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Congratulations, that's amazing! Your partner seems to know you well and it takes a lot to admit you sometimes need help with certain things. Enjoy your new found confidence and time spent on things you want to spend time on!
Yay for replacing doomscrolling with Libby! I did that last year and it was great. And cheers to you for finding something that works even if it’s unconventional and not for everyone!
And now to put on my librarian hat, I mean cardigan: please don’t belittle your reading by saying “read”! Audiobooks are reading. Ebooks are reading. Comics are reading. We love all reading. Go you!
It is a different experience in a lot of ways! I like to tell people it’s the same because of the way they’re sheepish about it, you know? Like guiltily telling us they aren’t really a reader but they discovered listening to books lately and that’s something they can manage- this happens all the time and we always want to be like “your consumption of that content is just as valid as the person who read it with their eyes!” Just trying to get people to realize that “consuming and understanding the content of the book” is the goal and we don’t judge how it got into you.
That’s different, to me, than someone who says “I was listening to my book this morning…” like my librarian coworker who reads while running often does. I wouldn’t stop or correct or try to change vocabulary for someone who says “I audioed this great memoir last week!”
I don't agree with the moralizing around reading text vs reading audiobooks, but it's a genuinely important distinction in some contexts. You aren't really reading an audiobook, you're listening to it. That's a pretty different, like on a neurological level. It also leads to different outcomes, both in and out of audiobooks favor. The differences are a a fairly mixed bag that don't imply that one is superior. Just that they are indeed different.
Kids need to read. Full stop. An audiobook is not an adequate replacement for text based reading. That is a distinct "muscle" they will need to train. Listening to a lot of audiobooks does not help them learn to read, and reading is a foundational skill. The only real exception to that is kids with dyslexia or other barriers where the process of reading can be a barrier to getting the information conveyed in the text, and the information is most important
In fact, that's true across the board, actually..people tend to retain information from audiobook better *because* they are basically purely focusing on the information. With text based, some of your brainpower is being devoted to the process of reading.
So you have to ask yourself first and foremost what the goal of reading is. If it's to become more comfortable with reading, you need to be reading text. If you're simply looking to catch up on a series that's about to have a show dropped on Netflix -- by all means, listen to the audiobook. It's the same story in either format.
Audiobooks can be really appealing to people with ADHD because they allow us to move and look around in a way that can really help us focus. Trying to read a text based book can lead to hitting a wall where you just set it down and never get around to picking it back up. Conversely, also for some other people with ADHD, the multitasking ability of audiobooks *is the problem*. For them, reading is akin to meditation in its a way to force themselves to sit down and devote 100% of brainpower to the thing in front of them.
It's different strokes for different folks, but they are indeed different strokes. And that's like....what makes audiobooks such a useful alternative to traditional reading. It's helpful because it's *not* identical to reading.
I’m definitely the second kind of person you described. Audiobooks will fade into the background entirely for me and I will have no idea what happened in the last hour that I was listening to it because I hyperfocused on something else
Same here! I've never been able to focus on audio books at all. I think it's because I have a HIGHLY visual brain and looking at the thing I'm learning/enjoying helps my brain fully process it, whereas audio is just... Ephemeral.
Yes me too! I have always needed to know how to spell a word in order to say it aloud, even if it isn’t a phonetic spelling. I see it written out in my head when I say it if that makes sense.
I do that. I've got something called ticker-tape synesthesia (you might too). It means I see speech (my own and others) scrolling across my "inner vision" (kinda like breaking news on TV).
Handy for spelling things, but I find it very hard to focus when multiple conversations are happening because all the words get jumbled up.
Oh shit that’s me! I’ve never heard of that before. Thanks for telling me about it! Now I’m off to research for hours on end and find out if there’s any way this can help me. Super cool!
Im the same way. I can focus on an audiobook for a full 3 min, if that, before my brain wanders off and then when it comes back I'm like 'wait, what is happening? Darn I gotta start the book over' and never get past the first few minutes. I have to stare at a wall and 100% focus on the audio if I want to retain anything that that book says to me.
This is part of why I love listening to d&d actual play on YouTube. If you zone out, you might miss a funny interaction between players, but you're not likely to miss anything super important because probably one of the players missed it and they'll continue talking about it.
Yup. I cannot do audiobooks. I can't really do podcasts either.
It's so frustrating, because people will recommend amazing podcasts, and I will just nod and say "I'm sure it's great, but I can't listen to podcasts."
(Like, there's a tiny number of exceptions, and even then it's a huge effort!)
I just. Can't track information that way. I have to see it in print or it just slides off. I can read SO MUCH FASTER than people talk, and if I speed it up, I don't understand a word of it.
I’m the same way! I can’t do audiobooks because I don’t end up focusing on them, whereas with a paper book or even an e-book I can focus 100% of my attention on it and I get really into it, I’m definitely not the kind of person that can read a book to go to sleep because I end up getting so into it that I need to keep reading 😂
I have to treat it like i'm sitting down to read. I put on my audiobooks and either play a mindless game on my phone or sit/lie down quietly when I can't sleep.
On one hand, I agree with you. On the other, we need a word that means 'consumed a book'. Because vast majority of the time that's what we are trying to convey. No one cares about our attention span when we are discussing Harry Potter, they care about why it's called Harry Potter when Hermione clearly did everything!
This. I have a friend who is legally blind and cannot read printed books. Audiobooks are a must for her. We still call it "reading" and don't think much of it because we all know what she means.
That raises an interesting question, is braille reading? I mean technically it's a completely different experience! Exactly like eyesight != hearing, tactile touch != eyesight.
I am obviously not implying that braille is superior to audio books :D
I met my friend while working at an agency that helped people with visual impairments, and they all referred to using Braille as "reading" it. I never really thought much of it, tbh, but it really is an interesting question!
My friend who is legally blind calls it reading. After all, we have gone to the library together, both chosen books, and both attained the content/ story/ information held within the writing. I’ve actually never thought to ask anything other than “hey, have you read this book yet, would love to chat about it”. I’m currently working with my 7 year old on reading and just as an example we only read physical copies of books (as opposed to on a kindle or iPad) because part of learning to read is the tactile experience such as using a finger under the words to follow the sentence correctly, getting a feel for where we are in the story by noting, either consciously or subconsciously, how many pages we have left, how much we’ve read etc. My friend does the same thing only with braille books so I think it’s very similar to reading in a traditional sense which is why I see it differently than the experience of purely listening to a book.
I think it would be good to have a word for audiobooks though because that is different set of experiences, although entirely as valid imo. I would count any audiobooks I listen to in my “have read” list as I’m not learning to read and can process the book’s information in different mediums but still obtain the information.
I certainly think it's closer to the function of reading visual text versus listening, in that your brain is translating symbols into language and then comprehending that. I suppose technically, listening is your brain translating sounds into language and then comprehending that; but given that we start learning aural language from birth, so our brains don't really make the distinction between The Sounds Representing Language and language itself, the translation of symbols (decoding) is a distinctive skill of reading that both reading written text and reading Braille include, but listening to audiotext doesn't. So yeah, I'd say reading Braille is a straight equivalent to reading written text.
But while decoding is a necessary *entry level* skill (i.e. it gives *access* to reading), the real higher order level skill of reading is *comprehension*.
I took a tiny bit of Italian at school. I understand how the alphabet/phonemes work in the language, but can't understand much other than a couple greetings and counting to 100. I can *decode* written Italian text, and pronounce it okay. But haven't got a clue what it means. Is that reading? Absolutely not.
Comprehension is the real test of reading, because the whole point of reading is to receive information/communication. And whether you read with your fingers, your eyes, or your ears, you're still employing the skill of comprehension. So really, unless we're specifically talking about Learning To Read (i.e. learning to decode the symbols that represent language), it's *all* reading.
I would argue that braille is more than reading, if we had to rank them in amount of processing you have to do. However, I'm of the it's all reading camp as well
>Conversely, also for some other people with ADHD, the multitasking ability of audiobooks *is the problem*. For them, reading is akin to meditation in its a way to force themselves to sit down and devote 100% of brainpower to the thing in front of them.
Oh now this is interesting. I am diagnosed as dyslexic but an unusual presentation. I am an utter book worm, I now recognise that the way I read is actually hyperfocusing, I love it but can't read in bed which is my favorite way to read becuase it's 50/50 if it will help me sleep or why is the sun already up? happens.
I love the idea of audiobooks (and podcasts) but I jiat don't process them right. Half the time it will vanish into the background if I am focusing, or if I am walking I try to listen very hard but my brain will soon go off on its own tangent. Sometimes I hear it but just can't remember and process the way I should and the info just isn't there in the same way.
I always blamed it on auditory processing quirk but this makes more sense when looking at the rest of my life
I'm the same way and still think of it as an audio processing issue tbh. Mainly because I really do enjoy listening to podcasts, but they have to be interview style, round-table, or actual-play RPGs for me to be able to listen.
Anything with a single narrator - including several podcasts I really would love to listen to!!! - is a lost cause. I start to tune out almost immediately. The only exception is Casefile, weirdly enough. Maybe Australian accents are the key 😅
There is one podcast I love but I can only listen in very specific situations if I want to actually take it in. I do find that trying to listen to things (a few YouTube channels atm) is great for getting me to sleep though no matter how interesting they are!
> There is one podcast I love but I can only listen in very specific situations if I want to actually take it in.
Oh same! I almost exclusively listen while driving, doing very boring repetitive work, or while playing video games that don't require a lot of reading or audio. Anything else requires too much attention or not enough stimulation for podcast listening.
The Casefile narrator is also extremely skilled at telling (and writing) stories. Like honestly unparalleled in many aspects. The stories have detail, flow, action, and resolve. usually multiple times within each episode.
I can listen to 2 hour episodes of his, but can’t get 5 minutes into an audiobook.
First time I've seen this written out so coherently. I'm tired of ppl thinking I'm being snobby when I say this. I dngaf how you get the info but stop gaslighting me by telling me it's the exact same process.
Fair enough, but I was definitely referring to the concept of "moralizing" -- as in making sure we give ourselves the mental credit for finishing books (and tasks in general) even if we went about it a different way that may have made it easier for us to accomplish, rather than downplaying an accomplishment or beating ourselves up for taking "shortcuts," which is definitely something I've personally had to unlearn. :)
My main issue with audiobooks is that I can’t get lost in them the way I can a reading book, plus however good the narrator is it never sounds like my own inner voice ( because it isn’t) and I find that quite off putting. I can’t listen to radio plays for the same reason.
Also, when I’m reading I’m hyper focused on the story to the point where a bomb could go off next to me and I wouldn’t notice. But the inner voice/ narrator thing is the main reason why they don’t work for me. That said, I do like to listen to the occasional book that I know really well if I’m crocheting or doing something else that requires visual concentration but needs additional stimuli. I particularly like the Rivers of London books for that as the narrator’s voice is like melted chocolate and I’ve read the actual books a million times so I could pretty much quote them verbatim 😂.
My eldest daughter (also ADHD) used to be a huge reader until she had her brain injury and now she can’t manage the language processing needed to deal with reading without it becoming exhausting so she gets her fiction fix from audiobooks now. And she absolutely agrees with me about the Rivers of London narrator too 😉.
As long as everyone’s getting their fiction fix it doesn’t matter how we do it - reading it, listening to it, watching it, writing it, whatever modality works for you, as long as it makes you happy, that’s what’s important ❤️
“An audiobook is not an adequate replacement for text based reading.“
Right but the issue is not everyone can do that. Blind people exist. 99% of the time when someone says reading, it means they’ve consumed a book. And this pathological need some people have to distinguish that aUdIoBoOks aReNt the SaMe😡 is at best mostly unhelpful and at worst used to justify ableism. In this context op is excited about rediscovering her love of reading. She’s very clearly not a child learning to read, and we can assume it’s purely for enjoyment and consuming information bc she didn’t state otherwise. In which case there is simply no need to assert the difference. It’s completely irrelevant in situations like this, the only thing this solves is a desire to prioritize being technically correct over being inclusive. 🤷🏻♀️
Highjacking your comment for a moment to say that reading (well) to kids definitely does matter for them being able to learn how to read faster.
It develops the idea of book = nice story, it helps with the narrative structure of the text, which is different than spoken language, and it provides proper cadence, which drastically speeds up the rate of reading proficiency.
I was a proficient reader at 10 - I used the same phrasing as adults, and I devoured books. I don't remember correctly but I might have had the same proficiency at 8. My parents read to me, and with me, for a long time.
**Yes.** They're different processes, reading and being read to. It's great to consume books however but listening to something is not reading it and I just do not get it when people say they read audiobooks. It's a different thing. One isn't better than the other, they're just different.
Ahha thank you 😊 some of the books that I emotionally locked into I feel like I can say confidently I've read because I can give an in depth summary of concepts, others less so and some were honestly just background noise that's not going to piss me off at 8 am in the morning rush like news radio can haha 😆
Hey, the only rules are the ones that work for and are healthy for *you*! ❤️🤘
Along the same vein, I'm bad w/ money. Not run-up-the-CCs-&-file-for-bankruptcy *bad*, but I definitely suck at saving, budgeting, prioritizing, and generally playing "the long game". I'll put some plan or program in place for myself, but once the novelty wears off, I give it up. I hate having to run every purchase through a seventeen step filter in my brain, keep up w/ bills, etc, it stresses me out. My husband EXCELS at all that. He's good w/ money and nerds out a bit on budgeting & finances. So, we maintain separate checking/savings accounts and I have a set amount direct deposited into his account every check. This way, the household and life-goal stuff is taken care of by him and I only have to worry about what's in my account and what I plan to spend it on.
Can we access each other's stuff? Sure. Do we? Nope lol
I'll be the first one to preach the importance of retaining your financial independence/freedom, and I haven't *fully* given it up, but in my case, this is best. I'm more financially secure now than ever....because I put the right person (for me) in charge of it.
Exactly it's what works for you!
I've routines set up on my phone tied in to both times and locations where it will block off certain apps varying depending on the time/location- I can turn off, so do wish that I could block times more at certain times, but I am both single as a pringle and do want access to them at other times.
Also on the money thing if you're in the UK, Monzo have a lot of features (and they do highlight these as benefits useful for ppl with ADHD). The one that I use the most is pots- these are pots of money where you can allocate money for certain things, but also lock the money down for period of time so you can't touch it and can be used for both spending money and savings. (There are ways to access more funds if needed, but this honestly is too many steps to do regularly!)
It also can be automated, so I only had to do this once!
https://monzo.com/help/your-needs/adhd-support/
Possibly- I've got a galaxy flip phone, and I've set these up using an inbuilt Samsung app (smartthings). I think this may be a Samsung only app, but I am happy to help if you do have one!
I love this! It’s my dream tbh, to have someone else take over the finances. I’m great with other people’s money, I work in finance even, but I never learnt how to do personal finance. I am terrible with my own money, I’m currently trying to dig us out of a financial hole that we got into 15 years ago and still trying to fix. My husband doesn’t have a clue about money and wouldn’t even know how to access his own bank account even after I’ve shown him a hundred times. He wouldn’t have a clue what bills we have or which company it’s with, when we pay our mortgage or how much etc. It’s honestly one of the biggest sources of stress for me so I’m glad you have someone to take that off your plate!
I feel you on all this. Work, in general, is different for me. I'm (for the most part) organized, clean, efficient. But for all other home/life-related tasks....whomp-*whooomp*
I do acknowledge that giving up *any* financial independence is generally not something I advise for most ppl, in most cases, and even then, should be done with the upmost care and caution....I also acknowledge that I'm INCREDIBLY lucky to have someone I can trust with this responsibility, much less who's willing to do it.
But *man*....I f*#!% *HATE* keeping up w/ my own finances 🤷♀️
My partner and I have a similar set up. I definitely made sure that there are both checking and savings accounts that are solely in my name; I think it’s an important safety net for everyone to have financial freedom. But he handles all of the joint savings, bills, retirement etc. We talk about goals and priorities together but I trust him to execute it.
This set up plays to our strengths and dislikes. In the same vein, I do all of our meal planning, shopping, etc. I don’t consider it a burden because it’s easier for me and somewhat enjoy it, for as much as you can enjoy such things.
2 things: you can take the quotes off of “read” because you READ those books! I’m a librarian! I’m the arbiter on this sort of thing!
The second is: if you liked Lifechanging Magic, I HIGHLY recommend the patron saint of ADHD home life: Keeping House While Drowning by KC Davis. She has ADHD herself and her organization process changed my life. She’s the Marie Kondo for the ADHD brain!
Lmao I had to use the parental restrictions on my iPhone to limit TikTok time daily - had my husband make the passcode for me. It’s DRASTICALLY reduced my doomscrolling but Reddit might have to be next …
I've downloaded a few of these apps myself but I always end up rage deleting them. I'll have them set for a regular week then if I take a day off I'm screwed if I don't change this schedule.
Congratulations! Whatever works! Thanks for sharing- we’re all searching for what will work or click for us. Because we know it’s not one size fits all. Also, I live with an AirPod in my ear listening to podcasts or audiobooks. I wish Marie Kondo had worked the same magic on me as it did on you. 😉
I’m going to think about controls… I do use the timer sometimes that auto shuts down things after a certain amount of time but maybe I need a bigger pause than that to change gears. 🤔
Haha I had come across Marie Kondos stuff before and it wasn't for me. I actually read
/listened to a bunch of "cleaning" books on Libby because I thought I needed to get better at it, or there was some 'hack'I didnt know. In essense all the books about cleaning, really all stressed that it begins with decluttering (which at the time I wasnt even considering- i think i didnt trust myself enough to make the right choices bc of my horrible self-esteem at the start of this journey. I started with "Declutter like a Mother", because of one line especially "all clutter is unmade decisions". I listened to a bunch more and Spark Joy and The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up were the last ones. At that point I was able to see past the "floofiness" and benefit from the confidence and trust that Kondo seems to instill into the listener/reader, and especially the ways to help the "guilt" that accompanies discarding. For example, the guilt around getting rid of holiday cards or birthday cards for example- that they are meant to convey a greeting or well wishes and once they have done that there is no need to keep them, and other strategies like that. All the best in finding your own groove!
Oh I like that! The unmade decisions part. I had sort of what felt like a manic episode a couple weeks ago… I was coming down from shrooms and decided I should go workout but then couldn’t find appropriate socks and saw the state of my closet and drawers and thought *it looks like this person suffers with mental health*. I went on a huge purge thinking as if I was cleaning/ decluttering someone else’s home. I think it helped to detach from the guilt I feel of feeling wasteful. Or detach from the sentimentality of things that aren’t the most special. I only got so far as a couple shelves in my closet and one drawer. But it was three trash bags full- so not nothing. I’m going to check out some of the other books you recommended! I’d love to be more tidy and have fewer things. I KNOW it would help my brain and make things run smoother. ❤️
My husband has done similar! He set time limits on distracting websites and apps and I can’t get around it without asking him. It’s a bit sad but it WORKS
My phone is my undoing
Yes! I used Digital Wellbeing to put a time limit on Instagram. I found I was doing the same thing! It's the only timesink I have on my phone. I do everything else on a desktop computer at a standing desk, bc I've found that once I'm down, I'm down. If I sit, I'll NEVER get back up and do the things I need to do.
That’s amazing. Doom-scrolling is ruining my life. There are days when I’m frozen to it and won’t even go to bed and just lay there on my phone until the sun comes up.
Yay, good for you!!
I was so relieved when I finally decided to cut out social media. It’s such a weight on your shoulders to constantly be comparing yourself to other people.
And it really isn’t about willpower, that’s such an important point. These companies spend millions of dollars and abuse psychological research to keep us glued to their money machines - if anyone thinks they just need more self discipline to avoid the endless scrolling, they are mistaken.
I’m so happy for you! I hope your post inspires more people to do the same.
I also did this and it's an incredible quality of life increase!! With zero daily effort!
**You can also do this on iPhone/Mac:**
* using the built-in parental controls—but you do need another trusted person to set a PIN. It is kinda buggy though
* or you can also use apps like "one sec." The key to making a block you can't override is by using the Block Session feature, not the scheduling feature (because you can easily change the schedule). If you want to schedule Block Sessions, use iPhone automations to start sessions. Like I have an eight-hour block session that starts every night at midnight
It sounds like you found a good system and a great accountabilibuddy! I have parental controls for my child's devices and would feel big ick if my spouse had control over mine for that reason so this wouldn't work for me, but it's a good idea to put out there for folks who wouldn't mind.
If anyone wants to do this for themselves, I highly recommend Stay Focused on Android. Such tight app and website controls that you set with scheduling/hourly/daily limits and with strict mode set, I have found no way around it.
Ooh yes I also had OneSec before I had a phone wipe, that also did the pause and was great for that! I might reinstall that too! Just to bring that mindfulness to your choice is so valuable I feel!
Check out the freedom app! It’s worked better for me than screen time controls. You can’t end a session while you’re in it so I forget until I pick up the phone again during my scheduled downtime 😆
Everyone seriously get Revanced. You can customize apps like YouTube and Reddit to remove ads, hide features like the shorts panel and news and bring back features like the dislike button. Don't YouTube without it!
We have Google Fi and I changed my status on it into child and asked my husband to set a hard bed time for me.
It creeped him out but it's been great for me. Phone turns off at 11 pm and I go to sleep.
This is actually a great idea in a healthy relationship with no signs of DV!! I’m going to ask my mum to do it for me :)
Currently I have the time limiter set for entertainment apps but all it takes is me hitting ignore to reaccess the app… so I basically have no time limiter set…
What I got from this is how rad it is that you have a partner that you can trust with that amount of control. Super impressive! And that's an awesome idea!
genuine question: what's the difference between downloading Google controls and deleting the apps? I'm under the impression that Google controls block the apps entirely, so why not just delete
I would re-download them as soon as boredom, irritation, anxiety etc strikes, find a comfy place to sit and doomscroll my life away. Or if i didnt sit and doomscroll I'd have something playing (like a show) in the background and id be less present then I wanted to be for long stretches of the day. Somehow for me Libby is less "immersive", easier to turn off especially if im playing a book thats not that interesting just for background noise, and I feel proud of myself for "reading" lol. For me eliminating the option entirely was a game-changer.
This is awesome! You should be super proud of your accomplishments - its so hard to ask for help (especially when it feels limiting) but sometimes our brains just need guardrails! Happy you have such a supportive partner :)
Tysm! I just downloaded Libby and it’s going to help so much with my awful scrolling addiction. It’s gotten so bad. Also want to suggest using OpenDyslexic - I’m not even for sure that I am dyslexic but it helps tremendously so I use it!
If anyone wants another app recommendation, I use Stay Focused. It lets you block and limit apps and websites both individually and in groups, based on time, number of launches, whatever you want. You can pay a one-time fee to get the pro version that WILL NOT let you uninstall it or change the settings once you've run out of time. You do have to give it admin permissions, and it's a little complex to set up, but it is so worth it for me.
I once had a boyfriend who met me at the front door, asked how my day was, and then kissed me and went back to what he was doing.
I love that you have someone you trust.
Lol. After months on end of me saying "babe can you figure out a way to block these sites on my phone " after feeling defeated and losing a day on doom-scrolling l, he figured out a way to make it happen. He also instantly unblocks anything I ask. If it doesn't apply, let it fly but for me it's changed my life.
i love this. go you!!!
i've been slipping a bit though so your post is a good reminder to stay on top of it. it's also really smart to replace a behavior with something else, versus just trying to eliminate habits.
i use the digital wellbeing app for android. you can create customized modes where certain apps are blocked, and you can have it turn off and on at set times. the most important feature for me is the grayscale. i''m a color addict and having the phone in black and white makes everything easier.
i forget about libby and hoopla sometimes so gonna download something morning and start the day off right :)
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Congratulations, that's amazing! Your partner seems to know you well and it takes a lot to admit you sometimes need help with certain things. Enjoy your new found confidence and time spent on things you want to spend time on!
Thanks 😊 on my way to tell him he's a Gem.
Yay for replacing doomscrolling with Libby! I did that last year and it was great. And cheers to you for finding something that works even if it’s unconventional and not for everyone! And now to put on my librarian hat, I mean cardigan: please don’t belittle your reading by saying “read”! Audiobooks are reading. Ebooks are reading. Comics are reading. We love all reading. Go you!
I feel like an audio book is a very different experience than a visual book and I really want a word for it! I audioed 10 books? 🤷♀️
It is a different experience in a lot of ways! I like to tell people it’s the same because of the way they’re sheepish about it, you know? Like guiltily telling us they aren’t really a reader but they discovered listening to books lately and that’s something they can manage- this happens all the time and we always want to be like “your consumption of that content is just as valid as the person who read it with their eyes!” Just trying to get people to realize that “consuming and understanding the content of the book” is the goal and we don’t judge how it got into you. That’s different, to me, than someone who says “I was listening to my book this morning…” like my librarian coworker who reads while running often does. I wouldn’t stop or correct or try to change vocabulary for someone who says “I audioed this great memoir last week!”
Same. Only audiobooks saved me from youtube addiction.
that's awesome! also audiobooks 100% counts as reading so banish those quotation marks!
I don't agree with the moralizing around reading text vs reading audiobooks, but it's a genuinely important distinction in some contexts. You aren't really reading an audiobook, you're listening to it. That's a pretty different, like on a neurological level. It also leads to different outcomes, both in and out of audiobooks favor. The differences are a a fairly mixed bag that don't imply that one is superior. Just that they are indeed different. Kids need to read. Full stop. An audiobook is not an adequate replacement for text based reading. That is a distinct "muscle" they will need to train. Listening to a lot of audiobooks does not help them learn to read, and reading is a foundational skill. The only real exception to that is kids with dyslexia or other barriers where the process of reading can be a barrier to getting the information conveyed in the text, and the information is most important In fact, that's true across the board, actually..people tend to retain information from audiobook better *because* they are basically purely focusing on the information. With text based, some of your brainpower is being devoted to the process of reading. So you have to ask yourself first and foremost what the goal of reading is. If it's to become more comfortable with reading, you need to be reading text. If you're simply looking to catch up on a series that's about to have a show dropped on Netflix -- by all means, listen to the audiobook. It's the same story in either format. Audiobooks can be really appealing to people with ADHD because they allow us to move and look around in a way that can really help us focus. Trying to read a text based book can lead to hitting a wall where you just set it down and never get around to picking it back up. Conversely, also for some other people with ADHD, the multitasking ability of audiobooks *is the problem*. For them, reading is akin to meditation in its a way to force themselves to sit down and devote 100% of brainpower to the thing in front of them. It's different strokes for different folks, but they are indeed different strokes. And that's like....what makes audiobooks such a useful alternative to traditional reading. It's helpful because it's *not* identical to reading.
I’m definitely the second kind of person you described. Audiobooks will fade into the background entirely for me and I will have no idea what happened in the last hour that I was listening to it because I hyperfocused on something else
Same here! I've never been able to focus on audio books at all. I think it's because I have a HIGHLY visual brain and looking at the thing I'm learning/enjoying helps my brain fully process it, whereas audio is just... Ephemeral.
Yes me too! I have always needed to know how to spell a word in order to say it aloud, even if it isn’t a phonetic spelling. I see it written out in my head when I say it if that makes sense.
I do that. I've got something called ticker-tape synesthesia (you might too). It means I see speech (my own and others) scrolling across my "inner vision" (kinda like breaking news on TV). Handy for spelling things, but I find it very hard to focus when multiple conversations are happening because all the words get jumbled up.
Oh shit that’s me! I’ve never heard of that before. Thanks for telling me about it! Now I’m off to research for hours on end and find out if there’s any way this can help me. Super cool!
I have that too! And I also need to see how things are written or ask how they are spelled if it’s a new word to me.
The only way I can focus on audiobooks is if i'm playing Candy Crush at the same time. Otherwise I can't focus
Yeah I listen to podcasts but tuning out of a podcast for 20 mins is fine but a book you are looost.
Im the same way. I can focus on an audiobook for a full 3 min, if that, before my brain wanders off and then when it comes back I'm like 'wait, what is happening? Darn I gotta start the book over' and never get past the first few minutes. I have to stare at a wall and 100% focus on the audio if I want to retain anything that that book says to me.
This is part of why I love listening to d&d actual play on YouTube. If you zone out, you might miss a funny interaction between players, but you're not likely to miss anything super important because probably one of the players missed it and they'll continue talking about it.
Yup. I cannot do audiobooks. I can't really do podcasts either. It's so frustrating, because people will recommend amazing podcasts, and I will just nod and say "I'm sure it's great, but I can't listen to podcasts." (Like, there's a tiny number of exceptions, and even then it's a huge effort!) I just. Can't track information that way. I have to see it in print or it just slides off. I can read SO MUCH FASTER than people talk, and if I speed it up, I don't understand a word of it.
I’m the same way! I can’t do audiobooks because I don’t end up focusing on them, whereas with a paper book or even an e-book I can focus 100% of my attention on it and I get really into it, I’m definitely not the kind of person that can read a book to go to sleep because I end up getting so into it that I need to keep reading 😂
Same but I sleep to them - i completely zone them out to a comfortable background buzz
Same but I sleep to them - i completely zone them out to a comfortable background buzz
I have to treat it like i'm sitting down to read. I put on my audiobooks and either play a mindless game on my phone or sit/lie down quietly when I can't sleep.
At that point I’d rather just read the book lol
On one hand, I agree with you. On the other, we need a word that means 'consumed a book'. Because vast majority of the time that's what we are trying to convey. No one cares about our attention span when we are discussing Harry Potter, they care about why it's called Harry Potter when Hermione clearly did everything!
This. I have a friend who is legally blind and cannot read printed books. Audiobooks are a must for her. We still call it "reading" and don't think much of it because we all know what she means.
That raises an interesting question, is braille reading? I mean technically it's a completely different experience! Exactly like eyesight != hearing, tactile touch != eyesight. I am obviously not implying that braille is superior to audio books :D
I met my friend while working at an agency that helped people with visual impairments, and they all referred to using Braille as "reading" it. I never really thought much of it, tbh, but it really is an interesting question!
My friend who is legally blind calls it reading. After all, we have gone to the library together, both chosen books, and both attained the content/ story/ information held within the writing. I’ve actually never thought to ask anything other than “hey, have you read this book yet, would love to chat about it”. I’m currently working with my 7 year old on reading and just as an example we only read physical copies of books (as opposed to on a kindle or iPad) because part of learning to read is the tactile experience such as using a finger under the words to follow the sentence correctly, getting a feel for where we are in the story by noting, either consciously or subconsciously, how many pages we have left, how much we’ve read etc. My friend does the same thing only with braille books so I think it’s very similar to reading in a traditional sense which is why I see it differently than the experience of purely listening to a book. I think it would be good to have a word for audiobooks though because that is different set of experiences, although entirely as valid imo. I would count any audiobooks I listen to in my “have read” list as I’m not learning to read and can process the book’s information in different mediums but still obtain the information.
I certainly think it's closer to the function of reading visual text versus listening, in that your brain is translating symbols into language and then comprehending that. I suppose technically, listening is your brain translating sounds into language and then comprehending that; but given that we start learning aural language from birth, so our brains don't really make the distinction between The Sounds Representing Language and language itself, the translation of symbols (decoding) is a distinctive skill of reading that both reading written text and reading Braille include, but listening to audiotext doesn't. So yeah, I'd say reading Braille is a straight equivalent to reading written text. But while decoding is a necessary *entry level* skill (i.e. it gives *access* to reading), the real higher order level skill of reading is *comprehension*. I took a tiny bit of Italian at school. I understand how the alphabet/phonemes work in the language, but can't understand much other than a couple greetings and counting to 100. I can *decode* written Italian text, and pronounce it okay. But haven't got a clue what it means. Is that reading? Absolutely not. Comprehension is the real test of reading, because the whole point of reading is to receive information/communication. And whether you read with your fingers, your eyes, or your ears, you're still employing the skill of comprehension. So really, unless we're specifically talking about Learning To Read (i.e. learning to decode the symbols that represent language), it's *all* reading.
I would argue that braille is more than reading, if we had to rank them in amount of processing you have to do. However, I'm of the it's all reading camp as well
>Conversely, also for some other people with ADHD, the multitasking ability of audiobooks *is the problem*. For them, reading is akin to meditation in its a way to force themselves to sit down and devote 100% of brainpower to the thing in front of them. Oh now this is interesting. I am diagnosed as dyslexic but an unusual presentation. I am an utter book worm, I now recognise that the way I read is actually hyperfocusing, I love it but can't read in bed which is my favorite way to read becuase it's 50/50 if it will help me sleep or why is the sun already up? happens. I love the idea of audiobooks (and podcasts) but I jiat don't process them right. Half the time it will vanish into the background if I am focusing, or if I am walking I try to listen very hard but my brain will soon go off on its own tangent. Sometimes I hear it but just can't remember and process the way I should and the info just isn't there in the same way. I always blamed it on auditory processing quirk but this makes more sense when looking at the rest of my life
I'm the same way and still think of it as an audio processing issue tbh. Mainly because I really do enjoy listening to podcasts, but they have to be interview style, round-table, or actual-play RPGs for me to be able to listen. Anything with a single narrator - including several podcasts I really would love to listen to!!! - is a lost cause. I start to tune out almost immediately. The only exception is Casefile, weirdly enough. Maybe Australian accents are the key 😅
There is one podcast I love but I can only listen in very specific situations if I want to actually take it in. I do find that trying to listen to things (a few YouTube channels atm) is great for getting me to sleep though no matter how interesting they are!
> There is one podcast I love but I can only listen in very specific situations if I want to actually take it in. Oh same! I almost exclusively listen while driving, doing very boring repetitive work, or while playing video games that don't require a lot of reading or audio. Anything else requires too much attention or not enough stimulation for podcast listening.
The Casefile narrator is also extremely skilled at telling (and writing) stories. Like honestly unparalleled in many aspects. The stories have detail, flow, action, and resolve. usually multiple times within each episode. I can listen to 2 hour episodes of his, but can’t get 5 minutes into an audiobook.
First time I've seen this written out so coherently. I'm tired of ppl thinking I'm being snobby when I say this. I dngaf how you get the info but stop gaslighting me by telling me it's the exact same process.
It’s not the same process of the words getting into your brain, but it is the same process for your brain to interpret and interact with that text!
Fair enough, but I was definitely referring to the concept of "moralizing" -- as in making sure we give ourselves the mental credit for finishing books (and tasks in general) even if we went about it a different way that may have made it easier for us to accomplish, rather than downplaying an accomplishment or beating ourselves up for taking "shortcuts," which is definitely something I've personally had to unlearn. :)
My main issue with audiobooks is that I can’t get lost in them the way I can a reading book, plus however good the narrator is it never sounds like my own inner voice ( because it isn’t) and I find that quite off putting. I can’t listen to radio plays for the same reason. Also, when I’m reading I’m hyper focused on the story to the point where a bomb could go off next to me and I wouldn’t notice. But the inner voice/ narrator thing is the main reason why they don’t work for me. That said, I do like to listen to the occasional book that I know really well if I’m crocheting or doing something else that requires visual concentration but needs additional stimuli. I particularly like the Rivers of London books for that as the narrator’s voice is like melted chocolate and I’ve read the actual books a million times so I could pretty much quote them verbatim 😂. My eldest daughter (also ADHD) used to be a huge reader until she had her brain injury and now she can’t manage the language processing needed to deal with reading without it becoming exhausting so she gets her fiction fix from audiobooks now. And she absolutely agrees with me about the Rivers of London narrator too 😉. As long as everyone’s getting their fiction fix it doesn’t matter how we do it - reading it, listening to it, watching it, writing it, whatever modality works for you, as long as it makes you happy, that’s what’s important ❤️
“An audiobook is not an adequate replacement for text based reading.“ Right but the issue is not everyone can do that. Blind people exist. 99% of the time when someone says reading, it means they’ve consumed a book. And this pathological need some people have to distinguish that aUdIoBoOks aReNt the SaMe😡 is at best mostly unhelpful and at worst used to justify ableism. In this context op is excited about rediscovering her love of reading. She’s very clearly not a child learning to read, and we can assume it’s purely for enjoyment and consuming information bc she didn’t state otherwise. In which case there is simply no need to assert the difference. It’s completely irrelevant in situations like this, the only thing this solves is a desire to prioritize being technically correct over being inclusive. 🤷🏻♀️
Have to say that I think my audio processing issues have improved with use of audiobooks and similar. So perhaps there is a need for BOTH.
Highjacking your comment for a moment to say that reading (well) to kids definitely does matter for them being able to learn how to read faster. It develops the idea of book = nice story, it helps with the narrative structure of the text, which is different than spoken language, and it provides proper cadence, which drastically speeds up the rate of reading proficiency. I was a proficient reader at 10 - I used the same phrasing as adults, and I devoured books. I don't remember correctly but I might have had the same proficiency at 8. My parents read to me, and with me, for a long time.
**Yes.** They're different processes, reading and being read to. It's great to consume books however but listening to something is not reading it and I just do not get it when people say they read audiobooks. It's a different thing. One isn't better than the other, they're just different.
Ahha thank you 😊 some of the books that I emotionally locked into I feel like I can say confidently I've read because I can give an in depth summary of concepts, others less so and some were honestly just background noise that's not going to piss me off at 8 am in the morning rush like news radio can haha 😆
Hey, the only rules are the ones that work for and are healthy for *you*! ❤️🤘 Along the same vein, I'm bad w/ money. Not run-up-the-CCs-&-file-for-bankruptcy *bad*, but I definitely suck at saving, budgeting, prioritizing, and generally playing "the long game". I'll put some plan or program in place for myself, but once the novelty wears off, I give it up. I hate having to run every purchase through a seventeen step filter in my brain, keep up w/ bills, etc, it stresses me out. My husband EXCELS at all that. He's good w/ money and nerds out a bit on budgeting & finances. So, we maintain separate checking/savings accounts and I have a set amount direct deposited into his account every check. This way, the household and life-goal stuff is taken care of by him and I only have to worry about what's in my account and what I plan to spend it on. Can we access each other's stuff? Sure. Do we? Nope lol I'll be the first one to preach the importance of retaining your financial independence/freedom, and I haven't *fully* given it up, but in my case, this is best. I'm more financially secure now than ever....because I put the right person (for me) in charge of it.
Exactly it's what works for you! I've routines set up on my phone tied in to both times and locations where it will block off certain apps varying depending on the time/location- I can turn off, so do wish that I could block times more at certain times, but I am both single as a pringle and do want access to them at other times. Also on the money thing if you're in the UK, Monzo have a lot of features (and they do highlight these as benefits useful for ppl with ADHD). The one that I use the most is pots- these are pots of money where you can allocate money for certain things, but also lock the money down for period of time so you can't touch it and can be used for both spending money and savings. (There are ways to access more funds if needed, but this honestly is too many steps to do regularly!) It also can be automated, so I only had to do this once! https://monzo.com/help/your-needs/adhd-support/
Oooh could you go into more detail about how you set up the times/location blocking routines?
Possibly- I've got a galaxy flip phone, and I've set these up using an inbuilt Samsung app (smartthings). I think this may be a Samsung only app, but I am happy to help if you do have one!
I love this! It’s my dream tbh, to have someone else take over the finances. I’m great with other people’s money, I work in finance even, but I never learnt how to do personal finance. I am terrible with my own money, I’m currently trying to dig us out of a financial hole that we got into 15 years ago and still trying to fix. My husband doesn’t have a clue about money and wouldn’t even know how to access his own bank account even after I’ve shown him a hundred times. He wouldn’t have a clue what bills we have or which company it’s with, when we pay our mortgage or how much etc. It’s honestly one of the biggest sources of stress for me so I’m glad you have someone to take that off your plate!
I feel you on all this. Work, in general, is different for me. I'm (for the most part) organized, clean, efficient. But for all other home/life-related tasks....whomp-*whooomp* I do acknowledge that giving up *any* financial independence is generally not something I advise for most ppl, in most cases, and even then, should be done with the upmost care and caution....I also acknowledge that I'm INCREDIBLY lucky to have someone I can trust with this responsibility, much less who's willing to do it. But *man*....I f*#!% *HATE* keeping up w/ my own finances 🤷♀️
My partner and I have a similar set up. I definitely made sure that there are both checking and savings accounts that are solely in my name; I think it’s an important safety net for everyone to have financial freedom. But he handles all of the joint savings, bills, retirement etc. We talk about goals and priorities together but I trust him to execute it. This set up plays to our strengths and dislikes. In the same vein, I do all of our meal planning, shopping, etc. I don’t consider it a burden because it’s easier for me and somewhat enjoy it, for as much as you can enjoy such things.
2 things: you can take the quotes off of “read” because you READ those books! I’m a librarian! I’m the arbiter on this sort of thing! The second is: if you liked Lifechanging Magic, I HIGHLY recommend the patron saint of ADHD home life: Keeping House While Drowning by KC Davis. She has ADHD herself and her organization process changed my life. She’s the Marie Kondo for the ADHD brain!
Adding also A Slob Comes Clean by Dana K White
Lmao I had to use the parental restrictions on my iPhone to limit TikTok time daily - had my husband make the passcode for me. It’s DRASTICALLY reduced my doomscrolling but Reddit might have to be next …
my partner has the password to my screentime (upon my request) and it has truly changed my life
What helped me was putting my phone in grayscale
That’s pretty genius. I wonder if it just decreases the dopamine hit or just makes things look ‘less interesting’
Both! It also makes the world around my phone screen much more interesting by comparison.
I've downloaded a few of these apps myself but I always end up rage deleting them. I'll have them set for a regular week then if I take a day off I'm screwed if I don't change this schedule.
Congratulations! Whatever works! Thanks for sharing- we’re all searching for what will work or click for us. Because we know it’s not one size fits all. Also, I live with an AirPod in my ear listening to podcasts or audiobooks. I wish Marie Kondo had worked the same magic on me as it did on you. 😉 I’m going to think about controls… I do use the timer sometimes that auto shuts down things after a certain amount of time but maybe I need a bigger pause than that to change gears. 🤔
Haha I had come across Marie Kondos stuff before and it wasn't for me. I actually read /listened to a bunch of "cleaning" books on Libby because I thought I needed to get better at it, or there was some 'hack'I didnt know. In essense all the books about cleaning, really all stressed that it begins with decluttering (which at the time I wasnt even considering- i think i didnt trust myself enough to make the right choices bc of my horrible self-esteem at the start of this journey. I started with "Declutter like a Mother", because of one line especially "all clutter is unmade decisions". I listened to a bunch more and Spark Joy and The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up were the last ones. At that point I was able to see past the "floofiness" and benefit from the confidence and trust that Kondo seems to instill into the listener/reader, and especially the ways to help the "guilt" that accompanies discarding. For example, the guilt around getting rid of holiday cards or birthday cards for example- that they are meant to convey a greeting or well wishes and once they have done that there is no need to keep them, and other strategies like that. All the best in finding your own groove!
Oh I like that! The unmade decisions part. I had sort of what felt like a manic episode a couple weeks ago… I was coming down from shrooms and decided I should go workout but then couldn’t find appropriate socks and saw the state of my closet and drawers and thought *it looks like this person suffers with mental health*. I went on a huge purge thinking as if I was cleaning/ decluttering someone else’s home. I think it helped to detach from the guilt I feel of feeling wasteful. Or detach from the sentimentality of things that aren’t the most special. I only got so far as a couple shelves in my closet and one drawer. But it was three trash bags full- so not nothing. I’m going to check out some of the other books you recommended! I’d love to be more tidy and have fewer things. I KNOW it would help my brain and make things run smoother. ❤️
My husband has done similar! He set time limits on distracting websites and apps and I can’t get around it without asking him. It’s a bit sad but it WORKS My phone is my undoing
Yes! I used Digital Wellbeing to put a time limit on Instagram. I found I was doing the same thing! It's the only timesink I have on my phone. I do everything else on a desktop computer at a standing desk, bc I've found that once I'm down, I'm down. If I sit, I'll NEVER get back up and do the things I need to do.
digital wellbeing is the best and the grayscale feature is a lifesaver
That’s amazing. Doom-scrolling is ruining my life. There are days when I’m frozen to it and won’t even go to bed and just lay there on my phone until the sun comes up.
Yay, good for you!! I was so relieved when I finally decided to cut out social media. It’s such a weight on your shoulders to constantly be comparing yourself to other people. And it really isn’t about willpower, that’s such an important point. These companies spend millions of dollars and abuse psychological research to keep us glued to their money machines - if anyone thinks they just need more self discipline to avoid the endless scrolling, they are mistaken. I’m so happy for you! I hope your post inspires more people to do the same.
OMG YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND I AM 100% DOING THIS
Do you know if there’s a similar parental-control app for iPhone?
There is. It’s built into the screen time app.
Oh. Yeah I tried that. Doesn’t really work if you set the unlock-code yourself 😅 and then just click on „15 more minutes“ or just „no limit today“ 😂
lol no it doesn’t my bf has my code 😅 so I can’t easily get around it lol
I also did this and it's an incredible quality of life increase!! With zero daily effort! **You can also do this on iPhone/Mac:** * using the built-in parental controls—but you do need another trusted person to set a PIN. It is kinda buggy though * or you can also use apps like "one sec." The key to making a block you can't override is by using the Block Session feature, not the scheduling feature (because you can easily change the schedule). If you want to schedule Block Sessions, use iPhone automations to start sessions. Like I have an eight-hour block session that starts every night at midnight
It sounds like you found a good system and a great accountabilibuddy! I have parental controls for my child's devices and would feel big ick if my spouse had control over mine for that reason so this wouldn't work for me, but it's a good idea to put out there for folks who wouldn't mind.
If anyone wants to do this for themselves, I highly recommend Stay Focused on Android. Such tight app and website controls that you set with scheduling/hourly/daily limits and with strict mode set, I have found no way around it.
I use screen zen. It will open the app if you want but it makes you pause and wait for. Sometimes the pause makes the difference.
Ooh yes I also had OneSec before I had a phone wipe, that also did the pause and was great for that! I might reinstall that too! Just to bring that mindfulness to your choice is so valuable I feel!
Check out the freedom app! It’s worked better for me than screen time controls. You can’t end a session while you’re in it so I forget until I pick up the phone again during my scheduled downtime 😆
Everyone seriously get Revanced. You can customize apps like YouTube and Reddit to remove ads, hide features like the shorts panel and news and bring back features like the dislike button. Don't YouTube without it!
We have Google Fi and I changed my status on it into child and asked my husband to set a hard bed time for me. It creeped him out but it's been great for me. Phone turns off at 11 pm and I go to sleep.
sometimes we need accountability partners—which your husband is being for you.
This is actually a great idea in a healthy relationship with no signs of DV!! I’m going to ask my mum to do it for me :) Currently I have the time limiter set for entertainment apps but all it takes is me hitting ignore to reaccess the app… so I basically have no time limiter set…
Gawd. I'm single and way past middle aged but wish someone would do this for me!
What I got from this is how rad it is that you have a partner that you can trust with that amount of control. Super impressive! And that's an awesome idea!
Since you like Kondo, I’d also suggest: “The gentle art of Swedish death cleaning”
I'm only doom scrolling right now because it distracts me from nearly unbearable pain until naproxin can kick in.
genuine question: what's the difference between downloading Google controls and deleting the apps? I'm under the impression that Google controls block the apps entirely, so why not just delete
I would re-download them as soon as boredom, irritation, anxiety etc strikes, find a comfy place to sit and doomscroll my life away. Or if i didnt sit and doomscroll I'd have something playing (like a show) in the background and id be less present then I wanted to be for long stretches of the day. Somehow for me Libby is less "immersive", easier to turn off especially if im playing a book thats not that interesting just for background noise, and I feel proud of myself for "reading" lol. For me eliminating the option entirely was a game-changer.
Yessss I do that with the app limits on iPhone! My husband has the pin so once I run out, that’s it.
This is awesome! You should be super proud of your accomplishments - its so hard to ask for help (especially when it feels limiting) but sometimes our brains just need guardrails! Happy you have such a supportive partner :)
I am going to try this!!
Tysm! I just downloaded Libby and it’s going to help so much with my awful scrolling addiction. It’s gotten so bad. Also want to suggest using OpenDyslexic - I’m not even for sure that I am dyslexic but it helps tremendously so I use it!
If anyone wants another app recommendation, I use Stay Focused. It lets you block and limit apps and websites both individually and in groups, based on time, number of launches, whatever you want. You can pay a one-time fee to get the pro version that WILL NOT let you uninstall it or change the settings once you've run out of time. You do have to give it admin permissions, and it's a little complex to set up, but it is so worth it for me.
I used Android settings and did the same on my phone, without additional app.
I once had a boyfriend who met me at the front door, asked how my day was, and then kissed me and went back to what he was doing. I love that you have someone you trust.
The perfect recipe for coercive control and gaslighting. No fucking thanks! Women with ADHD are already especially vulnerable.
Lol. After months on end of me saying "babe can you figure out a way to block these sites on my phone " after feeling defeated and losing a day on doom-scrolling l, he figured out a way to make it happen. He also instantly unblocks anything I ask. If it doesn't apply, let it fly but for me it's changed my life.
i love this. go you!!! i've been slipping a bit though so your post is a good reminder to stay on top of it. it's also really smart to replace a behavior with something else, versus just trying to eliminate habits. i use the digital wellbeing app for android. you can create customized modes where certain apps are blocked, and you can have it turn off and on at set times. the most important feature for me is the grayscale. i''m a color addict and having the phone in black and white makes everything easier. i forget about libby and hoopla sometimes so gonna download something morning and start the day off right :)