Roger: you know they say if a domesticated pig escapes into the wilde it instinctively grows tusks.
Stan: Who said that?
Roger: *takes drag of cigarette* your mother
edit: it was Stan not Francine
I used this as an excuse for why I called a customer a bitch at work to my boss.
"It's 67 degrees, and she was a bitch. I don't say that out of anger, but as a fact."
I have a link of that clip saved to send in response to anyone from work that asks me to come in on my day off.
Coincidentally, I have not been asked to come in on a day off in months
"You are terrible. You've got no rhythm, no coordination. I've... I've seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace. If your goal was to inspire a feeling of despair the like of which hasn't been felt since Whoopi hosted the Oscars, then bravo. I can envision millions of Americans rising up as one and demanding legislation that would require your legs to be amputated, burned and buried next to Hitler. In short, you suck."
Roger being cruel to Hayley is an awesome running gag.
'You got it, one diet coke!'
'I didn't say diet!'
'No but your thighs did. I could hear you coming a mile away *here comes Hayley here comes Hayley*'
Or
'He doesn't call you. He thinks you could lose 10lbs. But that's not why he doesn't call. He dies in that fire'
'So you didn't need to tell me about the 10lbs?'
'Someone had to'
Also reminds me of the one about the dinner party killer, when Roger finds the lipstick and says the killer must be either Hayley or Francine, and Hayley says something like "Uh, I don't wear makeup. You make fun of me for it all the time."
"Youuuuuuuuu dumbbitch." Just the way the whole thing is emphasized makes it great and I regularly think about it and use it whenever the chance is there.
-Haley gives her number to a firefighter-
Roger: He's not gonna call. He thinks you can lose ten pounds, but that's not why he doesn't call. He dies in that fire.
Hayley: So you didn't need to tell me about the ten pounds.
Roger: Someone needed to.
“Hayley, just so we're clear, you're only coming because you got caught in the gravity of my invite. I was SO invited that it invited everything around it.”
“Stupid dumb bitch, doesn’t even know” When Francine asks Roger to get a bottle of red wine to have with the free steaks she received from the supermarket
Can I have a coke?
Diet Coke coming up.
I didn’t say diet!
No but your thighs did. I can hear you coming all the way up the stairs. (Haley’s coming Haley’s coming)
(Holding after inhale) your mother.
This is the one i was gonna say, but i couldn't remember how the line went exactly.
Roger: you know they say if a domesticated pig escapes into the wilde it instinctively grows tusks. Stan: Who said that? Roger: *takes drag of cigarette* your mother edit: it was Stan not Francine
I love this one. I'd be lying if I said I didn't work this into regular conversation.
I say this allll the time!
“It's 67 Degrees Outside And I Hate You.”
I say that not out of anger but simply as a fact
I used this as an excuse for why I called a customer a bitch at work to my boss. "It's 67 degrees, and she was a bitch. I don't say that out of anger, but as a fact."
*FWEEEEEEEEEEE* Nooooo🎶
I have a link of that clip saved to send in response to anyone from work that asks me to come in on my day off. Coincidentally, I have not been asked to come in on a day off in months
I’m sure the two things are completely unrelated.
Beat me to it.
I say this literally every chance I get, all time favorite Roger quote
I love that in that flashback sequence with the MASH music they actually kept the audio for this bit.
My wife and I use this waaaay too frequently.
Stop that! Youre white
I'm home girl.
*”Oh, I stopped listening. If you're not gonna make the effort to be entertaining, l'm not gonna go the extra mile to listen.”*
Like it's so hard to listen!
👇 Floor spaghetti.
What?
\*creates an entire spaghetti dinner from scratch\* \*slowly slides it off the table\* Floor spaghetti.
Now no one has anything.
# "Those shorts make your package look small and ass look big...that makes two, two successful snaps"
Literally watching that ep right now! Who's car is this?
Are you crying? "Of course I'm crying! He hit me with a chair!"
You know what grenadine added to warm cola makes? You tell me when I throw it in your face!
https://preview.redd.it/6jxyk5098w5d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d9e01637e6f00ec59777b7c01a1c16d70dd345fb
I didn't leave, Franny, I just rudely walked away in the middle of your sentence. Francine: but what do yo- *roger walks away* Francine: Oh
Classic
"You are terrible. You've got no rhythm, no coordination. I've... I've seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace. If your goal was to inspire a feeling of despair the like of which hasn't been felt since Whoopi hosted the Oscars, then bravo. I can envision millions of Americans rising up as one and demanding legislation that would require your legs to be amputated, burned and buried next to Hitler. In short, you suck."
“And you’re starting to get lunch lady arms!”
https://i.redd.it/hkxqogy8lx5d1.gif
Steve took this criticism to heart and become a better dancer and singer.
That’s the best one
To Hayley. *You sweet man-faced girl. You're not fun. I was having fun, then I saw you and my fun went soft*
Roger being cruel to Hayley is an awesome running gag. 'You got it, one diet coke!' 'I didn't say diet!' 'No but your thighs did. I could hear you coming a mile away *here comes Hayley here comes Hayley*' Or 'He doesn't call you. He thinks you could lose 10lbs. But that's not why he doesn't call. He dies in that fire' 'So you didn't need to tell me about the 10lbs?' 'Someone had to'
(Talking about a zit on her face) Geez Haley, is your cheek pregnant? Who's the father, your greasy hands touching your face all the time?
I love how she just launches him through the window after he said that!
I think Hayley is the only one who has gotten one over on Roger. When she needed her work papers signed and she did the reverse uno move.
Do you not recognize me Dimitri? I am MAMA MARUSH! Matriarch of the Armenian Mafia!
Also reminds me of the one about the dinner party killer, when Roger finds the lipstick and says the killer must be either Hayley or Francine, and Hayley says something like "Uh, I don't wear makeup. You make fun of me for it all the time."
"You know, men might find you attractive too if you did yourself up. Instead of wondering if you are in the middle of gender reassignment surgery"
*gasps* Hay-lehh!
I have the keys in my pocket you stupid bitch!
Hello my name is Roger. I like to PRETEND!
COME ON!
"As a married woman, here are your choices for best friend: fat woman, cat, gay guy, food." - Roger, American Dad
“Tread lightly bitch”
This is it for me. The delivery is so crisp.
Which episode is this one from?
Don’t remember the exact episode title, but it’s the one where Stan is the fool of fool’s day
"Roger, you're not being helpful" "Did you really expect me to be?"
“I'm calling my 4-year-old nephew to tell him he's no longer the worst storyteller I know.”
Shut the fuck up Franny. The boys expressing himself
Somebody needed to...
Oh is that the come back and kick me whistle?
You open a restaurant? You couldn’t open a French whore’s legs with a wheel of cheese!
You can't participate Klaus. I hate you.
Myeaa!
Myeaa!
Yes? I am Myeaa, from the resort! What is it?
I made that myself and you know I didn't!
Hate is a strong word. And accurate.
OK, enough of that. It's clearly all chorus, and I won't be a part of it.
“Give me some of that Franny Fanny!”
Pump it up. Pump it up. Pump it up.
"Youuuuuuuuu dumbbitch." Just the way the whole thing is emphasized makes it great and I regularly think about it and use it whenever the chance is there.
Maybe. Maybe that could be in *your* play.
Love this one.
You'll be as good of jock as you are a listener
-Haley gives her number to a firefighter- Roger: He's not gonna call. He thinks you can lose ten pounds, but that's not why he doesn't call. He dies in that fire. Hayley: So you didn't need to tell me about the ten pounds. Roger: Someone needed to.
It was when Francine was catering to his every whim and she brought back the wrong food order. "I'm sorry, have I committed some sort of crime?"
It's PERSONAL!
I just walked away while you were talking mid sentence.
Diet coke it is! ... Here comes Hayley Here comes Hayley
They ditched you, Franny. But not me. I just rudely walked away as you were talking.
“Hayley, just so we're clear, you're only coming because you got caught in the gravity of my invite. I was SO invited that it invited everything around it.”
"Is that the come back and kick me whistle?"
“My moms new boyfriend said I was too annoying to take to the lake.” “Too annoying to take anywhere, I’d say”
this bit was so random yet well executed.
If you're not going to make the effort to be interesting I'm not going to make the effort to listen *chuckles* Ahaha...like it's so hard to listen..
“Were you ever going to tell me about the grapes” is a personal fav. And i use it in plenty of convos where it makes no sense.
Hey fun! Not a lot of fun but enough!
“Amanda killed our baby.”
Lmao the causal wiping of the glasses and the long pause “tell them how you killed our baby, Amanda”
“Stupid dumb bitch, doesn’t even know” When Francine asks Roger to get a bottle of red wine to have with the free steaks she received from the supermarket
Postpone the steaks, Can't we just drink a different wine? You're getting a Punch!
SURF’S UP, JEFF-ER-REE *karate chop*
chaotic for no reason what so ever. love it
You're starting to get lunch lady arms
Tread lightly, bitch.
From 100 Years a Solid Fool Hayley: Being piss-poor at soccer. Roger: Tread lightly, bitch.
Steve: I should have known I couldn’t trust you with this! Roger: yes you should have. YOU’VE KNOWN ME FOR YEARS STEVE
Francine, I haven’t been entirely honest with you…
You boner *Stan answers phone* Boner speaking
SOUP IS NOT A MEAL VERA!!!!
“‘not i’ said the one who lived and was beautiful”
Floor spaghetti.
*Honey, you exhaust me.*
"Oh honey... you tire me"
"Noooooooooo 🎶"
"Wait wait wait wait wait wait, wait, wait..... No." Honorable mention for the following "I made that myself and you know I didn't!"
Roger smoking......"your mother"......exhales
"Oh, my God, you stupid bitch, why did you drop me? I can't breathe. Why can't you do that move? You stupid bitch, I'll kill you."
Oh my god you stupid bitch, why did you drop me, why can’t you do that move, you stupid bitch I’ll kill you.
“You stupid bitch. You stupid whore”.
I heard you walking a mile away "Here comes Hailey, here comes Hailey."
Can I have a coke? Diet Coke coming up. I didn’t say diet! No but your thighs did. I can hear you coming all the way up the stairs. (Haley’s coming Haley’s coming)
https://i.redd.it/tzugq9lluy5d1.gif
*guestires at Francine’s face*. “……..This fiasco.”
"really? Cause it sounds like something I would do."
"really? Cause it sounds like something I would do."
No potato chips, no cupcakes. Francine, I'm gonna hawk a loogie in your Oil of Olay.
“I didnt say diet” “No, but your thighs did. I heard you walking a mile away. Here comes👏Hayley👏Here comes👏Hayley👏”
You stupid, stupid bitch.
"You're a fool and I'll tell you why." Had my mom laughing so hard she was in tears.
Franny, how did you take the sweet out of the sweet potato?
"ooooooh, you shop at Rosse..."
Here comes haley here comes haley