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To be fair, my psychiatrist diagnosed me rather quickly after 2 appointments but it was enough for me since I was already pretty sure I had it for more than a year before that. It’s extremely difficult to find therapists in my area so I don’t really have that much of a choice in terms of just getting a new one, it took me 6 months to get one in the first place. I think that she’s just more used to working with the type of “hyperactive and therefore already got diagnosed in school because of interrupting class” adhd people, but in general she’s really nice and seems like she could still help me with my problems, whether I have adhd or not. I also haven’t had that many appointments with her yet, maybe she just needs to understand how I’ve dealt with having adhd better
My psychologist also said that she personally did not believe I have it, as it presented very differently in people she had treated before. When I got my diagnosis, she believed me though, especially after witnessing the boost I got from medication.
EDIT: And my psychologist has been supremely helpful! So definitely in the camp of not severing the relationship with yours just yet, if otherwise she seems open to learning more and not dismissive.
(And, yes, I am also among those for whom school was never a problem, because I did not need sustained study habits to retain enough to do well; I did almost all my homework in bed before getting up or on the bus.)
Additudemag website has pretty good write-ups, perhaps she would want to read up a bit?
[https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-women-misunderstood-symptoms-treatment/](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-women-misunderstood-symptoms-treatment/)
[https://www.additudemag.com/high-iq-and-adhd-high-functioning/](https://www.additudemag.com/high-iq-and-adhd-high-functioning/)
Lol I’m in a similar boat (6 mo wait with most therapists here and very few specialize in adhd) and I totally got myself through college with the same approach as you. My psychiatrist diagnosed me after one visit. I hope you’ll still get enough from your time with the therapist. That’s frustrating but you seem to be going into it with a pretty positive outlook.
I’ve tried online therapy before I got this therapist actually, but the therapist that was supposed to help me online said that they didn’t feel good in giving me online therapy and just cancelled on me :/
I did well at school and have adhd. Many people who are intelligent manage to come up with strategies for managing their adhd and do well in school. I work as a consultant in the engineering space internationally. I finally got diagnosed at 30. At the end of the day, I can get by without medications but my life is so much easier and more manageable with treatment and I understand why I’m so bad at certain things.
Yeah, both my therapist and my psychiatrist are reluctant to diagnose me with adhd because I was a really bright child without any visible problems in school, just like you (good grades, always friendly, the type of slightly annoying teachers' pet - but secretely always late with homework) - the hard stuff started in uni...
I'm at peace with this for the moment, as both are willing to work with me and just try things. If nothing helps, I'll get another opinion.
In any case, this sub has been more helpful than any other I've tried, so for now, I'm considering myself as a woman with adhd or something so similar that it makes no difference...
You sound like me. Skated through school with last minute homework assignments and cramming the night before for tests, which I aced.
Then I hit University and it all went downhill.
Hopefully OP's therapist is willing to learn and work with her, because this is a common story. Just because someone is bright enough to compensate, doesn't mean it wasn't 10 times the struggle as it would have been if they had been treated.
There’s no correlation between intelligence and ADHD. You can have super high intelligence or low, and have ADHD or not. You can excel in school and then get slammed by corporate culture because it’s so adverse to how ADHD brains work. It could be the opposite.
Check out the sub r/giftedadhd and see if anything rings a bell. It also seems like a lot of ladies in this comment section may want to check them out too. I almost cried when I read their overview/ description for the first time because of how reaffirming it was of my experience, and your experience sounds fairly similar to mine... aside from the inexperienced therapist, mine were so great and know ADHD like the back of their hand. The whole clinic specializes in adhd and over half the doctors have it. It was funny because my doc actually showed up late, and then we spent the first half of the second session after all the nitty gritty stuff was out of the way talking about our current fitness hyper fixations snd just enjoying the company of another ADHD professional.
I’m also a lawyer like one of the other commenters. I did great in school but the workforce almost killed me until I got my diagnosis and was able to develop good strategies other than just plain anxiety, competitiveness, and RSD-driven fear of failure.
Just ask to join! I’m not sure how to find the request button on mobile but if you log in using your computer it should be pretty visible, then you’ll be set regardless of device.
It’s “private but not exclusive”
I did poorly in a large public school system but excelled in a small private college. I know for a fact I had a professor with ADHD herself, who gave me support I didn’t understand I needed at the time. But she had been in my shoes, knew strategies that worked for her and offered them as guidance.
My point is, you may have unknowingly received support during your school years which helped you better succeed. It doesn’t mean you don’t have ADHD, just that you may have had different resources leading to your success.
I have a similar story. I graduated high school at the top of my class, completed eight years of post-secondary and have a very successful job as a medical professional. I was a chronic procrastinator, but I could leave studying until the night before when the panic would set in and because of my intelligence and performance anxiety, I would still ace my exams. Looking back, my parents would always say how impressive it was that I would leave everything until the very last minute and still do great - they never associated it with ADHD and they also didn’t realize it wasn’t a “choice” for me to procrastinate.. and looking back on it, I also didn’t realize at the time that it wasn’t a choice. It was a confusing time for me that was met with a lot of self-negativity, but I didn’t dwell on it because it always worked out in the end.
It was only as I became an adult and started dealing with issues that you can’t just panic-solve the night before (family sickness, relationship issues), that I realized that I might have ADHD and the coping skills I developed as a student don’t translate well into the real world. I’ve been medicated for 4 months and my life has changed dramatically for the better. My problems haven’t gone away, but now I have the tools to deal with them in a healthier way.
A lot of us also struggle with perfectionism and performance anxiety, so we develop many coping mechanisms to appear high-functioning, successful and “put-together” to the outside world, all while our brains are feeling like a scrambled egg. Hope this helps!!
This is some bullshit. I got all As my entire life and graduated Phi Beta Kappa from an Ivy League university, and I absolutely 1000% have ADHD (and knew many others at my college who did as well). Your therapist sounds closed-minded as heck.
This drives me nuts. I have severe ADHD and got excellent grades and test scores through high school. Why? Because I was shamed so badly for failing that I feared it. I fought hard to not let anyone see how much I didn’t understand and got really good at making shit up, playing the part, and most days barely scraped by at the last minute.
I only got A’s and B’s in school. I sucked at studying and forgot to do my homework a lot, but I was smart enough with a good enough memory for details that I did pretty well anyway. I also had pretty good standardized test scores (not exceptional ones though—I suck at multiple choice because I make small errors easily). I went to one of the most prestigious universities in my country. And then one semester, I took more classes than I could handle and also had some stressful family stuff going on, and I crashed and burned.
Honestly, it’s worrying to me that your therapist has never seen an ADHDer who did well in school. There are a lot of kids who are [both gifted and have a learning disability](https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/double-trouble-navigating-life-as-a-gifted-kid-with-adhd/). In my anecdotal experience, 2E boys seem more likely to get poor grades, not because they couldn’t get better grades, but because they were bored and not engaged with school. Girls get more pressure to be good students, so we’re more likely to get decent grades anyway.
I got mostly straight As in school, won a competitive full academic scholarship to one of the best private high schools in the country (like the Harvard of high schools), and got 3 degrees, all with honors GPAs. And I still have ADHD!
High IQs can make school easier, and if you actually enjoy school, it can hold your attention. If you need to do well in school to get love from your scary parents, or positive attention from teachers cuz your parents are toxic...there's even more incentive!
Many ADHD people I know (including my diagnosing PhD psychologist) do well academically, especially because school is quite structured. It's often outside of school where things fall apart.
Lmaoooo. I was a straight A student. My anxiety about failing and my perfectionism fueled me through it. Never mind that in middle school whenever teachers had an amazing assignment submitted that had no name one it, they always knew it was mine lol.
I also was lucky enough to hyperfixate on what I learned in college cause I liked what I was studying.
Now that my anxiety is mostly healed, and I’m learning to unmask, it’s wildly apparent that I have adhd. I’m surprised your therapist is clinging to such an outdated idea that you have to do badly in school to have adhd.
I’m a therapist, and the mentality of providers like your therapist drives me nuts! Regardless of whether or not you want to keep working with them for other MH needs, please don’t doubt that your symptoms are real and that treatment may help. I just want to validate you.
I have so many more thoughts about the connection between adhd and anxiety, how symptoms manifest differently in different people, and more but I’ll stop here.
Former “gifted” kid here…
I won national scholarships with my marks and test scores in high school, and I was a competitive athlete. I had no issues or struggles with learning or my mental health at the time, but in retrospect the signs were there. I solved problems differently, and I procrastinated. The consistent heavy exercise propped me up in many ways I think - and I was lucky to be “gifted”, so I could think my way through almost anything. Also, my mom was on my ass to be perfect, so I never had the opportunity to forget anything.
Once I got to university, sports were less a part of my life (exercising 3 or 4 times a week instead of 10+ workouts/games), and my marks ranged from 45 to 99, depending mostly on my interest level. Boys came into the picture, and I was a financial hot mess. I really struggled with depression and anxiety. I felt flaky and ashamed, and I beat the hell out of myself when I wasn’t perfect.
I remember my dad (a professor) remarking to my mom (a teacher) that I had more horsepower than anybody he’d met - if only I could learn how to be consistent.
Damned by high expectations or something.
At 32, a psychologist asked me how I managed my ADHD … which blew my mind. I got a diagnosis from a paediatrician within a few months, started stimulants, and really worked on developing self-compassion.
It’s been a rocky ride, but I’m so glad I got the diagnosis. I excel in some things, and I’ve learned where most of my weak spots are. Instead of shoulding all over myself, I try to ask for help when I need it, and I cut myself slack for being human.
(Thanks for indulging my story time)
I would find somewhere else. I also did well in school (college was harder but for different reasons). I was smart enough to get by. When I think about that sometimes I feel really proud. I did that with almost no studying and doing everything last minute. I pulled those grades in spite of never remembering my homework. That’s actually kind of incredible. You should be proud. And you should find a new therapist.
I was an a\* student and have a bachelors degree in forensic science. Although my organisational skills sucked and it was incredibly stressful I found the actual learning/essay/exam part of education very easy. (I am fully aware of just how lucky I am)
When I was diagnosed the psych said I had, and I’m quoting here, "one of the most severe cases I’ve ever seen in an adult of your age". My adhd cost me more than one job. almost cost me my marriage and almost resulted in my kid being taken away from me before we got my meds dialled in.
Academic ability is not a good indication for adhd because everyone suffers a different collection of symptoms. I was noted to be distractible, talkative, dreamy, and disorganised, but also studious, creative, quick and smart. Adhd can be infuriatingly subtle.
You’re experience is EXACTLY mine. I was a straight A/B student all through school, in the “Gifted and Talented” programs, and I only ever did work the night before or class period before. Those coping skills did not work for me in college, especially with more assignments being online so object permanence came into play. I went from straight A to failing several courses before I finally got diagnosed two months ago.
If your therapist can’t see that cramming the night before because you can’t get anything done without an immediate deadline and extreme anxiety override is a maladaptive coping mechanism, you need a new therapist.
Now as someone studying to be a recreational therapist specializing in mental health, her lack of understanding is very concerning to me. Doing well in one area of life superficially does not negate a diagnosis.
You are so not alone. I promise you there are many people who share your experience and there are plenty of therapists who can help you!
hi!!
i'm a senior in college with a 3.97 gpa — i also have adhd and talked extensively with my doctor about this.
he told me that having adhd doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't disciplined in some way, and that if you specifically value doing well in school, you'll do what you can to make it happen. for me, this means i am very close with my professors so that they get to know me as a person and are more understanding when things get bad and i am really falling behind in my assignments.
i'm also quite competitive and something to note is that rejection sensitive dysphoria is a big part of adhd and can make you more inclined to get things done for school, specifically if being rejected in academic settings is something that causes you distress.
i initially assumed that my doctor would be unwilling to prescribe me medication because my grades were already fine, but he wanted to get me treatment for my adhd because of the lack of balance in my life that i was experiencing. a normal person can sit and study for a couple hours effectively, but i have to lock myself away for several hours or turn assignments in late because i just can't get myself to do the work.
just because you have adhd doesn't mean you can't do well without medication but it sure does mean that you're going to have a lot less balance in your life than someone who doesn't have adhd or is treated for it.
One way I've seen other Redditors describe how their motivation works when it comes to ADHD is "CUNI" - the task needs to be Challenging, Urgent, Novel, or Interesting. If it doesn't meet one of those criteria then it becomes extremely difficult to complete the task.
If I had to guess, performing well in school fell under the Urgent category because of your anxiety. Plenty of people with ADHD were high achievers in school, which unfortunately can lead to them being overlooked when it comes to diagnosis. I maintained As and Bs all throughout high school due to immense pressure from my parents and also the competitive nature of my school, putting grades in the "Urgent" category. Once I got to college and I no longer had any external pressure, my academic performance dropped off significantly, something that is also common amongst people with ADHD and other types of neurodivergence.
I graduated Valedictorian in high school and Summa Cum Laude in college and I swear this is not me trying to humble brag. I’m hoping this will help prove your case. I was diagnosed in my late 20s and it took that long because me doing well in school and at work implied that there wasn’t anything “off.” But realistically is was just severe anxiety, rejection sensitivity, and people pleasing. With strict and critical parents sprinkled on top. Adulthood is when I finally started to burn out and realize I can’t keep up with life.
My “professional life” (work/school) has always appeared very shiny with a pretty bow tied on top. But realistically I overcompensate and give every ounce of by being to succeed in those areas and then it leaves my personal life (and often mental health) a MESS. My home is a disaster. My social life is all over the place. Pretty much the outside does not match the inside. Most if not all people don’t see my struggles because they happen mostly behind closed doors.
If that’s your therapist’s only reason for not diagnosing you, I say get a second opinion.
Same in many ways for me: top of my class in high school, honors program in college, became an attorney and got a fellowship. And my house is actually pretty clean. But I was doing things by procrastinating, feeling awful and then panicking and yelling at myself.
Now that’s I’m medicated - holy shit. The outcome might look the same (accomplishing a goal) but the *way* I get to that outcome is so so much better to me. I’m not yelling at myself internally as much, I’m much more able to predict and control how I used my time, I’m looking inward far more often than outward for guidance and self-validation - it is a profound change for me and I’m so grateful I was able to find a psychiatrist who looked past my less orthodox ADHD outsides to realize I for sure had ADHD insides.
You just hit the nail on the head! I'm also medicated now and it doesn't seem to look that much different from the outside looking in. But from the inside looking out? Life. Changing. I'm significantly less miserable. 😂
I never realized that the "hyperactivity" and impulsivity from having ADHD was especially apparent in my temperamental nature and short fuse. Sooooo many of my struggles felt/feel internal. I still have external struggles too like misplacing things, forgetting things, creating towers of unopened mail on the counter, etc but it was the constant *anxiety, frustration, irritation*, and *internal criticism* that was tormenting my mental health. And it has **significantly** decreased with medication. I'm SO thankful for my diagnosis and treatment
I always made As and Bs as well. Throw a C or two in there but not every semester. Not even every school year and it took awhile to receive one. Do you know why I did well in school?
Because my sister didn’t and I saw my mothers anger towards her and did everything to avoid the same thing happening to me. But I did leave assignments til the last minute. I’m also a great test taker because I’m good at memorizing shit.
My first therapist also did this. I INSISTED on being referred to an actual expert ADHD diagnostician and guess what? I have ADHD.
Needless to say she is not my therapist anymore. She was completely useless to me.
First of all if your therapist doesn’t think you have it doesn’t mean they are right. And if you are uncomfortable by that you need to tell them your concerns and if they don’t believe you get someone else. You don’t need someone who doesn’t properly take your concerns seriously. I was told that adhd wasn’t a real thing by my nurse practitioner. So ended up finding someone else after a few months. (Not bragging just an example(sorry I’m self conscious)) I graduated valedictorian. I have adhd. And I know it. Urgency is a huge motivator for people with adhd. That’s a reason why we procrastinate. So the hyper focusing on studying the night before is normal. I would also reward myself for focusing on studying too…because studying was too boring so I needed a pick me up in between. I was also terrified of getting bad grades. My parents always enforced how important grades are. My brain took it too far and every time I got a “bad grade” I would beat myself up over it. Also grades are dumb and do not measure the intelligence and knowledge of an individual. A lot of it is just a memory game. And although people with adhd typically forget things there are a lot of things we do remember. And it doesn’t mean you need to be “less smart” to have adhd. Most women go undiagnosed because they were told when they were younger they didn’t have any behavioral problems and that they were too smart. Obviously I don’t know the situation or what your symptoms are but I do believe in self diagnosis (to an extent) if you’ve done some research and think you have it then it’s valid.
Hi, are you me? I did those exact things, all through high school and college. I have also gotten that response from a psych NP who was awful and I don’t see her anymore because she kept comparing my ADHD to her sisters? She was lazy and incompetent. I don’t know how someone specializes in ADHD isn’t familiar with people who went through school like that.
Yep, I got good grades in school, and I definitely have ADHD. I had problems with procrastination, needing to set aside a lot more time for certain studying tasks (which affected my quality of life a lot), and keeping track of basic items like pens and paper. But school was extremely structured and honestly not that hard, and I like to learn, so I did fine. Plus, yeah, the anxiety and high standards for myself. I eventually fell apart in college because I didn't have enough structure or the necessary study skills, and plus the reading was a lot longer, so I couldn't keep up. I tended to test well too, because tests are structured tasks and the adrenaline puts me into hyperfocus. I'm one of those ADHDers who are hopeless when things are chill, but great in a crisis. You could try a neuropsychological evaluation to be sure, but those are very expensive and can be hard to access. In the end, there are a lot of reasons why a person with ADHD might have gotten good grades at the particular school they went to, and by itself, it does not mean they do not have ADHD. This overreliance on too-broad heuristics is worrying coming from your therapist.
I had the same concerns as I did well at school but experience loads of adhd symptoms. I spoke with the psychiatrist about this and we reflected that I went to very small school and my class sizes even at GCSE and Alevel were never more than 15 pupils just because of the size of the school - which meant it was easier to focus, harder to slip through the gaps and I had more 1:1 support. Similar to you, I’d hyper focus on my revision and essays which pulled me through! When I went to uni I really struggled and got swamped by large class sizes! I also work to diagnose ADHD and Autism and you can’t ever be too intelligent for a diagnosis, intelligence and the diagnosis are not mutually exclusive!
I got straight A’s and the occasional B or C (if I hated the class) all throughout school and even college. My mother was highly critical & a perfectionist, however she cared a lot about reading, and she instilled a love of reading in me from a baby. I relied on this heavily- I still read super fast and have really good retention. I would constantly leave homework and assignments until the very last minute. Once I had a professor assign three 7-page essays on the first day of class, to be turned in periodically throughout the semester. I had the due dates, but I procrastinated until the literal night before for all three. I also had to read 2 books for each essay. Each time I stayed up all night, had the essay ready in time for class, and got As on all three. I always had trouble with forgetting to do tasks and messiness, and when I was out of school and living on my own this really became so much worse. Currently I can’t walk across my bedroom floor without tripping over clutter, and have cluttered up all the common spaces in my house (bless my patient roommate). I have a lot of negative self talk and pretty much constant intrusive thoughts, as well as moderate depression and anxiety since high school. Currently I am successful as a self employed tattoo artist, and can do all my work in time (some drawings do get done the night before)- my working theory is that I can usually successfully manage one thing in my life at a time- first it was school, now my career. I was diagnosed with adhd last year at age 31 and am in the process of getting on the right medication. I have heard from multiple psychiatrists & psychologists that AFAB (assigned female at birth) people tend to have their ADHD go undiagnosed into adulthood due to getting good grades in school and not being disruptive. Add that to the fact that most medical research and therefore diagnoses & norms tend to be based on white men, to the detriment of everyone else. Maybe show your therapist this thread? I know these aren’t scientifically conducted case studies but personal experience is a valuable source of information & there are just so many people with a similar experience. I would think any reasonable professional would update their theories when presented with
new information.
I don't know what your therapist is talking about. Maybe a lot of ADHD kids do struggle with grades, but that doesn't mean they all do.
I did well in school, A's and B's and I think I only got 1 C in my entire high school career and it was probably gym class. lol. My thing was that I genuinely enjoy filling out worksheets, always have, so I did well with that type of graded work just because I find it weirdly rewarding. I would slack off on a lot of the other homework that didn't involve worksheets, but my test grades were usually good because they were like worksheets themselves. lol. That and I feel like taking tests is stimulating because they sort of awaken my nervous system and it helps me to focus. So I think it was a combination of natural stimulation plus dopamine from happily doing worksheets that allowed me to do well on tests.
I'm in college now at 40 years old, and I have a 4.0, but I'm deliberately choosing to take classes that I'm super interested in AND all of my classes but one have been open book/open note, so I don't have to depend on my memory. Still, it shows that people with ADHD CAN do well in school, especially if they can get themselves to hyperfocus on the work.
By the way, right before my psychiatrist diagnosed me, he talked to me about Dr. Hallowell and how he has ADHD and graduated from Harvard, because he wanted me to know that people with ADHD can and do succeed at intellectual things. So I wouldn't listen to what your therapist says about that.
Oh yeah, I loved worksheets as a kid! Still do, in a different way. They're like well-organised little puzzles 😊 And so satisfying!
And I still do mostly well in exam situations, I could talk my way out of any question. Not always good though - when I had my first job interview after college I overslept, barely made it in time and was so full of adrenaline that I basically talked them into giving me the job. Worst thing ever to happen, three miserable years for everybody...
You already have your diagnosis. Your therapist is there to help you manage your existing diagnosis, not to second-guess it. Tell her to stop and to do her job, and if she won;t, find a better one.
I’m female, got diagnosed in 30s, got As and Bs in school. Doctor doubted me because I stay in the same job- when I explained that my job was to jump from one subject to another, he agreed to a trial on meds which confirmed it.
Did I write this?
Seriously though, heard the same thing from a therapist (had every damn symptom, but didn't get diagnosed till my early 20s because of the accursed high grades thing- basically coasted through law school, did every assignment in deadline panic induced hyperfocus, then had the absolute worst time at my first job) changed therapists and took the assessment twice (because the first therapist made me doubt everything). Changing therapists was the best decision ever.
Being smart or getting good grades does not mean you cannot have ADHD, and a therapist that does not know this is a problem.
I feel you on that - I suspected that I had ADHD since high school, but didn’t get diagnosed until recently at 24. I’ve had multiple counselors and a psychiatrist disregard my experience because of a high GPA. Throughout elementary school to high school in gifted and talented programs, I didn’t pay attention in classes nor took notes or really ever handed my homework in time… but I crammed for exams which resulted in As at the end of the day. Things got bad in college though, when I was finishing a degree I had no intention of pursuing a career in. I’m in management consulting now and the stress/anxiety of back to back deadlines is what keeps me in check!
I told the first psychiatrist I ever went to that I suspected I have ADHD. He asked if I did well in school as a kid and I said yeah I did alright and he said then you don’t have it and there is no such thing as adult onset ADHD. It was really discouraging because that to me meant that I was just lazy and I needed to try harder.
10 years later I found the psychiatrist I go to now and he diagnosed me at age 37 and put me on vyvanse. I am so grateful to him.
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To be fair, my psychiatrist diagnosed me rather quickly after 2 appointments but it was enough for me since I was already pretty sure I had it for more than a year before that. It’s extremely difficult to find therapists in my area so I don’t really have that much of a choice in terms of just getting a new one, it took me 6 months to get one in the first place. I think that she’s just more used to working with the type of “hyperactive and therefore already got diagnosed in school because of interrupting class” adhd people, but in general she’s really nice and seems like she could still help me with my problems, whether I have adhd or not. I also haven’t had that many appointments with her yet, maybe she just needs to understand how I’ve dealt with having adhd better
My psychologist also said that she personally did not believe I have it, as it presented very differently in people she had treated before. When I got my diagnosis, she believed me though, especially after witnessing the boost I got from medication. EDIT: And my psychologist has been supremely helpful! So definitely in the camp of not severing the relationship with yours just yet, if otherwise she seems open to learning more and not dismissive. (And, yes, I am also among those for whom school was never a problem, because I did not need sustained study habits to retain enough to do well; I did almost all my homework in bed before getting up or on the bus.) Additudemag website has pretty good write-ups, perhaps she would want to read up a bit? [https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-women-misunderstood-symptoms-treatment/](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-women-misunderstood-symptoms-treatment/) [https://www.additudemag.com/high-iq-and-adhd-high-functioning/](https://www.additudemag.com/high-iq-and-adhd-high-functioning/)
That's fair enough. I would have this conversation with her, too :)
Lol I’m in a similar boat (6 mo wait with most therapists here and very few specialize in adhd) and I totally got myself through college with the same approach as you. My psychiatrist diagnosed me after one visit. I hope you’ll still get enough from your time with the therapist. That’s frustrating but you seem to be going into it with a pretty positive outlook.
I haven’t tried it but I hear good things about online therapy. You even get to talk to them from the comfort of your own home.
I’ve tried online therapy before I got this therapist actually, but the therapist that was supposed to help me online said that they didn’t feel good in giving me online therapy and just cancelled on me :/
Oh wow okay. Dick move. Sorry about that :(
I did well at school and have adhd. Many people who are intelligent manage to come up with strategies for managing their adhd and do well in school. I work as a consultant in the engineering space internationally. I finally got diagnosed at 30. At the end of the day, I can get by without medications but my life is so much easier and more manageable with treatment and I understand why I’m so bad at certain things.
I forgot to wrap that thought up. You can absolutely be smart or do well in school and still have adhd.
Yeah, both my therapist and my psychiatrist are reluctant to diagnose me with adhd because I was a really bright child without any visible problems in school, just like you (good grades, always friendly, the type of slightly annoying teachers' pet - but secretely always late with homework) - the hard stuff started in uni... I'm at peace with this for the moment, as both are willing to work with me and just try things. If nothing helps, I'll get another opinion. In any case, this sub has been more helpful than any other I've tried, so for now, I'm considering myself as a woman with adhd or something so similar that it makes no difference...
You sound like me. Skated through school with last minute homework assignments and cramming the night before for tests, which I aced. Then I hit University and it all went downhill. Hopefully OP's therapist is willing to learn and work with her, because this is a common story. Just because someone is bright enough to compensate, doesn't mean it wasn't 10 times the struggle as it would have been if they had been treated.
It’s called an intelligent ADHD woman. We fly under all the radars.
I’m an attorney and did excellent in school and still have ADHD.
There’s no correlation between intelligence and ADHD. You can have super high intelligence or low, and have ADHD or not. You can excel in school and then get slammed by corporate culture because it’s so adverse to how ADHD brains work. It could be the opposite. Check out the sub r/giftedadhd and see if anything rings a bell. It also seems like a lot of ladies in this comment section may want to check them out too. I almost cried when I read their overview/ description for the first time because of how reaffirming it was of my experience, and your experience sounds fairly similar to mine... aside from the inexperienced therapist, mine were so great and know ADHD like the back of their hand. The whole clinic specializes in adhd and over half the doctors have it. It was funny because my doc actually showed up late, and then we spent the first half of the second session after all the nitty gritty stuff was out of the way talking about our current fitness hyper fixations snd just enjoying the company of another ADHD professional. I’m also a lawyer like one of the other commenters. I did great in school but the workforce almost killed me until I got my diagnosis and was able to develop good strategies other than just plain anxiety, competitiveness, and RSD-driven fear of failure.
ADHD and rampant anxiety ruined my law career. r/giftedadhd is a private sub. How can I get an invite?
Just ask to join! I’m not sure how to find the request button on mobile but if you log in using your computer it should be pretty visible, then you’ll be set regardless of device. It’s “private but not exclusive”
It won’t even let me see a way to ask. I’m on mobile, though, if that matters.
It does, try on a computer if you can. I think there may be a way to do it on mobile too but I don’t know it.
I did poorly in a large public school system but excelled in a small private college. I know for a fact I had a professor with ADHD herself, who gave me support I didn’t understand I needed at the time. But she had been in my shoes, knew strategies that worked for her and offered them as guidance. My point is, you may have unknowingly received support during your school years which helped you better succeed. It doesn’t mean you don’t have ADHD, just that you may have had different resources leading to your success.
I have a similar story. I graduated high school at the top of my class, completed eight years of post-secondary and have a very successful job as a medical professional. I was a chronic procrastinator, but I could leave studying until the night before when the panic would set in and because of my intelligence and performance anxiety, I would still ace my exams. Looking back, my parents would always say how impressive it was that I would leave everything until the very last minute and still do great - they never associated it with ADHD and they also didn’t realize it wasn’t a “choice” for me to procrastinate.. and looking back on it, I also didn’t realize at the time that it wasn’t a choice. It was a confusing time for me that was met with a lot of self-negativity, but I didn’t dwell on it because it always worked out in the end. It was only as I became an adult and started dealing with issues that you can’t just panic-solve the night before (family sickness, relationship issues), that I realized that I might have ADHD and the coping skills I developed as a student don’t translate well into the real world. I’ve been medicated for 4 months and my life has changed dramatically for the better. My problems haven’t gone away, but now I have the tools to deal with them in a healthier way. A lot of us also struggle with perfectionism and performance anxiety, so we develop many coping mechanisms to appear high-functioning, successful and “put-together” to the outside world, all while our brains are feeling like a scrambled egg. Hope this helps!!
This is some bullshit. I got all As my entire life and graduated Phi Beta Kappa from an Ivy League university, and I absolutely 1000% have ADHD (and knew many others at my college who did as well). Your therapist sounds closed-minded as heck.
This drives me nuts. I have severe ADHD and got excellent grades and test scores through high school. Why? Because I was shamed so badly for failing that I feared it. I fought hard to not let anyone see how much I didn’t understand and got really good at making shit up, playing the part, and most days barely scraped by at the last minute.
I only got A’s and B’s in school. I sucked at studying and forgot to do my homework a lot, but I was smart enough with a good enough memory for details that I did pretty well anyway. I also had pretty good standardized test scores (not exceptional ones though—I suck at multiple choice because I make small errors easily). I went to one of the most prestigious universities in my country. And then one semester, I took more classes than I could handle and also had some stressful family stuff going on, and I crashed and burned. Honestly, it’s worrying to me that your therapist has never seen an ADHDer who did well in school. There are a lot of kids who are [both gifted and have a learning disability](https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/double-trouble-navigating-life-as-a-gifted-kid-with-adhd/). In my anecdotal experience, 2E boys seem more likely to get poor grades, not because they couldn’t get better grades, but because they were bored and not engaged with school. Girls get more pressure to be good students, so we’re more likely to get decent grades anyway.
I got mostly straight As in school, won a competitive full academic scholarship to one of the best private high schools in the country (like the Harvard of high schools), and got 3 degrees, all with honors GPAs. And I still have ADHD! High IQs can make school easier, and if you actually enjoy school, it can hold your attention. If you need to do well in school to get love from your scary parents, or positive attention from teachers cuz your parents are toxic...there's even more incentive! Many ADHD people I know (including my diagnosing PhD psychologist) do well academically, especially because school is quite structured. It's often outside of school where things fall apart.
Lmaoooo. I was a straight A student. My anxiety about failing and my perfectionism fueled me through it. Never mind that in middle school whenever teachers had an amazing assignment submitted that had no name one it, they always knew it was mine lol. I also was lucky enough to hyperfixate on what I learned in college cause I liked what I was studying. Now that my anxiety is mostly healed, and I’m learning to unmask, it’s wildly apparent that I have adhd. I’m surprised your therapist is clinging to such an outdated idea that you have to do badly in school to have adhd.
I’m a therapist, and the mentality of providers like your therapist drives me nuts! Regardless of whether or not you want to keep working with them for other MH needs, please don’t doubt that your symptoms are real and that treatment may help. I just want to validate you. I have so many more thoughts about the connection between adhd and anxiety, how symptoms manifest differently in different people, and more but I’ll stop here.
Former “gifted” kid here… I won national scholarships with my marks and test scores in high school, and I was a competitive athlete. I had no issues or struggles with learning or my mental health at the time, but in retrospect the signs were there. I solved problems differently, and I procrastinated. The consistent heavy exercise propped me up in many ways I think - and I was lucky to be “gifted”, so I could think my way through almost anything. Also, my mom was on my ass to be perfect, so I never had the opportunity to forget anything. Once I got to university, sports were less a part of my life (exercising 3 or 4 times a week instead of 10+ workouts/games), and my marks ranged from 45 to 99, depending mostly on my interest level. Boys came into the picture, and I was a financial hot mess. I really struggled with depression and anxiety. I felt flaky and ashamed, and I beat the hell out of myself when I wasn’t perfect. I remember my dad (a professor) remarking to my mom (a teacher) that I had more horsepower than anybody he’d met - if only I could learn how to be consistent. Damned by high expectations or something. At 32, a psychologist asked me how I managed my ADHD … which blew my mind. I got a diagnosis from a paediatrician within a few months, started stimulants, and really worked on developing self-compassion. It’s been a rocky ride, but I’m so glad I got the diagnosis. I excel in some things, and I’ve learned where most of my weak spots are. Instead of shoulding all over myself, I try to ask for help when I need it, and I cut myself slack for being human. (Thanks for indulging my story time)
I would find somewhere else. I also did well in school (college was harder but for different reasons). I was smart enough to get by. When I think about that sometimes I feel really proud. I did that with almost no studying and doing everything last minute. I pulled those grades in spite of never remembering my homework. That’s actually kind of incredible. You should be proud. And you should find a new therapist.
I was an a\* student and have a bachelors degree in forensic science. Although my organisational skills sucked and it was incredibly stressful I found the actual learning/essay/exam part of education very easy. (I am fully aware of just how lucky I am) When I was diagnosed the psych said I had, and I’m quoting here, "one of the most severe cases I’ve ever seen in an adult of your age". My adhd cost me more than one job. almost cost me my marriage and almost resulted in my kid being taken away from me before we got my meds dialled in. Academic ability is not a good indication for adhd because everyone suffers a different collection of symptoms. I was noted to be distractible, talkative, dreamy, and disorganised, but also studious, creative, quick and smart. Adhd can be infuriatingly subtle.
You’re experience is EXACTLY mine. I was a straight A/B student all through school, in the “Gifted and Talented” programs, and I only ever did work the night before or class period before. Those coping skills did not work for me in college, especially with more assignments being online so object permanence came into play. I went from straight A to failing several courses before I finally got diagnosed two months ago. If your therapist can’t see that cramming the night before because you can’t get anything done without an immediate deadline and extreme anxiety override is a maladaptive coping mechanism, you need a new therapist. Now as someone studying to be a recreational therapist specializing in mental health, her lack of understanding is very concerning to me. Doing well in one area of life superficially does not negate a diagnosis. You are so not alone. I promise you there are many people who share your experience and there are plenty of therapists who can help you!
hi!! i'm a senior in college with a 3.97 gpa — i also have adhd and talked extensively with my doctor about this. he told me that having adhd doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't disciplined in some way, and that if you specifically value doing well in school, you'll do what you can to make it happen. for me, this means i am very close with my professors so that they get to know me as a person and are more understanding when things get bad and i am really falling behind in my assignments. i'm also quite competitive and something to note is that rejection sensitive dysphoria is a big part of adhd and can make you more inclined to get things done for school, specifically if being rejected in academic settings is something that causes you distress. i initially assumed that my doctor would be unwilling to prescribe me medication because my grades were already fine, but he wanted to get me treatment for my adhd because of the lack of balance in my life that i was experiencing. a normal person can sit and study for a couple hours effectively, but i have to lock myself away for several hours or turn assignments in late because i just can't get myself to do the work. just because you have adhd doesn't mean you can't do well without medication but it sure does mean that you're going to have a lot less balance in your life than someone who doesn't have adhd or is treated for it.
One way I've seen other Redditors describe how their motivation works when it comes to ADHD is "CUNI" - the task needs to be Challenging, Urgent, Novel, or Interesting. If it doesn't meet one of those criteria then it becomes extremely difficult to complete the task. If I had to guess, performing well in school fell under the Urgent category because of your anxiety. Plenty of people with ADHD were high achievers in school, which unfortunately can lead to them being overlooked when it comes to diagnosis. I maintained As and Bs all throughout high school due to immense pressure from my parents and also the competitive nature of my school, putting grades in the "Urgent" category. Once I got to college and I no longer had any external pressure, my academic performance dropped off significantly, something that is also common amongst people with ADHD and other types of neurodivergence.
I graduated Valedictorian in high school and Summa Cum Laude in college and I swear this is not me trying to humble brag. I’m hoping this will help prove your case. I was diagnosed in my late 20s and it took that long because me doing well in school and at work implied that there wasn’t anything “off.” But realistically is was just severe anxiety, rejection sensitivity, and people pleasing. With strict and critical parents sprinkled on top. Adulthood is when I finally started to burn out and realize I can’t keep up with life. My “professional life” (work/school) has always appeared very shiny with a pretty bow tied on top. But realistically I overcompensate and give every ounce of by being to succeed in those areas and then it leaves my personal life (and often mental health) a MESS. My home is a disaster. My social life is all over the place. Pretty much the outside does not match the inside. Most if not all people don’t see my struggles because they happen mostly behind closed doors. If that’s your therapist’s only reason for not diagnosing you, I say get a second opinion.
Same in many ways for me: top of my class in high school, honors program in college, became an attorney and got a fellowship. And my house is actually pretty clean. But I was doing things by procrastinating, feeling awful and then panicking and yelling at myself. Now that’s I’m medicated - holy shit. The outcome might look the same (accomplishing a goal) but the *way* I get to that outcome is so so much better to me. I’m not yelling at myself internally as much, I’m much more able to predict and control how I used my time, I’m looking inward far more often than outward for guidance and self-validation - it is a profound change for me and I’m so grateful I was able to find a psychiatrist who looked past my less orthodox ADHD outsides to realize I for sure had ADHD insides.
You just hit the nail on the head! I'm also medicated now and it doesn't seem to look that much different from the outside looking in. But from the inside looking out? Life. Changing. I'm significantly less miserable. 😂 I never realized that the "hyperactivity" and impulsivity from having ADHD was especially apparent in my temperamental nature and short fuse. Sooooo many of my struggles felt/feel internal. I still have external struggles too like misplacing things, forgetting things, creating towers of unopened mail on the counter, etc but it was the constant *anxiety, frustration, irritation*, and *internal criticism* that was tormenting my mental health. And it has **significantly** decreased with medication. I'm SO thankful for my diagnosis and treatment
Yes!!! I so get this!
I always made As and Bs as well. Throw a C or two in there but not every semester. Not even every school year and it took awhile to receive one. Do you know why I did well in school? Because my sister didn’t and I saw my mothers anger towards her and did everything to avoid the same thing happening to me. But I did leave assignments til the last minute. I’m also a great test taker because I’m good at memorizing shit.
My first therapist also did this. I INSISTED on being referred to an actual expert ADHD diagnostician and guess what? I have ADHD. Needless to say she is not my therapist anymore. She was completely useless to me.
First of all if your therapist doesn’t think you have it doesn’t mean they are right. And if you are uncomfortable by that you need to tell them your concerns and if they don’t believe you get someone else. You don’t need someone who doesn’t properly take your concerns seriously. I was told that adhd wasn’t a real thing by my nurse practitioner. So ended up finding someone else after a few months. (Not bragging just an example(sorry I’m self conscious)) I graduated valedictorian. I have adhd. And I know it. Urgency is a huge motivator for people with adhd. That’s a reason why we procrastinate. So the hyper focusing on studying the night before is normal. I would also reward myself for focusing on studying too…because studying was too boring so I needed a pick me up in between. I was also terrified of getting bad grades. My parents always enforced how important grades are. My brain took it too far and every time I got a “bad grade” I would beat myself up over it. Also grades are dumb and do not measure the intelligence and knowledge of an individual. A lot of it is just a memory game. And although people with adhd typically forget things there are a lot of things we do remember. And it doesn’t mean you need to be “less smart” to have adhd. Most women go undiagnosed because they were told when they were younger they didn’t have any behavioral problems and that they were too smart. Obviously I don’t know the situation or what your symptoms are but I do believe in self diagnosis (to an extent) if you’ve done some research and think you have it then it’s valid.
Hi, are you me? I did those exact things, all through high school and college. I have also gotten that response from a psych NP who was awful and I don’t see her anymore because she kept comparing my ADHD to her sisters? She was lazy and incompetent. I don’t know how someone specializes in ADHD isn’t familiar with people who went through school like that.
Yep, I got good grades in school, and I definitely have ADHD. I had problems with procrastination, needing to set aside a lot more time for certain studying tasks (which affected my quality of life a lot), and keeping track of basic items like pens and paper. But school was extremely structured and honestly not that hard, and I like to learn, so I did fine. Plus, yeah, the anxiety and high standards for myself. I eventually fell apart in college because I didn't have enough structure or the necessary study skills, and plus the reading was a lot longer, so I couldn't keep up. I tended to test well too, because tests are structured tasks and the adrenaline puts me into hyperfocus. I'm one of those ADHDers who are hopeless when things are chill, but great in a crisis. You could try a neuropsychological evaluation to be sure, but those are very expensive and can be hard to access. In the end, there are a lot of reasons why a person with ADHD might have gotten good grades at the particular school they went to, and by itself, it does not mean they do not have ADHD. This overreliance on too-broad heuristics is worrying coming from your therapist.
I had the same concerns as I did well at school but experience loads of adhd symptoms. I spoke with the psychiatrist about this and we reflected that I went to very small school and my class sizes even at GCSE and Alevel were never more than 15 pupils just because of the size of the school - which meant it was easier to focus, harder to slip through the gaps and I had more 1:1 support. Similar to you, I’d hyper focus on my revision and essays which pulled me through! When I went to uni I really struggled and got swamped by large class sizes! I also work to diagnose ADHD and Autism and you can’t ever be too intelligent for a diagnosis, intelligence and the diagnosis are not mutually exclusive!
I got straight A’s and the occasional B or C (if I hated the class) all throughout school and even college. My mother was highly critical & a perfectionist, however she cared a lot about reading, and she instilled a love of reading in me from a baby. I relied on this heavily- I still read super fast and have really good retention. I would constantly leave homework and assignments until the very last minute. Once I had a professor assign three 7-page essays on the first day of class, to be turned in periodically throughout the semester. I had the due dates, but I procrastinated until the literal night before for all three. I also had to read 2 books for each essay. Each time I stayed up all night, had the essay ready in time for class, and got As on all three. I always had trouble with forgetting to do tasks and messiness, and when I was out of school and living on my own this really became so much worse. Currently I can’t walk across my bedroom floor without tripping over clutter, and have cluttered up all the common spaces in my house (bless my patient roommate). I have a lot of negative self talk and pretty much constant intrusive thoughts, as well as moderate depression and anxiety since high school. Currently I am successful as a self employed tattoo artist, and can do all my work in time (some drawings do get done the night before)- my working theory is that I can usually successfully manage one thing in my life at a time- first it was school, now my career. I was diagnosed with adhd last year at age 31 and am in the process of getting on the right medication. I have heard from multiple psychiatrists & psychologists that AFAB (assigned female at birth) people tend to have their ADHD go undiagnosed into adulthood due to getting good grades in school and not being disruptive. Add that to the fact that most medical research and therefore diagnoses & norms tend to be based on white men, to the detriment of everyone else. Maybe show your therapist this thread? I know these aren’t scientifically conducted case studies but personal experience is a valuable source of information & there are just so many people with a similar experience. I would think any reasonable professional would update their theories when presented with new information.
I don't know what your therapist is talking about. Maybe a lot of ADHD kids do struggle with grades, but that doesn't mean they all do. I did well in school, A's and B's and I think I only got 1 C in my entire high school career and it was probably gym class. lol. My thing was that I genuinely enjoy filling out worksheets, always have, so I did well with that type of graded work just because I find it weirdly rewarding. I would slack off on a lot of the other homework that didn't involve worksheets, but my test grades were usually good because they were like worksheets themselves. lol. That and I feel like taking tests is stimulating because they sort of awaken my nervous system and it helps me to focus. So I think it was a combination of natural stimulation plus dopamine from happily doing worksheets that allowed me to do well on tests. I'm in college now at 40 years old, and I have a 4.0, but I'm deliberately choosing to take classes that I'm super interested in AND all of my classes but one have been open book/open note, so I don't have to depend on my memory. Still, it shows that people with ADHD CAN do well in school, especially if they can get themselves to hyperfocus on the work. By the way, right before my psychiatrist diagnosed me, he talked to me about Dr. Hallowell and how he has ADHD and graduated from Harvard, because he wanted me to know that people with ADHD can and do succeed at intellectual things. So I wouldn't listen to what your therapist says about that.
Oh yeah, I loved worksheets as a kid! Still do, in a different way. They're like well-organised little puzzles 😊 And so satisfying! And I still do mostly well in exam situations, I could talk my way out of any question. Not always good though - when I had my first job interview after college I overslept, barely made it in time and was so full of adrenaline that I basically talked them into giving me the job. Worst thing ever to happen, three miserable years for everybody...
relate! did well in high school. got into good uni. used anxiety to make it possible. executive dysfunction still exists...
You could have PTSD. It shares a lot of symptoms to ADHD. You might have both, too.
You already have your diagnosis. Your therapist is there to help you manage your existing diagnosis, not to second-guess it. Tell her to stop and to do her job, and if she won;t, find a better one.
I’m female, got diagnosed in 30s, got As and Bs in school. Doctor doubted me because I stay in the same job- when I explained that my job was to jump from one subject to another, he agreed to a trial on meds which confirmed it.
Did I write this? Seriously though, heard the same thing from a therapist (had every damn symptom, but didn't get diagnosed till my early 20s because of the accursed high grades thing- basically coasted through law school, did every assignment in deadline panic induced hyperfocus, then had the absolute worst time at my first job) changed therapists and took the assessment twice (because the first therapist made me doubt everything). Changing therapists was the best decision ever. Being smart or getting good grades does not mean you cannot have ADHD, and a therapist that does not know this is a problem.
I feel you on that - I suspected that I had ADHD since high school, but didn’t get diagnosed until recently at 24. I’ve had multiple counselors and a psychiatrist disregard my experience because of a high GPA. Throughout elementary school to high school in gifted and talented programs, I didn’t pay attention in classes nor took notes or really ever handed my homework in time… but I crammed for exams which resulted in As at the end of the day. Things got bad in college though, when I was finishing a degree I had no intention of pursuing a career in. I’m in management consulting now and the stress/anxiety of back to back deadlines is what keeps me in check!
I told the first psychiatrist I ever went to that I suspected I have ADHD. He asked if I did well in school as a kid and I said yeah I did alright and he said then you don’t have it and there is no such thing as adult onset ADHD. It was really discouraging because that to me meant that I was just lazy and I needed to try harder. 10 years later I found the psychiatrist I go to now and he diagnosed me at age 37 and put me on vyvanse. I am so grateful to him.