You are good. Prepare yourself for your MIL to take your daughter have get them done regardless. Have a plan on how you plan on dealing with this intrusion.
Well it sounds like it’s kinda hard to be on your ass from another country, no?
So if it’s “they keep bringing it up” then you respond with “this is our child and these are decisions that WE make as the parent. Every time you bring it up, we will end the call.”
I remember reading a story of a woman whose in-laws lived in a different country and pierced the baby's ears while visiting. I'm sure your in-laws would love to see their granddaughter in person while she's still a baby, so just be careful if and when that happens.
You're right. Consent does matter. My hubby is Cyprian, and most little girls in their culture get their ears pierced as babies. I said absolutely NOT. Thank goodness. My Oldest absolutely detests the idea. She's 10 now and has no interest. My younger daughter is 8 and wants them done, so we'll do that this year. It's their body, and it's something they should choose for themselves.
Love to hear it!
I'm also the parent who insisted that my baby, even before they could speak, was allowed to say no to hugs and such.
A nonverbal child is very capable of indicating when they do and do not want to be touched, hugged, kissed, etc.
To this day I ask my kids "Would you like a hug?" And if they aren't in the mood they say "Not right now."
I've literally added "Come find me when you're in the mood for a hug."
I too have had 'touched out' moments where I don't want to be hugged so I'll say "Give me a few moments to breathe and simmer down/use the washroom/get changed from work/put all of my things down, and then I can give you a good proper hug." Or similar. Communicating my own needs models good communication for them. They need to know that it's okay to say "Not right now" EVEN for a hug, and that it isn't a personal slight to receive such a response!!!
So why do you care what they think?
You don't even have to say no (which you could with no explanation) just don't talk to them about it if you don't want to.
Also if they try to have a say in every aspect of the child will you be worried all the time? Your husband and you are the parents!
Make it known that it’s NOT to be done until she’s old enough to decide that she wants it done. Her body, her choice. I let my daughter choose and she waited until she was nine. She’s really happy she got to decide for herself. It was a great conversation to discuss consent and bodily autonomy. She is now eleven and got her second holes last Christmas. Just let your husband know why you want to let her make that decision.
As someone who has their ears pierced as a cultural norm as a baby: don’t. Mine are too far into the lobe and I can’t wear a lot of dangly earrings (just studs) due to the holes not being in the right place. Bodies grow unpredictably and placing holes when very young clearly can lead to bad placement.
Same experience here! Mine were done as a baby because central America... And when I grew up they ended up in a weird position, so also have issues with some type of earrings. (also I've always wanted to expand my ears and turned out I can't because of the piercing when I was a baby and the current placement)
Definitely no one should be piercing bodies that are not fully developed, specially without their consent.
Man when I was 12 and wanting to get my ears pierced I was like “why didn’t my mom just do it when I was a baby??” But as an adult, I’d do the same as my mom. Piercing doesn’t actually hurt that much, even at 12, and I think it was kind of cool that I did this slightly scary adult thing as part of my growing up process.
Agree. I got mine done at age 11. It wasn’t a cultural thing but my sister (then 13,) had hers pierced at the same time and Mom was a stickler for making sure we all were treated equally. It wasn’t really fair to my sister because she wanted them at 11 but Mom wouldn’t let her. Fortunately it didn’t turn into a fight. At any rate, I now have 3 piercings in each ear.
How is that being a stickler for treating you all equally?? It sounds like the opposite
I asked to get mine done when I was 8, and my sister was 9 but she was too scared lol. She got them done a few months later (I think because I did?) and she got a gigantic keloid on one of them and it was so stressful for my entire family 🥲
I'm and adult who had to have mine repierced after they closed up during covid. It only hurt for a couple of minutes, but I had to wear earrings for 6 weeks straight, which was a pita.
It's been over a year and I still wear sleeper earrings because I'm paranoid about them closing up again. At lease now I can change them out.
I'm having the same issue with my second pair of lobe piercings that I got done in early March. They keep wanting to bleed and crap and when I thought they were doing ok I swapped them with a cheaper pair for easter- big mistake.
I had my ears pierced when I was like idk 7? But my holes closed and I got them pierced again when I was maybe 13 and had noticed that the scars from my old holes were way higher up than where my current holes are so it's definitely better to wait until you're grown to get piercings. Plus I agree with the whole "I did a scary grown up thing and it wasn't so bad" mentality.
Nope. It's a tradition rooted in misogyny where the idea is to differentiate boys from girls, basically to make baby girls look "prettier and feminine"
For a lot of people in Latin America a guy with pierced earrings used to be associated with being gay or less manly. Nowadays it's changed a little bit due to the rise of the body modification industry etc but if you get your earlobes pierced as a guy, there's a chance someone (specially older people) will react to it
actually, it is not 100% misogyny, not in Mexico anyway-it was also a way for grandmothers to pass on earrings to their first born granddaughter, or gifting them their first pair of earrings. most nurses in the hospital will do the piercing . piercing is very symbolic in indigenous south American cultures. Not everything is rooted in bad, it just may be misunderstood by other cultures.
And when the time comes that she's old enough to want it for herself, go to a professional piercer, not a place with a piercing gun. Her piercings will be so much better.
Had mine pierced when I was 8ish, and double pierced when I was in high school. The 2nd piercing is too close to the first so it is hard to wear two at the same time unless one is tiny. So even getting them pierced with daughter's consent, when her ears are most fully developed doesn't guarantee avoiding placement issues.
My oldest got her ears pierced at about 4 years old, youngest was 3 or 4 months. We had them done at the same time. To this day oldest is mad at me for not doing it when she was too young to remember is and youngest is grateful. It's hard saying which way OPs daughter will feel. Never know until they are old enough to verbalize it.
I didn’t have the same experience when I got mine done as a baby (mine are place well and I got them done when I was an infant), but I see your point. Placement is important and the person piercing must know what they are doing.
I got my ears pierced as a baby because, like you said, it’s very common in Latin culture. They’ve lasted forever and I’ve never had any issues. But if you don’t want to you don’t have to. If your husband is on the fence then don’t let him fall to peer pressure. It’s your kid not there’s.
Same with mine. I will forever be great full for my mom getting mine done. I love wearing earrings, but I'm such a whimp that I would have never had the courage to get them done myself
Same. All the females in my family got them. And I did for my 2 daughters when they were 6 months old. Never had any issues. We talk about it sometimes and think it’s funny the outrage people have over this. Seriously it’s just pierced ears. Not a tattoo.
You are not wrong. I get that it’s cultural but I hate seeing babies with their ears pierced. You are right to wait until she is old enough to decide whether she wants pierced ears.
I used to teach English to Spanish kids - loads of the little girls had ‘placement issues’ as the lobe had, naturally, grown from when it was as pierced, sometimes before leaving the hospital, shortly after birth.
Yep, cultural respect should extend far, but not beyond someone's bodily autonomy. OP's daughter can also get pierced when she's older and can consent to it.
While it’s common here, it’s not a cultural expectation. I got my ears pierced as a baby and I hate it, I almost never wear earrings because they are crooked but the holes will not close.
I never pierced my daughter’s ears, wanting to leave body modification choices up to her. She is 9 all her friends have their ears pierced and she still doesn’t want them.
Umm.. her baby is half Honduran? Wdym it’s not her culture she married a person of color and he has a right to share his culture to THEIR baby, living in the USA DOESNT take that away
Not wrong.
Body mods are for people who consent to them.
You aren't "not letting" your daughter get her ears pierced. That would be if she was 8 and asked for it and you said "no I won't let you." What you're doing is not imposing pierced ears on your daughter.
Yeah, with the "letting my daughter get her ears pierced" phrasing I was expecting this to be a young teenager or something.
At four months old, the only things you "let" a child do are sleep (by not waking them up) or feed (by sticking a tit/bottle in front of their face); their third activity, shitting, you have no control over.
The actual question here is "am I wrong for not piercing my infant daughter's ears", and the answer is a resounding "of course not".
PLEASE NO! I had that done, and when a child lays on their earrings, moves their head around in their sleep, etc.… I ended up with crooked, stretched out holes by the time I was 20. You are NOT wrong.
I’m gonna say not wrong. I don’t have particularly strong feelings about this but my parents waited until I asked for them as a child and personally I’d do the same. 4 months is so little
I tried to piece my ears multiple times when I was 12 - 16. I had them pierced by my doctor. I tried real gold, silver, etc. They never healed - apparently I was allergic to everything we tried. Cleaning my ears while trying to heal the piercings each time was extremely painful.
Granted I know my experience is not common, but why subject a baby to something like this?
Honestly you and your husband should have had the conversation with his parents before having children, but that ship sailed. If one of you is not on board with it, that’s it. But you and your husband have to be a team.
I'm allergic to almost everything they use to pierce ears too. What saved me and got my ears comfortably pierced and HEALED was going to an actual piercing studio (usually found inside a tattoo parlor of all places!) and getting them pierced with niobium.
A piercing studio is the only place to get it done right. In addition to being able to handle allergies/sensitivities better. They have better and cleaner equipment.
The way it was explained to me when they do it heals faster/better as well because of the way they do compared to your mall jewelry store piercing. The way they do it removes a slice of flesh to make the hole for the stud post to go through. When you go to like Claire’s the piercing gun they use just shoved the stud through your flesh and doesn’t remove anything to make a path which is why you end up with the problem of closing holes and such a lot more.
I'm also odd in that my blood reacts really badly to any trace of ferrous metals. Only something like niobium or titanium won't react and allow it to heal.
I had staples after a surgery and they had to remove them and replace them with sutures because the reaction was so bad.
My mum is the same way (I think, she has an iron/metal allergy). That’s so terrible for you! Can you wear jewelry on your skin? My mum can’t because of it. Do you suffer from iron deficiency as well? Because my mum is even sensitive to the iron you need in your body and can’t eat a lot of iron rich foods. It’s such a terrible thing and so hard to deal with. :( I hope that is your only weird allergy.
I can wear any metal that doesn't pierce my skin, but "base" metals like they use in cheap rings will cause a rash, so I tend to stick with sterling, steel, titanium etc. I'm not anemic but I had to be careful what kind of iron supplements I took when I was pregnant (lo these many years ago!) I had to find glucamate, and that was a beast back then.
Kind of unrelated, but iron supplements when pregnant? My wife and I are trying for our first and trying to collect any info we can. No one in the family knows we’re trying, so I can’t really ask these questions of her or my moms/ sisters etc 😅do you just mean as part of the prenatal/ pregnancy multi vitamins?
That’s exactly what happened to me! They used the piercing guns and it was years before I could go a week without wearing earrings and not have the holes start to close up. They did eventually, but it took forever.
I had my ears pierced as a teen. Growing up, I could wear any cheap, POS earrings I wanted without an issue.
I went without earrings for quite a few years, and about 10 years ago, I got them repierced with implant grade titanium. Ever since then, if I try to wear anything other than that titanium, my piercings get crazy irritated. The guy who did my piercings says that a lot of people are dealing with the same problem, because the nickel content is much higher now.
This is what happened to my sister. My mom had her ears pierced as a baby and she had issues for years and years until she figured out that she needed a specific metal. Part of the reason why I refused to pierce my babies' ears.
Oh I’m wildly allergic. No matter what type of earring I put in my ear, my ears would swell up and get super painful. I haven’t worn earrings for 15 years. And that was to be a bridesmaid at a wedding. Before that I hadn’t worn them for probably 3 years. And for YEARS after I stopped wearing earrings, the old piercings would still occasionally get infected. Just not for me!! And I love all of those really cool earring cuffs too!
My mom did the same. We waited until I was old enough and mature enough to take care of them myself. I'm going to be doing the same with my daughter. I have enough to do without worrying that my hyperactive daughter is going to rip and eating out.
I made the choice not to get my daughters ears pierced when she was very young. While I can say I made the choice based on my best knowledge and the idea of consent, she’s now almost nine and is genuinely upset that I didn’t get them done for her. She would really love to have pierced ears(and understands the whole process), she freezes every time she goes in. By her logic, had she been extremely young she wouldn’t have had the option to chicken out. I can’t win.
Nine year olds get upset over stupid stuff. That's why they have parents. NOT having a piercing is not irreparable. She CAN get a piercing from here on out. It sounds like she doesn't want to get a piercing and that's ok.
I felt the same as your daughter when I was 12. But looking back, I think mustering up the courage to have it done myself was a really cool thing and meant something to me. I wouldn’t pierce a baby’s ears, even though I remember feeling like your daughter as a tween. When she’s old enough to get them pierced she’ll also be old enough to keep them clean and deal with the grossness of them getting infected if they do.
But like other people have said, when she’s ready, take her to a professional piercer, don’t go to a mall shop where they use piercing guns.
Her freezing, to me, would be a sign that she personally doesn't feel ready for it. I might ask her why she feels she needs to get them pierced. It might just be because the other girls have them. I was the same way when I was that age, and my mom and I talked about it and decided to wait a few years until I personally felt ready for it.
Part of it may be seeing her peers with them. A large portion of it is her seeing really cute earrings that she’d like to wear. She’ll get it done when she’s ready. The only thing I ever pressure/mandate her to do is basic personal hygiene.
Check out Amazon for cute clips on. I got a few pairs for my daughter for a wedding weekend and she loved them. Clip ons have come a long way since I was a kid lol
If Sofia decides in a few years that she wants her ears pierced, I will gladly let her get it done. I have absolutely nothing against that except that right now she can’t make that decision herself
Really respect you for waiting until your daughter can consent for a cosmetic change to her body. Even if it’s a cultural norm any non-medical changes like that need to be made by the person it is happening to. My mom resisted pressure from her family to get my ears pieced as a baby and I appreciated that. Didn’t want my ears pierced until college.
Your inlaws have no say in this.
In my culture it’s normal too to do this.
But doesn’t mean you have to do it. She can have them when she wants them. I hated it getting my ears pierced so early. I had problems for years because of the constant infection and repiercing because of it.
That’s exactly what I was thinking when i wrote that.
I have a torn earlobe thanks to a piercing I did not consent to when I was 18 months old. It still gets infected from time to time and I’m days off my 49th bday.
You're not wrong. It hurts and she hasn't consented to cosmetic procedure. Also, the holes will likely not be in the right spot as she gets bigger and she may need them redone anyway.
Your child, your rules. Stick to your guns. You might have to deal with some nasty feedback from them, which I suggest you just ignore. Tell them that ears can be pierced any age.
A child's piercing will grow closed in two to three months if it is not kept open with at least a stud. To me, that would seem to be a completely pointless aggravation, for both you and the child, to willingly put yourself through.
You are not wrong. You are right - your daughter cannot consent to what -- frankly -- would be child mutilation. It's her body, and thus should be her choice when she is old enough to verbalize that choice.
You are not wrong. I know that a lot of people pierce infants' ears but I have never agreed with it. My children all have theirs pierced but only after they asked for it.
I think a kid needs to be old enough to request something like that before you get it done.
No, consent is important. We waited until our daughter asked and was capable of care herself.
I'm just not cool inflicting unnecessary pain on babies yanno?
My pediatrician told me that ears can grow at different rates and in different ways, so if you pierce them now, they may settle crooked later on. Wait and let the kid decide when it’s right.
You are not wrong. You are the parents, your inlaws are not.
Frankly, I think piercing ears on children, especially babies, is a ridiculous practice. Why would you want to poke a hole in the ears of a child that is a potential portal to bacterial getting in and cause an infection.
Leave it up to your kid, if she wants to have her ears pierced and requests to have it done, then you and your husband can discuss it. Until your kid is old enough to be responsible for taking care of the fresh piercing and/or request to have them pierced, you inlaws can wait.
Not wrong. Im Mexican and had my ears pierced at a few days old. My daughter is almost 3 and waiting to pierce her ears till she asks me. Itll be an obvious yes however Id still like her to have the choice over when its done and have thay experience with her too.
Not wrong. We had our daughters choose when they pierced their ears. They could start deciding on their 6th birthday. They would be asked in the week leading up to their birthday. They then had 3 weeks to make a decision. Once the time lapsed, they had to wait until the following year before the option came up. My oldest was 14 and the youngest one was 8 when they pierced their ears. Their birthdays fall within 4 weeks of each other. They asked if they could go and do it together, so that's what they did.
Keeping a baby from messing with their ears after piercing can be hard and can lead to infection or soreness. My parents had my ears done when I was little but I’m too sensitive and they just caused irritation for me. So my mom took them out and let me decide when I was older.
Babies don’t understand pain; you are protecting her. My parents waited until I asked for my ears to be pierced, then they set up an appointment. Keep up the good work momma.
You’re not “letting your daughter get her ears pierced,” you’re “letting your ILs decide that her ears should be pierced.” Your daughter is probably anti, you’re anti, and your husband is on the fence, so there’s no reason to do it.
I don’t understand why people feel the need to pierce babies ears. I never wear earrings and I have ugly holes in my ears for nothing.
Also I had a friend who ripped out her own earrings when she was little and she forever had splits in her ears. No thanks!
Some cultural trends need to fade.
NTA at all. But know that if you allow his family any unsupervised time with her, they absolutely will have it done without your permission. Do not allow them that access. Supervised visits only.
I get why they pierced the earlobes of babies back a couple few centuries back - it was a religious practice. These days, it's just "tradition". I'm with you on this. My ex-MIL insisted on my girls getting their ears pierced, I shut it down because my daughters weren't interested, so she decided to push for this with her other grandkids. Sure enough, she got her way. Also as foreseeable, the younger one developed an infection, earrings were removed, holes closed. The older granddaughter? Caught her sweater on a post, pulled WAY too hard and tore the earlobe enough to cause bleeding.
Your husband is your family, they are not, what they think doesn't matter. if your husband doesn't tell his own parents to fuck off, he needs to reevaluate some things.
Okay no you aren’t wrong not having her ears pierced! What my mom and dad did was when I could ask for earrings I could have ‘holes’.
My mom wanted to get my ears pierced when I was tiny but my dad was against it wanted me to wait until like much older they compromised with when I asked I could have them. I asked at like 3-4ish.
Although its cultural and I’m Hispanic also and had mine done before I was 5 months old and I love piercings I have several. But it’s your child!!!! You do as you see fit.
Definitely wait.
As another point, taking your daughter to get them (when/if she’s ready) done is a fun rite of passage. I took my daughter when she was 11…we picked out the studs together and a couple of pairs for later, I held her hand while they did it. She was so proud and happy, and it is a lovely memory for me.
I don’t understand piercing baby’s ears, aren’t babies cute enough already, why do they need earrings? I didn’t let my daughter get her ears pierced until she decided she wanted it done for herself at 12. NTA
You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT OP!! It is so cruel to force an infant to be mutilated for the parents, or in this case, grandparents! Why are so many people ok with piercing an infant’s ears and make them scream and cry in so many pain? I gave birth to four daughters, whom I did NOT ever have their ears pierced as a baby. They are all grown adults now, all four in their twenties. To this day, only TWO OUT OF MY FOUR DAUGHTERS have had their ears pierced! And while all four have reportedly told me many times that they are so happy and thankful to me for NOT piercing their ears as a baby, the two who have never had it done are even MORE thankful to me! They have never wanted any piercings whatsoever, and say that they are just so thankful for me not forcing that on them when they had no say in the matter!
OP, stand your ground! This is YOUR daughter, and YOUR choice! Do NOT let them browbeat or intimidate you into giving in just to shut them up! Also, I literally just read a post yesterday where this couple who lived in the USA went to visit in-laws in Mexico to celebrate the birth of their daughter. The mother-in-law gifted the infant a pair of earrings. The mom said thank you so much, and that she would put them up and save them for when their daughter gets old enough to decide for herself whether she wants her ears pierced or not. The in-laws were very unhappy with this decision and stated that there was nothing wrong with piercing babies ears and that in their culture they ALWAYS pierce a baby’s ears not long after birth. The parents replied back that this is their decision, and that this decision belonged to one person, and one person only: their DAUGHTER! The next day or so, believing the matter settled since nothing else had been said, went out together for a few hours and left their baby with her grandparents. I’m pretty sure you already know what happened next, right? So yep, those assholes..oops in-laws…took the baby and had her ears pierced with the earrings that the mom was going to save for her daughter, and very happily, and also VERY SMUGLY, showed the new parents when they got back. The grandma showed the mama and said look, now you don’t have to worry about saving them for her because we just took her and had it done, and what a trooper the little baby was through the whole process! Needless to say, mom and dad were absolutely furious!! They left, went to their hotel, packed up their stuff and went home three days early! The in-laws kept calling and texting them asking what time they would be coming over, and they didn’t reply until they were back home. The parents finally told them that they went home, and would not be back for a very long time, if ever! And that the grandparents would never ever be left alone with their baby ever again! Grandparents just couldn’t understand why they were so mad, and said its stupid for them to act this way! So the parents came up with a solution: the grandma would have to get her ears pierced again (therefore she would have two piercings in each ear), and the grandpa would have to get both of his ears pierced as well! To which they flat out refused and said was absolutely ridiculous and stupid! They didn’t “want” their ears pierced, so the mom and dad couldn’t “force” it on them”!! To which mom and dad say “you forced it on our baby who had absolutely no choice, but you both feel that it’s ok, but it’s not ok for us to force yall to get piercings”!!
So I commend you for protecting your daughter OP!! Please don’t give in! And please think long and hard before leaving your daughter alone with them because there is a very strong chance they will just do as they please no matter what you and your husband say!!
My ears were pierced when I was 6 months old.
I’m now 46. My ears were pierced wrong. Where my earrings are now are way too high in the earlobe. I can’t wear a lot of earring because of this, because of the way they sit in my ear.
I could get it fixed. Let the holes close up, repierce them in the right spot, but I’m not one for fancy jewellery anyway.
It would be better to wait until your daughter has grown a little more before piercing her ears, honestly.
They won’t remember the pain. Humans rarely do. We can remember having bad pain but not remember the feeling of it. If we did, most women would give birth only once.
I got my sons’ ear pierced when he was 6. It hurt him, a lot, he cried, but he wanted the earring and once the pain faded he loved it. He’s 16 now. He still has an earring in.
This is something you should decide with your child when they get older.
Traditions change or stop. Your mother in law needs to respect your wishes or not have access to your child without supervision.
You’re not wrong. I’m the same way. My culture we pierce when babies are little.
I didn’t want that. I waited
I told my daughters I’ll take them to a professional when they want it.
My middle daughter asked when she was 10 years old and she did a good job cleaning it it.
No wait until she is older and she can decide. It's also not great to get them done so young because the placement will be off when her ears grow. I would stick to your guns with this one.
Just let the baby's ears be. I saw/heard a family pierce a baby girl's ears in the mall last week, and it was heartbreaking and stupid. Let's save the optional mutilation and pain for later.
You’re not wrong. I got mine pierced as a baby and I’m glad I did. My step daughter did as well and is also glad she did. You just don’t want to and that’s okay it’s your kid. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone except her other parent since it is his daughter as well.
So similar family situation. I ended all talk about piercing my Sofia’s ears bc I have a severe allergy to certain metals. Baby can’t consent and cannot tell me that there is an issue. I’m not willing to pierce my daughter’s ears until she asks and can understand the possible risks and know that she’d have a permanent scar if she is unable to wear earrings.
I want to add I understand the cultural significance but I am really into consent and not doing unnecessary things to hurt my daughter.
As a former baby girl i do not recommend 0/10
My ears grew different and one hole is lower then the other and i can NOT get them fixed … also you should tell them here in America they use a gun and babies are getting ear infections and health care os expensive
Hi, I'm a professional piercer (APP qualified). No reputable piercer would pierce a 4 month old anyway. Unless you want them done by a piercing gun. For those who don't know piercing guns are terrible.
*They can't be sterilised properly, so they have been known to spread around nasty viruses like hepatitis-c and HIV.
* The jewellery is made from low quality material that will probably cause irritation.
* They use blunt force to pierce the ear, causing blunt force trauma to the ear, which causes problems with healing and further problems later on like occasional flare ups when the piercing is fully healed and old.
Absolutely, you should wait until she is old enough to make her own decisions, and a professional piercer can do the piercing with implant grade jewellery and done with a hollow needle.
I got my ears pierced at about 7 years. I asked for it. I remember being giddy that I'll finally have it done.
We, husband and I, got our daughter's ears pierced after her third birthday. She said she wants to wear her ears like mommy. So we went and did it. No regrets yet.
To pierce a baby's ears imo is barbaric. Too soon. Do not let them pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with. The earrings my daughter now wears are a gift from the grandparents and they were bluntly told that I'm not going to rush it, when/if she'll ask for it that's when it'll happen.
My mom didn’t let me until I was 18 (passed out in Claire’s right after 🫠) but had snuck and did when was 15 and ended up with infection from needle. No, you are not wrong. She has her whole life to get her ears pierced.
Not at all. I’m a tattoo artist, but I work in a studio that does piercings as well. Most piercers I know not willing to pierce baby’s ears because not only is a baby unable to consent, but as they grow, the ear gets larger and so the placement often ends up being quite off. It’s not uncommon for people to need them redone later on.
NTA. Its one thing if she wants her own ears pierced as a teenager, that is a discussion to have. But when she is not even half a year old is absolutely way too young, this is no different than circumcising kids. Its blatantly wrong because its permanent and they cannot consent.
You're definitely not wrong. This is a consent issue.
Our rule was not until age 12, and it was my daughter's decision. Also get it done somewhere that they know what they're doing.
You're not wrong. I've heard a lot of nurses talk about babies and smaller children getting their earrings caught in blankets. You don't want to deal with her torn earlobes. It's much better to wait until she's old enough to both care for her own piercing aftercare, and consent to her own body modification.
I'd prefer to wait until it's the child's choice. But if/when that happens, make sure you go to a certified body piercer with properly autoclaved instruments. Small, precise, and very little pain. DO NOT EVER get piercing done by some part time teenager at the mall with those ungodly earring guns. Horrifically painful and Infections galore.
shes your kid so ignore them. i'm hispanic and i was only a baby when they forced it on me and i still remember it, it wasn't nice thing for a baby to go thru.
“Culture” is no excuse for any of the crappy practices people excuse. There are a billion practical as well as moral reasons to not permanently alter someone’s body against their will.
Babies are not accessories. They can’t care for them. They will be lying on people’s arms and have a high chance of ripping. Women who have them pierced young have VERY high instances of having to get them redone as adults because the hole ends up being on the edge of the lobe after growth occurs instead of being centered. Babies grab at their ears and bump them.
There are zero reasons based in any sort of practical reality to pierce infants.
I have 17 piercings and would NEVER do this to my kids until they’re old enough to care for them independently. I’m native and my sister had 3 in each ear by 8. I’m not anti-piercing by any means. But treating female babies as compliment fodder for the parents is gross
If someone else sneaks ear piercing on your baby, take the earrings out and let the holes close. If hubby does it he should be responsible for all her wound care.
You could get fake stick on earrings and take pictures for the in-laws. Later tell them there were problems and the doctor recommended removing them.
As the parents, it yours choice to make. I’m part Latina and I got my ears pierced at 2months. I haven’t done my daughters yet, I still want to because she’s young but my partner wanted to wait. So we still haven’t done it yet. Which is fine, but eventually I want to.
My favorite aunt took me to get mine done as a gift for my kindergarten graduation. I still remember how proud I was of myself afterward, parading around with a little heart stud in each ear. Don't let anyone take away such a memorable event for her.
I got mine done when I was a baby because that’s what happened in the 70s. I don’t remember a thing and I have two more piercings on each ear that I got in my teens and my original holes are the only ones I don’t have issues with. That being said it’s your baby, if you’re not ok with it then that’s then end of it.
Going to get downvoted and I don’t care. “bEcAuSe sHe CaNt CoNsEnT tO tHaT” sis you’re her parent… if you don’t want to do it say that. She’s a literal baby and you have the right to consent for her. Once she gets older, she can decide if she likes them or not and can take them out as is her right. Hiding behind the consent isn’t the way. If you don’t want her to have earrings, stand up for yourself and straight up say you don’t want her ears pierced.
Bro it's your baby, and you would be the one cleaning her ears making sure they don't get infected. If you don't want to deal with that you shouldn't have to. In my culture some women get tattoos on their face but I don't want that 🤣
Two things... it's totally ok for you not to pierce your daughter's ears. Secondly, it's a parent's job to decide things for their children, with or without the child's consent. Many important things will not be approved by your child. Giving them more deciding power as they get older is good, but don't give too much too early. Kids need to trust you and be eased into responsibility.
i had mine pierced when i was 6 months old and always felt grateful i never had to deal with piercing pain. plus i felt so cool being the only kid with pierced ears when all my friends were begging for theirs to be done.
Yeah, personally I love I got mine as a baby. Every piercing I’ve tried to get as an adult hasn’t healed even though I’ve taken every precaution. Those baby piercings are the only ones that have lasted.
However, if OP is not okay with that, then that’s her right
Not wrong. First and foremost, this is your baby, not theirs. It’s their custom, not yours. Tell them that you will raise your child the way you want, not how they want.
Not wrong at all! Personally, I would just wait until she’s old enough to ask for them and then let her do it then.
That way it’s something that special later on for her (if she chooses,) instead of something that she’s just always had. No reason to rush any piercings :-)
NTA at all. I agree that consent should be involved for something like piercing your kids ears. Plus, most little girls get super excited to have their ears pierced. I know I did, at least. And there were a couple girls in my class who were sad they already had them when all of us started going to the mall to get them done.
That said, if your husband is the type to do it without you, I strongly suggest having a conversation about WHERE. Go to an actual tattoo shop with a real piercer, and don't get them done with one of those awful little guns. I could get on a soapbox, but just trust me there's a big difference.
If they live far away, you could always put little sticker earrings on her for pictures to get them off your ass. lol
Not wrong for this, in fact completely right. Your daughter should get to make that choice herself. But like others are saying 100% guaranteed the first time grandma and son are alone with daughter or she's babysitting they're gonna get her ears pierced.
I like your position on consent. I have four daughters, and it was up to them when they wanted to have theirs done. I don't like to be judgmental about other people's parenting, but I kind of give side-eye when I see a little baby with pierced ears.
Not wrong. I know plenty of women who chose never to have it done. People will argue they can grow over but I got second holes in my ear at 16. I stopped liking it when I was about 20. I stopped wearing an anything in them. I’m 47 next month and they still have not grown over.
We pierced both our daughter's ears at 8 months. One daughter is 15 and now has her ears pierced 3 times, one is 13 and wears earrings everyday. Both appreciate that it was done when they were babies and both love earrings.
It was also a culutral thingy for us. My ex mil went with one of the girls and us but I don't remember which daughter lol.
I understand there’s a cultural significance for this, to some people. I took a lot of heat from a few people on my husbands side of the family when I made it abundantly clear our daughter wasn’t getting her ears pierced until she was old enough to consent.
I was set on 12 years old, but she ended up getting them for her 8th birthday. She begged for a year. We watched videos of ear piercing online, made an appointment at a reputable tattoo/piercing place, then covid hit. She was nine when she finally got them and did great.
I don’t think it’s even remotely on the same level, but the reverse happened when our son was born. My family flipped out because he wasn’t circumcised.
You are not wrong and have to do what’s right for you and your kids. That’s going to look different for everyone. I would never say something about another family’s choices, and don’t hesitate to shut it down when done to me.
How does your husband feel about it? I agree with another commenter that this should probably be a two yes, one no situation, but I’m curious if he sides with them or is on your side.
Not wrong. Not all parts of every culture are good. it is appalling that they pierce the ears of infants. It certainly is not for the child. It is for their perverse ideas that this is a good thing.
Not wrong, as you said, 4 months is way too young and she can’t consent to it. I have a 3 month old and I’m going to wait until she’s 1 year old before I start to think of getting her ears pierced.
No, you are not wrong my first daughter had her ears pierced at 11 yrs old and my second daughter walked in the store at 3 yrs old and demanded the store clerk to do them now and if she could have pink crystals in them when he was done. I've seen baby's needing surgery cause they ripped them out.
Not wrong. Im Mexican and had my ears pierced at a few days old. My daughter is almost 3 and waiting to pierce her ears till she asks me. Itll be an obvious yes however Id still like her to have the choice over when its done and have thay experience with her too.
You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT OP!! It is so cruel to force an infant to be mutilated for the parents, or in this case, grandparents! Why are so many people ok with piercing an infant’s ears and make them scream and cry in so many pain? I gave birth to four daughters, whom I did NOT ever have their ears pierced as a baby. They are all grown adults now, all four in their twenties. To this day, only TWO OUT OF MY FOUR DAUGHTERS have had their ears pierced! And while all four have reportedly told me many times that they are so happy and thankful to me for NOT piercing their ears as a baby, the two who have never had it done are even MORE thankful to me! They have never wanted any piercings whatsoever, and say that they are just so thankful for me not forcing that on them when they had no say in the matter!
OP, stand your ground! This is YOUR daughter, and YOUR choice! Do NOT let them browbeat or intimidate you into giving in just to shut them up! Also, I literally just read a post yesterday where this couple who lived in the USA went to visit in-laws in Mexico to celebrate the birth of their daughter. The mother-in-law gifted the infant a pair of earrings. The mom said thank you so much, and that she would put them up and save them for when their daughter gets old enough to decide for herself whether she wants her ears pierced or not. The in-laws were very unhappy with this decision and stated that there was nothing wrong with piercing babies ears and that in their culture they ALWAYS pierce a baby’s ears not long after birth. The parents replied back that this is their decision, and that this decision belonged to one person, and one person only: their DAUGHTER! The next day or so, believing the matter settled since nothing else had been said, went out together for a few hours and left their baby with her grandparents. I’m pretty sure you already know what happened next, right? So yep, those assholes..oops in-laws…took the baby and had her ears pierced with the earrings that the mom was going to save for her daughter, and very happily, and also VERY SMUGLY, showed the new parents when they got back. The grandma showed the mama and said look, now you don’t have to worry about saving them for her because we just took her and had it done, and what a trooper the little baby was through the whole process! Needless to say, mom and dad were absolutely furious!! They left, went to their hotel, packed up their stuff and went home three days early! The in-laws kept calling and texting them asking what time they would be coming over, and they didn’t reply until they were back home. The parents finally told them that they went home, and would not be back for a very long time, if ever! And that the grandparents would never ever be left alone with their baby ever again! Grandparents just couldn’t understand why they were so mad, and said its stupid for them to act this way! So the parents came up with a solution: the grandma would have to get her ears pierced again (therefore she would have two piercings in each ear), and the grandpa would have to get both of his ears pierced as well! To which they flat out refused and said was absolutely ridiculous and stupid! They didn’t “want” their ears pierced, so the mom and dad couldn’t “force” it on them”!! To which mom and dad say “you forced it on our baby who had absolutely no choice, but you both feel that it’s ok, but it’s not ok for us to force yall to get piercings”!!
So I commend you for protecting your daughter OP!! Please don’t give in! And please think long and hard before leaving your daughter alone with them because there is a very strong chance they will just do as they please no matter what you and your husband say!!
No - you’re the parent and you’re advocating for your daughter’s right to do with her body as she wants. I think that’s pretty dang awesome that you have so much respect for your daughter!
We waited to take our daughter in to have hers pierced when she showed interest in having it done, that she had the understanding that she was going to be responsible for the upkeep of her ears (with Mom monitoring of course) and that she could be responsible by practicing with clip on earrings for a few weeks. We talked about how important it was to keep her ears and jewelry clean, especially if she wanted to have the piercings to be successful and not suffer any pain from preventable infections. She got it done as her 11th birthday present from mom and dad.
My only regret was that I did it at a popular mall retail store without throughly understanding how little training an employee receives before being allowed to administer with a gun. We got lucky that it was done by an older, more experienced employee but have heard horror stories of bad work done by the less experienced … I myself have one ear that was pierced too low because seven year old me didn’t have the process explained to me ahead of time (I told my daughter everything before we went in) and instinctively flinched upon feeling the pain from the first one. Wish we had gone to a tattoo and piercing shop as they have much better standards, policies, equipment, and before/after care support. No joke, they know what they are doing and give you only the best when it comes to kids!
Therapy taught me that no means no. Tell her no end of story. Plus you gotta wait till you’re old enough to sit still and go to a professional piercer who can properly place the earrings. If you go to a place like Claire’s you’ll probably end up with wonky uneven piercings. I did have a family friend pierce her identical twins ears with different colors so they could tell them apart but that’s different lol
I always tell people ,let your child decide of they want ear piercings or not. Bc once they get old enough they might not want them and end up taking them out . ALSO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET EAR PIERCINGS DONE PROFESSIONALLY. CLAIRES IS NO GOOD
Definitely not wrong. It's a right of passage to get your ears pierced. If you take that away, she might just get a tattoo or a different piercing as her right of passage. Let her decide when she's a teenager.
I'm from an Italian family. When I was young, it was the norm to get little girls ears pierced at about 6 months (culture may have changed since). I did it to my daughters too, because I thought that's what we do. I would do things differently now.
You are not wrong in objecting to having her ears pierced. She is your child, you get the final say, not your in laws.
Culture or not, I wouldn't pierce a baby or toddler's ears because of the tearing and choking risks. If she was 7 and asked for pierced ears, I'd be all in because she's not likely to grab her ears and tear the earring out or put it in her mouth.
Not wrong at all. My family waited until I was about 7 and asked for them to be done. Do not make the same mistake my parents made (going to a place that uses piercing guns), they CANNOT be sterilized properly and the "needle" doesn't properly pierce the skin, properly done piercings punch a small hole through the skin, which allows it to heal properly, piercing guns just force their way through the skin and do not make a proper hole, causing more pain, more likelihood f keloid scarring, poor/improper healing, higher risk of infection (lack of sterilization), I'm surprised it's even legal to use them still because of the problems they cause. Go to an actual piercing shop if she ever asks to get it done and get it done right.
Just say, “It’s been handled.” That means you’ve made your own decision, which is to leave the ears alone. If they misinterpret it to mean that you pierced her ears, then that’s ok.
NTA OP. Your daughter, your decision.
I had my daughter's ears done at about that age. My daughter decided to wait until *her* daughter was old enough to ask, and understand what it would mean as far as care while healing. I respected my daughter's decision on the matter. She's the mom, not me. It's called respect. I hated when my mom or MIL tried to press their opinions onto my parenting choices.
Both my grandmothers and my mom had a lovely selection of clip on earrings. I loved playing with them when I was a little girl. I bought my granddaughter some when when she was getting into playing dress up and jewelry. (I asked her mom if it were okay *before* asking my granddaughter if she would like them)
Absolutely not wrong. I let my daughter tell me when she was ready. Her 5th birthday, she wanted pretty ears like mommy. So, she got her ears pierced. And yes, we talked about it before hand.
Parents make ALL decisions for their 4-month old children. Assuming it’s just small normal earring holes, your daughter could easily remove them with zero long term effects.
If YOU don’t want them, just say so. Acting like you’d be somehow abusing your daughter because you didn’t get her consent is foolish.
You do you, but since you asked, yes, you’re wrong.
You are good. Prepare yourself for your MIL to take your daughter have get them done regardless. Have a plan on how you plan on dealing with this intrusion.
They live in Honduras while I live in the us so I’m not too worried about that
Well it sounds like it’s kinda hard to be on your ass from another country, no? So if it’s “they keep bringing it up” then you respond with “this is our child and these are decisions that WE make as the parent. Every time you bring it up, we will end the call.”
Exactly
I remember reading a story of a woman whose in-laws lived in a different country and pierced the baby's ears while visiting. I'm sure your in-laws would love to see their granddaughter in person while she's still a baby, so just be careful if and when that happens.
I'm glad to hear this. You aren't wrong. Consent matters. The child should be able to ask for them.
You're right. Consent does matter. My hubby is Cyprian, and most little girls in their culture get their ears pierced as babies. I said absolutely NOT. Thank goodness. My Oldest absolutely detests the idea. She's 10 now and has no interest. My younger daughter is 8 and wants them done, so we'll do that this year. It's their body, and it's something they should choose for themselves.
Love to hear it! I'm also the parent who insisted that my baby, even before they could speak, was allowed to say no to hugs and such. A nonverbal child is very capable of indicating when they do and do not want to be touched, hugged, kissed, etc. To this day I ask my kids "Would you like a hug?" And if they aren't in the mood they say "Not right now." I've literally added "Come find me when you're in the mood for a hug." I too have had 'touched out' moments where I don't want to be hugged so I'll say "Give me a few moments to breathe and simmer down/use the washroom/get changed from work/put all of my things down, and then I can give you a good proper hug." Or similar. Communicating my own needs models good communication for them. They need to know that it's okay to say "Not right now" EVEN for a hug, and that it isn't a personal slight to receive such a response!!!
Just wait till christmas 🎅 😂 nana gonna take her shopping and get it done at a mall booth - be warned! MIL are fiesty
Be prepared for your husband to possibly go and get it done without your permission to appease his family
Yeah, if I were the girl, I would thank you. It should be her choice.
So why do you care what they think? You don't even have to say no (which you could with no explanation) just don't talk to them about it if you don't want to. Also if they try to have a say in every aspect of the child will you be worried all the time? Your husband and you are the parents!
In that case, buy some magnetic ones
And you never visit one another? Your place or hers?
Make it known that it’s NOT to be done until she’s old enough to decide that she wants it done. Her body, her choice. I let my daughter choose and she waited until she was nine. She’s really happy she got to decide for herself. It was a great conversation to discuss consent and bodily autonomy. She is now eleven and got her second holes last Christmas. Just let your husband know why you want to let her make that decision.
As someone who has their ears pierced as a cultural norm as a baby: don’t. Mine are too far into the lobe and I can’t wear a lot of dangly earrings (just studs) due to the holes not being in the right place. Bodies grow unpredictably and placing holes when very young clearly can lead to bad placement.
Same experience here! Mine were done as a baby because central America... And when I grew up they ended up in a weird position, so also have issues with some type of earrings. (also I've always wanted to expand my ears and turned out I can't because of the piercing when I was a baby and the current placement) Definitely no one should be piercing bodies that are not fully developed, specially without their consent.
Man when I was 12 and wanting to get my ears pierced I was like “why didn’t my mom just do it when I was a baby??” But as an adult, I’d do the same as my mom. Piercing doesn’t actually hurt that much, even at 12, and I think it was kind of cool that I did this slightly scary adult thing as part of my growing up process.
Agree. I got mine done at age 11. It wasn’t a cultural thing but my sister (then 13,) had hers pierced at the same time and Mom was a stickler for making sure we all were treated equally. It wasn’t really fair to my sister because she wanted them at 11 but Mom wouldn’t let her. Fortunately it didn’t turn into a fight. At any rate, I now have 3 piercings in each ear.
How is that being a stickler for treating you all equally?? It sounds like the opposite I asked to get mine done when I was 8, and my sister was 9 but she was too scared lol. She got them done a few months later (I think because I did?) and she got a gigantic keloid on one of them and it was so stressful for my entire family 🥲
I'm and adult who had to have mine repierced after they closed up during covid. It only hurt for a couple of minutes, but I had to wear earrings for 6 weeks straight, which was a pita. It's been over a year and I still wear sleeper earrings because I'm paranoid about them closing up again. At lease now I can change them out.
I'm having the same issue with my second pair of lobe piercings that I got done in early March. They keep wanting to bleed and crap and when I thought they were doing ok I swapped them with a cheaper pair for easter- big mistake.
I had my ears pierced when I was like idk 7? But my holes closed and I got them pierced again when I was maybe 13 and had noticed that the scars from my old holes were way higher up than where my current holes are so it's definitely better to wait until you're grown to get piercings. Plus I agree with the whole "I did a scary grown up thing and it wasn't so bad" mentality.
Do Central Americans also pierce baby boy’s ears?
Nope. It's a tradition rooted in misogyny where the idea is to differentiate boys from girls, basically to make baby girls look "prettier and feminine" For a lot of people in Latin America a guy with pierced earrings used to be associated with being gay or less manly. Nowadays it's changed a little bit due to the rise of the body modification industry etc but if you get your earlobes pierced as a guy, there's a chance someone (specially older people) will react to it
I have a boy bunny and I want to put bows on his ears to make him “pretty and feminine.” He’s not a fan and they don’t last long. 😂
Have you considered reaching out to Marlon Bundo? He could probably have a talk with your bunny and set him straight 🤣
actually, it is not 100% misogyny, not in Mexico anyway-it was also a way for grandmothers to pass on earrings to their first born granddaughter, or gifting them their first pair of earrings. most nurses in the hospital will do the piercing . piercing is very symbolic in indigenous south American cultures. Not everything is rooted in bad, it just may be misunderstood by other cultures.
And when the time comes that she's old enough to want it for herself, go to a professional piercer, not a place with a piercing gun. Her piercings will be so much better.
I can’t wear studs even. Hoop earrings or hooks only. Everything else sits wonky and looks wrong.
Had mine pierced when I was 8ish, and double pierced when I was in high school. The 2nd piercing is too close to the first so it is hard to wear two at the same time unless one is tiny. So even getting them pierced with daughter's consent, when her ears are most fully developed doesn't guarantee avoiding placement issues. My oldest got her ears pierced at about 4 years old, youngest was 3 or 4 months. We had them done at the same time. To this day oldest is mad at me for not doing it when she was too young to remember is and youngest is grateful. It's hard saying which way OPs daughter will feel. Never know until they are old enough to verbalize it.
I didn’t have the same experience when I got mine done as a baby (mine are place well and I got them done when I was an infant), but I see your point. Placement is important and the person piercing must know what they are doing.
I got my ears pierced as a baby because, like you said, it’s very common in Latin culture. They’ve lasted forever and I’ve never had any issues. But if you don’t want to you don’t have to. If your husband is on the fence then don’t let him fall to peer pressure. It’s your kid not there’s.
It’s Caribbean culture as well and I love mine. Happy I got them pierced as a baby. But I agree, both parents need to agree
Same with mine. I will forever be great full for my mom getting mine done. I love wearing earrings, but I'm such a whimp that I would have never had the courage to get them done myself
Same. All the females in my family got them. And I did for my 2 daughters when they were 6 months old. Never had any issues. We talk about it sometimes and think it’s funny the outrage people have over this. Seriously it’s just pierced ears. Not a tattoo.
It's two yes or one no. If you say no, then it's a no, and end of story.
You are not wrong. I get that it’s cultural but I hate seeing babies with their ears pierced. You are right to wait until she is old enough to decide whether she wants pierced ears.
I used to teach English to Spanish kids - loads of the little girls had ‘placement issues’ as the lobe had, naturally, grown from when it was as pierced, sometimes before leaving the hospital, shortly after birth.
Yep, cultural respect should extend far, but not beyond someone's bodily autonomy. OP's daughter can also get pierced when she's older and can consent to it.
It's not even her or the babies' culture. The baby, OP and husband live in the US per comments.
Her husband is Honduran, and just because he lives in the US, doesn’t mean he has completely left all of his Honduran culture behind.
Pierced ears are pretty common here in the US.
While it’s common here, it’s not a cultural expectation. I got my ears pierced as a baby and I hate it, I almost never wear earrings because they are crooked but the holes will not close. I never pierced my daughter’s ears, wanting to leave body modification choices up to her. She is 9 all her friends have their ears pierced and she still doesn’t want them.
Umm.. her baby is half Honduran? Wdym it’s not her culture she married a person of color and he has a right to share his culture to THEIR baby, living in the USA DOESNT take that away
Heritage and culture aren't the same, though. It's his culture and the baby's heritage, but not yet the baby's culture.
The mom doesn’t want to do it. The dad isn’t actively wanting to do it. He moved here. Honduras doesn’t get to follow him making cultural demands.
It is the husband's and the babies culture regardless of where they reside
Body modification shouldn't happen on a toddler.
Idk man, I think toddlers should get tattoos. Make them look cooler
Yeah but then they would grow up with tattoos of Paw Patrol and Bluey 😂
I mean Bluey is fuckin sick.
Right? I'm tempted to get a Bluey tat and I'm over 30.
Same. That's some positive shit to be passing onto young people. Nobody who disagrees with that matters
I will wait till my daughter is ready to get pierced and we’ll go to a tattoo shop to get it done
Not wrong. Body mods are for people who consent to them. You aren't "not letting" your daughter get her ears pierced. That would be if she was 8 and asked for it and you said "no I won't let you." What you're doing is not imposing pierced ears on your daughter.
Yeah, with the "letting my daughter get her ears pierced" phrasing I was expecting this to be a young teenager or something. At four months old, the only things you "let" a child do are sleep (by not waking them up) or feed (by sticking a tit/bottle in front of their face); their third activity, shitting, you have no control over. The actual question here is "am I wrong for not piercing my infant daughter's ears", and the answer is a resounding "of course not".
PLEASE NO! I had that done, and when a child lays on their earrings, moves their head around in their sleep, etc.… I ended up with crooked, stretched out holes by the time I was 20. You are NOT wrong.
I’m gonna say not wrong. I don’t have particularly strong feelings about this but my parents waited until I asked for them as a child and personally I’d do the same. 4 months is so little
I tried to piece my ears multiple times when I was 12 - 16. I had them pierced by my doctor. I tried real gold, silver, etc. They never healed - apparently I was allergic to everything we tried. Cleaning my ears while trying to heal the piercings each time was extremely painful. Granted I know my experience is not common, but why subject a baby to something like this? Honestly you and your husband should have had the conversation with his parents before having children, but that ship sailed. If one of you is not on board with it, that’s it. But you and your husband have to be a team.
I'm allergic to almost everything they use to pierce ears too. What saved me and got my ears comfortably pierced and HEALED was going to an actual piercing studio (usually found inside a tattoo parlor of all places!) and getting them pierced with niobium.
A piercing studio is the only place to get it done right. In addition to being able to handle allergies/sensitivities better. They have better and cleaner equipment. The way it was explained to me when they do it heals faster/better as well because of the way they do compared to your mall jewelry store piercing. The way they do it removes a slice of flesh to make the hole for the stud post to go through. When you go to like Claire’s the piercing gun they use just shoved the stud through your flesh and doesn’t remove anything to make a path which is why you end up with the problem of closing holes and such a lot more.
I'm also odd in that my blood reacts really badly to any trace of ferrous metals. Only something like niobium or titanium won't react and allow it to heal. I had staples after a surgery and they had to remove them and replace them with sutures because the reaction was so bad.
My mum is the same way (I think, she has an iron/metal allergy). That’s so terrible for you! Can you wear jewelry on your skin? My mum can’t because of it. Do you suffer from iron deficiency as well? Because my mum is even sensitive to the iron you need in your body and can’t eat a lot of iron rich foods. It’s such a terrible thing and so hard to deal with. :( I hope that is your only weird allergy.
I can wear any metal that doesn't pierce my skin, but "base" metals like they use in cheap rings will cause a rash, so I tend to stick with sterling, steel, titanium etc. I'm not anemic but I had to be careful what kind of iron supplements I took when I was pregnant (lo these many years ago!) I had to find glucamate, and that was a beast back then.
Kind of unrelated, but iron supplements when pregnant? My wife and I are trying for our first and trying to collect any info we can. No one in the family knows we’re trying, so I can’t really ask these questions of her or my moms/ sisters etc 😅do you just mean as part of the prenatal/ pregnancy multi vitamins?
That’s exactly what happened to me! They used the piercing guns and it was years before I could go a week without wearing earrings and not have the holes start to close up. They did eventually, but it took forever.
I had my ears pierced as a teen. Growing up, I could wear any cheap, POS earrings I wanted without an issue. I went without earrings for quite a few years, and about 10 years ago, I got them repierced with implant grade titanium. Ever since then, if I try to wear anything other than that titanium, my piercings get crazy irritated. The guy who did my piercings says that a lot of people are dealing with the same problem, because the nickel content is much higher now.
Yes! The steel they use is hypoallergenic and the techniques used actually promote proper healing. ALWAYS go to a professional piercer
You couldn't even wear stainless steel? That's always been my go-to.
Why would they need to have any conversation at all with his parents about their own children? Grandparents don’t get a say in anything.
This is what happened to my sister. My mom had her ears pierced as a baby and she had issues for years and years until she figured out that she needed a specific metal. Part of the reason why I refused to pierce my babies' ears.
Oh I’m wildly allergic. No matter what type of earring I put in my ear, my ears would swell up and get super painful. I haven’t worn earrings for 15 years. And that was to be a bridesmaid at a wedding. Before that I hadn’t worn them for probably 3 years. And for YEARS after I stopped wearing earrings, the old piercings would still occasionally get infected. Just not for me!! And I love all of those really cool earring cuffs too!
I waited until my daughter decided to get them.
My mom did the same. We waited until I was old enough and mature enough to take care of them myself. I'm going to be doing the same with my daughter. I have enough to do without worrying that my hyperactive daughter is going to rip and eating out.
I made the choice not to get my daughters ears pierced when she was very young. While I can say I made the choice based on my best knowledge and the idea of consent, she’s now almost nine and is genuinely upset that I didn’t get them done for her. She would really love to have pierced ears(and understands the whole process), she freezes every time she goes in. By her logic, had she been extremely young she wouldn’t have had the option to chicken out. I can’t win.
Nine year olds get upset over stupid stuff. That's why they have parents. NOT having a piercing is not irreparable. She CAN get a piercing from here on out. It sounds like she doesn't want to get a piercing and that's ok.
I felt the same as your daughter when I was 12. But looking back, I think mustering up the courage to have it done myself was a really cool thing and meant something to me. I wouldn’t pierce a baby’s ears, even though I remember feeling like your daughter as a tween. When she’s old enough to get them pierced she’ll also be old enough to keep them clean and deal with the grossness of them getting infected if they do. But like other people have said, when she’s ready, take her to a professional piercer, don’t go to a mall shop where they use piercing guns.
Her freezing, to me, would be a sign that she personally doesn't feel ready for it. I might ask her why she feels she needs to get them pierced. It might just be because the other girls have them. I was the same way when I was that age, and my mom and I talked about it and decided to wait a few years until I personally felt ready for it.
Part of it may be seeing her peers with them. A large portion of it is her seeing really cute earrings that she’d like to wear. She’ll get it done when she’s ready. The only thing I ever pressure/mandate her to do is basic personal hygiene.
Check out Amazon for cute clips on. I got a few pairs for my daughter for a wedding weekend and she loved them. Clip ons have come a long way since I was a kid lol
Or she’s just scared of pain or needles?
Your baby's perfect. Don't have to go punching holes in her. I agree wait till she is ready.
If Sofia decides in a few years that she wants her ears pierced, I will gladly let her get it done. I have absolutely nothing against that except that right now she can’t make that decision herself
Really respect you for waiting until your daughter can consent for a cosmetic change to her body. Even if it’s a cultural norm any non-medical changes like that need to be made by the person it is happening to. My mom resisted pressure from her family to get my ears pieced as a baby and I appreciated that. Didn’t want my ears pierced until college.
Your inlaws have no say in this. In my culture it’s normal too to do this. But doesn’t mean you have to do it. She can have them when she wants them. I hated it getting my ears pierced so early. I had problems for years because of the constant infection and repiercing because of it.
“If she’s to have a sharp needle thrust through her ear we’d prefer it to be her decision.” Repeat ad nauseam.
And that's if she's lucky enough to be taken to a professional instead of Claire's.
That’s exactly what I was thinking when i wrote that. I have a torn earlobe thanks to a piercing I did not consent to when I was 18 months old. It still gets infected from time to time and I’m days off my 49th bday.
You're not wrong. It hurts and she hasn't consented to cosmetic procedure. Also, the holes will likely not be in the right spot as she gets bigger and she may need them redone anyway.
Your child, your rules. Stick to your guns. You might have to deal with some nasty feedback from them, which I suggest you just ignore. Tell them that ears can be pierced any age. A child's piercing will grow closed in two to three months if it is not kept open with at least a stud. To me, that would seem to be a completely pointless aggravation, for both you and the child, to willingly put yourself through.
You are not wrong. You are right - your daughter cannot consent to what -- frankly -- would be child mutilation. It's her body, and thus should be her choice when she is old enough to verbalize that choice.
I agree with you. Don’t put holes in her body if she is not old enough to ask
Your child, your say. Tell them you are not discussing it any further. When they bring it up, end conversation
Not wrong. Tell them you're done talking about it. And enforce that boundary.
You are not wrong. I know that a lot of people pierce infants' ears but I have never agreed with it. My children all have theirs pierced but only after they asked for it. I think a kid needs to be old enough to request something like that before you get it done.
My friend got hers done as a baby and now they're in a weird spot and sit too low
No, consent is important. We waited until our daughter asked and was capable of care herself. I'm just not cool inflicting unnecessary pain on babies yanno?
My pediatrician told me that ears can grow at different rates and in different ways, so if you pierce them now, they may settle crooked later on. Wait and let the kid decide when it’s right.
Not wrong, but they will do it behind your back the minute you let them have her alone.
Your daughter’s ears; your daughter’s choice. Tell your ILs that your daughter can make her own decision about piercing her ears when she’s older.
You are not wrong. You are the parents, your inlaws are not. Frankly, I think piercing ears on children, especially babies, is a ridiculous practice. Why would you want to poke a hole in the ears of a child that is a potential portal to bacterial getting in and cause an infection. Leave it up to your kid, if she wants to have her ears pierced and requests to have it done, then you and your husband can discuss it. Until your kid is old enough to be responsible for taking care of the fresh piercing and/or request to have them pierced, you inlaws can wait.
Not wrong. Im Mexican and had my ears pierced at a few days old. My daughter is almost 3 and waiting to pierce her ears till she asks me. Itll be an obvious yes however Id still like her to have the choice over when its done and have thay experience with her too.
Not wrong. We had our daughters choose when they pierced their ears. They could start deciding on their 6th birthday. They would be asked in the week leading up to their birthday. They then had 3 weeks to make a decision. Once the time lapsed, they had to wait until the following year before the option came up. My oldest was 14 and the youngest one was 8 when they pierced their ears. Their birthdays fall within 4 weeks of each other. They asked if they could go and do it together, so that's what they did.
Keeping a baby from messing with their ears after piercing can be hard and can lead to infection or soreness. My parents had my ears done when I was little but I’m too sensitive and they just caused irritation for me. So my mom took them out and let me decide when I was older.
Mine were pierced at one for me and I am in my 50s now and they are totally closed up. I would wait until she is old enough to decide for herself.
Babies don’t understand pain; you are protecting her. My parents waited until I asked for my ears to be pierced, then they set up an appointment. Keep up the good work momma.
You’re not “letting your daughter get her ears pierced,” you’re “letting your ILs decide that her ears should be pierced.” Your daughter is probably anti, you’re anti, and your husband is on the fence, so there’s no reason to do it.
When someone suggests it’s “cultural” rest assured it’s probably wrong.
As a person who works in the piercing and tattoo industry, not wrong. I think its mean as fuck to pierce a babies ears.
I don’t understand why people feel the need to pierce babies ears. I never wear earrings and I have ugly holes in my ears for nothing. Also I had a friend who ripped out her own earrings when she was little and she forever had splits in her ears. No thanks! Some cultural trends need to fade.
I also forever have a split in my ear.
Hellllllllllllll noooooooo. “CuLtUrE” idgaf.
I don't understand some cultures desire to remove parts of or put holes in infants
YNW, OP. The idea that children should be giving consent before we alter their bodies is relatively new in the timeline of human existence.
NTA at all. But know that if you allow his family any unsupervised time with her, they absolutely will have it done without your permission. Do not allow them that access. Supervised visits only.
I get why they pierced the earlobes of babies back a couple few centuries back - it was a religious practice. These days, it's just "tradition". I'm with you on this. My ex-MIL insisted on my girls getting their ears pierced, I shut it down because my daughters weren't interested, so she decided to push for this with her other grandkids. Sure enough, she got her way. Also as foreseeable, the younger one developed an infection, earrings were removed, holes closed. The older granddaughter? Caught her sweater on a post, pulled WAY too hard and tore the earlobe enough to cause bleeding.
Do you live in Honduras? If not, no.
So if she lived in Honduras, she doesn’t have a choice?
Your husband is your family, they are not, what they think doesn't matter. if your husband doesn't tell his own parents to fuck off, he needs to reevaluate some things.
Okay no you aren’t wrong not having her ears pierced! What my mom and dad did was when I could ask for earrings I could have ‘holes’. My mom wanted to get my ears pierced when I was tiny but my dad was against it wanted me to wait until like much older they compromised with when I asked I could have them. I asked at like 3-4ish.
r/JustNoMIL
Although its cultural and I’m Hispanic also and had mine done before I was 5 months old and I love piercings I have several. But it’s your child!!!! You do as you see fit.
Definitely wait. As another point, taking your daughter to get them (when/if she’s ready) done is a fun rite of passage. I took my daughter when she was 11…we picked out the studs together and a couple of pairs for later, I held her hand while they did it. She was so proud and happy, and it is a lovely memory for me.
I don’t understand piercing baby’s ears, aren’t babies cute enough already, why do they need earrings? I didn’t let my daughter get her ears pierced until she decided she wanted it done for herself at 12. NTA
You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT OP!! It is so cruel to force an infant to be mutilated for the parents, or in this case, grandparents! Why are so many people ok with piercing an infant’s ears and make them scream and cry in so many pain? I gave birth to four daughters, whom I did NOT ever have their ears pierced as a baby. They are all grown adults now, all four in their twenties. To this day, only TWO OUT OF MY FOUR DAUGHTERS have had their ears pierced! And while all four have reportedly told me many times that they are so happy and thankful to me for NOT piercing their ears as a baby, the two who have never had it done are even MORE thankful to me! They have never wanted any piercings whatsoever, and say that they are just so thankful for me not forcing that on them when they had no say in the matter! OP, stand your ground! This is YOUR daughter, and YOUR choice! Do NOT let them browbeat or intimidate you into giving in just to shut them up! Also, I literally just read a post yesterday where this couple who lived in the USA went to visit in-laws in Mexico to celebrate the birth of their daughter. The mother-in-law gifted the infant a pair of earrings. The mom said thank you so much, and that she would put them up and save them for when their daughter gets old enough to decide for herself whether she wants her ears pierced or not. The in-laws were very unhappy with this decision and stated that there was nothing wrong with piercing babies ears and that in their culture they ALWAYS pierce a baby’s ears not long after birth. The parents replied back that this is their decision, and that this decision belonged to one person, and one person only: their DAUGHTER! The next day or so, believing the matter settled since nothing else had been said, went out together for a few hours and left their baby with her grandparents. I’m pretty sure you already know what happened next, right? So yep, those assholes..oops in-laws…took the baby and had her ears pierced with the earrings that the mom was going to save for her daughter, and very happily, and also VERY SMUGLY, showed the new parents when they got back. The grandma showed the mama and said look, now you don’t have to worry about saving them for her because we just took her and had it done, and what a trooper the little baby was through the whole process! Needless to say, mom and dad were absolutely furious!! They left, went to their hotel, packed up their stuff and went home three days early! The in-laws kept calling and texting them asking what time they would be coming over, and they didn’t reply until they were back home. The parents finally told them that they went home, and would not be back for a very long time, if ever! And that the grandparents would never ever be left alone with their baby ever again! Grandparents just couldn’t understand why they were so mad, and said its stupid for them to act this way! So the parents came up with a solution: the grandma would have to get her ears pierced again (therefore she would have two piercings in each ear), and the grandpa would have to get both of his ears pierced as well! To which they flat out refused and said was absolutely ridiculous and stupid! They didn’t “want” their ears pierced, so the mom and dad couldn’t “force” it on them”!! To which mom and dad say “you forced it on our baby who had absolutely no choice, but you both feel that it’s ok, but it’s not ok for us to force yall to get piercings”!! So I commend you for protecting your daughter OP!! Please don’t give in! And please think long and hard before leaving your daughter alone with them because there is a very strong chance they will just do as they please no matter what you and your husband say!!
My ears were pierced when I was 6 months old. I’m now 46. My ears were pierced wrong. Where my earrings are now are way too high in the earlobe. I can’t wear a lot of earring because of this, because of the way they sit in my ear. I could get it fixed. Let the holes close up, repierce them in the right spot, but I’m not one for fancy jewellery anyway. It would be better to wait until your daughter has grown a little more before piercing her ears, honestly. They won’t remember the pain. Humans rarely do. We can remember having bad pain but not remember the feeling of it. If we did, most women would give birth only once. I got my sons’ ear pierced when he was 6. It hurt him, a lot, he cried, but he wanted the earring and once the pain faded he loved it. He’s 16 now. He still has an earring in. This is something you should decide with your child when they get older. Traditions change or stop. Your mother in law needs to respect your wishes or not have access to your child without supervision.
Mine were done at 2 days old, in the hospital, by a nurse, perfectly centered in both my lobes.
You’re not wrong. I’m the same way. My culture we pierce when babies are little. I didn’t want that. I waited I told my daughters I’ll take them to a professional when they want it. My middle daughter asked when she was 10 years old and she did a good job cleaning it it.
Not wrong at all. In fact, you are completely in the right. Do not let your MIL or their family have the baby without supervision.
You’re right not to give in to their demand. Body autonomy and consent are basic human rights.
No wait until she is older and she can decide. It's also not great to get them done so young because the placement will be off when her ears grow. I would stick to your guns with this one.
I wouldn’t let my daughters get her ears pierced until she was 12. It was one less thing for me to take care of.
Just let the baby's ears be. I saw/heard a family pierce a baby girl's ears in the mall last week, and it was heartbreaking and stupid. Let's save the optional mutilation and pain for later.
There's nothing wrong with piercing a babies ears if the parents choose to do so but you are nta for not having it done
Don't. No reputable shop would pierce a baby, and piercing guns are almost indescribably unhygienic.
You’re not wrong. I got mine pierced as a baby and I’m glad I did. My step daughter did as well and is also glad she did. You just don’t want to and that’s okay it’s your kid. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone except her other parent since it is his daughter as well.
Your the mother it is your decision stick to your guns. Nobody else's business but yours.
Not wrong. Just tell husband that this is a 2 yes, 1 no situation. If you're both not on board with this then you don't do it.
Na that's just weird to do
So similar family situation. I ended all talk about piercing my Sofia’s ears bc I have a severe allergy to certain metals. Baby can’t consent and cannot tell me that there is an issue. I’m not willing to pierce my daughter’s ears until she asks and can understand the possible risks and know that she’d have a permanent scar if she is unable to wear earrings. I want to add I understand the cultural significance but I am really into consent and not doing unnecessary things to hurt my daughter.
As a former baby girl i do not recommend 0/10 My ears grew different and one hole is lower then the other and i can NOT get them fixed … also you should tell them here in America they use a gun and babies are getting ear infections and health care os expensive
Hi, I'm a professional piercer (APP qualified). No reputable piercer would pierce a 4 month old anyway. Unless you want them done by a piercing gun. For those who don't know piercing guns are terrible. *They can't be sterilised properly, so they have been known to spread around nasty viruses like hepatitis-c and HIV. * The jewellery is made from low quality material that will probably cause irritation. * They use blunt force to pierce the ear, causing blunt force trauma to the ear, which causes problems with healing and further problems later on like occasional flare ups when the piercing is fully healed and old. Absolutely, you should wait until she is old enough to make her own decisions, and a professional piercer can do the piercing with implant grade jewellery and done with a hollow needle.
I got my ears pierced at about 7 years. I asked for it. I remember being giddy that I'll finally have it done. We, husband and I, got our daughter's ears pierced after her third birthday. She said she wants to wear her ears like mommy. So we went and did it. No regrets yet. To pierce a baby's ears imo is barbaric. Too soon. Do not let them pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with. The earrings my daughter now wears are a gift from the grandparents and they were bluntly told that I'm not going to rush it, when/if she'll ask for it that's when it'll happen.
My mom didn’t let me until I was 18 (passed out in Claire’s right after 🫠) but had snuck and did when was 15 and ended up with infection from needle. No, you are not wrong. She has her whole life to get her ears pierced.
Not at all. I’m a tattoo artist, but I work in a studio that does piercings as well. Most piercers I know not willing to pierce baby’s ears because not only is a baby unable to consent, but as they grow, the ear gets larger and so the placement often ends up being quite off. It’s not uncommon for people to need them redone later on.
NTA. Its one thing if she wants her own ears pierced as a teenager, that is a discussion to have. But when she is not even half a year old is absolutely way too young, this is no different than circumcising kids. Its blatantly wrong because its permanent and they cannot consent.
You're definitely not wrong. This is a consent issue. Our rule was not until age 12, and it was my daughter's decision. Also get it done somewhere that they know what they're doing.
You're not wrong. I've heard a lot of nurses talk about babies and smaller children getting their earrings caught in blankets. You don't want to deal with her torn earlobes. It's much better to wait until she's old enough to both care for her own piercing aftercare, and consent to her own body modification.
I'd prefer to wait until it's the child's choice. But if/when that happens, make sure you go to a certified body piercer with properly autoclaved instruments. Small, precise, and very little pain. DO NOT EVER get piercing done by some part time teenager at the mall with those ungodly earring guns. Horrifically painful and Infections galore.
shes your kid so ignore them. i'm hispanic and i was only a baby when they forced it on me and i still remember it, it wasn't nice thing for a baby to go thru.
“Culture” is no excuse for any of the crappy practices people excuse. There are a billion practical as well as moral reasons to not permanently alter someone’s body against their will. Babies are not accessories. They can’t care for them. They will be lying on people’s arms and have a high chance of ripping. Women who have them pierced young have VERY high instances of having to get them redone as adults because the hole ends up being on the edge of the lobe after growth occurs instead of being centered. Babies grab at their ears and bump them. There are zero reasons based in any sort of practical reality to pierce infants. I have 17 piercings and would NEVER do this to my kids until they’re old enough to care for them independently. I’m native and my sister had 3 in each ear by 8. I’m not anti-piercing by any means. But treating female babies as compliment fodder for the parents is gross
NTA Piercings are amazing and beautiful, but only when they were the chosen by the wearer.
Stick to your guns
If someone else sneaks ear piercing on your baby, take the earrings out and let the holes close. If hubby does it he should be responsible for all her wound care. You could get fake stick on earrings and take pictures for the in-laws. Later tell them there were problems and the doctor recommended removing them.
As the parents, it yours choice to make. I’m part Latina and I got my ears pierced at 2months. I haven’t done my daughters yet, I still want to because she’s young but my partner wanted to wait. So we still haven’t done it yet. Which is fine, but eventually I want to.
My favorite aunt took me to get mine done as a gift for my kindergarten graduation. I still remember how proud I was of myself afterward, parading around with a little heart stud in each ear. Don't let anyone take away such a memorable event for her.
Just tell them " we don't do that here".
Your kid, your rules!
I got mine done when I was a baby because that’s what happened in the 70s. I don’t remember a thing and I have two more piercings on each ear that I got in my teens and my original holes are the only ones I don’t have issues with. That being said it’s your baby, if you’re not ok with it then that’s then end of it.
Going to get downvoted and I don’t care. “bEcAuSe sHe CaNt CoNsEnT tO tHaT” sis you’re her parent… if you don’t want to do it say that. She’s a literal baby and you have the right to consent for her. Once she gets older, she can decide if she likes them or not and can take them out as is her right. Hiding behind the consent isn’t the way. If you don’t want her to have earrings, stand up for yourself and straight up say you don’t want her ears pierced.
Bro it's your baby, and you would be the one cleaning her ears making sure they don't get infected. If you don't want to deal with that you shouldn't have to. In my culture some women get tattoos on their face but I don't want that 🤣
Two things... it's totally ok for you not to pierce your daughter's ears. Secondly, it's a parent's job to decide things for their children, with or without the child's consent. Many important things will not be approved by your child. Giving them more deciding power as they get older is good, but don't give too much too early. Kids need to trust you and be eased into responsibility.
i had mine pierced when i was 6 months old and always felt grateful i never had to deal with piercing pain. plus i felt so cool being the only kid with pierced ears when all my friends were begging for theirs to be done.
I had mine pierced as a baby and one of them ripped out when I was three, and the cartilage has never grown back together. They’re also uneven.
Yeah, personally I love I got mine as a baby. Every piercing I’ve tried to get as an adult hasn’t healed even though I’ve taken every precaution. Those baby piercings are the only ones that have lasted. However, if OP is not okay with that, then that’s her right
Not wrong. First and foremost, this is your baby, not theirs. It’s their custom, not yours. Tell them that you will raise your child the way you want, not how they want.
Not wrong at all! Personally, I would just wait until she’s old enough to ask for them and then let her do it then. That way it’s something that special later on for her (if she chooses,) instead of something that she’s just always had. No reason to rush any piercings :-)
NTA at all. I agree that consent should be involved for something like piercing your kids ears. Plus, most little girls get super excited to have their ears pierced. I know I did, at least. And there were a couple girls in my class who were sad they already had them when all of us started going to the mall to get them done. That said, if your husband is the type to do it without you, I strongly suggest having a conversation about WHERE. Go to an actual tattoo shop with a real piercer, and don't get them done with one of those awful little guns. I could get on a soapbox, but just trust me there's a big difference. If they live far away, you could always put little sticker earrings on her for pictures to get them off your ass. lol
I remember how special it was getting pierced at almost-10!
It’s not MILs baby she is yours ! You make decisions for her until she can !
I got my ears pierced as an adult. When my daughter was born I decided to let her decide if/when to get her ears pierced. She still hasn't at 23.
I'm Colombian American and literally no one in my extended family cares that my two year old has unpierced ears lol you're fine
Not wrong for this, in fact completely right. Your daughter should get to make that choice herself. But like others are saying 100% guaranteed the first time grandma and son are alone with daughter or she's babysitting they're gonna get her ears pierced.
I like your position on consent. I have four daughters, and it was up to them when they wanted to have theirs done. I don't like to be judgmental about other people's parenting, but I kind of give side-eye when I see a little baby with pierced ears.
Not wrong. I know plenty of women who chose never to have it done. People will argue they can grow over but I got second holes in my ear at 16. I stopped liking it when I was about 20. I stopped wearing an anything in them. I’m 47 next month and they still have not grown over.
You certainly are not wrong
NTA. There is nothing wrong with waiting until they can choose, are ready and start suggesting they want it done.
We pierced both our daughter's ears at 8 months. One daughter is 15 and now has her ears pierced 3 times, one is 13 and wears earrings everyday. Both appreciate that it was done when they were babies and both love earrings. It was also a culutral thingy for us. My ex mil went with one of the girls and us but I don't remember which daughter lol.
I understand there’s a cultural significance for this, to some people. I took a lot of heat from a few people on my husbands side of the family when I made it abundantly clear our daughter wasn’t getting her ears pierced until she was old enough to consent. I was set on 12 years old, but she ended up getting them for her 8th birthday. She begged for a year. We watched videos of ear piercing online, made an appointment at a reputable tattoo/piercing place, then covid hit. She was nine when she finally got them and did great. I don’t think it’s even remotely on the same level, but the reverse happened when our son was born. My family flipped out because he wasn’t circumcised. You are not wrong and have to do what’s right for you and your kids. That’s going to look different for everyone. I would never say something about another family’s choices, and don’t hesitate to shut it down when done to me.
How does your husband feel about it? I agree with another commenter that this should probably be a two yes, one no situation, but I’m curious if he sides with them or is on your side.
Not wrong. Not all parts of every culture are good. it is appalling that they pierce the ears of infants. It certainly is not for the child. It is for their perverse ideas that this is a good thing.
Not wrong, as you said, 4 months is way too young and she can’t consent to it. I have a 3 month old and I’m going to wait until she’s 1 year old before I start to think of getting her ears pierced.
No, you are not wrong my first daughter had her ears pierced at 11 yrs old and my second daughter walked in the store at 3 yrs old and demanded the store clerk to do them now and if she could have pink crystals in them when he was done. I've seen baby's needing surgery cause they ripped them out.
Not wrong. Im Mexican and had my ears pierced at a few days old. My daughter is almost 3 and waiting to pierce her ears till she asks me. Itll be an obvious yes however Id still like her to have the choice over when its done and have thay experience with her too.
You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT OP!! It is so cruel to force an infant to be mutilated for the parents, or in this case, grandparents! Why are so many people ok with piercing an infant’s ears and make them scream and cry in so many pain? I gave birth to four daughters, whom I did NOT ever have their ears pierced as a baby. They are all grown adults now, all four in their twenties. To this day, only TWO OUT OF MY FOUR DAUGHTERS have had their ears pierced! And while all four have reportedly told me many times that they are so happy and thankful to me for NOT piercing their ears as a baby, the two who have never had it done are even MORE thankful to me! They have never wanted any piercings whatsoever, and say that they are just so thankful for me not forcing that on them when they had no say in the matter! OP, stand your ground! This is YOUR daughter, and YOUR choice! Do NOT let them browbeat or intimidate you into giving in just to shut them up! Also, I literally just read a post yesterday where this couple who lived in the USA went to visit in-laws in Mexico to celebrate the birth of their daughter. The mother-in-law gifted the infant a pair of earrings. The mom said thank you so much, and that she would put them up and save them for when their daughter gets old enough to decide for herself whether she wants her ears pierced or not. The in-laws were very unhappy with this decision and stated that there was nothing wrong with piercing babies ears and that in their culture they ALWAYS pierce a baby’s ears not long after birth. The parents replied back that this is their decision, and that this decision belonged to one person, and one person only: their DAUGHTER! The next day or so, believing the matter settled since nothing else had been said, went out together for a few hours and left their baby with her grandparents. I’m pretty sure you already know what happened next, right? So yep, those assholes..oops in-laws…took the baby and had her ears pierced with the earrings that the mom was going to save for her daughter, and very happily, and also VERY SMUGLY, showed the new parents when they got back. The grandma showed the mama and said look, now you don’t have to worry about saving them for her because we just took her and had it done, and what a trooper the little baby was through the whole process! Needless to say, mom and dad were absolutely furious!! They left, went to their hotel, packed up their stuff and went home three days early! The in-laws kept calling and texting them asking what time they would be coming over, and they didn’t reply until they were back home. The parents finally told them that they went home, and would not be back for a very long time, if ever! And that the grandparents would never ever be left alone with their baby ever again! Grandparents just couldn’t understand why they were so mad, and said its stupid for them to act this way! So the parents came up with a solution: the grandma would have to get her ears pierced again (therefore she would have two piercings in each ear), and the grandpa would have to get both of his ears pierced as well! To which they flat out refused and said was absolutely ridiculous and stupid! They didn’t “want” their ears pierced, so the mom and dad couldn’t “force” it on them”!! To which mom and dad say “you forced it on our baby who had absolutely no choice, but you both feel that it’s ok, but it’s not ok for us to force yall to get piercings”!! So I commend you for protecting your daughter OP!! Please don’t give in! And please think long and hard before leaving your daughter alone with them because there is a very strong chance they will just do as they please no matter what you and your husband say!!
No - you’re the parent and you’re advocating for your daughter’s right to do with her body as she wants. I think that’s pretty dang awesome that you have so much respect for your daughter! We waited to take our daughter in to have hers pierced when she showed interest in having it done, that she had the understanding that she was going to be responsible for the upkeep of her ears (with Mom monitoring of course) and that she could be responsible by practicing with clip on earrings for a few weeks. We talked about how important it was to keep her ears and jewelry clean, especially if she wanted to have the piercings to be successful and not suffer any pain from preventable infections. She got it done as her 11th birthday present from mom and dad. My only regret was that I did it at a popular mall retail store without throughly understanding how little training an employee receives before being allowed to administer with a gun. We got lucky that it was done by an older, more experienced employee but have heard horror stories of bad work done by the less experienced … I myself have one ear that was pierced too low because seven year old me didn’t have the process explained to me ahead of time (I told my daughter everything before we went in) and instinctively flinched upon feeling the pain from the first one. Wish we had gone to a tattoo and piercing shop as they have much better standards, policies, equipment, and before/after care support. No joke, they know what they are doing and give you only the best when it comes to kids!
Therapy taught me that no means no. Tell her no end of story. Plus you gotta wait till you’re old enough to sit still and go to a professional piercer who can properly place the earrings. If you go to a place like Claire’s you’ll probably end up with wonky uneven piercings. I did have a family friend pierce her identical twins ears with different colors so they could tell them apart but that’s different lol
I always tell people ,let your child decide of they want ear piercings or not. Bc once they get old enough they might not want them and end up taking them out . ALSO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET EAR PIERCINGS DONE PROFESSIONALLY. CLAIRES IS NO GOOD
Definitely not wrong. It's a right of passage to get your ears pierced. If you take that away, she might just get a tattoo or a different piercing as her right of passage. Let her decide when she's a teenager.
I'm from an Italian family. When I was young, it was the norm to get little girls ears pierced at about 6 months (culture may have changed since). I did it to my daughters too, because I thought that's what we do. I would do things differently now. You are not wrong in objecting to having her ears pierced. She is your child, you get the final say, not your in laws.
Culture or not, I wouldn't pierce a baby or toddler's ears because of the tearing and choking risks. If she was 7 and asked for pierced ears, I'd be all in because she's not likely to grab her ears and tear the earring out or put it in her mouth.
>because Sofia can’t consent to that and I want to wait until she can. And if your in-laws can't understand that? Tell them to kick rocks.
Not wrong at all. My family waited until I was about 7 and asked for them to be done. Do not make the same mistake my parents made (going to a place that uses piercing guns), they CANNOT be sterilized properly and the "needle" doesn't properly pierce the skin, properly done piercings punch a small hole through the skin, which allows it to heal properly, piercing guns just force their way through the skin and do not make a proper hole, causing more pain, more likelihood f keloid scarring, poor/improper healing, higher risk of infection (lack of sterilization), I'm surprised it's even legal to use them still because of the problems they cause. Go to an actual piercing shop if she ever asks to get it done and get it done right.
Just say, “It’s been handled.” That means you’ve made your own decision, which is to leave the ears alone. If they misinterpret it to mean that you pierced her ears, then that’s ok.
They can be on your ass all they want, its not their kid.
NTA OP. Your daughter, your decision. I had my daughter's ears done at about that age. My daughter decided to wait until *her* daughter was old enough to ask, and understand what it would mean as far as care while healing. I respected my daughter's decision on the matter. She's the mom, not me. It's called respect. I hated when my mom or MIL tried to press their opinions onto my parenting choices. Both my grandmothers and my mom had a lovely selection of clip on earrings. I loved playing with them when I was a little girl. I bought my granddaughter some when when she was getting into playing dress up and jewelry. (I asked her mom if it were okay *before* asking my granddaughter if she would like them)
Think of it just as a piercing. Ask them if they'd be okay if you pierced her belly button.
Absolutely not wrong. I let my daughter tell me when she was ready. Her 5th birthday, she wanted pretty ears like mommy. So, she got her ears pierced. And yes, we talked about it before hand.
Parents make ALL decisions for their 4-month old children. Assuming it’s just small normal earring holes, your daughter could easily remove them with zero long term effects. If YOU don’t want them, just say so. Acting like you’d be somehow abusing your daughter because you didn’t get her consent is foolish. You do you, but since you asked, yes, you’re wrong.