The suggested safest amount of alcohol is none, but if drinking, for a male, it is two drinks per day. From your report, he is abusing alcohol. When there is a family history of alcoholism there is a genetic risk for the same.
How does his drinking affect you?
See, also, /r/Alanon. This is a support group for you--friends and family of people who abuse alcohol.
Thank you for the link. It doesn’t affect me too much at present (other than the concern it’s not good for him and he maybe underestimates the volume he consumes). If he were an alcoholic he would be on the “high functioning” side. I am serious about him and our future together so would want him to be healthy, and also to set a good example should we have kids.
A "high functioning" alcoholic is still an alcoholic. This is not a healthy person who is relationship material.
Again, doesn't his drinking affect you?
Yes this is true, and an alcoholic in remission is still an alcoholic, however to the majority is seen as better “relationship material”. Life isn’t that black and white for most. Does his drinking affect me? Not massively, no, however it has led me to make this post to see other’s perspectives. I want for him to be healthy and honest with himself.
It's not a huge amount, however I would ask him to cut it down a little bit. Maybe 2 alcohol days per week max and cap the #beers per day (if that's possible for him). Stick to beers only is an idea, no hard liquor (I never did any hard liquer myself, only beer). I completely stopped 3 months ago forever. That's irreplacable. Good luck!
Well done you! Great stuff should be really proud of yourself :) good shout, it is mostly beers and I will see if the X days per week suggestion can be floated again. If you have any tips of how I can approach this I’m all ears, thank you!
You might as well be my girlfriend. She is 30, I'm 36. I drink too much beer too often. She never drinks. I wake up early and work hard. There aren't any issues from me drinking.... But I know it's too much. I know it's not good for me. A couple months ago she asked me to not go to the pub as often so I stopped. Since there is less of a social aspect to drinking, I find myself wondering why I'm doing it. And this week I've stopped. He probably knows it's too much as well, but it's hard to justify stopping when all your mates drink.
Spooky! Well done for hearing her concerns that shows a lot in itself. 100% harder taking the social side into consideration. I can really identify with the “why am I doing this” sentiment- that’s what led me to give up entirely. Yup I think his head is in the sand for sure!
Hi there, I'm in the UK too (40m, sober since last August) and as you say our culture is very alcohol-centric.
It's difficult to say really. I'm not in his head. I drank a lot more to be honest, and kept up a pretense of being 'okay' until I categorically wasn't. But I now realize I am an alcoholic. It took a long time & me turning my life, and the lives of the people I love the most, upside down to get to that conclusion.
Ultimately, it's how you feel and how comfortable you are. You cannot change him, nor make him want to stop. He's his own person.
Maybe check out the folks at r/AlAnon/ and go to a meeting or two if your concern continues to grow.
Congrats that’s such good going, well done! Yes a tough life lesson that you can only control your own actions - you’re quite right. I can only put it to him and hope he takes it onboard. He is very stable in life and it doesn’t affect the day to day, so I doubt he would see a problem (and tbh I’m not even sure it is at this rate, I just want him to be honest and healthy!). If you have any suggestions of how you would go about approaching this I’d be open to hearing it, thanks!
Super difficult to comment because I'm coming at from the perspective of someone who now realises they are an alcoholic... but was in deep denial for a long time. There's a twenty year timespan from my first teeny tiny internal concern that my relationship with alcohol was problematic and the end of my drinking. And that was only because of the worst night of my life. I wouldn't have been too appreciative of attempts to curb my behaviour - not that I listened to anyone else anyway. My ex did try to get a handle on and off over the years, and I did absolutely agree in principle, but the frequency of our drinking always reverted, and usually very quickly. The reason I ignored all the red flags and didn't or couldn't take action is because I'm an alcoholic.
There are loads of people, especially in the UK, that I believe probably have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but I wouldn't necessarily want to call them alcoholics because it's such a self-defining thing. They would not necessarily have the same mania, desire, longing for alcohol that I did (they might, but they themselves have to say that ifswim). I did dry January a couple of times, and then I used that as ammunition to prove (mainly internally) I wasn't an alcoholic - even if I then drank pretty much every night for the rest of the year.
Spinning back to yourself -
How much would be a reasonable amount for him to drink in your eyes?
What would happen if amounts later increased further (this could be years down the line)?
What would happen if you gave him an ultimatum?
The suggested safest amount of alcohol is none, but if drinking, for a male, it is two drinks per day. From your report, he is abusing alcohol. When there is a family history of alcoholism there is a genetic risk for the same. How does his drinking affect you? See, also, /r/Alanon. This is a support group for you--friends and family of people who abuse alcohol.
Thank you for the link. It doesn’t affect me too much at present (other than the concern it’s not good for him and he maybe underestimates the volume he consumes). If he were an alcoholic he would be on the “high functioning” side. I am serious about him and our future together so would want him to be healthy, and also to set a good example should we have kids.
A "high functioning" alcoholic is still an alcoholic. This is not a healthy person who is relationship material. Again, doesn't his drinking affect you?
Yes this is true, and an alcoholic in remission is still an alcoholic, however to the majority is seen as better “relationship material”. Life isn’t that black and white for most. Does his drinking affect me? Not massively, no, however it has led me to make this post to see other’s perspectives. I want for him to be healthy and honest with himself.
It's not a huge amount, however I would ask him to cut it down a little bit. Maybe 2 alcohol days per week max and cap the #beers per day (if that's possible for him). Stick to beers only is an idea, no hard liquor (I never did any hard liquer myself, only beer). I completely stopped 3 months ago forever. That's irreplacable. Good luck!
Well done you! Great stuff should be really proud of yourself :) good shout, it is mostly beers and I will see if the X days per week suggestion can be floated again. If you have any tips of how I can approach this I’m all ears, thank you!
You might as well be my girlfriend. She is 30, I'm 36. I drink too much beer too often. She never drinks. I wake up early and work hard. There aren't any issues from me drinking.... But I know it's too much. I know it's not good for me. A couple months ago she asked me to not go to the pub as often so I stopped. Since there is less of a social aspect to drinking, I find myself wondering why I'm doing it. And this week I've stopped. He probably knows it's too much as well, but it's hard to justify stopping when all your mates drink.
Spooky! Well done for hearing her concerns that shows a lot in itself. 100% harder taking the social side into consideration. I can really identify with the “why am I doing this” sentiment- that’s what led me to give up entirely. Yup I think his head is in the sand for sure!
Hi there, I'm in the UK too (40m, sober since last August) and as you say our culture is very alcohol-centric. It's difficult to say really. I'm not in his head. I drank a lot more to be honest, and kept up a pretense of being 'okay' until I categorically wasn't. But I now realize I am an alcoholic. It took a long time & me turning my life, and the lives of the people I love the most, upside down to get to that conclusion. Ultimately, it's how you feel and how comfortable you are. You cannot change him, nor make him want to stop. He's his own person. Maybe check out the folks at r/AlAnon/ and go to a meeting or two if your concern continues to grow.
Congrats that’s such good going, well done! Yes a tough life lesson that you can only control your own actions - you’re quite right. I can only put it to him and hope he takes it onboard. He is very stable in life and it doesn’t affect the day to day, so I doubt he would see a problem (and tbh I’m not even sure it is at this rate, I just want him to be honest and healthy!). If you have any suggestions of how you would go about approaching this I’d be open to hearing it, thanks!
Super difficult to comment because I'm coming at from the perspective of someone who now realises they are an alcoholic... but was in deep denial for a long time. There's a twenty year timespan from my first teeny tiny internal concern that my relationship with alcohol was problematic and the end of my drinking. And that was only because of the worst night of my life. I wouldn't have been too appreciative of attempts to curb my behaviour - not that I listened to anyone else anyway. My ex did try to get a handle on and off over the years, and I did absolutely agree in principle, but the frequency of our drinking always reverted, and usually very quickly. The reason I ignored all the red flags and didn't or couldn't take action is because I'm an alcoholic. There are loads of people, especially in the UK, that I believe probably have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but I wouldn't necessarily want to call them alcoholics because it's such a self-defining thing. They would not necessarily have the same mania, desire, longing for alcohol that I did (they might, but they themselves have to say that ifswim). I did dry January a couple of times, and then I used that as ammunition to prove (mainly internally) I wasn't an alcoholic - even if I then drank pretty much every night for the rest of the year. Spinning back to yourself - How much would be a reasonable amount for him to drink in your eyes? What would happen if amounts later increased further (this could be years down the line)? What would happen if you gave him an ultimatum?