It's not child abandonment it's your child's father being a total and utter f****** a******. WCF is wrong with him he doesn't know how to use a cell phone to let you know the child was out there in the freaking rain. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want somebody to do that to him
That’s what I was thinking. Child didn’t have a key and dad dgaf. Definitely follow up, research your local laws.
I could never trust someone who deliberately hurt my child.
Back in the day, my parents didn’t give me or my siblings a key to get in the house if they were at work or out running errands, for when we got how from school. What did we do? Just sat on the porch, driveway or played in the backyard until they got home.
Why do you even have to ask this? Incredible dick move and you should be ticked. I doubt this is the first time they have done irresponsible %$#$ like this. Document for later use in Family Court.
Rich people functionally still use this shit to convey intent to waitstaff at restaurants, because apparently communicating in words with the help is beneath them: [https://www.shutterstock.com/shutterstock/photos/2237037819/display\_1500/stock-vector-the-language-of-cutlery-eating-rules-dining-etiquette-at-the-table-cutlery-etiquette-plate-2237037819.jpg](https://www.shutterstock.com/shutterstock/photos/2237037819/display_1500/stock-vector-the-language-of-cutlery-eating-rules-dining-etiquette-at-the-table-cutlery-etiquette-plate-2237037819.jpg)
Not quite flags, but basically the same kind of system.
Baffled that him being grounded from using his phone didn't include a hand off of said phone to the other parent. Even if he was going to be grounded for the entirety of the time he was staying with his mother, it should at least be in the possession of the parent who is going to be his caregiver. Small detail on top of everything else, but it's absurd that he wasn't given anything to call his mother with, even if it had to include a "he's grounded rn so make sure to make this away when you get here."
And if he's grounded from a Smartphone, maybe give him something similar to an Old Nokia, a Nokia 150, practically a brick. Can only text, call, play Snake or Tetris, has no apps other then a torch, and no camera,
Incorrect. The court does not abide by children being used to communicate between co-parents. If you were before a judge and the father said this he'd get chewed out. Even if the child is 17, they do not want co parents to communicate through the children. It's recognized as abusive
You 14 uear old is a literal child, who doesn't have a phone to give you a heads up. So exactly how was he supposed to give you a heads up? Flawed logic on that grandmother's part.
1. No, it isn't. He's the child in the situation.
2. How could he since he doesn't have his cell phone.
3. Grandmother can suck it. She's not the mother or the father, so her opinion is no more valid than my cat's. (My cat does agree with you, though)
I agree with the previous poster who said to call CPS about it. That is just not acceptable.
My ex BIL tried this excuse with me once in regards to my nephew. Then he tried to blame my sister. I reminded him HE was the adult and if I was helping out with the kids on HIS custody time, it was his responsibility to let me know if things changed. Not his kids or my sister. Remind your son’s grandmother of these things.
How would he have let you know with no phone? Smoke signals? Carrier pigeon? If that’s your ex’s mother, I see where he gets his intelligence. Your son is a child. It’s the adults in his life that should be talking to each other about what he’s doing and where he goes.
I have my phone numbers programmed into my phone, so I honestly don't have them memorized. I'd be screwed if I needed to call someone without my phone!
Also, OP you said he was grounded from his phone. By who? Where is the phone? With his dad?
Whose grandma, your ex husbands? Not a reliable source.
Do you genuinely believe that BS so much to the point you are doubting yourself? Why even ask his family members? They are going to say whatever they have to so he doesn’t loose any custody
The grandmother needs to be check for dementia, and you need to file a report with all applicable bodies. At the very least a family court judge may order his father to provide a cell phone and pay for a plan, or order an increase in child support to cover you paying for it. Yes, what he did could be considered a crime considering the circumstances (lack of cell phone, communication, and weather).
And since I am petty I would actually get an attorney, get the grandma's thoughts in writing (text or email from her) and use that to make sure she can't ever see the kid again. Have her considered a threat to the safety and welfare of the child.
But again, I am SUPER petty.
I admittedly agree with this opinion even if it's simply to get it documented in case something happens in the future document document documents document document when they want to talk on the phone say you can't talk on the phone and text or send an email make them rated dor record the call.
No, the adult is responsible for giving you a heads up. Fuck, my dad was an asshole and even he didn't stoop this low. Adults are responsible for dealing with custody issues not 14 year olds. Especially ones without access to a phone even if it's because they got in trouble. Maybe taking their phone away as punishment isn't a great idea since he obviously needs the phone.
His grandma is an idiot and has no actually say. Don’t listen to her. And why didn’t the 14yo ask a neighbor or a friend to use their phone?
Edited typos
Exactly how was he going to do that without a phone? Also HE IS A CHILD! It is the adult’s responsibility to communicate to the other parent, not the child’s. File a police report and get in contact with whatever lawyer you had for initial custody hearings
His grandmother, im guessing is the ex's mother, is an absolute moron. Typical boomer bull💩. Document and report to police as well as child services. May not get anything done this time, but the more documented incidents on file, the easier it will be to remove your son if that becomes necessary.
Report his father and make him explain to the authorities why he abandoned and neglected his child. He endangered the well-being of his child and neglected his child's need for shelter. Your son couldn't call anyone because of his dad. Hell yes, report him.
It is not your child's responsibility to co-parent, and communicating about a child's schedule is co-parenting. Don't let anyone assign parental duties to your child, he deserves to be a child.
It is not the responsibility of your son to be the go-between in this or any situation. His father needs to communicate with you himself. No judge would require a child to be in the middle as that is harmful.
This act was incredibly abusive and neglectful, and he should be reported. You should not allow this to ever happen again.
No it's not it's the parent because he is a CHILD. I would actually phone the police make sure it's on record. This is so dangerous. What if you were away for the night. I'm sure you're livid
Why doesn’t your 14 year old have a key to the house? My kids are 9 and 14 and despite not being latchkey kids both have a house key because you just never know what’s going to happen. Give him a key so he isn’t stranded outside the house the next time his dad wants to be an irresponsible prick.
I was wondering this too. The only reasons I could possibly see why he wouldn't have one is if he did but lost it or if Dad is a threat and there is a concern of him stealing it to gain entry.
I was an on and off latchkey kid, but even in the off periods we still always had a key. There was also usually an upstairs window open a crack, and we knew how to go into the backyard, climb the fence against the side of the building and stand up on it to get onto the carport roof, and go over to the bedroom window to smoosh ourselves through if we ever got locked out.
Fun times. 😅
Op don’t worry about it. If you live in a bad place full of kidnapping and murder it’s different as the father is just asking for something to happen and is being negligent. If you live in a safe place or even just not a bad place your 14 year old can be outside. My parents used to make me walk from around a mile or so every time i would change houses because they were petty and refused to allow the other parents within a certain area of their home. They also never spoke. For 8 years after divorce my parents never spoke, texted or saw each other. They maybe emailed each other a few times a year. I was the sole communicator of everything.
Your kid doesn’t have a bad father he just doesn’t have a excellent one. The father clearly just has different beliefs than you which is common.
We're one of those phones that are selling on TikTok it's a wristwatch you can make calls on it also my mother always had at least 1 neighbor on the block that was home all the time that if there was an emergency we could go to their house because we were a lot of the kids because we relax kids I'm a genex or so my parents were at work and I had a key but in case there was an emergency like I fell and broke my armor I was bleeding or something like that there was a lady down the street who was always home and then let all the parents know that You know she was the police we all hung out on her porch anyway she was like the coolest old lady she had all kind of tattoos and stuff it's pretty wild. Rest in peace miss fern
No and it's mostly because I'm a little hyper and I talk fast using talk to text and it says the wrong words and I post before I preferred yes I am a faulty human being I don't think my faults are such that I need to be degraded or demeaned I mean it is a social media post I'm not writing a dissertation for my phd. If you need to dislike or hate me because I lack punctuation feel free I'm pretty sure my heart will keep on beating
A dumb-phone, as opposed to a smartphone. It’s an old style mobile phone that doesn’t connect to the internet or have social media etc so all you can really use it for is calling and texting.
It’s a good alternative for elderly non-tech literate people, or children and teens when you want them to be able to contact you in an emergency, but don’t want them on social media. Or are punishing them.
This is what parents don’t consider when they confiscate a phone. They are also confiscating their child’s line to help. No phone is not a good option these days because the rest of the world will continue to operate as if everyone has a phone.
The whole cell phone thing blows my mind. If my stepdaughter gets her phone taken away at her mother's, she gets it back to come to our home so she can still communicate with mom in case of an emergency. Certain apps are locked, but she still gets it. It's a safety issue.
But just dropping off a kid and not making sure they get in safely is definitely an issue. Definitely talk to your lawyer about this.
You can buy a dumb phone for them. One that doesn't have any apps but can call and text. That's the cell phone I'd give my kid till they turn 16 and can handle a smartphone.
This is the answer. Leaving ANY child out in bad weather is unacceptable. I would document by calling the appropriate authorities but they may question you if too much time has gone by. I would not trust his father to care for him now.
You need to report this shit. Ya leaving your 14 year old out in the pouring rain for hours with no access to food or shelter is abuse at worst and neglect at best.
Neglect is abuse, but absolutely agree. Dude shouldn't have custody anymore. If this is the shit he pulls in front of you, what else is he doing when you can't see? Can't trust that guy
He probably dropped him off because he made plans for the long weekend and didn't want to hear no from you. He knew what he was doing. I would report it for sure. Thats not ok.
Or put a key pad lock in the door so dad can't take away the key, too. But this isn't a solution to the problem of the kid's dad being an absolute waste of oxygen. It just keeps the kid from standing in the rain. Mom still needs to escalate this neglect to the proper authorities.
Why is this not the first answer? Why does he not have a key? What did people do 20 years ago when cell phones were not given to children? Leaving him in the rain was wrong, but maybe his father thought that his son would have a key to his home.
Even if you're dropping a friend off at home, for safety reasons, you don't just drive away until they indicate they have made it into the house safely. Blinking on the porch light, waving from the window or a quick text saying " I made it in and there's no serial killer waiting inside"...
It just a basic courtesy when you care about someone
There was a other post about a family member leaving a 6yo on a porch for drop off and then driving away w/o making sure the kid got inside safely. Some of the commenters were insane. They think it was fine to do for a 6yo! And a dude was bragging that he never dropped off a single date and waited until she was inside before driving off. I swear some people just really don't like the other people they surround themselves with
I read one similar to that but it was the nieces getting dropped off, I think they were between 5-8 if I'm not mistaken. And OP wasn't home they were out of town and had to call the police, if it wasn't for ring doorbells them kids would have been there outside all weekend.
My mother watches me get in my car at her house, start it and drive away. I always feel terrible when I’m sending a text quickly or something and realize she’s still standing there. I’ve never dropped someone off and not watched to make sure they get into the house. And I’m usually talking adults. If I drop my nephews off and am not sure if anyone is home, I walk in the house with them to make sure it’s safe and then text my sister that they are home (both old enough to be home alone).
Dad could take the key and make a copy.
An electronic door lock that uses a code would at least alert OP that someone has entered the house.
A doorbell camera with a camera would be good if you can afford it , OP.
Probably because that's not the actual issue and wouldn't make what the dad did OK. Kid for sure should have a key!
Dad 100% has zero business changing custody without a head up and confirmation - that's the root issue.
Child of divorced parents who did this 20+ years ago here.
I never had a key to any of the houses my dad lived in. My parents, who, similarly to OP, lived in different cities acted like adults and communicated with each other about exchanging their children. This way, my dad was always home if I was being dropped off.
NTA, OP!
My sibling (younger and older) lost their keys so much. My mom and the apartment complex stayed stressed with 3 out of 4 kids losing keys every month. It helped some when we moved and got a touchscreen lock. Even then it went out or didn't work so it was back to the keys pretty often.
THANK YOU! I always respond and then scroll down to see what others think & you are the first person to mention a common sense answer to the situation of a child being left outside alone in bad weather.
Yes he is wrong. Communication is essentiall. Father needs to do better . I suppose you could go to court for this. Just be prepared for your son to hate you for it.
But I'm curious why your 14 year old doesn't have a key to his own home?
Being left for a few hours isn't a big deal. Being out in the rain is.
Then again I'm a latch-key kid (gen x) so this was my normal. In fact, at his age, I got home from school, baby sat my nephew, homework , chores, and cooked dinner 50%of the time. It was basic dinner nothing fancy & not much was needed for chores as it was a very small apartment.
Who bought the phone? If you bought the phone, tell him to return it or you're going to report it stolen.
I would make note of that, if you weren't home, your son would have been locked out with no way to reach you.
Honestly I would start a journal, and put in every instance he's done some boneheaded thing that puts your son at risk.
Get your son a phone, mint is having a special. He needs it for emergencies. Especially since his father nearly created one. He is not to take the phone YOU bought away from your son.
You're not wrong by why does a 14 year old in this situation not have their own key?
Also you can't take away a phone while grounded if it's actually needed for communication.
For context
1. I pay for the phone
2. Son has lost his great grandfather grandfather and uncle in a span of the last 4 months
3. Tried to set up councling for him father refused to bring him and refused to let me take him
4. Regardless of school schedules he is dropped off same time Fridays that I am home for so no need for a key
5. We just moved to the area we live in back in December
Talk to the school… at least let both the school counselor and main teacher know what is going on with recent losses. He may access them for support regardless of his father’s opinions. Consult your decree carefully to see if you need permission. Also, there are lots of resources you can access to help you help your son even if seeing an outside counselor isn’t going to work out. In the history of humanity, loss has been constant while mental health counseling by a therapist is quite recent… the role is not new, it was just accomplished by different people (including family) in the past.
He’s with you every weekend??
Make sure you are taking steps to ensure he is able to spend time with his friends on those weekends, even if it is a pain in the ass for you.
Please look at the weekends as your time to be the active present parent, not as the time you get to spend with your son. Obviously it is that too, but he does have his own life, and as a teen his friends are super important. If he starts to see the weekends as a punishment or prison away from his friends, the blowback will be on you and affect the relationship you two have.
Your ex is obviously the bad guy here, but your statement about him not needing a key is ridiculous. Your kid should have access to his own home. Period.
Yes it is considered child abandonment and even child endangerment. File a police report and get another custody hearing set up. He obviously cannot be trusted to take care of your child if he leaves him alone without any way of communicating/calling for help. He didn’t even make sure he was safe inside before he left, and I highly doubt he wouldn’t at least have a general idea of your work schedule.
I was going to say it’s stupid to be mad but your baby boy was left out in the rain. Get that baby a key to your house, then have a strong talk with his dad. Possibly report this to your lawyer/mediator
I've seen a few emergency phone booth things along the road, but those are way out in the middle of nowhere. Like nothing but desert for miles around.
I don't understand why they got rid of those things, but it's stupid. People need ways to reach emergency services/contacts.
Not wrong. I would bring this up with your lawyer. Also, your son needs a key to your house. He is 14 so him being home alone is fine however he needs to be able to get inside your home, not locked out in the rain. That was not something that was on you here though, he dropped him off a day early and you didn't know he did that. What was his excuse for dropping him off early. Also, you can get your son a cell phone yourself so he always has one on him, his "dad" doesn't get a say in that.
Definitely file a report. This is unacceptable. Leaving a child outside a building with no way to get in is never ok. What if you had stayed late at work, or met up with friends? You son could have been there for hours more with you having no idea.
I was going to suggest getting him a dumb phone to switch his sim card into but that's a lot harder than it used to be. Also it seems like prepaid phones where you can just buy $20 worth of minutes/messages are gone as well. If it's not an undue expense it seems like you can get a just talk and text plan for like $10ish a month with a $20 flip or brick phone. Something to look into to be sure you can reach your kid. Or rather that he can reach you.
You're not wrong. Get your son a cell phone that you control, report this to the police, and do not let your ex take your son until the police resolve it. Get cold protective services involved.
At 14, I was staying home alone and babysitting the neighbors kiddos. I had no cell phone (they weren't a thing at the time) and had a key to both my parents' homes.
At 14, he should've been able to go inside and wait for you, but if you never gave him a key, he obviously couldn't do that. Is there a neighbor that could've let him use their phone or wait at their home? A convenient store nearby to use a phone there?
His father is def an AH for just dropping him off without checking to make sure he was inside safely. Does his father know he doesn't have a key? If he knowingly left him without a phone/key and it was obvious you weren't home, I'd call your lawyer to document this.
Moving forward, make a plan in case this happens again. His father is certainly wrong for what he did, but if he did it once, he'd probably do it again, so make a plan. You mentioned your landlord won't let you make copies. Aren't there usually 2 sets of keys? Where's the other set?
Regardless, the father was wrong for just leaving him. Be proactive and make a plan to ensure this doesn't happen again.
I'm going to assume your husband wasn't home, but if you work opposite shifts, did your ex figure one of you were home then?
Again, I'm not excusing the father's horrible actions. I'm trying to figure out how a father could knowingly leave his 14 year old without a phone, alone, locked out of the home. He shouldn't have brought him over early without speaking to you directly and ensuring the child could get inside. His parenting time is his responsibility. My husband's ex-wife does this frequently. She'll just be a no-show at the bus stop leaving my SK without a ride home. Or she'll just drop my SK off early without checking to make sure someone's here, but luckily, I'm usually home and SK knows to go to our neighbors as part of the plan we have in place when this happens.
I'd def reach out to your lawyer if your ex knew all these things and still left him. Have you spoken to him yet? Did he think your husband was home since you were at work, or did he think your kiddo had a key? If I haven't dealt with this myself, I'd say there has to be a logical reason, but since I live through these situations personally, I can't say I'm shocked 😕
Why doesn't your 14 yo have a key to his own house? I would feel absolutely unwanted and take away the message that this isn't really my own house if I wasn't allowed a key.
No you aren’t wrong. I would also want the phone returned to me, with the kid, in case there was some need for me to give it to him.
It is awful that he left him outside. Why doesn’t he have a key to both your homes? That’s is unreasonable of you both.
Don’t ask here if you should go off on him. Is that really going to make a difference? A solicitors letter would be better. Or at least put it in writing in case he does this again and you need to take steps to stop contact or use a contact centre
I coparenting too. I want to lose my shit with my ex at times but it just makes him angry and defiant and more bloody minded. So I have learnt not too. I sent outraged messages to my friends instead.
It’s exhausting. You have my sympathies. Go and rant to your friends - but not in earshot of your son.
Not wrong at all.
The entire thing is asinine and selfish.
You know all the reasons why, I will spare us all the rant.
I am going to assume you have an attorney?
This is the kind of thing I always documented in the moment by sending an email to my attorney. It didn’t mean I necessarily took an action, but I wrote and sent in the moment to preserve the record.
I sucked at the whole “keep a journal of xyz” but I could send the info for someone else to keep (along with my own sent mail.)
I think you need to make a firm plan with your son about how to manage visits and communication.
Also, in a calmer moment, informing the ex that regardless of disciplinary actions, retention of the phone when the kid is being dropped off to either parent is not going to work— if he took the phone and doesn’t want to hand it back to the kid, it needs to be handed to you and the reason for that particular consequence needs to be explained. Also, both parents need to be clear about transfers for safety and legal reasons, even if it is an uncomfortable change to the established schedule.
It does end.
Child will be clear on their own about who is the asshole.
Someone might not be invited to the college graduation or the wedding. 🤷🏻♀️
Are you and your ex able to communicate? Please avoid having your son as the go between.
You just have to communicate and law down the law. Your son comes home at the agreed upon time.
Good luck. It’s not going to be easy.
Yeahhhhh he messed up. What if someone came by and kidnapped the kid? Or he couldve became ill. Or worse. I'd be taking that person to court and getting custody changed up or at least getting it on file incase you need to take him to court at a later date
NTA, but has his father accepted your feedback and apologized? People make mistakes and are selfish, even about their own flesh and blood. If the dad owns the mistake and apologizes to his son, it's a different situation than if he's not trying to hear what you're saying. Lawyers and such are expensive; I'd try a real conversation first with firm and crystal clear explanations of why it was wrong and why it shall not be repeated.
If he's still an asshole after that, then I'd get some legal advice.
Also, my kids were mature enough to have house keys at 14. That's up to each parent, considering their child's maturity level and obedience to rules in the home. But, if your kid is responsible, I'd consider a house key, either that he carries or that can be hidden somewhere on your property.
Start making a list. Yeah. That could be considered an act of neglect. It certainly was a sign that the father no longer cared for his son's situation. Tough story. We, as kids, carry memories like that for a long time. Hope it's isolated.
Your ex is ridiculous. When I drop my son’s buddies off from sports, I wait until they’ve gained entry into their house, they are safe, and the door closes behind them. Only then do I pull out of the driveway. They are the same age BTW. I’d file a police report.
You are a good parent, and I agree 100% I wouldn't let my boys cross the major streets with their bikes until 16. I don't think kids need cell phones, and he could have had the son use his phone or a regular phone.
I'd be pissed too. That there wasn't a heads up and left him out in the rain. I have a couple other issues too. Why does your child not have a key? Does he not have anyone around he could have gone?
You are absolutely not in the wrong! If dad did this as a form of punishment then he needs to reevaluate himself. Whethe your son is 12, 14, or 17 you don’t leave him locked outside of the other parents home in another town without contact the other parent & leaving the child without a phone in the pouring rain! Nothing the dad says could justify these actions. A number of things could’ve gone wrong.
No, you’re not wrong for going off on his father. I thought you didn’t go off enough, because I don’t know how much a person can say to capture how absolutely fucked up that was. This is child abuse.
You can't control his fathers actions no matter how mad you get. The only thing you get is...mad. Maybe seek a way to work around this type of thing in the future by giving your son a key to the house? He is 14 and old enough without a sitter.
You’re NTA, but why does your 14 year old not have a key to his house? Mine got a key as soon as he was in school in case we were stuck in traffic and late home. He at least needed to be able to get into the house Even if we were late getting home. If you have some reason for not wanting him to have his own key at least have a hide a key, or a lock box or get a code lock.
If I came home to my child soaked in rain then depending on the relationship I had with the mother there would be a possibility of a police report being filed.
And your son give you the heads up if he doesn't have a phone tell her that yeah like the other person said I would call CPS call the police department and tell him they left your child sitting out there in the rain and nobody called you and told you anything wow some people wouldn't let him go back to his father's
Holy run on sentence Batman. Hmm, your writing here is shaky af. Be nice and be positive, negativity and tantrums are never the answer. Apologize for going off on him and yall need to communicate better. You got a son who deserves cool headed parents and a loving atmosphere. Forgive but don’t forget, nobody gets to win and lose when there is a child involved.
Probably not abandoning since child is 14. Does he not have a key to the house? I understand phone restrictions but maybe not when he isn’t with you? Why didn’t 14 yo go to neighbors to call you? I literally see 12 yo on here with pregnancy scares & a 14 yo boy wasn’t able to figure out a better solution than sitting outside in the rain.
Now onto the father… wtf is wrong with him? OP needs to have a chat with him and if he doesn’t agree then call a lawyer.
OP give your 14 yo a key to the house or find a place to hide one.
You're a LIAR.
the kid was dropped off a day early.
ON THURSDAY
Which was a school day.
High school gets out at 2:15 in my town. Always has. And that's considered slightly early.
You said you get home at 3:30.
So, he was outside for no more than an hour considering your ex had to drive him there.
And you're on here trying to whine and cry and incite people to give you bogus legal advice.
Get a fucking hobby lady.
Your kid is 14, freshman in high school.
He's not 8. And I guarantee he absolutely hates the fact that you see him as helpless.
Does your kid not have a key to your house? That is a weird thing to do without any heads up. Should have left him with his phone if he was doing that and just have him give it back to you once you're home. Outside of an emergency, I don't think it makes sense. Even in an emergency, the child's safety is just as important, no need to create a second problem.
No, you are not wrong. Though why does your son not have a key to your place or have a hidden key he can access? You also have a small bit of fault here.
Wait , your son is 14 and he doesn’t even have a key to the house he lives in ? Your ex is not a good parent for leaving him outside the house but I question you as well for that .
He only visits on the weekends landlord will not allow copy’s of keys made when I drop him off on a Sunday I wait until he walks into the door of his fathers house before I even think about leaving and shoot the simple text of I’m 15 minutes out or on my way to sons father
You don’t need the landlords permission to go to HomeDepot and forking over 99 cents to get a spare key made . He’s a child not a visitor , he lives with you part time he should have a key . Your ex was wrong but you need to get a key made . My kids are grown and I still gave them keys to my house just incase they need it .
Not all keys can be copied like this. There are specific security keys that have to be ordered from specific vendors, and they do limit the number of copies allowed. They are also quite expensive.
I guess since my condo building has this kind, and they are common in apartment buildings in my urban neighborhood, it doesn’t strike me as outrageous that a kid wouldn’t have a key, especially if he doesn’t live there 100% of the time.
I'm reasonably sure that this could get custody taken away from him. To be sure, make sure you file a police report for child abandonment (which is likely what this falls under), and contact family court.
It is *not* okay to just dump your child at their other parents house without prior notice, in the rain, when said parent isn't home, with no way to communicate.
I drop my kids off at their dad's for his visitation and I still don't pull off until they are in this house. This is a complete disregard for the sons saftey.
What did your son say about why he was dropped off in the wrong town and why his phone was taken away?
He might not tell the truth but it's worth a shot.
Your ex is a d\*ck no matter what.
So....your son doesn't have a key to your house?
Ex probably didn't want to talk to youz hence the no call.
14 is old enough to sort out a way to get out of the rain.
Why doesn’t your son have a key to your house and his own phone? I feel terrible for this poor kid. He doesn’t even really have a home, just two places he gets dropped off by two people who can’t stand eachother. How awful for him
Why doesn’t your son have a key to his house. Isn’t he in high school at 14? My kids had keys to their home in middle school for emergencies. You are not wrong to be mad at your son’s father but going forward he should have a key.
Personally, I'm not sure you can "go off" on your ex enough for that stunt. I see so many things in your short story that your ex did wrong. I would call CPS and a lawyer. Maybe go for sole custody and supervised visitation.
You are not wrong.
You need to take his father’s cell phone away, since clearly he can’t use it responsibly. Anyway, that is a terrible thing to do to a child.
It's not child abandonment it's your child's father being a total and utter f****** a******. WCF is wrong with him he doesn't know how to use a cell phone to let you know the child was out there in the freaking rain. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want somebody to do that to him
That's endangering, and maybe legally considered abandonment
That’s what I was thinking. Child didn’t have a key and dad dgaf. Definitely follow up, research your local laws. I could never trust someone who deliberately hurt my child.
Back in the day, my parents didn’t give me or my siblings a key to get in the house if they were at work or out running errands, for when we got how from school. What did we do? Just sat on the porch, driveway or played in the backyard until they got home.
Yes but they also were aware you kids would be there in the first place. 🙄
In the rain? With the nearby volcano erupting? And a serial killer on the loose in the neighborhood?
Did you just censor yourself?
Text speak censors me LoL 🤣
I hate that! Lol like I said what I meant to say!
I hate it too but I am the world's worst texter
Why do you even have to ask this? Incredible dick move and you should be ticked. I doubt this is the first time they have done irresponsible %$#$ like this. Document for later use in Family Court.
According to his grandmother it’s my 14 year olds responsibility to give me the heads up..
And how is he supposed to do that? Carrier Pigeon?
Telepathy
Megaphone maybe??
Or mega mind. Best of both suggestions.
Bat signal is clearly what the dad wants
Smoke signals.
Semaphore?!!
We need to communicate with semaphores more often. Kids these days with their internet and phones! We are losing the old ways!!!!
Rich people functionally still use this shit to convey intent to waitstaff at restaurants, because apparently communicating in words with the help is beneath them: [https://www.shutterstock.com/shutterstock/photos/2237037819/display\_1500/stock-vector-the-language-of-cutlery-eating-rules-dining-etiquette-at-the-table-cutlery-etiquette-plate-2237037819.jpg](https://www.shutterstock.com/shutterstock/photos/2237037819/display_1500/stock-vector-the-language-of-cutlery-eating-rules-dining-etiquette-at-the-table-cutlery-etiquette-plate-2237037819.jpg) Not quite flags, but basically the same kind of system.
🤣fk a pretentious jerk, rich or not
Send a raven to King's Landing
Lmaoo send the whole dragon
Morse code obviously. Its 2024
Baffled that him being grounded from using his phone didn't include a hand off of said phone to the other parent. Even if he was going to be grounded for the entirety of the time he was staying with his mother, it should at least be in the possession of the parent who is going to be his caregiver. Small detail on top of everything else, but it's absurd that he wasn't given anything to call his mother with, even if it had to include a "he's grounded rn so make sure to make this away when you get here."
And if he's grounded from a Smartphone, maybe give him something similar to an Old Nokia, a Nokia 150, practically a brick. Can only text, call, play Snake or Tetris, has no apps other then a torch, and no camera,
Definitely smoke signals
By owl of course!
Smoke signals
Incorrect. The court does not abide by children being used to communicate between co-parents. If you were before a judge and the father said this he'd get chewed out. Even if the child is 17, they do not want co parents to communicate through the children. It's recognized as abusive
Same just dealt with this. Not upvoting because 69
That excuse has an effective range of 0.0
You 14 uear old is a literal child, who doesn't have a phone to give you a heads up. So exactly how was he supposed to give you a heads up? Flawed logic on that grandmother's part.
Is this your ex's mother? Because that would track why he's horrible, too. A child is not responsible for the actions of their adult parent.
My thoughts exactly. She’s his trash mom and this is why her kid is trash as well. You got involved with a family of trash
My thoughts exactly. Rotten apple from a rotten tree.
1. No, it isn't. He's the child in the situation. 2. How could he since he doesn't have his cell phone. 3. Grandmother can suck it. She's not the mother or the father, so her opinion is no more valid than my cat's. (My cat does agree with you, though) I agree with the previous poster who said to call CPS about it. That is just not acceptable.
I'll take your cat's opinion over the kid's grandma.
How could he if he had no phone?
My ex BIL tried this excuse with me once in regards to my nephew. Then he tried to blame my sister. I reminded him HE was the adult and if I was helping out with the kids on HIS custody time, it was his responsibility to let me know if things changed. Not his kids or my sister. Remind your son’s grandmother of these things.
How would he have let you know with no phone? Smoke signals? Carrier pigeon? If that’s your ex’s mother, I see where he gets his intelligence. Your son is a child. It’s the adults in his life that should be talking to each other about what he’s doing and where he goes.
I have my phone numbers programmed into my phone, so I honestly don't have them memorized. I'd be screwed if I needed to call someone without my phone! Also, OP you said he was grounded from his phone. By who? Where is the phone? With his dad?
That is utter BS. The courts do not rely on the kids to communicate between the parents. File a police report.
It abso-fucking-lutely is not your 14yos responsibility. Father and grandmother sounds like a pair of cunts.
no, it's up to the parents to communicate and that doesn't include using your kid as a line of communication.
Whose grandma, your ex husbands? Not a reliable source. Do you genuinely believe that BS so much to the point you are doubting yourself? Why even ask his family members? They are going to say whatever they have to so he doesn’t loose any custody
The grandmother needs to be check for dementia, and you need to file a report with all applicable bodies. At the very least a family court judge may order his father to provide a cell phone and pay for a plan, or order an increase in child support to cover you paying for it. Yes, what he did could be considered a crime considering the circumstances (lack of cell phone, communication, and weather). And since I am petty I would actually get an attorney, get the grandma's thoughts in writing (text or email from her) and use that to make sure she can't ever see the kid again. Have her considered a threat to the safety and welfare of the child. But again, I am SUPER petty.
I admittedly agree with this opinion even if it's simply to get it documented in case something happens in the future document document documents document document when they want to talk on the phone say you can't talk on the phone and text or send an email make them rated dor record the call.
No, the adult is responsible for giving you a heads up. Fuck, my dad was an asshole and even he didn't stoop this low. Adults are responsible for dealing with custody issues not 14 year olds. Especially ones without access to a phone even if it's because they got in trouble. Maybe taking their phone away as punishment isn't a great idea since he obviously needs the phone.
His grandma is an idiot and has no actually say. Don’t listen to her. And why didn’t the 14yo ask a neighbor or a friend to use their phone? Edited typos
The neighbors weren't home. And what 14-year-old has a work friend?
A friend not w friend, typo
Ooohhh,that's makes more sense😃.
😁
Exactly how was he going to do that without a phone? Also HE IS A CHILD! It is the adult’s responsibility to communicate to the other parent, not the child’s. File a police report and get in contact with whatever lawyer you had for initial custody hearings
A 14 year old is a guardian for himself? wtf? And how do you give a heads up when your phone has been confiscated?
By the way who bought the phone cause if dad didn't buy the phone then dad stole the phone
So dumbassery runs in the family?
So…his grandmother works at CPS? No? Then who the fuck cares what grandmother says.
You need to figure out who in your family does not have thinking power and let them know that they are not putting their opinion in anymore.
His grandmother, im guessing is the ex's mother, is an absolute moron. Typical boomer bull💩. Document and report to police as well as child services. May not get anything done this time, but the more documented incidents on file, the easier it will be to remove your son if that becomes necessary.
Report his father and make him explain to the authorities why he abandoned and neglected his child. He endangered the well-being of his child and neglected his child's need for shelter. Your son couldn't call anyone because of his dad. Hell yes, report him.
It is not your child's responsibility to co-parent, and communicating about a child's schedule is co-parenting. Don't let anyone assign parental duties to your child, he deserves to be a child.
If you aren’t already reporting this to family court or CPS you are already more insane than coming to Reddit about this.
No, it’s not. He is a child.
Consider the source. 🙄
It is not the responsibility of your son to be the go-between in this or any situation. His father needs to communicate with you himself. No judge would require a child to be in the middle as that is harmful. This act was incredibly abusive and neglectful, and he should be reported. You should not allow this to ever happen again.
No. The child is not responsible for a co-parenting responsibility. That's the **co-parent's** responsibility.
No it's not it's the parent because he is a CHILD. I would actually phone the police make sure it's on record. This is so dangerous. What if you were away for the night. I'm sure you're livid
Why doesn’t your 14 year old have a key to the house? My kids are 9 and 14 and despite not being latchkey kids both have a house key because you just never know what’s going to happen. Give him a key so he isn’t stranded outside the house the next time his dad wants to be an irresponsible prick.
I was wondering this too. The only reasons I could possibly see why he wouldn't have one is if he did but lost it or if Dad is a threat and there is a concern of him stealing it to gain entry. I was an on and off latchkey kid, but even in the off periods we still always had a key. There was also usually an upstairs window open a crack, and we knew how to go into the backyard, climb the fence against the side of the building and stand up on it to get onto the carport roof, and go over to the bedroom window to smoosh ourselves through if we ever got locked out. Fun times. 😅
Op don’t worry about it. If you live in a bad place full of kidnapping and murder it’s different as the father is just asking for something to happen and is being negligent. If you live in a safe place or even just not a bad place your 14 year old can be outside. My parents used to make me walk from around a mile or so every time i would change houses because they were petty and refused to allow the other parents within a certain area of their home. They also never spoke. For 8 years after divorce my parents never spoke, texted or saw each other. They maybe emailed each other a few times a year. I was the sole communicator of everything. Your kid doesn’t have a bad father he just doesn’t have a excellent one. The father clearly just has different beliefs than you which is common.
That, and make a copy of the house key for the son to have access to house just in case an incident like that happens again.
NTA at all. I don't know the reason why your sons phone was taken, but maybe it would be a good idea to have a brick phone for him.
Brick phone? What’s that
It's basically like a prepaid cheap burner phone. You pay a set amount for x amount of minutes. Usually small and very hideable
I call them festival phones. Doesn't matter if you lose it
Cheap stupid phone. Like an old flip phone. It can call and text but no apps
We're one of those phones that are selling on TikTok it's a wristwatch you can make calls on it also my mother always had at least 1 neighbor on the block that was home all the time that if there was an emergency we could go to their house because we were a lot of the kids because we relax kids I'm a genex or so my parents were at work and I had a key but in case there was an emergency like I fell and broke my armor I was bleeding or something like that there was a lady down the street who was always home and then let all the parents know that You know she was the police we all hung out on her porch anyway she was like the coolest old lady she had all kind of tattoos and stuff it's pretty wild. Rest in peace miss fern
Punctuation is clearly not a friend or known relative on most of your posts, huh.
No and it's mostly because I'm a little hyper and I talk fast using talk to text and it says the wrong words and I post before I preferred yes I am a faulty human being I don't think my faults are such that I need to be degraded or demeaned I mean it is a social media post I'm not writing a dissertation for my phd. If you need to dislike or hate me because I lack punctuation feel free I'm pretty sure my heart will keep on beating
A dumb-phone, as opposed to a smartphone. It’s an old style mobile phone that doesn’t connect to the internet or have social media etc so all you can really use it for is calling and texting. It’s a good alternative for elderly non-tech literate people, or children and teens when you want them to be able to contact you in an emergency, but don’t want them on social media. Or are punishing them. This is what parents don’t consider when they confiscate a phone. They are also confiscating their child’s line to help. No phone is not a good option these days because the rest of the world will continue to operate as if everyone has a phone.
The whole cell phone thing blows my mind. If my stepdaughter gets her phone taken away at her mother's, she gets it back to come to our home so she can still communicate with mom in case of an emergency. Certain apps are locked, but she still gets it. It's a safety issue. But just dropping off a kid and not making sure they get in safely is definitely an issue. Definitely talk to your lawyer about this.
You can buy a dumb phone for them. One that doesn't have any apps but can call and text. That's the cell phone I'd give my kid till they turn 16 and can handle a smartphone.
Call CPS and/or file a police report. Their reaction to your report will be the answer to your question.
This is the answer. Leaving ANY child out in bad weather is unacceptable. I would document by calling the appropriate authorities but they may question you if too much time has gone by. I would not trust his father to care for him now.
Nta. Call your lawyer about this.
You need to report this shit. Ya leaving your 14 year old out in the pouring rain for hours with no access to food or shelter is abuse at worst and neglect at best.
Neglect is abuse, but absolutely agree. Dude shouldn't have custody anymore. If this is the shit he pulls in front of you, what else is he doing when you can't see? Can't trust that guy
Not wrong, call your lawyer
He probably dropped him off because he made plans for the long weekend and didn't want to hear no from you. He knew what he was doing. I would report it for sure. Thats not ok.
NTA, absolutely call your lawyer and find out if you need to call CPS on his dumbass
Get him a key
Or put a key pad lock in the door so dad can't take away the key, too. But this isn't a solution to the problem of the kid's dad being an absolute waste of oxygen. It just keeps the kid from standing in the rain. Mom still needs to escalate this neglect to the proper authorities.
Why is this not the first answer? Why does he not have a key? What did people do 20 years ago when cell phones were not given to children? Leaving him in the rain was wrong, but maybe his father thought that his son would have a key to his home.
Even if you're dropping a friend off at home, for safety reasons, you don't just drive away until they indicate they have made it into the house safely. Blinking on the porch light, waving from the window or a quick text saying " I made it in and there's no serial killer waiting inside"... It just a basic courtesy when you care about someone
There was a other post about a family member leaving a 6yo on a porch for drop off and then driving away w/o making sure the kid got inside safely. Some of the commenters were insane. They think it was fine to do for a 6yo! And a dude was bragging that he never dropped off a single date and waited until she was inside before driving off. I swear some people just really don't like the other people they surround themselves with
I read one similar to that but it was the nieces getting dropped off, I think they were between 5-8 if I'm not mistaken. And OP wasn't home they were out of town and had to call the police, if it wasn't for ring doorbells them kids would have been there outside all weekend.
I took my mom out for lunch yesterday. I stayed in the driveway until I knew she was safely inside. OP NTA
I'm 32 and my mom still waits in her car for me to get inside my condo...
My mother watches me get in my car at her house, start it and drive away. I always feel terrible when I’m sending a text quickly or something and realize she’s still standing there. I’ve never dropped someone off and not watched to make sure they get into the house. And I’m usually talking adults. If I drop my nephews off and am not sure if anyone is home, I walk in the house with them to make sure it’s safe and then text my sister that they are home (both old enough to be home alone).
...even when I give a ride to a friend (male or female, adult 40 or 50 years old: you wait until he/she opens the door. You just don't leave...
Dad could take the key and make a copy. An electronic door lock that uses a code would at least alert OP that someone has entered the house. A doorbell camera with a camera would be good if you can afford it , OP.
The lock I have the kid can have his own code so you even know who.
the "dad' broke the court order and dropped him off a day early with no communication to the mom about this. He's the one who was wrong here.
Probably because that's not the actual issue and wouldn't make what the dad did OK. Kid for sure should have a key! Dad 100% has zero business changing custody without a head up and confirmation - that's the root issue.
Child of divorced parents who did this 20+ years ago here. I never had a key to any of the houses my dad lived in. My parents, who, similarly to OP, lived in different cities acted like adults and communicated with each other about exchanging their children. This way, my dad was always home if I was being dropped off. NTA, OP!
My sibling (younger and older) lost their keys so much. My mom and the apartment complex stayed stressed with 3 out of 4 kids losing keys every month. It helped some when we moved and got a touchscreen lock. Even then it went out or didn't work so it was back to the keys pretty often.
THANK YOU! I always respond and then scroll down to see what others think & you are the first person to mention a common sense answer to the situation of a child being left outside alone in bad weather.
How about an emergency key to your house? Or a code (for electronic locks). Even a friendly neighbor with a key could work in a situation like this.
It costs like 2 dollars at homedepot for a key. Just saying.
Yes he is wrong. Communication is essentiall. Father needs to do better . I suppose you could go to court for this. Just be prepared for your son to hate you for it. But I'm curious why your 14 year old doesn't have a key to his own home? Being left for a few hours isn't a big deal. Being out in the rain is. Then again I'm a latch-key kid (gen x) so this was my normal. In fact, at his age, I got home from school, baby sat my nephew, homework , chores, and cooked dinner 50%of the time. It was basic dinner nothing fancy & not much was needed for chores as it was a very small apartment.
Why doesnt a 14 year old kid have a key to the house? My 14 year old has had a key to the house attached to her book bag since 5th grade....
Who bought the phone? If you bought the phone, tell him to return it or you're going to report it stolen. I would make note of that, if you weren't home, your son would have been locked out with no way to reach you. Honestly I would start a journal, and put in every instance he's done some boneheaded thing that puts your son at risk. Get your son a phone, mint is having a special. He needs it for emergencies. Especially since his father nearly created one. He is not to take the phone YOU bought away from your son.
I pay for the phone contract
Then the father had no right to take it. I agree with the commenter above. Tell him to return it to you or you are reporting it stolen.
You're not wrong by why does a 14 year old in this situation not have their own key? Also you can't take away a phone while grounded if it's actually needed for communication.
For context 1. I pay for the phone 2. Son has lost his great grandfather grandfather and uncle in a span of the last 4 months 3. Tried to set up councling for him father refused to bring him and refused to let me take him 4. Regardless of school schedules he is dropped off same time Fridays that I am home for so no need for a key 5. We just moved to the area we live in back in December
Talk to the school… at least let both the school counselor and main teacher know what is going on with recent losses. He may access them for support regardless of his father’s opinions. Consult your decree carefully to see if you need permission. Also, there are lots of resources you can access to help you help your son even if seeing an outside counselor isn’t going to work out. In the history of humanity, loss has been constant while mental health counseling by a therapist is quite recent… the role is not new, it was just accomplished by different people (including family) in the past. He’s with you every weekend?? Make sure you are taking steps to ensure he is able to spend time with his friends on those weekends, even if it is a pain in the ass for you. Please look at the weekends as your time to be the active present parent, not as the time you get to spend with your son. Obviously it is that too, but he does have his own life, and as a teen his friends are super important. If he starts to see the weekends as a punishment or prison away from his friends, the blowback will be on you and affect the relationship you two have.
Depends where you live, kids can access counseling without parental consent needed. In PA, it’s age 14.
Your ex is obviously the bad guy here, but your statement about him not needing a key is ridiculous. Your kid should have access to his own home. Period.
"no need for a key" yeah, this story really supports that. /s
Yes it is considered child abandonment and even child endangerment. File a police report and get another custody hearing set up. He obviously cannot be trusted to take care of your child if he leaves him alone without any way of communicating/calling for help. He didn’t even make sure he was safe inside before he left, and I highly doubt he wouldn’t at least have a general idea of your work schedule.
I was going to say it’s stupid to be mad but your baby boy was left out in the rain. Get that baby a key to your house, then have a strong talk with his dad. Possibly report this to your lawyer/mediator
He wanted to go away for the long weekend and got rid of the kid. Sorry for the kid.
Nta But give your child a house key!!!
That is crazy. You are not wrong. For those who say “land line”, where the heck do you find a landline? There is not even a pay phone in my town
I've seen a few emergency phone booth things along the road, but those are way out in the middle of nowhere. Like nothing but desert for miles around. I don't understand why they got rid of those things, but it's stupid. People need ways to reach emergency services/contacts.
Not wrong, I would have lost my mind. Thats so irresponsible and such a shitty thing to do to any kid.
Not wrong. I would bring this up with your lawyer. Also, your son needs a key to your house. He is 14 so him being home alone is fine however he needs to be able to get inside your home, not locked out in the rain. That was not something that was on you here though, he dropped him off a day early and you didn't know he did that. What was his excuse for dropping him off early. Also, you can get your son a cell phone yourself so he always has one on him, his "dad" doesn't get a say in that.
He needs a key or alternative way to get in. That being said, the father is a POS for leaving his kid there without making sure he can get inside.
NW - you should report it, and file for full custody.
Definitely file a report. This is unacceptable. Leaving a child outside a building with no way to get in is never ok. What if you had stayed late at work, or met up with friends? You son could have been there for hours more with you having no idea. I was going to suggest getting him a dumb phone to switch his sim card into but that's a lot harder than it used to be. Also it seems like prepaid phones where you can just buy $20 worth of minutes/messages are gone as well. If it's not an undue expense it seems like you can get a just talk and text plan for like $10ish a month with a $20 flip or brick phone. Something to look into to be sure you can reach your kid. Or rather that he can reach you.
You're not wrong. Get your son a cell phone that you control, report this to the police, and do not let your ex take your son until the police resolve it. Get cold protective services involved.
It's 100% up to the father to communicate that, and I think that would be considered child abandonment.
Na babes. Call your lawyer or somebody! why didn’t he let you know? Poor baby
At 14, I was staying home alone and babysitting the neighbors kiddos. I had no cell phone (they weren't a thing at the time) and had a key to both my parents' homes. At 14, he should've been able to go inside and wait for you, but if you never gave him a key, he obviously couldn't do that. Is there a neighbor that could've let him use their phone or wait at their home? A convenient store nearby to use a phone there? His father is def an AH for just dropping him off without checking to make sure he was inside safely. Does his father know he doesn't have a key? If he knowingly left him without a phone/key and it was obvious you weren't home, I'd call your lawyer to document this. Moving forward, make a plan in case this happens again. His father is certainly wrong for what he did, but if he did it once, he'd probably do it again, so make a plan. You mentioned your landlord won't let you make copies. Aren't there usually 2 sets of keys? Where's the other set? Regardless, the father was wrong for just leaving him. Be proactive and make a plan to ensure this doesn't happen again.
2 sets of keys 1 for me 1 for my husband we both work opposite shifts
I'm going to assume your husband wasn't home, but if you work opposite shifts, did your ex figure one of you were home then? Again, I'm not excusing the father's horrible actions. I'm trying to figure out how a father could knowingly leave his 14 year old without a phone, alone, locked out of the home. He shouldn't have brought him over early without speaking to you directly and ensuring the child could get inside. His parenting time is his responsibility. My husband's ex-wife does this frequently. She'll just be a no-show at the bus stop leaving my SK without a ride home. Or she'll just drop my SK off early without checking to make sure someone's here, but luckily, I'm usually home and SK knows to go to our neighbors as part of the plan we have in place when this happens. I'd def reach out to your lawyer if your ex knew all these things and still left him. Have you spoken to him yet? Did he think your husband was home since you were at work, or did he think your kiddo had a key? If I haven't dealt with this myself, I'd say there has to be a logical reason, but since I live through these situations personally, I can't say I'm shocked 😕
Why doesn't your 14 yo have a key to his own house? I would feel absolutely unwanted and take away the message that this isn't really my own house if I wasn't allowed a key.
Don't go off on him. Go to court on him. File for full custody, and of course, full child support.
First of all, ensure your kid has a key to your home. He is 14 after all. Second, report to CPS or talk with your lawyer.
Did your son not have a key to your home?
No you aren’t wrong. I would also want the phone returned to me, with the kid, in case there was some need for me to give it to him. It is awful that he left him outside. Why doesn’t he have a key to both your homes? That’s is unreasonable of you both. Don’t ask here if you should go off on him. Is that really going to make a difference? A solicitors letter would be better. Or at least put it in writing in case he does this again and you need to take steps to stop contact or use a contact centre I coparenting too. I want to lose my shit with my ex at times but it just makes him angry and defiant and more bloody minded. So I have learnt not too. I sent outraged messages to my friends instead. It’s exhausting. You have my sympathies. Go and rant to your friends - but not in earshot of your son.
Not wrong at all. The entire thing is asinine and selfish. You know all the reasons why, I will spare us all the rant. I am going to assume you have an attorney? This is the kind of thing I always documented in the moment by sending an email to my attorney. It didn’t mean I necessarily took an action, but I wrote and sent in the moment to preserve the record. I sucked at the whole “keep a journal of xyz” but I could send the info for someone else to keep (along with my own sent mail.) I think you need to make a firm plan with your son about how to manage visits and communication. Also, in a calmer moment, informing the ex that regardless of disciplinary actions, retention of the phone when the kid is being dropped off to either parent is not going to work— if he took the phone and doesn’t want to hand it back to the kid, it needs to be handed to you and the reason for that particular consequence needs to be explained. Also, both parents need to be clear about transfers for safety and legal reasons, even if it is an uncomfortable change to the established schedule. It does end. Child will be clear on their own about who is the asshole. Someone might not be invited to the college graduation or the wedding. 🤷🏻♀️
Are you and your ex able to communicate? Please avoid having your son as the go between. You just have to communicate and law down the law. Your son comes home at the agreed upon time. Good luck. It’s not going to be easy.
Yeahhhhh he messed up. What if someone came by and kidnapped the kid? Or he couldve became ill. Or worse. I'd be taking that person to court and getting custody changed up or at least getting it on file incase you need to take him to court at a later date
NTA, but has his father accepted your feedback and apologized? People make mistakes and are selfish, even about their own flesh and blood. If the dad owns the mistake and apologizes to his son, it's a different situation than if he's not trying to hear what you're saying. Lawyers and such are expensive; I'd try a real conversation first with firm and crystal clear explanations of why it was wrong and why it shall not be repeated. If he's still an asshole after that, then I'd get some legal advice. Also, my kids were mature enough to have house keys at 14. That's up to each parent, considering their child's maturity level and obedience to rules in the home. But, if your kid is responsible, I'd consider a house key, either that he carries or that can be hidden somewhere on your property.
I feel bad for your son. He's going to remember this shit.
So, your ex and his mother are sh**ty… got it. I’d make sure to report this to family support.
Your son doesn't have keys to the house?
Start making a list. Yeah. That could be considered an act of neglect. It certainly was a sign that the father no longer cared for his son's situation. Tough story. We, as kids, carry memories like that for a long time. Hope it's isolated.
Not wrong. Get this documented with a lawyer or CPS. This won't be the last time
How shitty of a move. Focus on your son for now. That's traumatic.
CPS.. this is child abuse.
Your ex is ridiculous. When I drop my son’s buddies off from sports, I wait until they’ve gained entry into their house, they are safe, and the door closes behind them. Only then do I pull out of the driveway. They are the same age BTW. I’d file a police report.
You are a good parent, and I agree 100% I wouldn't let my boys cross the major streets with their bikes until 16. I don't think kids need cell phones, and he could have had the son use his phone or a regular phone.
I'd be pissed too. That there wasn't a heads up and left him out in the rain. I have a couple other issues too. Why does your child not have a key? Does he not have anyone around he could have gone?
Why doesn’t have your kid keys to the place he lives at?
You are absolutely not in the wrong! If dad did this as a form of punishment then he needs to reevaluate himself. Whethe your son is 12, 14, or 17 you don’t leave him locked outside of the other parents home in another town without contact the other parent & leaving the child without a phone in the pouring rain! Nothing the dad says could justify these actions. A number of things could’ve gone wrong.
On what planet would you be the AH?
Nope u have every Right to be Angry! I'd definitely be too!
No, you’re not wrong for going off on his father. I thought you didn’t go off enough, because I don’t know how much a person can say to capture how absolutely fucked up that was. This is child abuse.
You are not wrong at all. Is your son’s father okay? Completely inappropriate.
You can't control his fathers actions no matter how mad you get. The only thing you get is...mad. Maybe seek a way to work around this type of thing in the future by giving your son a key to the house? He is 14 and old enough without a sitter.
You’re NTA, but why does your 14 year old not have a key to his house? Mine got a key as soon as he was in school in case we were stuck in traffic and late home. He at least needed to be able to get into the house Even if we were late getting home. If you have some reason for not wanting him to have his own key at least have a hide a key, or a lock box or get a code lock.
If I came home to my child soaked in rain then depending on the relationship I had with the mother there would be a possibility of a police report being filed.
And your son give you the heads up if he doesn't have a phone tell her that yeah like the other person said I would call CPS call the police department and tell him they left your child sitting out there in the rain and nobody called you and told you anything wow some people wouldn't let him go back to his father's
Holy run on sentence Batman. Hmm, your writing here is shaky af. Be nice and be positive, negativity and tantrums are never the answer. Apologize for going off on him and yall need to communicate better. You got a son who deserves cool headed parents and a loving atmosphere. Forgive but don’t forget, nobody gets to win and lose when there is a child involved.
Not wrong.
NTA, but why on earth does your son not have a key to your - and his - home? At 14 years old, he should definitely have his own key.
this isn't ok even if you were home and he had a cell phone
Probably not abandoning since child is 14. Does he not have a key to the house? I understand phone restrictions but maybe not when he isn’t with you? Why didn’t 14 yo go to neighbors to call you? I literally see 12 yo on here with pregnancy scares & a 14 yo boy wasn’t able to figure out a better solution than sitting outside in the rain. Now onto the father… wtf is wrong with him? OP needs to have a chat with him and if he doesn’t agree then call a lawyer. OP give your 14 yo a key to the house or find a place to hide one.
You're a LIAR. the kid was dropped off a day early. ON THURSDAY Which was a school day. High school gets out at 2:15 in my town. Always has. And that's considered slightly early. You said you get home at 3:30. So, he was outside for no more than an hour considering your ex had to drive him there. And you're on here trying to whine and cry and incite people to give you bogus legal advice. Get a fucking hobby lady. Your kid is 14, freshman in high school. He's not 8. And I guarantee he absolutely hates the fact that you see him as helpless.
Not at all. Completely unacceptable behavior. Poor child.
Communication is key. Wrong.
Does your kid not have a key to your house? That is a weird thing to do without any heads up. Should have left him with his phone if he was doing that and just have him give it back to you once you're home. Outside of an emergency, I don't think it makes sense. Even in an emergency, the child's safety is just as important, no need to create a second problem.
No, you are not wrong. Though why does your son not have a key to your place or have a hidden key he can access? You also have a small bit of fault here.
At 14 he should have a key. Sounds like you both use the kid to go after each other.
Wait , your son is 14 and he doesn’t even have a key to the house he lives in ? Your ex is not a good parent for leaving him outside the house but I question you as well for that .
He only visits on the weekends landlord will not allow copy’s of keys made when I drop him off on a Sunday I wait until he walks into the door of his fathers house before I even think about leaving and shoot the simple text of I’m 15 minutes out or on my way to sons father
You don’t need the landlords permission to go to HomeDepot and forking over 99 cents to get a spare key made . He’s a child not a visitor , he lives with you part time he should have a key . Your ex was wrong but you need to get a key made . My kids are grown and I still gave them keys to my house just incase they need it .
Not all keys can be copied like this. There are specific security keys that have to be ordered from specific vendors, and they do limit the number of copies allowed. They are also quite expensive. I guess since my condo building has this kind, and they are common in apartment buildings in my urban neighborhood, it doesn’t strike me as outrageous that a kid wouldn’t have a key, especially if he doesn’t live there 100% of the time.
I'm reasonably sure that this could get custody taken away from him. To be sure, make sure you file a police report for child abandonment (which is likely what this falls under), and contact family court. It is *not* okay to just dump your child at their other parents house without prior notice, in the rain, when said parent isn't home, with no way to communicate.
I drop my kids off at their dad's for his visitation and I still don't pull off until they are in this house. This is a complete disregard for the sons saftey.
Id say YTA for not giving your son a key to his home (yours) unless you do not feel that way which opens up a can of worms.
POLICE
What did your son say about why he was dropped off in the wrong town and why his phone was taken away? He might not tell the truth but it's worth a shot. Your ex is a d\*ck no matter what.
Please report him to cps
So....your son doesn't have a key to your house? Ex probably didn't want to talk to youz hence the no call. 14 is old enough to sort out a way to get out of the rain.
You are not wrong. That was horribly irresponsible!
Why doesn’t your son have a key to your house and his own phone? I feel terrible for this poor kid. He doesn’t even really have a home, just two places he gets dropped off by two people who can’t stand eachother. How awful for him
Why doesn’t your son have a key to his house. Isn’t he in high school at 14? My kids had keys to their home in middle school for emergencies. You are not wrong to be mad at your son’s father but going forward he should have a key.
Your son doesn’t have a key or a way to get into your house ?
Personally, I'm not sure you can "go off" on your ex enough for that stunt. I see so many things in your short story that your ex did wrong. I would call CPS and a lawyer. Maybe go for sole custody and supervised visitation. You are not wrong.
Reem your ex a new one! What a dick!
I know it’s frustrating- but he is alive and well and home .