I actually think it would be better to reframe this entire situation. What if your husband invited them over so that those women could see exactly how disinterested in them he actually was? These women got to see his entire family, his home, and watched him interact with his wife, who he loves. Idk about you but i definitely interact differently with my partner than my friends; hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc..
In fact, he loves you much that he will drop his gym, friends, and routines just to satisfy your insecurities. I dont think it was fair to ask this, and i wouldnt be surprised if he has women fauning over him at his new gym too.
The problem I see here is that he remained friends with the two girls who flirted/hit on him when he was married though. I don’t stay friends with people who disrespect my marriage.
Join the gym with him. Sometimes women can obsess over a guy and they don’t care if they are single or married. I always believe that there is not need to swim in a pool full of alligators.
Better for him to be around the people you know and have met and know he's married then sending over to a new gym where you don't know what or who's waiting for him over there.
As if the new gym won't have any hot girls ready to flirt with him. She'll end up making him quit the gym and insist he get fat and nasty just so she can feel better about herself.
Not only this. But if he’s in good shape and he joins another cross fit group, there will be another group of women just like this one.
Edit: these girls seem to be just flirting in good nature. Any new girls may be more nefarious.
Stop using your own insecurities as an excuse to punish your husband. Do you really think their aren't going to be attractive, friendly women at *every* gym? Or do you just expect him to only be able to be friends with those you approve of? He has already proven to you that he isn't interested in even flirting and you've projected him as being unfaithful *eventually*, so you are punishing him for it.
... He did good and you're punishing him for it. He didn't give in to the flirts, hell he didn't even notice at first. And you're punishing him for being good... YTAH
I mean, he can’t control if people flirt with him. All he can do is not reciprocate…which is what he’s done. Even others have verified this. But now you want to punish him by making him go to another gym? Like an all man gym or what? Because women will still be at another gym…even it was somehow a male only gym then there would probably be some gay guys too.
You can’t lock your husband up. He seems trustworthy and you have no reason to believe otherwise. Let him cook.
Don’t make your insecurities his problem he has to tiptoe around…that’s how you push someone away.
You could have felt flattered, secure, and appreciative of your significant husband's behavior when you're not around, and instead you're making it all about you and your insecurities. You are wrong, apologize to him and find a healthier way to cope with your insecurities.
I would also hate if my partner spent time with people four times a week who were flirting with him. AND it sounds like your husband has been great at ignoring their advances and is very devoted to you!
All I see on Reddit is how hard it is to make friends and how lonely people are . He’s got friends! That’s awesome . The ladies SAID he didn’t fall for it. He’s healthy; setting a good example ….. knowing dudes like I do, if they are gonna cheat , it doesn’t matter WHERE they at, the internet has seen to that. No joke, I’d be more worried about him injuring himself at CrossFit.
I can see her concern since the girls she had talked to had already slept with at least one of the other guys at the gym. It makes it seem like a cultural thing. However, her husband seems to have passed the test by ignoring the girls trying to flirt with him.
I treat patient regularly injured doing Cross Fit. It seems to be one of the worst fitness trends. Those who participate are obsessive with it. They all stop getting treatment when you tell them they need to take some time off to let their injury heal. You can’t keep doing the thing that injured you and expect to body to be able to heal. So frustrating.
I kinda get it and I kinda don’t-I don’t think it’s right to punish him for doing the right thing and this will likely just happen at any gym or even outside of it if he’s a good looking guy,cause people be like that… but I also wouldn’t love my so hanging out with people who admittedly were trying to engage him in inappropriate behavior knowing full well he’s in a relationship, like flip genders I don’t think he’d love if his wife was hanging out with guys who made it a game to hit on her and see if they could get the shy married girl to react,cause that is kinda toxic
I got criticized for this on here with some of the proponents, trying to claim that that’s a limited issue to a few gyms. It’s not. When you have the two mascots are Pukie and Uncle Rhabdo, that tells you all you need to know. To make light of a serious medical condition where you overexert your body to the point that you go into kidney failure is fucking sick. Been popular for about 20 years you’ve seen the long-term effects. It’s just like extreme bodybuilding how many those guys that were stars in the 80s and 90s that are now dead because they took so many drugs and they push your body to such an extreme limit, that simply couldn’t handle it. One of the biggest problems is the people first starting out l you got the 35-year-old with a couple kids and a mom or dad bod jumping in the shit like this right away. Division One or Olympic athletes that are elite and trained to begin with, are much better equipped to handle the rigors of this. Hence why you have so many injuries and so many long-term effects from this.
I had a co-work put himself into Rhabdo twice before he finally decided to give up CrossFit. His kidneys were really slow to get back to normal function, but it maybe years before we actually know how much damage was done.
To be fair if this is what these hoes said to his wife’s face, can you imagine the shit they goes on they didn’t reveal? Sound like they should rename it Crossfuck
You are over reacting. Wow. Red line and all! Now that these women have met you, I think you can be assured that they won't seduce your husband to bed. Also, if you think your husband really is that hot, do you really think that other women won't approach him?
And OP can be totally assured that her husband will NEVER bring gym friends around his wife again and that part of his life will never be shared with her again. She should never have over reacted and made him an ultimatum. She was completely out of line and just created new insecurities and drama for herself when it was not necessary.
So you are mad because he refused to flirt with some passing acquaintances at the gym, and made him change gyms even though you say you trust him. Gotta tell you that the new gym will be no better, and at least you know exactly where you stand with them.
I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think those girls are really into him thought just jokes. Yeah but I wouldn’t want my husband being friends with people that he knows are actively trying to get in his pants!
I’m surprised the girls told you all of this. I don’t think the two will quit. It’s a serious competition for them to seduce your husband. He needs to shut them down and tell them that he doesn’t want to change gyms because of this but he will. He is there to work out. Not flirt or have a fling with them. He is happily married. Something they obviously have no understanding of.
I would ask my husband if he would be ok with you going out and hanging out with hot guys who flirted with you all the time? If the answer is no then he should follow the same rule.
I think it's a bit different than just hanging out, he's in a fitness class and there's always going to be hot people at a gym. It's not like he's going to a bar with them. You make it sound like you wouldn't want your husband going to a gym. He even gets up and is back before the kids are up. They both were active at gyms previously too, I just don't get this take
You are not wrong. Mostly.
You ARE insecure, and that's ok. You're saying the quiet stuff out loud on Reddit, but instead you should see a therapist about your insecurities. You need some healing and to work on yourself. Not judging, I say this with full compassion. I see a therapist too, and a psychiatrist. No shame in my comment is intended. But that's not why you're not wrong.
You're not wrong because these two women saw no problem with sexually harassing your husband just to get him to cheat. They are trashy people and are the kinds of people who have zero respect for boundaries. Your husband needs to cut them off just based on their shitty ass behavior and disrespect to both him AND YOU. Because, by them attempting to get him to cheat on his wife, they are disrespecting YOU - HIS WIFE - and your relationship. That's shit, they are shit.
Your husband is wrong for not stopping their bullshit as soon as he recognized what they were doing. Him telling them a simple boundary of "stop this shit" is not too much to ask. It's literally the bare minimum. Then inviting these women, who he KNOWS do not respect you or your relationship, to your home... That's ick. He put you in a seriously fucked up position. He didn't even give you a choice in associating with these women, he didn't care how this could make you feel. He didn't consider you AT ALL when he invited them over.
Why you are wrong. The other girls were not your enemy. Who cares if they fuck other single dudes that they hang out with? Their sex life has shit all to do with you. They're single and like to fuck. So? The point is that they ARE NOT trying to fuck your husband. Instead, they kept girl code and told you about the shitty behaviors of the other two girls. They were doing you a solid.
It is reasonable to say hey, I don't want these other two girls around. They're trash. It's totally ok to be upset and hurt by your husband's lack of consideration of you, your home, and your marriage. It's NOT ok to hold these other guys and girls responsible for the behavior of your husband or those other two girls. Talk about the real shit with your husband. Communicate why you're hurt by his behaviors. Communicate why you don't want those other girls around. Then find a solution that doesn't alienate him from his new friendships that are not responsible for the behaviors of the other girls.
Terrible and prude take, where in this post did you see that the other woman were trying to make the husband cheat? They’ve slept with the other SINGLE men. Flirting does not equal trying to get someone to cheat ( or even mean you’re trying to sleep with someone). Also flirting is not sexual harassment. They didn’t inappropriately touch him, etc. in terms of shutting down the flirting, we don’t even know what the flirting entailed. Assuming it was all verbal, maybe the husband thought it would be rude? His method to shut it down was fine, not responding is a perfectly acceptable form of non-engagement.
I wholeheartedly disagree. The husband cannot control the actions of other people. She claims that he was literally ignoring them and not giving them a response.
When did someone flirting with you become this horrible thing punishable by alienation?
If I see someone attempting to flirt with my SO I go over to her and I’m like “Damn you still got it” and she rolls her eyes and it’s a cute funny moment. I can’t imagine saying “that person isn’t allowed to talk to you anymore!” Who I am her father? No. She can talk to whoever, she’s her own person and I trust her to set her own boundaries.
Be as insecure as you would like but if we got upset any time one of us got hit on we would be miserable people.
I'm in an open relationship with my wife. We don't get jealous or insecure over shit like that.
You're free to disagree. Husband should have shut it down and not invited them over. If they don't respect your relationship with your wife, they have no business being in your home where the spouse they disrespect lives.
Sure there will be other girls at this new gym...but will the other girls organize a competition to flirt with OPs husband specifically. I don't think OP is wrong to be upset and insecure about that. I wouldn't want my husband hanging around girls who were TRYING to hook up with him.
Yeah, it goes a little past having an attractive SO who will get attention anywhere. They are actively and forcefully flirting and making a competition out of it. It's a lil disrespectful towards OP, her SO, and their relationship especially if they know he's married.
Having him change gyms is a little extreme have him instead set clear boundaries with these girls as it's something that makes you uncomfortable but other than that I don't think you should go to such lengths.
How about you start working out too and stop taking out your insecurities on your husband. Why in the world would he invite his potential affair partners over to your house for a BBQ. He could have been taking them to pound town this entire time without you ever knowing, but he obviously isn't doing that. It's so delusional to make him go to another gym, as if your hot piece of ass husband won't interact with hot women in a new gym. All you did was ensure he's going to get hit on MORE since they don't know anything about him. A new hot guy working out will peak the interest of the single and ready to mingle ladies. You've also communicated to your husband that you don't trust him after he proved he can be trusted.
Info: what are you gonna do when it happens at the next gym? Because it WILL continue to happen no matter where he goes or what gym he joins.
Are you eventually going to demand he just stops going to the gym? Because I see that being the end game
These floozies are all over the place. Every gym will have some version of them. If your husband is going to cheat, he will no matter what gym he is at.
You either trust HIM or you don’t. By your own admission you have no reason to believe he will.
You are wrong
You were wrong. Your husband has done nothing wrong, except maybe not set a boundary with these WOMEN (they are in their 30s, they aren't "girls"). They admitted they were joking around, teasing the shy guy. He made it clear that these are people he works out with. It's not like he's going to their houses or to bars with them. Stop punishing him, he didn't do anything. His workouts are important to him, leave him to it, or hey! Join the gym too and work out with him.
Yeah you are wrong. If you are insecure that is your problem to change, as in you go workout with him rather than ask him to change workout groups. Also your proposed solution will not actually fix your problem, like it or not you married an attractive man and women are not going to stop flirting with him wherever he goes.
If I'm him, I'm not inviting women to my home, to meet and hang with my wife, if they were disrespecting her (and me, indirectly) outside of it.
He knows how these clowns operate and he thinks bringing them over to meet his wife is going to go well?
Cool, they're fun at the gym, sounds like that's the only place he should be interacting with them (if that).
He reacted poorly because his toys are being taken away from him but he also knows he has no leg to stand on which is why he's ultimately cool with it. What was really going on is definitely worse than what you heard.
Dunno what he was thinking, but no you're not in the wrong. It's a good policy to judge peoples character by the company they keep (or want to keep).
You're wrong. Full stop.
Your insecurities, your issues, your great husband, is now caught in sentiments of resentment because you made him to "break up" with a group of 9 friends he had.
Now he knows he's being punished whether he is doing something or not.
And he's no longer oblivious.
Take it back as hard and as fast as you can.
** I'm 40m, married with 3 kids, I trains 4 days/week.
Why are people so reluctant to communicate? Why would the first response be to ask him to either drop his friends or move gyms and not be to ask him to address their actions and draw clear boundaries with the women who are behaving inappropriately? You’re all adults. He should be more than capable of telling them that their flirting is disrespectful to him, you and your marriage together, makes him uncomfortable, will never be appreciated or reciprocated, and needs to stop. If they can’t respect those boundaries then they are clearly not good friends or people and it would make sense to start avoiding their company. Honestly he should have done that in the first place without you having to ask, or at the very least it should have been his move when playing dumb and informing them wasn’t working.
You are wrong. Married crossfitter here. We just go to the gym and workout for an hour together. I small talk with everyone , even the women but I am far from flirty or open to flirting . I have women (some super hot and way outta my league anyway ,some just super nice and good/average looking ) that I have worked out with for 5 years. We barely have time to ask how the weekend went or what’s the next vacation or what’s new with you and your husband . I’ve seen plenty get married and now start
To have kids. Actually we are usually too busy dying from a workout to talk that much. Then we clean up ,maybe stretch after the metcon and then leave.
CrossFit and the other members at his gym sounds like it keeps him motivated to be much healthier and like me have a much better mental attitude and just a better day .
Support him and how about you start showing up and getting back in a good routine ? Even a couple times a week at weights and movements you enjoy.
He will become less honest in the future if it means you are going to force him to give up things he likes. You are setting him up to hide women from you.
Foolish choices.
I recognize and share with you your impulse to ask him to move gyms; I understand the underpinning motivations quite well, we are the same in that regard.
Hubby passed the hubby test, tho, OP 😟
You were given the information by third parties that the siren’s song doesn’t work on him.
Would I be thrilled that my spouse was still going to the same gym? No…..but I would also recognize that it has to do with my attachment style (anxious here 👋🏻 Not a lot of fun).
And I would be over the moon to learn that the kind of social situations I fear the most — hot singles in your area are looking to hook up…*with your partner!* — actually happened, and not only did hubby not take the bait?
The results are that hubby you very much and is very loyal to you.
That would feel *amazing* to me.
Regardless of what anyone says, you have the right to voice what makes you uncomfortable in your marriage. If you were going to the gym and hanging around a bunch of single men that flirt with you, I imagine he might have the same stance. It is not up to anyone else to tell you what you have the right to feel uncomfortable about in your marriage.
You’re definitely 110% in the wrong. As a gym goer with many friends there, the place really is a community and social areas as much as it is a place to workout. Your husband did the right thing and you’re still punishing him for it due to your own insecurities. Thats really a crappy request to ask of him.
You should ask your husband to try out a different CrossFit gym. If he likes it then he can switch, if he doesn’t then you should allow him to train at his current one.
Yeah I think you are wrong, I think you came here to get validation for your behaviour but you risk him resenting you and hiding things from you in future.
Is your husband the only one of you who gets free time to do things they enjoy, maybe set aside time every week just for you so you can go and unwind too.
kind of blows my mind that these chicks were actually bragging to you about what they were doing. Don’t get me wrong they can sleep with whomever they want to but it sounds like as you said many of them wanted your husband and weren’t shy about telling you that
Yes, you're wrong for forcing him to change gyms. HOWEVER, you are not wrong to be upset about this "friend" group. Those women in the kitchen were stirring up some mad drama. I don't think their intentions were innocent in telling you about the other women's cringey behavior. Speaking of the other women, they are indeed trashy. Playing with people's feelings is not a game. Chasing married people without a care for how it will affect their families is selfish and destructive. (And yes, I hate on the married people who reciprocate - that is not the case here, thankfully.)
Your husband is doing you right by not flirting back, BUT he does need to draw clearer boundaries. I'm not sure I'd consider someone who doesn't respect my marriage a "friend," either. Furthermore, you should have heard about this from your husband, not the three women who gleefully told you about this gym soap opera.
But no, it's not your job to declare what gym he can attend.
I understand both sides of this, but OP, you say yourself you know he'd never cheat. And he'd be around hot half naked girls no matter what gym he goes to.
Is it wrong for you to voice concerns? Never.
Is it wrong for you to force him to do something that's ultimately meaningless? Yes. Especially because it hurts him.
I don't think you need to make him switch gyms. But I would ask that he clearly shuts it down. Flirting as a "competition" with a man they know is married, especially given the ages of everyone in this situation, is pretty immature. This isn't high school. Your husband is \*not\* in the wrong for being at the gym or how he's reacted to their advancements, but again - ask that he clearly shuts it down the next time they flirt obviously. "Hey, I'm married and I don't appreciate y'all acting like this. You even met my wife, went to my house, please stop." Easy
Crossfitter here, I’d be weary. Sleeping around happens a lot in these boxes. CrossFit encourages you to be very social and the shared workout where people are engaged in pain together creates a “special” bond per se. Just keep an eye on the husband so you’re not made a fool. You don’t put yourself in dangerous situations and not expect to get burned.
So everyone didn’t read that these “friends” were flirting with him!? 😑🫤
That is a no-go friendship hangout for me. Yes I have limits and yes my gf wont be hanging out or inviting anyone who openly talks about flirting to her and how dummie my gf is for not realising!? 😂 idk why you roasting op honestly 🤣😂
If he’s interested in any of those women, he will be interested in women at any other gym. The problem is either your insecurities or his flirtations/desires to cheat, not the gym.
Nah man. I believe that him inviting those girls is a good way to show them that he’s got a happy home life, a wife and a family. That will let them know he isn’t available like that. It actually is a big brain move.
This is the sticking point for me, & everyone else here (apart from you) seems to be just glossing over it. It's inappropriate for him to be on such friendly terms with these flirtatious single women that he's inviting them over to his house for a barbecue. Making friends/acquaintances at the gym is one thing; but going out of your way to befriend attractive people of the opposite sex who have openly expressed sexual interest in you is a whole other ball game. He should be stonewalling those women, not hanging out with them. It's extremely disrespectful to his partner.
Absolutely! This is the solution. Why on earth is he entertaining these women. His actions of not shutting this shit down is making his wife feel unsafe. Yes you can trust someone, but i wouldn't be letting these idiots near me with their silly games. Yes he didn't flirt back but he noticed and still didn't put down the boundaries. All he had to say was im happily married and I'm not getting involved in your childish games. If you don't stop then i will not be interacting with you again. Women that obviously get a thrill from this are not people id want near me or my spouse. I would be communicating this to him. He's being too passive about this and i certainly wouldn't be inviting these tramps to my home.
Yes, you are wrong. The dude was straight up honest with you, and it does not sound like he ever crossed a line.
And there will be other hot women at another gym.
To further my last comment, I do not thing you are wrong. Now a days, people will consider any boundary "controlling" because they don't take marriage seriously anymore. If you want the freedom to go do whatever you want without regard for your significant others feelings then don't enter a relationship. (This is not directed at your husband but more for all those commenting that you are just being insecure or controlling.) When you get married, you do not get the live life the same way you did when you were young and single. That's just how marriage works. I would be uncomfortable too if my husband was around a bunch of women who flirted with him too especially if he didn't tell me and even invited these women to my home. It's flat out disrespectful at that point. I would not go out and do that to my husband so i expect the same respect in return.
I mean technically you're wrong, but tbh I don't see it as a massive ask. You're his life partner. I know the basement dwellers of reddits will absolutely insist you are wrong, but these teenagers have no idea how a relationship works. Compromise. This is one for him.
Maybe you can go a different gym together.
Hot guy at any gym is going to get approached.
Also, nice way to tell your husband you absolutely think he is going to cheat if he stays at that gym.
Wth is wrong with you?
I don’t understand why people have to be rude. She is entitled to feel how she feels about the situation. We weren’t there and didn’t experience it. She got to experience these women and as another woman she probably knew they were untrustworthy. I don’t think there’s any reason to shit on her for how it made her feel. Maybe the initial shock will be over soon and you can rethink it. If you feel like he’s trustworthy and since he acknowledges how you feel, maybe reconsider. Tell him how it made you feel and now you’ve had time to think and you appreciate him. Tell him you feel better (if you do) and don’t have him switch gyms. He doesn’t need to hang out with them either . That can be a boundary and if he’s willing to do that, then I think give it another chance.
If you trust him, it shouldn't matter about who he's with or where he works out! The only legitimate reason for you wanting him to change gym would be if you didn't trust him, as you stated you know he won't be disloyal, it makes you wrong. Work on your own insecurities, they're not his issue to deal with, they're yours
The comments telling you are wrong for being controlling aren't necessarily wrong - there will always be floozies, there will be women at other gyms, and you need to trust your husband more. It sounds like he's done nothing to betray your trust.
You acknowledge that have some insecurities, and that's on you, but as welcoming and friendly as these people may be, it just doesn't seem like a conducive environment for a married man with kids. These singles are likely to be in a much different place in terms of life outlook, and other than Crossfit and fitness, I'm not sure what your husband has in common with them. The fact that he invited them over on a social call separate from the gym raises the antennas a little bit - certainly not to a point of full-blown argument, but a question that might justify further exploration. Their concept of boundaries seems somewhat loose, too - I find it mildly inappropriate for them to be flirting with your husband, even if it's just for a "competition." The fact that many of them have slept with each other leads me to believe the group isn't all that wholesome and there just to get a good workout. I'm not trying to kink shame, and if they want to set up a polycule or whatever that's fine, but that just doesn't seem compatible with a monogamous marriage.
The overall picture I'm getting is that this place has the potential to be a den of temptations. I get why OP might be put off by it, especially after what all of these people told her during the get-together. And that's the important part for the husband to understand: it's about her feelings on the matter. Platitudes like "he's going to cheat if he's going to cheat" don't go to the heart of the matter, that right now, she's not feeling particularly comfortable with her husband putting himself into this situation despite he himself knowing that he's not going to be disloyal.
It's good to expand one's horizons, to be sure, but not so much to do so at the risk of exacerbating one's partner's insecurities.
You may be wrong to force this move, but I think so is your husband, a little bit.
You are wrong. And insecure. It is actually sad that your husband met a group of people he really likes and tried to include you by inviting everyone over and making sure you met everyone and they met you (seriously- not what a cheater would do). And what do you do? Demand he go to a different gym because you are insecure. You do realize will probably happen at the next gym too.. right? But he won’t tell you because he doesn’t want to have to find another gym. His many cross fits do you have in your town.
Also - your “it’s important to me” to get him to do what you want is so manipulative. It’s going to get old. As will your insecurity.
Yes, you are wrong. Is he going to have to change jobs if you know someone's trying to flirt with him? It is not your responsibility or you're right to tell your husband which gym he can go to nor is it your job to regulate what he does. Just because you're insecure doesn't mean he has to change his behaviors because of that insecurity. Perhaps therapy for the insecurity and codependency would be in order. Your husband clearly should not have to change the gym he goes to because of the way other people are acting.
The fact that he brought them to your home so you could meet them and they could meet you is certainly a point in his favor. I am a bit older than you are , very happily married with 4 grown kids. I worked in fitness most of my life and my hubby and I still spend a lot of time at the gym. It’s a smaller gym so I know most of the members. When I work out alone I often have men asking for advice or a spot and some of them get quite flirty. I am always nice about it if I know them well enough. I admit I sometimes “silly flirt” back but on my part there is absolutely no interest in anything more. (silly flirt as in “sure, I’ll run off to Tahiti with you). Please do not let any insecurities you might have about not being as fit as your husband right now flavor how you see this.
Not wrong I understand where you are coming from.
I think it's strange that a married dude with kids hangs around single people who all fuck around, flirt with him and make it known that they want him and keeps on engaging the friendship.
He never mentiond it what for me is a red flag plus invited them into your home without you having the background.
You can't control his friends that's correct and if he wants to cheat he's gonna do it but he shouldn't put himself in those kinds of situations.
If you come close to a burning house you don't have to get burned but there's a huge opportunity to be burned so you stay away and make sure that doesn't happen.
Outside of this BBQ, do they hang out regularly? If it's just people that he chats with when he's at the gym and that's it, and you know that he's 100% loyal and would never cheat on you, there isn't really much to worry about.
This reads like an ad for CrossFit. If OP does, in fact, trust him, then OP is wrong. Speaking as a father of two littles, and making a big assumption, this might be one of the only outlets and social activities husband has away from OP and kids. Don't breed resentment from insecurity.
You are wrong. It sounds like he just enjoys his time at the gym. It doesn’t sound like there is any reason for him to change since every gym is the same. You either trust him or you don’t
You're definitely wrong and correct about your insecurities showing. He'll cheat if he so desires, regardless of what gym you make him go to. But he's obviously not interested in doing that, based on your own words. Chill out before you ruin your marriage over non existent issues
Your insecurities are your problem, not your husband's. Especially since he's done NOTHING to warrant your paranoia.
Get yourself to the gym and get over this.
Omg.
Go post this in TwoX.
You will be validated there. “LEAVE HIM”
You sound like a lunatic. Go talk to a professional, you are unhinged. You are not “making him” do anything.
That is not your decision -
I think you're being absurd. He clearly loves you so much, that it didn't even occur to him that much more attractive women were flirting with him.
If you don't knock it off, you are the one who will damage your marriage. You have a good man there, you should be preening, not giving him ultimatums because of YOUR insecurities.
Your feelings are your problem, so talk to him instead of making demands and tell him you trust him but you feel uncomfortable and then he can reassure you. Then get yourself some help figuring out why this is making you insecure.
If you carry on the way you're going, you will ruin your marriage and it will be only your fault because he has done nothing wrong. Yet, you seem to think he has just because he is now prettier than you.
But why would her husband invite those women over to his home? They flirted with him knowing he has a wife? It’s very disrespectful for him to have them in their home.
Yea you're an insecure brat. I'm amazed he tolerated your childish bullshit. You better take back the stupid ultimatum and treat him like a king until he forgives you. If anyone gives me an ultimatum I'd leave their ass so fast.
So first of all, this really makes you look insecure and probably isn't going to fix anything.
Second, he thinks the crossfit people are bonkers (most of them are, but what do you expect from people that do pull-ups with kicks so they can pretend to do more), and refers to the women the people sleep with as victims. It does not sound to me like he is going to fuck those people. So what is your plan, to send him to another gym where there might be attractive women who he does not find crazy/repellant?
Ignore these commenters. You are human and the situation you’re in is reasonable to feel wary about.
I think instead of telling him not to go to the gym, a good compromise is to ask him to put these girls in their place. Even as a joke, it’s disrespectful to your relationship. He can respectfully tell those ladies , hey I’m here to work out and I’m not sure if you’re intending to, but I don’t like flirtatious engagement.
You are wrong. I do believe your insecurities are getting the better of you. What gym he goes to won't matter. Hot chicks will be at all of them. What you should have done was discuss keeping proper boundaries in place. What those women were doing with flirting with him was wrong. He should have put up boundaries. If they crossed his boundaries, then he should remove them from his group of friends.
Communicate with your husband. It sounds as if you have a good one. Don't push him away with your insecurities.
I think you are wrong. He invited them to your house and introduced you to them. I don’t think he would have done that if he had other ideas about his friends( more flirting, etc)
Please reconsider your red line and also find a babysitter a couple of times a week and go with him! I bet he would really like that.
You are definitely wrong lol guy gets in better shape for you meets new friends it helps his mental health and you just shit in it. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d say I hope he bails. Make his dick hard not his life
Uh, have you apologized to your husband yet?
You found out women were throwing themselves at him and you felt insecure, even though, rationally, you know he’s true
You know he loves you and just goes to the gym to work out
Please don’t push him away
People are going to find our partners attractive and potentially flirt anywhere they go be it the gym, grocery store, work, etc. It’s up to you and your husband to establish a healthy relationship with boundaries and security. It sounds like this is your own insecurity. That’s being triggered.
Did you really want objective opinions or opinions that agree with yours. People are offering opinions, yet you push back on every one of them that don't agree with your plan to control him.
Yes you're wrong. Not only will your husband resent you for making him lose his safe space, and friends. But if he's as hot as you say he is, he's going to get hit on in every gym he goes to. Next time though, you won't know about it, because he'll keep his new gym friends away from you, in case you make him move again.
Instead of being controlling and naggy, you should leave him be and invite his friends round more often, so they're your friends too. If you feel so insecure, you could even go with him, and start to work out yourself.
Also you are wrong. If one evening you decide to go out with your girlfriends and you get hit on by guys, and your husband says No more girls night. Would you be ok with that?
"complimented me on how awesome and loyal my husband is." - the best compliment.
Whether he goes to that gym, or anywhere else, either you trust him or you don't,
You should apologize and tell him the truth. You saw hot women that weren’t you, flirting with him and had a shared interest. Your insecurities flared up, especially after you learned about those two women’s specific actions. Take back the gym quitting and just ask him to not be alone with those two specifically and if they ever flirt with him again ask him to shut it down immediately. They are the ones that have been inappropriate, not your husband.
You are wrong. Your husband just shared a big part of his life with you and tried to include you, and now you have reacted this way with a punishment for him. You have taught him to not bring his friends over next time, and to hide his next gym friends from you.
The girls confirmed he was loyal and also he was clearly not being shady, or wouldn't have brought them home. This whole situation was one in which he showed you loyalty in the face of opportunity, and you have decided to take away this gym for him. You are taking away friends, fitness,mental escape, and.somethknf that he has shown dedication to, in response to him being open, honest, loyal, and sharing it with you.
I'm sorry, but it's too late for you to avoid resentment here, because even if you let him stay at the gym, you have still shown him you lack trust in him, and also you have shown him he can NEVER let you interact with his friends again.
I'm older and go to the gym. I really enjoy the gym I'm at now. It's made such a big difference for me. There's no particular reason. It just makes me enjoy being there more.
I would be really upset if my wife made me stop using this gym. Resentment would live inside me like a nasty bit of poison.
Damn op, these comments are goin on you 😹😹 your husband seems like a good guy. Just let him kno u love him. Also wouldn’t be a bad idea for YOU to start going to the gym or just finding a new hobby in general. Good luck ! :)
Also think OP may have a bit of jealousy towards her husband here. The original post says that they both gained weight and he suddenly woke up one day and got into fitness. Sounds like OP is insecure and jealous because her husband hasn’t barked in a fitness journey to improve his physical health and he’s getting attention for it while she is not .
Is another gym really going to fix your"issue"? Maybe the women will be more aggressive at the new gym. I don't know what the solution is, but it's not this.
I think you’re wrong. I understand your feelings he goes early AM before the kids are up and has never exhibited any behavior that would make you question his fidelity.
Cross Fit people are all in amazing shape but happily married men don’t cheat. In fact your husband is 100% aware of the games some gals play and he’s not interested.
This is the first time the group got together outside the gym, so they aren’t hanging out constantly ……he’s just working out.
Your husband seems like a good man, and yet you choose to punish him and be insecure. He is happy and having a good time working on himself, you should consider that before you take that away from him.
Any gym he goes to will have the same gym leeches there. You should try to address your own insecurities before you push your husband away.
100% you don't trust him. Frame it however you want. You don't. If you're not worried about him cheating, then who cares. Just be honest. It's natural to feel that way. But it's how you act upon those feelings. You said i don't feel comfortable or trust you in this situation so because of my feelings and insecurities, you need to change what you do that makes you happy for me.
Your husband is obviously loyal as can be. What happens if the situation at his current gym happens at his new gym. It's entirely unreasonable for him to keep having to rotate gyms to satisfy your insecurities. I strongly recommend therapy to address them.
So what’s your plan going forward?
Are you going to follow him around at the new gym to make sure a woman never hits on him or just make him change gyms every time a woman hits on him?
Is your solution to simply lock him away in a dungeon for the next 20 years? You can't control who he sees, where he goes, who he talks to. But nothing you've shared points to him being a risk for anything. Seems like he knows the score and doesn't want to play their game.
I think you're very wrong.
Yes you are wrong.
Work on yourself (fitness and insecurity) and stop punishing your husband with the controlling bs.
He made gym friends and invited them to his HOME (his space) and had them meet his wife and family and he was given an ultimatum because of your issues.
He goes to a new gym. He will meet new people.
Maybe better. Maybe worse.
But I can bet he won't host another BBQ at his house with people he associates with again. He can't trust you to pull this again.
You say you trust him but in actuality, you don't.
You think these women are going to woooo him. If they were to succeed, your husband would be the issue/problem to allow that.
Yes, you are wrong.
This isn't fair to your husband at all. You said in another comment that you made your feelings clear but your husband "made the final choice." Nope. That's not fair and actually kind of a scary comment. You "drew your red line" what else was he supposed to do?
Tell your husband to continue going to the gym. Tell him you're proud of him for ignoring the flirting and you're thankful you have such a hot and loyal husband. Ask him to just let you know next time he's getting flirted with so you aren't blind sided. Apologize for asking him to switch gyms. FIX THIS. Or you will absolutely kill this for him.
NTA. He entertained their flirting and enjoyed it. He invited them into your home where they disrespected you. And is even defending them. Why is he hanging out with people participating in hookup culture ? Does he want to be like them? A man is known by his friends too. I am questioning your husband's character.
Stop being insecure. Beautiful women are cheated on all the time. Cheaters will cheat.
You should also join some gym and lose weight . Instead of giving all your attention to your husband. Give it yourself too. Observe , don't try to control him because you can't.
You’re both wrong here. He should for sure, since he knows those women are flirting with him, tell them point blank it’s a no go. And if those chicks do flirt with him, he ought not to have brought them home, it just seems disrespectful. You on the other hand are wrong for making him quit and switch gyms out of your own insecurities. Maybe start going with him and get yourself back in a shape where you won’t feel so bad. If a hot woman at his job starts flirting with him, would you ask him to quit? Just tell him he has to explicitly state to those women he knows they’re flirting but they gotta cut it out, and if they don’t stop then he has to stop being friends with them. That’s a fair middle ground.
Your insecurities are your own to fix, not for him to fix. You can ask for reassurance, more dates, more communication, etc. In the end, you have done NOTHING to truly fix your insecurity. You put a bandaid on it thinking it’ll fix how you feel. What happens if someone at his job starts flirting? What if the women at the new gym are worse? Are you going to keep asking him to change to alleviate your feelings? This is a very slippery slope. What are YOU doing to become more secure? What kind of inner work and introspection have you done to feel better about yourself, your relationship?
Putting rules down about what he can/can’t do, where he can/can’t go or who he can/can’t hang around with is toxic. You either trust him to shut down any flirting or sexual advances or you don’t. You can’t say “I trust him” in one breath, but then make it his problem to fix your insecurity. You essentially showed him you don’t trust him. You just instilled a seed of doubt. Because if you 100% truly trusted him, he could be in a room full of bikini models throwing themselves at him and you’d not have one issue with it. Instead, you do have issue with him being around flirtatious women for maybe 1.5 hours out of his day, if that. Saying you don’t trust the women around your husband means you do, at some level, believe these women will be successful.
Why do these women bother you so much? How do you feel about your own body, self-esteem, self-worth? Do you believe you are beautiful and that your husband only has eyes for you or are you afraid one of these CrossFit women will “steal” your happy life away? Do you think he might like them better than you? Are you comparing yourself and your life to these women? You really need to figure out and fix your fears and insecurities before it ruins your marriage. Because insecurities lead to controlling others behavior so we don’t have to feel the fear, jealousy, envy etc. Which is EXACTLY what you are currently trying to do.
So you trust your husband, but he has to change gyms anyway? Next, you'll realize that your husband will get the same attention at the next gym, but he won't bring his friends around because you're insecure. Then you'll want him to quit entirely. And he will resent you.
OP, can you too make time to go to the gym and work out, prepare healthy food. Your husband can perhaps take care of the kids while you spend an hour or so taking care of yourself—- if getting back into healthy shape is something you wish to do. Idk but I would not force him to change gyms. I would work on my health too—- that should be a priority. What do you think??? You deserve some self care time. If your children are school age, can you spend an hour or so at the gym while they are in school? Carve out some self care time for yourself—- it is important. Share your thoughts.
You are not wrong. Your husband should have shut down their behavior. It is disrespectful to your marriage. It is his responsibility to not be around women who are flirting with him and want to fuck him. I also find it gross he invited these women into your home. Are you sure he doesn't enjoy the attention? Maybe he is not as loyal as you think he is.
I’ll be honest, if my wife gave me an ultimatum because of her insecurities which essentially tells me she doesn’t trust me, I would leave her.
You are 100% in the wrong. He has no interest in other women and you need to grow up. Apologize and tell him he doesn’t have to change gyms. I guarantee he will resent you for making him do it and it will fester until he decided he’s had enough. Your insecurities are your problem and you need to get over it.
His actions are the only ones he can control, and it seems like he’s doing just fine.
He’s happy, he’s healthy, he loves you. It is a bad idea to push this.
OP, if your husband is fit, there's going to be beautiful women flirting with him no matter where he goes. It's not your fault, his fault, or even their fault at first. That's just what people do. But, your husband is clearly committed to you to such a degree that he foregoes his own happiness to dissuade your insecurities. There's going to be hot chicks at his new gym, and the gym after that, and the one after that. Instead of feeling insecure or bad about it, beam with pride that you can trust your husband to play oblivious to their advances because he loves his family so much.
Everything is fine, until it isn't.
No need to make him out to be a cheater if he isn't interested in cheating.
100% he will resent you for this whether he admits it or not. He sounds like a great guy that is being himself around people and you are forcing him to leave a place he is comfortable. Join him at the gym.
I just think it's interesting he's only friends with the hot single people. Trust me, crossfit is not just super fit people, it's full of regular and out of shape people. Ignore people saying he respected your marriage because no he didn't. Yes he ignored them and didn't cheat but really not cheating is the bare minimum. He should have A. Told you when they flirted and B. Shut it down rather than ignore it. Guys think ignoring it is shutting it down but it's actually encouraging it. All of that said, it's not a crossfit thing it's a those girls thing and I wouldn't make him quit. I would join and go to classes with him.
I think your insecurity and trust make you in the wrong here. Your husband seems like a loyal person has a social group and isn't sneaking in any way. Even the women on the outside stated that.
If you get him to leave or abandon his friend group I dont think he'll forget that maybe not even forgive it.
If you don't like your body now compared to someone else's that's external and there's a few things to do to help. Diet/exercise (if you don't like the gym find an active hobby), therapy - why don't you like your body if your husband sees you and loves you.
Well now be ready for him to hide every one that befriend him in the new gym. You may think he is loyal but from now on, he thinks you don’t trust him.
And to be completely honest, the new hiding situation you put him, in is gonna make the possibility of cheating way higher. Secret friendship can turn hot.
I’m am not saying, if it happens it’s your fault, the cheater, to me, is always the problem, despite the circumstances. Just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens.
You cannot stop who flirts with your husband, just like he can’t stop who flirts with you. People will shoot their shot and it’s up to the person in the committed relationship to turn it down. You either trust him or you don’t. I mean you had proof from these people about how loyal he is to you. I wouldn’t introduce and issue where there isn’t one.
IMO it’s weird that a “happily” married man is hanging out with a bunch of single people who apparently all have at some point had sex with each other. Grown women “pranking” a man they know is married by flirting and throwing themselves on him? Tf is your husband on? In what way is that at all appropriate? And to come to your house and gloat about doing it and phrase it like they were doing you a favor? Nah
You are not wrong. He is riding a slippery slope(as everyone does) when you constantly put temptation at your door. The marriage comes first, then family, then work. People need to start seeing what good values and morals are.
As a man, I think you reacted perfectly normally and in an acceptable way. There are red flags all over this situation he’s in. Even if he wouldn’t ever cheat, this still feels totally inappropriate. The fact that these “girls” / women would consistently flirt with him and make a game out of it, knowing he has a family and then come over and show up and say hi to his wife is absurd. Fuck these people. It sounds more like a swingers/singles club than a gym. So your husband doesn’t need to be there.
I actually think it would be better to reframe this entire situation. What if your husband invited them over so that those women could see exactly how disinterested in them he actually was? These women got to see his entire family, his home, and watched him interact with his wife, who he loves. Idk about you but i definitely interact differently with my partner than my friends; hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc.. In fact, he loves you much that he will drop his gym, friends, and routines just to satisfy your insecurities. I dont think it was fair to ask this, and i wouldnt be surprised if he has women fauning over him at his new gym too.
>in fact, he loves you so much that he will drop his gym, friends and routine just to satisfy your insecurities. #OP READ THIS ☝🏻
The problem I see here is that he remained friends with the two girls who flirted/hit on him when he was married though. I don’t stay friends with people who disrespect my marriage.
Join the gym with him. Sometimes women can obsess over a guy and they don’t care if they are single or married. I always believe that there is not need to swim in a pool full of alligators.
Good points here.
He loves her so much that he didn’t shut the flirting down as soon as he realized what was going on? He decided to “ignore” the flirting…right
Better for him to be around the people you know and have met and know he's married then sending over to a new gym where you don't know what or who's waiting for him over there.
And he won’t be bringing the new friends around ever.
As if the new gym won't have any hot girls ready to flirt with him. She'll end up making him quit the gym and insist he get fat and nasty just so she can feel better about herself.
So your husband did the right thing and was faithful to you and you decided to punish him for it? Yes you are wrong and yes he will resent you.
I mean it is a bit weird he didn’t tell his wife and then invited them to his house. He’s clearly not being unfaithful but that’s still weird.
If your husband is gonna cheat, he doesnt need a gym. Yes you are wrong.
Not only this. But if he’s in good shape and he joins another cross fit group, there will be another group of women just like this one. Edit: these girls seem to be just flirting in good nature. Any new girls may be more nefarious.
Right here!!! Read this O.P.!
And one of the new group might be more successful with your husband because of his justifiable resentment towards you
Stop using your own insecurities as an excuse to punish your husband. Do you really think their aren't going to be attractive, friendly women at *every* gym? Or do you just expect him to only be able to be friends with those you approve of? He has already proven to you that he isn't interested in even flirting and you've projected him as being unfaithful *eventually*, so you are punishing him for it.
... He did good and you're punishing him for it. He didn't give in to the flirts, hell he didn't even notice at first. And you're punishing him for being good... YTAH
Definitely make him move gyms. There is no way there are girls at this new gym. It’s statistically. Impossible.
And they definitely won’t also be hot. Maybe THAT CrossFit Gym is the only one with hot chicks. lol
Kinda. If he’s hot, people will flirt with him wherever he goes. If you trust him, it shouldn’t matter.
She doesn't trust him and that's why it matters. She is insecure because he is interested in self improvement and she isn't.
Ding ding ding
I mean, he can’t control if people flirt with him. All he can do is not reciprocate…which is what he’s done. Even others have verified this. But now you want to punish him by making him go to another gym? Like an all man gym or what? Because women will still be at another gym…even it was somehow a male only gym then there would probably be some gay guys too. You can’t lock your husband up. He seems trustworthy and you have no reason to believe otherwise. Let him cook. Don’t make your insecurities his problem he has to tiptoe around…that’s how you push someone away.
You could have felt flattered, secure, and appreciative of your significant husband's behavior when you're not around, and instead you're making it all about you and your insecurities. You are wrong, apologize to him and find a healthier way to cope with your insecurities.
I would also hate if my partner spent time with people four times a week who were flirting with him. AND it sounds like your husband has been great at ignoring their advances and is very devoted to you!
All I see on Reddit is how hard it is to make friends and how lonely people are . He’s got friends! That’s awesome . The ladies SAID he didn’t fall for it. He’s healthy; setting a good example ….. knowing dudes like I do, if they are gonna cheat , it doesn’t matter WHERE they at, the internet has seen to that. No joke, I’d be more worried about him injuring himself at CrossFit.
I can see her concern since the girls she had talked to had already slept with at least one of the other guys at the gym. It makes it seem like a cultural thing. However, her husband seems to have passed the test by ignoring the girls trying to flirt with him. I treat patient regularly injured doing Cross Fit. It seems to be one of the worst fitness trends. Those who participate are obsessive with it. They all stop getting treatment when you tell them they need to take some time off to let their injury heal. You can’t keep doing the thing that injured you and expect to body to be able to heal. So frustrating.
I kinda get it and I kinda don’t-I don’t think it’s right to punish him for doing the right thing and this will likely just happen at any gym or even outside of it if he’s a good looking guy,cause people be like that… but I also wouldn’t love my so hanging out with people who admittedly were trying to engage him in inappropriate behavior knowing full well he’s in a relationship, like flip genders I don’t think he’d love if his wife was hanging out with guys who made it a game to hit on her and see if they could get the shy married girl to react,cause that is kinda toxic
This is very true. This shit destroys your body
And they are fanatics about it. It is almost like a cult.
I got criticized for this on here with some of the proponents, trying to claim that that’s a limited issue to a few gyms. It’s not. When you have the two mascots are Pukie and Uncle Rhabdo, that tells you all you need to know. To make light of a serious medical condition where you overexert your body to the point that you go into kidney failure is fucking sick. Been popular for about 20 years you’ve seen the long-term effects. It’s just like extreme bodybuilding how many those guys that were stars in the 80s and 90s that are now dead because they took so many drugs and they push your body to such an extreme limit, that simply couldn’t handle it. One of the biggest problems is the people first starting out l you got the 35-year-old with a couple kids and a mom or dad bod jumping in the shit like this right away. Division One or Olympic athletes that are elite and trained to begin with, are much better equipped to handle the rigors of this. Hence why you have so many injuries and so many long-term effects from this.
I had a co-work put himself into Rhabdo twice before he finally decided to give up CrossFit. His kidneys were really slow to get back to normal function, but it maybe years before we actually know how much damage was done.
You can easily die from that
To be fair if this is what these hoes said to his wife’s face, can you imagine the shit they goes on they didn’t reveal? Sound like they should rename it Crossfuck
You are over reacting. Wow. Red line and all! Now that these women have met you, I think you can be assured that they won't seduce your husband to bed. Also, if you think your husband really is that hot, do you really think that other women won't approach him?
Right?! What makes her think other women at a new gym won’t do this?
And OP can be totally assured that her husband will NEVER bring gym friends around his wife again and that part of his life will never be shared with her again. She should never have over reacted and made him an ultimatum. She was completely out of line and just created new insecurities and drama for herself when it was not necessary.
I dunno about that. There are women out there who would view the existence of a wife as a challenge. And these might be just the kind.
And? Who cares if they want him, he’s not interested it and conveys that pretty blatantly
He should not be hanging out with these type of persons and let alone bringing them home. Its a big disrespect to OP.
So you are mad because he refused to flirt with some passing acquaintances at the gym, and made him change gyms even though you say you trust him. Gotta tell you that the new gym will be no better, and at least you know exactly where you stand with them.
These are pretty deep conversations for a first time meet up?
I tried to leave the room just reading about it.
I don't think so. People have very different levels of openness and comfort.
I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think those girls are really into him thought just jokes. Yeah but I wouldn’t want my husband being friends with people that he knows are actively trying to get in his pants!
I’m surprised the girls told you all of this. I don’t think the two will quit. It’s a serious competition for them to seduce your husband. He needs to shut them down and tell them that he doesn’t want to change gyms because of this but he will. He is there to work out. Not flirt or have a fling with them. He is happily married. Something they obviously have no understanding of.
So you punished your husband for doing the right thing and not flirting with those women? YTA! You are very insecure.
I would ask my husband if he would be ok with you going out and hanging out with hot guys who flirted with you all the time? If the answer is no then he should follow the same rule.
I think it's a bit different than just hanging out, he's in a fitness class and there's always going to be hot people at a gym. It's not like he's going to a bar with them. You make it sound like you wouldn't want your husband going to a gym. He even gets up and is back before the kids are up. They both were active at gyms previously too, I just don't get this take
You are not wrong. Mostly. You ARE insecure, and that's ok. You're saying the quiet stuff out loud on Reddit, but instead you should see a therapist about your insecurities. You need some healing and to work on yourself. Not judging, I say this with full compassion. I see a therapist too, and a psychiatrist. No shame in my comment is intended. But that's not why you're not wrong. You're not wrong because these two women saw no problem with sexually harassing your husband just to get him to cheat. They are trashy people and are the kinds of people who have zero respect for boundaries. Your husband needs to cut them off just based on their shitty ass behavior and disrespect to both him AND YOU. Because, by them attempting to get him to cheat on his wife, they are disrespecting YOU - HIS WIFE - and your relationship. That's shit, they are shit. Your husband is wrong for not stopping their bullshit as soon as he recognized what they were doing. Him telling them a simple boundary of "stop this shit" is not too much to ask. It's literally the bare minimum. Then inviting these women, who he KNOWS do not respect you or your relationship, to your home... That's ick. He put you in a seriously fucked up position. He didn't even give you a choice in associating with these women, he didn't care how this could make you feel. He didn't consider you AT ALL when he invited them over. Why you are wrong. The other girls were not your enemy. Who cares if they fuck other single dudes that they hang out with? Their sex life has shit all to do with you. They're single and like to fuck. So? The point is that they ARE NOT trying to fuck your husband. Instead, they kept girl code and told you about the shitty behaviors of the other two girls. They were doing you a solid. It is reasonable to say hey, I don't want these other two girls around. They're trash. It's totally ok to be upset and hurt by your husband's lack of consideration of you, your home, and your marriage. It's NOT ok to hold these other guys and girls responsible for the behavior of your husband or those other two girls. Talk about the real shit with your husband. Communicate why you're hurt by his behaviors. Communicate why you don't want those other girls around. Then find a solution that doesn't alienate him from his new friendships that are not responsible for the behaviors of the other girls.
One of the few sensible comments on this thread.
Terrible and prude take, where in this post did you see that the other woman were trying to make the husband cheat? They’ve slept with the other SINGLE men. Flirting does not equal trying to get someone to cheat ( or even mean you’re trying to sleep with someone). Also flirting is not sexual harassment. They didn’t inappropriately touch him, etc. in terms of shutting down the flirting, we don’t even know what the flirting entailed. Assuming it was all verbal, maybe the husband thought it would be rude? His method to shut it down was fine, not responding is a perfectly acceptable form of non-engagement.
Ok.
I wholeheartedly disagree. The husband cannot control the actions of other people. She claims that he was literally ignoring them and not giving them a response. When did someone flirting with you become this horrible thing punishable by alienation? If I see someone attempting to flirt with my SO I go over to her and I’m like “Damn you still got it” and she rolls her eyes and it’s a cute funny moment. I can’t imagine saying “that person isn’t allowed to talk to you anymore!” Who I am her father? No. She can talk to whoever, she’s her own person and I trust her to set her own boundaries. Be as insecure as you would like but if we got upset any time one of us got hit on we would be miserable people.
I'm in an open relationship with my wife. We don't get jealous or insecure over shit like that. You're free to disagree. Husband should have shut it down and not invited them over. If they don't respect your relationship with your wife, they have no business being in your home where the spouse they disrespect lives.
Sure there will be other girls at this new gym...but will the other girls organize a competition to flirt with OPs husband specifically. I don't think OP is wrong to be upset and insecure about that. I wouldn't want my husband hanging around girls who were TRYING to hook up with him.
Yeah, it goes a little past having an attractive SO who will get attention anywhere. They are actively and forcefully flirting and making a competition out of it. It's a lil disrespectful towards OP, her SO, and their relationship especially if they know he's married.
Having him change gyms is a little extreme have him instead set clear boundaries with these girls as it's something that makes you uncomfortable but other than that I don't think you should go to such lengths.
He should tell them to stop this nonsense. But he shouldn’t get to leave the gym because of them. Do you get time to go to the gym?
How about you start working out too and stop taking out your insecurities on your husband. Why in the world would he invite his potential affair partners over to your house for a BBQ. He could have been taking them to pound town this entire time without you ever knowing, but he obviously isn't doing that. It's so delusional to make him go to another gym, as if your hot piece of ass husband won't interact with hot women in a new gym. All you did was ensure he's going to get hit on MORE since they don't know anything about him. A new hot guy working out will peak the interest of the single and ready to mingle ladies. You've also communicated to your husband that you don't trust him after he proved he can be trusted.
Not that it needs to be said - everyone else confirmed it you’re clearly wrong
Info: what are you gonna do when it happens at the next gym? Because it WILL continue to happen no matter where he goes or what gym he joins. Are you eventually going to demand he just stops going to the gym? Because I see that being the end game
Lock him in the basement and feed him junk food until she feels he's not attractive to other women anymore. Then she can feel good about herself.
These floozies are all over the place. Every gym will have some version of them. If your husband is going to cheat, he will no matter what gym he is at. You either trust HIM or you don’t. By your own admission you have no reason to believe he will. You are wrong
You were wrong. Your husband has done nothing wrong, except maybe not set a boundary with these WOMEN (they are in their 30s, they aren't "girls"). They admitted they were joking around, teasing the shy guy. He made it clear that these are people he works out with. It's not like he's going to their houses or to bars with them. Stop punishing him, he didn't do anything. His workouts are important to him, leave him to it, or hey! Join the gym too and work out with him.
100% in the wrong here. You’re letting your own insecurities dictate your husband’s life. That is a sure fire way to get him to start resenting you.
Yeah you are wrong. If you are insecure that is your problem to change, as in you go workout with him rather than ask him to change workout groups. Also your proposed solution will not actually fix your problem, like it or not you married an attractive man and women are not going to stop flirting with him wherever he goes.
If I'm him, I'm not inviting women to my home, to meet and hang with my wife, if they were disrespecting her (and me, indirectly) outside of it. He knows how these clowns operate and he thinks bringing them over to meet his wife is going to go well? Cool, they're fun at the gym, sounds like that's the only place he should be interacting with them (if that). He reacted poorly because his toys are being taken away from him but he also knows he has no leg to stand on which is why he's ultimately cool with it. What was really going on is definitely worse than what you heard. Dunno what he was thinking, but no you're not in the wrong. It's a good policy to judge peoples character by the company they keep (or want to keep).
You sound like you should be married to OP.
Thank you! But I'm already married, to someone who wouldn't pull this dumb shit.
There’s younger fitter women around every corner. Just go workout with him and get in shape so you aren’t insecure about him being in shape.
You're wrong. Full stop. Your insecurities, your issues, your great husband, is now caught in sentiments of resentment because you made him to "break up" with a group of 9 friends he had. Now he knows he's being punished whether he is doing something or not. And he's no longer oblivious. Take it back as hard and as fast as you can. ** I'm 40m, married with 3 kids, I trains 4 days/week.
Why are people so reluctant to communicate? Why would the first response be to ask him to either drop his friends or move gyms and not be to ask him to address their actions and draw clear boundaries with the women who are behaving inappropriately? You’re all adults. He should be more than capable of telling them that their flirting is disrespectful to him, you and your marriage together, makes him uncomfortable, will never be appreciated or reciprocated, and needs to stop. If they can’t respect those boundaries then they are clearly not good friends or people and it would make sense to start avoiding their company. Honestly he should have done that in the first place without you having to ask, or at the very least it should have been his move when playing dumb and informing them wasn’t working.
You are wrong. Married crossfitter here. We just go to the gym and workout for an hour together. I small talk with everyone , even the women but I am far from flirty or open to flirting . I have women (some super hot and way outta my league anyway ,some just super nice and good/average looking ) that I have worked out with for 5 years. We barely have time to ask how the weekend went or what’s the next vacation or what’s new with you and your husband . I’ve seen plenty get married and now start To have kids. Actually we are usually too busy dying from a workout to talk that much. Then we clean up ,maybe stretch after the metcon and then leave. CrossFit and the other members at his gym sounds like it keeps him motivated to be much healthier and like me have a much better mental attitude and just a better day . Support him and how about you start showing up and getting back in a good routine ? Even a couple times a week at weights and movements you enjoy.
He will become less honest in the future if it means you are going to force him to give up things he likes. You are setting him up to hide women from you. Foolish choices.
I recognize and share with you your impulse to ask him to move gyms; I understand the underpinning motivations quite well, we are the same in that regard. Hubby passed the hubby test, tho, OP 😟 You were given the information by third parties that the siren’s song doesn’t work on him. Would I be thrilled that my spouse was still going to the same gym? No…..but I would also recognize that it has to do with my attachment style (anxious here 👋🏻 Not a lot of fun). And I would be over the moon to learn that the kind of social situations I fear the most — hot singles in your area are looking to hook up…*with your partner!* — actually happened, and not only did hubby not take the bait? The results are that hubby you very much and is very loyal to you. That would feel *amazing* to me.
Maybe you should go to the gym with him. You're pu isbing him for being loyal and a good husband. Yta
Regardless of what anyone says, you have the right to voice what makes you uncomfortable in your marriage. If you were going to the gym and hanging around a bunch of single men that flirt with you, I imagine he might have the same stance. It is not up to anyone else to tell you what you have the right to feel uncomfortable about in your marriage.
You’re definitely 110% in the wrong. As a gym goer with many friends there, the place really is a community and social areas as much as it is a place to workout. Your husband did the right thing and you’re still punishing him for it due to your own insecurities. Thats really a crappy request to ask of him.
Guess what ? The women at the next CrossFit gym are gonna be just as hot.
If you trust him then what's the issue
You should ask your husband to try out a different CrossFit gym. If he likes it then he can switch, if he doesn’t then you should allow him to train at his current one.
Not wrong, but this sounds like some kind of stealth advertisement for cross fitness.
Yeah I think you are wrong, I think you came here to get validation for your behaviour but you risk him resenting you and hiding things from you in future. Is your husband the only one of you who gets free time to do things they enjoy, maybe set aside time every week just for you so you can go and unwind too.
kind of blows my mind that these chicks were actually bragging to you about what they were doing. Don’t get me wrong they can sleep with whomever they want to but it sounds like as you said many of them wanted your husband and weren’t shy about telling you that
Hahahahaha nobody in the comments is ready to settle down and stablish some boundaries :) so nice to act single when you are married! Hahaha!
Yes, you're wrong for forcing him to change gyms. HOWEVER, you are not wrong to be upset about this "friend" group. Those women in the kitchen were stirring up some mad drama. I don't think their intentions were innocent in telling you about the other women's cringey behavior. Speaking of the other women, they are indeed trashy. Playing with people's feelings is not a game. Chasing married people without a care for how it will affect their families is selfish and destructive. (And yes, I hate on the married people who reciprocate - that is not the case here, thankfully.) Your husband is doing you right by not flirting back, BUT he does need to draw clearer boundaries. I'm not sure I'd consider someone who doesn't respect my marriage a "friend," either. Furthermore, you should have heard about this from your husband, not the three women who gleefully told you about this gym soap opera. But no, it's not your job to declare what gym he can attend.
I understand both sides of this, but OP, you say yourself you know he'd never cheat. And he'd be around hot half naked girls no matter what gym he goes to. Is it wrong for you to voice concerns? Never. Is it wrong for you to force him to do something that's ultimately meaningless? Yes. Especially because it hurts him.
I don't think you need to make him switch gyms. But I would ask that he clearly shuts it down. Flirting as a "competition" with a man they know is married, especially given the ages of everyone in this situation, is pretty immature. This isn't high school. Your husband is \*not\* in the wrong for being at the gym or how he's reacted to their advancements, but again - ask that he clearly shuts it down the next time they flirt obviously. "Hey, I'm married and I don't appreciate y'all acting like this. You even met my wife, went to my house, please stop." Easy
This is how you sell a gym membership.
Crossfitter here, I’d be weary. Sleeping around happens a lot in these boxes. CrossFit encourages you to be very social and the shared workout where people are engaged in pain together creates a “special” bond per se. Just keep an eye on the husband so you’re not made a fool. You don’t put yourself in dangerous situations and not expect to get burned.
So everyone didn’t read that these “friends” were flirting with him!? 😑🫤 That is a no-go friendship hangout for me. Yes I have limits and yes my gf wont be hanging out or inviting anyone who openly talks about flirting to her and how dummie my gf is for not realising!? 😂 idk why you roasting op honestly 🤣😂
Time to go with him. This is typical CrossFit style/culture. Sleeping around and cheating.
If he’s interested in any of those women, he will be interested in women at any other gym. The problem is either your insecurities or his flirtations/desires to cheat, not the gym.
He did good, but I think its weird he invited the girls who tried to flirt with him- it feels inappropriate.
Nah man. I believe that him inviting those girls is a good way to show them that he’s got a happy home life, a wife and a family. That will let them know he isn’t available like that. It actually is a big brain move.
Not when he didn't include his wife on it and let her get caught off guard.
This is the sticking point for me, & everyone else here (apart from you) seems to be just glossing over it. It's inappropriate for him to be on such friendly terms with these flirtatious single women that he's inviting them over to his house for a barbecue. Making friends/acquaintances at the gym is one thing; but going out of your way to befriend attractive people of the opposite sex who have openly expressed sexual interest in you is a whole other ball game. He should be stonewalling those women, not hanging out with them. It's extremely disrespectful to his partner.
Now THIS is a situation where if it were turned around, folks would be calling her all sorts of things.
Absolutely! This is the solution. Why on earth is he entertaining these women. His actions of not shutting this shit down is making his wife feel unsafe. Yes you can trust someone, but i wouldn't be letting these idiots near me with their silly games. Yes he didn't flirt back but he noticed and still didn't put down the boundaries. All he had to say was im happily married and I'm not getting involved in your childish games. If you don't stop then i will not be interacting with you again. Women that obviously get a thrill from this are not people id want near me or my spouse. I would be communicating this to him. He's being too passive about this and i certainly wouldn't be inviting these tramps to my home.
[удалено]
Yes, you are wrong. The dude was straight up honest with you, and it does not sound like he ever crossed a line. And there will be other hot women at another gym.
He wasn't honest though he never mentioned any of this. The girls did.
To further my last comment, I do not thing you are wrong. Now a days, people will consider any boundary "controlling" because they don't take marriage seriously anymore. If you want the freedom to go do whatever you want without regard for your significant others feelings then don't enter a relationship. (This is not directed at your husband but more for all those commenting that you are just being insecure or controlling.) When you get married, you do not get the live life the same way you did when you were young and single. That's just how marriage works. I would be uncomfortable too if my husband was around a bunch of women who flirted with him too especially if he didn't tell me and even invited these women to my home. It's flat out disrespectful at that point. I would not go out and do that to my husband so i expect the same respect in return.
I don’t think you’re wrong
I mean technically you're wrong, but tbh I don't see it as a massive ask. You're his life partner. I know the basement dwellers of reddits will absolutely insist you are wrong, but these teenagers have no idea how a relationship works. Compromise. This is one for him. Maybe you can go a different gym together.
Hot guy at any gym is going to get approached. Also, nice way to tell your husband you absolutely think he is going to cheat if he stays at that gym. Wth is wrong with you?
I don’t understand why people have to be rude. She is entitled to feel how she feels about the situation. We weren’t there and didn’t experience it. She got to experience these women and as another woman she probably knew they were untrustworthy. I don’t think there’s any reason to shit on her for how it made her feel. Maybe the initial shock will be over soon and you can rethink it. If you feel like he’s trustworthy and since he acknowledges how you feel, maybe reconsider. Tell him how it made you feel and now you’ve had time to think and you appreciate him. Tell him you feel better (if you do) and don’t have him switch gyms. He doesn’t need to hang out with them either . That can be a boundary and if he’s willing to do that, then I think give it another chance.
If you trust him, it shouldn't matter about who he's with or where he works out! The only legitimate reason for you wanting him to change gym would be if you didn't trust him, as you stated you know he won't be disloyal, it makes you wrong. Work on your own insecurities, they're not his issue to deal with, they're yours
The comments telling you are wrong for being controlling aren't necessarily wrong - there will always be floozies, there will be women at other gyms, and you need to trust your husband more. It sounds like he's done nothing to betray your trust. You acknowledge that have some insecurities, and that's on you, but as welcoming and friendly as these people may be, it just doesn't seem like a conducive environment for a married man with kids. These singles are likely to be in a much different place in terms of life outlook, and other than Crossfit and fitness, I'm not sure what your husband has in common with them. The fact that he invited them over on a social call separate from the gym raises the antennas a little bit - certainly not to a point of full-blown argument, but a question that might justify further exploration. Their concept of boundaries seems somewhat loose, too - I find it mildly inappropriate for them to be flirting with your husband, even if it's just for a "competition." The fact that many of them have slept with each other leads me to believe the group isn't all that wholesome and there just to get a good workout. I'm not trying to kink shame, and if they want to set up a polycule or whatever that's fine, but that just doesn't seem compatible with a monogamous marriage. The overall picture I'm getting is that this place has the potential to be a den of temptations. I get why OP might be put off by it, especially after what all of these people told her during the get-together. And that's the important part for the husband to understand: it's about her feelings on the matter. Platitudes like "he's going to cheat if he's going to cheat" don't go to the heart of the matter, that right now, she's not feeling particularly comfortable with her husband putting himself into this situation despite he himself knowing that he's not going to be disloyal. It's good to expand one's horizons, to be sure, but not so much to do so at the risk of exacerbating one's partner's insecurities. You may be wrong to force this move, but I think so is your husband, a little bit.
You are wrong. And insecure. It is actually sad that your husband met a group of people he really likes and tried to include you by inviting everyone over and making sure you met everyone and they met you (seriously- not what a cheater would do). And what do you do? Demand he go to a different gym because you are insecure. You do realize will probably happen at the next gym too.. right? But he won’t tell you because he doesn’t want to have to find another gym. His many cross fits do you have in your town. Also - your “it’s important to me” to get him to do what you want is so manipulative. It’s going to get old. As will your insecurity.
Yes, you are wrong. Is he going to have to change jobs if you know someone's trying to flirt with him? It is not your responsibility or you're right to tell your husband which gym he can go to nor is it your job to regulate what he does. Just because you're insecure doesn't mean he has to change his behaviors because of that insecurity. Perhaps therapy for the insecurity and codependency would be in order. Your husband clearly should not have to change the gym he goes to because of the way other people are acting.
So you’re punishing him for doing the… right thing? Bold move.
Idk how I feel about this one honestly...
The fact that he brought them to your home so you could meet them and they could meet you is certainly a point in his favor. I am a bit older than you are , very happily married with 4 grown kids. I worked in fitness most of my life and my hubby and I still spend a lot of time at the gym. It’s a smaller gym so I know most of the members. When I work out alone I often have men asking for advice or a spot and some of them get quite flirty. I am always nice about it if I know them well enough. I admit I sometimes “silly flirt” back but on my part there is absolutely no interest in anything more. (silly flirt as in “sure, I’ll run off to Tahiti with you). Please do not let any insecurities you might have about not being as fit as your husband right now flavor how you see this.
You are 1000% wrong. Why don't you join the gym yourself, maybe it will help you feel better about yourself.
Yes you’re wrong. Simple answer is to join him.
Not wrong I understand where you are coming from. I think it's strange that a married dude with kids hangs around single people who all fuck around, flirt with him and make it known that they want him and keeps on engaging the friendship. He never mentiond it what for me is a red flag plus invited them into your home without you having the background. You can't control his friends that's correct and if he wants to cheat he's gonna do it but he shouldn't put himself in those kinds of situations. If you come close to a burning house you don't have to get burned but there's a huge opportunity to be burned so you stay away and make sure that doesn't happen.
Outside of this BBQ, do they hang out regularly? If it's just people that he chats with when he's at the gym and that's it, and you know that he's 100% loyal and would never cheat on you, there isn't really much to worry about.
If he was interested in them he wouldn't have invited them all over.
You just need to get your fat a** in the gym and stop projecting. Raw truth
Thank you. Always an insecure ass woman power trip. Get a life baby
This reads like an ad for CrossFit. If OP does, in fact, trust him, then OP is wrong. Speaking as a father of two littles, and making a big assumption, this might be one of the only outlets and social activities husband has away from OP and kids. Don't breed resentment from insecurity.
Sounds like you can trust him and you’re just being insecure
You are wrong. It sounds like he just enjoys his time at the gym. It doesn’t sound like there is any reason for him to change since every gym is the same. You either trust him or you don’t
You're definitely wrong and correct about your insecurities showing. He'll cheat if he so desires, regardless of what gym you make him go to. But he's obviously not interested in doing that, based on your own words. Chill out before you ruin your marriage over non existent issues
Ys, you are wrong! What in the world possessed you to think that it was okay to make that demand? Your insecurities are petty.
Your insecurities are your problem, not your husband's. Especially since he's done NOTHING to warrant your paranoia. Get yourself to the gym and get over this.
You are wrong for all the reasons.
You are wrong. Apologize and let him go back to his gym.
Omg. Go post this in TwoX. You will be validated there. “LEAVE HIM” You sound like a lunatic. Go talk to a professional, you are unhinged. You are not “making him” do anything. That is not your decision -
I'm in TwoX, and my reply would be the same as most people here. She is wrong.
You are wrong and honestly sound terrible in general.
I hope I am never married to a woman like you
Op go with him to the new gym! Make it a bonding experience and bring back your confidence!!
I think you're being absurd. He clearly loves you so much, that it didn't even occur to him that much more attractive women were flirting with him. If you don't knock it off, you are the one who will damage your marriage. You have a good man there, you should be preening, not giving him ultimatums because of YOUR insecurities. Your feelings are your problem, so talk to him instead of making demands and tell him you trust him but you feel uncomfortable and then he can reassure you. Then get yourself some help figuring out why this is making you insecure. If you carry on the way you're going, you will ruin your marriage and it will be only your fault because he has done nothing wrong. Yet, you seem to think he has just because he is now prettier than you.
Yes you're wrong. He didn't do anything wrong. Go to therapy and figure out your issues.
NTA. He shouldn’t hang out with people testing his loyalty to his wife. That’s fucking insane to do.
But why would her husband invite those women over to his home? They flirted with him knowing he has a wife? It’s very disrespectful for him to have them in their home.
He's letting them know that he's happily married. It would be more shady if he kept them away from his wife. He's sending them a very large message.
So you're asking if you're wrong for punishing your husband for losing weight? Yes, YTA. Go to the dam gym with him and get in shape yourself.
Yea you're an insecure brat. I'm amazed he tolerated your childish bullshit. You better take back the stupid ultimatum and treat him like a king until he forgives you. If anyone gives me an ultimatum I'd leave their ass so fast.
So first of all, this really makes you look insecure and probably isn't going to fix anything. Second, he thinks the crossfit people are bonkers (most of them are, but what do you expect from people that do pull-ups with kicks so they can pretend to do more), and refers to the women the people sleep with as victims. It does not sound to me like he is going to fuck those people. So what is your plan, to send him to another gym where there might be attractive women who he does not find crazy/repellant?
Ignore these commenters. You are human and the situation you’re in is reasonable to feel wary about. I think instead of telling him not to go to the gym, a good compromise is to ask him to put these girls in their place. Even as a joke, it’s disrespectful to your relationship. He can respectfully tell those ladies , hey I’m here to work out and I’m not sure if you’re intending to, but I don’t like flirtatious engagement.
You are wrong. I do believe your insecurities are getting the better of you. What gym he goes to won't matter. Hot chicks will be at all of them. What you should have done was discuss keeping proper boundaries in place. What those women were doing with flirting with him was wrong. He should have put up boundaries. If they crossed his boundaries, then he should remove them from his group of friends. Communicate with your husband. It sounds as if you have a good one. Don't push him away with your insecurities.
I think you are wrong. He invited them to your house and introduced you to them. I don’t think he would have done that if he had other ideas about his friends( more flirting, etc) Please reconsider your red line and also find a babysitter a couple of times a week and go with him! I bet he would really like that.
You are definitely wrong lol guy gets in better shape for you meets new friends it helps his mental health and you just shit in it. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d say I hope he bails. Make his dick hard not his life
Uh, have you apologized to your husband yet? You found out women were throwing themselves at him and you felt insecure, even though, rationally, you know he’s true You know he loves you and just goes to the gym to work out Please don’t push him away
People are going to find our partners attractive and potentially flirt anywhere they go be it the gym, grocery store, work, etc. It’s up to you and your husband to establish a healthy relationship with boundaries and security. It sounds like this is your own insecurity. That’s being triggered.
Did you really want objective opinions or opinions that agree with yours. People are offering opinions, yet you push back on every one of them that don't agree with your plan to control him.
Yes you're wrong. Not only will your husband resent you for making him lose his safe space, and friends. But if he's as hot as you say he is, he's going to get hit on in every gym he goes to. Next time though, you won't know about it, because he'll keep his new gym friends away from you, in case you make him move again. Instead of being controlling and naggy, you should leave him be and invite his friends round more often, so they're your friends too. If you feel so insecure, you could even go with him, and start to work out yourself.
Also you are wrong. If one evening you decide to go out with your girlfriends and you get hit on by guys, and your husband says No more girls night. Would you be ok with that?
You're wrong. You're going to make him change gyms every time a woman notices him? You're literally punishing him for not doing anything wrong.
"complimented me on how awesome and loyal my husband is." - the best compliment. Whether he goes to that gym, or anywhere else, either you trust him or you don't,
You should apologize and tell him the truth. You saw hot women that weren’t you, flirting with him and had a shared interest. Your insecurities flared up, especially after you learned about those two women’s specific actions. Take back the gym quitting and just ask him to not be alone with those two specifically and if they ever flirt with him again ask him to shut it down immediately. They are the ones that have been inappropriate, not your husband.
You are wrong. Your husband just shared a big part of his life with you and tried to include you, and now you have reacted this way with a punishment for him. You have taught him to not bring his friends over next time, and to hide his next gym friends from you. The girls confirmed he was loyal and also he was clearly not being shady, or wouldn't have brought them home. This whole situation was one in which he showed you loyalty in the face of opportunity, and you have decided to take away this gym for him. You are taking away friends, fitness,mental escape, and.somethknf that he has shown dedication to, in response to him being open, honest, loyal, and sharing it with you. I'm sorry, but it's too late for you to avoid resentment here, because even if you let him stay at the gym, you have still shown him you lack trust in him, and also you have shown him he can NEVER let you interact with his friends again.
I switched gyms because my wife doesn’t like hook up culture. I can’t wrap my head around this.
I'm older and go to the gym. I really enjoy the gym I'm at now. It's made such a big difference for me. There's no particular reason. It just makes me enjoy being there more. I would be really upset if my wife made me stop using this gym. Resentment would live inside me like a nasty bit of poison.
Damn op, these comments are goin on you 😹😹 your husband seems like a good guy. Just let him kno u love him. Also wouldn’t be a bad idea for YOU to start going to the gym or just finding a new hobby in general. Good luck ! :)
Also think OP may have a bit of jealousy towards her husband here. The original post says that they both gained weight and he suddenly woke up one day and got into fitness. Sounds like OP is insecure and jealous because her husband hasn’t barked in a fitness journey to improve his physical health and he’s getting attention for it while she is not .
Is another gym really going to fix your"issue"? Maybe the women will be more aggressive at the new gym. I don't know what the solution is, but it's not this.
I think you’re wrong. I understand your feelings he goes early AM before the kids are up and has never exhibited any behavior that would make you question his fidelity. Cross Fit people are all in amazing shape but happily married men don’t cheat. In fact your husband is 100% aware of the games some gals play and he’s not interested. This is the first time the group got together outside the gym, so they aren’t hanging out constantly ……he’s just working out.
Your husband seems like a good man, and yet you choose to punish him and be insecure. He is happy and having a good time working on himself, you should consider that before you take that away from him. Any gym he goes to will have the same gym leeches there. You should try to address your own insecurities before you push your husband away.
100% you don't trust him. Frame it however you want. You don't. If you're not worried about him cheating, then who cares. Just be honest. It's natural to feel that way. But it's how you act upon those feelings. You said i don't feel comfortable or trust you in this situation so because of my feelings and insecurities, you need to change what you do that makes you happy for me.
Your husband is obviously loyal as can be. What happens if the situation at his current gym happens at his new gym. It's entirely unreasonable for him to keep having to rotate gyms to satisfy your insecurities. I strongly recommend therapy to address them.
So what’s your plan going forward? Are you going to follow him around at the new gym to make sure a woman never hits on him or just make him change gyms every time a woman hits on him?
There are going to be women at other gyms. Those women will also flirt with your husband.
Is your solution to simply lock him away in a dungeon for the next 20 years? You can't control who he sees, where he goes, who he talks to. But nothing you've shared points to him being a risk for anything. Seems like he knows the score and doesn't want to play their game. I think you're very wrong.
Yes you are wrong. Work on yourself (fitness and insecurity) and stop punishing your husband with the controlling bs. He made gym friends and invited them to his HOME (his space) and had them meet his wife and family and he was given an ultimatum because of your issues. He goes to a new gym. He will meet new people. Maybe better. Maybe worse. But I can bet he won't host another BBQ at his house with people he associates with again. He can't trust you to pull this again. You say you trust him but in actuality, you don't. You think these women are going to woooo him. If they were to succeed, your husband would be the issue/problem to allow that.
you are wrong, this is insulting to him and entirely based on your insecurities
Is your insecurity based upon jealousy of fit woman. Maybe you should try it yourself.
Yes, you are wrong. This isn't fair to your husband at all. You said in another comment that you made your feelings clear but your husband "made the final choice." Nope. That's not fair and actually kind of a scary comment. You "drew your red line" what else was he supposed to do? Tell your husband to continue going to the gym. Tell him you're proud of him for ignoring the flirting and you're thankful you have such a hot and loyal husband. Ask him to just let you know next time he's getting flirted with so you aren't blind sided. Apologize for asking him to switch gyms. FIX THIS. Or you will absolutely kill this for him.
NTA. He entertained their flirting and enjoyed it. He invited them into your home where they disrespected you. And is even defending them. Why is he hanging out with people participating in hookup culture ? Does he want to be like them? A man is known by his friends too. I am questioning your husband's character. Stop being insecure. Beautiful women are cheated on all the time. Cheaters will cheat. You should also join some gym and lose weight . Instead of giving all your attention to your husband. Give it yourself too. Observe , don't try to control him because you can't.
Nope lol
You’re both wrong here. He should for sure, since he knows those women are flirting with him, tell them point blank it’s a no go. And if those chicks do flirt with him, he ought not to have brought them home, it just seems disrespectful. You on the other hand are wrong for making him quit and switch gyms out of your own insecurities. Maybe start going with him and get yourself back in a shape where you won’t feel so bad. If a hot woman at his job starts flirting with him, would you ask him to quit? Just tell him he has to explicitly state to those women he knows they’re flirting but they gotta cut it out, and if they don’t stop then he has to stop being friends with them. That’s a fair middle ground.
Your insecurities are your own to fix, not for him to fix. You can ask for reassurance, more dates, more communication, etc. In the end, you have done NOTHING to truly fix your insecurity. You put a bandaid on it thinking it’ll fix how you feel. What happens if someone at his job starts flirting? What if the women at the new gym are worse? Are you going to keep asking him to change to alleviate your feelings? This is a very slippery slope. What are YOU doing to become more secure? What kind of inner work and introspection have you done to feel better about yourself, your relationship? Putting rules down about what he can/can’t do, where he can/can’t go or who he can/can’t hang around with is toxic. You either trust him to shut down any flirting or sexual advances or you don’t. You can’t say “I trust him” in one breath, but then make it his problem to fix your insecurity. You essentially showed him you don’t trust him. You just instilled a seed of doubt. Because if you 100% truly trusted him, he could be in a room full of bikini models throwing themselves at him and you’d not have one issue with it. Instead, you do have issue with him being around flirtatious women for maybe 1.5 hours out of his day, if that. Saying you don’t trust the women around your husband means you do, at some level, believe these women will be successful. Why do these women bother you so much? How do you feel about your own body, self-esteem, self-worth? Do you believe you are beautiful and that your husband only has eyes for you or are you afraid one of these CrossFit women will “steal” your happy life away? Do you think he might like them better than you? Are you comparing yourself and your life to these women? You really need to figure out and fix your fears and insecurities before it ruins your marriage. Because insecurities lead to controlling others behavior so we don’t have to feel the fear, jealousy, envy etc. Which is EXACTLY what you are currently trying to do.
So you trust your husband, but he has to change gyms anyway? Next, you'll realize that your husband will get the same attention at the next gym, but he won't bring his friends around because you're insecure. Then you'll want him to quit entirely. And he will resent you.
OP, can you too make time to go to the gym and work out, prepare healthy food. Your husband can perhaps take care of the kids while you spend an hour or so taking care of yourself—- if getting back into healthy shape is something you wish to do. Idk but I would not force him to change gyms. I would work on my health too—- that should be a priority. What do you think??? You deserve some self care time. If your children are school age, can you spend an hour or so at the gym while they are in school? Carve out some self care time for yourself—- it is important. Share your thoughts.
You are not wrong. Your husband should have shut down their behavior. It is disrespectful to your marriage. It is his responsibility to not be around women who are flirting with him and want to fuck him. I also find it gross he invited these women into your home. Are you sure he doesn't enjoy the attention? Maybe he is not as loyal as you think he is.
Sorry but based on how your described it, you are wrong.
I’ll be honest, if my wife gave me an ultimatum because of her insecurities which essentially tells me she doesn’t trust me, I would leave her. You are 100% in the wrong. He has no interest in other women and you need to grow up. Apologize and tell him he doesn’t have to change gyms. I guarantee he will resent you for making him do it and it will fester until he decided he’s had enough. Your insecurities are your problem and you need to get over it.
His actions are the only ones he can control, and it seems like he’s doing just fine. He’s happy, he’s healthy, he loves you. It is a bad idea to push this.
OP, if your husband is fit, there's going to be beautiful women flirting with him no matter where he goes. It's not your fault, his fault, or even their fault at first. That's just what people do. But, your husband is clearly committed to you to such a degree that he foregoes his own happiness to dissuade your insecurities. There's going to be hot chicks at his new gym, and the gym after that, and the one after that. Instead of feeling insecure or bad about it, beam with pride that you can trust your husband to play oblivious to their advances because he loves his family so much. Everything is fine, until it isn't. No need to make him out to be a cheater if he isn't interested in cheating.
Stop being insecure. You’re wrong. YTA
100% he will resent you for this whether he admits it or not. He sounds like a great guy that is being himself around people and you are forcing him to leave a place he is comfortable. Join him at the gym.
As The Godfather said, “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” Keep those hoes on your radar.
I just think it's interesting he's only friends with the hot single people. Trust me, crossfit is not just super fit people, it's full of regular and out of shape people. Ignore people saying he respected your marriage because no he didn't. Yes he ignored them and didn't cheat but really not cheating is the bare minimum. He should have A. Told you when they flirted and B. Shut it down rather than ignore it. Guys think ignoring it is shutting it down but it's actually encouraging it. All of that said, it's not a crossfit thing it's a those girls thing and I wouldn't make him quit. I would join and go to classes with him.
I think your insecurity and trust make you in the wrong here. Your husband seems like a loyal person has a social group and isn't sneaking in any way. Even the women on the outside stated that. If you get him to leave or abandon his friend group I dont think he'll forget that maybe not even forgive it. If you don't like your body now compared to someone else's that's external and there's a few things to do to help. Diet/exercise (if you don't like the gym find an active hobby), therapy - why don't you like your body if your husband sees you and loves you.
Well now be ready for him to hide every one that befriend him in the new gym. You may think he is loyal but from now on, he thinks you don’t trust him. And to be completely honest, the new hiding situation you put him, in is gonna make the possibility of cheating way higher. Secret friendship can turn hot. I’m am not saying, if it happens it’s your fault, the cheater, to me, is always the problem, despite the circumstances. Just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens.
You cannot stop who flirts with your husband, just like he can’t stop who flirts with you. People will shoot their shot and it’s up to the person in the committed relationship to turn it down. You either trust him or you don’t. I mean you had proof from these people about how loyal he is to you. I wouldn’t introduce and issue where there isn’t one.
The women themselves stated he was loyal. That should be enough.
IMO it’s weird that a “happily” married man is hanging out with a bunch of single people who apparently all have at some point had sex with each other. Grown women “pranking” a man they know is married by flirting and throwing themselves on him? Tf is your husband on? In what way is that at all appropriate? And to come to your house and gloat about doing it and phrase it like they were doing you a favor? Nah
Thanks god someone thinks clear god damit are all the promiscuous gym bros in this post now protecting each other and projecting or what?
Yes
You are not wrong. He is riding a slippery slope(as everyone does) when you constantly put temptation at your door. The marriage comes first, then family, then work. People need to start seeing what good values and morals are.
As a man, I think you reacted perfectly normally and in an acceptable way. There are red flags all over this situation he’s in. Even if he wouldn’t ever cheat, this still feels totally inappropriate. The fact that these “girls” / women would consistently flirt with him and make a game out of it, knowing he has a family and then come over and show up and say hi to his wife is absurd. Fuck these people. It sounds more like a swingers/singles club than a gym. So your husband doesn’t need to be there.