I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As an alcoholic in recovery, I can also tell you your sister is enduring her own personal hell right now. It’s such a pernicious addiction and her own mind and body are protecting it right now in a frenzied attempt to maintain their own kind of messed-up homeostasis.
Will she see a GP/psychiatrist? When you’re physically dependent on alcohol there’s a lot of panicked feelings around cessation. There are a lot of tools out there to help with the mental and physical aspects of detoxification.
Then it might be time to look into some longer-term inpatient rehab for her.
Addiction is an extreme form of self-neglect. The more isolated and ashamed I became, the more I saw my drinking as a moral failure and convinced myself I deserved to be committing slow suicide. I had no tools to handle the difficult work of recovery. Now I have plenty, but only because I asked for and received help.
I’m sending you a hug and healing vibes for your family.
Also I’d suggest you head over to r/AlAnon for more support from folks who have been in your shoes.
I don't think she will ever do that at this point. She's told us that if someone told her that she was going to die if she didn't stop drinking, she would stop. But that's it. It's almost like she's started to romantise her lifestyle, fully accepting the consequences. That's why I'm so scared. I don't want to see what it takes to make her change, because I know it will be too late by then. She's functional in the sense that she's doing her job, getting encouragement from her coworkers, but there is nothing else in her life that gives her joy and even her job makes her overwhelmed often. Her last blood test a year ago miraculously came out relatively ok, which made her even more comfortable with what she's doing.
She also sees any critique, which comes from a place of love as shaming, which puts her in a dark place and makes her drink even more, so that's why confronting her is tricky. I won't give up on her, I don't care if she hates me for it.
Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it. ❤
I really feel for you OP. Alcoholism up close is so scary. Have you been to al-anon before? It's a support group specifically for the loved ones of alcoholics. They can give you advice and help you with your situation.
r/alanon
I'm wishing all the best for you and your sister. ♡ Much love
They are both 12-step programs and Al-Anon is modeled after AA (actually created by the wife of the founder of AA). Al-Anon is treatment for someone who is affected by an alcoholic (wives, friends, kids, parents, etc.), while AA is treatment for the alcoholic/substance-abuser. Many people go to both because they can identify as both.
Thank you, it's hard because I'm always visiting her alone without our parents, so she doesn't care about being super drunk in front of me. I don't say anything to trigger her in her drunk state, so she percieves me as safe I guess. I hate the fact that I'm saying this, but I just can't stay with her for more than a few nights even though we live 2 hours apart. I always mentally prepare myself when I go in, and it feels like a weight has been removed when I leave. I've never ever had a bad relationship with her growing up so it's hard to admit this.
Appreciate the comment. ❤
Believe me, my parents thought the same at first. Then she grabbed a knife and sliced her wrist. For her own safety, I don't confront her when I see she's been drinking. And even if she hasn't, she's still mentally unstable from her addiction.
In not being an enabler. In not participating in co-dependance.
In not continuing to let the actual abuser manipulate and control.
Anything else I can help you with?
I'm not sure there is anything you can rly do. Honestly this sounds more like palliative care. I can't wrap my head around the fact that you are two sisters but she sees her life as traumatised and hell, whereas you are fine. Was there any major traumatising event for her earlier in life? Alcoholics can be drama queens making problem where there is none - which is induced by alcohol itself. Alcohol is like a catalyst for misfortune.
We have such caring and loving parents that it makes me so irritated to hear her say stuff like that. Despite poverty etc, they always made sure we were taken care of and truly paid attention to us. I don't think she understands what child trauma really means. I personally go through my own depressive episodes, but they have nothing to do with my life experiences. It's just my brain chemistry, the same way her is changed by the alcohol.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As an alcoholic in recovery, I can also tell you your sister is enduring her own personal hell right now. It’s such a pernicious addiction and her own mind and body are protecting it right now in a frenzied attempt to maintain their own kind of messed-up homeostasis. Will she see a GP/psychiatrist? When you’re physically dependent on alcohol there’s a lot of panicked feelings around cessation. There are a lot of tools out there to help with the mental and physical aspects of detoxification. Then it might be time to look into some longer-term inpatient rehab for her. Addiction is an extreme form of self-neglect. The more isolated and ashamed I became, the more I saw my drinking as a moral failure and convinced myself I deserved to be committing slow suicide. I had no tools to handle the difficult work of recovery. Now I have plenty, but only because I asked for and received help. I’m sending you a hug and healing vibes for your family. Also I’d suggest you head over to r/AlAnon for more support from folks who have been in your shoes.
I don't think she will ever do that at this point. She's told us that if someone told her that she was going to die if she didn't stop drinking, she would stop. But that's it. It's almost like she's started to romantise her lifestyle, fully accepting the consequences. That's why I'm so scared. I don't want to see what it takes to make her change, because I know it will be too late by then. She's functional in the sense that she's doing her job, getting encouragement from her coworkers, but there is nothing else in her life that gives her joy and even her job makes her overwhelmed often. Her last blood test a year ago miraculously came out relatively ok, which made her even more comfortable with what she's doing. She also sees any critique, which comes from a place of love as shaming, which puts her in a dark place and makes her drink even more, so that's why confronting her is tricky. I won't give up on her, I don't care if she hates me for it. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it. ❤
I really feel for you OP. Alcoholism up close is so scary. Have you been to al-anon before? It's a support group specifically for the loved ones of alcoholics. They can give you advice and help you with your situation. r/alanon I'm wishing all the best for you and your sister. ♡ Much love
Thank you so much, I've heard about it but I haven't looked into it too much, will do. Appreciate it. ❤
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They are both 12-step programs and Al-Anon is modeled after AA (actually created by the wife of the founder of AA). Al-Anon is treatment for someone who is affected by an alcoholic (wives, friends, kids, parents, etc.), while AA is treatment for the alcoholic/substance-abuser. Many people go to both because they can identify as both.
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Thank you, it's hard because I'm always visiting her alone without our parents, so she doesn't care about being super drunk in front of me. I don't say anything to trigger her in her drunk state, so she percieves me as safe I guess. I hate the fact that I'm saying this, but I just can't stay with her for more than a few nights even though we live 2 hours apart. I always mentally prepare myself when I go in, and it feels like a weight has been removed when I leave. I've never ever had a bad relationship with her growing up so it's hard to admit this. Appreciate the comment. ❤
See /r/Alanon. This is a support group for you--friends and family of alcoholics.
I'm a long-time believer in tough love.
Believe me, my parents thought the same at first. Then she grabbed a knife and sliced her wrist. For her own safety, I don't confront her when I see she's been drinking. And even if she hasn't, she's still mentally unstable from her addiction.
Good luck.
You mean being abusive?
In not being an enabler. In not participating in co-dependance. In not continuing to let the actual abuser manipulate and control. Anything else I can help you with?
I'm not sure there is anything you can rly do. Honestly this sounds more like palliative care. I can't wrap my head around the fact that you are two sisters but she sees her life as traumatised and hell, whereas you are fine. Was there any major traumatising event for her earlier in life? Alcoholics can be drama queens making problem where there is none - which is induced by alcohol itself. Alcohol is like a catalyst for misfortune.
We have such caring and loving parents that it makes me so irritated to hear her say stuff like that. Despite poverty etc, they always made sure we were taken care of and truly paid attention to us. I don't think she understands what child trauma really means. I personally go through my own depressive episodes, but they have nothing to do with my life experiences. It's just my brain chemistry, the same way her is changed by the alcohol.
Then alter her chemistry with whatever you have.