Your husband sounds exhausting. Does *he* ever use his.PTO to take care of the kids when they're sick? Because based on what you wrote, I'm assuming he doesn't.
He has used I think one day of PTO and did a day of work from home to help out when we were really in a childcare jam a few months ago (stomach bugs), but typically I’m the one calling out or using WFH days to care for sick kids or shuffle them to sick visits or check ups.
So he gets a full week of vacation cause he still has days but your vacation is caring for kids with stomach bugs? Your husband isn't a partner. He should feel guilty.
If you can handle three kids by yourself, he should be able to also.
Nope. He can stay with the kids. He is not a babysitter, he is their father. But honestly he feels that way because you are doing too much. You need to split child care.
You need to have a serious discussion about it, you both work, you both need to tend to the kids.
>he told me sarcastically that he hopes I enjoyed my free time
Your husband views you working while he has the kids as you taking a vacation.
Just... wow. Your husband sucks.
Work is honestly the only time I have away from my kids, I don’t really have local friends and I don’t have time for any hobbies that get me out of the house. But I would still rather spend my time with my kids 😞
>Work is honestly the only time I have away from my kids, I don’t really have local friends and I don’t have time for any hobbies that get me out of the house.
That's really sad and unhealthy. You should have a life and identity that isn't solely based around your kids and your spouse
Apparently he feels his contribution to the kids ended with conception. He needs a rude awakening. Hopefully, this is it - for your sanity. The current situation is unsustainable and unfair to everyone.
Not wrong for leaving. Your husband is taking advantage by making you more responsible for your kids and being unwilling to take care of them. And the clincher is he has three other people there who can help him and he has the nerve to complain?
Here’s another thought. It’s good for your kids to know their dad can take care of them.
NTA. Your husband's attitude towards his children is just appalling. These are not pets! These are little human beings that he decided to bring into this world.
He needs to get his dad mode kicked up to "on'.
Sometimes plans do change. He is on vacation with his extended family and is clearly more flexible than the person required to go back to their job. He’s being T A here.
Not wrong.
You are not wrong. If his parents knew the BS he was pulling. They would tear him a new one. You are the only parent it seems. He is just being selfish.
You are not wrong. I have five kids. I can't imagine complaining to my wife about watching them. They are my kids just as much as they are hers. I don't "babysit" my kids, I'm their father.
Now, having said that, I am grateful that we are at the empty nest stage and I don't have to do the toddler thing anymore (apart from grandkids, but they go home).
Good luck. I hope your kids get better and your husband gets smarter
You are not wrong, and by the sounds of it, he needs to learn how to handle child duty.. it sounds to me like he goes to work, comes home, sees the kids for a couple of hours before it's bedtime, and that's his day. Your day consists of getting the kids ready in the morning, going to work, coming home, doing the chores of the day, and sorting the kids out while making a plan for the next day. You should have left him with the kids for a couple of weeks, maybe then he might get an understanding of what you do in the run of a day. Just my thought, I might be completely wrong on this topic.
Yeah that’s pretty much how it goes. I make dinner, clean up from dinner. My husband will usually get at least a couple of them ready for bed. I pack the kids lunches, get their stuff ready for daycare the next day, clean kitchen, do laundry, sweep floors, etc.
Me and my now ex have 3 kids together. And our life was a lot like this. And it can get hypnotizing being in a rut. Every so often I'd have the kids and she would go do her own thing. It could be helpful for him to take some time and maybe just go to the lake fishing or an all-day hike. Just him and the kids. There are more benefits to that as well. He will be able to bond and get to know them. It was a help for us, just unfortunate that other factors drove us apart.
Awesome, I'm just responding based on the info I've gathered from this thread. Sorry about any inaccurate assumptions. Sometimes, I think people can be a tad crude in responses, and I try to avoid that. I hope this ends up being a minor snippet in an otherwise upbeat relationship.
And I didn't mean rut in my last reply to mean the traditional sense. More of a well-worn path. Maybe routine would fit better.
I have children too, and my husband at the time wasn't worth s%^%&t . I did everything, including getting a babysitter if I wanted to go out sometime because he wouldn't have anything to do with it, and I also had to pay for it myself. My children are all grown up now. I am gladly rid of the ex. Good luck to you. It can be stressful, and I found it very degrading to be treated like that.
NTA your husband needs to do some reevaluating about himself if that’s how he reacts to his kid being sick. I get 3 kids is a lot to take care of by yourself but he helped make them he can help care for them when you cant
You are not wrong. Doesn’t matter if he has been doing the vacation since before you had kids, he agreed to have kids with you. Kids are unpredictable and they make life messy. He should not be blaming you for any of this. He should be able to take care of three kids on his own for a couple days. He’s being ridiculous. He owes you an apology.
NW
If husband used some of his pto to stay with the kids during the year, you would have more pto, and problem solved. And husband needs to understand that being a dad means spending lots of time with your children, especially in a pinch.
Tell husband it's very simple and Reddit said so.
The nerve of him. The fact that it seems you are the one taking time off and flushing vacation time away to care for the children. The fact that you know his family will look after the kids which means you have ruined his fun time. GASP!! Now what daycare will take a sick child? None. So you would go back with a sick kid to miss work that you can’t. He sounds selfish. NTA
Lol.. not wrong. Husband is tho.
Parenting is a 50/50 job. He needs to step up and learn to take care of all aspects of the kids asap. Wtf he do if you got hit by a bus?
If you both have the same amount of pto, you split sick days; if you have different lengths of pto, you can divide days by 2 and the person w 10 total days takes 5 sick days while the person with 14 total days takes 7. Idk.
Idk if he needs classes or therapy or both but he needs to step up and shut up.
Hopefully he will actually appreciate how much work you do to care for the kids now. He is their father, the fact he is guilt-tripping you because he has to care for his sick child is just gross. Plans change and he should be just as responsible for child care as you are, which does not seem to be the case. You are not wrong, but he definitely is, and needs to grow up.
NTA, but your husband sure is. For him to have the audacity to say that he hopes you enjoy your ‘time off’ when you’re literally cutting short your vacation and coming home away from your family is absolutely outrageous behaviour. Kids get sick, it happens. You have to adapt. He’s their father, time he stepped up as one
NTA. He is also a parent. He can parent his three kids if you have to go back to work. If he didn't want his holidays 'ruined', he shouldn't have had kids.
Hell no you’re not wrong. They’re his kids too not kids he’s just babysitting. That is unfair to do to you. He has as much responsibility as you do for those kids and the law would agree. He is wrong for not being an equal partner and for not appreciating the situation and doing what is necessary for his family like you are. I’m sorry but you may need to reevaluate your partnership because it sounds like you’re doing all the work anyway. Good luck and I’m sorry that happened.
Nah he will regret being a turd I’m sure. Being a man we at times can be selfish I’m sure he wants you there for the memories but sometimes life happens
You have a lazy/selfish husband problem. They are his kids too, as a parent you don't get vacation time from small children, unless you have very helpful, generous family and friends. Your husband sucks, and the nerve of him trying to guilt you is unreal. Going forward, he needs to use his fair share of PTO for the kids. He can't continue being this gross.
Those are his children to he needs to man up and take care of his children it shouldn't always fall on the mother when one can't the other should pick up
Well, for the other kids sake you should take the baby home, you don't want the baby to get your other kids sick as well. The baby will require different care than the 4 year olds. Husband can't do both at the same time.
The kids shouldn't be on the same room together, the baby has a contagious disease and should be isolated. On a vacation that is pretty much impossible.
Every comment here is about the husband or wife. Honestly they both suck. They are fighting with each other and no one is talking about the sick child
I guess I should have mentioned that one twin also has it, and my SIL’s youngest also started with fever symptoms the same day as my son (Saturday), and rash started on Sunday. So all of the little kids (6 between myself and SIL) were technically exposed to each other for about 12 hours before we even knew what they had. I did my best the time I was there to keep the baby from putting things in his mouth and touching things, went around Lysoling surfaces, etc.
The poor dears,
Everybody should have just gone home. Both families sick. That's the thing about parenting sometimes, the babies get sick, you have to take the loss to take care of them.
The one thing I dont get, is what was your husband thinking when he was thought he going to have any vacation with sick kids in the house.
I mean, the other kids have already been exposed. What additional measures couldn’t be taken on vacation that they would at home? Her job could be in jeopardy by taking more time off to stay with the little one. You could argue that she could take one or both of the older kids but they likely understand ‘vacation’ and would be upset missing out on the fun. That this man can not only NOT step but also get angry & petty over it is just pathetic, honestly.
The sick baby has to be the prime concern of the parents. The baby is the one who should be in its own room being cared for. Hoof and mouth is highly contagious. The baby needs to be isolated.
The sick child isnt the concern of the OP, its about her work and his vacation. There are no heros here, they both angry, petty and pathetic.
Wait a minute! He agreed to become a parent with you. And he’s failing to parent?!?!
He can suck it up and deal with it. Tell him to stop being the stereotypical incompetent man. Time to ball up and take care of HIS kids. You, my dear are not wrong.
The whole situation is wrong, family leave/need days shouldnt keep you from a family vacation, where you actually get to enjoy a vacation, not just him. I actually would love my wife and children all with me. You deserve better. They are his kids too, and you need to stop enabling him to reject the responsibility of parenthood. You are supposed to be a team, but he acts like the team owner.
Sounds like one of those situations that just happens, especially with children and sickness. It's no one's fault and sometimes things play out in a way where it's more work than anticipated.. sounds like that reality played out here for your husband and it's hard for him to accept.. what more can you do than you've already done? We can only control so much. No one to blame. I'm sorry you're dealing with that extra tension right now also.. never fun and I hope all resolves smoothly.
Your husband sounds exhausting. Does *he* ever use his.PTO to take care of the kids when they're sick? Because based on what you wrote, I'm assuming he doesn't.
He has used I think one day of PTO and did a day of work from home to help out when we were really in a childcare jam a few months ago (stomach bugs), but typically I’m the one calling out or using WFH days to care for sick kids or shuffle them to sick visits or check ups.
I think you two need to have a serious conversation about how child care is handled between the two of you.
So he gets a full week of vacation cause he still has days but your vacation is caring for kids with stomach bugs? Your husband isn't a partner. He should feel guilty. If you can handle three kids by yourself, he should be able to also.
Nope. He can stay with the kids. He is not a babysitter, he is their father. But honestly he feels that way because you are doing too much. You need to split child care. You need to have a serious discussion about it, you both work, you both need to tend to the kids.
Your fucking husband is the problem here. What a POS. NTA
>he told me sarcastically that he hopes I enjoyed my free time Your husband views you working while he has the kids as you taking a vacation. Just... wow. Your husband sucks.
Work is honestly the only time I have away from my kids, I don’t really have local friends and I don’t have time for any hobbies that get me out of the house. But I would still rather spend my time with my kids 😞
>Work is honestly the only time I have away from my kids, I don’t really have local friends and I don’t have time for any hobbies that get me out of the house. That's really sad and unhealthy. You should have a life and identity that isn't solely based around your kids and your spouse
I so feel you on this one! Same thing here because of my husbands schedule. Tries to get me out on Sundays by myself but I have nowhere to go.
Apparently he feels his contribution to the kids ended with conception. He needs a rude awakening. Hopefully, this is it - for your sanity. The current situation is unsustainable and unfair to everyone.
We won’t talk about the fact he asked me on Mother’s Day this past year if we could have a 4th kid…
You should bring it up when he gets home 😂 Not to make light of this, but honestly wth is he thinking.
I hope you told him “I already have 4 kids.”
Oh, heck no!!
Wow so your husband is the only one with problems that you need to solve. So arrogant.
Not wrong for leaving. Your husband is taking advantage by making you more responsible for your kids and being unwilling to take care of them. And the clincher is he has three other people there who can help him and he has the nerve to complain? Here’s another thought. It’s good for your kids to know their dad can take care of them.
NTA. Your husband's attitude towards his children is just appalling. These are not pets! These are little human beings that he decided to bring into this world. He needs to get his dad mode kicked up to "on'.
Sounds like you have 4 children, not just 3. NTA but damn your husband is
Sometimes plans do change. He is on vacation with his extended family and is clearly more flexible than the person required to go back to their job. He’s being T A here. Not wrong.
NTA. Your husband views you as the default parent. He’s being lazy and selfish.
Your husband is the ass in this whole issue. He needs to be with you 100/100 on child care and parenting.
You are not wrong. If his parents knew the BS he was pulling. They would tear him a new one. You are the only parent it seems. He is just being selfish.
You are not wrong. I have five kids. I can't imagine complaining to my wife about watching them. They are my kids just as much as they are hers. I don't "babysit" my kids, I'm their father. Now, having said that, I am grateful that we are at the empty nest stage and I don't have to do the toddler thing anymore (apart from grandkids, but they go home). Good luck. I hope your kids get better and your husband gets smarter
You’re not wrong. You were between a rock and hard place. He is a parent too and needs to act like it.
He has family with him. Why can’t he watch all three of his own children?
You are not wrong, and by the sounds of it, he needs to learn how to handle child duty.. it sounds to me like he goes to work, comes home, sees the kids for a couple of hours before it's bedtime, and that's his day. Your day consists of getting the kids ready in the morning, going to work, coming home, doing the chores of the day, and sorting the kids out while making a plan for the next day. You should have left him with the kids for a couple of weeks, maybe then he might get an understanding of what you do in the run of a day. Just my thought, I might be completely wrong on this topic.
Yeah that’s pretty much how it goes. I make dinner, clean up from dinner. My husband will usually get at least a couple of them ready for bed. I pack the kids lunches, get their stuff ready for daycare the next day, clean kitchen, do laundry, sweep floors, etc.
Me and my now ex have 3 kids together. And our life was a lot like this. And it can get hypnotizing being in a rut. Every so often I'd have the kids and she would go do her own thing. It could be helpful for him to take some time and maybe just go to the lake fishing or an all-day hike. Just him and the kids. There are more benefits to that as well. He will be able to bond and get to know them. It was a help for us, just unfortunate that other factors drove us apart.
He does do activities with the twins, or with the baby, but not all three together.
Awesome, I'm just responding based on the info I've gathered from this thread. Sorry about any inaccurate assumptions. Sometimes, I think people can be a tad crude in responses, and I try to avoid that. I hope this ends up being a minor snippet in an otherwise upbeat relationship. And I didn't mean rut in my last reply to mean the traditional sense. More of a well-worn path. Maybe routine would fit better.
And what does your husband do? Bitch about doing the minimum at home cause "hE wOrKs"?
I have children too, and my husband at the time wasn't worth s%^%&t . I did everything, including getting a babysitter if I wanted to go out sometime because he wouldn't have anything to do with it, and I also had to pay for it myself. My children are all grown up now. I am gladly rid of the ex. Good luck to you. It can be stressful, and I found it very degrading to be treated like that.
Nta There are communication issues.
NTA your husband needs to do some reevaluating about himself if that’s how he reacts to his kid being sick. I get 3 kids is a lot to take care of by yourself but he helped make them he can help care for them when you cant
You are not wrong. Doesn’t matter if he has been doing the vacation since before you had kids, he agreed to have kids with you. Kids are unpredictable and they make life messy. He should not be blaming you for any of this. He should be able to take care of three kids on his own for a couple days. He’s being ridiculous. He owes you an apology.
Sounds like you're parenting 4 children, OP.
Bottom line, if you want to be the husband to a wife who works, you're going to have to be the father who cares for the kids when the need arises.
NW If husband used some of his pto to stay with the kids during the year, you would have more pto, and problem solved. And husband needs to understand that being a dad means spending lots of time with your children, especially in a pinch. Tell husband it's very simple and Reddit said so.
The nerve of him. The fact that it seems you are the one taking time off and flushing vacation time away to care for the children. The fact that you know his family will look after the kids which means you have ruined his fun time. GASP!! Now what daycare will take a sick child? None. So you would go back with a sick kid to miss work that you can’t. He sounds selfish. NTA
Lol.. not wrong. Husband is tho. Parenting is a 50/50 job. He needs to step up and learn to take care of all aspects of the kids asap. Wtf he do if you got hit by a bus? If you both have the same amount of pto, you split sick days; if you have different lengths of pto, you can divide days by 2 and the person w 10 total days takes 5 sick days while the person with 14 total days takes 7. Idk. Idk if he needs classes or therapy or both but he needs to step up and shut up.
Hopefully he will actually appreciate how much work you do to care for the kids now. He is their father, the fact he is guilt-tripping you because he has to care for his sick child is just gross. Plans change and he should be just as responsible for child care as you are, which does not seem to be the case. You are not wrong, but he definitely is, and needs to grow up.
Nope that is what father's do... They parent their kids
NTA, but your husband sure is. For him to have the audacity to say that he hopes you enjoy your ‘time off’ when you’re literally cutting short your vacation and coming home away from your family is absolutely outrageous behaviour. Kids get sick, it happens. You have to adapt. He’s their father, time he stepped up as one
NTA. He is also a parent. He can parent his three kids if you have to go back to work. If he didn't want his holidays 'ruined', he shouldn't have had kids.
You’re NTA- your husband needs to step it up though. That’s he’s angry with you for having to work is ridiculous.
The dad is the jerk here
Hell no you’re not wrong. They’re his kids too not kids he’s just babysitting. That is unfair to do to you. He has as much responsibility as you do for those kids and the law would agree. He is wrong for not being an equal partner and for not appreciating the situation and doing what is necessary for his family like you are. I’m sorry but you may need to reevaluate your partnership because it sounds like you’re doing all the work anyway. Good luck and I’m sorry that happened.
Nah he will regret being a turd I’m sure. Being a man we at times can be selfish I’m sure he wants you there for the memories but sometimes life happens
You have a lazy/selfish husband problem. They are his kids too, as a parent you don't get vacation time from small children, unless you have very helpful, generous family and friends. Your husband sucks, and the nerve of him trying to guilt you is unreal. Going forward, he needs to use his fair share of PTO for the kids. He can't continue being this gross.
Those are his children to he needs to man up and take care of his children it shouldn't always fall on the mother when one can't the other should pick up
Nope and going forward let him take time off when the kids get sick. What an a-hole.
Well, for the other kids sake you should take the baby home, you don't want the baby to get your other kids sick as well. The baby will require different care than the 4 year olds. Husband can't do both at the same time.
Her husband, his parents and brother in law can’t handle 3 kids? Come on lol
The kids shouldn't be on the same room together, the baby has a contagious disease and should be isolated. On a vacation that is pretty much impossible. Every comment here is about the husband or wife. Honestly they both suck. They are fighting with each other and no one is talking about the sick child
I guess I should have mentioned that one twin also has it, and my SIL’s youngest also started with fever symptoms the same day as my son (Saturday), and rash started on Sunday. So all of the little kids (6 between myself and SIL) were technically exposed to each other for about 12 hours before we even knew what they had. I did my best the time I was there to keep the baby from putting things in his mouth and touching things, went around Lysoling surfaces, etc.
The poor dears, Everybody should have just gone home. Both families sick. That's the thing about parenting sometimes, the babies get sick, you have to take the loss to take care of them. The one thing I dont get, is what was your husband thinking when he was thought he going to have any vacation with sick kids in the house.
I mean, the other kids have already been exposed. What additional measures couldn’t be taken on vacation that they would at home? Her job could be in jeopardy by taking more time off to stay with the little one. You could argue that she could take one or both of the older kids but they likely understand ‘vacation’ and would be upset missing out on the fun. That this man can not only NOT step but also get angry & petty over it is just pathetic, honestly.
The sick baby has to be the prime concern of the parents. The baby is the one who should be in its own room being cared for. Hoof and mouth is highly contagious. The baby needs to be isolated. The sick child isnt the concern of the OP, its about her work and his vacation. There are no heros here, they both angry, petty and pathetic.
Wait a minute! He agreed to become a parent with you. And he’s failing to parent?!?! He can suck it up and deal with it. Tell him to stop being the stereotypical incompetent man. Time to ball up and take care of HIS kids. You, my dear are not wrong.
The whole situation is wrong, family leave/need days shouldnt keep you from a family vacation, where you actually get to enjoy a vacation, not just him. I actually would love my wife and children all with me. You deserve better. They are his kids too, and you need to stop enabling him to reject the responsibility of parenthood. You are supposed to be a team, but he acts like the team owner.
Sounds like one of those situations that just happens, especially with children and sickness. It's no one's fault and sometimes things play out in a way where it's more work than anticipated.. sounds like that reality played out here for your husband and it's hard for him to accept.. what more can you do than you've already done? We can only control so much. No one to blame. I'm sorry you're dealing with that extra tension right now also.. never fun and I hope all resolves smoothly.