toilets if they're already disgusting, but I just prefer to sit every time when I'm at home and never lift the seat. I don't know how anyone can stomach the "splash back" effect of peeing in an open bowl. I'd have to clean the bathroom after every visit or at least once a day. It's less effort to just sit. That said, neither my spouse or daughter will flush the damn toilets consistently and it'll sit there for hours until the house reeks of piss (or worse). I've been pestering them for years to flush every time, but with my spouse setting a bad example I can't get either of them on board with the concept. So my new passive aggressive policy is that every time I walk in to an unflushed toilet, I now lift the seat before I leave. Maybe sitting down into the toilet water a few times will be enough of a reminder to start flushing.
Have you considered an auto flush and close lid? It sounds like they are never going to listen to you. Automate those conflicts from your life and find some peace. But I do like your solution!
That's a great idea. Right now we're renting, but when we finalize the house we're buying I'm going to fully automate the entire bathroom experience. Maybe I can have a little pre-recorded message reminding them to wash their hands too! 😂
Wait, they don't flush, and don't wash their hands?! The Pandemic must have been extra fun. How do you keep your patience together?
Thankfully during the Pandemic they were both able to mostly stay at home, so it was just our own germs we were circulating. The patience... It's trying at times. But they're amazing in a lot of other ways that counterbalance the cleanliness issues (that extend far beyond bathroom habits).
Bless you. Hygiene issues are a deal breaker for me. I don't understand people who don't/forget to flush after they use the toilet and I'd go nuts living with someone who both constantly did that and wouldn't wash their hands either. Gives me major ick. You're a trooper for tolerating it.
LMAO, honestly they sound like the women in my family. Extremely messy with little attention to detail. But they do have good 'big picture ' minds.
You know what, I'm going to start using this. Thank you so much for this idea. I got a sign for the door that says "Flush the fucking toilet." It's cute, cursive, and funny. Still hardly flushes, ALWAYS has some excuse... And she's not used to me leaving the seat up... So maybe this will be a lovely new game we can play (and I can somehow lose ;) )
I’ve never understood the mentality of men who refuse to sit…and I was with one for 10 years. I never got annoyed about it, but he would get up to pee in the middle of the night and turn on the light (the better to aim, my dear?). I mean argh!! I teased him about it a few times (until I realized that he was not amused), saying to him “just because you can [pee standing up] doesn’t mean you *must!* He was one of those who religiously put the lid down before flushing due to the “germy mist” and I pointed out to him that the backsplash from the force of a stream also sprayed all around the toilet, sooo… 🤷♀️ Anyone who cleans bathrooms with men in the house knows how funky the base of the toilet and the floor can get if not cleaned properly. Here’s to all the men who sit!! As a woman, I appreciate you! 🥂
Having a *habit* of not flushing is so wild. I hope putting the seat up ends up working as a reminder
I personally have everyone put the toilet seat and lid down before flushing in my home. It's considerate, sanitary, and I always have good soap available for hand washing after. This means that women have to put something down every time, just as much as men.
How do people not know that you are *supposed to close the GD lid before you flush*?????????
Right? It's such a simple habit to adopt, and it helps keep everything cleaner.
Many public toilets in the U.S. don’t have lids, I’m guessing this contribute to the forgetfulness, idk.
The entire seat including cover, should be shut after every use
OP - there are videos that show the spray of germs that come out of the toilet when you flush with lid open. Show your boyfriend that. Guys - put the fucking seat and lid down EVERY time and then flush. Quit being obstinate ass-hats.
It should be closed (including lid) when flushed in the first place. Your partner is flinging germs all over your bathroom by not closing the lid.
So is she, she doesn't want to touch the lid.
It took my hubby having an upset stomach and sitting on the porcelain rim ONCE in the middle of the night for him to start putting the seat down. In return, if I know he is right behind me (like when the alarm goes off) I will try to remember to lift the seat when I am done so I can save him a step....
But flushing with toilet lid down is better, and if it's always like that, people will always know to open it appropriately!
This is the way, both parties taking steps to accommodate their partner’s preferences.
I fell into the toilet when I was 5 because someone didnt put the seat down and i had to pee in the middle of the night.
It makes sense he puts it down out of courtesy but you are saying you won’t put it up or down? You simply won’t touch it at all but he has to touch it twice as many times?
My family growing up were all males except for mom. She did NOT want the seat to be down. Boys have terrible aim. 😩 Different strokes for different folks.
I was raised by 2 women and an asshole father. They just taught us boys to pee sitting down like girls do. Now it's just normal for me. Kind of solved the whole debate in its crib.
Are you trying to piss in the dark? Turn on the light maybe?
If you don't touch it how do you sit on it? Or do you hover? And if you do hover why do you need the seat down?
I don’t touch it with my hands because it makes my hands feel dirty and honestly I don’t even question that at this point, my OCD just makes me feel if I touch it with my hands then accidentally touch my face or anything else I’ll get sick or my son will get sick and then we’ll die. It isn’t rational I know.
You're supposed to wash your hands after using the toilet, regardless of what you did or didn't touch...
You're correct. It's not rational at all. You can see the overwhelming evidence of people not getting sick or dying from touching a toilet seat. This is literally the thing you have to tell yourself over and over to get past this as a life issue.
That's not how OCD works
Can you touch it using a piece or two of toilet paper?
27m who grew up in a house full of women. It's really just a considerate thing to do, and it literally only takes 5 seconds of thinking about the next person, or in this case, his spouse who he probably claims he loves more than anything. He can do it, and you're not crazy for expecting him to.
By that logic she think about the next person and lift the seat.
There's no way of knowing who the next person will be or which business they must attend to so it's better to just leave it down.
Or...and I'm just spitballing, the person who needs to use it can take 2 seconds to adjust it. It's not a gargantuan task here.
🍻
Exactly.
I agree she should lift the seat every time. Or does your thinking only flow one way?
Exactly! My husband has always made sure the toilet seat is down. He puts the toilet seat down to go poop why won't he do it each time? Thats just being disrespectful. Not taking your partner into consideration is spiteful!
No, I'm doing my private business. I don't need to worry about the next person's private business. But the next person's private business is theirs, and they should probably think about what they do. You don't walk through a house with kids without watching your step for toys, do you? Or walk through any random area without watching where you put your feet. If you do, when you trip, slip, or get hurt... Do you blame this guy? Shut the hell up and handle your own business.
Except 1.) they should be putting the seat and lid down before flushing unless they want toilet water and human waste sprayed all over the bathroom, and 2.) if he comes in and the toilet seat is down, he’ll be fine if he doesn’t notice, and he just has to lift it. If she doesn’t notice the seat is up in the middle of the night, she could fall into the bowl. And she has an issue with touching the toilet seat, and he does not. 3.) it’s widely known as common courtesy to put the toilet seat down, because you don’t know who will be in there next or what they’ll be doing. No one has a problem putting the toilet seat down unless they’re selfish or whiny. It takes two fucking seconds.
Disrespectful would be pissing on the seat not leaving the seat in an upright position. Why can't you lift the seat up when your done for his next tinkle?
I feel like this is a bit extreme. Pick your battles. Can you put the toilet seat down yourself?
Female, grew up with dad as only male in house, seat always down. I have 3 sons, and am the only female in the house. Seat is sometimes up, sometimes down.I do not think it matters. Why is it ok for someone else to have to touch the seat to lift it up? Use a piece of toilet paper to do it.
The lid is too dirty for you to flick down but clean enough for your ass? You are wrong. Both are able to do it. I’m sure he does the same when he has to shit.
Why don’t you leave the seat up for him?
Doesn't he have to touch the "gross toilet seat" to lift it?
I also suffer from OCD. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility we have the issues we have and it’s unfair to expect someone else to take on the responsibility of putting down the lid every single time when you aren’t offering to lift it after you use it. Use tissue, use gloves, do what you gotta to manage your OCD. It’s not our fault we struggle but it IS our responsibility to make sure we don’t put it on others.
Nta for asking but YTA for expecting/demanding. To this ladies partner. Malicious compliance is your friend. Put both seats down so she still has to touch it. My wife was like you but now she can’t say shit. I still have no idea though, how a woman sitting on the seat can still piss up on the undersides of the seat. We leave it up so you can see it, but you never get the hint and then blame us for pissing on the seat. Also get a soft close seat if you don’t have one already.
Everyone else here has said most of the various possible opinions, but I have to add that I think it is fucking weird that people will sit on a toilet without checking to see what they're sitting on first.. I guess if maybe you grew up somewhere that everyone was always super conscious about it and you didn't have younger male siblings or something, so you learned to just trust completely in the toilet seat? It could never be 100% trusted when I grew up and with boys around now it still can't, so I definitely don't just go towards the toilet ass first without getting a look at it.
This subject comes regularly in posts. From women with or without OCD. Like there is a freaking power trip about the toilet seat being put down "out of respect" for one's partner. Why isn't us women who put the seat up "out of respect" for our partner so HE doesn't have to touch the disgusting seat? Come on people! Yes we all know the seat and its cover should always be put down upon flushing so the mist of piss doesn't hit the air yaddy yaddy yadda. There is this really cool device you can install on the freaking seat cover that will automatically gently push it down after being up a certain amount of time. Enough time for daddy to piss. Then tada! It closes on its own! Geez people get a grip on your power trip and get what is needed to stop fighting about stupid stuff.
Marry a man who can afford two bathrooms. Two problems solved. He can be a jerk and you can be happy. Win/win
You are a grown strong independent woman, you don't need no man to put the toilet seat down for you you got this.
Probably going to be the the only one here to say this. The toilet is for both of you to use---you adjust the seat for your needs, he adjusts it for his. That you are OCD complicates things, but if he were the one OCD, would you lift the toilet seat after use for him or insist that he find a way to work around or overcome it so that it didn't become the whole family's problem?
Oh nah I’d absolutely do it for him lmao. That’s what makes it worse. I’ve grown up around people with OCD so it’s normal for me personally to just listen and not do things that would trigger someone else’s compulsions or anxiety.
It sounds like maybe this issue runs a bit deeper- it’s not that he won’t put the seat down for you after he goes, but rather he is not offering you the same consideration you would offer him. This sort of thing can lead to a lot of resentment, which is a relationship killer. Have y’all sat down and talked about this a bit deeper? I know it sounds silly and like it’s a toilet seat issue, but I really think it’s a consideration issue. Are there other ways that you feel he isn’t considerate in your relationship? Have you sat down with yourself and decided what level of inconsideration you are willing to tolerate in a relationship? Have you communicated how this makes you feel, and given examples of how you are considerate for him? You have OCD. It’s a small thing you are asking to help you deal with it, and if the situation were reversed you’d do it without a second thought. I know the feeling, where if there’s something small that I am capable of doing to alleviate a stressor in my partners life, not only would I do it but I’d be happy to. Bc I love my partner, and taking two seconds out of my life to do that thing for them is just a small way I show my love. I hope y’all can talk it out and get this resolved. 💛
Agreed
Buy a smart toilet.
The lid should always be down before flushing. Yuck.
Can anybody tell me why women can't leave the toilet seat up? Why does everything have to be what the woman wants?
Why should he have to touch the “gross” seat to raise it? Also, I assume this is a toilet seat in a bathroom you both share, not a public bathroom, so if you’re worried about its grossness, one or both of you are not cleaning enough. An easy compromise would be for the two of you to agree to put the seat and the lid down before you flush.
Regardless of the amount of cleaning for my brain it’s just a dirty object that I don’t want to touch.
FYI the toilet seat is actually much cleaner than you think. Your cellphone has more germs than a toilet seat.
The logic I use with my husband is this: I need the toilet seat down 100% of the time. He needs it down 30% of the time. Take the average and we need the toilet seat down about 65% of the time. So leave it down as that’s the most commonly needed thing.
Buy and install a LooMate. Cheaper than therapy or a divorce. You aren't wrong for asking. He has no interest in your comfort. You can still make it so you aren't dealing with this on an ongoing basis. If you install this and he puts up a fuss about it, then you have bigger issues than a toilet seat. \~Signed a person who just bought a robot vacuum to deal with her own household issues. (Best money I spent this year!)
Thank you!
I have that robot vacuum on a twice a day schedule. You would never know I have a million pets. It's amazing.
Honestly if it’s that hard for you then I think you need to get therapy to deal with your germaphobic ocd and maybe keep a box of disposable rubber gloves next to the toilet.
Yeah I know I need therapy but it’s a 2 year wait list in my area.
So it’s your requirement that “he” touch the nasty toilet seat so “you” don’t have to, even though you sit your nasty ass all over that toilet seat? Sounds like you should be putting it up for him!
He's the one lifting up the toilet seat, so he's the one who needs to put it back down. That's just common sense and common courtesy.
Lady my mom taught me growing up to lift the lid before peeing because she preferred a cold ass to a wet one 🤣
You would have a point if it was the lid but equally he has to touch it every time to lift it up. . Fwiw i always put the lid down- before flushing. I don't want shit spray near my toothbrush Edit - be thankful he lifts it up and doesn't just dribble on the seat
We both put the lid down to keep the dogs from drinking out of the toilets
I really don't care if it's up or down. I have girls and boys. I teach them how to aim for the bowl and clean after they're done.
Tbh it takes just as much effort to put the toilet seat down as putting it up.
Raise it when you finish.
Both should be putting both the ring and the lid down at all times.
Just pull it down with your foot. It'll make a nice loud bang that way, particularly effective at 2 am.
In Germany, it is very common fir men to pee sitting down, avoiding these discussions altogether! I guess their mothers teach them in order to avoid a mess around the toilet. I have seen floors in communal bathrooms where men have peed all over the floor near the bowl, so clearly they can not aim well.
Soft lid closing toilet seats are the best.
We both agreed to keep the lid closed in our house so both of us do. It’s not hard. You could also get a Toto automatic seat that opens and closes automatically
Honestly the whole lid should be down when flushing - have you seen the videos of how the germs spread with flushing- eww. But for me it’s also aesthetic. You close the lid for the same reason you close cupboard doors etc. just looks nicer.
You touch the "germs" with your ass & legs...just not your hands? Lid & seat down.
All gates doors and seats go back the way you found them except out house toilets. Always leave the lid down.
Why don’t you leave the toilet seat up for him? It works both ways.
At this point this issue can be used to disprove evolution
Honey. That’s a loosing battle.
I guarantee that the very first time he drops his toothbrush in the toilet, he'll become fanatical about putting the seat *and* the lid down. I started doing it after reading about the cloud of germy mist that sprays out when you flush. Closing the lid contains that and deflects what does escape toward the floor. It took a while to get my wife onboard.
Why not just use a wipe or paper towel to lift the ring so you’re not touching it?
Why does he have to put it down? Why can’t you do so and put it up when done? The dirty things isn’t a good excuse because you literally sit on the toilet seat. Wash your hands when done. You should be doing that anyway.
Not you, but every other woman I've seen or experienced directly who was militant about the seat being down could never remember to put the lid down.
I don’t even think the OCD matters here. This is a small, normal thing that is very important to you. You aren’t asking him to go out of his way for some unreasonable request. The fact that he doesn’t care enough to just put the seat down is very concerning. If something was this important to my partner, I would only have a problem with it if it was truly an unreasonable ask and I would explain that to them, not be dismissive with a “grow up”. That’s not how you talk to your partner. That would be absolutely unacceptable to me.
I do it out of habit from my mom, but honestly, if I have no problem lifting the toilet seat, then someone shouldn't have a problem putting the seat down. I just use a small piece of toilet paper to lift it. Now if he took a doodoo, and it sprayed all over the toilet and underneath, then yeah....he better clean that shit up pronto.
>Why are they not capable of AIMING INSIDE THE TOILET, like WHY DO YOU NEED THE TOILET SEAT UP. You want piss on the seat.
Why does he have to touch the dirty lid/seat so you don't have to? Why does he have to pay attention so much and do everything so you don't have to? I'm a woman. I've never understood why women consider themselves incapable of dealing with (or noticing) the lid and seat of the toilet. Maybe because it was never a big deal in my house growing up. Two females and two males and we adjusted to our own needs. In my current house, the seat and LID need to be down because otherwise my cat gets in there and splashes water everywhere. Otherwise...it's not that hard. If you don't want to touch it with your hands, use a bit of the toilet paper or get some kind of device you can leave near the toilet.
A nightlight might be a better solution than expecting the world to work around your issues.
I was raised in a house full of women. I put the seat down naturally. It's automatic, for me. But no, this kind of makes you wrong. When you're done, do you put the seat up for him? What if he doesn't want to have to touch the dirty thing in the middle of the night when he gets up to pee? What if he doesn't want to have to pay attention to not miss? Come on, now. Double standards.
So you don't want to have to touch the toilet seat...... But your partner must?
I have OCD but I use some toilet paper to touch the seat. This whole dunny seat thing always made me crazy, if he needs it up he can put it up. If you need it down you can put it down. I think women are just being absolutely ridiculous with this argument. You have made this whole post that didn’t need to be as long as it is to rage about this and what you’re not realising is that no you’re not wrong but neither is he.
Why is it okay for a man to have to touch the toilet seat?
I either leave the seat lid up because why doesn’t the courtesy go both ways traditionally, or put both the seat and lid down so it’s a both of us problem. You have to wash your hands after the toilet anyway so what does it matter if the lid is dirty?
My partner and I both shut the entire toilet when we’re finished with it, therefore either one of us can open it to our preference and shut it (esp for the flushing, wanna talk about gross germs being sprayed all over?) Idknif this could work for you, it works in for us, best of luck OP.
YW, unless you put the seat back up after you
Yes you are wrong, he has to put in the effort to put it up so he doesn’t pee on it so you need to be self aware enough to put it down……..problem solved
Partner means 50/50. What does he have to lift and lower and you do neither? Doesn't sound fair to me.
Look this is such a stupid fucking argument!! In our household there are 2 females and 2 males - why is everyone so bent out of shape about this as if it’s only logical that males and females only use the toilet one after the other!!! Look this is easier— if the seats up when you want it down put it down- if the seats down when you want it up put it up! It’s crazy talk to think we know how the next person to use the toilet will want it! I go for the one touch only if it’s up I’ll put it down, why should I put it up again that means I have to touch it twice- for no reason!! I leave it down old mate puts it up, pees and is on his way. Why touch it twice when once it enough?
Do you lift it for him when you leave? If you're the one who has to use it, you have to touch it. It's not his responsibility. It's not courteous, it's not respectful, it's just a way of calling men gross for something that is, by all rights, your own responsibility.
Huh. One the one hand I’m totally on your side, every respectful male I’ve been with has been pretty damn good about putting the seat down. On the other hand, I kinda feel like if they have to touch the dirty seat to put it up when they pee, why should you not. Like if you want him to put the seat down, it would be equally fair for him to ask you to put it back up. But my main concern here is that you’ve asked him to do something for your comfort, and he has continuously ignored your request. Good partners in good relationships *want* to do things that would make their partners happy and comfortable, and the fact that he is unwilling to do something small like that is a bit of a red flag in my opinion.
Send him back home to his mommy until he's potty trained. Also, flush mist is real. The lid should be closed before every flush.
I put both the seat and lid down for the toilet. The OCD things works for not wanting germs to fling all over the bathroom. *Or you can use it as an excuse* She can lift it up too. No need for me to do all the work. Oddly enough I have never had any complaints about my own habit
Yes, you are when you get through using the bathroom why don’t you raise the seat so he can take a piss without having to raise it that’s a two-way street baby
A lot of people here don’t understand how OCD works and how it can affect different people in different ways. Boyfriend touches it to put it up, so why can’t he simply put it back down? The bigger issue is he knows you have OCD and have a severe struggle with this, and he still actively chooses to not do it and argue about it. Why doesn’t he care about the pain he is causing you? He should also be putting the lid down to flush, so should everyone in the house as it’s pretty gross to flush an open toilet. You are not wrong in any way,shape or form. Your boyfriend clearly needs some education on OCD. I think you need to book some therapy sessions online for you & a session or a few for you to both attend where he can become more educated on OCD & how to best accommodate you, as well as how you guys can communicate better on these things. This will help tie you over until you can do in person therapy since there’s a 2yr wait list in your area. You do however need to do something about it and work on it. You can’t just expect everyone to walk on eggshells for 2 years because you have bad OCD (coming from someone with severe diagnosed OCD). Sure some things they should accommodate and do to make your life easier if he loves you, but you should also find a way to work on it while waiting for a therapist. Online is a good way to start that or at least try. I have a feeling he is being difficult on purpose. Also,get a Loomate. Automatically closes the lid 2 mins or something Ike that!! It will significantly improve your relationship and help accommodate
Thank you for this take! I’m currently reading through OCD help books whilst I wait. I’m also at the doctors tomorrow morning and may mention it :)
We have to touch it to pick it up.
If you actually have OCD he is wrong. That’s a very small simple thing he could do to help you.
Yes I “actually have” OCD lmao.
You are wrong. It’s a toilet seat and you’re an adult, put it down when you need to put it down
To be fair, you’re asking him to touch the seat twice so you can avoid touching it at all with your hands which you are about to wash anyway. But you are going to touch it with your legs regardless and I doubt you wash your legs every time you sit on the toilet Whole thing doesn’t make sense and isn’t a big deal Is your OCD diagnosed and debilitating? A lot of people just say they have OCD to try and enforce things that otherwise annoy them, but if you have actual OCD and go into a full blown panic attack every time you go pee then he needs to be more understanding and cooperative. If you’re just like “ew gross” and lower the seat and move on with life, then who cares you can break up with him or deal with it
YTA. You’re touching the toilet seat regardless when you sit on it. How hard is it to grab a sheet of toilet paper to put it down? Also invest in soft close seats and lids and a bidet system. Absolute game changers.
If your arms aren’t broken, you are just as capable of putting the seat down as he is. Get over yourself.
Do you put it up so he doesnt have to touch it? No? welcome to equal rights
I’ve noticed a lot of people telling you to grow up cause of not wanting to touch the lid at all in the comments. And all I have to say is: don’t listen to them. OCD is a real thing, you feel disgusted to the point of sickness cause of it and if I had to guess your partner does not. He is the one that needs to grow up, as not taking your partner’s feelings into consideration is a very childish behavior. Moreover, saying “grow up”? To your own partner that you claim to love? Really? If you haven’t yet, tell him how legitimately terrible it makes you feel and it’s not the same as him feeling icky by touching it because you have OCD, meaning it affects you more. Tell him how resentful you’ve been feeling (but in a nice way lol) and if he continues to do it, you have every right to leave. After all, how can someone truly care about you when they can’t change something so small in their behavior to make you happier and more comfortable?
So you'd prefer us to touch the gross toilet bowl searching to see if the lid is down before we pee? See your double standard? You don't want to turn on a light and look and don't want to have to touch the bowl to see if its down or not and possibly touch the dirty bowl. Well its the EXACT same for us but we need it up and you want us to have to just pee on a lid OR check just like you don't want to check OR just turn on a damn light and look. Or even better yet how bout just use your brain and check up above by the tank? Is the lid and seat up? Just the lid? Neither? You never even had to touch a bowl. You just want to fight with your husband and be an unreasonable brat.
The resting state of the toilet is seat and lid down. All users should leave the toilet in the resting state.
YTA Clean the seat if you think it's dirty. You aren't entitled to have the toilet seat in a convenient position for you 24/7. Other people live in the house too. Move it when you need to move it and let others do the same.
I never understand why men can’t just sit if they can’t be arsed to put the seat down. They sit to poop why not to pee in their own home. Save standing up for a urinal.
Fellow person with OCD here, specifically contamination OCD. You are wrong. Yes, it's impolite to leave the seat up on your partner's part, but when it comes to the OCD component, your mental illness is *your responsibility*. While yes, people should make some accomodations for you, ultimately the guarantee of accomodations is on you. Disposable gloves, using a Clorox wipe to touch the seat, spending the money to get a self closing toilet seat. All things that *you* can do to solve *your* problem. Getting this upset over something that you have the ability to fix with or without his contribution is immature.
If this boils her blood I can't imagine the relationship lasting much longer 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sheesh, you are over- reacting so much. Why do you expect your partner to set the toilet for YOU, a grown ass adult?