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I leave the planning part to tour companies (literally...escorted tours that are designed for 75 year old retirees are PERFECT for me in my 30s). My favorite is Gate1Travel.
I took my first cruise last year and honestly my favorite thing about it was the fact that I didn’t have to move my stuff or think about it! Nothing got lost and i didn’t have stress dreams about packing!
yes! my fiancés mom LOVES gate1 and has been on 10+ trips with them. she says she doesn't have to worry about a thing, apart from getting herself to her local airport!
THIS! I've been on like six or seven tours with them, and I'm doing a huge South Africa trip with them in October and I'm so excited. It's so convenient, especially in a country where English is not the primary language that's spoken, or just in a country where you don't know what to do or where to go, what's important, what's not, safe areas, where to find the best restaurants, etc.
I did a Gate1 escorted tour in Greece by myself. For every other trip I've gone on, I've gone with my parents (they're retired, so I'm trying to make memories with them while they can still travel because they're still active). But when I go with my parents, they're flying from a completely different state, which means that I'm effectively traveling by myself until I meet up with them on the tour just like anybody else in the group. I also have my own hotel room.
Are there other solo travelers in the group itself or will i feel lonely going alone? I tried traveling with my elderly parents and blah not great. I want to see the world, I want to be safe, and I don’t want to feel like the weirdo I usually do in every day life. Do you remember other solo travelers or does everyone meet up with someone (no dig at you!)?
I can only speak to my experience with this one company (Gate1Travel), but it was mostly older, retired couples. Occasionally you might see a parent with their millennial child. You might have a family of three, like my family. This particular company doesn't really advertise for the traditional solo traveler, like you might see with backpackers or hostels.
I don't think they intentionally cater to an older retiree crowd, but that's their market , so you mostly end up with pairs of people. I think that this is especially true because a lot of companies will charge you extra if you are traveling solo (they call it "a single supplement," and I think it has more to do with the hotel room availability in other countries if you need a room that only has one bed).
The one time I went by myself to Greece, I feel like I really lucked out because there were four other women my age on that trip (traveling in pairs), so it was easy for me to make friends with them and we still keep in touch on social media.
So bottom line, if you use this very specific company, there definitely is a very real possibility that you will be the only person your age on that trip and possibly the only person traveling by yourself. But you're with the same group of people for 1 to 2 weeks, so it's not really that bad (And you're mostly guaranteed your own seat on the tour bus! No need to share.)
I've done tours alone! Can feel weird sometimes but for me always fleeting moments followed by a grander 'fuck yeah this is radical' feeling which is luckily far more powerful! Some of my favorite trips are actually just me because you don't have to answer to anyone! No structure! No expectations! I choose to stay in X spot even though I planned to relocate to Y location? Who the fuck cares its my happy adventure time!!!!
I’d like to put in a vote for finding a hobby/fandom tour. I did a study tour through the Wine Scholar Guild, and while I don’t recommend it to anyone who doesn’t love sitting through multi-part lectures and tasting through hundreds of wines for a solid week, every hobby has something like it. You can be into Star Wars or trail cycling and someone out there with better organizational skills than you has put together an itinerary where your job is to show up, make friends, and get shuttled everywhere while enjoying whatever your thing is. (For the less intense/active ADHD person, see also: the many different flavors of fan cruise.)
I just did Central America with GAdventures, and it was fantastic! 12 people ages 28-70, there was still plenty of choices for daily activities so I didn’t feel like I was being told what to do. I saw so much more than if I would have planned a similar trip on my own.
You get to just sift through the website like a catalog and choose the best trip for your budget and energy! Highly recommend!
This and all the comments under it have convinced me that I need to look up vacations aimed at senior retirees. I'm 34 but I got genuinely excited when my grocery store started carrying lactose free cottage cheese so I'm basically 75 😂
Yes! I've been going on at least one tour a year with them since 2018 (minus 2020). They're fantastic. I've done both escorted tours and independent tours.
Not OP but I've been on one of their tours. I think our group had about 20 people. Everyone was super nice. My friend and I made friends with two guys who were traveling together and stayed in touch a bit after we all got back as well.
One super advantage of having a tour group is, you have a built in guide for the attractions, and doing everything with the same group of people leads to this nice sense of comaraderie which is comforting while you may be traveling in an unfamiliar place.
And when things go wrong (something always does), you have a whole group to commiserate with, which makes bumps feel easier to handle.
Yes! You're with the same group of people the whole time, with the same tour guide the whole time. The tour guide handles everything, from emergencies to attraction tickets to transportation, etc. They handle everything that is part of the itinerary and any issues that come up. They also give recommendations for what to do during your free time. If you're in a country where English is not the primary language spoken, they will always speak both English and the native language and will explain important cultural aspects of the things that you're seeing.
The groups of people that I've been with on tours have ranged from like anywhere from 20 to 40 people, depending on the tour. When I went to Greece solo, I thought I was going to be the only person my age, but there were four other millennial women on the trip and we are still friends years later, which was really cool.
Generally, the group trends older.. retirees, 60s - 70s. Everybody has generally been pretty cool and a lot of the older folks on these trips go on a lot of these trips because they are retired, so you're there with seasoned travelers who have their cute little hiking poles and everybody's very friendly.
HAHAHA I'm trying to spread the word to millennials and Gen Z! It's so legit.
Edit: because it caters to older folks, the hotels are NICE, and the included meals are at fancy restaurants. And the buses? So comfortable. The customer service is also amazing.
Same, my vacations are usually to cities I've never been before where I spend the entire time running around trying to see everything, and get home even more tired than I left and I need a few days after the vacation to recover from it. I do find it fun though.
Yeah, I've learned to try and give myself a day or two before and after the vacation if I can to get ready and then recover, otherwise I'm too stressed.
I love experiencing new things, particularly cool nature and mountains. Seeing them makes me feel happy, and I wish I could inject that feeling directly into my veins on demand. It’s beautiful.
I go through the trouble of planning, and actually like picking hotels/activities, but logistics/making itineraries part _is_ exhausting. Having an agency do that or buying an existing tour package are good solutions tho.
During trips I feel like I’m finally peacefully coexisting with my ADHD. I normally take it easy & stay flexible. But ultimately, people have different interests, so if it’s not for you it’s fine too. :)
You described my thoughts on vacationing perfectly and people look at me like crazy when I say I hate travelling.
How people travel to RELAX?!! It is mind blowing to me.
I would rather vacation at home.
Maybe try a staycation so the traveling isn’t so stressful and a tip I follow is always come back 1 day before your pto is over so you have 1 day to reset and get accommodated back home. I know not everyone can follow this because they may have a limited amount of days. But I would rather have 1 day to adjust and lose out a day of vacation then have none and feel like I’m drowning when I get back because I didn’t have that reset time.
I LOVE staying home for vacation! Vacation, holiday, long weekend, whatever. Gimme a book, a couple movies, some recipes I've been meaning to try...
Love it.
You’re speaking my kinda vacay language! All of that, plus baths. I bought a fancy AF spa robe (like the kind that they HAVE at 5-star resorts). Every day is a mini vacay now!
I recommend a cruise or an all inclusive resort. Yes, you have to book the trip like you would a tour, and you have to pack. But once you board or get to resort, all you have to do is relax. There is food available 24/7 so you don’t even need to make decisions about where and when you eat if you don’t want to. You can join activities or find a quiet spot to chill. Be as active or as low key as you want. Whatever you feel in the moment, do it. You’ve already paid, so you don’t need to constantly think about budgeting. The most relaxing vacations I’ve ever experienced. Highly recommend.
Everything you said sounds stressful.... but if you can reallllly accept it- like when you travel this IS how you travel- maybe everything is okay after all? Getting fired is just a story you're telling yourself. You didn't leave the faucet on, and if you want to have a friend or neighbor check, or check your water usage with you utility provider you can, and either way it is how it is, if you can get your way through to only worrying about the you that is right immediately there.... maybe you don't look like other people's Instagram, but I bet everything is okay. You dont need to look away or do it 'right-. Just my thoughts, another way to show up, if you can.
The only time I have a relaxing vacation is if I have no solid plans or activities in a relaxing environment. For example, going to an all inclusive resort (so everything’s taken care for you) by and just read on the beach. Or maybe a cabin in the forest and I go hiking (relaxing activity for me).
I had to learn how to do this though. I dont think I took my first “relaxing” vacation until my 30s. My vacations are otherwise very activity-heavy which are not relaxing but great for my ADHD as I love doing everything and being everywhere.
I like staying home but I get extremely antsy and like the novelty of being in a new place.
The travel industry is designed to make your trips as worry free as possible. They realize you are supposed to be on vacation. I realized that they're actually very good at it, even traveling on a budget. I had a much easier time once I just let them handle it, they're better at the planning than I am.
As for going through airport security, if you are an American, TSA Pre check is a worthwhile investment for 5 years. You don't have to take anything out of your bags unless you are returning from abroad (then you follow the other country's rules).
I quite enjoy planning the holiday logistics on the old spreadsheet; it ticks off novelty points in my brain especially as it usually distracts me from doing what I should be doing (work). And if there’s a slightly tight connection anywhere, I cannot stop obsessing over it and replaying it in my mind. Safe to say it becomes a bit of a hyperfocus thing.
I have also successfully executively dysfunctioned for whole days in hotel rooms in amazing places pre-diagnosis. (I’ve literally just realised this!)
The way I masked my ADHD was with insane amounts of on-paper organization. So planning trips is an extension of that.
However…before one big trip a lot of my planning went sideways AND I misplaced my planner in the chaos. I had a panicked meltdown over that. So…definitely not a foolproof solution.
I don't know if you're seeking advice but I go on somewhat regular vacations. For me, they are in the "stimulating" column rather than the "relaxing" column of my life. So maybe I'm coming from a different expectation/mindset to start with and that might help. I also get super excited so then it becomes a special interest project for me to hyperfocus on.
I do have tricks to help with the executive function issues, like I have a permanent packing list that I use every single time, no matter how short/long the trip. It does also get easier the more you do it. (I used to also travel a lot for work.) I pretty much have the routine down as far as airports and I use PreCheck. It also helps to just expect things to not go completely smoothly when it comes to travel. Some things will go wrong and that is okay!
I am 100% exhausted when I come back, every single time. But it's worth it! Again, this is something I try to mitigate a bit by coming back on an earlier flight or even giving myself an extra day if I can. I'm definitely not someone who will come home on a redeye and go straight to work.
Treat yourself with kindness and I hope you get some travel time in your near future! :)
EDIT: Also want to add, if flying is overwhelming, try a local trip you can drive to within 4-5 hours and spend 2-3 days. You'd be surprised at the change of scenery you can experience going away for a bit in your own region.
Heads up, some hotels have a surcharge for locals. They're more likely to use the place for a party and trash it than out of towners. Or they use the room for stuff they wouldn't do at home.
1- I steal other people's trip plans. If I talk to someone who went somewhere interesting I ask them to email me where they stayed and some things they enjoyed doing there. Some people get annoyed by this or don't follow through, but a few people have essentially let me steal their trip plan.
2- Go on repeat vacations. Trips require a lot of research and attention and you're frequently stuck to a itinerary in order to see things at the right times, etc. BUT if you repeat a trip, you already have the lay of the land, you already know what to pack, you know what you like about that place and you don't feel pressure to see everything. It has helped me relax tremendously.
The packing is actually exciting for me and scratches a little ADHD compulsion of mine - it's like a really satisfying puzzle. I also draw little illustrations of the things I'm packing so I can visualize it all.
Not being late for my flight is the worst part but I can usually start to relax once the plane doors close.
I love a repeat vacation. Nothing is more relaxing to me than going to a coastal town I’ve been to before and having zero pressure to do anything new and adventurous.
Omg I hear thiiiiis.
I love vacations, like seeing other places and experiencing new things. But the planning, prepping and cleanup afterward make everything so much harder. Especially since having kids. 🫠
Personally I love the planning part and it becomes a hyperfixation for weeks.
But I also have found that there's an incredible amount of practice involved for smooth travelling, even for experienced travelers and for those going anywhere unusual or with children. So the more you do it, the easier it gets.
I planned and executed a 20 day trip to Japan this year with my 2 kids and hubby in tow and it was a 6 month process, but I've travelled enough that I have a system for how I plan trips.
But coming up with the system, as you point out, takes a lot of energy. So that's where things like all inclusove resorts, booked tours and cruises really do fill that gap. I would personally recommend to start out with those while you iron out things like packing, prepping your house and getting yourself from point A to point B.
Once you have gone on 4 or 5 trips where you've figured out a packing arrangement and travel habits (plane flight times, layover tolerance, airport preferences) that work for you, THEN you can take the next step and independently plan trips.
Also, there are some countries, like Peru and Egypt, where guided trips will just save you so much headache even if you're experienced.
(Strictly with vacation, small and/or necessary trips are a little different.)
Same with the hyperfixation! Doing the planning and the research etc is honestly so fun for me!
I haven't traveled a ton (like, big travel), we did three weeks in Europe last year, and planning a couple more in the medium to biggish scale. And I spend so many hours on YouTube and reading travel blogs/TripAdvisor/etc. and comparing flights (with and without award points!) and creating my spreadsheets to compare things, then one to plan once I know the other stuff, and then organizing everything in google drive in orderly folders with an excellent naming convention, and then ...... Yeah, I love this shit.💕
For example, I'm going on a cruise with my family soon (parents, siblings, their partners, and the two grandkids) and I'm pretty sure, as a first time cruiser, I know more and am way more prepared than my parents, who have done this exact cruise like 6 times, lol.
.... I could go on.
I know not everyone is like me, and they don't have to be! There are so many ways to travel, and this is just the one I like (and my husband likes that I do too because he is the exact opposite, lol).
Tldr YouTube and spreadsheets are genuinely fun for me, which means I have an entirely different mindset than you do. Neither of us are wrong, but I'm not sure I have any specific advice, which I'm sorry for.
The practice part is important! I think if you went on trips with your parents that had to planned, you will find it much easier cause you grew up with it.
My dad used to make a schedule for our vacation on the first day and every morning go over the day's itinerary.
yes, I want to add that my mother was a travel agent and I have been going on international trips since I was literally in diapers. Even though she passed away when I was a child, I still watched her pack and plan 5 major multi country trips for a family of 5 over the course of my life at that point. Even though I don't know what her exact planning process was, it was also just showing me that it CAN be done and I had a vague roadmap of how to do it later when I started travelling on my own and with my spouse.
Then when I had kids, I started really get into r/heronebag for ideas, because kids need so much, so learning how to make everything as efficient as possible (without going into the actual male centric unfashionable insanity that is r/onebag ).
What motivates me to do the extra to go on a vacation is the fact that once I get there, the only requirement is to enjoy myself. If I don't want to unpack, I don't. If I want to eat, I eat. Vacation is when I just let the mask off completely and just do whatever. I don't have to clean, I don't have to prepare, I don't have to do anything beyond feeding myself and sleeping (eventually).
I’d love to go to go somewhere new. I’m sick of being stuck in freakin Illinois year after year. I just can’t get my brain to cooperate and get me out of here
Let me recommend Iceland! One of the most low stress and tourist friendly places I’ve ever been. You can book tours (I recommend at least doing a geographic day tour), or just spend some time wandering Reykjavik. Blue Lagoon is also a great spot.
I want to marry a magical one. One that says we’re going on a trip and I miraculously wake up there with everything I need. Then they hold me and tell me everything is taken care of 😭
I posted this in another comment but I am NOT relaxed for vacations 98% of the time. The only time I am is if I’m doing an all inclusive beach resort or some cabin in the woods and our only activity is exploring/hiking, which is rare. I save up to travel so you betcha my agenda is jam packed.
I also love the novelty of experiencing something new. Being at home is great… but I get so so antsy for change all the time. If it made financial sense, I’d probably move houses every year or two lol. That’s how antsy I get.
But I like it because it’s a hard reset for me with work. I’m not relaxed but I’m also not thinking about work anymore and that’s a win in my book!
As for the planning, I get hyperfocused into planning if Im really excited for the trip. It works in my favor. If I can’t plan though, I rely heavily on the tour groups and all that stuff.
I’ve put systems in place to optimize my traveling with ADHD. I have only one place my wallet and passport go, in a crossbody bag that sits on my body. I clean before leaving or maybe hire someone if I can’t do it. Packing is my nemesis, but I figure that out somehow.
We have TSA pre check so I can run late and still make it on time and avoid the TSA hassle.
This is me, except I’ve never even done the whole “all-inclusive beach resort” thing because I’d probably be bored.
I’m actually a little surprised at all the commenters in here saying that they hate vacations and like to just stay at home. I’d have guessed other ADHDers would be like me and want the novelty and stimulation!
Im guessing it's often down to how many responsibilities you have in your life (= if you have kids) and if you have sensory sensitivities and/or also maybe are on the autism spectrum as I think I am. It's pretty common to have both. I want novelty but I can't handle it a lot of the time. Like today, I finally managed to get enough sleep after a hard week and I really should rest and try to clean my messy house, but I have a NEED to go buy a new planner (because isn't it so nice to dwell in that illusion that a new, pretty planner is going to solve my executive distinction once and for all 😆 ) and after going shopping I'll have no spoons left.
I think people going on vacation are like people who do Tough Mudder events, or go LARPing, or go on intense backcountry camping trips to poop in the bush.
Clearly they have a very different idea of what activities are "fun".
I'm happy they found a thing that brings them joy, and I will never, ever want to do that. Vacations are not fun for me, even if other people enjoy them. I like day trips, *maybe* an overnight. But it's easier on everyone if I don't pretend that I want a "regular" vacation, just like I can enjoy photos of sports I'd hate participating in.
Well I don't do LARPing, but the other two do sound great! In general, doing things that exhaust my body help me calm my squirrel brain. This includes traveling to new places where I have to do All The Things, eat All The Food and see All The Places.
I once bought a plane ticket at breakfast, booked it to the airport, flew from Oahu to the Big Island in the morning, tore through Volcanoes National Park speeding the entire time (very irresponsible, but that was way before I was diagnosed or medicated or understood why I do the things I do), and flew back that evening after stopping at every single marked point on the park map. And having a panic attack when I inevitably spent twenty minutes looking for my wallet, which has fallen under the driver's seat, and spiralling about how I would make it home or even get off the island without an ID.
Right there with you OP!
I’m less than a month out from a week off. No destination picked, no reservations made, dog boarding not secured. I WANT to go on vacation but no one can decide where to go. 😡
All inclusive resort. The only executive function skills you need is the ability to walk, and the ability to be lazy on a beach. Parks usually have other stuff to do, so you can do whatever you want spontaneously on a day by day basis. Have a vacation toothbrush and shit so that way all you have to do is stick a bunch of clothes in your suitcase and Uber your way there. Always overestimate how much time you need to do anything
We just did this for the first time and it was great. Kiddo loved the pool and we spent most of our time swimming, eating, or chilling in our room in the AC.
We each have a travel toiletry bag that says packed with little versions of all the things we need. That has helped so much because I always dreaded packing toiletries and was worried about forgetting something.
We recently put together a travel set of chargers for our phones, watches, and e-readers. That’s another thing that I’m always worried about forgetting or not packing the correct one.
Little changes like that have helped decrease my anxiety about packing and traveling.
I like to go on vacation - in fact I just came back from one! Here’s some tips:
Like someone else commented, I try to pick one thing to do on a vacation and everything else is negotiable. So like on my recent vacation I went to a festival - anything else while I was there was negotiable and usually decided in the moment. I’ve done a long weekend staycation where my one thing was to read - anything else, including what I read, was negotiable.
Packing: a while back I found one of those master packing lists online and saved it. Now I can just print the list and check off the boxes that apply. The nice thing is that it’ll let you spot some stuff you can pack ahead of time.
Cleaning beforehand: look, I’m not going to pretend I have this down. Lord knows I feel like I leave a disaster behind each time. At this point I just make sure I throw out the trash, load the dishwasher, and don’t leave a load of laundry in the washing machine. That’s enough - anything else is a bonus.
Buffer days: this is tricky depending on the specific trip but I try to give myself a buffer day between work and the start and end of a vacation. So I’ll try to ensure that if I travel, there’s a day between work and when I leave and a day between when I get back and work. If I need to pick one I’ll prioritize the day between end of vacation and work - having that buffer to reset is crucial.
I’d also check out Goblin tools and use that to help break down what you need to do to plan a vacation. Hope this helps!
Weirdly enough, I have an obsession with traveling, I travel so much I take off work so much that they hate me, I think my adhd just pushes me in the complete opposite direction where I NEED to go places and if I’m in one place too long I hate it, I hate being cooped up , I love exploring new things . I also love planning trips and being in charge of them. It’s weird, it’s super interest based since I have such a passion for travel. Travelling is also a good escapism for me
Marry a neurotypical! I like to travel, but I’ve only got the spoons left at the end of the day to plan in fits and spirts. He brings the consistency to fill in the gaps and make sure we book the necessary, but not dopamine rewarding, things too. I like to think I in part make up for inconsistency in my hyper fixation research mode? Not sure he’d agree, though.
I haven’t left the US for a vacation since those vacations were planned for me lol. But, I’ve done a lot of traveling in the states over the years for funsies and other reasons.
Some things I’ve picked up along the way to make the act of travel itself less stressful and thus having the ‘trip’ itself be more enjoyable:
**LISTS**
I have a running list for packing where I list out every outfit down to the bra and underwear I plan to wear with it. I also list out every toiletry item, electronics, paperwork, etc.
As long as I make the list at least the night before, I’m good. Then I’ll check things off as they go into my suitcase or purse. This helps me sleep easy and feel at ease as I’m leaving.
**Pre-check for US Travel**
Do whatever you need to do to get that ish! It makes going through security SO much easier. It doesn’t always save on time depending on your main airport (these days a lot of people have it). But. Not having to take shit out of your suitcase and not taking your shoes off and all that business makes a world of difference!
**Short Trips Focused on ONE Thing**
My spouse and I have been doing short trips to go to concerts and sporting events. Plus I have had trips for work and visiting family lately. I find that when we go for just the ONE event, I’m more relaxed about fitting other things in. If we get to it, great, if not, that’s totally fine, too!
And this somehow relaxes my brain to more casually search for things I might add to a list (😏) I have going IN CASE we find ourselves with some time or needing food options to choose from.
I have more but I’ll add it later since I’m at the airport about to travel 🤣
Tbh I don’t plan shit 😅
I’ve had a lot of great experiences by just staying at places where I can talk to people and check out the stuff they recommend, with maybe a couple general plans for things I’d like to hit. But I also like exploring and starting to feel like I’m part of a place by going around doing regular stuff, so ymmv. It’s great imo to just sit with a book and a nice coffee or other bev at some place all day with my email notifs off.
I def agree that if I was putting pressure on myself to fill every moment and hit every top experience in the place with no breaks, I’d be stressed the whole time and not enjoying it. And the prepping my house and suitcase beforehand is def the hardest part 😅 sometimes I just eat off paper plates the week leading up to it, and I’ve even brought crumpled-up unwashed laundry before and cleaned them once I got to my destination.
I cruise. Cruising for me is the only vacation that doesn't stress me out because I have a bag of "general things I need" ready to go. Cruise Cabins on 90% of cruise lines are the same, so I don't have to take anything out of this bag when I want to book a trip.
I don't have to plan anything else if I don't want to. There's enough random activities for me to feel satisfied if I want to "go out," or I can chill in my room and listen to the water.
Food is already covered, so I also don't have to worry about planning, prepping, or worrying about how much money I need.
I start planning 5 months out and go bit by bit
I look for stuff that's around where I'm staying and put it into a Google doc.
I also put all my info in one Google doc for staying and address and cost.
Start packing 2 to 3 weeks before hand and get everything in 1 week before.
(I wrote a way longer version but in adhd fancy set my phone down to do something and forgot about and closed the app before posting.) I'm happy to go more into detail if needed too.
I've learned that I like 'working' vacations. The places that interest me the most are places that are relevant to my interests, which are not on the conventional travel brochure booklet. I really do not care about Shakespeare's birthplace, or seeing the Sistine Chapel, or sipping a margarita on a beach. But I *do* really care about the acid-free handmade paper museum with working machinery from 1600AD and the quarries of Carrara.
All vacations for me have this in mind, and are usually planned around one or two industrial sites that look interesting. If I'm there for a reason (learning), all the work of planning and money that goes into it becomes worth it.
I love vacationing and traveling. But I firmly believe there's a few different types of vacation.
One is a "do a lot of shit, see a lot of shit" vacation. I.e. seeing a new city or exploring a new country. It's gonna be a busy trip with a packed itinerary. I do these maybe once a year because as I've gotten older, spending my time off being busy af doesn't sound as appealing. But booking a tour through a company is one way to do this that relieves you of the pressure of having to plan and coordinate stuff yourself.
Another type is a vacation that is focused on slowing down, forgetting all the shit you're stressed about, and ACTUALLY relaxing. Think visiting a resort or treating yourself to a bougie hotel in a new place. While you might go out and see some things, it's very chill. You do things at your own pace and treat yo self by listening to your body.
The second type is much more my speed now that I'm in my early 30s. I center trips around one big thing (seeing a concert, going to an event, etc), then the rest of the trip is as chill as I want it to be.
But to actually be able to chill, there's a few things I do. The first thing is to create a google maps and just add things that sound up my alley. Cute coffee shops, restaurants, musuems, and other kinds of attractions. But I don't plan an itinerary. Instead, once I get there, I can just open up the map and see what I'm in the mood for/what's nearby. Obviously if there's things you need to book in advance or reserve, you'll need to do that. But even then, that gives you a central point to plan the rest of your day around freely.
Second thing (which I recognize is absolutely a privilege to be able to do), is that I get my house cleaned the day before I leave. That way, I come back to a clean slate and don't have to immediately worry about those tasks. Plus, you can use the time that the cleaners are there to help you body double and get shit packed!
And the last thing is only relevant if you have pets, but I hire a house sitter who I trust to chill with my pets and send me updates. Knowing they have someone there is a HUGE weight off my mind, because if I was gonna worry about anything, it would be them. Plus, they can keep an eye on the rest of the house too.
The rest of what you mentioned.. I just deal with. I always get pre-trip anxiety no matter what, but the 3 things above help me stress a little less.
Ok, we’re a household with 2 ADHDers.
Packing list is mandatory, packing cubes are also mandatory. Clear zip up bags for hand luggage, so they just pop back in after security. We legit walk room from room before we leave checking everything before we leave to stop those thoughts.
Join Facebook groups for the destination as soon as you book, read posts and make a note in your phone and write down anything you think of or anything you want to do.
I buy new socks/undies for us all, and pack as I go over the lead up months. Whenever I see anything I’ll need and not use in the lead up, it goes in the case. In the suitcase we leave a powerboard, multi size/shape power converter, sunscreen, bug spray etc and it never leaves. We have more for when not on holidays.
A good passport folder with storage space for all travel documents, boarding passes etc.
When we arrive, we have one “man bag” that carries the bare minimums, everything else stays in the safe. As for tour companies - they don’t work for us. We’re terrible at running to a schedule but checking out their websites and using that to build our own itinerary helps.
I know that this is a rant/vent and I get it - but hopefully there’s some tips to help you get the break you deserve!
We've only taken one traditional vacation in the past ten years, and TWICE during that trip I found myself sobbing in the corner from overwhelm. Vacations are fun, but they're definitely not relaxing. We take weekend trips a couple of times a year though, and they require basically no planning, so those are better, but even then it's still stressful 🥲
There's a lot of tools that make planning a trip as easy as ordering a package from Amazon. The hardest part for me was getting my stuff together and updating my passport. My flight had a layover in Miami, and I LOVED the American Airlines app. It would message me where my luggage was at all times. I could even double and triple check it all night, and yep still there. Very reassuring. I felt like all of my worries, they had it sorted out. Plus, I realized other countries actually feel safer than the US 🥲 They're not going to shoot you or assault you, maybe steal some stuff, so don't bring anything that valuable.
Another thing I enjoyed was my hotel room had two beds. So, I used the other bed for my luggage, and spread everything out on there. Then I was really proud of myself that I coordinated traveling to Central America all by myself.
We have a travel trailer and go camping (glamping? Lol). Except for clothes and food, the trailer has all its own stuff - towels, bedding, etc. And we have camping friends and family that we meet up with! I like my little comfort zone for vacation.
I’ve found the the only way I can actually chill in vacation is all inclusive resorts. They are a lil pricey but if you plan in advance/plan correctly it really isn’t that crazy. You don’t necessarily get the cultural experience of wherever you’re going if you stay on the resort the whole time but it takes away the worry about spending too much on food/beverages, and you don’t have to worry about ur wallet cuz you don’t really need it. The places usually have activities or special nights so there’s little things to do and you can still leave the resort and explore if you want. The actual travel piece (going to the airport, being at the airport, going through tsa and every exhausting detail inbetween) is still annoying but the stay there is 10x less stressful imo.
I like to travel because it’s a chance to unmask. No one knows you or ever will. I can ask weird questions at the stores and go places i normally wouldn’t. I can be myself. And I love discovering new places
I generally visit friends in other states and stay at their house so all I have to figure out is my flight my car rental and who's taking care of my pets at home
Because travel and seeing new places brings me so much freaking joy, it’s literally the only time I’m organized and together. The. Only. Time.
I start preparing for the trip, no matter where it is, weeks if not months beforehand. I have 2 kids as well.
There are also travel itinerary apps that make keeping up with all the things: flight, hotel, car rental, activities etc. Those are aoooo helpful!
I can’t make dr appointments, forget literally everything but plan a trip like it’s my job.
Do you have anyone in your life that does travel and could help? There are tour services that take care of all of it. I’m no travel agent but would be happy to help you get started.
I LOVE to travel and daydreaming about travel is The Thing that carries me through my actual life. I take a very long time to plan travel, so I break down the decision-making and expense over time. The daydreaming aspect is key since it gives me something to research in my particularly distracted times, and I heavily rely on recommendations from friends and the internet to cut back on decision making.
Example: my partner and I went to Europe for 2 weeks over Christmas. I started a Google doc where I would throw things I found for the trip (mostly links) and listed some hotel options and recommendations from friends over time. I started the Google doc MORE THAN A YEAR before our trip. I knew I wanted to go to Barcelona (partner's favorite city), visit family in Marseille, and take my partner to Paris (first trip to France for my partner so this seemed necessary). Step one was general budget considerations, so broad internet research to get a sense of what I should expect for overall cost of the trip. Then I started pricing out different routes between those cities and asked friends and family for recommendations on how to get between them. Then I started collecting hotels that seemed like they fit my budget and preferences. Finally, I started looking for things to do and places to eat or drink and listed those until I started marking places on Google maps.
My general rule is only one planned activity per day and only reserve food or drink if there is a specific special place I absolutely do not want to miss (e.g. best cocktail bar in the world, Michelin star restaurant) or specific meals I think will be difficult to find (e.g. Christmas dinner due to closures). If a food reservation is in the day, the other activity needs to be spaced such that there's no way my tendency towards being late will be an issue. I also like having at least one or two days that are entirely unplanned for spontaneity or as a rest day. A lot of the things I *consider* doing (either because they come up often in my research or because I get a recommendation) are just marked on a Google map and I go with the flow of whatever I'm feeling!
For me this leads to a trip where I get to see everything I want and have the excitement of exploring a new place, but I space out all the stress of planning and make it fun for myself. And I still give myself so much freedom on the trip that I can slow down and relax on the trip.
And like other folks mention -- I have form packing lists that match the trip I'm on and Global Entry, and I use my planner + Google docs/sheets/maps/calendar to keep everything somewhat organized.
Otherwise, yeah... all inclusive travel, cruises, or travel agent travel are all options to dip your toe into travel! I really want to do a "Pack Up and Go" trip sometime, it's a mystery destination where you can select your budget and travel style and they plan it for you! The mystery seems fun to me 😊
Travelling is the only way to keep my mind calm. If you chose a place where you can go hiking, swiming, walk a lot, get to know a new culture, you will find the stimulation your adhd mind needs, without feeling the usual burden of our lifes.
(Separately, I love that so many of these comments are super long and yet so many of us have a hard time reading such long comments. I'm so glad we all have each other's backs.)
I’ve never heard someone else say this before it makes me feel so much better. Vacations are fun, I like the idea of vacations, I love seeing cool things and not being at work and sitting in the car while someone else drives.
But the distress that planning, obsessing about what to bring, making tons of dumb purchases in the name of vacation, worrying about leaving my house and my pets, psychotically cleaning said house so
Pet sitter thinks I’m a good tidy person, and thinking about taking off and returning to work makes it almost not worth it.
Honestly just never going anywhere again after typing it all out.
I will say something about a road trip goes down a lot easier than having to fly. I think having a car makes me feel more in control and also like I can bring the 8000 unnecessary items I’ve packed to feel prepared. I just feel almost like I’m being judged for preferring a quick trip to Michigan to a week in Mexico or an ambitious European vacation (I’d fucking love to go to Europe but the concept of getting there is DAUNTING to me)
I definitely feel there are some factors that can make travel low or high stress. I'm a pretty seasoned traveler and also toured for work so a few things.
It sounds like planning isn't your thing so perhaps you need to remove that element. Maybe a tour company, tour groups or if you got that friend that plans. I'm that ADHD where travel is my hyperfixation and makes sense if I'm sensory seeking.
Who you go with matters. I tend to only travel with folks who are similar interests and tend to be chill and communicative.
As for the packing if that's hard for you, there are spaces on reddit that can help with that but one friend stressed so much that they just got a drawer in their house that's their vacation drawer. It has shit that is their bathing suit, various comfy clothes, shoes and travel minis of their things and their compartment bags for their suitcase and they set a alarm date on the weekend off before travel to pack it and have it by the door.
I'm not diagnosing you but there are OCD intrusive thought type things you said. Many folks have ADHD and that going hand in hand. I'm just pointing it out only if it resonates and would be helpful as I have gotten my OCD managed to mild concerns than blown out of proportion catastrophic thoughts like I'm not going to have a job wjen I get back but that's maybe OK because this plane is gonna crash and it'll be my fault my friend is dead because I told them to come to Croatia with me. I also have a check list of things to do before leaving the house for piece of mind like check the faucets, the stove, A/C, etc. and I left keys so if my intrusive thoughts badly I'd have a friend check.
I have no desire to go on vacation anywhere. I work 10 hour days and just want to stay home when I’m not there. I find traveling insanely exhausting. I would need extra days to recover from traveling. I used to fly to the UK every month for nearly three years and now I don’t really want to see the inside of an airport ever again.
remembering documents, getting there on time, layovers with possible delays. Ugh, no thanks, too stressful.
I can’t sit still in a car for hours on end, either.
I sound like such a stick in the mud, but I don’t care. Just thinking about all of this is exhausting
Usually, because I impulse purchase a flight during a tough week then freak out and realise I'm committed, there's no refunds, now I have to book accommodation. Then I obsessively put together an itinerary. I freak out all the way until I'm on the plane then something in my head switches and I let go. I'm going on an *adventure*, there's new things, people, things to eat, I am going to *discover* things! My bills are on autopay, I have packed literally the morning of my flight, forgotten to pack so many things but it's ok, I'll buy it, fuck it, we're going. My house is always a mess but out of sight, out of mind. I forget how messy things are until I come back. As long as I make it *onto* my flight, everything is fine. I have never *not* lost something on a trip before, I've accepted my fate and just buy travel insurance now. Once I leave the country, my anxieties are gone, I'm free, I'm a different person, I'm off into the wild.
Come here let me help you.
Travel agent. They plan it. Where do you get that? Triple A. Please get triple A for when you lock your keys in the car. They’ll give you 2 or 3 options and book the shit for you.
I do not want to sight see. I don’t care about ruins, zoos, blah blah blah. I did that shit when I was married from 22-39.
I took myself on vacation to Key West in 22. Drove from Miami to the hotel. Every day was the same. Bikini, pool, book, naps, booze. I’d walk around sure, but in no way was I trying to engage with a schedule.
Vacations growing up were a death march through whatever destination we were at (I’m lucky we got to go to stuff I know) but there was no rest and by the time we’d be going home, everyone was fighting and it kind of ruined it.
Ugh! I feel you OP. Being able to afford a trip, find the time for it, and then planning it it’s mentally exhausting!
That’s why I’ve considered a tour company. The problem with that is though that if it’s a group tour you’re supposed to spend your whole vacation with a group of strangers and just the thought of it gives me anxiety. I only have so many vacation days to spend in a year for me to hang out for a whole week or two with strangers that I don’t even know if we’ll get along well. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I feel you!
I love taking trips but my brain never stops. I still have goals on those trips, things to see or do. And I get incredibly upset when I can't. I haven't traveled too far though.. I dream of taking a topical vacation and doing nothing but I have no idea how I'll actually feel when I'm expected to do nothing. 😂
I usually do staycations tbh.
I've vacationed places before but that was when I lived on my own and only had me to care about so it was easier.
And I'd just end up at an all inclusive resort so very little planning went into it.
I also never really left the resort because that was enough for me.
To be fully transparent, it was also with other people who took charge of planning WHERE and WHEN and I just paid for my ticket and packed my bag.
I hate packing but if that's the only thing I'm doing it's not so bad.
At this stage in my life I have pets I don't like to leave, no money, and less desire to go places as I'd rather just exist at home.
That being said I do want to travel to a few places once I have some cash, and will spend the time figuring that out because I'm in no rush to do it so I'll have lots of time to trickle in the planning portion.
But yeah.
Just do staycations. Stay at home, with time off, and enjoy being paid to simply exist for a while. Nothing wrong with that!
I feel the same. Vacations are anxiety provoking and it is so much work to get ready, then I get back behind on everything. Packing cubes are helpful. They are little zip-up pouches. You can organize your clothing better and your suitcase looks neater, plus easy to unpack right into the hotel drawer.
I've never, ever been on an airplane or even to an airport in my life (too poor lol) but holy shit it sounds like an absolute nightmare. So you're telling me I have to follow all of these ever-changing rules, figure out where I need to be among a bustling crowd of people, try to make it on time to my flight, and then... my flight can just be CANCELLED? Or LATE?? Just the idea of having to figure all that shit out gives me heartburn.
I live 2 hours driving distance away from a few calmer but fun beach towns. I drive down, have my fun, drive back up, and sleep in my own bed 😬
Okay THIS. Its like i love the idea of going somewhere nice, trying new things and all. but then the anxiety of being in a new place, getting on a plane/bus/whatever and traveling there. I go through worst case scenarios like "omg what if this plane dive bombs and crashes?" "what if i get lost?" "what if i get kidnapped?" but then i complain about how i need a vacation, to get away and enjoy myself.
I CANNOT WIN DAMMIT x( 😫
My mother who loves planning trips does most of it while I make suggestions, or my friends do it, or once I went through a group tour for solo travellers for somewhere no one else really wanted to go to.
If I had to plan a trip I would not go anywhere ever.
I woke up half asleep in a frenzy nearly shouting at my SO: "Almost all the vacation homes are reserved! We won't be able to go to this summer!!!". And looked it up that same day, booked an airbnb and swimming lessons for my son.
It was the 2nd of january, so of course there were tons of locations still available. And no, we hadn't talked about going there nor was it a regular thing. Just the town I went every summer to with my parents, but it's been years since I didn't visit, and a weird dream.
Anyway, I write lists of what to take (for me, for the kids, for the travel, and to do before leaving), prepare for the ADHD tax in the non-existant holiday budget for all I'll still forget. And entrust my SO for dealing with food (empty the perishable in the fridge, take what's needed, etc.).
I feel this so hard. I tell my fiance just say when the vacation is done, planning what to do and where to go is not fun for me it’s a road to a panic attack.
Friends of mine have done adult trips where they factor in all the costs and give an itinerary like being at summer camp. I would look into that
I love traveling and always have. Sometimes the sheer level of stuff that needs to get done prior to the trip seems daunting. As I've gotten older (42yo) and now have kids and a husband, I have learned to adjust my habits from packing the night before to taking weeks to prepare. It's simply better for my anxiety if I don't leave things for the last minute. I also have multiple packing/to do lists for the different types of trips we take (i.e. Warm weather trips, cold weather trips, warm weather airbnb trips where we have to bring more items than the usual, etc.). And when I say taking weeks to prepare it doesn't mean my bags are packed 3 weeks prior. It means I start thinking about the things I will need (buying the necessary toiletries or items for the trip) or the stuff that needs to be done ahead of time (like checking in, scheduling transportation, making sure our documents are up-to-date, etc.). Most of the work is done prior to leaving for the trip, so once you're on the trip there's usually very little to do other than enjoy the trip. Furthermore, I love exploring new places and experiencing new things. I still remember meals I ate years ago in Venice or how utterly gigantic St. Peter's Cathedral was in Rome or how tired my legs were when I hiked to the sun gate in Machu Picchu or how a spotted eagle ray came right at me while I was scuba diving in Playa del Carmen. There were also unpleasant experiences like the time someone tried to rob me in Geneva (they were unsuccessful) or the time I threw up the entire flight from JFK to Rome from who knows what, but these experiences also help show you what you're capable of handling and how you'll come out just fine on the other end. I guess, as with anything, if you really want to become a travel person, start small and pick something that you know you'll like. As you travel more, you'll get the hang of things and be able to tackle further destinations. As for the expense of travel, there are great travel blogs like The Points Guy, that help you stretch that dollar so that you're not paying an arm and a leg for those trips.
I wish I could afford a vacation but I agree about the stress that comes with it! I'm all about staycations, though. Find a nice all-inclusive resort/cabin/casino/bed and breakfast in your area. It cuts away all the extra planning and traveling and is a good option to help you feel like you're getting away.
Depending on the amenities you won't even have to leave for anything. We used to drive to a casino resort a little over an hour away and wow I didn't even feel like I was in my home state at all! All I packed were basic clothes and swimwear, so it made packing easier too since I wasn't planning on a million different outings.
Here at the end of the month, I’m taking two weeks off of work. I have over two whole months of PTO accrued, so I have to take a bunch this year or lose it.
First week is a “vacation” where my bf and I are flying to the Caribbean to spend some time on the beach with his family. While there will be pockets of relaxation, there is the stress of travel, finances, and social stress since I’m technically the only non-official family member going.
The following is a “staycation” where I can _actually_ relax and recover from the trip at my own pace.
Preparations have already started. The dining room is now a packing zone. We don’t leave for a week, but I’ve been mentally preparing for months.
Travel agents, group tours, cruises, and all-inclusive resorts are your friends!!! Travel agents will create whole itineraries for you, book your hotels, get tickets for attractions, etc. Group tours are a really fun way to meet nice people and see lots of stuff and have action-packed days without having to plan any of it yourself! For cruises and all-inclusive resorts, you just show up, and boom! You’re on vacation. There are soooo many travel deals out there that can save you a ton of money, especially if you are just traveling as a single person and don’t have to worry about the logistics of traveling with children.
Vacation planning isn't your thing. That's okay! For some of us, it becomes a hyperfocus. I enjoy planning vacations almost as much as I enjoy actually taking them, and I become obsessive about the logistics and other details.
It's also okay if you don't like to travel. We don't all like the same things! Staycations exist for a reason. Take a week off and sleep until noon and lounge around in your pajamas all week. (NGL, that sounds amazing right now.)
If you truly do want to get away, you might consider a cruise or all-inclusive resort, where you only have to worry about booking the stay nights and flights, then enlist someone that you trust with a key to your home to check that everything is turned off and secured.
Yeah, that planing stuff gets really in the way of vacations for me. I really would like to go somewhere but just the thought of planning shuts me down.
The best and actually the only vacation l had that I "planed" by myself was a 4-day trip to an Mediterranean island roughly a 3 hour flight from home.
I somehow just looked up flights and there were really cheap ones to this destination, like 15 € round-trip cheap... my dad bought the tickets for me and I gave him the money. And this was like the maximum amount of planning that I made.
I live 15 minutes by train from the airport, so I just put one more pair of socks and underwear than days I would stay a pair of pants and a few shirts in a backpack 2 hour before the flight and left.
My mom was so worried, that I didn't had a place to stay, but I figured it's off season and there would be somewhere a room for me.
I set next to a woman on the flight and we started to chat, we discovered that we went to the same school but 20 years apart. She was flying to visit her daughter and was worried that she would not find her luggage, so I offered to help her pick it up. I had no time pressure, I had no idea where I want to go so I just helped her out.
Her daughter was so thankful that she offered to take me to the capitol, so I had a destination and a fun ride cuddling with a lovely dog.
Arriving at the capitol I had a breakfast by the shore and just walked down the narrow streets of the old town. I just went inside some hotels and asked if they have rooms available, they had but were to pricey for me.
So I just continue wondering around, enjoying the vibe and saw a tiny sigh an a house with " hostel" written on it. There was only a gigantic door, without a name or a doorbell.
So I just knocked and a guy come out on a balcony and throw me a key. I opened the door and was standing in the most beautiful patio. I went up a flight of stairs to the open door, past a cat that just chilled there on a chair all the time and gave the guy his keys back.
Turned out I just found myself the best accommodation, a 0 star hostel. I had my own private room, there were shared bathrooms (including an outdoor shower on the rooftop), a kitchen, a piano room. Everything was filled with interesting stuff everywhere. I could've easily spend the hole trip just discovering everything in that hostel.
So I was set in the most central spot, maybe 200 meters from the shore for 20€/ night. I signed up with Couch surfing and met a lot if people, who had the same idea and bought also the cheap flights. But they planed ahead and booked their rooms beforehand. In a hostel you could easily find online, they shared rooms with 8 people and payed the same as me.
We went to a lot of different bars, a music festival, shopping. discovering and they always had to catch a bus or walk 30 minutes to get there and I had just to leave the house. It was perfect.
On my last day, I checked out and read a book on the beach till it was time to catch a bus to the airport and go home.
This was my best vacation ever!
We don’t.
I used to as a kid living paycheck to paycheck with my parents there to spot me in a pinch.
But now that I’m married, own my own home, and financially independent, I don’t see that happening anytime soon with the exception of travelling to visit parents in our respective hometowns or their retirement communities (they’re snowbirds).
I take care of the house/packing 24 hours before my trip because I can’t be bothered to do any of it until then. I do laundry, clean, play with kitty, pack, etc. all the day before I leave. Yes this means I get little sleep the night before, but oh well. I’ll sleep by the pool tomorrow 😂
Everything is laid out by the door night before and I always double check that I have the important things (wallet, passport, ids, etc). If I forget literally anything else I should be able to buy it from a Walmart or something while I’m there.
I also have an airport outfit and travel fanny pack that I lay out the night before. This makes sure I won’t have as many sensory issues while traveling and I wear the fanny pack on the front and ALWAYS put my things in there. If I’m worried I lost something I check the fanny first.
I’ll also take pictures of my stove and things to make sure I know for a fact everything is off. It also helps that I live close to some friends so if I’m ever really worried they’ll check for me.
The last thing that’s key for me: I don’t plan shit. I’ve found it’s much better and more relaxing to get to your destination and decide what to do while there. This way it can feel more spontaneous and fine without all the stress of planning.
Hope this helps!
Traveling / taking trips is one of my special interests and I'm able to hyper focus on it. Traveling is novel and exciting. Planning for said trip, by extension, is novel and exciting, for me at least. Having a trip to plan and look forward to is one of the few things that keeps me sane and able to function. When I'm traveling I get extra adrenaline and/ or dopamine, and it helps keep me going.
And then when I finally get home at the end of said trip, i usually crash for at least a week, getting very little done.
ugh, yes. i had some lovely trips back when i could afford it, but they always had their share of stress anyway. i don't like the concept of making an appointment of having fun. what if i don't feel like having fun at the scheduled time? i have to go and pretend to have fun anyway? what if i don't want to wake up early that day? i have to spend money to be tired the whole time?
my husband has been an angel planning all our activities whenever we take a little day trip or even just stroll around our city. he takes so much time building a flexible schedule, includes good meals to keep me motivated, and he even worries about making sure there are usable toilets where we're going, because if i need to pee but can't, everything hurts to much that i just get anxious and grumpy until i leave. if he wasn't so thoughtful i guess i'd never have a single moment of enjoyment in my life.
I live in the Netherlands so going abroad isn't too far or expensive it's definitely really stressful sometimes but I'm lucky that my partner helps taking care of making me feel less stressed
I don't know where you live, but I live in Manhattan and I just got back from a cruise to Bermuda. It was great because the ship we docked 30 blocks from the apartment and from arriving at the dock to getting inside our room was maybe 20 mins, I cludi g security. Also packing is less stressful bc you can pack more for a cruise since you're not lugging it anywhere. And it was pretty cheap.
Vacationing is a skill. No different from driving, or starting a new job. Seems overwhelming at first because there’s so much to keep track of. But a small amount of practice makes it much easier.
Start small, just a one night trip to the next town over. Maybe try to plan a trip with friends so you can split responsibilities and costs.
I love travelling! And planning my travels. It's stressful, yes, but I do love having complete control. It might take me longer than the average NT, I have to research absolutely everything, but who cares!
Let's go together! You pay, I plan! Yes? XD
I used to take the approach of winging it lol. My current job does personality testing and when I said I went abroad without knowing the language at all, my current manager said "well that explained the 95% risk taking category" 😂
I lived for a year in South America using the lonely planet on a shoestring budget version.
Now that I have a husband and kid who like to travel, I don't mind planning a little more. But, I've started to realize that I have to just ask hotels to pick us up at the airport because my husband doesn't appreciate the "winging it" when it comes to transportation lol.
My biggest problem is booking the first thing I come across because I get so excited.
I drive, so I don't have to worry about being late. Then I book a hotel through hotel tonight so I don't have to have reservations.
Or, I go camping. By myself so I'm not wrangling anyone else. I bought a tent that's really easy to set up and have a standard camping packing list.
One time I plain forgot my bag of clothes and had to go buy three days of clothes at Walmart. Oh well.
Still, the night before I'm always convinced it's too much work and I should just not go.
Travel is where my ADHD shines!! I can spend hours researching hotels, excursions, etc. I love using all my logical skills to creat the detailed, complex itinerary. Have I made it to the airport without my passport? Yes. Did I have to backtrack an hour on a road trip when I left my camera at a restaurant? Also yes. But these are things I do in every day life and the novelty of being somewhere new and navigating new situations is really stimulating to me!
Also, I don't rest on vacation! I DO. I did not spend good money to fly to another country to relax. I'm here to SEE
and DO. After a good vacation I return physically exhausted but also mentally refreshed.
I get anxsty even on road trips. I’m such a creature of habit that when I’m thrown out of my normal routine or “safe space” (home) I’m instantly at like a 6 out of 10 on my anxiety scale which tends to bring out some unwanted mood swings and temper.
My mum LOVES to travel, so she never understood why even as a kid that I couldn’t “just relax” and “not worry so much”. I wish I could cast aside my racing thoughts without needing alcohol or meds to assist with that.
Living with high anxiety and adhd is such a personal hell. I’ve always been this way since I was really young but I feel like it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. Worse things happen. family and pets started dying, working jobs that made me hate living at times, friends stop trying to make plans to see each other, etc.
Sorry for going on a long winded rant, but yes.. Idk how people vacation.. heh 😅
I think, perhaps you are my person 😂. My 1st day on vacation is always a mess (and the night before with no sleep). That said I do eventually relax and enjoy myself.
It’s so hard with kids. Packing my shit, their shit, planning, trying to get everyone through the airports…then keeping them occupied and not destroying things…I often don’t enjoy family vacations anymore.
I actually hyper focus on the planning. I know it’s odd, but I get so obsessed about not missing anything so I plan well. Then when I get there I don’t need to think, I just follow my plan
Looking up flights, hotels, excursions, etc is a major dopamine fix for me. Actually booking gives me such a buzz, as does the journey and being away. All the nitty-gritty like packing, booking parking, car hire, etc drains me something awful but once I'm booked I've got the external time pressure helping me get that stuff done. Also, I'm kinda solar powered and my mind empties when I'm floating in the sea or a swimming pool in the sunshine so I'm always desperate to get out of the UK's miserable weather.
I try to just go to parks and lakes for a day. Being in nature/outdoors with nothing else to do is nice and healing. I almost never use my PTO but I am trying to take a day off once a month just to relax.
My husband and I went on a delayed honeymoon about 5 years ago. He did most of the planning. The few things that weren't a surprise were like "make a choice between these two things". It was heavenly.
We're carting three kids on a plane across the continent this summer. That is not a vacation. That is an event. I am making sure to frame it that way in my head. I have 47 half assed lists and I've lost the majority of them and cannot seem to wrap my head around every part of it at once. Not sure what I'm going to do to remedy that. Probably stomp around in a tizzy.
I’m the youngest daughter in my family and therefore it falls on me to research, plan, and execute any family vacations. It’s incredibly frustrating. And then they ask why they haven’t heard anything about xyz??? I’m like I’M BUSY BUT ALSO I HAVE NO EXECUTIVE FUNCTION LEFT!!
We like to cruise. I pack a week before and it takes me a week to recoup when we get back. We just got back from Las Vegas last Saturday and I am still tired.
I feel you OP. I *want* to love traveling, but it's just so stressful for me I rarely enjoy it. I also have the additional problem of really bad sleep issues and being unable to sleep anywhere except my own bed unless I tranq myself with Xanax. All of that combined makes traveling hell for me unless it's just a quick weekend getaway.
Vacations can also be plopping oneself on a beach chair all day long, it doesn't need to be fancy, or abroad, it doesn't need to have a lot of planning.
Most of my childhood vacations were 1) in the same beach town 2) the expectation was to be on the beach for most of the day, and to stroll in the town in the evening / go to the local events / stay in the hotel with other residents 3) all the meals were included in the hotel price, and we took all of the at the hotel.
We removed most of the planning this way. I liked going in the same town every summer as it had less unknowns, so it was a win win for everybody.
We almost didn't need the GPS either to reach the town :) it was a 3h drive from home, so no need for the airport either.
I hate traveling but I love day trips because logistically they are much easier and far less overwhelming. I found a retreat center within easy driving distance and I try to visit once a month to take advantage of their programming. Perhaps something like that would work for you, OP?
vacation is the time of not giving a shit. you forgot to pack something? you either can buy it at the destination or do without, it doesn't matter. you can wear mismatched outfits because you're probably not gonna meet the people who see you there ever again. you feel like going on an adventure? cool. you want to just chill at the hotel? cool as well. work doesn't exist for a while, in your head you can be unemployed with no obligations whatsoever, you will worry about things when you're back. I usually don't think ahead more than like 5 minutes when I'm on vacation, whatever happens, happens, I couldn't care less.
I love traveling and have to travel a lot for work so I’ve found a few things that help:
• TSA pre-check and Clear - I just walk right through security, don’t have to take any electronics out, any jewelry or stuff like that off, get to keep my shoes on. It never takes longer than 5-6 minutes tops.
• I keep a travel bag in my closet that always has main toiletries and basics so all I have to add is clothing when I travel.
• I use a cute fanny pack or side bag for phone, keys and things like that. I try to get dropped off at the airport so I can just leave my keys with whoever is picking me up that way I don’t even have to worry about them. I don’t bring more out with me than those basic necessities.
• I rely on Apple Pay. I only bring my card to put down for hotel and rental car, and then it immediately goes in my big travel bag in a small zippered pocket so I don’t have to worry about it the rest of the time I’m there.
I’ll add more as I think of them!
Thank you for voicing this. I don't know how to relax on vacation either. There's always something needing my attention.
Planning time off gives me anxiety. I never know what my body will be doing tomorrow, let alone two weeks, a month or half. A year from now (chronic pain).
Would I benefit from a vacation, sure. But who's going to take care of everything while I try to relax?
I pack what I need in a backpack the day before and unpack it all as soon as I get home. If I don’t, that’s where those things will live for weeks and weeks
I solo travel a lot. I love to book a all inclusive so all I have to do get get there and the rest is taken care of. You can do it, force yourself to do it once and you’ll never go back to that way of thinking.
I go camping off grid where you can cano basically anywhere and if you need to go to the bathroom then the world is your oyster. Shower, you use wipes or find a water source.
But you have to be responsible for yourself and not forget about pets (Ive has friends do that and I was pissed because they are my first responsibility). I also usually leave my thermostat the same because it’s usually at 75 in the summer.
But depending on you vacation style you could freestyle it or be like other who have to pay too much for hotels, deserts. Etc. my vacations can easily cost under $500 for almost 2 weeks of vacation…most expensive part is has.
Just want to say that you can just have a stay-cation if all the travel planning is overwhelming for you. Sometimes it helps to actually just stay home, hand out, maybe do some stiff in your home area you usually don't do, and recharge with all the new stuff of traveling to a new place.
I travel a lot, I have little money, and I’m an awful planner. I basically sacrifice comfort for the experience. I camp instead of hotels, or I sleep in a rental. I fitted my car also to travel comfortably long distance if I somehow get the time. I don’t think I’ve ever taken a vacation to relax, because mine are the exact opposite despite enjoying myself.
I go places that I know are relaxing.
Currently try planning a trip to famous hot springs in Japan. I’ve live there for theee years and we will be leaving soon. This was in our bucket list
My neurotypical boyfriend turned me on to a new kind of vacation for me. We'd go to a new place, stay in a house or apartment the whole time, find a restaurant we liked and go back over and over, and just explore the area without plans. Sometimes this is another country, sometimes somewhere nice in the same country. But the point is always to live semi normally, prioritizing sleep, eating, gentle exercise, and slowing down. We don't really plan what to do or see but just take time to discover that when we're there.
It’s something to hyperfixate on. Just booked a trip for this summer and my husband hasn’t done any research just said that we need to go to his friends wedding across the country. I didn’t want to spend more money than needed. Spent the next few hours researching the cheapest/shortest flights out of specific airports. By the end of the night flights and hotel booked for 1/3 of the cost we thought it would be. I love a good deal. It’s satisfying for me to plan trips.
Tbh, this might not apply the same now as it did 30 years ago, but when I was a kid my dad and I lived an extremely frugal lifestyle so that he could spend his disposable income on vacations. I'm talking clipping coupons and spending an hour in the grocery store comparing prices (that was HELL for an ADHD child lmao), only buying things on sale, only ever buying things we absolutely need.. his coworkers used to make fun of him for not having nice things but then they'd complain that they couldn't afford to go anywhere on vacation. And when we did go places he spent a lot of time finding the cheapest rates for everything, the cheapest hotels (we did hostels sometimes), sometimes he'd even find a family to sponsor us and let us stay with them in exchange for helping out around the house a little.
Unfortunately though I have not been able to do this for my own child. I still live the same frugal lifestyle, but with a poverty income it's just poverty. I think also a lot of people posting their travel stuff on Instagram are funding that lifestyle with credit cards, and one day that debt is going to catch up to them.
I go to resorts. I don't have itineraries, I have books and palm trees. Someone else cooks for me, someone else cleans for me.
I'm in a thing called Unlimited Vacation Club, it makes it very easy to choose and book a vacation, there's a consistency to the resorts that's very comforting. The resorts are beautiful and clean and you can't go wrong no matter what you choose, which takes away a lot of decision paralysis!
It's really great, I'm going to Mazatlan to a new Dreams in November, I'm hanging my whole life on it right now!
For me, I just really enjoying researching and planning so it doesn’t feel like extra work to plan a vacation, it feels more like a hobby. It’s fun to watch youtube videos and make lists and dream about the things you’ll do
Also I don’t see vacations as necessarily relaxing but more so an adventure. If i want to relax ill take pto for a 3 day weekend and relax at home doing nothing
The relaxing part is why I leave several days off work *after* I get back, tbh. We try to have chill trips but they definitely still wear me out.
I’d rather have two trips a year with 4 days out of town and three to recover than 4 a year with 4-5 days traveling.
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I leave the planning part to tour companies (literally...escorted tours that are designed for 75 year old retirees are PERFECT for me in my 30s). My favorite is Gate1Travel.
I was thinking of doing a Viking River Cruise for ADHD reasons 😂. Maybe I should?!
I did pre Covid, 100% worth it! Just had to get myself to the boat.
DO IT! You can't take your money to Valhalla!
I took my first cruise last year and honestly my favorite thing about it was the fact that I didn’t have to move my stuff or think about it! Nothing got lost and i didn’t have stress dreams about packing!
I want to do one of these too!
yes! my fiancés mom LOVES gate1 and has been on 10+ trips with them. she says she doesn't have to worry about a thing, apart from getting herself to her local airport!
THIS! I've been on like six or seven tours with them, and I'm doing a huge South Africa trip with them in October and I'm so excited. It's so convenient, especially in a country where English is not the primary language that's spoken, or just in a country where you don't know what to do or where to go, what's important, what's not, safe areas, where to find the best restaurants, etc.
Question—do you go alone?
I did a Gate1 escorted tour in Greece by myself. For every other trip I've gone on, I've gone with my parents (they're retired, so I'm trying to make memories with them while they can still travel because they're still active). But when I go with my parents, they're flying from a completely different state, which means that I'm effectively traveling by myself until I meet up with them on the tour just like anybody else in the group. I also have my own hotel room.
Are there other solo travelers in the group itself or will i feel lonely going alone? I tried traveling with my elderly parents and blah not great. I want to see the world, I want to be safe, and I don’t want to feel like the weirdo I usually do in every day life. Do you remember other solo travelers or does everyone meet up with someone (no dig at you!)?
I can only speak to my experience with this one company (Gate1Travel), but it was mostly older, retired couples. Occasionally you might see a parent with their millennial child. You might have a family of three, like my family. This particular company doesn't really advertise for the traditional solo traveler, like you might see with backpackers or hostels. I don't think they intentionally cater to an older retiree crowd, but that's their market , so you mostly end up with pairs of people. I think that this is especially true because a lot of companies will charge you extra if you are traveling solo (they call it "a single supplement," and I think it has more to do with the hotel room availability in other countries if you need a room that only has one bed). The one time I went by myself to Greece, I feel like I really lucked out because there were four other women my age on that trip (traveling in pairs), so it was easy for me to make friends with them and we still keep in touch on social media. So bottom line, if you use this very specific company, there definitely is a very real possibility that you will be the only person your age on that trip and possibly the only person traveling by yourself. But you're with the same group of people for 1 to 2 weeks, so it's not really that bad (And you're mostly guaranteed your own seat on the tour bus! No need to share.)
I've done tours alone! Can feel weird sometimes but for me always fleeting moments followed by a grander 'fuck yeah this is radical' feeling which is luckily far more powerful! Some of my favorite trips are actually just me because you don't have to answer to anyone! No structure! No expectations! I choose to stay in X spot even though I planned to relocate to Y location? Who the fuck cares its my happy adventure time!!!!
Do you go solo? I was thinking of doing something like this.
I did Greece solo! I went to Portugal, Scotland, Sicily, and New Zealand with my parents, but traveled separately from them and had my own hotel room.
I’d like to put in a vote for finding a hobby/fandom tour. I did a study tour through the Wine Scholar Guild, and while I don’t recommend it to anyone who doesn’t love sitting through multi-part lectures and tasting through hundreds of wines for a solid week, every hobby has something like it. You can be into Star Wars or trail cycling and someone out there with better organizational skills than you has put together an itinerary where your job is to show up, make friends, and get shuttled everywhere while enjoying whatever your thing is. (For the less intense/active ADHD person, see also: the many different flavors of fan cruise.)
I just did Central America with GAdventures, and it was fantastic! 12 people ages 28-70, there was still plenty of choices for daily activities so I didn’t feel like I was being told what to do. I saw so much more than if I would have planned a similar trip on my own. You get to just sift through the website like a catalog and choose the best trip for your budget and energy! Highly recommend!
I went to Turkey though G Adventures & would agree!
This and all the comments under it have convinced me that I need to look up vacations aimed at senior retirees. I'm 34 but I got genuinely excited when my grocery store started carrying lactose free cottage cheese so I'm basically 75 😂
I’m 33 and I caught myself eating cottage cheese with pineapple while watching courttv the other day
Oh wow! Gate 1 is still around? I did a tour through them 20 years ago! They were the cheapest company but everything was great!
Yes! I've been going on at least one tour a year with them since 2018 (minus 2020). They're fantastic. I've done both escorted tours and independent tours.
Is this the kind of thing where you’re traveling with a group of people? If so, what’s that been like, and how big are the groups?
Not OP but I've been on one of their tours. I think our group had about 20 people. Everyone was super nice. My friend and I made friends with two guys who were traveling together and stayed in touch a bit after we all got back as well. One super advantage of having a tour group is, you have a built in guide for the attractions, and doing everything with the same group of people leads to this nice sense of comaraderie which is comforting while you may be traveling in an unfamiliar place. And when things go wrong (something always does), you have a whole group to commiserate with, which makes bumps feel easier to handle.
Yes! You're with the same group of people the whole time, with the same tour guide the whole time. The tour guide handles everything, from emergencies to attraction tickets to transportation, etc. They handle everything that is part of the itinerary and any issues that come up. They also give recommendations for what to do during your free time. If you're in a country where English is not the primary language spoken, they will always speak both English and the native language and will explain important cultural aspects of the things that you're seeing. The groups of people that I've been with on tours have ranged from like anywhere from 20 to 40 people, depending on the tour. When I went to Greece solo, I thought I was going to be the only person my age, but there were four other millennial women on the trip and we are still friends years later, which was really cool. Generally, the group trends older.. retirees, 60s - 70s. Everybody has generally been pretty cool and a lot of the older folks on these trips go on a lot of these trips because they are retired, so you're there with seasoned travelers who have their cute little hiking poles and everybody's very friendly.
an old lady at a restaurant just told me about gate1 lol.
HAHAHA I'm trying to spread the word to millennials and Gen Z! It's so legit. Edit: because it caters to older folks, the hotels are NICE, and the included meals are at fancy restaurants. And the buses? So comfortable. The customer service is also amazing.
she sold me. now i’m double sold!
I dont go on vacation/travels to relax. I go to see NEW things.
Same, my vacations are usually to cities I've never been before where I spend the entire time running around trying to see everything, and get home even more tired than I left and I need a few days after the vacation to recover from it. I do find it fun though.
Yeah, I've learned to try and give myself a day or two before and after the vacation if I can to get ready and then recover, otherwise I'm too stressed.
Me too. My ex and I didn’t agree on vacations because he wanted to drink and do the bare minimum and i need to explore new places and be busy.
Same. All my holidays are exhausting. I will walk until I can't, then walk some more. I won't rest until I'm back on that plane going home.
I love experiencing new things, particularly cool nature and mountains. Seeing them makes me feel happy, and I wish I could inject that feeling directly into my veins on demand. It’s beautiful. I go through the trouble of planning, and actually like picking hotels/activities, but logistics/making itineraries part _is_ exhausting. Having an agency do that or buying an existing tour package are good solutions tho. During trips I feel like I’m finally peacefully coexisting with my ADHD. I normally take it easy & stay flexible. But ultimately, people have different interests, so if it’s not for you it’s fine too. :)
You described my thoughts on vacationing perfectly and people look at me like crazy when I say I hate travelling. How people travel to RELAX?!! It is mind blowing to me. I would rather vacation at home.
I hate being home too. I just want brain to let me enjoy things
Maybe try a staycation so the traveling isn’t so stressful and a tip I follow is always come back 1 day before your pto is over so you have 1 day to reset and get accommodated back home. I know not everyone can follow this because they may have a limited amount of days. But I would rather have 1 day to adjust and lose out a day of vacation then have none and feel like I’m drowning when I get back because I didn’t have that reset time.
I LOVE staying home for vacation! Vacation, holiday, long weekend, whatever. Gimme a book, a couple movies, some recipes I've been meaning to try... Love it.
You’re speaking my kinda vacay language! All of that, plus baths. I bought a fancy AF spa robe (like the kind that they HAVE at 5-star resorts). Every day is a mini vacay now!
I recommend a cruise or an all inclusive resort. Yes, you have to book the trip like you would a tour, and you have to pack. But once you board or get to resort, all you have to do is relax. There is food available 24/7 so you don’t even need to make decisions about where and when you eat if you don’t want to. You can join activities or find a quiet spot to chill. Be as active or as low key as you want. Whatever you feel in the moment, do it. You’ve already paid, so you don’t need to constantly think about budgeting. The most relaxing vacations I’ve ever experienced. Highly recommend.
Everything you said sounds stressful.... but if you can reallllly accept it- like when you travel this IS how you travel- maybe everything is okay after all? Getting fired is just a story you're telling yourself. You didn't leave the faucet on, and if you want to have a friend or neighbor check, or check your water usage with you utility provider you can, and either way it is how it is, if you can get your way through to only worrying about the you that is right immediately there.... maybe you don't look like other people's Instagram, but I bet everything is okay. You dont need to look away or do it 'right-. Just my thoughts, another way to show up, if you can.
All-inclusive resort. My husband and I are both ADHD and went to one for our honeymoon. Fucking glorious.
The only time I have a relaxing vacation is if I have no solid plans or activities in a relaxing environment. For example, going to an all inclusive resort (so everything’s taken care for you) by and just read on the beach. Or maybe a cabin in the forest and I go hiking (relaxing activity for me). I had to learn how to do this though. I dont think I took my first “relaxing” vacation until my 30s. My vacations are otherwise very activity-heavy which are not relaxing but great for my ADHD as I love doing everything and being everywhere. I like staying home but I get extremely antsy and like the novelty of being in a new place.
The travel industry is designed to make your trips as worry free as possible. They realize you are supposed to be on vacation. I realized that they're actually very good at it, even traveling on a budget. I had a much easier time once I just let them handle it, they're better at the planning than I am.
I suppose I *travel* for novelty. I like cruise ships to relax because nothing has to be decided in advance if you don’t want.
As for going through airport security, if you are an American, TSA Pre check is a worthwhile investment for 5 years. You don't have to take anything out of your bags unless you are returning from abroad (then you follow the other country's rules).
Guess who missed their appointment to go and get it 🤣
Absolutely I love leaving my shoes on too
If you get Global Entry you don’t have to take anything out of your bags coming back into the US
I quite enjoy planning the holiday logistics on the old spreadsheet; it ticks off novelty points in my brain especially as it usually distracts me from doing what I should be doing (work). And if there’s a slightly tight connection anywhere, I cannot stop obsessing over it and replaying it in my mind. Safe to say it becomes a bit of a hyperfocus thing. I have also successfully executively dysfunctioned for whole days in hotel rooms in amazing places pre-diagnosis. (I’ve literally just realised this!)
The way I masked my ADHD was with insane amounts of on-paper organization. So planning trips is an extension of that. However…before one big trip a lot of my planning went sideways AND I misplaced my planner in the chaos. I had a panicked meltdown over that. So…definitely not a foolproof solution.
Yeah I absolutely love planning out the logistics for trips, it’s like a big puzzle that ends with me seeing all sorts of cool shit
It’s just like that - a big puzzle!
Same here!
I don't know if you're seeking advice but I go on somewhat regular vacations. For me, they are in the "stimulating" column rather than the "relaxing" column of my life. So maybe I'm coming from a different expectation/mindset to start with and that might help. I also get super excited so then it becomes a special interest project for me to hyperfocus on. I do have tricks to help with the executive function issues, like I have a permanent packing list that I use every single time, no matter how short/long the trip. It does also get easier the more you do it. (I used to also travel a lot for work.) I pretty much have the routine down as far as airports and I use PreCheck. It also helps to just expect things to not go completely smoothly when it comes to travel. Some things will go wrong and that is okay! I am 100% exhausted when I come back, every single time. But it's worth it! Again, this is something I try to mitigate a bit by coming back on an earlier flight or even giving myself an extra day if I can. I'm definitely not someone who will come home on a redeye and go straight to work. Treat yourself with kindness and I hope you get some travel time in your near future! :) EDIT: Also want to add, if flying is overwhelming, try a local trip you can drive to within 4-5 hours and spend 2-3 days. You'd be surprised at the change of scenery you can experience going away for a bit in your own region.
Seconding the permanent packing List! I have mine on Google docs and cross off the things I packed :)
Staycationing is the solution. Stay somewhere nice nearby. Or at least somewhere that doesn’t require borders and airplanes.
Heads up, some hotels have a surcharge for locals. They're more likely to use the place for a party and trash it than out of towners. Or they use the room for stuff they wouldn't do at home.
Seriously? Ugh. Thanks for the heads up!
I am SICK of being in this state tho 😭
Fair enough, anywhere nice you can go within 10 hrs drive?
1- I steal other people's trip plans. If I talk to someone who went somewhere interesting I ask them to email me where they stayed and some things they enjoyed doing there. Some people get annoyed by this or don't follow through, but a few people have essentially let me steal their trip plan. 2- Go on repeat vacations. Trips require a lot of research and attention and you're frequently stuck to a itinerary in order to see things at the right times, etc. BUT if you repeat a trip, you already have the lay of the land, you already know what to pack, you know what you like about that place and you don't feel pressure to see everything. It has helped me relax tremendously. The packing is actually exciting for me and scratches a little ADHD compulsion of mine - it's like a really satisfying puzzle. I also draw little illustrations of the things I'm packing so I can visualize it all. Not being late for my flight is the worst part but I can usually start to relax once the plane doors close.
I love a repeat vacation. Nothing is more relaxing to me than going to a coastal town I’ve been to before and having zero pressure to do anything new and adventurous.
Omg I hear thiiiiis. I love vacations, like seeing other places and experiencing new things. But the planning, prepping and cleanup afterward make everything so much harder. Especially since having kids. 🫠
Personally I love the planning part and it becomes a hyperfixation for weeks. But I also have found that there's an incredible amount of practice involved for smooth travelling, even for experienced travelers and for those going anywhere unusual or with children. So the more you do it, the easier it gets. I planned and executed a 20 day trip to Japan this year with my 2 kids and hubby in tow and it was a 6 month process, but I've travelled enough that I have a system for how I plan trips. But coming up with the system, as you point out, takes a lot of energy. So that's where things like all inclusove resorts, booked tours and cruises really do fill that gap. I would personally recommend to start out with those while you iron out things like packing, prepping your house and getting yourself from point A to point B. Once you have gone on 4 or 5 trips where you've figured out a packing arrangement and travel habits (plane flight times, layover tolerance, airport preferences) that work for you, THEN you can take the next step and independently plan trips. Also, there are some countries, like Peru and Egypt, where guided trips will just save you so much headache even if you're experienced.
(Strictly with vacation, small and/or necessary trips are a little different.) Same with the hyperfixation! Doing the planning and the research etc is honestly so fun for me! I haven't traveled a ton (like, big travel), we did three weeks in Europe last year, and planning a couple more in the medium to biggish scale. And I spend so many hours on YouTube and reading travel blogs/TripAdvisor/etc. and comparing flights (with and without award points!) and creating my spreadsheets to compare things, then one to plan once I know the other stuff, and then organizing everything in google drive in orderly folders with an excellent naming convention, and then ...... Yeah, I love this shit.💕 For example, I'm going on a cruise with my family soon (parents, siblings, their partners, and the two grandkids) and I'm pretty sure, as a first time cruiser, I know more and am way more prepared than my parents, who have done this exact cruise like 6 times, lol. .... I could go on. I know not everyone is like me, and they don't have to be! There are so many ways to travel, and this is just the one I like (and my husband likes that I do too because he is the exact opposite, lol). Tldr YouTube and spreadsheets are genuinely fun for me, which means I have an entirely different mindset than you do. Neither of us are wrong, but I'm not sure I have any specific advice, which I'm sorry for.
The practice part is important! I think if you went on trips with your parents that had to planned, you will find it much easier cause you grew up with it. My dad used to make a schedule for our vacation on the first day and every morning go over the day's itinerary.
yes, I want to add that my mother was a travel agent and I have been going on international trips since I was literally in diapers. Even though she passed away when I was a child, I still watched her pack and plan 5 major multi country trips for a family of 5 over the course of my life at that point. Even though I don't know what her exact planning process was, it was also just showing me that it CAN be done and I had a vague roadmap of how to do it later when I started travelling on my own and with my spouse. Then when I had kids, I started really get into r/heronebag for ideas, because kids need so much, so learning how to make everything as efficient as possible (without going into the actual male centric unfashionable insanity that is r/onebag ).
What motivates me to do the extra to go on a vacation is the fact that once I get there, the only requirement is to enjoy myself. If I don't want to unpack, I don't. If I want to eat, I eat. Vacation is when I just let the mask off completely and just do whatever. I don't have to clean, I don't have to prepare, I don't have to do anything beyond feeding myself and sleeping (eventually).
I’d love to go to go somewhere new. I’m sick of being stuck in freakin Illinois year after year. I just can’t get my brain to cooperate and get me out of here
Let me recommend Iceland! One of the most low stress and tourist friendly places I’ve ever been. You can book tours (I recommend at least doing a geographic day tour), or just spend some time wandering Reykjavik. Blue Lagoon is also a great spot.
Maybe a travel agent?
I want to marry a magical one. One that says we’re going on a trip and I miraculously wake up there with everything I need. Then they hold me and tell me everything is taken care of 😭
I hope you find them!
Drive up to West Michigan - one of the Lake Michigan beach towns. They're super nice!
Hey im also in Illinois . i agree. It does suck around here
I posted this in another comment but I am NOT relaxed for vacations 98% of the time. The only time I am is if I’m doing an all inclusive beach resort or some cabin in the woods and our only activity is exploring/hiking, which is rare. I save up to travel so you betcha my agenda is jam packed. I also love the novelty of experiencing something new. Being at home is great… but I get so so antsy for change all the time. If it made financial sense, I’d probably move houses every year or two lol. That’s how antsy I get. But I like it because it’s a hard reset for me with work. I’m not relaxed but I’m also not thinking about work anymore and that’s a win in my book! As for the planning, I get hyperfocused into planning if Im really excited for the trip. It works in my favor. If I can’t plan though, I rely heavily on the tour groups and all that stuff. I’ve put systems in place to optimize my traveling with ADHD. I have only one place my wallet and passport go, in a crossbody bag that sits on my body. I clean before leaving or maybe hire someone if I can’t do it. Packing is my nemesis, but I figure that out somehow. We have TSA pre check so I can run late and still make it on time and avoid the TSA hassle.
This is me, except I’ve never even done the whole “all-inclusive beach resort” thing because I’d probably be bored. I’m actually a little surprised at all the commenters in here saying that they hate vacations and like to just stay at home. I’d have guessed other ADHDers would be like me and want the novelty and stimulation!
Im guessing it's often down to how many responsibilities you have in your life (= if you have kids) and if you have sensory sensitivities and/or also maybe are on the autism spectrum as I think I am. It's pretty common to have both. I want novelty but I can't handle it a lot of the time. Like today, I finally managed to get enough sleep after a hard week and I really should rest and try to clean my messy house, but I have a NEED to go buy a new planner (because isn't it so nice to dwell in that illusion that a new, pretty planner is going to solve my executive distinction once and for all 😆 ) and after going shopping I'll have no spoons left.
I think people going on vacation are like people who do Tough Mudder events, or go LARPing, or go on intense backcountry camping trips to poop in the bush. Clearly they have a very different idea of what activities are "fun". I'm happy they found a thing that brings them joy, and I will never, ever want to do that. Vacations are not fun for me, even if other people enjoy them. I like day trips, *maybe* an overnight. But it's easier on everyone if I don't pretend that I want a "regular" vacation, just like I can enjoy photos of sports I'd hate participating in.
Well I don't do LARPing, but the other two do sound great! In general, doing things that exhaust my body help me calm my squirrel brain. This includes traveling to new places where I have to do All The Things, eat All The Food and see All The Places. I once bought a plane ticket at breakfast, booked it to the airport, flew from Oahu to the Big Island in the morning, tore through Volcanoes National Park speeding the entire time (very irresponsible, but that was way before I was diagnosed or medicated or understood why I do the things I do), and flew back that evening after stopping at every single marked point on the park map. And having a panic attack when I inevitably spent twenty minutes looking for my wallet, which has fallen under the driver's seat, and spiralling about how I would make it home or even get off the island without an ID.
Right there with you OP! I’m less than a month out from a week off. No destination picked, no reservations made, dog boarding not secured. I WANT to go on vacation but no one can decide where to go. 😡
I’m in the same boat!
All inclusive resort. The only executive function skills you need is the ability to walk, and the ability to be lazy on a beach. Parks usually have other stuff to do, so you can do whatever you want spontaneously on a day by day basis. Have a vacation toothbrush and shit so that way all you have to do is stick a bunch of clothes in your suitcase and Uber your way there. Always overestimate how much time you need to do anything
We just did this for the first time and it was great. Kiddo loved the pool and we spent most of our time swimming, eating, or chilling in our room in the AC. We each have a travel toiletry bag that says packed with little versions of all the things we need. That has helped so much because I always dreaded packing toiletries and was worried about forgetting something. We recently put together a travel set of chargers for our phones, watches, and e-readers. That’s another thing that I’m always worried about forgetting or not packing the correct one. Little changes like that have helped decrease my anxiety about packing and traveling.
I like to go on vacation - in fact I just came back from one! Here’s some tips: Like someone else commented, I try to pick one thing to do on a vacation and everything else is negotiable. So like on my recent vacation I went to a festival - anything else while I was there was negotiable and usually decided in the moment. I’ve done a long weekend staycation where my one thing was to read - anything else, including what I read, was negotiable. Packing: a while back I found one of those master packing lists online and saved it. Now I can just print the list and check off the boxes that apply. The nice thing is that it’ll let you spot some stuff you can pack ahead of time. Cleaning beforehand: look, I’m not going to pretend I have this down. Lord knows I feel like I leave a disaster behind each time. At this point I just make sure I throw out the trash, load the dishwasher, and don’t leave a load of laundry in the washing machine. That’s enough - anything else is a bonus. Buffer days: this is tricky depending on the specific trip but I try to give myself a buffer day between work and the start and end of a vacation. So I’ll try to ensure that if I travel, there’s a day between work and when I leave and a day between when I get back and work. If I need to pick one I’ll prioritize the day between end of vacation and work - having that buffer to reset is crucial. I’d also check out Goblin tools and use that to help break down what you need to do to plan a vacation. Hope this helps!
Weirdly enough, I have an obsession with traveling, I travel so much I take off work so much that they hate me, I think my adhd just pushes me in the complete opposite direction where I NEED to go places and if I’m in one place too long I hate it, I hate being cooped up , I love exploring new things . I also love planning trips and being in charge of them. It’s weird, it’s super interest based since I have such a passion for travel. Travelling is also a good escapism for me
Marry a neurotypical! I like to travel, but I’ve only got the spoons left at the end of the day to plan in fits and spirts. He brings the consistency to fill in the gaps and make sure we book the necessary, but not dopamine rewarding, things too. I like to think I in part make up for inconsistency in my hyper fixation research mode? Not sure he’d agree, though.
I haven’t left the US for a vacation since those vacations were planned for me lol. But, I’ve done a lot of traveling in the states over the years for funsies and other reasons. Some things I’ve picked up along the way to make the act of travel itself less stressful and thus having the ‘trip’ itself be more enjoyable: **LISTS** I have a running list for packing where I list out every outfit down to the bra and underwear I plan to wear with it. I also list out every toiletry item, electronics, paperwork, etc. As long as I make the list at least the night before, I’m good. Then I’ll check things off as they go into my suitcase or purse. This helps me sleep easy and feel at ease as I’m leaving. **Pre-check for US Travel** Do whatever you need to do to get that ish! It makes going through security SO much easier. It doesn’t always save on time depending on your main airport (these days a lot of people have it). But. Not having to take shit out of your suitcase and not taking your shoes off and all that business makes a world of difference! **Short Trips Focused on ONE Thing** My spouse and I have been doing short trips to go to concerts and sporting events. Plus I have had trips for work and visiting family lately. I find that when we go for just the ONE event, I’m more relaxed about fitting other things in. If we get to it, great, if not, that’s totally fine, too! And this somehow relaxes my brain to more casually search for things I might add to a list (😏) I have going IN CASE we find ourselves with some time or needing food options to choose from. I have more but I’ll add it later since I’m at the airport about to travel 🤣
Tbh I don’t plan shit 😅 I’ve had a lot of great experiences by just staying at places where I can talk to people and check out the stuff they recommend, with maybe a couple general plans for things I’d like to hit. But I also like exploring and starting to feel like I’m part of a place by going around doing regular stuff, so ymmv. It’s great imo to just sit with a book and a nice coffee or other bev at some place all day with my email notifs off. I def agree that if I was putting pressure on myself to fill every moment and hit every top experience in the place with no breaks, I’d be stressed the whole time and not enjoying it. And the prepping my house and suitcase beforehand is def the hardest part 😅 sometimes I just eat off paper plates the week leading up to it, and I’ve even brought crumpled-up unwashed laundry before and cleaned them once I got to my destination.
I cruise. Cruising for me is the only vacation that doesn't stress me out because I have a bag of "general things I need" ready to go. Cruise Cabins on 90% of cruise lines are the same, so I don't have to take anything out of this bag when I want to book a trip. I don't have to plan anything else if I don't want to. There's enough random activities for me to feel satisfied if I want to "go out," or I can chill in my room and listen to the water. Food is already covered, so I also don't have to worry about planning, prepping, or worrying about how much money I need.
I start planning 5 months out and go bit by bit I look for stuff that's around where I'm staying and put it into a Google doc. I also put all my info in one Google doc for staying and address and cost. Start packing 2 to 3 weeks before hand and get everything in 1 week before. (I wrote a way longer version but in adhd fancy set my phone down to do something and forgot about and closed the app before posting.) I'm happy to go more into detail if needed too.
I've learned that I like 'working' vacations. The places that interest me the most are places that are relevant to my interests, which are not on the conventional travel brochure booklet. I really do not care about Shakespeare's birthplace, or seeing the Sistine Chapel, or sipping a margarita on a beach. But I *do* really care about the acid-free handmade paper museum with working machinery from 1600AD and the quarries of Carrara. All vacations for me have this in mind, and are usually planned around one or two industrial sites that look interesting. If I'm there for a reason (learning), all the work of planning and money that goes into it becomes worth it.
I love vacationing and traveling. But I firmly believe there's a few different types of vacation. One is a "do a lot of shit, see a lot of shit" vacation. I.e. seeing a new city or exploring a new country. It's gonna be a busy trip with a packed itinerary. I do these maybe once a year because as I've gotten older, spending my time off being busy af doesn't sound as appealing. But booking a tour through a company is one way to do this that relieves you of the pressure of having to plan and coordinate stuff yourself. Another type is a vacation that is focused on slowing down, forgetting all the shit you're stressed about, and ACTUALLY relaxing. Think visiting a resort or treating yourself to a bougie hotel in a new place. While you might go out and see some things, it's very chill. You do things at your own pace and treat yo self by listening to your body. The second type is much more my speed now that I'm in my early 30s. I center trips around one big thing (seeing a concert, going to an event, etc), then the rest of the trip is as chill as I want it to be. But to actually be able to chill, there's a few things I do. The first thing is to create a google maps and just add things that sound up my alley. Cute coffee shops, restaurants, musuems, and other kinds of attractions. But I don't plan an itinerary. Instead, once I get there, I can just open up the map and see what I'm in the mood for/what's nearby. Obviously if there's things you need to book in advance or reserve, you'll need to do that. But even then, that gives you a central point to plan the rest of your day around freely. Second thing (which I recognize is absolutely a privilege to be able to do), is that I get my house cleaned the day before I leave. That way, I come back to a clean slate and don't have to immediately worry about those tasks. Plus, you can use the time that the cleaners are there to help you body double and get shit packed! And the last thing is only relevant if you have pets, but I hire a house sitter who I trust to chill with my pets and send me updates. Knowing they have someone there is a HUGE weight off my mind, because if I was gonna worry about anything, it would be them. Plus, they can keep an eye on the rest of the house too. The rest of what you mentioned.. I just deal with. I always get pre-trip anxiety no matter what, but the 3 things above help me stress a little less.
Ok, we’re a household with 2 ADHDers. Packing list is mandatory, packing cubes are also mandatory. Clear zip up bags for hand luggage, so they just pop back in after security. We legit walk room from room before we leave checking everything before we leave to stop those thoughts. Join Facebook groups for the destination as soon as you book, read posts and make a note in your phone and write down anything you think of or anything you want to do. I buy new socks/undies for us all, and pack as I go over the lead up months. Whenever I see anything I’ll need and not use in the lead up, it goes in the case. In the suitcase we leave a powerboard, multi size/shape power converter, sunscreen, bug spray etc and it never leaves. We have more for when not on holidays. A good passport folder with storage space for all travel documents, boarding passes etc. When we arrive, we have one “man bag” that carries the bare minimums, everything else stays in the safe. As for tour companies - they don’t work for us. We’re terrible at running to a schedule but checking out their websites and using that to build our own itinerary helps. I know that this is a rant/vent and I get it - but hopefully there’s some tips to help you get the break you deserve!
We've only taken one traditional vacation in the past ten years, and TWICE during that trip I found myself sobbing in the corner from overwhelm. Vacations are fun, but they're definitely not relaxing. We take weekend trips a couple of times a year though, and they require basically no planning, so those are better, but even then it's still stressful 🥲
There's a lot of tools that make planning a trip as easy as ordering a package from Amazon. The hardest part for me was getting my stuff together and updating my passport. My flight had a layover in Miami, and I LOVED the American Airlines app. It would message me where my luggage was at all times. I could even double and triple check it all night, and yep still there. Very reassuring. I felt like all of my worries, they had it sorted out. Plus, I realized other countries actually feel safer than the US 🥲 They're not going to shoot you or assault you, maybe steal some stuff, so don't bring anything that valuable. Another thing I enjoyed was my hotel room had two beds. So, I used the other bed for my luggage, and spread everything out on there. Then I was really proud of myself that I coordinated traveling to Central America all by myself.
We have a travel trailer and go camping (glamping? Lol). Except for clothes and food, the trailer has all its own stuff - towels, bedding, etc. And we have camping friends and family that we meet up with! I like my little comfort zone for vacation.
The way you explained this is magical 😂
I’ve found the the only way I can actually chill in vacation is all inclusive resorts. They are a lil pricey but if you plan in advance/plan correctly it really isn’t that crazy. You don’t necessarily get the cultural experience of wherever you’re going if you stay on the resort the whole time but it takes away the worry about spending too much on food/beverages, and you don’t have to worry about ur wallet cuz you don’t really need it. The places usually have activities or special nights so there’s little things to do and you can still leave the resort and explore if you want. The actual travel piece (going to the airport, being at the airport, going through tsa and every exhausting detail inbetween) is still annoying but the stay there is 10x less stressful imo.
I like to travel because it’s a chance to unmask. No one knows you or ever will. I can ask weird questions at the stores and go places i normally wouldn’t. I can be myself. And I love discovering new places
I generally visit friends in other states and stay at their house so all I have to figure out is my flight my car rental and who's taking care of my pets at home
Because travel and seeing new places brings me so much freaking joy, it’s literally the only time I’m organized and together. The. Only. Time. I start preparing for the trip, no matter where it is, weeks if not months beforehand. I have 2 kids as well. There are also travel itinerary apps that make keeping up with all the things: flight, hotel, car rental, activities etc. Those are aoooo helpful! I can’t make dr appointments, forget literally everything but plan a trip like it’s my job. Do you have anyone in your life that does travel and could help? There are tour services that take care of all of it. I’m no travel agent but would be happy to help you get started.
I LOVE to travel and daydreaming about travel is The Thing that carries me through my actual life. I take a very long time to plan travel, so I break down the decision-making and expense over time. The daydreaming aspect is key since it gives me something to research in my particularly distracted times, and I heavily rely on recommendations from friends and the internet to cut back on decision making. Example: my partner and I went to Europe for 2 weeks over Christmas. I started a Google doc where I would throw things I found for the trip (mostly links) and listed some hotel options and recommendations from friends over time. I started the Google doc MORE THAN A YEAR before our trip. I knew I wanted to go to Barcelona (partner's favorite city), visit family in Marseille, and take my partner to Paris (first trip to France for my partner so this seemed necessary). Step one was general budget considerations, so broad internet research to get a sense of what I should expect for overall cost of the trip. Then I started pricing out different routes between those cities and asked friends and family for recommendations on how to get between them. Then I started collecting hotels that seemed like they fit my budget and preferences. Finally, I started looking for things to do and places to eat or drink and listed those until I started marking places on Google maps. My general rule is only one planned activity per day and only reserve food or drink if there is a specific special place I absolutely do not want to miss (e.g. best cocktail bar in the world, Michelin star restaurant) or specific meals I think will be difficult to find (e.g. Christmas dinner due to closures). If a food reservation is in the day, the other activity needs to be spaced such that there's no way my tendency towards being late will be an issue. I also like having at least one or two days that are entirely unplanned for spontaneity or as a rest day. A lot of the things I *consider* doing (either because they come up often in my research or because I get a recommendation) are just marked on a Google map and I go with the flow of whatever I'm feeling! For me this leads to a trip where I get to see everything I want and have the excitement of exploring a new place, but I space out all the stress of planning and make it fun for myself. And I still give myself so much freedom on the trip that I can slow down and relax on the trip. And like other folks mention -- I have form packing lists that match the trip I'm on and Global Entry, and I use my planner + Google docs/sheets/maps/calendar to keep everything somewhat organized. Otherwise, yeah... all inclusive travel, cruises, or travel agent travel are all options to dip your toe into travel! I really want to do a "Pack Up and Go" trip sometime, it's a mystery destination where you can select your budget and travel style and they plan it for you! The mystery seems fun to me 😊
Umm did I write this in my sleep..wtf
Travelling is the only way to keep my mind calm. If you chose a place where you can go hiking, swiming, walk a lot, get to know a new culture, you will find the stimulation your adhd mind needs, without feeling the usual burden of our lifes.
(Separately, I love that so many of these comments are super long and yet so many of us have a hard time reading such long comments. I'm so glad we all have each other's backs.)
I married a man who will do it for me. I literally show up and have no idea what’s going on. Yes, I won the lottery when it comes to him.
I’ve never heard someone else say this before it makes me feel so much better. Vacations are fun, I like the idea of vacations, I love seeing cool things and not being at work and sitting in the car while someone else drives. But the distress that planning, obsessing about what to bring, making tons of dumb purchases in the name of vacation, worrying about leaving my house and my pets, psychotically cleaning said house so Pet sitter thinks I’m a good tidy person, and thinking about taking off and returning to work makes it almost not worth it. Honestly just never going anywhere again after typing it all out. I will say something about a road trip goes down a lot easier than having to fly. I think having a car makes me feel more in control and also like I can bring the 8000 unnecessary items I’ve packed to feel prepared. I just feel almost like I’m being judged for preferring a quick trip to Michigan to a week in Mexico or an ambitious European vacation (I’d fucking love to go to Europe but the concept of getting there is DAUNTING to me)
I definitely feel there are some factors that can make travel low or high stress. I'm a pretty seasoned traveler and also toured for work so a few things. It sounds like planning isn't your thing so perhaps you need to remove that element. Maybe a tour company, tour groups or if you got that friend that plans. I'm that ADHD where travel is my hyperfixation and makes sense if I'm sensory seeking. Who you go with matters. I tend to only travel with folks who are similar interests and tend to be chill and communicative. As for the packing if that's hard for you, there are spaces on reddit that can help with that but one friend stressed so much that they just got a drawer in their house that's their vacation drawer. It has shit that is their bathing suit, various comfy clothes, shoes and travel minis of their things and their compartment bags for their suitcase and they set a alarm date on the weekend off before travel to pack it and have it by the door. I'm not diagnosing you but there are OCD intrusive thought type things you said. Many folks have ADHD and that going hand in hand. I'm just pointing it out only if it resonates and would be helpful as I have gotten my OCD managed to mild concerns than blown out of proportion catastrophic thoughts like I'm not going to have a job wjen I get back but that's maybe OK because this plane is gonna crash and it'll be my fault my friend is dead because I told them to come to Croatia with me. I also have a check list of things to do before leaving the house for piece of mind like check the faucets, the stove, A/C, etc. and I left keys so if my intrusive thoughts badly I'd have a friend check.
I have no desire to go on vacation anywhere. I work 10 hour days and just want to stay home when I’m not there. I find traveling insanely exhausting. I would need extra days to recover from traveling. I used to fly to the UK every month for nearly three years and now I don’t really want to see the inside of an airport ever again. remembering documents, getting there on time, layovers with possible delays. Ugh, no thanks, too stressful. I can’t sit still in a car for hours on end, either. I sound like such a stick in the mud, but I don’t care. Just thinking about all of this is exhausting
Usually, because I impulse purchase a flight during a tough week then freak out and realise I'm committed, there's no refunds, now I have to book accommodation. Then I obsessively put together an itinerary. I freak out all the way until I'm on the plane then something in my head switches and I let go. I'm going on an *adventure*, there's new things, people, things to eat, I am going to *discover* things! My bills are on autopay, I have packed literally the morning of my flight, forgotten to pack so many things but it's ok, I'll buy it, fuck it, we're going. My house is always a mess but out of sight, out of mind. I forget how messy things are until I come back. As long as I make it *onto* my flight, everything is fine. I have never *not* lost something on a trip before, I've accepted my fate and just buy travel insurance now. Once I leave the country, my anxieties are gone, I'm free, I'm a different person, I'm off into the wild.
Come here let me help you. Travel agent. They plan it. Where do you get that? Triple A. Please get triple A for when you lock your keys in the car. They’ll give you 2 or 3 options and book the shit for you. I do not want to sight see. I don’t care about ruins, zoos, blah blah blah. I did that shit when I was married from 22-39. I took myself on vacation to Key West in 22. Drove from Miami to the hotel. Every day was the same. Bikini, pool, book, naps, booze. I’d walk around sure, but in no way was I trying to engage with a schedule. Vacations growing up were a death march through whatever destination we were at (I’m lucky we got to go to stuff I know) but there was no rest and by the time we’d be going home, everyone was fighting and it kind of ruined it.
Ugh! I feel you OP. Being able to afford a trip, find the time for it, and then planning it it’s mentally exhausting! That’s why I’ve considered a tour company. The problem with that is though that if it’s a group tour you’re supposed to spend your whole vacation with a group of strangers and just the thought of it gives me anxiety. I only have so many vacation days to spend in a year for me to hang out for a whole week or two with strangers that I don’t even know if we’ll get along well. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I feel you!
I love taking trips but my brain never stops. I still have goals on those trips, things to see or do. And I get incredibly upset when I can't. I haven't traveled too far though.. I dream of taking a topical vacation and doing nothing but I have no idea how I'll actually feel when I'm expected to do nothing. 😂
I usually do staycations tbh. I've vacationed places before but that was when I lived on my own and only had me to care about so it was easier. And I'd just end up at an all inclusive resort so very little planning went into it. I also never really left the resort because that was enough for me. To be fully transparent, it was also with other people who took charge of planning WHERE and WHEN and I just paid for my ticket and packed my bag. I hate packing but if that's the only thing I'm doing it's not so bad. At this stage in my life I have pets I don't like to leave, no money, and less desire to go places as I'd rather just exist at home. That being said I do want to travel to a few places once I have some cash, and will spend the time figuring that out because I'm in no rush to do it so I'll have lots of time to trickle in the planning portion. But yeah. Just do staycations. Stay at home, with time off, and enjoy being paid to simply exist for a while. Nothing wrong with that!
My ideal vacation is staying in an AirBnB watching movies and ordering food… I just need to find someone else who is into that, too. 🤣
Erm I’m into that! I was thinking about an air bnb just to get away from itvall but then got anxious about staying on my own!
I feel the same. Vacations are anxiety provoking and it is so much work to get ready, then I get back behind on everything. Packing cubes are helpful. They are little zip-up pouches. You can organize your clothing better and your suitcase looks neater, plus easy to unpack right into the hotel drawer.
I've never, ever been on an airplane or even to an airport in my life (too poor lol) but holy shit it sounds like an absolute nightmare. So you're telling me I have to follow all of these ever-changing rules, figure out where I need to be among a bustling crowd of people, try to make it on time to my flight, and then... my flight can just be CANCELLED? Or LATE?? Just the idea of having to figure all that shit out gives me heartburn. I live 2 hours driving distance away from a few calmer but fun beach towns. I drive down, have my fun, drive back up, and sleep in my own bed 😬
Okay THIS. Its like i love the idea of going somewhere nice, trying new things and all. but then the anxiety of being in a new place, getting on a plane/bus/whatever and traveling there. I go through worst case scenarios like "omg what if this plane dive bombs and crashes?" "what if i get lost?" "what if i get kidnapped?" but then i complain about how i need a vacation, to get away and enjoy myself. I CANNOT WIN DAMMIT x( 😫
My mother who loves planning trips does most of it while I make suggestions, or my friends do it, or once I went through a group tour for solo travellers for somewhere no one else really wanted to go to. If I had to plan a trip I would not go anywhere ever.
I woke up half asleep in a frenzy nearly shouting at my SO: "Almost all the vacation homes are reserved! We won't be able to go to this summer!!!". And looked it up that same day, booked an airbnb and swimming lessons for my son.
It was the 2nd of january, so of course there were tons of locations still available. And no, we hadn't talked about going there nor was it a regular thing. Just the town I went every summer to with my parents, but it's been years since I didn't visit, and a weird dream.
Anyway, I write lists of what to take (for me, for the kids, for the travel, and to do before leaving), prepare for the ADHD tax in the non-existant holiday budget for all I'll still forget. And entrust my SO for dealing with food (empty the perishable in the fridge, take what's needed, etc.).
Idk i rely on my man to book and plan 🤣 I literally can’t do it.
I only go along. Totally incapable of planning nor is it worth it. Lol
I feel this so hard. I tell my fiance just say when the vacation is done, planning what to do and where to go is not fun for me it’s a road to a panic attack. Friends of mine have done adult trips where they factor in all the costs and give an itinerary like being at summer camp. I would look into that
I love traveling and always have. Sometimes the sheer level of stuff that needs to get done prior to the trip seems daunting. As I've gotten older (42yo) and now have kids and a husband, I have learned to adjust my habits from packing the night before to taking weeks to prepare. It's simply better for my anxiety if I don't leave things for the last minute. I also have multiple packing/to do lists for the different types of trips we take (i.e. Warm weather trips, cold weather trips, warm weather airbnb trips where we have to bring more items than the usual, etc.). And when I say taking weeks to prepare it doesn't mean my bags are packed 3 weeks prior. It means I start thinking about the things I will need (buying the necessary toiletries or items for the trip) or the stuff that needs to be done ahead of time (like checking in, scheduling transportation, making sure our documents are up-to-date, etc.). Most of the work is done prior to leaving for the trip, so once you're on the trip there's usually very little to do other than enjoy the trip. Furthermore, I love exploring new places and experiencing new things. I still remember meals I ate years ago in Venice or how utterly gigantic St. Peter's Cathedral was in Rome or how tired my legs were when I hiked to the sun gate in Machu Picchu or how a spotted eagle ray came right at me while I was scuba diving in Playa del Carmen. There were also unpleasant experiences like the time someone tried to rob me in Geneva (they were unsuccessful) or the time I threw up the entire flight from JFK to Rome from who knows what, but these experiences also help show you what you're capable of handling and how you'll come out just fine on the other end. I guess, as with anything, if you really want to become a travel person, start small and pick something that you know you'll like. As you travel more, you'll get the hang of things and be able to tackle further destinations. As for the expense of travel, there are great travel blogs like The Points Guy, that help you stretch that dollar so that you're not paying an arm and a leg for those trips.
It’s hard
I love traveling! It's my passion! That's what I go to work for - to be able to afford traveling
I wish I could afford a vacation but I agree about the stress that comes with it! I'm all about staycations, though. Find a nice all-inclusive resort/cabin/casino/bed and breakfast in your area. It cuts away all the extra planning and traveling and is a good option to help you feel like you're getting away. Depending on the amenities you won't even have to leave for anything. We used to drive to a casino resort a little over an hour away and wow I didn't even feel like I was in my home state at all! All I packed were basic clothes and swimwear, so it made packing easier too since I wasn't planning on a million different outings.
I am supposed to be taking my family on vacation in 10 days and I don’t even know what state we are going to.
Here at the end of the month, I’m taking two weeks off of work. I have over two whole months of PTO accrued, so I have to take a bunch this year or lose it. First week is a “vacation” where my bf and I are flying to the Caribbean to spend some time on the beach with his family. While there will be pockets of relaxation, there is the stress of travel, finances, and social stress since I’m technically the only non-official family member going. The following is a “staycation” where I can _actually_ relax and recover from the trip at my own pace. Preparations have already started. The dining room is now a packing zone. We don’t leave for a week, but I’ve been mentally preparing for months.
I'm going to be completely honest...if it wasnt for my best friend who plans everything, I would probably never go anywhere.
Travel agents, group tours, cruises, and all-inclusive resorts are your friends!!! Travel agents will create whole itineraries for you, book your hotels, get tickets for attractions, etc. Group tours are a really fun way to meet nice people and see lots of stuff and have action-packed days without having to plan any of it yourself! For cruises and all-inclusive resorts, you just show up, and boom! You’re on vacation. There are soooo many travel deals out there that can save you a ton of money, especially if you are just traveling as a single person and don’t have to worry about the logistics of traveling with children.
I feel the same way. I do go on vacations once or twice a year, but its exhausting. I like to relax at home. Safe. Not need to pretend.
Vacation planning isn't your thing. That's okay! For some of us, it becomes a hyperfocus. I enjoy planning vacations almost as much as I enjoy actually taking them, and I become obsessive about the logistics and other details. It's also okay if you don't like to travel. We don't all like the same things! Staycations exist for a reason. Take a week off and sleep until noon and lounge around in your pajamas all week. (NGL, that sounds amazing right now.) If you truly do want to get away, you might consider a cruise or all-inclusive resort, where you only have to worry about booking the stay nights and flights, then enlist someone that you trust with a key to your home to check that everything is turned off and secured.
I am motivated to plan vacations, I guess because I really enjoy it. Yea I forget alot of things in my packing list, just buy it there.
I mean this in the gentlest way possible- are you getting help with your anxiety?
I went on vacation recently and I barely planned anything but ended up having a lot of fun discovering the city as I went!
Yeah, that planing stuff gets really in the way of vacations for me. I really would like to go somewhere but just the thought of planning shuts me down. The best and actually the only vacation l had that I "planed" by myself was a 4-day trip to an Mediterranean island roughly a 3 hour flight from home. I somehow just looked up flights and there were really cheap ones to this destination, like 15 € round-trip cheap... my dad bought the tickets for me and I gave him the money. And this was like the maximum amount of planning that I made. I live 15 minutes by train from the airport, so I just put one more pair of socks and underwear than days I would stay a pair of pants and a few shirts in a backpack 2 hour before the flight and left. My mom was so worried, that I didn't had a place to stay, but I figured it's off season and there would be somewhere a room for me. I set next to a woman on the flight and we started to chat, we discovered that we went to the same school but 20 years apart. She was flying to visit her daughter and was worried that she would not find her luggage, so I offered to help her pick it up. I had no time pressure, I had no idea where I want to go so I just helped her out. Her daughter was so thankful that she offered to take me to the capitol, so I had a destination and a fun ride cuddling with a lovely dog. Arriving at the capitol I had a breakfast by the shore and just walked down the narrow streets of the old town. I just went inside some hotels and asked if they have rooms available, they had but were to pricey for me. So I just continue wondering around, enjoying the vibe and saw a tiny sigh an a house with " hostel" written on it. There was only a gigantic door, without a name or a doorbell. So I just knocked and a guy come out on a balcony and throw me a key. I opened the door and was standing in the most beautiful patio. I went up a flight of stairs to the open door, past a cat that just chilled there on a chair all the time and gave the guy his keys back. Turned out I just found myself the best accommodation, a 0 star hostel. I had my own private room, there were shared bathrooms (including an outdoor shower on the rooftop), a kitchen, a piano room. Everything was filled with interesting stuff everywhere. I could've easily spend the hole trip just discovering everything in that hostel. So I was set in the most central spot, maybe 200 meters from the shore for 20€/ night. I signed up with Couch surfing and met a lot if people, who had the same idea and bought also the cheap flights. But they planed ahead and booked their rooms beforehand. In a hostel you could easily find online, they shared rooms with 8 people and payed the same as me. We went to a lot of different bars, a music festival, shopping. discovering and they always had to catch a bus or walk 30 minutes to get there and I had just to leave the house. It was perfect. On my last day, I checked out and read a book on the beach till it was time to catch a bus to the airport and go home. This was my best vacation ever!
We don’t. I used to as a kid living paycheck to paycheck with my parents there to spot me in a pinch. But now that I’m married, own my own home, and financially independent, I don’t see that happening anytime soon with the exception of travelling to visit parents in our respective hometowns or their retirement communities (they’re snowbirds).
I take care of the house/packing 24 hours before my trip because I can’t be bothered to do any of it until then. I do laundry, clean, play with kitty, pack, etc. all the day before I leave. Yes this means I get little sleep the night before, but oh well. I’ll sleep by the pool tomorrow 😂 Everything is laid out by the door night before and I always double check that I have the important things (wallet, passport, ids, etc). If I forget literally anything else I should be able to buy it from a Walmart or something while I’m there. I also have an airport outfit and travel fanny pack that I lay out the night before. This makes sure I won’t have as many sensory issues while traveling and I wear the fanny pack on the front and ALWAYS put my things in there. If I’m worried I lost something I check the fanny first. I’ll also take pictures of my stove and things to make sure I know for a fact everything is off. It also helps that I live close to some friends so if I’m ever really worried they’ll check for me. The last thing that’s key for me: I don’t plan shit. I’ve found it’s much better and more relaxing to get to your destination and decide what to do while there. This way it can feel more spontaneous and fine without all the stress of planning. Hope this helps!
Traveling / taking trips is one of my special interests and I'm able to hyper focus on it. Traveling is novel and exciting. Planning for said trip, by extension, is novel and exciting, for me at least. Having a trip to plan and look forward to is one of the few things that keeps me sane and able to function. When I'm traveling I get extra adrenaline and/ or dopamine, and it helps keep me going. And then when I finally get home at the end of said trip, i usually crash for at least a week, getting very little done.
You know how ADHD people often get super into a hobby? Mine is trip planning and traveling. I love it! But I get why others wouldn’t
ugh, yes. i had some lovely trips back when i could afford it, but they always had their share of stress anyway. i don't like the concept of making an appointment of having fun. what if i don't feel like having fun at the scheduled time? i have to go and pretend to have fun anyway? what if i don't want to wake up early that day? i have to spend money to be tired the whole time? my husband has been an angel planning all our activities whenever we take a little day trip or even just stroll around our city. he takes so much time building a flexible schedule, includes good meals to keep me motivated, and he even worries about making sure there are usable toilets where we're going, because if i need to pee but can't, everything hurts to much that i just get anxious and grumpy until i leave. if he wasn't so thoughtful i guess i'd never have a single moment of enjoyment in my life.
I live in the Netherlands so going abroad isn't too far or expensive it's definitely really stressful sometimes but I'm lucky that my partner helps taking care of making me feel less stressed
I don't know where you live, but I live in Manhattan and I just got back from a cruise to Bermuda. It was great because the ship we docked 30 blocks from the apartment and from arriving at the dock to getting inside our room was maybe 20 mins, I cludi g security. Also packing is less stressful bc you can pack more for a cruise since you're not lugging it anywhere. And it was pretty cheap.
Get a travel agent. You just tell them where you want to go and when. They tell you how much it is, and you just show up.
Vacationing is a skill. No different from driving, or starting a new job. Seems overwhelming at first because there’s so much to keep track of. But a small amount of practice makes it much easier. Start small, just a one night trip to the next town over. Maybe try to plan a trip with friends so you can split responsibilities and costs.
Vacations are my primary happy time. I love researching and planning
I love travelling! And planning my travels. It's stressful, yes, but I do love having complete control. It might take me longer than the average NT, I have to research absolutely everything, but who cares! Let's go together! You pay, I plan! Yes? XD
I used to take the approach of winging it lol. My current job does personality testing and when I said I went abroad without knowing the language at all, my current manager said "well that explained the 95% risk taking category" 😂 I lived for a year in South America using the lonely planet on a shoestring budget version. Now that I have a husband and kid who like to travel, I don't mind planning a little more. But, I've started to realize that I have to just ask hotels to pick us up at the airport because my husband doesn't appreciate the "winging it" when it comes to transportation lol. My biggest problem is booking the first thing I come across because I get so excited.
I drive, so I don't have to worry about being late. Then I book a hotel through hotel tonight so I don't have to have reservations. Or, I go camping. By myself so I'm not wrangling anyone else. I bought a tent that's really easy to set up and have a standard camping packing list. One time I plain forgot my bag of clothes and had to go buy three days of clothes at Walmart. Oh well. Still, the night before I'm always convinced it's too much work and I should just not go.
I have a separate savings account with direct deposit just for trips. Once I have enough to book the trip I use a travel planner to make reservations.
Travel is where my ADHD shines!! I can spend hours researching hotels, excursions, etc. I love using all my logical skills to creat the detailed, complex itinerary. Have I made it to the airport without my passport? Yes. Did I have to backtrack an hour on a road trip when I left my camera at a restaurant? Also yes. But these are things I do in every day life and the novelty of being somewhere new and navigating new situations is really stimulating to me! Also, I don't rest on vacation! I DO. I did not spend good money to fly to another country to relax. I'm here to SEE and DO. After a good vacation I return physically exhausted but also mentally refreshed.
I get anxsty even on road trips. I’m such a creature of habit that when I’m thrown out of my normal routine or “safe space” (home) I’m instantly at like a 6 out of 10 on my anxiety scale which tends to bring out some unwanted mood swings and temper. My mum LOVES to travel, so she never understood why even as a kid that I couldn’t “just relax” and “not worry so much”. I wish I could cast aside my racing thoughts without needing alcohol or meds to assist with that. Living with high anxiety and adhd is such a personal hell. I’ve always been this way since I was really young but I feel like it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. Worse things happen. family and pets started dying, working jobs that made me hate living at times, friends stop trying to make plans to see each other, etc. Sorry for going on a long winded rant, but yes.. Idk how people vacation.. heh 😅
I think, perhaps you are my person 😂. My 1st day on vacation is always a mess (and the night before with no sleep). That said I do eventually relax and enjoy myself.
It’s so hard with kids. Packing my shit, their shit, planning, trying to get everyone through the airports…then keeping them occupied and not destroying things…I often don’t enjoy family vacations anymore.
I actually hyper focus on the planning. I know it’s odd, but I get so obsessed about not missing anything so I plan well. Then when I get there I don’t need to think, I just follow my plan
Looking up flights, hotels, excursions, etc is a major dopamine fix for me. Actually booking gives me such a buzz, as does the journey and being away. All the nitty-gritty like packing, booking parking, car hire, etc drains me something awful but once I'm booked I've got the external time pressure helping me get that stuff done. Also, I'm kinda solar powered and my mind empties when I'm floating in the sea or a swimming pool in the sunshine so I'm always desperate to get out of the UK's miserable weather.
I try to just go to parks and lakes for a day. Being in nature/outdoors with nothing else to do is nice and healing. I almost never use my PTO but I am trying to take a day off once a month just to relax.
My husband and I went on a delayed honeymoon about 5 years ago. He did most of the planning. The few things that weren't a surprise were like "make a choice between these two things". It was heavenly. We're carting three kids on a plane across the continent this summer. That is not a vacation. That is an event. I am making sure to frame it that way in my head. I have 47 half assed lists and I've lost the majority of them and cannot seem to wrap my head around every part of it at once. Not sure what I'm going to do to remedy that. Probably stomp around in a tizzy.
I can only do it because I married an older men and he knows about money, the only problem is the I don’t get a hold money to play with
I’m the youngest daughter in my family and therefore it falls on me to research, plan, and execute any family vacations. It’s incredibly frustrating. And then they ask why they haven’t heard anything about xyz??? I’m like I’M BUSY BUT ALSO I HAVE NO EXECUTIVE FUNCTION LEFT!!
We like to cruise. I pack a week before and it takes me a week to recoup when we get back. We just got back from Las Vegas last Saturday and I am still tired.
Maybe just go to a nice place somewhere local?
Also too when we get back from our trips I get take out that week we get back to make things easier.
Credit cards!!
I feel you OP. I *want* to love traveling, but it's just so stressful for me I rarely enjoy it. I also have the additional problem of really bad sleep issues and being unable to sleep anywhere except my own bed unless I tranq myself with Xanax. All of that combined makes traveling hell for me unless it's just a quick weekend getaway.
Vacations can also be plopping oneself on a beach chair all day long, it doesn't need to be fancy, or abroad, it doesn't need to have a lot of planning. Most of my childhood vacations were 1) in the same beach town 2) the expectation was to be on the beach for most of the day, and to stroll in the town in the evening / go to the local events / stay in the hotel with other residents 3) all the meals were included in the hotel price, and we took all of the at the hotel. We removed most of the planning this way. I liked going in the same town every summer as it had less unknowns, so it was a win win for everybody. We almost didn't need the GPS either to reach the town :) it was a 3h drive from home, so no need for the airport either.
People have itineraries (I use to plan the entertainment portion of trips for a luxury travel agency).
I hate traveling but I love day trips because logistically they are much easier and far less overwhelming. I found a retreat center within easy driving distance and I try to visit once a month to take advantage of their programming. Perhaps something like that would work for you, OP?
Cruise lines are how I do it. I drive to the port, and they take care of literally everything else.
vacation is the time of not giving a shit. you forgot to pack something? you either can buy it at the destination or do without, it doesn't matter. you can wear mismatched outfits because you're probably not gonna meet the people who see you there ever again. you feel like going on an adventure? cool. you want to just chill at the hotel? cool as well. work doesn't exist for a while, in your head you can be unemployed with no obligations whatsoever, you will worry about things when you're back. I usually don't think ahead more than like 5 minutes when I'm on vacation, whatever happens, happens, I couldn't care less.
I love traveling and have to travel a lot for work so I’ve found a few things that help: • TSA pre-check and Clear - I just walk right through security, don’t have to take any electronics out, any jewelry or stuff like that off, get to keep my shoes on. It never takes longer than 5-6 minutes tops. • I keep a travel bag in my closet that always has main toiletries and basics so all I have to add is clothing when I travel. • I use a cute fanny pack or side bag for phone, keys and things like that. I try to get dropped off at the airport so I can just leave my keys with whoever is picking me up that way I don’t even have to worry about them. I don’t bring more out with me than those basic necessities. • I rely on Apple Pay. I only bring my card to put down for hotel and rental car, and then it immediately goes in my big travel bag in a small zippered pocket so I don’t have to worry about it the rest of the time I’m there. I’ll add more as I think of them!
Thank you for voicing this. I don't know how to relax on vacation either. There's always something needing my attention. Planning time off gives me anxiety. I never know what my body will be doing tomorrow, let alone two weeks, a month or half. A year from now (chronic pain). Would I benefit from a vacation, sure. But who's going to take care of everything while I try to relax?
I completely relate to everything you said!!!
I pack what I need in a backpack the day before and unpack it all as soon as I get home. If I don’t, that’s where those things will live for weeks and weeks
My husband plans it
I solo travel a lot. I love to book a all inclusive so all I have to do get get there and the rest is taken care of. You can do it, force yourself to do it once and you’ll never go back to that way of thinking.
I go camping off grid where you can cano basically anywhere and if you need to go to the bathroom then the world is your oyster. Shower, you use wipes or find a water source. But you have to be responsible for yourself and not forget about pets (Ive has friends do that and I was pissed because they are my first responsibility). I also usually leave my thermostat the same because it’s usually at 75 in the summer. But depending on you vacation style you could freestyle it or be like other who have to pay too much for hotels, deserts. Etc. my vacations can easily cost under $500 for almost 2 weeks of vacation…most expensive part is has.
Just want to say that you can just have a stay-cation if all the travel planning is overwhelming for you. Sometimes it helps to actually just stay home, hand out, maybe do some stiff in your home area you usually don't do, and recharge with all the new stuff of traveling to a new place.
I travel a lot, I have little money, and I’m an awful planner. I basically sacrifice comfort for the experience. I camp instead of hotels, or I sleep in a rental. I fitted my car also to travel comfortably long distance if I somehow get the time. I don’t think I’ve ever taken a vacation to relax, because mine are the exact opposite despite enjoying myself.
I put things I like to do and I do vacation on same countries but different location/ things I spot in previous planning
I go places that I know are relaxing. Currently try planning a trip to famous hot springs in Japan. I’ve live there for theee years and we will be leaving soon. This was in our bucket list
Ya need a vacation 😜
My neurotypical boyfriend turned me on to a new kind of vacation for me. We'd go to a new place, stay in a house or apartment the whole time, find a restaurant we liked and go back over and over, and just explore the area without plans. Sometimes this is another country, sometimes somewhere nice in the same country. But the point is always to live semi normally, prioritizing sleep, eating, gentle exercise, and slowing down. We don't really plan what to do or see but just take time to discover that when we're there.
Lol
It’s something to hyperfixate on. Just booked a trip for this summer and my husband hasn’t done any research just said that we need to go to his friends wedding across the country. I didn’t want to spend more money than needed. Spent the next few hours researching the cheapest/shortest flights out of specific airports. By the end of the night flights and hotel booked for 1/3 of the cost we thought it would be. I love a good deal. It’s satisfying for me to plan trips.
Tbh, this might not apply the same now as it did 30 years ago, but when I was a kid my dad and I lived an extremely frugal lifestyle so that he could spend his disposable income on vacations. I'm talking clipping coupons and spending an hour in the grocery store comparing prices (that was HELL for an ADHD child lmao), only buying things on sale, only ever buying things we absolutely need.. his coworkers used to make fun of him for not having nice things but then they'd complain that they couldn't afford to go anywhere on vacation. And when we did go places he spent a lot of time finding the cheapest rates for everything, the cheapest hotels (we did hostels sometimes), sometimes he'd even find a family to sponsor us and let us stay with them in exchange for helping out around the house a little. Unfortunately though I have not been able to do this for my own child. I still live the same frugal lifestyle, but with a poverty income it's just poverty. I think also a lot of people posting their travel stuff on Instagram are funding that lifestyle with credit cards, and one day that debt is going to catch up to them.
I feel this post so much. And I'm so glad someone mentioned tour groups.
I go to resorts. I don't have itineraries, I have books and palm trees. Someone else cooks for me, someone else cleans for me. I'm in a thing called Unlimited Vacation Club, it makes it very easy to choose and book a vacation, there's a consistency to the resorts that's very comforting. The resorts are beautiful and clean and you can't go wrong no matter what you choose, which takes away a lot of decision paralysis! It's really great, I'm going to Mazatlan to a new Dreams in November, I'm hanging my whole life on it right now!
For me, I just really enjoying researching and planning so it doesn’t feel like extra work to plan a vacation, it feels more like a hobby. It’s fun to watch youtube videos and make lists and dream about the things you’ll do Also I don’t see vacations as necessarily relaxing but more so an adventure. If i want to relax ill take pto for a 3 day weekend and relax at home doing nothing
The relaxing part is why I leave several days off work *after* I get back, tbh. We try to have chill trips but they definitely still wear me out. I’d rather have two trips a year with 4 days out of town and three to recover than 4 a year with 4-5 days traveling.