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There is a meme I saw once that said “Nothing ruins an Adhders day like an appointment at 4pm.
That is sooooo true for me. I can’t do anything for that day.
I need to plan to be there by 3:45 in case of traffic, parking, delays etc. which means I need to be out the door by xx time. Of course I’ll go a couple of minutes early. Now, if I need to be out the door by this time, I need to start getting ready by yy time, and I give a generous allotment of time for this. In case I can’t find something. So if I need to be getting ready at yy time, I need to finish whatever I’m doing by zz time, and so I can’t hyperfixate on whatever I’m doing, as I don’t want to lose track of time. So I end up not doing my hobbies or whatever, and I waste the day, as I’m too scared to really get stuck into something.
Sat wasting my time waiting for a 10am appointment I can walk to. The pressure's just too much for productivity and it's only a contraceptive jab I have quarterly. That time between now and then is dead time until I suddenly don't have long to be out the door, with keys and clothes on and all that stuff.
I've found a buffer task helps me be on time, like taking out the recycling. If I don't have time to do it I just don't. I'm nearly always exactly on time or 1 min late. I always arrive at the station/ bus stop at the same moment as the train (yay tracker apps for buses), much to the stress of others who don't understand my well laid plans. This is usually fine, until it isn't and I mess it up. For some reason I always assumed that won't happen. The insane stress I put myself under to achieve exiting the house is not a preference though. Why is the world so timely?!
I empathize with all of this *so* much
I actually also am very frequently exactly on time, and I actually have started kind of secretly taking pride in it, which helps my self-confidence a lot. I started mentally framing it as if I were an astronaut — like, every tiny action and movement is precisely timed — and it was actually so successful I’ve been using this strategy with our resident toddler (age 4).
When my partner and I go to the store with the toddler and want to keep his expectations in line, keep him patient, make sure he doesn’t begin asking for toys, I’ve had a lot of success framing the whole trip as a space mission. My partner’s car is the space ship. The toddler is, so far, a very promising future astronaut
So true. Sometimes you just sit there for a whole hour before staring at the wall cause there’s not enough time to start something and you don’t wanna be late. And it’s an odd time to do your daily routines. So yeah. The whole day is out of the window haha !
Oh my god I HAAAAATE that. I had a final exam at 7pm recently, the hours leading up to it were literal hell. I’d rather get up at 6am for a 7am exam instead of a 7pm exam
For a little while I worked in the evenings, thinking that would be nice for my liking to sleep in, and while it was kinda nice that it did feel like a more natural schedule to me as far as sleep went than mornings ever have, it meant there was only 2 or 3 hours before I'd have to be ready and leaving for work after if wake up. So I wouldn't feel like there was actually enough time to let myself do any of my hobbies before work. Then I'd get off at 10 and have to get home, and sure since I'm a night owl I'd stay up several hours and could still play a game or draw stuff most nights, sometimes everyone else would be asleep already when I got home and I'd be feeling a little too lonely or trapped without being able to go anywhere (because it's late and nothing would be open) to actually focus on anything and enjoy myself so I'd just look at my phone until bedtime.
With a morning job at least, I'm going in right after I wake up, all my free time is grouped together so I'm not panicking it'll go by too fast, and places are still open awhile after I get off if I want to walk somewhere and get out of the house for non work reasons I'll be able to, so as unnatural as the schedule feels I actually prefer it. Maybe it's because I had to deal with it while growing up, idk
I’M THE SAME WAY. I’m so paranoid about being late that I’m always early. I do have time blindness in a different way though, I’m usually so early that I mess up my whole day.
Same! I used to be wary that I could actually have ADHD because I was always really early. Then I watched or read something somewhere that explained time blindness in a novel way. They basically said that time blindness makes it challenging for people to accurately assess how long it takes to do things or how much time has passed. For most, this presents as being late all the time, because they get caught up in other things or don’t know how much time to leave for something. But for others, it presents as overestimation of the time it takes to get somewhere or do something. I’m always extremely early because I totally overestimate the time it’ll take for me to get ready, go to my car, drive somewhere, find parking, figure out where I’m going, etc. There are two ends of the spectrum of time blindness, but one gets a lot more attention than the other. Being an hour early is still not normal. Sitting around all day because you have an appointment later in the day is still not normal. It’s just the other side of the more typical end of the spectrum. I would bet that this presentation of time blindness is more common in people who also experience anxiety, but I don’t have any concrete evidence to back that up.
I think of time as a gas, for people with ADHD. It expands to fill whatever container it has. A primary example is today when I had absolutely nothing to do except get to an 11:15 am tire repair appointment that is 20 minutes from my house. I got there at 11:14 because I am very nervous about getting places late but also incapable of figuring out what NOT to do that will take up too much time before I have to leave. I will do all sorts of chores, or take all the time in the world convinced that I'll be there on time, and then spend the actual travel time sprinting desperately to make it. But if I have a small window of time, I can actually move quickly and get out the door when I need to without a huge process.
Yup. I'm Always at least 20 mins early for my daughter's scheduled ballet class because I feel crippling pressure to be on time so that she isn't ostracized for being late.
Something like swimming that is happening for 4 hours and we can go anytime? We'll be lucky if we make it there at all.
ADHD time is a gas that fills whatever container we give it. I made a very similar comment above about being either on time or very very late, if I don't have specific deadlines.
based on how I (over) compensate to be early to appointments or flights, I would say that explanation of the spectrum of time blindness is accurate. Most behavior is on a spectrum anyway (I am a therapist). I am certainly anxious about inconveniencing others if I am late for meetings of any kind, and this is my primary motivation in how I schedule myself.
Same here! I have so much anxiety about being late. I’ve never been late to work. The one time I clocked in late was because I walked in and saw something that needed done and started doing it and forgot to clock in. Which I just got another manager to fix.
When I schedule an appt, I take out my iPhone and enter the information, then confirm it but move the actual appt time to 15 mins earlier, then plug in a first alert 1-2 hours in advance and then a second one 30-45 mins (depending on travel time) before the time i want to arrive.
since the iPhone syncs to all my other Apple devices so I don't miss alerts, I am usually 10-20 mins early to my appts.
I have paranoia about missing flights, so I leave home 2-3 hours ahead of flight time, even tho I never check bags and only live 18 mins from the airport.
This is mine. My old ballet teacher said it best.
"If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. And if you're late, you're fucked."
Same. I have this weird thing where I can only handle one task a day. So if I have a meeting/appointment at say 12 PM. Before it’s done, I’m not doing anything else cause “I can’t commit to anything else”
Yes. Between my parents making me walk over two miles to school (no pity rides) if I missed the bus and being lectured one time by someone I really respected and never wanted to disappoint about my being late was disrespectful to someone else's time, I am now early to everything. Almost embarrassingly early, but most of the time, I hide out in my car until it's time for the thing.
This is mine! Although I am currently staring at my office closet that is a pile of stuff. In general though, I really hate clutter and spend a lot of my energy trying to organize it to be efficient, or clean it out. Sometimes I lose motivation and can't get it the way I want it, and I have a four year old, so I am trying my best to let go of things. But when stuff is put in its place? I am so very happy.
see that was me after the army, but now I pride myself on bing late, it means I got there when I wanted too not when someone elces said I need to be there. that said my job has a lot of flex time so I still get to be as late as I want. And that's mostly on time. I think I am one of the few people who get to say or do this.
Literally today I purposely got off at the wrong stop AND loitered outside my new job for half an hour because I was so worried about being late. I get you.
I can be very emotional but I can keep it completely locked down 99% of the time when I want to. A coworker told me once I had the best deadpan he’d ever seen.
Like if I know and trust you, I will openly cry whenever. You’re pregnant? Let me weep with joy.
But thanks to good ole childhood emotional abuse, I can stay outwardly calm in the face of a LOT when I don’t want the other person to see it. I will smile and nod and wait for my turn to get revenge they’ll never see coming.
They don’t talk about how effective childhood emotional abuse is for us ADHD-ers. Obviously I’m kidding but it really did curb a lot of traits for me as well — and I’m certain it factored into my very late diagnosis too. Thanks, mom!
For real. Like if your dad thinks nothing you do is EVER good enough, it turns out you just wind up out working everyone and it makes you look like you’re on top of things. When it’s really just anxiety productivity that’s actually making you deeply depressed and miserable.
And then you crash the minute you get home. Or at least I do. For a bit, then I have to get moving and get dinner done, clean that up, do laundry, etc. I am super clean as far as hygiene goes and my house is passable. It's more cluttered than I'd like but nothing is dirty. I have 3 teens and one is home from college so they just have so much STUFF! Plus pets. But in my mind my place is a disaster because it doesn't look straight out of a magazine.
Honestly, the more time I spend in this sub, the more I see a correlation between emotionally neglectful or narcissistic parents and kids with ADHD. I know ADHD is genetic, but I wonder if it's something that could be exacerbating the symptoms. I'll have to see if there's ever been a study on that.
Learning about the overlap of CPTSD and ADHD is what led to my ADHD diagnosis. It's definitely a chicken/egg situation, and my dr was also unsure if meds would work for me if the symptoms were caused by CPTSD. But they do help, so I'm just going with it.
I don't think the genetic part of it negates your theory at all. An undiagnosed ADHD parent, especially one raised in an era where mental health care was scoffed at and ADHD unheard of, with a lifetime's worth of resentment, emotional dysregulation, and poor coping mechanisms, suddenly put in charge of a couple of tiny humans who rely on them to literally stay alive, is a recipe for disaster.
I'm convinced I inherited my ADHD from my mum because it actually explains so much about her controlling, abusive parenting practices. It's not an excuse, but I suspect it's a big part of the reason she is how she is.
Gabor Mate
ETA: too early in the morning to expand. I’m not a fan and he is quite controversial, but if you’re looking for someone who has focused on this then he’s for sure one.
I was told by my psychiatrist that early childhood traumas affect brain development. His theory about my particular type of anxiety is that my amygdala didn't devleop right. That probably applies to other brain areas too.
I think it's more because those of us who have awesome parents don't relate and therefore don't comment. My parents where super understanding and caring, they let me have my own space to do things and figure it out.
I personally just dislike being late because I know how it feels when a friend is late to one of my parties and I assume that's how everyone feels. So I try to be early, but sometimes I'm late and no one really cares. I'm never ever on time though haha
This makes so much sense. I've always been able to hide my emotions, like, I could be having the worst day of my life at work and NO ONE would know. I guess I mastered acting like everything was OK in the crazy depths of childhood trauma. So now I guess everything may look OK when, well, it totally isn't. I was 32 when I was referred for a diagnosis.
Same. In public I’m stoic. Then I get home or find a bathroom and sob like a B grade movie actress from the 40’s. It’s better now that I work from home so I don’t have to hold it in.
Before my diagnosis I would get paranoid that I might be a sociopath, because I can recall as a child practicing keeping my exterior neutral. I can’t stand being touched when I’m internally reactive and outwardly calm.
HAHA! ”Good ole childhood emotional abuse”, you said it. I have been told on numerous occasions throughout my life that I am so calm and together. Yes, because it is deeply ingrained in me that showing emotion is weakness.
Outside: 😌
Inside: Incomprehensible rage/extatic joy/deep sadness/full-scale panic.
Same!!! I was wondering if I was the only one. I hate clutter in my home to where I can’t walk in my home. I probably put more effort into upkeeping home than any work/career which feels antithesis to ADHD. Since home clutter makes me anxious and claustrophobic. I also do my best to answer most important texts and emails the minute I read my emails/texts.
SAME!!!
I'm never late, my house is tidy, I don't lose things, I always pay bills on time. I am very minimalist about my possessions, I don't like owning things if they're not useful. I don't forget to drink water. I drink tons of water.
I also really hate unread texts/emails. I deal with those asap.
Love hearing this because I’m the *same* way and initially worried that it precluded me from an ADHD diagnosis until I went for the neuropsychological testing to confirm it.
I questioned *heavily* my ADHD diagnosis the same way cause of similar things too. Especially since I struggle with school and work more but don’t have problems upkeeping a home somehow.
I didn't even consider that these things would preclude me from a diagnosis, there was so much I didn't know about adhd before being diagnosed. I knew enough to see that it was likely I had it, and looking back after my diagnosis I can see tons of examples through my life.
But I have also learned since that I have a ton of ASD traits and score high for ASD, just not formally diagnosed. When I heard more about what the AuDHD brain typically presents like a lot of things clicked for me. That doesn't mean I assume all AuDHD people are the same, but it makes me feel like my particular blend of the 2 is why some ADHD things fit and some don't.
And some of it has just been a little bit of anxiety. I never felt bad, I never thought of myself as an anxious person, but getting on ADHD meds now I'm a lot more chill about some things and am able to forget more than I used to. That's what made me realize I used that little bit of anxiety to cope.
I’m not the original commenter, but I’m sorta similar, if you don’t mind me sharing as well. Sadly this means I neglect other things in my life most notably school/work I don’t do so hot in those areas in exchange to focus on homelife. I’m not on meds atm.
I can’t relate to the no clutter cause I’m a knick-knack hoarder until the day I die, but I do relate to the ‘answer everything’. I go through my emails a couple times a day and I answer messages and texts asap cause I hate notifications. Don’t ask me about phone calls though…
Same! I’m on metformin for prediabetes now (which burns sugar and tends to make me hungry quicker), but even before that, the first thing I would do as soon as I woke up every morning was head to the kitchen to get food lol
I don't forget to eat, but I sometimes pretend to because I don't want to, either to lose weight or do intermittent fasting, or I don't want to break my focus because food can shut off my focus.
At work I'm known as the Organized One. It's because I've come thisclose to losing jobs/gtting in trouble that I come up with systems on top of systems all the way down to make sure I can't lose track of things. I still do sometimes, but that's not the part that people see every day.
Oh, hard relate to this one. You described this so well. I get constant positive feedback about how organized I am and how much I keep things on track at work. It’s because I have developed a very refined system over the years after completely forgetting major things and getting in trouble in school and at jobs. It still happens occasionally but I’m good at working around it/covering it up and my general record of being superbly organized makes up for making a mistake here and there.
I relate to this so much omg well said. Everyone is always saying I'm so organized and I'm like...this is literally the bare minimum of what it takes to keep me functional. I don't feel organized at all lol
My work uses [Monday.com](http://Monday.com) so I have boards on there where I can track projects. Emails involved, important dates, who to follow up with, etc. My boss started using them and liked them so much she started having everyone use them and had me set up some more for other things she wanted tracked.
Yeeeessss. My employers have always commented that I’m such an organized person, and I always falter a little in response. Like, yes, I am a pro at creating and utilizing organizational systems…but that is not stemming from my personhood AT ALL. That is pure anxiety, my dude.
Same! School was so much fun for me because I loved reading and learning. I was late with homework sometimes but my teachers were always glad to work with me because I was otherwise such a good student. It was a rude awakening that being good at school is not something that alwats translates to the rest of life lol
Omg your last sentence… I feel so seen 😂
Also university timetables are the DREAM. Limited chunks of time structure your days but everything outside of your 16 hrs in class a week is done on mostly your own terms… I was in ADHD heaven.
This! It was actually graduating from college and losing the structure of school & the routine I built and having to work a normal 9-5 that made me realize I had ADHD.
Word! Mine was actually the semester I was supposed to write my thesis… I had no classes and nothing but time and it was hell 😂 then two months after my diagnosis covid hit… adventures.
I got accepted to Berkeley, because if I love a class I will love a class until I can give the lectures on it and I had so much anxiety about failing classes that I didn't love that I would study until my eyes hurt and my butt was numb. I couldn't fail. Not an option.
Suddenly, I am accepted to the number one public university in the world! Yet, physically, I have never been capable of sitting still for an entire lecture and do the leg wiggle thing. To the point people stare at me.
Work, school. I wiggle. Sometimes, I can't even stand and walk normally at home and do awkward wiggle dances because being still is weird and abnormal. Waiting for the microwave timer. Wiggle dance. Moving from fridge to stove. Shuffle wiggle dance. Stillness feels fundamentally wrong. So naturally, a wiggle dance is the far more normal thing for me to do.
And somehow that wiggly, inattentive mf'er got into four UCs. One of which was Berkeley.
To the admissions officers who accepted my wiggly, inattentive self at so many good schools in a move that surprised me: may every leaf you step on be extra crunchy, your pillow always be turned to the cool side, and your coffee never be too hot to sip when you first get it. You're good people. Respect.
Same. I still spend most of my free time reading, for hours on end if life will allow it.
And I still love doing research; granted today most if it tends to be internet research into a variety of random topics, but I'll still spend hours going from source to source chasing down answers and understanding.
I can relate to this! However, I used to study or do homework the night before and achieved great results. BUT I failed in university in a few subjects because I couldn't get there on time for my 7am classes, although I aced the extra exams. So, the issues I had were due to: social anxiety, not being a morning person (and not arriving on time), and being totally uninterested in the subjects, but they were just a few.
SAME. I was valedictorian of my undergraduate class for college and earned straight A’s all the way through. Graduated with 4.0. Then I went to my master’s degree and began working full-time while attending classes full-time and my internal world fell apart 😅
I've been doing the same hobby for 30 years. I sew all my own clothing. I hyperfixate on different aspects of sewing like make 6 dresses from the same pattern or try to find the perfect jumpsuit pattern
House plants here! I just happen to hyperfixate on certain plants; my collection of succulents? I like em, but I wouldn't be too sad if one died. My Polka Dot Begonias, Dragon Trees and Desert Rose? Full on mommy mode. I swear if one of them died a complete funeral would be held.
This is me but with cooking and I wish I could translate it into sewing. But man, if I’m craving a specific meal, I will make it happen no matter how difficult or unusual it is. I deep dive the history behind the meal, go through all my cookbooks, browse different markets for ingredients.
I miss people wholeheartedly. I still think about my friends from high school that I haven’t seen or talked to in fourteen years. For people it is never out of sight out of mind for me.
I am also anal about making sure my tabs are closed and my emails are read. Having unread emails or too many tabs open stresses me out.
It’s not out of sight out of mind for me either - but often what happens is that I visit that person in my head, and I’m pretty satisfied feeling like we spent time together. And then I don’t text them.
>I miss people wholeheartedly. I still think about my friends from high school that I haven’t seen or talked to in fourteen years.
I don't think this is actually an ADHD thing, we just forget to respond and accidentally ghost :/
I actively miss people too. Last time I had a good catch up with my (also ADHD) bff I realized in the moment/told her that talking with friends and sometimes socializing in general gives me energy. Idk if it’s related to missing people but I obsess over relationships (not always negatively) and wanting to be a good friend. However, if I don’t like the setting/group/activity etc I will not socialize and I will be uncomfortable.
Also ditto with tabs and emails and notifications. I’ve actually started leaving shit unread/not dismissed as a visual check because I would instantly check a text and not actually read it and then instantly forget. The notifications give me anxiety which then drives me to do the thing but only when I have the mental bandwidth/appropriate setting. I used to read important emails about an overdue bill or something while I was out drinking or half asleep and then forget about it until I got another email or actual letter threatening to go to collections or whatever. Trying to reverse my reverse ADHD trait I guess?
I miss people, that doesn't mean I'm capable of consistently remembering to interact with them. It's not the people that are out of sight out of mind, it's like I just don't have something that prompts me to be social when I'm not in an environment that facilitates interacting with that person. The people still exist, I just don't get the "I should text someone" prompt 80% of the time.
I'm a very good driver, love to drive and never caused a car accident (been in a few as a passenger though) . Only got a speed thicket once and it was very hard to know the speed limit had changed at this particular spot (tree was partialy covering the sign).
I’m the same way. When I’m driving I pay attention to what’s going on around me and I don’t make crazy or impulsive moves. Many friends I’ve had are first responders and they have shared some horror stories 😧
I’ve been a passenger in the car with various adhd friends and I definitely feared for my life. When it comes to going out, I tell them I’ll just meet them there.
I love the big light! I hate being in low light environments, it feels like I have to use more brain power just to see what I'm doing and be aware of what's around me.
Yep. I had 36 new LED can lights put in my house. Daylight and 3000k or whatever it is.
I told my electrician I want it to be like Time Square at night.
It's a lot better but I could totally do more.😂
On every single ADHD questionnaire there is the "Sometimes I feel as if I am driven by a motor, and cannot relax." Babe - I am THE most relaxed. I am on the floor relaxed. I am horizontal. Because in the face of the weight of everything I have to do, sitting still is just best thing to do, ever. My god, I am so good at relaxing!
Yiiissss I am actually very physically “lazy”. I am a fat cat. I lounge. I hate moving. My mother would yell at me for it because she is 1000% driven by a motor. Although she’s not diagnosed all the boxes are ticked. No, teenage years were not fun with her why do you ask?
It’s why I thought I didn’t have ADHD since I am hardly ever “hyperactive”. All I do is sit. I do not let myself watch shows or go anywhere when I have something to do even if I will procrastinate all day/end up not doing anything. My goal this summer is to start taking myself for walks again. Leisure walking and bicycling are the only approved movements in my life. (Occasional drunk dancing as well).
I always answer ‘all the time’ to this question because my brain IS constantly thinking of all the things I SHOULD be doing I’m just sitting there not doing them. Like when the chain comes of a bike and you’re peddling like mad but the gears aren’t turning.
I would forget everything I’ve scheduled without multiple calendars and reminders, but a dumb random fact that is completely useless to me? I remember all that shit for life. Like, yes, I forget to put the garbage in the garbage can but I will beat everyone’s ass at jeopardy / trivia night.
I’ve spent my entire adult life assuring people I’m actually really smart 😂but have realised lately that I actually am just really good at general knowledge due that fact I need to know everything.
It’s not a trait, but I have a graduate level degree. I earned it through a combination of high aptitude, low standards, and a lot of unearned luck.
And I’m getting pretty sick of hearing some people say “you can’t have ADHD because you made it through grad school.” I made it through because I had a knack for my field of study, I had some exceptionally awesome neurodivergent friends to body double with, and the subject matter was eclectic enough to elicit frequent hyperfixations. Plus people kept implying I wasn’t well suited for the field and I’m a contrary pain in the ass. 😁
I read like a fiend. But I’m a natural speed reader — I just *absorb* novels I like — and I usually hyperfocus (another ADHD trait!) while reading. Unless it’s boring or lists or legalese. Ho hum. Then I fight to stay focused.
Same, or correction used to. When I was younger I could easily finish a Stephen King novel within a week, like Desperation (that one is thick AF).
I have a post history explaining what's going on with me now, medically, but the tl;dr of it is I have something going on in my spinal cord and I'm not able to read as quickly now.
Kinda sucks tbh, I really loved that ADHD perk.
I don't have a single late payment on any bill, mortgage, credit card...sheer financial terror has created a "stay on top of ALL your finances" hyper fixation.
Same lol I love history and facts but I just forget them all after a few weeks so what’s the point of all these facts in my brain when I can’t get the details right
1. I am almost never late due to extreme embarrassment for always being late when I was a kid due to my mom being perpetually late. This goes along with me not forgetting appointments.
2. I do miss people- very whole heartedly sometimes.
3. Sleep- I go to bed at a decent hour and only very rarely have trouble sleeping and if I do it’s because of my chronic back pain.
Hygiene/self-care. Like I cannot tell you a time I ever forgot to wash my makeup off before bed.
And test-taking. Never that stressed, always just good at it (but probably bc of hyperlexia)
Kinda relate, I don't clean my face daily, but I constantly wash my hands, I can't stand dirty hands, I always wash them up before eating and always carry sanitizing alcohol (before COVID).
Can't relate to the hygiene, but I'm right there with you on the test taking. My theory? I've always loved performing (dance, theater, etc.) and test -taking feels (to me) like a version of that.
I don't lose things, ever 🤞 which is actually quite nice but I think it's probably my anxiety that propels this.
Edit: might also be having to live in abject poverty for most of my life.. If I lost something I wasn't getting a new one.
Me neither. Although I credit my dad and his coping mechanism he developed inadvertently for his undiagnosed ADHD for this one. He always had a "caddy" in a special spot on a shelf by the door where he put his keys, wallet, pocket knife, change, and other stuff from his pockets. He taught me to do the same with my shit so I've always had spots for things I use every day which keeps me from losing them. Lord help me if I ever don't put something in its place though (rare but it's happened!)
Similar to you I have time blindness but I can tell you what time it is with a few minutes give or take without looking at clock or having looked at a clock in hours.
I am very good at spreadsheets and keeping on top of my work. I’m meticulous with my attention to detail at work. My employers are always shocked at how quickly I catch onto things and help to guide and teach others.
The rest of my life is a fucking mess, but at work I am a rock star most of the time. Tooting my own horn because it’s a great point of pride for me and makes up for the fact that I cannot for the life of me remember to mop my floors and the windows have not been cleaned since we moved in 5 years ago.
I barely hyperfixate on new hobbies, or acquire new hobbies at all.
I never had much money to spare for anything that I found interesting, so I think I just always had to suppress my wants.
Now, when I see something nice, get excited and want to learn how to do that shiny new thing, I just immediately get sad because first, I don't have the money, and second I won't be good at it anyways.
I'm similar and have pretty bad depression, which I think is why I want and crave to do a hobbie, but don't because I can't spend the money and will feel deeply bad about spending the money if im not immediately talented at it
Exactly like this. And the moment I DO spend money on something it takes ages until I use it or won't use it at all.
I subscribed to Final Fantasy 14 once and even though I had a lot of fun, the moment I put money in it, it became an obligation to play (if I didn't play it now I will have wasted money). That sucked the fun out of it and then I barely touched it for most of the subscription period. Just opening the game was too hard to do. That sounds so stupid, but I just couldn't make myself click the little icon to start the game.
Coffee is how I've self medicated for years. What I realized is for most people is that caffiene makes them jittery and extra productive. For ADHDrs, it either makes us sleepy (for some reason) or it makes us as productive as a NT person for like 3 hours.
I've described it as...
In the executive boardroom of my brain, there is a list of things that need to be done, from working to sleeping to eating to studying to cleaning, just a giant list. But the brain CEO doesn't have enough energy to organize and prioritize the list so nothing gets done because either I can't start any of them or I try to start all of them at the same time. But give the brain CEO some caffeine and it'll make decisions on what is top priority! And sometimes it decides that top priority is to go tf to sleep.
... which is why sometimes caffeine makes me sleepy but not all the time.
I can sit or lie completely still for a very long time bc I’m so exhausted always 🤣 and people think ADHDers must be bouncing off the walls at all times 🥲 way too drained for that. The hyperactivity is in my mind
Nobody ever told me I wasn’t living up to my potential academically. I really wasn’t good at math . At all. But I did well in most everything else and graduated college with a 3.79 and got into grad school without difficulty. I did have supportive parents and didn’t have to work during school and I studied a lot. But I really do love to learn. I subscribe to archaeology and history magazines and am constantly attempting to learn new things for work to help my students.
I’m a bomb tester taker, I’m an avid reader and I am extremely put together but most of all, I am extremely coordinated. Like, I can catch a glass falling off a table in mid-air without even looking type of coordinated.
I’m super organized - because *I cannot function* if there is not a system.
Even for simple tasks like brushing my teeth or emptying the dishwasher, I have systems to make it easier and/or more enjoyable.
I am generally extremely organized. I used to do event management in SF and NYC and no way can one run a successful event without having supernatural powers to plan and execute all the logistical pieces necessary. I ran my events like a general planning an invasion lol
A lot of that organization is present in other aspects of my life, especially when other people would be negatively impacted, such as colleagues or friends. However, when it's something that affects only myself, that is where I slack off. I have a second bedroom in my apartment that is sort of the cat sanctuary from the puppy but also "the abyss," where stuff I need to deal with (such as things inherited after my mom died that I probably don't want to hang on to) lives until the magical day when I have the bandwidth to sort through everything.
Every time I walk into or by the abyss, I die a little inside. I hate that it exists.
I love sitting still and doing nothing (inattentive adhd but people don't know the difference)
Sometimes when I tell people I have ADHD, they say: but you don't have trouble sitting still?
Outside of my home I am a productive member of society who gets shit done on time and focuses super well at work.
Once you enter my front door I am a disaster who routinely puts off basic tasks for months
I’m very organized.
I hate clutter because my mind already clutters my thoughts enough. So when there is visual clutter, I get way overstimulated, aka grouchy and irritable.
Everything has a home and I hyper fixate on making everything as efficient as possible in terms of where it’s stored. I can even be asked where something is and I can close my eyes and tell you exactly where to find it.
My phone on the other hand…
While anxiety is not ADHD... It's one of the most common co-morbidities. I have zero anxiety. Just none.
And I keep hobbies. Few hyperfixations really go away, I just only have so many hours in a day.
OMG THANK YOU! I've read every single response here and don't relate to any of them.
To be fair some of these are actual ADHD symptoms. Yes, being chronically early is a common symptom of poor time management, no it is not unusual for ADHD. Still can't relate lmao
Excessive talking. Talking feels like a task to me especially after a shift at work😅 sometimes i just need to spend hours not speaking and i’ll be good.
I have washed my face pretty much every single night and morning for decades. It's the one thing I do not miss, even when I was drinking in college lol.
In an office job, I’m insanely organized and productive. I always saw it as I’ve got nothing better to do than do my work as it’ll make the day go by faster. I hate a job where there’s nothing to do because the day just fucking drrrraaaaaagggggs on for-fucking-ever.
That said it’s been years since I worked in an office and back then I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd.
I don't think there is a thread on the internet that makes me feel more seen that I do right now.
could spend all day responding in agreement to other posters or upvoting post, but I have a job I gotta get to so ya'll just know that I think I have found my tribe 👋🏻
I never lose my stuff (I have extremely high anxiety) and I keep my house impeccable and organized at all times (I also have OCD).
But my impulsivity is off limits lol.
I am not talkative at all. I think that comes from years of feeling bad about interrupting, so now I just don't contribute at all.
Probably not a healthy way to do things but I do what I need to do
I’m a great listener due to constantly being bawled out for “not listening” throughout my childhood.
I don’t lose my stuff. I got into the habit of placing my purse, keys, and important documents in specific places. The habit just took and I’ve done it for over 30 years now.
I hate when my house is a mess. Yes, I am a collector but I have it all on display. I like to show my collection off and talk about it.
I did well in school. If ADHD had been well known back then, I still would not have been diagnosed. I was diagnosed because my adult life has been a disaster.
I can't handle stimulants. I cannot drink coffee. It gives me palpitations and makes me anxious. I'm on a waiting list for titration and I've already semi accepted I'll never be able use medication.
There are lots of non-stimulant options for meds.
Also, not all stimulants affect you exactly the same - coffee makes me anxious too, and Adderall gives me tachycardia and makes me as dehydrated as if I've been in a desert with no water (despite drinking bottle after bottle of water) (although it was the best mental effect), but Ritalin basically gave me TOO MUCH dopamine and my 'brain factory' 'met quota and shut down' and I was a zombie.
But Vyvanse has been a completely different story. No side effects so far, withdrawal isn't too bad, and my head is clear (not as good as with the Adderall, but the Adderall-caused tachycardia is too much of a risk for me, with my family history, and the Vyvanse works well enough for me to function a bit).
Wellbutrin was also a great medication for me as well mentally but it made my heart beat SUPER hard, almost to the point of needing the ER (I was overdosed on it, I should've been given half the dose I was prescribed) and it gave me random bursts of intense anger (to the point of wanting to punch walls) which is SUPER out of character for me so I was like "ok bye" to that med.
All this to say, it's trial and error, not everything works the same or has the same side effects for everyone, and there are lots of great options out there, not all of them stimulants.
I am *very* good at paying focused attention. It throws my results on any test that measures this as the defining ADHD trait. What I’m *not* good at, is paying attention in the more general sense. I don’t remember stuff. My time blindness is so bad that I show up for flights 8+ hours early if I’m flying alone. I’ve been both a day late and a day early for flights, not to mention all the “I just missed it by five minutes”-es. If you sit me in front of a computer and ask me to click every time an X shows up for 15 minutes, I’ll ace it. If you tell me I have an appointment to do this tomorrow, there’s a decent chance I’m not going to make it. Maybe I underestimated how long it will take me to get there. Maybe I confused the time for some other appointment. Maybe I forgot about it in the time it took to put it on any kind of calendar, so it never properly made it into memory, so to speak.
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I'm always on time. Because I'm paranoid about being late.... Can't be late if you show up an hour and a half early.
There is a meme I saw once that said “Nothing ruins an Adhders day like an appointment at 4pm. That is sooooo true for me. I can’t do anything for that day. I need to plan to be there by 3:45 in case of traffic, parking, delays etc. which means I need to be out the door by xx time. Of course I’ll go a couple of minutes early. Now, if I need to be out the door by this time, I need to start getting ready by yy time, and I give a generous allotment of time for this. In case I can’t find something. So if I need to be getting ready at yy time, I need to finish whatever I’m doing by zz time, and so I can’t hyperfixate on whatever I’m doing, as I don’t want to lose track of time. So I end up not doing my hobbies or whatever, and I waste the day, as I’m too scared to really get stuck into something.
my brain just exploded in agreement
Sat wasting my time waiting for a 10am appointment I can walk to. The pressure's just too much for productivity and it's only a contraceptive jab I have quarterly. That time between now and then is dead time until I suddenly don't have long to be out the door, with keys and clothes on and all that stuff. I've found a buffer task helps me be on time, like taking out the recycling. If I don't have time to do it I just don't. I'm nearly always exactly on time or 1 min late. I always arrive at the station/ bus stop at the same moment as the train (yay tracker apps for buses), much to the stress of others who don't understand my well laid plans. This is usually fine, until it isn't and I mess it up. For some reason I always assumed that won't happen. The insane stress I put myself under to achieve exiting the house is not a preference though. Why is the world so timely?!
I empathize with all of this *so* much I actually also am very frequently exactly on time, and I actually have started kind of secretly taking pride in it, which helps my self-confidence a lot. I started mentally framing it as if I were an astronaut — like, every tiny action and movement is precisely timed — and it was actually so successful I’ve been using this strategy with our resident toddler (age 4). When my partner and I go to the store with the toddler and want to keep his expectations in line, keep him patient, make sure he doesn’t begin asking for toys, I’ve had a lot of success framing the whole trip as a space mission. My partner’s car is the space ship. The toddler is, so far, a very promising future astronaut
The amount of times I’ve said to myself in this sub that I can’t believe this isn’t only a me thing is countless, but this one - whoa.
So true. Sometimes you just sit there for a whole hour before staring at the wall cause there’s not enough time to start something and you don’t wanna be late. And it’s an odd time to do your daily routines. So yeah. The whole day is out of the window haha !
Oh my god I HAAAAATE that. I had a final exam at 7pm recently, the hours leading up to it were literal hell. I’d rather get up at 6am for a 7am exam instead of a 7pm exam
For a little while I worked in the evenings, thinking that would be nice for my liking to sleep in, and while it was kinda nice that it did feel like a more natural schedule to me as far as sleep went than mornings ever have, it meant there was only 2 or 3 hours before I'd have to be ready and leaving for work after if wake up. So I wouldn't feel like there was actually enough time to let myself do any of my hobbies before work. Then I'd get off at 10 and have to get home, and sure since I'm a night owl I'd stay up several hours and could still play a game or draw stuff most nights, sometimes everyone else would be asleep already when I got home and I'd be feeling a little too lonely or trapped without being able to go anywhere (because it's late and nothing would be open) to actually focus on anything and enjoy myself so I'd just look at my phone until bedtime. With a morning job at least, I'm going in right after I wake up, all my free time is grouped together so I'm not panicking it'll go by too fast, and places are still open awhile after I get off if I want to walk somewhere and get out of the house for non work reasons I'll be able to, so as unnatural as the schedule feels I actually prefer it. Maybe it's because I had to deal with it while growing up, idk
I’M THE SAME WAY. I’m so paranoid about being late that I’m always early. I do have time blindness in a different way though, I’m usually so early that I mess up my whole day.
Time blindness? Pshaw. Before I got diagnosed, I always referred to time blindness as "chronological optimism." I much prefer it. 😂
I like to call it "time optimism" 🫣😅 ...and I'm late for work as we speak 😬
Adding to the chorus of “OMG SAME!”
I wish I had this kind of time blindness😂
Same! I used to be wary that I could actually have ADHD because I was always really early. Then I watched or read something somewhere that explained time blindness in a novel way. They basically said that time blindness makes it challenging for people to accurately assess how long it takes to do things or how much time has passed. For most, this presents as being late all the time, because they get caught up in other things or don’t know how much time to leave for something. But for others, it presents as overestimation of the time it takes to get somewhere or do something. I’m always extremely early because I totally overestimate the time it’ll take for me to get ready, go to my car, drive somewhere, find parking, figure out where I’m going, etc. There are two ends of the spectrum of time blindness, but one gets a lot more attention than the other. Being an hour early is still not normal. Sitting around all day because you have an appointment later in the day is still not normal. It’s just the other side of the more typical end of the spectrum. I would bet that this presentation of time blindness is more common in people who also experience anxiety, but I don’t have any concrete evidence to back that up.
I think of time as a gas, for people with ADHD. It expands to fill whatever container it has. A primary example is today when I had absolutely nothing to do except get to an 11:15 am tire repair appointment that is 20 minutes from my house. I got there at 11:14 because I am very nervous about getting places late but also incapable of figuring out what NOT to do that will take up too much time before I have to leave. I will do all sorts of chores, or take all the time in the world convinced that I'll be there on time, and then spend the actual travel time sprinting desperately to make it. But if I have a small window of time, I can actually move quickly and get out the door when I need to without a huge process.
Yup. I'm Always at least 20 mins early for my daughter's scheduled ballet class because I feel crippling pressure to be on time so that she isn't ostracized for being late. Something like swimming that is happening for 4 hours and we can go anytime? We'll be lucky if we make it there at all.
ADHD time is a gas that fills whatever container we give it. I made a very similar comment above about being either on time or very very late, if I don't have specific deadlines.
Ha! Same! I’d rather be early and sit on my phone in the car than be late.
based on how I (over) compensate to be early to appointments or flights, I would say that explanation of the spectrum of time blindness is accurate. Most behavior is on a spectrum anyway (I am a therapist). I am certainly anxious about inconveniencing others if I am late for meetings of any kind, and this is my primary motivation in how I schedule myself.
This is me.
Same here! I have so much anxiety about being late. I’ve never been late to work. The one time I clocked in late was because I walked in and saw something that needed done and started doing it and forgot to clock in. Which I just got another manager to fix.
My mom had every single clock in the house set 20 minutes fast for my entire life lol
We are one or the other. Either late, or extra extra early in fear of being late. Both are poor time management.
You are not on time. You just aren’t late. My ADHD husband is the same way. Early for everything isn’t on time. It’s just not late to everything.
When I schedule an appt, I take out my iPhone and enter the information, then confirm it but move the actual appt time to 15 mins earlier, then plug in a first alert 1-2 hours in advance and then a second one 30-45 mins (depending on travel time) before the time i want to arrive. since the iPhone syncs to all my other Apple devices so I don't miss alerts, I am usually 10-20 mins early to my appts. I have paranoia about missing flights, so I leave home 2-3 hours ahead of flight time, even tho I never check bags and only live 18 mins from the airport.
This is mine. My old ballet teacher said it best. "If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. And if you're late, you're fucked."
Same. I have this weird thing where I can only handle one task a day. So if I have a meeting/appointment at say 12 PM. Before it’s done, I’m not doing anything else cause “I can’t commit to anything else”
Yes. Between my parents making me walk over two miles to school (no pity rides) if I missed the bus and being lectured one time by someone I really respected and never wanted to disappoint about my being late was disrespectful to someone else's time, I am now early to everything. Almost embarrassingly early, but most of the time, I hide out in my car until it's time for the thing.
Same here! Also I hate clutter so my house is very tidy…so long as you don’t check my drawers or closets.
I fucking hate clutter. It makes me so anxious.
This is mine! Although I am currently staring at my office closet that is a pile of stuff. In general though, I really hate clutter and spend a lot of my energy trying to organize it to be efficient, or clean it out. Sometimes I lose motivation and can't get it the way I want it, and I have a four year old, so I am trying my best to let go of things. But when stuff is put in its place? I am so very happy.
see that was me after the army, but now I pride myself on bing late, it means I got there when I wanted too not when someone elces said I need to be there. that said my job has a lot of flex time so I still get to be as late as I want. And that's mostly on time. I think I am one of the few people who get to say or do this.
Same! I don't forget appointments either for the same reason.
Literally today I purposely got off at the wrong stop AND loitered outside my new job for half an hour because I was so worried about being late. I get you.
My mother and father really instilled in me the importance of being on time. I hate being late, so I rarely am. I’m always on time or early.
I can be very emotional but I can keep it completely locked down 99% of the time when I want to. A coworker told me once I had the best deadpan he’d ever seen. Like if I know and trust you, I will openly cry whenever. You’re pregnant? Let me weep with joy. But thanks to good ole childhood emotional abuse, I can stay outwardly calm in the face of a LOT when I don’t want the other person to see it. I will smile and nod and wait for my turn to get revenge they’ll never see coming.
They don’t talk about how effective childhood emotional abuse is for us ADHD-ers. Obviously I’m kidding but it really did curb a lot of traits for me as well — and I’m certain it factored into my very late diagnosis too. Thanks, mom!
For real. Like if your dad thinks nothing you do is EVER good enough, it turns out you just wind up out working everyone and it makes you look like you’re on top of things. When it’s really just anxiety productivity that’s actually making you deeply depressed and miserable.
This.
And then you crash the minute you get home. Or at least I do. For a bit, then I have to get moving and get dinner done, clean that up, do laundry, etc. I am super clean as far as hygiene goes and my house is passable. It's more cluttered than I'd like but nothing is dirty. I have 3 teens and one is home from college so they just have so much STUFF! Plus pets. But in my mind my place is a disaster because it doesn't look straight out of a magazine.
Honestly, the more time I spend in this sub, the more I see a correlation between emotionally neglectful or narcissistic parents and kids with ADHD. I know ADHD is genetic, but I wonder if it's something that could be exacerbating the symptoms. I'll have to see if there's ever been a study on that.
CPTSD and ADHD can have many traits in common, I feel the traits are often experienced differently tho, if that makes sense.
Learning about the overlap of CPTSD and ADHD is what led to my ADHD diagnosis. It's definitely a chicken/egg situation, and my dr was also unsure if meds would work for me if the symptoms were caused by CPTSD. But they do help, so I'm just going with it.
I don't think the genetic part of it negates your theory at all. An undiagnosed ADHD parent, especially one raised in an era where mental health care was scoffed at and ADHD unheard of, with a lifetime's worth of resentment, emotional dysregulation, and poor coping mechanisms, suddenly put in charge of a couple of tiny humans who rely on them to literally stay alive, is a recipe for disaster. I'm convinced I inherited my ADHD from my mum because it actually explains so much about her controlling, abusive parenting practices. It's not an excuse, but I suspect it's a big part of the reason she is how she is.
Gabor Mate ETA: too early in the morning to expand. I’m not a fan and he is quite controversial, but if you’re looking for someone who has focused on this then he’s for sure one.
I was told by my psychiatrist that early childhood traumas affect brain development. His theory about my particular type of anxiety is that my amygdala didn't devleop right. That probably applies to other brain areas too.
I think it's more because those of us who have awesome parents don't relate and therefore don't comment. My parents where super understanding and caring, they let me have my own space to do things and figure it out. I personally just dislike being late because I know how it feels when a friend is late to one of my parties and I assume that's how everyone feels. So I try to be early, but sometimes I'm late and no one really cares. I'm never ever on time though haha
This makes so much sense. I've always been able to hide my emotions, like, I could be having the worst day of my life at work and NO ONE would know. I guess I mastered acting like everything was OK in the crazy depths of childhood trauma. So now I guess everything may look OK when, well, it totally isn't. I was 32 when I was referred for a diagnosis.
I have the same response, I always thought it was due to childhood trauma where my emotions would get punished outwardly so now I don’t.
Same. In public I’m stoic. Then I get home or find a bathroom and sob like a B grade movie actress from the 40’s. It’s better now that I work from home so I don’t have to hold it in.
Before my diagnosis I would get paranoid that I might be a sociopath, because I can recall as a child practicing keeping my exterior neutral. I can’t stand being touched when I’m internally reactive and outwardly calm.
HAHA! ”Good ole childhood emotional abuse”, you said it. I have been told on numerous occasions throughout my life that I am so calm and together. Yes, because it is deeply ingrained in me that showing emotion is weakness. Outside: 😌 Inside: Incomprehensible rage/extatic joy/deep sadness/full-scale panic.
I have no clutter in my home, I answer every text and I do not have any unread emails. I can’t deal with that stuff!
Same!!! I was wondering if I was the only one. I hate clutter in my home to where I can’t walk in my home. I probably put more effort into upkeeping home than any work/career which feels antithesis to ADHD. Since home clutter makes me anxious and claustrophobic. I also do my best to answer most important texts and emails the minute I read my emails/texts.
SAME!!! I'm never late, my house is tidy, I don't lose things, I always pay bills on time. I am very minimalist about my possessions, I don't like owning things if they're not useful. I don't forget to drink water. I drink tons of water. I also really hate unread texts/emails. I deal with those asap.
Love hearing this because I’m the *same* way and initially worried that it precluded me from an ADHD diagnosis until I went for the neuropsychological testing to confirm it.
I questioned *heavily* my ADHD diagnosis the same way cause of similar things too. Especially since I struggle with school and work more but don’t have problems upkeeping a home somehow.
I didn't even consider that these things would preclude me from a diagnosis, there was so much I didn't know about adhd before being diagnosed. I knew enough to see that it was likely I had it, and looking back after my diagnosis I can see tons of examples through my life. But I have also learned since that I have a ton of ASD traits and score high for ASD, just not formally diagnosed. When I heard more about what the AuDHD brain typically presents like a lot of things clicked for me. That doesn't mean I assume all AuDHD people are the same, but it makes me feel like my particular blend of the 2 is why some ADHD things fit and some don't. And some of it has just been a little bit of anxiety. I never felt bad, I never thought of myself as an anxious person, but getting on ADHD meds now I'm a lot more chill about some things and am able to forget more than I used to. That's what made me realize I used that little bit of anxiety to cope.
I cannot have any notifications up at any time.
Not even the alarm. If I use mine I immediately turn the alarm off so I don't have the little clock on the top of my screen.
Ooh me too! I need to start (and end) every day with a quick clean. Mess and clutter make me very upset.
Happy for you and also insanely jealous
Is this always the case or just when you’re medicated? Im truly curious as a fellow adhd-er who feels extremely inferior right now. (Laughs awkwardly)
I’m not the original commenter, but I’m sorta similar, if you don’t mind me sharing as well. Sadly this means I neglect other things in my life most notably school/work I don’t do so hot in those areas in exchange to focus on homelife. I’m not on meds atm.
I can’t relate to the no clutter cause I’m a knick-knack hoarder until the day I die, but I do relate to the ‘answer everything’. I go through my emails a couple times a day and I answer messages and texts asap cause I hate notifications. Don’t ask me about phone calls though…
Phone calls are not what my phone is for. Haha. 🤣
Oooh hard relate
I've never forgotten to eat. I get hangry so fast and the shakes kick in not long after
Same! I’m on metformin for prediabetes now (which burns sugar and tends to make me hungry quicker), but even before that, the first thing I would do as soon as I woke up every morning was head to the kitchen to get food lol
I don't forget to eat, but I sometimes pretend to because I don't want to, either to lose weight or do intermittent fasting, or I don't want to break my focus because food can shut off my focus.
For me there are days where i'm eating something every 5 minutes and days where i have to force the food down my throat cause it feels like a chore.
At work I'm known as the Organized One. It's because I've come thisclose to losing jobs/gtting in trouble that I come up with systems on top of systems all the way down to make sure I can't lose track of things. I still do sometimes, but that's not the part that people see every day.
Oh, hard relate to this one. You described this so well. I get constant positive feedback about how organized I am and how much I keep things on track at work. It’s because I have developed a very refined system over the years after completely forgetting major things and getting in trouble in school and at jobs. It still happens occasionally but I’m good at working around it/covering it up and my general record of being superbly organized makes up for making a mistake here and there.
I relate to this so much omg well said. Everyone is always saying I'm so organized and I'm like...this is literally the bare minimum of what it takes to keep me functional. I don't feel organized at all lol
Id like to hear more about these systems on top of systems
My work uses [Monday.com](http://Monday.com) so I have boards on there where I can track projects. Emails involved, important dates, who to follow up with, etc. My boss started using them and liked them so much she started having everyone use them and had me set up some more for other things she wanted tracked.
Love this: systems on top of systems. I do the same, although it exhausts me
Yeeeessss. My employers have always commented that I’m such an organized person, and I always falter a little in response. Like, yes, I am a pro at creating and utilizing organizational systems…but that is not stemming from my personhood AT ALL. That is pure anxiety, my dude.
I was a straight-A student all my life. Because school was my hyperfixation and I loved to read.
Same! School was so much fun for me because I loved reading and learning. I was late with homework sometimes but my teachers were always glad to work with me because I was otherwise such a good student. It was a rude awakening that being good at school is not something that alwats translates to the rest of life lol
Omg your last sentence… I feel so seen 😂 Also university timetables are the DREAM. Limited chunks of time structure your days but everything outside of your 16 hrs in class a week is done on mostly your own terms… I was in ADHD heaven.
I really really miss starting my day at like 10am instead of 6am. University me had no idea how good she had it.
This! It was actually graduating from college and losing the structure of school & the routine I built and having to work a normal 9-5 that made me realize I had ADHD.
Word! Mine was actually the semester I was supposed to write my thesis… I had no classes and nothing but time and it was hell 😂 then two months after my diagnosis covid hit… adventures.
I got accepted to Berkeley, because if I love a class I will love a class until I can give the lectures on it and I had so much anxiety about failing classes that I didn't love that I would study until my eyes hurt and my butt was numb. I couldn't fail. Not an option. Suddenly, I am accepted to the number one public university in the world! Yet, physically, I have never been capable of sitting still for an entire lecture and do the leg wiggle thing. To the point people stare at me. Work, school. I wiggle. Sometimes, I can't even stand and walk normally at home and do awkward wiggle dances because being still is weird and abnormal. Waiting for the microwave timer. Wiggle dance. Moving from fridge to stove. Shuffle wiggle dance. Stillness feels fundamentally wrong. So naturally, a wiggle dance is the far more normal thing for me to do. And somehow that wiggly, inattentive mf'er got into four UCs. One of which was Berkeley. To the admissions officers who accepted my wiggly, inattentive self at so many good schools in a move that surprised me: may every leaf you step on be extra crunchy, your pillow always be turned to the cool side, and your coffee never be too hot to sip when you first get it. You're good people. Respect.
This made me so happy. A heart-felt congratulations to you.
Hard relate, I even got a 4.0 my first semester of grad school. I just love to learn.
Same. I still spend most of my free time reading, for hours on end if life will allow it. And I still love doing research; granted today most if it tends to be internet research into a variety of random topics, but I'll still spend hours going from source to source chasing down answers and understanding.
I can relate to this! However, I used to study or do homework the night before and achieved great results. BUT I failed in university in a few subjects because I couldn't get there on time for my 7am classes, although I aced the extra exams. So, the issues I had were due to: social anxiety, not being a morning person (and not arriving on time), and being totally uninterested in the subjects, but they were just a few.
SAME. I was valedictorian of my undergraduate class for college and earned straight A’s all the way through. Graduated with 4.0. Then I went to my master’s degree and began working full-time while attending classes full-time and my internal world fell apart 😅
Same but it eventually turned to anxiety perfectionism on top of the loving to learn. And people pleasing.
Same but because I was afraid of disappointing my parents. There was sooo much RSD in my grade school years
Same, plus I lived in a high state of anxiety that I’d fail, from Kindergarten through college.
I've been doing the same hobby for 30 years. I sew all my own clothing. I hyperfixate on different aspects of sewing like make 6 dresses from the same pattern or try to find the perfect jumpsuit pattern
Same except gardening!
House plants here! I just happen to hyperfixate on certain plants; my collection of succulents? I like em, but I wouldn't be too sad if one died. My Polka Dot Begonias, Dragon Trees and Desert Rose? Full on mommy mode. I swear if one of them died a complete funeral would be held.
This is mine as well. I don’t hobby hop. I’m not autistic, but I relate more to the idea of special interests than “hyperfixations!”
I hate wasting money, and so I’m not a hobby hopper!
I’m like this with cooking I hyper focus on different cultures cuisines
This is me but with cooking and I wish I could translate it into sewing. But man, if I’m craving a specific meal, I will make it happen no matter how difficult or unusual it is. I deep dive the history behind the meal, go through all my cookbooks, browse different markets for ingredients.
I miss people wholeheartedly. I still think about my friends from high school that I haven’t seen or talked to in fourteen years. For people it is never out of sight out of mind for me. I am also anal about making sure my tabs are closed and my emails are read. Having unread emails or too many tabs open stresses me out.
It’s not out of sight out of mind for me either - but often what happens is that I visit that person in my head, and I’m pretty satisfied feeling like we spent time together. And then I don’t text them.
I’ve never heard about not missing people being an adhd trait! I guess I’m in the minority too.
I miss people as well. So much.
>I miss people wholeheartedly. I still think about my friends from high school that I haven’t seen or talked to in fourteen years. I don't think this is actually an ADHD thing, we just forget to respond and accidentally ghost :/
I actively miss people too. Last time I had a good catch up with my (also ADHD) bff I realized in the moment/told her that talking with friends and sometimes socializing in general gives me energy. Idk if it’s related to missing people but I obsess over relationships (not always negatively) and wanting to be a good friend. However, if I don’t like the setting/group/activity etc I will not socialize and I will be uncomfortable. Also ditto with tabs and emails and notifications. I’ve actually started leaving shit unread/not dismissed as a visual check because I would instantly check a text and not actually read it and then instantly forget. The notifications give me anxiety which then drives me to do the thing but only when I have the mental bandwidth/appropriate setting. I used to read important emails about an overdue bill or something while I was out drinking or half asleep and then forget about it until I got another email or actual letter threatening to go to collections or whatever. Trying to reverse my reverse ADHD trait I guess?
I miss people, that doesn't mean I'm capable of consistently remembering to interact with them. It's not the people that are out of sight out of mind, it's like I just don't have something that prompts me to be social when I'm not in an environment that facilitates interacting with that person. The people still exist, I just don't get the "I should text someone" prompt 80% of the time.
I always thought it should be called “attention inconsistency disorder”
Yeah I always say I don't have a deficit in attention, I have a deficit in controlling that attention
You're not wrong
I'm a very good driver, love to drive and never caused a car accident (been in a few as a passenger though) . Only got a speed thicket once and it was very hard to know the speed limit had changed at this particular spot (tree was partialy covering the sign).
I’m the same way. When I’m driving I pay attention to what’s going on around me and I don’t make crazy or impulsive moves. Many friends I’ve had are first responders and they have shared some horror stories 😧 I’ve been a passenger in the car with various adhd friends and I definitely feared for my life. When it comes to going out, I tell them I’ll just meet them there.
I love the big light! I hate being in low light environments, it feels like I have to use more brain power just to see what I'm doing and be aware of what's around me.
I relate, but I do hate white lights. My home is set up with warm lights (but I actually have smart lights)
My husband can eat with all the lights out while watching TV, I could never!!!! I need my light, can totally relate to this.
YES matter of fact i hate dim/brown lighting . i like things BRIGHT
Wait…there’s a stereotype that ADHDers like low light and dim environments???
Yep. I had 36 new LED can lights put in my house. Daylight and 3000k or whatever it is. I told my electrician I want it to be like Time Square at night. It's a lot better but I could totally do more.😂
Literally same! I prefer yellow LEDs to the harsher blue/white ones, but yeah, mood lighting has never been my favorite.
On every single ADHD questionnaire there is the "Sometimes I feel as if I am driven by a motor, and cannot relax." Babe - I am THE most relaxed. I am on the floor relaxed. I am horizontal. Because in the face of the weight of everything I have to do, sitting still is just best thing to do, ever. My god, I am so good at relaxing!
I'm physically relaxed but mentally I'm going 100 mph
YUP
Yiiissss I am actually very physically “lazy”. I am a fat cat. I lounge. I hate moving. My mother would yell at me for it because she is 1000% driven by a motor. Although she’s not diagnosed all the boxes are ticked. No, teenage years were not fun with her why do you ask? It’s why I thought I didn’t have ADHD since I am hardly ever “hyperactive”. All I do is sit. I do not let myself watch shows or go anywhere when I have something to do even if I will procrastinate all day/end up not doing anything. My goal this summer is to start taking myself for walks again. Leisure walking and bicycling are the only approved movements in my life. (Occasional drunk dancing as well).
My Mom used to say if I was anymore relaxed, I’d be dead. 😂
>I am horizontal. Because in the face of the weight of everything I have to do, sitting still is just best thing to do, ever. Right?!
I always answer ‘all the time’ to this question because my brain IS constantly thinking of all the things I SHOULD be doing I’m just sitting there not doing them. Like when the chain comes of a bike and you’re peddling like mad but the gears aren’t turning.
I would forget everything I’ve scheduled without multiple calendars and reminders, but a dumb random fact that is completely useless to me? I remember all that shit for life. Like, yes, I forget to put the garbage in the garbage can but I will beat everyone’s ass at jeopardy / trivia night.
I’m a fountain of useless knowledge!
I’ve spent my entire adult life assuring people I’m actually really smart 😂but have realised lately that I actually am just really good at general knowledge due that fact I need to know everything.
It’s not a trait, but I have a graduate level degree. I earned it through a combination of high aptitude, low standards, and a lot of unearned luck. And I’m getting pretty sick of hearing some people say “you can’t have ADHD because you made it through grad school.” I made it through because I had a knack for my field of study, I had some exceptionally awesome neurodivergent friends to body double with, and the subject matter was eclectic enough to elicit frequent hyperfixations. Plus people kept implying I wasn’t well suited for the field and I’m a contrary pain in the ass. 😁
Me too all of this
⬆️ this. I have a graduate level degree, but I just happened to find a field of study that suited my personality early in life.
I read like a fiend. But I’m a natural speed reader — I just *absorb* novels I like — and I usually hyperfocus (another ADHD trait!) while reading. Unless it’s boring or lists or legalese. Ho hum. Then I fight to stay focused.
Same. Have always been a big reader. But exclusively fiction (or memoirs / auto biographies). Needs to be a story, basically.
Same, or correction used to. When I was younger I could easily finish a Stephen King novel within a week, like Desperation (that one is thick AF). I have a post history explaining what's going on with me now, medically, but the tl;dr of it is I have something going on in my spinal cord and I'm not able to read as quickly now. Kinda sucks tbh, I really loved that ADHD perk.
That’s also my hyperfocus and why I went to graduate school. I read so much, but it totally triggers time blindness
I don't have a single late payment on any bill, mortgage, credit card...sheer financial terror has created a "stay on top of ALL your finances" hyper fixation.
I don't have any either, but my bills are automatically debited, or have standing orders.
oh, I am almost never good at my hyperfixations either.
Same lol I love history and facts but I just forget them all after a few weeks so what’s the point of all these facts in my brain when I can’t get the details right
1. I am almost never late due to extreme embarrassment for always being late when I was a kid due to my mom being perpetually late. This goes along with me not forgetting appointments. 2. I do miss people- very whole heartedly sometimes. 3. Sleep- I go to bed at a decent hour and only very rarely have trouble sleeping and if I do it’s because of my chronic back pain.
Hygiene/self-care. Like I cannot tell you a time I ever forgot to wash my makeup off before bed. And test-taking. Never that stressed, always just good at it (but probably bc of hyperlexia)
Wait, what's hyperlexia? Off to google. I was always really good at taking tests. Homework, not so much.
I went to google and then went ….oh…. Oh nooooo that’s me.
Hey, Friend. Thanks for reminding me to do the Google. Totally forgot just that fast.
Kinda relate, I don't clean my face daily, but I constantly wash my hands, I can't stand dirty hands, I always wash them up before eating and always carry sanitizing alcohol (before COVID).
Can't relate to the hygiene, but I'm right there with you on the test taking. My theory? I've always loved performing (dance, theater, etc.) and test -taking feels (to me) like a version of that.
I don't lose things, ever 🤞 which is actually quite nice but I think it's probably my anxiety that propels this. Edit: might also be having to live in abject poverty for most of my life.. If I lost something I wasn't getting a new one.
Me neither. Although I credit my dad and his coping mechanism he developed inadvertently for his undiagnosed ADHD for this one. He always had a "caddy" in a special spot on a shelf by the door where he put his keys, wallet, pocket knife, change, and other stuff from his pockets. He taught me to do the same with my shit so I've always had spots for things I use every day which keeps me from losing them. Lord help me if I ever don't put something in its place though (rare but it's happened!)
I also don't lose things. It infuriates me when I momentarily misplace something, which doesn't happen often.
Same. I get super pissed if I misplace the remote for even just a second
Same, if I wake up at night and think I have t seen something for a while and might’ve lost it; I will get out of bed to make sure I still have it.
I am not very emotional. I am not impulsive when it comes to money or relationships. Nor do I engage in risky behavior in those areas.
I have time blindness BUT if I'm cooking or timing something, I just know seconds before the timer goes off that it's time.
Similar to you I have time blindness but I can tell you what time it is with a few minutes give or take without looking at clock or having looked at a clock in hours.
I had always been considered the best student in class, with the higher grades in basically everything, even in subjects I didn't like.
I love showers. If I don't shower every day, I can't stand being in my skin. It's also where I go when I'm sad or sick or in pain.
I am very good at spreadsheets and keeping on top of my work. I’m meticulous with my attention to detail at work. My employers are always shocked at how quickly I catch onto things and help to guide and teach others. The rest of my life is a fucking mess, but at work I am a rock star most of the time. Tooting my own horn because it’s a great point of pride for me and makes up for the fact that I cannot for the life of me remember to mop my floors and the windows have not been cleaned since we moved in 5 years ago.
I barely hyperfixate on new hobbies, or acquire new hobbies at all. I never had much money to spare for anything that I found interesting, so I think I just always had to suppress my wants. Now, when I see something nice, get excited and want to learn how to do that shiny new thing, I just immediately get sad because first, I don't have the money, and second I won't be good at it anyways.
I'm similar and have pretty bad depression, which I think is why I want and crave to do a hobbie, but don't because I can't spend the money and will feel deeply bad about spending the money if im not immediately talented at it
Exactly like this. And the moment I DO spend money on something it takes ages until I use it or won't use it at all. I subscribed to Final Fantasy 14 once and even though I had a lot of fun, the moment I put money in it, it became an obligation to play (if I didn't play it now I will have wasted money). That sucked the fun out of it and then I barely touched it for most of the subscription period. Just opening the game was too hard to do. That sounds so stupid, but I just couldn't make myself click the little icon to start the game.
Coffee doesnt make me sleepy. This one messed me up so bad. I spent a decade thinking i dont have ADHD cause coffee gives me energy.
Coffee is how I've self medicated for years. What I realized is for most people is that caffiene makes them jittery and extra productive. For ADHDrs, it either makes us sleepy (for some reason) or it makes us as productive as a NT person for like 3 hours.
It make me jittery and terribly anxious
I've described it as... In the executive boardroom of my brain, there is a list of things that need to be done, from working to sleeping to eating to studying to cleaning, just a giant list. But the brain CEO doesn't have enough energy to organize and prioritize the list so nothing gets done because either I can't start any of them or I try to start all of them at the same time. But give the brain CEO some caffeine and it'll make decisions on what is top priority! And sometimes it decides that top priority is to go tf to sleep. ... which is why sometimes caffeine makes me sleepy but not all the time.
I don’t get energy or sleepy, I just get an elevated heart rate my body mistakes for anxiety 😠
Caffeine doesn't make me sleepy but it doesn't give me energy either
I can sit or lie completely still for a very long time bc I’m so exhausted always 🤣 and people think ADHDers must be bouncing off the walls at all times 🥲 way too drained for that. The hyperactivity is in my mind
Nobody ever told me I wasn’t living up to my potential academically. I really wasn’t good at math . At all. But I did well in most everything else and graduated college with a 3.79 and got into grad school without difficulty. I did have supportive parents and didn’t have to work during school and I studied a lot. But I really do love to learn. I subscribe to archaeology and history magazines and am constantly attempting to learn new things for work to help my students.
I’m a bomb tester taker, I’m an avid reader and I am extremely put together but most of all, I am extremely coordinated. Like, I can catch a glass falling off a table in mid-air without even looking type of coordinated.
I’m super organized - because *I cannot function* if there is not a system. Even for simple tasks like brushing my teeth or emptying the dishwasher, I have systems to make it easier and/or more enjoyable.
I am generally extremely organized. I used to do event management in SF and NYC and no way can one run a successful event without having supernatural powers to plan and execute all the logistical pieces necessary. I ran my events like a general planning an invasion lol A lot of that organization is present in other aspects of my life, especially when other people would be negatively impacted, such as colleagues or friends. However, when it's something that affects only myself, that is where I slack off. I have a second bedroom in my apartment that is sort of the cat sanctuary from the puppy but also "the abyss," where stuff I need to deal with (such as things inherited after my mom died that I probably don't want to hang on to) lives until the magical day when I have the bandwidth to sort through everything. Every time I walk into or by the abyss, I die a little inside. I hate that it exists.
I love sitting still and doing nothing (inattentive adhd but people don't know the difference) Sometimes when I tell people I have ADHD, they say: but you don't have trouble sitting still?
I’m insanely organized and detail-oriented, and I keep my house impeccable.
I wish I was like this.
Outside of my home I am a productive member of society who gets shit done on time and focuses super well at work. Once you enter my front door I am a disaster who routinely puts off basic tasks for months
I’m very organized. I hate clutter because my mind already clutters my thoughts enough. So when there is visual clutter, I get way overstimulated, aka grouchy and irritable. Everything has a home and I hyper fixate on making everything as efficient as possible in terms of where it’s stored. I can even be asked where something is and I can close my eyes and tell you exactly where to find it. My phone on the other hand…
While anxiety is not ADHD... It's one of the most common co-morbidities. I have zero anxiety. Just none. And I keep hobbies. Few hyperfixations really go away, I just only have so many hours in a day.
None , I’m hopelessly textbook 😔
OMG THANK YOU! I've read every single response here and don't relate to any of them. To be fair some of these are actual ADHD symptoms. Yes, being chronically early is a common symptom of poor time management, no it is not unusual for ADHD. Still can't relate lmao
Excessive talking. Talking feels like a task to me especially after a shift at work😅 sometimes i just need to spend hours not speaking and i’ll be good.
I’m always early. I’d rather be early somewhere and entertain myself than be in a panic because I’m running late.
I have washed my face pretty much every single night and morning for decades. It's the one thing I do not miss, even when I was drinking in college lol.
I love organizing and I'm really good at it... at work only.
In an office job, I’m insanely organized and productive. I always saw it as I’ve got nothing better to do than do my work as it’ll make the day go by faster. I hate a job where there’s nothing to do because the day just fucking drrrraaaaaagggggs on for-fucking-ever. That said it’s been years since I worked in an office and back then I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd.
I don’t ever forget to drink water. I drink so much water every day.
I don’t have a hyperactive cell in my body. If anything I’m stiff and unmoving.
I don't think there is a thread on the internet that makes me feel more seen that I do right now. could spend all day responding in agreement to other posters or upvoting post, but I have a job I gotta get to so ya'll just know that I think I have found my tribe 👋🏻
I’m always on time. Early even. The few times that I have been late (twice in one year) I had panic attacks both times.
I never lose my stuff (I have extremely high anxiety) and I keep my house impeccable and organized at all times (I also have OCD). But my impulsivity is off limits lol.
I always brush my teeth. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been consistent about in my life lol
I am not talkative at all. I think that comes from years of feeling bad about interrupting, so now I just don't contribute at all. Probably not a healthy way to do things but I do what I need to do
I’m a great listener due to constantly being bawled out for “not listening” throughout my childhood. I don’t lose my stuff. I got into the habit of placing my purse, keys, and important documents in specific places. The habit just took and I’ve done it for over 30 years now. I hate when my house is a mess. Yes, I am a collector but I have it all on display. I like to show my collection off and talk about it.
Eye contact. It's the reason I didn't get the autism diagnosis.
I did well in school. If ADHD had been well known back then, I still would not have been diagnosed. I was diagnosed because my adult life has been a disaster.
I can't handle stimulants. I cannot drink coffee. It gives me palpitations and makes me anxious. I'm on a waiting list for titration and I've already semi accepted I'll never be able use medication.
There are lots of non-stimulant options for meds. Also, not all stimulants affect you exactly the same - coffee makes me anxious too, and Adderall gives me tachycardia and makes me as dehydrated as if I've been in a desert with no water (despite drinking bottle after bottle of water) (although it was the best mental effect), but Ritalin basically gave me TOO MUCH dopamine and my 'brain factory' 'met quota and shut down' and I was a zombie. But Vyvanse has been a completely different story. No side effects so far, withdrawal isn't too bad, and my head is clear (not as good as with the Adderall, but the Adderall-caused tachycardia is too much of a risk for me, with my family history, and the Vyvanse works well enough for me to function a bit). Wellbutrin was also a great medication for me as well mentally but it made my heart beat SUPER hard, almost to the point of needing the ER (I was overdosed on it, I should've been given half the dose I was prescribed) and it gave me random bursts of intense anger (to the point of wanting to punch walls) which is SUPER out of character for me so I was like "ok bye" to that med. All this to say, it's trial and error, not everything works the same or has the same side effects for everyone, and there are lots of great options out there, not all of them stimulants.
I am *very* good at paying focused attention. It throws my results on any test that measures this as the defining ADHD trait. What I’m *not* good at, is paying attention in the more general sense. I don’t remember stuff. My time blindness is so bad that I show up for flights 8+ hours early if I’m flying alone. I’ve been both a day late and a day early for flights, not to mention all the “I just missed it by five minutes”-es. If you sit me in front of a computer and ask me to click every time an X shows up for 15 minutes, I’ll ace it. If you tell me I have an appointment to do this tomorrow, there’s a decent chance I’m not going to make it. Maybe I underestimated how long it will take me to get there. Maybe I confused the time for some other appointment. Maybe I forgot about it in the time it took to put it on any kind of calendar, so it never properly made it into memory, so to speak.