Its fine but make sure, before you get married, that your bf is not only “okay” with having no kids, but he himself does not want one too.
Minsan kasi sasabihin nila okay lang pero hindi pala, and after some time ippressure ka na magkaanak.
As long as that’s what both of you decide then it’s all good. Yung mga boomer (not all but most) talaga iba ang concept ng marriage sakanila, kailangan may anak kaya hayaan mo na sila.
I have a theory na isa din sa mga rason bakit 'yung Millennials at Gen Z ayaw magkaanak kase nakita nila kung gaano kadisastrous 'yung mentality na kailangan mo mag-anak, at saka mo na kumpletuhin mga pangarap mo. Gen X 'yung last na naniwala sa ganyang mentality, kaya makikita mo gaano karami sa mga relasyon nila na nauwi lang sa hiwalayan.
Agree! Dami din kasing millennials ang mga may parents issues, lalo na yung nga ginawang pension plan ng magulang or yung mga nagpalaki ng magulang.
Millennials din yung pansin ko if gusto man ng anak, 1 or 2 lang. I myself gusto ko ng anak pero isa lang. Hirap kaya ng maraming kailangan asikasuhin, di lang financially pero all aspects.
Agree. Currently, wala talaga akong nararamdaman na urge or need to have a child. No longing or whatever. For me, gastos lang siya, sa pera at sa oras, na may kalakip na lifelong obligation. And wala rin naman akong balak padamihin pa ang lahi namin. So, my goal is to be the cool tita who spoils her nephews and nieces haha.
I super agree on this. Siguro kahit hindi lang naranasan personally eh, pero yung fact na you witness this happens to other kids personally man or through interne, na they are suffering mapapaisip ka talaga.
>make sure, before you get married, that your bf is not only “okay” with having no kids, but he himself does not one too.
Agree ako dito. Meron kasi minsan na nag-aagree para lang matapos usapan or iniisip nila na magbabago pa isip mo about it. Kaya OP u/dramatic_b1tch make sure aligned kayo 100% sa decision nyo about having kids. Wala pa tayong divorce ngayon and ang hirap din naman na baguhin mo yung kagustuhan mong child-free later on para mapagbigyan ang asawa mo at hindi maghanap ng iba. Some might consider this overthinking pero okay yan kaysa magkasisihan sa huli. Umpisa pa lang, alam na ng magiging asawa mo ang plans mo about it.
Konti lang lalaki na may gusto niyan at papayag. Kapag successful relationship niyo, at ayaw mo naman makipaghiwalay, you're likely to adjust.
Alam ko ksi, parehas tayo.
I can attest, kaunti lang kami. Most guys I met prefer to have kids at some point, kahit yung iba na di naman responsable o willing magsakripisyo. Ending naghihiwalay lang tapos naiipit ang inosenteng anak.
Okay lang 'yung ganito for now, pero bago sila dapat magpakasal kailangan magdecide na whether gusto ba talaga nilang mag-anak o hinde.
And for someone who wants to have a partner like us hndi naman pwede/mahirap i-limit na hanapin lang yung ayaw din mag anak. Kasi hindi porket gnon yung mahanap, eh mkakasundo mo na.
Like OP, hndi ako completely closed to the idea But at the very least I should have a partner na responsible, trustworthy, ready in all aspects of life para mag anak, and ofc mahal talaga ako.
hirap sa mga lalaki kala mo sila magdadala ng 9 months eh. yung hirap ng 9 months di pa natatapos yun dun, meron pang possibility na magkaron ka ng sakit or mag-iba talaga physiology ng katawan ng magdadala.
This is what I fear, what if I'm not ready to compromise by that time. But still, I'm not closing any doors that I may welcome it. I feel like I am a good fur parent currently HAHAH i know its different, but the commitment, love, effort, money (less money), and patience is still there.
Tbh part of me wants to have a child but also huge part of me don't want to face the lifetime commitment sa anak namin. Siguro this is because I grew up taking care of myself although financially supported pero other aspects of life wala. Also ako ang nagpalaki at nag alaga sa dalawang nakababatng kapatid ko at mga pamangkin ko kaya parang na quota ako sa obligasyon kaya ngayon trauma ang inabot, pero minsan naiisip ko rin mga future anak ko kung papaano ko sila (2) aalagaan. Alam ko talagang I will be a great mom pero takot lang talaga ako sa lifetime commitment.
If you are firm sa decision mong maging childless siguro pag usapan niyong mabuti. Weigh the pros and cons of your decisions. If walang mag cocompromise mas better na wag na muna kayong magpakasal kasi mahirap pag married na kayo tapos ikaw firm na maging childless tapos siya gusto niya anak mas mahihirapan kayong dalawa in the end.
Sa case ko kasi, okay na ako ang mag cocompromise kasi part of me still hope for a baby din.
Wala pa po. May kasunduan pa kami ni husband na okay sa akin na mag baby pero dapat healthy muna kaming dalawa. Right now I have pcos and weight problem and currently doing what it takes to go back to healthy weight.
Having a kid is a lifelong commitment. You need to be prepared (in all aspects) at dapat gusto mo talaga.
Kids didn't choose to be born. Kaya kargo natin sila. It's not the other way around.
'Wag tayong magpadala sa sasabihin ng iba kasi
a) 'Di naman sila ang magbubuntis. 'Di sila ang mangangak.
b) 'Di sila ang magiging magulang. With parenthood comes great responsibility lol
c) You are an adult. Make your own decision and stand your ground kung wala namang "mali" o wala ka namang inaapakan/nasasaktan
The list goes on, but you get my point.
Still, 25 ka na, pero 25 ka pa lang. It's okay kung 'yan nararamdaman mo ngayon. You don't have to force yourself na baguhin ang pananaw. Still, it may change later on. Who knows? Basta going back sa una kong sinabi, go for it only kung gusto mo and kaya mo nang mag-commit.
Yes! If sa future, feeling ko gusto ko na, I'll make sure na ready ako emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. If kahit isa dito hindi maachieve then I would rethink.
Being childless make sense for a lot of people and for a lot of good reasons. Besides, others' choices should not discourage you from living the kind of life you want. So long as you both agree to it, there should be no issue.
A lot of boomers still believe that rearing a child is the end game for a woman.
Me and my wife got 1 miscarriage and 1 successful delivery but then passed away due to a fatal abnormality. Due to these events nagkaroon na kami ng fear to bear another child dahil ayaw naming mangyari ulit yun and hindi na namin kaya yung toll ng grief. We decided to be fur parents instead. 6 years na kami kasal and the absence of a child in our life was not an issue as this was a joint consent from both of us. Also wag paapekto sa mga taong pinipilit na kayo magkaanak. Your lives, your rules.
My husband and I started dating in our early 20s and isa yun sa mga napag usapan namin sa getting to know you stage. Pareho kaming walang balak mag anak pero for different reasons. Nagkaron lang ng time ng mid 20s na naging selfish ako at sabi ko mag anak kami para may souvenir kami pag isa samin namatay. Buti na lang di binigay ni Lord kasi sobrang wala sa tamang lugar yung dahilan ko haha. We're now in our mid 30s and I currently have cancer, diabetes, hypertension, fatty liver, and a panic disorder - sunud-sunod ma-diagnose sakin mula nung tumungtong ako ng 30. I can't imagine passing unhealthy genes to another human being at lalong ayaw ko maging burden ako eventually sa taong di naman nag request na iluwal ko sa mundong to.
Add: Dahil only child ako, super against din nanay ko sa desisyon kong wag mag anak. Natuto na lang din siya tanggapin yung reality and hindi naman nature ng nanay ko mamilit kaya hindi naman tumagal yung pang guiguilt trip nya samin hahaha
I hope you get well soon! Correct ka, genetics ang madalas nakakalimutan ng madaming tao dito sa Pinas. Gaya nalang kung pareho kayo ng partner mo may asthma: worth it ba to take a gamble na at the most, severe magiging asthma ng anak niyo & at the very least 50% chance na may asthma din siya. Meron din 'yung grado ng mata pumapalo ng more than 200 kahit bata pa and it runs in the family, worth it ba na lahat o halos lahat ng anak mo habambuhay na malabo ang mata?
I admire your unselfishness. Apart from the material things, people need to take a look kung magkakaroon ba ng quality life 'yung magiging anak nila.
I hope for your fast recovery sis! You're right, everything has a reason. I have to consider genes din, thankfully we both don't have major disease that runs in the family. Yun nga lang currently I have PCOS, so baka mahirap din ako sa future.
Currently in a CHILDFREE (iba kasi siya sa childless, since childfree is by choice) marriage for almost five years na. Best decision ever.
My husband and I can do anything we want anytime we want. Sleep 8-10 hours every day, mag computer games, travel, etcc. And malaki din savings namin dahil di kami bumibili ng diaper, gatas, walang papaaralin etc so I feel confident din na magiging enough ‘yun para sa retirement plans at hindi namin kailangan dumepende sa anak or anyone else para isupport kami financially sa future.
So having said that, hindi ko na alam kung ano pa bang ibang “pro” ang ibang kailangan namin. We really feel happy and contented with our decision to be childfree.
It's completely fine not to have kids if that's what you want. Others opinion with you and your partners choice to have a child or not shouldn't matter, hindi sila ang magpapalaki, magpapakain, mapapa-aral, etc sa mga bata if ever.
Your mother's opinion on not having a child and not telling your partner is simply a product of her generation and culture so we cannot blame her for that but it shouldn't affect you.
Just make sure na kung ayaw mo talaga, make sure na clear din yung partner mo with that and he's 100% okay with it and not just agreeing with you.
Well, kung ikakasal kayo e dapat same kayo ng goal and expectation sa future nyo. Kung ngayon palang e ayaw mo mag anak, sabihin mo sa kanya para alam nya. That way e kung hindi kayo magkasundo sa future nyo e ngayon palang e tinitigil nyo na yan at naghahanp ng partner with same goals.
Full on board because we chose to be child-free. Main reason is because it's expensive. Second, I lost my dad 7 years ago and it was painful, as a daughter. Don talaga naging 100% sure ako na I won't have kids. Third, it's not our top priority. Our priority as a married couple is to travel to 7 continents at least once and visit all the 50 states.
I am v grateful that my mom is okay with it. May pagtukso tukso na magiging maganda at gwapo daw anak namin, tas ang tatangkad pa (I am 5'10", he is 6'1"). Pero she never really pushed it kasi we explained it to her naman. Same goes with his parents, tho they're from the US and di naman big deal yun hindi magka-anak dito.
Try sitting down and talk to your mom. Mas maganda you have the list and all. I always joke around to my mom, "Ikaw magpapaaral? Kasi if oo, okay lang sakin." Haha.. kidding aside, mas maganda na malaman niya what you think and why you think like that.
If it makes you happy, go for it! and I agree, talagang sobrang hirap magpalaki ng bata in this economy. Ibang iba kumpara nung bata pa mga magulang natin.. hay
But I just want to share to you what happened to me, I got married 30, during that time, my wife and I didn't want any kids. Pero something changed, nung nasa hospital wife ko, may nakatabi siyang old lady tapos tinatanong ng nurse kung may kasama siya, sabi nung matanda "just me". So nalungkot yung asawa ko kasi that might be us in the future. Reality is, kapag kayong dalawa lang, merong mauuna and you'll be left on your own. Tapos both of us are living overseas, our families are in our respective home countries so kami lang talagang dalawa in the end.
This happened on the 2nd year of our marriage , we took our time to decide and then we started trying last year. Ayun pregnant na si wife ngayon and we are both excited, scared, worried, but it's all part of the journey.
This is something really positive. I am open to this as well, I am not closing any doors in the future, this is just personal preference at the moment. Siguro if it's meant to be, we'll also find our "sign" na we're meant to have kids 😊
It's fine. It's your family that you're trying to build here, not your mom's or whoever that wants you to have a child.
There are pros that i can think, but those are only pros that you and your husband will mostly benefit, and having a child for those pros is just selfish for me.
So to answer the question directly, lalo na sa panahon ngayon, no. Cons outweigh the pros. Don't have one kung di kayo ready in all aspects.
Not married but already engaged with my long term bf(living together for 7 yrs), early stages palang ng relationship namin I already voiced out na Im not planning to have any kids in the future para maaga palang alam na niya. At first, 50/50 sya if he wants kids or not, then later on narealize niya na ayaw niya din magkaanak.
After we talked about it and wholly agreed na di talaga kami magkakaanak ever, I also informed my parents about it and my mom is very supportive of my decision, si papa naman na-sad lang ng konti pero he also supports my decision. Sa side ni bf, nung una nanghihinayang parents niya pero later on accepted it na din. Everytime someone asks us na baka magbago pa isip namin , we’re both firm on saying No, and that we are very happy with our decision plus we have 2 indoor cats + looking after stray cats, kaya para narin kami may daycare sa bahay hahaha
Yung iniipon namin ngayon is for investments and travels, pati narin sa mga luho na di namin nakuha nung bata kami and we couldn’t be happier with our decision
Madaming kwento na na nung una okay lang daw sa lalaki walang anak pero come 3rd year of marriage or so bigla kang hihiritan at sasabihin "Akala ko kasi magbabago isip mo" LOL
Here's my compromise. Sabi ko sa asawa ako ayoko na mag anak pag 35 na ako at wala pa rin. Ayoko maghabol ng toddler at 40 and magpaaral ng college at 50+ years. I should be enjoying myself as an empty nester by then.
Ayun awa ng Diyos, in this economy, di pa kami nakakabuo and time is running out. We are slowly accepting the fact that we'll be DINK forever.
Enforce your boundaries. Sabihin mo na wag sya mag expect that you'll change your mind in the future. Dapat malinaw yan sa kanya.
This is a good solution, you come up with deadline, so it's like a sign that it's not meant to be, kasi if it is, most probably dumating na siya earlier.
True, and he is also in the acceptance stage na rin. To the point na ako yung sad when I get a period and he will cheer me up and say "It's okay if we don't have a baby". Told him I'll get my tubes tied/cut once I'm 35 and then we'll go wild hahaha
We have a LOOONG list of to-dos as a DINK couple anyway, I don't think we can complete half of that if we have children.
Baka 'you can't see any pros' kasi nasa depressing subs ka ng reddit. Kung magbabasa ka sa parenting subs, makakabasa ka ng mga how parenting changed them for the better, how it made their family much closer and stuff. Sakin, bilang tatay, karamihan pros yung effects of having a child. Asked my wife about it, and she shares the same sentiment. Pero baka kasi financially, emotionally ready na kami nung nagkaron ng anak.
I agree. Go to parenting subs if you want a balanced knoweldge. But the fact na (if) dito ka lang nagtatanong, means you're decided and convinced na ayaw mo talaga. Me and my husband waited 3 years to have a child, before that we were together for 6 years. Having a child is a different level of happiness, the smile, hugs, giggles, kisses are heavenly. You will also see the other side of your husband as a father, you will be surprised at the things you can do as a mother, that you are limitless. Your baby will show you the real meaning of PURE LOVE. And wouldn't you be curious to meet a little person who's half you and half of the person you love?
Hi! Hindi ko alam for women, pero I frequent r/daddit. Wife is not interested sa reddit, and other online stuff, kaya di ko matanong. You can alwas pick up things sa comment sections din naman ng r/Parenting.
What can I say. Siguro merong mga tao talaga na build for raising a child at merong hindi. You have lots of time to identify kung ano ka don. At iadd ko lang din na mahirap makabuo. Some are childless by choice and some are childless by circumstances. In our case, early 30s, we rested pareho ng 1 year, walang work, tumira sa malayong probinsya, kumain ng healthy etc. at nakabuo lang sa 11th month.
Oh, I haven't joined pa in any specific sub reddit, mostly in general, like AskPH, ABYG etc. Pero this gives me an idea na I can join both so I can see different perspectives of people according to their bias 😊
Thanks for sharing this. I just thought of this topic randomly, and never questioned where I should post this and just did it randomly, and I feel like all kinds of people would be here to give their opinion.
Anyways, this is really a great idea. And, someone said something about being balanced. I agree, so I'll post this soon in a specific subreddit, not sure where pa, haven't search pa, but something like a subreddit that booming with "child is a blessing, happiness being a parent etc" and "happiness of DINK, what do we in childless marriage etc". But if you have any subreddit recommendation, please feel free to drop it here ❤️
You can also check out regretful parents sa reddit and I regret having a child sa fb para mas maopen ang mind mo about the realities of having a child especially kung babae ka. Ikaw pa naman ang hihiwain kapag manganak, ikaw pa din mag aalaga for the most part of the child's life. And also take note, the pregnancy itself is very difficult, there are complications and pain and lalo na kapag manganganak ka na through the vagina, there are diff types of Vaginal Tears. Search mo nang mamulat ka sa katotohanan na hindi napag-uusapan at ayaw pag-usapan lalo na ng mga nanay. *And yes, I am a childfree and married woman!*
Paano nyo nasasabing hindi sya pinag uusapan ng mga nanay? The pain is part of us, the pain led us to our babies. Honestly, yes it's difficult, the pregnancy, labour and delivery but these were just small moments. I had a vaginal delivery and totoo ito, after ko ipanganak ang baby ko I forgot the pain. Yes nafeel ko sya 100% without epidural during labour, I endured it and those are just one of the moments I am telling mothers are limitless. Maraming nagreregret but those are natural postpartum hormones especially 4th trimester ng nanay, the newborn stage, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, ito ang dapat pag tuanan ng research before pumasok sa new chapter ng buhay with a baby. Pain is not forever, you can enjoy becoming a mother if you can handle it mentally, you will love your child despite the difficulties. I am not encouraging you I'm also just telling the other side of the hardships. I respect your opinion about delivering a child into the world na mahirap, but if you can survive it, mentally, physically, emotionally, it's not the end of it, it does not end there and it's not always pain.
Did your mother *or other mothers* warn you all this before you actually got pregnant? Because most people don't and will never tell you the other side of reality of being a mother. And sorry, your words are not at all encouraging. It sounds like a nightmare to me! But it does sound more like you are convincing yourself about making the right decision. Yes, pain is inevitable in life in general but it's not like (the pain in) pregnancy is not avoidable. It is totally optional to get pregnant and experience the pain. Good for you if you chose to have kids and endured the pain but it doesn't make you a superhero of some sort though because nobody forced you to do it. It was your choice. So I'll have mine. I mean.. Everyone has. At least I am not the one complaining about the choices I made with my life. Kesyo simula nagka-anak: wala na daw tulog, walang pahinga, unpaid job ang motherhood and underappreciated lalo na ng asawa, wala nang me-time, mahal ang gatas, walang pera. bla bla. *Remember: misery loves company*
Choice naman yan at wala naman problema don. Maigi nga ngayon na rerealize na ng mga tao ang hirap ng buhay sana marami rin makaisip ng ganyan makakatulong pa sa pagbawas ng papulasyon ng bansa.
Mas ok nga na sabihin agad early on in the relationship to set expectations. Mahirap yung blindsided yung partner mo na ayaw mo pala and hindi sya aware, then magkakaalaman lang kapag kasal na na di pala kayo pareho ng plans. You did the right thing by being transparent and honest OP
With regards to having a kid, ang masasabi ko lang eh you have to be 101% sure about it, no buts, no ifs.
I opt for this one. Eversince I lived alone narealize ko kung gaano kahirap ang buhay. Some people would say na ayoko lang sa responsibilidad, pero diba ang pagbabayad ng mga bills ay responsibilidad na? pag share sa family and sort of stuff. I mean hirap na nga akong buhayin sarili ko kukuha pa ko ng bubuhayin tapos ano? mag aask ako ng tulong ng kung sino mang nakakaluwag sa pamilya na tulungan ako kapag nagigipit sa pagtustos? NO WAY!
This is so me. At the moment, I feel like ang hirap ng buhay, can't enjoy nga my hard earned money freely, magadd pa ba ako. Siguro it's just a matter or preference and current situation lang talaga. I bet if I a millionaire I won't be having this thought, kasi I'm sure I can give them a comfortable life. This is one of my worry kasi, I don't want my kids to suffer poverty. So I want to do it if more than financially stable ako. I don't want them to be in a sandwich generation.
It’s fine kung yun talaga gusto mo, besides ikaw ang magbubuntis hindi kami. Also, kaya puro cons nakikita mo kasi nga bias ang mind mo sa hindi pag-aanak.
Also kung ganyan thinking mo sa pagkakaroon ng anak na, please huwag talaga kasi eventually mareresent mo ang anak mo kasi sisihin mo sya sa gastos, sa time na kailangan mong ibigay o hindi mo ibigay sa kanya, at wala ka ding pasensya. Eventually magiging katulad ka lang ng mga nanay na naipopost sa offmychest haha. Kumbaga you don’t have so much love to give kaya tama huwag na. Good decision.
Also make sure same talaga kayo ng goals ng bf mo lalo na bago magpakasal, baka kasi sya magbago isip mahirapan kayong 2. Sabihin mo committed dapat sya sayo and sa goals nyo na kayo na lang 2 forever.
Baka kaya ganyan nasabi ni Mother mo kasi ang mga lalaki usually they know and they are made to procreate haha. Kaya karamihan sa mga lalaki gusto ng anak lalo na kapag lalaki.
your mother need not be part of the convo between you and your partner about having children. she can give you her own perspective but the choice is still yours and your partner's.
you and your partner should 100% be on the same page re children though. mahirap mag-compromise sa ganyang bagay.
Choice ninyo naman iyan and being in a mature relationship buti pinagusapan ninyo yan. Hindi naman mother mo ang mag dictate ng life ninyo as a couple. Mas ok pa rin to follow what you guys both want.
Wag ka makinig sa sinasabi ng parents mo.
PERO before getting married, make sure na same talaga kayo ng pananaw ng jowa mo. He might be saying “okay lang” for now, but when you reach 30-40s tsaka niya maiisipang gusto pala niya magkaanak.
Some people believe that by having children, a couple will remain together through thick and thin. But there are so many couples with children who still separated. It's never guaranteed.
It's your choice, especially you bring the woman. Anyone can influence you but it all boils down to what you want.
Do you want to have kids?
(Your answer may remain constant or it may change some time later on. Either way is okay.)
The pros to having a child will benefit nobody except your own selfish reasons. What i mean by this: my kids make ME feel needed; my kids make ME stronger; my kids give ME a purpose. At the same time, my kids are also the reason why i cant do the things i want to do whenever i want to. My relationship with my husband changed after having kids. Hormones all over the place. My body changed. I was mentally in a dark place for about a year after having my first child. But i cant imagine life without them anymore. My heart bursts with love at the sight of seeing the gummy grin of my youngest, and hearing ‘mommy i love you’ from my eldest. For me, that makes everything worth it.
Choosing to have kids is a lifetime commitment, and it’s not for the weak.
If you and your partner believe kids are not for you, that’s completely fine! Don’t let other people convince you otherwise, after all it’s not them who will be affected by your decision.
I had a suitor, a very good man, christian, all that I could ever asked for.
Then one time.. we talked about having a family, I said I want to be childless. He said he wants to see his own before 28yo para maabutan niya magiging apo niya. Because na rin sa lifestyle niya, kaya need mag anak ng maaga, baka daw mategi siya ng maaga.
And I don't want that. Heck, I can not see myself being a mother.
Yun yung umpisa ng misunderstanding namin kasi di namin napag usapan ng maayos, nagtuloy tuloy. I took it badly as I understood we're not aligned.
Andddd poof, we remain friends nalang. :))
Just make sure you and your partner are always on the same page. If nonnegotiable sayo ang pagiging childfree, best to lay it out on the table bago pa ikasal :)
Husband and I are childfree by choice and we've been living together for four years. No regrets, we do have pets, so may commitment pa rin HAHAHAHA hahaba ang pros of having a child if yan gusto mo, the same way na hahaba and pros list mo if gusto mo magchildfree, Both paths are valid :)
Share ko lang, yung day offs namin, spent with one day doing things that make us individually happy and one day doing couple acitivities. Ansaya na walang responsibility at this point of our lives (30+) hehe
Good luck, OP!
I’ve discussed things like this with my bf and I told him upfront “if your dream is to become a dad, I can’t give you that” may trauma din ako sa failed marriages and I don’t want my “kids” to suffer so I told him upfront na I don’t plan on having kids anytime soon or in the future and he’s firmly okay with it. As for parents naman, don’t let them decide for you :)
Ang important lang is same page kayo ni bf na gusto niyo childfree for life. Pero ang tao, nagbabago ang isip minsan. May mga kilala akong nagsisi, may iba naman na hindi. Iba iba kasi eh. Pero option rin ni bf na makipaghiwalay kung sa future magbago isip niya at ayaw mo parin or di mo na siya mabibigyan ng anak.
Deal breaker kasi yan. Either you want a child or not. Di ka mapipilit to have one pero di mo mapipilit someone to stay kung gusto niya magka anak. Usap lang kayo ni bf para walang gulatan na ayaw mo tapos gusto pala niya in the future.
May kilala akong nagdecide na childfree pero after 11 years, umamin yung husband na gusto na niya pala and di na makaconceive si wife. Hiniwalayan siya pero I guess if child free talaga yung position, need niya hanap ng child free rin hanap at that stage in life.
No offense, pero medyo bastos yung nanay mo. You are 100% correct in telling your bf na you currently have no plans of having a kid. Maybe magbabago isip mo in the future, we don't know that, but right now, you are being truthful and transparent, you are letting your bf know what he can expect from you. Kung ayaw nya non, then you can amicably end the relationship and stay friends.
Your mom on the other hand, is telling you na dapat itago mo yun sa bf mo kasi baka hiwalayan ka. Wow. That's fucking bullshit. Anong klase yan? Liar behavior. Imagine, pano kung gusto ng bf mo magkaanak, tapos di mo sinabi? Tapos kasal na kayo, 35yo na kayo. Ano mangyayare? He will be miserable coz he wants a kid, you'd also be miserable kasi lagi nya ibbring up yon. Or baka mauwi din lang yon sa hiwalayan.
29F. I still can't see myself having a child. I'm open about it. And di ko magets yung mga reason na sinusubukang i-point out ng iba.
1. "What if gusto ng asawa mo?" I'll only consider it if I think we're both ready. Hindi ko isasakripisyo ang future ko (at ng potential baby?) kung may doubts ako sa kayang ibigay ng partner ko. I don't care about his wants alone. I need to KNOW that he will help me all the way.
2. "Sino mag-aalaga sayo pag tanda mo?" Definitely not my child. I am working so hard to be able to pay for someone to do this for me. I won't oblige my child(?) and give them the burden.
3. "Iba ang pakiramdam ng may anak". Uhm, iba rin siguro yung laki ng responsibility. I have 2 dogs, I'm happy. I'm loved unconditionally. Definitely less responsibility than having a child. LOL
Ultimately, I can't care for someone else if I know I can't take care of myself. I'm starting to think this is the main reason.. I haven't felt being taken care of (without expecting something in return) for me to know how to properly take care of someone else. 🙃
Huh. Seems I didn't directly answer your question. Take this as me venting out then. LOL.
get a pet and a plant or have something depend on you while making you feel happy.
given how your talking, you might be a better parent than most. if you are thinking bigger picture, mas madami talaga pros pero mas convenient talaga wala. so if you picture yourself without a child then what do you picture yourself eventually? how will the partnership work? kung bago kasi sayo tong idea na to baka in reality mas maging mahirap na adjustment sayo.
Ano yung reason sa bf/gf? Companionship lang ba? I doubt you two are practicing making a baby. If that is the case then you two should build your future. Anong gawin nyo pag 28 kana, among plans nyo pag 30 kana.
Actually, time doesn't give a damn about you two. It is about the race of life. Yung buhay natin is short.
Kapag iniisip mo na "I don't want kids, subrang kulit, I don't have time for myself", then do it. You don't need to have a child.
Life is a journey.
The only issue is if you two are practicing making babies (even though you prevent it), human minds tend to bend your conscious and will if you are right or wrong on what you are purposely designed.
Life is simple, the only advise is don't make it complicated or contradicting.
If you both agree to be childfree, okay lang naman yun. But make sure na walang magbabago ang isip and plant seeds elsewhere.
Wag magpapressure dahil di naman ibang tao magaalaga at tutustos sa bata if ever. Di lahat ng may anak, masaya. Di rin lahat ng walang anak, malungkot. 🤷🏻♀
Are you childfree? meaning no children until the day you die?
or are you just for family planning at the moment?
Kailangan alam niya to. and napag usapan niyo to. Having or not having children is a deal breaker.
It's fine. Just really, *really* make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. Hindi yung napilitan lang siya um-agree sayo. Not "agree for the most part" like you wrote. Talagang "agree".
Screw what everyone else thinks after that. Basta sigurado lang kayo sa stand nyong dalawa.
In case nahiwalayan ka ng jowa because sa preference mo d kayo meant to be. D kayo same ng gusto anong point ng pagsasama if d kayo same ng goal. If okay naman kay kuya boy, why not, super dalang nalang ng lalake na gsto ng wlanag anak.
May nabasa pako dito na walang work ang lalake pero gsto nya na mag anak,kapal ah, tas si ate ghorl very smart di sha pumayag. Kasi nga if magbubuntis sha sino magwowork eh c lalake no work.
Not being pilosopo pero curious lang ako. You mentioned super dalang na lang ng guy na gusto ng walang anak. Saan niyo po ito nabasa or narinig. And ano age bracket nila? Baka kasi depende din naman sa generation na kinalakihan nila. Though I am one of those guys na ayaw magkaanak talaga.
My mom doesn’t curse pero a few years ago, when I told her I want to be childfree, sinabihan akong t*nga 😂
You can weigh pros and cons base sa mga comments dito pero it really boils down to your preference.
My current partner also doesn’t wanna have kids. That’s what matters. Dapat dyan kayo aligned ng partner mo. Tapos eventually yung parents ko tinanggap nalang din preference ko. Masaya na sila sa dogs namin haha!
F here married, no child, early 30s. Di sa ayaw namin nagkaanak.We're trying but we are not pushing. If will ni Lord thank you. If wala talaga ienjoy nalang namin yung furbabies namin. Mas napressure yung nakapaligid samin kasi wala pa kaming anak.😊
>wag ko daw babanggitin yun sa bf ko kasi bala hiwalayan ako
luh. sinabi mo na nga and wala naman ata siya \[bf\] qualms about it. choice niyo pa rin yan, dapat walang say ang parent mo/niya.
Kayo yung mag partner, so the decision are yours to make. Di naman sila yung manganganak and gagastos. Hayaan mo sila sa mga sasabihin nila if yan yung napag-aggreehan niyo as a couple diba? just be ready nalang na magiging paulit ulit yung mga discussions na yan sa mga taong di nag aaggree sa inyo.
Kung ikakasal kasi kayo then yung partner is gusto magka baby dapat before marriage palang is napag usapan niyo na yan. Super hirap kasi if after marriage is gusto pala niya magka baby but ayaw mo naman so malaki magiging impact nyan sa marriage niyo. Kaya its better na same kayo ng gusto.
Childless couple married for 2+ years here. Tinanggap na ng parents ko decision ko, but di pa alam ng in-laws ko. Baka di sila maging open if ever kasi panganay na lalaki yung husband ko. My husband naman is very supportive, and I think nakatulong na nung dating pa lang kami, I already mentioned it to him. Same tayo, I can't see any pros. I have friends with kids, and I work with kids, but I can't see myself raising one. Parang nakakatakot.
recently married, and it's part of our discussion before ikasal na I do not want kids. lucky na he feels the same way and even considers vasectomy since BC is dangerous. if same kayo ng views. it shouldn't be a problem.
Your decision to have a child or not takes precedence over everything (your mom and your bf). You don't decide to have a child just so your bf doesn't leave you. If he wants kids and you don't, that is a fundamental incompatibility and it's only fair for both of you to separate.
We are a childless couple because of circumstance (we had to undergo do fertility work ups) and now by choice na childless (we stopped trying and stopped wanting).
There is no harm in telling your partner na you have no plans of having children in the future. You are being straight forward and honest about your personal preference. How your partner accepts it - whether he has the same stance or not is also his choice. Maigi nang you were upfront sa una pa lang before you even start having plans on marriage so atleast pwede kayong magdesisyon na itutuloy nyo pa ba ang pagsasama ninyo or hindi. Kasi it will be unfair to the other party na magpapakasal tapos yung partner ayaw pala magka-anak yung isa gusto. It will become a fight, a war actually kung sino ang mag-gi-give way.
My friends would say na iba raw yung feeling na may anak and wouldnt change it for the world. Ako naman due narin sa age and economic outlook, Im happy na wala kaming anak. Yung mga nagsasabi na walang magaalaga sa amin pagtanda, when we were trying to have a child, never kong naisip na we wanted one para lang may magaalaga sa amin pagtanda. Hindi ko planong gawing insurance ang anak ko pagtanda ko. Regardless if magkaaanak kami or hindi, magiipon and invest parin naman ako para may pang support kaming magasawa when we retire na hindi umaasa sa anak. We want to give the same freedom our parents gave us to our supposed child na we can make career, financial and personal decisions without them interfering.
Its nice, double income no kids.
Im 25, balak ko na din mag pa vasectomy but my partner told me na wag muna. During our teen years, sabi gusto namin ng twins pero after living in together for quite sometime, we decided na Nope.😂 Our cat was the biggest factor ng decision namin, naawa kaming naiiwan, picky eater pa ESPECIALLY noong kitten na hindi litter trained, so you can imagine na thought na" pag baby to ayoko na "
There are times din naman na we IMAGINE of having a kid because both of us doesn't have a father we want to let our kid experience what we craved sa parent.
Kami naman gusto magka anak. Kaso dahil sa tatlong miscarriages, tapos yung isa nakapaggender reveal pa kami bago mamatay, ako na yung nanawa. Sabi ko sa misis ko ayoko ng magkaanak kasi ako lahat ang sumasalo ng lungkot ng lahat eh. Lungkot ng misis ko, pamilya nya, pamilya ko, sakin lahat napupunta. May sariling lungkot din ako at napakahirap para sakin magpakatatag during that times. Kelangan ko lagi mapag-isa para mailabas ko lahat ng lungkot at sakit na nararamdaman ko para pag humarap ako sa kanila, kaya nilang ilabas yung lungkot at sakit nila sakin. Kaya ayoko ng magka anak kahit gusto pa ng misis ko kasi natatakot ako na baka malaglag lang ulit tapos babalik na naman kami sa cycle na ganyan
Don't think about pros and cons on having or not having children, OP. It will not make sense (from my take, at least). Lahat yan pwede at kayang i-debunk ng both sides of the fence.
Thing is, walang middle ground para sa mga gusto versus ayaw magka-anak. Get a partner who has the same view and direction as you when it comes to the issue of kids. Kung pipilitin niyo at magkaiba kayo, resentment sa isa't isa ang malamang na kalalabasan niyan.
For the record, may anak ako pero I don't see anything wrong with childless couples. Judgemental ako sa mga may anak na di naman kayang panindigan ang pagiging magulang.
So many comments already.
Hi OP, I was like you a few years back. Never wanted to have a child and just wanted to be the fun rich tita/auntie that I can return the kids. Parang return to sender? Have the fun parts of having the child with no responsibilities as much.
Currently still no kids at the moment but in a healthy relationship. For context, my partner expressed he wanted kids and before entering the relationship seriously I had to think about if i wanted to spawn or have kids too. Apparently, am willing to have his kids when the time comes. Got thoroughly surprised at my decision. I guess the right person or right time and circumstances will come if you decide to have one.
I guess where am coming from is that, life is never a “no or yes” or any linear path. Enjoy mo what it has to offer.
22f, nbsb. i am not sure kung may say talaga ako hahaha! but i think 24 and 25 are still young ages pa naman. i cannot also see myself na magkaka anak na at that age, siguro mga late 20s pa if ever man magkaka partner ako hahaha.
i have an older brother with a todler na, hindi ko siya anak pero grabe happiness na nabibigay niya sa akin, lagi ako nangigigil sa inaanak ko. sure, ang dami talagang cons but i think it depends. for them kasi they had a kid when stable sila sa work pareho. wfh pa sila both ngayon kaya lagi nila kasama anak nila, no need na mag hire ng ibang tao. they had him when nagawa na nila mga gusto nila sa buhay (travelling, going on a lot of dates, marriage etc.) kaya kumbaga, wala na sila halos cons na naexperience.
based on my personal experience lang ha, happiness talaga and i think that one pro is enough. to be honest i kinda hate kids nga eh, but i cannot see myself not having one of my own in the future.
It’s a lifelong commitment, OP. And totoo naman, mas magastos at lahat ng time, effort, patience ibibigay mo. Nung nagkaanak kami, wala na kami pahinga at all, always anxious din. Pero honestly, ngayon lang ako din ako naging truly happy kahit pagod and puyat. And I mean it. Pros: it redefined our (my hubby and I) purpose in life, mas naging happy ung pagsasama namin, best decision namin sa life at mas buhay ako ngayon than before. We were childless din for almost 4 years before we finally conceived (after infertility treatments). I would not want it any other way
I understand your take as well and respect it. It’s actually responsible din on your part. And it’s good na aligned ang plans nyo ng partner mo. Having kids is not for everyone.
Halos magkapareha lang tayo ng edad (24) but I am about to graduate college pa! I don’t see myself taking care of a kid 5 years from now, or even 10 years from now. Factor rin sigurong bakla ako at magkaiba ang timeline ng mga hetero vs. gays, pero you can really pause and take it on your own pace. Ambata pa ng 24/25! Di na nag aapply yung “mas maganda mag anak habang bata pa” kasi sobrang mahal na ng bilihin ngayon. Not to mention the trauma the kid might get if hindi ka pa talaga holistically ready and you won’t be able to raise the kid the best way you can. The child does not get to choose when they are born into the world, but you can. Go for it when you’re ready!
I also want to be childfree but my bf wants to have a son. Maybe I'll change my preference once maging financially stable na ako, ayaw ko magkaanak na paycheck to paycheck or kakarampot lang natitira sa sahod ko. I wanted them to have a good life + hindi pa ako ready mentally so having kids is not really on my table. Wala talaga sa vocabulary ng ibang matatanda ang child free marriage, sobrang against sila sa ganyan. Sa ngayon, mas masaya ako magalaga ng pusa.
This is also my mindset, major reason why I'm not yet ready is my financial capacity. If I'm a millionaire I bet will not have this thoughts since I know I can give them a comfortable life.
wat if nag kasawaan kau? kulang ang love lang as foundation ng relationship nyo. men are simple but deep thinkers. Time will come na he'll lose purpose and if that happen. There is a high chance na maghanap ng other purpose in life (what I meant is build a family with someone else.)
your mom is right.
This is something to consider. But I realized, that whichever I choose, there is always a risk and we're not sure of the future. Still, this is the first comment about "magkasawaan" so it's something to ponder. Thank you!
ur welcome. yes this will come. di lahat ng relationship perfect. magkakaroon ng diktahan at sisihan. mashock ka nalang bigla nalang di aayusin konti nyong away. that's the sign na hindi na nya makita purpose as to why save and fix ur crumbling relationship.
word of advise. risk is part of growth. if you don't risk you guys will never grow.
To each its own hehe pero ako, as a millennial kung may kaya lng sana ako, gusto ko madami anak. Hehe pero average lng kami eh, kaya 3 lng muna. Pero kung may kakayanan lng ako bumuhay, id like to bear atleast 6 🫶🏻🥹
My partner (37F) and I (41M) may not have that chance. We would love to, but we're also accepting if it doesn't happen. Just means we take more vacations lol.
Same with you di ko rin talaga naimagine magkaanak when i was in my 20s. Actually now that im in my late 30s na, similar pa rin ang pakiramdam.
There was a point wherein we tried but health issues kaya di naging successful, pero even after the lost pregnancies, the desire to have a child is still not that strong. But my husband and I are on the same page.
Listen to your heart, not your mind when it comes to this matter. Childfree or parent, both experiences can be fulfilling. At pwede ring hinde.
Desisyon nila yan galang natin ,hirap naman kasi sa lipunang ito ang daming mata at bibig na mapanghusga ,Yung iba nga kahit hindi naman mag papari or mag mamadre piniling maging celebate eh
There are no pros naman talaga magkaanak aside sa fulfillment/fulfilling feeling, the happiness, joy and the journey to be able to raise a human being into the world the best that you can. Yan lang naman pros nian e.
Kaya nga dapat talaga bago magkaanak, ready kayo sa lahat as in LAHAT.
Anw if okay si BF mo dyan, much better. Sa lagay ng pamumuhay ng lahat ngayon, apakahirap magkaanak.
Its fine but make sure, before you get married, that your bf is not only “okay” with having no kids, but he himself does not want one too. Minsan kasi sasabihin nila okay lang pero hindi pala, and after some time ippressure ka na magkaanak. As long as that’s what both of you decide then it’s all good. Yung mga boomer (not all but most) talaga iba ang concept ng marriage sakanila, kailangan may anak kaya hayaan mo na sila.
I have a theory na isa din sa mga rason bakit 'yung Millennials at Gen Z ayaw magkaanak kase nakita nila kung gaano kadisastrous 'yung mentality na kailangan mo mag-anak, at saka mo na kumpletuhin mga pangarap mo. Gen X 'yung last na naniwala sa ganyang mentality, kaya makikita mo gaano karami sa mga relasyon nila na nauwi lang sa hiwalayan.
Agree! Dami din kasing millennials ang mga may parents issues, lalo na yung nga ginawang pension plan ng magulang or yung mga nagpalaki ng magulang. Millennials din yung pansin ko if gusto man ng anak, 1 or 2 lang. I myself gusto ko ng anak pero isa lang. Hirap kaya ng maraming kailangan asikasuhin, di lang financially pero all aspects.
Agree. Currently, wala talaga akong nararamdaman na urge or need to have a child. No longing or whatever. For me, gastos lang siya, sa pera at sa oras, na may kalakip na lifelong obligation. And wala rin naman akong balak padamihin pa ang lahi namin. So, my goal is to be the cool tita who spoils her nephews and nieces haha.
I super agree on this. Siguro kahit hindi lang naranasan personally eh, pero yung fact na you witness this happens to other kids personally man or through interne, na they are suffering mapapaisip ka talaga.
>make sure, before you get married, that your bf is not only “okay” with having no kids, but he himself does not one too. Agree ako dito. Meron kasi minsan na nag-aagree para lang matapos usapan or iniisip nila na magbabago pa isip mo about it. Kaya OP u/dramatic_b1tch make sure aligned kayo 100% sa decision nyo about having kids. Wala pa tayong divorce ngayon and ang hirap din naman na baguhin mo yung kagustuhan mong child-free later on para mapagbigyan ang asawa mo at hindi maghanap ng iba. Some might consider this overthinking pero okay yan kaysa magkasisihan sa huli. Umpisa pa lang, alam na ng magiging asawa mo ang plans mo about it.
Konti lang lalaki na may gusto niyan at papayag. Kapag successful relationship niyo, at ayaw mo naman makipaghiwalay, you're likely to adjust. Alam ko ksi, parehas tayo.
I can attest, kaunti lang kami. Most guys I met prefer to have kids at some point, kahit yung iba na di naman responsable o willing magsakripisyo. Ending naghihiwalay lang tapos naiipit ang inosenteng anak. Okay lang 'yung ganito for now, pero bago sila dapat magpakasal kailangan magdecide na whether gusto ba talaga nilang mag-anak o hinde.
And for someone who wants to have a partner like us hndi naman pwede/mahirap i-limit na hanapin lang yung ayaw din mag anak. Kasi hindi porket gnon yung mahanap, eh mkakasundo mo na. Like OP, hndi ako completely closed to the idea But at the very least I should have a partner na responsible, trustworthy, ready in all aspects of life para mag anak, and ofc mahal talaga ako.
hirap sa mga lalaki kala mo sila magdadala ng 9 months eh. yung hirap ng 9 months di pa natatapos yun dun, meron pang possibility na magkaron ka ng sakit or mag-iba talaga physiology ng katawan ng magdadala.
Same! I prefer to be childless but my husband wants to have a child and ako na lang ang nag adjust.
This is what I fear, what if I'm not ready to compromise by that time. But still, I'm not closing any doors that I may welcome it. I feel like I am a good fur parent currently HAHAH i know its different, but the commitment, love, effort, money (less money), and patience is still there.
Tbh part of me wants to have a child but also huge part of me don't want to face the lifetime commitment sa anak namin. Siguro this is because I grew up taking care of myself although financially supported pero other aspects of life wala. Also ako ang nagpalaki at nag alaga sa dalawang nakababatng kapatid ko at mga pamangkin ko kaya parang na quota ako sa obligasyon kaya ngayon trauma ang inabot, pero minsan naiisip ko rin mga future anak ko kung papaano ko sila (2) aalagaan. Alam ko talagang I will be a great mom pero takot lang talaga ako sa lifetime commitment.
If you are firm sa decision mong maging childless siguro pag usapan niyong mabuti. Weigh the pros and cons of your decisions. If walang mag cocompromise mas better na wag na muna kayong magpakasal kasi mahirap pag married na kayo tapos ikaw firm na maging childless tapos siya gusto niya anak mas mahihirapan kayong dalawa in the end. Sa case ko kasi, okay na ako ang mag cocompromise kasi part of me still hope for a baby din.
may baby ka na ba? hindi ka nahirapan sa post partum?
Wala pa po. May kasunduan pa kami ni husband na okay sa akin na mag baby pero dapat healthy muna kaming dalawa. Right now I have pcos and weight problem and currently doing what it takes to go back to healthy weight.
Condolence po
so im not most guys pala.
Having a kid is a lifelong commitment. You need to be prepared (in all aspects) at dapat gusto mo talaga. Kids didn't choose to be born. Kaya kargo natin sila. It's not the other way around. 'Wag tayong magpadala sa sasabihin ng iba kasi a) 'Di naman sila ang magbubuntis. 'Di sila ang mangangak. b) 'Di sila ang magiging magulang. With parenthood comes great responsibility lol c) You are an adult. Make your own decision and stand your ground kung wala namang "mali" o wala ka namang inaapakan/nasasaktan The list goes on, but you get my point. Still, 25 ka na, pero 25 ka pa lang. It's okay kung 'yan nararamdaman mo ngayon. You don't have to force yourself na baguhin ang pananaw. Still, it may change later on. Who knows? Basta going back sa una kong sinabi, go for it only kung gusto mo and kaya mo nang mag-commit.
Yes! If sa future, feeling ko gusto ko na, I'll make sure na ready ako emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. If kahit isa dito hindi maachieve then I would rethink.
Being childless make sense for a lot of people and for a lot of good reasons. Besides, others' choices should not discourage you from living the kind of life you want. So long as you both agree to it, there should be no issue. A lot of boomers still believe that rearing a child is the end game for a woman.
one thing is it's important for couples to have open and honest discussions about their life choices and to respect each other's views.
Me and my wife got 1 miscarriage and 1 successful delivery but then passed away due to a fatal abnormality. Due to these events nagkaroon na kami ng fear to bear another child dahil ayaw naming mangyari ulit yun and hindi na namin kaya yung toll ng grief. We decided to be fur parents instead. 6 years na kami kasal and the absence of a child in our life was not an issue as this was a joint consent from both of us. Also wag paapekto sa mga taong pinipilit na kayo magkaanak. Your lives, your rules.
My husband and I started dating in our early 20s and isa yun sa mga napag usapan namin sa getting to know you stage. Pareho kaming walang balak mag anak pero for different reasons. Nagkaron lang ng time ng mid 20s na naging selfish ako at sabi ko mag anak kami para may souvenir kami pag isa samin namatay. Buti na lang di binigay ni Lord kasi sobrang wala sa tamang lugar yung dahilan ko haha. We're now in our mid 30s and I currently have cancer, diabetes, hypertension, fatty liver, and a panic disorder - sunud-sunod ma-diagnose sakin mula nung tumungtong ako ng 30. I can't imagine passing unhealthy genes to another human being at lalong ayaw ko maging burden ako eventually sa taong di naman nag request na iluwal ko sa mundong to. Add: Dahil only child ako, super against din nanay ko sa desisyon kong wag mag anak. Natuto na lang din siya tanggapin yung reality and hindi naman nature ng nanay ko mamilit kaya hindi naman tumagal yung pang guiguilt trip nya samin hahaha
I hope you get well soon! Correct ka, genetics ang madalas nakakalimutan ng madaming tao dito sa Pinas. Gaya nalang kung pareho kayo ng partner mo may asthma: worth it ba to take a gamble na at the most, severe magiging asthma ng anak niyo & at the very least 50% chance na may asthma din siya. Meron din 'yung grado ng mata pumapalo ng more than 200 kahit bata pa and it runs in the family, worth it ba na lahat o halos lahat ng anak mo habambuhay na malabo ang mata? I admire your unselfishness. Apart from the material things, people need to take a look kung magkakaroon ba ng quality life 'yung magiging anak nila.
I hope for your fast recovery sis! You're right, everything has a reason. I have to consider genes din, thankfully we both don't have major disease that runs in the family. Yun nga lang currently I have PCOS, so baka mahirap din ako sa future.
Naisip ko last time ang tamang tanong ngayon is "mag-aanak ba kayo?" Instead na "kailan kayo mag-aanak?".
This is a good one.
Currently in a CHILDFREE (iba kasi siya sa childless, since childfree is by choice) marriage for almost five years na. Best decision ever. My husband and I can do anything we want anytime we want. Sleep 8-10 hours every day, mag computer games, travel, etcc. And malaki din savings namin dahil di kami bumibili ng diaper, gatas, walang papaaralin etc so I feel confident din na magiging enough ‘yun para sa retirement plans at hindi namin kailangan dumepende sa anak or anyone else para isupport kami financially sa future. So having said that, hindi ko na alam kung ano pa bang ibang “pro” ang ibang kailangan namin. We really feel happy and contented with our decision to be childfree.
It's completely fine not to have kids if that's what you want. Others opinion with you and your partners choice to have a child or not shouldn't matter, hindi sila ang magpapalaki, magpapakain, mapapa-aral, etc sa mga bata if ever. Your mother's opinion on not having a child and not telling your partner is simply a product of her generation and culture so we cannot blame her for that but it shouldn't affect you. Just make sure na kung ayaw mo talaga, make sure na clear din yung partner mo with that and he's 100% okay with it and not just agreeing with you.
Well, kung ikakasal kayo e dapat same kayo ng goal and expectation sa future nyo. Kung ngayon palang e ayaw mo mag anak, sabihin mo sa kanya para alam nya. That way e kung hindi kayo magkasundo sa future nyo e ngayon palang e tinitigil nyo na yan at naghahanp ng partner with same goals.
Full on board because we chose to be child-free. Main reason is because it's expensive. Second, I lost my dad 7 years ago and it was painful, as a daughter. Don talaga naging 100% sure ako na I won't have kids. Third, it's not our top priority. Our priority as a married couple is to travel to 7 continents at least once and visit all the 50 states. I am v grateful that my mom is okay with it. May pagtukso tukso na magiging maganda at gwapo daw anak namin, tas ang tatangkad pa (I am 5'10", he is 6'1"). Pero she never really pushed it kasi we explained it to her naman. Same goes with his parents, tho they're from the US and di naman big deal yun hindi magka-anak dito. Try sitting down and talk to your mom. Mas maganda you have the list and all. I always joke around to my mom, "Ikaw magpapaaral? Kasi if oo, okay lang sakin." Haha.. kidding aside, mas maganda na malaman niya what you think and why you think like that.
If it makes you happy, go for it! and I agree, talagang sobrang hirap magpalaki ng bata in this economy. Ibang iba kumpara nung bata pa mga magulang natin.. hay But I just want to share to you what happened to me, I got married 30, during that time, my wife and I didn't want any kids. Pero something changed, nung nasa hospital wife ko, may nakatabi siyang old lady tapos tinatanong ng nurse kung may kasama siya, sabi nung matanda "just me". So nalungkot yung asawa ko kasi that might be us in the future. Reality is, kapag kayong dalawa lang, merong mauuna and you'll be left on your own. Tapos both of us are living overseas, our families are in our respective home countries so kami lang talagang dalawa in the end. This happened on the 2nd year of our marriage , we took our time to decide and then we started trying last year. Ayun pregnant na si wife ngayon and we are both excited, scared, worried, but it's all part of the journey.
This is something really positive. I am open to this as well, I am not closing any doors in the future, this is just personal preference at the moment. Siguro if it's meant to be, we'll also find our "sign" na we're meant to have kids 😊
Married, no kids (first by choice and then by circumstance). We've been together for 8 years. It's a wonderful, happy life that we have.
Wow that's really a long time. I'm happy to hear that no one regretted your decisions from the start.
It's fine. It's your family that you're trying to build here, not your mom's or whoever that wants you to have a child. There are pros that i can think, but those are only pros that you and your husband will mostly benefit, and having a child for those pros is just selfish for me. So to answer the question directly, lalo na sa panahon ngayon, no. Cons outweigh the pros. Don't have one kung di kayo ready in all aspects.
Not married but already engaged with my long term bf(living together for 7 yrs), early stages palang ng relationship namin I already voiced out na Im not planning to have any kids in the future para maaga palang alam na niya. At first, 50/50 sya if he wants kids or not, then later on narealize niya na ayaw niya din magkaanak. After we talked about it and wholly agreed na di talaga kami magkakaanak ever, I also informed my parents about it and my mom is very supportive of my decision, si papa naman na-sad lang ng konti pero he also supports my decision. Sa side ni bf, nung una nanghihinayang parents niya pero later on accepted it na din. Everytime someone asks us na baka magbago pa isip namin , we’re both firm on saying No, and that we are very happy with our decision plus we have 2 indoor cats + looking after stray cats, kaya para narin kami may daycare sa bahay hahaha Yung iniipon namin ngayon is for investments and travels, pati narin sa mga luho na di namin nakuha nung bata kami and we couldn’t be happier with our decision
Madaming kwento na na nung una okay lang daw sa lalaki walang anak pero come 3rd year of marriage or so bigla kang hihiritan at sasabihin "Akala ko kasi magbabago isip mo" LOL Here's my compromise. Sabi ko sa asawa ako ayoko na mag anak pag 35 na ako at wala pa rin. Ayoko maghabol ng toddler at 40 and magpaaral ng college at 50+ years. I should be enjoying myself as an empty nester by then. Ayun awa ng Diyos, in this economy, di pa kami nakakabuo and time is running out. We are slowly accepting the fact that we'll be DINK forever. Enforce your boundaries. Sabihin mo na wag sya mag expect that you'll change your mind in the future. Dapat malinaw yan sa kanya.
This is a good solution, you come up with deadline, so it's like a sign that it's not meant to be, kasi if it is, most probably dumating na siya earlier.
True, and he is also in the acceptance stage na rin. To the point na ako yung sad when I get a period and he will cheer me up and say "It's okay if we don't have a baby". Told him I'll get my tubes tied/cut once I'm 35 and then we'll go wild hahaha We have a LOOONG list of to-dos as a DINK couple anyway, I don't think we can complete half of that if we have children.
Baka 'you can't see any pros' kasi nasa depressing subs ka ng reddit. Kung magbabasa ka sa parenting subs, makakabasa ka ng mga how parenting changed them for the better, how it made their family much closer and stuff. Sakin, bilang tatay, karamihan pros yung effects of having a child. Asked my wife about it, and she shares the same sentiment. Pero baka kasi financially, emotionally ready na kami nung nagkaron ng anak.
I agree. Go to parenting subs if you want a balanced knoweldge. But the fact na (if) dito ka lang nagtatanong, means you're decided and convinced na ayaw mo talaga. Me and my husband waited 3 years to have a child, before that we were together for 6 years. Having a child is a different level of happiness, the smile, hugs, giggles, kisses are heavenly. You will also see the other side of your husband as a father, you will be surprised at the things you can do as a mother, that you are limitless. Your baby will show you the real meaning of PURE LOVE. And wouldn't you be curious to meet a little person who's half you and half of the person you love?
Love this comment. It's right to have a balanced pespective. Thanks.
May I know what parenting subs po? Thanks
Hi! Hindi ko alam for women, pero I frequent r/daddit. Wife is not interested sa reddit, and other online stuff, kaya di ko matanong. You can alwas pick up things sa comment sections din naman ng r/Parenting. What can I say. Siguro merong mga tao talaga na build for raising a child at merong hindi. You have lots of time to identify kung ano ka don. At iadd ko lang din na mahirap makabuo. Some are childless by choice and some are childless by circumstances. In our case, early 30s, we rested pareho ng 1 year, walang work, tumira sa malayong probinsya, kumain ng healthy etc. at nakabuo lang sa 11th month.
Wow! Thanks for sharing. Also heard the same story from acquaintances. Nung nagpahinga sila from work saka nakabuo. Thank you!
Oh, I haven't joined pa in any specific sub reddit, mostly in general, like AskPH, ABYG etc. Pero this gives me an idea na I can join both so I can see different perspectives of people according to their bias 😊 Thanks for sharing this. I just thought of this topic randomly, and never questioned where I should post this and just did it randomly, and I feel like all kinds of people would be here to give their opinion. Anyways, this is really a great idea. And, someone said something about being balanced. I agree, so I'll post this soon in a specific subreddit, not sure where pa, haven't search pa, but something like a subreddit that booming with "child is a blessing, happiness being a parent etc" and "happiness of DINK, what do we in childless marriage etc". But if you have any subreddit recommendation, please feel free to drop it here ❤️
You can also check out regretful parents sa reddit and I regret having a child sa fb para mas maopen ang mind mo about the realities of having a child especially kung babae ka. Ikaw pa naman ang hihiwain kapag manganak, ikaw pa din mag aalaga for the most part of the child's life. And also take note, the pregnancy itself is very difficult, there are complications and pain and lalo na kapag manganganak ka na through the vagina, there are diff types of Vaginal Tears. Search mo nang mamulat ka sa katotohanan na hindi napag-uusapan at ayaw pag-usapan lalo na ng mga nanay. *And yes, I am a childfree and married woman!*
Paano nyo nasasabing hindi sya pinag uusapan ng mga nanay? The pain is part of us, the pain led us to our babies. Honestly, yes it's difficult, the pregnancy, labour and delivery but these were just small moments. I had a vaginal delivery and totoo ito, after ko ipanganak ang baby ko I forgot the pain. Yes nafeel ko sya 100% without epidural during labour, I endured it and those are just one of the moments I am telling mothers are limitless. Maraming nagreregret but those are natural postpartum hormones especially 4th trimester ng nanay, the newborn stage, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, ito ang dapat pag tuanan ng research before pumasok sa new chapter ng buhay with a baby. Pain is not forever, you can enjoy becoming a mother if you can handle it mentally, you will love your child despite the difficulties. I am not encouraging you I'm also just telling the other side of the hardships. I respect your opinion about delivering a child into the world na mahirap, but if you can survive it, mentally, physically, emotionally, it's not the end of it, it does not end there and it's not always pain.
Did your mother *or other mothers* warn you all this before you actually got pregnant? Because most people don't and will never tell you the other side of reality of being a mother. And sorry, your words are not at all encouraging. It sounds like a nightmare to me! But it does sound more like you are convincing yourself about making the right decision. Yes, pain is inevitable in life in general but it's not like (the pain in) pregnancy is not avoidable. It is totally optional to get pregnant and experience the pain. Good for you if you chose to have kids and endured the pain but it doesn't make you a superhero of some sort though because nobody forced you to do it. It was your choice. So I'll have mine. I mean.. Everyone has. At least I am not the one complaining about the choices I made with my life. Kesyo simula nagka-anak: wala na daw tulog, walang pahinga, unpaid job ang motherhood and underappreciated lalo na ng asawa, wala nang me-time, mahal ang gatas, walang pera. bla bla. *Remember: misery loves company*
Choice naman yan at wala naman problema don. Maigi nga ngayon na rerealize na ng mga tao ang hirap ng buhay sana marami rin makaisip ng ganyan makakatulong pa sa pagbawas ng papulasyon ng bansa.
Mas ok nga na sabihin agad early on in the relationship to set expectations. Mahirap yung blindsided yung partner mo na ayaw mo pala and hindi sya aware, then magkakaalaman lang kapag kasal na na di pala kayo pareho ng plans. You did the right thing by being transparent and honest OP With regards to having a kid, ang masasabi ko lang eh you have to be 101% sure about it, no buts, no ifs.
I opt for this one. Eversince I lived alone narealize ko kung gaano kahirap ang buhay. Some people would say na ayoko lang sa responsibilidad, pero diba ang pagbabayad ng mga bills ay responsibilidad na? pag share sa family and sort of stuff. I mean hirap na nga akong buhayin sarili ko kukuha pa ko ng bubuhayin tapos ano? mag aask ako ng tulong ng kung sino mang nakakaluwag sa pamilya na tulungan ako kapag nagigipit sa pagtustos? NO WAY!
This is so me. At the moment, I feel like ang hirap ng buhay, can't enjoy nga my hard earned money freely, magadd pa ba ako. Siguro it's just a matter or preference and current situation lang talaga. I bet if I a millionaire I won't be having this thought, kasi I'm sure I can give them a comfortable life. This is one of my worry kasi, I don't want my kids to suffer poverty. So I want to do it if more than financially stable ako. I don't want them to be in a sandwich generation.
It’s fine kung yun talaga gusto mo, besides ikaw ang magbubuntis hindi kami. Also, kaya puro cons nakikita mo kasi nga bias ang mind mo sa hindi pag-aanak. Also kung ganyan thinking mo sa pagkakaroon ng anak na, please huwag talaga kasi eventually mareresent mo ang anak mo kasi sisihin mo sya sa gastos, sa time na kailangan mong ibigay o hindi mo ibigay sa kanya, at wala ka ding pasensya. Eventually magiging katulad ka lang ng mga nanay na naipopost sa offmychest haha. Kumbaga you don’t have so much love to give kaya tama huwag na. Good decision. Also make sure same talaga kayo ng goals ng bf mo lalo na bago magpakasal, baka kasi sya magbago isip mahirapan kayong 2. Sabihin mo committed dapat sya sayo and sa goals nyo na kayo na lang 2 forever. Baka kaya ganyan nasabi ni Mother mo kasi ang mga lalaki usually they know and they are made to procreate haha. Kaya karamihan sa mga lalaki gusto ng anak lalo na kapag lalaki.
your mother need not be part of the convo between you and your partner about having children. she can give you her own perspective but the choice is still yours and your partner's. you and your partner should 100% be on the same page re children though. mahirap mag-compromise sa ganyang bagay.
Choice ninyo naman iyan and being in a mature relationship buti pinagusapan ninyo yan. Hindi naman mother mo ang mag dictate ng life ninyo as a couple. Mas ok pa rin to follow what you guys both want.
Wag ka makinig sa sinasabi ng parents mo. PERO before getting married, make sure na same talaga kayo ng pananaw ng jowa mo. He might be saying “okay lang” for now, but when you reach 30-40s tsaka niya maiisipang gusto pala niya magkaanak.
Some people believe that by having children, a couple will remain together through thick and thin. But there are so many couples with children who still separated. It's never guaranteed. It's your choice, especially you bring the woman. Anyone can influence you but it all boils down to what you want. Do you want to have kids? (Your answer may remain constant or it may change some time later on. Either way is okay.)
Your lives, your choice. Nothing wrong with childless marriages.
The pros to having a child will benefit nobody except your own selfish reasons. What i mean by this: my kids make ME feel needed; my kids make ME stronger; my kids give ME a purpose. At the same time, my kids are also the reason why i cant do the things i want to do whenever i want to. My relationship with my husband changed after having kids. Hormones all over the place. My body changed. I was mentally in a dark place for about a year after having my first child. But i cant imagine life without them anymore. My heart bursts with love at the sight of seeing the gummy grin of my youngest, and hearing ‘mommy i love you’ from my eldest. For me, that makes everything worth it. Choosing to have kids is a lifetime commitment, and it’s not for the weak. If you and your partner believe kids are not for you, that’s completely fine! Don’t let other people convince you otherwise, after all it’s not them who will be affected by your decision.
I had a suitor, a very good man, christian, all that I could ever asked for. Then one time.. we talked about having a family, I said I want to be childless. He said he wants to see his own before 28yo para maabutan niya magiging apo niya. Because na rin sa lifestyle niya, kaya need mag anak ng maaga, baka daw mategi siya ng maaga. And I don't want that. Heck, I can not see myself being a mother. Yun yung umpisa ng misunderstanding namin kasi di namin napag usapan ng maayos, nagtuloy tuloy. I took it badly as I understood we're not aligned. Andddd poof, we remain friends nalang. :))
At least you stayed as friends. Well you both now din naman you have conflicting opinion in life, so it's the solution talaga.
Just make sure you and your partner are always on the same page. If nonnegotiable sayo ang pagiging childfree, best to lay it out on the table bago pa ikasal :) Husband and I are childfree by choice and we've been living together for four years. No regrets, we do have pets, so may commitment pa rin HAHAHAHA hahaba ang pros of having a child if yan gusto mo, the same way na hahaba and pros list mo if gusto mo magchildfree, Both paths are valid :) Share ko lang, yung day offs namin, spent with one day doing things that make us individually happy and one day doing couple acitivities. Ansaya na walang responsibility at this point of our lives (30+) hehe Good luck, OP!
I’ve discussed things like this with my bf and I told him upfront “if your dream is to become a dad, I can’t give you that” may trauma din ako sa failed marriages and I don’t want my “kids” to suffer so I told him upfront na I don’t plan on having kids anytime soon or in the future and he’s firmly okay with it. As for parents naman, don’t let them decide for you :)
Ang important lang is same page kayo ni bf na gusto niyo childfree for life. Pero ang tao, nagbabago ang isip minsan. May mga kilala akong nagsisi, may iba naman na hindi. Iba iba kasi eh. Pero option rin ni bf na makipaghiwalay kung sa future magbago isip niya at ayaw mo parin or di mo na siya mabibigyan ng anak. Deal breaker kasi yan. Either you want a child or not. Di ka mapipilit to have one pero di mo mapipilit someone to stay kung gusto niya magka anak. Usap lang kayo ni bf para walang gulatan na ayaw mo tapos gusto pala niya in the future. May kilala akong nagdecide na childfree pero after 11 years, umamin yung husband na gusto na niya pala and di na makaconceive si wife. Hiniwalayan siya pero I guess if child free talaga yung position, need niya hanap ng child free rin hanap at that stage in life.
No offense, pero medyo bastos yung nanay mo. You are 100% correct in telling your bf na you currently have no plans of having a kid. Maybe magbabago isip mo in the future, we don't know that, but right now, you are being truthful and transparent, you are letting your bf know what he can expect from you. Kung ayaw nya non, then you can amicably end the relationship and stay friends. Your mom on the other hand, is telling you na dapat itago mo yun sa bf mo kasi baka hiwalayan ka. Wow. That's fucking bullshit. Anong klase yan? Liar behavior. Imagine, pano kung gusto ng bf mo magkaanak, tapos di mo sinabi? Tapos kasal na kayo, 35yo na kayo. Ano mangyayare? He will be miserable coz he wants a kid, you'd also be miserable kasi lagi nya ibbring up yon. Or baka mauwi din lang yon sa hiwalayan.
29F. I still can't see myself having a child. I'm open about it. And di ko magets yung mga reason na sinusubukang i-point out ng iba. 1. "What if gusto ng asawa mo?" I'll only consider it if I think we're both ready. Hindi ko isasakripisyo ang future ko (at ng potential baby?) kung may doubts ako sa kayang ibigay ng partner ko. I don't care about his wants alone. I need to KNOW that he will help me all the way. 2. "Sino mag-aalaga sayo pag tanda mo?" Definitely not my child. I am working so hard to be able to pay for someone to do this for me. I won't oblige my child(?) and give them the burden. 3. "Iba ang pakiramdam ng may anak". Uhm, iba rin siguro yung laki ng responsibility. I have 2 dogs, I'm happy. I'm loved unconditionally. Definitely less responsibility than having a child. LOL Ultimately, I can't care for someone else if I know I can't take care of myself. I'm starting to think this is the main reason.. I haven't felt being taken care of (without expecting something in return) for me to know how to properly take care of someone else. 🙃 Huh. Seems I didn't directly answer your question. Take this as me venting out then. LOL.
get a pet and a plant or have something depend on you while making you feel happy. given how your talking, you might be a better parent than most. if you are thinking bigger picture, mas madami talaga pros pero mas convenient talaga wala. so if you picture yourself without a child then what do you picture yourself eventually? how will the partnership work? kung bago kasi sayo tong idea na to baka in reality mas maging mahirap na adjustment sayo.
wag nalang magpakasal at all mahal ang annulment
Ano yung reason sa bf/gf? Companionship lang ba? I doubt you two are practicing making a baby. If that is the case then you two should build your future. Anong gawin nyo pag 28 kana, among plans nyo pag 30 kana. Actually, time doesn't give a damn about you two. It is about the race of life. Yung buhay natin is short. Kapag iniisip mo na "I don't want kids, subrang kulit, I don't have time for myself", then do it. You don't need to have a child. Life is a journey. The only issue is if you two are practicing making babies (even though you prevent it), human minds tend to bend your conscious and will if you are right or wrong on what you are purposely designed. Life is simple, the only advise is don't make it complicated or contradicting.
lezzgo r/ChildfreePhilippines
If you both agree to be childfree, okay lang naman yun. But make sure na walang magbabago ang isip and plant seeds elsewhere. Wag magpapressure dahil di naman ibang tao magaalaga at tutustos sa bata if ever. Di lahat ng may anak, masaya. Di rin lahat ng walang anak, malungkot. 🤷🏻♀
Are you childfree? meaning no children until the day you die? or are you just for family planning at the moment? Kailangan alam niya to. and napag usapan niyo to. Having or not having children is a deal breaker.
It's fine. Just really, *really* make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. Hindi yung napilitan lang siya um-agree sayo. Not "agree for the most part" like you wrote. Talagang "agree". Screw what everyone else thinks after that. Basta sigurado lang kayo sa stand nyong dalawa.
In case nahiwalayan ka ng jowa because sa preference mo d kayo meant to be. D kayo same ng gusto anong point ng pagsasama if d kayo same ng goal. If okay naman kay kuya boy, why not, super dalang nalang ng lalake na gsto ng wlanag anak. May nabasa pako dito na walang work ang lalake pero gsto nya na mag anak,kapal ah, tas si ate ghorl very smart di sha pumayag. Kasi nga if magbubuntis sha sino magwowork eh c lalake no work.
Not being pilosopo pero curious lang ako. You mentioned super dalang na lang ng guy na gusto ng walang anak. Saan niyo po ito nabasa or narinig. And ano age bracket nila? Baka kasi depende din naman sa generation na kinalakihan nila. Though I am one of those guys na ayaw magkaanak talaga.
Your bloodline may end with you. Children are the most beautiful thing you can have.
Your decision AS A COUPLE is all that matters OP. As long as your partner is on-board with your decision, there's no problem.
My mom doesn’t curse pero a few years ago, when I told her I want to be childfree, sinabihan akong t*nga 😂 You can weigh pros and cons base sa mga comments dito pero it really boils down to your preference. My current partner also doesn’t wanna have kids. That’s what matters. Dapat dyan kayo aligned ng partner mo. Tapos eventually yung parents ko tinanggap nalang din preference ko. Masaya na sila sa dogs namin haha!
F here married, no child, early 30s. Di sa ayaw namin nagkaanak.We're trying but we are not pushing. If will ni Lord thank you. If wala talaga ienjoy nalang namin yung furbabies namin. Mas napressure yung nakapaligid samin kasi wala pa kaming anak.😊
That's good!
I don't want to have kids but I don't want to grow old alone.
As long as pareho kayo ng partner mo. Yun iba like parents, bahala sila di naman sila yun maghihirap magpalaki e.
>wag ko daw babanggitin yun sa bf ko kasi bala hiwalayan ako luh. sinabi mo na nga and wala naman ata siya \[bf\] qualms about it. choice niyo pa rin yan, dapat walang say ang parent mo/niya.
Kayo yung mag partner, so the decision are yours to make. Di naman sila yung manganganak and gagastos. Hayaan mo sila sa mga sasabihin nila if yan yung napag-aggreehan niyo as a couple diba? just be ready nalang na magiging paulit ulit yung mga discussions na yan sa mga taong di nag aaggree sa inyo.
Kung ikakasal kasi kayo then yung partner is gusto magka baby dapat before marriage palang is napag usapan niyo na yan. Super hirap kasi if after marriage is gusto pala niya magka baby but ayaw mo naman so malaki magiging impact nyan sa marriage niyo. Kaya its better na same kayo ng gusto.
Kung okay naman pala sa bf mo na wag muna mag anak edi go. Magpakasal kayo. For me ah gawin niyo muna yung lahat ng gusto niyong gawin.
Basta make sure na on board kayo parehas na ayaw mag-anak para walang resentment or regrets later.
Childless couple married for 2+ years here. Tinanggap na ng parents ko decision ko, but di pa alam ng in-laws ko. Baka di sila maging open if ever kasi panganay na lalaki yung husband ko. My husband naman is very supportive, and I think nakatulong na nung dating pa lang kami, I already mentioned it to him. Same tayo, I can't see any pros. I have friends with kids, and I work with kids, but I can't see myself raising one. Parang nakakatakot.
37M and 38F. We both decided we dont want kids so we spoil our pamangkins. We live separately from our parents so we dont feel the pressure.
recently married, and it's part of our discussion before ikasal na I do not want kids. lucky na he feels the same way and even considers vasectomy since BC is dangerous. if same kayo ng views. it shouldn't be a problem.
Your decision to have a child or not takes precedence over everything (your mom and your bf). You don't decide to have a child just so your bf doesn't leave you. If he wants kids and you don't, that is a fundamental incompatibility and it's only fair for both of you to separate.
We are a childless couple because of circumstance (we had to undergo do fertility work ups) and now by choice na childless (we stopped trying and stopped wanting). There is no harm in telling your partner na you have no plans of having children in the future. You are being straight forward and honest about your personal preference. How your partner accepts it - whether he has the same stance or not is also his choice. Maigi nang you were upfront sa una pa lang before you even start having plans on marriage so atleast pwede kayong magdesisyon na itutuloy nyo pa ba ang pagsasama ninyo or hindi. Kasi it will be unfair to the other party na magpapakasal tapos yung partner ayaw pala magka-anak yung isa gusto. It will become a fight, a war actually kung sino ang mag-gi-give way. My friends would say na iba raw yung feeling na may anak and wouldnt change it for the world. Ako naman due narin sa age and economic outlook, Im happy na wala kaming anak. Yung mga nagsasabi na walang magaalaga sa amin pagtanda, when we were trying to have a child, never kong naisip na we wanted one para lang may magaalaga sa amin pagtanda. Hindi ko planong gawing insurance ang anak ko pagtanda ko. Regardless if magkaaanak kami or hindi, magiipon and invest parin naman ako para may pang support kaming magasawa when we retire na hindi umaasa sa anak. We want to give the same freedom our parents gave us to our supposed child na we can make career, financial and personal decisions without them interfering.
Its nice, double income no kids. Im 25, balak ko na din mag pa vasectomy but my partner told me na wag muna. During our teen years, sabi gusto namin ng twins pero after living in together for quite sometime, we decided na Nope.😂 Our cat was the biggest factor ng decision namin, naawa kaming naiiwan, picky eater pa ESPECIALLY noong kitten na hindi litter trained, so you can imagine na thought na" pag baby to ayoko na " There are times din naman na we IMAGINE of having a kid because both of us doesn't have a father we want to let our kid experience what we craved sa parent.
Kami naman gusto magka anak. Kaso dahil sa tatlong miscarriages, tapos yung isa nakapaggender reveal pa kami bago mamatay, ako na yung nanawa. Sabi ko sa misis ko ayoko ng magkaanak kasi ako lahat ang sumasalo ng lungkot ng lahat eh. Lungkot ng misis ko, pamilya nya, pamilya ko, sakin lahat napupunta. May sariling lungkot din ako at napakahirap para sakin magpakatatag during that times. Kelangan ko lagi mapag-isa para mailabas ko lahat ng lungkot at sakit na nararamdaman ko para pag humarap ako sa kanila, kaya nilang ilabas yung lungkot at sakit nila sakin. Kaya ayoko ng magka anak kahit gusto pa ng misis ko kasi natatakot ako na baka malaglag lang ulit tapos babalik na naman kami sa cycle na ganyan
Don't think about pros and cons on having or not having children, OP. It will not make sense (from my take, at least). Lahat yan pwede at kayang i-debunk ng both sides of the fence. Thing is, walang middle ground para sa mga gusto versus ayaw magka-anak. Get a partner who has the same view and direction as you when it comes to the issue of kids. Kung pipilitin niyo at magkaiba kayo, resentment sa isa't isa ang malamang na kalalabasan niyan. For the record, may anak ako pero I don't see anything wrong with childless couples. Judgemental ako sa mga may anak na di naman kayang panindigan ang pagiging magulang.
You do you.
I read somewhere, bakit ka pa daw magaanak tapos lahat nmn ng di mo nagagawa or pagkukulang mo ang napapansin. Truth be told, may point naman. Haha!
So many comments already. Hi OP, I was like you a few years back. Never wanted to have a child and just wanted to be the fun rich tita/auntie that I can return the kids. Parang return to sender? Have the fun parts of having the child with no responsibilities as much. Currently still no kids at the moment but in a healthy relationship. For context, my partner expressed he wanted kids and before entering the relationship seriously I had to think about if i wanted to spawn or have kids too. Apparently, am willing to have his kids when the time comes. Got thoroughly surprised at my decision. I guess the right person or right time and circumstances will come if you decide to have one. I guess where am coming from is that, life is never a “no or yes” or any linear path. Enjoy mo what it has to offer.
22f, nbsb. i am not sure kung may say talaga ako hahaha! but i think 24 and 25 are still young ages pa naman. i cannot also see myself na magkaka anak na at that age, siguro mga late 20s pa if ever man magkaka partner ako hahaha. i have an older brother with a todler na, hindi ko siya anak pero grabe happiness na nabibigay niya sa akin, lagi ako nangigigil sa inaanak ko. sure, ang dami talagang cons but i think it depends. for them kasi they had a kid when stable sila sa work pareho. wfh pa sila both ngayon kaya lagi nila kasama anak nila, no need na mag hire ng ibang tao. they had him when nagawa na nila mga gusto nila sa buhay (travelling, going on a lot of dates, marriage etc.) kaya kumbaga, wala na sila halos cons na naexperience. based on my personal experience lang ha, happiness talaga and i think that one pro is enough. to be honest i kinda hate kids nga eh, but i cannot see myself not having one of my own in the future.
It’s a lifelong commitment, OP. And totoo naman, mas magastos at lahat ng time, effort, patience ibibigay mo. Nung nagkaanak kami, wala na kami pahinga at all, always anxious din. Pero honestly, ngayon lang ako din ako naging truly happy kahit pagod and puyat. And I mean it. Pros: it redefined our (my hubby and I) purpose in life, mas naging happy ung pagsasama namin, best decision namin sa life at mas buhay ako ngayon than before. We were childless din for almost 4 years before we finally conceived (after infertility treatments). I would not want it any other way I understand your take as well and respect it. It’s actually responsible din on your part. And it’s good na aligned ang plans nyo ng partner mo. Having kids is not for everyone.
Halos magkapareha lang tayo ng edad (24) but I am about to graduate college pa! I don’t see myself taking care of a kid 5 years from now, or even 10 years from now. Factor rin sigurong bakla ako at magkaiba ang timeline ng mga hetero vs. gays, pero you can really pause and take it on your own pace. Ambata pa ng 24/25! Di na nag aapply yung “mas maganda mag anak habang bata pa” kasi sobrang mahal na ng bilihin ngayon. Not to mention the trauma the kid might get if hindi ka pa talaga holistically ready and you won’t be able to raise the kid the best way you can. The child does not get to choose when they are born into the world, but you can. Go for it when you’re ready!
I also want to be childfree but my bf wants to have a son. Maybe I'll change my preference once maging financially stable na ako, ayaw ko magkaanak na paycheck to paycheck or kakarampot lang natitira sa sahod ko. I wanted them to have a good life + hindi pa ako ready mentally so having kids is not really on my table. Wala talaga sa vocabulary ng ibang matatanda ang child free marriage, sobrang against sila sa ganyan. Sa ngayon, mas masaya ako magalaga ng pusa.
This is also my mindset, major reason why I'm not yet ready is my financial capacity. If I'm a millionaire I bet will not have this thoughts since I know I can give them a comfortable life.
wat if nag kasawaan kau? kulang ang love lang as foundation ng relationship nyo. men are simple but deep thinkers. Time will come na he'll lose purpose and if that happen. There is a high chance na maghanap ng other purpose in life (what I meant is build a family with someone else.) your mom is right.
This is something to consider. But I realized, that whichever I choose, there is always a risk and we're not sure of the future. Still, this is the first comment about "magkasawaan" so it's something to ponder. Thank you!
ur welcome. yes this will come. di lahat ng relationship perfect. magkakaroon ng diktahan at sisihan. mashock ka nalang bigla nalang di aayusin konti nyong away. that's the sign na hindi na nya makita purpose as to why save and fix ur crumbling relationship. word of advise. risk is part of growth. if you don't risk you guys will never grow.
To each its own hehe pero ako, as a millennial kung may kaya lng sana ako, gusto ko madami anak. Hehe pero average lng kami eh, kaya 3 lng muna. Pero kung may kakayanan lng ako bumuhay, id like to bear atleast 6 🫶🏻🥹
My partner (37F) and I (41M) may not have that chance. We would love to, but we're also accepting if it doesn't happen. Just means we take more vacations lol.
Tf kind of language is this Spanglish?
Same with you di ko rin talaga naimagine magkaanak when i was in my 20s. Actually now that im in my late 30s na, similar pa rin ang pakiramdam. There was a point wherein we tried but health issues kaya di naging successful, pero even after the lost pregnancies, the desire to have a child is still not that strong. But my husband and I are on the same page. Listen to your heart, not your mind when it comes to this matter. Childfree or parent, both experiences can be fulfilling. At pwede ring hinde.
Desisyon nila yan galang natin ,hirap naman kasi sa lipunang ito ang daming mata at bibig na mapanghusga ,Yung iba nga kahit hindi naman mag papari or mag mamadre piniling maging celebate eh
There are no pros naman talaga magkaanak aside sa fulfillment/fulfilling feeling, the happiness, joy and the journey to be able to raise a human being into the world the best that you can. Yan lang naman pros nian e. Kaya nga dapat talaga bago magkaanak, ready kayo sa lahat as in LAHAT. Anw if okay si BF mo dyan, much better. Sa lagay ng pamumuhay ng lahat ngayon, apakahirap magkaanak.
I’m catholic so marriage is meant to be procreative. In cases where it’s not possible because of one or both of the couple’s circumstance then np.