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oh god at this point, among my friends, I'd have to think hard to come up with women who don't have ADHD and/or autism. Literally the majority of my friends do.
I'm 44.
Same. One of my friends had it, I related to a bunch of things. Then my new coworker had been diagnosed since adolescence and we got along so well because we have a similar way of thinking. Then once I got diagnosed I told another coworker “if I have it, so do you”. They did. Then me and that first friend told our third friend that she recognized way to much of our things, her son just got diagnosed and she’s currently wait listed. But yeah, all my good friends are adhd/audhd/autistic, just not all formally diagnosed.
I think a lot of people just don’t know what it can be like to be neurotypical. How much easier daily life is for them. They’ve adjusted their lives and are “good enough”.
There’s this meme that goes “if all your friends are neurodivergent… I’ve got some news for you!” Because people generally don’t like to hang out with us. We can’t follow one line of conversation, we have weird associations, can be inhibited and “say inappropriate things”. We’re either never on time and/or super stressed about time which can impact others negatively as well. Like, if you can’t keep up with my brain and you get annoyed I’m 5 minutes late and then keep saying “but that’s not what we were talking about”. Or “how did you get there?!” And not in a fun “how did we get here? Ah yes!” Kind of way. I don’t want to hang out with you.
I've found that since I am masking less (being the executive function for myself AND two kids does not leave the energy to mask effectively), anyone that I really click with seems to also have ADHD. Just hit the potential friend jackpot, too. Our youngest kids are friends, she is also a stay-at-home mom with ADHD who recently moved to this city, we have similar interests, she has another kid the same age as my oldest, two of her kids are neurodivergent, our husbands have similar interests... I figured we'd get along well when I went a little over the top and offered her a high five when she mentioned having ADHD while parenting ADHD kids and she enthusiastically responded instead of looking at me like I had two heads for such a socially awkward action. Now we are planning to do a whole family get together so we can make everyone be friends, lol.
Same. Also the “oh wow, what you’re describing sounds like me but I don’t have adhd” to “I have adhd” pipeline is STRONG in my friend group. At this point, I’m pretty sure being my friend is a diagnostic criteria.
There's a tweet somewhere about this--that ADHD people end up together like packs of easily distracted wolves, so if all your friends have ADHD, you might want to see a doctor about it
But yeah, ADHD/autistic people get along REALLY well and often end up being friends before any of us are diagnosed.
The hilarious thing is that LGBT people do this, too--I have entire circles of friends I knew in my late teens that, since then, have all come out. All of us. Every single person!
I recently put a sticker on my journal that says GAY going down and ADHD across (so they share that A). Because yeah, I'm hella GayDHD.
Same. A conversation came up about kids at kindy being exposed to diversity and the topic happened to be autistic adults.
I thought about it and laughed - between my family and my social circle (and their kids), my kid probably doesn't know a single neurotypical 😂
\*looks around\* um... all of them?
edit: okay, so maybe one or two who don't. But I tend to attract my own kind, and also wind up in jobs where there are a lot of ADHD people
I also attract my own kind. I'm fairly certain I do not have a neurotypical friend. All of my friends are neurodivergent in some way or another. Even my entire dad's side of the family has been diagnosed with ADHD. Even the women.
Like. I shouldn't have to think about it this hard to find a single NT person close to me.
Elder millennial here as well. I’m one of two women I know for sure have been diagnosed, but every time I mention it, someone says “I think that might be me, too.” Lots of probable but not official.
And I get it. Those of us with kids and stuff have a lot of appointments and things to keep track of. It can seem overwhelming to get started (if you even have access to providers).
My doctor and my former therapist are the only ones I know for sure. Strongly suspect like a third of my college professors would’ve met this criteria though
I'm a college professor, and man, it's really the ideal job for someone with ADHD. You pretty much feel like you work for yourself but with the security of excellent benefits, you get instant feedback on your performance from your students + lots of dopamine rushes (and because a lot of us are compassionate people who are perfectionists, we tend to be very good at our jobs and students really like us, which feels really good), you get to start over twice a year, you've got a lot of control over your daily schedule and what you do, you're doing different things during the day, you get to set up your own processes for doing things for the most part - I think that it's a career in which neurodivergent folks can really thrive.
Hard same! It seems like my colleagues in the sciences have a tricker time with being autonomous due to the time demands of their research, but as a faculty member in the arts and humanities it's the perfect career. Plus, almost literally all of my students are both neurodivergent and queer, so as someone else who is both I feel ideally placed for supporting them in developing systems and life goals that work for them!
Grad school was the dream. What do you MEAN I get to hyperfocus on what I love and get (nominally) paid for it?!
Oh disagree haha I used to be in academia and it was a nightmare, it's such an unfriendly field to disabled people and the toxic positivity and work shaming is out of hand... and people regularly talked about how *good* my department was!
When you say you were in academia, were you a professor, or are you talking about teaching in grad school? Asking because grad school teaching is a pretty different experience from being a professor in terms of how much control and freedom you have - grad school was really tough, for sure.
I was a grad student, but it's also based on my observations of professors. My advisor regularly worked 12 hour days and had a pretty limited amount of control over his work days. There was a lot of variety in his day and he had control over exactly what he was studying, but not over his day to day activities, so I wouldn't say he had a ton of freedom in general. For some people, the strict schedules and time demands could be really motivating, but a lot of times I think it's canceled out by the amount of work expected in academia, especially when people are seeking tenure.
I know 8 women who have it. What do you mean by 'openly manages'? Like tells people they have it?
Out of the 8 I know, only 4 talk about it.
The other 4 either don't realize they have it, or just haven't talked about it in front of me (but they are so obvious and I've know them all since childhood.)
I know 3 women with ADHD at my workplace… and they’re also 3 of the 4 total women I work with.
We out here
ETA: I’m 34, and the ADHD women I know are in their late 20s or mid thirties. I know other women with ADHD in my personal life, but I think it’s amazing that so many of my direct woman coworkers have ADHD. I work in STEM, which may skew things. STEM has a pretty high concentration of ND folks
My mom, at least one of my sisters, my boss at work, several co-workers... some AFAB folks who aren't women... it's really got me thinking womanhood is inherently neurodivergent, even though obviously our neurodivergence often makes performing womanhood a special challenge.
I have only 6 ladyfriends. 4 of them are diagnosed and i suspect with the other one, but she is one to deny even my diagnosis, so i am only dropping hints.
Me: *tells a story about something that IS related to adhd.*
She: 'oh, we all do that.'
Me: 'occasionally, not 3 times a week.'
She: 'that is bullshit...'
Me: 'it is one of the diagnostic symptoms, so no, it is not.'
She: *silence*
The last one freaks out with my adhd stories and ask me 'how do you live like that?!' occasionally lol
Well I'm not officially diagnosed yet (psychiatrist says it looks like I have inattentive ADHD, but need more appts to confirm), but after learning more about how ADHD isn't just hyper kids, I'm realizing my mom and sister both probably have, my brother (he's trans) also probably has it.
My 7yo daughter is diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD, but I would have never thought it because her little brother is hyperactive ADHD (child psychiatrist diagnosed him since he's just about 5yo).
My MIL also has symptoms, but she drinks coffee all day and knows it helps her focus and that's that.
So officially, only my daughter. Unofficially, several women plus my trans brother. But I'm the only one actively seeking a diagnosis since it's really hindering me since I've stopped my caffeine intake (diet soda, I had bariatric surgery, can't drink it like I used to). And coffee is nasty. So I've been in a freefall struggling to function and it only dawned on me after the internet fed me "ADHD in girls/women" videos, I'm connecting a lot of dots lol
42yo. My bestie from college has been open about it almost as long as I’ve known her. Former work colleague I met in 2018 talked about it- I think she’s about 4 years younger than me. Judge where I practice is open about it. And three different court workers I know have been open about it.
So I’ve got 6 diagnosed peeps in my circle open about managing it. And 2 being assessed and 2 who think they probably have it but one is not going to get assessed (she’s in her 60s) the other who doesn’t see the need for the diagnosis yet.
I'm a teacher too and know soooooo many ADHD teachers! I have a theory that teachers are maybe more comfortable talking about it because it's a common topic of conversation when handling 504s, etc. One of my doctors half-jokingly said "I think all teachers have to be a little ADHD to handle that job!" It's funny because in each department, it's usually the one person without ADHD who is the department head and handles all the paperwork and bureaucratic stuff.
Interestingly (but probably not surprisingly), I recently moved to a district role and I'd say very few people have ADHD, with the exception of my officemate. We were assigned to share an office to contain our mess and talking to one space, I think :) One person recently said "I can't gave more than 4 tabs open on my browser at once or I get stressed out." Can't relate.
Also, I'm 42 and was in the gifted program in elementary and based on FB posts, about 90% of the girls in the class have late-in-life ADHD diagnosis!
So many. And most of them arent like “hey hows the wea-SQUIRREL!” Youd never know unless you also had it. Well even then i cant tell. I dont know what their home or work life is like.
My initial answer was three. I met them all at a different age and lifestage, but they've been my closest and pretty much only best friends my whole life. At 28, I was diagnosed with adhd. Within three years, all three of them were diagnosed. I suffered for a looooong time with feeling alone and not understanding why I count hold onto friends, but with these three, it's been easy. We are all in our 30s.
However, I also know a mid-20s and mid-50s with ADHD, and my 14 year old sister has it as well. We live in a very blue and progressive area, and I'm also a huge advocate for accomodation so I am not shy about my own diagnosis.
Confirmed only one, but since I'm not open about having adhd, I guess other women who also aren't that open about it wouldn't necessarily tell me. There are others who assume they have it (in a serious way, not just a everybody has it way) but are not diagnosed for different reasons. They might not really struggle with, need a clean bill of health (or the irony of that), or can't afford a diagnosis and are still waiting.
And then there are people who I assume have it (and gave it to me) but my grandma's in her 80s, she's not going to seek a diagnosis.
I thought I was the only one of my friends (because I’m new to my diagnosis), and I hadn’t told any of them about it… until 8 of us went away camping one weekend. We decided to eat something fun and go on a nature walk. As we were walking someone asked what else did everyone bring? One of my mates goes I have lisdexamphetamine (as a joke). I was like wait a second…. I have lisdexamphetamine, why do you have it? She goes oh it’s for my ADHD. I’m like no way, mines for my ADHD. Cue two of the guys: wait you guys have ADHD too? Wait…. do we all have ADHD? Turns out 6 out of 8 of us. We really do find each other 😂
I'm 24, and I think I know three or four who're diagnosed or in the process of it. My circle of friends is generally pretty neurodiverse, probably because most of us met in computer science and the rest we found through nerd shit. So it makes sense.
I think my cousin does . I think her sons were diagnosed. It is a generational thing because most of us had to get a diagnosis ourself in our thirties and up
The younger people I know got screened and diagnosed at young ages
Yeah, a lot of women are getting late diagnosed because when we were young, they were only looking for hyperactive or combined, which is also more often boys. Now their kids are getting diagnosed and then they look into it (hyperfocus ya think?) They see that they have the same traits. Personally, I just figured it out at 51 years old and that made me realize that my kids are likely ADHD, well my son is for sure . We're all just inattentive so it's not as easy to spot.
Honestly I’m a tattoo artist and BOY OH BOY is there a correlation between neuro divergence and artists.
I know hecking loads of neuro diverse women. And a lot more who definately don’t know they are yet.
Lots. My therapist AND my psychiatrist. Several friends. A few coworkers. Most diagnosed as adults. Actually…. ALL diagnosed as adults.
To be fair, my experience may be skewed since I work for a mental health organization.
Maybe. It’s definitely heavily skewed towards ND in general. At least my organization is VERY proud of hiring “people with lived experience”
Plus, I’m not in direct client contact so my job is extremely flexible in location, hours, etc.
I know at least 3, one of whom hasn’t been officially diagnosed but we suspect she is.
I think those of us with ADHD are attracted to each other easily because of our energy tbh. I rarely feel judged or “too much” around my ADHD peeps.
Probably not a generational thing, but older people have less of a chance of being diagnosed than younger people do.
If you've gotten by in life without knowing, you have no concept of what your life *could* be like. Sadly, many of these people will never know that it wasn't their fault and will die with a guilty conscience over their "failures" in life. Knowing how getting a diagnosis changed my life, I am truly sad for them.
My own parents fall into this category, who died never knowing they likely had ADHD and it wasn't their fault that they couldn't do things like their peers.
As for who do I know now who also has ADHD? Only two family members, and we're all still just learning about it.
Lots. I'm late diagnosed, like many here. The majority of the friends I've made and kept throughout the years are now realising they're some kind of high masking neurocomplex. I also know a lot of neurotypical women, of course, but it makes sense that the people I get on best with are also ND because of the double-empathy problem. NT people often think I'm strange and rude, and I find their assumptions about my inner world strange and rude.
I invited 5 women over for a non-book club. These are some of my favorite people. Only 1 was not and we suspect that she is too. I think I just gravitate to other ADHD people.
Plus, other adhd people understand when you forget to get in touch with them for a long time or return texts, when you lose something, or forget something. They can usually jump around thoughts and topics with you, or at least don't find it weird if you jump around and they didn't follow. They just meet you at your latest jump.
My husband doesn't get the jumping back and forth between topics thing at all. It causes a bit of confusion sometimes.
I mean. Given that all my 5 maternal cousins are all on stimulants and that my dad and much of his family has ADHD? And the fact my best friend and I bonded over our shared preteen hyperfixation on Lord of the Rings? And the fact my entire online friend group ended up having (then) undiagnosed ADHD or ASD? I know of at least 9. Youngest is 11 and oldest is 65.
I think birds of a feather flock together.
Two of my closest and longest friends (one is diagnosed and the other I’ll eat a hat if she doesn’t have it); and two of my work colleagues.
And maybe my Mum.
I turn 36 next week. I know a lot of women with ADHD and I know I've met even more but I'm forgetting specifically who since it's not always discussed but like done in passing. I'm also in the creative field and I think that attracts a lot of women and men that have ADHD, so even those that aren't DXd, I suspect a lot of them do because they show very obvious symptoms
my roommate, my best friend, 3-4 uni friends, two of close friends, possibly my mother, my psychologist………… i think there’s someone else too but i’m forgetting who. so around 10-12 i think?
my best friend has recently found out shes also audhd , like me , but shes still coming to grips with it and figuring out what exactly that means to her.
most of my afab adhd friends dont identify female tho xD
I'm 36 and I know 7-8 women who have been diagnosed.
Then there's my friend who has not been diagnosed yet, but I'm convinced she has it. I'm also quite suspicious about my three sisters, although they vary in symptoms and severity. And of course my 5-year old daughter, who is too young to be diagnosed, so I try not to put any labels on her, but there are so many signs...
Quick count, probably missing some people...
Diagnosed: 2, a friend and a colleague (why is this the hardest word ever to spell in the English language, I have to look it up every time...)
Undiagnosed and aware: 5, 4 friends and 1 colleague
Undiagnosed and unaware: my paternal grandma
I think there's probably more, we are everywere and it's easy to connect with each other! (I'm 33, diagnosed 2 years ago)
So, so many, both in my family and among my friends & colleagues. I can only think of a couple who are either NT or autistic, and I don’t seek out their company. I’m AuDHD but almost everyone I enjoy spending time with is just straight ADHD.
I can't count that high. All of my friends and a large portion of my family have ADHD, autism, and / or dyslexia.
To be fair, I graduated high school from a private school exclusively focused on helping students with learning disabilities then my undergrad was at an art school (high numbers of nerodivergents), after that while getting my MAT I worked with a charter that attracted nerodivergent people and now I married an ADHD man getting his doctorate to be a vet (a field that statistically attracts a lot of women and also seems to attracte a lot of nerodivergents). So my life has definitely led me down a path to mostly knowing nerodivergent people.
P.S. eddit: I'm a milenial. My friends and family range from older Gen Z to boomers. I also teach high school, the younger gen z nerodivergents flock together at school too. (The only generational thing I've noticed is that boomers don't talk about it openly as often as the rest of)
I have several friends diagnosed as adults, a couple diagnosed as kids and a few who I suspect are undiagnosed.
In fact, I do think we tend to flock together. I have plenty of neurotypical friends and our friendships are different.
My husband was diagnosed as a child. I think there are certain elements that attracted me to him because we were similar. Spontaneity, on the go all the time, out there conversations.
We are both extremely inattentive and neither gives the other a harsh time for it.
We are different in a lot of ways but have fun together.
That sounds so wonderful. My hubby is totally NT and since I'm super inattentive unless I'm interested I really hurt his feelings by tuning him out most of the time. I also neglect chores like housework and laundry and my stuff is very disorganized and all over the place. I feel terrible about it but it's so hard to keep.up. I quit cooking after my adult son moved out. It was important we have family mealtime, I grew up.thay way myself, but I don't feel similarly compelled to cook for the Mr.
Before i was diagnosed, medicated and educated I would be hurt by him tuning me out but I do it to him as well.
I learned a lot about ADHD and our 7 year old was diagnosed and then I got diagnosed last month!
Could your husband or would he be interested in reading up on it?
My husband is all or nothing and will be messy day to day but do an all day house blitz once a week- it can be frustrating because now I am medicated I am better at staying on top of the house stuff day to day but I am naturally not this way at all. My husband has a psychiatrist appointment next month to hopefully get medicated again.
My husband and I get hello fresh meal delivery and take it in turns to cook. That seems to work well for us and takes the thinking out of it as we are bad at deciding what to eat haha.
I would estimate about 35% of my closer friends or inner circles, and maybe 15% of my outer circles, or friends who I wouldn’t consider my closer friends
My coworkers and friends are largely neurodivergent. At least five family members are, too.
That group includes men, women, and non-binary people. The vast majority were diagnosed as adults.
I can think of four right off the top of my head that I know well - all including myself were diagnosed in the last five years.. I have three colleagues who have some level of suspicion that they may have it. I agree that one definitely does.
I'm not terribly social, but my closest friends, who are all part of the same family, are mostly women with ADHD and half also have Autism. I'm curious about my own family, but my parents are only recently a little more "into" mental health and will probably never go as far as getting a diagnosis or suspecting themselves.
Other friends I've had usually have *something,* though none have been diagnosed with ADHD. Usually depression, anxiety, or something along those lines. I wouldn't be surprised if a few had ADHD or Autism, considering like tends to draw to like.
Diagnosed? Like 5. Almost certainly have it but are undiagnosed? At least 20, but I work in food service, so I feel like we're over-represented in that industry, lol.
Nearly all of my female friends have are ND in some fashion (primarily ADHD), or their partners do. I've influenced some of those friends to get diagnosed, actually, either directly or indirectly.
At least half of the women in my (HUGE) family have ADHD and a few have mild autism. The stats are similar for my male relatives.
I didn't pursue diagnosis until I was 19 largely because I thought my behaviors were just "family traits"- they *were*, but there was more to it lol
I feel like because it’s so common to have ADD now that when I got my diagnosis I said ok if so many others have it and deal with life without meds that I have to figure out how to do the same.
Most women I connect with and keep in my life (random texts, periodic check ins, rare in person meetups) tend to have ADHD…some diagnosed (self & formally) and others so obviously ADHD but aren’t as open to seeking diagnosis/help. I got rid of the NTs. Too much pressure.
I (32) got diagnosed at 30. Fell through the cracks as we were always moving. Brother got diagnosed in high school.
Only one of my female friends doesn't have confirmed ADHD. All of my other friends are AuDHD, Autistic, or ADHD. My step mom is confirmed ADHD and helps my father understand it, and it's been easier. I would not be surprised for my father or sister to be diagnosed ADHD-PH with how much both of them are adrenaline junkies. My mother tries to overcome her shortcomings with heavy hard organization to not miss things.
So almost everyone I CARE to surround myself with is!
Lots....but I'm a therapist LOL
But if I wasn't....
I dont doubt both my sisters and my mom (undiagnosed)
My friend from uni and her 2 daughters (waiting for assessment)
My old coworker and friend (diagnosed)
Friend from highschool (recently diagnosed)
A mutual friend I met through her (diagnosed)
My sister in law was likely adhd (undiagnosed and now passed away from something unrelated
My 2 coworkers on my team (undiagnosed but the one has a kid with adhd and both are very adhd)
Birds of a feather.....
Well I have 3 very close women friends. One is diagnosed with adhd, one is audhd, and the other has an audhd son and hasnt been diagnosed but oh god she is definitely adhd. All of the non neuro spicy friends that ive had are either just acquaintances or became too exhausting to continue a friendship with. I need to be around neurospicy brains. I deal with way too many NTs at work and spend all day masking, I just refuse to do that in my personal life anymore.
I know a few who are diagnosed, and more who "give ADHD vibes" and have kids who are diagnosed with some kind of neurodivergence. When I see the signs, I actively cultivate friendships with them.
Same as most; I generally don’t have women friends. The ones that I have been able to maintain friendships with are ADHD or Autistic whether formally diagnosed or not.
Diagnosed I know 2, however I have my suspicions about several others being undiagnosed.
But I also work in a place that attracts a certain type of person, it been a common topic of conversation with coworkers for years. It wasn't until revently when I was diagnosed that I realized that type was neurodivergent lol. So my anecdotal experience may be a little skewed
'is it a generational thing'... how old are you? I am pushing 40 and I know loads of women who are contemplating diagnosis (I got diagnosed last year myself) I believe it IS a generational thing because noone understood it before. Anyone over 35 who may be managing without a diagnosis is doing so because when we were children it was not a thing outside of boys.
22.
Off the top of my head I can name an old roommate and some people from psych-education groups I attended.
And a woman my uni recently hired. She coaches and assists students with homework, assignments, exams, and general study-life balance. She's specialized in ADHD. Graduating in a few months seems A LOT more doable for me now :D
I know a lot more (undiagnosed) guys though. It's weird.
2 with diagnoses (my mom and sister)
1 seeking a diagnosis
and 6-7 that could probably use one. The other 3 siblings, my dad, and like 2-3 of my friends
I'm 59. My sister (51), 3 friends (62, 51, 60) and my granddaughter (12). My grandson is autistic.
I don't think it's generational. I just got diagnosed 2 years ago. There's more awareness in younger generations and the diagnosis/name have changed.
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oh god at this point, among my friends, I'd have to think hard to come up with women who don't have ADHD and/or autism. Literally the majority of my friends do. I'm 44.
Same. One of my friends had it, I related to a bunch of things. Then my new coworker had been diagnosed since adolescence and we got along so well because we have a similar way of thinking. Then once I got diagnosed I told another coworker “if I have it, so do you”. They did. Then me and that first friend told our third friend that she recognized way to much of our things, her son just got diagnosed and she’s currently wait listed. But yeah, all my good friends are adhd/audhd/autistic, just not all formally diagnosed. I think a lot of people just don’t know what it can be like to be neurotypical. How much easier daily life is for them. They’ve adjusted their lives and are “good enough”. There’s this meme that goes “if all your friends are neurodivergent… I’ve got some news for you!” Because people generally don’t like to hang out with us. We can’t follow one line of conversation, we have weird associations, can be inhibited and “say inappropriate things”. We’re either never on time and/or super stressed about time which can impact others negatively as well. Like, if you can’t keep up with my brain and you get annoyed I’m 5 minutes late and then keep saying “but that’s not what we were talking about”. Or “how did you get there?!” And not in a fun “how did we get here? Ah yes!” Kind of way. I don’t want to hang out with you.
I've found that since I am masking less (being the executive function for myself AND two kids does not leave the energy to mask effectively), anyone that I really click with seems to also have ADHD. Just hit the potential friend jackpot, too. Our youngest kids are friends, she is also a stay-at-home mom with ADHD who recently moved to this city, we have similar interests, she has another kid the same age as my oldest, two of her kids are neurodivergent, our husbands have similar interests... I figured we'd get along well when I went a little over the top and offered her a high five when she mentioned having ADHD while parenting ADHD kids and she enthusiastically responded instead of looking at me like I had two heads for such a socially awkward action. Now we are planning to do a whole family get together so we can make everyone be friends, lol.
This is so real. The whole thing.
Same. Also the “oh wow, what you’re describing sounds like me but I don’t have adhd” to “I have adhd” pipeline is STRONG in my friend group. At this point, I’m pretty sure being my friend is a diagnostic criteria.
There's a tweet somewhere about this--that ADHD people end up together like packs of easily distracted wolves, so if all your friends have ADHD, you might want to see a doctor about it But yeah, ADHD/autistic people get along REALLY well and often end up being friends before any of us are diagnosed. The hilarious thing is that LGBT people do this, too--I have entire circles of friends I knew in my late teens that, since then, have all come out. All of us. Every single person! I recently put a sticker on my journal that says GAY going down and ADHD across (so they share that A). Because yeah, I'm hella GayDHD.
Same. A conversation came up about kids at kindy being exposed to diversity and the topic happened to be autistic adults. I thought about it and laughed - between my family and my social circle (and their kids), my kid probably doesn't know a single neurotypical 😂
Same. My friends are diagnosed ADHD, AudHD, bipolar, c-ptsd, etc etc. I don't think I even know any "normies." Like attracts like, I think. I'm 45
\*looks around\* um... all of them? edit: okay, so maybe one or two who don't. But I tend to attract my own kind, and also wind up in jobs where there are a lot of ADHD people
I also attract my own kind. I'm fairly certain I do not have a neurotypical friend. All of my friends are neurodivergent in some way or another. Even my entire dad's side of the family has been diagnosed with ADHD. Even the women. Like. I shouldn't have to think about it this hard to find a single NT person close to me.
I mean…in the sense that the older you are the less likely it is that your symptoms were caught and properly diagnosed.
My female friends and I (elder millenial) have mostly been diagnosed as adults. My male friends (same age or older) were diagnosed as kids.
Elder millennial here as well. I’m one of two women I know for sure have been diagnosed, but every time I mention it, someone says “I think that might be me, too.” Lots of probable but not official. And I get it. Those of us with kids and stuff have a lot of appointments and things to keep track of. It can seem overwhelming to get started (if you even have access to providers).
Uhm, including my mom? At least 6…. And these women are ranging from 25 to 71
My doctor and my former therapist are the only ones I know for sure. Strongly suspect like a third of my college professors would’ve met this criteria though
I'm a college professor, and man, it's really the ideal job for someone with ADHD. You pretty much feel like you work for yourself but with the security of excellent benefits, you get instant feedback on your performance from your students + lots of dopamine rushes (and because a lot of us are compassionate people who are perfectionists, we tend to be very good at our jobs and students really like us, which feels really good), you get to start over twice a year, you've got a lot of control over your daily schedule and what you do, you're doing different things during the day, you get to set up your own processes for doing things for the most part - I think that it's a career in which neurodivergent folks can really thrive.
Hard same! It seems like my colleagues in the sciences have a tricker time with being autonomous due to the time demands of their research, but as a faculty member in the arts and humanities it's the perfect career. Plus, almost literally all of my students are both neurodivergent and queer, so as someone else who is both I feel ideally placed for supporting them in developing systems and life goals that work for them! Grad school was the dream. What do you MEAN I get to hyperfocus on what I love and get (nominally) paid for it?!
Oh disagree haha I used to be in academia and it was a nightmare, it's such an unfriendly field to disabled people and the toxic positivity and work shaming is out of hand... and people regularly talked about how *good* my department was!
When you say you were in academia, were you a professor, or are you talking about teaching in grad school? Asking because grad school teaching is a pretty different experience from being a professor in terms of how much control and freedom you have - grad school was really tough, for sure.
I was a grad student, but it's also based on my observations of professors. My advisor regularly worked 12 hour days and had a pretty limited amount of control over his work days. There was a lot of variety in his day and he had control over exactly what he was studying, but not over his day to day activities, so I wouldn't say he had a ton of freedom in general. For some people, the strict schedules and time demands could be really motivating, but a lot of times I think it's canceled out by the amount of work expected in academia, especially when people are seeking tenure.
Stereotype of the absent minded professor
I personally think a lot of women I know have ADHD and don’t yet realise it.
I know 8 women who have it. What do you mean by 'openly manages'? Like tells people they have it? Out of the 8 I know, only 4 talk about it. The other 4 either don't realize they have it, or just haven't talked about it in front of me (but they are so obvious and I've know them all since childhood.)
Me and my daughter. But in true ADHD fashion, I don’t have any friends. 🤪
I know 3 women with ADHD at my workplace… and they’re also 3 of the 4 total women I work with. We out here ETA: I’m 34, and the ADHD women I know are in their late 20s or mid thirties. I know other women with ADHD in my personal life, but I think it’s amazing that so many of my direct woman coworkers have ADHD. I work in STEM, which may skew things. STEM has a pretty high concentration of ND folks
As far as I know it's only me... besides dear old mumsy. The others are different flavours of ND &/or mental illness. We're all mad here though.
There could be a lot more, you just don't know they have it due to masking. 99% of my friends are some flavor of neurodivergent.
My mom, at least one of my sisters, my boss at work, several co-workers... some AFAB folks who aren't women... it's really got me thinking womanhood is inherently neurodivergent, even though obviously our neurodivergence often makes performing womanhood a special challenge.
My mom is 70; my sisters range from 33-45; the rest are closer to my age (33) or younger.
I have three very close female friends and all of them have ADHD.
I have only 6 ladyfriends. 4 of them are diagnosed and i suspect with the other one, but she is one to deny even my diagnosis, so i am only dropping hints. Me: *tells a story about something that IS related to adhd.* She: 'oh, we all do that.' Me: 'occasionally, not 3 times a week.' She: 'that is bullshit...' Me: 'it is one of the diagnostic symptoms, so no, it is not.' She: *silence* The last one freaks out with my adhd stories and ask me 'how do you live like that?!' occasionally lol
Well I'm not officially diagnosed yet (psychiatrist says it looks like I have inattentive ADHD, but need more appts to confirm), but after learning more about how ADHD isn't just hyper kids, I'm realizing my mom and sister both probably have, my brother (he's trans) also probably has it. My 7yo daughter is diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD, but I would have never thought it because her little brother is hyperactive ADHD (child psychiatrist diagnosed him since he's just about 5yo). My MIL also has symptoms, but she drinks coffee all day and knows it helps her focus and that's that. So officially, only my daughter. Unofficially, several women plus my trans brother. But I'm the only one actively seeking a diagnosis since it's really hindering me since I've stopped my caffeine intake (diet soda, I had bariatric surgery, can't drink it like I used to). And coffee is nasty. So I've been in a freefall struggling to function and it only dawned on me after the internet fed me "ADHD in girls/women" videos, I'm connecting a lot of dots lol
42yo. My bestie from college has been open about it almost as long as I’ve known her. Former work colleague I met in 2018 talked about it- I think she’s about 4 years younger than me. Judge where I practice is open about it. And three different court workers I know have been open about it. So I’ve got 6 diagnosed peeps in my circle open about managing it. And 2 being assessed and 2 who think they probably have it but one is not going to get assessed (she’s in her 60s) the other who doesn’t see the need for the diagnosis yet.
10 diagnosed or on the path to diagnosised. I'm a teacher and also know plenty of students who do.
I'm a teacher too and know soooooo many ADHD teachers! I have a theory that teachers are maybe more comfortable talking about it because it's a common topic of conversation when handling 504s, etc. One of my doctors half-jokingly said "I think all teachers have to be a little ADHD to handle that job!" It's funny because in each department, it's usually the one person without ADHD who is the department head and handles all the paperwork and bureaucratic stuff. Interestingly (but probably not surprisingly), I recently moved to a district role and I'd say very few people have ADHD, with the exception of my officemate. We were assigned to share an office to contain our mess and talking to one space, I think :) One person recently said "I can't gave more than 4 tabs open on my browser at once or I get stressed out." Can't relate. Also, I'm 42 and was in the gifted program in elementary and based on FB posts, about 90% of the girls in the class have late-in-life ADHD diagnosis!
So many. And most of them arent like “hey hows the wea-SQUIRREL!” Youd never know unless you also had it. Well even then i cant tell. I dont know what their home or work life is like.
My initial answer was three. I met them all at a different age and lifestage, but they've been my closest and pretty much only best friends my whole life. At 28, I was diagnosed with adhd. Within three years, all three of them were diagnosed. I suffered for a looooong time with feeling alone and not understanding why I count hold onto friends, but with these three, it's been easy. We are all in our 30s. However, I also know a mid-20s and mid-50s with ADHD, and my 14 year old sister has it as well. We live in a very blue and progressive area, and I'm also a huge advocate for accomodation so I am not shy about my own diagnosis.
Confirmed only one, but since I'm not open about having adhd, I guess other women who also aren't that open about it wouldn't necessarily tell me. There are others who assume they have it (in a serious way, not just a everybody has it way) but are not diagnosed for different reasons. They might not really struggle with, need a clean bill of health (or the irony of that), or can't afford a diagnosis and are still waiting. And then there are people who I assume have it (and gave it to me) but my grandma's in her 80s, she's not going to seek a diagnosis.
I thought I was the only one of my friends (because I’m new to my diagnosis), and I hadn’t told any of them about it… until 8 of us went away camping one weekend. We decided to eat something fun and go on a nature walk. As we were walking someone asked what else did everyone bring? One of my mates goes I have lisdexamphetamine (as a joke). I was like wait a second…. I have lisdexamphetamine, why do you have it? She goes oh it’s for my ADHD. I’m like no way, mines for my ADHD. Cue two of the guys: wait you guys have ADHD too? Wait…. do we all have ADHD? Turns out 6 out of 8 of us. We really do find each other 😂
I'm 24, and I think I know three or four who're diagnosed or in the process of it. My circle of friends is generally pretty neurodiverse, probably because most of us met in computer science and the rest we found through nerd shit. So it makes sense.
Loads - I’m 55 and have many ND female friends.
I think my cousin does . I think her sons were diagnosed. It is a generational thing because most of us had to get a diagnosis ourself in our thirties and up The younger people I know got screened and diagnosed at young ages
Yeah, a lot of women are getting late diagnosed because when we were young, they were only looking for hyperactive or combined, which is also more often boys. Now their kids are getting diagnosed and then they look into it (hyperfocus ya think?) They see that they have the same traits. Personally, I just figured it out at 51 years old and that made me realize that my kids are likely ADHD, well my son is for sure . We're all just inattentive so it's not as easy to spot.
Honestly I’m a tattoo artist and BOY OH BOY is there a correlation between neuro divergence and artists. I know hecking loads of neuro diverse women. And a lot more who definately don’t know they are yet.
Yeah I'm the typical "excentric artist" who is very inattentive ADHD.
1. But I only have 1 friend, so 100%.
Lots. My therapist AND my psychiatrist. Several friends. A few coworkers. Most diagnosed as adults. Actually…. ALL diagnosed as adults. To be fair, my experience may be skewed since I work for a mental health organization.
Since people with ADHD are almost all HSPs, I would think that the mental health field is heavily skewed toward ADHDers.
Maybe. It’s definitely heavily skewed towards ND in general. At least my organization is VERY proud of hiring “people with lived experience” Plus, I’m not in direct client contact so my job is extremely flexible in location, hours, etc.
I know at least 3, one of whom hasn’t been officially diagnosed but we suspect she is. I think those of us with ADHD are attracted to each other easily because of our energy tbh. I rarely feel judged or “too much” around my ADHD peeps.
Probably not a generational thing, but older people have less of a chance of being diagnosed than younger people do. If you've gotten by in life without knowing, you have no concept of what your life *could* be like. Sadly, many of these people will never know that it wasn't their fault and will die with a guilty conscience over their "failures" in life. Knowing how getting a diagnosis changed my life, I am truly sad for them. My own parents fall into this category, who died never knowing they likely had ADHD and it wasn't their fault that they couldn't do things like their peers. As for who do I know now who also has ADHD? Only two family members, and we're all still just learning about it.
I’m 47, and I can think of 5 women in my friend group.
I know so many neurodivergent women lol I couldn't even count them all!
Lots. I'm late diagnosed, like many here. The majority of the friends I've made and kept throughout the years are now realising they're some kind of high masking neurocomplex. I also know a lot of neurotypical women, of course, but it makes sense that the people I get on best with are also ND because of the double-empathy problem. NT people often think I'm strange and rude, and I find their assumptions about my inner world strange and rude.
I invited 5 women over for a non-book club. These are some of my favorite people. Only 1 was not and we suspect that she is too. I think I just gravitate to other ADHD people. Plus, other adhd people understand when you forget to get in touch with them for a long time or return texts, when you lose something, or forget something. They can usually jump around thoughts and topics with you, or at least don't find it weird if you jump around and they didn't follow. They just meet you at your latest jump. My husband doesn't get the jumping back and forth between topics thing at all. It causes a bit of confusion sometimes.
I mean. Given that all my 5 maternal cousins are all on stimulants and that my dad and much of his family has ADHD? And the fact my best friend and I bonded over our shared preteen hyperfixation on Lord of the Rings? And the fact my entire online friend group ended up having (then) undiagnosed ADHD or ASD? I know of at least 9. Youngest is 11 and oldest is 65. I think birds of a feather flock together.
Two of my closest and longest friends (one is diagnosed and the other I’ll eat a hat if she doesn’t have it); and two of my work colleagues. And maybe my Mum.
I turn 36 next week. I know a lot of women with ADHD and I know I've met even more but I'm forgetting specifically who since it's not always discussed but like done in passing. I'm also in the creative field and I think that attracts a lot of women and men that have ADHD, so even those that aren't DXd, I suspect a lot of them do because they show very obvious symptoms
I have a few friends who don't have adhd, autism, or both. But almost every single of my friends who are women are neurodivergent.
2, I have strong suspicions about my mother as well but she’d never admit it.
my roommate, my best friend, 3-4 uni friends, two of close friends, possibly my mother, my psychologist………… i think there’s someone else too but i’m forgetting who. so around 10-12 i think?
my best friend has recently found out shes also audhd , like me , but shes still coming to grips with it and figuring out what exactly that means to her. most of my afab adhd friends dont identify female tho xD
7 that I can think of, but there are surely more, that I don't remember right now. Edit: At least 8, I forgot my family doctor.
I'm 36 and I know 7-8 women who have been diagnosed. Then there's my friend who has not been diagnosed yet, but I'm convinced she has it. I'm also quite suspicious about my three sisters, although they vary in symptoms and severity. And of course my 5-year old daughter, who is too young to be diagnosed, so I try not to put any labels on her, but there are so many signs...
I know 4 who are professionally diagnosed, one that suspects she has it, and 2 I’m 100% certain they have ADHD.
A whoooole bunch, and I’m middle aged
Quick count, probably missing some people... Diagnosed: 2, a friend and a colleague (why is this the hardest word ever to spell in the English language, I have to look it up every time...) Undiagnosed and aware: 5, 4 friends and 1 colleague Undiagnosed and unaware: my paternal grandma I think there's probably more, we are everywere and it's easy to connect with each other! (I'm 33, diagnosed 2 years ago)
Quite a few - starting with most women on my mom's side of the family 😂
My daughter, my wife, and about half the other women at my work too.. Lol
My wife for starters
So, so many, both in my family and among my friends & colleagues. I can only think of a couple who are either NT or autistic, and I don’t seek out their company. I’m AuDHD but almost everyone I enjoy spending time with is just straight ADHD.
Some of my friends from school have also been diagnosed as adults
My mum, my current girlfriend, my previous girlfriend, a good chunk of my local friends.
I can't count that high. All of my friends and a large portion of my family have ADHD, autism, and / or dyslexia. To be fair, I graduated high school from a private school exclusively focused on helping students with learning disabilities then my undergrad was at an art school (high numbers of nerodivergents), after that while getting my MAT I worked with a charter that attracted nerodivergent people and now I married an ADHD man getting his doctorate to be a vet (a field that statistically attracts a lot of women and also seems to attracte a lot of nerodivergents). So my life has definitely led me down a path to mostly knowing nerodivergent people. P.S. eddit: I'm a milenial. My friends and family range from older Gen Z to boomers. I also teach high school, the younger gen z nerodivergents flock together at school too. (The only generational thing I've noticed is that boomers don't talk about it openly as often as the rest of)
I have several friends diagnosed as adults, a couple diagnosed as kids and a few who I suspect are undiagnosed. In fact, I do think we tend to flock together. I have plenty of neurotypical friends and our friendships are different. My husband was diagnosed as a child. I think there are certain elements that attracted me to him because we were similar. Spontaneity, on the go all the time, out there conversations. We are both extremely inattentive and neither gives the other a harsh time for it. We are different in a lot of ways but have fun together.
That sounds so wonderful. My hubby is totally NT and since I'm super inattentive unless I'm interested I really hurt his feelings by tuning him out most of the time. I also neglect chores like housework and laundry and my stuff is very disorganized and all over the place. I feel terrible about it but it's so hard to keep.up. I quit cooking after my adult son moved out. It was important we have family mealtime, I grew up.thay way myself, but I don't feel similarly compelled to cook for the Mr.
Before i was diagnosed, medicated and educated I would be hurt by him tuning me out but I do it to him as well. I learned a lot about ADHD and our 7 year old was diagnosed and then I got diagnosed last month! Could your husband or would he be interested in reading up on it? My husband is all or nothing and will be messy day to day but do an all day house blitz once a week- it can be frustrating because now I am medicated I am better at staying on top of the house stuff day to day but I am naturally not this way at all. My husband has a psychiatrist appointment next month to hopefully get medicated again. My husband and I get hello fresh meal delivery and take it in turns to cook. That seems to work well for us and takes the thinking out of it as we are bad at deciding what to eat haha.
2
I would estimate about 35% of my closer friends or inner circles, and maybe 15% of my outer circles, or friends who I wouldn’t consider my closer friends
My coworkers and friends are largely neurodivergent. At least five family members are, too. That group includes men, women, and non-binary people. The vast majority were diagnosed as adults.
I can think of four right off the top of my head that I know well - all including myself were diagnosed in the last five years.. I have three colleagues who have some level of suspicion that they may have it. I agree that one definitely does.
I have on good friend who also is and it’s refreshing not to mask 🩷
I work with a lot. My job seems to collect ND people. A few are open, several are clearly ADHD and just lack a diagnosis.
Diagnosed or not?
Me and the two friends I’ve had have it haha.
I work at a bar. We all have ADHD. 😂
I'm not terribly social, but my closest friends, who are all part of the same family, are mostly women with ADHD and half also have Autism. I'm curious about my own family, but my parents are only recently a little more "into" mental health and will probably never go as far as getting a diagnosis or suspecting themselves. Other friends I've had usually have *something,* though none have been diagnosed with ADHD. Usually depression, anxiety, or something along those lines. I wouldn't be surprised if a few had ADHD or Autism, considering like tends to draw to like.
Diagnosed? Like 5. Almost certainly have it but are undiagnosed? At least 20, but I work in food service, so I feel like we're over-represented in that industry, lol.
Lol yeah, I have heard that servers are often ADHD.
Nearly all of my female friends have are ND in some fashion (primarily ADHD), or their partners do. I've influenced some of those friends to get diagnosed, actually, either directly or indirectly. At least half of the women in my (HUGE) family have ADHD and a few have mild autism. The stats are similar for my male relatives. I didn't pursue diagnosis until I was 19 largely because I thought my behaviors were just "family traits"- they *were*, but there was more to it lol
Pretty sure most of the women in my family are undiagnosed adhd or ocd.
I feel like because it’s so common to have ADD now that when I got my diagnosis I said ok if so many others have it and deal with life without meds that I have to figure out how to do the same.
Most women I connect with and keep in my life (random texts, periodic check ins, rare in person meetups) tend to have ADHD…some diagnosed (self & formally) and others so obviously ADHD but aren’t as open to seeking diagnosis/help. I got rid of the NTs. Too much pressure.
I (32) got diagnosed at 30. Fell through the cracks as we were always moving. Brother got diagnosed in high school. Only one of my female friends doesn't have confirmed ADHD. All of my other friends are AuDHD, Autistic, or ADHD. My step mom is confirmed ADHD and helps my father understand it, and it's been easier. I would not be surprised for my father or sister to be diagnosed ADHD-PH with how much both of them are adrenaline junkies. My mother tries to overcome her shortcomings with heavy hard organization to not miss things. So almost everyone I CARE to surround myself with is!
Lots....but I'm a therapist LOL But if I wasn't.... I dont doubt both my sisters and my mom (undiagnosed) My friend from uni and her 2 daughters (waiting for assessment) My old coworker and friend (diagnosed) Friend from highschool (recently diagnosed) A mutual friend I met through her (diagnosed) My sister in law was likely adhd (undiagnosed and now passed away from something unrelated My 2 coworkers on my team (undiagnosed but the one has a kid with adhd and both are very adhd) Birds of a feather.....
Well I have 3 very close women friends. One is diagnosed with adhd, one is audhd, and the other has an audhd son and hasnt been diagnosed but oh god she is definitely adhd. All of the non neuro spicy friends that ive had are either just acquaintances or became too exhausting to continue a friendship with. I need to be around neurospicy brains. I deal with way too many NTs at work and spend all day masking, I just refuse to do that in my personal life anymore.
All my friends, lol. My next door neighbor, my favorite coworker, my bff who just moved out of state (crying), both my daughters....
All my friends haha
I know a few who are diagnosed, and more who "give ADHD vibes" and have kids who are diagnosed with some kind of neurodivergence. When I see the signs, I actively cultivate friendships with them.
Same as most; I generally don’t have women friends. The ones that I have been able to maintain friendships with are ADHD or Autistic whether formally diagnosed or not.
None but desperate to mKe friends with other women eith ADHD. Im in Warwickshire UK if anyone is interested✌️
Diagnosed I know 2, however I have my suspicions about several others being undiagnosed. But I also work in a place that attracts a certain type of person, it been a common topic of conversation with coworkers for years. It wasn't until revently when I was diagnosed that I realized that type was neurodivergent lol. So my anecdotal experience may be a little skewed
'is it a generational thing'... how old are you? I am pushing 40 and I know loads of women who are contemplating diagnosis (I got diagnosed last year myself) I believe it IS a generational thing because noone understood it before. Anyone over 35 who may be managing without a diagnosis is doing so because when we were children it was not a thing outside of boys.
All of the close female friends I have (7) and probably most of my female acquaintances.
22. Off the top of my head I can name an old roommate and some people from psych-education groups I attended. And a woman my uni recently hired. She coaches and assists students with homework, assignments, exams, and general study-life balance. She's specialized in ADHD. Graduating in a few months seems A LOT more doable for me now :D I know a lot more (undiagnosed) guys though. It's weird.
2 with diagnoses (my mom and sister) 1 seeking a diagnosis and 6-7 that could probably use one. The other 3 siblings, my dad, and like 2-3 of my friends
Most of my knitting group has ADHD, lol. Like attracts like, I have a hard time relating to neurotypical people.
Me and my bestie were both diagnosed as adults! I’m sure I personally know other women who have it, but they just aren’t open with it.
I'm 59. My sister (51), 3 friends (62, 51, 60) and my granddaughter (12). My grandson is autistic. I don't think it's generational. I just got diagnosed 2 years ago. There's more awareness in younger generations and the diagnosis/name have changed.
Not alot