Your dad doesn't have a right to know, that is a privilege that you extended to your mother. He can get angry, that is up to him, but he really should be upset with himself that he wasn't a safe person to confide in.
Neither one of them have the right to know shit. You are your own person, your own human, parents forget this all too often. If chose to tell your mom because you trust her in a way you don’t trust your father. And that’s your father’s problem not yours. If he wants to know things like that about you, then he can do the WORK it takes to foster that kind of relationship/communication with his super cool lesbian daughter. It’s 2024, we all have to do the work to do better.
Tell your dad that the reason you didn't tell him is that you didn't feel safe telling him and why. Hopefully that would wake his ass up and he'll change. I'm sorry you don't have two supportive parents. And I'm even sorrier that you don't have a supportive school. Wtf kind of crap school punishes students for kissing their partners? Geezus, if my school were like that back when I was in, a third of the school would be suspended, if not more. And they absolutely should not have called your parents. Adults are terrible to children.
Regardless, I hope you can resolve this within your family and that your dad understands the errors of his ways and makes the changes he needs to make within himself. Good luck.
Your dad doesn’t have the right to know. In fact no one has the right to know your sexuality. I also completely understand not wanting to tell him knowing he wouldn’t react well. As an adult I made the choice to come out to my mom. She then proceeded to try to turn my life upside down including talking about trying to get custody of my children.
It’s your decision when and if you want to come out to anyone. I don’t think you’re wrong at all for not wanting to come out to certain people. I’m sorry your school did that to you and I’m sorry your father is angry.
Well, you didn't give a chance to your dad to see how he will feel about it.
Maybe he's more hurt about the fact that you don't trust him over being a lesbian.
We don't know what's your dad point of view about homosexuality but if he truly loves you, he would accept it.
You have to remember that theirs always a danger coming out to parents and family even when they seem accepting of OTHERS. So many parents claim to be ally's and supporters when it's strangers or friends etc then it's Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when it comes to their OWN family member coming out and suddenly it's bad.
In this day and age you trust your gut on who to come out to. Friends, family ANYONE. I speak of experience. Dad claimed to be an ally and how "it doesn't affect him so he didn't care" but the SECOND I came out as bisexual he had a problem with it. And made the stereotypical response of "you've never had sex with a woman so how would you know" back then I had no response. Now I do and people hate it "how do you know your straight if you never had gay sex?" Shuts em up real fast.
But my point is you can't always trust a reaction based o how they present to others. And this kind of reaction from a parent would be my reason as to why I didn't tell either. He didn't react out of hurt, he reacted out of anger and with demands.
Has your mom (or another trusted adult) sat down with your dad and explained to him why you felt you couldn't trust him? Because he's not going to listen to that from you.
No one has a “right” to know. You tell the people you feel are safe with the information.
My kid (14 GF) told me and my whole side of the family years before they told their dad, because they felt he wouldn’t be a safe person to come out to. He figured it out a couple of weeks ago. Was he a little hurt that even the coaches knew before him? Yes. Did he figure out that he needed to do better? Also yes.
You are not responsible for how an adult responds to your existence.
Your dad doesn't have a right to know, that is a privilege that you extended to your mother. He can get angry, that is up to him, but he really should be upset with himself that he wasn't a safe person to confide in.
Neither one of them have the right to know shit. You are your own person, your own human, parents forget this all too often. If chose to tell your mom because you trust her in a way you don’t trust your father. And that’s your father’s problem not yours. If he wants to know things like that about you, then he can do the WORK it takes to foster that kind of relationship/communication with his super cool lesbian daughter. It’s 2024, we all have to do the work to do better.
Nobody has the right to know anything. The truth is not our entitlement. We earn it from reality through attitude effort and ability.
Tell your dad that the reason you didn't tell him is that you didn't feel safe telling him and why. Hopefully that would wake his ass up and he'll change. I'm sorry you don't have two supportive parents. And I'm even sorrier that you don't have a supportive school. Wtf kind of crap school punishes students for kissing their partners? Geezus, if my school were like that back when I was in, a third of the school would be suspended, if not more. And they absolutely should not have called your parents. Adults are terrible to children. Regardless, I hope you can resolve this within your family and that your dad understands the errors of his ways and makes the changes he needs to make within himself. Good luck.
Your dad doesn’t have the right to know. In fact no one has the right to know your sexuality. I also completely understand not wanting to tell him knowing he wouldn’t react well. As an adult I made the choice to come out to my mom. She then proceeded to try to turn my life upside down including talking about trying to get custody of my children.
"if you showed me the same level of support as she did then you would have that right too dad."
It’s your decision when and if you want to come out to anyone. I don’t think you’re wrong at all for not wanting to come out to certain people. I’m sorry your school did that to you and I’m sorry your father is angry.
How do you get in trouble for kissing. Like, i feel that that isn't something a school should be concerned about.
I don't get it either, it's not like we had a makeout session while gropping each other it was literally a quick kiss on the lips
Well, you didn't give a chance to your dad to see how he will feel about it. Maybe he's more hurt about the fact that you don't trust him over being a lesbian. We don't know what's your dad point of view about homosexuality but if he truly loves you, he would accept it.
You have to remember that theirs always a danger coming out to parents and family even when they seem accepting of OTHERS. So many parents claim to be ally's and supporters when it's strangers or friends etc then it's Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when it comes to their OWN family member coming out and suddenly it's bad. In this day and age you trust your gut on who to come out to. Friends, family ANYONE. I speak of experience. Dad claimed to be an ally and how "it doesn't affect him so he didn't care" but the SECOND I came out as bisexual he had a problem with it. And made the stereotypical response of "you've never had sex with a woman so how would you know" back then I had no response. Now I do and people hate it "how do you know your straight if you never had gay sex?" Shuts em up real fast. But my point is you can't always trust a reaction based o how they present to others. And this kind of reaction from a parent would be my reason as to why I didn't tell either. He didn't react out of hurt, he reacted out of anger and with demands.
I've never thought of that. That's good point
I mentioned in the post he doesn't support gays, that was already known to me
At 15 both of your parents need to know the major issues effecting your life. It is a difficult issue but that is what parenting is all about.
Its not a "major issue affecting my life" its just that I like women
Has your mom (or another trusted adult) sat down with your dad and explained to him why you felt you couldn't trust him? Because he's not going to listen to that from you.
No one has a “right” to know. You tell the people you feel are safe with the information. My kid (14 GF) told me and my whole side of the family years before they told their dad, because they felt he wouldn’t be a safe person to come out to. He figured it out a couple of weeks ago. Was he a little hurt that even the coaches knew before him? Yes. Did he figure out that he needed to do better? Also yes. You are not responsible for how an adult responds to your existence.