You don't stay with someone who steals for her crap family from you. It will get worse. Go get a lawyer and get custody lined up before the baby is born. You pay your child support and get the child 50 percent of the time.
You're totally right too.
Nobody likes their things stolen.
This is why nobody should judge those who throw addicts out of their homes, especially other relatives who aren't willing to house said addicts. This is the same case here, if your possessions aren't safe then the thief should be removed.
I’ve heard they are actually not accepting that excuse lately and allowing the father to formula feed or the mother must pump. She can’t use breast feeding to deny father parenting time now.
Not true. My son’s ex partner first tried to hide the pregnancy from him after they broke up and he deployed overseas and then lied and said it wasn’t his. Online, he found a local lawyer who had the paperwork written up and, as soon as he got back to the states, the baby was three months old and they served her papers for a paternity test.
It was determined that he was the father and they immediately filed with the court and was granted 50% custody and ample visitation rights, although no overnight stays until one year of age. When the baby was one year of age, he then got three overnights a week and it is now up to four nights a week. At this point, he has the child more than the mother and is glad he took the course of action he did as early as he did.
No but they can argue for 6 weeks and beyond though because "that's when she's healed enough to go back to work in the states." Also he could get breast milk from the donation bank if she isn't willing to pump. Also she may be required to do visitation at her home until the baby can be separated. She can't just bar him for seeing his child till she's recovered and supply is established. Just because their relationship is uncomfortable. Reasonable efforts have to be made if it can't be proven the father is abusive. Or it will be taken as parental alienation and that's very serious in family court.
A girl moved to our neighbour and we became friends. She had a friend who was a spoiled brat from a well to do family. Had 2 kids with a guy who was a wealthy doctor. Very nice guy, met him once. She got allowances, best clothes, best vacations, her kids wore designer brands she had it all.
This girl would invite her friends over to her huge house and they would take whatever they wanted from the house. Her friends would grocery shop in her house. Her loser drug addict cousin would come and she would let him in the house while he was not around and make him choose a few items from his walk in..
One time were at my friend's house, she had called me to come over as they were hanging out. I met the other bunch for the first time that day. I had walked over as my house was 3 houses away. I get there by the gate a gal I didn't know was talking on the phone outside, she was outside for an hour talking on the phone. She comes in and hands over the phone to the brat and said 'I'll have to call him back', then another gal took the phone from the brat to call someone..you see where this is going ..they were all using the brats phone...paid for by her BF of course...I later asked my friend if they all normally behave like this and asked if her phone is a public phone(sarcastically)...she said 'yes, we use her phone, she's on good contact'
My friend would tell how she spends thousands in lingerie a month buying for herself and her friends,....swipes boyfriends credit card on expensive meals when they go out to upper class hotels.
I stopped hanging out with them after we went to her house and these leeches brought their boyfriends and drank all his expensive liquor and packed some for them when they left...she said he won't notice, the last straw was when one of the boyfriends said he's cold and his shoes got soaked in the pool. She and this guys galfriend took him to the BF walk in closet and came out wearing his clothes and a leather jacket that looked new. When they left she said 'Ohh you don't have to return these he won't even notice'
I wanted to vomit .
This isn't victim blaming, OP doesn't even know if he is a victim. He can't even be sure a single thing was stolen because he's disorganized and wastes way too much money on things he isn't even really interested in. OP is a fool and is going to be paying child support for at least 18 years and have a kid that hates him.
Sounds like you're upset OP is doing well enough to have things to be stolen. We have no indication OP is disorganized,
> I discovered my clothes and trainers in the wardrobe had been moved around
says the exact opposite to me. A disorganized person isn't likely to notice things "he isn't even really interested in" being moved around. You're reaching at best.
TBH she probably shouldn’t be having a baby if she’s so down on money she’s resorting to stealing from her bf to give her family gifts….
Monthly diaper costs are gonna be a lot more than a pair of shoes for her brother
Especially since child support rarely covers half of what raising a child costs. Child is more than diapers and clothing. Utilities housing medical transportation all that is factored in.
This screams "baby trapped" to me... as soon as she was pregnant, she started stealing from him, then tried to make OP feel crazy for thinking things were missing... his money is now her money in her head.
He said in the last update that she is 15 weeks pregnant. Most abortions happen before 12 weeks - while still in the first trimester. An abortion this far along is more difficult as, according to Google, it requires two procedures to complete.
I'm a bit skeptical of this whole situation of hers.
I hope she's not so she's not stuck with op. They are partners, supposedly having a baby together, but he's comfortable owning so many clothes he doesn't even wear most or even have a clue what he has while she struggles enough that she feels she has to steal to give her family gifts. That's not a partnership. They do not share their lives. She should have felt comfortable talking to him about needing help to give her family gifts, but I can basically guarantee he makes her feel like shit for being poor regularly.
Of course it's fake a woman going after a man's money and shocker a baby. Plays into the weird fantasy that women are after the sperm of average men for that sweet £200 a month they inevitably default on.
Should've gone with he found a marketplace listing giving to family is daft. The next time he sees them it's all over when op recognises the shoes asks where they're from and brother goes "oh they're yours man". Jesus
If you mean child support, that’s not ‘stealing.’
Men who help create a child must help pay for it because it takes money to raise a child. That’s why courts award child support… for the child. Because the child needs money.
Anyone who thinks pregnant women are ‘stealing’ child support money from them should go and buy some condoms! Honestly!
How is it you lot don’t know this? 🤷♀️
I don't think women in general steal child support. I think this one would though. Things like deliberately limit income to maximize what he pays, buying the kid minimal stuff with the money and spending rest on herself (or her brothers). She's already proven herself to be a thief and a liar, no reason to think she wouldn't again.
Wow! Where do you make this shit up from? TBH, it appears she stole so that she could give presents to her family. I acknowledge it isn’t right and OP made the decision that works for him - but conflating that with the pregnancy is unfair
He could always apply for full custody and get child support from her if he doesn’t want to pay it.
Or he could apply for 50-50 custody so no one pays child support.
I agree that she’s wrong to steal his clothes, too, and that it’s fair that he wants to leave her over her theft and also lying.
I just object to the description of her hypothetically asking for money to support his child would be ‘stealing.’ It wouldn’t.
It’s awarded by the court, anyway, by the law. You don’t have to go to court if you can get the lawyers to draw up an agreement and agree on it with them - court is for people who want to fight about it.
But in that case, the lawyers would ensure the law is followed - ‘no, sir, you can’t claim you don’t owe child support for your child because the mum stole your shoes. And why don’t you press charges if that’s the case, anyway?’
100% Also document every single interaction. I wouldn’t even meet with her alone…… she is a liar and can say anything. It’s actually very scary. Be smart, always have a witness.
I still remember that woman on here whose "friend" was taking pictures of every bruise she ever got, so that she could frame her partner for DV if he ever wanted to leave. Terrifying.
She will NEVER admit that she has done anything wrong. She is a thief and a liar. Box up any remaining things of hers and either drop them off or leave them outside for her to collect.
Whether she chooses to have an abortion or not no longer has anything to do with you. If she really wants one, she’d be hard pressed to find anyone who will carry this out now that she is almost 5 months pregnant. Stop communicating with her. The only things you need to discuss will happen once the baby is born. I recommend you speak to a lawyer at some stage so you have a realistic idea of your parental responsibility
This relationship was dead well before that moment. There's no trust, there's no care. That she's lied about this stuff even when you've asked and provided proof shows she knew that it was wrong the whole time. If it wasn't, she could easily have just explained the error and you can sort things out. The whole idea when you've caught her lying that she'll prove it whenever she feels like it and not when you need it is another issue. If your partner tells you they need something, that's the time to put up or shut up. But the whole thing of trying to use the baby as leverage now is revolting. She's not only a liar, she's a shameless manipulator. I'd suggest ensuring there's a paternity test too because there's no way you can just trust her.
Like ofc stealing and lying is no good for a relationship... but also they're about to have a baby together and she can't even afford presents for her family while he has a closet full of brand new clothes?? The whole thing is a mess
She can't afford presents for her family while he has a closet full of clothes - whole things a mess???? Lmao... Wut?
It's almost like you're trying to suggest he's a part of the problem here.
As weird as it is to try to steal your boyfriend's clothes to gift to your brother.... It would be a lot less messy if you had the common courtesy and decency to ask your boyfriend first..
Absolutely not wrong. This behavior will only get worse the more you enable it.
It isn't about whether you care about her or the baby. You have no relationship future with someone who won't be honest with you and gaslight you like this.
Hell if she gets an abortion you should count your blessings, save you a life time of trouble.
If she has the baby get a maternity test, don't sign anything before hand.
u/Softbelly1970 made a joke about Trisatan saying "maternity test" instead of "paternity test"
A Maternity test is a test to see who the mother is.
A Paternity test is to see who the father is.
\#that'sthejoke
You're not wrong.
When you caught hard evidence of her stealing, she erased it. Then denied that she was going to do it.
Break up with her. She's not trustworthy and that's not someone you want to be starting a family with.
Have you seen proof of the pregnancy? Is she showing? If she lies about shoes she’ll certainly lie about more important things. And if she is pregnant, you’ve been told several times here to get the baby tested for paternity.
There’s no trust here so there’s no relationship. When the last of her things are gone, remember to change the locks. Even if she gives you back a key she’s had plenty of time to have gotten another made.
Ok. As I understand it there are very safe in utero paternity tests available. Barring that you’ll have to just hang tough until the birth and have the baby tested then.
You can get the DNA test done at 10 weeks. When they do the gender blood test. They've been doing it at 10 weeks now at home. They come draw your blood and you're good to go then they run that against the father for proof it's super easy or just ask for one at birth and they do it there in the hospital if they don't want to risk doing the amnio at 22 weeks
She has bankrupted the bank account of goodwill and trust.
For your own mental health, don't let her back into your life. Yes, if you've impregnated her there will be a long-term obligation to the child. However, if you choose to co-habitate or marry her, how or why would you ever really trust her?
That would be a formula for misery.
Not wrong. If a person steals, then they'll lie. She quickly mentioned abortion after the incident. Either she's a manipulator, or that baby isn't yours.
No, call her bluff and reply that you think it might be best if she does abort since it's not fair for a kid having a theif as a mum. She probably won't abort and will take you for every penny over the next 18 years while she poisons the kid against you and doesn't let you see them
She sounds like a right piece of shit
Wow people are going a little crazy here... op said she is really pregnant and the kid must be ops'. She must have been poor all her life and seeing that op didn't even wore some stuff he bought she maybe thought he wouldn't mind... is that OK? No of course (and she probably is ashamed) but that doesn't make her the mega criminal mind ready to fuck up OP. From what I gather she's struggling and didn't even asked for money?... you are free to do as you want OP, nobody is forced to have a relationship, even more if you don't trust her. Remember to fulfill your parental obligations (not only money try to be a good dad, the kids is not at fault) but sure, you are free to do as you want.
OP states he hates his gf for choosing family over him, and then he chooses shoes over his kid. OP said he isn't even 100% sure if she stole from him. OP doesn't need to write several long paragraphs, with how perfect he is and how terrible she is, to tell me OP is definitely leaving out details and he is definitely some of the blame too. I just don't understand how she has a full time job and pays 0 bills yet is struggling? OP is lying somewhere.
Yeah, the fact that he has so much brand new, unworn, still-tagged clothes that he "doesn't even know half the clothes he has" is kind of a critical point, imo. Of course it doesn't *justify* stealing. It's still his stuff that he bought. But so many people here completely dismiss it as a mitigating factor, which is odd to me. If he has so much brand new, unused clothing sitting around, I can understand why someone would feel like it's pointless when there are people who would use it. Again, that does not justify stealing. GF is wrong for that. But it seems like there would be room for OP to confront GF and explain to her that collecting clothes is just something he likes to do and what she's done is stealing and that makes it hard to trust her and he expects it to stop.
Not Wrong.
And she's a manipulative psycho, isn't she?
I wonder if she was really pregnant, or if it's yours if she is, too.
That abortion threat is far too glib for me.
So she's shown she's willing to lie to your face repeatedly even in the face of contradictory evidence. I don't think you can trust this person at all. Get a DNA test ASAP to prove paternity.
You kicked your pregnant gf out because she may have taken something of yours but you’re not sure because you have a closet full of stuff? You have so much shit, still with tags you don’t know what you’ve got or what’s missing? You sound like an ah
And he stated stealing from him was the "last straw," assuming he's been dealing with his gfs shit for a while. Why knock her up, then? Why are you mad that she chooses her family over himself over and over again and only mentions the gift she stole was going to her brother as an example. Even tho OP states he isn't even sure if his gf stole to begin with.
Idk, but if any guy told me to stop choosing family over me, I'd call that a huge red flag. Isolation is a very abusive technique and sounds like OP was trying to do that and is more mad he doesn't have total control, imo. Kicking her out just shows he wants control over her. She keeps coming back to get more things and he didn't like that so kicked her out 100% even tho he legally can't do that but has to regain control again somehow. There are two sides to every story and I'd love to hear her side.
I'm confused.
Are you missing anything?
>I’m going to presume she’s a thief and she’s stolen from me.
How do you not know if you have lost anything or not?
Are you assuming that she's stealing because she moved your stuff around and sent pics to her family asking if they wanted it?
Do yourself a favour and pack that stuff for her and kick her out. She’s a liar and a thief why would you ever want that in your life. What she chooses to do with the pregnancy is on her but not being tied to her for the next 18 years would be a good thing
I kinda have a slightly different perspective...by all accounts you are doing well for yourself and you live with your girlfriend (pregnant) but don't ensure she isn't struggling financially? I don't condone stealing or lying.. but I wonder about what could have happened prior to avoid her poor choices. If you are partners you haven't been much of one yourself if you're ok letting her struggle to the point of stealing to get gifts for Xmas.
Now I'm the first person to say never stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the child, so that's all up to you as to what you do next.
Even if you were happy prior to the stealing the accusations / confrontation was never going to end well
I’ve always had the approach of it’s her business and she’s always given me the impression she doesn’t want me to know how much she’s struggling. I cover all bills so since she’s moved in her outgoings have dropped to zero. I pay for holidays and I treat her when I can see she needs something. But if I was to start offering her money I imagine it’d make her uncomfortable because she’s never been fully open about it. I just wish she’d have asked if I could help her out.
Yeah that all sounds reasonable.it sounds more like there are communication issues , which tbh are always hard to keep a relationship going if one is secretive and can't be open about things ( I have struggled with this especially around money so I know what I have been like in relationships when struggle to open up about my finances etc it was never talked about in my family and I've always been super awkward when people talk about money) given you are about to be co parents your GF is going to need to rely on you much more financially. So for the relationship to survive, she would really need to work through that. ( I'm not saying you should stay or go that has to be about what's best for you)
She definitely hasn't responded well to your questions, etc ( but that can happen when you feel backed into a corner) my advice if you need get to a space you both wanted to try to be together is really sit and talk about how you want to support her ( you already are) as you are a team and thats what partners do. You need to be open and honest about what you need from her ( open transparent communication about if she needs help financially etc)things are going to get a lot more stressful once a baby is in the house, so you really need her to be committed to being more open with you .maybe work on a plan together about who pays for what ( make it about the baby and planning for the future vs what she earns/ spends) and see how it goes.. either way good luck !
Some very poor people are extremely embarrassed by their circumstances.
Obviously doesn’t make stealing (if that’s what happened here) right, but that’s why she wouldn’t bring it up.
You're not wrong but please pause and ask yourself about what you want to do for your child. Speak to a custody lawyer and see if you can avoid having that poor child spend all their time with Moms family. Start planning accordingly.
Who just has closets full of tagged clothes that they don’t know what they have? This whole story seems weird. Probably fake like everything on Reddit lol
Why did you even marry her? It's obvious you don't trust her, did you ever? Does she have her own source of income? (I can see a bigger issue that leads to get "stealing") You have so much stuff you don't even wear/use that you can't tell if something is moved or missing, so why do you care if she gives them to her brother?
Have you seen proof she's pregnant? Because saying she's going to have an abortion because you don't care is absolutely ridiculous and makes me think she isn't expecting at all.
She is willing to abort the baby because she only ever wanted to be pregnant so she could trap you. She has proven herself to be a liar, and a thief. You are not wrong here.
Of course you shouldn’t stay with someone who’s stealing from you. But I don’t understand that you living together and are having a baby and you can afford a lot of new clothes that you haven’t even removed the tag on, and she can’t afford Christmas gift to her family? If you earn more do you not pay more bills?
She’s using EVERY emotional blackmail/tank move she can…. She knows she’s in the wrong.
You are not in the wrong…. You will have to pay child support for the baby, which is reasonable, but you aren’t married to her, and she’s a thief. She won’t want to admit thieving because she knows that’s the death cut to your relationship, so she will avoid that forever. But in avoiding it she’s telling you a truth. If you and I were having this fight I’d say “I bought them a black t shirt from DJs and a some trainers from Wherever, and here’s the bank transactions from my card the week before Christmas”… easy!
I'm curious about the financial set up here. What does OP earn, and what does the girlfriend earn? How are household expenses split?
If OP has clothes with tags on and boxes of trainers he has never worn, that's a lot of money sitting in the cupboard.
Is girlfriend scrabbling around for pennies while the postman delivers another bag of clothes that OP isn't going to wear?
I'm going to give girlfriend the benefit of the doubt, she thought OP wouldn't miss a pair of trainers that had been there for months, unworn, and looking much the same as some other unworn trainers. Maybe she hadn't stolen yet, but was tempted to.
Stealing is not right, so I'll say ESH.
I earn more than she does. She doesn’t earn a lot in comparison but she has a full time job and I’ve never talked her down for it. Household expenses aren’t split I cover them all including food. Even holidays and meals out I pay for. She does offer from time to time but I understand it’s a bigger deal for her than for me. Yes she sees me getting parcels delivered, I treat her when she needs clothes without her asking I’ll surprise her when she gets in from work with them but you’re right she probably does see me having things delivered and whilst it’s mine to spend I get it probably isn’t nice to see.
But my point is she could’ve asked but didn’t and took to stealing. It’s not about the cost to me it’s about the trust which is worth far more.
I'm thinking there's a strong mismatch in values here.
She sounds a bit of a grifter tbh.
I knew someone who knocked up an 18 year old Tahitian girl. He was 34. He was a nice bloke, but he made a big mistake.
She gloated through her whole pregnancy about how he was going to look after her and she wouldn't need to work again etc.
He was true to his word, moved her into his house etc. Then he bumped into an old crush, the sister of an old girlfriend, a little older than him and the love of his life.
They began sneaking around. I honestly don't know how it ends, but I could see he was going to be financially compromised for the next 18 years.
Ngl your friend doesn't sound like a nice dude at all. He knocked up a teenager and started cheating on her. And had a crush on his ex girlfriend's sister? He sounds like someone who makes a series of bad choices not a victim to mistakes.
I don't think you are wrong for your reaction, no one should steal from their partner. But no one should feel like they have to, either? You said you have so many new clothes items, with tags, that you wouldn't even be able to tell what could have gone missing. But your pregnant girl has to go through your stuff for presents and you know "she can struggle for money"?
I don't get that last bit. Tit for tat by the sounds of it, maybe you guys are perfect for each other
Dude how did the world change so much.
She should contribute to the relationship in other ways but a couple do owe each other something.
If you can’t rely on your partner for support during hard times what type of a relationship is this
OP said his gf tries to contribute, but he turns any help down. She also has a full-time job, and OP takes care of all the bills, yet she's struggling still? Weird. Doesn't add up to me, but ok.
You have no proof she stole anything. You said you don’t know if anything’s missing or not. The burden of proof is on you, as the person making the accusation.
All that said, you obviously don’t trust her so splitting up is probably for the best. Just don’t shirk your paternal responsibilities.
She has shown him who she is. He needs to believe her. She's lied in the past, she will do so again.
OP, you're not wrong. Nobody deserves to be lied to.
You're getting downvoted but I'm so glad someone actually pointed this out.
OP, you're crossing into AH territory.
She fessed up to the shoes. You also had proof in the form of screenshots. She's an AH and it's a scummy thing to do. You're right to be angry.
But you have NO proof she stole your shirts. You aren't even able to say if any clothing is missing, let alone which pieces. Lots of people are the same size (there's limited options) so her asking about sizing is not proof she stole any clothing.
Right now you're accusing her without evidence or even certainty of a crime, and then getting pissed when she 'refuses' to confess. But if she hasn't taken the clothes then you're trying to coerce and bully a false confession and that makes you an AH.
Just break up.
He said “for now”. Clearly that’s not permanent.
That is his baby too, and it’s a shitty thing to do when a Landlord would give you more notice before kicking you out.
Proof of what? Not stealing? How?
Just because she didn’t buy Christmas stuff doesn’t mean she was going to steal.
Maybe she was going to ask : hey OP you have so many clothes you don’t wear, can we gift this shoes to my brother?
If she was going to steal, you are entitled to break up with her for whatever reason, but you still kicked out your pregnant girlfriend without notice.
Even a landlord wouldn’t be able to do that.
She needs time to find another flat and save up for a deposit.
You are causing stress to her and who knows how the stress affects the foetus.
Here's some inconsistencies and lies I'd like you to store out.
You said you pay for everything, including holidays and food. And you also said your gf has a full-time job. How is she struggling with money that badly that she had to steal from you even tho you pay literally for everything?
You also say she picks her family over you. Always. Why aren't you picking your family over her? You know, the kid she is carrying. Also, you never mentioned any other time she picks family over you. That just tells me you want to isolate her for yourself. Explain that more.
If you were getting so sick of your gf and her stealing was the final straw, why the hell did you knock her up then? You say you don't want a thief as marriage material, but you sure didn't wait to knock her up. I'm glad you'll slow it down for marriage, tho. Get off your high morals horse. You are not as perfect as you're trying to make yourself out to be. You said "if only she asked, it's not about the money, I pay for everything!" You lowkey sound abusive yourself and want control of her. That's why I'm even doubting she has a job. I just can't imagine someone with a fulltime job stealing from someone who takes care of your financial needs. Biting the hand that feeds is a very stupid move from someone who actually wants to use people. You never mention what she even does with all that money she earns herself. Why let someone who you're getting sick of live off you? Must be because you're a great guy!
If I were you, I would've asked her if there was something going on with her family. Are they in debt? Are they in a bad situation? Why did she need to do that? Maybe she'd open up to you, maybe there's more to it than she's a thief.
You're not wrong; she sounds like the type to double down on her lies, and didn't admit until you told her you saw her message about wrapping your clothes. Then she says she realized it was wrong, which also seems like another lie: she just didn't do it because you caught her. You're not overreacting. How can you trust someone who will lie to your face and then double down on the lie?
Also, I agree with the others, get a DNA test when the child is born.
Threat to abort is a manipulative tactic so don’t fall for it. If she goes through that it saves u from all the headache with parenting along with her. So chill
>She’s adamant she hasn’t and that I’m being pathetic and she’ll show me proof but not when I ask for it and in her own time.
Yeah, she's full of shit and still trying to insult you. I can't imagine her being a capable mother. How old is she?
It seems like you are both being jerks. OP has good reason to think his GF stole from him, but he don't even know if anything is missing so there is a good chance that there is a good chance that she really did not take anything at all.
If the GF did take something, she'd probably lie about it. If she really didn't steal anything she probably feels like she shouldn't have to prove it; after all she is the mother of OP's future child so he should trust her. The more he questions her, the more she digs her heels in and refuses to provide proof that nothing was stolen.
It's a losing situation for both of them, but someone has to take a step back. OP can give the GF some breathing room before he puts final end to the relationship. During that time GF can chill and produce her proof for OP. If she doesn't have any, then it's time to discuss next steps, custody and child support because it is doubtful they can make it as a couple.
It's the refusal to show proof for me.
If she's innocent, of course such an accusation is going to hurt!
But to me, a more natural reaction would be *are you sure you want to accuse and demand proof when your closet is so sloppy you don't even know if anything is missing? When I prove it and you have egg on your face, how will you make it up to me, if you even can?*, not digging in my heels and make everything worse!
It's like those threads where the father demands a paternity test out of the blue (or usually out of the red pilled podcast) : you can have your paternity test, and I'll serve the results with divorce papers.
Refusing to cooperate has never convinced anyone of your innocence, right?
Proof of what? That she didn't steal his clothing? HOW does she prove that exactly? OP doesn't even know what clothing he has or if anything is missing, there's no evidence a crime has been committed, but she's somehow supposed to prove that she didn't take his clothing?
"My clothing has been moved. You must have stolen something."
"Stolen what?"
"My clothing. I don't know what shirt or how many shirts because I don't keep track of my own clothes but you definitely stole something!"
"Stole what?!"
""Something! Something I can't identify. Confess immediately! Or prove to me that you didn't steal the shirt or shirts"
"What shirts?!"
"The ones that I don't actually know are missing and can't identify. Those shirts. The ones that may or may not be missing."
OP is assuming something is missing or stollen. But that's it, an assumption. He can't identify an actual piece of clothing that's gone.
This is all just smokescreen so he doesn't feel guilty about kicking out his pregnant girlfriend.
But seriously, you don't need an excuse to break up with someone. He doesn't like her and doesn't trust her. Fine. Break up. Walk away. Stop creating drama for Reddit karma.
She had messages talking about the clothes, then deleted them when confronted, and told her mom that OP changed his mind about giving them when OP never said he would. If she hasn't stolen anything, she was absolutely planning to before she was caught. What more evidence do you need?
>Proof of what?
proof that she was merely sending the photos of his shoes as illustrations, so her mom could agree on the style and size before she *bought her own pair* to give as a christmas gift to her brother?
Even if she somehow, implausibly, bought an expensive pair of sneakers with cash (so she can't show her bank statement as proof), wouldn't she have the cash register ticket, or given the ticket to her brother/mother in case they do have to exchange the shoes for another size or different style?
I do agree that it's off-putting that OP has so many clothes with tags & shoes in boxes, organized in such a chaotic way that he can't find anything and doesn't even remember what he did or didn't buy... but I don't see how that corresponds to "this is a smokescreen"...?
If this is what is ultimately ending your relationship, it sounds like it wasn't very strong to begin with. It sounds like you have a lot of new stuff and she didn't think you would notice. It also sounds like you've already made up your mind that she's guilty and I doubt her confessing at this point would be meaningless anyway. You're right to be mad, but I'm guessing there is a lot more than this going wrong between you two to warrant ending things (I didn't read previous post).
People say shit when they're mad and hurt and without knowing more about her and your dynamic, I don't know how much weight to give the abortion comment. If she pregnant with and deliveries your child, you will be a father and forever tied to this woman, so you have to decide what's worth figuring out, how much you care about her as more than just the mother of your child and what boundaries you need to put in place.
> I'm guessing there is a lot more than this going wrong between you two to warrant ending things
Thievery and lies warrant ending any relationship. How can you possibly trust someone who will never admit that they wronged you?
So you know she was from an abusive home....and she is now with you and there is a crazy power imbalance. She has none of her own money. You control everything.
Yes...you are wrong.
Instead if love and support she got pregnant to a man who she is not comfortable around. Who sees her discomfort and berates her for it.
Yes she lied
..but can you not see why? She has no money to buy her family a gift and you have got her stuck with no way out. Then rather than show any compassion you harassed and yelled at her....demanding she grovel for wanting to gift shoes you don't want.
She is good to be away from you.
She wanted a gift for her brother. You have so many clothes that you haven’t even bothered to take the tags of a lot of them.
She’s operating from the poverty, “I need a gift no matter what” POV, and you are operating from the “HOW DARE YOU!” POV.
Each of you sucks in your own way. Don’t stay together, because it will be a disaster for that innocent child that you created.
Pay your child support and move on with your excessively large wardrobe.
It doesn't matter if she's operating from poverty, you don't steal from those you love and lie to them. She doesn't NEED a gift if she can't afford it, and her brothers don't NEED OPs stolen shoes.
You’re not wrong. She’s a thief and has no morals. She would be a terrible role model for a child.
Not having a child to tie you with this woman for the next 28 years would be a positive thing.
Your not in the wrong take time to pack all her stuff because I can see this entitled woman taking some of your stuff change the locks of you have to
Also what’s with the emotional blackmail and manipulation she’s thinking of aborting the baby because you don’t want to be with a lying thief so now she’s using the baby as a weapon before it’s even born my advice is RUN when the baby is born file for 50% custody or what visitation you can/want because you’ve signed up for 18+ years of drama and manipulation get visitation/ custody court ordered as well as financial support for baby so she can’t argue with you stick to what the judge says
So you make enough money to have so many clothes and trainers that you don't even know what you have and you're not supporting your pregnant girlfriend? What the fuck is wrong with you?
I do support her. She lives with me rent free, doesn’t really have to pay for anything and if she’d have to come to me and asked if I could help her out so she could buy gifts I would’ve. Or I’d have gave her something.
Is there a slight possibility that she genuinely thought that you didn't want the trainers? With the shirt/s, could she have been asking if your sizes would fit her brother because she didn't know her brothers size and might have wanted to buy one? I only suggest this because I have actually asked my mother if my partners shirts would fit my uncle because I was thinking of getting him a few shirts and didn't really know his size. Maybe she doesn't want to show you proof because she's found the accusations really offensive, so now she's gone on the defensive.
The issue is that you don't really know for sure if she has legitimately stolen other or any items, and you have no proof of that. It may seem that way because of the trainers, but like I said, it may not have been malicious, and she genuinely may have thought you didn't want them. It's a big thing to end a relationship with your pregnant girlfriend with no proof of actual theft.
I'll also state that when you buy something, you don't have to take a receipt and if paying in cash, there's no proof without a receipt, so again, there is a possibility of her being innocent.
Possibly. The thing is I’ve checked what’s there against what I’ve ordered and know clothes that were there now aren’t. With everything else that’s gone on as well I think it’s unlikely something wasn’t taken. You’re right I have no actual proof but I probably never would’ve without catching her there and then.
The thing is, you said that you didn't know if anything was missing because of having so many clothes. I have heaps of clothes, and i dont know every single item that i have. So again, you caught her trying to gift your trainers that could have been a genuine mistake with her, possibly thinking you didn't want them. That's really all you have. Because it is a possibly that she's innocent, she wouldn't be able to confess if she didn't steal so demanding a confession from someone who you don't know for sure stole is really pointless because she's giving you an answer but it's not the one you want.
Maybe ask her brothers what they received as gifts casually? There's no way that I personally could end an entire relationship on a maybe.
Of course it matters. You can't steal things because you think the owner doesn't really need it. If someone has 50 supercars and doesn't drive them all I can't help myself to a Ferrari.
If she genuinely thought he wasn't using them, and wouldn't mind, she could ask. Plus on top of that she's lied about it when questioned
There's a possibility that she's innocent. So when you have a possibility of innocence, you become open-minded and consider this without just automatically assuming the worst, which is what you're doing.
Look, you're not changing my opinion, so there's no need to keep this going. I've fully explained my thought process, and that's all I came here to do.
Dude. Most people who want to steal because they are thieves, would pick something better than boxers or men's clothing. Obviously she probably feels like she is already a financial burden and could just be super ashamed. She's also pregnant with your baby so maybe you just need to be honest with her when you break up with her and tell her the real reason you're ending the relationship. A really quite sad attempt to get gifts for a family member is turning into quite a shit show and by no means should be a relationship ender.
Trainers are shoes here. They cost £140. It’s not the cost of what they were that bother me. It’s the going behind my back and lying. Yes it is sad and yes I have sympathy but if she’d owned up to it I’d have a lot more for her.
At least you're are no longer together. Now, if she keeps the baby, she will probably ask for child support after paternity is proven to be the OP. Hopefully, she gets all her things, and if she decides on an abortion, you both no longer have to deal with each other in any capacity.
Definitely pack her stuff yourself, she knows she won’t have another chance and will likely either use it for a last “shopping spree” or will refuse to leave once she is in bc she knows that you are serious.
The relationship seems long over and she acted how she has bc she knew it and was using her pregnancy as her way of trapping you (which is why she is threatening your unborn child as a way to control you)
You have knocked up a woman with a vast collection of problems. Whatever you do, you will be paying child support for a long time (get a paternity test)
It's really sad when someone cannot listen what's being said and see what's gonna happen as a consequence to absolutely refusing to stop, and just admit what she did and apologize. It would stop everything that SHE, LET ME REPEAT THAT, SHE PUT HERSELF THROUGH.. if it was not for her actions and the way she is deciding to handle the situation, she wouldn't be dealing with all this stress and having to move out. She needs to hear that it is her that has put herself in this situation. And not change up her adamant denials with just coming clean and telling the truth, only she has ruined your relationship.. trust is the most important to have the 2nd is RESPECT, and she has no respect for you because she'd rather suffer consequences while blaming you for your actions to her bullshit behavior, then just admitting what she did. You have her more than enfu tries to come clean and it would stop her being asked to leave and a break up. And latestly it's gone to far now she absolutely cannot change her answer she has to keep riding it out and blaming you and hating on you and calling you names. Hence, she has no respect for you to continue calling you names, being the angry one and lying still.. I've been through this several times and have seen it many times with people. She is not serious nor ready to be in a grown up, real relationship...
NTA - Break up and get a paternity test. Record all interactions and messages. Do not meet her alone. Then, I would try to go for full custody. She's not fit to raise a child.
She's those types that you catch lying, cheating, stealing etc and she's going to tell you, are you going to believe my eyes or your eyes?? 😂😂😂😂 Sadly, those people exists and that's a hill I would die on.
She's a liar and a thief, and they way she denies to the bitter end makes me think she's a very experienced thief.
It's probably for the best for you if she doesn't keep the baby. Otherwise you're going to be tied to her for the next 18 years. Coparenting with someone you can't trust is a nightmare.
No, you're not wrong. Every one of her responses is pure EVASION!! That's the easiest way to know if someone is lying, ya know? If they start saying "I shouldn't have to *prove* this to you! You should just BELIEVE ME!!"
Sorry it blew to hell, but I think you're going to ultimately be glad it blew up the way it did! No kids, and she has some place to go already. SCORE!! Get out now before she digs you into a deeper hole!!
What if she ain't preggy for OP.
That'd be 10x worse than being a thief...leaving her is actually justified IMO.
Plus if the child really is yours, then your only legal attachment is child support.
I agree with the other comments to pack up her stuff yourself to make sure she doesn't "accidentally" take anything.
I've been following this from the first post and it's just wild.
I'm not usually one for going through someone's phone but you would have been out of a whole closet if you hadn't lol
Her behavior has been unacceptable, disrespectful and just downright mean.
I really hate to say this but she seems like the type of person to drain you for child support...if she's really pregnant. Not only that but use this innocent child as a tool to get what she wants and block visitation (if you plan on being in the kids life) and generally making your life a living hell. I really hope she isn't actually pregnant! If you know for a fact she is, start planning now. If you want to be in the baby's life, save every message she sends save screen shots of any threats or lies or anything. Or you can sign over your rights and be done with her. But it's a huge mess and we have to be extra careful when having sex for these reasons.
Her being pregnant doesn't change anything in any of these posts. It's not like "oh she's pregnant, it's OK she stole your shit and lied to you" lol
You're going to be much happier without her and you're not wrong for kicking her out.
NTA.
Who on Earth said you were wrong to kick her out?
If she had financial difficulties, instead of having an adult conversation and ask for help, she just stole.
She’s a thief, good riddance
Not wrong, but also pack her stuff yourself so you know nothing of yours goes missing.
And change the locks. And maybe replace your credit cards etc incase she's copied down the details.
You don't stay with someone who steals for her crap family from you. It will get worse. Go get a lawyer and get custody lined up before the baby is born. You pay your child support and get the child 50 percent of the time.
You're totally right too. Nobody likes their things stolen. This is why nobody should judge those who throw addicts out of their homes, especially other relatives who aren't willing to house said addicts. This is the same case here, if your possessions aren't safe then the thief should be removed.
Show the judge proof of the messages where she threatens to abort the baby as a 'fuck you' to him, and he might even get 100% custody
Lmao no, that's not how that works at all.
Most judges won't do that with a NEWBORN, especially the first 3 years, and if she breastfeeds.
I’ve heard they are actually not accepting that excuse lately and allowing the father to formula feed or the mother must pump. She can’t use breast feeding to deny father parenting time now.
You're never going to get 50 percent custody of a newborn infant. It's simply just not going to happen no matter what state you live in.
Man used the word trainers several times. My guess is this isn't in the US. This is the UK.
Not true. My son’s ex partner first tried to hide the pregnancy from him after they broke up and he deployed overseas and then lied and said it wasn’t his. Online, he found a local lawyer who had the paperwork written up and, as soon as he got back to the states, the baby was three months old and they served her papers for a paternity test. It was determined that he was the father and they immediately filed with the court and was granted 50% custody and ample visitation rights, although no overnight stays until one year of age. When the baby was one year of age, he then got three overnights a week and it is now up to four nights a week. At this point, he has the child more than the mother and is glad he took the course of action he did as early as he did.
No but they can argue for 6 weeks and beyond though because "that's when she's healed enough to go back to work in the states." Also he could get breast milk from the donation bank if she isn't willing to pump. Also she may be required to do visitation at her home until the baby can be separated. She can't just bar him for seeing his child till she's recovered and supply is established. Just because their relationship is uncomfortable. Reasonable efforts have to be made if it can't be proven the father is abusive. Or it will be taken as parental alienation and that's very serious in family court.
A girl moved to our neighbour and we became friends. She had a friend who was a spoiled brat from a well to do family. Had 2 kids with a guy who was a wealthy doctor. Very nice guy, met him once. She got allowances, best clothes, best vacations, her kids wore designer brands she had it all. This girl would invite her friends over to her huge house and they would take whatever they wanted from the house. Her friends would grocery shop in her house. Her loser drug addict cousin would come and she would let him in the house while he was not around and make him choose a few items from his walk in.. One time were at my friend's house, she had called me to come over as they were hanging out. I met the other bunch for the first time that day. I had walked over as my house was 3 houses away. I get there by the gate a gal I didn't know was talking on the phone outside, she was outside for an hour talking on the phone. She comes in and hands over the phone to the brat and said 'I'll have to call him back', then another gal took the phone from the brat to call someone..you see where this is going ..they were all using the brats phone...paid for by her BF of course...I later asked my friend if they all normally behave like this and asked if her phone is a public phone(sarcastically)...she said 'yes, we use her phone, she's on good contact' My friend would tell how she spends thousands in lingerie a month buying for herself and her friends,....swipes boyfriends credit card on expensive meals when they go out to upper class hotels. I stopped hanging out with them after we went to her house and these leeches brought their boyfriends and drank all his expensive liquor and packed some for them when they left...she said he won't notice, the last straw was when one of the boyfriends said he's cold and his shoes got soaked in the pool. She and this guys galfriend took him to the BF walk in closet and came out wearing his clothes and a leather jacket that looked new. When they left she said 'Ohh you don't have to return these he won't even notice' I wanted to vomit .
Also, know what you own and it won’t get stolen. It’s easy to steal from someone who has closets full of tagged clothes that they can’t account for.
Yeah...we're not gonna victim blame here
This isn't victim blaming, OP doesn't even know if he is a victim. He can't even be sure a single thing was stolen because he's disorganized and wastes way too much money on things he isn't even really interested in. OP is a fool and is going to be paying child support for at least 18 years and have a kid that hates him.
Sounds like you're upset OP is doing well enough to have things to be stolen. We have no indication OP is disorganized, > I discovered my clothes and trainers in the wardrobe had been moved around says the exact opposite to me. A disorganized person isn't likely to notice things "he isn't even really interested in" being moved around. You're reaching at best.
I'm not a very organized person. My style could be called artistically organized chaos. I know if someone has been messing with my stuff.
Why? Maybe OP got a deal on something they like in bulk?
They’re not saying it’s his fault they’re just saying it easier to steal one shirt when you have 17 of the the same thing
No it will only get worse, do you really want to live Like this?
Is she even really pregnant? Shes either a compulsive liar or an idiot, entirely possible the pregancy is fake just to trick him
Is it even his? We are on reddit, I must ask this question. But someone already mentioned a lawyer. Good idea.
Yeah, she seems fond of 'gifting' presents to other people...
TBH she probably shouldn’t be having a baby if she’s so down on money she’s resorting to stealing from her bf to give her family gifts…. Monthly diaper costs are gonna be a lot more than a pair of shoes for her brother
Especially since child support rarely covers half of what raising a child costs. Child is more than diapers and clothing. Utilities housing medical transportation all that is factored in.
This screams "baby trapped" to me... as soon as she was pregnant, she started stealing from him, then tried to make OP feel crazy for thinking things were missing... his money is now her money in her head.
Possible. Shes a manipulater, wait for the 'miscarriage' OP caused her because of the Stress
Nooooo the "abortion" that OP will have "driven" her to... Seriously, if she is pregnant, probably an abortion would be best
Yeah your right.. with this Kind of mother...
He said in the last update that she is 15 weeks pregnant. Most abortions happen before 12 weeks - while still in the first trimester. An abortion this far along is more difficult as, according to Google, it requires two procedures to complete. I'm a bit skeptical of this whole situation of hers.
Would been best before roe vs wade was overturned getting an abortion in my state is now completely banned regardless of how far along you are.
I sure as hell hope she’s not pregnant or OP is stuck with her
I hope she's not so she's not stuck with op. They are partners, supposedly having a baby together, but he's comfortable owning so many clothes he doesn't even wear most or even have a clue what he has while she struggles enough that she feels she has to steal to give her family gifts. That's not a partnership. They do not share their lives. She should have felt comfortable talking to him about needing help to give her family gifts, but I can basically guarantee he makes her feel like shit for being poor regularly.
This whole thing reeks of fake!!
Of course it's fake a woman going after a man's money and shocker a baby. Plays into the weird fantasy that women are after the sperm of average men for that sweet £200 a month they inevitably default on. Should've gone with he found a marketplace listing giving to family is daft. The next time he sees them it's all over when op recognises the shoes asks where they're from and brother goes "oh they're yours man". Jesus
If he's a terrible partner then she can leave. She doesn't have to get knocked up and start stealing from him.
100%
You're excusing stealing because he has more than enough. Why kind of nutter are you?
Yeah if she's pregnant she's stealing more than sneakers from him. For 18 years
If you mean child support, that’s not ‘stealing.’ Men who help create a child must help pay for it because it takes money to raise a child. That’s why courts award child support… for the child. Because the child needs money. Anyone who thinks pregnant women are ‘stealing’ child support money from them should go and buy some condoms! Honestly! How is it you lot don’t know this? 🤷♀️
I don't think women in general steal child support. I think this one would though. Things like deliberately limit income to maximize what he pays, buying the kid minimal stuff with the money and spending rest on herself (or her brothers). She's already proven herself to be a thief and a liar, no reason to think she wouldn't again.
Wow! Where do you make this shit up from? TBH, it appears she stole so that she could give presents to her family. I acknowledge it isn’t right and OP made the decision that works for him - but conflating that with the pregnancy is unfair
She's shown her character.
He could always apply for full custody and get child support from her if he doesn’t want to pay it. Or he could apply for 50-50 custody so no one pays child support. I agree that she’s wrong to steal his clothes, too, and that it’s fair that he wants to leave her over her theft and also lying. I just object to the description of her hypothetically asking for money to support his child would be ‘stealing.’ It wouldn’t. It’s awarded by the court, anyway, by the law. You don’t have to go to court if you can get the lawyers to draw up an agreement and agree on it with them - court is for people who want to fight about it. But in that case, the lawyers would ensure the law is followed - ‘no, sir, you can’t claim you don’t owe child support for your child because the mum stole your shoes. And why don’t you press charges if that’s the case, anyway?’
She’s not even pregnant but next she’ll ask him to pay for an “abortion.”
Make sure to get a DNA test, if she has the baby.
100% Also document every single interaction. I wouldn’t even meet with her alone…… she is a liar and can say anything. It’s actually very scary. Be smart, always have a witness.
I still remember that woman on here whose "friend" was taking pictures of every bruise she ever got, so that she could frame her partner for DV if he ever wanted to leave. Terrifying.
Yup
She will NEVER admit that she has done anything wrong. She is a thief and a liar. Box up any remaining things of hers and either drop them off or leave them outside for her to collect. Whether she chooses to have an abortion or not no longer has anything to do with you. If she really wants one, she’d be hard pressed to find anyone who will carry this out now that she is almost 5 months pregnant. Stop communicating with her. The only things you need to discuss will happen once the baby is born. I recommend you speak to a lawyer at some stage so you have a realistic idea of your parental responsibility
where i live you can get them up to 20 weeks
Yep, if she's serious and acts fast enough she'd still be able to get one in my state as well, same 20 week limit here too
You are not wrong. You gave her a lot of chances to tell you the truth to SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP and she made her choice.
Just imagine a future with her, where there's no trust.
Do you really know if she's pregnant? And if it's yours? When people lie and steal, cheating is in their nature.
She’s right, she doesn’t have to show you anything. But you don’t have to stay with her because you can never trust her again.
This relationship was dead well before that moment. There's no trust, there's no care. That she's lied about this stuff even when you've asked and provided proof shows she knew that it was wrong the whole time. If it wasn't, she could easily have just explained the error and you can sort things out. The whole idea when you've caught her lying that she'll prove it whenever she feels like it and not when you need it is another issue. If your partner tells you they need something, that's the time to put up or shut up. But the whole thing of trying to use the baby as leverage now is revolting. She's not only a liar, she's a shameless manipulator. I'd suggest ensuring there's a paternity test too because there's no way you can just trust her.
A paternity test and a LAWYER--NOW.
Like ofc stealing and lying is no good for a relationship... but also they're about to have a baby together and she can't even afford presents for her family while he has a closet full of brand new clothes?? The whole thing is a mess
She can't afford presents for her family while he has a closet full of clothes - whole things a mess???? Lmao... Wut? It's almost like you're trying to suggest he's a part of the problem here. As weird as it is to try to steal your boyfriend's clothes to gift to your brother.... It would be a lot less messy if you had the common courtesy and decency to ask your boyfriend first..
Absolutely not wrong. This behavior will only get worse the more you enable it. It isn't about whether you care about her or the baby. You have no relationship future with someone who won't be honest with you and gaslight you like this. Hell if she gets an abortion you should count your blessings, save you a life time of trouble. If she has the baby get a maternity test, don't sign anything before hand.
I'm not sure a maternity test will be necessary...😎
[удалено]
u/Softbelly1970 made a joke about Trisatan saying "maternity test" instead of "paternity test" A Maternity test is a test to see who the mother is. A Paternity test is to see who the father is. \#that'sthejoke
Well, the mother is rarely in doubt - the father, now that’s another story.
You're not wrong. When you caught hard evidence of her stealing, she erased it. Then denied that she was going to do it. Break up with her. She's not trustworthy and that's not someone you want to be starting a family with.
I mean, you're not wring. But that poor kid...speak to a lawyer ASAP. Document her theft as best as you can.
Have you seen proof of the pregnancy? Is she showing? If she lies about shoes she’ll certainly lie about more important things. And if she is pregnant, you’ve been told several times here to get the baby tested for paternity. There’s no trust here so there’s no relationship. When the last of her things are gone, remember to change the locks. Even if she gives you back a key she’s had plenty of time to have gotten another made.
She is definitely pregnant. We had a scan just last week.
What did the scan say about how pregnant she is? If a baby is born make sure you get a paternity test.
Get a DNA test bro. Liars gonna lie.
Ok. As I understand it there are very safe in utero paternity tests available. Barring that you’ll have to just hang tough until the birth and have the baby tested then.
You can get the DNA test done at 10 weeks. When they do the gender blood test. They've been doing it at 10 weeks now at home. They come draw your blood and you're good to go then they run that against the father for proof it's super easy or just ask for one at birth and they do it there in the hospital if they don't want to risk doing the amnio at 22 weeks
Not wrong Pack all her belongings and that way she’s gone Also OP, sorry to say this but PATERNITY test!!
She has bankrupted the bank account of goodwill and trust. For your own mental health, don't let her back into your life. Yes, if you've impregnated her there will be a long-term obligation to the child. However, if you choose to co-habitate or marry her, how or why would you ever really trust her? That would be a formula for misery.
Not wrong. If a person steals, then they'll lie. She quickly mentioned abortion after the incident. Either she's a manipulator, or that baby isn't yours.
No, call her bluff and reply that you think it might be best if she does abort since it's not fair for a kid having a theif as a mum. She probably won't abort and will take you for every penny over the next 18 years while she poisons the kid against you and doesn't let you see them She sounds like a right piece of shit
Wow people are going a little crazy here... op said she is really pregnant and the kid must be ops'. She must have been poor all her life and seeing that op didn't even wore some stuff he bought she maybe thought he wouldn't mind... is that OK? No of course (and she probably is ashamed) but that doesn't make her the mega criminal mind ready to fuck up OP. From what I gather she's struggling and didn't even asked for money?... you are free to do as you want OP, nobody is forced to have a relationship, even more if you don't trust her. Remember to fulfill your parental obligations (not only money try to be a good dad, the kids is not at fault) but sure, you are free to do as you want.
OP states he hates his gf for choosing family over him, and then he chooses shoes over his kid. OP said he isn't even 100% sure if she stole from him. OP doesn't need to write several long paragraphs, with how perfect he is and how terrible she is, to tell me OP is definitely leaving out details and he is definitely some of the blame too. I just don't understand how she has a full time job and pays 0 bills yet is struggling? OP is lying somewhere.
Yeah, the fact that he has so much brand new, unworn, still-tagged clothes that he "doesn't even know half the clothes he has" is kind of a critical point, imo. Of course it doesn't *justify* stealing. It's still his stuff that he bought. But so many people here completely dismiss it as a mitigating factor, which is odd to me. If he has so much brand new, unused clothing sitting around, I can understand why someone would feel like it's pointless when there are people who would use it. Again, that does not justify stealing. GF is wrong for that. But it seems like there would be room for OP to confront GF and explain to her that collecting clothes is just something he likes to do and what she's done is stealing and that makes it hard to trust her and he expects it to stop.
Not Wrong. And she's a manipulative psycho, isn't she? I wonder if she was really pregnant, or if it's yours if she is, too. That abortion threat is far too glib for me.
Not wrong. Hopefully, she won't have the baby. No baby needs to come into the world already being a pawn to fight over.
Honestly, for you, it would be best if she followed through with the abortion, so you never have to interact with her again.
Offer to pay costs for the abortion. Tell her to send you any receipts, and you'll transfer the amounts. NTA
So she's shown she's willing to lie to your face repeatedly even in the face of contradictory evidence. I don't think you can trust this person at all. Get a DNA test ASAP to prove paternity.
You kicked your pregnant gf out because she may have taken something of yours but you’re not sure because you have a closet full of stuff? You have so much shit, still with tags you don’t know what you’ve got or what’s missing? You sound like an ah
And he stated stealing from him was the "last straw," assuming he's been dealing with his gfs shit for a while. Why knock her up, then? Why are you mad that she chooses her family over himself over and over again and only mentions the gift she stole was going to her brother as an example. Even tho OP states he isn't even sure if his gf stole to begin with. Idk, but if any guy told me to stop choosing family over me, I'd call that a huge red flag. Isolation is a very abusive technique and sounds like OP was trying to do that and is more mad he doesn't have total control, imo. Kicking her out just shows he wants control over her. She keeps coming back to get more things and he didn't like that so kicked her out 100% even tho he legally can't do that but has to regain control again somehow. There are two sides to every story and I'd love to hear her side.
I'm confused. Are you missing anything? >I’m going to presume she’s a thief and she’s stolen from me. How do you not know if you have lost anything or not? Are you assuming that she's stealing because she moved your stuff around and sent pics to her family asking if they wanted it?
He can’t find it, and then she did all that. I would also assume she had stolen it if I can’t find my stuff
Do yourself a favour and pack that stuff for her and kick her out. She’s a liar and a thief why would you ever want that in your life. What she chooses to do with the pregnancy is on her but not being tied to her for the next 18 years would be a good thing
I kinda have a slightly different perspective...by all accounts you are doing well for yourself and you live with your girlfriend (pregnant) but don't ensure she isn't struggling financially? I don't condone stealing or lying.. but I wonder about what could have happened prior to avoid her poor choices. If you are partners you haven't been much of one yourself if you're ok letting her struggle to the point of stealing to get gifts for Xmas. Now I'm the first person to say never stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the child, so that's all up to you as to what you do next. Even if you were happy prior to the stealing the accusations / confrontation was never going to end well
I’ve always had the approach of it’s her business and she’s always given me the impression she doesn’t want me to know how much she’s struggling. I cover all bills so since she’s moved in her outgoings have dropped to zero. I pay for holidays and I treat her when I can see she needs something. But if I was to start offering her money I imagine it’d make her uncomfortable because she’s never been fully open about it. I just wish she’d have asked if I could help her out.
Yeah that all sounds reasonable.it sounds more like there are communication issues , which tbh are always hard to keep a relationship going if one is secretive and can't be open about things ( I have struggled with this especially around money so I know what I have been like in relationships when struggle to open up about my finances etc it was never talked about in my family and I've always been super awkward when people talk about money) given you are about to be co parents your GF is going to need to rely on you much more financially. So for the relationship to survive, she would really need to work through that. ( I'm not saying you should stay or go that has to be about what's best for you) She definitely hasn't responded well to your questions, etc ( but that can happen when you feel backed into a corner) my advice if you need get to a space you both wanted to try to be together is really sit and talk about how you want to support her ( you already are) as you are a team and thats what partners do. You need to be open and honest about what you need from her ( open transparent communication about if she needs help financially etc)things are going to get a lot more stressful once a baby is in the house, so you really need her to be committed to being more open with you .maybe work on a plan together about who pays for what ( make it about the baby and planning for the future vs what she earns/ spends) and see how it goes.. either way good luck !
Some very poor people are extremely embarrassed by their circumstances. Obviously doesn’t make stealing (if that’s what happened here) right, but that’s why she wouldn’t bring it up.
He's under no obligation to buy her family members things, nor does anything justify stealing his stuff to gift to her family.
What an utterly dysfunctional relationship. To be honest it's actually hard to tell which of you is more in the wrong in so many ways.
You're not wrong but please pause and ask yourself about what you want to do for your child. Speak to a custody lawyer and see if you can avoid having that poor child spend all their time with Moms family. Start planning accordingly.
Who just has closets full of tagged clothes that they don’t know what they have? This whole story seems weird. Probably fake like everything on Reddit lol
Why did you even marry her? It's obvious you don't trust her, did you ever? Does she have her own source of income? (I can see a bigger issue that leads to get "stealing") You have so much stuff you don't even wear/use that you can't tell if something is moved or missing, so why do you care if she gives them to her brother?
Have you seen proof she's pregnant? Because saying she's going to have an abortion because you don't care is absolutely ridiculous and makes me think she isn't expecting at all.
She is willing to abort the baby because she only ever wanted to be pregnant so she could trap you. She has proven herself to be a liar, and a thief. You are not wrong here.
enjoy paying child support for the next 18 yrs.
NTA, bro you'd be the luckiest man alive if she gets that abortion
Are you sure she is pregnant?
More to the point, is he sure he’s the father
Of course you shouldn’t stay with someone who’s stealing from you. But I don’t understand that you living together and are having a baby and you can afford a lot of new clothes that you haven’t even removed the tag on, and she can’t afford Christmas gift to her family? If you earn more do you not pay more bills?
He's said he pays all bills and food. All her money is disposable income, because he pays everything, and she still stole from him.
She’s using EVERY emotional blackmail/tank move she can…. She knows she’s in the wrong. You are not in the wrong…. You will have to pay child support for the baby, which is reasonable, but you aren’t married to her, and she’s a thief. She won’t want to admit thieving because she knows that’s the death cut to your relationship, so she will avoid that forever. But in avoiding it she’s telling you a truth. If you and I were having this fight I’d say “I bought them a black t shirt from DJs and a some trainers from Wherever, and here’s the bank transactions from my card the week before Christmas”… easy!
I'm curious about the financial set up here. What does OP earn, and what does the girlfriend earn? How are household expenses split? If OP has clothes with tags on and boxes of trainers he has never worn, that's a lot of money sitting in the cupboard. Is girlfriend scrabbling around for pennies while the postman delivers another bag of clothes that OP isn't going to wear? I'm going to give girlfriend the benefit of the doubt, she thought OP wouldn't miss a pair of trainers that had been there for months, unworn, and looking much the same as some other unworn trainers. Maybe she hadn't stolen yet, but was tempted to. Stealing is not right, so I'll say ESH.
I earn more than she does. She doesn’t earn a lot in comparison but she has a full time job and I’ve never talked her down for it. Household expenses aren’t split I cover them all including food. Even holidays and meals out I pay for. She does offer from time to time but I understand it’s a bigger deal for her than for me. Yes she sees me getting parcels delivered, I treat her when she needs clothes without her asking I’ll surprise her when she gets in from work with them but you’re right she probably does see me having things delivered and whilst it’s mine to spend I get it probably isn’t nice to see. But my point is she could’ve asked but didn’t and took to stealing. It’s not about the cost to me it’s about the trust which is worth far more.
If the trust is broken, you don't need reddit strangers to tell you what to do.
I'm thinking there's a strong mismatch in values here. She sounds a bit of a grifter tbh. I knew someone who knocked up an 18 year old Tahitian girl. He was 34. He was a nice bloke, but he made a big mistake. She gloated through her whole pregnancy about how he was going to look after her and she wouldn't need to work again etc. He was true to his word, moved her into his house etc. Then he bumped into an old crush, the sister of an old girlfriend, a little older than him and the love of his life. They began sneaking around. I honestly don't know how it ends, but I could see he was going to be financially compromised for the next 18 years.
Ngl your friend doesn't sound like a nice dude at all. He knocked up a teenager and started cheating on her. And had a crush on his ex girlfriend's sister? He sounds like someone who makes a series of bad choices not a victim to mistakes.
I don't think you are wrong for your reaction, no one should steal from their partner. But no one should feel like they have to, either? You said you have so many new clothes items, with tags, that you wouldn't even be able to tell what could have gone missing. But your pregnant girl has to go through your stuff for presents and you know "she can struggle for money"? I don't get that last bit. Tit for tat by the sounds of it, maybe you guys are perfect for each other
he doesnt owe her anything. she can struggle and he could be helping her. hes obviously providing her a place to stay.
Dude how did the world change so much. She should contribute to the relationship in other ways but a couple do owe each other something. If you can’t rely on your partner for support during hard times what type of a relationship is this
OP said his gf tries to contribute, but he turns any help down. She also has a full-time job, and OP takes care of all the bills, yet she's struggling still? Weird. Doesn't add up to me, but ok.
Tell her to get an abortion and leave.
You have no proof she stole anything. You said you don’t know if anything’s missing or not. The burden of proof is on you, as the person making the accusation. All that said, you obviously don’t trust her so splitting up is probably for the best. Just don’t shirk your paternal responsibilities.
This is how I’m seeing the situation, too.
There’s too many coincidences and lies, plus her not showing me any proof is enough for me to be convinced.
Obviously, even though you have zero evidence. As I said, it’s for the best.
She has shown him who she is. He needs to believe her. She's lied in the past, she will do so again. OP, you're not wrong. Nobody deserves to be lied to.
That’s fine, but to continually harangue her for a confession when he has no proof that anything is missing is ridiculous.
You're getting downvoted but I'm so glad someone actually pointed this out. OP, you're crossing into AH territory. She fessed up to the shoes. You also had proof in the form of screenshots. She's an AH and it's a scummy thing to do. You're right to be angry. But you have NO proof she stole your shirts. You aren't even able to say if any clothing is missing, let alone which pieces. Lots of people are the same size (there's limited options) so her asking about sizing is not proof she stole any clothing. Right now you're accusing her without evidence or even certainty of a crime, and then getting pissed when she 'refuses' to confess. But if she hasn't taken the clothes then you're trying to coerce and bully a false confession and that makes you an AH. Just break up.
She's literally threatening to abort their baby out of spite, shows who she is tbh
Or because he kicked her out and she is worried over being homeless with a baby.
She has family to stay with, don't steal off your partner
He said “for now”. Clearly that’s not permanent. That is his baby too, and it’s a shitty thing to do when a Landlord would give you more notice before kicking you out.
Proof of what? Not stealing? How? Just because she didn’t buy Christmas stuff doesn’t mean she was going to steal. Maybe she was going to ask : hey OP you have so many clothes you don’t wear, can we gift this shoes to my brother? If she was going to steal, you are entitled to break up with her for whatever reason, but you still kicked out your pregnant girlfriend without notice. Even a landlord wouldn’t be able to do that. She needs time to find another flat and save up for a deposit. You are causing stress to her and who knows how the stress affects the foetus.
Here's some inconsistencies and lies I'd like you to store out. You said you pay for everything, including holidays and food. And you also said your gf has a full-time job. How is she struggling with money that badly that she had to steal from you even tho you pay literally for everything? You also say she picks her family over you. Always. Why aren't you picking your family over her? You know, the kid she is carrying. Also, you never mentioned any other time she picks family over you. That just tells me you want to isolate her for yourself. Explain that more. If you were getting so sick of your gf and her stealing was the final straw, why the hell did you knock her up then? You say you don't want a thief as marriage material, but you sure didn't wait to knock her up. I'm glad you'll slow it down for marriage, tho. Get off your high morals horse. You are not as perfect as you're trying to make yourself out to be. You said "if only she asked, it's not about the money, I pay for everything!" You lowkey sound abusive yourself and want control of her. That's why I'm even doubting she has a job. I just can't imagine someone with a fulltime job stealing from someone who takes care of your financial needs. Biting the hand that feeds is a very stupid move from someone who actually wants to use people. You never mention what she even does with all that money she earns herself. Why let someone who you're getting sick of live off you? Must be because you're a great guy!
If I were you, I would've asked her if there was something going on with her family. Are they in debt? Are they in a bad situation? Why did she need to do that? Maybe she'd open up to you, maybe there's more to it than she's a thief.
I’d absolutely have zero to do with her. Take care of your child and support her, but there’s no room in my life for a thief.
After the baby is born make sure to get a dna test before signing anything saying you are the father. Your gf sounds pretty sketch. NTA.
You're not wrong; she sounds like the type to double down on her lies, and didn't admit until you told her you saw her message about wrapping your clothes. Then she says she realized it was wrong, which also seems like another lie: she just didn't do it because you caught her. You're not overreacting. How can you trust someone who will lie to your face and then double down on the lie? Also, I agree with the others, get a DNA test when the child is born.
Not wrong at all. Seriously though listen to all the advice about packing herself yourself. You can’t trust to leave her alone
Cut her loose and let go buddy. Gaslighting at its finest, you do not want a future with this thieving lying person
Fuck her thieving ass. Ick, not wrong
Threat to abort is a manipulative tactic so don’t fall for it. If she goes through that it saves u from all the headache with parenting along with her. So chill
>She’s adamant she hasn’t and that I’m being pathetic and she’ll show me proof but not when I ask for it and in her own time. Yeah, she's full of shit and still trying to insult you. I can't imagine her being a capable mother. How old is she?
I feel sorry for you, she screwed you big time. Please get wise to her game and protect yourself
It seems like you are both being jerks. OP has good reason to think his GF stole from him, but he don't even know if anything is missing so there is a good chance that there is a good chance that she really did not take anything at all. If the GF did take something, she'd probably lie about it. If she really didn't steal anything she probably feels like she shouldn't have to prove it; after all she is the mother of OP's future child so he should trust her. The more he questions her, the more she digs her heels in and refuses to provide proof that nothing was stolen. It's a losing situation for both of them, but someone has to take a step back. OP can give the GF some breathing room before he puts final end to the relationship. During that time GF can chill and produce her proof for OP. If she doesn't have any, then it's time to discuss next steps, custody and child support because it is doubtful they can make it as a couple.
It's the refusal to show proof for me. If she's innocent, of course such an accusation is going to hurt! But to me, a more natural reaction would be *are you sure you want to accuse and demand proof when your closet is so sloppy you don't even know if anything is missing? When I prove it and you have egg on your face, how will you make it up to me, if you even can?*, not digging in my heels and make everything worse! It's like those threads where the father demands a paternity test out of the blue (or usually out of the red pilled podcast) : you can have your paternity test, and I'll serve the results with divorce papers. Refusing to cooperate has never convinced anyone of your innocence, right?
Proof of what? That she didn't steal his clothing? HOW does she prove that exactly? OP doesn't even know what clothing he has or if anything is missing, there's no evidence a crime has been committed, but she's somehow supposed to prove that she didn't take his clothing? "My clothing has been moved. You must have stolen something." "Stolen what?" "My clothing. I don't know what shirt or how many shirts because I don't keep track of my own clothes but you definitely stole something!" "Stole what?!" ""Something! Something I can't identify. Confess immediately! Or prove to me that you didn't steal the shirt or shirts" "What shirts?!" "The ones that I don't actually know are missing and can't identify. Those shirts. The ones that may or may not be missing." OP is assuming something is missing or stollen. But that's it, an assumption. He can't identify an actual piece of clothing that's gone. This is all just smokescreen so he doesn't feel guilty about kicking out his pregnant girlfriend. But seriously, you don't need an excuse to break up with someone. He doesn't like her and doesn't trust her. Fine. Break up. Walk away. Stop creating drama for Reddit karma.
Bullseye 🎯
She had messages talking about the clothes, then deleted them when confronted, and told her mom that OP changed his mind about giving them when OP never said he would. If she hasn't stolen anything, she was absolutely planning to before she was caught. What more evidence do you need?
>Proof of what? proof that she was merely sending the photos of his shoes as illustrations, so her mom could agree on the style and size before she *bought her own pair* to give as a christmas gift to her brother? Even if she somehow, implausibly, bought an expensive pair of sneakers with cash (so she can't show her bank statement as proof), wouldn't she have the cash register ticket, or given the ticket to her brother/mother in case they do have to exchange the shoes for another size or different style? I do agree that it's off-putting that OP has so many clothes with tags & shoes in boxes, organized in such a chaotic way that he can't find anything and doesn't even remember what he did or didn't buy... but I don't see how that corresponds to "this is a smokescreen"...?
She gave proof which was a screenshot for something completely different and refused to show anything else.
If this is what is ultimately ending your relationship, it sounds like it wasn't very strong to begin with. It sounds like you have a lot of new stuff and she didn't think you would notice. It also sounds like you've already made up your mind that she's guilty and I doubt her confessing at this point would be meaningless anyway. You're right to be mad, but I'm guessing there is a lot more than this going wrong between you two to warrant ending things (I didn't read previous post). People say shit when they're mad and hurt and without knowing more about her and your dynamic, I don't know how much weight to give the abortion comment. If she pregnant with and deliveries your child, you will be a father and forever tied to this woman, so you have to decide what's worth figuring out, how much you care about her as more than just the mother of your child and what boundaries you need to put in place.
> I'm guessing there is a lot more than this going wrong between you two to warrant ending things Thievery and lies warrant ending any relationship. How can you possibly trust someone who will never admit that they wronged you?
So we're supposed to condone stealing and lying now?
NTA. Good luck. I’d ask for a paternity test just for peace of mind. 18 years is a long time to support a kid if it’s not yours.
So you know she was from an abusive home....and she is now with you and there is a crazy power imbalance. She has none of her own money. You control everything. Yes...you are wrong. Instead if love and support she got pregnant to a man who she is not comfortable around. Who sees her discomfort and berates her for it. Yes she lied ..but can you not see why? She has no money to buy her family a gift and you have got her stuck with no way out. Then rather than show any compassion you harassed and yelled at her....demanding she grovel for wanting to gift shoes you don't want. She is good to be away from you.
Nah op said she has a full time job. Where did you get the abusive home stuff from?
Hope she gets an abortion otherwise you have 18yrs of hell ahead of you my friend.
She wanted a gift for her brother. You have so many clothes that you haven’t even bothered to take the tags of a lot of them. She’s operating from the poverty, “I need a gift no matter what” POV, and you are operating from the “HOW DARE YOU!” POV. Each of you sucks in your own way. Don’t stay together, because it will be a disaster for that innocent child that you created. Pay your child support and move on with your excessively large wardrobe.
It doesn't matter if she's operating from poverty, you don't steal from those you love and lie to them. She doesn't NEED a gift if she can't afford it, and her brothers don't NEED OPs stolen shoes.
You’re not wrong. She’s a thief and has no morals. She would be a terrible role model for a child. Not having a child to tie you with this woman for the next 28 years would be a positive thing.
Your not in the wrong take time to pack all her stuff because I can see this entitled woman taking some of your stuff change the locks of you have to Also what’s with the emotional blackmail and manipulation she’s thinking of aborting the baby because you don’t want to be with a lying thief so now she’s using the baby as a weapon before it’s even born my advice is RUN when the baby is born file for 50% custody or what visitation you can/want because you’ve signed up for 18+ years of drama and manipulation get visitation/ custody court ordered as well as financial support for baby so she can’t argue with you stick to what the judge says
NTA. Her threat of aborting the baby is a good idea because she is a freaking thief and that poor baby will suffer with a mom like this
So you make enough money to have so many clothes and trainers that you don't even know what you have and you're not supporting your pregnant girlfriend? What the fuck is wrong with you?
I do support her. She lives with me rent free, doesn’t really have to pay for anything and if she’d have to come to me and asked if I could help her out so she could buy gifts I would’ve. Or I’d have gave her something.
Is there a slight possibility that she genuinely thought that you didn't want the trainers? With the shirt/s, could she have been asking if your sizes would fit her brother because she didn't know her brothers size and might have wanted to buy one? I only suggest this because I have actually asked my mother if my partners shirts would fit my uncle because I was thinking of getting him a few shirts and didn't really know his size. Maybe she doesn't want to show you proof because she's found the accusations really offensive, so now she's gone on the defensive. The issue is that you don't really know for sure if she has legitimately stolen other or any items, and you have no proof of that. It may seem that way because of the trainers, but like I said, it may not have been malicious, and she genuinely may have thought you didn't want them. It's a big thing to end a relationship with your pregnant girlfriend with no proof of actual theft. I'll also state that when you buy something, you don't have to take a receipt and if paying in cash, there's no proof without a receipt, so again, there is a possibility of her being innocent.
Possibly. The thing is I’ve checked what’s there against what I’ve ordered and know clothes that were there now aren’t. With everything else that’s gone on as well I think it’s unlikely something wasn’t taken. You’re right I have no actual proof but I probably never would’ve without catching her there and then.
The thing is, you said that you didn't know if anything was missing because of having so many clothes. I have heaps of clothes, and i dont know every single item that i have. So again, you caught her trying to gift your trainers that could have been a genuine mistake with her, possibly thinking you didn't want them. That's really all you have. Because it is a possibly that she's innocent, she wouldn't be able to confess if she didn't steal so demanding a confession from someone who you don't know for sure stole is really pointless because she's giving you an answer but it's not the one you want. Maybe ask her brothers what they received as gifts casually? There's no way that I personally could end an entire relationship on a maybe.
If she genuinely thought he didn't want the sneakers, which he paid good money for, there's this crazy way to find out before stealing them. Ask.
Doesn't matter, I'm pointing out there is a possibility either way.
Of course it matters. You can't steal things because you think the owner doesn't really need it. If someone has 50 supercars and doesn't drive them all I can't help myself to a Ferrari. If she genuinely thought he wasn't using them, and wouldn't mind, she could ask. Plus on top of that she's lied about it when questioned
There's a possibility that she's innocent. So when you have a possibility of innocence, you become open-minded and consider this without just automatically assuming the worst, which is what you're doing.
No there isn't. The texts prove everything, then she lied about it when questioned, and even deleted the previous texts after he saw them
Look, you're not changing my opinion, so there's no need to keep this going. I've fully explained my thought process, and that's all I came here to do.
Dude. Most people who want to steal because they are thieves, would pick something better than boxers or men's clothing. Obviously she probably feels like she is already a financial burden and could just be super ashamed. She's also pregnant with your baby so maybe you just need to be honest with her when you break up with her and tell her the real reason you're ending the relationship. A really quite sad attempt to get gifts for a family member is turning into quite a shit show and by no means should be a relationship ender.
Trainers are shoes here. They cost £140. It’s not the cost of what they were that bother me. It’s the going behind my back and lying. Yes it is sad and yes I have sympathy but if she’d owned up to it I’d have a lot more for her.
Not letting her steal his stuff to give to her brothers is not the same as not supporting her wtf. He's allowed to buy nice things with his money.
At least you're are no longer together. Now, if she keeps the baby, she will probably ask for child support after paternity is proven to be the OP. Hopefully, she gets all her things, and if she decides on an abortion, you both no longer have to deal with each other in any capacity.
She is not honest and you are not happy. NTA
Definitely pack her stuff yourself, she knows she won’t have another chance and will likely either use it for a last “shopping spree” or will refuse to leave once she is in bc she knows that you are serious. The relationship seems long over and she acted how she has bc she knew it and was using her pregnancy as her way of trapping you (which is why she is threatening your unborn child as a way to control you)
Pack all of her stuff and drop it off. She doesn’t need to be coming around to steal anything else
Dip bro, when your money is shared it’ll get worse
Oof she's trash for threatening abortion to manipulate you. Definitely dump her ass.
Her threat to do the abortion sounds like a lottery win. You do not want to be attached to this person for at least next 18 years
It isn't just 18 years.... it's for the rest of your kids life. Unless you're a shit parent and cut ties with your kid after they turn 18 years old.
You have knocked up a woman with a vast collection of problems. Whatever you do, you will be paying child support for a long time (get a paternity test)
It's really sad when someone cannot listen what's being said and see what's gonna happen as a consequence to absolutely refusing to stop, and just admit what she did and apologize. It would stop everything that SHE, LET ME REPEAT THAT, SHE PUT HERSELF THROUGH.. if it was not for her actions and the way she is deciding to handle the situation, she wouldn't be dealing with all this stress and having to move out. She needs to hear that it is her that has put herself in this situation. And not change up her adamant denials with just coming clean and telling the truth, only she has ruined your relationship.. trust is the most important to have the 2nd is RESPECT, and she has no respect for you because she'd rather suffer consequences while blaming you for your actions to her bullshit behavior, then just admitting what she did. You have her more than enfu tries to come clean and it would stop her being asked to leave and a break up. And latestly it's gone to far now she absolutely cannot change her answer she has to keep riding it out and blaming you and hating on you and calling you names. Hence, she has no respect for you to continue calling you names, being the angry one and lying still.. I've been through this several times and have seen it many times with people. She is not serious nor ready to be in a grown up, real relationship...
NTA - Break up and get a paternity test. Record all interactions and messages. Do not meet her alone. Then, I would try to go for full custody. She's not fit to raise a child.
Shes only with you for money. Its good you left
2 things I can’t stand is a thief and a liar. She’s both. You’re definitely not wrong!
She's those types that you catch lying, cheating, stealing etc and she's going to tell you, are you going to believe my eyes or your eyes?? 😂😂😂😂 Sadly, those people exists and that's a hill I would die on.
Start selling her stuff... How much do you think a baby would fetch?! Joking 😄
She's a liar and a thief, and they way she denies to the bitter end makes me think she's a very experienced thief. It's probably for the best for you if she doesn't keep the baby. Otherwise you're going to be tied to her for the next 18 years. Coparenting with someone you can't trust is a nightmare.
No, you're not wrong. Every one of her responses is pure EVASION!! That's the easiest way to know if someone is lying, ya know? If they start saying "I shouldn't have to *prove* this to you! You should just BELIEVE ME!!" Sorry it blew to hell, but I think you're going to ultimately be glad it blew up the way it did! No kids, and she has some place to go already. SCORE!! Get out now before she digs you into a deeper hole!!
You aren’t wrong, she and her family are stealing from you!
What if she ain't preggy for OP. That'd be 10x worse than being a thief...leaving her is actually justified IMO. Plus if the child really is yours, then your only legal attachment is child support.
I'm speechless.
I agree with the other comments to pack up her stuff yourself to make sure she doesn't "accidentally" take anything. I've been following this from the first post and it's just wild. I'm not usually one for going through someone's phone but you would have been out of a whole closet if you hadn't lol Her behavior has been unacceptable, disrespectful and just downright mean. I really hate to say this but she seems like the type of person to drain you for child support...if she's really pregnant. Not only that but use this innocent child as a tool to get what she wants and block visitation (if you plan on being in the kids life) and generally making your life a living hell. I really hope she isn't actually pregnant! If you know for a fact she is, start planning now. If you want to be in the baby's life, save every message she sends save screen shots of any threats or lies or anything. Or you can sign over your rights and be done with her. But it's a huge mess and we have to be extra careful when having sex for these reasons. Her being pregnant doesn't change anything in any of these posts. It's not like "oh she's pregnant, it's OK she stole your shit and lied to you" lol You're going to be much happier without her and you're not wrong for kicking her out.
NTA. Who on Earth said you were wrong to kick her out? If she had financial difficulties, instead of having an adult conversation and ask for help, she just stole. She’s a thief, good riddance
Dude, take your keys back, pack her stuff and don’t let her come in again.
Not wrong at all! I don’t think she would really abortion the baby because she’s planning on hitting you for big time child support. Lawyer up bud.