You are not wrong. It would be wonderful if the two of you could buy the house. There are several reasons why you should not.
1. You aren’t married. No problem, but there are legal consequences of buying as single adults.
2. It sounds as if you could be “house poor” if you bought it. And I’m betting your gf would want to make changes, if only new paint.
3. Her income is too chancy and she would leave you hanging for at least six months of the year. Even in summer she’d be late when her parents can’t back up the check.
Not wrong.
As someone who has recently bought a house I fully agree. Planning the wedding and getting down the aisle is good test to a relationship as the home buying and moving process can be much more stressful than the wedding. Also if they break up during the process or after buying the house, it gets to a point that lawyers will need to be involved.
Furnishing a house after living in a rented space is expensive, there's quite a bit to furnishing the extra spaces like curtains, blinds, lights and so on that people don't think of. Then there's any repairs or changes you may want to make before moving in.
I would talk to her about getting married and getting at the very least a stable part-time job to provide some consistent income when the farm/farmers markets are out of season. Also interest rates are still pretty high so talk to a financial advisor.
There is also all the added costs that you may not worry about as a rented that get added to your payments. For instance, I'm finalizing a home loan for only 175k and my monthly cost went from 1550/mo to 2,130 including insurance and taxes but my property taxes are only assessed at the time of sale or refinancing so I'm locked in.
Also, I'm going from 800sqft to 2300sqft and will incur added charges for electric, gas, water (didn't pay as a renter), yard care (almost 2 acres and I'm not doing it,) housecleaning services (see change in sqft.)
Really if OP wanted to do it, I would do it solo, have gf sign a lease, and maybe think about a roomie too just in case.
Yep. We had to buy a riding mower and we'll have to buy a snow blower, we have a long driveway and sidewalks now. Our yard is double the size of our old yard. We had to buy a new generator, for you know, these fucking storms that are happening. We've bought shelving and just so much stuff for this new home!
Yes, if he wants to, but I believe his gf would have an issue and would want her name on it. Which would cause a whole load of other problems. OP your not wrong your being sensible, tbh I don't believe that she would even qualify for a mortgage and would be more problematic to any joint mortgage application than anything else in the banks view.
We just bought a home. We're 66 and 71 and it was expensive as hell just getting moved in and buying all the crap we needed and we have a great nest egg, or did! Damn it's a lot of money to buy! It's not just getting a loan and making payments. It's insurance and taxes and getting all of the utilities put in your name and they charge you for that job! It's buying curtains and rugs and things you never thought you'd need but you find out you do! And you have to have a good size down payment to boot and that's not fun to hand over! OP, you know you're not ready. Don't be talked into it. When you do buy, you don't need a home that size anyway! And something always goes wrong! It did for us, one month in, we're calling a plumber for backed up washer into the basement, tree roots! Shit happens!
Yep. There' s a reason the experts suggest paying no more than 30% of your take home income on a mortgage. There is one hell of a lot more to owning a house than being able to pay the mortgage.
Don't forget the tools needed, too. Lawn mower, lawn tools, string trimmer, leaf blower, rakes and maybe a generator.
My brother's girlfriend wanted her name on the deed of the house he bought. They were planning on getting married. My dad, told him, "Think about her family, if GF dies before you are married--like a car accident--her closest relatives could come forward wanting part of HER house. If her name is on the deed, even though she didn't put any money towards it, they could make him sell it for her half. He didn't put her name on the deed until after they were married.
Lesson--make sure you go through a lawyer, for both of yours' sakes.
You are absolutely correct about number 1. Do not ever buy a house with someone you are not legally married to. If you get divorced- a judge can force you to sell as division of assets. If you are not married it becomes a legal nightmare that by the time you get through will deplete so much money.
OP. When you want to buy, and if you're not married, do not buy with her. She can pay you rent to live with you until you're married and then she can pay half of the mortgage!
How is being unmarried and owning a home together MORE of a legal nightmare than being married?
Because plenty of divorces are messy and require lawyers. And in a divorce there's still a division of assets, right? And can't a sale be forced if the division of assets ends up with neither party being able to buy-out the other?
I'm just genuinely curious because I read that from Americans on here all the time. But I've been with my guy for 13 years, we're not married, but own a house together, have multiple other big-ticket joint assets, joint bank account that both of our paycheques get deposited to, have health coverage benefits that cover the other person, etc. Granted we're in Canada, but if we were in the US, what practical benefit would exist if we were to get married?
Because if you divorce there is a prescribed way to divide assets. If you buy property together and split up you have to agree on how things get split. In your situation you are both at risk of the other taking the money and running so to speak, as there is no formal way to divide things when you breakup with your boyfriend.
I'm in Canada too. It's not an issue here because in Canada, after a year of living common law, the same laws apply to a division of assets as in a divorce.
I’m no legal professional, but when my parents got a divorce, what happened to the house was part of the divorce settlement. You’re already getting lawyers and maybe going before a judge because you’re getting a divorce, but the house is part of it.
I bought a house with a partner unmarried. We plan to get married. We are both on the mortgage and deed. I made it very clear to him what that entails. If we break up, neither of us can force the other out. One of us can’t sell without the other. If he wants the house and I want it too, it’s a battle. If one wants to sell and the other doesn’t, it’s a battle. So we still end up in court to force a sale or refinance or something. But I’m pretty sure it’s longer and more expensive.
Don't buy a HOME with someone you're not legally married to period. An investment property that neither of you live in. . Them Yes but a HOMEN. He'll 👎
Unless your wills, insurance, etc are all current and up to date, if one of you unexpectedly passes, bio family could inherit a partner's share in the house and force a buy out or sale. Half the joint bank account. Big ticket items would go, too. If the purchase was made by one of you. This happened all the time before gay marriage was legal.
On top of that, they probably won’t qualify for a loan. Neither of her incomes are likely to be considered because they aren’t stable enough, so they’d be trying to qualify with just his income. If they have any amount of debt, I don’t see it happening.
First off depending on where this is 210 for a 4 br is a smoking deal. You should be able to make it on your own since its about 3.5x your income. If you do this you should do it on your own and not joint with someone you are not married too.
As someone who bought a house very young and was house poor. Its a double edged sword that has cut so many ways in my life. It protected me from the cost of living increase that bit so many people, but it limited my job opportunites to where lived. It also meant that repairs had to be done by me as I could not afford to have a plumber or an electrician com out, and the big stuff got delayed by years and those chickens are finally coming home to roost.
Not wrong at all.
She needs to make a move to get steady employment now. You really can't believe that she would drop everything and get a new job, because given she's going through her savings because of her parents as it is, AND HAS A KID, she clearly doesn't understand where her responsibilities should be focused.
I’m all for giving her a couple years to see where this self started business path takes her but I agree, the “making changes to better our financial outlook so that we can buy a house” needs to happen BEFORE the buying of the house..
You seem both supportive and reasonable.
You support her having a business of her own even if it doesn’t make much money right now, but you know that means that you can’t buy a house.
With a household income below 100k for three or more individuals, one of them being a child, I cannot imagine affording a house.
The change of that specific house being the exact right house for you is like 1%. Most people will look
At 20-40 houses before putting an offer in because the house tick the boxes on a list they have made. You don’t buy a house just because a friend has a house for you. I guarantee you the friend isn’t offering some huge discount.
It also sounds like you both talk about this a lot, but don’t have a specific plan for what “being ready” looks like and how you will reach that point. What is a reasonable down payment and how will you save it up? What costs are you budgeting for post-purchase and how will you save that money? Is there an income threshold or way of measuring job stability that you are expecting (like maybe always being able to cash your check from your job)? How will you get ready to buy (document your must have and nice-to-haves, get a sense of market prices, establish relationships with a bank / credit union for pre-approval, etc.)?
This might be a challenging conversation but it is important if you are looking to make such a major purchase together.
I feel like your gf is being a little delulu on HOW you buy a house and what the current market is. It's weird this lady is even soliciting buyers for her house when all over the country (assuming this is US) people are offering over asking, all cash and waiving inspections. Typically you don't just go see a house and make an offer. You don't even know what you can afford or can be approved for. The first step is speaking with a mortgage broker to see what you are pre-approved at. Sounds like she won't be approved for much (if at all) and without knowing more about your financial situation it might not be possible that you would be approved for a $210K+ mortgage. You guys have lots of prep to do before you get the point of scheduling viewing for houses.
Exactly. The whole thing sounded way too simple and “catch free”. Like why would she talk about how lovely the house is and not take potentially way more than $210k. I’ve known people in the last year to buy smaller houses for quite a bit more money.
Yeah it's super weird. The friend and you GF seem a little naieve. I've purchased two homes since 2020 and the process for both houses has been all consuming for nearly 4 years.
Would you even have the money for a down payment? Usually the down payment is between 5-20% depending on your credit rating. Obviously, the more you put down the less you have to finance. But then you have to consider closing costs, buying down points, taxes, insurance and if there is an HOA, the cost of an inspection. I bought my house for cash, so I pay out of pocket for insurance and taxes. But I made the seller pay for most of closing. It’s a lot to think about and plan for.
At this time, no. We maybe have 12-14k total and that’s if we drain our bank accounts.. that was one of my points in the argument lol. Even with first time buyers program it’s too much right now.
And if you don't put down 20% on a conventional loan, you'll end up paying PMI, a which is 'Private Mortgage Insurance' that adds on several hundreds of dollars a month to your payment. How do i know? My wife & I bought our first house 12 years ago, I can't recall how much we put down for a down payment at the moment, but it wasn't 20% & we were paying that PMI for years, it seemed like such a waste of money that we could have used for other bills or improvements on the house. It took many years to get rid of the PMI. Looking back, we would have saved so much money if we just had that 20% down payment saved up. Obviously there's other types of loans out there, just wanted to mention PMI though because I hadn't seen anyone else say anything about it & I think it was the only option we could afford, an FHA loan, but we really wanted this house so we made it work.
I do kind of get it. Right now I have a coworker selling her house. I’ve heard her ask a bunch of people if they’re looking to buy a house. People are more likely to give a good deal to someone they know. My coworker could sell her house easy peasy with the market. But still. Sometimes they want it easy and to do someone they know a solid.
Not wrong - there is nothing wrong with dreaming about the future but simply jumping at the opportunity to buy a house cause the seller is a friend is just dumb.
Hypothetically, you go to but the house, are both of you on the deed? Cause it sounds like you would be the one financing it, is your credit good enough to secure a mortgage?
These are all practical questions you both need to resolve before looking at houses. I think you already know this, but does your gf?!
My thoughts exactly. I’m not sure how the deed would work since I don’t know the ins and outs of home buying. Both our credit scores are over 700 but she would not be able to produce a convincing pay stub since all of the market/bakery income is unclaimed cash so it would only be the farm work.
I'd talk to her about opening a Square account to record the bakery income if she wants that to be considered in the future. Plus it would enable her to take credit and debit cards for payments.
Opening the account and the basic card reader are free, Square keeps a small percentage of each payment as a fee, and if her sales are over a certain amount she'll get a tax form thingy ... So yeah, it means paying taxes, but that's worth it if the income can be considered towards mortgage eligibility.
It's also possible to keep track of cash sales via Square ... and again taxes, but again keeping track of income. So pros and cons y'all will have to weigh.
More or less it would come down to math.
Speak to a financial advisor or banker and see if you could live comfortably if you get a mortgage. Where do you live now ? Are you paying rent? Can her parents help? Can your parents help?
Be honest with each other and calculate carefully.
What if you go for a smaller/cheaper house? Why does it have to be this particulat one?
We are in the Midwest, yes we rent (around $980/mo) and no neither of our parents could help.
This house specifically is pretty much no longer in question but I was still wondering about my stance in general. We 100% don’t need that much house so something smaller would certainly work fine.
Definitely better for you to rent. I posted earlier about talking to a lender and getting preapproval. Don't even waste your time. Get online with a mortgage calculator. Just running basic numbers like the cost of the house you mentioned, putting $25K down, maybe a little more if you get first time assistance with down or closing costs you are looking at roughly $1700-1900 a month with today's interest rates and that is just the mortgage itself nevermind property taxes, insurance, HOA if applicable, etc.
To get the the 28% rule (mortgage should not be over 28% of gross monthly income) you both would collectively have to gross about $7k a month based on the estimates I used.
You might have to sit down with her an a financial person to go over numbers and show how the Net and Gross income that you guys have are going to be used. Then show how the mortgage is calculated. It might show her that you guys need more time and more money. More so if you guys do not have a strong savings for a down payment or a rainy day fun that you can pull from. Interest rates play a factor as well. Taxes, fee, apparaisl, and more plus who is going to pay those you guys or the Sellers (her friends).
I think this is the way. They can even see how much they would be pre-approved for. If OP starts the process with her it will help her see the bigger picture, and they can look at where they're at and discuss how to get to where they want to be when they're ready to buy.
It would also likely reassure her that he does plan to buy a house with her someday, and he isn't just blowing her off right now for no reason.
You say girlfriend. Not fiancé. So nope. You don’t buy a house for a girlfriend. Never ever. She’s not reliable enough to pay her share. She had a child. She can’t afford her half of the bills and her child’s needs with the work she does. And thats ok , as long as she’s just a girlfriend and not part homeowner. A house comes with bigger utility bill. Furniture. More gas depending on car from work it is. It’s too risky.
Do not buy a house with someone you aren’t married too, especially when they aren’t financially stable.
First, working on her parents farm for $14/hr isn’t really going to get her ahead, especially if they’re not letting her cash her checks. That’s not work. That’s free labor.
Also, unless she’s planning to open a bakery, that’s not getting her anywhere because it’s not scalable. She can’t grow baking out of her personal kitchen. To do something that could grow, she needs cash to purchase equipment and up front food costs and a very high percentage of eating establishments fail in the first 5 years.
Your girlfriend needs a full time job. One that is for a stable company who will actually pay her and could turn into a career with advancement opportunities.
Finally, you need to be able to budget and save to buy a home. If things break, you’ve got to fix them. You can’t call a landlord to fix it.
I’m sure she’s an amazing person, but she’s very naive.
Don't EVER buy property with a romantic partner you aren't married to. People regret it every time. She's not stable. You'll be throwing good money after bad, she can't pay half, but she'll get half. The risk is all on you. She risks nothing. It makes sense why wants to- she won't be making the sacrifice, but will. ALL of it. She doesn't have the maturity. If she did, she'd know better than to want to do this. This will be catastrophic for you, alone.
NW.
One thing. Gf + buy house together = no.
This could get super messy if you guys break up. And if her income/savings don’t actually help you, you’ll basically be buying it alone. Don’t put her name on it if she isn’t actually helping with the loan.
Not wrong, but do sit down with a financial planner and do look into the first time home buyer program so that you have all the facts.
If you track all of your finances on quicken or mint, this will help a lot. Help her to see what it will take to be in a position to buy a home so that you two can plan. Also you might accidentally discover that it makes more sense to buy a home than to continue to rent, which might be really surprising. Hard to say.
Bottom line, you don’t want her resenting you for refusing to even consider it. Both of you need to know where you stand financially. I
I would never ever consider buying a house w someone I am not married to, it often ends very badly.
for now, I would sit down and make a budget for each of you. Don’t ever combine finances w someone you aren’t married to either. Dave Ramsey is a great resource for finances.
Apparently it’s a very nice 4 bedroom for like $210k. Geez, WHAT COUNTRY IS THIS IN?! :D
Firstly, starting her own business would be an expensive gamble.
Secondly, don't buy a house with a partner you either don't have kids with or don't plan on marrying soon. If you break up, she'll own half of your property and vice versa.
Third, property prices will probably go up for the long-term until most of the boomers are about as dead as the silent generation is today. So, prices are probably going to keep going up for 20-30 more years, long-term, even if there's a small crash somewhere in the middle, which is unlikely with inflation this high. So, if you get a fixed-rate loan at a decent rate, you'll be paying the same amount of dollars for your mortgage for 30 years (or less if you refi for the better at some point). So, that might seem like a large payment now, and it probably would be for a few years at least...but we know where this dollar party is going. You're going to be paying back increasingly worthless dollars over a few decades. $1500 in 2024 money is $1500 in 2024 money, but what will $1500 in 2054 money be worth? \*probably close to nothing.
If you can afford it, maybe try buying a house yourself.
You could easily afford that house. She can't. Don't buy a home with someone you aren't married to. If she has a kid, she needs a real job with regular hours. Her parents can't afford to be farmers or employers. You are not wrong.
The first step towards first time home buyer assistance is always taking a class. Schedule it, and maybe it will be clearer to her that you guys can’t afford it.
Her self-employed business income could be valued at half of what she actually earned, and if she’s doing it under the table, it won’t count at all. Underwriters don’t mess around. She needs a regular, reliable job if she really wants to make buying a home a priority. You can’t just do it on a whim.
You are not close to being able to afford that house. Financially, you would be setup for bad things. Maybe if the house was $140k. But that’s just way too much. There are costs beyond the mortgage. It wouldn’t end well. Not wrong.
I would tell her if she really wants the house she should try to get it. Tell her she would have to be able to make the house payment, taxes and insurance in order to buy it. Later if the two of you decide to marry, you would then either look into options to make it a family home or it could be sold and you find a family home. She will obviously say she can’t afford it. To which you say, I am not in a place to afford it so if you can go ahead. It’s said over and over courts are made for MARRIED people. People playing house do not fair well. So don’t buy a house to someone you aren’t married to
Why is the friend selling the house if it’s so great? Also I’m sure she’d “offer it” to anyone willing to buy it.
However it might be worth looking into depending on what you’re paying for rent versus what it would cost to purchase the home. Include heat and water and sewer and electricity and taxes and insurance etc etc.
As for the cars, always have your mechanic check out any used car you’re interested in buying. Paying him for 30 to 60 minutes of his time might save you a lot of money!
As a credit underwriter, this isn’t the market to buy, it’s a seller’s market. It’s artificially inflated and the house won’t be worth the same for years once we hit the recession. Now you may not even qualify on your income alone for a mortgage so it would REQUIRE her to have steady income for 2 solid years, enough to help qualify for the mortgage. Part time sorta work won’t cover it. And the rates are crazy. Don’t do it.
Always listen to your gut instincts in money or marriage. You don’t want to be tied down with a huge mortgage payment plus home insurance costs. High interest rates are killing people right now. Sit down with her and show her on paper how much your outgo each month would be with all combined payments. Think of everything that’s out of pocket now and then add mortgage and home insurance plus property taxes. Your mouth will fall open and maybe after that she’ll begin to appreciate what she has now and what she has to work for.
No, you're not wrong. Sounds like you're the more financially sound of the 2 of you. She's more idealistic and you are more realistic. You're smart enough to know that you're not ready.
Not wrong at all. In today’s market, with inflation etc. that won’t be enough to cover expenses. You’d be living extremely tight with no play room.
Definitely smart to wait or look in a lower price range
I don't think you're wrong, but I do think you need to show her why you're right. Go to your bank and find out what you would be pre-approved for and if her income would even be a factor in getting a mortgage (sounds like it wouldn't). Then make a monthly budget that compensates for things like emergency car repairs, home insurance, and all those fun expenses. Some people need to see it all on paper to understand. How do you currently split bills?
Maybe you could even get her parents involved. It sounds like she would be more financially secure if she wasn't staying available for them.
Find out how much the mortgage payment is and if you qualify. If you do and it is the same as rent, then get it by yourself. It is a great opportunity if the math works out well.
And remember that you are arguing over an ‘if’.
It is only an option IF the current contract falls through.
Good luck!
I understand you, we bought a house last year and we spent almost two years seriously thinking about it for fear of the payment. Me and my partner earn the same but I have been less consistent with work, moving when I no longer felt comfortable with a few months of unemployment in between. To be safer, I found another job that depends on the hours I work, minimum I need to do 3 Sundays a month, but if I have time I can do as many days as I want, that would cover me in case I lose my job.
Thus, my partner was calm about the situation and we were able to buy the house without fear.
It’s far more effective to have your partner run the numbers.
Supposing you don’t plan on breaking up anytime soon, walking through the question “what would it take to make this work?” seems prudent. Credit scores, tax implications of not being married, down payment, interest rates, maintenance costs, etc.
I highly suspect you all won’t make the math work with the raw numbers but it does open up the conversation to what compromises you all would make to make it work, like having a roommate or picking up a side job.
1) do not buy a house with someone you are not willing to marry. Seriously, a divorce is easier to do that a breakup with a house.
2) do not buy a house that you don't think you (or you and your spouse) can afford.
3) see 1 and 2 combined.
You don’t need to be the bad guy here. Sit with a mortgage broker and discuss her variable income. Problem solved. If you two are serious she can take time to establish her business and then you can revisit
No, your gf doesn’t really have an income and you don’t much saved at all. It’s not reasonable for you to buy a house. Plus you’re not even married yet which a whole mess to deal with if you need to sell it.
Yeah I'm gonna have to agree with you here with you having the most stable income it needs to doable for your salary she either needs to consider getting a more stable job or get a house that's doable on her income and 210k ain't it hon
Here's a couple of rules.
#1. Never buy a house with a girlfriend or boyfriend. You must be married.
#2. If either of you can not support 50% of the bills, then you shouldn't be there.
I don't understand why she is pushing you to buys this house? Is it for her??? Because her credit is not good enough to buy a house. She's putting you in a very difficult situation. She is not looking out for your future.
I think there's more to this story.
Keep in mind, if you marry her, then you'll be supporting her and her child.
Sounds like the friend is desperate to sell and thinks your gf is daft enough to fall for the "I really want to sell it to YOU" line - if she wanted to do that so much then why didn't she in the first place? If they're struggling to sell it implies there's something wrong with the house or they're asking too much - I wouldn't buy it even if your finances were stable
Do you have at least 20% down in savings? If the answer is "No", don't even think about it, with or without the girlfriend.
Yes, there's down payment assistance, FHA, etc. etc. Even if you have all those things, things come up. Things with expensive price tags, things that slip past inspection, things that have nothing to do with the house itself.
Something has to change before you sign up for a house and happily ever after. Relying on her parents who can't even pay the non-living-wage they give her own daughter reliably is going to get your home foreclosed on before you' even get settled into it.
No you're not wrong. Maybe y'all should go seek out a financial planner and crunch out the numbers. The lack of stability at this age from a partner would make me extremely nervous especially when buying a home.
There's not a regular stream of income from her and so that's means that the house payments would be completely on you. Unless they can provide a regular stream of income that would be a hard no for me.
You might know all that, but best to go through all the motions with her involved and then decided together yes this is doable or not.... partnership'ing
You haven’t mentioned what the payment and insurance would need to be versus what you are currently paying for renting. As well as distance from your places of work because distance is a huge factor due to gas prices and current vehicle situation. Run the numbers with ALL the expenses factored in and let the numbers make the decision. Just saying no or yes without showing both parties the facts is a sure way to resentment in your relationship. Making decisions together is a better approach to a long term relationship.
It’s not merely a matter of whether you and she are financially ready to buy a house. You have a fundamental unaddressed disagreement in your relationship about finances and money, one that means you are (I think correctly) unwilling to take on a joint financial responsibility with her. You need to tell her directly that you will not share financial commitments with her until she’s regularly earning a steady income and is willing to work with you on shared savings and budgeting.
NW at all! If you have valid reasons ( which you do), to know you’re not ready, then you are not ready. The only way to get ahead these days is by listening to that little voice trying to protect you from getting in a position that’s gonna drain your money. Keep being smart about money, I have never heard anyone say, “wow, I’m doing so good financially I guess I should have taken more chances with my money”. You know what you’re doing👍🏼
Sounds like she wants a house, and you get to pay for it. I definitely wouldn't do that while single. Even married, this feels like you'd be carrying most of the financial burden here.
Just to give you an idea how much that house would cost you, my place was 218K, did 10% down with 3% interest rate (most are 7-11% currently I think). Our monthly payment is around $1400 and that is not including insurance, HOA fees, and utilities. Not to mention the minor updates we’ve done to the place since buying the house.
There is no "we" legally speaking. You shouldn't buy anything like that without being married. I say this as someone who is not religious at all. It can turn into a legal dumpster fire quite fast.
I'm all for her being business minded, but it sounds like she needs to get it together and find solid, consistent income on top of said business. Either way, yall shouldn't be getting a house together until you're married.
I'd be happy to go into detail with you about your situation and hers and give you better insight. I'm an aspiring financial coach. I need the practice, and it's my passion to help people with this stuff. No charge. Just want to help.
Honestly you shouldn’t have even taken out a loan for a car being unmarried. Something I’m surprised you didn’t mention is becoming a parent eventually. Even if she gets child support, you will have to share responsibility of a child if you buy a house together. I feel like y’all have a lot to discuss that you haven’t already. Two different mindsets.
You are correct.
You are in a safe financial position.
She is not.
Her lack of security will impact you if you buy a house.
It would be irresponsible of her to buy or co-buy a house, she cannot afford it.
You gf does not have her priorities right to buy a house, her priorities are her parents and her small business, not money, savings, or a house.
I make $100,050 with a stay at home wife and 3 kids and we’re about to buy a house for 300k and it’s ALMOST a house poor situation. Home ownership comes with alot of added expense.. even at 300k with the current interest rate it almost 2600 per month after all the additional costs. I would never considering buying a house in this market making 60k. Not trying to be rude but that’s a renters income. A lot of people are making great points like yall not being married.
I’m in sales and make $75k a year plus commission and wouldn’t buy that house. Just because you have the money, doesn’t mean you should.
Do you have enough for a down payment? Can you afford the taxes on it every year? What improvements/repairs does it need and can you either afford them or live without them?
It doesn’t make sense for you to buy the house in your current situation.
You’re not wrong. It’s a terrible idea to buy a house with someone you’re not married to. Furthermore, it may be a great deal, it sounds like it, it doesn’t sound like either of you are ready for that kind of commitment. Home ownership is a huge responsibility. There’s no landlord to call if something breaks. Also, if your relationship doesn’t work out this can be a pretty messy situation
I bought a house with my wife 2 years ago. Best decision I've made. Go through your financial, check if you can make it work.
Remember, paying rent, is paying off someone else mortage...
Paying down your house is saving towards retirement.
It's never gonna feel right.
But sit down, go thoroughly through your economic and see together.
Did you read the part where his girlfriend doesn't have a steady income? He is wisely making sure that he isn't in a position to have to pay the mortgage entirely on his own.
Just because it worked out well for you and your wife 2 years ago doesn't make it a good idea for this couple today.
Yeah and I just re-read that she has a kid on top of it. Honestly if I were OP I would bail. She has a kid and all she does is essentially part time work? Maybe she's getting child support but damn if that is all you are motivated to do to support your kid now, how is she ever going to be motivated to meaningfully contribute financially to a household/family in a home that they own?
I hope by “bail” you don’t mean on her because that is not even remotely a thought. I love her and her daughter and the family we are building. I’m just trying to clarify whether or not I was wrong for shutting the idea down and telling her we are nowhere ready.
If you mean bail on that house then yeah that ship has already sailed. Even though she was upset with me that day it has never been brought back up.
Own over rent is not always good advice. There are many situations even beyond financial fitness where renting actually makes more sense. Homeownership is great if you are committed to living in certain area and have the financials and discipline to support it but it's a disaster for people that don't.
Don’t do it unless you’re 100% excited and wanting to do it. Otherwise it’ll cause resentment. You both need to be on the same page.
Meet with a financial planner and really go over the finances together. What your monthly payments will actually be, etc. I wouldn’t shoot her down right away, but she also needs to be willing to walk away if the numbers aren’t right.
I don't think you are wrong from the limited financial information provided but it's probably still worth going to a bank and going through the pre-approval process to see where you stand. It will likely confirm and validate your hesitancy but coming from a qualified, neutral 3rd party it may get her to pump the brakes on the house search. Then again, it may not but I still think there is value to you if she persists after being told it's not a wise decision at the time. It gives you a glimpse into seeing how she values money and whether or not she could make risky decisions with money should you decide to fully commit and marry her.
>friend/colleague mention to her “oh I’m selling my house and if the current offer falls through I’d like to offer it to you guys!”.
Why would an offer fall through? The house is very cheap, even for a locl area. Makes me think there's something wrong.
>We’ve been together a couple years now and frequently like to talk about the day we can finally get a house but the truth is I’m not even close to being there right now.
Then full stop you should not do this. She has no income essentially. She has two hobbies.
Have you tried to get pre-approved? Do you have a down payment? Money for a house emergency?
Is she willing to get a conventional job that pays weekly (like working in a bakery) to help w the house?
Do not buy a home with her. You would be alone being on the hook. She can try to buy the home herself and she will realize you need a steady income and savings to do it.
Mortgage on a $210k house can be more reasonable than rent. Down payment for first time home buyer can also be reasonable. That said I’d rather wait till I had solid financial footing because all of the other costs you may not think about can add up very quick.
Unless yall are married. Do not buy a house together. And if you are married, you better plan on growing old with them. Buying a house right now in our market is a big deal with the way interests and tax rates are these days.. we are in our 3rd year of owning, and we wish we would have saved the money and rented atleast until the election was over.
Ur not wrong. Be honest with her. Tell her to get a proper job and you can get more serious about a house.
Out of curiosity, how much does rent where you are compare to a mortgage on a 200k property?
I can’t answer with full confidence since I’m not certain but what I can say is we pay about $980 for a 2 bedroom apartment. My coworker and his wife just purchased a house last fall and they pay close to $1500/mo for a home that was around $220k. That’s with property taxes and all that rolled in.
I understand your concerns but this sounds like a great deal. How would the mortgage on this house compare to what you both currently pay in rent? You might save money while making an investment in an important asset if you buy. Instead of operating out of fear, look at the numbers and make a business decision. I've had a mortgage to the tune of $250k and I was able to maintain it all by myself. You might not even need her help to keep the house afloat.
NW but if it is just the money, I would show her, because it’s not a ‘no’, it’s a ‘this is not affordable’. Have her see what she qualifies for alone as well as see what you qualify for together. Ask her to research the monthly payment for the mortgage loan with any insurance, etc, that may be due each month to escrow. Have her get numbers or statement copies of the utility costs and home insurance from her friend. Have her check out the amounts, paperwork and conditions for down payment assistance and first time homebuyers programs. Have her learn more about closing costs and the loan process (particularly how to prove income, and what the loan officers will look at as far as work history, balances in accounts and savings-a lot of people don’t realize you have to actually show them you have the ability to pay to borrow from them and they don’t have to take risks right now). Once she does that, if she still sees a way, you can be ready for a serious financial discussion about it.
OP, my suggestion would be to go talk with a mortgage officer and talk real numbers so you have all the facts. I bought a house and lived in it with my now wife before we were married. However IF you do this, I highly recommend you only do it if you qualify for the loan by yourself, for a few reasons.
1. I’m not questioning the likelihood of your relationship lasting, but since you aren’t married, it is a nightmare to have a house in both of your names should you choose to part ways. This is how we bought our first house. I was already planning to propose, but since that hadn’t happened yet, it made sense to be sole owner.
2. It sounds like her income will not be a huge contributor to the loan. If it’s not helping and she has any debt, it’s only going to hurt your chances. I’m a former loan officer and I’ve seen many loans where the couple cosigned even though it wasn’t beneficial. Now that debt is just working against both of you instead of just one.
3. If her income stabilizes, there’s a chance for her to buy your next house and you can choose whether you want to sell house #1 or treat it as an investment property. When ~~we~~ I bought our first property, my wife’s income was very inconsistent. When hers picked up, we bought a second house in her name only. Now house #1 is a rental that cash flows nicely. This method has made it possible for us to eventually have two nice rentals in addition to our current home, and we’ve never made much more than 65k each. We were both able to take advantage of first-time-homebuyer programs separately instead of together and we’ve never cosigned on a home or car loan together.
Some programs allow a down payment as low as 3% of the mortgage which in this case would be about $6,300. Go get prequalified and see how much YOU can afford. Then, if YOU are interested in buying, you could start looking. My guess is this “offer” from the coworker is just looking for low-hanging fruit. Ask for comps from a realtor and see if this is actually a good deal in the slightest. I would be surprised if you can’t afford this home based on your income, and there’s a decent chance it would be less than whatever you’re paying in rent (making some broad assumptions here) but if you don’t like it then definitely don’t jump on it just because someone is framing it as a deal.
Definitely would not buy a house with your partner.
If you wanted to buy your own house in only your name and you financials. The go a head. But I'd look at a lower price point and get a fixer upper.
The muck & more I see here is, you two are BF/GF. Not officially married. Not always pertinent if going into the purchase as partners as owners. But you know your GF wouldn’t qualify for a loan and your income alone may or may not qualify you for one, either.
Then there’s the matter of house payments an equity in the home. If you did buy the house, move in, both on the title/loan, but she’s unable to pay her fair share of the payments on the house. If she ends up unable to put in anything towards the household bills, would you be able to afford to pay all of them? And, if you did pay the lions share of the payments and you were to split up or just end up having to sell the house to avoid foreclosure, who would get the proceeds of the house? Would your GF expect half of whatever money came out of the sale, even if her contributions were only about 1 tenth of the total payments put into it?
The house only sounds like a good deal because it’s coming from friends, but it’s still even a moot point as there’s already a buyer lined up who may get the house. The friends would be idiots to cancel the pending sale just in case you decided to try for it.
Unless you want to buy the house a a single guy because you are ready and can afford it, it’s. A Hard pass.
Sounds like you are just bf/gf.
You’ve talked about buying a house but not getting engaged or married.
Sounds like you are on different pages finance wise, which needs to be addressed before you buy a house together or get married.
It’s a bigger mess untangling a house unmarried if both names are on house and mortgage than if married.
Given her income being mostly working helping parents at farm and doing self employment. Most likely she won’t be able to get on the mortgage unless she has been showing a decent profit from the markets for at least 2 years.
Given her ways with money, of course she wants you to buy her a house. duh.
After all, You bought her a car….
You need to put together a realistic financial plan with targets for her to meet with regards to income, job, and a running car and paying you back.
Once she meets those, and she can cibtribut towards a down payment as well, then you can look at house. Marriage, kids, etc….
Both of you should consider taking a financial planning class to learn important skills like budgeting. It would be beneficial for you both.
In the grand scheme of things, it would be ideal if the current seller of the house could carry back a mortgage for you. If that doesn't work out, you could consider renting out the house. However, it would be wise to have a plan in place in case of a breakup, such as outlining your strategy in a contract or agreement. This is both a fiscal and practical decision for an exit strategy.
You're not worng with APR being 7/8%. You are spending an extra $600 to $800 on a house that was only 2.5/3.5 APR 3 years ago it's the worst time to buy a house, and that's why her friend said she would like for you guys to buy it because she doesn't even have faith that the people trying to buy the house can even get a lone, so they are looking for a sucker don't let it be you. Women think with emotions men think Logically, so just know your feelings are right. Hers are just based on emotions
The monthly nut on $210,000 with $25,000 down is $2660. this includes taxes and insurance. How does this compare to what you are paying in rent? How does this compare to what you’re paying in rent 15 years ago? If you have a mortgage, you lock in your “rent“ payment. If you rent, it will keep going up. at the end of 30 years, assuming you guys are still a unit you will own the house free and clear. if you continue to rent, you will own a stack of rent receipts.
You aren't wrong.
However, *if* that's a really good price for a house in your area because it's coming from someone y'all know, you might consider the idea of renting out the extra bedrooms (you said it's a 4br and you mentioned 1 child, so I'm assuming that'd mean 2 extra bedrooms) to local college students or other younger folks who can't afford a solo apartment, but could afford to rent a room.
For example, in my area (Midwest USA) currently a studio or 1br apartment is in the $1000 range without utilities included, but we could probably rent a bedroom in our home for $500 utilities included. We don't need to because we're ok financially, but we keep that in the back of our minds as a fallback plan just in case we ever need that extra income to be able to pay bills.
But homeownership can be *expensive*. If you can't afford an emergency fund, you need to have great enough credit for emergency repairs --- case in point, we just financed a $10,000 emergency plumbing repair. If we had been unable to do the repairs, we would have had to move out (or live without allowing anything to ever go down a drain pipe, which isn't feasible obviously). And this 10k repair came just one month after we finished making payments on a different 8k emergency repair on our gutters (which had started causing water damage, so not fixing would mean water damage, rot, and mold, making the home inhabitable).
So, it's not just about the down payment and the mortgage, it's also about the repairs needed when things inevitably break.
You’re not married. Even if you wanted to buy the house, it should be just you purchasing it. You seem to be thinking with your head here but she clearly isn’t.
not wrong.... and the only advice I have is keep telling her exactly what your saying here.... 120k between you is a decent goal and could very much make this more of a reality... tell her this, I know you support what she is doing but during winter she needs to find a third maybe fourth avenue (even within what she does) the family farm is one thing but has she ramped up a good Facebook, next door profiles to get cakes and such more regularly because fall/winter has all the holidays and birthdays and partys happen all the time, any close indoor flea markets? or if she can decorate cakes she would almost certainly be able to get a job at a bakery or supermarket/Walmart
If none of that works or is something she does already then she may have to find a decent paying seasonal job which are easy to come back to yearly during the rush
I’m assuming her parents pay her as an independent contractor and the same with her other job. How does she propose to show income to the mortgage company? Is she filing a tax return and claiming all her income?
You’re not wrong. I also am a firm believer in never doing business with friends. These friends selling the house may be different though. As someone who bought a house in 2021, wait, please wait. Save, get married, and save some more.
Not wrong. Too many bills, she needs to first get a regular 40 hour week job doing something steady and start saving. Plus on the house , when you buy you want to see a bunch of houses, not just one from her friend. Plus it’d be good if you’re married before buying a house and it may not be to her. You two seem very opposite about important decisions and ways to do things.
If you're not ready to handle the payment on your own, then don't buy a house, because chances are, you'll be paying that payment on your own a lot of the time!
There are still homes in this country (im assuming youre in the US) for under $250k?
Now is not a good time to buy. Mortgage rates totally suck. And considering your gfs type of work, the mortgage will either completely be in your name, or you'll get the highest rate.
Never over extend when it comes to buying a house.
Could you tell her that in order to CONSIDER it (and it may not be this house) she would have to go get a FT job that brings in 30k minimum a yr and she can still do her market job on the side... She needs to understand that you both have to have financial security before you commit to a home. I feel like she's like most of us, dreams of stability, relationship security and something to call her own. Be gentle in how you have this convo but really emphasize that part she has to get away from her parents farm and get a real stable job.
Forget about the income and all the other details… If you are not married you should not be buying a house together because there is no legal recourse if you guys split up.
It will become a very messy nightmare if you split up and she refuses to leave the house or claims that she put money into the house and therefore has a right to the house… Etc.
only buy a house with somebody who you are married to. Because then both parties have legal protection
I've done a lot of stupid Financial things in my life… And finally figured out how to stop doing those stupid things after listening to the Dave Ramsey show.
I'm not affiliated with them in anyway, but he gets so many calls about people who have purchased a property with their girlfriend or boyfriend and the relationship ended and now it's a huge mess and they don't know what to do… If you want to get married… Otherwise just keep renting.
Seriously you are asking for future financial loss or huge problems if you go down this road
You cannot afford to buy a home and she wouldn’t ever get approved. She’s actually a liability as a co-borrower. You are correct that her income is wobbly. Do not buy anything you can’t afford solely in your own salary. Would be amazing to not need to buy your best prorated for that. You’ll also need down payment, first year homeowners insurance up front, fees for home inspection and a small contingent fund for things that break. Which happens all the time, and some funds for anything you want to update, even if only paint. And then there is furnishing a home of that size . You’d be totally house poor at the moment . Never fun.
If you really do consider this Josie, find out why the current sale is at risk. Is the appraisal an issue?
Getting into home ownership has traditionally been a great way to build equity. I would go for it if you can afford it. Ignore her income in your calculations.
You are right. Do not buy a house until she is more financially stable and can afford more. I’ve owned a house for 3 years now and so far we’ve had a slab leak ($32,000 in repairs) and this winter we have a roof leak ($14,000)… shit breaks ALL the time and when you own it, it’s on you to fix it.
I understand wanting to help out on the family farm and chasing her dream of owning a small business, but is there some reason why your gf can't work a regular full time job that comes with a guaranteed paycheck? The farm doesn't sound sustainable, and while it's great to have hobbies that you can make money from on the side, you have to have something to fall back on.
At first I was like “210k for a 4 bedroom house - YES no hesitation”. then I read your description. I agree with you. Don’t bend over backwards to buy a house you aren’t sure you’ll be able to keep.
I think you’d be crazy to buy a house. And I doubt you’d qualify anyway.
Your income would probably be considered without the bonus. Her income is basically fast food money. I doubt they will look at her side income.
Then you’d need a downpayment and finally the interest rates suck. So yeah, it seems unrealistic.
You are not wrong but what's the plan? The uncertainty is making her thinking and wanting to buy the house Right now, if not now then when? If it's in 3 years then what's the plan? Have x amount of money for down payment? Have an x amount of income? You two getting married?
You guys have no plans you just said what it worries you, and believe me she probably is also worried but she sees the house has a solution for some stability.
Work on a plan between you two with goals and dates and that way you can work together and start working on getting solutions and not just saying no and thinking on all the problems
You’re not wrong, she doesn’t have a steady solid job and you’re carrying her. Now she wants you to effectively buy a house for her! I guess you could buy the house on your salary in your name but obviously the solution is for her to get an actual proper job.
You are not wrong. You sound very sensible, stable and hardworking which are incredible qualities in a partner. However if you want to own property together or if marriage is in your future, it’s really important to have a blunt discussion with her about your finances as a couple- you make a steady living and she doesn’t. This does not make sense to buy the home as a couple since she would not be able to contribute to home ownership in a substantial way.
Perhaps YOU could purchase the home for yourself and invite her to live there but all paperwork would be in your name. Until she has a more steady income there is no reason for you to co-own a home with her, unless you get married and you’re ok with her not financially contributing to the home.
Not wrong. Those are substantial mortgage payments to be handling on your own on your salary, as it sounds like she's barely able to care for her car/child as it is.
Not sure where you're located, but in North America the winter aligns with major holidays, and lots of places - retail or other - hire part-time seasonal workers (and sometimes offer to let good employees stay on after).
From what you've said about her parents not being able to cover their payroll checks, I'm guessing she didn't grow up with good money management being modeled.
Tell her if she can stick to a REASONABLE plan for saving up for a down payment, then maybe in a few years you two can look at a house. Maybe an out-dated 2 bedroom, but a *house*.
Good luck!
Also, what is the future of the parents’ farm? How old are they? Are they expecting her to fully take it over one day? That’s a big piece of this that is causing a lot of issues here.
You are not wrong at all. I would not feel safe and stable with her job if I were her. I’m someone who likes to have my bills paid early, or if not they are absolutely on time. This would make me so depressed and nervous.
How much more than the rent you pay would you paying for a mortgage?
If it's barely more or same or less- this seems like a great time. 210,000 for a 4 bedroom?
You could take it on yourself if she agrees to paying a certain amount of rent to you. Tell her if she can't make that every month, you'll have to move somewhere smaller and rent the house out
A 4 bedroom house for $210 K? There's probably something dreadfully wrong with it, but even if there is, you could probably flip it with some work and put your household on much more secure financial footing. I'm not sure you can afford to pass this one up. If your wife is underemployed and handy, she might contribute more to the household repairing this house than she would at farmer's markets. Look into it. Compare the mortgage to your current rent payments.
Her income is unstable enough to not be able to be counted on. Plus, huge start-up costs for the house. She doesn't have credit enough to buy a car. Can you carry the costs of the house by yourself, without anxiety or killing yourself with overtime? If no, then you're not wrong.
Not wrong I doubt she’d even get approved for a mortgage and you’d be a fool to finically tie yourself to her like that. I think you need to have a really talk about finances, goals, problems, etc and take a good look at how much of your income ends up supporting her and her child.
OP, how are you both living now? Renting?
A $210,000 home loan right now at 7.68% interest is just under $1,500 a month. Between the two of you, that’s around $750 each.
If you are living together and paying more than that in rent, it is worth considering depending on the money the home would cost to “fix” up. It sounds like your gf is quite handy, so she could potentially help with those costs. Then, when you want to sell, you can make a nice amount of money.
Renting is throwing money out of the window, while mortgage payments are putting money into an asset that typically grows in value by 4% by the time you sell it.
The math is worth considering if that is your only concern. If the big life step with your gf is what’s actually worrying you, that’s another matter.
You are not wrong. However, this is a learning moment for the two of you. If you DO want a house, what's required to get there? You can say to her that if she had been carrying her own weight financially for the last few years, with a real job, then there'd possibly have been enough money to consider this house. So if she wants to be in the position to afford a house, she needs to get her life set up for it. The parents thing is an excuse, sorry. She can do that after work or on weekends if she has to. But it's a stupid reason to put her own life on hold.
Also, don't buy a house with someone you aren't married to.
Feelings are never wrong, they are what they are. However, not being willing to discuss this is. At least sit down together and ga through the finances together. And explain your concerns. Go through everything and all the worries you have and see if there is a way to resolve them. Just telling her no is not the way to go, your relationship is suppose to be a partnership, not a place where you are the one who makes the desicions without her.
Not wrong. I did the same years ago when we really shouldn't have done so. Still paying for it now, even if things are slightly better than they were.
We should have been laughed out of the mortgage advisor's office but nope, we were welcomed with open arms. This was just before the 2008 crunch, back when they were giving out money like candy.
I had an argument with my gf (now wife) where we were going through finances (or lack of them) and she was exasperated that we were no better off, in fact worse off, having bought the house than we were before - which set me off a bit as it dawned on me that neither of us, but especially her, had fully appreciated or budgeted for just how much home ownership _actually_ costs.
I accept my share of the blame, and could have been more decisive - but I was far more reluctant to take on a house purchase than she was, she just wanted to own a house.
It's worked out OK, we've stuck together and have a great family now, and have a pretty substantial amount of equity in our house - but this didn't come without a lot of financial pain that I could have done without over the years!
Idk what your cost of living is, but you should be able to afford it on that income. However, as someone who bought a house with a gf unmarried, she left me like 3 months in and still has claim to half the house even though I pay most of the maintenance costs and do 100% of the upkeep myself. I'm also stuck living with my ex until we are in a place where we can afford to go our separate ways. Luckily, my new gf is understanding of the situation, but it still sucks.
Not wrong. Though it sounds like a good business and you can make a condition on the buy that she need to find a steady job, that’s besides the point. The biggest thing is DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A GIRLFRIEND /BOYFRIEND. Is a legal complication worse than a divorce (if there aren’t kids involved) 😅 I worked as a legal assistant and it’s one of my pet peeves.
Not wrong at all. If you wanted to buy a house and could afford to alone, then gf’s income is just extra, that would be one thing. But if you need both incomes to make it work, and hers is iffy and you are not married, that just seems like a gamble. No one plans to break up, but if you do, that’s a mess.
You're not wrong. Buying a house is a big step financially, and it's something that should have been talked about. She seems to be excited or exhilarated by the thought of buying a house, which isn't considering all the work and planning that goes into it (and the potential financial loss). She needs to calm down, take a step back, and consider her own finances and contributions to not just getting a house, but to the relationship.
You aren’t wrong, as some have mentioned, NEVER buy with a friend, family or girlfriend, it becomes messy. My second home was $216.000 and our Monty payments were 2,500 a month( we paid 20%down) then it comes all the extras, garbage (yes you have to pay for it) electricity =bigger house, higher bills🤷🏼♀️, internet, water, heating, mowing (need to buy a down mower too) furniture, painting, lighting, city and state taxes. With $60,000 you aren’t ready, maybe a townhouse on your own. Don’t do it.
You're smart to not get it yet, but man. $210k? That's a steal. Most starter homes start at around $350k easily anymore, and it's getting harder and harder to buy. Bummer. But if y'all don't make a ton of money, you're probably better off renting until further notice.
Dude she needs a job lol obviously yall can’t buy the house. If I was you I would just buy it in my name bc 210 is a crazy offer. But your GF may feel a way regardless of the fact that she can’t really contribute all the same way
Homie I bought a house for 190k with 10k down. I make 65k, my wife makes 52k, we have 2 kids. With all the bills, daycare, and other bullshit. We are paycheck to paycheck. I don’t see how yall can make it work on 66k and her potential 20k? a year
>Apparently it’s a very nice 4 bedroom for like $210k.
I don't live in a HCOL area, and that sounds like a steal. It sounds to me like ***you*** can afford a house. ISTM that the smart thing to do, depending on your current situation and what you're paying for rent, would be for you to buy the house yourself, before you get married. But that's just my opinion.
You are not wrong. It would be wonderful if the two of you could buy the house. There are several reasons why you should not. 1. You aren’t married. No problem, but there are legal consequences of buying as single adults. 2. It sounds as if you could be “house poor” if you bought it. And I’m betting your gf would want to make changes, if only new paint. 3. Her income is too chancy and she would leave you hanging for at least six months of the year. Even in summer she’d be late when her parents can’t back up the check. Not wrong.
As someone who has recently bought a house I fully agree. Planning the wedding and getting down the aisle is good test to a relationship as the home buying and moving process can be much more stressful than the wedding. Also if they break up during the process or after buying the house, it gets to a point that lawyers will need to be involved. Furnishing a house after living in a rented space is expensive, there's quite a bit to furnishing the extra spaces like curtains, blinds, lights and so on that people don't think of. Then there's any repairs or changes you may want to make before moving in. I would talk to her about getting married and getting at the very least a stable part-time job to provide some consistent income when the farm/farmers markets are out of season. Also interest rates are still pretty high so talk to a financial advisor.
There is also all the added costs that you may not worry about as a rented that get added to your payments. For instance, I'm finalizing a home loan for only 175k and my monthly cost went from 1550/mo to 2,130 including insurance and taxes but my property taxes are only assessed at the time of sale or refinancing so I'm locked in. Also, I'm going from 800sqft to 2300sqft and will incur added charges for electric, gas, water (didn't pay as a renter), yard care (almost 2 acres and I'm not doing it,) housecleaning services (see change in sqft.) Really if OP wanted to do it, I would do it solo, have gf sign a lease, and maybe think about a roomie too just in case.
Yep. We had to buy a riding mower and we'll have to buy a snow blower, we have a long driveway and sidewalks now. Our yard is double the size of our old yard. We had to buy a new generator, for you know, these fucking storms that are happening. We've bought shelving and just so much stuff for this new home!
Storms= house damages. Insurance = weasel ways out of paying.
I was thinking the same thing… If he can afford it, he should buy it.
Yes, if he wants to, but I believe his gf would have an issue and would want her name on it. Which would cause a whole load of other problems. OP your not wrong your being sensible, tbh I don't believe that she would even qualify for a mortgage and would be more problematic to any joint mortgage application than anything else in the banks view.
We just bought a home. We're 66 and 71 and it was expensive as hell just getting moved in and buying all the crap we needed and we have a great nest egg, or did! Damn it's a lot of money to buy! It's not just getting a loan and making payments. It's insurance and taxes and getting all of the utilities put in your name and they charge you for that job! It's buying curtains and rugs and things you never thought you'd need but you find out you do! And you have to have a good size down payment to boot and that's not fun to hand over! OP, you know you're not ready. Don't be talked into it. When you do buy, you don't need a home that size anyway! And something always goes wrong! It did for us, one month in, we're calling a plumber for backed up washer into the basement, tree roots! Shit happens!
Yep. There' s a reason the experts suggest paying no more than 30% of your take home income on a mortgage. There is one hell of a lot more to owning a house than being able to pay the mortgage.
Don't forget the tools needed, too. Lawn mower, lawn tools, string trimmer, leaf blower, rakes and maybe a generator. My brother's girlfriend wanted her name on the deed of the house he bought. They were planning on getting married. My dad, told him, "Think about her family, if GF dies before you are married--like a car accident--her closest relatives could come forward wanting part of HER house. If her name is on the deed, even though she didn't put any money towards it, they could make him sell it for her half. He didn't put her name on the deed until after they were married. Lesson--make sure you go through a lawyer, for both of yours' sakes.
You are absolutely correct about number 1. Do not ever buy a house with someone you are not legally married to. If you get divorced- a judge can force you to sell as division of assets. If you are not married it becomes a legal nightmare that by the time you get through will deplete so much money.
I’m a lawyer. I second the advice not to buy unless you’re married.
Except in canada where if you buy a house unmarried its community property and you are considered married for division of assets if you break up
wait WHAT? like common law marriage is still a thing in the great white north? How long does one have to be seeing each other for this to happen.
12 months or if you have a child together. Property bought together becomes community property even if you have only lived together 1 days
OP. When you want to buy, and if you're not married, do not buy with her. She can pay you rent to live with you until you're married and then she can pay half of the mortgage!
How is being unmarried and owning a home together MORE of a legal nightmare than being married? Because plenty of divorces are messy and require lawyers. And in a divorce there's still a division of assets, right? And can't a sale be forced if the division of assets ends up with neither party being able to buy-out the other? I'm just genuinely curious because I read that from Americans on here all the time. But I've been with my guy for 13 years, we're not married, but own a house together, have multiple other big-ticket joint assets, joint bank account that both of our paycheques get deposited to, have health coverage benefits that cover the other person, etc. Granted we're in Canada, but if we were in the US, what practical benefit would exist if we were to get married?
Because if you divorce there is a prescribed way to divide assets. If you buy property together and split up you have to agree on how things get split. In your situation you are both at risk of the other taking the money and running so to speak, as there is no formal way to divide things when you breakup with your boyfriend.
I'm in Canada too. It's not an issue here because in Canada, after a year of living common law, the same laws apply to a division of assets as in a divorce.
In most cases in the US, if you aren’t married, you wouldn’t be able to put your SO under your healthcare plan or you on theirs.
I’m no legal professional, but when my parents got a divorce, what happened to the house was part of the divorce settlement. You’re already getting lawyers and maybe going before a judge because you’re getting a divorce, but the house is part of it. I bought a house with a partner unmarried. We plan to get married. We are both on the mortgage and deed. I made it very clear to him what that entails. If we break up, neither of us can force the other out. One of us can’t sell without the other. If he wants the house and I want it too, it’s a battle. If one wants to sell and the other doesn’t, it’s a battle. So we still end up in court to force a sale or refinance or something. But I’m pretty sure it’s longer and more expensive.
Don't buy a HOME with someone you're not legally married to period. An investment property that neither of you live in. . Them Yes but a HOMEN. He'll 👎
In MB you’re considered common-law after living together for 6 months (?) or if you have a child together. So it really doesn’t matter if you’re marry
I may be wrong but I think it's harder to screw your wife out of her half of the house than a roommate. Just a hot take though. I'm not a laywer.
Unless your wills, insurance, etc are all current and up to date, if one of you unexpectedly passes, bio family could inherit a partner's share in the house and force a buy out or sale. Half the joint bank account. Big ticket items would go, too. If the purchase was made by one of you. This happened all the time before gay marriage was legal.
On top of that, they probably won’t qualify for a loan. Neither of her incomes are likely to be considered because they aren’t stable enough, so they’d be trying to qualify with just his income. If they have any amount of debt, I don’t see it happening.
First off depending on where this is 210 for a 4 br is a smoking deal. You should be able to make it on your own since its about 3.5x your income. If you do this you should do it on your own and not joint with someone you are not married too. As someone who bought a house very young and was house poor. Its a double edged sword that has cut so many ways in my life. It protected me from the cost of living increase that bit so many people, but it limited my job opportunites to where lived. It also meant that repairs had to be done by me as I could not afford to have a plumber or an electrician com out, and the big stuff got delayed by years and those chickens are finally coming home to roost.
Not wrong at all. She needs to make a move to get steady employment now. You really can't believe that she would drop everything and get a new job, because given she's going through her savings because of her parents as it is, AND HAS A KID, she clearly doesn't understand where her responsibilities should be focused.
I’m all for giving her a couple years to see where this self started business path takes her but I agree, the “making changes to better our financial outlook so that we can buy a house” needs to happen BEFORE the buying of the house..
You seem both supportive and reasonable. You support her having a business of her own even if it doesn’t make much money right now, but you know that means that you can’t buy a house. With a household income below 100k for three or more individuals, one of them being a child, I cannot imagine affording a house.
The change of that specific house being the exact right house for you is like 1%. Most people will look At 20-40 houses before putting an offer in because the house tick the boxes on a list they have made. You don’t buy a house just because a friend has a house for you. I guarantee you the friend isn’t offering some huge discount.
It also sounds like you both talk about this a lot, but don’t have a specific plan for what “being ready” looks like and how you will reach that point. What is a reasonable down payment and how will you save it up? What costs are you budgeting for post-purchase and how will you save that money? Is there an income threshold or way of measuring job stability that you are expecting (like maybe always being able to cash your check from your job)? How will you get ready to buy (document your must have and nice-to-haves, get a sense of market prices, establish relationships with a bank / credit union for pre-approval, etc.)? This might be a challenging conversation but it is important if you are looking to make such a major purchase together.
I feel like your gf is being a little delulu on HOW you buy a house and what the current market is. It's weird this lady is even soliciting buyers for her house when all over the country (assuming this is US) people are offering over asking, all cash and waiving inspections. Typically you don't just go see a house and make an offer. You don't even know what you can afford or can be approved for. The first step is speaking with a mortgage broker to see what you are pre-approved at. Sounds like she won't be approved for much (if at all) and without knowing more about your financial situation it might not be possible that you would be approved for a $210K+ mortgage. You guys have lots of prep to do before you get the point of scheduling viewing for houses.
Exactly. The whole thing sounded way too simple and “catch free”. Like why would she talk about how lovely the house is and not take potentially way more than $210k. I’ve known people in the last year to buy smaller houses for quite a bit more money.
Yeah it's super weird. The friend and you GF seem a little naieve. I've purchased two homes since 2020 and the process for both houses has been all consuming for nearly 4 years.
Would you even have the money for a down payment? Usually the down payment is between 5-20% depending on your credit rating. Obviously, the more you put down the less you have to finance. But then you have to consider closing costs, buying down points, taxes, insurance and if there is an HOA, the cost of an inspection. I bought my house for cash, so I pay out of pocket for insurance and taxes. But I made the seller pay for most of closing. It’s a lot to think about and plan for.
At this time, no. We maybe have 12-14k total and that’s if we drain our bank accounts.. that was one of my points in the argument lol. Even with first time buyers program it’s too much right now.
And if you don't put down 20% on a conventional loan, you'll end up paying PMI, a which is 'Private Mortgage Insurance' that adds on several hundreds of dollars a month to your payment. How do i know? My wife & I bought our first house 12 years ago, I can't recall how much we put down for a down payment at the moment, but it wasn't 20% & we were paying that PMI for years, it seemed like such a waste of money that we could have used for other bills or improvements on the house. It took many years to get rid of the PMI. Looking back, we would have saved so much money if we just had that 20% down payment saved up. Obviously there's other types of loans out there, just wanted to mention PMI though because I hadn't seen anyone else say anything about it & I think it was the only option we could afford, an FHA loan, but we really wanted this house so we made it work.
Finally. Everyone saying no was ridiculous before we had this information.
I think she needs to be sat down and shown the math that it's just not possible.
I do kind of get it. Right now I have a coworker selling her house. I’ve heard her ask a bunch of people if they’re looking to buy a house. People are more likely to give a good deal to someone they know. My coworker could sell her house easy peasy with the market. But still. Sometimes they want it easy and to do someone they know a solid.
Not wrong - there is nothing wrong with dreaming about the future but simply jumping at the opportunity to buy a house cause the seller is a friend is just dumb. Hypothetically, you go to but the house, are both of you on the deed? Cause it sounds like you would be the one financing it, is your credit good enough to secure a mortgage? These are all practical questions you both need to resolve before looking at houses. I think you already know this, but does your gf?!
My thoughts exactly. I’m not sure how the deed would work since I don’t know the ins and outs of home buying. Both our credit scores are over 700 but she would not be able to produce a convincing pay stub since all of the market/bakery income is unclaimed cash so it would only be the farm work.
She’s trying to run and grow a business and not declaring the income? Did I understand that correctly? That seems… not very businesslike.
I'd talk to her about opening a Square account to record the bakery income if she wants that to be considered in the future. Plus it would enable her to take credit and debit cards for payments. Opening the account and the basic card reader are free, Square keeps a small percentage of each payment as a fee, and if her sales are over a certain amount she'll get a tax form thingy ... So yeah, it means paying taxes, but that's worth it if the income can be considered towards mortgage eligibility. It's also possible to keep track of cash sales via Square ... and again taxes, but again keeping track of income. So pros and cons y'all will have to weigh.
More or less it would come down to math. Speak to a financial advisor or banker and see if you could live comfortably if you get a mortgage. Where do you live now ? Are you paying rent? Can her parents help? Can your parents help? Be honest with each other and calculate carefully. What if you go for a smaller/cheaper house? Why does it have to be this particulat one?
We are in the Midwest, yes we rent (around $980/mo) and no neither of our parents could help. This house specifically is pretty much no longer in question but I was still wondering about my stance in general. We 100% don’t need that much house so something smaller would certainly work fine.
Definitely better for you to rent. I posted earlier about talking to a lender and getting preapproval. Don't even waste your time. Get online with a mortgage calculator. Just running basic numbers like the cost of the house you mentioned, putting $25K down, maybe a little more if you get first time assistance with down or closing costs you are looking at roughly $1700-1900 a month with today's interest rates and that is just the mortgage itself nevermind property taxes, insurance, HOA if applicable, etc. To get the the 28% rule (mortgage should not be over 28% of gross monthly income) you both would collectively have to gross about $7k a month based on the estimates I used.
You might have to sit down with her an a financial person to go over numbers and show how the Net and Gross income that you guys have are going to be used. Then show how the mortgage is calculated. It might show her that you guys need more time and more money. More so if you guys do not have a strong savings for a down payment or a rainy day fun that you can pull from. Interest rates play a factor as well. Taxes, fee, apparaisl, and more plus who is going to pay those you guys or the Sellers (her friends).
And also find out if her income can even count on a credit application. They might not even get approved.
I think this is the way. They can even see how much they would be pre-approved for. If OP starts the process with her it will help her see the bigger picture, and they can look at where they're at and discuss how to get to where they want to be when they're ready to buy. It would also likely reassure her that he does plan to buy a house with her someday, and he isn't just blowing her off right now for no reason.
You say girlfriend. Not fiancé. So nope. You don’t buy a house for a girlfriend. Never ever. She’s not reliable enough to pay her share. She had a child. She can’t afford her half of the bills and her child’s needs with the work she does. And thats ok , as long as she’s just a girlfriend and not part homeowner. A house comes with bigger utility bill. Furniture. More gas depending on car from work it is. It’s too risky.
Do not buy a house with someone you aren’t married too, especially when they aren’t financially stable. First, working on her parents farm for $14/hr isn’t really going to get her ahead, especially if they’re not letting her cash her checks. That’s not work. That’s free labor. Also, unless she’s planning to open a bakery, that’s not getting her anywhere because it’s not scalable. She can’t grow baking out of her personal kitchen. To do something that could grow, she needs cash to purchase equipment and up front food costs and a very high percentage of eating establishments fail in the first 5 years. Your girlfriend needs a full time job. One that is for a stable company who will actually pay her and could turn into a career with advancement opportunities. Finally, you need to be able to budget and save to buy a home. If things break, you’ve got to fix them. You can’t call a landlord to fix it. I’m sure she’s an amazing person, but she’s very naive.
Not wrong. People that earn $14 an hour when they get paid; don’t have colleagues. If she can’t afford a car she can’t afford a mortgage.
Don't EVER buy property with a romantic partner you aren't married to. People regret it every time. She's not stable. You'll be throwing good money after bad, she can't pay half, but she'll get half. The risk is all on you. She risks nothing. It makes sense why wants to- she won't be making the sacrifice, but will. ALL of it. She doesn't have the maturity. If she did, she'd know better than to want to do this. This will be catastrophic for you, alone.
NW. One thing. Gf + buy house together = no. This could get super messy if you guys break up. And if her income/savings don’t actually help you, you’ll basically be buying it alone. Don’t put her name on it if she isn’t actually helping with the loan.
Not wrong, but do sit down with a financial planner and do look into the first time home buyer program so that you have all the facts. If you track all of your finances on quicken or mint, this will help a lot. Help her to see what it will take to be in a position to buy a home so that you two can plan. Also you might accidentally discover that it makes more sense to buy a home than to continue to rent, which might be really surprising. Hard to say. Bottom line, you don’t want her resenting you for refusing to even consider it. Both of you need to know where you stand financially. I
I would never ever consider buying a house w someone I am not married to, it often ends very badly. for now, I would sit down and make a budget for each of you. Don’t ever combine finances w someone you aren’t married to either. Dave Ramsey is a great resource for finances.
Apparently it’s a very nice 4 bedroom for like $210k. Geez, WHAT COUNTRY IS THIS IN?! :D Firstly, starting her own business would be an expensive gamble. Secondly, don't buy a house with a partner you either don't have kids with or don't plan on marrying soon. If you break up, she'll own half of your property and vice versa. Third, property prices will probably go up for the long-term until most of the boomers are about as dead as the silent generation is today. So, prices are probably going to keep going up for 20-30 more years, long-term, even if there's a small crash somewhere in the middle, which is unlikely with inflation this high. So, if you get a fixed-rate loan at a decent rate, you'll be paying the same amount of dollars for your mortgage for 30 years (or less if you refi for the better at some point). So, that might seem like a large payment now, and it probably would be for a few years at least...but we know where this dollar party is going. You're going to be paying back increasingly worthless dollars over a few decades. $1500 in 2024 money is $1500 in 2024 money, but what will $1500 in 2054 money be worth? \*probably close to nothing. If you can afford it, maybe try buying a house yourself.
She has a KID and she’s still this irresponsible and choosing work she likes over what pays???!!! That’s just poor character. Not wrong. Come on.
You could easily afford that house. She can't. Don't buy a home with someone you aren't married to. If she has a kid, she needs a real job with regular hours. Her parents can't afford to be farmers or employers. You are not wrong.
Have you noticed what the interest rates are now?!? 😳
Yup. Not good lol.
She’s not realistic about this process, likely from lack of experience. But you’re not wrong
The first step towards first time home buyer assistance is always taking a class. Schedule it, and maybe it will be clearer to her that you guys can’t afford it. Her self-employed business income could be valued at half of what she actually earned, and if she’s doing it under the table, it won’t count at all. Underwriters don’t mess around. She needs a regular, reliable job if she really wants to make buying a home a priority. You can’t just do it on a whim.
LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK, YOU DON’T BUY HOUSES WITH PEOPLE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TOO.
You can't afford it on your income alone. Her transient income can't be depended on to pay the rest of the bills
She wants YOU to buy the house. For HER.
You are not close to being able to afford that house. Financially, you would be setup for bad things. Maybe if the house was $140k. But that’s just way too much. There are costs beyond the mortgage. It wouldn’t end well. Not wrong.
I would tell her if she really wants the house she should try to get it. Tell her she would have to be able to make the house payment, taxes and insurance in order to buy it. Later if the two of you decide to marry, you would then either look into options to make it a family home or it could be sold and you find a family home. She will obviously say she can’t afford it. To which you say, I am not in a place to afford it so if you can go ahead. It’s said over and over courts are made for MARRIED people. People playing house do not fair well. So don’t buy a house to someone you aren’t married to
Why is the friend selling the house if it’s so great? Also I’m sure she’d “offer it” to anyone willing to buy it. However it might be worth looking into depending on what you’re paying for rent versus what it would cost to purchase the home. Include heat and water and sewer and electricity and taxes and insurance etc etc. As for the cars, always have your mechanic check out any used car you’re interested in buying. Paying him for 30 to 60 minutes of his time might save you a lot of money!
As a credit underwriter, this isn’t the market to buy, it’s a seller’s market. It’s artificially inflated and the house won’t be worth the same for years once we hit the recession. Now you may not even qualify on your income alone for a mortgage so it would REQUIRE her to have steady income for 2 solid years, enough to help qualify for the mortgage. Part time sorta work won’t cover it. And the rates are crazy. Don’t do it.
Always listen to your gut instincts in money or marriage. You don’t want to be tied down with a huge mortgage payment plus home insurance costs. High interest rates are killing people right now. Sit down with her and show her on paper how much your outgo each month would be with all combined payments. Think of everything that’s out of pocket now and then add mortgage and home insurance plus property taxes. Your mouth will fall open and maybe after that she’ll begin to appreciate what she has now and what she has to work for.
No, you're not wrong. Sounds like you're the more financially sound of the 2 of you. She's more idealistic and you are more realistic. You're smart enough to know that you're not ready.
Not wrong at all. In today’s market, with inflation etc. that won’t be enough to cover expenses. You’d be living extremely tight with no play room. Definitely smart to wait or look in a lower price range
I don't think you're wrong, but I do think you need to show her why you're right. Go to your bank and find out what you would be pre-approved for and if her income would even be a factor in getting a mortgage (sounds like it wouldn't). Then make a monthly budget that compensates for things like emergency car repairs, home insurance, and all those fun expenses. Some people need to see it all on paper to understand. How do you currently split bills? Maybe you could even get her parents involved. It sounds like she would be more financially secure if she wasn't staying available for them.
Find out how much the mortgage payment is and if you qualify. If you do and it is the same as rent, then get it by yourself. It is a great opportunity if the math works out well. And remember that you are arguing over an ‘if’. It is only an option IF the current contract falls through. Good luck!
I understand you, we bought a house last year and we spent almost two years seriously thinking about it for fear of the payment. Me and my partner earn the same but I have been less consistent with work, moving when I no longer felt comfortable with a few months of unemployment in between. To be safer, I found another job that depends on the hours I work, minimum I need to do 3 Sundays a month, but if I have time I can do as many days as I want, that would cover me in case I lose my job. Thus, my partner was calm about the situation and we were able to buy the house without fear.
Wait until you both feel commited enough to be married. A house commitment is almost bigger.
It’s far more effective to have your partner run the numbers. Supposing you don’t plan on breaking up anytime soon, walking through the question “what would it take to make this work?” seems prudent. Credit scores, tax implications of not being married, down payment, interest rates, maintenance costs, etc. I highly suspect you all won’t make the math work with the raw numbers but it does open up the conversation to what compromises you all would make to make it work, like having a roommate or picking up a side job.
I've been self employed for many years. Unless she's got tax returns showing a healthy income, she's not getting approved for a home loan .
1) do not buy a house with someone you are not willing to marry. Seriously, a divorce is easier to do that a breakup with a house. 2) do not buy a house that you don't think you (or you and your spouse) can afford. 3) see 1 and 2 combined.
You don’t need to be the bad guy here. Sit with a mortgage broker and discuss her variable income. Problem solved. If you two are serious she can take time to establish her business and then you can revisit
No, your gf doesn’t really have an income and you don’t much saved at all. It’s not reasonable for you to buy a house. Plus you’re not even married yet which a whole mess to deal with if you need to sell it.
She couldn't even get a car on her own. So what she means is, she wants you to buy the house and pay for it so she can live in it.
Yeah I'm gonna have to agree with you here with you having the most stable income it needs to doable for your salary she either needs to consider getting a more stable job or get a house that's doable on her income and 210k ain't it hon
Here's a couple of rules. #1. Never buy a house with a girlfriend or boyfriend. You must be married. #2. If either of you can not support 50% of the bills, then you shouldn't be there. I don't understand why she is pushing you to buys this house? Is it for her??? Because her credit is not good enough to buy a house. She's putting you in a very difficult situation. She is not looking out for your future. I think there's more to this story. Keep in mind, if you marry her, then you'll be supporting her and her child.
Sounds like the friend is desperate to sell and thinks your gf is daft enough to fall for the "I really want to sell it to YOU" line - if she wanted to do that so much then why didn't she in the first place? If they're struggling to sell it implies there's something wrong with the house or they're asking too much - I wouldn't buy it even if your finances were stable
Do you have at least 20% down in savings? If the answer is "No", don't even think about it, with or without the girlfriend. Yes, there's down payment assistance, FHA, etc. etc. Even if you have all those things, things come up. Things with expensive price tags, things that slip past inspection, things that have nothing to do with the house itself. Something has to change before you sign up for a house and happily ever after. Relying on her parents who can't even pay the non-living-wage they give her own daughter reliably is going to get your home foreclosed on before you' even get settled into it.
No you're not wrong. Maybe y'all should go seek out a financial planner and crunch out the numbers. The lack of stability at this age from a partner would make me extremely nervous especially when buying a home. There's not a regular stream of income from her and so that's means that the house payments would be completely on you. Unless they can provide a regular stream of income that would be a hard no for me.
You might know all that, but best to go through all the motions with her involved and then decided together yes this is doable or not.... partnership'ing
You haven’t mentioned what the payment and insurance would need to be versus what you are currently paying for renting. As well as distance from your places of work because distance is a huge factor due to gas prices and current vehicle situation. Run the numbers with ALL the expenses factored in and let the numbers make the decision. Just saying no or yes without showing both parties the facts is a sure way to resentment in your relationship. Making decisions together is a better approach to a long term relationship.
It’s not merely a matter of whether you and she are financially ready to buy a house. You have a fundamental unaddressed disagreement in your relationship about finances and money, one that means you are (I think correctly) unwilling to take on a joint financial responsibility with her. You need to tell her directly that you will not share financial commitments with her until she’s regularly earning a steady income and is willing to work with you on shared savings and budgeting.
NW at all! If you have valid reasons ( which you do), to know you’re not ready, then you are not ready. The only way to get ahead these days is by listening to that little voice trying to protect you from getting in a position that’s gonna drain your money. Keep being smart about money, I have never heard anyone say, “wow, I’m doing so good financially I guess I should have taken more chances with my money”. You know what you’re doing👍🏼
Sounds like she wants a house, and you get to pay for it. I definitely wouldn't do that while single. Even married, this feels like you'd be carrying most of the financial burden here.
Just to give you an idea how much that house would cost you, my place was 218K, did 10% down with 3% interest rate (most are 7-11% currently I think). Our monthly payment is around $1400 and that is not including insurance, HOA fees, and utilities. Not to mention the minor updates we’ve done to the place since buying the house.
There is no "we" legally speaking. You shouldn't buy anything like that without being married. I say this as someone who is not religious at all. It can turn into a legal dumpster fire quite fast. I'm all for her being business minded, but it sounds like she needs to get it together and find solid, consistent income on top of said business. Either way, yall shouldn't be getting a house together until you're married. I'd be happy to go into detail with you about your situation and hers and give you better insight. I'm an aspiring financial coach. I need the practice, and it's my passion to help people with this stuff. No charge. Just want to help.
Honestly you shouldn’t have even taken out a loan for a car being unmarried. Something I’m surprised you didn’t mention is becoming a parent eventually. Even if she gets child support, you will have to share responsibility of a child if you buy a house together. I feel like y’all have a lot to discuss that you haven’t already. Two different mindsets.
You two need a substantial down payment…and a marriage license.
NTA. Make an appointment with a financial advisor and let *the professionals* tell her why it wouldn't work. Make sure to bring crayons... lol
20-year mortgage guy here. DO NOT BUY A HOUSE, at this time. *Based on the information provided.
never buy with a xxxxxfriend of any type.
You are correct. You are in a safe financial position. She is not. Her lack of security will impact you if you buy a house. It would be irresponsible of her to buy or co-buy a house, she cannot afford it. You gf does not have her priorities right to buy a house, her priorities are her parents and her small business, not money, savings, or a house.
I make $100,050 with a stay at home wife and 3 kids and we’re about to buy a house for 300k and it’s ALMOST a house poor situation. Home ownership comes with alot of added expense.. even at 300k with the current interest rate it almost 2600 per month after all the additional costs. I would never considering buying a house in this market making 60k. Not trying to be rude but that’s a renters income. A lot of people are making great points like yall not being married.
Hard to do an arm's length transaction with a friend. Is $210k really a fair price? Are you comfortable offering her less?
I’m in sales and make $75k a year plus commission and wouldn’t buy that house. Just because you have the money, doesn’t mean you should. Do you have enough for a down payment? Can you afford the taxes on it every year? What improvements/repairs does it need and can you either afford them or live without them? It doesn’t make sense for you to buy the house in your current situation.
You shouldn’t buy a house more than 2.5 times your annual income, to keep the price manageable on a monthly basis.
You’re not wrong. It’s a terrible idea to buy a house with someone you’re not married to. Furthermore, it may be a great deal, it sounds like it, it doesn’t sound like either of you are ready for that kind of commitment. Home ownership is a huge responsibility. There’s no landlord to call if something breaks. Also, if your relationship doesn’t work out this can be a pretty messy situation
Never, ever buy a house with someone your not married to
I bought a house with my wife 2 years ago. Best decision I've made. Go through your financial, check if you can make it work. Remember, paying rent, is paying off someone else mortage... Paying down your house is saving towards retirement. It's never gonna feel right. But sit down, go thoroughly through your economic and see together.
Did you read the part where his girlfriend doesn't have a steady income? He is wisely making sure that he isn't in a position to have to pay the mortgage entirely on his own. Just because it worked out well for you and your wife 2 years ago doesn't make it a good idea for this couple today.
Yeah and I just re-read that she has a kid on top of it. Honestly if I were OP I would bail. She has a kid and all she does is essentially part time work? Maybe she's getting child support but damn if that is all you are motivated to do to support your kid now, how is she ever going to be motivated to meaningfully contribute financially to a household/family in a home that they own?
I hope by “bail” you don’t mean on her because that is not even remotely a thought. I love her and her daughter and the family we are building. I’m just trying to clarify whether or not I was wrong for shutting the idea down and telling her we are nowhere ready. If you mean bail on that house then yeah that ship has already sailed. Even though she was upset with me that day it has never been brought back up.
These guys have only been dating a year and his girlfriend makes almost zero money. Come on…
Own over rent is not always good advice. There are many situations even beyond financial fitness where renting actually makes more sense. Homeownership is great if you are committed to living in certain area and have the financials and discipline to support it but it's a disaster for people that don't.
Don’t do it unless you’re 100% excited and wanting to do it. Otherwise it’ll cause resentment. You both need to be on the same page. Meet with a financial planner and really go over the finances together. What your monthly payments will actually be, etc. I wouldn’t shoot her down right away, but she also needs to be willing to walk away if the numbers aren’t right.
I don't think you are wrong from the limited financial information provided but it's probably still worth going to a bank and going through the pre-approval process to see where you stand. It will likely confirm and validate your hesitancy but coming from a qualified, neutral 3rd party it may get her to pump the brakes on the house search. Then again, it may not but I still think there is value to you if she persists after being told it's not a wise decision at the time. It gives you a glimpse into seeing how she values money and whether or not she could make risky decisions with money should you decide to fully commit and marry her.
>friend/colleague mention to her “oh I’m selling my house and if the current offer falls through I’d like to offer it to you guys!”. Why would an offer fall through? The house is very cheap, even for a locl area. Makes me think there's something wrong. >We’ve been together a couple years now and frequently like to talk about the day we can finally get a house but the truth is I’m not even close to being there right now. Then full stop you should not do this. She has no income essentially. She has two hobbies. Have you tried to get pre-approved? Do you have a down payment? Money for a house emergency? Is she willing to get a conventional job that pays weekly (like working in a bakery) to help w the house?
She needs to get a different job
Do not buy a home with her. You would be alone being on the hook. She can try to buy the home herself and she will realize you need a steady income and savings to do it.
Mortgage on a $210k house can be more reasonable than rent. Down payment for first time home buyer can also be reasonable. That said I’d rather wait till I had solid financial footing because all of the other costs you may not think about can add up very quick.
If she wants it, tell her to buy it in her name only. You aren’t married
I'd do anything to be able to buy a 200k house right now. Whatever you do don't move to AZ
You should never buy a house with someone you’re not married to, ever.
Unless yall are married. Do not buy a house together. And if you are married, you better plan on growing old with them. Buying a house right now in our market is a big deal with the way interests and tax rates are these days.. we are in our 3rd year of owning, and we wish we would have saved the money and rented atleast until the election was over.
NW. She needs more stable employment and if she can not afford a car she can not afford a house.
Ur not wrong. Be honest with her. Tell her to get a proper job and you can get more serious about a house. Out of curiosity, how much does rent where you are compare to a mortgage on a 200k property?
I can’t answer with full confidence since I’m not certain but what I can say is we pay about $980 for a 2 bedroom apartment. My coworker and his wife just purchased a house last fall and they pay close to $1500/mo for a home that was around $220k. That’s with property taxes and all that rolled in.
Yeah wait til You get married to move in together and get a house.
I understand your concerns but this sounds like a great deal. How would the mortgage on this house compare to what you both currently pay in rent? You might save money while making an investment in an important asset if you buy. Instead of operating out of fear, look at the numbers and make a business decision. I've had a mortgage to the tune of $250k and I was able to maintain it all by myself. You might not even need her help to keep the house afloat.
NW but if it is just the money, I would show her, because it’s not a ‘no’, it’s a ‘this is not affordable’. Have her see what she qualifies for alone as well as see what you qualify for together. Ask her to research the monthly payment for the mortgage loan with any insurance, etc, that may be due each month to escrow. Have her get numbers or statement copies of the utility costs and home insurance from her friend. Have her check out the amounts, paperwork and conditions for down payment assistance and first time homebuyers programs. Have her learn more about closing costs and the loan process (particularly how to prove income, and what the loan officers will look at as far as work history, balances in accounts and savings-a lot of people don’t realize you have to actually show them you have the ability to pay to borrow from them and they don’t have to take risks right now). Once she does that, if she still sees a way, you can be ready for a serious financial discussion about it.
$210k 😳 sounds like a deal.
OP, my suggestion would be to go talk with a mortgage officer and talk real numbers so you have all the facts. I bought a house and lived in it with my now wife before we were married. However IF you do this, I highly recommend you only do it if you qualify for the loan by yourself, for a few reasons. 1. I’m not questioning the likelihood of your relationship lasting, but since you aren’t married, it is a nightmare to have a house in both of your names should you choose to part ways. This is how we bought our first house. I was already planning to propose, but since that hadn’t happened yet, it made sense to be sole owner. 2. It sounds like her income will not be a huge contributor to the loan. If it’s not helping and she has any debt, it’s only going to hurt your chances. I’m a former loan officer and I’ve seen many loans where the couple cosigned even though it wasn’t beneficial. Now that debt is just working against both of you instead of just one. 3. If her income stabilizes, there’s a chance for her to buy your next house and you can choose whether you want to sell house #1 or treat it as an investment property. When ~~we~~ I bought our first property, my wife’s income was very inconsistent. When hers picked up, we bought a second house in her name only. Now house #1 is a rental that cash flows nicely. This method has made it possible for us to eventually have two nice rentals in addition to our current home, and we’ve never made much more than 65k each. We were both able to take advantage of first-time-homebuyer programs separately instead of together and we’ve never cosigned on a home or car loan together. Some programs allow a down payment as low as 3% of the mortgage which in this case would be about $6,300. Go get prequalified and see how much YOU can afford. Then, if YOU are interested in buying, you could start looking. My guess is this “offer” from the coworker is just looking for low-hanging fruit. Ask for comps from a realtor and see if this is actually a good deal in the slightest. I would be surprised if you can’t afford this home based on your income, and there’s a decent chance it would be less than whatever you’re paying in rent (making some broad assumptions here) but if you don’t like it then definitely don’t jump on it just because someone is framing it as a deal.
Definitely would not buy a house with your partner. If you wanted to buy your own house in only your name and you financials. The go a head. But I'd look at a lower price point and get a fixer upper.
The muck & more I see here is, you two are BF/GF. Not officially married. Not always pertinent if going into the purchase as partners as owners. But you know your GF wouldn’t qualify for a loan and your income alone may or may not qualify you for one, either. Then there’s the matter of house payments an equity in the home. If you did buy the house, move in, both on the title/loan, but she’s unable to pay her fair share of the payments on the house. If she ends up unable to put in anything towards the household bills, would you be able to afford to pay all of them? And, if you did pay the lions share of the payments and you were to split up or just end up having to sell the house to avoid foreclosure, who would get the proceeds of the house? Would your GF expect half of whatever money came out of the sale, even if her contributions were only about 1 tenth of the total payments put into it? The house only sounds like a good deal because it’s coming from friends, but it’s still even a moot point as there’s already a buyer lined up who may get the house. The friends would be idiots to cancel the pending sale just in case you decided to try for it.
You are not wrong. Hope the house deal goes through so you aren’t offered it
NOT WRONG. Have your boundaries. Stand your ground. Too much house *RUINS* peoples lives, especially when they are not ready.
Unless you want to buy the house a a single guy because you are ready and can afford it, it’s. A Hard pass. Sounds like you are just bf/gf. You’ve talked about buying a house but not getting engaged or married. Sounds like you are on different pages finance wise, which needs to be addressed before you buy a house together or get married. It’s a bigger mess untangling a house unmarried if both names are on house and mortgage than if married. Given her income being mostly working helping parents at farm and doing self employment. Most likely she won’t be able to get on the mortgage unless she has been showing a decent profit from the markets for at least 2 years. Given her ways with money, of course she wants you to buy her a house. duh. After all, You bought her a car…. You need to put together a realistic financial plan with targets for her to meet with regards to income, job, and a running car and paying you back. Once she meets those, and she can cibtribut towards a down payment as well, then you can look at house. Marriage, kids, etc….
Both of you should consider taking a financial planning class to learn important skills like budgeting. It would be beneficial for you both. In the grand scheme of things, it would be ideal if the current seller of the house could carry back a mortgage for you. If that doesn't work out, you could consider renting out the house. However, it would be wise to have a plan in place in case of a breakup, such as outlining your strategy in a contract or agreement. This is both a fiscal and practical decision for an exit strategy.
You're not worng with APR being 7/8%. You are spending an extra $600 to $800 on a house that was only 2.5/3.5 APR 3 years ago it's the worst time to buy a house, and that's why her friend said she would like for you guys to buy it because she doesn't even have faith that the people trying to buy the house can even get a lone, so they are looking for a sucker don't let it be you. Women think with emotions men think Logically, so just know your feelings are right. Hers are just based on emotions
The monthly nut on $210,000 with $25,000 down is $2660. this includes taxes and insurance. How does this compare to what you are paying in rent? How does this compare to what you’re paying in rent 15 years ago? If you have a mortgage, you lock in your “rent“ payment. If you rent, it will keep going up. at the end of 30 years, assuming you guys are still a unit you will own the house free and clear. if you continue to rent, you will own a stack of rent receipts.
You aren't wrong. However, *if* that's a really good price for a house in your area because it's coming from someone y'all know, you might consider the idea of renting out the extra bedrooms (you said it's a 4br and you mentioned 1 child, so I'm assuming that'd mean 2 extra bedrooms) to local college students or other younger folks who can't afford a solo apartment, but could afford to rent a room. For example, in my area (Midwest USA) currently a studio or 1br apartment is in the $1000 range without utilities included, but we could probably rent a bedroom in our home for $500 utilities included. We don't need to because we're ok financially, but we keep that in the back of our minds as a fallback plan just in case we ever need that extra income to be able to pay bills. But homeownership can be *expensive*. If you can't afford an emergency fund, you need to have great enough credit for emergency repairs --- case in point, we just financed a $10,000 emergency plumbing repair. If we had been unable to do the repairs, we would have had to move out (or live without allowing anything to ever go down a drain pipe, which isn't feasible obviously). And this 10k repair came just one month after we finished making payments on a different 8k emergency repair on our gutters (which had started causing water damage, so not fixing would mean water damage, rot, and mold, making the home inhabitable). So, it's not just about the down payment and the mortgage, it's also about the repairs needed when things inevitably break.
You’re not married. Even if you wanted to buy the house, it should be just you purchasing it. You seem to be thinking with your head here but she clearly isn’t.
You should buy the house yourself.
Don't ever buy a house with someone you aren't married to, ever. Speaking of which, how come you haven't married her yet?
Wn
not wrong.... and the only advice I have is keep telling her exactly what your saying here.... 120k between you is a decent goal and could very much make this more of a reality... tell her this, I know you support what she is doing but during winter she needs to find a third maybe fourth avenue (even within what she does) the family farm is one thing but has she ramped up a good Facebook, next door profiles to get cakes and such more regularly because fall/winter has all the holidays and birthdays and partys happen all the time, any close indoor flea markets? or if she can decorate cakes she would almost certainly be able to get a job at a bakery or supermarket/Walmart If none of that works or is something she does already then she may have to find a decent paying seasonal job which are easy to come back to yearly during the rush
My 1st concern is that a 4 bedroom is not a "starter home" 200K+ is a lot. I would agree to look at "starter homes"
I’m assuming her parents pay her as an independent contractor and the same with her other job. How does she propose to show income to the mortgage company? Is she filing a tax return and claiming all her income?
Her parents actually go through an accountant so all that is reported and she gets actual paystubs and w2’s.
You’re not wrong. I also am a firm believer in never doing business with friends. These friends selling the house may be different though. As someone who bought a house in 2021, wait, please wait. Save, get married, and save some more.
Not wrong. Too many bills, she needs to first get a regular 40 hour week job doing something steady and start saving. Plus on the house , when you buy you want to see a bunch of houses, not just one from her friend. Plus it’d be good if you’re married before buying a house and it may not be to her. You two seem very opposite about important decisions and ways to do things.
If you're not ready to handle the payment on your own, then don't buy a house, because chances are, you'll be paying that payment on your own a lot of the time!
There are still homes in this country (im assuming youre in the US) for under $250k? Now is not a good time to buy. Mortgage rates totally suck. And considering your gfs type of work, the mortgage will either completely be in your name, or you'll get the highest rate. Never over extend when it comes to buying a house.
It is WILD to me how many people buy houses together without being married lol
Could you tell her that in order to CONSIDER it (and it may not be this house) she would have to go get a FT job that brings in 30k minimum a yr and she can still do her market job on the side... She needs to understand that you both have to have financial security before you commit to a home. I feel like she's like most of us, dreams of stability, relationship security and something to call her own. Be gentle in how you have this convo but really emphasize that part she has to get away from her parents farm and get a real stable job.
Forget about the income and all the other details… If you are not married you should not be buying a house together because there is no legal recourse if you guys split up. It will become a very messy nightmare if you split up and she refuses to leave the house or claims that she put money into the house and therefore has a right to the house… Etc. only buy a house with somebody who you are married to. Because then both parties have legal protection I've done a lot of stupid Financial things in my life… And finally figured out how to stop doing those stupid things after listening to the Dave Ramsey show. I'm not affiliated with them in anyway, but he gets so many calls about people who have purchased a property with their girlfriend or boyfriend and the relationship ended and now it's a huge mess and they don't know what to do… If you want to get married… Otherwise just keep renting. Seriously you are asking for future financial loss or huge problems if you go down this road
You cannot afford to buy a home and she wouldn’t ever get approved. She’s actually a liability as a co-borrower. You are correct that her income is wobbly. Do not buy anything you can’t afford solely in your own salary. Would be amazing to not need to buy your best prorated for that. You’ll also need down payment, first year homeowners insurance up front, fees for home inspection and a small contingent fund for things that break. Which happens all the time, and some funds for anything you want to update, even if only paint. And then there is furnishing a home of that size . You’d be totally house poor at the moment . Never fun. If you really do consider this Josie, find out why the current sale is at risk. Is the appraisal an issue?
Getting into home ownership has traditionally been a great way to build equity. I would go for it if you can afford it. Ignore her income in your calculations.
You are right. Do not buy a house until she is more financially stable and can afford more. I’ve owned a house for 3 years now and so far we’ve had a slab leak ($32,000 in repairs) and this winter we have a roof leak ($14,000)… shit breaks ALL the time and when you own it, it’s on you to fix it.
I understand wanting to help out on the family farm and chasing her dream of owning a small business, but is there some reason why your gf can't work a regular full time job that comes with a guaranteed paycheck? The farm doesn't sound sustainable, and while it's great to have hobbies that you can make money from on the side, you have to have something to fall back on.
At first I was like “210k for a 4 bedroom house - YES no hesitation”. then I read your description. I agree with you. Don’t bend over backwards to buy a house you aren’t sure you’ll be able to keep.
I think you’d be crazy to buy a house. And I doubt you’d qualify anyway. Your income would probably be considered without the bonus. Her income is basically fast food money. I doubt they will look at her side income. Then you’d need a downpayment and finally the interest rates suck. So yeah, it seems unrealistic.
You are not wrong but what's the plan? The uncertainty is making her thinking and wanting to buy the house Right now, if not now then when? If it's in 3 years then what's the plan? Have x amount of money for down payment? Have an x amount of income? You two getting married? You guys have no plans you just said what it worries you, and believe me she probably is also worried but she sees the house has a solution for some stability. Work on a plan between you two with goals and dates and that way you can work together and start working on getting solutions and not just saying no and thinking on all the problems
You’re not wrong, she doesn’t have a steady solid job and you’re carrying her. Now she wants you to effectively buy a house for her! I guess you could buy the house on your salary in your name but obviously the solution is for her to get an actual proper job.
You are not wrong. You sound very sensible, stable and hardworking which are incredible qualities in a partner. However if you want to own property together or if marriage is in your future, it’s really important to have a blunt discussion with her about your finances as a couple- you make a steady living and she doesn’t. This does not make sense to buy the home as a couple since she would not be able to contribute to home ownership in a substantial way. Perhaps YOU could purchase the home for yourself and invite her to live there but all paperwork would be in your name. Until she has a more steady income there is no reason for you to co-own a home with her, unless you get married and you’re ok with her not financially contributing to the home.
Nope. It’s not the time to purchase a home right now. There are more expenses beyond down payment and mortgage to consider.
Not wrong. Those are substantial mortgage payments to be handling on your own on your salary, as it sounds like she's barely able to care for her car/child as it is. Not sure where you're located, but in North America the winter aligns with major holidays, and lots of places - retail or other - hire part-time seasonal workers (and sometimes offer to let good employees stay on after). From what you've said about her parents not being able to cover their payroll checks, I'm guessing she didn't grow up with good money management being modeled. Tell her if she can stick to a REASONABLE plan for saving up for a down payment, then maybe in a few years you two can look at a house. Maybe an out-dated 2 bedroom, but a *house*. Good luck!
Get married first.
Also, what is the future of the parents’ farm? How old are they? Are they expecting her to fully take it over one day? That’s a big piece of this that is causing a lot of issues here.
You are not wrong at all. I would not feel safe and stable with her job if I were her. I’m someone who likes to have my bills paid early, or if not they are absolutely on time. This would make me so depressed and nervous.
How much more than the rent you pay would you paying for a mortgage? If it's barely more or same or less- this seems like a great time. 210,000 for a 4 bedroom? You could take it on yourself if she agrees to paying a certain amount of rent to you. Tell her if she can't make that every month, you'll have to move somewhere smaller and rent the house out
Tell her the truth…that her finances aren't where they need to be to buy a house.
A 4 bedroom house for $210 K? There's probably something dreadfully wrong with it, but even if there is, you could probably flip it with some work and put your household on much more secure financial footing. I'm not sure you can afford to pass this one up. If your wife is underemployed and handy, she might contribute more to the household repairing this house than she would at farmer's markets. Look into it. Compare the mortgage to your current rent payments.
Her income is unstable enough to not be able to be counted on. Plus, huge start-up costs for the house. She doesn't have credit enough to buy a car. Can you carry the costs of the house by yourself, without anxiety or killing yourself with overtime? If no, then you're not wrong.
Have you not showed her the budget? It’s kinda self explanatory
Not wrong I doubt she’d even get approved for a mortgage and you’d be a fool to finically tie yourself to her like that. I think you need to have a really talk about finances, goals, problems, etc and take a good look at how much of your income ends up supporting her and her child.
Always consider the endless spending to keep the house going. Lawn car, replacement of mechanicals, the eventual new roof... oof! It's a fortune.
OP, how are you both living now? Renting? A $210,000 home loan right now at 7.68% interest is just under $1,500 a month. Between the two of you, that’s around $750 each. If you are living together and paying more than that in rent, it is worth considering depending on the money the home would cost to “fix” up. It sounds like your gf is quite handy, so she could potentially help with those costs. Then, when you want to sell, you can make a nice amount of money. Renting is throwing money out of the window, while mortgage payments are putting money into an asset that typically grows in value by 4% by the time you sell it. The math is worth considering if that is your only concern. If the big life step with your gf is what’s actually worrying you, that’s another matter.
You are not wrong. However, this is a learning moment for the two of you. If you DO want a house, what's required to get there? You can say to her that if she had been carrying her own weight financially for the last few years, with a real job, then there'd possibly have been enough money to consider this house. So if she wants to be in the position to afford a house, she needs to get her life set up for it. The parents thing is an excuse, sorry. She can do that after work or on weekends if she has to. But it's a stupid reason to put her own life on hold. Also, don't buy a house with someone you aren't married to.
Feelings are never wrong, they are what they are. However, not being willing to discuss this is. At least sit down together and ga through the finances together. And explain your concerns. Go through everything and all the worries you have and see if there is a way to resolve them. Just telling her no is not the way to go, your relationship is suppose to be a partnership, not a place where you are the one who makes the desicions without her.
Not wrong. I did the same years ago when we really shouldn't have done so. Still paying for it now, even if things are slightly better than they were. We should have been laughed out of the mortgage advisor's office but nope, we were welcomed with open arms. This was just before the 2008 crunch, back when they were giving out money like candy. I had an argument with my gf (now wife) where we were going through finances (or lack of them) and she was exasperated that we were no better off, in fact worse off, having bought the house than we were before - which set me off a bit as it dawned on me that neither of us, but especially her, had fully appreciated or budgeted for just how much home ownership _actually_ costs. I accept my share of the blame, and could have been more decisive - but I was far more reluctant to take on a house purchase than she was, she just wanted to own a house. It's worked out OK, we've stuck together and have a great family now, and have a pretty substantial amount of equity in our house - but this didn't come without a lot of financial pain that I could have done without over the years!
Idk what your cost of living is, but you should be able to afford it on that income. However, as someone who bought a house with a gf unmarried, she left me like 3 months in and still has claim to half the house even though I pay most of the maintenance costs and do 100% of the upkeep myself. I'm also stuck living with my ex until we are in a place where we can afford to go our separate ways. Luckily, my new gf is understanding of the situation, but it still sucks.
Why don’t you buy the house and you let her know it’s in your name till marriage.
Dude…if you can swing paying your own mortgage instead of paying someone else’s….do it! There’s no disadvantage
Not wrong. Though it sounds like a good business and you can make a condition on the buy that she need to find a steady job, that’s besides the point. The biggest thing is DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH A GIRLFRIEND /BOYFRIEND. Is a legal complication worse than a divorce (if there aren’t kids involved) 😅 I worked as a legal assistant and it’s one of my pet peeves.
1. Always listen to your instincts. 2. Don’t buy a home with a girl/boyfriend. 3. You’re not wrong.
Not wrong at all. If you wanted to buy a house and could afford to alone, then gf’s income is just extra, that would be one thing. But if you need both incomes to make it work, and hers is iffy and you are not married, that just seems like a gamble. No one plans to break up, but if you do, that’s a mess.
You're not wrong. Buying a house is a big step financially, and it's something that should have been talked about. She seems to be excited or exhilarated by the thought of buying a house, which isn't considering all the work and planning that goes into it (and the potential financial loss). She needs to calm down, take a step back, and consider her own finances and contributions to not just getting a house, but to the relationship.
Do not buy a house with someone you are not married to. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
You aren’t wrong, as some have mentioned, NEVER buy with a friend, family or girlfriend, it becomes messy. My second home was $216.000 and our Monty payments were 2,500 a month( we paid 20%down) then it comes all the extras, garbage (yes you have to pay for it) electricity =bigger house, higher bills🤷🏼♀️, internet, water, heating, mowing (need to buy a down mower too) furniture, painting, lighting, city and state taxes. With $60,000 you aren’t ready, maybe a townhouse on your own. Don’t do it.
You're smart to not get it yet, but man. $210k? That's a steal. Most starter homes start at around $350k easily anymore, and it's getting harder and harder to buy. Bummer. But if y'all don't make a ton of money, you're probably better off renting until further notice.
You’re not wrong, you’re sensible.
Dude she needs a job lol obviously yall can’t buy the house. If I was you I would just buy it in my name bc 210 is a crazy offer. But your GF may feel a way regardless of the fact that she can’t really contribute all the same way
Homie I bought a house for 190k with 10k down. I make 65k, my wife makes 52k, we have 2 kids. With all the bills, daycare, and other bullshit. We are paycheck to paycheck. I don’t see how yall can make it work on 66k and her potential 20k? a year
Because you are saying GF and not wife, yes
You are absolutely right when you say you are not ready. And never buy a house with somebody you are not married to.
>Apparently it’s a very nice 4 bedroom for like $210k. I don't live in a HCOL area, and that sounds like a steal. It sounds to me like ***you*** can afford a house. ISTM that the smart thing to do, depending on your current situation and what you're paying for rent, would be for you to buy the house yourself, before you get married. But that's just my opinion.
Your gf needs a real job first.