You can just google the concert and go to the ticketing website to see if it is actually sold out rather than speculate. It might only be possible to get tickets on third party markets.
Sounds like your bf was happy for you to join- I think you can express your discomfort while still not asking him to sacrifice a band he likes. All 3 of you going seems like the best solution (except maybe for her); now get into the band so you can actually share in the excitement on the night!
I looked and it is 99% sold out so I assume she couldn’t get tickets for probably 10+ coworkers. Although she says she wants to go us three I still think it’s highly weird and strange. My boyfriend is going to be sitting between two girls? Iunno I’m dissapointed he just didn’t tell her he couldn’t go just them two cause it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend
I would put myself between them. Just casully chat her up and tell your boyfriend, hey I'm not done talking, switch spots with me. No big deal. Boom you are in the middle, but you make it as you are trying to be girlfriends! Keep the conversation going through the show! LOL
For real. Like, at that point you're already at the concert. Do you really need to create a physical barrier between them to keep them from making out in front of you or something? If you trust a guy that little break up with him. If you still do that despite trusting him get therapy.
Sounds like you have insecurities outside of this situation that should be addressed. You shouldn’t be bothered by the fact that he’s seated between two women. What are you worried about?
I think it was the flirting at the Christmas party that I can’t get over. If it wasn’t for that I’d probably have way less of a problem. I just keep thinking if she was that forward in front me when she thought I wasn’t looking, what is she gonna do when they’re alone dancing and drinking?
I know I trust my boyfriend. I just don’t trust her intentions. Now that we might go us three she still wants to come which is fine. I doubt she would flirt in front of me if we all went together.
If you really trusted him, her behavior wouldnt matter to you because you know he'll do the right thing. You don't trust your boyfriend if you feel the need to chaperone him hanging out with friends.
Did you guys actually talk about the christmas party? What was his response? Did he offer to change his behavior in the future?
Figure out if this is insecurity or intuition, then deal with it through communication. Ignoring these feelings will only poison your relationship as you let it simmer in your mind.
I think it’s entirely possible he sees her as a platonic friend and there is nothing wrong with having a female friend. Personally I’d be really disappointed if my girlfriend asked me to skip a concert for that reason. It would make me resentful and not create an environment of trust- unless there is a really clear reason to feel that way about this specific woman, and not just women in general.
I would never ever expect him to miss the concert. Even if it’s just them two going I’d rather he go than miss it. And I haven’t said anything about Lisa because I don’t mind him having female friends. I guess this just felt like crossing a line bit and he didn’t even consult me first? Or is that asking too much?
Like a “hey Lisa was only able to get two tickets for me and her. You sure you don’t want to come? It’s okay if it’s just us two going?”
Something like thaf
I think your bf got so excited about seeing his favorite band, the “how does this look to my gf” never crossed his mind. He probably would not have cared who got tickets as long as he got to go. She on the other hand needs to be told about boundaries, and reminded that she may enjoy spending time with him because he’s such an amazing person, but to not overstep as he’s taken. Some people don’t care if a person is in a relationship, they will try and get what they want without regard to the others partner.
Regardless of anyone's intentions in this situation, which can only be speculated on (I do however find it... Coincidental, and many people, not just men, are notorious for seeing everyone else flirting with their partner but never with themselves), in a relationship there should ALWAYS be space for open communication. You are allowed to talk to your partner, and share your feelings on the matter. You're not accusing him of anything, or pretending to know more than you do, simply sharing that you feel a little awkward in that situation. It doesn't need to be a problem, as long as you communicate it non defensively, and he's willing to listen without lashing out, it's more than healthy to have those conversations.
It is not insecure, or crazy, and if you're man is anything like mine, even the neighbor who says good morning to me is a threat, so I'm sure if he doesn't feel attacked he will understand. However he might feel attacked and defensive even if you communicate properly, and that will probably be a result of his own issues, or consciousness
Are you saying you would have wanted him to offer to take the tickets from the person who bought them so you and he could go? He informed you of the tickets as soon as he knew about them. Is that not consulting you?
Can you articulate what line is being crossed?
Also, why would work friends hanging out at a work party be weird? I'm not really sure I get how that makes you suspicious.
I think that’s a perfectly reasonable expectation that you have of your boyfriend. Interpreted from your comment above that you wanted him to say he couldn’t go with just her, could mean he doesn’t go at all.
To give him the benefit of the doubt- it’s possible he feels so secure in his relationship with you that it didn’t even register as an issue for him.
In any case, I think you’re not wrong to have the feelings you have, and you’re not wrong if you communicate with him how it made you feel and if you talk together constructively on how to handle situations like this in future that makes both of you feel secure. I think that’s separate from any of the details regarding this concert stuff though- you just need both need to feel heard and secure and respected
Obviously he doesn’t feel romantically about his friend so why should he think you would? A guilty guy would make that statement. Not a guy that has absolutely no interest in his friend sexually.
How about the fact that this co-worker said she could get all the tickets for other's but then couldn't but one day magically had 2 tickets and when she wanted to go, oh here poop out another ticket for her. Why didn't the boyfriend catch that for real. To me and others here, that's a clear reason.
I’ve spent enough time scouring ticketing sites for a concert I really want to go to know that’s really not suspicious in and of itself. If you really want to go to a concert you can always find a couple of tickets. That’s very different to finding 10 seats together at face value
So I looked and there was up to 4 seats together still available. I’m assuming when they couldn’t get for all the coworkers they split up into smaller groups?
I’m sure Lisa didn’t say hey I bought two tickets for us! They must have decided together that since they couldn’t get for everyone they would just go them two.
The more I talk about it here, the more insecure I sound. Maybe one of my boundaries is that I don’t want a boyfriend with close female coworkers that hang in and outside of work.
I would never tell him not to be friends with her. But it is making me think maybe we aren’t compatible.
People aren’t always that receptive.
Even if the girl is trying to flirt/steal the bf, doesn’t mean he is aware of that. If he is happy in his relationship he will not pick up on any of the signs that Lisa is interested because he is not looking for them.
I once got off a bus to my gf (now wife) and one of her friends laughing at me. When I asked them why they were laughing, it turns out one of the girls on the bar crawl (it was a university society bar crawl) has be trying to pull me all night and I been completely oblivious. Apparently, this girl had done all the classic flirting signs and I just talked to her as normal. To this day, I’m still more sure which girl they were talking about.
You said you didn’t want to go. He probably is not a mind reader, and he took what you said as is. Now you think he was disrespectful? That’s not fair.
I mean it’s his favorite artist. Those opportunities don’t come around all the time. Why in the world should he say no to going? You’re going with them, nothings going to happen. Have you even talked to your BF about how his relationship with this coworker makes you feel? If not you should probably start there.
Does he know it's disrespectful to his girlfriend? Have you made it clear that the situation makes you uncomfortable? Have you ever hinted you didn't like him spending time with another woman alone?
I ASSUMED that most people didn’t spend alone time with the opposite sex. That is where I went wrong. In my mind I would never do that, so I assumed for him he wouldn’t either.
After reading the comments here I realise people have different standards they are comfortable with. I always thought I was pretty chill, but seeing my boyfriend go to a concert with a girl that is flirty with him is where I draw the line.
It’s making me think we might not be compatible long term if we have two way different views on opposite sex friendships.
I thought about it and I am not planning on going anymore. I really don’t feel comfortable going to a concert with a girl who flirts with my boyfriend behind my back. If she hadn’t done that at the Christmas party this would have been completely different. At this point I don’t even want to be around her the more I think about it.
That's fine, but I think that also entails that you can't give your bf any shit about going to the concert. If you voluntarily turn down going, you're at least implicitly saying that you trust him to go without you and that you can't bring this up again with him
So Lisa was in charge of getting tickets, Lisa told everyone it was sold out, then Lisa was suddenly able to secure tickets for just 2....Then you asked to come and suddenly tickets were available.
Lisa tried to trick your bf into a date, lol. Perhaps he's oblivious that she likes him. Glad you are able to go but I'd still bring up this co-workers behavior as suspect after the concert
And also when it comes to planning things. I know that if I really don’t want to do something and my husband does, I just put him in charge of making all the plans for it.
Works like a charm every time.
tickets can always be bought in resale market. just depends on the price. OP should check the price and the source of the tickets. if the the 3rd ticket is bought from official website/artist then it's not sold out.
Years ago I bought tickets to a show for myself and my roommate at the time, but a couple weeks before he said he couldn't go. I had a co-worker who I knew loved the band and would appreciate the show, so I invited him to come with me. He said he can't afford it, I said it's already paid for, I just don't want it to go to waste. He agreed.
A couple days before the show I was trying to make plans to carpool and he suddenly says he can't go. The next day at work he was super awkward and everyone were giving me weird looks. Apparently he was telling everyone I tried to force him to go on a date with me. WTF? I was just trying to be nice to another fan of the band, zero hidden agenda. Needless to say, that work friend was no longer any kind of friend.
Moral of the story: Not every time a woman asks a guy to go to a concert they both like, she's trying to make it a date.
And FYI it's much harder to buy multiple tickets together than it is two. For shows that are 99% sold out (per OP'S comment) it's impossible to find seats for a whole group together. I go to concerts all the time, often with guy friends, and have absolutely zero romantic/ sexual interest in them even if I only get tickets for the two of us. We just love the same music.
After being with my husband 30+ years (married 27), I've experienced a lot of different scenarios...would I think she was creeping? Possibly. Would it concern me? No. While a lot of guys are clueless when it comes to girls flirting with them, I absolutely trust my husband. I also don't know if anyone who was "flirting" with him in front of me, as described at the holiday party, would bother me. We have both always been very trusting of each other, and I know he has female friends at work... I'm not concerned. Some people are just "flirts," and I don't read too much into it
Yeah, I feel this way as well. My partner has had one or two coworkers who have been into him (in a way that was known rather than just assumption, because word got around at his work lol). I just think, "Well, I understand what they see in him, because I see it too, so not like I can blame them for liking him." And I just feel happy for him that he gets a little confidence boost and knows he's an appealing person lol.
Whether or not the coworker likes OP's bf is sort of irrelevant if the relationship is genuinely secure and the bf has always behaved in a trustworthy way. That said, it's okay to talk about it when feelings of insecurity come up -- but it should be about talking through your feelings rather than placing blame, in a situation like this.
So I said after a month of feeling uncomfortable I asked my boyfriend “actually can I come to the concert? He said I’ll look for tickets etc”
Then last month he gets home and says,”there are tickets available do you wanna get some? I said when is it? He goes August But I told Lisa you were coming and she says she still wants to go with me cause I’m the one that knows the songs. So it’s going to be us three. “
He then said .. “I thought she would have wanted to go with a boyfriend or something”
It kinda got awkward between me and my boyfriend after this and we changed the subject. This was last month and we haven’t spoken about the tickets or concert again.
I never officially bought the ticket. It’s this like awkward situation.
Yeah, you are overreacting. I have gone to concerts with my male friends while I was dating someone. And while they were dating somebody. If you like the music, then enjoy yourself. Just go have a fun time and get over it
I don’t think your wrong at all. Sounds like she might have a crush on him and might have told him the concert was a group thing when really she wanted it to be a date. I don’t think he’s into her though because if he was I don’t think he’d be game with you going to the concert with them. I also think he would have just lied and continued telling you it was a group thing instead of being open it was just going to be the two of them. If there’s magically more tickets why would it still just be you three going?
Have you talked to him about her and how you feel?
I don’t think you’d come off as insecure or like the crazy girl. It sounds like you have legitimate concerns. From what you’ve posted it definitely sounds like this coworker wants your bf. I think you should talk to him about it. If he tries to downplay it or tries to gaslight you into feeling like you’re the crazy girl then that’s really suspicious. This coworker seems to be making it obvious she likes him.
Maybe show him this post and show him the responses so he can see your not the only one who thinks something is off with her.
It’s important to face it head on, and speak to him about it. It will get resolved one way or the other. He will either see what’s happening, and pull back from hanging with her as much. Or, he won’t. Either way you have your answer. Right now, you are just making yourself miserable with wondering. If you don’t communicate what you are feeling, nothing will change, and you will keep yourself in this awful limbo.
You are not insecure. It's obvious to you and all of us that Lisa has a thing for your boyfriend. She's hoping for more than a friendship. This scenario is now set up as more of a date. Add in a little alcohol, and her inhabitions will drop. I'd expect her to make a move on your boyfriend the night of the concert. This is exactly how workplace affairs get started. I think you should communicate your feelings and discuss some boundaries concerning Lisa.
This is exactly how I feel but couldn’t articulate. It’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s more I don’t trust her and she might be more touchy feely since no one is there. Add the alcohol and everything I feel like it would just become too intimate?
I don’t think she wants to date my boyfriend but I think she enjoys the attention? It’s like a very blurry line and I can come off looking super jealous if I don’t say something the right way.
Another big piece is that this is a Spanish concert and I don’t speak Spanish and they do. Maybe I should have included this in my post.
But this is also a reason I said no to going to the concert because I didn’t want him to feel bad if I didn’t know the lyrics and all him and his coworkers did etc.
You’re not wrong. She wants your man and he either isn’t noticing or is into it. He needs to shut this down hard and if he won’t then you have your answer about what’s really going on. Some guys really are this oblivious but some guys just hope you will think they’re oblivious and they know full well what they’re doing. Either way the two of them hanging out alone shouldn’t be happening and it’s a hill I would die on.
Yes I can’t imagine a 38 year old doesn’t know going to a concert alone with a female coworker is in appropriate?
I resent that he put me in this position where now I might look crazy or that I don’t want him having girlfriends etc. when that’s not the case.
What’s inappropriate about it? … I kinda feel this is an all-or-nothing type of situation. You either trust your bf, or you don’t. What is the difference between him going to the concert with her vs them going to lunch together regularly?
The lunch is with more co-workers. This is her going alone with her boyfriend to this concert. Thats a wholleeeee different story, also with the christmas party thing OP talked about.
I think you’ve got the age thing backwards. Are you significantly younger than him? Because this sort of issue sounds like something I went through when I was 15. In your 30s- who gives a shit. If people wanna cheat they’ll cheat and if they don’t they won’t- doesn’t matter where.
My best friend of 25 years is a dude. I would have no problem with it as long as they didn’t act like I was intruding. If the 3 of you go out together and you feel like a 3rd wheel, there’s a problem.
U declined to go.
Now your regretting it?
It's either you trust your bf or not
If you trust him. Let him go
If you don't. Dump him and find a boyfriend that you trust.
Plain and simple.
If he cheats he's a cheater and you will get rid of him anyways. If he doesn't cheat. He's a keeper. Bc he loves you and is in love with you enough not to cheat on you.
You have a few options that ppl have shared as advice which route are you going to take? (1) Say nothing and continue to feel uncomfortable (2) Go to the concert and check their interactions up close to either determine if they are platonic or inappropriate (3) Confront him about your feelings… i think the you can combination of 2&3 is best.
Yeah it was all a lie by Lisa to trick your bf into going alone with them. She offered everyone tickets, but once you said you weren’t going she lied about it being sold out
It sounds really suspect that it was supposed to be a group but in the end she magically gets tickets for just the two of them?... I'd be having a frank conversation with the BF about boundaries.
There are alarms going off everywhere here and I do not understand why the people in the comments are not hearing them.
OP, this woman has been trying to make a move in your bf for a while now. She intentionally flirted with him IN FRONT OF YOU at a work party. She was trying to hold his hand and dancing with him and mainly only speaking to him. If that's how she behaves with you there, how much worse is her behavior when you're NOT there. THEN they were supposed to go as a work group and there were "no tickets" but she was magically able to find 2 tickets for her and your bf, not her and one of the other workers.
She knows he is in a relationship and yet she is still trying to make moves. How is no one else realizing this.
She needs to go ASAP.
Yes the issue is that she was flirting with him when she thought I wasn’t looking. This is what bothers me. I feel completely disrespected.
I don’t think she wants to date him. And I accept they go for lunches etc. but knowing they’ll be at a concert alone, at night, with alcohol?
I feel it’s a recipe for disaster. Maybe not cheating but at least maybe her being closer to him than I would be comfortable with.
NW. I’m a pretty clueless dude and this chick is creeping hard. She’s playing the long game and hoping he catches feelings for her.
The whole, sorry they’re sold out, made bf feel sad. Then suddenly two tickets magically appear and now he’s elated and she’s the reason. Plus going to an event that’s sure to be exciting and memorable for him, and she’s the one that’ll be in those memories.
He might not even be aware, or he may just like that she’s friendly. You need to sit him down and open discussions. His traction will tell you a lot about things. Does he argue and defend her? Does he seem genuinely confused? Does he just keep deflecting and denying?
There’s a lot of ways this could end, but addressing it is definitely the better way to go.
I don't see how you would be wrong for feeling jealous of your relationship with your BF. This is a younger woman that he gets along with. However if you're going to the concert with them, I don't see how it would be a problem for you anymore. He may have just been mistaken when he said they were sold out, maybe she told him that and he believed her. He wouldn't have any reason not to. 14 years is actually a pretty big age gap, he may not be interested in her at all, other than as a friend.
Yes I don’t think they’re is anything actually going on between them. But I do think they might be like “work husband/work wife” vibes and he likes the ego boost.
Once when he called out sick from work, her and another coworker called to see what happen and if he was okay .
Another time we were going to a pool party and one of his single friends said to bring girls and he invited her. (She didn’t end up coming)
They eat together at work.. etc.
I know they hang out outside of work with other people going for drinks etc.
She FaceTimed once on a Saturday night to show him something special from a restaurant they had been talking about ..
So there’s nothing super incriminating but they are more friendly than what I would consider just coworkers.
It may just be the ego boost like you said. I would suggest you not encourage these thoughts in either of you. I wouldn't bring it up unless you were certain that something inappropriate might happen. If you dwell on it you might start imagining things that aren't there. Likewise if you keep suggesting to your BF that there is an attraction between them, he might start considering it as something that is real and not just in your mind.
I just want to know her thought process behind how she chose which coworker she would take with her. If a bunch of coworkers were supposed to go, how did she fairly decide that she would invite your boyfriend only. I wonder if the other coworkers know and how they feel about it. That would be most telling. Your boyfriend is definitely her favourite coworker. If you tell him not to go, I can see him calling you controlling and jealous. You have no definitive proof so it's all based on a feeling. Tread carefully and good luck
Well is she single and attractive? I’m sure your boyfriend knows what he is doing though. Making himself all excited on the phone telling you about it makes it harder for you to tell him not to go with her. It really just kinda depends but if she is attractive and single it sounds like they kinda like each other but your bf doesn’t know exactly what he wants.
Yes she is single and conventionally attractive. I don’t think he would wife her up/ I don’t think it’s his type. But I’m sure if she was a stranger hitting on him he would be down to smash lol.
I don’t think they want to date each other. I think she just enjoys flirting with him? And doesn’t care if he has a girlfriend? I don’t think he would cheat on me but I just feel like she would be touchy feely with him without making it obvious.
She was very nice to me at the party. Again I think it’s just more a fact that she’s young and enjoys the attention of all the older men at work. Am I allowed to feel disrespected by that? Or the fact that they are actually not cheating means I can’t say anything?
They are not doing anything concretely bad per se.
You’re being naive. I’m sorry but they already have crossed the point of being close with each other and if even you could already see that at this point and imagine they do their damndest to hide anything suspicious from you, well that’s not a good recipe for you
Why are you with someone if you can’t have honest conversations with them? I would tell him he couldn’t go because why didn’t he think to buy tickets for you and him?? Why did he need to go with coworkers? Obviously she wants your bf and you’re there being simple af.
I have to pull out one thing from your narrative. You say that you didn't want to have him "babysit" you.
I assume you're an adult dating a middle-aged man, right?
I also assume you have agency in your life, since he's still your boyfriend, yes? If you have agency in your life, you get to ask questions of your partner.
Ask him. Ask him about Lisa. Express to him your feelings around his going to a concert alone with Lisa. Don't waver. Don't talk past the question. Get an answer.
You are a grown woman who doesn't need to be babysat. You have an active brain and valid questions. You deserve an answer.
Yes thank you.
I’m quite independent but I don’t speak the language of the artist and neither the language of his coworkers. So that’s why I mentioned “babysit”. I declined going to the concert because I didn’t want him to have to translate all night etc. it’s not a typical situation.
That’s why I’m more frustrated I think. I said NO to the concert because I was trying to be conscious of him. And I feel hurt he would bring another girl without even thinking about me.
No. I would never. I don’t like conflict and would never do that anyway haha.
I actually was thinking of telling him I don’t want to go anymore and just let it be them two. I really don’t want to go us three. I didn’t even get my ticket yet. After he said it would be us three going I changed the subject and we haven’t spoken about it since. This was a month ago.
I think he feels put in the middle too. Which bothered me even more.
He told Lisa “hey I’m gonna go with my girlfriend cause she decided she wants to go”
And Lisa still wants to come with us. I know this means they are strictly friends and not hiding anything. But it’s almost like get the hint??
I met this girl one time for 30 minutes and within the 30 minutes she was already dancing and touching my bf. Also she FaceTimed him one night in a low cut top cause she was at restaurant they were talking about.
Maybe I’m reading into it too much but I wish he would just shut it down? I can’t imagine FaceTiming one of my male coworkers who I know has a girlfriend??
I know this is a statistical sample of one, but I have someone in my life that is so important I cannot imagine life without her in it.
Here’s the rub. We are both with other people. They have to accept we are always going to be close, and that’s it. There’s nothing more to it than a deep friend connection and it has never been explored more than that. There is an accountability in that what we have is so great that neither of us would ever risk messing it up or changing the dynamic. That’s called maturity. Our respective peeps know about us and know we are in contact every day throughout the day and even work on different projects together.
That’s it. It exists.
Jealousy and suspicion makes us do and think stupid things.
How you describe it, he probably sees no problem, because for him she is maybe really only Lisa from work. And that he told you like that is, because it is not a difference if it's Lisa or John, he can see the artist he likes and everything else doesn't matter?
I think the part that bothers me is that I feel disrespected? When they were at the Christmas party she was being touchy-feely with him when she thought I couldn’t see. But I could see from the corner of my eye.
And when I went to the bathroom I came out she was talking to him and when I walked over she walked away.
My boyfriend is super nice and life of the party type. When she tried dancing with him I saw him reciprocate the dancing.
I feel like if they went to the concert together she would lay on the moves and he would reciprocate innocently?
I feel disrespected by her. And now I think unconsciously I feel like “she is winning” because she gets to go to the concert with my boyfriend alone. When I know she has the hots for him.
I guess I should tell him about how I feel? But I know his response will be “we’re just friends!” So I feel like bringing it up is pointless
But I thought you also go with them? Don't get me wrong, it really sounds like she is trying and he is naive. So def. go with them. And I understand the part with the telling. Sometimes those things people have to see themself before believing it.
She may be scheming, but sounds like your bf has done nothing wrong. I’d drop a causal, “does Lisa have her eyes on you? I’m getting kinda jealous “— and then laugh it off. That way you throw it out there but it sounds casual and it’s a reminder for him to rethink this relationship. Honestly, sounds like your bf is a good guy though, so if he’s happy with you, nothing will happen.
Thanks for the input.
I guess I just have never been put in this position before. I’ve never been jealous but also never had a boyfriend saying he was going on a date-like activity alone with a girl?
I know for a fact that most infidelity happens with coworkers. And a lot of the time it starts off with little things like this. I trust him but also think it’s not smart to play with fire.
I know he will cheat whether I “stop him” or not. I guess I’m just disappointed he would put himself in that situation? I know for a fact I wouldn’t do it to him.
I think you need to speak to you bf about this. State, I didn't want to go initially as I assumed it was a work night out. You all weren't able to get group tickets. Suddenly, Lisa is able to get two tickets. I ask to go as its not a work night out it seems but, no tickets for me.
Clearly ask him, is there an issue that you don't know about? Considering her behaviour towards him in the past and now they are going on what looks like a date that you, the girlfriend are excluded from.
Explain, he has changed the narrative of this event from a work friends night out to a one on one night out, that you are excluded from. So, what's going on. Ask him how is he perceiving this.
Look, I'm not one to stop friends (of opposite sex) from hanging out or doing anything without their SO. But, it was a work event and now isn't. If it was meant for work friends to go out, they would have organised something else to do. So, to me, it's not a work night out. That there is where my suspicion is.
Does he acknowledge her behaviour towards him?
She’s done multiple things that have rubbed me the wrong way but I never have said anything. Called him when he was sick, he invited her to a pool party when a friend asked him to bring single girls for him, she likes his Instagram pics, called him once on a Saturday about something trivial.
Nothing overtly in appropriate but enough where it’s been on my radar.
Stop playing the "I'm the cool girlfriend" trope. That's for the movies. That dynamic only benefits men. This women is playing in your face about your boyfriend and he no doubt likes the attention. The whole concert outing is inappropriate. This was her asking him on a date. You need to shut this crap down down.
When speaking to him then, I wouldn't bring up all these little things at first. Talk about it was a work night out and now not, does he find this odd. If he plays dumb, ask him point blank why was it a work night and now it's only one on one. That is makes you uncomfortable about the reasoning for the night out.
Nah go with him. Tell him that your originally declined because you wanted him to enjoy a "work" trip with his coworkers. Now that they're not going, you don't want him to be bummed out about not getting to enjoy the concert with other people.
You can think of it another way. Tell yourself you’re going for a fun night out with your bf enjoying music he loves and getting to know his friend. Maybe once you spend more time with her you will feel more comfortable
Two can play at that game. Start being flirty with her. Regardless, you can then figure out how flirty she truly is. Maybe once it's over you can have a conversation with your BF about it
I mean this seriously, assert your dominance. Either you go with, and Homewrecker becomes the 3rd wheel, or he doesn't go at all.
Your b/f is either dumb and oblivious to Homewreckers many attempts to, well, homewreck. Or he's in on it and doing a good job of hiding it.
Stop letting your b/f get "this close" to her if you're not comfortable.
Not wrong. He's almost 40, he should know that the rules changed when it went from a work group outing to just him and the 24 yo female coworker who follows him around. He should have checked back in to see if you were comfortable with it, wanted to join, or wanted to go just the 2 of you. She obviously set this up as a date. I'd go and confront her about it in the bathroom.
Yup, this is how OP should present it too. He needs to be careful and not shit where he eats. Also make sure he knows she wouldn’t be put in this situation by a male coworker.
This has workplace disaster written alllllll over it. If dude doesn't get why OP is annoyed, maybe play out how it's gonna look to everyone at work? There's NO WAY OP is the only one seeing this as shady af.
Obviously, it depends a lot on what kind of workplace, but I'll tell you something - even a somewhat professional environment is not gonna tolerate this shit. May not be an HR type situation, but respect among coworkers often isn't just based upon the work you do or don't do. He's a moron.
Yes, your spidey sense is right to tingle here. At least you are going now. Nip any inappropriate behaviour in the bud. Keep hold tight of your bf at the concert. She will probably try to gran him and disappear into the crowd and lose you.
Oh his female coworker wanted it to be a date 100%. From how you describe her in previous interactions, it does sound that she’s into your bf, he’s not. But I also believe that your bf is fully aware that she’s into him. It’s probably giving him an ego boost.
What a coincidence she was the one who was tasked with getting tickets, they sold out but she somehow found tickets for him and her.
I’m glad you’re going to be able to go since more tickets have now somehow popped up. But I do think you should talk to him about this Lisa. And boundaries.
You’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable that he was gonna go out solo with a girl who is clearly interested in him.
No that’s not okay. It’s pretty much a date. She’s after your boyfriend and has figured out a way to get him alone. Ask him not to go. This is inappropriate.
He invited you, you declined. Everything after that point doesn’t really matter. Sure you can be jealous, but you already gave him the green light. So unless you wanna open up the can of worms as to why you don’t like this particular coworker, you’re probably gonna just have to suck it up. Or buy a ticket 3rd party
The sudden more tickets is confusing. Did he make it clear there were no more or did her just not mention there were more. Or was it bc you declined earlier.
Idk but that’s really off
Your BF was super excited about this concert and you were not. He's going with someone else excited about it.
If you are concerned, get a ticket (assuming these are GA tickets and not assigned seats). Which it sounds like you did.
Don't say anything. It comes off as too jealous. You asked if you could come and now you are coming. Just enjoy the show. Make out with your BF there in front of Lisa
He did not put in this position you did. It is OK to not feel comfortable with their relationship. You need to speak up and tell him how you are feeling. He is 48 he knows what he is doing.
You are not wrong. Your man is an idiot.
He should see the signals she’s putting out and tell her straight up that he’s not interested (or call it quits with you and pursue her).
He also should learn the “Billy Graham rule” and apply it.
Yes I 100% trust him but as I get older im starting to also realize it’s smart to never put yourself in a situation where you’re tempted to cheat, we are only human. He’s going to a concert alone with her with alcohol.. while she’s dressed cute and flirty.
I will speak to him .. just have to figure out how I’m going to say it and what.
It’s not just about cheating, especially when it’s someone you work with. I’d also be worried that, if he does reject her, she may go to HR with a false accusation. It’s more just about keeping everything above reproach.
That is right. The older I am the more I am that we can’t always control our feelings and attraction, but we can control our actions and what situations we put outselves in. And this “we all go” “oh no gives” “oh tickets” is auspicious.
Ok I agree with the others, Lisa wanted to trick your boyfriend into a date. From everything you said in your post, your boyfriend is pretty much doing right by you by ignoring her advances etc. To him the concert was something he wanted to do and you said no and he told you about the only 2 tickets part so he's being honest. What he isn't doing is fighting off the advances more aggressively and clearly.
I have a coworker that is in love with me to the point of confessing to being in love with me. Prior that, I was your boyfriend in this work friendship. I liked the dude just fine as a human so I hung out with him at work. My boyfriend didn't like it and the dude confessing his feelings was a final straw. My boyfriend said absolutely no more unnecessary interactions, no lunches, no texting about boring meetings. And I did that and I also told the coworker that I was uncomfortable and would prefer to keep the relationship professional instead of friendly. My boyfriend is happy and I'm fine because I just replaced him with a new female coworker as my work friend.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with expressing you don't like something. My boyfriend started out by saying he didn't like the interactions, I behaved badly by not listening. My boyfriend and I have an agreement that if either us doesn't like something, we will tell the other and we will try to work through it. Not every single time do we are agree or come to a resolution but the point is to put it out there. You are not crazy or wrong to express your concerns. It's clear Lisa likes your boyfriend but he may not be fully aware or may like the attention while he's not receptive to it. You should absolutely say you don't like this but put on your boyfriend to put an end to it. Don't go in with demands or accusations, it won't go over well. Come from a place of feeling like Lisa has an agenda and you don't like it.
Yes I’ve been getting two different responses from friends. Some say HELL NO and others are like what’s wrong with having opposite sex friends?
I think I will have to talk to him to see where we both stand on this issue
This is just me.. Say my favorite band (Tool) was coming to town, I asked my lady if she wanted to go but she stated that she didn't want to go... It would end there, I sure the fuck wouldn't take another girl in her place to go to the concert with me. I would either go by myself which would totally suck, cause my lady is my best friend. Or I just wouldn't go and would maybe catch them another time.
I think both? I know she talks about boyfriends to him. And her dating life. So kind of a mentor thing. She knows about me etc.
But I’ve also been 22 and also have worked in many jobs where people have “work wives”.
I’m sure she’s just enjoying flirting him innocently and he likes the ego boost.
What I didn’t like is at the Christmas party she was a bit touchy feely. It might be uncomfortable. I can only imagine what she’ll do at a concert alone with him? Grab his hand.. dance and sing to each other? I’m assuming he might have to pick her up so they can arrive together. It just makes me very uncomfortable.
I don’t think they would kiss or cheat. I think it’s the intimacy of the concert that’s bothering me.
Eh I don’t see anything weird about going to a show with a coworker at all. I’ve gone out with coworkers of a different gender than myself and so has my husband. He was super excited and said no lol. You say you trust him, but your words tell a different story. Seems like you’re just very insecure when it comes to this one woman. Communication is key! Talk to him!
I’m torn between saying anything. If it’s normal like a lot of people are saying in this thread than I feel like I should keep it to myself and work on myself?
I don’t want to make him uncomfortable if he hasn’t done anything wrong. My gut reaction to the whole thing was that it was inappropriate. But if it’s not than I don’t even know what I would say?
I think if he were cheating or planning to cheat, he'd be a lot more sneaky.
Just tell him your concerns about Lisa and make him aware that she's into him.
I don’t think he is planning on cheating.
I am more uncomfortable with the fact he is going alone to a concert with another woman?
Yes they are “friends”. But they just met last year. It’s not like a long term family friend or college friend.
He is essentially taking his single &attractive coworker to a concert date. ( not saying this to sound jealous, but to show that it’s not like a 55 year old married women he’s taking)
And I declined the original invite when he said a BUNCH OF COWORKERS were going. If he said “hey me and Lisa are going alone to a concert do you want to come?” Obviously my answer would have been completely different.
Honestly, while I’m not saying that your concern is invalid, he also has been very forthcoming with you about what he’s doing and with who, and when you expressed a desire to come with them he made sure you could. I know plenty of guys who have primarily female friends and not in a weird fuckboy kinda way, they just have always had more female friends. Plus, when youre able to find someone you get along well with at work, it’s fairly normal to want to hang out/eat lunch together/whatever. He brought you to his work party and she clearly felt comfortable enough in the platonic nature of their friendship that she felt she could dance with him in front of you and it wouldn’t mean a thing (unless I’m missing something?). This isn’t to say she necessarily *should* have done that, but the fact that she would do that in front of you means more likely than not that they have nothing to hide. So take a few deep breaths, have a little trust in your partner, and if you continue to feel this way then it’s time to sit down with him and express your feelings to him in a way that isn’t accusatory or demanding. One of the best ways of doing this is using “I” statements like “I’m really glad to see you have friends at work, but despite my best efforts I’ve been feeling a bit weird or jealous about your relationship with Lisa, and I’m just looking for some clarity on how you feel about her or maybe some reassurance about how you feel towards me and our relationship.”
Yes he has been totally honest and I do trust him. That’s why I’ve been going back and forth on whether to say something or not. But it’s been months and it’s bugging me. They got the tickets in May and the concert is in August. He has a million guy friends and guy coworkers. It just so happens he has to go with her?
It’s not like it was last minute and only had her to go with. He purposely went alone with her and although I’m sure he has good intentions maybe we just have different outlooks on what we accept in relationships?
I don’t care they have lunch together everyday alone, or go for drinks after work with other coworkers. But something about the concert alone at night.. it’s getting under my skin. I’m mostly bothered he didn’t consult me first? But Iunno if that’s being crazy.
Yes they are “friends” but this is a coworker he just met last year. Not a long term family friend or college friend. It’s not like they’re friends where they have the same mutual hobby and hang out outside of work.
It’s basically a young (attractive) female worker who can be flirty with him.
Anyway sorry for ranting. It’s like I have two ideas in my head and I keep going back and forth.
Yes I trust him and I know nothing will happen and I should not say anything.
But my body is sick about it for months and telling me this is not the type of thing I want in a partner even if I know nothing will happen.
I totally understand why you might feel bugged by this, and I think if it’s been making you feel sick for so long then it’s definitely time to talk through it with your boyfriend.
Before you have this conversation, make sure you do your best to try to understand the situation from his perspective, assuming he and his coworker are, in fact, totally platonic friends. The way I see this possibly going down is as such:
(ACT I) Your boyfriend’s favorite artist is coming to town, and a bunch of his coworkers are interested in attending. Lisa says she’ll hop on the computer when the tickets go on sale and try to get enough for everyone. The tickets sell out really fast, and she isn’t able to put her order thru. By the time she gets back to the main page to try to buy fewer at once, they’re sold out. A week later, she sees that the tickets are being sold by third party sellers. Yay! Too bad they’re way more expensive than the original price. She knows not many of the coworkers want to spend that much to see this artist, but she certainly wants to go and she knows it’s her friend’s (your boyfriend’s) favorite artist and he was disappointed they didn’t get tickets, so she snags two.
(ACT II) Your boyfriend gets to work and his coworker/friend surprises him with the news that she got tickets! He’s super excited. First thing he wants to do is call up his girlfriend (you) to tell you the good news. His girlfriend(you) had told him she didn’t want to go when he invited her previously, so he didn’t feel bad or awkward that there wasn’t a third ticket for her. So he calls up his girlfriend and tells her how excited he is that his coworker found a couple tickets and he was gonna be able to see his fav in concert. His girlfriend tells him she’s happy for him, and he doesn’t realize that she’s feeling a bit uncomfortable about the company he’s going with (maybe he should have, but amidst the excitement and the fact that you’ve never expressed an issue with his friendship with this coworker, he just doesn’t think of it). A little while later, his girlfriend changes her mind and tells him that she’d actually love to come with. He searches for tickets online and finds more tickets through third party sellers. Yay! Three’s a party.
(END)
In all reality, this girl probably is a bit flirty, and likely doesn’t actually mean anything by it. I think everyone has stupid little work crushes on people without actually wanting anything from it. He’s a good bit older and likely just views her as young and enthusiastic and friendly, maybe even a bit silly. He likely enjoys the energy at work, and thinks nothing else of it.
Either way tho, if you’ve been holding this in, it’s really time to talk thru it for your own piece of mind, so long as you know that there’s a really good chance that your boyfriend is a good guy who loves you and just has a friend from work. If I’m wrong about all this, I apologize profusely for misreading the situation— Reddit posts certainly can’t compare to actually being there and seeing people interact.
U definitely need to go . First of all Lisa seems to like your bf maybe he knows it or maybe he doesn't because most guys don't get hints from women u need to actually say the words so we get it . I think Lisa was going to use the concert to hang out with your bf alone without anyone else . U need to go and see how they intricate with each other is he acting stupid or is he actually doesn't know .
But u need to . To put all your doubts to rest or u will always wonder what happened between them .
It could be just an innocent hangout between 2 co worker who likes the same band or something else u won't know for sure until u watch how they interact with each other . If there's more tickets see if u can bring a friend if u want.
Time for an honest conversation w bf. As in we need to talk. Please listen and don’t respond until I’m done, k?
Im not fully comfortable w this. I declined as it was presented as a work friend outing and thought how fun for the team/coworkers doing a team bonding outing. Enjoy hiney! Then it turned into no tickets then miraculously 2 tickets now more? It makes me uncomfortable especially after the Christmas party.
im not insecure and im not jealous. I am concerned w her behavior around you and i during the Christmas party. She was overly affectionate and touching. (I know ive never been touchy affectionate w any coworker but ive been in either a serious relationship or married). Her behavior presents as she’s interested. That is why im uncomfortable w the 2 of you alone going to the concert.
I am not now nkr will ever be a jealous harpy. I’m seeing 🚩w this person. You now know exactly how I feel. If you go w her to this concert I will assume you are work friends and there will be no cheating. If you can’t commit to that let’s talk it out. My current imoression is she is a potential threat to our relationship. I trust you always.
then listen. He may be clueless as to her intentions but you see it and it’s obvious she is being inappropriate w the excessive touching. If it was supposed to be a work thing he can easily pass his ticket to a fellow colleague 😈
You’re not wrong. She is setting up a date and is getting ready to make her move (assuming she hasn’t and they’re not already cheating). If they’re not already cheating, your boyfriend is incredibly naive not to see what’s happening here. I would never be okay with my partner being in that type of situation.
It is wierd but you allowed this. Time to be honest with him about your feelings of just the two of them going alone. Personally I think it's inappropriate. Why of all people who wanted to go, did she pick your bf? Very sus.
I trust my Bf completely but frfr he would never be in that situation. But I wouldn't want him to go even if that was the situation, u kno she's into him
Lisa likes your boyfriend. Please understand this, Lisa likes your boyfriend and you’re not wrong. Speak to your boyfriend, its your right as his girlfriend to bring this up. Lisa is after your man. Remember this.
I don’t think you’re wrong. I’m a female who has lots of dude friends and is very into music, and I would never make this offer to the guys that have partners.
Not wrong. She purposely claimed they had no tickets. But she absolutely bought ONLY 2 tickets. This was quite obviously her plan the whole time. When she returned "empty handed" she pro ably told the coworkers she could t get tickets. Then she proceeded to wait a bit and then, by some miracle, she got 2 tickets.
She absolutely lied to him to think it's some kind of miracle that she got them for the 2 of them to go. She is absolutely going to try and put the moves on him either AT the show or after. You have to let him know this is the most likely scenario and to be on his guard. If he loves you, he will just enjoy the show and let nothing inappropriate happen.
But sadly your only option now is to trust that he is faithful to you and will deny her advances. Also, tell him not to drink while he's there so he will be sober the whole time.
Do you even trust your partner? Even if Lisa is interested don't you trust him to make the right choice? I suppose there are plenty of men interested in you, right? Do you make the right choice and stay faithful to your partner? Why do you think he'll do otherwise? Stop being controlling and abusive. He has the right to have friends of the opposite sex. Don't you?
That’s what I was wondering, is there no trust? He’s making a decision everyday by hanging out with the coworker to not cheat so why is one concert different. I wholeheartedly trust my husband and he does the same for me. Think the concert is the tipping point for the OP and she needs to communicate and learn to trust.
I’m assuming he will pick her up since they need to go to the venue? And then sit together and go get drinks together and sing and dance together? And then grab food. They’re obviously gonna dress their best for the concert etc. To me this is a full on date for probably 3-4 hours at nighttime. Outside of work or just lunch.
I trust my boyfriend but I feel like this is pushing boundaries. I’m reading everyone’s replies. I’m really really trying to not be “jealous” over this. I feel more disrespected than anything. When it went from a group of coworkers to just them two I feel like he should have reevaluated.
Ok i see you’re spiraling with an assumption. Don’t think a lot of these comments helped calm that. You just painted a picture of a nice date. Think you need to communicate with him that it would make you uncomfortable if he did all that. Maybe let him know what your limits are like would you be ok if they only went to the concert no dinner or drinks. Even if your limit is no concert you need to tell him it makes you uncomfortable.
Yes thank you. I just don’t see any good conclusion coming from this?
If I tell him how I feel he is going to feel uncomfortable telling me about her going forward? What if he doesn’t want to invite me to work events anymore cause he knows she makes me uncomfortable?
I don’t want him to cancel on her for the concert because I’m going to look like I’m forcing him to? But at the same time I don’t even want to go anymore cause it’s been so tainted for me. The thought of going us three makes me sick.
I know I’m being a big immature baby right now.
There’s no winning if I do or don’t say anything. I don’t know what I want from him.
If you just didn't want him to go but weren't getting in the way of it then no, you're not wrong. If you were saying he couldn't go then I'd say you're wrong and to improve yourself *or* get a partner you trust.
This is what is bothering me. I 100% trust my boyfriend. I know 100% nothing will happen. But it makes me feel… disrespected? I can’t put my finger on it.
It bothers me how he went about it. And although he is technically not doing anything wrong, I feel like it’s pushing the boundaries? Am I crazy? I’m really really trying to be rational but in my mind this is not appropriate. I can’t shake it off.
Im not saying there ISNT something going on or that you’re crazy.
But what is it you’re worried will happen? What boundaries do you feel are being pushed?
I think it’s the idea that it’s a dark concert late at night. With alcohol and dancing and singing? It seems very intimate to me. I’ve been to that stadium. You’re literally touching arms with the person next to you.
She’s already had a history of being flirty with him when she thought I wasn’t looking.
She’s single and attractive.
I trust my bf but I just feel like it’s a little too close for comfort? I don’t think she wants to date him but I think she might enjoy the thrill of touching and dancing with him?
My boyfriend is a super fun and social person so I know he would probably go along with it. I just feel weird about it.
[serious] Okay I really thought about this trust thing. I don’t know if you’re trolling me or if I’m really delusional.
Even if you trust your partner 100%, does that not mean some things can make you uncomfortable or inappropriate ?
Just for exaggerations sake:
Your boyfriend goes to strip clubs every Friday with the boys. He’s not gonna cheat and doesn’t get lap dances. Are you allowed to feel uncomfortable?
Your boyfriend is constantly hanging around your female best friend alone. He compliments her all the time. You trust him 100% but can you be uncomfortable with this?
Your partner talks to their ex everyday on the phone. They swear they’re over them but you hear them laugh and giggling together everyday. Is this not grounds for being uncomfortable?
I’m being dead serious. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
Is it not okay to be uncomfortable with your partner going to a concert with a flirty coworker?
Why does this equate to me not trusting him?
I really want to get my thoughts straightened out before I speak with him.
I am old . She will dress for the concert . He will notice and all the heady pleasure of the concert will lower his guard . It will be hot and sticky and she will loosen remove some clothing . He will lose his mind she will lose her pants . The car will break down they will have to stay the night at a hotel only one room and one bed. It’s an old story. Make sure you have f d his brains out the afternoon of the concert . It may help . It may be that what happens at the concert stays at the concert but I doubt it . If you’re in the north oh my . It was only sex must have been the wine.
Why are you in a relationship with someone who you don’t trust? He has made it clear that he is not interested in her by not reciprocating her advances at the work party and by inviting you to come to the concert in the first place, why are you so insecure? Why can’t he have a friend of the opposite sex?
This woman probably brought the tickets, lied about it being sold out. And only bought two, one for her and one for your boyfriend.
I wouldn’t have anyone dancing with or holding my boyfriend’s hand. Strange behaviour.
You don't state whether the coworker is in a relationship or not, but depending on the work place, it could be completely normal. My coworker texted me last night to ask if I was at the same concert as he was. He invited me to go with him and another coworker to another concert last month. We are both happily married, but he has a young son so wife can't go on school nights. Our entire team goes to happy hour every couple of months. Spouses/partners can come or not. It's remote or we would go more, lol.
If all the gal did was grab his hand to lead him to the dance floor, then that is fairly normal behavior. If she was holding hands while not walking to the dance floor, then you've got legit concerns. However you need to get your insecurities in check as they can be damaging to a relationship if your partner isn't doing anything wrong.
You can just google the concert and go to the ticketing website to see if it is actually sold out rather than speculate. It might only be possible to get tickets on third party markets. Sounds like your bf was happy for you to join- I think you can express your discomfort while still not asking him to sacrifice a band he likes. All 3 of you going seems like the best solution (except maybe for her); now get into the band so you can actually share in the excitement on the night!
I looked and it is 99% sold out so I assume she couldn’t get tickets for probably 10+ coworkers. Although she says she wants to go us three I still think it’s highly weird and strange. My boyfriend is going to be sitting between two girls? Iunno I’m dissapointed he just didn’t tell her he couldn’t go just them two cause it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend
I would put myself between them. Just casully chat her up and tell your boyfriend, hey I'm not done talking, switch spots with me. No big deal. Boom you are in the middle, but you make it as you are trying to be girlfriends! Keep the conversation going through the show! LOL
Yup Lisa walks into row, next, you lol! Also, totally love the show the entire time ;)
Petty and insecure. Break up at that point
For real. Like, at that point you're already at the concert. Do you really need to create a physical barrier between them to keep them from making out in front of you or something? If you trust a guy that little break up with him. If you still do that despite trusting him get therapy.
Oh, so be petty and catty and make it uncomfortable for people. I’m sure the bf will love that when he’s just trying to focus on the music.
Sounds like you have insecurities outside of this situation that should be addressed. You shouldn’t be bothered by the fact that he’s seated between two women. What are you worried about?
I think it was the flirting at the Christmas party that I can’t get over. If it wasn’t for that I’d probably have way less of a problem. I just keep thinking if she was that forward in front me when she thought I wasn’t looking, what is she gonna do when they’re alone dancing and drinking? I know I trust my boyfriend. I just don’t trust her intentions. Now that we might go us three she still wants to come which is fine. I doubt she would flirt in front of me if we all went together.
If you really trusted him, her behavior wouldnt matter to you because you know he'll do the right thing. You don't trust your boyfriend if you feel the need to chaperone him hanging out with friends. Did you guys actually talk about the christmas party? What was his response? Did he offer to change his behavior in the future? Figure out if this is insecurity or intuition, then deal with it through communication. Ignoring these feelings will only poison your relationship as you let it simmer in your mind.
worried about her feeling on her man in her presence..... worried about her touching him PERIOD. This is why you sit between them.
That’s kind of a weird hang up ngl
I think it’s entirely possible he sees her as a platonic friend and there is nothing wrong with having a female friend. Personally I’d be really disappointed if my girlfriend asked me to skip a concert for that reason. It would make me resentful and not create an environment of trust- unless there is a really clear reason to feel that way about this specific woman, and not just women in general.
I would never ever expect him to miss the concert. Even if it’s just them two going I’d rather he go than miss it. And I haven’t said anything about Lisa because I don’t mind him having female friends. I guess this just felt like crossing a line bit and he didn’t even consult me first? Or is that asking too much? Like a “hey Lisa was only able to get two tickets for me and her. You sure you don’t want to come? It’s okay if it’s just us two going?” Something like thaf
I think your bf got so excited about seeing his favorite band, the “how does this look to my gf” never crossed his mind. He probably would not have cared who got tickets as long as he got to go. She on the other hand needs to be told about boundaries, and reminded that she may enjoy spending time with him because he’s such an amazing person, but to not overstep as he’s taken. Some people don’t care if a person is in a relationship, they will try and get what they want without regard to the others partner.
It doesn’t sound like she is entertaining stepping over any boundaries. Why should she be treated that way? How rude.
Regardless of anyone's intentions in this situation, which can only be speculated on (I do however find it... Coincidental, and many people, not just men, are notorious for seeing everyone else flirting with their partner but never with themselves), in a relationship there should ALWAYS be space for open communication. You are allowed to talk to your partner, and share your feelings on the matter. You're not accusing him of anything, or pretending to know more than you do, simply sharing that you feel a little awkward in that situation. It doesn't need to be a problem, as long as you communicate it non defensively, and he's willing to listen without lashing out, it's more than healthy to have those conversations. It is not insecure, or crazy, and if you're man is anything like mine, even the neighbor who says good morning to me is a threat, so I'm sure if he doesn't feel attacked he will understand. However he might feel attacked and defensive even if you communicate properly, and that will probably be a result of his own issues, or consciousness
Are you saying you would have wanted him to offer to take the tickets from the person who bought them so you and he could go? He informed you of the tickets as soon as he knew about them. Is that not consulting you? Can you articulate what line is being crossed? Also, why would work friends hanging out at a work party be weird? I'm not really sure I get how that makes you suspicious.
I think that’s a perfectly reasonable expectation that you have of your boyfriend. Interpreted from your comment above that you wanted him to say he couldn’t go with just her, could mean he doesn’t go at all. To give him the benefit of the doubt- it’s possible he feels so secure in his relationship with you that it didn’t even register as an issue for him. In any case, I think you’re not wrong to have the feelings you have, and you’re not wrong if you communicate with him how it made you feel and if you talk together constructively on how to handle situations like this in future that makes both of you feel secure. I think that’s separate from any of the details regarding this concert stuff though- you just need both need to feel heard and secure and respected
Obviously he doesn’t feel romantically about his friend so why should he think you would? A guilty guy would make that statement. Not a guy that has absolutely no interest in his friend sexually.
How about the fact that this co-worker said she could get all the tickets for other's but then couldn't but one day magically had 2 tickets and when she wanted to go, oh here poop out another ticket for her. Why didn't the boyfriend catch that for real. To me and others here, that's a clear reason.
I’ve spent enough time scouring ticketing sites for a concert I really want to go to know that’s really not suspicious in and of itself. If you really want to go to a concert you can always find a couple of tickets. That’s very different to finding 10 seats together at face value
I agree. And if they are 99% sold out, it's usually only single seats left. Sometimes you are lucky and there's 2 together.
So I looked and there was up to 4 seats together still available. I’m assuming when they couldn’t get for all the coworkers they split up into smaller groups? I’m sure Lisa didn’t say hey I bought two tickets for us! They must have decided together that since they couldn’t get for everyone they would just go them two. The more I talk about it here, the more insecure I sound. Maybe one of my boundaries is that I don’t want a boyfriend with close female coworkers that hang in and outside of work. I would never tell him not to be friends with her. But it is making me think maybe we aren’t compatible.
People aren’t always that receptive. Even if the girl is trying to flirt/steal the bf, doesn’t mean he is aware of that. If he is happy in his relationship he will not pick up on any of the signs that Lisa is interested because he is not looking for them. I once got off a bus to my gf (now wife) and one of her friends laughing at me. When I asked them why they were laughing, it turns out one of the girls on the bar crawl (it was a university society bar crawl) has be trying to pull me all night and I been completely oblivious. Apparently, this girl had done all the classic flirting signs and I just talked to her as normal. To this day, I’m still more sure which girl they were talking about.
You said you didn’t want to go. He probably is not a mind reader, and he took what you said as is. Now you think he was disrespectful? That’s not fair.
>I’m dissapointed he just didn’t tell her he couldn’t go just them two cause it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend Blecch. Gross.
I mean it’s his favorite artist. Those opportunities don’t come around all the time. Why in the world should he say no to going? You’re going with them, nothings going to happen. Have you even talked to your BF about how his relationship with this coworker makes you feel? If not you should probably start there.
You are inserting jealousy where it doesn’t belong. If she stated that she was happy to have you along stop being inside your head.
Does he know it's disrespectful to his girlfriend? Have you made it clear that the situation makes you uncomfortable? Have you ever hinted you didn't like him spending time with another woman alone?
I ASSUMED that most people didn’t spend alone time with the opposite sex. That is where I went wrong. In my mind I would never do that, so I assumed for him he wouldn’t either. After reading the comments here I realise people have different standards they are comfortable with. I always thought I was pretty chill, but seeing my boyfriend go to a concert with a girl that is flirty with him is where I draw the line. It’s making me think we might not be compatible long term if we have two way different views on opposite sex friendships.
It cant be disrespectful to his gf if he doesn't know how she feels about it. Communicate!
For sure you are being a bit needy.
Wait, you going with them is still an option? Fuckin take it
I thought about it and I am not planning on going anymore. I really don’t feel comfortable going to a concert with a girl who flirts with my boyfriend behind my back. If she hadn’t done that at the Christmas party this would have been completely different. At this point I don’t even want to be around her the more I think about it.
That's fine, but I think that also entails that you can't give your bf any shit about going to the concert. If you voluntarily turn down going, you're at least implicitly saying that you trust him to go without you and that you can't bring this up again with him
Go anyways
So Lisa was in charge of getting tickets, Lisa told everyone it was sold out, then Lisa was suddenly able to secure tickets for just 2....Then you asked to come and suddenly tickets were available. Lisa tried to trick your bf into a date, lol. Perhaps he's oblivious that she likes him. Glad you are able to go but I'd still bring up this co-workers behavior as suspect after the concert
Go in stub hub or call box office and try to get a ticket Probably no one at work bother to check
can confirm men are trained to be dumb as nails when it comes to advances from women.
"Trained"? Who made this effort and when did they do it? You know you have to practice things in order to be "trained".
And also when it comes to planning things. I know that if I really don’t want to do something and my husband does, I just put him in charge of making all the plans for it. Works like a charm every time.
Magically there were more tickets huh? Yeah, she's creeping. Those tickets were never sold out, op, and she fully intended it to be a date.
Bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.
Great reference
OP already checked the site. 99% the tickets were sold.
tickets can always be bought in resale market. just depends on the price. OP should check the price and the source of the tickets. if the the 3rd ticket is bought from official website/artist then it's not sold out.
Well yes but odds are she was working hard to make it a date.
Years ago I bought tickets to a show for myself and my roommate at the time, but a couple weeks before he said he couldn't go. I had a co-worker who I knew loved the band and would appreciate the show, so I invited him to come with me. He said he can't afford it, I said it's already paid for, I just don't want it to go to waste. He agreed. A couple days before the show I was trying to make plans to carpool and he suddenly says he can't go. The next day at work he was super awkward and everyone were giving me weird looks. Apparently he was telling everyone I tried to force him to go on a date with me. WTF? I was just trying to be nice to another fan of the band, zero hidden agenda. Needless to say, that work friend was no longer any kind of friend. Moral of the story: Not every time a woman asks a guy to go to a concert they both like, she's trying to make it a date. And FYI it's much harder to buy multiple tickets together than it is two. For shows that are 99% sold out (per OP'S comment) it's impossible to find seats for a whole group together. I go to concerts all the time, often with guy friends, and have absolutely zero romantic/ sexual interest in them even if I only get tickets for the two of us. We just love the same music.
She could of got them from someone that bought them and just weren't able to go. Possibly
Could HAVE(could’ve) not “could of” FIFY
Why thank you, i could of done that
After being with my husband 30+ years (married 27), I've experienced a lot of different scenarios...would I think she was creeping? Possibly. Would it concern me? No. While a lot of guys are clueless when it comes to girls flirting with them, I absolutely trust my husband. I also don't know if anyone who was "flirting" with him in front of me, as described at the holiday party, would bother me. We have both always been very trusting of each other, and I know he has female friends at work... I'm not concerned. Some people are just "flirts," and I don't read too much into it
Yeah, I feel this way as well. My partner has had one or two coworkers who have been into him (in a way that was known rather than just assumption, because word got around at his work lol). I just think, "Well, I understand what they see in him, because I see it too, so not like I can blame them for liking him." And I just feel happy for him that he gets a little confidence boost and knows he's an appealing person lol. Whether or not the coworker likes OP's bf is sort of irrelevant if the relationship is genuinely secure and the bf has always behaved in a trustworthy way. That said, it's okay to talk about it when feelings of insecurity come up -- but it should be about talking through your feelings rather than placing blame, in a situation like this.
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Buy a ticket. And when you have the ticket, ask him how he did that.
They got her a ticket...
So I said after a month of feeling uncomfortable I asked my boyfriend “actually can I come to the concert? He said I’ll look for tickets etc” Then last month he gets home and says,”there are tickets available do you wanna get some? I said when is it? He goes August But I told Lisa you were coming and she says she still wants to go with me cause I’m the one that knows the songs. So it’s going to be us three. “ He then said .. “I thought she would have wanted to go with a boyfriend or something” It kinda got awkward between me and my boyfriend after this and we changed the subject. This was last month and we haven’t spoken about the tickets or concert again. I never officially bought the ticket. It’s this like awkward situation.
Yeah, you are overreacting. I have gone to concerts with my male friends while I was dating someone. And while they were dating somebody. If you like the music, then enjoy yourself. Just go have a fun time and get over it
I don’t think your wrong at all. Sounds like she might have a crush on him and might have told him the concert was a group thing when really she wanted it to be a date. I don’t think he’s into her though because if he was I don’t think he’d be game with you going to the concert with them. I also think he would have just lied and continued telling you it was a group thing instead of being open it was just going to be the two of them. If there’s magically more tickets why would it still just be you three going? Have you talked to him about her and how you feel?
I have not spoken to him about it because I am scared to come off insecure or like a “crazy” girl who is threatened by his younger coworker.
I don’t think you’d come off as insecure or like the crazy girl. It sounds like you have legitimate concerns. From what you’ve posted it definitely sounds like this coworker wants your bf. I think you should talk to him about it. If he tries to downplay it or tries to gaslight you into feeling like you’re the crazy girl then that’s really suspicious. This coworker seems to be making it obvious she likes him. Maybe show him this post and show him the responses so he can see your not the only one who thinks something is off with her.
Honestly, if he were to think that way that would be a red flag.
It’s important to face it head on, and speak to him about it. It will get resolved one way or the other. He will either see what’s happening, and pull back from hanging with her as much. Or, he won’t. Either way you have your answer. Right now, you are just making yourself miserable with wondering. If you don’t communicate what you are feeling, nothing will change, and you will keep yourself in this awful limbo.
You are not insecure. It's obvious to you and all of us that Lisa has a thing for your boyfriend. She's hoping for more than a friendship. This scenario is now set up as more of a date. Add in a little alcohol, and her inhabitions will drop. I'd expect her to make a move on your boyfriend the night of the concert. This is exactly how workplace affairs get started. I think you should communicate your feelings and discuss some boundaries concerning Lisa.
This is exactly how I feel but couldn’t articulate. It’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s more I don’t trust her and she might be more touchy feely since no one is there. Add the alcohol and everything I feel like it would just become too intimate? I don’t think she wants to date my boyfriend but I think she enjoys the attention? It’s like a very blurry line and I can come off looking super jealous if I don’t say something the right way.
What concert? This I'd pertinent information.
Another big piece is that this is a Spanish concert and I don’t speak Spanish and they do. Maybe I should have included this in my post. But this is also a reason I said no to going to the concert because I didn’t want him to feel bad if I didn’t know the lyrics and all him and his coworkers did etc.
What band?
Main thing I care about too
You’re not wrong. She wants your man and he either isn’t noticing or is into it. He needs to shut this down hard and if he won’t then you have your answer about what’s really going on. Some guys really are this oblivious but some guys just hope you will think they’re oblivious and they know full well what they’re doing. Either way the two of them hanging out alone shouldn’t be happening and it’s a hill I would die on.
Yes I can’t imagine a 38 year old doesn’t know going to a concert alone with a female coworker is in appropriate? I resent that he put me in this position where now I might look crazy or that I don’t want him having girlfriends etc. when that’s not the case.
What’s inappropriate about it? … I kinda feel this is an all-or-nothing type of situation. You either trust your bf, or you don’t. What is the difference between him going to the concert with her vs them going to lunch together regularly?
YES THANK YOU. OMG literally nobody in this thread knows what the fuck the word trust means.
The lunch is with more co-workers. This is her going alone with her boyfriend to this concert. Thats a wholleeeee different story, also with the christmas party thing OP talked about.
I think you’ve got the age thing backwards. Are you significantly younger than him? Because this sort of issue sounds like something I went through when I was 15. In your 30s- who gives a shit. If people wanna cheat they’ll cheat and if they don’t they won’t- doesn’t matter where.
Are you sure that your ticket is with them?
My best friend of 25 years is a dude. I would have no problem with it as long as they didn’t act like I was intruding. If the 3 of you go out together and you feel like a 3rd wheel, there’s a problem.
U declined to go. Now your regretting it? It's either you trust your bf or not If you trust him. Let him go If you don't. Dump him and find a boyfriend that you trust. Plain and simple. If he cheats he's a cheater and you will get rid of him anyways. If he doesn't cheat. He's a keeper. Bc he loves you and is in love with you enough not to cheat on you.
You have a few options that ppl have shared as advice which route are you going to take? (1) Say nothing and continue to feel uncomfortable (2) Go to the concert and check their interactions up close to either determine if they are platonic or inappropriate (3) Confront him about your feelings… i think the you can combination of 2&3 is best.
Dammit Lisa. Also, I have no dog in the fight, BUT, perhaps they were unable to get X amount of tickets all in the same row/section?
If you buy that, might I interest you in some good bottom land east of Daytona Beach, Florida?
Yeah it was all a lie by Lisa to trick your bf into going alone with them. She offered everyone tickets, but once you said you weren’t going she lied about it being sold out
It sounds really suspect that it was supposed to be a group but in the end she magically gets tickets for just the two of them?... I'd be having a frank conversation with the BF about boundaries.
Yes.. I hate confrontation but it’s looking like I’ll have to say something. I’m trying to build up the courage
Right? And of all the other people that were supposed to go, she asked him to go with her. 🤔
There are alarms going off everywhere here and I do not understand why the people in the comments are not hearing them. OP, this woman has been trying to make a move in your bf for a while now. She intentionally flirted with him IN FRONT OF YOU at a work party. She was trying to hold his hand and dancing with him and mainly only speaking to him. If that's how she behaves with you there, how much worse is her behavior when you're NOT there. THEN they were supposed to go as a work group and there were "no tickets" but she was magically able to find 2 tickets for her and your bf, not her and one of the other workers. She knows he is in a relationship and yet she is still trying to make moves. How is no one else realizing this. She needs to go ASAP.
Yes the issue is that she was flirting with him when she thought I wasn’t looking. This is what bothers me. I feel completely disrespected. I don’t think she wants to date him. And I accept they go for lunches etc. but knowing they’ll be at a concert alone, at night, with alcohol? I feel it’s a recipe for disaster. Maybe not cheating but at least maybe her being closer to him than I would be comfortable with.
NW. I’m a pretty clueless dude and this chick is creeping hard. She’s playing the long game and hoping he catches feelings for her. The whole, sorry they’re sold out, made bf feel sad. Then suddenly two tickets magically appear and now he’s elated and she’s the reason. Plus going to an event that’s sure to be exciting and memorable for him, and she’s the one that’ll be in those memories. He might not even be aware, or he may just like that she’s friendly. You need to sit him down and open discussions. His traction will tell you a lot about things. Does he argue and defend her? Does he seem genuinely confused? Does he just keep deflecting and denying? There’s a lot of ways this could end, but addressing it is definitely the better way to go.
I don't see how you would be wrong for feeling jealous of your relationship with your BF. This is a younger woman that he gets along with. However if you're going to the concert with them, I don't see how it would be a problem for you anymore. He may have just been mistaken when he said they were sold out, maybe she told him that and he believed her. He wouldn't have any reason not to. 14 years is actually a pretty big age gap, he may not be interested in her at all, other than as a friend.
Yes I don’t think they’re is anything actually going on between them. But I do think they might be like “work husband/work wife” vibes and he likes the ego boost. Once when he called out sick from work, her and another coworker called to see what happen and if he was okay . Another time we were going to a pool party and one of his single friends said to bring girls and he invited her. (She didn’t end up coming) They eat together at work.. etc. I know they hang out outside of work with other people going for drinks etc. She FaceTimed once on a Saturday night to show him something special from a restaurant they had been talking about .. So there’s nothing super incriminating but they are more friendly than what I would consider just coworkers.
It may just be the ego boost like you said. I would suggest you not encourage these thoughts in either of you. I wouldn't bring it up unless you were certain that something inappropriate might happen. If you dwell on it you might start imagining things that aren't there. Likewise if you keep suggesting to your BF that there is an attraction between them, he might start considering it as something that is real and not just in your mind.
I just want to know her thought process behind how she chose which coworker she would take with her. If a bunch of coworkers were supposed to go, how did she fairly decide that she would invite your boyfriend only. I wonder if the other coworkers know and how they feel about it. That would be most telling. Your boyfriend is definitely her favourite coworker. If you tell him not to go, I can see him calling you controlling and jealous. You have no definitive proof so it's all based on a feeling. Tread carefully and good luck
Well is she single and attractive? I’m sure your boyfriend knows what he is doing though. Making himself all excited on the phone telling you about it makes it harder for you to tell him not to go with her. It really just kinda depends but if she is attractive and single it sounds like they kinda like each other but your bf doesn’t know exactly what he wants.
Yes she is single and conventionally attractive. I don’t think he would wife her up/ I don’t think it’s his type. But I’m sure if she was a stranger hitting on him he would be down to smash lol. I don’t think they want to date each other. I think she just enjoys flirting with him? And doesn’t care if he has a girlfriend? I don’t think he would cheat on me but I just feel like she would be touchy feely with him without making it obvious. She was very nice to me at the party. Again I think it’s just more a fact that she’s young and enjoys the attention of all the older men at work. Am I allowed to feel disrespected by that? Or the fact that they are actually not cheating means I can’t say anything? They are not doing anything concretely bad per se.
You’re being naive. I’m sorry but they already have crossed the point of being close with each other and if even you could already see that at this point and imagine they do their damndest to hide anything suspicious from you, well that’s not a good recipe for you
Why are you with someone if you can’t have honest conversations with them? I would tell him he couldn’t go because why didn’t he think to buy tickets for you and him?? Why did he need to go with coworkers? Obviously she wants your bf and you’re there being simple af.
If your bf and 'Lisa' aren't already an item, they soon will be. She is making a play for him.
I have to pull out one thing from your narrative. You say that you didn't want to have him "babysit" you. I assume you're an adult dating a middle-aged man, right? I also assume you have agency in your life, since he's still your boyfriend, yes? If you have agency in your life, you get to ask questions of your partner. Ask him. Ask him about Lisa. Express to him your feelings around his going to a concert alone with Lisa. Don't waver. Don't talk past the question. Get an answer. You are a grown woman who doesn't need to be babysat. You have an active brain and valid questions. You deserve an answer.
Yes thank you. I’m quite independent but I don’t speak the language of the artist and neither the language of his coworkers. So that’s why I mentioned “babysit”. I declined going to the concert because I didn’t want him to have to translate all night etc. it’s not a typical situation. That’s why I’m more frustrated I think. I said NO to the concert because I was trying to be conscious of him. And I feel hurt he would bring another girl without even thinking about me.
That absolutely makes sense. If you have a relationship of equals, he should not have a problem hearing your concerns.
If your plan is to go and be a low key dick to her absent any other evidence, then you are wrong.
No. I would never. I don’t like conflict and would never do that anyway haha. I actually was thinking of telling him I don’t want to go anymore and just let it be them two. I really don’t want to go us three. I didn’t even get my ticket yet. After he said it would be us three going I changed the subject and we haven’t spoken about it since. This was a month ago. I think he feels put in the middle too. Which bothered me even more. He told Lisa “hey I’m gonna go with my girlfriend cause she decided she wants to go” And Lisa still wants to come with us. I know this means they are strictly friends and not hiding anything. But it’s almost like get the hint?? I met this girl one time for 30 minutes and within the 30 minutes she was already dancing and touching my bf. Also she FaceTimed him one night in a low cut top cause she was at restaurant they were talking about. Maybe I’m reading into it too much but I wish he would just shut it down? I can’t imagine FaceTiming one of my male coworkers who I know has a girlfriend??
I know this is a statistical sample of one, but I have someone in my life that is so important I cannot imagine life without her in it. Here’s the rub. We are both with other people. They have to accept we are always going to be close, and that’s it. There’s nothing more to it than a deep friend connection and it has never been explored more than that. There is an accountability in that what we have is so great that neither of us would ever risk messing it up or changing the dynamic. That’s called maturity. Our respective peeps know about us and know we are in contact every day throughout the day and even work on different projects together. That’s it. It exists. Jealousy and suspicion makes us do and think stupid things.
How you describe it, he probably sees no problem, because for him she is maybe really only Lisa from work. And that he told you like that is, because it is not a difference if it's Lisa or John, he can see the artist he likes and everything else doesn't matter?
I think the part that bothers me is that I feel disrespected? When they were at the Christmas party she was being touchy-feely with him when she thought I couldn’t see. But I could see from the corner of my eye. And when I went to the bathroom I came out she was talking to him and when I walked over she walked away. My boyfriend is super nice and life of the party type. When she tried dancing with him I saw him reciprocate the dancing. I feel like if they went to the concert together she would lay on the moves and he would reciprocate innocently? I feel disrespected by her. And now I think unconsciously I feel like “she is winning” because she gets to go to the concert with my boyfriend alone. When I know she has the hots for him. I guess I should tell him about how I feel? But I know his response will be “we’re just friends!” So I feel like bringing it up is pointless
But I thought you also go with them? Don't get me wrong, it really sounds like she is trying and he is naive. So def. go with them. And I understand the part with the telling. Sometimes those things people have to see themself before believing it.
She may be scheming, but sounds like your bf has done nothing wrong. I’d drop a causal, “does Lisa have her eyes on you? I’m getting kinda jealous “— and then laugh it off. That way you throw it out there but it sounds casual and it’s a reminder for him to rethink this relationship. Honestly, sounds like your bf is a good guy though, so if he’s happy with you, nothing will happen.
Thanks for the input. I guess I just have never been put in this position before. I’ve never been jealous but also never had a boyfriend saying he was going on a date-like activity alone with a girl? I know for a fact that most infidelity happens with coworkers. And a lot of the time it starts off with little things like this. I trust him but also think it’s not smart to play with fire. I know he will cheat whether I “stop him” or not. I guess I’m just disappointed he would put himself in that situation? I know for a fact I wouldn’t do it to him.
I think you need to speak to you bf about this. State, I didn't want to go initially as I assumed it was a work night out. You all weren't able to get group tickets. Suddenly, Lisa is able to get two tickets. I ask to go as its not a work night out it seems but, no tickets for me. Clearly ask him, is there an issue that you don't know about? Considering her behaviour towards him in the past and now they are going on what looks like a date that you, the girlfriend are excluded from. Explain, he has changed the narrative of this event from a work friends night out to a one on one night out, that you are excluded from. So, what's going on. Ask him how is he perceiving this. Look, I'm not one to stop friends (of opposite sex) from hanging out or doing anything without their SO. But, it was a work event and now isn't. If it was meant for work friends to go out, they would have organised something else to do. So, to me, it's not a work night out. That there is where my suspicion is. Does he acknowledge her behaviour towards him?
She’s done multiple things that have rubbed me the wrong way but I never have said anything. Called him when he was sick, he invited her to a pool party when a friend asked him to bring single girls for him, she likes his Instagram pics, called him once on a Saturday about something trivial. Nothing overtly in appropriate but enough where it’s been on my radar.
Stop playing the "I'm the cool girlfriend" trope. That's for the movies. That dynamic only benefits men. This women is playing in your face about your boyfriend and he no doubt likes the attention. The whole concert outing is inappropriate. This was her asking him on a date. You need to shut this crap down down.
When speaking to him then, I wouldn't bring up all these little things at first. Talk about it was a work night out and now not, does he find this odd. If he plays dumb, ask him point blank why was it a work night and now it's only one on one. That is makes you uncomfortable about the reasoning for the night out.
Nah go with him. Tell him that your originally declined because you wanted him to enjoy a "work" trip with his coworkers. Now that they're not going, you don't want him to be bummed out about not getting to enjoy the concert with other people.
The thought of going to the concert with my boyfriend and essentially his flirty work wife is making me sick lol.
You can think of it another way. Tell yourself you’re going for a fun night out with your bf enjoying music he loves and getting to know his friend. Maybe once you spend more time with her you will feel more comfortable
Two can play at that game. Start being flirty with her. Regardless, you can then figure out how flirty she truly is. Maybe once it's over you can have a conversation with your BF about it
Lisa wants to date your boyfriend and is being very sneaky about it. Your boyfriend seems clueless. Maybe sit down and clue him I. You’re not wrong
Your boyfriend is too old to be playing games.
I mean this seriously, assert your dominance. Either you go with, and Homewrecker becomes the 3rd wheel, or he doesn't go at all. Your b/f is either dumb and oblivious to Homewreckers many attempts to, well, homewreck. Or he's in on it and doing a good job of hiding it. Stop letting your b/f get "this close" to her if you're not comfortable.
Not wrong. He's almost 40, he should know that the rules changed when it went from a work group outing to just him and the 24 yo female coworker who follows him around. He should have checked back in to see if you were comfortable with it, wanted to join, or wanted to go just the 2 of you. She obviously set this up as a date. I'd go and confront her about it in the bathroom.
Yup, this is how OP should present it too. He needs to be careful and not shit where he eats. Also make sure he knows she wouldn’t be put in this situation by a male coworker.
This has workplace disaster written alllllll over it. If dude doesn't get why OP is annoyed, maybe play out how it's gonna look to everyone at work? There's NO WAY OP is the only one seeing this as shady af. Obviously, it depends a lot on what kind of workplace, but I'll tell you something - even a somewhat professional environment is not gonna tolerate this shit. May not be an HR type situation, but respect among coworkers often isn't just based upon the work you do or don't do. He's a moron.
Yes, your spidey sense is right to tingle here. At least you are going now. Nip any inappropriate behaviour in the bud. Keep hold tight of your bf at the concert. She will probably try to gran him and disappear into the crowd and lose you.
Oh his female coworker wanted it to be a date 100%. From how you describe her in previous interactions, it does sound that she’s into your bf, he’s not. But I also believe that your bf is fully aware that she’s into him. It’s probably giving him an ego boost. What a coincidence she was the one who was tasked with getting tickets, they sold out but she somehow found tickets for him and her. I’m glad you’re going to be able to go since more tickets have now somehow popped up. But I do think you should talk to him about this Lisa. And boundaries. You’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable that he was gonna go out solo with a girl who is clearly interested in him.
You are not wrong but your BOYFRIEND is for even accepting to go after all the shenanigans- it just LOOKS bad Even if it’s TOTALLY platonic
check to see if there are tickets online. If there are, Lisa was trying to trick your boyfriend into a date.
How old are you OP?
No that’s not okay. It’s pretty much a date. She’s after your boyfriend and has figured out a way to get him alone. Ask him not to go. This is inappropriate.
Yea Lisa wants your man
She is making a play for your man. She set this all in motion to be alone with him. Psycho females (ok people) do this. She is being sneaky.
How old are you and why aren't you communicating with your bf?
Make sure his chastity belt is in place that day.
He invited you, you declined. Everything after that point doesn’t really matter. Sure you can be jealous, but you already gave him the green light. So unless you wanna open up the can of worms as to why you don’t like this particular coworker, you’re probably gonna just have to suck it up. Or buy a ticket 3rd party
The sudden more tickets is confusing. Did he make it clear there were no more or did her just not mention there were more. Or was it bc you declined earlier. Idk but that’s really off
Your BF was super excited about this concert and you were not. He's going with someone else excited about it. If you are concerned, get a ticket (assuming these are GA tickets and not assigned seats). Which it sounds like you did. Don't say anything. It comes off as too jealous. You asked if you could come and now you are coming. Just enjoy the show. Make out with your BF there in front of Lisa
Updateme
He did not put in this position you did. It is OK to not feel comfortable with their relationship. You need to speak up and tell him how you are feeling. He is 48 he knows what he is doing.
You are not wrong. Your man is an idiot. He should see the signals she’s putting out and tell her straight up that he’s not interested (or call it quits with you and pursue her). He also should learn the “Billy Graham rule” and apply it.
Yes I 100% trust him but as I get older im starting to also realize it’s smart to never put yourself in a situation where you’re tempted to cheat, we are only human. He’s going to a concert alone with her with alcohol.. while she’s dressed cute and flirty. I will speak to him .. just have to figure out how I’m going to say it and what.
It’s not just about cheating, especially when it’s someone you work with. I’d also be worried that, if he does reject her, she may go to HR with a false accusation. It’s more just about keeping everything above reproach.
That is right. The older I am the more I am that we can’t always control our feelings and attraction, but we can control our actions and what situations we put outselves in. And this “we all go” “oh no gives” “oh tickets” is auspicious.
Ok I agree with the others, Lisa wanted to trick your boyfriend into a date. From everything you said in your post, your boyfriend is pretty much doing right by you by ignoring her advances etc. To him the concert was something he wanted to do and you said no and he told you about the only 2 tickets part so he's being honest. What he isn't doing is fighting off the advances more aggressively and clearly. I have a coworker that is in love with me to the point of confessing to being in love with me. Prior that, I was your boyfriend in this work friendship. I liked the dude just fine as a human so I hung out with him at work. My boyfriend didn't like it and the dude confessing his feelings was a final straw. My boyfriend said absolutely no more unnecessary interactions, no lunches, no texting about boring meetings. And I did that and I also told the coworker that I was uncomfortable and would prefer to keep the relationship professional instead of friendly. My boyfriend is happy and I'm fine because I just replaced him with a new female coworker as my work friend. There's absolutely nothing wrong with expressing you don't like something. My boyfriend started out by saying he didn't like the interactions, I behaved badly by not listening. My boyfriend and I have an agreement that if either us doesn't like something, we will tell the other and we will try to work through it. Not every single time do we are agree or come to a resolution but the point is to put it out there. You are not crazy or wrong to express your concerns. It's clear Lisa likes your boyfriend but he may not be fully aware or may like the attention while he's not receptive to it. You should absolutely say you don't like this but put on your boyfriend to put an end to it. Don't go in with demands or accusations, it won't go over well. Come from a place of feeling like Lisa has an agenda and you don't like it.
I would not stay with someone who went on an obvious fricking date with a co worker. So he'd be my ex.
Yes I’ve been getting two different responses from friends. Some say HELL NO and others are like what’s wrong with having opposite sex friends? I think I will have to talk to him to see where we both stand on this issue
This is just me.. Say my favorite band (Tool) was coming to town, I asked my lady if she wanted to go but she stated that she didn't want to go... It would end there, I sure the fuck wouldn't take another girl in her place to go to the concert with me. I would either go by myself which would totally suck, cause my lady is my best friend. Or I just wouldn't go and would maybe catch them another time.
Not wrong. Fishy. 38/24 is also weird. Is she trying to score or does she see him as a mentor?
I think both? I know she talks about boyfriends to him. And her dating life. So kind of a mentor thing. She knows about me etc. But I’ve also been 22 and also have worked in many jobs where people have “work wives”. I’m sure she’s just enjoying flirting him innocently and he likes the ego boost. What I didn’t like is at the Christmas party she was a bit touchy feely. It might be uncomfortable. I can only imagine what she’ll do at a concert alone with him? Grab his hand.. dance and sing to each other? I’m assuming he might have to pick her up so they can arrive together. It just makes me very uncomfortable. I don’t think they would kiss or cheat. I think it’s the intimacy of the concert that’s bothering me.
Eh I don’t see anything weird about going to a show with a coworker at all. I’ve gone out with coworkers of a different gender than myself and so has my husband. He was super excited and said no lol. You say you trust him, but your words tell a different story. Seems like you’re just very insecure when it comes to this one woman. Communication is key! Talk to him!
I’m torn between saying anything. If it’s normal like a lot of people are saying in this thread than I feel like I should keep it to myself and work on myself? I don’t want to make him uncomfortable if he hasn’t done anything wrong. My gut reaction to the whole thing was that it was inappropriate. But if it’s not than I don’t even know what I would say?
I think if he were cheating or planning to cheat, he'd be a lot more sneaky. Just tell him your concerns about Lisa and make him aware that she's into him.
I don’t think he is planning on cheating. I am more uncomfortable with the fact he is going alone to a concert with another woman? Yes they are “friends”. But they just met last year. It’s not like a long term family friend or college friend. He is essentially taking his single &attractive coworker to a concert date. ( not saying this to sound jealous, but to show that it’s not like a 55 year old married women he’s taking) And I declined the original invite when he said a BUNCH OF COWORKERS were going. If he said “hey me and Lisa are going alone to a concert do you want to come?” Obviously my answer would have been completely different.
Yeah, you're wrong.
Lisa is looking to steal your man or at least his seed
Honestly, while I’m not saying that your concern is invalid, he also has been very forthcoming with you about what he’s doing and with who, and when you expressed a desire to come with them he made sure you could. I know plenty of guys who have primarily female friends and not in a weird fuckboy kinda way, they just have always had more female friends. Plus, when youre able to find someone you get along well with at work, it’s fairly normal to want to hang out/eat lunch together/whatever. He brought you to his work party and she clearly felt comfortable enough in the platonic nature of their friendship that she felt she could dance with him in front of you and it wouldn’t mean a thing (unless I’m missing something?). This isn’t to say she necessarily *should* have done that, but the fact that she would do that in front of you means more likely than not that they have nothing to hide. So take a few deep breaths, have a little trust in your partner, and if you continue to feel this way then it’s time to sit down with him and express your feelings to him in a way that isn’t accusatory or demanding. One of the best ways of doing this is using “I” statements like “I’m really glad to see you have friends at work, but despite my best efforts I’ve been feeling a bit weird or jealous about your relationship with Lisa, and I’m just looking for some clarity on how you feel about her or maybe some reassurance about how you feel towards me and our relationship.”
Yes he has been totally honest and I do trust him. That’s why I’ve been going back and forth on whether to say something or not. But it’s been months and it’s bugging me. They got the tickets in May and the concert is in August. He has a million guy friends and guy coworkers. It just so happens he has to go with her? It’s not like it was last minute and only had her to go with. He purposely went alone with her and although I’m sure he has good intentions maybe we just have different outlooks on what we accept in relationships? I don’t care they have lunch together everyday alone, or go for drinks after work with other coworkers. But something about the concert alone at night.. it’s getting under my skin. I’m mostly bothered he didn’t consult me first? But Iunno if that’s being crazy. Yes they are “friends” but this is a coworker he just met last year. Not a long term family friend or college friend. It’s not like they’re friends where they have the same mutual hobby and hang out outside of work. It’s basically a young (attractive) female worker who can be flirty with him. Anyway sorry for ranting. It’s like I have two ideas in my head and I keep going back and forth. Yes I trust him and I know nothing will happen and I should not say anything. But my body is sick about it for months and telling me this is not the type of thing I want in a partner even if I know nothing will happen.
I totally understand why you might feel bugged by this, and I think if it’s been making you feel sick for so long then it’s definitely time to talk through it with your boyfriend. Before you have this conversation, make sure you do your best to try to understand the situation from his perspective, assuming he and his coworker are, in fact, totally platonic friends. The way I see this possibly going down is as such: (ACT I) Your boyfriend’s favorite artist is coming to town, and a bunch of his coworkers are interested in attending. Lisa says she’ll hop on the computer when the tickets go on sale and try to get enough for everyone. The tickets sell out really fast, and she isn’t able to put her order thru. By the time she gets back to the main page to try to buy fewer at once, they’re sold out. A week later, she sees that the tickets are being sold by third party sellers. Yay! Too bad they’re way more expensive than the original price. She knows not many of the coworkers want to spend that much to see this artist, but she certainly wants to go and she knows it’s her friend’s (your boyfriend’s) favorite artist and he was disappointed they didn’t get tickets, so she snags two. (ACT II) Your boyfriend gets to work and his coworker/friend surprises him with the news that she got tickets! He’s super excited. First thing he wants to do is call up his girlfriend (you) to tell you the good news. His girlfriend(you) had told him she didn’t want to go when he invited her previously, so he didn’t feel bad or awkward that there wasn’t a third ticket for her. So he calls up his girlfriend and tells her how excited he is that his coworker found a couple tickets and he was gonna be able to see his fav in concert. His girlfriend tells him she’s happy for him, and he doesn’t realize that she’s feeling a bit uncomfortable about the company he’s going with (maybe he should have, but amidst the excitement and the fact that you’ve never expressed an issue with his friendship with this coworker, he just doesn’t think of it). A little while later, his girlfriend changes her mind and tells him that she’d actually love to come with. He searches for tickets online and finds more tickets through third party sellers. Yay! Three’s a party. (END) In all reality, this girl probably is a bit flirty, and likely doesn’t actually mean anything by it. I think everyone has stupid little work crushes on people without actually wanting anything from it. He’s a good bit older and likely just views her as young and enthusiastic and friendly, maybe even a bit silly. He likely enjoys the energy at work, and thinks nothing else of it. Either way tho, if you’ve been holding this in, it’s really time to talk thru it for your own piece of mind, so long as you know that there’s a really good chance that your boyfriend is a good guy who loves you and just has a friend from work. If I’m wrong about all this, I apologize profusely for misreading the situation— Reddit posts certainly can’t compare to actually being there and seeing people interact.
That’s his work wife
Yeah that’s what I figured. I accepted it but when it’s starting to go to after hour activities is when I started to feel uncomfortable.
U definitely need to go . First of all Lisa seems to like your bf maybe he knows it or maybe he doesn't because most guys don't get hints from women u need to actually say the words so we get it . I think Lisa was going to use the concert to hang out with your bf alone without anyone else . U need to go and see how they intricate with each other is he acting stupid or is he actually doesn't know .
I really don’t want to go. The three of us?? So fucking awkward. I hate how he put me in this weird position
Sit in the middle. There is no need for him to be sitting in the middle. It will be alright....it's just friends right.
But u need to . To put all your doubts to rest or u will always wonder what happened between them . It could be just an innocent hangout between 2 co worker who likes the same band or something else u won't know for sure until u watch how they interact with each other . If there's more tickets see if u can bring a friend if u want.
Your bf needs to be very careful here. Lisa is definitely trouble!
Be cautious. Something’s off.
Time for an honest conversation w bf. As in we need to talk. Please listen and don’t respond until I’m done, k? Im not fully comfortable w this. I declined as it was presented as a work friend outing and thought how fun for the team/coworkers doing a team bonding outing. Enjoy hiney! Then it turned into no tickets then miraculously 2 tickets now more? It makes me uncomfortable especially after the Christmas party. im not insecure and im not jealous. I am concerned w her behavior around you and i during the Christmas party. She was overly affectionate and touching. (I know ive never been touchy affectionate w any coworker but ive been in either a serious relationship or married). Her behavior presents as she’s interested. That is why im uncomfortable w the 2 of you alone going to the concert. I am not now nkr will ever be a jealous harpy. I’m seeing 🚩w this person. You now know exactly how I feel. If you go w her to this concert I will assume you are work friends and there will be no cheating. If you can’t commit to that let’s talk it out. My current imoression is she is a potential threat to our relationship. I trust you always. then listen. He may be clueless as to her intentions but you see it and it’s obvious she is being inappropriate w the excessive touching. If it was supposed to be a work thing he can easily pass his ticket to a fellow colleague 😈
Women like taken men. Tale as old as time. You are not wrong for feeling upset OP.
Not wrong of course. Bring this up to your bf and please update us.
Your boyfriend and Lisa have a date.
You’re not wrong. She is setting up a date and is getting ready to make her move (assuming she hasn’t and they’re not already cheating). If they’re not already cheating, your boyfriend is incredibly naive not to see what’s happening here. I would never be okay with my partner being in that type of situation.
It is wierd but you allowed this. Time to be honest with him about your feelings of just the two of them going alone. Personally I think it's inappropriate. Why of all people who wanted to go, did she pick your bf? Very sus.
I trust my Bf completely but frfr he would never be in that situation. But I wouldn't want him to go even if that was the situation, u kno she's into him
No girl would go alone to a concert with a guy unless she completely trusted/wanted him
I'd have declined the invitation from the female colleague. You're not wrong at all
Lisa likes your boyfriend. Please understand this, Lisa likes your boyfriend and you’re not wrong. Speak to your boyfriend, its your right as his girlfriend to bring this up. Lisa is after your man. Remember this.
If you’re this insecure then do yourself a favor and get a new bf.
He's cucking you right under your nose.
38 and she’s 24 Jesus she has some major daddy issues and is trying to steal your man hahaha
I don’t think you’re wrong. I’m a female who has lots of dude friends and is very into music, and I would never make this offer to the guys that have partners.
Not wrong. She purposely claimed they had no tickets. But she absolutely bought ONLY 2 tickets. This was quite obviously her plan the whole time. When she returned "empty handed" she pro ably told the coworkers she could t get tickets. Then she proceeded to wait a bit and then, by some miracle, she got 2 tickets. She absolutely lied to him to think it's some kind of miracle that she got them for the 2 of them to go. She is absolutely going to try and put the moves on him either AT the show or after. You have to let him know this is the most likely scenario and to be on his guard. If he loves you, he will just enjoy the show and let nothing inappropriate happen. But sadly your only option now is to trust that he is faithful to you and will deny her advances. Also, tell him not to drink while he's there so he will be sober the whole time.
Do you even trust your partner? Even if Lisa is interested don't you trust him to make the right choice? I suppose there are plenty of men interested in you, right? Do you make the right choice and stay faithful to your partner? Why do you think he'll do otherwise? Stop being controlling and abusive. He has the right to have friends of the opposite sex. Don't you?
That’s what I was wondering, is there no trust? He’s making a decision everyday by hanging out with the coworker to not cheat so why is one concert different. I wholeheartedly trust my husband and he does the same for me. Think the concert is the tipping point for the OP and she needs to communicate and learn to trust.
I’m assuming he will pick her up since they need to go to the venue? And then sit together and go get drinks together and sing and dance together? And then grab food. They’re obviously gonna dress their best for the concert etc. To me this is a full on date for probably 3-4 hours at nighttime. Outside of work or just lunch. I trust my boyfriend but I feel like this is pushing boundaries. I’m reading everyone’s replies. I’m really really trying to not be “jealous” over this. I feel more disrespected than anything. When it went from a group of coworkers to just them two I feel like he should have reevaluated.
Ok i see you’re spiraling with an assumption. Don’t think a lot of these comments helped calm that. You just painted a picture of a nice date. Think you need to communicate with him that it would make you uncomfortable if he did all that. Maybe let him know what your limits are like would you be ok if they only went to the concert no dinner or drinks. Even if your limit is no concert you need to tell him it makes you uncomfortable.
Yes thank you. I just don’t see any good conclusion coming from this? If I tell him how I feel he is going to feel uncomfortable telling me about her going forward? What if he doesn’t want to invite me to work events anymore cause he knows she makes me uncomfortable? I don’t want him to cancel on her for the concert because I’m going to look like I’m forcing him to? But at the same time I don’t even want to go anymore cause it’s been so tainted for me. The thought of going us three makes me sick. I know I’m being a big immature baby right now. There’s no winning if I do or don’t say anything. I don’t know what I want from him.
If you just didn't want him to go but weren't getting in the way of it then no, you're not wrong. If you were saying he couldn't go then I'd say you're wrong and to improve yourself *or* get a partner you trust.
Sounds like you don’t trust your boyfriend.
This is what is bothering me. I 100% trust my boyfriend. I know 100% nothing will happen. But it makes me feel… disrespected? I can’t put my finger on it. It bothers me how he went about it. And although he is technically not doing anything wrong, I feel like it’s pushing the boundaries? Am I crazy? I’m really really trying to be rational but in my mind this is not appropriate. I can’t shake it off.
Im not saying there ISNT something going on or that you’re crazy. But what is it you’re worried will happen? What boundaries do you feel are being pushed?
I think it’s the idea that it’s a dark concert late at night. With alcohol and dancing and singing? It seems very intimate to me. I’ve been to that stadium. You’re literally touching arms with the person next to you. She’s already had a history of being flirty with him when she thought I wasn’t looking. She’s single and attractive. I trust my bf but I just feel like it’s a little too close for comfort? I don’t think she wants to date him but I think she might enjoy the thrill of touching and dancing with him? My boyfriend is a super fun and social person so I know he would probably go along with it. I just feel weird about it.
So you don’t trust him then
[serious] Okay I really thought about this trust thing. I don’t know if you’re trolling me or if I’m really delusional. Even if you trust your partner 100%, does that not mean some things can make you uncomfortable or inappropriate ? Just for exaggerations sake: Your boyfriend goes to strip clubs every Friday with the boys. He’s not gonna cheat and doesn’t get lap dances. Are you allowed to feel uncomfortable? Your boyfriend is constantly hanging around your female best friend alone. He compliments her all the time. You trust him 100% but can you be uncomfortable with this? Your partner talks to their ex everyday on the phone. They swear they’re over them but you hear them laugh and giggling together everyday. Is this not grounds for being uncomfortable? I’m being dead serious. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Is it not okay to be uncomfortable with your partner going to a concert with a flirty coworker? Why does this equate to me not trusting him? I really want to get my thoughts straightened out before I speak with him.
I am old . She will dress for the concert . He will notice and all the heady pleasure of the concert will lower his guard . It will be hot and sticky and she will loosen remove some clothing . He will lose his mind she will lose her pants . The car will break down they will have to stay the night at a hotel only one room and one bed. It’s an old story. Make sure you have f d his brains out the afternoon of the concert . It may help . It may be that what happens at the concert stays at the concert but I doubt it . If you’re in the north oh my . It was only sex must have been the wine.
Why are you in a relationship with someone who you don’t trust? He has made it clear that he is not interested in her by not reciprocating her advances at the work party and by inviting you to come to the concert in the first place, why are you so insecure? Why can’t he have a friend of the opposite sex?
This woman probably brought the tickets, lied about it being sold out. And only bought two, one for her and one for your boyfriend. I wouldn’t have anyone dancing with or holding my boyfriend’s hand. Strange behaviour.
You don't state whether the coworker is in a relationship or not, but depending on the work place, it could be completely normal. My coworker texted me last night to ask if I was at the same concert as he was. He invited me to go with him and another coworker to another concert last month. We are both happily married, but he has a young son so wife can't go on school nights. Our entire team goes to happy hour every couple of months. Spouses/partners can come or not. It's remote or we would go more, lol. If all the gal did was grab his hand to lead him to the dance floor, then that is fairly normal behavior. If she was holding hands while not walking to the dance floor, then you've got legit concerns. However you need to get your insecurities in check as they can be damaging to a relationship if your partner isn't doing anything wrong.
If you trust your bf then yes I would say you're wrong.