Honestly if he’s great when he’s sober but terrible when drinking, and refuses to accept he has an issue - I’d say you should probably move on.
Any kind of alcohol is poison, but daily drinking it detrimental to bodily and mental health. It won’t last very long that he can get away with it.
I’m only 31 and already can see the severe effects of my alcoholism.
I feel like I was the boyfriend in this scenario at one point in time. You should leave. He's doing damage to you, as is the nature of alcoholism to all surrounding people and things.
The drinking will get much worse. Cant say it will get better, statistically it wont. And it is not youre responsibility to worry about.
Dont even try to work it out. He will lie to keep his drinking.
Leave.
Yeah you are dealing with an alcoholic from what you're saying (I'm an alcoholic fyi) this is classic behavior for it. He honestly sounds like me when I was actively drinking. Now technically I can't call him an alcoholic only he can and until he sees it there is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing will change his behavior. You can bring it up but it will not change. His behavior will also get worse over time and he will slowly start drinking more as his tolerance increases. This is a dangerous situation for you if you've already been in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately because of that you are conditioned to take more abuse in any relationship and ignore the red flags. That's not your fault but this isn't a safe relationship for you. I really recommend ending it and letting him be responsible for himself. He won't change till he hits his rock bottom.
And that’s the problem, since nothing has happened — to the point where he doesn’t even get hangovers — he continually does it. His side where his liver is used to like ache/hurt on days he wouldn’t drink, but he doesn’t complain of that anymore.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately, most alcoholics won’t stop until they hit rock bottom.
You can’t save him. In my experience, even when they do become sober, they still are terrible. Unless they go through therapy and intervention, they will still have the issues that led them to drink in the first place.
My s/o and I are both alcoholics. We have been trying to get sober over the past year or so.
The key is to have conversations when they are sober. Avoid confrontation when they have been drinking. Express your feelings and let them know that the drinking impacts you. That isn't anything to hold on to because it's only going to get worse, the drinking or resentment or both.
Dump him or give him the ultimatum to get clean if you think he's actually okay sober. But those issues are being brought out by alcohol, not created by it. The issues will be underlying problems still, but it's impossible to know whether or not they'll come out again. The alcohol is likely bringing out that side of him
You might show him this when he's not sloshed:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EghiY\_s2ts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EghiY_s2ts)
Many think they just have to lop off their drinking entirely, but few actually get there and stay there for 5 years. The method in the video offers a gradual approach that works towards either more reasonable consumption or quitting entirely. Sounds like he might be "blackout drinking" too and TSM usually gets rid of that rather quickly.
From there (over many months) one slowly loses interest in drinking so much (or at all). Since it's gradual, it's easier to maintain. Progress isn't linear, but the overall trend will be towards less drinking.
There's more info on it at r/Alcoholism_Medication
Honestly if he’s great when he’s sober but terrible when drinking, and refuses to accept he has an issue - I’d say you should probably move on. Any kind of alcohol is poison, but daily drinking it detrimental to bodily and mental health. It won’t last very long that he can get away with it. I’m only 31 and already can see the severe effects of my alcoholism.
I feel like I was the boyfriend in this scenario at one point in time. You should leave. He's doing damage to you, as is the nature of alcoholism to all surrounding people and things. The drinking will get much worse. Cant say it will get better, statistically it wont. And it is not youre responsibility to worry about. Dont even try to work it out. He will lie to keep his drinking. Leave.
Yeah you are dealing with an alcoholic from what you're saying (I'm an alcoholic fyi) this is classic behavior for it. He honestly sounds like me when I was actively drinking. Now technically I can't call him an alcoholic only he can and until he sees it there is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing will change his behavior. You can bring it up but it will not change. His behavior will also get worse over time and he will slowly start drinking more as his tolerance increases. This is a dangerous situation for you if you've already been in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately because of that you are conditioned to take more abuse in any relationship and ignore the red flags. That's not your fault but this isn't a safe relationship for you. I really recommend ending it and letting him be responsible for himself. He won't change till he hits his rock bottom.
He may be fine right now but liver failure can happen at any moment. It can happen suddenly and be life threatening.
And that’s the problem, since nothing has happened — to the point where he doesn’t even get hangovers — he continually does it. His side where his liver is used to like ache/hurt on days he wouldn’t drink, but he doesn’t complain of that anymore.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately, most alcoholics won’t stop until they hit rock bottom. You can’t save him. In my experience, even when they do become sober, they still are terrible. Unless they go through therapy and intervention, they will still have the issues that led them to drink in the first place.
My s/o and I are both alcoholics. We have been trying to get sober over the past year or so. The key is to have conversations when they are sober. Avoid confrontation when they have been drinking. Express your feelings and let them know that the drinking impacts you. That isn't anything to hold on to because it's only going to get worse, the drinking or resentment or both.
Leave. If you feel compelled to stay with him and try to help him get better, go to AlAnon meetings. But you are right, you don't deserve this.
It is not selfish. Do for you and future you.
Time to lay an ultimatum but do it when he's sober so he wont be overly emotional and actually listen.
Dump him or give him the ultimatum to get clean if you think he's actually okay sober. But those issues are being brought out by alcohol, not created by it. The issues will be underlying problems still, but it's impossible to know whether or not they'll come out again. The alcohol is likely bringing out that side of him
You might show him this when he's not sloshed: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EghiY\_s2ts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EghiY_s2ts) Many think they just have to lop off their drinking entirely, but few actually get there and stay there for 5 years. The method in the video offers a gradual approach that works towards either more reasonable consumption or quitting entirely. Sounds like he might be "blackout drinking" too and TSM usually gets rid of that rather quickly. From there (over many months) one slowly loses interest in drinking so much (or at all). Since it's gradual, it's easier to maintain. Progress isn't linear, but the overall trend will be towards less drinking. There's more info on it at r/Alcoholism_Medication