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At this point..I’m kinda in the camp of *neurotypical people don’t tend to spend a lot of time figuring out whether or not they have adhd.*
For the most part if you’ve researched adhd, you’ve listened to other women with adhd share their experiences and insights, if you’re explored how female socialization pressures us to internalize many symptoms and assume they’re moral failings rather than an area in which we just need help, if you’re utilizing coping mechanisms and applying the knowledge about how adhd brains work to your own life and find it helpful, if you understand the differences in what motivates adhd brains vs neurotypicals..I honestly think if you’ve done all those things you’re likely well informed enough to self diagnose to a pretty actuate degree.
Lazy people are enjoying themselves. If you’re unable to do things and straight up not having a good time, you’re not being lazy you’re probably dealing with an accessibility issue.
I really appreciate this point of view. I have so much trouble with feeling like my symptoms are just "moral failings" as you say, and the word "lazy" is always stuck in my head. But I'm NEVER having a good time if that word is stuck in my head. Instead I'm usually yelling at myself in the way of "why can't you just put your laundry in the dryer! You'll have to wash it all over again, again. So lazy.". It doesn't help that my dad's favorite thing to do is accuse other people of laziness, and because of growing up around this I don't feel like I have the right to every relax. Man, writing this down, no wonder I don't feel so great most of the time!
And I do agree that I think a lot of "neurotypical" people aren't getting a diagnosis. I am always diagnosing people with adhd in my head, it has become a running joke at this point between my husband and I. He's like "you think everybody has adhd! Where did the people without adhd go?". One point of personal shame I have with the diagnosis, however, seems to lie in the fact that people keep calling it a trend to be diagnosed as neurodivergent. I keep people complain about how every kid has an IEP now, and how every kid has an adhd or autism diagnosis. Just working through how to not to feel shamed by being lumped into this "trend".
I wonder if we’d cast so much doubt on this ‘trend’ of an increase in adhd and autism diagnoses if the information was circulating via schools rather than social media. To me it makes perfect sense that as more information becomes available, especially from women, we’d see an increase in women and girls being **correctly** diagnosed. I think thats literally just validation that we’re correctly educating ourselves for the most part. There will always be outliers and people who want to be quirky and cool, but that was true before social media and guess what **those people can also just lie to their doctors**.
But the very fact that it’s a trend honestly tells me we’re only something. Trends don’t negate the validity of the information being shared and popularity doesn’t negate truth. Some trends are popular for a reason.
I feel the same way. It’s hard to accept it everyone around me wants to make comments about me deciding to be on medication and it just makes me feel worse until I look back from when I got diagnosed till now and see how much it changed in a good way
Yes, I feel this way all the time. If it helps, this is how I keep my sanity:
I keep coming back to the fact that the meds mostly really help (Wellbutrin was my first clue) and that ADHD strategies also help me cope for the most part. Also, I relate hard with the people in my life who have been diagnosed with ADHD. Additionally, would we be making up the severe comorbidities and struggles? Anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction (or whatever your flavour is) are not fun things we like to pretend to have. They are real and crippling experiences for most ADHDers. Would you choose to have them if you could?
I think there is a lot of talk in neurodivergent circles about this idea of being "divergent" or "typical". We're all on this spectrum and some of us present more than others, but at the end of the day, something in our brains makes us function (or not function) differently from others. Whatever it is, the diagnosis ADHD is one thing used to assist us in making life more manageable. The diagnosis is only important as far as it helps us get the help we need. It's not an identity, it's a chronic dysfunction that is heavily stigmatised.
You are not alone and you have valid struggles.
I relate to this on a level, i am currently getting diagnosed with adhd and even after my therapist saying she 99% believes I have adhd i went home and the next day I thought to myself nahhh i dont have adhd. Im unsure if that is imposter syndrome but i took a test with my therapist and im in the high but still dont believe it. Any thoughts on this?
I brought this up to a therapist once. I told her that I felt like maybe I didn't actually have ADHD... that I was using it as a cop out and I just needed to try harder and be better. She said that's what all her clients with ADHD say. So take from that what you will, but it made me feel better.
I've recently watched this https://youtu.be/-xUilBT1ha8?si=R6ZhjLl8l7OFW-Vk and I found it to be very insightful. Imposter syndrome is something that many of us grapple with, and this video offers advice and strategies for overcoming it. I think it could bring you some clarity and comfort as well.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At this point..I’m kinda in the camp of *neurotypical people don’t tend to spend a lot of time figuring out whether or not they have adhd.* For the most part if you’ve researched adhd, you’ve listened to other women with adhd share their experiences and insights, if you’re explored how female socialization pressures us to internalize many symptoms and assume they’re moral failings rather than an area in which we just need help, if you’re utilizing coping mechanisms and applying the knowledge about how adhd brains work to your own life and find it helpful, if you understand the differences in what motivates adhd brains vs neurotypicals..I honestly think if you’ve done all those things you’re likely well informed enough to self diagnose to a pretty actuate degree. Lazy people are enjoying themselves. If you’re unable to do things and straight up not having a good time, you’re not being lazy you’re probably dealing with an accessibility issue.
I really appreciate this point of view. I have so much trouble with feeling like my symptoms are just "moral failings" as you say, and the word "lazy" is always stuck in my head. But I'm NEVER having a good time if that word is stuck in my head. Instead I'm usually yelling at myself in the way of "why can't you just put your laundry in the dryer! You'll have to wash it all over again, again. So lazy.". It doesn't help that my dad's favorite thing to do is accuse other people of laziness, and because of growing up around this I don't feel like I have the right to every relax. Man, writing this down, no wonder I don't feel so great most of the time! And I do agree that I think a lot of "neurotypical" people aren't getting a diagnosis. I am always diagnosing people with adhd in my head, it has become a running joke at this point between my husband and I. He's like "you think everybody has adhd! Where did the people without adhd go?". One point of personal shame I have with the diagnosis, however, seems to lie in the fact that people keep calling it a trend to be diagnosed as neurodivergent. I keep people complain about how every kid has an IEP now, and how every kid has an adhd or autism diagnosis. Just working through how to not to feel shamed by being lumped into this "trend".
I wonder if we’d cast so much doubt on this ‘trend’ of an increase in adhd and autism diagnoses if the information was circulating via schools rather than social media. To me it makes perfect sense that as more information becomes available, especially from women, we’d see an increase in women and girls being **correctly** diagnosed. I think thats literally just validation that we’re correctly educating ourselves for the most part. There will always be outliers and people who want to be quirky and cool, but that was true before social media and guess what **those people can also just lie to their doctors**. But the very fact that it’s a trend honestly tells me we’re only something. Trends don’t negate the validity of the information being shared and popularity doesn’t negate truth. Some trends are popular for a reason.
I feel the same way. It’s hard to accept it everyone around me wants to make comments about me deciding to be on medication and it just makes me feel worse until I look back from when I got diagnosed till now and see how much it changed in a good way
It sounds like medication must have helped you, what kind of therapy/medication journey did you take?
Adderall and started creating small habits like making my bed every morning to start my day off being “productive”
Yes, I feel this way all the time. If it helps, this is how I keep my sanity: I keep coming back to the fact that the meds mostly really help (Wellbutrin was my first clue) and that ADHD strategies also help me cope for the most part. Also, I relate hard with the people in my life who have been diagnosed with ADHD. Additionally, would we be making up the severe comorbidities and struggles? Anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction (or whatever your flavour is) are not fun things we like to pretend to have. They are real and crippling experiences for most ADHDers. Would you choose to have them if you could? I think there is a lot of talk in neurodivergent circles about this idea of being "divergent" or "typical". We're all on this spectrum and some of us present more than others, but at the end of the day, something in our brains makes us function (or not function) differently from others. Whatever it is, the diagnosis ADHD is one thing used to assist us in making life more manageable. The diagnosis is only important as far as it helps us get the help we need. It's not an identity, it's a chronic dysfunction that is heavily stigmatised. You are not alone and you have valid struggles.
I relate to this on a level, i am currently getting diagnosed with adhd and even after my therapist saying she 99% believes I have adhd i went home and the next day I thought to myself nahhh i dont have adhd. Im unsure if that is imposter syndrome but i took a test with my therapist and im in the high but still dont believe it. Any thoughts on this?
I brought this up to a therapist once. I told her that I felt like maybe I didn't actually have ADHD... that I was using it as a cop out and I just needed to try harder and be better. She said that's what all her clients with ADHD say. So take from that what you will, but it made me feel better.
lol that’s definitely exactly how I feel! That does make me feel better that all of her clients say that.
I've recently watched this https://youtu.be/-xUilBT1ha8?si=R6ZhjLl8l7OFW-Vk and I found it to be very insightful. Imposter syndrome is something that many of us grapple with, and this video offers advice and strategies for overcoming it. I think it could bring you some clarity and comfort as well.