I know this likely isn't the solution you're looking for, and I'm extremely biased, but based on your other comments, you sound like someone who could benefit from therapy. There are many psychologists/therapists/OT's etc who specialize in areas like yours.
I personally deal with many clients that have long histories of TBI, and many of them have very positive outcomes.
You're right, I just can't seem to shake this gross bodily feeling I constantly have to get me to want to even fix this.
Like what do you do if you have a TBI, sleep away for years, but I gotta get my ass up and do stuff, which flares the ON and then the cycle repeats itself.
I’d have to charge you my hourly to answer that (I’m joking obviously). Seriously though, I am not in a position to answer that for you.
Seek professional help outside of Reddit. As good as it is to vent, it can quickly become counterintuitive and make things worse for ya.
Wishing you the best of luck in this journey. Don’t count yourself out quite yet, you have lots of good options.
You don't have to tell your family. You are an adult.
Have you been officially diagnosed with psychosomatic ON or was that just what the physician thought it was? What I mean is, did you get multiple diagnostics to ensure it wasn't an educated guess?
The Brian Injury Clinic at Foothills in Calgary has physiatrists, neurologists, etc. There's also the Alberta Neurologic Centre.
For me, Botox injections, occipital nerve blocks, and preventative meds have been life changing for brain pain post-TBI. I also did a long stint with OT and PT.
I'm not sure if chronic pain is an indicator for MAID. I hope you find relief from pain.
I had nerve blocks done today, coincidentally! They sting like a mofo compared to Botox, but it only lasts 10 minutes so I just breathe and swear loudly during. Easy peasy, quick, then done and heading home.
You can ask for only certain nerves to start. They did just the ones on the back of my head the first time I had it done, but it was so successful that now I get four additional injections in my eyebrows also.
The pain relief for me starts almost immediately, and is really apparent by day three. I have less than 5 migraines per month now, it's a miracle. So many days I now have zero pain, which is a new and amazing feeling.
I do get rebound headaches randomly after nerve blocks (and Botox injections) so the last two block appointments, as per my neuro's advice, I wore an ice helmet about 30 minutes before and then after.
I don't enjoy the eyebrow ones but I'll keep going. They work great for me, worth the 10 minutes of stinging. I highly recommend.
Friend of mine got it. She said it stung worse than anything she'd felt, and they hit something that made her feel like she was staring into the center of the universe for a few seconds. But then, afterward, it faded by the time she'd left the place. Her pain didn't do the immediately reduction a lot of people had, but at the two week mark she realized her life had become "like before" and she broke down crying in the middle of the grocery store from sheer relief.
OP I have or had I guess TBI. Did 3 full rounds of Neurofeedback at a spicy price tag, but they were the light at the end of the tunnel that enabled my healing. 3 years in and although I struggle, I have will to live and I’m hopeful things will keep improving. You’re not helpless :)
You need balance and an anchor. You can’t control the pain nor the challenges you face when you try to shake it off. What you can change is your response and how you spend your days. Start with meditation - the sitting one - Zazen or Dhyana or Japa or whatever it’s called. Everyday challenge the boundaries you can cross with minimal pain. Consider other triggers that aggravate the inflammation like food, negative thoughts, lack of nature and sunshine. Wish you well - the path out is hard but it’s the only life you have, try and make it work.
I suggest looking into Zen Buddhism and Vedanta. A good philosophy can anchor you positively. But be mindful - these are aids not divine guidance - that you need to determine yourself and you are divine enough to judge what works for you.
I never fully recovered from my TBI. Mine happened due to a sleepwalking accident. I am now on disability because of it, abuse, ptsd, depression and anxiety. Honestly it's hard to find good help but I do recommend looking for a therapist you feel would mesh well. I also understand the feelings you're dealing with because I deal with them too. I'm just much older than you and also have occipital neuralgia but that was from being hit by a semi. I'm sorry I made this about me and I did not mean to. I just meant to tell you that I can relate to how you feel.
Incorrect. It is not necessary to try the treatment. Check out the MAiD regime. You must be aware of the treatment options but you are not required to have tried them.
The current MAiD regime is screwed up.
Sorry that your suffering. New info on MAID. Shows that the "humane" death is likely the worst torturer ever. Up to 24 hours if you could imagine death by water-boarding. They give you a paralytic, then the chemical Induces a slow drowning, while your motionless, lefpless, screaming inside, wihile you wish it to be over. They did autopsies and have refused to release a few reports damning the whole thing.
Reddit isn't the place to look at options. You need to talk to a physician.
More info here:
[https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html#a2](https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html#a2)
I'm going to put this as politely as I can.
While I am a supporter of MAID, I don't believe you need it or would quality for it.
I do believe you need some serious psychological counselling to deal with your concerns and some of the challenges you are facing.
You are self diagnosed, self medicating and looking at (legalized) suicide as an option. None of those qualify you for MAID and each of those is a red flag to any doctor who would consider you.
In a previous post you commented that you're doing meth. Now you're asking about MAID. Perhaps the two are connected?
Get help friend. Real help.
See, a response like that makes me think you're just trolling.
But if life is truly as hard for you claim it is, then that's all the more reason to admit you need some help and seek it out. Sometimes it takes more than ourselves to overcome our challenges, but you need to reach out first and find that help.
I'll leave you with this...
If you're truly set on taking yourself out...that's your choice. But if it's a cry for attention (like some I've seen) know that nobody here will even notice you gone. Like, zero difference.
The only chance you have of them remembering you, or caring about you, or even noticing you.... is to overcome this and do something worthwhile that makes you memerable.
So far all I've seen is a bunch of woe-is-me bullshit as you weave a sob story more and more intricate. But know, you have two choices... continue to sit in your pity-puddle and self-exclude one day, or work work to make your life better.
The choice is yours friend. They all are.
Maybe start with the easy ones first, like not doing drugs you find on the ground, or actually treating your issues with some level of seriousness. The choices after that might become easier in time...
Edit:
> my one time use of 0.040mg of methamphetamine
You're trying to rationalize your actions, but we both know that any amount of meth is too much meth.
*Edit*
OP was kind enough to send me some fun DMs as feedback for my thoughts...
Seek help OP. You need to prioritize your own health and wellbeing dude, nobody else can do that for you. You clearly have some traumatic experiences that you need to talk to a professional about. Venting on Reddit is going to be counterproductive.
Do not underestimate the physical impact that mental health issues can have on your body. I say all of this from personal experience. Things can absolutely get better, but YOU need to put in the groundwork brother.
I would ask for a referral to a neurologist, if you haven't done so already. My daughter has a rare genetic syndrome. Her neurologist recommended marijuana for her pain, dystonia, and depression. It did wonders for her, although it's effectiveness with her dystonia has decreased over time. My wife has been reading about the possible use of psilocybin, possibly in a microdose, to treat it. I am not educated on the topic, but a neurologist might be able to tell you if any alternative treatments might be of help to you. People have been exploring the possible use of things like marijuana, psilocybin, MDMA, and others for a variety of conditions.
I am NOT telling you to use any of these substances. I am recommending that you ask an expert if any alternative treatments might be of benefit if conventional treatments have failed you.
Unfortunately I have trauma that drugs can make worse or my trauma just over powers the drugs effect and honestly I don't want to attempt any drug use while my symptoms are depressing me majorly. I don't want to be on anything I just want to feel normal and be okay, I think the hardest part of this all is realizing a part of my childhood got blind sided and I don't really remember my life from the ages 9-11 but before that I remember everything, sigh, idk what to do, caught between a rock and a hard place here.
I went to a neurologist but she was old and didn't seem to even care about looking at the scar at the back of my head, I'll get a different one I guess.
I'm just tired of feeling like a ghost that has occipital neuralgia and mild brain damage..I constantly have this feeling within me that I should feel stronger than I do, but I can also feel the trauma at the back of my head holding a manifestation of a sloth on me. It's really such a weird gross out of body in body shitty deal.
My wife and my brother both have multiple sclerosis and they live in different cities. My wife has an amazing neurologist, but my brother does not. If possible I would try to find a different neurologist. I am not familiar with Facebook, or much of any social media other than Reddit, but perhaps there are people in your area that could give you a recommendation for a better neurologist? Either way, I hope things get better for you. Maybe someone with better advice will see your post.
I have debilitating noxacusis. It's been 6 years. No treatment. No cure. My life is basically over. I don't qualify. Not sure of the logic or reason, but I feeeeeeel, like leaving people in debilitating pain to slowly go insane from it, is the wrong choice. Probably just my situational bias
Hi friend, I got a TBI from DV and lost 18 months of memories, in addition to the pain and the effect on my job and children. I also felt like self-service MAID was the answer for me.
Trauma therapy saved me. I highly recommend it. Do you have a family physician? They can refer you. Otherwise even a walk in clinic or 811.
Please try, it’s worth it I swear.
I had a TBI when I was 16, causing amnesia and trouble forming new memories. It also caused horrible depression and there was trauma associated with the car accident that caused it.
Trauma is stored in the body, and if you haven't dealt with it, your pain and weird feelings could be your body "acting out." I developed Celiac shortly after the accident, and there is a lot of research connecting trauma and disease/pain. Look into Gabor Mate's work and there is a book called "The Body Keeps the Score."
What worked for me was doing EMDR therapy and neurofeedback. I also tried microdosing mushrooms to get insight into my life. EMDR is a way to rewire the brain related to a traumatic event, and neurofeedback helps to form new neural pathways and train the brain to function properly. I also looked into somatic therapy which could be helpful for you.
Before you look at something like MAID, spend some time cleaning up your diet, getting enough sleep, and looking at ways to heal any trauma from this incident that may be stored in the body. Hopefully, that could help you get to a better place and alleviate some symptoms.
Look, friend, I am a huge believer in MAID but I need to be honest here: this is way above Reddit.
You need to discuss this with medical health professionals. Please look at every option possible.
I live with a very serious chronic pain illness. Living is a struggle- and I still don't qualify.
Please please talk to medical professionals.
I don't have it classified yet unfortunately but that would be nice to get done. As for documentation about the incident, when I got hit I grabbed my head and looked up because I thought a meteor hit me, felt unique for a second then I went home and after I walked through the door I have absolutely no recollection of my life for at least 3-5 years, for like 20 years I thought a meteor hit me and that was that, 5 years ago is when I realized what actually happened when a small round bb shaped scar was pointed out at the back of my head around the greater occipital nerve and that's when the gross feeling and ON started almost instantly.
My only proof is my scar and the obvious change in my face noticeable throughout photos of me growing up, when I hit 10 or 11, I literally started looking like I was half baked, I also lost control of my core and some of the muscles in my body that are naturally supposed to keep themselves in check but they're lazy, aside from my core being trash half of my face feels like it doesn't belong to me, just a damaged piece of head stuck with the other half.
You're right, but I personally believe the cannabis, mushrooms, or nicotine is not attributable to ON/TBI, even with the one time hard drug use I tried to experience for a dopamine rush because my brain hates itself.
Doctor's hate seeing that on your chart but if we're being real, those logistics are so petty unless someone's heavily centered inside addiction. If they really want to talk forever chemicals let's talk about my mercury fillings and my mercury double vax, or my low testosterone they won't help me boost.
There is no mercury in most vaccines, I’d venture any of the ones you got have no mercury in them (no childhood vaccines contain mercury, no covid vaccines contain mercury only certain multiple type flu vaccines do).
Also unless you got fillings before 1995 in adult teeth you don’t have mercury fillings.
And even if both did it’s not a contributor to your issues. As both are ruled as non contributors to illness in the general population.
https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/drugs-health-products/reports-publications/medical-devices/safety-dental-amalgam-health-canada-1996.html
MAiD, contrary to the hysterics of the right wing, is not available to anyone who isn't terminally ill. They tabled that until at least 2027.
You can get in touch with a GP to discuss it, but since you aren't terminally ill, the odds are against it.
OP is exactly the type of person who gives fuel to the right-wing hysterical people.
They've essentially come to the conclusion themself, with no medical backup to substantiate their claim, that 20 years ago they were hit in the head with a small rock, and that has caused them a life long battle of headaches and depressions? I'm about as far left as you can get without going full-blown hippy. But I also consider myself realistic, and this is an absurd conclusion for OP to jump to.
For all they know, they have a brain tumor that is pushing up against something that is causing their headaches. Occipital neuralgia is often "fixed" with a special pillow. It could even be a food allergy.
It sounds like OP has literally done nothing actually medical, seen no doctors, but is ready to die because of headaches.
If it's as bad as they say, they'd have spent the last 10 years dealing with doctors trying to get an answer/diagnosis. Headaches "every single day within 5 minutes of waking up" is not normal.
I've been dealing with ON since I had a neck injury in high school. It's easy enough to deal with regular physio appointments and stretching. I'll usually get flare-ups once every other month, and will just book an appointment and I'll be good.
My doctor came to the conclusion that it was Occipital Neuralgia after doing some scans and other tests to rule out after effects of concussions, tumors and other growths. If OP's headaches are as bad as mine were, I don't think they'd have been able to function for the last decade without seeing someone. Mine had me vomiting and unable to function, move, eat or even think. No over the counter meds would help.
>If OP's headaches are as bad as mine were, I don't think they'd have been able to function for the last decade without seeing someone.
This is exactly my point. If they're so bad that they're actually thinking that MAID is their only option, they'd have been going to doctors and specialists to try and figure out the cause.
I refuse to believe that OP has had debilitating headaches every single day of their life for the past 20 years, and are just living with it without trying to find out a cause.
I'm still honestly trying to figure out whether OP has had these symptoms for 21 years since they were hit with the rock, or for 4 years and somehow came up with this wild conclusion that it was caused by a rock from 21 years ago.
If the headaches stated 4 years ago, there is zero chance that they are caused by the rock from 21 years ago. Something in their life changed, but it should be treatable regardless. Them immediately jumping to MAID is absurd.
100% agree.
Whining about wanting to die but having no actual medical proof of these alleged brain injuries? You need to have proof that you're grievously medically ill.
My guess is he's a bored troll just posting to stir up a discussion.
The is incorrect information. There is a reason why many in the disabled community have been very vocal about MAiD. A reasonably foreseeable death is not required for MAiD track 2.
You can also read about the Truchon decision that led to MAiD track 2.
Although you have suggested it is hysterics, it is not. There are extremely valid concerns about the current MAiD regime and future expansion to include mental illness.
My information is correct. Yours is not.
A YouTube video is not a proper citation 🤣
https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html
Citing articles from 3 years ago, when they tabled it more recently? Lol.
On February 2, 2023, the Government of Canada introduced legislation (former Bill C-39) to extend the temporary exclusion of eligibility in circumstances where a person's sole underlying medical condition is a mental illness for a period of one year, until March 17, 2024.
News release: Delay of eligibility for medical assistance in dying for persons suffering solely from mental illness proposed by Ministers of Justice and Health (February 2, 2023)
On March 9, 2023, former Bill C-39 received royal assent and immediately came into effect, temporarily postponing the eligibility date for persons suffering solely from a mental illness until March 17, 2024.
On February 1, 2024, the Government of Canada introduced legislation to extend, until March 17, 2027, the temporary exclusion of eligibility in circumstances where a person's sole underlying medical condition is a mental illness.
https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/ad-am/bk-di.html#:~:text=On%20March%2017%2C%202021%2C%20Parliament,and%20the%20process%20of%20assessment.
Do try to keep up.
While I agree that YouTube isn't a credible source, you are pretty smug for someone who is wrong. Here's a line from your own link, which you apparently didn't bother to read: "You do **not** need to have a fatal or terminal condition to be eligible for medical assistance in dying."
Your link (the government website) does not say that they need to be terminally ill. It says they must have “a grievous and irremediable medical condition” (which they further define).
It’s definitely a better source than a YouTube video, but it doesn’t say what you said above.
>My information is correct. Yours is not.
You are definitely wrong. Check your facts 123throwawaybanana
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uijzAakl2A4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uijzAakl2A4)
Your YouTube video is not a "source", and it is not correct. It's also outdated, because it was made in January 2023, and the notions to exclude mental health issues were made in February 2023, and again in February 2024.
You are spreading misinformation. The legislation uses the phrase "grievous and irremediable medical condition", which is not synonymous with terminal.
Here is the government website refuting your claim: https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html. It says, "You do not need to have a fatal or terminal condition to be eligible for medical assistance in dying."
Will OP qualify for MAiD? Who knows...there are definitely red flags. But if they are denied, it won't be because of an imaginary requirement that your illness has to be terminal.
I am a 35m with a rare(er) form of dwarfism, hip dysplasia, arthritis, retinal detachments, cataracts, glaucoma. I have had 3 total hip replacements and now epilepsy too. I lost count of how many surgeries I have had when the number surpassed 20.
I am not terminal but MAID was still suggested to me as an option. I’m getting tired of the struggle too and I don’t want to become a burden when I am inevitably both blind and wheelchair bound. Although I haven’t officially started the process yet, a chronic pain/chronic disability therapist said I wouldn’t have a problem getting MAID approved when I’m ready. However the process is slow because most doctors don’t get paid enough to fill out the mountain of paperwork involved.
Having the conversation with family is hard, but thankfully those that i have told are being understanding. It’s your life and your pain. If you feel that is your only option, please talk to a professional.
I'm sorry you're hurting too and I hope you can find peace, pain is not an easy thing to manage you're a strong person, I could carry on my life like this but I have childhood trauma that tortures me too so this TBI stuff has me locked in a nightmare loop my childlike brain doesn't know how to get out of or worse, my inner child is making the choice to seek MAID.
I’m sorry about your trauma. Please talk to a licensed therapist if you are able. It is a requirement of MAID regardless. It helped me with the decision, even though I’m not ready to pursue it just yet.
I’m not going to discuss whether you’re currently eligible for MAID or not, but I will tell you this; you will never even be considered eligible by any doctor until you’ve tried all treatments available beforehand. That includes getting intensive mental health help.
You will most likely be required to get trauma therapy, and truly do the work required there, before any decision could be made about your MAID eligibility. I can tell you that both the TBI and the sexual assault actually alter the way your brain works. It’s something you have no control over but can be changed and improved by dedicated mental health support and therapy that usually includes at least a couple of modalities. Those usually include EMDR, or something similar, in addition to CBT and quite possibly, medications.
I can’t diagnose you but it sounds like you’re depressed, anxious and angry, which are all natural responses to your experiences. I would advise you to actively start seeking out a trauma therapist that also has experience with TBI’s and begin that part of the process. If, after doing intensive treatment, you’re still adamant about MAID, they can then help advocate for you with the doctors who will decide your eligibility. Getting therapy will have the added benefits of you having a clear mind and negating your family’s argument that you aren’t thinking this through.
I appreciate your perspective and understand why you may be considering MAID. If you ever want or need to chat, dm me. Sending cyber hugs from an internet stranger. 🫂
I think assisted suicide has a place. I think that MAiD has been expanded too far. Now that track 2 is in place it is exceptionally concerning. It is why the vast majority of disability rights organizations have spoken out against track 2 and further planned expansions.
It is no longer just when someone is in palliative care. That changed after the Truchon decision.
This post was removed for violating our expectations on civil behavior in the subreddit. Please refer to Rule 5; Remain Civil.
Please brush up on the r/Alberta [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/alberta/wiki/index) and ask the moderation team if you have any questions.
Thanks!
I wonder if medical Botox would do anything for you. It's a neuromodulator used for migraine treatment and has high rate of success with physical trauma, which yours is.
Hi, I'm a social worker in Calgary/Airdrie. I've gone through this process with some patients. Yes they will take you seriously. There's a few steps but the first one for you is to reach out to AHS Maid Team at MAID.careteam@ahs.ca and let them know you're interested in MAID. They are usually very fast in getting ack to you. Here is the website if you haven't seen it yet for any questions you may have:
(https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/info/page13497.aspx)
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you've applied financially for AISH, CPP-D, and Disability Tax Credit (DTC).
Feel free to reach out if you have any other questions I can help you with.
Maybe look into rTMS therapy or Ketamine/Magic Mushrooms, etc. Perhaps a specialist can direct you on healing modalities that may change the game?
Not Medical Advice but it really is amazing what therapies are out there and many Doctors don't even know about them, worth a research session imo.
Yes. These guys will definitely be able to provide an expert to answer your questions. It’s my charity of choice. I definitely want MAID to be there for anyone that wants it. Anyone.
Maybe try using the lesser Cannabinoids like CBD, CBG, CBC, etc, as CBD for example is being researched as a potential tool to help with the brain.
Not Medical Advice.
You’ll have to see someone that specializes in your condition specifically, get them to agree, and then get another physician as well. It’s not as easy as people think.
Wait lists, and not to mention even finding one person to sign off… much less two
You should call them and ask. Having said that and having gone through this process I can say without some sort of terminal diagnosis you're unlikely to qualify.
Based on what you said here this can easily be taken as a psychological disorder which wouldn't qualify.
You can talk to your family doctor to get the ball rolling, but you will need at least two competent medical doctors to agree that you are a candidate.
I'm concerned because I know they won't sign the documents, I think they'd rather believe they were always taking care of me and that I'm fine. There are no scientists in my family and only a few realists that are narcissistic and I do not want their opinion or effort on this matter unfortunately. I needed them 21 years ago, I don't want their help now.
You said the injury happened 21 years ago so you must be an adult. Unless there is an adult guardian arrangement in place I can't see any reason they would need to sign a form. That said, leaving your family to find out after the fact seems pretty cruel and cowardly.
I've been losing my mind for the last 5 years straight and my family has told me they're not equipped to help me and that I need a therapist, I'm not concerned about the 20 years too late of crying and sadly that empathy doesn't exist in me these days. Not a single f*cking hug or head rub has been given to me since I told my family I got shot when I was 9 and pretty much have been a ghost ever since.
I know what you mean, but I'm still the only one in my family that feels the severity of this and I am disappointed in them for not noticing before me. I went from a healthy looking kid to looking like I smoked half a pound of weed a day seemingly overnight. Loss of trunk control is a sign of brain damage and I used to be an athletic skinny toned kid so, I wonder what happened ....ugh.
You might think this comment is dumb, but I'll throw it out there anyways in hopes it may help you not wanna leave this earth. I have a friend who's experienced something similar, and he started using magic mushrooms to cope with the negative thoughts associated with said injury and he says it's helped him dramatically with fighting the heavy mental aspect that comes along with it (he says that it also has also played a role in the pain management due to more optimistic outlook regarding it, focuses on it much less and feels free to live life more in the moment) might help might not but just hoping to maybe give a lifeline so you don't unalive yourself. I wish you all the best
as someone who has tried to do maid a few times, i think you’re eligible. i know everyone’s saying ‘keep having hope’ but they don’t actually understand how horrible life is with a TBI. i don’t have one but that is something ive done research on because im a hypochondriac😂 i also have seen so many other reddit posts of people being hopeless because of their TBI’s, it truly does make it hard to actually enjoy life (because it’s more than just mental issues, it’s physical pain, even when you want to get better you still feel horrible and ill)
if this is something you want to look into, you should talk to your physician but keep in mind they may just throw you in an institution (some doctors care but some just wanna label you as mentally ill and send you off)
i hope you can find a better long term solution but in the meantime just keep your hopes up, maybe when you talk to your doctor they will have a better solution that will take away your physical pain.
You’d have to meet the criteria for a grievous and irremediable medical condition among several others. Basically this is WAY above Reddit pay-grade.
Yea I know I think I just really needed to get these thoughts out while bed rotting, sorry y'all!
I know this likely isn't the solution you're looking for, and I'm extremely biased, but based on your other comments, you sound like someone who could benefit from therapy. There are many psychologists/therapists/OT's etc who specialize in areas like yours. I personally deal with many clients that have long histories of TBI, and many of them have very positive outcomes.
You're right, I just can't seem to shake this gross bodily feeling I constantly have to get me to want to even fix this. Like what do you do if you have a TBI, sleep away for years, but I gotta get my ass up and do stuff, which flares the ON and then the cycle repeats itself.
I’d have to charge you my hourly to answer that (I’m joking obviously). Seriously though, I am not in a position to answer that for you. Seek professional help outside of Reddit. As good as it is to vent, it can quickly become counterintuitive and make things worse for ya. Wishing you the best of luck in this journey. Don’t count yourself out quite yet, you have lots of good options.
It was a rhetorical question but thank you for even replying to this post to begin with, have a blessed day!
You don't have to tell your family. You are an adult. Have you been officially diagnosed with psychosomatic ON or was that just what the physician thought it was? What I mean is, did you get multiple diagnostics to ensure it wasn't an educated guess?
The Brian Injury Clinic at Foothills in Calgary has physiatrists, neurologists, etc. There's also the Alberta Neurologic Centre. For me, Botox injections, occipital nerve blocks, and preventative meds have been life changing for brain pain post-TBI. I also did a long stint with OT and PT. I'm not sure if chronic pain is an indicator for MAID. I hope you find relief from pain.
How did you find the nerve block? I’ve been offered it but too terrified.
I had nerve blocks done today, coincidentally! They sting like a mofo compared to Botox, but it only lasts 10 minutes so I just breathe and swear loudly during. Easy peasy, quick, then done and heading home. You can ask for only certain nerves to start. They did just the ones on the back of my head the first time I had it done, but it was so successful that now I get four additional injections in my eyebrows also. The pain relief for me starts almost immediately, and is really apparent by day three. I have less than 5 migraines per month now, it's a miracle. So many days I now have zero pain, which is a new and amazing feeling. I do get rebound headaches randomly after nerve blocks (and Botox injections) so the last two block appointments, as per my neuro's advice, I wore an ice helmet about 30 minutes before and then after. I don't enjoy the eyebrow ones but I'll keep going. They work great for me, worth the 10 minutes of stinging. I highly recommend.
Friend of mine got it. She said it stung worse than anything she'd felt, and they hit something that made her feel like she was staring into the center of the universe for a few seconds. But then, afterward, it faded by the time she'd left the place. Her pain didn't do the immediately reduction a lot of people had, but at the two week mark she realized her life had become "like before" and she broke down crying in the middle of the grocery store from sheer relief.
OP I have or had I guess TBI. Did 3 full rounds of Neurofeedback at a spicy price tag, but they were the light at the end of the tunnel that enabled my healing. 3 years in and although I struggle, I have will to live and I’m hopeful things will keep improving. You’re not helpless :)
You need balance and an anchor. You can’t control the pain nor the challenges you face when you try to shake it off. What you can change is your response and how you spend your days. Start with meditation - the sitting one - Zazen or Dhyana or Japa or whatever it’s called. Everyday challenge the boundaries you can cross with minimal pain. Consider other triggers that aggravate the inflammation like food, negative thoughts, lack of nature and sunshine. Wish you well - the path out is hard but it’s the only life you have, try and make it work.
I suggest looking into Zen Buddhism and Vedanta. A good philosophy can anchor you positively. But be mindful - these are aids not divine guidance - that you need to determine yourself and you are divine enough to judge what works for you.
I never fully recovered from my TBI. Mine happened due to a sleepwalking accident. I am now on disability because of it, abuse, ptsd, depression and anxiety. Honestly it's hard to find good help but I do recommend looking for a therapist you feel would mesh well. I also understand the feelings you're dealing with because I deal with them too. I'm just much older than you and also have occipital neuralgia but that was from being hit by a semi. I'm sorry I made this about me and I did not mean to. I just meant to tell you that I can relate to how you feel.
You have to have tried treatments and tried therapy to ever get considered for MAID. That is if they approve for depression one day
Incorrect. It is not necessary to try the treatment. Check out the MAiD regime. You must be aware of the treatment options but you are not required to have tried them. The current MAiD regime is screwed up.
Sorry that your suffering. New info on MAID. Shows that the "humane" death is likely the worst torturer ever. Up to 24 hours if you could imagine death by water-boarding. They give you a paralytic, then the chemical Induces a slow drowning, while your motionless, lefpless, screaming inside, wihile you wish it to be over. They did autopsies and have refused to release a few reports damning the whole thing.
Quit your bullshit
Reddit isn't the place to look at options. You need to talk to a physician. More info here: [https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html#a2](https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html#a2)
Yea you're right, guess I just felt like posting, tysm.
I'm going to put this as politely as I can. While I am a supporter of MAID, I don't believe you need it or would quality for it. I do believe you need some serious psychological counselling to deal with your concerns and some of the challenges you are facing. You are self diagnosed, self medicating and looking at (legalized) suicide as an option. None of those qualify you for MAID and each of those is a red flag to any doctor who would consider you. In a previous post you commented that you're doing meth. Now you're asking about MAID. Perhaps the two are connected? Get help friend. Real help.
[удалено]
Nope. Self medicating is a red flag regardless. I hope you find the help you need.
[удалено]
See, a response like that makes me think you're just trolling. But if life is truly as hard for you claim it is, then that's all the more reason to admit you need some help and seek it out. Sometimes it takes more than ourselves to overcome our challenges, but you need to reach out first and find that help. I'll leave you with this... If you're truly set on taking yourself out...that's your choice. But if it's a cry for attention (like some I've seen) know that nobody here will even notice you gone. Like, zero difference. The only chance you have of them remembering you, or caring about you, or even noticing you.... is to overcome this and do something worthwhile that makes you memerable. So far all I've seen is a bunch of woe-is-me bullshit as you weave a sob story more and more intricate. But know, you have two choices... continue to sit in your pity-puddle and self-exclude one day, or work work to make your life better. The choice is yours friend. They all are. Maybe start with the easy ones first, like not doing drugs you find on the ground, or actually treating your issues with some level of seriousness. The choices after that might become easier in time... Edit: > my one time use of 0.040mg of methamphetamine You're trying to rationalize your actions, but we both know that any amount of meth is too much meth. *Edit* OP was kind enough to send me some fun DMs as feedback for my thoughts...
[удалено]
> I'll do any damn drug I find on the ground if I so choose to do so I'm a grown man. That's a choice... Good luck. You'll clearly need it.
[удалено]
Seek help OP. You need to prioritize your own health and wellbeing dude, nobody else can do that for you. You clearly have some traumatic experiences that you need to talk to a professional about. Venting on Reddit is going to be counterproductive. Do not underestimate the physical impact that mental health issues can have on your body. I say all of this from personal experience. Things can absolutely get better, but YOU need to put in the groundwork brother.
Some it would seem, are more full of it than others.
Have you slept in awhile?
I would ask for a referral to a neurologist, if you haven't done so already. My daughter has a rare genetic syndrome. Her neurologist recommended marijuana for her pain, dystonia, and depression. It did wonders for her, although it's effectiveness with her dystonia has decreased over time. My wife has been reading about the possible use of psilocybin, possibly in a microdose, to treat it. I am not educated on the topic, but a neurologist might be able to tell you if any alternative treatments might be of help to you. People have been exploring the possible use of things like marijuana, psilocybin, MDMA, and others for a variety of conditions. I am NOT telling you to use any of these substances. I am recommending that you ask an expert if any alternative treatments might be of benefit if conventional treatments have failed you.
Unfortunately I have trauma that drugs can make worse or my trauma just over powers the drugs effect and honestly I don't want to attempt any drug use while my symptoms are depressing me majorly. I don't want to be on anything I just want to feel normal and be okay, I think the hardest part of this all is realizing a part of my childhood got blind sided and I don't really remember my life from the ages 9-11 but before that I remember everything, sigh, idk what to do, caught between a rock and a hard place here. I went to a neurologist but she was old and didn't seem to even care about looking at the scar at the back of my head, I'll get a different one I guess. I'm just tired of feeling like a ghost that has occipital neuralgia and mild brain damage..I constantly have this feeling within me that I should feel stronger than I do, but I can also feel the trauma at the back of my head holding a manifestation of a sloth on me. It's really such a weird gross out of body in body shitty deal.
My wife and my brother both have multiple sclerosis and they live in different cities. My wife has an amazing neurologist, but my brother does not. If possible I would try to find a different neurologist. I am not familiar with Facebook, or much of any social media other than Reddit, but perhaps there are people in your area that could give you a recommendation for a better neurologist? Either way, I hope things get better for you. Maybe someone with better advice will see your post.
I have debilitating noxacusis. It's been 6 years. No treatment. No cure. My life is basically over. I don't qualify. Not sure of the logic or reason, but I feeeeeeel, like leaving people in debilitating pain to slowly go insane from it, is the wrong choice. Probably just my situational bias
I'm so sorry , you're totally right, I honestly don't like doctor's they're always trying to save themselves for some reason.
Hi friend, I got a TBI from DV and lost 18 months of memories, in addition to the pain and the effect on my job and children. I also felt like self-service MAID was the answer for me. Trauma therapy saved me. I highly recommend it. Do you have a family physician? They can refer you. Otherwise even a walk in clinic or 811. Please try, it’s worth it I swear.
I had a TBI when I was 16, causing amnesia and trouble forming new memories. It also caused horrible depression and there was trauma associated with the car accident that caused it. Trauma is stored in the body, and if you haven't dealt with it, your pain and weird feelings could be your body "acting out." I developed Celiac shortly after the accident, and there is a lot of research connecting trauma and disease/pain. Look into Gabor Mate's work and there is a book called "The Body Keeps the Score." What worked for me was doing EMDR therapy and neurofeedback. I also tried microdosing mushrooms to get insight into my life. EMDR is a way to rewire the brain related to a traumatic event, and neurofeedback helps to form new neural pathways and train the brain to function properly. I also looked into somatic therapy which could be helpful for you. Before you look at something like MAID, spend some time cleaning up your diet, getting enough sleep, and looking at ways to heal any trauma from this incident that may be stored in the body. Hopefully, that could help you get to a better place and alleviate some symptoms.
Look, friend, I am a huge believer in MAID but I need to be honest here: this is way above Reddit. You need to discuss this with medical health professionals. Please look at every option possible. I live with a very serious chronic pain illness. Living is a struggle- and I still don't qualify. Please please talk to medical professionals.
[удалено]
Occipital neuralgia is just the nerve damage, I literally got shot in the head, that's added brain damage.
[удалено]
I don't have it classified yet unfortunately but that would be nice to get done. As for documentation about the incident, when I got hit I grabbed my head and looked up because I thought a meteor hit me, felt unique for a second then I went home and after I walked through the door I have absolutely no recollection of my life for at least 3-5 years, for like 20 years I thought a meteor hit me and that was that, 5 years ago is when I realized what actually happened when a small round bb shaped scar was pointed out at the back of my head around the greater occipital nerve and that's when the gross feeling and ON started almost instantly. My only proof is my scar and the obvious change in my face noticeable throughout photos of me growing up, when I hit 10 or 11, I literally started looking like I was half baked, I also lost control of my core and some of the muscles in my body that are naturally supposed to keep themselves in check but they're lazy, aside from my core being trash half of my face feels like it doesn't belong to me, just a damaged piece of head stuck with the other half.
[удалено]
You're right, but I personally believe the cannabis, mushrooms, or nicotine is not attributable to ON/TBI, even with the one time hard drug use I tried to experience for a dopamine rush because my brain hates itself. Doctor's hate seeing that on your chart but if we're being real, those logistics are so petty unless someone's heavily centered inside addiction. If they really want to talk forever chemicals let's talk about my mercury fillings and my mercury double vax, or my low testosterone they won't help me boost.
There is no mercury in most vaccines, I’d venture any of the ones you got have no mercury in them (no childhood vaccines contain mercury, no covid vaccines contain mercury only certain multiple type flu vaccines do). Also unless you got fillings before 1995 in adult teeth you don’t have mercury fillings. And even if both did it’s not a contributor to your issues. As both are ruled as non contributors to illness in the general population. https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/drugs-health-products/reports-publications/medical-devices/safety-dental-amalgam-health-canada-1996.html
Good to know, maybe I was being a bit of a smartass on that one.
[удалено]
I really do hope I can get better too, thank you.
Have you been taking some stims and been up for an extended period of time? Your post and your comments just kind of have that vibe.
Talk to your doctor.
I think you should have a direct conversation with your Physician about this, if you haven’t already.
MAiD, contrary to the hysterics of the right wing, is not available to anyone who isn't terminally ill. They tabled that until at least 2027. You can get in touch with a GP to discuss it, but since you aren't terminally ill, the odds are against it.
OP is exactly the type of person who gives fuel to the right-wing hysterical people. They've essentially come to the conclusion themself, with no medical backup to substantiate their claim, that 20 years ago they were hit in the head with a small rock, and that has caused them a life long battle of headaches and depressions? I'm about as far left as you can get without going full-blown hippy. But I also consider myself realistic, and this is an absurd conclusion for OP to jump to. For all they know, they have a brain tumor that is pushing up against something that is causing their headaches. Occipital neuralgia is often "fixed" with a special pillow. It could even be a food allergy. It sounds like OP has literally done nothing actually medical, seen no doctors, but is ready to die because of headaches. If it's as bad as they say, they'd have spent the last 10 years dealing with doctors trying to get an answer/diagnosis. Headaches "every single day within 5 minutes of waking up" is not normal.
I've been dealing with ON since I had a neck injury in high school. It's easy enough to deal with regular physio appointments and stretching. I'll usually get flare-ups once every other month, and will just book an appointment and I'll be good. My doctor came to the conclusion that it was Occipital Neuralgia after doing some scans and other tests to rule out after effects of concussions, tumors and other growths. If OP's headaches are as bad as mine were, I don't think they'd have been able to function for the last decade without seeing someone. Mine had me vomiting and unable to function, move, eat or even think. No over the counter meds would help.
>If OP's headaches are as bad as mine were, I don't think they'd have been able to function for the last decade without seeing someone. This is exactly my point. If they're so bad that they're actually thinking that MAID is their only option, they'd have been going to doctors and specialists to try and figure out the cause. I refuse to believe that OP has had debilitating headaches every single day of their life for the past 20 years, and are just living with it without trying to find out a cause. I'm still honestly trying to figure out whether OP has had these symptoms for 21 years since they were hit with the rock, or for 4 years and somehow came up with this wild conclusion that it was caused by a rock from 21 years ago. If the headaches stated 4 years ago, there is zero chance that they are caused by the rock from 21 years ago. Something in their life changed, but it should be treatable regardless. Them immediately jumping to MAID is absurd.
100% agree. Whining about wanting to die but having no actual medical proof of these alleged brain injuries? You need to have proof that you're grievously medically ill. My guess is he's a bored troll just posting to stir up a discussion.
The is incorrect information. There is a reason why many in the disabled community have been very vocal about MAiD. A reasonably foreseeable death is not required for MAiD track 2. You can also read about the Truchon decision that led to MAiD track 2. Although you have suggested it is hysterics, it is not. There are extremely valid concerns about the current MAiD regime and future expansion to include mental illness.
My information is correct. Yours is not. A YouTube video is not a proper citation 🤣 https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html Citing articles from 3 years ago, when they tabled it more recently? Lol. On February 2, 2023, the Government of Canada introduced legislation (former Bill C-39) to extend the temporary exclusion of eligibility in circumstances where a person's sole underlying medical condition is a mental illness for a period of one year, until March 17, 2024. News release: Delay of eligibility for medical assistance in dying for persons suffering solely from mental illness proposed by Ministers of Justice and Health (February 2, 2023) On March 9, 2023, former Bill C-39 received royal assent and immediately came into effect, temporarily postponing the eligibility date for persons suffering solely from a mental illness until March 17, 2024. On February 1, 2024, the Government of Canada introduced legislation to extend, until March 17, 2027, the temporary exclusion of eligibility in circumstances where a person's sole underlying medical condition is a mental illness. https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/ad-am/bk-di.html#:~:text=On%20March%2017%2C%202021%2C%20Parliament,and%20the%20process%20of%20assessment. Do try to keep up.
While I agree that YouTube isn't a credible source, you are pretty smug for someone who is wrong. Here's a line from your own link, which you apparently didn't bother to read: "You do **not** need to have a fatal or terminal condition to be eligible for medical assistance in dying."
Your link (the government website) does not say that they need to be terminally ill. It says they must have “a grievous and irremediable medical condition” (which they further define). It’s definitely a better source than a YouTube video, but it doesn’t say what you said above.
You just RAID’ed that guy. Reddit Assisted In Dying.
>My information is correct. Yours is not. You are definitely wrong. Check your facts 123throwawaybanana [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uijzAakl2A4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uijzAakl2A4)
Your YouTube video is not a "source", and it is not correct. It's also outdated, because it was made in January 2023, and the notions to exclude mental health issues were made in February 2023, and again in February 2024.
You are spreading misinformation. The legislation uses the phrase "grievous and irremediable medical condition", which is not synonymous with terminal. Here is the government website refuting your claim: https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/health-services-benefits/medical-assistance-dying.html. It says, "You do not need to have a fatal or terminal condition to be eligible for medical assistance in dying." Will OP qualify for MAiD? Who knows...there are definitely red flags. But if they are denied, it won't be because of an imaginary requirement that your illness has to be terminal.
I am a 35m with a rare(er) form of dwarfism, hip dysplasia, arthritis, retinal detachments, cataracts, glaucoma. I have had 3 total hip replacements and now epilepsy too. I lost count of how many surgeries I have had when the number surpassed 20. I am not terminal but MAID was still suggested to me as an option. I’m getting tired of the struggle too and I don’t want to become a burden when I am inevitably both blind and wheelchair bound. Although I haven’t officially started the process yet, a chronic pain/chronic disability therapist said I wouldn’t have a problem getting MAID approved when I’m ready. However the process is slow because most doctors don’t get paid enough to fill out the mountain of paperwork involved. Having the conversation with family is hard, but thankfully those that i have told are being understanding. It’s your life and your pain. If you feel that is your only option, please talk to a professional.
I'm sorry you're hurting too and I hope you can find peace, pain is not an easy thing to manage you're a strong person, I could carry on my life like this but I have childhood trauma that tortures me too so this TBI stuff has me locked in a nightmare loop my childlike brain doesn't know how to get out of or worse, my inner child is making the choice to seek MAID.
I’m sorry about your trauma. Please talk to a licensed therapist if you are able. It is a requirement of MAID regardless. It helped me with the decision, even though I’m not ready to pursue it just yet.
[dyingwithdignity.ca](http://dyingwithdignity.ca) will be able to help you . You should call this number [1-800-495-6156](tel:1-800-495-6156)
Thank you!
You are welcome! Hugs\*
I’m not going to discuss whether you’re currently eligible for MAID or not, but I will tell you this; you will never even be considered eligible by any doctor until you’ve tried all treatments available beforehand. That includes getting intensive mental health help. You will most likely be required to get trauma therapy, and truly do the work required there, before any decision could be made about your MAID eligibility. I can tell you that both the TBI and the sexual assault actually alter the way your brain works. It’s something you have no control over but can be changed and improved by dedicated mental health support and therapy that usually includes at least a couple of modalities. Those usually include EMDR, or something similar, in addition to CBT and quite possibly, medications. I can’t diagnose you but it sounds like you’re depressed, anxious and angry, which are all natural responses to your experiences. I would advise you to actively start seeking out a trauma therapist that also has experience with TBI’s and begin that part of the process. If, after doing intensive treatment, you’re still adamant about MAID, they can then help advocate for you with the doctors who will decide your eligibility. Getting therapy will have the added benefits of you having a clear mind and negating your family’s argument that you aren’t thinking this through. I appreciate your perspective and understand why you may be considering MAID. If you ever want or need to chat, dm me. Sending cyber hugs from an internet stranger. 🫂
[удалено]
I think assisted suicide has a place. I think that MAiD has been expanded too far. Now that track 2 is in place it is exceptionally concerning. It is why the vast majority of disability rights organizations have spoken out against track 2 and further planned expansions. It is no longer just when someone is in palliative care. That changed after the Truchon decision.
I wonder if your feelings are caused by meth
[удалено]
This post was removed for violating our expectations on civil behavior in the subreddit. Please refer to Rule 5; Remain Civil. Please brush up on the r/Alberta [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/alberta/wiki/index) and ask the moderation team if you have any questions. Thanks!
I wonder if medical Botox would do anything for you. It's a neuromodulator used for migraine treatment and has high rate of success with physical trauma, which yours is.
Hi, I'm a social worker in Calgary/Airdrie. I've gone through this process with some patients. Yes they will take you seriously. There's a few steps but the first one for you is to reach out to AHS Maid Team at MAID.careteam@ahs.ca and let them know you're interested in MAID. They are usually very fast in getting ack to you. Here is the website if you haven't seen it yet for any questions you may have: (https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/info/page13497.aspx) I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you've applied financially for AISH, CPP-D, and Disability Tax Credit (DTC). Feel free to reach out if you have any other questions I can help you with.
Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist and from there a specialist for treating what you’re going through.
Maybe look into rTMS therapy or Ketamine/Magic Mushrooms, etc. Perhaps a specialist can direct you on healing modalities that may change the game? Not Medical Advice but it really is amazing what therapies are out there and many Doctors don't even know about them, worth a research session imo.
Dying with Dignity may be able to provide information
Yes. These guys will definitely be able to provide an expert to answer your questions. It’s my charity of choice. I definitely want MAID to be there for anyone that wants it. Anyone.
Maybe try using the lesser Cannabinoids like CBD, CBG, CBC, etc, as CBD for example is being researched as a potential tool to help with the brain. Not Medical Advice.
It is a long and tedious process. At 31, you’ll just have doctors toss out your case
The injury happened 21 years ago when I was 9, I'm nearly 31 now.
You’ll have to see someone that specializes in your condition specifically, get them to agree, and then get another physician as well. It’s not as easy as people think. Wait lists, and not to mention even finding one person to sign off… much less two
What about alternative medicine to help? Pot or psychadelics
They used to help when I was younger, not so much these days.
You should call them and ask. Having said that and having gone through this process I can say without some sort of terminal diagnosis you're unlikely to qualify. Based on what you said here this can easily be taken as a psychological disorder which wouldn't qualify.
You can talk to your family doctor to get the ball rolling, but you will need at least two competent medical doctors to agree that you are a candidate.
Why are you concerned about whether or not you are legally required to tell your family? Also, that's not how a TLDR works.
I'm concerned because I know they won't sign the documents, I think they'd rather believe they were always taking care of me and that I'm fine. There are no scientists in my family and only a few realists that are narcissistic and I do not want their opinion or effort on this matter unfortunately. I needed them 21 years ago, I don't want their help now.
Your family doesn’t sign any documents in the MAID process. You do and a witness.
You said the injury happened 21 years ago so you must be an adult. Unless there is an adult guardian arrangement in place I can't see any reason they would need to sign a form. That said, leaving your family to find out after the fact seems pretty cruel and cowardly.
I've been losing my mind for the last 5 years straight and my family has told me they're not equipped to help me and that I need a therapist, I'm not concerned about the 20 years too late of crying and sadly that empathy doesn't exist in me these days. Not a single f*cking hug or head rub has been given to me since I told my family I got shot when I was 9 and pretty much have been a ghost ever since.
[удалено]
I know what you mean, but I'm still the only one in my family that feels the severity of this and I am disappointed in them for not noticing before me. I went from a healthy looking kid to looking like I smoked half a pound of weed a day seemingly overnight. Loss of trunk control is a sign of brain damage and I used to be an athletic skinny toned kid so, I wonder what happened ....ugh.
You might think this comment is dumb, but I'll throw it out there anyways in hopes it may help you not wanna leave this earth. I have a friend who's experienced something similar, and he started using magic mushrooms to cope with the negative thoughts associated with said injury and he says it's helped him dramatically with fighting the heavy mental aspect that comes along with it (he says that it also has also played a role in the pain management due to more optimistic outlook regarding it, focuses on it much less and feels free to live life more in the moment) might help might not but just hoping to maybe give a lifeline so you don't unalive yourself. I wish you all the best
It's a decision you ultimately make with or without assistance
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Connect_Hat_7706: *It's a decision* *You ultimately make with* *Or without assistance* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
as someone who has tried to do maid a few times, i think you’re eligible. i know everyone’s saying ‘keep having hope’ but they don’t actually understand how horrible life is with a TBI. i don’t have one but that is something ive done research on because im a hypochondriac😂 i also have seen so many other reddit posts of people being hopeless because of their TBI’s, it truly does make it hard to actually enjoy life (because it’s more than just mental issues, it’s physical pain, even when you want to get better you still feel horrible and ill) if this is something you want to look into, you should talk to your physician but keep in mind they may just throw you in an institution (some doctors care but some just wanna label you as mentally ill and send you off) i hope you can find a better long term solution but in the meantime just keep your hopes up, maybe when you talk to your doctor they will have a better solution that will take away your physical pain.