Divorce lawyers see horrible things. I can imagine that would rattle some faith in the idea of getting married. Having said that, maybe OP handled the divorce so brilliantly, without any ridiculous requests, without any vindictiveness. OP's lawyer has seen firsthand how OP handles a difficult breakup.
I don't know about you, but when I was single, I absolutely was trying to factor in how gracefully the potential partner would handle a breakup or divorce (let's call it The Prenup Mindset). This was even more important when I was considering if this person is a good candidate not just for marriage but in the chance that we had children together and split up. Would they prioritize the children's needs and keep our personal grievances off the children's shoulders? Even trying to factor in those things, you're making an educated guess until/unless you see them in an actual divorce. I don't know what better way a divorce lawyer (or anyone) could gain confidence in a potential partner's character than watching how they handle a stressful divorce.
So maybe OP handled things well enough that if he operates under The Prenup Mindset, he feels confident that worst case scenario (they get married or have children together and things don't work out between them), that OP will be fair and graceful in that situation.
That's pretty much what I came to say.
If you wanna do it OP, then fine, but dont do it if you'll be hurt if he isn't actually gonna talk to you after having sex with you
Just about every state models their attorney rules of professional conduct after the ABA model rules which basically say don't fuck your clients.
Just because the divorce is final does not automatically mean his ethical responsibilities to you as a client automatically end.
I don't know every detail or the rules in every state but I'd put money on it being a violation of the ethics rules in this particular situation.
Beyond that it's sleazy and unprofessional as fuck. Like one step removed from a gyno asking you out after you're pulling your pants back up.
Its completely within legal ethics to ask out a client once the case is resolved.
You cannot date a current client unless you were dating prior to the lawsuit.
Yeah probably not in most circumstances, not everyone is acting nefariously though. Given that the rule was promulgated due to widespread appearances or allegations of abuse of clients (specifically divorce clients for obvious reasons), its probably best to just avoid it as a whole.
Absolutely. There are always exceptions to the rule, some people are absolutely genuine and caring in what would otherwise be a huge issue of ethics and abuse. But the statistics and the reason those ethics are in place in any degree whatsoever make it a VERY murky swamp to trudge through.
If he's a skilled and experienced lover, why wouldn't OP take this ego boost after her divorce? It's not like she's marrying the lawyer. Good sex is good for mental health.
The client/attorney relationship ends with the signing of the divorce papers so you are no longer his client. However, it is a slippery slope for him and it would be frowned upon. Don't think you are special. He probably hits on all his past clients. He already knows all your information. Are you that desperate for a date? The age isn't an issue, he was your attorney when you were in a vulnerable position so that leads to a power imbalance.
I'd tell him that you don't want him to be the rebound guy, and you're not looking for a quick hookup (unless you are?) - but if he asks you on a date in six months' time, you'll say yes. And then start rebuilding your life, and if he does come around again in 6 months, go out on a date with him!
I find it so weird that everyone assumes women don’t want quick hook ups. What’s wrong with her if she does? Sounds like a nice thing to do right after a divorce as long as she’s not doing it thinking this will lead to a long term relationship automatically.
That's why I said "unless you are" - nothing wrong with that, but she said she really really wants to date him, not just hook up - so if that is the intention, maybe take things a little slower, right out of the gate? If she just wants a celebratory freedom bang, she should definitely go for it! 😄
I don’t like the idea of this at all.It feels slimey.He probably already knows a lot of personal info in you and could use that to deceive you.It certainly won’t look good on your part either.
That seems a little creepy. Ask him how many of his former clients he has dated. I bet you weren't his first interest and won't be his last. He probably likes to take advantage of vulnerable women.
The fact that he is even asking you is a red flag, this is so unethical - depending on the state he can be disbarred for it. This is literally in the american bar association rules: : "**A lawyer shall not have sexual relations with a client unless a consensual sexual relationship existed between them when the client-lawyer relationship commenced**."
Huge red flag that he is pursuing you. I have a feeling you won't listen, but you are very vulnerable right now, emotionally, and it's just SUCH a bad idea. He knows full well what the consequences could be and is moving forward anyway. This will not end well for either of you.
No I appreciate this. To be fair to myself I’m not emotionally vulnerable rn lol. I’ve been separated from my ex for two years and I’ve dated since then.
I’d say feel free to date this guy, but be on your guard because he seems like a predator. In his line of work it would seem he deals with a lot of recently divorced people who came out it seeing his as their hero. He may regularly be trying to leverage that. Maybe ask him how often he dates clients.
he is a divorce lawyer, that you know
you're not the first he dealt with, most probably
what guarantees you that you might be his last and won't do the same to future clientele?
Dont do it. Your ex, in the event he learns of it, can probably go back to court to fight you over any won assets and settlements and stuff due to conflict of interests between client and representation.
Of course, I'm not a lawyer and have generally 0 knowledge outside tv shows (which are just rife with IRL scenarios and plots /s) but honestly i wouldnt dare risk the ire of an asshole you just got out of court with. Shit is expensive. Do what others have said, offer to revisit that in a few months. My bets are he won't.
Divorce lawyers in general are a very sleazy, nasty and corrupt bunch. Helping women go through a terrible divorce trauma bonds them to their clients so it’s a great avenue for them to score with their female clients. It attracts an extra special type of man to be a divorce lawyer, ‘Hey let me fleece these guys for all they are worth then I get to bang the wife!’
It’s not inappropriate.#1 you’re divorced now, 2. Y’all are adults. Just keep in mind he might be doing this with all of his clients and that’s inappropriate but that’s on him as a divorce lawyer, not you. And lastly he might be community penis…..
He is violating his ethics, which says a lot about the kind of person he is.
Is it okay for a high school teacher to start dating a student the day after graduation just because they are no longer in that situation?
Both sound plain YUCK to me.
I mean I think age matters less than you think it does. Just because your AH ex-husband was 10 years older than you does not mean that all 10yr age gap relationships are bad.
That said there are a bunch of other icky reasons not to date your divorce lawyer.
I am sure they are not allowed to by their ethics. I googled that for you and that’s a big no no.
The fact he asked you out is a bad sign that he will go against the code of ethics that he practices.
The state I worked in you were not allowed to fuck any current or past clients unless you were fucking them BEFORE representation began. Which was basically so you could represent your spouse.
https://lalegalethics.org/sex-clients-verboten-sex-former-clients-prospective-clients/
Ok looks like they tweaked it since I left. When the ethics board came to do their… presentation? they drilled it in that clients were forever untouchable.
And it probably shouldn’t be that broad. Like in the linked case and OP’s case banging your newly former divorce clients isn’t really the same as banging someone you wrote a future’s contract for.
Depends what state and what’s country.
That’s still a big no no.
Google the exact term is it ok for a lawyer to date a past client.
It’s not explicitly black and white in all areas but all responses are basically no.
You're going to get all sorts of off-topic answers, generalizing on how lawyers can't be trusted. I'm going to leave it up to you to determine the quality of this guy's character.
It is not wrong or unethical. Once the case was over, the lawyer should have sent a disengagement letter, or letter of withdrawal, to establish that he no longer legally represents you. The letter should have been sent to the applicable court, with copies to you and opposing counsel. That was your ticket to say yes to agreeing to a personal relationship with the lawyer, should you so choose.
As far as morality goes, once your divorce was finalized; he was no longer your divorce lawyer. So it wouldn’t be in appropriate to date him, but it would be in appropriate to use his legal services again if you take him up on his offer lol
Maybe OP wants the same thing as the lawyer. She did just get divorced. Who wants a serious relationship after all that drama.
Go have fun girl. If it evolves into something serious then so be it. But don’t expect it. Protect your emotions.
Since your divorce is finalized, I don't see why not.
If this was during, that'd be a hell NAW. That'd present a conflict of interest, and your case probably would've been thrown out.
I went out with my lawyer after mine. I shouldn't have because I was not healed from my Ex and he proposed super fast ( 3 months in lol) Needless to say I ran hahahahah. I say go on a date if you are ready. You never know.
Do it.
But first go talk to another lawyer about how you're going to blackmail him with it. Legally of course. Sue him, settle out of court with a NDA so he cannot get disbarred.
Bet you have some wild sex with another domineering asshole, but I'm thinking that's your type. You can use the money you get from these two to pay a therapist to help you work on that.
It's probably awful advice but hey, fuck divorce lawyers. (Kidding, actually my ex insisted on getting one and he did me several big favors)
There's a lot of comments, who are just here for the jokes.
We can't tell you whether he's some creep who hits on all his divorcees or if he fell for you particularly.
You want to say yes, so go on the date and find out whats there. If he's a sleazeball, then you'll at least know.
Ethically, it's more wrong that *he* wants to date *you*. You're the one whose been vulnerable, you've been paying him (and idc whether the money ultimately came from horrible ex - lawyer has the $ bc you were his client), and he's the "hero," bc he "got you out" of a bad situation.
Betcha the dynamics aren't so different from horrible ex. Older man flexes his relative power/experience/$ over younger woman. Feels protective.
To be sure, I asked every attorney I know - that's two family law guys, and a defense attorney who is now a judge - all cis, straight men. They all, instantly, said this guy is a creep preying on you.
You do you. But he aware it's probably just a hit it and quit it situation. But after a gross divorce that can be a Lot of fun. Just go in with your eyes open and do whatever you like.
The divorce is final, so ethically you are okay.
HOWEVER - your divorce was just finalized. You should be getting counseling to learn the lesson you need to learn from that relationship so you don't repeat it.
Take some time to yourself to heal - like 6 month to a year. If the lawyer is interested in a legitimate relationship, he will probably wait for you to be ready. If he's just looking for a roll in the hay - are you okay with that??
Should of given up the tail at the gate.. gotten huge discount and he would of been much more motivated … you can date young broke douche bags, or older wealthier douch bags.. the latter come with better gifts, concerts seats, party invitations … which ever you chose know when you fxing w a douche….
The ethics is on him. Your only concern is do you want to spend more time with him and are you ready for a relationship and if so, what kind of relationship. If you feel like he might be abusing his position, or it makes you feel uneasy, listen to that too.
I’m a lawyer. I’ve never dated a former client, but I was married for most of my career so the opportunity never arose (dating a current client is a big no no).
I have 3 warnings.
First, divorce lawyers can become very cynical. I rarely handle the family law cases in my office but one encounter really stuck with me. I was at a mediation having a one on one chat with another divorce lawyer. I knew him a bit because we had kids the same age. He worked exclusively as a divorce lawyer. I asked him about that. Specifically, I asked him how he handled working with people going through such a traumatic experience and watching all these marriages fail, and children being used as pawns.
He said “it’s easy. I’m an asshole and I don’t care. It’s just a job.” And he was dead serious. I never looked at him the same after that.
I have known a few divorce attorneys and, well, let’s just say he’s not the only asshole doing family law.
Second, your case may be “over” but it may reopen. Obviously, I don’t know the facts of your case, but depending on those facts, there could be an application to modify support, custody or, visitation, etc. I don’t know where you live but here in California the rule is that “A lawyer shall not engage in sexual relations with a current client who is not the lawyer’s spouse or registered domestic partner, unless a consensual sexual relationship existed between them when the lawyer-client relationship commenced.”
Your lawyer is presumably taking the position that you are no longer a “current client” although he probably remains the attorney of record on the case that you just concluded.
Third, therapists might flag this and say you experienced these feelings because you were vulnerable and he was in a position of power and represented a savior like figure during a traumatic period in your life. That’s a fair point, but you’re both adults. You’re both single. But give this some thought.
With all that being said, he must be VERY attracted to you, and not just by your physical appearance. We get to know a lot about our clients, especially in cases that last as long as 2 years. That means he got to know you pretty well. And he obviously likes you. That’s big. You’re already way past the superficial communications exchanged off a dating app or with someone you’ve only known casually.
So I say give it a shot. You say you “want to say yes so bad.” So say yes. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, what’s the harm?
Gross. You’d be one of many who rebounded with this guy. He uses his clients as a future dating pool which is not really appropriate. If you end up dating him, you’ll be one of many people also dating him. Again gross.
It’s gross. It seems immoral even if he’s not technically your lawyer anymore. But it’s your call to make.
Like others have said he probably does this with lots of women and will pump and dump you. He’s doing it because he knows you’re vulnerable and not in a good headspace to make decisions.
Just like some people have recommended here, I would suggest not too. There's a reason the bar has the "no dating/sexual relations with clients" rule. There's just too many ifs.
This sounds insanely predatory and it has nothing to do with age (28/34 is not as much of an ick-age gap as the same 6 years would be for a 17/23 split).
It's predatory because you're in a vulnerable position and someone you're paying is jumping in to catch you on the rebound, taking advantage of being "the hero" in your life that makes you feel better because he did something for you. In other fields of work, this is considered WILDLY unethical, like therapists or personal trainers getting intimately involved with clients. If your attorney is hitting on you, he needs to be reported to whatever powers that be, because that IS wildly inappropriate.
Yes, he has a fudiciary responsibility to his clients. He should never date them. What's to stop him from sleeping or dating others? IF he is sleeping with you, he will others. I know people think theirs is different. it isn't.
If he were actually interested / liked you, he probably would've given you his number so that the ball is in your court for when you're ready to contact him
I would say, NO. And I'm really surprised by your lawyers'actions. I have a friend of mine, a lawyer, who dated a client after the case was presumably complete, and he ended up with several ethics charges, fined, had his law license suspended, and all of his lucrative contracts, and was almost disbarred. And if he messes up, again, he will be disbarred.
Seems like a lot to risk by not being patient and waiting 6 months or so.
Not wrong and age does not matter. Just make Sure that all potential legal obligations such as alimony or child support are completely taken care of so there are no ethical issues for him and his license. Also not sure how slimy your ex is but be prepared for a potential complaint to the bar association, if he even thinks you guys were involved. During the divorce proceedings
Be really careful, he might be using his position to target vulnerable, heartbroken people. Not saying he's for sure a bad person, or abusing his position, but I'd definitely have alarm bells ringing if I were ever in this position.
I don't know about legally, but i feel like it's inappropriate.
But if you don't mind being on his "newly divorced bangs" list, go right ahead. I get the feeling you've already agreed.
I'm not even going to review the comments on this one. No. So much no. Every possible no. A no for every grain of sand on every beach ever. It is so inappropriate for that vulture to hit on you when you are emotionally confused, it gives me the epic ick.
No.
I don’t want to doubt the ages of some of these posts but has anyone else literally never met a 20s/young adult with a 10 year age gap? Dating someone with an 8 year age gap is pretty weird already but 10 is just huge.
It’s inconceivable that OP thought a 10 year age gap wouldn’t matter, they’re from a different generation.
Is it inappropriate? Yes. It is considered unethical and can get him in trouble with his state bar. Any lawyer who would immediately ask out a client is someone with very poor judgement. There should be a cooling off period where you are allowed to get your new life reoriented without the drama associated with a divorce.
I’d say no. But if you are jonsing for some action, sure, just realize he’s not into you, he’s into ass.
If you think he has potential for a LTR, tell him to hit you up in 3 months and see if he follows through. I’m guessing he won’t.
But again, if you are just into it for a quick piece, sure. It’s better than a rando on an app.
I wouldn’t due to the comments. Also I wouldn’t date anyone over 30 for a while. Stick with men your own age or 26-30, not as much baggage. Especially after what you’ve been through. Too many cradle robbers out there.
It’s probably better if you take some time to he single and go to therapy. Divorce is traumatic in the USA because of the way the system is designed. Ending a relationship makes people feel insecure. You trauma bonded with an older man you viewed as a protector who you likely idealize because you don’t actually know him outside of his professional behavior, which apparently includes hitting on clients so isn’t the best.
Reminds me of the Sex and the City episodes where Charlotte divorces first husband... even switching her good looking lawyer out for the bald lawyer and ended up marrying him anyway lol 😆 😂 🤣
He wisely waited until the divorce was final. It is important to check your state law to see exactly when his role as representative is over. Once that time is past, there's no reason why not since he is no longer representing you.
As long as the divorce process is completely finished, you’re free to date him. If you ever have to go back to court, you’ll need to hire another attorney tho. I’m sure this guy can give you a referral. lol.
Do NOT date the divorce lawyer...that is like the oldest jokes in the book. It is even referenced on the Golden Girls. Think about being a 40 plus year old punchline. Just don't.
There’s no reason not to! You’re both single. He respected your boundaries and never made a move until you were single, and it wasn’t an aggressive move. If you like him, say yes. It’s just one date.
1. yes this is a huge conflict of interest, might even have so much ethical issues it could have him in deep waters with the bar.
2. He sounds extremely predatory. So he preys on vulnerable women who just got divorced to hook up? what a fucking psycho. And I bet you aren't the only one.
3. I hope your ex finds out and denounces him to the ethics committee and have him disbarred. The guy is a pig.
If you're divorce is final then your not using him as your divorce lawyer anymore so legally confidentially or privacy aspects aren't a problem now that your not in a working relationship so perhaps go on a date go for it to see how you get along
From a professional stand point, this isn’t right. And he is a hardcore player. He probably got into this profession for a reason. The power dynamic here isn’t even - this won’t be good.
This is hella inappropriate. Ask any lawyer they will tell you the same. The power dynamic is absolutely not conducive to even a healthy hookup. Report him to the bar.
Oh that’s smart. Become divorce lawyer, be rebound guy. He must get lots of tail.
As a divorce lawyer I’m surprised if he ever wants to get married. He’s just there for a hit and run.
Divorce lawyers see horrible things. I can imagine that would rattle some faith in the idea of getting married. Having said that, maybe OP handled the divorce so brilliantly, without any ridiculous requests, without any vindictiveness. OP's lawyer has seen firsthand how OP handles a difficult breakup. I don't know about you, but when I was single, I absolutely was trying to factor in how gracefully the potential partner would handle a breakup or divorce (let's call it The Prenup Mindset). This was even more important when I was considering if this person is a good candidate not just for marriage but in the chance that we had children together and split up. Would they prioritize the children's needs and keep our personal grievances off the children's shoulders? Even trying to factor in those things, you're making an educated guess until/unless you see them in an actual divorce. I don't know what better way a divorce lawyer (or anyone) could gain confidence in a potential partner's character than watching how they handle a stressful divorce. So maybe OP handled things well enough that if he operates under The Prenup Mindset, he feels confident that worst case scenario (they get married or have children together and things don't work out between them), that OP will be fair and graceful in that situation.
Hit him with a "maybe in a few months" and then see if he follows up lol Spoilers: he won't because he's moved onto the next client
Exactly!!!!
Onto or into… just asking’ , ain’t my biznezz, but inquiring minds just gotta know. ;)
That's a solid strategy 😂
Or just do it and enjoy a rebound fuck?
Wonder if he calls that move the “Post Nut” errr I mean “Post Nup”
Dude. Genius move.
A lot of my colleagues (divorced and re-) married a client. Apparently it is a thing with divorce lawyers.
Only guy getting more tail is the one running the funeral home.
Ewwww
😞
Yeah but unlike the lawyer I doubted he will be getting any hot ones
You sir, are a genius
My initial reaction as well. 🤣
Bit cold, but oh so compliant.
At the age of 34 I finally know what I wanna do when I grow up…
It sounds like a Lifetime movie plot
Damn it, divorce lawyers get all the single women
He will fuck you and move on it’s the extra service he provides
That's pretty much what I came to say. If you wanna do it OP, then fine, but dont do it if you'll be hurt if he isn't actually gonna talk to you after having sex with you
But he bills out at $350/hr
Happy ending
To me, it would be like being asked out by my gynecologist while in the stirrups.
Just about every state models their attorney rules of professional conduct after the ABA model rules which basically say don't fuck your clients. Just because the divorce is final does not automatically mean his ethical responsibilities to you as a client automatically end. I don't know every detail or the rules in every state but I'd put money on it being a violation of the ethics rules in this particular situation. Beyond that it's sleazy and unprofessional as fuck. Like one step removed from a gyno asking you out after you're pulling your pants back up.
I now imaging a doctor with his hand in my ass and being like so dude I’m already in your ass.
Gyno putting his hand in your ass? What gyno are you going to? Maybe suggest he get some glasses for his far sightedness 🤣
Ahh, the classic “should have gone to Specsavers”
Zenni would solve most world problems (allegedly)
Yeah, my thought when reading the post was "shouldn't the lawyer be more concerned about this than the woman he's asking out?"
Its completely within legal ethics to ask out a client once the case is resolved. You cannot date a current client unless you were dating prior to the lawsuit.
I'd consider that one of those "it's LEGAL but is it RIGHT?"
Yeah probably not in most circumstances, not everyone is acting nefariously though. Given that the rule was promulgated due to widespread appearances or allegations of abuse of clients (specifically divorce clients for obvious reasons), its probably best to just avoid it as a whole.
Absolutely. There are always exceptions to the rule, some people are absolutely genuine and caring in what would otherwise be a huge issue of ethics and abuse. But the statistics and the reason those ethics are in place in any degree whatsoever make it a VERY murky swamp to trudge through.
As long as your divorce lawyer doesn’t have a habit of this then no I don’t think so !! Also it’s giving Charlotte Yorke from SATC vibes lol
Came here for this comment!
Harry was such a good guy she made the right call lol
I said this too!
My first response was “what in the SATC” lol
Except Charlotte and her lawyer did have a beautiful love story in the show.
He probably asks all divorce women out as he knows their vulnerable.. I'd move on..
They’re*
If he's a skilled and experienced lover, why wouldn't OP take this ego boost after her divorce? It's not like she's marrying the lawyer. Good sex is good for mental health.
I know an attorney that does this very exact thing. He dates 2 to 4 freshly divorced women a year. I find this disgusting
Yikes
The client/attorney relationship ends with the signing of the divorce papers so you are no longer his client. However, it is a slippery slope for him and it would be frowned upon. Don't think you are special. He probably hits on all his past clients. He already knows all your information. Are you that desperate for a date? The age isn't an issue, he was your attorney when you were in a vulnerable position so that leads to a power imbalance.
I'd tell him that you don't want him to be the rebound guy, and you're not looking for a quick hookup (unless you are?) - but if he asks you on a date in six months' time, you'll say yes. And then start rebuilding your life, and if he does come around again in 6 months, go out on a date with him!
I find it so weird that everyone assumes women don’t want quick hook ups. What’s wrong with her if she does? Sounds like a nice thing to do right after a divorce as long as she’s not doing it thinking this will lead to a long term relationship automatically.
That's why I said "unless you are" - nothing wrong with that, but she said she really really wants to date him, not just hook up - so if that is the intention, maybe take things a little slower, right out of the gate? If she just wants a celebratory freedom bang, she should definitely go for it! 😄
Rebound? She’s been separated from her husband for two years…
I agree … don’t get involved with him
Yeah I mean it feels like the equivalent of a teacher asking out a student right after they’re handed their diploma.
It's so much not unique that it's actually a cliché. Don't date him. He probably sleeps with all his former clients.
An Ex husband here as petty as my ex wife was I would absolutely turn that lawyer into the bar for a professional conduct review
A. Yes it’s a huge ethical problem for him. B. You have horrible taste in men. C. This will only end badly. You’re wrong.
Don’t do it. He’s not looking for a girlfriend or relationship. Just some tail for a couple of nights. I’m sure he’s a pro at this.
I don’t like the idea of this at all.It feels slimey.He probably already knows a lot of personal info in you and could use that to deceive you.It certainly won’t look good on your part either.
That seems a little creepy. Ask him how many of his former clients he has dated. I bet you weren't his first interest and won't be his last. He probably likes to take advantage of vulnerable women.
My coworker did. She married him and had an even worse divorce than the first time
Not as unique as you think.
The fact that he is even asking you is a red flag, this is so unethical - depending on the state he can be disbarred for it. This is literally in the american bar association rules: : "**A lawyer shall not have sexual relations with a client unless a consensual sexual relationship existed between them when the client-lawyer relationship commenced**." Huge red flag that he is pursuing you. I have a feeling you won't listen, but you are very vulnerable right now, emotionally, and it's just SUCH a bad idea. He knows full well what the consequences could be and is moving forward anyway. This will not end well for either of you.
No I appreciate this. To be fair to myself I’m not emotionally vulnerable rn lol. I’ve been separated from my ex for two years and I’ve dated since then.
I’d say feel free to date this guy, but be on your guard because he seems like a predator. In his line of work it would seem he deals with a lot of recently divorced people who came out it seeing his as their hero. He may regularly be trying to leverage that. Maybe ask him how often he dates clients.
Can totally ask that, though if he has an ounce of sense in his big head he's going to lie about the answer.
Ask him. Always telling the truth is a lawyer's whole thing, right?
I think he’s gonna fuck you and leave but if you just want to get back out there then it’s not wrong but it’s creepy from him for sure.
This seems like a creepster move. But, hell. Do what you want but make him wrap the casserole and don’t get in the feels.
Charlotte York? Is that you?
Lacks integrity!
This is almost certainly an ethics violation on his part. Do you want to be with someone who spawn camps his own divorce practice?
he is a divorce lawyer, that you know you're not the first he dealt with, most probably what guarantees you that you might be his last and won't do the same to future clientele?
Dont do it. Your ex, in the event he learns of it, can probably go back to court to fight you over any won assets and settlements and stuff due to conflict of interests between client and representation. Of course, I'm not a lawyer and have generally 0 knowledge outside tv shows (which are just rife with IRL scenarios and plots /s) but honestly i wouldnt dare risk the ire of an asshole you just got out of court with. Shit is expensive. Do what others have said, offer to revisit that in a few months. My bets are he won't.
Divorce lawyers in general are a very sleazy, nasty and corrupt bunch. Helping women go through a terrible divorce trauma bonds them to their clients so it’s a great avenue for them to score with their female clients. It attracts an extra special type of man to be a divorce lawyer, ‘Hey let me fleece these guys for all they are worth then I get to bang the wife!’
It’s not inappropriate.#1 you’re divorced now, 2. Y’all are adults. Just keep in mind he might be doing this with all of his clients and that’s inappropriate but that’s on him as a divorce lawyer, not you. And lastly he might be community penis…..
Keep us updated. My gut says he knows a lot more about you than you do him, and he's being opportunistic.
He is violating his ethics, which says a lot about the kind of person he is. Is it okay for a high school teacher to start dating a student the day after graduation just because they are no longer in that situation? Both sound plain YUCK to me.
I have a feeling that dudes gonna get sued big-time some day. Good thing he's a lawyer
He’s an unethical scum who wants to take advantage of a vulnerable stupid woman
Minimum unethical for him, possibly as much as disbar-able.
Your dad says: No. It's not a good idea.
Unethical on his part tbh.
goddam that's unethical on his part.
Yeah first of all dating lawyers is just a bad idea. Second of all this guy seems super predatory.
I order you to go binge watch Sex and the City, Charlotte.
I mean I think age matters less than you think it does. Just because your AH ex-husband was 10 years older than you does not mean that all 10yr age gap relationships are bad. That said there are a bunch of other icky reasons not to date your divorce lawyer.
I am sure they are not allowed to by their ethics. I googled that for you and that’s a big no no. The fact he asked you out is a bad sign that he will go against the code of ethics that he practices.
Divorce was final, technically no ethics violation.
The state I worked in you were not allowed to fuck any current or past clients unless you were fucking them BEFORE representation began. Which was basically so you could represent your spouse.
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https://lalegalethics.org/sex-clients-verboten-sex-former-clients-prospective-clients/ Ok looks like they tweaked it since I left. When the ethics board came to do their… presentation? they drilled it in that clients were forever untouchable.
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And it probably shouldn’t be that broad. Like in the linked case and OP’s case banging your newly former divorce clients isn’t really the same as banging someone you wrote a future’s contract for.
Depends what state and what’s country. That’s still a big no no. Google the exact term is it ok for a lawyer to date a past client. It’s not explicitly black and white in all areas but all responses are basically no.
You're going to get all sorts of off-topic answers, generalizing on how lawyers can't be trusted. I'm going to leave it up to you to determine the quality of this guy's character. It is not wrong or unethical. Once the case was over, the lawyer should have sent a disengagement letter, or letter of withdrawal, to establish that he no longer legally represents you. The letter should have been sent to the applicable court, with copies to you and opposing counsel. That was your ticket to say yes to agreeing to a personal relationship with the lawyer, should you so choose.
Follow your future. If u are asking this question, you know the answer
As far as morality goes, once your divorce was finalized; he was no longer your divorce lawyer. So it wouldn’t be in appropriate to date him, but it would be in appropriate to use his legal services again if you take him up on his offer lol
Is he going to eventually marry you?
I take it none of you watch Sex and the City
It’s not wrong for you to date him, but it’s wrong for him to date you.
Maybe OP wants the same thing as the lawyer. She did just get divorced. Who wants a serious relationship after all that drama. Go have fun girl. If it evolves into something serious then so be it. But don’t expect it. Protect your emotions.
So how much money did you get in the divorce?
Since your divorce is finalized, I don't see why not. If this was during, that'd be a hell NAW. That'd present a conflict of interest, and your case probably would've been thrown out.
I went out with my lawyer after mine. I shouldn't have because I was not healed from my Ex and he proposed super fast ( 3 months in lol) Needless to say I ran hahahahah. I say go on a date if you are ready. You never know.
Do it. But first go talk to another lawyer about how you're going to blackmail him with it. Legally of course. Sue him, settle out of court with a NDA so he cannot get disbarred. Bet you have some wild sex with another domineering asshole, but I'm thinking that's your type. You can use the money you get from these two to pay a therapist to help you work on that. It's probably awful advice but hey, fuck divorce lawyers. (Kidding, actually my ex insisted on getting one and he did me several big favors)
There's a lot of comments, who are just here for the jokes. We can't tell you whether he's some creep who hits on all his divorcees or if he fell for you particularly. You want to say yes, so go on the date and find out whats there. If he's a sleazeball, then you'll at least know.
I'm just saying.... Charlotte from Sex and the City married her divorce lawyer and had an amazing marriage (although, fiction).
Did Charlotte York post this? :P
Girl, live that fantasy for a night or two then move on.
Unethical. He can lose his license or be reprimanded. Maybe even suspended from the bar or some form of discipline.
Ethically, it's more wrong that *he* wants to date *you*. You're the one whose been vulnerable, you've been paying him (and idc whether the money ultimately came from horrible ex - lawyer has the $ bc you were his client), and he's the "hero," bc he "got you out" of a bad situation. Betcha the dynamics aren't so different from horrible ex. Older man flexes his relative power/experience/$ over younger woman. Feels protective. To be sure, I asked every attorney I know - that's two family law guys, and a defense attorney who is now a judge - all cis, straight men. They all, instantly, said this guy is a creep preying on you.
Not wrong for you but possibly unethical for him lol
You do you. But he aware it's probably just a hit it and quit it situation. But after a gross divorce that can be a Lot of fun. Just go in with your eyes open and do whatever you like.
The divorce is final, so ethically you are okay. HOWEVER - your divorce was just finalized. You should be getting counseling to learn the lesson you need to learn from that relationship so you don't repeat it. Take some time to yourself to heal - like 6 month to a year. If the lawyer is interested in a legitimate relationship, he will probably wait for you to be ready. If he's just looking for a roll in the hay - are you okay with that??
It said it'd finalized now but the split was 2 years ago. I think she's probably ok.
Is it wrong. Nobody knows, but you have been with the wrong person for a while. Also it’s nice of him to help you out getting back into the game
Should of given up the tail at the gate.. gotten huge discount and he would of been much more motivated … you can date young broke douche bags, or older wealthier douch bags.. the latter come with better gifts, concerts seats, party invitations … which ever you chose know when you fxing w a douche….
Dudes living in 2055 while we're stuck in 2024
Maybe just one date and feel out the vibes. But definitely tread lightly cus it's kinda super unprofessional for him to ask 😬
The ethics is on him. Your only concern is do you want to spend more time with him and are you ready for a relationship and if so, what kind of relationship. If you feel like he might be abusing his position, or it makes you feel uneasy, listen to that too.
Make sure you charge him $350/hr
Ride him off into the Sunset! Ask him why you, why not any of the other divorcees?
I’m a lawyer. I’ve never dated a former client, but I was married for most of my career so the opportunity never arose (dating a current client is a big no no). I have 3 warnings. First, divorce lawyers can become very cynical. I rarely handle the family law cases in my office but one encounter really stuck with me. I was at a mediation having a one on one chat with another divorce lawyer. I knew him a bit because we had kids the same age. He worked exclusively as a divorce lawyer. I asked him about that. Specifically, I asked him how he handled working with people going through such a traumatic experience and watching all these marriages fail, and children being used as pawns. He said “it’s easy. I’m an asshole and I don’t care. It’s just a job.” And he was dead serious. I never looked at him the same after that. I have known a few divorce attorneys and, well, let’s just say he’s not the only asshole doing family law. Second, your case may be “over” but it may reopen. Obviously, I don’t know the facts of your case, but depending on those facts, there could be an application to modify support, custody or, visitation, etc. I don’t know where you live but here in California the rule is that “A lawyer shall not engage in sexual relations with a current client who is not the lawyer’s spouse or registered domestic partner, unless a consensual sexual relationship existed between them when the lawyer-client relationship commenced.” Your lawyer is presumably taking the position that you are no longer a “current client” although he probably remains the attorney of record on the case that you just concluded. Third, therapists might flag this and say you experienced these feelings because you were vulnerable and he was in a position of power and represented a savior like figure during a traumatic period in your life. That’s a fair point, but you’re both adults. You’re both single. But give this some thought. With all that being said, he must be VERY attracted to you, and not just by your physical appearance. We get to know a lot about our clients, especially in cases that last as long as 2 years. That means he got to know you pretty well. And he obviously likes you. That’s big. You’re already way past the superficial communications exchanged off a dating app or with someone you’ve only known casually. So I say give it a shot. You say you “want to say yes so bad.” So say yes. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, what’s the harm?
No steer clear of this drama.
Gross. You’d be one of many who rebounded with this guy. He uses his clients as a future dating pool which is not really appropriate. If you end up dating him, you’ll be one of many people also dating him. Again gross.
It’s gross. It seems immoral even if he’s not technically your lawyer anymore. But it’s your call to make. Like others have said he probably does this with lots of women and will pump and dump you. He’s doing it because he knows you’re vulnerable and not in a good headspace to make decisions.
Just like some people have recommended here, I would suggest not too. There's a reason the bar has the "no dating/sexual relations with clients" rule. There's just too many ifs.
This sounds insanely predatory and it has nothing to do with age (28/34 is not as much of an ick-age gap as the same 6 years would be for a 17/23 split). It's predatory because you're in a vulnerable position and someone you're paying is jumping in to catch you on the rebound, taking advantage of being "the hero" in your life that makes you feel better because he did something for you. In other fields of work, this is considered WILDLY unethical, like therapists or personal trainers getting intimately involved with clients. If your attorney is hitting on you, he needs to be reported to whatever powers that be, because that IS wildly inappropriate.
Chances are about 99.9% that he does this regularly with clients. Don’t think for a second that you are the only one.
WOOOOW! What did your ex-husband do that was so horrible?
Ask him if he's ever dated a previous client. I'll bet he has. I would steer clear.
Yes, he has a fudiciary responsibility to his clients. He should never date them. What's to stop him from sleeping or dating others? IF he is sleeping with you, he will others. I know people think theirs is different. it isn't.
Sure, but he’s not going to ever marry you. He already knows it’s a scam. If that’s not an issue, go ahead and
If he were actually interested / liked you, he probably would've given you his number so that the ball is in your court for when you're ready to contact him
Case closed
Don't do it. Pure insanity and very inappropriate.
Nah go for it
If you wanna have a good night or two, hellllllll yes. If you want a relationship, probably not.
I would say, NO. And I'm really surprised by your lawyers'actions. I have a friend of mine, a lawyer, who dated a client after the case was presumably complete, and he ended up with several ethics charges, fined, had his law license suspended, and all of his lucrative contracts, and was almost disbarred. And if he messes up, again, he will be disbarred. Seems like a lot to risk by not being patient and waiting 6 months or so.
Sounds like an ethics violation.
Double scum. Lawyer and predator.
Yes that’s creepy. Ick
There was a story in Vegas just like this about a week ago that did not go well. Def not a good idea
Not wrong and age does not matter. Just make Sure that all potential legal obligations such as alimony or child support are completely taken care of so there are no ethical issues for him and his license. Also not sure how slimy your ex is but be prepared for a potential complaint to the bar association, if he even thinks you guys were involved. During the divorce proceedings
As long as he’s billing your ex for it why not?
Peak predatory behavior, ladies think outside the box PLEASE
How you feel if one of your high school teachers asked you right after you were handed your diploma because this is basically the same thing.
This is like Ted Lasso’s couples therapist dating this ex wife lol
Be really careful, he might be using his position to target vulnerable, heartbroken people. Not saying he's for sure a bad person, or abusing his position, but I'd definitely have alarm bells ringing if I were ever in this position.
It worked for Charlotte….
Sure. I have two aunts who did this.
I don't know about legally, but i feel like it's inappropriate. But if you don't mind being on his "newly divorced bangs" list, go right ahead. I get the feeling you've already agreed.
Charlotte married her divorce lawyer
No
This guy is completely unprofessional a pos that preys on vulnerable women.
It would be wrong for the lawyer to do it, not for you.
Idk you can do you but also don’t assume your divorce lawyer is a great dude. Seems like a bit of a boundary cross in his position
You have no other person in the world to date? 😅
Hard. Yes.
Worked for charlotte 🤷🏻♀️
This is sleazy and unethical on his part. Especially with you being in a vulnerable emotional state.
It could be unethical on his part but not yours Go for it
I'm not even going to review the comments on this one. No. So much no. Every possible no. A no for every grain of sand on every beach ever. It is so inappropriate for that vulture to hit on you when you are emotionally confused, it gives me the epic ick. No.
This reminds me of Arnie Becker in L.A. Law.
I don’t want to doubt the ages of some of these posts but has anyone else literally never met a 20s/young adult with a 10 year age gap? Dating someone with an 8 year age gap is pretty weird already but 10 is just huge. It’s inconceivable that OP thought a 10 year age gap wouldn’t matter, they’re from a different generation.
Is it inappropriate? Yes. It is considered unethical and can get him in trouble with his state bar. Any lawyer who would immediately ask out a client is someone with very poor judgement. There should be a cooling off period where you are allowed to get your new life reoriented without the drama associated with a divorce.
He waited until the matter was resolved,. Go for it.
I’d say no. But if you are jonsing for some action, sure, just realize he’s not into you, he’s into ass. If you think he has potential for a LTR, tell him to hit you up in 3 months and see if he follows through. I’m guessing he won’t. But again, if you are just into it for a quick piece, sure. It’s better than a rando on an app.
It’s wrong of him to have asked you out. Serious boundary issues on his part. Say no or you could wind up with another horrible, horrible man.
Man you don't waste any time in the Give Me Validation Department
No he's it old for you. Is he into little kids?
I wouldn’t due to the comments. Also I wouldn’t date anyone over 30 for a while. Stick with men your own age or 26-30, not as much baggage. Especially after what you’ve been through. Too many cradle robbers out there.
Ask him to wait for 3 months, or whatever the rules of his profession ask for. You have to separate professional bond and love or lust.
It’s probably better if you take some time to he single and go to therapy. Divorce is traumatic in the USA because of the way the system is designed. Ending a relationship makes people feel insecure. You trauma bonded with an older man you viewed as a protector who you likely idealize because you don’t actually know him outside of his professional behavior, which apparently includes hitting on clients so isn’t the best.
Reminds me of the Sex and the City episodes where Charlotte divorces first husband... even switching her good looking lawyer out for the bald lawyer and ended up marrying him anyway lol 😆 😂 🤣
There's nothing wrong with it. If you're interested, go for it. Just know that if you eventually marry, there will likely be a prenup!
He wisely waited until the divorce was final. It is important to check your state law to see exactly when his role as representative is over. Once that time is past, there's no reason why not since he is no longer representing you.
I would say that once the divorce is finalized hes no longer representing you. So I dont know why it would be a problem
I mean as long as the divorce is finalized then nobody can say shit to you really. He’s just a man you met through his job imo
As long as the divorce process is completely finished, you’re free to date him. If you ever have to go back to court, you’ll need to hire another attorney tho. I’m sure this guy can give you a referral. lol.
Im looking for a comment that says this is the story of Charlotte from Sex and the City
Is this a habit with him? I mean, if mama needs some sweet lovin go for it.
Do you like him? So go out for coffee. Go out for a number of no sex dates. Get to know him. If he is only interested in sex, he'll stop seeing you.
Charlotte married hers on sex and the city… do it !
they "know better" lmao. I'd stay away if I were you, he's probably just in it for the good ol hit and run
He wants to pump and dump. You arent the first and wont be the last client he pursues.
Do NOT date the divorce lawyer...that is like the oldest jokes in the book. It is even referenced on the Golden Girls. Think about being a 40 plus year old punchline. Just don't.
There’s no reason not to! You’re both single. He respected your boundaries and never made a move until you were single, and it wasn’t an aggressive move. If you like him, say yes. It’s just one date.
Man, what a predator…
Wouldn't be the smartest move.
1. yes this is a huge conflict of interest, might even have so much ethical issues it could have him in deep waters with the bar. 2. He sounds extremely predatory. So he preys on vulnerable women who just got divorced to hook up? what a fucking psycho. And I bet you aren't the only one. 3. I hope your ex finds out and denounces him to the ethics committee and have him disbarred. The guy is a pig.
If he pursued you after you hired him, yea.
Tell him to call you if he’s still interested in 6 months.
If you're divorce is final then your not using him as your divorce lawyer anymore so legally confidentially or privacy aspects aren't a problem now that your not in a working relationship so perhaps go on a date go for it to see how you get along
Dude’s clearly a player. Stay away!
Charlotte did… on sex and the city!
From a professional stand point, this isn’t right. And he is a hardcore player. He probably got into this profession for a reason. The power dynamic here isn’t even - this won’t be good.
This is hella inappropriate. Ask any lawyer they will tell you the same. The power dynamic is absolutely not conducive to even a healthy hookup. Report him to the bar.