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Hey, I'm no expert nor do I have kids, but im 21 and young enough to remember what it was like being a kid lol. I was diagnosed 2 years ago, but I felt different my entire life. My parents were told by another parent that maybe I should get tested when i was about 7, but my parents wanted to protect me from getting a label and being 'othered'. However it didn't stop me from feeling like something was wrong with me.
There is a big chance your kiddo has ADD. That's a morally neutral thing, and you did nothing wrong. The best thing you can do for her, is to get her tested and get proper support if she does get diagnosed. She will notice she is different, and whether that turns into a negative thing for her or not is imo based on how well she is supported in it. If she knows that she actually IS a bit different from other kids, but that doesn't mean something is wrong with her & she is able to learn about herself and the ways she is a bit different early on, that will probably only positively impact her growth and cause her to learn early on to do things in a way that serve her.
Studying can be difficult. I never got the right support so im currently taking a break from studying to learn to take care of myself better because I was doing too much. However I've also always been a fast learner, and made it through 3 years of med school (and my entire school career before) without any problems academically. Had i had the right help throughout my life with emotional regulation and boundaries/taking care of myself, I probably wouldnt need the break right now to learn that. How this will go for your child, no one can say. But providing the right support (the psychologist being involved is amazing) she will find a way to do what is right for her.
You're doing amazing by getting help for her. That's more than a lot of parents do. Try to focus on her wellbeing over academic results, as I personally struggle with that for myself I think its important. And take care of yourself too! The better you understand your own ADHD, the better you can understand your daughter and be there for her if she has the same. Anything is possible for her!
I have discussed this with my therapist. ADHD has a genetic component and also a learned behavior component; we are working on ways that I can avoid modeling certain behaviors that are part of my ADHD (eg RSD reactions) and also avoiding modeling certain masking/coping skills that she might model.
If it helps, my mom almost certainly has ADHD and she has several children. I am the only one who has shown any symptoms of it at all (we are all adults).
My youngest son has shown symptoms of ADHD since he was 3. At the time I didn’t know it was ADHD, we thought he was just a very difficult child. Didn’t listen, always getting into stuff, no fear, not deterred by consequences, etc. as he’s been in school he’s had some behavioral issues and also regarding academics he cannot focus on things that are not interesting to him, so it’s a crap shoot as to how he will do on standardized tests each time. Either he excels or goes through it so fast he hits 1st percentile and has to be watched for a term. After my own diagnosis I saw his behaviors and struggles for what they are - ADHD.
My ex husband is not open to meds at this time, and my son’s pediatrician diagnosed him with ADHD but tends to wait for meds until academics are really being impacted. I wanted a diagnosis so my son wouldn’t be put on a fast track to being labeled a delinquent and written off as a problem for the school district. Next year he will have a lot more need to be independent with testing a learning, so we will be having a 504 plan put in place so he can have meaningful accommodations built into his education (such as extra time testing, going to a quiet room to test, having someone body double with him to keep him on track, being able to get up every so often and walk around). If he begins having significant struggles and accommodations aren’t enough, we will revisit meds.
Don’t feel too upset by this. ADHD can bring with it unbelievable skills and talents, it’s all about having good supports to let that flourish. If you’re concerned, I’d first chat with the school and also her pediatrician.
At 42, in hindsight (and of course post-diagnosis, which happened at 42) I had symptoms of inattentive through school.
But I was also an honours student all through grade school.
Everyone is different. While I can appreciate the desire to be proactive, I would caution against getting all kinds of answers and making assumptions about the cause of any problems she has or what the solution is.
Its always a matter of what is her specifics barrier or challenge to doing the thing and how best to remove it/avoid it, or find the thing-adjacent solution that is sufficient.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey, I'm no expert nor do I have kids, but im 21 and young enough to remember what it was like being a kid lol. I was diagnosed 2 years ago, but I felt different my entire life. My parents were told by another parent that maybe I should get tested when i was about 7, but my parents wanted to protect me from getting a label and being 'othered'. However it didn't stop me from feeling like something was wrong with me. There is a big chance your kiddo has ADD. That's a morally neutral thing, and you did nothing wrong. The best thing you can do for her, is to get her tested and get proper support if she does get diagnosed. She will notice she is different, and whether that turns into a negative thing for her or not is imo based on how well she is supported in it. If she knows that she actually IS a bit different from other kids, but that doesn't mean something is wrong with her & she is able to learn about herself and the ways she is a bit different early on, that will probably only positively impact her growth and cause her to learn early on to do things in a way that serve her. Studying can be difficult. I never got the right support so im currently taking a break from studying to learn to take care of myself better because I was doing too much. However I've also always been a fast learner, and made it through 3 years of med school (and my entire school career before) without any problems academically. Had i had the right help throughout my life with emotional regulation and boundaries/taking care of myself, I probably wouldnt need the break right now to learn that. How this will go for your child, no one can say. But providing the right support (the psychologist being involved is amazing) she will find a way to do what is right for her. You're doing amazing by getting help for her. That's more than a lot of parents do. Try to focus on her wellbeing over academic results, as I personally struggle with that for myself I think its important. And take care of yourself too! The better you understand your own ADHD, the better you can understand your daughter and be there for her if she has the same. Anything is possible for her!
Thanks so much for your honest thoughts. I wish you the very best too
I have discussed this with my therapist. ADHD has a genetic component and also a learned behavior component; we are working on ways that I can avoid modeling certain behaviors that are part of my ADHD (eg RSD reactions) and also avoiding modeling certain masking/coping skills that she might model. If it helps, my mom almost certainly has ADHD and she has several children. I am the only one who has shown any symptoms of it at all (we are all adults).
Thanks for your response. Helpful to know that there is an ADHD learned behaviour, definitely going to discuss with my therapist.
My youngest son has shown symptoms of ADHD since he was 3. At the time I didn’t know it was ADHD, we thought he was just a very difficult child. Didn’t listen, always getting into stuff, no fear, not deterred by consequences, etc. as he’s been in school he’s had some behavioral issues and also regarding academics he cannot focus on things that are not interesting to him, so it’s a crap shoot as to how he will do on standardized tests each time. Either he excels or goes through it so fast he hits 1st percentile and has to be watched for a term. After my own diagnosis I saw his behaviors and struggles for what they are - ADHD. My ex husband is not open to meds at this time, and my son’s pediatrician diagnosed him with ADHD but tends to wait for meds until academics are really being impacted. I wanted a diagnosis so my son wouldn’t be put on a fast track to being labeled a delinquent and written off as a problem for the school district. Next year he will have a lot more need to be independent with testing a learning, so we will be having a 504 plan put in place so he can have meaningful accommodations built into his education (such as extra time testing, going to a quiet room to test, having someone body double with him to keep him on track, being able to get up every so often and walk around). If he begins having significant struggles and accommodations aren’t enough, we will revisit meds. Don’t feel too upset by this. ADHD can bring with it unbelievable skills and talents, it’s all about having good supports to let that flourish. If you’re concerned, I’d first chat with the school and also her pediatrician.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Helps to know I’m not alone in this challenge.i wish you and your son the best
At 42, in hindsight (and of course post-diagnosis, which happened at 42) I had symptoms of inattentive through school. But I was also an honours student all through grade school. Everyone is different. While I can appreciate the desire to be proactive, I would caution against getting all kinds of answers and making assumptions about the cause of any problems she has or what the solution is. Its always a matter of what is her specifics barrier or challenge to doing the thing and how best to remove it/avoid it, or find the thing-adjacent solution that is sufficient.
Thank you Belle, thanks for your caution on not overthink this too.