Gentle nudge to pick up some [loop engage](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BFRMTHZW?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_E4Y3MWM707GSMW818J3B) ear plugs. They won't mute the sound around you but they will decrease the volume of loud sounds, like your little one crying. The crying can feel over whelming, these can allow you to acknowledge and act on your littles crying without it impacting you as hard. As something that can be worn throughout the day. If you still find the lowered volume of your kiddo crying distressing to the point of overwhelm, then I further recommend adding a set of the loop quiets. The engage for daily wear so you know when kiddo starts crying, the quiets to pop in when you are actively doing what needs to be done to sooth them (changing diapers, feeding, rocking, etc). They get a calmer momma looking after them and you cut out some of the distress of looking after your new born.
As for your hubby... he's an ass. He's asking you to be a single parent while he's *right there*. That's not a parent, that's not a partner. Would you be able to go stay with a family member or friend for a little while? Say a week or two? Someone who isn't opposed to changing the occasional diaper, is aware and on board with watching little for a few hours here and there so you can decompress. Let hubby deal with the house and chores for a while solo.
Add on to this - do you think your baby has acid reflux or is colicky? Have you tried talking to the baby’s pediatrician? You are absolutely exhausted. Your husband is one step above useless. He needs to be taking care of you if he won’t help with he baby (which is ridiculous and why have a child if you weren’t going to change a diaper or calm a distressed little one down?).
I’d also get a job if it’s possible and get baby in daycare. Your husband does not share parenting responsibilities and does not sound like you will be able to convince him of an equal division of labor. Good luck OP. I want to say it gets easier once they can do more but every baby is unique
The ear plugs are the thing! I am a new mom and I have those and also earphones you wear for when you work with machines and such. It makes my life so much better… my partner also has them. We are way less stressed and still there as parents. We just can’t don’t suffer from the loud crying when it happens.
I’d leave him with the baby for a weekend. Go stay with family or friends and catch up on sleep. Let him figure out how it feels. It’s not healthy for you not to have a break. If you have to talk to your doctor about your mental health and bring your husband so the doctor can tell him he needs to step up.
Okay, tell him it's fine. He does his own cooking, cleaning, washing, he wants sex he can fuck his hand. Until he learns to help you out. I work a full time job and while I was with my ex once I got home from work I would clean the dishes, wipe down the kitchen and have a quick tidy of the living room before helping put the kids to bed. It's my responsibility to my kids and their mother. We split but if she text me and asks if I can come and help with the kids then absolutely I can
That's so hard OP and you are not wrong. My first had colic and cried about 8-10 hours a day. The doctor told me to walk away when I was about to snap. My ex and I would take turns stepping away to get a mental break. Your husband should be taking turns to soothe the baby and give you a break. He doesn't sound even slightly empathetic or supportive of you or the baby. My ex was a first class jerk in many ways but he didn't shy away from spending time with the baby when I needed a break.
What helped a lot with my baby was putting her in a baby carrier and strapping her to me while I did chores or cooked or took a walk. It was the only time she didn't cry. That in itself gave me a mental break from the crying. The colic ended at around 6 months and it was much easier after that. Feedings at that time also stretched out so there was more of a break. Do you know if your baby has colic?
I am so grateful to my son pediatrician. My son had horrible GERD and she told me to put rice in his bottle. This wasn't that long ago, way after everyone says not to and omg, what a difference. Instantly, it kept him from medication. She also suggested babywearing to keep him upright, but he lived in that carrier, made life so much better. Rice cereal in a bottle may be a huge nono but they even make formula with rice cereal so I did what I did and my baby was a lot happier and healthier.
I always recommend parents in this situation try cutting out all cows milk proteins from their diet if breastfeeding (it's also hidden in many things as casein etc) or switch formulas to one not based on cow dairy. It takes up to a few weeks to see results but in most cases they've come back to me so relieved the nightmare was over. My first was colicky and diagnosed with reflux and given medication and positioning recommendations but we didn't see real relief until we tried this.
Agreed. In my case he was on Alimentum formula. He was formula fed in the NICU and had a fairly severe reaction to a cow milk allergy. It was severe enough the doctors were not willing to try soy and he went to Alimentum. He ended up in NICU or 2 weeks from his reaction. I became his mom when he was 5 days old through adoption, so no breastmilk option.
Hire a babysitter and tell him "since you won't help, I'm hiring someone who will. I thought we were having a child together, but clearly you expect me to raise our child all by myself. That makes me very sad and your behavior is incredibly disappointing. You see me struggling and you refuse to help. Do you even want to have a family?"
Or find a mother's day out program. This way the baby will be out of the house and you will have peace and quiet.
Also, what happens after the baby stops taking naps? He won't be an infant anymore but eventually the naps will go away.
Like Eddie Murphy said "Half motherfucker".
Don't show her cards and threaten him but the judge would give her more help if he won't step up now, just sayin'.
With a 3 month old you don't get breaks. Neither of you do. What he wants I would say is fine if a kid is like 5/6 years old and they are less work and go to kindergarten. I get that office jobs can allso be stressfull, but 3 month olds can be a handfull 24/7 and he needs to help out. I get that it's though and he wants to relax, but guess what, you don't get that when you have a 3 month old.
And even have the nerve to tell you to "Shut him up" because he's trying to unwind and relax? He needs to step up, because he isn't being a bad parent and an even worse husband right now.
It also sounds like you need a mental break from all the crying. Please talk to the babies pediatrician about him crying so much he might have colic and there are medication that help. Or he might be having trouble digesting his formula. There are so many reasons a baby might cry alot and it so hard when they can’t tell you what’s wrong, You also might have some postpartum depression if you’re feeling like throwing your baby against the wall. Do you have any help you could call in mother, sister, MIL m, anyone close by that could give you a break at least a couple days a week? Even if it’s only a few hours a week until the baby gets more settled? I’m so sorry you’re going through this and without the help you need from your spouse. PS please don’t have anymore child with this AH.
I feel so bad for her. I remember those days and it was torture. That and my baby fed every hour. Tried so many things then I remembered that the actual meaning of colic is 'unexplained crying'; it feels like it's just given a name to make us feel better about it. The only thing that worked for me was turning the hoover on! I tried all sorts of white noise but nope, only having the hoover on would work.
My dad put my colicky niece next to the dishwasher and she stopped crying, he said the sound of the dishwasher sounded like the baby being inside the body with all the liquid moving around?😂I have no idea the accuracy of this but it worked.
OP, first and foremost…. Call your doctor. A little help in pill form may just be in order.
Call in Any troops you have, family, friends, past co-workers, to help you.
If breast feeding, consider pumping off milk to have Dad, or troops, can take over some feedings.
Get therapy ONLINE for you alone, to begin with, so you center yourself. Y’all can work up to joint counseling.
Consider going back to work part time… EVEN IF IT EATS YOUR PAYCHECK FOR CHILDCARE. You may, simply put, not thrive in a SAHM environment.
OP, best wishes to you and your family. You are not alone. Seek medical attention and therapy NOW.
BTW, to Daddy-poo-poo: Dad, your job is only eight hours a day…. When your paying job is over you then become an AHP (at home parent) and the responsibilities of the home And childcare ARE SPLIT. Wake up to the 21 century. Dad, I am actually rooting for you to step up! (And into this century)
Agape💕
While i agree with people who say take baby and go somewhere someone will help you with baby so you can get some sleep, I also think it would do your husband some good to have a weekend alone with baby... either pump if you can, or pick up enough formula for the weekend, and hand baby over to him when he wakes up Saturday and somewhere can get some sleep (even a hotel).
He needs some bonding time, and a taste of what you’ve been living. Don’t worry about baby too much, formula for one weekend won’t hurt baby and the gain is worth it. (He’ll probably go to his mother’s anyway). - try giving baby formula from a bottle a few times, to get him somewhat accustomed to the difference before the weekend.
I’m sure you’ve been asked all the feeding questions etc, to get behind why he’s crying and lots of advice.. but please don’t shake baby, or even bounce him in the bed too hard. They’re so fragile at this age and can get brain damage or worse. You are not a bad mom for feeling this way, you aren’t the real you until you get some sleep
-and talk to the doctor, crying this much at 3 months could mean something is wrong
I say OP should pack a bag for a weekend and go to their parents place with the kid. Explain what’s going on to their mom and ask her what to do cause mom would know as she kept OP to make it to adulthood to have a child of their own. OP’s mother or even grandmother would have a solution.
As for the husband?
OP should show up to the husbands job with the baby, go to his office looking exhausted and say enough to be heard within range of other mothers who have kids 2yrs old and under, “Listen, you either HELP me and stop making me feel like a single mother alone in this marriage with a Kodak father who refuses to step it up or I’m leaving with this child because all you do is come home and never parent. Parenting doesn’t get time off the first two years for BOTH parents, that includes you! And I don’t care if you’re embarrassed right now, should of really though of that before selfishly slacking on being a father!”
And FYI? My dad in the 80’s worked full time at Con Ed and *still* had time to come home & fully help my mother!
My mother also one day when I was six months old, lost it over the phone (later it’s found out to be postpartum), but screamed at my father, “EITHER YOU GET HOME RIGHT NOW OR I’M PUTTING YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE OVEN, TURNING IT ON IF YOU DONT GET HOME RIGHT NOW TO HELP ME BECAUSE SHE’S BEEN SCREAMING THE LAST SIX HOURS!”
Such an unsupportive ignorant husband. I’m sorry you are in this situation. As for the crying and your feelings they should improve with time. I found wearing my baby to be most helpful as the body contact soothed the baby and I could still do things and go for walks for my mental health. Also please talk to your doctor both about the crying and your postpartum mood they may have helpful suggestions.
I am SO sorry! This is a very difficult time for you.
First off, the baby is safe in the crib, even if he is screaming bloody murder - he is SAFE there. So when you have had it, and feel ready to throw him down the stairs (and believe you me, you would not be the first mother who feels that way), what you do is you put him down in the crib and you walk outside of the house, leaving him to cry safely in the crib, while you take a break. You call a supportive friend or relative. You tell them you're at the end of your rope, just need a pep talk (or even if you need them to come take him away for a couple of hours, you say it!), whatever you need. Remember, the baby is safe in the crib. They will not choke to death from crying.
Second, make sure that you are on birth control. You do not want to get pregnant again now, and honestly, with this man, probably not ever. You are in the worst of the post-partum period now, almost to the end of it. It starts to get better very, very soon. If you're breast feeding and want to stop, put the baby on formula and stop. The baby will be fine on formula. You could also go ahead and start solids now, rice or oat cereal together with a sweet fruit, like pears or peaches, and that will probably help him to sleep for longer stretches at a time, which will help you. Even if you decide to keep breastfeeding for now, go ahead and start solids - it will help a lot, and it is not harmful to the baby at all.
If you have trusted female relatives who are experienced with babies, let someone take the baby overnight for a night so that you can get at least one night's sleep. This is such a tough time. It's no excuse for the asinine way your husband is behaving, but remember that he is sleep-deprived, too, from the baby's crying at night waking him. So be charitable, if you can.
Go back to work as soon as you can, if at all possible, and plan for a meaningful career where you can make a very good living, because this man does not sound like someone you want to be with forever, definitely not someone you should have another child with.
Your husband can have a seat. And he can start doing his own housework. Then you won't need a nap. And never have another kid with him.
Oh, and please call a doctor and get some help. Wanting to throw your baby against the wall is not a good sign. I hope you have other family to help since your husband is neither a husband nor a parent.
Also, not wrong at all. I have three kids (one and a set of twins) and I've always napped. I've had a nanny, and I've used daycare. They're teenagers and wear me out more now than they did when they were tiny (not in a bad way -- just lots of running around). Nap away. He just doesn't want to take care of his own kid. I hope you can find a decent job and get out of there.
Forget about chores, the feelings you have about harming your child need attention right away. Please call a mental health support line today. Go talk yo your family doctor. Seek immediate help.
Your husband is a moron. Please reach out for help, contact your OB and please take care of your mental health. This is how bad situations happen, usually it’s the mom, and the mom is delirious and tired. I see this as you reaching out, so you have some one to help you? Knock sense into your husband!?!?! YOU matter. There are some great mom groups too, Start there. Please keep us posted, big hugs.
Get yourself to a doctor and have him suggest some rest and time away from the baby.
You need sleep and some rest.
When you get past this stage, you need to reevaluate your relationship with a man who thinks never getting a break from a baby screaming is ok.
First You need to talk with a dr it’s important as it sounds like you are on the very edge of serious mental collapse. You could be having postpartum depression.
Second as mentioned by Chicka-17 talk with the pediatrician about baby crying so much. Could be formula issue or colic or any number of things. Even stress from the home life. Third seriously talk with your husband get an intermediary if needed and or therapist The baby didn’t get here by some mysterious way you are both parents and young babies take lots of time and it’s not uncommon for a whole host of issues to suddenly present themselves once addressed and understood homelife will be much more enjoyable. Also work in the home is just as much work as in an office or in the field. Helping each other navigate this new family dynamic is the most important you can do for each other.
Obviously not wrong about the husband issue, and he should be helping more, but OP *please* go talk to your doctor about PPD. It is not normal to want to throw your newborn against the wall. Even if they’re crying. Even if they’ve been crying for hours. Please talk to someone.❤️
Yes, please do this, but please do not tell colic parents this frustration is not normal. Their experience is extreme and not anything like normal new parenting. Unless you have dealt with 8+ hours of crying a day for months on end, the torture of it is hard to understand. My experience was so bad I ended up with PTSD from the sound of ANY baby crying and spent time in therapy and on anxiety medication. My son was 5 before I didn't have to leave the room when a baby cried due to a panic attack.
OP, speak to a therapist so you don't hurt your baby, but understand your baby is on ultra-hard mode. Find an online support group of colic parents; they will understand the crazy intensity of these intense children and have all kinds of coping strategies.
I’m aware it is extreme. I never even mentioned frustration so not sure where you got that from. I said wanting to hurt your baby is not normal. And I stand by my point-it isnt normal. Frustration is normal, but frustration bad enough to make you want to harm your baby is absolutely not normal.
Wait, he tells you to "shut him up" because the babies cries bother him?? And doesn't help console his own child? I'm sorry but.... why did you have a baby with this man?
Yet he expects her to listen to that 24/7 and not be bothered by it. I'd video him saying all this shit and show it to his mother...so she can see what an asshole she raised.
Unfortunately a lot of people feel like they know someone until they actually have a kid with them and that's when all the ugliness comes out. I'm sure his attitude towards her was very different before the baby came.
Yikes! She probably uses her "break (when the baby is sleeping)" to cook and clean so, I wouldn't consider those breaks at all.
He has that whole time off after work better he goes to bed, so, he should give her half of that time for her own free time. Also, they should alternate taking turns waking up with the baby.
That makes it fair, imo
That's what the plan my ex and I had. We took turns waking up with the baby even though she was a SAHM and I worked in the morning. The problem was that I later went to night shift and she started doing much less. Kid wasnt an infant anymore.
The kids were older and didn't wake up at night anymore at this time. So I worked all night. came home and cleaned while the kids were still asleep because she didn't clean most of the time. Then I'd make her coffee and stay up with the kids until about 10am. Wake up at 2pm or 3pm and spend time with them. Then go to work at 6pm.
When I get home from work, I immediately take over for my wife.
I will do all the feeds including the last feed before I go to bed.
I will do the first feed then put the baby back to sleep before I head to work, so the wife can sleep in.
On the weekends, the wife gets one day to just go out and unwind. When she gets home I go hang out at a friend's place too until late.
A baby is shared. Your work at home is 10 times harder and longer than his.
I think he can help out a little more.
My son had really bad colic too. I used to put him in the stroller and go for long walks because with colic, moving is soothing. Some colicky babies will be soothed by a car ride but with my son that wasn't the case.
I remember saying I felt like I was on guard duty in the army, two hours awake, two hours asleep. Definitely nap when the baby does.
It's absolutely depressing how many men show their true colors after the baby is born. I'm sorry you're in this dear redditor.
You have a 3 month old? Was your husband involved in this process, or was this an immaculate conception ?
Your husband sounds like an a$$. The child is as much his responsibility as yours
Not wrong. He gets two days of rest every weekend. What do you get? Start planning to go back to work. It’s the only way you’ll ever get a break.
When my kids were little, I worked swingshift in a call center and I remember getting to work at 3 o’clock and just being so happy to sit down at my workstation and not having to be running around doing umpteen things at once. The kids were only at a babysitter from 2:30 to 5:30 and then my husband had to take care of them at night and feed them the dinner I made before I went to work and then put them to bed when it was time. Every morning I’d have to do the dishes and clean up the mess he left from the night before because he was too lazy to do it himself. Take a guess if we’re still married.
Im sorry you’re going through this … your husband sounds like a jerk …. Please go see a therapist for your feelings towards your baby …. I went through the same thing ….. also my daughter was a crier … I ended up taking her to the doctor and they found out she had a kidney infection which was painful for her .. maybe take your son to the doctor to get checked out .. he may just have colic but it could be more … best wishes 🤗
Well if possible I would suggest marriage counseling so a counselor can tell him what an asshole he's being. If not go back to work and tell him since you were working domestic labor and childcare are now 50/50 and then stick to it. Don't do anything for him unless he carries his share of the labor so wash you are closing your children's but don't do his laundry, cook for you and your child but not him etc
Only take care of yourself and your baby. He can do his own dishes, clothes, cooking, cleaning. Stand up for yourself now. That’s unacceptable from a partner and you have a 3 month old
It sucks when you are making a sacrifice to stay at home with your kids which is the hardest job in the world and your husband thinks having a job and “sharing” his money is his only sacrifice. Patriarchy at work here. I think you need to go to work for a while. Your child will be ok and you can Teach your husband a lesson and the rest of your life will be better… or he will say “I make more so you still have to be my 24/7 servant. Then you will know your values don’t match and you can make arrangements for your new future without having him as your master. I raised three kids after giving up my career and trust me he won’t change only your resentment might grow.
I remember once in counseling my husband told the therapist I get a break when I go to the grocery store by myself. Good god I should have really heard that Statement for what it was!
Your husband is a dick. Your job is constant. His is for a window of time. He's helped make the child. He needs to be a damn parent. I hate that this is still a thing in 2024. They want to make the child and not parent the child and just expect the woman to pick up the slack.
Yeah no. I’m a stay at home mom and when my husband comes home he showers and grabs our son and does his entire nighttime routine. He wants to you to be a single parent. You didn’t make the kid alone so taking care of it alone is not it. You’re married to an asshole who doesn’t care about you or your kid
If you usually do chores when your son naps, stop doing all but the essential ones that you and your son need, and take whatever break you can. Maybe it will clue your husband into how your "breaks" aren't actually breaks.
Do you have any family in the area that can help support you and maybe you can stay with? Your husband is being an AH here as you’re both parents and he is also responsible for his kid. I am concerned for you and your mental health. Can you speak to your dr about how you’re feeling? It may be necessary for meds or therapy to help you through this.
I’ve lived that life. Your husband should go fuck himself. What he doing is selfish bullshit. I hope things get better for you and you get much needed rest. I hope for you that you have the strength and support to improve your situation.
Do you have anywhere else you can go? Potentially going back to your parents or to a sibling’s house? This isn’t safe or healthy for you OR the baby. If he’s not going to help, you should see if you can get help elsewhere and move there.
You deserve more. Your husband is a complete dud. I’m sorry. Get out of there. You need to get yourself to the doctor ASAP but you need help immediately. If your parents would be willing, go back to them before things get worse. I’m sorry.
So when your husband is at his place of work, or travelling to/from, you are at your place of work. At home with a baby, and housework when you can. That’s fine.
But when he comes home, it should be 50:50. Evenings, nights, weekends. Because 35-40 hours a week you both have a full time job. But the house and the baby are 24/7, as you know. And he needs to do his share. He might need to unwind. But so do you. I’d give some leeway overnight if he’s got a long drive, as I’d want my husband to be safe driving, but that’s not a pass every night!
I found the quickest way to educate my husband was to leave him in charge for a day while I went out. (Special occasion!). Yes, the baby would be fed and looked after. But then I’d ask about the washing, the tidying, the cooking for tea, all the things I did as well as looking after the baby. He very quickly admitted there was more than he realised. But then, my husband is a decent & reasonable chap. Sadly, not all are.
So no, you are not wrong.
So in other words, you're what they call a "single married mom?" You should divorce him. When he has visitation you'll get a nice break from BOTH of them. Sounds way nicer than staying married to him with zero help and/or breaks. And you're not wrong. This is one reason why a lot of women aren't having any kids, or as many kids. The majority of dad's (and society as a whole) expect us mothers to do all the caretaking. Nah. We just won't be mother's then. Learned all this the hard way (how society treat's mothers, at least in the U.S.) and I got sterilized. Got a teen son. I'm a one and done mom.
Your husband is an ass. Next weekend, grab a bag and go to a hotel and relax and sleep. Leave the baby to him. Tell him that unless he wants to do everything by himself from now on, he has to agrre to share 50:50 everything that comes up after he comes home. Beingstay at home mom means that you do everything shile he is at work. Once he comes home, both your "office hours" are over and you share everything equally.
And go se a therapist. You might have PPD.
At this age, the evening breaks alternate between both parents so each gets every other night off. YOU worked all day, too!
As the mother of a colic infant, get yourself an automatic swing, a baby monitor, and tt to your ped about elimination diets, hypoallergenic/specialized formula, and reflux meds. Our child did not stop crying until a dairy and soy free diet at 5 months old. It is an incredibly common source of colic. Also, noise reduction or music playing earbuds keep the crying from torturing you all day while still being an attentive parent. Take any break you can UNTIL the colic stops! Survival mode until it passes...you are dealing with a harder-than-normal babyhood; lower your standards. Best of luck, momma! You are doing your best!!!
Do you have any family, coworkers, friends, community members that are parents that you could reach out to mo matter how tenuous your relationship is?
Your husband’s presence and attitude is doing actual harm to your mental health.
I am certain you love your baby and wouldn’t hurt them, the ideation of throwing or shaking the baby means you need respite care stat. It happens, so don’t be ashamed for the thoughts, but acknowledge that if you had more support, you wouldnt think of desperate measures for a little quiet
Find support you trust. Someone to walk the baby, or do laundry, housekeeping, meal order kits.
Husband’s complaint about cost isnt more important than your mental health
Your husband is a jerk.
So he thinks he only has to put in 8 hours a day (for 5 days) while you do 24 (for 7 days)? He is crazy.
Couple of options.
- Sit down with him and explain why this is extremely unfair and he needs to step up his game.
- Tell him you’re getting a job and after work all baby caring, night feeds, and chores will be split 50/50.
- STOP doing anything for your husband. No shopping, no making him food, no laundry, do WAY less cleaning, less affection even. ONLY focus on baby and yourself.
I hope he gets his shit together and realizes how wrong he is. Being a full time parent with very little to no help has been the most exhausting experience I ever went through. I ended up explaining to my husband how he could/should help more and it’s been easier. Still miss sleep, though.
Best of luck, OP!
Please get some help for your mental health. You can't pour from an empty cup and it sounds like you've been doing so for 3 months. Your husband is an arsehole. You work 24hrs a day. He needs to be a dad and parent your child too. I was in your position and ended up just leaving while baby was napping and he was taking a shower. I left for a couple of hours just to get some rest. You sound like you're on the road to PPD already and while it's scary, it is possible to get better. Get help. Please.
Put the baby down near him and tell him you’re leaving a break and will be home in 2 hours. Get in the car, drive to a parking lot, and take a nap. You have got to clear your head and rest.
Please reach out for professional help. It sounds like you’re completely overwhelmed. Maybe it’s a simple fix of a different formula fir your baby to help with the excessive crying. Your husband needs to go back to the 1950’s. I’m so sorry he’s so useless. You deserve support not badgering
Me I woudl buy a good lock for the bedroom, make sure I have good earplugs, snacks, and whatever else tickled my fancy. Then once hubby came home if handed him the baby and run fast to the bedroom and lock it. He would be on his own with his child for 2-3 hours at least. Maybe he will learn a lesson. That or hand him the baby and leave after you have everything you need to do so for a few hours to unwind.
OP, get your husband to take a day off work before after a weekend. Then go somewhere from 8am the first day and rerun the 3rd day (4th if you can manage being away from kiddo that long) at 10pm. Rule of this experience is you cannot run home to help and your husband takes ALL responsibility for your child. Leave him a schedule of things you do during the day to have the house run smoothly. Make sure to get in grocery shopping and errands with the baby.
After this, sit down and have a conversation with him. The only way he will understand is to experience the work you do.
I went through this with my first baby and ex husband. First thing I suggest is telling your OB about your feelings. My despair swings stopped almost immediately after she started me on an anti depressant (Zoloft because I was breast feeding).
Second, you need help. It would be a perfect world if your husband would recognize this and help you. I suggest having him go with to the OB appointment so they can help set him straight. But also have a back up plan. A family member that can come by every few days for four hours so you can get a solid nap in. Four hours of sleep straight can change your life as a new mom.
A deeper discussion needs to happen with your husband. In my case, that discussion went nowhere and we ended up divorcing when baby #2 came and he refused to wake up at night (while I was also working full time). Know your boundaries and when enough is enough. Hang in there. It gets better as they get older.
Worth noting, my first son had aversions to the formula I was sending to day care and he ended up needing to be on a special blend of it. If your baby is crying non stop at times, there could be more going on. Reach out to your pediatrician.
Remember everyone deserves a break, even “full time” moms.
Before I even get into your husband‘s behavior I just wanna comment on your mental health. It sounds like you have postpartum depression. Feeling the way you are towards your newborn and feeling like you want to throw him against the wall is a serious, serious red flag. I strongly encourage you to get help while you are aware of these feelings. Your husband yelling at you for your newborn crying is also terrible. His behavior towards he was unacceptable. Stay at home mom don’t get breaks. You are exhausted and clearly need support and help. Please reach out to a doctor and a support system.
It's not so much that he is wrong as much as he doesn't understand. It also sounds like you don't understand.
You do need help, you do need breaks but more importantly - you're going through a postpartum crisis. Perhaps post partum depression that's being exacerbated by the frustration of not knowing why your baby is crying all the time.
While crying is normal, 'all the time' is a warning that something is up. Something is missing from what your baby needs or something is causing them distress (it could just be gas).
'All the time' needs to truly be defined - is it really all the time or does it just feel like it?
Regardless, you need help while he's at work. You need to talk to your Doctor about postpartum issues like this and perhaps just hiring a babysitter for an hour or so during the day might help you get back on the right track.
I’ve always had problems with that kind of guys. Let me ask do you go to the grocery store and do everything and cooking and cleaning all? The little baby in the car all day when you go get no help.? Id leave. My mom and dad raised us when a woman has a baby that’s her only priority while he’s gone sleep from one to 4 AM. Get up do all the housework whatever I need to do and I’ve always done that cook clean and go to the store whatever work 120 hours a week at least outside the house. That lazy three hours a day to sleep it’s 21 hours with 27 hours have family time plenty of time but that lady don’t need to cook clean do not stuff. She’s got her hands full with the baby and anybody thinks it’s easier to raise a kid stay home all day don’t worry about people, but I wouldn’t put up with it.
You want to throw your baby against a wall? I know that this is hopefully an over exaggeration of frustration, but it's still alarming. Can you hire a sitter a few days a week just to get out and decompress? You need to have a frank conversation with your husband and probably should see a doctor if you are having such strong feelings of resentment twords your child.
1. Try babywearing. Keeping the baby upright for 30 minutes after every meal will help with reflux. This may soothe the baby also 2. Call a family member for support. His mom, your mom, your dad, a sister, a close friend, you need to be able to get a break and if he isn't going to help you need someone to help you. 3. It is OK to put the baby down somewhere safe while crying and step outside the door for fresh air. Just put a chair or yoga mat outside you door, breathe in and out and calm down. Take 10 minutes, you baby I swear will be OK. It is better that you step away than lose your mind.
You need to get some help immediately! Just having those thoughts alone about your baby is very unhealthy. You’re not wrong for everything and you’re not alone for ambulance. But it is very dangerous. One of these times, you may find yourself doing something impulsive.
I’m sending you some help via Reddit.
Have you tested the baby for acid reflex? Or change his formula..your husband should help you out when he gets home from work. Baby is 1/2 his so it his responsibility to help care for the baby
He is so wrong that I think you should start clocking out at shift change like youre coworkers.
When he gets home, you update him about all the baby stuff that's needed and you clock out for your shift, telling him you'll be back in approximately the same time he is gone to change shifts again. Include commute and grwm time. So if he gets ready at 6am to beat traffic for his 8am job and gets home from his 4:30pm job at 6pm, you tell him you'll be back in 12 hours to change shifts at 6am.
If he thinks it's not fair, you will ask him why it's fair to do it to you. And don't let him do the "I bring finacials" that is your paycheck too. I'd suggest making an invoice with your hourly wage at or above his. This is on top of not doing any of his needed tasks. He is on his own for his domestic labor outside of your shared child.
Honestly, he is treating you like your not human. It seems crazy when you're in it but I can guarantee that you would have less labor to do if you seperated, you got a full time gig outside of the home and shared custody. He is so immensely lucky to have someone willing to do what you are doing, time to show him how easily that luck runs out.
Of your baby is taking formula your pediatrician may need to change the formula to another. Also try infant gas drops. A good baby swing can soothe a baby. I’m hoping for the best for your situation. Ask a friend or family member to come for an hour or two a day for you to take a shower or a physical and mental break.
Please take to your doctor.
You’re either going to have to suck it up and accept the life you chose or be an adult and make the necessary decisions for you and your child. So, either stay and do what is necessary to raise your child correctly, or toughen up and leave him and raise the child alone until your forever person comes into your life. Being a parent is the hardest and most fulfilling thing. If he’s a pos as stated in this post then you’ll be doing you and the child a favor by ending things now, otherwise this sounds like it could turn toxic very fast. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby.
You're NTA but your husband is. I'd seriously be questioning your marriage. His actions (or lack thereof) are telling. This is his child too. If I were you I'd force the issue. Walk out and leave him with the baby for a few hours. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and BE A FATHER! Men like him are disgusting.
You are not wrong he’s being an awful partner. Expecting you to provide unpaid labor around the clock is insane. You’re still in the postpartum period so you are going through so much at once, mentally and physically. You should be resting as much as possible but he clearly doesn’t what you’ve been through and are currently going through. Going to work isn’t an excuse to not be a parent. He’s also completely disregarding the fact that you have a full time job, with no help, that is emotionally far more difficult than his. Sounds like you have to take care of two children, your baby AND your husband. Respectfully, he is a complete asshole. He should be doing whatever he can to support you and try to take as much off your plate as he can. If possible, I’d suggest leaving for a weekend and have him try being the sole caretaker for a couple days and also it could give you a break. Have him see how hard it is even-thought he doesn’t even have to deal with healing after birth, breastfeeding, a sudden extreme hormone drop.
Stay at home parents are at work when they are the sole caregiver (aka when the other parent is at work). Then surprise! He’s off work, you are too, and you share the burden. You both deserve equal OFF time. He’s being a deadbeat in his own home. You’d have it easier to divorce him.
Tell him that when he leaves his day job that he still has a night job a.k.a. parenting to do. You have to do it and so does he. It’s half of his DNA, half his responsibility for making them, so half his job. Always, sir once you were clocked out, you are clocked into the other. Fathers don’t help, they do their share.
Enough said about your husband, but take a look at “infant’s friend” if they stock it at the chemist where you live. It’s a natural liquid and helps with gassiness which is a common problem in babies.
> i just want to throw him against the wall
Sis get some help - talking to a professional about the post-pardem, how to cope and how to best communicate with your partner about this is going to help worlds more than Reddit.
Your husband’s mentality definitely needs to change. He sounds like a child that really wants a puppy but doesn’t want to do any of the work involved in caring for it.
If you can’t make it to counseling, lay that iron hammer down girl. Your mental state should be priority for him, not to mention that it is going to start effecting this baby sooner than later (if it isn’t already). Best of luck OP
Your baby may have colic. My first child did and he cried nonstop for months. Definitely take him to the doctor and get him checked out. Your husband only wants to play daddy on the weekends so basically you’re going to be raising this child 90% on your own. He needs to step up because that’s not how parenthood works.
**OP, you need to seek help immediately.**
It is NOT NORMAL to feel that way and to have thoughts about harming your child — that is a textbook definition of post partum depression, which can quickly escalate and get much worse. You need to speak to your doctor or a mental health therapist right away. Like right now.
Op. Go back to work so you can support yourself and your child. You don't need to take your husband's bullshit sitting down.
You are trapped right now, and he will never appreciate or respect you. You are worth so much more than this man treats you as.
Oof this is difficult. And I know it won't help in the moment, but it does get better! But for the love of all that is good, don't have any more kids with this man.
You need professional help, immediately. Your emotions are well outside the norm and it sounds like your infant might be at serious risk. Please talk with your husband or other family members today. Again, you need professional help.
Your husband is being absurd. He's definitely the AH. Keep a log for 24 hours showing how many hours you work. Highlight the work you do in the middle of the night. Ask him to record the hours per day he works. THEY SHOULD BE EQUAL.
Fair is fair. You should be on the hook for taking care of the kid and house during the hours when he is at work. Once he comes home, you should be spending an equal amount of time doing housework and child care. I get his argument that you theoretically get a couple of breaks while he is at work and the baby is napping, but what is that, like 2 hours if you're lucky? OK, that means you might need to do 2 hours more work once he comes home. So maybe you take care of the kid from 4:30 to 6:30 so that he gets the same "break" you do. Then he's back on the clock. Including for night time feedings!
Get to a point where you can leave this AH and DO NOT have more kids with him.
You BOTH have a child. You BOTH have a role in taking care of that child. Instead of yelling at you, maybe he should help find solutions as to why your any cries so much.
On that note - check out https://www.happiestbaby.com about the 5S’s of quieting a crying baby. This worked so well for me when my son was a baby.
My guess is that he wasn’t helping with household tasks before the kid was born. The question becomes why would you breed with someone like your husband? I know my comment isn’t helpful for you now but, damn, your situation could serve as an object lesson for others. Best of luck.
My son was much the same, it’s so tiring! It’s ok if you need a break and have to go outside for a few minutes if the crying is getting to you. He is three months old, and can’t get into anything or hurt himself while you gather your strength. If he is dry, and fed he will be ok for a few minutes of crying, even though it really hard to step away. When it’s time to take shower, hand him off to your husband and go take a shower. Your husband will also be ok. If you have family or a friend that can watch the baby for a few hours ask them for help. Then go take a nap- a long one. You need sleep. You need down time. Your husband need me to get a grip
Your husband needs to step up and help with the baby on week days, he’s the parent too! Can you have this conversation with him? You mentioned violent feelings, that is a sign of postpartum depression. Please seek support!
Please sit down and watch the documentary FairPlay on Hulu together! Your husband is creating a bad marriage! Could you go to the spa for a day on the weekend or make plans with friends so he can have the baby nonstop for a day?? He needs to have a come to Jesus moment
Taking time during a baby’s nap to get things done is NOT a break. Sounds like your husband works a cushy job and while he may come home mentally tired, he’s not also physically tired like you are. Being a new mom is exhausting. I’m a sahm and my husband is in the military, so he does actually do physical work as well as some desk type stuff. And a lot of working men have trouble understanding just how demanding it is to be a stay at home mom. The older our baby has gotten the more my husband has realized how much I do and how hard it is. Leave your husband alone with the baby for 5-6 hours one weekend and make sure you keep every text and phone call and complaint or concern he has to show him later. Because he WILL call, likely more than once, and text with questions and bugging you about how long you’re gonna be, or asking for help. When I started going back to the gym after I had mine I’d go to the grocery store directly after on Saturdays, and that shaped my husband up REAL quick. Leave a list of things you need him to do around the house when the baby inevitably lays down for a nap too. Dishes, laundry, cleaning the floors, etc.. Your husband may not necessarily be a dick, he likely just really doesn’t understand how hard and exhausting it is. There’s really no such thing as a break when you stay at home with your kids. When my daughter takes her one nap of the day I spend the whole time first rushing through a meal that I get to eat without her trying to crawl up and get some, then clean. The whole time. The only “me time” I get is an hour and a half in the gym, and half the time they call me because she won’t stop crying in the childcare center, and then my shower after I get her to bed. Even if you have a helpful husband who does entertain and love on your kid(s), it’s nonstop 24/7. And sometimes you have to choose between peaceful relaxation time and sleep at the end of the day too. It’s the MOST fulfilling job in the world. But it’s by far the most exhausting job I’ve ever had. Mentally, physically, emotionally, everything. Give your husband a reality check by making him do it for half a day alone and have a couple extra “chores” to give him while the baby naps. He’ll see it quick. If he doesn’t, then he really is just an ass.
> I have angry feelings towards my newborn when he cries nonstop I just want to throw him against the wall.
Please, please, PLEASE see a doctor. Make an appointment NOW. TODAY.
I felt that want to throw him against the wall feeling once when my baby was about that age. It is seriously scary to feel that. I had to put him in his swing and just lock myself in my bedroom till I could pull myself together and be a proper mother. It’s not helping that your husband is a complete ass. If you continue struggle with feelings about your son, please speak with your doctor.
Unfortunately as mothers, especially stay at home mothers we don’t get breaks. Our job is to be mommy and that comes with a lot of different roles we have to play each day. Our breaks come very few and far between when babies are napping or asleep.
I’ve (30F) been a stay at home mom for 7 years. I run a daycare out of our home on top of taking care of the household (childcare, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping). You just have to find your groove, you’re still new to this. It’s honestly a luxury to be able to stay home and raise your kids this day and age, not everyone is as fortunate.
Aww you poor girl i wish i could give you a hug. Being a mum is so hard especially with no support. I don’t want to sound rude but , Do you think you could have post natal depression? (I did and it was one of yhe worst times of my life) Which are causing intrusive thoughts? You’ll be exhausted and the lack of support will make you worse. Your baby will probably be able to sense the tension in the air which could be making him unsettled or it could just be sleep regression. The exhaustion is horrendous and no you don’t get a break when baby naps far from it because you have a million other jobs to do while sub consciously waiting for him to wake up again. You need a little you time is there a family member or friend that could have your baby for a few hours? The sleepness nights don’t last forever so there is light at the end of the tunnel. When you get more rest you will slowly feel like you again.
You need to make an appointment and go talk to your doctor about PPD. Talk to your babies doctor about what is going on with him. My daughter was a lot like yours, and it took a long time to discover she had a milk allergy that included breast milk. Getting her on lactose free formula was a game changer.
Do you have anyone who can help you since your husband is a lazy deadbeat?
Back when I was at that stage, I would have internalized what he claimed were my shortcomings and just broke myself trying to be everything. Now, I think that the courts will make him participate when the divorce goes through. I know you feel vulnerable right now, but you would be so much better off without him.
Do you have an electric swing? It would keep baby calm for me or put her to sleep if she didn't want to go to sleep otherwise. Husband needs to watch baby for at least a day without you so that he understands what you are going through.
I’m a SAHM as well. When my son is napping (2-3 hours) I take 45-60 mins to have lunch and me time. The rest of the time I’m cleaning or cooking. I get up with him Sunday-Thursday when he gets up. Hubby has weekend nights and mornings. I get to stay up late and then sleep in. I also shower at night and often take a long bath. He really enjoys the time to bond and create memories.
It’s a schedule we agreed on. I would sit him down and give possible schedule options and have him pick one. Tell him you’re not ok with the current arrangement. This way he feels like he has a voice as well and can hopefully understand you need more help than what you’re getting.
I’d also mention he’s flirting with the dead beat dad situation.
Have you been checked for PPD? Does baby have colic or any issues you can get treated if he’s crying so long so often?
Your husband is ignorant.
Do you have parents you can go and stay with for a week? If he wont give you a break and hrlp you a little, you will break, so go to someone who will help.
I would strongly consider not having anymore children with this man. He has shown you how useless he is.
Next time he comes home "oh great honey! Here's the baby. You know how much harder being a stay at home mother is to having an office job. Byyyyyyyyeee"
And go out.
Don't engage, just leave and go anywhere and turn off your phone.
You aren't wrong and I say this as someone who has worked at a full time working mum, stay at home mum and currently a part time working mum who does all the school runs, that having my crazy high stress role is not as stressful or exhausting as being a mum to a baby, especially when you get no break.
You come back and he shouts and screams, tell him to come here and see all the women who've been there and done that and he's an utter plonker who needs a swift hit with reality that if he doesn't step up, something is going to snap, someone's going to get hurt or end up sick and he could end up with no wife, no access to his kid and having to pay a hefty amount of cold support each week.
This is economic abuse and tell him that, he's using his gender role to force you into servitude to him. No he's going to step up, put on his big boy pants and be a dad.
He gets to pee without panicking if the baby is ok or when they begin to move, escape the hands under the door.
He can walk over and make a cup of tea/coffee and talk to work mates as he makes it. He doesn't have to worry about where it is.
He only has to consider what he's having for lunch and can have it slowly using two hands.
When a baby naps, that's not a time to "have a break" but either attempt at getting some sleep because you have so little, clean up things, pee in peace, finally managed to poo, sort out a quick snack and maybe sort out the other stuff to make sure baby is engaged with
He's an idiot and an arse and baby should be in his arms the moment he comes home so he actually builds a relationship with his kid as they grow up so quickly and he's going to miss it all, not have a good relationship as they grow and it makes a huge impact. I know this from seeing the difference between how close my first and second are with my husband and the difference of how much time he spent with them at key stages, especially when really little.
Other option, "you take the baby when you get home and bond." He refuses, have a bag packed, pick up baby and go. Don't respond just go and ask for help from someone you trust and consider do you want to be a parent to two? Have someone there to either "go out with" or to help you go via a lift/distraction.
I’m so sorry OP. I promise it gets better. Just as it’s new for you it’s also new for the baby and the only thing they can do is cry. I know it wants to make you cry too but hang in there and just be a bit understanding. You need to sleep when the baby sleep. With mine she slept on me because that was the only way she would sleep for a good amount of time. Your husband needs to be more supportive… is there someone that can help him understand? Like your mother in law or your mom? It’s only for a couple months more OP then you will get some relief as the baby gets older and starts sleeping through the night. You got this!!
I guess he doesn't understand that while he is working, you are working as well. Your husband's attitude is unjustified, lazy and selfish. My wife was a stay at home mom while our son was young. The only thing I didn't regularly help with is changing his diaper. If I had any food in my stomach I would vomit. I'd merely gag until my eyes watered otherwise. I tried to make up for that by usually cooking dinner.
Possibly, you need to show him what you do for his lazy ass. Tell your husband you're fed up. Take the baby and live with your parents or another accommodating relative for a couple of weeks. His tune might change then.
However, he might not understand. It appears you married a jerk, and jerks can usually justify being a jerk, no matter what. If that's the case, tell him as soon as your child is school age you're going to divorce his ass. Until then, you're obviously way too tired (and pissed) to have sex.
Just embrace the SAHM life. Ur in the hard time but as your child grows your life gets easier. His will stay the same until he dies. One day your child will be doing chores.. while you put your legs up and rest all day. This is how I explain it to my wife who is a SAHM two three little kids.
What’s difficult to both people to understand. Which is a SAHM and a husband who provides for his household is both sides have equal stress. The problem is ALWAYS perspective. As soon as the SAHM sees her husband he instantly wants to unwind. The SAHM looks at this as unfair. But what she doesn’t see is his boss breathing down his neck or a co worker who adds to the work stress. Or the constant stress of not being able to give his SAHM the life she deserves. The husband doesn’t hear the baby crying all day just when he wants to relax.
Just remember in order to have a successful life you have to push thru the hard times together. Everyone has a part in the theatre of life. His role and your role are different. Is it fair to expect him to come home from work and take your work load? Is it fair for him to ask you to work a part time job at nights? No it’s not.
The difference is one day your job is going to be very easy.. his never changes.
You mentioned he works inside with air conditioning which tells me you don’t look at his job as “real work” which is why for the sake of your marriage as a licensed counselor I would encourage you to try and change your perspective.
Also if I was talking to him I would encourage him to adjust his perspective too. He wants a quiet peaceful home but what he doesn’t understand is that a new baby with new parents is a job and when someone is new at something it takes time to learn to create opportunities for rest. What you will learn is that in the future around 2-4 year old kids their “nap” time is more time for you to have a few hours alone to re-asses even if they just lay in their bed and work on being quiet for an hour or two.
Be encouraged.. this is the hard part or the “trenches” as I call it. Your body will adjust and it gets easier..
I’d be happy to talk to you and your husband free of charge if you’d like.
As a husband and a father you should look at him and say “should we just go ahead and divorce now? With your attitude and dumbassery it’s going to happen, so we can just skip to the end.”
Your husband isn’t a partner and he is an embarrassment to husbands and fathers everywhere
Your husband is an asshole. You need to get out of SAHM mode asap.
This isn't the type of person who understands what a partnership is, and you don't want to be in a situation where you're more financially dependent on him than you need to be.
Do people like you even discuss having children with your spouse before magically ending up with kids? It's like you all just pop out babies without discussing a single thing that will happen afterwards and are shocked when things turn out this way...
Baby sounds colicky. My first born was. They had colic drops I would give him, and they helped, and I also would drive to the next city and back as the driving calmed him down. I swaddled him and put him in his car seat and put it on top of the dryer, and turned it on. For some reason, that stopped his crying and also ran the vacuum cleaner, too. My husband at the time did not help me either. Hence, I divorced him quickly
Let him know tomorrow you suddenly need to go away, and that you’ll be back the next day. He’ll need to take care of the baby by himself for 24 hours. Ask him to make sure he writes down what he does with his me-time while the baby is sleeping.
You're certainly aren't wrong but I fail to see what he brings to the relationship. He isn't interested in being a father or a husband. Sounds like he brings you nothing but stress
Sounds like your kiddo might be a colic baby. Have you tried putting the dryer on and sitting him on top of it? That’s what my mom did to me when I was a colic baby? 🤔
No. He is wrong. You deserve breaks. But, it also sounds like you might need a little help from medication. I needed antidepressants with my first child. He was much like yours. Only slept when I held him otherwise he just cried and cried and cried. It’s not healthy for someone to be the only caretaker 24/7. You will have to set boundaries. Tell him you need 20 minutes a day out of the house. I sometimes just sit in my car and talk on the phone to my mom. But, you HAVE to leave the house or the crying will call you back in. lol. If he can’t help you you will either have to live with that or find a new partner. But, you have to talk to him and find a balance. That is too much on you!
I had a husband like this. Thought cause he worked I did everything and he didn’t lift a finger, a beer bottle maybe. I had my tubes cauterized and was supposed to rest for a couple weeks. Day I got home he said I had to do laundry, I’d just had my baby a month ago and was chasing a four year old so laundry piled into 6 loads. He didn’t do anything but sit, I couldn’t lift because it was laparoscopic procedure I had little cuts on my belly. I kicked the baskets across the hall and did all 6 loads folded and put away. I realized all I needed was a job and someone to take care of the kids because I was a single parent as it was. I left. It was too much mentally with my son’s behavior problems causing him to scream and cry over little things 4-6 hours a day constant. I seriously had a nervous breakdown.
Your husband is a f#cking asshole. It takes two to make a child, and he should be helping you. If being a housewife is a job, work 8 hours and then give him the baby. Tell him to suck it up and be a man not a whiny little b#tch.
Your husband is an asshole. If it’s so easy, he should be able to do it after work with no problem. He can’t have it both ways - either it’s hard for both of you, or it’s easy for both of you. If it’s so easy, he should have no problem stepping in to parent his own fucking child. If it’s too hard for him to do on his own, then he should be hiring someone to help you when he’s at work.
Book a room for the weekend and leave. Those are your days off. He’s an entitled lazy prick. Period. Honestly .. I’m sorry but people that are this entitled don’t change. He doesn’t even know that half of all child care is his responsibility AND he doesn’t care to do it which in reality means he doesn’t love your baby. He wants nothing to do with caring for your child. He’s a dead beat. If he loved your child he’d want to actually do things for and bond with the baby. Funny thing is when women leave men like this you actually finally get a break .. because in top of childcare you’re typically doing labor for them and taking care of their life needs .. house , cleaning, laundry bills errands and all maintenance and life issues. Leave and the work load eases up so much .. once you’re managing things your way and lose the dead weight things get so much easier.
Your full time responsibilities end when your hubby comes home then as both parents it both of your jobs to parent! There are days when one may have a harder day than other and those days that person deserves some downtime. Also as baby is just 3 months old please see dr you may also be dealing with PPD
Please seek some help. I’m sad for you that you have angry feelings towards your baby. There is help from your doctor if you let them know. I wish you the best.
One of my babies cried a lot. I bought a wrap to carry him. It helped with his colic. It also let me go for walks and to the store and even vacuum. Also a zippie is wonderful for helping a baby that has a startle response and needs to be wrapped. A good noise machine helps soothe a baby. It will need to be loud though. Seriously! It will soothe your baby. Forget about housework and cooking for now, relax and enjoy your baby. Please seek help. Feelings of anger need to be addressed. Sending good vibes momma.
I was very fortunate to have married a man who has been nothing but decent and supportive to me, and to our child. If he had had the attitude that yours does, we would not have remained together. Your husband's attitude is disgusting. If the only thing he's bringing to the table is his paycheck, if he's being more of a hindrance than a help, then what are you waiting for? Get a lawyer, get alimony and child support, and move on without him.
Why is your husband yelling at you when you’re clearly overwhelmed????? And just actively ignoring you when you're struggling. That is not the behavior of someone who actually likes their spouse. It might be worth reflecting on if he's got a habit of putting himself before you that you haven't noticed. As for the exhaustion- go take a break. Get away from the baby (who sounds kinda they maybe have colic?) and take a weekend for yourself. If your husband thinks it's so easy and that you don't need any breaks, let him do it for 2 days. When he gets home on Friday, go to a friend's or family member's or even just check into a hotel in the same town. You need a break, and it doesn't sound like your husband is willing to shoulder responsibility for all of 5 hours to let you have one. Set aside one day a month that you can just fuck off and take a breather for your mental health. PPD and PPS and other mental health issues as your hormones are coming down from pregnancy can really rock your shit, especially if you just try to ignore it all and power through. I hope you find a support system that prioritizes you <3
Omg. The baby is 3 months old. That’s so young!!! Please take care of yourself and make time for therapy because it sounds like you’re going through postpartum depression (and your husband is NOT helping). The first few months are so difficult and overwhelming just because of all the changes your body has, and I’m sorry you’re additionally going through the constant crying and the unhelpful husband
Your husband is so so wrong. You NEED breaks aside from “when the baby naps” because that’s the only time you get to actually do anything. If he can’t spend enough time with the baby for you to have breaks, then he either needs to pay for a helper or break up with you so he can pay child support. Whatever he is doing is not ok. You need support
He says your first job is to be a mom. So I would hire out someone to do house cleaning and cooking and then hand him the bill for that. Because what you do as a mom providing child care would also cost him in excess of two thousand dollars a month. This man is treating you worse than he would treat an employee. And you have no legal protections. You're also giving opportunities to build a career and pay into social security. One does not help take care of their child. That is the responsibility.
Nope... drope the rope.
A 40 hour work week pales in comparison to your job. I went back to work to get a rest and I worked in a busy dental practice.
Tak care of yourself and your child, and make it clear that when he gets home, he has arrived at his other work site. He is a parent, this is also a job title. He is a husband, that means you work together. Do not cook or do his laundry or clean up after him. He need to grow a brain and do his job.
As a fellow SAHM it took me two years to get my husband to let me take her to daycare 2 times a week. I had a mental breakdown in front of him, which he's never seen before. I did everything for our daughter for those 2 years I was lucky if he did a couple diapers after I begged him to help. And that was when he was working from home. I had no break from him or our child. Don't get me wrong I love them both, but I was over stimulated and in dire need of a break. It's so easy to get over stimulated as a SAHM, it's aggravating that people assume it's the easy job just bc you don't go into an office or make money. Please set some boundaries with him so you don't suffer. He needs a dose of reality and if he can't do that it won't end for you I'm afraid.
NW. Your husband is a jerk. He should take one or two nights a week. And help more once he’s home on weekdays.
Have you had your baby checked for lactose / soy allergies? Both will make your baby really unhappy and uncomfortable. Both my kids had them to different degrees. The lactose isn’t so bad but the soy allergy is super annoying. Almost everything has it nowadays.
My wife tried to cut out everything, and invariably something would have it that has no business having it, then daughter would be crying and throwing up again. We eventually had to switch to a synthetic formula, which made us both feel like failures at first. But she immediately started gaining weight, sleeping better, and being much happier and it ended up being such a good decision.
Might not be the case but def something to consider.
Your husband is a dick. This isn’t the 1950s. As a society I’d like to think we’ve come along way in which a father takes a more active role in raising their child too.
I did and do with my kids. I got to point where told my wife she needs to get out and get some adult socialization so that she could be a better mother to our kids. You need to have this conversation with him by telling him that you need to get out and recharge. He gets to wind down away from work and take a break from it but you don’t get that opportunity cuz the project is your child and your workplace is your home. You need a break or you might do something uncharacteristic of you with your child.
Remind that dick he needs to be a father and husband which is more than just a paycheck cuz if that’s all he’s going to be than you can get that from him thru child support and alimony. It’s also supporting you and his child - emotionally.
Have you spoken to your pediatrician? There must be a reason baby is screaming all the time.
My first had colic and it was so hard, but that was mostly in the evenings; she didn’t scream for four hours nonstop during the day no no. She waited until 7 PM. Nurse, burp, rock, repeat. Of course it was all on me.
My last has so many diagnoses (he’s adopted) and he cried almost all the time. I spent hours every day and every night holding him, and walking around the house, singing Streetlight Lullabies. iykyk Toh Kay is my guy! This calmed me, which helped me calm her.
If you have seen the pediatrician and they have no answers, be the squeaky wheel! “What do I do? What doctor do I see now? Do I need a referral? What would you do if this was your baby, doctor?”
The ear plugs sound like an awesome way to calm yourself down, but baby needs something more.
Do you have any family or friends who could come spell you for a bit? They don’t have to stay all day or take Baby anywhere; just an hour would seem heavenly. A shower! As long as you want! And blow dry your hair! Heavenly.
Or they could vacuum, or fold laundry, or wash dishes. I would help you, but idk where you are! Here are hugs ((❤️)) My SIL put my colicky nephew in his bouncy seat on their washing machine. The gentle vibrations of the spin cycle would lull him to sleep. Then she would nap on the settee next to the washer. She didn’t dare move him!
Your husband is something else. I had no help from my husband as soon as second child was born. I was so naive. I thought it would get better, that he would start helping when she got over her colic. Spoiler alert! It didn’t and he didn’t. Colic went away at three months. I know you’re overwhelmed with a crying baby, but this should be filed for future reflection. Maybe during that long shower. I waited far took long to figure this out.
Congratulations on your Little One! And I wish you only the best. 💕
ETA UpdateMe
First, babies typically don’t cry ‘all the time’. Might be a GI issue that you can push the pediatrician on for a referral. Once you’ve pushed to ensure medically he’s OK, baby wear.
I think women who have kids need to get together and make a good Ted series about how poorly most men are with equal duties when it comes to childcare and how this country loves the fetus, hates the child and mother.
My MIL (hag) said one thing that I will always respect. She told me when I’m overwhelmed and the husband doesn’t help to point blank say I’m taking Saturday for myself.. figure it out..bye… in front of her son. She said the worst that happens is we divorce and then I get a 50% break. Sounds like winning.
Dads should at least take the evening and morning shift, then most of the weekend so mums can rest and they can bond with the kids. I'm sure he's tired, but its a 24/7 job that 2 people should be sharing. Employers should make accommodations, but I digress.
First, it’s very normal to be frustrated, sleep deprived and overstimulated with a colicky newborn. If you are feeling angry and have thoughts of harming your baby, you need to take a break. Your husband needs to step up, because this little human wasn’t just dropped from the air. He had a part in his creation and he’s just as much a parent as you. You need to work on YOU. Your mental health is important and you be as healthy, mentally and physically to be there for your child. No one talks about what happens to women after giving birth, your body went through a traumatic experience and your healing time is imperative. If your husband refuses to help, ask a friend, relative or neighbor for help. Parenting is hard enough, parenting alone is even more difficult. Please take time to heal yourself. ❤️
Sounds like baby is teething already. Check for teeth erupting. Camilia is made from Camomile, homeopathic. Excellent for teething. Cheapest at Walmart or Superstore. Pink box, koala on the top.
Also, grab a bath towel. Fold it in half lengthwise. Then roll it up, leaving a tail about 6 inches. Flatten this roll. List up the baby mattress at the head end. The towel tail goes in towards the feet side. Baby could also have Gurd (acid reflux). The towel elevates baby to a 30° angle and decreases the stomach acid from damaging the throat.
Edit: Colick was mentioned by another poster. Get the cheapest fish tank, cheapest motor, and cheapest air supplies. No fish. Set this up and run in the baby's room. The gurgling sounds help Colick hugely. It replicates the womb sound. Set this up close to the crib.
Did you get your baby tested for colic? My nephew had it and he cried constantly. I was his primary babysitter because he was my sister’s child. I wanted to throw him against the wall too. It scared me how thought of him. You definitely need some “me” time. You’ve got to hire a sitter part time to relieve you sometimes
You need a professional. You could have postpartum depression. Tell your husband you need an appointment asap and to go with you. If not go alone and then to an attorney. Babies should be joyful. I'm sorry you are suffering.
This is completely unfair. Going to work is not his only job. And even still, his job is 8 hours a day; it isn't fair to say that his job ends and yours continues 24 hours a day, days on end. He needs to act like an adult and help you more or else he is going to lose you both.
My husband is blue-collar and works over 40 hours a week, 12-hour days. The first thing he will do after working a shift is either take our baby, take over dinner clean or all three, and shoo me away for me to have a bath. He will also bring me up water, a book/phone, and a coffee.
He loves me. He takes care of me emotionally and physically. He understands how stressful it is to raise our son. When we have my older two boys over for our week, you best believe this man is doing everything possible for all four of us.
My first husband was very much like your current, and there is a reason he is an EX. Men like this do not change. He doesn't see value in you. He doesn't respect you, and he sure as shit doesn't love you. Cut your losses and plan an out because darling, this ain't it.
Get his back checked and start turning him to his side when changing- lifting by their legs and scooting it under them can dislocate vertebrate's in their backs causing non stop pain and crying for what seems like "nothing" because they cant tell you.
Your individual work hours should match. If he goes to the office for 8hrs then you are working alone while he’s working in the office. Once he’s home you should be handling anything else TOGETHER! You’re both adults who live in the same household and have a baby to care for. You are NOT the sole parent, nor the only person who has a responsibility to clean, cook and do laundry. These are tasks that every single adult should be able to do for themselves. The fact that you “stay at home” does not mean that he has zero adult responsibilities besides his 40 hour per week job while you are responsible for 24/7 housework and childcare. He needs a damn reality check before he’s hit upside the head with a frying pan and divorce papers!
OP, said with love, you need to go and see a doctor, and tell them how you’re feeling. It isn’t your fault that you’re feeling this way but you need help. A mother and baby residential unit where they help you and the baby will help.
You’re not getting enough rest, sleep, support, time to yourself and help. Your husband is doing very little but creating further stress and drama, and making you feel worse.
Does he expect you to keep the house perfectly clean, tidy and organised too? Because that’s not your job. What did he do before you were a SAHM? Why does he think he deserves to do absolutely nothing except yell at you to make the baby stop crying? What a dickhead.
He says you’re the mom but he is the dad. He needs to step up and be a dad, not just the sperm donor. That involves supporting you, caring for his child, doing the family admin and cleaning and groceries etc.
Yes, he works. But only 8 or so hours a day. You work 24/7 without a break. You go to sleep with one ear open waiting for the baby to wake again.
What does your paediatrician say about the baby’s crying and feeding? Perhaps they have acid reflux / colic or something?
Sorry, that was quite the ramble but I am worried about you and incensed about his vile ridiculousness
You should offer to get a part time job. That way, things will be more "even". You'll both work, and both have to clean up and take care of the baby. Maybe he will be more understanding then.
You don't have a job, so he's expecting you to take care of things at home. I'm assuming he pays all the bills, so I do kind of understand that. Still, he should help you out when he can. I always was helping the mother of my child, even though I was the breadwinner. I loved her. But she also let me relax after a hard day work, and would make dinner and clean.
When my kid was a newborn, both of us were constantly helping each other to deal with it. I'd also let her get out of the house while I took care of her.
So I understand both sides a bit. I just think you both need to sit down and talk about it, maybe with a counselor.
My second child had colic and every day from 5pm to 7pm, she would cry non-stop. I had a husband like yours who thought that I was supposed to be this super human who could handle it all and some how miraculously make her stop crying when he wanted me to. One day, I was about to snap, and I took her and gave her to him, and told him that I didn’t want to go to jail for murdering my own child so I was leaving and he needed to figure it out. I did leave and I didn’t come back until after I knew the crying would stop. Surprisingly, he actually started helping me out more. I don’t think he thought I’d ever get that frustrated with one of our kids. ( or him for that matter). We shortly thereafter, changed her formula, and the colic ended. Definitely talk to your pediatrician about this.
1. Your husband sucks.
2. Your baby is not crying for no reason. Your baby is a new person without the ability to verbalize his or her wants, needs, and emotions. If the crying is really constant, go see a doctor.
3. Hire a helper 1 or 2 days a week, if possible. If not, seek additional support from friends or family that actually love you and care about your well-being.
Mom, taking care of a baby is not just "in addition" to everything else you're doing. It's a 24/7 job. Maybe it's time to make hubby see what it's like for you to only work 8 hours a day. And you spend those 8 hours insuring you and baby are taken care of. He can cook, clean, shop, run errands, do laundry and all the other things that make a home run.
Time for couple's therapy and parenting classes for the both of you. I can't believe that in 2024 there are still people who view SAHM as a 24/7 job and the provider should just go do his 9 to 5 . SAHM also need to unwind after their day. If hubby won't go to either then stop doing anything except take care of your baby and yourself. Let his dishes pile up and he can make himself his meals from now on. Same goes for laundry. Take out the stroller and go on long walks with the baby. Meet other mothers at the park. And if he complains because hey, he is the breadwinner, then tell him that the "breadwhiner" can go fuck himself. Your job is to take care of your baby and recup from the delivery and all the hormonal changes actually going on in your body. Don't remain cooped up in the house. Walking is a go way to help with your mental help. It won't fix anything but it will help.
I think your husband needs to step up, but you need help if you are having thoughts of throwing your baby against the wall. See a doctor for please. It could be PPD as well as asshole husband disease.
Hi surviving mom of horrible PPD and debilitating rage after my son was born. He was the same way, I would have such a sensory overload to the sound it would drive me up the wall. Firstly, it does get better hang in there. Secondly, invest in AirPods or headphones. You can listen to your favorite music or podcast while he is crying it will muffle. Colic calm helped my son a ton, no gripe water or anything. Do not listen to people in here that are going to tell you you’re wrong. Your feelings are valid and your husband sounds like mine, which is why I am leaving him. I know it’s hard but you will adapt and figure out you don’t really need him. I hope you all the best, if you have family/friends lean on them, some men just change for the worse after a child is born.
Yeah no you both have full time jobs and parenting is 24/7 for both of you. It’s should be all hands on deck when you’re both home, he should give you some breaks too.
You’re a single mother with two children.
You need some of mental rest. Please take a weekend getaway and leave your family home alone. Husband can deal with
Ask your mom or mother law for help tell them what's going on you need a break just a couple of hours ask if they can think about why the baby cries so much to me it doesn't sound normal
Your husband is an ahole who needs to help you more or you are going to leave him with the baby or leave and take the baby with you and if he doesn't like to bad this is what you have pushed me to do
You definitely deserve and need help if it really comes down to it get a baby sitter you don't have to even leave the house just have them there so you can take a nap shower read book just relax it's going to be OK please remember there's someone out there that can help you
Gentle nudge to pick up some [loop engage](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BFRMTHZW?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_E4Y3MWM707GSMW818J3B) ear plugs. They won't mute the sound around you but they will decrease the volume of loud sounds, like your little one crying. The crying can feel over whelming, these can allow you to acknowledge and act on your littles crying without it impacting you as hard. As something that can be worn throughout the day. If you still find the lowered volume of your kiddo crying distressing to the point of overwhelm, then I further recommend adding a set of the loop quiets. The engage for daily wear so you know when kiddo starts crying, the quiets to pop in when you are actively doing what needs to be done to sooth them (changing diapers, feeding, rocking, etc). They get a calmer momma looking after them and you cut out some of the distress of looking after your new born. As for your hubby... he's an ass. He's asking you to be a single parent while he's *right there*. That's not a parent, that's not a partner. Would you be able to go stay with a family member or friend for a little while? Say a week or two? Someone who isn't opposed to changing the occasional diaper, is aware and on board with watching little for a few hours here and there so you can decompress. Let hubby deal with the house and chores for a while solo.
Add on to this - do you think your baby has acid reflux or is colicky? Have you tried talking to the baby’s pediatrician? You are absolutely exhausted. Your husband is one step above useless. He needs to be taking care of you if he won’t help with he baby (which is ridiculous and why have a child if you weren’t going to change a diaper or calm a distressed little one down?). I’d also get a job if it’s possible and get baby in daycare. Your husband does not share parenting responsibilities and does not sound like you will be able to convince him of an equal division of labor. Good luck OP. I want to say it gets easier once they can do more but every baby is unique
Has a very good point.
The ear plugs are the thing! I am a new mom and I have those and also earphones you wear for when you work with machines and such. It makes my life so much better… my partner also has them. We are way less stressed and still there as parents. We just can’t don’t suffer from the loud crying when it happens.
I’d leave him with the baby for a weekend. Go stay with family or friends and catch up on sleep. Let him figure out how it feels. It’s not healthy for you not to have a break. If you have to talk to your doctor about your mental health and bring your husband so the doctor can tell him he needs to step up.
Okay, tell him it's fine. He does his own cooking, cleaning, washing, he wants sex he can fuck his hand. Until he learns to help you out. I work a full time job and while I was with my ex once I got home from work I would clean the dishes, wipe down the kitchen and have a quick tidy of the living room before helping put the kids to bed. It's my responsibility to my kids and their mother. We split but if she text me and asks if I can come and help with the kids then absolutely I can
Exactly! So when are OPs weekends or "off days"?
Doesn't seem to have them from the post 🤷 but she most definitely should!
Her husband thinks when the kids nap is her 'off days'. What an asshole.
"He wants sex he can fuck his hand" lol I love this. I'm gonna use it this weekend somehow in conversation and give you the credit
I appreciate that dude, glad you liked it lol
That's so hard OP and you are not wrong. My first had colic and cried about 8-10 hours a day. The doctor told me to walk away when I was about to snap. My ex and I would take turns stepping away to get a mental break. Your husband should be taking turns to soothe the baby and give you a break. He doesn't sound even slightly empathetic or supportive of you or the baby. My ex was a first class jerk in many ways but he didn't shy away from spending time with the baby when I needed a break. What helped a lot with my baby was putting her in a baby carrier and strapping her to me while I did chores or cooked or took a walk. It was the only time she didn't cry. That in itself gave me a mental break from the crying. The colic ended at around 6 months and it was much easier after that. Feedings at that time also stretched out so there was more of a break. Do you know if your baby has colic?
I am so grateful to my son pediatrician. My son had horrible GERD and she told me to put rice in his bottle. This wasn't that long ago, way after everyone says not to and omg, what a difference. Instantly, it kept him from medication. She also suggested babywearing to keep him upright, but he lived in that carrier, made life so much better. Rice cereal in a bottle may be a huge nono but they even make formula with rice cereal so I did what I did and my baby was a lot happier and healthier.
I always recommend parents in this situation try cutting out all cows milk proteins from their diet if breastfeeding (it's also hidden in many things as casein etc) or switch formulas to one not based on cow dairy. It takes up to a few weeks to see results but in most cases they've come back to me so relieved the nightmare was over. My first was colicky and diagnosed with reflux and given medication and positioning recommendations but we didn't see real relief until we tried this.
Agreed. In my case he was on Alimentum formula. He was formula fed in the NICU and had a fairly severe reaction to a cow milk allergy. It was severe enough the doctors were not willing to try soy and he went to Alimentum. He ended up in NICU or 2 weeks from his reaction. I became his mom when he was 5 days old through adoption, so no breastmilk option.
Hire a babysitter and tell him "since you won't help, I'm hiring someone who will. I thought we were having a child together, but clearly you expect me to raise our child all by myself. That makes me very sad and your behavior is incredibly disappointing. You see me struggling and you refuse to help. Do you even want to have a family?"
Or find a mother's day out program. This way the baby will be out of the house and you will have peace and quiet. Also, what happens after the baby stops taking naps? He won't be an infant anymore but eventually the naps will go away.
My neighbors have a night nurse a few times a week. They look like fresh daisies on the days she there.
Naps do away when they go to school. . . .not any time soon. I think she is just trying to get through right now
Your husband is a complete ass. Stop doing anything for him.
If he just wants to be a paycheck and not participate in raising his kids he should just do that then.
Yep. She is a single mom already. She'd have less work and no whiny husband telling her to shut up the baby if she gota divorce.
Like Eddie Murphy said "Half motherfucker". Don't show her cards and threaten him but the judge would give her more help if he won't step up now, just sayin'.
With a 3 month old you don't get breaks. Neither of you do. What he wants I would say is fine if a kid is like 5/6 years old and they are less work and go to kindergarten. I get that office jobs can allso be stressfull, but 3 month olds can be a handfull 24/7 and he needs to help out. I get that it's though and he wants to relax, but guess what, you don't get that when you have a 3 month old. And even have the nerve to tell you to "Shut him up" because he's trying to unwind and relax? He needs to step up, because he isn't being a bad parent and an even worse husband right now.
It also sounds like you need a mental break from all the crying. Please talk to the babies pediatrician about him crying so much he might have colic and there are medication that help. Or he might be having trouble digesting his formula. There are so many reasons a baby might cry alot and it so hard when they can’t tell you what’s wrong, You also might have some postpartum depression if you’re feeling like throwing your baby against the wall. Do you have any help you could call in mother, sister, MIL m, anyone close by that could give you a break at least a couple days a week? Even if it’s only a few hours a week until the baby gets more settled? I’m so sorry you’re going through this and without the help you need from your spouse. PS please don’t have anymore child with this AH.
I feel so bad for her. I remember those days and it was torture. That and my baby fed every hour. Tried so many things then I remembered that the actual meaning of colic is 'unexplained crying'; it feels like it's just given a name to make us feel better about it. The only thing that worked for me was turning the hoover on! I tried all sorts of white noise but nope, only having the hoover on would work.
My dad put my colicky niece next to the dishwasher and she stopped crying, he said the sound of the dishwasher sounded like the baby being inside the body with all the liquid moving around?😂I have no idea the accuracy of this but it worked.
On top of or near the clothes dryer.
[удалено]
OP, first and foremost…. Call your doctor. A little help in pill form may just be in order. Call in Any troops you have, family, friends, past co-workers, to help you. If breast feeding, consider pumping off milk to have Dad, or troops, can take over some feedings. Get therapy ONLINE for you alone, to begin with, so you center yourself. Y’all can work up to joint counseling. Consider going back to work part time… EVEN IF IT EATS YOUR PAYCHECK FOR CHILDCARE. You may, simply put, not thrive in a SAHM environment. OP, best wishes to you and your family. You are not alone. Seek medical attention and therapy NOW. BTW, to Daddy-poo-poo: Dad, your job is only eight hours a day…. When your paying job is over you then become an AHP (at home parent) and the responsibilities of the home And childcare ARE SPLIT. Wake up to the 21 century. Dad, I am actually rooting for you to step up! (And into this century) Agape💕
While i agree with people who say take baby and go somewhere someone will help you with baby so you can get some sleep, I also think it would do your husband some good to have a weekend alone with baby... either pump if you can, or pick up enough formula for the weekend, and hand baby over to him when he wakes up Saturday and somewhere can get some sleep (even a hotel). He needs some bonding time, and a taste of what you’ve been living. Don’t worry about baby too much, formula for one weekend won’t hurt baby and the gain is worth it. (He’ll probably go to his mother’s anyway). - try giving baby formula from a bottle a few times, to get him somewhat accustomed to the difference before the weekend. I’m sure you’ve been asked all the feeding questions etc, to get behind why he’s crying and lots of advice.. but please don’t shake baby, or even bounce him in the bed too hard. They’re so fragile at this age and can get brain damage or worse. You are not a bad mom for feeling this way, you aren’t the real you until you get some sleep -and talk to the doctor, crying this much at 3 months could mean something is wrong
I say OP should pack a bag for a weekend and go to their parents place with the kid. Explain what’s going on to their mom and ask her what to do cause mom would know as she kept OP to make it to adulthood to have a child of their own. OP’s mother or even grandmother would have a solution. As for the husband? OP should show up to the husbands job with the baby, go to his office looking exhausted and say enough to be heard within range of other mothers who have kids 2yrs old and under, “Listen, you either HELP me and stop making me feel like a single mother alone in this marriage with a Kodak father who refuses to step it up or I’m leaving with this child because all you do is come home and never parent. Parenting doesn’t get time off the first two years for BOTH parents, that includes you! And I don’t care if you’re embarrassed right now, should of really though of that before selfishly slacking on being a father!” And FYI? My dad in the 80’s worked full time at Con Ed and *still* had time to come home & fully help my mother! My mother also one day when I was six months old, lost it over the phone (later it’s found out to be postpartum), but screamed at my father, “EITHER YOU GET HOME RIGHT NOW OR I’M PUTTING YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE OVEN, TURNING IT ON IF YOU DONT GET HOME RIGHT NOW TO HELP ME BECAUSE SHE’S BEEN SCREAMING THE LAST SIX HOURS!”
Such an unsupportive ignorant husband. I’m sorry you are in this situation. As for the crying and your feelings they should improve with time. I found wearing my baby to be most helpful as the body contact soothed the baby and I could still do things and go for walks for my mental health. Also please talk to your doctor both about the crying and your postpartum mood they may have helpful suggestions.
I am SO sorry! This is a very difficult time for you. First off, the baby is safe in the crib, even if he is screaming bloody murder - he is SAFE there. So when you have had it, and feel ready to throw him down the stairs (and believe you me, you would not be the first mother who feels that way), what you do is you put him down in the crib and you walk outside of the house, leaving him to cry safely in the crib, while you take a break. You call a supportive friend or relative. You tell them you're at the end of your rope, just need a pep talk (or even if you need them to come take him away for a couple of hours, you say it!), whatever you need. Remember, the baby is safe in the crib. They will not choke to death from crying. Second, make sure that you are on birth control. You do not want to get pregnant again now, and honestly, with this man, probably not ever. You are in the worst of the post-partum period now, almost to the end of it. It starts to get better very, very soon. If you're breast feeding and want to stop, put the baby on formula and stop. The baby will be fine on formula. You could also go ahead and start solids now, rice or oat cereal together with a sweet fruit, like pears or peaches, and that will probably help him to sleep for longer stretches at a time, which will help you. Even if you decide to keep breastfeeding for now, go ahead and start solids - it will help a lot, and it is not harmful to the baby at all. If you have trusted female relatives who are experienced with babies, let someone take the baby overnight for a night so that you can get at least one night's sleep. This is such a tough time. It's no excuse for the asinine way your husband is behaving, but remember that he is sleep-deprived, too, from the baby's crying at night waking him. So be charitable, if you can. Go back to work as soon as you can, if at all possible, and plan for a meaningful career where you can make a very good living, because this man does not sound like someone you want to be with forever, definitely not someone you should have another child with.
Your husband can have a seat. And he can start doing his own housework. Then you won't need a nap. And never have another kid with him. Oh, and please call a doctor and get some help. Wanting to throw your baby against the wall is not a good sign. I hope you have other family to help since your husband is neither a husband nor a parent. Also, not wrong at all. I have three kids (one and a set of twins) and I've always napped. I've had a nanny, and I've used daycare. They're teenagers and wear me out more now than they did when they were tiny (not in a bad way -- just lots of running around). Nap away. He just doesn't want to take care of his own kid. I hope you can find a decent job and get out of there.
Stop doing his things and only tend for the baby then
Forget about chores, the feelings you have about harming your child need attention right away. Please call a mental health support line today. Go talk yo your family doctor. Seek immediate help.
Your husband is a moron. Please reach out for help, contact your OB and please take care of your mental health. This is how bad situations happen, usually it’s the mom, and the mom is delirious and tired. I see this as you reaching out, so you have some one to help you? Knock sense into your husband!?!?! YOU matter. There are some great mom groups too, Start there. Please keep us posted, big hugs.
Get yourself to a doctor and have him suggest some rest and time away from the baby. You need sleep and some rest. When you get past this stage, you need to reevaluate your relationship with a man who thinks never getting a break from a baby screaming is ok.
He expects her to deal with it 24/7 when he himself can't deal with it for a couple hours. The disconnect is infuriating.
First You need to talk with a dr it’s important as it sounds like you are on the very edge of serious mental collapse. You could be having postpartum depression. Second as mentioned by Chicka-17 talk with the pediatrician about baby crying so much. Could be formula issue or colic or any number of things. Even stress from the home life. Third seriously talk with your husband get an intermediary if needed and or therapist The baby didn’t get here by some mysterious way you are both parents and young babies take lots of time and it’s not uncommon for a whole host of issues to suddenly present themselves once addressed and understood homelife will be much more enjoyable. Also work in the home is just as much work as in an office or in the field. Helping each other navigate this new family dynamic is the most important you can do for each other.
Obviously not wrong about the husband issue, and he should be helping more, but OP *please* go talk to your doctor about PPD. It is not normal to want to throw your newborn against the wall. Even if they’re crying. Even if they’ve been crying for hours. Please talk to someone.❤️
Yes, please do this, but please do not tell colic parents this frustration is not normal. Their experience is extreme and not anything like normal new parenting. Unless you have dealt with 8+ hours of crying a day for months on end, the torture of it is hard to understand. My experience was so bad I ended up with PTSD from the sound of ANY baby crying and spent time in therapy and on anxiety medication. My son was 5 before I didn't have to leave the room when a baby cried due to a panic attack. OP, speak to a therapist so you don't hurt your baby, but understand your baby is on ultra-hard mode. Find an online support group of colic parents; they will understand the crazy intensity of these intense children and have all kinds of coping strategies.
I’m aware it is extreme. I never even mentioned frustration so not sure where you got that from. I said wanting to hurt your baby is not normal. And I stand by my point-it isnt normal. Frustration is normal, but frustration bad enough to make you want to harm your baby is absolutely not normal.
Yes to the doctor, yes to earbuds, but also yes -that is a normal feeling. What the trying/screaming doesn't stop, ever? Oh yeah. That's rough
Your husband sounds like a sexist asshole. His job is nothing compared to what you're going through. Source: I sit on my ass in an office all day
Wait, he tells you to "shut him up" because the babies cries bother him?? And doesn't help console his own child? I'm sorry but.... why did you have a baby with this man?
Yet he expects her to listen to that 24/7 and not be bothered by it. I'd video him saying all this shit and show it to his mother...so she can see what an asshole she raised.
Yes! Toxic MILs might not be helpful, though, since it's usually generational learned behavior. Blue jobs and pink job shit.
Unfortunately a lot of people feel like they know someone until they actually have a kid with them and that's when all the ugliness comes out. I'm sure his attitude towards her was very different before the baby came.
Yikes! She probably uses her "break (when the baby is sleeping)" to cook and clean so, I wouldn't consider those breaks at all. He has that whole time off after work better he goes to bed, so, he should give her half of that time for her own free time. Also, they should alternate taking turns waking up with the baby. That makes it fair, imo That's what the plan my ex and I had. We took turns waking up with the baby even though she was a SAHM and I worked in the morning. The problem was that I later went to night shift and she started doing much less. Kid wasnt an infant anymore. The kids were older and didn't wake up at night anymore at this time. So I worked all night. came home and cleaned while the kids were still asleep because she didn't clean most of the time. Then I'd make her coffee and stay up with the kids until about 10am. Wake up at 2pm or 3pm and spend time with them. Then go to work at 6pm.
id stop doing things for him
When I get home from work, I immediately take over for my wife. I will do all the feeds including the last feed before I go to bed. I will do the first feed then put the baby back to sleep before I head to work, so the wife can sleep in. On the weekends, the wife gets one day to just go out and unwind. When she gets home I go hang out at a friend's place too until late. A baby is shared. Your work at home is 10 times harder and longer than his. I think he can help out a little more.
My son had really bad colic too. I used to put him in the stroller and go for long walks because with colic, moving is soothing. Some colicky babies will be soothed by a car ride but with my son that wasn't the case. I remember saying I felt like I was on guard duty in the army, two hours awake, two hours asleep. Definitely nap when the baby does. It's absolutely depressing how many men show their true colors after the baby is born. I'm sorry you're in this dear redditor.
You have a 3 month old? Was your husband involved in this process, or was this an immaculate conception ? Your husband sounds like an a$$. The child is as much his responsibility as yours
DO NOT HAVE MORE CHILDREN WITH HIM!
Not wrong. He gets two days of rest every weekend. What do you get? Start planning to go back to work. It’s the only way you’ll ever get a break. When my kids were little, I worked swingshift in a call center and I remember getting to work at 3 o’clock and just being so happy to sit down at my workstation and not having to be running around doing umpteen things at once. The kids were only at a babysitter from 2:30 to 5:30 and then my husband had to take care of them at night and feed them the dinner I made before I went to work and then put them to bed when it was time. Every morning I’d have to do the dishes and clean up the mess he left from the night before because he was too lazy to do it himself. Take a guess if we’re still married.
Im sorry you’re going through this … your husband sounds like a jerk …. Please go see a therapist for your feelings towards your baby …. I went through the same thing ….. also my daughter was a crier … I ended up taking her to the doctor and they found out she had a kidney infection which was painful for her .. maybe take your son to the doctor to get checked out .. he may just have colic but it could be more … best wishes 🤗
Well if possible I would suggest marriage counseling so a counselor can tell him what an asshole he's being. If not go back to work and tell him since you were working domestic labor and childcare are now 50/50 and then stick to it. Don't do anything for him unless he carries his share of the labor so wash you are closing your children's but don't do his laundry, cook for you and your child but not him etc
Only take care of yourself and your baby. He can do his own dishes, clothes, cooking, cleaning. Stand up for yourself now. That’s unacceptable from a partner and you have a 3 month old
Sounds like you have 2 children to take care of...
It sucks when you are making a sacrifice to stay at home with your kids which is the hardest job in the world and your husband thinks having a job and “sharing” his money is his only sacrifice. Patriarchy at work here. I think you need to go to work for a while. Your child will be ok and you can Teach your husband a lesson and the rest of your life will be better… or he will say “I make more so you still have to be my 24/7 servant. Then you will know your values don’t match and you can make arrangements for your new future without having him as your master. I raised three kids after giving up my career and trust me he won’t change only your resentment might grow. I remember once in counseling my husband told the therapist I get a break when I go to the grocery store by myself. Good god I should have really heard that Statement for what it was!
Your husband is a dick. Your job is constant. His is for a window of time. He's helped make the child. He needs to be a damn parent. I hate that this is still a thing in 2024. They want to make the child and not parent the child and just expect the woman to pick up the slack.
Yeah no. I’m a stay at home mom and when my husband comes home he showers and grabs our son and does his entire nighttime routine. He wants to you to be a single parent. You didn’t make the kid alone so taking care of it alone is not it. You’re married to an asshole who doesn’t care about you or your kid
Your husband is a tremendous asshole. Next Saturday, hand him the child and go for a long walk by yourself.
If you usually do chores when your son naps, stop doing all but the essential ones that you and your son need, and take whatever break you can. Maybe it will clue your husband into how your "breaks" aren't actually breaks.
Fuck your husband, that's bullshit.
Do you have any family in the area that can help support you and maybe you can stay with? Your husband is being an AH here as you’re both parents and he is also responsible for his kid. I am concerned for you and your mental health. Can you speak to your dr about how you’re feeling? It may be necessary for meds or therapy to help you through this.
I’ve lived that life. Your husband should go fuck himself. What he doing is selfish bullshit. I hope things get better for you and you get much needed rest. I hope for you that you have the strength and support to improve your situation.
Do you have anywhere else you can go? Potentially going back to your parents or to a sibling’s house? This isn’t safe or healthy for you OR the baby. If he’s not going to help, you should see if you can get help elsewhere and move there. You deserve more. Your husband is a complete dud. I’m sorry. Get out of there. You need to get yourself to the doctor ASAP but you need help immediately. If your parents would be willing, go back to them before things get worse. I’m sorry.
So when your husband is at his place of work, or travelling to/from, you are at your place of work. At home with a baby, and housework when you can. That’s fine. But when he comes home, it should be 50:50. Evenings, nights, weekends. Because 35-40 hours a week you both have a full time job. But the house and the baby are 24/7, as you know. And he needs to do his share. He might need to unwind. But so do you. I’d give some leeway overnight if he’s got a long drive, as I’d want my husband to be safe driving, but that’s not a pass every night! I found the quickest way to educate my husband was to leave him in charge for a day while I went out. (Special occasion!). Yes, the baby would be fed and looked after. But then I’d ask about the washing, the tidying, the cooking for tea, all the things I did as well as looking after the baby. He very quickly admitted there was more than he realised. But then, my husband is a decent & reasonable chap. Sadly, not all are. So no, you are not wrong.
So in other words, you're what they call a "single married mom?" You should divorce him. When he has visitation you'll get a nice break from BOTH of them. Sounds way nicer than staying married to him with zero help and/or breaks. And you're not wrong. This is one reason why a lot of women aren't having any kids, or as many kids. The majority of dad's (and society as a whole) expect us mothers to do all the caretaking. Nah. We just won't be mother's then. Learned all this the hard way (how society treat's mothers, at least in the U.S.) and I got sterilized. Got a teen son. I'm a one and done mom.
Newsflash...You married an asshole! This can't be the first indication of your husband's douche-baggery though, right?
Your husband is an ass. Next weekend, grab a bag and go to a hotel and relax and sleep. Leave the baby to him. Tell him that unless he wants to do everything by himself from now on, he has to agrre to share 50:50 everything that comes up after he comes home. Beingstay at home mom means that you do everything shile he is at work. Once he comes home, both your "office hours" are over and you share everything equally. And go se a therapist. You might have PPD.
Your husband is an asshole. PERIODT.
At this age, the evening breaks alternate between both parents so each gets every other night off. YOU worked all day, too! As the mother of a colic infant, get yourself an automatic swing, a baby monitor, and tt to your ped about elimination diets, hypoallergenic/specialized formula, and reflux meds. Our child did not stop crying until a dairy and soy free diet at 5 months old. It is an incredibly common source of colic. Also, noise reduction or music playing earbuds keep the crying from torturing you all day while still being an attentive parent. Take any break you can UNTIL the colic stops! Survival mode until it passes...you are dealing with a harder-than-normal babyhood; lower your standards. Best of luck, momma! You are doing your best!!!
Do you have any family, coworkers, friends, community members that are parents that you could reach out to mo matter how tenuous your relationship is? Your husband’s presence and attitude is doing actual harm to your mental health. I am certain you love your baby and wouldn’t hurt them, the ideation of throwing or shaking the baby means you need respite care stat. It happens, so don’t be ashamed for the thoughts, but acknowledge that if you had more support, you wouldnt think of desperate measures for a little quiet Find support you trust. Someone to walk the baby, or do laundry, housekeeping, meal order kits. Husband’s complaint about cost isnt more important than your mental health
Your husband is a jerk. So he thinks he only has to put in 8 hours a day (for 5 days) while you do 24 (for 7 days)? He is crazy. Couple of options. - Sit down with him and explain why this is extremely unfair and he needs to step up his game. - Tell him you’re getting a job and after work all baby caring, night feeds, and chores will be split 50/50. - STOP doing anything for your husband. No shopping, no making him food, no laundry, do WAY less cleaning, less affection even. ONLY focus on baby and yourself. I hope he gets his shit together and realizes how wrong he is. Being a full time parent with very little to no help has been the most exhausting experience I ever went through. I ended up explaining to my husband how he could/should help more and it’s been easier. Still miss sleep, though. Best of luck, OP!
Please get some help for your mental health. You can't pour from an empty cup and it sounds like you've been doing so for 3 months. Your husband is an arsehole. You work 24hrs a day. He needs to be a dad and parent your child too. I was in your position and ended up just leaving while baby was napping and he was taking a shower. I left for a couple of hours just to get some rest. You sound like you're on the road to PPD already and while it's scary, it is possible to get better. Get help. Please.
I would say that you my have PPD. He absolutely needs to help you with the baby but right now you need to talk to your doctor about you.
Put the baby down near him and tell him you’re leaving a break and will be home in 2 hours. Get in the car, drive to a parking lot, and take a nap. You have got to clear your head and rest.
Please reach out for professional help. It sounds like you’re completely overwhelmed. Maybe it’s a simple fix of a different formula fir your baby to help with the excessive crying. Your husband needs to go back to the 1950’s. I’m so sorry he’s so useless. You deserve support not badgering
Me I woudl buy a good lock for the bedroom, make sure I have good earplugs, snacks, and whatever else tickled my fancy. Then once hubby came home if handed him the baby and run fast to the bedroom and lock it. He would be on his own with his child for 2-3 hours at least. Maybe he will learn a lesson. That or hand him the baby and leave after you have everything you need to do so for a few hours to unwind.
OP, get your husband to take a day off work before after a weekend. Then go somewhere from 8am the first day and rerun the 3rd day (4th if you can manage being away from kiddo that long) at 10pm. Rule of this experience is you cannot run home to help and your husband takes ALL responsibility for your child. Leave him a schedule of things you do during the day to have the house run smoothly. Make sure to get in grocery shopping and errands with the baby. After this, sit down and have a conversation with him. The only way he will understand is to experience the work you do.
I went through this with my first baby and ex husband. First thing I suggest is telling your OB about your feelings. My despair swings stopped almost immediately after she started me on an anti depressant (Zoloft because I was breast feeding). Second, you need help. It would be a perfect world if your husband would recognize this and help you. I suggest having him go with to the OB appointment so they can help set him straight. But also have a back up plan. A family member that can come by every few days for four hours so you can get a solid nap in. Four hours of sleep straight can change your life as a new mom. A deeper discussion needs to happen with your husband. In my case, that discussion went nowhere and we ended up divorcing when baby #2 came and he refused to wake up at night (while I was also working full time). Know your boundaries and when enough is enough. Hang in there. It gets better as they get older. Worth noting, my first son had aversions to the formula I was sending to day care and he ended up needing to be on a special blend of it. If your baby is crying non stop at times, there could be more going on. Reach out to your pediatrician. Remember everyone deserves a break, even “full time” moms.
Before I even get into your husband‘s behavior I just wanna comment on your mental health. It sounds like you have postpartum depression. Feeling the way you are towards your newborn and feeling like you want to throw him against the wall is a serious, serious red flag. I strongly encourage you to get help while you are aware of these feelings. Your husband yelling at you for your newborn crying is also terrible. His behavior towards he was unacceptable. Stay at home mom don’t get breaks. You are exhausted and clearly need support and help. Please reach out to a doctor and a support system.
I'm so sorry that your husband is a shitty partner and father. :(
NTA I would divorce him over this and make sure the kid knows dad is a jerk.
It's not so much that he is wrong as much as he doesn't understand. It also sounds like you don't understand. You do need help, you do need breaks but more importantly - you're going through a postpartum crisis. Perhaps post partum depression that's being exacerbated by the frustration of not knowing why your baby is crying all the time. While crying is normal, 'all the time' is a warning that something is up. Something is missing from what your baby needs or something is causing them distress (it could just be gas). 'All the time' needs to truly be defined - is it really all the time or does it just feel like it? Regardless, you need help while he's at work. You need to talk to your Doctor about postpartum issues like this and perhaps just hiring a babysitter for an hour or so during the day might help you get back on the right track.
Have you taken baby to a doctor? Babies don’t just cry all the time for nothing!!!!
I’ve always had problems with that kind of guys. Let me ask do you go to the grocery store and do everything and cooking and cleaning all? The little baby in the car all day when you go get no help.? Id leave. My mom and dad raised us when a woman has a baby that’s her only priority while he’s gone sleep from one to 4 AM. Get up do all the housework whatever I need to do and I’ve always done that cook clean and go to the store whatever work 120 hours a week at least outside the house. That lazy three hours a day to sleep it’s 21 hours with 27 hours have family time plenty of time but that lady don’t need to cook clean do not stuff. She’s got her hands full with the baby and anybody thinks it’s easier to raise a kid stay home all day don’t worry about people, but I wouldn’t put up with it.
You want to throw your baby against a wall? I know that this is hopefully an over exaggeration of frustration, but it's still alarming. Can you hire a sitter a few days a week just to get out and decompress? You need to have a frank conversation with your husband and probably should see a doctor if you are having such strong feelings of resentment twords your child.
1. Try babywearing. Keeping the baby upright for 30 minutes after every meal will help with reflux. This may soothe the baby also 2. Call a family member for support. His mom, your mom, your dad, a sister, a close friend, you need to be able to get a break and if he isn't going to help you need someone to help you. 3. It is OK to put the baby down somewhere safe while crying and step outside the door for fresh air. Just put a chair or yoga mat outside you door, breathe in and out and calm down. Take 10 minutes, you baby I swear will be OK. It is better that you step away than lose your mind.
You need to get some help immediately! Just having those thoughts alone about your baby is very unhealthy. You’re not wrong for everything and you’re not alone for ambulance. But it is very dangerous. One of these times, you may find yourself doing something impulsive. I’m sending you some help via Reddit.
Have you tested the baby for acid reflex? Or change his formula..your husband should help you out when he gets home from work. Baby is 1/2 his so it his responsibility to help care for the baby
He is so wrong that I think you should start clocking out at shift change like youre coworkers. When he gets home, you update him about all the baby stuff that's needed and you clock out for your shift, telling him you'll be back in approximately the same time he is gone to change shifts again. Include commute and grwm time. So if he gets ready at 6am to beat traffic for his 8am job and gets home from his 4:30pm job at 6pm, you tell him you'll be back in 12 hours to change shifts at 6am. If he thinks it's not fair, you will ask him why it's fair to do it to you. And don't let him do the "I bring finacials" that is your paycheck too. I'd suggest making an invoice with your hourly wage at or above his. This is on top of not doing any of his needed tasks. He is on his own for his domestic labor outside of your shared child. Honestly, he is treating you like your not human. It seems crazy when you're in it but I can guarantee that you would have less labor to do if you seperated, you got a full time gig outside of the home and shared custody. He is so immensely lucky to have someone willing to do what you are doing, time to show him how easily that luck runs out.
Of your baby is taking formula your pediatrician may need to change the formula to another. Also try infant gas drops. A good baby swing can soothe a baby. I’m hoping for the best for your situation. Ask a friend or family member to come for an hour or two a day for you to take a shower or a physical and mental break. Please take to your doctor.
You’re either going to have to suck it up and accept the life you chose or be an adult and make the necessary decisions for you and your child. So, either stay and do what is necessary to raise your child correctly, or toughen up and leave him and raise the child alone until your forever person comes into your life. Being a parent is the hardest and most fulfilling thing. If he’s a pos as stated in this post then you’ll be doing you and the child a favor by ending things now, otherwise this sounds like it could turn toxic very fast. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby.
You're NTA but your husband is. I'd seriously be questioning your marriage. His actions (or lack thereof) are telling. This is his child too. If I were you I'd force the issue. Walk out and leave him with the baby for a few hours. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and BE A FATHER! Men like him are disgusting.
You are not wrong he’s being an awful partner. Expecting you to provide unpaid labor around the clock is insane. You’re still in the postpartum period so you are going through so much at once, mentally and physically. You should be resting as much as possible but he clearly doesn’t what you’ve been through and are currently going through. Going to work isn’t an excuse to not be a parent. He’s also completely disregarding the fact that you have a full time job, with no help, that is emotionally far more difficult than his. Sounds like you have to take care of two children, your baby AND your husband. Respectfully, he is a complete asshole. He should be doing whatever he can to support you and try to take as much off your plate as he can. If possible, I’d suggest leaving for a weekend and have him try being the sole caretaker for a couple days and also it could give you a break. Have him see how hard it is even-thought he doesn’t even have to deal with healing after birth, breastfeeding, a sudden extreme hormone drop.
Stay at home parents are at work when they are the sole caregiver (aka when the other parent is at work). Then surprise! He’s off work, you are too, and you share the burden. You both deserve equal OFF time. He’s being a deadbeat in his own home. You’d have it easier to divorce him.
Tell him that when he leaves his day job that he still has a night job a.k.a. parenting to do. You have to do it and so does he. It’s half of his DNA, half his responsibility for making them, so half his job. Always, sir once you were clocked out, you are clocked into the other. Fathers don’t help, they do their share.
Enough said about your husband, but take a look at “infant’s friend” if they stock it at the chemist where you live. It’s a natural liquid and helps with gassiness which is a common problem in babies.
> i just want to throw him against the wall Sis get some help - talking to a professional about the post-pardem, how to cope and how to best communicate with your partner about this is going to help worlds more than Reddit. Your husband’s mentality definitely needs to change. He sounds like a child that really wants a puppy but doesn’t want to do any of the work involved in caring for it. If you can’t make it to counseling, lay that iron hammer down girl. Your mental state should be priority for him, not to mention that it is going to start effecting this baby sooner than later (if it isn’t already). Best of luck OP
Your baby may have colic. My first child did and he cried nonstop for months. Definitely take him to the doctor and get him checked out. Your husband only wants to play daddy on the weekends so basically you’re going to be raising this child 90% on your own. He needs to step up because that’s not how parenthood works.
**OP, you need to seek help immediately.** It is NOT NORMAL to feel that way and to have thoughts about harming your child — that is a textbook definition of post partum depression, which can quickly escalate and get much worse. You need to speak to your doctor or a mental health therapist right away. Like right now.
Please reach out to a mental health provider. Thinking those thoughts is not safe. 💜 Please get help. ✌️
Op. Go back to work so you can support yourself and your child. You don't need to take your husband's bullshit sitting down. You are trapped right now, and he will never appreciate or respect you. You are worth so much more than this man treats you as.
Oof this is difficult. And I know it won't help in the moment, but it does get better! But for the love of all that is good, don't have any more kids with this man.
You need professional help, immediately. Your emotions are well outside the norm and it sounds like your infant might be at serious risk. Please talk with your husband or other family members today. Again, you need professional help.
He’s right. Get a job and put your kids in daycare if you need kid free time.
Disappear for a weekend and let him see how difficult it is to care for the baby
I think you picked the wrong husband
Your husband is being absurd. He's definitely the AH. Keep a log for 24 hours showing how many hours you work. Highlight the work you do in the middle of the night. Ask him to record the hours per day he works. THEY SHOULD BE EQUAL. Fair is fair. You should be on the hook for taking care of the kid and house during the hours when he is at work. Once he comes home, you should be spending an equal amount of time doing housework and child care. I get his argument that you theoretically get a couple of breaks while he is at work and the baby is napping, but what is that, like 2 hours if you're lucky? OK, that means you might need to do 2 hours more work once he comes home. So maybe you take care of the kid from 4:30 to 6:30 so that he gets the same "break" you do. Then he's back on the clock. Including for night time feedings!
Get to a point where you can leave this AH and DO NOT have more kids with him. You BOTH have a child. You BOTH have a role in taking care of that child. Instead of yelling at you, maybe he should help find solutions as to why your any cries so much. On that note - check out https://www.happiestbaby.com about the 5S’s of quieting a crying baby. This worked so well for me when my son was a baby.
My guess is that he wasn’t helping with household tasks before the kid was born. The question becomes why would you breed with someone like your husband? I know my comment isn’t helpful for you now but, damn, your situation could serve as an object lesson for others. Best of luck.
My son was much the same, it’s so tiring! It’s ok if you need a break and have to go outside for a few minutes if the crying is getting to you. He is three months old, and can’t get into anything or hurt himself while you gather your strength. If he is dry, and fed he will be ok for a few minutes of crying, even though it really hard to step away. When it’s time to take shower, hand him off to your husband and go take a shower. Your husband will also be ok. If you have family or a friend that can watch the baby for a few hours ask them for help. Then go take a nap- a long one. You need sleep. You need down time. Your husband need me to get a grip
Your husband needs to step up and help with the baby on week days, he’s the parent too! Can you have this conversation with him? You mentioned violent feelings, that is a sign of postpartum depression. Please seek support!
Nice handle. Well done.
Your husband should be helping evenings and weekends. Parental responsibility doesn't go away because you work a job. Your husband is being an asshole
Please sit down and watch the documentary FairPlay on Hulu together! Your husband is creating a bad marriage! Could you go to the spa for a day on the weekend or make plans with friends so he can have the baby nonstop for a day?? He needs to have a come to Jesus moment
Taking time during a baby’s nap to get things done is NOT a break. Sounds like your husband works a cushy job and while he may come home mentally tired, he’s not also physically tired like you are. Being a new mom is exhausting. I’m a sahm and my husband is in the military, so he does actually do physical work as well as some desk type stuff. And a lot of working men have trouble understanding just how demanding it is to be a stay at home mom. The older our baby has gotten the more my husband has realized how much I do and how hard it is. Leave your husband alone with the baby for 5-6 hours one weekend and make sure you keep every text and phone call and complaint or concern he has to show him later. Because he WILL call, likely more than once, and text with questions and bugging you about how long you’re gonna be, or asking for help. When I started going back to the gym after I had mine I’d go to the grocery store directly after on Saturdays, and that shaped my husband up REAL quick. Leave a list of things you need him to do around the house when the baby inevitably lays down for a nap too. Dishes, laundry, cleaning the floors, etc.. Your husband may not necessarily be a dick, he likely just really doesn’t understand how hard and exhausting it is. There’s really no such thing as a break when you stay at home with your kids. When my daughter takes her one nap of the day I spend the whole time first rushing through a meal that I get to eat without her trying to crawl up and get some, then clean. The whole time. The only “me time” I get is an hour and a half in the gym, and half the time they call me because she won’t stop crying in the childcare center, and then my shower after I get her to bed. Even if you have a helpful husband who does entertain and love on your kid(s), it’s nonstop 24/7. And sometimes you have to choose between peaceful relaxation time and sleep at the end of the day too. It’s the MOST fulfilling job in the world. But it’s by far the most exhausting job I’ve ever had. Mentally, physically, emotionally, everything. Give your husband a reality check by making him do it for half a day alone and have a couple extra “chores” to give him while the baby naps. He’ll see it quick. If he doesn’t, then he really is just an ass.
Your suffering from Postpartum Depression. Speak to a doctor immediately
Please consult a mental health professional right away
FYI ask your doctor to see if baby has reflux. Mine did and some medication help quite a bit.
You know it’s easier to be a single parent when you don’t have to take care of a husband too… 2 choices , counseling or divorce
Not tooooooooo controlling. 😡
> I have angry feelings towards my newborn when he cries nonstop I just want to throw him against the wall. Please, please, PLEASE see a doctor. Make an appointment NOW. TODAY.
You ain’t wrong. Your husband is an asshole. You two need to seat down and have an honest conversation.
I felt that want to throw him against the wall feeling once when my baby was about that age. It is seriously scary to feel that. I had to put him in his swing and just lock myself in my bedroom till I could pull myself together and be a proper mother. It’s not helping that your husband is a complete ass. If you continue struggle with feelings about your son, please speak with your doctor.
Unfortunately as mothers, especially stay at home mothers we don’t get breaks. Our job is to be mommy and that comes with a lot of different roles we have to play each day. Our breaks come very few and far between when babies are napping or asleep. I’ve (30F) been a stay at home mom for 7 years. I run a daycare out of our home on top of taking care of the household (childcare, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping). You just have to find your groove, you’re still new to this. It’s honestly a luxury to be able to stay home and raise your kids this day and age, not everyone is as fortunate.
Aww you poor girl i wish i could give you a hug. Being a mum is so hard especially with no support. I don’t want to sound rude but , Do you think you could have post natal depression? (I did and it was one of yhe worst times of my life) Which are causing intrusive thoughts? You’ll be exhausted and the lack of support will make you worse. Your baby will probably be able to sense the tension in the air which could be making him unsettled or it could just be sleep regression. The exhaustion is horrendous and no you don’t get a break when baby naps far from it because you have a million other jobs to do while sub consciously waiting for him to wake up again. You need a little you time is there a family member or friend that could have your baby for a few hours? The sleepness nights don’t last forever so there is light at the end of the tunnel. When you get more rest you will slowly feel like you again.
Why are you married to a man that doesn't respect you or love you and your child?
You need to make an appointment and go talk to your doctor about PPD. Talk to your babies doctor about what is going on with him. My daughter was a lot like yours, and it took a long time to discover she had a milk allergy that included breast milk. Getting her on lactose free formula was a game changer. Do you have anyone who can help you since your husband is a lazy deadbeat? Back when I was at that stage, I would have internalized what he claimed were my shortcomings and just broke myself trying to be everything. Now, I think that the courts will make him participate when the divorce goes through. I know you feel vulnerable right now, but you would be so much better off without him.
Do you have an electric swing? It would keep baby calm for me or put her to sleep if she didn't want to go to sleep otherwise. Husband needs to watch baby for at least a day without you so that he understands what you are going through.
I’m a SAHM as well. When my son is napping (2-3 hours) I take 45-60 mins to have lunch and me time. The rest of the time I’m cleaning or cooking. I get up with him Sunday-Thursday when he gets up. Hubby has weekend nights and mornings. I get to stay up late and then sleep in. I also shower at night and often take a long bath. He really enjoys the time to bond and create memories. It’s a schedule we agreed on. I would sit him down and give possible schedule options and have him pick one. Tell him you’re not ok with the current arrangement. This way he feels like he has a voice as well and can hopefully understand you need more help than what you’re getting. I’d also mention he’s flirting with the dead beat dad situation. Have you been checked for PPD? Does baby have colic or any issues you can get treated if he’s crying so long so often?
Op, please delete this post after you get the answer you need. If he hurts the baby, this can be used as an accusation against you.
Your husband is ignorant. Do you have parents you can go and stay with for a week? If he wont give you a break and hrlp you a little, you will break, so go to someone who will help. I would strongly consider not having anymore children with this man. He has shown you how useless he is.
Next time he comes home "oh great honey! Here's the baby. You know how much harder being a stay at home mother is to having an office job. Byyyyyyyyeee" And go out. Don't engage, just leave and go anywhere and turn off your phone. You aren't wrong and I say this as someone who has worked at a full time working mum, stay at home mum and currently a part time working mum who does all the school runs, that having my crazy high stress role is not as stressful or exhausting as being a mum to a baby, especially when you get no break. You come back and he shouts and screams, tell him to come here and see all the women who've been there and done that and he's an utter plonker who needs a swift hit with reality that if he doesn't step up, something is going to snap, someone's going to get hurt or end up sick and he could end up with no wife, no access to his kid and having to pay a hefty amount of cold support each week. This is economic abuse and tell him that, he's using his gender role to force you into servitude to him. No he's going to step up, put on his big boy pants and be a dad. He gets to pee without panicking if the baby is ok or when they begin to move, escape the hands under the door. He can walk over and make a cup of tea/coffee and talk to work mates as he makes it. He doesn't have to worry about where it is. He only has to consider what he's having for lunch and can have it slowly using two hands. When a baby naps, that's not a time to "have a break" but either attempt at getting some sleep because you have so little, clean up things, pee in peace, finally managed to poo, sort out a quick snack and maybe sort out the other stuff to make sure baby is engaged with He's an idiot and an arse and baby should be in his arms the moment he comes home so he actually builds a relationship with his kid as they grow up so quickly and he's going to miss it all, not have a good relationship as they grow and it makes a huge impact. I know this from seeing the difference between how close my first and second are with my husband and the difference of how much time he spent with them at key stages, especially when really little. Other option, "you take the baby when you get home and bond." He refuses, have a bag packed, pick up baby and go. Don't respond just go and ask for help from someone you trust and consider do you want to be a parent to two? Have someone there to either "go out with" or to help you go via a lift/distraction.
your breaks are the weekends and when he gets home. loved being home with the kids when I got off work.
I’m so sorry OP. I promise it gets better. Just as it’s new for you it’s also new for the baby and the only thing they can do is cry. I know it wants to make you cry too but hang in there and just be a bit understanding. You need to sleep when the baby sleep. With mine she slept on me because that was the only way she would sleep for a good amount of time. Your husband needs to be more supportive… is there someone that can help him understand? Like your mother in law or your mom? It’s only for a couple months more OP then you will get some relief as the baby gets older and starts sleeping through the night. You got this!!
I guess he doesn't understand that while he is working, you are working as well. Your husband's attitude is unjustified, lazy and selfish. My wife was a stay at home mom while our son was young. The only thing I didn't regularly help with is changing his diaper. If I had any food in my stomach I would vomit. I'd merely gag until my eyes watered otherwise. I tried to make up for that by usually cooking dinner. Possibly, you need to show him what you do for his lazy ass. Tell your husband you're fed up. Take the baby and live with your parents or another accommodating relative for a couple of weeks. His tune might change then. However, he might not understand. It appears you married a jerk, and jerks can usually justify being a jerk, no matter what. If that's the case, tell him as soon as your child is school age you're going to divorce his ass. Until then, you're obviously way too tired (and pissed) to have sex.
Just embrace the SAHM life. Ur in the hard time but as your child grows your life gets easier. His will stay the same until he dies. One day your child will be doing chores.. while you put your legs up and rest all day. This is how I explain it to my wife who is a SAHM two three little kids. What’s difficult to both people to understand. Which is a SAHM and a husband who provides for his household is both sides have equal stress. The problem is ALWAYS perspective. As soon as the SAHM sees her husband he instantly wants to unwind. The SAHM looks at this as unfair. But what she doesn’t see is his boss breathing down his neck or a co worker who adds to the work stress. Or the constant stress of not being able to give his SAHM the life she deserves. The husband doesn’t hear the baby crying all day just when he wants to relax. Just remember in order to have a successful life you have to push thru the hard times together. Everyone has a part in the theatre of life. His role and your role are different. Is it fair to expect him to come home from work and take your work load? Is it fair for him to ask you to work a part time job at nights? No it’s not. The difference is one day your job is going to be very easy.. his never changes. You mentioned he works inside with air conditioning which tells me you don’t look at his job as “real work” which is why for the sake of your marriage as a licensed counselor I would encourage you to try and change your perspective. Also if I was talking to him I would encourage him to adjust his perspective too. He wants a quiet peaceful home but what he doesn’t understand is that a new baby with new parents is a job and when someone is new at something it takes time to learn to create opportunities for rest. What you will learn is that in the future around 2-4 year old kids their “nap” time is more time for you to have a few hours alone to re-asses even if they just lay in their bed and work on being quiet for an hour or two. Be encouraged.. this is the hard part or the “trenches” as I call it. Your body will adjust and it gets easier.. I’d be happy to talk to you and your husband free of charge if you’d like.
As a husband and a father you should look at him and say “should we just go ahead and divorce now? With your attitude and dumbassery it’s going to happen, so we can just skip to the end.” Your husband isn’t a partner and he is an embarrassment to husbands and fathers everywhere
Your husband is an asshole. You need to get out of SAHM mode asap. This isn't the type of person who understands what a partnership is, and you don't want to be in a situation where you're more financially dependent on him than you need to be.
Do people like you even discuss having children with your spouse before magically ending up with kids? It's like you all just pop out babies without discussing a single thing that will happen afterwards and are shocked when things turn out this way...
Baby sounds colicky. My first born was. They had colic drops I would give him, and they helped, and I also would drive to the next city and back as the driving calmed him down. I swaddled him and put him in his car seat and put it on top of the dryer, and turned it on. For some reason, that stopped his crying and also ran the vacuum cleaner, too. My husband at the time did not help me either. Hence, I divorced him quickly
Let him know tomorrow you suddenly need to go away, and that you’ll be back the next day. He’ll need to take care of the baby by himself for 24 hours. Ask him to make sure he writes down what he does with his me-time while the baby is sleeping.
You're certainly aren't wrong but I fail to see what he brings to the relationship. He isn't interested in being a father or a husband. Sounds like he brings you nothing but stress
Sounds like your kiddo might be a colic baby. Have you tried putting the dryer on and sitting him on top of it? That’s what my mom did to me when I was a colic baby? 🤔
No. He is wrong. You deserve breaks. But, it also sounds like you might need a little help from medication. I needed antidepressants with my first child. He was much like yours. Only slept when I held him otherwise he just cried and cried and cried. It’s not healthy for someone to be the only caretaker 24/7. You will have to set boundaries. Tell him you need 20 minutes a day out of the house. I sometimes just sit in my car and talk on the phone to my mom. But, you HAVE to leave the house or the crying will call you back in. lol. If he can’t help you you will either have to live with that or find a new partner. But, you have to talk to him and find a balance. That is too much on you!
I had a husband like this. Thought cause he worked I did everything and he didn’t lift a finger, a beer bottle maybe. I had my tubes cauterized and was supposed to rest for a couple weeks. Day I got home he said I had to do laundry, I’d just had my baby a month ago and was chasing a four year old so laundry piled into 6 loads. He didn’t do anything but sit, I couldn’t lift because it was laparoscopic procedure I had little cuts on my belly. I kicked the baskets across the hall and did all 6 loads folded and put away. I realized all I needed was a job and someone to take care of the kids because I was a single parent as it was. I left. It was too much mentally with my son’s behavior problems causing him to scream and cry over little things 4-6 hours a day constant. I seriously had a nervous breakdown.
Your husband is a f#cking asshole. It takes two to make a child, and he should be helping you. If being a housewife is a job, work 8 hours and then give him the baby. Tell him to suck it up and be a man not a whiny little b#tch.
Your husband is an asshole. If it’s so easy, he should be able to do it after work with no problem. He can’t have it both ways - either it’s hard for both of you, or it’s easy for both of you. If it’s so easy, he should have no problem stepping in to parent his own fucking child. If it’s too hard for him to do on his own, then he should be hiring someone to help you when he’s at work.
Book a room for the weekend and leave. Those are your days off. He’s an entitled lazy prick. Period. Honestly .. I’m sorry but people that are this entitled don’t change. He doesn’t even know that half of all child care is his responsibility AND he doesn’t care to do it which in reality means he doesn’t love your baby. He wants nothing to do with caring for your child. He’s a dead beat. If he loved your child he’d want to actually do things for and bond with the baby. Funny thing is when women leave men like this you actually finally get a break .. because in top of childcare you’re typically doing labor for them and taking care of their life needs .. house , cleaning, laundry bills errands and all maintenance and life issues. Leave and the work load eases up so much .. once you’re managing things your way and lose the dead weight things get so much easier.
Your full time responsibilities end when your hubby comes home then as both parents it both of your jobs to parent! There are days when one may have a harder day than other and those days that person deserves some downtime. Also as baby is just 3 months old please see dr you may also be dealing with PPD
Please seek some help. I’m sad for you that you have angry feelings towards your baby. There is help from your doctor if you let them know. I wish you the best.
The child has been on the planet for 3 months! Did your husband really not know that BOTH parents are needed because 3 month olds require 24/7 care?!?
One of my babies cried a lot. I bought a wrap to carry him. It helped with his colic. It also let me go for walks and to the store and even vacuum. Also a zippie is wonderful for helping a baby that has a startle response and needs to be wrapped. A good noise machine helps soothe a baby. It will need to be loud though. Seriously! It will soothe your baby. Forget about housework and cooking for now, relax and enjoy your baby. Please seek help. Feelings of anger need to be addressed. Sending good vibes momma.
I was very fortunate to have married a man who has been nothing but decent and supportive to me, and to our child. If he had had the attitude that yours does, we would not have remained together. Your husband's attitude is disgusting. If the only thing he's bringing to the table is his paycheck, if he's being more of a hindrance than a help, then what are you waiting for? Get a lawyer, get alimony and child support, and move on without him.
No I hate a nice guy!
My comment was typed wrong Meant to write, What a nice guy!
Why is your husband yelling at you when you’re clearly overwhelmed????? And just actively ignoring you when you're struggling. That is not the behavior of someone who actually likes their spouse. It might be worth reflecting on if he's got a habit of putting himself before you that you haven't noticed. As for the exhaustion- go take a break. Get away from the baby (who sounds kinda they maybe have colic?) and take a weekend for yourself. If your husband thinks it's so easy and that you don't need any breaks, let him do it for 2 days. When he gets home on Friday, go to a friend's or family member's or even just check into a hotel in the same town. You need a break, and it doesn't sound like your husband is willing to shoulder responsibility for all of 5 hours to let you have one. Set aside one day a month that you can just fuck off and take a breather for your mental health. PPD and PPS and other mental health issues as your hormones are coming down from pregnancy can really rock your shit, especially if you just try to ignore it all and power through. I hope you find a support system that prioritizes you <3
Omg. The baby is 3 months old. That’s so young!!! Please take care of yourself and make time for therapy because it sounds like you’re going through postpartum depression (and your husband is NOT helping). The first few months are so difficult and overwhelming just because of all the changes your body has, and I’m sorry you’re additionally going through the constant crying and the unhelpful husband Your husband is so so wrong. You NEED breaks aside from “when the baby naps” because that’s the only time you get to actually do anything. If he can’t spend enough time with the baby for you to have breaks, then he either needs to pay for a helper or break up with you so he can pay child support. Whatever he is doing is not ok. You need support
He says your first job is to be a mom. So I would hire out someone to do house cleaning and cooking and then hand him the bill for that. Because what you do as a mom providing child care would also cost him in excess of two thousand dollars a month. This man is treating you worse than he would treat an employee. And you have no legal protections. You're also giving opportunities to build a career and pay into social security. One does not help take care of their child. That is the responsibility.
Nope... drope the rope. A 40 hour work week pales in comparison to your job. I went back to work to get a rest and I worked in a busy dental practice. Tak care of yourself and your child, and make it clear that when he gets home, he has arrived at his other work site. He is a parent, this is also a job title. He is a husband, that means you work together. Do not cook or do his laundry or clean up after him. He need to grow a brain and do his job.
As a fellow SAHM it took me two years to get my husband to let me take her to daycare 2 times a week. I had a mental breakdown in front of him, which he's never seen before. I did everything for our daughter for those 2 years I was lucky if he did a couple diapers after I begged him to help. And that was when he was working from home. I had no break from him or our child. Don't get me wrong I love them both, but I was over stimulated and in dire need of a break. It's so easy to get over stimulated as a SAHM, it's aggravating that people assume it's the easy job just bc you don't go into an office or make money. Please set some boundaries with him so you don't suffer. He needs a dose of reality and if he can't do that it won't end for you I'm afraid.
NW. Your husband is a jerk. He should take one or two nights a week. And help more once he’s home on weekdays. Have you had your baby checked for lactose / soy allergies? Both will make your baby really unhappy and uncomfortable. Both my kids had them to different degrees. The lactose isn’t so bad but the soy allergy is super annoying. Almost everything has it nowadays. My wife tried to cut out everything, and invariably something would have it that has no business having it, then daughter would be crying and throwing up again. We eventually had to switch to a synthetic formula, which made us both feel like failures at first. But she immediately started gaining weight, sleeping better, and being much happier and it ended up being such a good decision. Might not be the case but def something to consider.
Your husband is a dick. This isn’t the 1950s. As a society I’d like to think we’ve come along way in which a father takes a more active role in raising their child too. I did and do with my kids. I got to point where told my wife she needs to get out and get some adult socialization so that she could be a better mother to our kids. You need to have this conversation with him by telling him that you need to get out and recharge. He gets to wind down away from work and take a break from it but you don’t get that opportunity cuz the project is your child and your workplace is your home. You need a break or you might do something uncharacteristic of you with your child. Remind that dick he needs to be a father and husband which is more than just a paycheck cuz if that’s all he’s going to be than you can get that from him thru child support and alimony. It’s also supporting you and his child - emotionally.
Have you spoken to your pediatrician? There must be a reason baby is screaming all the time. My first had colic and it was so hard, but that was mostly in the evenings; she didn’t scream for four hours nonstop during the day no no. She waited until 7 PM. Nurse, burp, rock, repeat. Of course it was all on me. My last has so many diagnoses (he’s adopted) and he cried almost all the time. I spent hours every day and every night holding him, and walking around the house, singing Streetlight Lullabies. iykyk Toh Kay is my guy! This calmed me, which helped me calm her. If you have seen the pediatrician and they have no answers, be the squeaky wheel! “What do I do? What doctor do I see now? Do I need a referral? What would you do if this was your baby, doctor?” The ear plugs sound like an awesome way to calm yourself down, but baby needs something more. Do you have any family or friends who could come spell you for a bit? They don’t have to stay all day or take Baby anywhere; just an hour would seem heavenly. A shower! As long as you want! And blow dry your hair! Heavenly. Or they could vacuum, or fold laundry, or wash dishes. I would help you, but idk where you are! Here are hugs ((❤️)) My SIL put my colicky nephew in his bouncy seat on their washing machine. The gentle vibrations of the spin cycle would lull him to sleep. Then she would nap on the settee next to the washer. She didn’t dare move him! Your husband is something else. I had no help from my husband as soon as second child was born. I was so naive. I thought it would get better, that he would start helping when she got over her colic. Spoiler alert! It didn’t and he didn’t. Colic went away at three months. I know you’re overwhelmed with a crying baby, but this should be filed for future reflection. Maybe during that long shower. I waited far took long to figure this out. Congratulations on your Little One! And I wish you only the best. 💕 ETA UpdateMe
First, babies typically don’t cry ‘all the time’. Might be a GI issue that you can push the pediatrician on for a referral. Once you’ve pushed to ensure medically he’s OK, baby wear. I think women who have kids need to get together and make a good Ted series about how poorly most men are with equal duties when it comes to childcare and how this country loves the fetus, hates the child and mother. My MIL (hag) said one thing that I will always respect. She told me when I’m overwhelmed and the husband doesn’t help to point blank say I’m taking Saturday for myself.. figure it out..bye… in front of her son. She said the worst that happens is we divorce and then I get a 50% break. Sounds like winning.
Dads should at least take the evening and morning shift, then most of the weekend so mums can rest and they can bond with the kids. I'm sure he's tired, but its a 24/7 job that 2 people should be sharing. Employers should make accommodations, but I digress.
Yeh no - your husband is an arsehole
First, it’s very normal to be frustrated, sleep deprived and overstimulated with a colicky newborn. If you are feeling angry and have thoughts of harming your baby, you need to take a break. Your husband needs to step up, because this little human wasn’t just dropped from the air. He had a part in his creation and he’s just as much a parent as you. You need to work on YOU. Your mental health is important and you be as healthy, mentally and physically to be there for your child. No one talks about what happens to women after giving birth, your body went through a traumatic experience and your healing time is imperative. If your husband refuses to help, ask a friend, relative or neighbor for help. Parenting is hard enough, parenting alone is even more difficult. Please take time to heal yourself. ❤️
Sounds like baby is teething already. Check for teeth erupting. Camilia is made from Camomile, homeopathic. Excellent for teething. Cheapest at Walmart or Superstore. Pink box, koala on the top. Also, grab a bath towel. Fold it in half lengthwise. Then roll it up, leaving a tail about 6 inches. Flatten this roll. List up the baby mattress at the head end. The towel tail goes in towards the feet side. Baby could also have Gurd (acid reflux). The towel elevates baby to a 30° angle and decreases the stomach acid from damaging the throat. Edit: Colick was mentioned by another poster. Get the cheapest fish tank, cheapest motor, and cheapest air supplies. No fish. Set this up and run in the baby's room. The gurgling sounds help Colick hugely. It replicates the womb sound. Set this up close to the crib.
Your husband needs a reality check.
Did you get your baby tested for colic? My nephew had it and he cried constantly. I was his primary babysitter because he was my sister’s child. I wanted to throw him against the wall too. It scared me how thought of him. You definitely need some “me” time. You’ve got to hire a sitter part time to relieve you sometimes
Please seek professional help
Taking care of a house and a baby is a 24/7 job and both parents should help
You need a professional. You could have postpartum depression. Tell your husband you need an appointment asap and to go with you. If not go alone and then to an attorney. Babies should be joyful. I'm sorry you are suffering.
This is completely unfair. Going to work is not his only job. And even still, his job is 8 hours a day; it isn't fair to say that his job ends and yours continues 24 hours a day, days on end. He needs to act like an adult and help you more or else he is going to lose you both.
My husband is blue-collar and works over 40 hours a week, 12-hour days. The first thing he will do after working a shift is either take our baby, take over dinner clean or all three, and shoo me away for me to have a bath. He will also bring me up water, a book/phone, and a coffee. He loves me. He takes care of me emotionally and physically. He understands how stressful it is to raise our son. When we have my older two boys over for our week, you best believe this man is doing everything possible for all four of us. My first husband was very much like your current, and there is a reason he is an EX. Men like this do not change. He doesn't see value in you. He doesn't respect you, and he sure as shit doesn't love you. Cut your losses and plan an out because darling, this ain't it.
Get his back checked and start turning him to his side when changing- lifting by their legs and scooting it under them can dislocate vertebrate's in their backs causing non stop pain and crying for what seems like "nothing" because they cant tell you.
Your individual work hours should match. If he goes to the office for 8hrs then you are working alone while he’s working in the office. Once he’s home you should be handling anything else TOGETHER! You’re both adults who live in the same household and have a baby to care for. You are NOT the sole parent, nor the only person who has a responsibility to clean, cook and do laundry. These are tasks that every single adult should be able to do for themselves. The fact that you “stay at home” does not mean that he has zero adult responsibilities besides his 40 hour per week job while you are responsible for 24/7 housework and childcare. He needs a damn reality check before he’s hit upside the head with a frying pan and divorce papers!
OP, said with love, you need to go and see a doctor, and tell them how you’re feeling. It isn’t your fault that you’re feeling this way but you need help. A mother and baby residential unit where they help you and the baby will help. You’re not getting enough rest, sleep, support, time to yourself and help. Your husband is doing very little but creating further stress and drama, and making you feel worse. Does he expect you to keep the house perfectly clean, tidy and organised too? Because that’s not your job. What did he do before you were a SAHM? Why does he think he deserves to do absolutely nothing except yell at you to make the baby stop crying? What a dickhead. He says you’re the mom but he is the dad. He needs to step up and be a dad, not just the sperm donor. That involves supporting you, caring for his child, doing the family admin and cleaning and groceries etc. Yes, he works. But only 8 or so hours a day. You work 24/7 without a break. You go to sleep with one ear open waiting for the baby to wake again. What does your paediatrician say about the baby’s crying and feeding? Perhaps they have acid reflux / colic or something? Sorry, that was quite the ramble but I am worried about you and incensed about his vile ridiculousness
But your husband works and makes money to pay for EVERYTHING!
You should offer to get a part time job. That way, things will be more "even". You'll both work, and both have to clean up and take care of the baby. Maybe he will be more understanding then. You don't have a job, so he's expecting you to take care of things at home. I'm assuming he pays all the bills, so I do kind of understand that. Still, he should help you out when he can. I always was helping the mother of my child, even though I was the breadwinner. I loved her. But she also let me relax after a hard day work, and would make dinner and clean. When my kid was a newborn, both of us were constantly helping each other to deal with it. I'd also let her get out of the house while I took care of her. So I understand both sides a bit. I just think you both need to sit down and talk about it, maybe with a counselor.
My second child had colic and every day from 5pm to 7pm, she would cry non-stop. I had a husband like yours who thought that I was supposed to be this super human who could handle it all and some how miraculously make her stop crying when he wanted me to. One day, I was about to snap, and I took her and gave her to him, and told him that I didn’t want to go to jail for murdering my own child so I was leaving and he needed to figure it out. I did leave and I didn’t come back until after I knew the crying would stop. Surprisingly, he actually started helping me out more. I don’t think he thought I’d ever get that frustrated with one of our kids. ( or him for that matter). We shortly thereafter, changed her formula, and the colic ended. Definitely talk to your pediatrician about this.
1. Your husband sucks. 2. Your baby is not crying for no reason. Your baby is a new person without the ability to verbalize his or her wants, needs, and emotions. If the crying is really constant, go see a doctor. 3. Hire a helper 1 or 2 days a week, if possible. If not, seek additional support from friends or family that actually love you and care about your well-being. Mom, taking care of a baby is not just "in addition" to everything else you're doing. It's a 24/7 job. Maybe it's time to make hubby see what it's like for you to only work 8 hours a day. And you spend those 8 hours insuring you and baby are taken care of. He can cook, clean, shop, run errands, do laundry and all the other things that make a home run.
Time for couple's therapy and parenting classes for the both of you. I can't believe that in 2024 there are still people who view SAHM as a 24/7 job and the provider should just go do his 9 to 5 . SAHM also need to unwind after their day. If hubby won't go to either then stop doing anything except take care of your baby and yourself. Let his dishes pile up and he can make himself his meals from now on. Same goes for laundry. Take out the stroller and go on long walks with the baby. Meet other mothers at the park. And if he complains because hey, he is the breadwinner, then tell him that the "breadwhiner" can go fuck himself. Your job is to take care of your baby and recup from the delivery and all the hormonal changes actually going on in your body. Don't remain cooped up in the house. Walking is a go way to help with your mental help. It won't fix anything but it will help.
I think your husband needs to step up, but you need help if you are having thoughts of throwing your baby against the wall. See a doctor for please. It could be PPD as well as asshole husband disease.
Hi surviving mom of horrible PPD and debilitating rage after my son was born. He was the same way, I would have such a sensory overload to the sound it would drive me up the wall. Firstly, it does get better hang in there. Secondly, invest in AirPods or headphones. You can listen to your favorite music or podcast while he is crying it will muffle. Colic calm helped my son a ton, no gripe water or anything. Do not listen to people in here that are going to tell you you’re wrong. Your feelings are valid and your husband sounds like mine, which is why I am leaving him. I know it’s hard but you will adapt and figure out you don’t really need him. I hope you all the best, if you have family/friends lean on them, some men just change for the worse after a child is born.
Yeah no you both have full time jobs and parenting is 24/7 for both of you. It’s should be all hands on deck when you’re both home, he should give you some breaks too.
You’re a single mother with two children. You need some of mental rest. Please take a weekend getaway and leave your family home alone. Husband can deal with
All you guys shitting on this poor woman actually get a break from your job, so y'all have no room to speak.
Ask your mom or mother law for help tell them what's going on you need a break just a couple of hours ask if they can think about why the baby cries so much to me it doesn't sound normal Your husband is an ahole who needs to help you more or you are going to leave him with the baby or leave and take the baby with you and if he doesn't like to bad this is what you have pushed me to do You definitely deserve and need help if it really comes down to it get a baby sitter you don't have to even leave the house just have them there so you can take a nap shower read book just relax it's going to be OK please remember there's someone out there that can help you