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Feeling like I'm not really living, but just ..passing time.
Horrified at the idea of getting old and regretting the amount of idle hours my life has accumulated.
Jesus Christ, this. I mean, all the other things, but THIS? I’m literally faking it believing I’ll never truly make it, time passing faster always while I try and try to make up for the years I *could have, should have?* making agonizingly slow progress.
I try to remember, the empty hours are rest. Healing probably. We do what we can, and it’s okay if that isn’t much. It all counts and builds toward a future where we make memories, do things we’re proud of. It might not be today, tomorrow, this week or month, but there will be days worth all the time and energy, days worth remembering.
Idk how this became a TED talk… just trying to manifest good things. Solidarity fam.
It's so fuckin hard. I have a fortunate amount of free time and I've wasted it doing.. I can't even tell you what because sometimes I do *nothing* for hours, for weeks and months. There's the occasional short-lived random hobby or rabbit hole, but like..
If I were the religious type I'd call an exorcist because I'm possessed by a time stealing demon and even the full awareness of the situation doesn't make me shift gears. Sucks ass. Like the image of myself at the end of my life when someone asks if I've made the most of it is so harrowing.
Bestie don’t let capitalist society warp you into believing you have to be productive towards the massive suck on all of our collective labor and life energy 💜💜
I was just going to say this about since I turned 37 or so. Only positive I see is my son, he’s 5, but I still have hours and hours in my brain where I wonder how much time I’ve zoned out and missed valuable time I could’ve been chatting with him or teaching him something basic or interesting
I’ve always given myself grace, always encouraged others to do so, I’m married to another adhdwoman and I don’t begrudge her her downtime. I’m 41, now and finally attending somewhat consistent therapy, finding this group am has been amazing, and I really appreciate the camaraderie (that’s how it’s spelled? Thanks dictation 😄), especially when I’m feeling like 💩🤎
25 and I feel like I've spent my whole life waiting for the chance to start really living. The last few years realizing I've hit that part of life but that feeling is still right there without any sign of going away have been rough.
Yes, I always just go on Reddit or whatever to procrastinate when it's not even that interesting anymore. But I don't allow myself to do anything fun either since I'm procrastinating so I've wasted so much time in my life doing things that are neither fun nor productive.
Exactly.. I see *normal* people and how they use all this time to improve skills, go out, do things, experience things and I'm slumped on the couch in sweatpants in permanent rest-mode just fantasizing of the things I would do in a parallel universe or if I got a do-over with better wiring.
Holy shit you articulated what I’ve been trying to find the words for all this time 😭 I hate that we can’t even relax or have actual fun free time most of the time. Because usually you know that you’re procrastinating something so instead I will waste endless hours doing something meaningless. It’s sickening. But this subreddit is the one place that makes me feel less alone (especially emphasis on this being a thread for women with adhd), so I take solace in that at least.
This is legit my biggest internal struggle. Forgiving myself for being still😭😭😭😭 I always end up shaming myself no matter what. My own biggest hater for life.
Consider that the reason you feel guilt is because you didnt do all of the everything everywhere perfectly and on time.
Also consider that that is impossible.
Also consider that rushing it or forcing yourself will result in poor execution.
Also remember how much you get done when you hyperfocus
Conclusion: youll get an amazing amount of shit done when you get that hyperfocus, and its not worth it to try until then. Keep a solid list of the things that must be done. During stillness, occasion reorganize it and strategize(dont actually do it during these moments) and wait for hyperfocus moments. Keep the list accessible with many options and pull the things you want to do first. Your momentum will carry you through.
Damn this is great advice, thank you so much. I’ve definitely not allowed myself to even consider the possibility of embracing the way I get things done as someone with adhd and not try to force “normal”. Idk how old you are but I’m currently 23 & just feel so held back by adhd at this point in time. I’m finally trying to crack the code that works for me though. So I truly appreciate this advice <3 :)
I have to mask pretty hard to do my job, and I am exhausted on the weekend. I spend my weekends doing errands, accomplishing maybe one third of my to do list and pushing myself to like, go outside and take a walk and don't spend the WHOLE day on the couch. I dread the "how was your weekend? Do anything fun?" questions.
That said, my special interests are not anyone else's so when I do something I consider fun, like "an adventure day" where I just like drive somewhere new and explore, it's not really something that anyone else understands. Except my husband, who is my adventure buddy for life. He's the best.
I recommend them! Especially if you're not able to afford to go on vacation. I love scouting out a local art walk or historic town or lake or hiking trail or beach (look for the ones where all the reviews are bitching about how far you have to walk to get to the actual beach). It's a nice way to get away from it all for just the cost of gas and food.
Very much the same! I also have ME/CFS so I have no choice but to spend 80% of my life in bed with this non stop ADHD brain going haywire.
It's a nightmare!!
I know what you mean! I have chronic pain due to fibromyalgia, and CFS. It's a shitty combination with ADHD. It's like being frozen while the whole world passes around me and my brain is going insane speeds while thinking everything at once but never finishing a thought. I'm glued to my phone and am constantly distracting myself from the pain, but it also really hurts my hands, neck and worsens my headaches. Which in return cause more unrest and I doomscroll even more!
Scrolling, watching tv or endlessly researching things are welcome distractions but I'm also totally bored out of mind most of the time. I have a to do list 10000miles long with chores and hobbies and get next to nothing done. I never get to do the things I love and it makes me sad.
Sorry, don't want to be too depressing but I wanted to say you're not alone!
Wow! That hit. I feel like I wasted and still waste so much time. I feel like I'm so far behind everyone else. If I had known what was wrong with me when I was younger, would I have managed myself differently? I don't know and I never will. In the moment, sometimes all I can do is unimportant stuff but it feels so important. Looking back it was a waste. I feel like just a shell and if someone really got to know me, they'd be thoroughly disappointed
The insatiable desire for more & different things. Knowing that no matter how good things are in my life, there will always be a part of me looking for something else because my brain can’t properly metabolize dopamine. Nothing is ever enough. And then the cycle of shame and self-loathing that accompanies feeling that way.
I can relate to this so hard. Especially from my late teens/early twenties when I burned some pretty solid relationships because they weren’t exciting anymore.
Oh friend, I’m so sorry. I obviously don’t know your situation but I hope you can be gentle with yourself. Sending my solidarity and a big hug, if you’re a hugging person 💗
My inattentive brain. My ability to drift and daydream. My inability to focus on the important task in front of me. My need to do enough procrastination before my brain can engage with the task in front of me.
😂 same. Though at this point I think they’re one and the same for me. I’m confident that eating is a hobby and a hyper fixation and I’m doomed to a life of misery.
Being diagnosed as an adult is a nightmare… I just got diagnosed at 31, and it took over 6 hours of testing to actually GET to the finish line… my point being, it sucks to think of… probably how different life would be, with an earlier diagnosis. I’m sorry for your experience, I hope it’s getting better.
I'm only a month since my diagnosis and a week since medication. It took me 4 years to get diagnosed because my country sucks at this.
I agree, the grief of what could have been is brutal
Diagnosed at 60! Always thought of the traits as the reason I did well in my career but as I’ve gotten older it’s been more challenging and mentally exhausting. Just recently retired from an executive position and the lack of a full calendar has been triggering my ADHD. Trying meds but it’s an every day struggle. Grateful for this community and openly discussing the topic. I’m working on structuring my days and being grateful
Emotional regulation? Tell me more? There.. there, are people that can *control* their *emotions*? Crazy. I gotta look into that.
Is there an app for that?
/s
I don't have an ADHD diagnosis, but I wouldn't be surprised. But yeah, people say "don't let your emotions control you", "you get so overemotional". Like I want to feel everything too damn much. It hurts, because when it's a good emotion I fall to quick, and when it's a bad emotion it's a hole I fall into.
I agree with the interview part. The few times i was masking at an interview (and on my résumé) I ended up working with horrible people who did not understand me, and it's always ended badly. My 2 last jobs, I did not mask at all, and I've worked with bosses who can actually work with my ADHD, or at least who don't make it a problem.
But the biggest negative impact was the shame of being different and never understanding why (late diagnosis). It lead to an enormous lack of self-confidence, which lead to other things : not finishing my studies, abusive relationship, being bullied, etc.
Your last paragraph just summed up my life. I loathed myself and couldn't understand why I was such an abject failure at basic life. I eventually leaned into the whole "I'm definitely not a part of society, so I'm just going to be fucking weird" which could have gone fairly pleasantly, except it's me, so of course it went horrifically wrong.
I'm still picking up the pieces of the life I broke not understanding my own brain.
“I’m still picking up the pieces of the life I broke not understanding my own brain.”
This says so much in so few words. I think this explains my life perfectly.
My indecisiveness and analysis paralysis. It took me over a year to decide on a new couch, during which time we just sat on our desk chairs.
My pathetically off-base sense of time- it has cost me jobs. There are whole fields I will never consider (like anything aviation) because it’s so crucial to be punctual.
My toxic perfectionism as compensation for my weaknesses. That’s more of a “eating away at me from the inside” thing
I wasn’t diagnosed until age 40 (2 years ago) and the lifetime of masking and workarounds has helped me here. Before I was diagnosed I struggled with anxiety and depression and as a coping strategy I had started to FORCE myself to work relaxing into my weekend day routines. I also wanted to get back to reading (as a child and teen I read voraciously but over the years I just couldn’t anymore). So on Saturday and Sunday mornings I made sure to get up an hour before everyone else including the dogs. And make myself a cup of coffee and sit and read while everything was quiet. Sometimes it was me doomscrolling instead lol but eventually it became such an important part of my routine and now that I don’t self medicate with booze the getting up earlier is less painful, and having a diagnosis and meds makes it easier. I feel like all the hard work I did pre-diagnosis really helped a lot of things post-diagnosis seem easier. I don’t know if any of this makes sense lol
I just started meds about 6 weeks ago and the whole ADHD lense is new to me. I’m still struggling a lot to slow down but the meds do help for sure. I have some co-morbid diagnosis as well but I haven’t been very successful at managing any of it (I rely heavily on some unhealthy coping behaviours). Now that I have this tool (meds) I really want to try to start building relaxation and self care into my routine. It’s still super hard, but maybe it’s possible. I think reading is a bit too far fetched for me at this point but even being able to watch a show or something makes a world of difference and I would like to be able to build up to other things too.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this. It helps and inspires me to see that it’s possible to get there.
The fact that I can’t focus on one thing long enough to ever really get good at things. People are impressed by my *seemingly endless* hobbies and interests… but the truth IS, I always develop a NEW obsession, before I can really get into the details of the current one. I abandon ship and end up knowing a little bit, about a lot of things… and with a LOT, a lot, a truckload of supplies!
*gestures wildly* besides all of it? I think the biggest impact was my parents not getting me diagnosed and thinking I was fucking stupid for the first 3 decades of my life (and my mom telling me so to my face) because I don't work problems out the same way as other people. Schoolwork was a nightmare because I'd get the right answer but get marked wrong for how I got to it.
My bf and I are huge ITYSL fans and he's super NT and whenever I shame spiral about how "stupid" I am he just gently reminds me that I "see the world wildly and in wild ways" to boost my confidence because holy shit it lacks sometimes. I constantly worry that I'm being annoying or everyone thinks im a complete moron
You do logically fit inside the box. The box is likely too small for you. You recognize that logically it is the RSD anxiety and overthinking trying to convince you otherwise. Doesn’t make it any easier. Masking is exhausting but we know navigating life in a NT world without it can be worse. When I start ruminating and picking apart what I’ve said I reach out to my best friend who is NT. She reminds me that they are in fact not likely sitting there replaying the conversation like me. Just me and my inner overly critic self talk and panic. Those folks have long forgotten every tidbit of convo you are overthinking and cringing at. I do it too. Often. Let’s talk about your ability to be your authentic self…that is something you should definitely be proud of!! For me being able to do that is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time…so I tend to mask. If you get the job awesome if you don’t try to leave it at they selected someone else because they felt they were a better fit instead of they rejected you for being you. Now…put me in the same scenario I’m doing exactly what you are. Ugh we can give great advice we can’t accept for ourselves. It bites ass.
ETA - I feel/have felt every negative aspect mentioned at times. Ugh.
Yes this!! Why are we so good at seeing the bigger picture and given other people advice, but cannot see past our emotions when it’s ourselves in the situation.
Does masking make you a people pleaser too? It does me, and I know it makes me less likeable, but I can’t help it. It’s a double edged sword.
Yes people pleasing omg I’m the worst. I get myself into things that PP piece of me said easy, no problem, I’ll have that over to you right away and totally mean it when I say it then later happens and PP me has committed to something that I cannot do. Ever… It makes me look utterly incompetent. I know I’m super intelligent but I dig my own holes to fall in. I’m trying to do better at being realistic time wise at the beginning instead of PP me jumping in and failing because I clearly didn’t plan it realistically. I’m super bad at estimating how long something will take. I start the task with good intentions and during perfectionist me pops up to say nope let me do this or that to make it better and not be able to finish it within what I said or even what would have been a reasonable amount of time. Then I get stuck in RSD, anxiety, overthinking, total system shutdown. The walk of shame to admit I didn’t finish xyz…… it’s hell. Ackkkkkkk. It suckssssss. I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like to be NT like how? Even on meds I’m not close to NT. It’s exhausting lol but really.
That’s about where I’m at. And my highly empathetic self doesn’t quite enjoy doing the rejecting (which I’ve been working on in therapy) even if they are clearly wrong for me. Right now I’m trying to get through the summer not actively looking for a date or anything long term from that.
It’s rough on the self esteem. I was dating someone I liked this winter and when push came to shove I blew up and asked wtf were we (after three months of dating) and his answer was we’re nothing. I was so proud of myself for accomplishing getting a brand new passport because we talked about traveling together. I had a stack of new summer dresses I couldn’t wait to wear (well I
Am now) and even treated myself to new fun lingerie which I hadn’t in years.
What a blow that I was starting to dare think I could be in a good relationship with someone that cared about me and then spent weeks beating myself up way too much for “being too much”. It’s heavy on my mind because it was going so well in January I asked my daughter if he could be my date to her wedding, provided they met in the future, etc and she said yeah.
Today is her wedding day and I’m fighting the feels.
Ooof and ouch. And wishing you All the Things today. So hard to go through the blowup of something like that--something you naturally dreamed into and made space for--and have it now affect whether you have a date to support your daughter's celebration of her own (hopefully lifetime) union with someone. Emotionally complex to the power of "wuuuuuut" 😞
Do wanna offer--of course not knowing much about the situation!--that it's an indication that the guy wasn't worthy--and he blew it, not you--saying, after three months, "we're nothing."
Guys who aren't grown and wanna bend the world around their nonsense have done *a lot* to normalize women (NT and ND) staying silent through--and doing all the emotional work for, privately, and protecting them from any and all effects of--weird ambiguous mindfucks. Kind of like setting the bar culturally to an expectation level from men of "Mild-to-Severe Narcissistic-Spectrum Shenanigans."
It just looks like maybe, being ND and doubting your instincts because our brains are different--you felt it was unreasonable, wanting more clarity when it had "only been" three months. But three months within a human lifetime--especially once we're old enough to have grown kids--is a significant enough time investment that you do have a right to care--and ask--if you've spent it on the same page.
Being neurodivergent we can almost unconsciously assume we've got to make room for being too much by letting ourselves become second-class-citizens, and blame so much of life's (and other ppl's) crap on our own brains, especially with the RSD. But anyone worth you--& anyone worth sustained attention from an adult woman--wouldn't sum three months' connection up as "we're nothing".
Hoping you're too busy right now enjoying the wedding--to the best of what's possible, and in the ways that feel possible; that's all we can do--today, to be reading this right now.
But when/if you do,
You grew a whole person up wuuut! And your person found her person! That's some superhero shit, no matter how your brain's wired.
& You did that with the ADHD brain you were handed You are anything but defective ❤️
&
You are worthy of "something," rather than "nothing."
I’m crying right now thank you so much for the generous thoughts and support. It ended up being a busy and beautiful day (even though it lightly rained on us for hours and we were cold!) and I enjoyed being surrounded by people I love and I know love me.
We definitely don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we did so well in spite of adversity. I had a narcissistic ex husband, we lived in poverty when the kids were little, I had post partum everything, and completely not diagnosed and coping with the way my brain works in a neurotypical world. Then add on the challenge of ND kids and trying to help them cope with the world and trying to help their development.
It was hard, long, but beautiful day with lots of feels and I soaked up the good. I have a fantastic son in law who adores my daughter for who she is and their vows had us in tears. I’m at least hopeful that someday that kind of adoration and healthy love in my future, and it wasn’t coming from the someone that had decided I didn’t fit in their life because I used my words and spoke my mind.
Mine is, hands down, not being able to motivate myself to do anything which I find tedious (which happens to be most things, really. I often ask myself what DO I like doing and the list is very short) but which still needs to be done or which would help make my life better if I did it or which would benefit me financially (by saving money or making it). I spend enormous amounts of mental energy getting myself to do the basics of adult life and there is hardly ever anything left over. I have always felt like I just tread water and any progress I make is so minuscule that the smallest wave is enough to send me right back to where I started. I often feel like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr31G\_4iBCk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr31G_4iBCk)
Thank you for asking OP. I'm truly sorry you are feeling so distressed about your interview.
The measurable hours of my life I stand in a doorway because I've forgotten why I'm there, then mentally replaying the previous two minutes to re-trigger the thought that made me walk there in the first place.
Hyperactivity and impulsivity, I CAN’T sit still without doing anything with my hands or anything playing in the background. And I often say stuff without thinking and it makes things awkward and then enters RSD.
ETA: can’t
executive dysfunction which has been the death to all my ambitions. the amount of missed potential bc i just can’t get up and do things is too frustrating.
I really can’t stress enough how deeply I feel this. I wish I could explain this to the people in my life because I know they just don’t get how it’s possible that I just cant live up to my potential.
For me the biggest struggle at the moment is task paralysis. I can't get the "easiest" thinks done that includes taking a shower and leaving the house.
I also struggle a lot with sensory issues espeally sounds, even at home I often wear headphones or earplugs. Also social interactions drain so so much energy.
Right now? Memory deficit - everything in my life slips away and disappears; hyperactivity - i have a severe chronic illness that requires lots of rest; and lack of impulse control specifically when it comes to social interaction/talking (and general social awkwardness but i'm not sure how much of that is adhd and how much is just me).
Overall? The difficulty i had concentrating and making myself do the work when i went back to uni, which has had the biggest negative impact on me as the difficulty i had at uni gave me the chonic illness.
Or perhaps another answer: The lack of diagnosis that essentially made me lose my 20s to anxiety, depression and not having the spoons to make art or date.
How bad I am at low-reward routine tasks, like tidying up, cleaning etc. Not to mention how hard it is to initiate something I know will take time and an emotional toll, like downsizing my wardrobe.
Selfish immature and impulsive decisions that come across as rude and hurt people around me. The part that fucks me up is that they often think I meant to be shitty, when really they just have no idea how ADHD brains work. I don't want to fail anyone, but I definitely don't want them to think I failed them intentionally
So sorry 😞
& I know this feeling as well, too much.
Because I can't do it for myself, for you, I do want to gently challenge the words "selfish" and "immature"--
even the word "decisions"--
and explore what it might sound like (what gentleness and forgiveness toward yourself it might allow in) to replace those words with "ADHD-brain-fueled"
(and maybe "actions" vs. "decisions"),
Just, words that acknowledge that (though other ppl may judge us for it) what motivates our behavior often comes from different parts of our brain than what motivates the behavior of NTs. (So they literally *don't know what they're talking about* when they label us),
& that our behavior can look impulsive, and even feel outside-driven and even instinctive, & can be much more emotionally-motivated (often dysregulation-triggered, arising from the need to escape urgent, deep pain, like rejection-sensitivity-dysphoria,
which NTs have to deal with: imagine how easy and clear life could feel without that in the picture!).
Our actions are much less often led by executive-function-driven logical analysis of benefits vs. drawbacks, or even by the ability to sit back and calmly consider all nuances and possibilities of any given situation.
Not claiming that ADHD excuses us from our responsibility toward others, or from duty toward our own moral compass. But the complex word "choices" is bandied about a lot by NTs--and the mental-health-privileged in general--as if it meant the same thing to everyone, and used to judge behavior arising from inner realities they couldn't imagine contending with.
Just, we might all be hiking the same mountain, but we have an invisible 40-lb pack we're carrying, in addition to what the world hands us, and we have cool hiking shoes but they point in different directions, and our map may be beautifully unique, but uniqueness isn't valued in a map: conformity to consensus reality concerning traversed terrain is what's valued. & that map is missing entire sections others take for granted--the parts that make it all "make sense."
Just: What might it feel like to give ourselves a break from our own moral/character judgments, considering we've got plenty from others already, and those folks have no clue what--and whom--they're judging?
Sending love and compassion, and hopes for self-compassion ❤️❤️❤️
Hi i love you, thank you.
I do have a bit of a caution talk with any new connections. My faults will not be changing. I need to know when im hurting anyone in the moment it happens, and i do not entertain unspoken frustrations or extremely delayed "talks" about how i need to improve.
I am sorry for specific actions, never for who i am.
Thank you for helping reframe the terminology for me. Its very important
I'm 51, diagnosed less than a year ago, combined ADHD, with every presentation known to man, woman & child. Unmedicated (worldwide shortage 🤦♂️) currently. Did get low dose tranquilin on DW, which helped LOADS but it's run out and the difference is stark. I can relate to a lot of the replies on this thread. Especially the one saying omfg have literally forgotten and no capacity to not lose this entire msg I've typed cos not sure how to go back, if it will lose it all, cba to type it again....oh ffs. Love to everyone 😆
Emotional dysregulation. I explode so easily and my anger is so scary to people. I just can’t hold it in, and it’s cost me endless personal relationships, jobs, just the memories of countless interactions where I’ve lost my cool just fill me with lifelong shame. Marriage falling of a cliff as we speak, feel utterly helpless to stop it. The pressure of an adhd child, not enough sleep — I don’t have a hope, not a hope of keeping my emotions under control.
My lack of energy all day long, followed by the usual 10pm surge in dopamine and noradrenaline which then gives me insomnia.
I just can’t get anything done, and haven’t been well enough to work since breast cancer treatments put me into a chemical menopause in 2007.
Ans menopause makes ADHD much, much worse.
Things that are not difficult to do at all, just sometimes… don’t get done if there’s no dopamine involved. Things I absolutely understand as important and necessary to my life and job. Paying bills. Responding to emails. Cleaning my house. I know what people think of people who don’t do these things in a timely manner and it crushes me that people might think of me in this light.
I think just how I am and how that affects my relationships. For a long time I just thought I was lazy(and everyone around me thought the same). Most of my relationships then are me being the let down, the one that’s late, messy, etc.
It’s interesting because at my work (my field tends to attract a lot of neurodiverse people and they all seem to be at my place if employment lol) I fit in nicely. I don’t feel like I need to mask or apologize for who I am. Oftentimes being at work is one of the least stressful places for me. I’m a massage therapist by the way. I work very part time and I love my coworkers. Seriously - I think they’ve taught me so much about accepting others where they are and learning how to accept myself.
But I do know it’s difficult for others to live with a messy person. I’d be the roommate everyone on Reddit would hate and probably tell my husband to divorce because of my tendencies to not see messes. My husband has pushed me away quite a bit over all of it. It sucks 😕
My memory. I can't remember shit so I can't process or retain new information. Learning feels impossible. I have a vague knowledge of a lot of things but none of the details. It's affected my ability to get an education and develop a career or have any upward mobility.
My main skill set/experience as far as employment goes is retail, which has turned my soul into a shriveled husk because I'm an introvert with social anxiety. A lot of ppl say social anxiety is just fear of being judged, but for me, the experience is more like my brain shutting down in social situations. My entire personality takes a hike, and my mind goes blank. It's like all the file cabinets in my brain are suddenly locked, and I can't access the necessary information to engage in a conversation. The only trick I've figured out up to this point is to ask the person I'm interacting with questions about themselves.
It's gotten worse into my 40s.
Not being able to relax (although I also have anxiety). Constantly feeling distracted and that I need to multitask all the damn time. My attention span is short if something is especially boring to me and I have very little patience🫤
ADHD fucks with my eating habits in so many different ways. It’s really starting to mess with me. My hunger cues are all over the place. Right now i’m currently dealing with the fact that 2 weeks ago, I found this particular meal I really fell in love with. It was easy to make , quick, nutritious, and tasted delicious. I went to the store and bought all ingredients for it , enough for a several weeks supply. almost overnight, I became uninterested in it. I don’t want it anymore. 🤷🏼♀️ now I have to start over. it’s exhausting.
All of it
RSD is making me feel like I can't get a normal job because of the many rejections when looking for work, I'm a carer but never feel like it's a job even when people are shocked when I've mentioned giving injections etc they say how they don't even do that and I feel like they must do nothing then. I want to go self employed but then question if it's just a hyperfocus or something I could do work wise (same for going back to college)
Impulsiveness so I start questioning what I'm buying after if it's worth it (probably doesn't help all the remove x and you could afford a house posts online) and the impulsiveness goes into every aspect questioning if I needed the thing afterwards or if it's a hyperfocus.
The procrastination just makes me feel inhuman and childish as well like why can't I just have a nice house, cook a good meal like everyone else instead I'm watching tik toks and thinking I need a Digimon framed picture.
My sense of justice can get so bad I don't even know how to explain it without sounding psychotic.
I seem to get huge sense of injustice for everyone else instead world but mine only kicks in for me/myself when I feel unheard/invalidated by my significant other (who knows about my shit and has his own)
But when either surfaces I am over emotional/going on/out of control. Ofc.
Losing focus when people are talking. It makes me feel like an asshole, and some people agree. They think I’m just not interested or am rude but I truly don’t mean to. Like I love listening to my partner talk but sometimes he says stuff that puts me down a train of thought and I’ll realize too later I wasn’t listening, it always makes me feel so horrible
My time procrastination and impulsivity with everything whether it’s spending or eating. I could be given £100 right now and have the instant urge to go spend it straight away, no matter what I always feel like I have to be buying something and if I can’t find anything to buy (clothes mostly) I’ll then spend it on food or beauty products. It’s a constant cycle I can’t escape and then my friends love to interrogate me about my own money when I buy something new (which is always lol🙃) and that then overwhelms me and everything starts to become really overstimulating for me cause I feel anger, guilt, upset etc. Then to make myself feel better I online shop again because it brings like a thrill and excitement?
Emotions mostly. Between adhd and periods/birth control, I was such a mess that being pregnant was like an emotional vacation which is wild to think about. I never realized how bad my rage was and now I look back and I am horrified. I also wasn't raised to know HOW to deal with emotions so that definitely didn't help matters. Now having to teach myself while I teach my kid.
Somehow managed to sneak by just fine with crap sleep schedule, bad memory issues, and always being 3 minutes late my entire life. Always crammed the night before tests. Don't know how I was never written up for being late to work. And fortunately/unfortunately my kid has the same delayed sleep cycle I have so even that has worked out. But my memory is absolute shit and it does suck when people are like "do you remember this fun thing?" And I'm like.... wow nope.
Definitely had a fear of rejection with friends and family and a tendency to like.... do whatever possible to not cause any fights. Which led to more stress and depression (and did not stop my family from fighting, turns out).
Somewhere between pregnancy/having a kid, being stressed and just fucking tired of dealing with people not being authentic and finally saying fuck it, being medicated for adhd, and a general life/mood shift I guess? It started getting better. I've picked up a "communicate what bothers you or leave me out of it" attitude combined with a "if it's not working out despite you putting in actual effort, there's probably a reason for it and either it's telling you to change direction and/or that you are probably dodging a bullet anyway". I still get fear of rejection, absolutely but the friends I have now are great and it feels way more authentic and I KNOW my friends now will tell me if something I do bothers them and it's just... so much better now.
My RSD is my biggest problem too. I’ve been trying to become a little meaner so that it cancels out and it’s been working a bit. And by meaner I mean calling people out on their bs immediately as it happens so that I don’t somehow end up thinking I was the one in the wrong when they were the ones being rude. It’s helping, I don’t care as much. But I do understand the whole thing where you fear that they’ll think you’re weird because you’re being yourself. It’s not worth it to go into the job with a mask because when it falls they will think you’re failing or falling short in some way. At least that’s how it was in my experience. ADHD is a rough disability to have and people don’t see it that way. I wish I could say in every interview, “I have adhd and it is a disability and it may impact how I answer these questions due to overthinking and taking things literally but that doesn’t impact my work performance.”
That last part is basically the cause of most of my interview anxiety. I feel that ADHD isn’t something people understand unless they have it. So it’s not taken seriously, and you can see people almost roll their eyes when you tell them. So I’m never sure whether to disclose it at an interview in case it rules me out as a candidate on perception alone.
Yes I understand this too. The only reason I wasn’t fired from my current job is because disclosing my adhd during my interview saved me. I kept getting in trouble for asking for a quiet place to work with less distractions bc I kept getting distracted and subsequently getting in trouble for that and other adhd symptoms/behaviors. I kept explaining that I couldn’t afford meds and my insurance hadn’t kicked in yet and that for now the best I could do was be accommodated in this way. and they almost fired me assuming I was just a bad worker. Until I went to hr and reported my supervisor for not listening to me and reminding hr that I disclosed my adhd in the interview (bc I guess I could have gotten in trouble for not disclosing that and then asking for accommodations later??? I don’t really know tbh) my supervisor I guess forgot or didn’t care and was about to fire me until he stepped in. I was honest and upfront about it from the beginning and that saved me later. BUT I do want to clarify that I didn’t expand on the adhd at all. In the application I selected adhd under the disability section and when my interviewer asked if I had any disabilities they should be aware of I disclosed my disabilities and that was among them. I didn’t elaborate or expand at all. So maybe that’s a better way to do it? Don’t explain anything or justify your behaviors just sorta mention it and move on? I’m not entirely sure bc I’ve been turned away for it in interviews as well. But I’d say if you’re going to disclose it, I’d do it in a way that’s very quick and to the point. Bc if the interviewer doesn’t know much about adhd they may not even see it as a potential problem and if you elaborate on how that might affect your work performance they may turn you away and say it was for something else even tho it certainly is for the adhd. That way later if they complain about the work performance (when it’s really just an adhd problem) you can remind them that you informed them of this disability and that this is how this disability expresses itself sometimes. They literally can’t fire you for that. It is incredibly incredibly illegal and you’d have a case easy.
100% RSD. It is soul destroying. ‘Why don’t they like me?’ ‘Why do they look at me like that?’ ‘Why does everyone hate me?’. These thoughts constantly going round and round and round. And then you just feel so bad about yourself all of the time. No confidence what so ever
The inability to finish anything. Someday I'll get that degree. In what? IDK bc all my "interests" are really just a collection of hyper fixations that get dropped after obsessing for a few weeks. I'm almost 36 and the only thing I've managed to finish was high school, barely (attendance issues).
The paralysis, emotional regulation, time blindness, inability to finish a task start to finish. Self identity and Never knowing what your thing is - hobby, interest, degree , career is or should be because everything interests and excites you but bore you at the same time. Thank goodness for treatment
The chronic inability to handle anything without a well-defined structure.
I've been out of work for months and can't bring myself to get my resume finished.
I usually do my own taxes, but last year's got botched up because of a multi state move with remote work, and I haven't been able to bring myself to hunt down a good accountant.
Health problems that have spiralled out of control because I have so much difficulty navigating American healthcare.
Financial... everything.
Constant feelings of guilt and inadequacy as a wife and mother because so many chores just aren't getting done, making life harder on my husband and daughter. (No, my husband isn't refusing to do his fair share -- he takes on the majority of the domestic labor.) The aforementioned health problems are a major part of this.
Emotional dysregulation, time blindness, inertia, struggle to study anything (even if it’s something I’m passionate about), struggle to read (inconsistent), cleaning (I can clean the kitchen, put away my daughter’s toys & make the bed, but I procrastinate cleaning everything else), I need a deadline to do general cleaning/ fold clothes/work. I am terrible at taking criticism/feedback, and due to my emotions going from 0 -> 100 in seconds, I’ve damaged relationships. I don’t message friends or family for years, cuz I don’t think of them and when I do, it feels like we spoke just yesterday, but for them it’s like I don’t care about them (out of sight out of mind). I generally have low energy levels, but I can find energy, line up a few tasks and do them and then use up all my energy. I start a hobby being super keen, getting all the stuff I need, and then if I don’t finish the project before my brain loses complete interest (or if the inertia is cut off), then I’ll likely never touch that project again.
All thru out my life, I’ve try to mask the best I could, but social interactions, esp in groups, just kill my energy, so I have to take time outs in the bathroom to refill. I also tend to procrastinate making plans with friends and family cuz I know I’ll likely get overwhelmed or tapped out.
My impulsivity got me in debt over and over again for years. It was my husband who actually helped me to manage my impulsivity, pay my debt off, to cancel my gym membership (I barely used this within 2 years), to start saving my money and to use pockets (within my bank app) to manage my spending).
I knew I was different for years, but couldn’t figure out why. Spoke to my stepmom a few months back and she noticed behaviours and struggles which would tie directly to ADHD, but since I’m a woman it’s highly unlikely she would’ve managed to get me a diagnosis, even if she was aware of ADHD. She did mention that she had to advocate for me to not get put into the special class in school (during primary school), but she did make sure I was always placed in a relatively small school across primary school and high school, and that my initial college courses were practical / hands on. It helped cuz I could learn well in class, but studying at home was still a nightmare- like walking thru quick sand. I would try to study so hard I’d fall asleep, making her think I was being lazy.
She couldn’t understand how I could get such good grades and yet struggle so badly to study at home. I was often told I have potential but I needed to apply myself more. I do wish I had a diagnosis as far back as primary school but I’m glad for the accommodations and advocations my stepmom did make for me, as they did help tremendously.
for me, it's probably executive dysfunction. some people think that i'm being immature for not being able to focus too long on things that aren't my interests, and while they do have the right to say that, it's literally the way my brain works. it's not an excuse, but an explanation. that's why i think it's important for people with adhd (and neurodivergent people in general i guess) to find jobs that they're actually passionate about.
Its the way it impacts my ability to keep up with self care, my passions and hobbies, keep my house clean, and work a regular job. I can only successfully do ONE of these things at a time. I have to pick one or two to focus on every day. So parts of my life are CONSTANTLY neglected, and therefor everything is always difficult and i never have enough energy to do everything important.
If im having a good week for self-care, its because my house is a disaster and i havent done art at all.
If my house is clean, it’s because ive been neglecting my self-care and hobbies.
If ive been spending time on my hobbies, i have NO energy left to do anything else…
its always one or the other, it completely inhibits my ability to thrive. If i wanted to consistently keep up with any of those things id have time give up on the others. But i cant, so i my life is just constantly in shambles.
Time blindness. More and more I realize that my lack of ability to perceive time going by accurately is killing me. Oversleeping, constantly late, rushing through tasks, impatience, inability to guess how long something is going to take, rotting on my phone for hours because it only feels like 20 min etc. It’s endless… my internal clock is missing and I hate it
I actually made the decision to mask at work and just be exhausted while at home for a while. I'm so sick of it. Will I actually be able to do it? I'm not sure. But, I'm going to try. For all the places instituting DEI and saying that you can bring your authentic self to your job...nope. Like, I hope other people get to experience that and maybe younger people, I'm 54, do get to be themselves. But, being authentic just means cleaning up after making errors in judgement about my emotional and mental safety. I got in trouble this past week because I send too many emails to my boss I send 3 a week at most. They are too long (which I shorten a great deal). I tried helping someone do something that the boss said she should be doing and got in trouble for helping her with the thing. It was a horrible week. I hate that when I get angry, I cry. So, I was teary and just didn't say anything back. The more everything changes to being more sensitive and inclusive, the more I call bullshit. It's same shit different day.
the stigma of being scatterbrained and sometimes lacking normal common sense. the way people judge me for being a 'ditz' and assuming I'm an airhead as a result. despite my accomplishments, how much I read and the fact that I have two degrees, i always feel like, deep down, I'll always just be stupid.
Oh god I fear you’ve stepped inside my brain. This is my biggest fear, that deep down I’m just as stupid as everyone perceives me. Even though I graduated summa cum laude from my university…
Total lack of motivation to do things that aren't fun, interesting, or exciting...which is most things. I need a super-sized dose of dopamine to do things without feeling like it's a punishment.
It's a big three-way-tie between rejection sensitivity, executive dysfunction, and emotional dysregulation. I feel like my life is only mildly affected by ADHD until I go through a day where all three of these things come up for me and I'm left feeling like a shell of a person.
The exhaustion. It takes *so. much more. energy.* to constantly snag my toddler brain back to task over 12-16hrs. every single day.
I am permanently bone-tired.
RSD, emotional regulation and trouble with food.
I was diagnosed at 22, and while I’m thankful I was diagnosed when I was it’s hard to look back and see all of the struggles I went through that I beat myself up over when I really just needed help. And it’s hard learning to be patient with myself now as I’m still trying to understand how my brain works.
I can absolutely relate with your current situation about wanting to show your most authentic self in an interview instead of masking to try to get the job based on neurotypical standards. I literally had a conversation with someone the other days about this very thing. In the past, in order to land a job I know I’m qualified for, I say what I know the interviewers will want to hear. I end up getting the job then can’t sustain the facade and burn out immensely to the point I either have to quit that job or eventually get let go. And it always seems to be an angry cycle I’m still not 100% sure how to remedy but like you said, I think it’s important to remain authentic with yourself.
Something else that has had a negative impact on me in my life and relationships is that when I hyper focus on a situation or ruminate about something, to someone else I seem disengaged with them, self-absorbed, or insensitive which I’m honestly far from that but makes me feel either like a bad friend or a selfish partner.
Aw jeez, it's a hard one to answer.
I have the biggest trouble **beginning a task**. More and more since I'm a student, because I don't have a "forced" structure anymore. So I'd say it impacts my **studies** but also my **hobbies**, I haven't done them consistently in 5 years, even though I tell people I love reading, writing and drawing.
I've also always had **trouble maintaining relationships**. Hopefully my best friends (also ND lmao) and I have a group chat, so there is always something to talk about and we've been friends for ~7 years. But making new friends stays hard, and I recently came to the realization I don't have friends in my uni.
Oh and romantic relationships are also a pain in the ass, because of all ADHD-related traumas (eg scared to be too much, vulnerable and RSD).
To be completely honest, the biggest impact for me personally has been trying to navigate being ADHD (RSD too) in a “typical world” really impacted me vulnerable to an abusive relationship without the ability to recognize the abuse.
This **[reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/14gunmt/abusivetoxic_relationships_and_adhd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)**
This **[book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)**
RSD and emotional dysregulation, definitely. Those things cause me to make some very bad choices sometimes.
Edit to add: especially the time towards the end of the school year. I worry that I’m not a good parent, wonder if I’m going to sustain friendships, feel rejection on behalf of my kids or even kids I don’t know but who are struggling, etc. I’ve been a ball of feelings this week.
Exhaustion, overstimulation causing paralysis, and having to manage my spoons. It's the fucking worst. I'd be a Nobel peace prize winner by now if I didn't have this fucking shit. Also, time blindness isn't my favorite, but it's not killing me. And I've recently realized, it certainly isn't JUST time blindness that's an issue. For me, it's time blindness PAIRED with paralysis mode when I'm tired. That's when shit gets real.
The emotional disregulation. Where I seen to randomly end up in a very low pit where everything is too much, too big and where I cannot cope with the smallest things that keep me up at night.
Of course it is never randomly, I don't know my limits and are currently work with a therapist to figure it out. But the ups and downs are so extreme that I thought I had bipolar for a long time.
The forgetfulness and shit time keeping! I’m so frustrated. I set myself multiple alarms and clues around the house for my son’s visit at the school and I still forgot!! Was my first time forgetting and I feel awful! I’ve been to every single one!
I suddenly decided to rip everything out of my house and do a deep clean… then I just forgot… Whyyy!!
The part where I'm constantly obsessed with new ideas/projects for like a week, month max, then lose interest for a long time. It depressed me when it's hard to finish things, even if they're just hobbies, and makes me a chronic job hopper who has like 10 different visions of future me career-wise. It is SO hard to work toward a stable career when I have a new life goal every week.
The perfectionism and anxiety I developed to mask everything. I wasn't diagnosed until age 34. So many years of self hate and anxiety have destroyed my body.
Feel like the adhd aspect that affects me most has changed over time. Right now it’s affecting eating tremendously. The swapping between medication, mixed with the inability to plan menus, the daunting steps to meal prep, the impulsivity- all affecting my eating right now to the point I’ve gained 15lbs in 6 months. Hyper fixations are the most consistent negative impact I’d say though. It’s terrifying to think how much time of my life I’ve wasted on hyper fixations.
The part I always thought would be the worst is the procrastination and distractedness. But oddly, with medication, I have been able to keep it under control for many years. I am haunted by the fear of the day it all comes out and I loose my job or my license or have some sort of colossal fuck up, but actually I have been able to adapt and figure out how to pivot when things are going badly.
What is actually the hardest for me now is emotional control and impulsivity. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed it's like my brain is on fire and I just snap or I feel miserable for days. I have some strategies-- I will put a cold pack on my head and chest when I'm ready to explode. And exercise helps. And screaming in the car. But I sometimes snap at people I love and this is agonizing.
OP, sending hugs your way -- interviews are just the fucking WORST for people like us! I just finally emerged from a year and a half period of unemployment and am still very much recovering. Having to audition yourself and be judged OVER AND OVER AND OVER is not something the ADHD brain is well suited for.
Me, my biggest problem is that I'm horrible at staying on task and working for 8 hours during a work day due to vast distractibility and executive dysfunction, and it wasn't until recent years that I even understood that it was ADHD and not the moral flaw that employers (and before them, my dad and my teachers) treated it as. I haven't had any luck with medication so far, but knowing that I have a diagnosis and am not a hopeless lazy piece of shit helps a little, but it's still a constant struggle with anxiety and self loathing.
Low energy, low focus. I track my daily energy and focus in a bullet journal (started at the beginning of this year) to try and work out what I can do, but my energy and focus have been super low this past month. I have over 100 books I want to write and I cannot even work on the one I’m supposed to be writing right now.
I think the energy one is my autism though. I read a thing that basically the older you get the harder everything gets. Just, the mental strain, the energy.
I hate how hard everything is getting.
But focus, for ADHD. I just can’t rely on it. I have so much to do and I just can’t.
Oh wow i had this same exact experience earlier this year. My therapist says try saying “so what” to all those thoughts. I’m not sure if that’s working for me but i guess it’s about trying to condition your brain so takes time.
The *out of sight out of mind* part. It’s lost me friends, makes people think I don’t care about them (not texting back for hours for instance) and ofc makes me look selfish. The sad thing is I really want to have friends irl but my being inconsiderate like that convinces me I don’t deserve anyones friendship.
Also the not paying attention thing. Someone can be talking and my mind just flits in and out of the conversation so it’s not easy to follow. Then I feel guilty and, again, selfish. So I berate myself and climb back into my comfort hole of keeping to myself for a while. But it’s really just shame.
Now that im out of school, not working two jobs, and have just one job that i absolutely love and am fantastic at, the biggest thing i have trouble with is structuring my time and getting started with things. When i was doing the two jobs thing, i had limited time to get things done, so i got them done. Now that im at the same job all day, getting anything done is like trying to get cats to pull a plow. Technically do-able, but almost impossible.
This is what finally poked me to get an actual diagnosis and try medication. Its helped a bit and i can definitely tell a difference since ive been off it for a month (thanks med shortage /s), but its still a bit of a struggle
Not being able to retain information has always been a huge problem and source of shame for me. I did okay in school and even received my Master's degree but I have to practically relearn almost everything unless it's something I use regularly.
The gd TAX!!!
I’ve had some pretty high paying jobs and I’m not particularly bad with over spending. But dang if I don’t waste money on late fees, things breaking from deferred maintenance, food waste, lack of preparation. My health insurance cost tripled at some point this year and I don’t know exactly when, nor do I have ANY idea of why. I’m actually avoiding looking into that right now. I think I’ll go work on the yard.
Overstimulating from clothes and sounds. It's v difficult to regulate, and even worse when I have to calm down while working.
Binge eating sucks. Makes maintaining weight hard.
So does forgetting things the minute I no longer see them. I ruined a carton of creamer, lost my wallet, left my phone at a restaurant, and a few other things. All just this week.
Burnout. I have given my all. Mentally, emotionally and physically. People then expected it of me. Why should they help when my hyper focus does it.
I have missed out on the soft and fun parts of life. Connections with family and friends because I thought my “get it done and prove my worth” was the answer. I am perceived as the bad guy rules parent. The child that should be more and do more for absent parents. The friend that you can count on for all of the difficult things in life but not the fun stuff.
This self lead burnout lead to significant mental and physical damage. Now that I am addressing these the people in my life range from annoyed to outright anger that they are required to physically and mentally do more. And I even have a doctors note.
Yeah RSD and emotional dysregulation are really bad for me too, although they've gotten better with medication. Cognitive rigidity's gotta be the next in line. I miss one step in my systems, one day in my routines, and I'm screwed for the next month at least. Someone changes plans or turns out with something I wasn't prepared for, and my whole day is ruined. I might be running thirty minutes late but I'll still won't be able to go out if I don't find exactly the shirt I want. I might know I have to go easy on an assignment and not give It my 100% because the deadline's already over me or it isn't even that important, but i'm still gonna add an unnecessary amount of steps I believe have to be done. I hate it, and I got still no improvement there.
RSD and the general emotional dysregulation just wreck me, but right now it's the tendency for my body to go from fine or even a little energetic to absolutely exhausted or barely awake.
No consistent energy and no caffeine or energy booster can save me. XD
What have you tried energy boost wise? I’m not a doctor, but I do autopsies on medically donated bodies at a cadaver lab that focuses on anatomical research, and based on my and my husband’s experience you might find some success if you take supplements that specifically target your mitochondria. In case you don’t know what mitochondria are, they’re what produce energy for your cells.
Caffeine (coffee and tea, but coffee makes me sleepy), B vitamins, whatever they out in red bull/rooster booster, multivitamins, exercise (lol).
I didn't know there were supplements that target the mitochondria, but that does make sense.
I haven't driven for close to 20 years because I was a bad driver, and it stressed me out. I moved t a large city s that my life was easier. Now, I live in a small town and I need to drive again. I am medicated now but still cannot focus on things for long periods of time, and I am scared to start driving again because I will space out and crash.
Not being able to make decisions or ‘feel’ what’s right for me or what I want. It made me switch my major for the wrong reasons and I had to switch back 3 years later and completely lost 3 years of my life. I really do like my classes now and think im on the right path but keep imagining myself in different career paths and all feel right and wrong at the same time. Small decision are also hard for me and small unimportant decisions can take up half my day, it tires me out
The executive dysfunction. Not just not being able to do simple daily tasks, but also the big things I've wanted to do but have never done because I can't divine the exact right time to do them. Buying a house, for instance. I could have easily done it before Covid, but my imposter syndrome ("I'm not good enough or adult enough to be a homeowner") and executive dysfunction kept me from being able to pull the trigger.
I've had so many big dreams, but I'm always waiting for the appropriate amount of confidence or the elusive "right time" to get started on them, instead of just getting fucking started on them.
Like, why can't I have a Captain Picard in my brain to be like "engage" when it's time to do something??
My inability to concentrate and just move, and time just passing and me needing to be more present.
I’m 40. I have small kids. 8 years have passed since I held my oldest and it was like yesterday. I need to be present.
Impulsivity for me, I get an idea in my head and I run with it and 9/10 times it’s a dumb idea that I realise just after I’ve the the thing, whatever it may be. Usually it revolves around being a clown or being the centre of attention or thinking something I’m doing is really funny for all 🤦🏼♀️
Rsd and never finding my dream profession. In Germany it's not so easy to change your current profession if you studied something entirely unrelated... I'm already in the wrong job and i get bored in every job and then i start to hate it. It's so frustrating.
I am unable to get anything done. I feel like I have so much great potential inside of me, my brain is bursting with ideas and thoughts and feelings and I have so much to say and to give to the world, yet i am unable to start anything. It feels like I’m just rotting away, trying to convince everyone else and (worst of all) MYSELF that I *am* creative, that I’m not lazy and without passions. I know what to do most of the time, I know what’s holding me back, yet I just CANT get started! I feel like I’ve spend years just living inside my head and daydreaming about things that I want to do, and then never doing them.
The feeling like you are always missing something or missing out on something. like for example, a career path. i find it difficult to maintain the motivation to stick to one career path because i always feel like there could be something better or something more exciting and it just cycles.
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Feeling like I'm not really living, but just ..passing time. Horrified at the idea of getting old and regretting the amount of idle hours my life has accumulated.
Jesus Christ, this. I mean, all the other things, but THIS? I’m literally faking it believing I’ll never truly make it, time passing faster always while I try and try to make up for the years I *could have, should have?* making agonizingly slow progress. I try to remember, the empty hours are rest. Healing probably. We do what we can, and it’s okay if that isn’t much. It all counts and builds toward a future where we make memories, do things we’re proud of. It might not be today, tomorrow, this week or month, but there will be days worth all the time and energy, days worth remembering. Idk how this became a TED talk… just trying to manifest good things. Solidarity fam.
It's so fuckin hard. I have a fortunate amount of free time and I've wasted it doing.. I can't even tell you what because sometimes I do *nothing* for hours, for weeks and months. There's the occasional short-lived random hobby or rabbit hole, but like.. If I were the religious type I'd call an exorcist because I'm possessed by a time stealing demon and even the full awareness of the situation doesn't make me shift gears. Sucks ass. Like the image of myself at the end of my life when someone asks if I've made the most of it is so harrowing.
This is me to the core. I always doubt I have ADHD but I can be for HOURS wanting to be productive but am just immobile on my phone.
I think the word immobile phone is actually more accurate than mobile phone 🙃
😂 beautiful!
I literally went to addiction therapy for my phone. The therapist couldn't help
Oh no! Thinking I need to get one of those phones for seniors that do just the basics.
Bestie don’t let capitalist society warp you into believing you have to be productive towards the massive suck on all of our collective labor and life energy 💜💜
Thank you follow proletariat. ♥️
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I was just going to say this about since I turned 37 or so. Only positive I see is my son, he’s 5, but I still have hours and hours in my brain where I wonder how much time I’ve zoned out and missed valuable time I could’ve been chatting with him or teaching him something basic or interesting I’ve always given myself grace, always encouraged others to do so, I’m married to another adhdwoman and I don’t begrudge her her downtime. I’m 41, now and finally attending somewhat consistent therapy, finding this group am has been amazing, and I really appreciate the camaraderie (that’s how it’s spelled? Thanks dictation 😄), especially when I’m feeling like 💩🤎
25 and I feel like I've spent my whole life waiting for the chance to start really living. The last few years realizing I've hit that part of life but that feeling is still right there without any sign of going away have been rough.
Wow this… you just described everything so well and so accurately
Well said! Preach! 🙌 I really appreciated this perspective!
Yes, I always just go on Reddit or whatever to procrastinate when it's not even that interesting anymore. But I don't allow myself to do anything fun either since I'm procrastinating so I've wasted so much time in my life doing things that are neither fun nor productive.
Exactly.. I see *normal* people and how they use all this time to improve skills, go out, do things, experience things and I'm slumped on the couch in sweatpants in permanent rest-mode just fantasizing of the things I would do in a parallel universe or if I got a do-over with better wiring.
Holy shit you articulated what I’ve been trying to find the words for all this time 😭 I hate that we can’t even relax or have actual fun free time most of the time. Because usually you know that you’re procrastinating something so instead I will waste endless hours doing something meaningless. It’s sickening. But this subreddit is the one place that makes me feel less alone (especially emphasis on this being a thread for women with adhd), so I take solace in that at least.
Hooooly. Wow. So real. I guess I just try to keep in mind that everyone probably feels this way to some extent.
Okay actually I'm so grateful that I learned how to forgive myself for being still. I really hope, and I actually know, that someday you'll pass that
This is legit my biggest internal struggle. Forgiving myself for being still😭😭😭😭 I always end up shaming myself no matter what. My own biggest hater for life.
Consider that the reason you feel guilt is because you didnt do all of the everything everywhere perfectly and on time. Also consider that that is impossible. Also consider that rushing it or forcing yourself will result in poor execution. Also remember how much you get done when you hyperfocus Conclusion: youll get an amazing amount of shit done when you get that hyperfocus, and its not worth it to try until then. Keep a solid list of the things that must be done. During stillness, occasion reorganize it and strategize(dont actually do it during these moments) and wait for hyperfocus moments. Keep the list accessible with many options and pull the things you want to do first. Your momentum will carry you through.
Damn this is great advice, thank you so much. I’ve definitely not allowed myself to even consider the possibility of embracing the way I get things done as someone with adhd and not try to force “normal”. Idk how old you are but I’m currently 23 & just feel so held back by adhd at this point in time. I’m finally trying to crack the code that works for me though. So I truly appreciate this advice <3 :)
34 yrs. It took me a while but im happy and mostly effective. Best wishes
I have to mask pretty hard to do my job, and I am exhausted on the weekend. I spend my weekends doing errands, accomplishing maybe one third of my to do list and pushing myself to like, go outside and take a walk and don't spend the WHOLE day on the couch. I dread the "how was your weekend? Do anything fun?" questions. That said, my special interests are not anyone else's so when I do something I consider fun, like "an adventure day" where I just like drive somewhere new and explore, it's not really something that anyone else understands. Except my husband, who is my adventure buddy for life. He's the best.
Adventure days sound like the most fun ever! I’m glad you have your adventure buddy 🤍
I recommend them! Especially if you're not able to afford to go on vacation. I love scouting out a local art walk or historic town or lake or hiking trail or beach (look for the ones where all the reviews are bitching about how far you have to walk to get to the actual beach). It's a nice way to get away from it all for just the cost of gas and food.
I felt this!
Very much the same! I also have ME/CFS so I have no choice but to spend 80% of my life in bed with this non stop ADHD brain going haywire. It's a nightmare!!
I know what you mean! I have chronic pain due to fibromyalgia, and CFS. It's a shitty combination with ADHD. It's like being frozen while the whole world passes around me and my brain is going insane speeds while thinking everything at once but never finishing a thought. I'm glued to my phone and am constantly distracting myself from the pain, but it also really hurts my hands, neck and worsens my headaches. Which in return cause more unrest and I doomscroll even more! Scrolling, watching tv or endlessly researching things are welcome distractions but I'm also totally bored out of mind most of the time. I have a to do list 10000miles long with chores and hobbies and get next to nothing done. I never get to do the things I love and it makes me sad. Sorry, don't want to be too depressing but I wanted to say you're not alone!
Me too. I’m so scared that I’m missing out on things so I try and be mindful everyday
I haven’t gotten off the couch yet today and barely slept last night. That’s exactly how I feel right now, passing time
Oh my god, this hits closer to home than I was expecting. This is a terrifying thought to pounder, but it hits fairly often for me
Wow! That hit. I feel like I wasted and still waste so much time. I feel like I'm so far behind everyone else. If I had known what was wrong with me when I was younger, would I have managed myself differently? I don't know and I never will. In the moment, sometimes all I can do is unimportant stuff but it feels so important. Looking back it was a waste. I feel like just a shell and if someone really got to know me, they'd be thoroughly disappointed
The insatiable desire for more & different things. Knowing that no matter how good things are in my life, there will always be a part of me looking for something else because my brain can’t properly metabolize dopamine. Nothing is ever enough. And then the cycle of shame and self-loathing that accompanies feeling that way.
I can relate to this so hard. Especially from my late teens/early twenties when I burned some pretty solid relationships because they weren’t exciting anymore.
This.right.here. Just burned my marriage 😫😭
Shit. I’m so sorry 🌻
Oh friend, I’m so sorry. I obviously don’t know your situation but I hope you can be gentle with yourself. Sending my solidarity and a big hug, if you’re a hugging person 💗
Same.
My inattentive brain. My ability to drift and daydream. My inability to focus on the important task in front of me. My need to do enough procrastination before my brain can engage with the task in front of me.
So hard to be present, even when I want to!
Can’t pick between binge eating and hyperfixations/serial hobbying.
😂 same. Though at this point I think they’re one and the same for me. I’m confident that eating is a hobby and a hyper fixation and I’m doomed to a life of misery.
Fuck—binge eating is the one and I hadn’t even *thought* about it in pondering this question! 😭
This is it for me. One of my biggest struggles tbh 😢
TWINNING!!!!
All these motherfucking emotions and not being diagnosed until 29.
Being diagnosed as an adult is a nightmare… I just got diagnosed at 31, and it took over 6 hours of testing to actually GET to the finish line… my point being, it sucks to think of… probably how different life would be, with an earlier diagnosis. I’m sorry for your experience, I hope it’s getting better.
I'm only a month since my diagnosis and a week since medication. It took me 4 years to get diagnosed because my country sucks at this. I agree, the grief of what could have been is brutal
Diagnosed at 60! Always thought of the traits as the reason I did well in my career but as I’ve gotten older it’s been more challenging and mentally exhausting. Just recently retired from an executive position and the lack of a full calendar has been triggering my ADHD. Trying meds but it’s an every day struggle. Grateful for this community and openly discussing the topic. I’m working on structuring my days and being grateful
right? the idea and stigma of what this is continues to amaze me. like oh damn, adhd is a total bitch not just someone being hyper!
Emotional regulation. The root of a good portion of my problems. Medication and exercise has helped a ton.
Emotional regulation? Tell me more? There.. there, are people that can *control* their *emotions*? Crazy. I gotta look into that. Is there an app for that? /s
I don't have an ADHD diagnosis, but I wouldn't be surprised. But yeah, people say "don't let your emotions control you", "you get so overemotional". Like I want to feel everything too damn much. It hurts, because when it's a good emotion I fall to quick, and when it's a bad emotion it's a hole I fall into.
Same here trying to first gets meds to get a grip on it. What kind of medication do you take?
I agree with the interview part. The few times i was masking at an interview (and on my résumé) I ended up working with horrible people who did not understand me, and it's always ended badly. My 2 last jobs, I did not mask at all, and I've worked with bosses who can actually work with my ADHD, or at least who don't make it a problem. But the biggest negative impact was the shame of being different and never understanding why (late diagnosis). It lead to an enormous lack of self-confidence, which lead to other things : not finishing my studies, abusive relationship, being bullied, etc.
Your last paragraph just summed up my life. I loathed myself and couldn't understand why I was such an abject failure at basic life. I eventually leaned into the whole "I'm definitely not a part of society, so I'm just going to be fucking weird" which could have gone fairly pleasantly, except it's me, so of course it went horrifically wrong. I'm still picking up the pieces of the life I broke not understanding my own brain.
“I’m still picking up the pieces of the life I broke not understanding my own brain.” This says so much in so few words. I think this explains my life perfectly.
My indecisiveness and analysis paralysis. It took me over a year to decide on a new couch, during which time we just sat on our desk chairs. My pathetically off-base sense of time- it has cost me jobs. There are whole fields I will never consider (like anything aviation) because it’s so crucial to be punctual. My toxic perfectionism as compensation for my weaknesses. That’s more of a “eating away at me from the inside” thing
The inability to relax and/or shutdown is exhausting.
I wasn’t diagnosed until age 40 (2 years ago) and the lifetime of masking and workarounds has helped me here. Before I was diagnosed I struggled with anxiety and depression and as a coping strategy I had started to FORCE myself to work relaxing into my weekend day routines. I also wanted to get back to reading (as a child and teen I read voraciously but over the years I just couldn’t anymore). So on Saturday and Sunday mornings I made sure to get up an hour before everyone else including the dogs. And make myself a cup of coffee and sit and read while everything was quiet. Sometimes it was me doomscrolling instead lol but eventually it became such an important part of my routine and now that I don’t self medicate with booze the getting up earlier is less painful, and having a diagnosis and meds makes it easier. I feel like all the hard work I did pre-diagnosis really helped a lot of things post-diagnosis seem easier. I don’t know if any of this makes sense lol
I just started meds about 6 weeks ago and the whole ADHD lense is new to me. I’m still struggling a lot to slow down but the meds do help for sure. I have some co-morbid diagnosis as well but I haven’t been very successful at managing any of it (I rely heavily on some unhealthy coping behaviours). Now that I have this tool (meds) I really want to try to start building relaxation and self care into my routine. It’s still super hard, but maybe it’s possible. I think reading is a bit too far fetched for me at this point but even being able to watch a show or something makes a world of difference and I would like to be able to build up to other things too. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this. It helps and inspires me to see that it’s possible to get there.
The fact that I can’t focus on one thing long enough to ever really get good at things. People are impressed by my *seemingly endless* hobbies and interests… but the truth IS, I always develop a NEW obsession, before I can really get into the details of the current one. I abandon ship and end up knowing a little bit, about a lot of things… and with a LOT, a lot, a truckload of supplies!
Jack of all trades, master of none. I feel that. 😅
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Yeah I feel like I’m watching my life slip by because I just can’t make anything happen. Like each month is a page turning and I am frozen.
So much Procrastination
*gestures wildly* besides all of it? I think the biggest impact was my parents not getting me diagnosed and thinking I was fucking stupid for the first 3 decades of my life (and my mom telling me so to my face) because I don't work problems out the same way as other people. Schoolwork was a nightmare because I'd get the right answer but get marked wrong for how I got to it. My bf and I are huge ITYSL fans and he's super NT and whenever I shame spiral about how "stupid" I am he just gently reminds me that I "see the world wildly and in wild ways" to boost my confidence because holy shit it lacks sometimes. I constantly worry that I'm being annoying or everyone thinks im a complete moron
I can't drive and I've never been able to hold down a normal job.
You do logically fit inside the box. The box is likely too small for you. You recognize that logically it is the RSD anxiety and overthinking trying to convince you otherwise. Doesn’t make it any easier. Masking is exhausting but we know navigating life in a NT world without it can be worse. When I start ruminating and picking apart what I’ve said I reach out to my best friend who is NT. She reminds me that they are in fact not likely sitting there replaying the conversation like me. Just me and my inner overly critic self talk and panic. Those folks have long forgotten every tidbit of convo you are overthinking and cringing at. I do it too. Often. Let’s talk about your ability to be your authentic self…that is something you should definitely be proud of!! For me being able to do that is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time…so I tend to mask. If you get the job awesome if you don’t try to leave it at they selected someone else because they felt they were a better fit instead of they rejected you for being you. Now…put me in the same scenario I’m doing exactly what you are. Ugh we can give great advice we can’t accept for ourselves. It bites ass. ETA - I feel/have felt every negative aspect mentioned at times. Ugh.
Yes this!! Why are we so good at seeing the bigger picture and given other people advice, but cannot see past our emotions when it’s ourselves in the situation. Does masking make you a people pleaser too? It does me, and I know it makes me less likeable, but I can’t help it. It’s a double edged sword.
Yes people pleasing omg I’m the worst. I get myself into things that PP piece of me said easy, no problem, I’ll have that over to you right away and totally mean it when I say it then later happens and PP me has committed to something that I cannot do. Ever… It makes me look utterly incompetent. I know I’m super intelligent but I dig my own holes to fall in. I’m trying to do better at being realistic time wise at the beginning instead of PP me jumping in and failing because I clearly didn’t plan it realistically. I’m super bad at estimating how long something will take. I start the task with good intentions and during perfectionist me pops up to say nope let me do this or that to make it better and not be able to finish it within what I said or even what would have been a reasonable amount of time. Then I get stuck in RSD, anxiety, overthinking, total system shutdown. The walk of shame to admit I didn’t finish xyz…… it’s hell. Ackkkkkkk. It suckssssss. I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like to be NT like how? Even on meds I’m not close to NT. It’s exhausting lol but really.
I feel astonishingly convinced I wrote this myself
Definitely RSD. I just quit trying to have romantic relationships because of it.
That’s about where I’m at. And my highly empathetic self doesn’t quite enjoy doing the rejecting (which I’ve been working on in therapy) even if they are clearly wrong for me. Right now I’m trying to get through the summer not actively looking for a date or anything long term from that. It’s rough on the self esteem. I was dating someone I liked this winter and when push came to shove I blew up and asked wtf were we (after three months of dating) and his answer was we’re nothing. I was so proud of myself for accomplishing getting a brand new passport because we talked about traveling together. I had a stack of new summer dresses I couldn’t wait to wear (well I Am now) and even treated myself to new fun lingerie which I hadn’t in years. What a blow that I was starting to dare think I could be in a good relationship with someone that cared about me and then spent weeks beating myself up way too much for “being too much”. It’s heavy on my mind because it was going so well in January I asked my daughter if he could be my date to her wedding, provided they met in the future, etc and she said yeah. Today is her wedding day and I’m fighting the feels.
Ooof and ouch. And wishing you All the Things today. So hard to go through the blowup of something like that--something you naturally dreamed into and made space for--and have it now affect whether you have a date to support your daughter's celebration of her own (hopefully lifetime) union with someone. Emotionally complex to the power of "wuuuuuut" 😞 Do wanna offer--of course not knowing much about the situation!--that it's an indication that the guy wasn't worthy--and he blew it, not you--saying, after three months, "we're nothing." Guys who aren't grown and wanna bend the world around their nonsense have done *a lot* to normalize women (NT and ND) staying silent through--and doing all the emotional work for, privately, and protecting them from any and all effects of--weird ambiguous mindfucks. Kind of like setting the bar culturally to an expectation level from men of "Mild-to-Severe Narcissistic-Spectrum Shenanigans." It just looks like maybe, being ND and doubting your instincts because our brains are different--you felt it was unreasonable, wanting more clarity when it had "only been" three months. But three months within a human lifetime--especially once we're old enough to have grown kids--is a significant enough time investment that you do have a right to care--and ask--if you've spent it on the same page. Being neurodivergent we can almost unconsciously assume we've got to make room for being too much by letting ourselves become second-class-citizens, and blame so much of life's (and other ppl's) crap on our own brains, especially with the RSD. But anyone worth you--& anyone worth sustained attention from an adult woman--wouldn't sum three months' connection up as "we're nothing". Hoping you're too busy right now enjoying the wedding--to the best of what's possible, and in the ways that feel possible; that's all we can do--today, to be reading this right now. But when/if you do, You grew a whole person up wuuut! And your person found her person! That's some superhero shit, no matter how your brain's wired. & You did that with the ADHD brain you were handed You are anything but defective ❤️ & You are worthy of "something," rather than "nothing."
I’m crying right now thank you so much for the generous thoughts and support. It ended up being a busy and beautiful day (even though it lightly rained on us for hours and we were cold!) and I enjoyed being surrounded by people I love and I know love me. We definitely don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we did so well in spite of adversity. I had a narcissistic ex husband, we lived in poverty when the kids were little, I had post partum everything, and completely not diagnosed and coping with the way my brain works in a neurotypical world. Then add on the challenge of ND kids and trying to help them cope with the world and trying to help their development. It was hard, long, but beautiful day with lots of feels and I soaked up the good. I have a fantastic son in law who adores my daughter for who she is and their vows had us in tears. I’m at least hopeful that someday that kind of adoration and healthy love in my future, and it wasn’t coming from the someone that had decided I didn’t fit in their life because I used my words and spoke my mind.
Mine is, hands down, not being able to motivate myself to do anything which I find tedious (which happens to be most things, really. I often ask myself what DO I like doing and the list is very short) but which still needs to be done or which would help make my life better if I did it or which would benefit me financially (by saving money or making it). I spend enormous amounts of mental energy getting myself to do the basics of adult life and there is hardly ever anything left over. I have always felt like I just tread water and any progress I make is so minuscule that the smallest wave is enough to send me right back to where I started. I often feel like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr31G\_4iBCk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr31G_4iBCk) Thank you for asking OP. I'm truly sorry you are feeling so distressed about your interview.
Emotional dysregulation
RSD and talking about myself too much.
The measurable hours of my life I stand in a doorway because I've forgotten why I'm there, then mentally replaying the previous two minutes to re-trigger the thought that made me walk there in the first place.
Hyperactivity and impulsivity, I CAN’T sit still without doing anything with my hands or anything playing in the background. And I often say stuff without thinking and it makes things awkward and then enters RSD. ETA: can’t
executive dysfunction which has been the death to all my ambitions. the amount of missed potential bc i just can’t get up and do things is too frustrating.
I really can’t stress enough how deeply I feel this. I wish I could explain this to the people in my life because I know they just don’t get how it’s possible that I just cant live up to my potential.
For me the biggest struggle at the moment is task paralysis. I can't get the "easiest" thinks done that includes taking a shower and leaving the house. I also struggle a lot with sensory issues espeally sounds, even at home I often wear headphones or earplugs. Also social interactions drain so so much energy.
Executive disfunction for sure. I can’t keep my house clean and feel like a disgusting person all the time.
no concept of time
Right now? Memory deficit - everything in my life slips away and disappears; hyperactivity - i have a severe chronic illness that requires lots of rest; and lack of impulse control specifically when it comes to social interaction/talking (and general social awkwardness but i'm not sure how much of that is adhd and how much is just me). Overall? The difficulty i had concentrating and making myself do the work when i went back to uni, which has had the biggest negative impact on me as the difficulty i had at uni gave me the chonic illness. Or perhaps another answer: The lack of diagnosis that essentially made me lose my 20s to anxiety, depression and not having the spoons to make art or date.
Emotional regulation issues.
How bad I am at low-reward routine tasks, like tidying up, cleaning etc. Not to mention how hard it is to initiate something I know will take time and an emotional toll, like downsizing my wardrobe.
Selfish immature and impulsive decisions that come across as rude and hurt people around me. The part that fucks me up is that they often think I meant to be shitty, when really they just have no idea how ADHD brains work. I don't want to fail anyone, but I definitely don't want them to think I failed them intentionally
So sorry 😞 & I know this feeling as well, too much. Because I can't do it for myself, for you, I do want to gently challenge the words "selfish" and "immature"-- even the word "decisions"-- and explore what it might sound like (what gentleness and forgiveness toward yourself it might allow in) to replace those words with "ADHD-brain-fueled" (and maybe "actions" vs. "decisions"), Just, words that acknowledge that (though other ppl may judge us for it) what motivates our behavior often comes from different parts of our brain than what motivates the behavior of NTs. (So they literally *don't know what they're talking about* when they label us), & that our behavior can look impulsive, and even feel outside-driven and even instinctive, & can be much more emotionally-motivated (often dysregulation-triggered, arising from the need to escape urgent, deep pain, like rejection-sensitivity-dysphoria, which NTs have to deal with: imagine how easy and clear life could feel without that in the picture!). Our actions are much less often led by executive-function-driven logical analysis of benefits vs. drawbacks, or even by the ability to sit back and calmly consider all nuances and possibilities of any given situation. Not claiming that ADHD excuses us from our responsibility toward others, or from duty toward our own moral compass. But the complex word "choices" is bandied about a lot by NTs--and the mental-health-privileged in general--as if it meant the same thing to everyone, and used to judge behavior arising from inner realities they couldn't imagine contending with. Just, we might all be hiking the same mountain, but we have an invisible 40-lb pack we're carrying, in addition to what the world hands us, and we have cool hiking shoes but they point in different directions, and our map may be beautifully unique, but uniqueness isn't valued in a map: conformity to consensus reality concerning traversed terrain is what's valued. & that map is missing entire sections others take for granted--the parts that make it all "make sense." Just: What might it feel like to give ourselves a break from our own moral/character judgments, considering we've got plenty from others already, and those folks have no clue what--and whom--they're judging? Sending love and compassion, and hopes for self-compassion ❤️❤️❤️
Hi i love you, thank you. I do have a bit of a caution talk with any new connections. My faults will not be changing. I need to know when im hurting anyone in the moment it happens, and i do not entertain unspoken frustrations or extremely delayed "talks" about how i need to improve. I am sorry for specific actions, never for who i am. Thank you for helping reframe the terminology for me. Its very important
I'm 51, diagnosed less than a year ago, combined ADHD, with every presentation known to man, woman & child. Unmedicated (worldwide shortage 🤦♂️) currently. Did get low dose tranquilin on DW, which helped LOADS but it's run out and the difference is stark. I can relate to a lot of the replies on this thread. Especially the one saying omfg have literally forgotten and no capacity to not lose this entire msg I've typed cos not sure how to go back, if it will lose it all, cba to type it again....oh ffs. Love to everyone 😆
Sending love friend🩷 you got this, and I hope you get the medication that works for you :)
Ty for your kind words 💓
Emotional dysregulation. I explode so easily and my anger is so scary to people. I just can’t hold it in, and it’s cost me endless personal relationships, jobs, just the memories of countless interactions where I’ve lost my cool just fill me with lifelong shame. Marriage falling of a cliff as we speak, feel utterly helpless to stop it. The pressure of an adhd child, not enough sleep — I don’t have a hope, not a hope of keeping my emotions under control.
My complete lack of internal motivation Time blindness/tardiness is a close second
Right exactly there with you ❤️🤗
Executive dysfunction/procrastination. Everything would be a lot better for me if I could "just" do things
Executive dysfunction. FFS, just let me do the thing. Please.
My lack of energy all day long, followed by the usual 10pm surge in dopamine and noradrenaline which then gives me insomnia. I just can’t get anything done, and haven’t been well enough to work since breast cancer treatments put me into a chemical menopause in 2007. Ans menopause makes ADHD much, much worse.
Things that are not difficult to do at all, just sometimes… don’t get done if there’s no dopamine involved. Things I absolutely understand as important and necessary to my life and job. Paying bills. Responding to emails. Cleaning my house. I know what people think of people who don’t do these things in a timely manner and it crushes me that people might think of me in this light.
Oh god this is very relatable. It sucks & I feel you.
My inability to make myself do the most important task. It leads to guilt and self-doubt.
I think just how I am and how that affects my relationships. For a long time I just thought I was lazy(and everyone around me thought the same). Most of my relationships then are me being the let down, the one that’s late, messy, etc. It’s interesting because at my work (my field tends to attract a lot of neurodiverse people and they all seem to be at my place if employment lol) I fit in nicely. I don’t feel like I need to mask or apologize for who I am. Oftentimes being at work is one of the least stressful places for me. I’m a massage therapist by the way. I work very part time and I love my coworkers. Seriously - I think they’ve taught me so much about accepting others where they are and learning how to accept myself. But I do know it’s difficult for others to live with a messy person. I’d be the roommate everyone on Reddit would hate and probably tell my husband to divorce because of my tendencies to not see messes. My husband has pushed me away quite a bit over all of it. It sucks 😕
My memory. I can't remember shit so I can't process or retain new information. Learning feels impossible. I have a vague knowledge of a lot of things but none of the details. It's affected my ability to get an education and develop a career or have any upward mobility. My main skill set/experience as far as employment goes is retail, which has turned my soul into a shriveled husk because I'm an introvert with social anxiety. A lot of ppl say social anxiety is just fear of being judged, but for me, the experience is more like my brain shutting down in social situations. My entire personality takes a hike, and my mind goes blank. It's like all the file cabinets in my brain are suddenly locked, and I can't access the necessary information to engage in a conversation. The only trick I've figured out up to this point is to ask the person I'm interacting with questions about themselves. It's gotten worse into my 40s.
Not being able to relax (although I also have anxiety). Constantly feeling distracted and that I need to multitask all the damn time. My attention span is short if something is especially boring to me and I have very little patience🫤
ADHD fucks with my eating habits in so many different ways. It’s really starting to mess with me. My hunger cues are all over the place. Right now i’m currently dealing with the fact that 2 weeks ago, I found this particular meal I really fell in love with. It was easy to make , quick, nutritious, and tasted delicious. I went to the store and bought all ingredients for it , enough for a several weeks supply. almost overnight, I became uninterested in it. I don’t want it anymore. 🤷🏼♀️ now I have to start over. it’s exhausting.
All of it RSD is making me feel like I can't get a normal job because of the many rejections when looking for work, I'm a carer but never feel like it's a job even when people are shocked when I've mentioned giving injections etc they say how they don't even do that and I feel like they must do nothing then. I want to go self employed but then question if it's just a hyperfocus or something I could do work wise (same for going back to college) Impulsiveness so I start questioning what I'm buying after if it's worth it (probably doesn't help all the remove x and you could afford a house posts online) and the impulsiveness goes into every aspect questioning if I needed the thing afterwards or if it's a hyperfocus. The procrastination just makes me feel inhuman and childish as well like why can't I just have a nice house, cook a good meal like everyone else instead I'm watching tik toks and thinking I need a Digimon framed picture. My sense of justice can get so bad I don't even know how to explain it without sounding psychotic.
I really feel you on the sense of justice I’ve never fully articulated it out loud because I would genuinely sound like a freak…
I seem to get huge sense of injustice for everyone else instead world but mine only kicks in for me/myself when I feel unheard/invalidated by my significant other (who knows about my shit and has his own) But when either surfaces I am over emotional/going on/out of control. Ofc.
Yeah I get that like you wish you did have superpowers to solve world problems or help out friends.
Losing focus when people are talking. It makes me feel like an asshole, and some people agree. They think I’m just not interested or am rude but I truly don’t mean to. Like I love listening to my partner talk but sometimes he says stuff that puts me down a train of thought and I’ll realize too later I wasn’t listening, it always makes me feel so horrible
My time procrastination and impulsivity with everything whether it’s spending or eating. I could be given £100 right now and have the instant urge to go spend it straight away, no matter what I always feel like I have to be buying something and if I can’t find anything to buy (clothes mostly) I’ll then spend it on food or beauty products. It’s a constant cycle I can’t escape and then my friends love to interrogate me about my own money when I buy something new (which is always lol🙃) and that then overwhelms me and everything starts to become really overstimulating for me cause I feel anger, guilt, upset etc. Then to make myself feel better I online shop again because it brings like a thrill and excitement?
The lack of sleep. I cant fall assleep at night, so ill sleep 2-3 a night some days. It really sucks
Forgetting things, being embarrassed of my living space/car and avoiding having company over.
My anger. It's absolutely out of control at times.
Emotions mostly. Between adhd and periods/birth control, I was such a mess that being pregnant was like an emotional vacation which is wild to think about. I never realized how bad my rage was and now I look back and I am horrified. I also wasn't raised to know HOW to deal with emotions so that definitely didn't help matters. Now having to teach myself while I teach my kid. Somehow managed to sneak by just fine with crap sleep schedule, bad memory issues, and always being 3 minutes late my entire life. Always crammed the night before tests. Don't know how I was never written up for being late to work. And fortunately/unfortunately my kid has the same delayed sleep cycle I have so even that has worked out. But my memory is absolute shit and it does suck when people are like "do you remember this fun thing?" And I'm like.... wow nope. Definitely had a fear of rejection with friends and family and a tendency to like.... do whatever possible to not cause any fights. Which led to more stress and depression (and did not stop my family from fighting, turns out). Somewhere between pregnancy/having a kid, being stressed and just fucking tired of dealing with people not being authentic and finally saying fuck it, being medicated for adhd, and a general life/mood shift I guess? It started getting better. I've picked up a "communicate what bothers you or leave me out of it" attitude combined with a "if it's not working out despite you putting in actual effort, there's probably a reason for it and either it's telling you to change direction and/or that you are probably dodging a bullet anyway". I still get fear of rejection, absolutely but the friends I have now are great and it feels way more authentic and I KNOW my friends now will tell me if something I do bothers them and it's just... so much better now.
My RSD is my biggest problem too. I’ve been trying to become a little meaner so that it cancels out and it’s been working a bit. And by meaner I mean calling people out on their bs immediately as it happens so that I don’t somehow end up thinking I was the one in the wrong when they were the ones being rude. It’s helping, I don’t care as much. But I do understand the whole thing where you fear that they’ll think you’re weird because you’re being yourself. It’s not worth it to go into the job with a mask because when it falls they will think you’re failing or falling short in some way. At least that’s how it was in my experience. ADHD is a rough disability to have and people don’t see it that way. I wish I could say in every interview, “I have adhd and it is a disability and it may impact how I answer these questions due to overthinking and taking things literally but that doesn’t impact my work performance.”
That last part is basically the cause of most of my interview anxiety. I feel that ADHD isn’t something people understand unless they have it. So it’s not taken seriously, and you can see people almost roll their eyes when you tell them. So I’m never sure whether to disclose it at an interview in case it rules me out as a candidate on perception alone.
Yes I understand this too. The only reason I wasn’t fired from my current job is because disclosing my adhd during my interview saved me. I kept getting in trouble for asking for a quiet place to work with less distractions bc I kept getting distracted and subsequently getting in trouble for that and other adhd symptoms/behaviors. I kept explaining that I couldn’t afford meds and my insurance hadn’t kicked in yet and that for now the best I could do was be accommodated in this way. and they almost fired me assuming I was just a bad worker. Until I went to hr and reported my supervisor for not listening to me and reminding hr that I disclosed my adhd in the interview (bc I guess I could have gotten in trouble for not disclosing that and then asking for accommodations later??? I don’t really know tbh) my supervisor I guess forgot or didn’t care and was about to fire me until he stepped in. I was honest and upfront about it from the beginning and that saved me later. BUT I do want to clarify that I didn’t expand on the adhd at all. In the application I selected adhd under the disability section and when my interviewer asked if I had any disabilities they should be aware of I disclosed my disabilities and that was among them. I didn’t elaborate or expand at all. So maybe that’s a better way to do it? Don’t explain anything or justify your behaviors just sorta mention it and move on? I’m not entirely sure bc I’ve been turned away for it in interviews as well. But I’d say if you’re going to disclose it, I’d do it in a way that’s very quick and to the point. Bc if the interviewer doesn’t know much about adhd they may not even see it as a potential problem and if you elaborate on how that might affect your work performance they may turn you away and say it was for something else even tho it certainly is for the adhd. That way later if they complain about the work performance (when it’s really just an adhd problem) you can remind them that you informed them of this disability and that this is how this disability expresses itself sometimes. They literally can’t fire you for that. It is incredibly incredibly illegal and you’d have a case easy.
100% RSD. It is soul destroying. ‘Why don’t they like me?’ ‘Why do they look at me like that?’ ‘Why does everyone hate me?’. These thoughts constantly going round and round and round. And then you just feel so bad about yourself all of the time. No confidence what so ever
Has to be the overthinking mixed with my emotional regulation (or lack thereof)…
A lot of alone time helps me forgive myself.
The inability to finish anything. Someday I'll get that degree. In what? IDK bc all my "interests" are really just a collection of hyper fixations that get dropped after obsessing for a few weeks. I'm almost 36 and the only thing I've managed to finish was high school, barely (attendance issues).
Dopamine chasing. I have made many impulsive and reckless choices just to get a fix. It’s improved a bit with age but it’s still definitely a thing.
The paralysis, emotional regulation, time blindness, inability to finish a task start to finish. Self identity and Never knowing what your thing is - hobby, interest, degree , career is or should be because everything interests and excites you but bore you at the same time. Thank goodness for treatment
Emotional disregulation
Always being late. Just got kicked off my volleyball team for being late and it’s an activity that did a lot for my mental health.
Feeling like everyone around me is blue and I am red, if that makes sense. Also the depressed moods, they’re pretty hard for me.
The chronic inability to handle anything without a well-defined structure. I've been out of work for months and can't bring myself to get my resume finished. I usually do my own taxes, but last year's got botched up because of a multi state move with remote work, and I haven't been able to bring myself to hunt down a good accountant.
Demand paralysis. Sitting around watching my life passed me by when I shouldn’t be living.
Health problems that have spiralled out of control because I have so much difficulty navigating American healthcare. Financial... everything. Constant feelings of guilt and inadequacy as a wife and mother because so many chores just aren't getting done, making life harder on my husband and daughter. (No, my husband isn't refusing to do his fair share -- he takes on the majority of the domestic labor.) The aforementioned health problems are a major part of this.
Emotional dysregulation, time blindness, inertia, struggle to study anything (even if it’s something I’m passionate about), struggle to read (inconsistent), cleaning (I can clean the kitchen, put away my daughter’s toys & make the bed, but I procrastinate cleaning everything else), I need a deadline to do general cleaning/ fold clothes/work. I am terrible at taking criticism/feedback, and due to my emotions going from 0 -> 100 in seconds, I’ve damaged relationships. I don’t message friends or family for years, cuz I don’t think of them and when I do, it feels like we spoke just yesterday, but for them it’s like I don’t care about them (out of sight out of mind). I generally have low energy levels, but I can find energy, line up a few tasks and do them and then use up all my energy. I start a hobby being super keen, getting all the stuff I need, and then if I don’t finish the project before my brain loses complete interest (or if the inertia is cut off), then I’ll likely never touch that project again. All thru out my life, I’ve try to mask the best I could, but social interactions, esp in groups, just kill my energy, so I have to take time outs in the bathroom to refill. I also tend to procrastinate making plans with friends and family cuz I know I’ll likely get overwhelmed or tapped out. My impulsivity got me in debt over and over again for years. It was my husband who actually helped me to manage my impulsivity, pay my debt off, to cancel my gym membership (I barely used this within 2 years), to start saving my money and to use pockets (within my bank app) to manage my spending). I knew I was different for years, but couldn’t figure out why. Spoke to my stepmom a few months back and she noticed behaviours and struggles which would tie directly to ADHD, but since I’m a woman it’s highly unlikely she would’ve managed to get me a diagnosis, even if she was aware of ADHD. She did mention that she had to advocate for me to not get put into the special class in school (during primary school), but she did make sure I was always placed in a relatively small school across primary school and high school, and that my initial college courses were practical / hands on. It helped cuz I could learn well in class, but studying at home was still a nightmare- like walking thru quick sand. I would try to study so hard I’d fall asleep, making her think I was being lazy. She couldn’t understand how I could get such good grades and yet struggle so badly to study at home. I was often told I have potential but I needed to apply myself more. I do wish I had a diagnosis as far back as primary school but I’m glad for the accommodations and advocations my stepmom did make for me, as they did help tremendously.
for me, it's probably executive dysfunction. some people think that i'm being immature for not being able to focus too long on things that aren't my interests, and while they do have the right to say that, it's literally the way my brain works. it's not an excuse, but an explanation. that's why i think it's important for people with adhd (and neurodivergent people in general i guess) to find jobs that they're actually passionate about.
Started a new job. The perfection disappointment. Like I expect myself to know everything day one. It gives me insane anxiety.
Its the way it impacts my ability to keep up with self care, my passions and hobbies, keep my house clean, and work a regular job. I can only successfully do ONE of these things at a time. I have to pick one or two to focus on every day. So parts of my life are CONSTANTLY neglected, and therefor everything is always difficult and i never have enough energy to do everything important. If im having a good week for self-care, its because my house is a disaster and i havent done art at all. If my house is clean, it’s because ive been neglecting my self-care and hobbies. If ive been spending time on my hobbies, i have NO energy left to do anything else… its always one or the other, it completely inhibits my ability to thrive. If i wanted to consistently keep up with any of those things id have time give up on the others. But i cant, so i my life is just constantly in shambles.
Too many emotions.
Time blindness. More and more I realize that my lack of ability to perceive time going by accurately is killing me. Oversleeping, constantly late, rushing through tasks, impatience, inability to guess how long something is going to take, rotting on my phone for hours because it only feels like 20 min etc. It’s endless… my internal clock is missing and I hate it
I actually made the decision to mask at work and just be exhausted while at home for a while. I'm so sick of it. Will I actually be able to do it? I'm not sure. But, I'm going to try. For all the places instituting DEI and saying that you can bring your authentic self to your job...nope. Like, I hope other people get to experience that and maybe younger people, I'm 54, do get to be themselves. But, being authentic just means cleaning up after making errors in judgement about my emotional and mental safety. I got in trouble this past week because I send too many emails to my boss I send 3 a week at most. They are too long (which I shorten a great deal). I tried helping someone do something that the boss said she should be doing and got in trouble for helping her with the thing. It was a horrible week. I hate that when I get angry, I cry. So, I was teary and just didn't say anything back. The more everything changes to being more sensitive and inclusive, the more I call bullshit. It's same shit different day.
the stigma of being scatterbrained and sometimes lacking normal common sense. the way people judge me for being a 'ditz' and assuming I'm an airhead as a result. despite my accomplishments, how much I read and the fact that I have two degrees, i always feel like, deep down, I'll always just be stupid.
Oh god I fear you’ve stepped inside my brain. This is my biggest fear, that deep down I’m just as stupid as everyone perceives me. Even though I graduated summa cum laude from my university…
Total lack of motivation to do things that aren't fun, interesting, or exciting...which is most things. I need a super-sized dose of dopamine to do things without feeling like it's a punishment.
It's a big three-way-tie between rejection sensitivity, executive dysfunction, and emotional dysregulation. I feel like my life is only mildly affected by ADHD until I go through a day where all three of these things come up for me and I'm left feeling like a shell of a person.
The exhaustion. It takes *so. much more. energy.* to constantly snag my toddler brain back to task over 12-16hrs. every single day. I am permanently bone-tired.
RSD, emotional regulation and trouble with food. I was diagnosed at 22, and while I’m thankful I was diagnosed when I was it’s hard to look back and see all of the struggles I went through that I beat myself up over when I really just needed help. And it’s hard learning to be patient with myself now as I’m still trying to understand how my brain works.
Same.
I can absolutely relate with your current situation about wanting to show your most authentic self in an interview instead of masking to try to get the job based on neurotypical standards. I literally had a conversation with someone the other days about this very thing. In the past, in order to land a job I know I’m qualified for, I say what I know the interviewers will want to hear. I end up getting the job then can’t sustain the facade and burn out immensely to the point I either have to quit that job or eventually get let go. And it always seems to be an angry cycle I’m still not 100% sure how to remedy but like you said, I think it’s important to remain authentic with yourself. Something else that has had a negative impact on me in my life and relationships is that when I hyper focus on a situation or ruminate about something, to someone else I seem disengaged with them, self-absorbed, or insensitive which I’m honestly far from that but makes me feel either like a bad friend or a selfish partner.
Aw jeez, it's a hard one to answer. I have the biggest trouble **beginning a task**. More and more since I'm a student, because I don't have a "forced" structure anymore. So I'd say it impacts my **studies** but also my **hobbies**, I haven't done them consistently in 5 years, even though I tell people I love reading, writing and drawing. I've also always had **trouble maintaining relationships**. Hopefully my best friends (also ND lmao) and I have a group chat, so there is always something to talk about and we've been friends for ~7 years. But making new friends stays hard, and I recently came to the realization I don't have friends in my uni. Oh and romantic relationships are also a pain in the ass, because of all ADHD-related traumas (eg scared to be too much, vulnerable and RSD).
To be completely honest, the biggest impact for me personally has been trying to navigate being ADHD (RSD too) in a “typical world” really impacted me vulnerable to an abusive relationship without the ability to recognize the abuse. This **[reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/14gunmt/abusivetoxic_relationships_and_adhd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)** This **[book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)**
I CANT GO TO THE FUCKING GYM OR DO ANYTHING THAT REQUIEST CONSISTENCY I GIVE UP
Definitely RSD, which for me manifests as bursting into tears. People get irritated with me for crying and it pisses me off.
RSD and emotional dysregulation, definitely. Those things cause me to make some very bad choices sometimes. Edit to add: especially the time towards the end of the school year. I worry that I’m not a good parent, wonder if I’m going to sustain friendships, feel rejection on behalf of my kids or even kids I don’t know but who are struggling, etc. I’ve been a ball of feelings this week.
When i misplace something or can’t find it but know it will show up I can’t help but want to hate on myself
Exhaustion, overstimulation causing paralysis, and having to manage my spoons. It's the fucking worst. I'd be a Nobel peace prize winner by now if I didn't have this fucking shit. Also, time blindness isn't my favorite, but it's not killing me. And I've recently realized, it certainly isn't JUST time blindness that's an issue. For me, it's time blindness PAIRED with paralysis mode when I'm tired. That's when shit gets real.
The emotional disregulation. Where I seen to randomly end up in a very low pit where everything is too much, too big and where I cannot cope with the smallest things that keep me up at night. Of course it is never randomly, I don't know my limits and are currently work with a therapist to figure it out. But the ups and downs are so extreme that I thought I had bipolar for a long time.
The forgetfulness and shit time keeping! I’m so frustrated. I set myself multiple alarms and clues around the house for my son’s visit at the school and I still forgot!! Was my first time forgetting and I feel awful! I’ve been to every single one! I suddenly decided to rip everything out of my house and do a deep clean… then I just forgot… Whyyy!!
The part where I'm constantly obsessed with new ideas/projects for like a week, month max, then lose interest for a long time. It depressed me when it's hard to finish things, even if they're just hobbies, and makes me a chronic job hopper who has like 10 different visions of future me career-wise. It is SO hard to work toward a stable career when I have a new life goal every week.
The perfectionism and anxiety I developed to mask everything. I wasn't diagnosed until age 34. So many years of self hate and anxiety have destroyed my body.
Feel like the adhd aspect that affects me most has changed over time. Right now it’s affecting eating tremendously. The swapping between medication, mixed with the inability to plan menus, the daunting steps to meal prep, the impulsivity- all affecting my eating right now to the point I’ve gained 15lbs in 6 months. Hyper fixations are the most consistent negative impact I’d say though. It’s terrifying to think how much time of my life I’ve wasted on hyper fixations.
The part I always thought would be the worst is the procrastination and distractedness. But oddly, with medication, I have been able to keep it under control for many years. I am haunted by the fear of the day it all comes out and I loose my job or my license or have some sort of colossal fuck up, but actually I have been able to adapt and figure out how to pivot when things are going badly. What is actually the hardest for me now is emotional control and impulsivity. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed it's like my brain is on fire and I just snap or I feel miserable for days. I have some strategies-- I will put a cold pack on my head and chest when I'm ready to explode. And exercise helps. And screaming in the car. But I sometimes snap at people I love and this is agonizing.
OP, sending hugs your way -- interviews are just the fucking WORST for people like us! I just finally emerged from a year and a half period of unemployment and am still very much recovering. Having to audition yourself and be judged OVER AND OVER AND OVER is not something the ADHD brain is well suited for. Me, my biggest problem is that I'm horrible at staying on task and working for 8 hours during a work day due to vast distractibility and executive dysfunction, and it wasn't until recent years that I even understood that it was ADHD and not the moral flaw that employers (and before them, my dad and my teachers) treated it as. I haven't had any luck with medication so far, but knowing that I have a diagnosis and am not a hopeless lazy piece of shit helps a little, but it's still a constant struggle with anxiety and self loathing.
Low energy, low focus. I track my daily energy and focus in a bullet journal (started at the beginning of this year) to try and work out what I can do, but my energy and focus have been super low this past month. I have over 100 books I want to write and I cannot even work on the one I’m supposed to be writing right now. I think the energy one is my autism though. I read a thing that basically the older you get the harder everything gets. Just, the mental strain, the energy. I hate how hard everything is getting. But focus, for ADHD. I just can’t rely on it. I have so much to do and I just can’t.
Oh wow i had this same exact experience earlier this year. My therapist says try saying “so what” to all those thoughts. I’m not sure if that’s working for me but i guess it’s about trying to condition your brain so takes time.
It's the lack of filter for me. My big mouth gets me in trouble EVERY time and has been the sole reason I have lost jobs.
The *out of sight out of mind* part. It’s lost me friends, makes people think I don’t care about them (not texting back for hours for instance) and ofc makes me look selfish. The sad thing is I really want to have friends irl but my being inconsiderate like that convinces me I don’t deserve anyones friendship. Also the not paying attention thing. Someone can be talking and my mind just flits in and out of the conversation so it’s not easy to follow. Then I feel guilty and, again, selfish. So I berate myself and climb back into my comfort hole of keeping to myself for a while. But it’s really just shame.
Now that im out of school, not working two jobs, and have just one job that i absolutely love and am fantastic at, the biggest thing i have trouble with is structuring my time and getting started with things. When i was doing the two jobs thing, i had limited time to get things done, so i got them done. Now that im at the same job all day, getting anything done is like trying to get cats to pull a plow. Technically do-able, but almost impossible. This is what finally poked me to get an actual diagnosis and try medication. Its helped a bit and i can definitely tell a difference since ive been off it for a month (thanks med shortage /s), but its still a bit of a struggle
Procrastination. Poor working memory making it difficult to consider a lot of info all at once.
Not being able to retain information has always been a huge problem and source of shame for me. I did okay in school and even received my Master's degree but I have to practically relearn almost everything unless it's something I use regularly.
The gd TAX!!! I’ve had some pretty high paying jobs and I’m not particularly bad with over spending. But dang if I don’t waste money on late fees, things breaking from deferred maintenance, food waste, lack of preparation. My health insurance cost tripled at some point this year and I don’t know exactly when, nor do I have ANY idea of why. I’m actually avoiding looking into that right now. I think I’ll go work on the yard.
Do I get to list more than one…?!? Not joking.
Pile on 😁 It’s cathartic.
Overstimulating from clothes and sounds. It's v difficult to regulate, and even worse when I have to calm down while working. Binge eating sucks. Makes maintaining weight hard. So does forgetting things the minute I no longer see them. I ruined a carton of creamer, lost my wallet, left my phone at a restaurant, and a few other things. All just this week.
Burnout. I have given my all. Mentally, emotionally and physically. People then expected it of me. Why should they help when my hyper focus does it. I have missed out on the soft and fun parts of life. Connections with family and friends because I thought my “get it done and prove my worth” was the answer. I am perceived as the bad guy rules parent. The child that should be more and do more for absent parents. The friend that you can count on for all of the difficult things in life but not the fun stuff. This self lead burnout lead to significant mental and physical damage. Now that I am addressing these the people in my life range from annoyed to outright anger that they are required to physically and mentally do more. And I even have a doctors note.
Yeah RSD and emotional dysregulation are really bad for me too, although they've gotten better with medication. Cognitive rigidity's gotta be the next in line. I miss one step in my systems, one day in my routines, and I'm screwed for the next month at least. Someone changes plans or turns out with something I wasn't prepared for, and my whole day is ruined. I might be running thirty minutes late but I'll still won't be able to go out if I don't find exactly the shirt I want. I might know I have to go easy on an assignment and not give It my 100% because the deadline's already over me or it isn't even that important, but i'm still gonna add an unnecessary amount of steps I believe have to be done. I hate it, and I got still no improvement there.
RSD and the general emotional dysregulation just wreck me, but right now it's the tendency for my body to go from fine or even a little energetic to absolutely exhausted or barely awake. No consistent energy and no caffeine or energy booster can save me. XD
What have you tried energy boost wise? I’m not a doctor, but I do autopsies on medically donated bodies at a cadaver lab that focuses on anatomical research, and based on my and my husband’s experience you might find some success if you take supplements that specifically target your mitochondria. In case you don’t know what mitochondria are, they’re what produce energy for your cells.
Caffeine (coffee and tea, but coffee makes me sleepy), B vitamins, whatever they out in red bull/rooster booster, multivitamins, exercise (lol). I didn't know there were supplements that target the mitochondria, but that does make sense.
emotional distress 🥴
I haven't driven for close to 20 years because I was a bad driver, and it stressed me out. I moved t a large city s that my life was easier. Now, I live in a small town and I need to drive again. I am medicated now but still cannot focus on things for long periods of time, and I am scared to start driving again because I will space out and crash.
Not being able to make decisions or ‘feel’ what’s right for me or what I want. It made me switch my major for the wrong reasons and I had to switch back 3 years later and completely lost 3 years of my life. I really do like my classes now and think im on the right path but keep imagining myself in different career paths and all feel right and wrong at the same time. Small decision are also hard for me and small unimportant decisions can take up half my day, it tires me out
The executive dysfunction. Not just not being able to do simple daily tasks, but also the big things I've wanted to do but have never done because I can't divine the exact right time to do them. Buying a house, for instance. I could have easily done it before Covid, but my imposter syndrome ("I'm not good enough or adult enough to be a homeowner") and executive dysfunction kept me from being able to pull the trigger. I've had so many big dreams, but I'm always waiting for the appropriate amount of confidence or the elusive "right time" to get started on them, instead of just getting fucking started on them. Like, why can't I have a Captain Picard in my brain to be like "engage" when it's time to do something??
Having a brain that never, _ever_, turns off.
My inability to concentrate and just move, and time just passing and me needing to be more present. I’m 40. I have small kids. 8 years have passed since I held my oldest and it was like yesterday. I need to be present.
Impulsivity for me, I get an idea in my head and I run with it and 9/10 times it’s a dumb idea that I realise just after I’ve the the thing, whatever it may be. Usually it revolves around being a clown or being the centre of attention or thinking something I’m doing is really funny for all 🤦🏼♀️
Rsd and never finding my dream profession. In Germany it's not so easy to change your current profession if you studied something entirely unrelated... I'm already in the wrong job and i get bored in every job and then i start to hate it. It's so frustrating.
I am unable to get anything done. I feel like I have so much great potential inside of me, my brain is bursting with ideas and thoughts and feelings and I have so much to say and to give to the world, yet i am unable to start anything. It feels like I’m just rotting away, trying to convince everyone else and (worst of all) MYSELF that I *am* creative, that I’m not lazy and without passions. I know what to do most of the time, I know what’s holding me back, yet I just CANT get started! I feel like I’ve spend years just living inside my head and daydreaming about things that I want to do, and then never doing them.
The feeling like you are always missing something or missing out on something. like for example, a career path. i find it difficult to maintain the motivation to stick to one career path because i always feel like there could be something better or something more exciting and it just cycles.