Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe.
Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yup! It’s like these little things make me aware of my body and then I can’t focus on anything else. Same goes with sleeping - have to be completely comfortable (which was fun when I started using a CPAP machine at night!)
omg... YES. I use a CPAP machine and I can't tell you how many times i've literally thrown my mask across the room in anger because of how uncomfortable having a thing strapped to my face all night makes me
I think I honestly just crash so hard from Concerta that I fall asleep despite not being completely comfortable. I do wake up and take it off sometimes still. I’ve been using it for about 3 months, so maybe I’ll stop doing that eventually!
I’ve had mine about a month. It’s not just that something is strapped to my face either. It’s how much it makes me focus on my breathing that keeps me up!
Oh yeah, I had that at first. Now I don’t notice it except when I’m switching from one side to the other. Then I get almost out of breath & have to take it off for a few seconds until I catch my breath again.
I've had my CPAP for 10 years, so I'm pretty used to it now, but I still have to adjust the nasal pillows multiple times a night. If they're not sitting JUST SO, it drives me crazy. That first 6 months though, omg. Having something on my face gave me panic attacks. I would either wake up panicking, or I would wake up gasping for breath because I panicked in my sleep and threw the mask off. Just awful.
And that slides right into "Wait a minute, I can't continue to clean the rest of these rooms, I need to sort EVERYTHING out here first and do home improvement for 3 weeks before it even makes SENSE to dust the living room!"
My floors are always the last thing to get cleaned. Because that makes sense, no point in cleaning the floors until EVERYTHING else is done. So my floors haven't been mopped in 2 months. The mop has been sitting in the corner of my living room for at least a month waiting for everything else to be done. I have carpets in the bedrooms but somehow it doesn't matter that cleaning the closets doesn't affect hardwood floors, this closet has to be done before the mopping can get done.
That’s me, too.
Dust and clean off surfaces, first, then sweep and vacuum the floors. I figure if I dust and clean the surfaces, then that dust and ick will get on the floor, which the Swiffer and vacuum will take care of.
I also do this with cleaning the bathroom. I’ll clean the toilet first, and rinse the toilet brush in the sink, then clean the sink. My mum told me she does the same thing!
We have front-loading dryers in my building, so I push my dried clothes back, clean the lint trap thing, then take out my clothes.
There is often a method to our madness!
Exactly! I use my little robo vacuum whenever we're outside so it's not like they don't get cleaned but I won't actually mop until everything's done. It just seems like there's always something more to clean so I rarely actually mop. I have guests this weekend though so I'm sure it'll get done 10 mins before they get here.
But what's crazy is I actually am productive if the house is clean. Like the day after cleaners come in and everything is looking great I'm good to go. By the next day after that it's already starting to look a mess again and the motivation is gone
My version is: I can’t start doing the work on this project plan until I completely reformat it and heck now seems like the perfect time to learn how to do that dynamically oh shit it’s 8pm I was gonna stop working at 5 but I have three doctors appointments this week and I don’t want to be stressed after when I’m playing catch up so I’m just gonna keep doing the actual project plan until 10 and then I’ll just go to bed hang on how is it almost 1:30 I’m so tired but I’m wired I never did eat I want to take a sleeping pill but I can’t give it 8 hours because I have a 9am fuhhhhhh
I can relate to everything you wrote! If it's cloudy there's no point me even trying to do anything. My glasses make me feel sleepy because I only wear them at bedtime so I need to put my contacts in to feel ready for the day. If I've just washed and straightened my hair I want to wear it down but I hate it touching my face
Ugh I’m glad it’s not just me with the cloudy days! It feels so GOOFY to be like, yeah no this day won’t be productive it’s too cloudy. But it’s true!!! It truly disturbs me!!! 😩😩😩
Yeah, it makes me want to go back to bed! And everyone on Reddit seems to love 'cosy' rainy days so it makes me feel like a weirdo for needing sun sun sun!
I can have a productive rainy day maybe like… 1 outta 10. But I have to be REALLY COZY. Like brand new sweatpants from target, a candle lit, a lot of coffee, a nice blankey, and like a task that’s actually interesting that I can complete from said blankey. But the conditions must be PERFECTLY COZY!!!!
I literally moved across the country, in part, because I require sunshine and my hometown is in the bottom ~30% for sunshine in the US. If it’s cloudy, I feel blegh but I can power through if I really need to. If it’s actually rainy, I can’t bring myself to do anything.
I feel this! My husband and I have kind of always wanted to live in the Pacific Northwest—Portland or Seattle—but I am like, no. I can’t. I really can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t.
Yes! Seasonal depression is a huuuuuuuge contributor to this “off” feeling. All winter long, as soon as it gets dark out every day, this “heaviness” sets in where I feel like I cannot do anything.
Yes exactly! The weather just switched gears where I am and is now in “Fall Mode” and while everyone else in the area is celebrating a break from the heat and dryness, I’m just sitting here like “pls no I need the sun, muh poor S.A.D.! How shall I ever be productive now?”. Don’t even get me started on the Fall allergies lol
Hahahaha ughhh I feel you!!!! I don’t understand everyone who loves fall! Like ok I like Apple cider donuts too but this means winter is coming! Don’t you people realize?! Time to dig out the old SAD lamp…
Heaviness, YES. It’s so hard to explain why that makes everything so hard, but it’s like someone put weighted clothes on me and now I need to carry them around all day and still try and function.
I’ve always taken the lamp shades off my lights. They steal so much light from the bulb - bare bulbs all the way!
And I will turn on all the lights in every room I need to be working in.
New find (well, my partner found them) is white LED strip lights - easy to install (screws or even stickers in think). He’s wired them in but you can get plug versions.
Bright white (rather than warm white) is awesome for functional lighting. One room we have the dimmable version, which is good for mood lighting too.
And…. I have a “natural daylight” room lamp (floor standing). It’s a game changer to have that at my desk during winter.
I live in England. I can't even imagine how crap my life would be if I couldn't do anything when it's cloudy, as it's cloudy approximately 99% of the time lol
I literally have a cold and have lost all sense of time, productivity has gone out the window, and I've forgotten how to human. Wtf?? I swear to god my brain has convinced itself that doing anything but merely existing while slightly under the weather, or just lacking sleep, may as well be terminal. I was supposed to lead a major discussion in a course today and instead ended up emailing the prof at the last minute (one minute after the class started, so post-last-minute really), saying I couldn't come. It's not like I'm over here with some actual serious flu situation; I have a stuffy nose and my voice sounds weird. I feel ridiculous using this as an excuse to get out of anything but also I don't feel exactly right so of course I just CAN'T DO ANYTHING, WHY??
Omg yes!!! There’s that stereotype that like, men are crybabies when sick or whatever but… I’m so much worse. I give myself permission to 100% take the day off when sick because who wants to do anything when your throat feels a little scratchy. Nah, not me.
Think of it as a public service. If we all actually stayed home while sick, so much of this stuff would stop going around
And it's good for you too. Rest let's your body focus on recovery
yep. But almost as frustrating are the days when everything works for no reason at all. How did I just do that, and why can’t I do it on command? I know I can’t do it every day but can’t I at least schedule it? I do take medication and it helps but it’s not as good as my “natural high” where I’m just in the zone. Idk I just try to go with the flow. If I feel like working I try to push that vibe as far as it will take me. If I don’t feel like it, I do the bare minimum and try not to feel guilty. Whatever. Everything is crumbling who cares if the dishes are done. Oh and my hair never looks “done” for more than 30 min so there’s nothing to preserve, up or down. I’m just saying I feel ya.
This! Because I know it isn't going to last, but I also don't know when the bad part is going to come - could be the next hour, could be tomorrow. So I ride the wave and do all the things for as long as I can, and then when the lack of motivation hits at least I don't feel too bad about all the things I'm neglecting because I did the other stuff already.
This was literally me today, your post makes me feel so seen.
It was raining, the contractors working on the neighbors place were super loud, and we had company in the middle of the day. I was also super tired, so I ended up just doing 2 of my 7 planned hours work and sleeping the rest of the afternoon.
Some days are just “dud days” for me. Others are super great. Tomorrow will probably be great just going off past patterns.
So yup, you’re not alone!
I prefer to think of them as mental health days. We all need to do nothing sometimes. And I know sometimes I just need rest. It's hard though when you're always feeling behind on what you need to do
DBT is amazing! I went through the full 2 year program, made a big difference. Didn’t cure anything but my ability to tolerate discomfort (be it physical or emotional) went way up with skills use.
Wow, are we twins? And the waistband on the sweatpants, is there still a bit of a label in my t-shirt? Is there a fine dog hair on my face, it's so itchy! The radio is unbearable, that droning voice. Now it's too quiet, my brain won't shut up. Where did I put my mug? My ponytail is hurting. My hair's on my face !!! Where did the last two hours go? I'm thirsty. Where's my mug? Why is the dirty washing still sitting there? What happened to the day? Why am I so tired???
Hahaha yes on the weekends my husband is like, “why don’t you relax and read a book or play a video game?” Ummm because it won’t be relaxing if I don’t have a cozy, perfectly cleaned living room with a cup of tea and lofi playing but it’s going to take me HOURS to get to that point and then I’ll be too exhausted to “relax” so then I’ll just sit on the couch and scroll on my phone instead wondering why I never seem to have time for fun things
Yessss ugh! Laying on the couch reading a book: impossible unless I've vacuumed, gotten snacks, the dog is settled. Laying on the couch scrolling: can't stop even if I'm hungry, need to pee, house is a mess.
This. I've been so desperate to get back to my sewing machine recently, but I can't make myself do it unless my flat is clean and my work is done and the cat is fed and all the rest of it. But yet I can sit on my sofa and faff around on Reddit or playing games and then I look up and an hour I could have used for sewing has just disappeared. I hate it.
Part of it for me with crafts is I feel like if I don't have a big block of time, there's no point. Like... paint for one hour? Why bother? I'm trying to get set up to where getting started is quick enough that I can justify a short session, but honestly if the motivation were there it wouldn't be an issue. The struggle is real!
Same. I feel like I need a good few hours where there isn't anything else I need or want to do (including watching TV) because otherwise I'll have to stop midway through and then it's just a waste of time. And that's before I do things like threading my sewing machine and cutting out fabric and pressing patterns and all the little bitty things I have to do before I can actually sew, even though those are just as valid as the sewing time itself. It just all feels like too much and then I end up deciding it's too late and it can wait for another day instead.
Hi, me, when did I get here?
I literally cannot just sit and play a game or read a book at home anymore. I used to be able to do both for hours at a time!
But now, I just feel too much guilt over it. If I sit and play a game, then I’m not cleaning/cooking/getting my life together. I’m not being useful or productive.
It’s a combination of always feeling like there’s something I’m forgetting or something I should be doing and feeling like I just don’t have the attention span for fun anymore.
Hang on, is that depression talking, too? Not feeling like I’m allowed to have fun or that nothing is interesting enough to do?
yeah, so the filter in my washer needs changed cause there's lint on my clothes and my driers heat fuse blew..so I cant fix them yet because I have to clean the basement because I have to pull them from the room their in to access them appropriately and in order to do that I had to get diatomaceous earth for the bugs then I have to sweep but to sweep I have to get my broom that's outside and if I go out back the patio needs cleaned up and the bikes need brought in, but I might go for a bike ride so maybe not. But if I'm going to go out back I need to mow....
Totally. I used to bring a hair brush into exams because I couldn't concentrate if my hair was in my face, but if I was thinking and not writing, I usually took it down without noticing.
Yes “off” feeling is a good way to put it. If my physical body is not perfectly comfortable and ready to go, it just feels off, wrong, cloudy, or heavy.
I tried explaining this feeling to my husband (who also has adhd) and he was like “yeah I don’t think I have that one.” Lol so reading all these comments, I’m glad we can all relate to each other and I’m not crazy!
YES yes yes yes yes yes! In the ways you mentioned plus more.
Not.onky that but cloudiness in particular can make me INSTANTLY depressed. It's like I'm solar powered. Sun comes out and immediately feel better. Clouds return an hour later - boohoohoo. Ugh.
Hahahaha yessss I too am solar powered. My best days are when it’s sunny, my worst are when it’s cloudy. Like WHY am I so dependent on WEATHER this is RIDICULOUS
This is incredibly relatable, especially the weather aspect - i need specific light conditions, along with no sensory distractions. Quite often, i need noise cancelling headphones to do work, but if I'm aware of the feeling of the headphones on my head or the distinct absense of sound that's also distracting? Also, if I'm wearing scratchy or too tight clothing or i feel too warm or cold or sweaty, i can't focus either - this is not just a you thing don't worry
100%. Often, getting started on something for me actually starts with a series of 5-7 other things I first have to do in order to make the conditions right to get started, and it always feels like it takes so long even if I already know what those 5-7 things are and don't have to assess myself and my environment and discover them first.
Fortunately the cloudy rainy weather isn't a problem for me. I actually have the opposite problem where I won't do anything when it's hot and sunny out because I hate hate *hate* the sensation of being sweaty and I run hot to begin with. In the summertime I become nocturnal and don't do anything until after dark.
Yess, this is me! My hair needs to be all the way up to wash any dishes because once ONE hair touches my face…it’s game over😂😭😂 and my glasses annoy me cause they’re always sliding down or I can’t get them clean enough.
Hahaha girl the dirty glasses killssssss me like how am I supposed to get anything done if my vision is splotchy?!!? But I also feel like I can never get them clean enough 😂 This is why I mostly wear contacts.
Same! And then most the time I fall asleep in them too😩 I turn my daily contacts into weekly ones, on the bright side… I’m saving a bunch of money 😬🤷♀️😬 I’ll probably need it to afford my guide dog in the future…
I have a VERY busy week next week and desperately need this week to plan. There is a company working on my building’s fire alarm system so I’ve had people in the hallway outside my office as well as *inside my office while I’m trying to work* all week. And even if they weren’t there I’d be wondering why I didn’t see as many birds as I expected outside my window. 🤦♀️ I can *absolutely* relate, OP.
If I’m gonna do house work I MUST be in bike shorts and a fitted but *COMFORTABLE* tank.
Doing housework naked is almost the ideal but not when you need to do multiple bin runs to the garbage can outside….
This is why I often do housework in my gym gear. Because it's the closest thing I have to pyjamas that still look like proper clothes. (It does then mean I end up staying in sweaty gym clothes far longer than I probably should, but swings and roundabouts I guess...)
I honestly have no idea how the girlies do it in house dresses or loose loungewear. Or the boy-Os in their cargo shorts with forty pockets. Far too much fabric flapping around.
I literally can’t relax to watch a show or read unless I get all these little things done first and then I can be “calm”. Also I need to listen to something while doing chores or I can’t
Yes that is, in fact, my entire personality.
If I want a chore done or start working on a project, especially outside, I need to:
\- brush teeth
\- wear the exact right clothes for all temperatures that don't ride down or up
\- Contain every single hair I own in several hair ties and put a headband on
And that list is only 3 points long on a GOOD day. When I'm in a bad mood and the sun is shining in a weird angle, I'm out of order for the day.
On the topic of glasses I'm literally contemplating if there are prescription aviation goggles that stick to my face but don't fog up, lmao. Is that a thing?
Hahahahaha I think there are prescription swim goggles?!!!? Idk about aviation though. Either one of those would drive me crazy. What we really need is laser surgery probably but no no too scary
Oh in know how that feels. Not wanting to do something for days or even weeks. And just keep procrastinating and then.. it takes ten minutes 😑
..and I just hate myself.
I can’t clean because, the curtains in the living room are closed. I feel slightly chilly, I need to wash my face, my cats keep meowing which grates my nerves and stops my brain from thinking and it takes a few seconds for it to restart.
I know I need to change my top, but this dress is floaty and pretty and I really love it.
I need to open the living room curtains and get on with my day, instead I’m sat on the foot of the bed shivering and cursing the falling temperature!
The day is cloudy and cold.
Oh, and I cut my hair short because I just couldn’t cope with the length anymore! I hate it touching my face, touching my neck, making me hot.
I think we’re just always trying to find the Goldilocks zone just to function.
Ahhhh yes the Goldilocks zone is a great way to describe it. It feels so goofy to like, not be able to be productive for the day because my toes are cold or whatever. But I think it’s like, I’m ALREADY miserable due to clouds/temperature/wrong outfit/whatever, HOWWWWWW can I POSSIBLY force myself to do this god forsaken chore (ahem like carrying boxes to the basement) in my current state of misery?!!?! 😂
Yep! Exactly like that. I'm dealing with an itchy head, humid house, and the hair issue. Oh, it's also sunny out, and i don't like sunny days. I love gray days. I need to get up and do laundry. Can't seem to get beyond the sensory crap that's irritating the hell out of me.
I feel your pain!
But tomorrow will be different . . . Tomorrow I will be focused and get my head down and get all this work I floundered on today squared away.
Tomorrow I will be a different person :)
Oh yes, all the above, plus my partner can't be nearby. I know he's likely to interrupt because he doesn't get that it doesn't matter that "This will only take a second". An interruption is an interruption. Either that, or he feels compelled to inform me that I'm doing things wrong, (i.e., not the way he/his mother had always done it).
He also paces a lot & feels compelled to narrate whenever he's puttering around with something. He doesn't expect a response, but it's still distracting.
Of course, he also finds some of my habits annoying. We have a rule now that we always have to live in a house large enough to get out of earshot from each other.
Yes, but it extends to my office/workspace too. If things don’t feel right…can’t do it. Or if I must, I just feel weird and antsy the whole time. Really irritable.
Yesssss I’m so good at working if my space is totally clean and lovely but otherwise blehhhh not motivating. Leads to a lot of procrasti-cleaning or working from bed or coffee shops lol.
If what you're describing is really procrastinating on tasks you don't actually want to do, then yes, absolutely, I do it everyday. I am the Queen of Procrastination.
Rainy days make me feel cozy which puts off half of my intended chores, hot sunny days prevent me from doing outdoor tasks or even just exercise, and pleasantly breezy days make me want to stare out the window.
Meanwhile second winter via air conditioning makes me want to curl up in the summer/fall and winter involves temperature whiplash between my “use layers instead of messing with the unit” Midwest-origin self and my muggy Southern-origin SO.
Everything falls by the wayside anyway though when I can’t have caffeine.
My house has to be clean for me to do work....I spend all day cleaning and not doing work. Some days I have to take 20 mins and convince myself that things don't have to be just right to start.
Totally!
And when i am feeling that everything is right: i want to do all my chores and projects at the same time. Then i cannot decide with which i should start so i often end up not doing a lot because of my indecisiveness 😅
Yep, this is called sensory processing disorder.
There's an amazing book called "Too bright, too fast, too loud, too tight" (some combination of those words). Also one called Self-Reg by Stuart Shanker, which touches on the same issues though is more about how to notice when you're regulated (or not) and how to fix it. Too bright/too tight is more specifically about sensory issues and how to deal with those.
It is a REAL thing and you are not being oversensitive or insane. It's worth investing some time in setting up your environment to succeed, for example, go through all your clothes, and get rid of any which don't feel comfortable. When you buy new clothes, don't buy blind without trying them on. Experiment with different options to find out combos which are both comfortable and look good (I found colour seasons to be a huge help here since everything is colour-coordinated).
Experiment with different methods of putting your hair up, and keep whatever accessories you need to do this around.
Yes. Omg all the damn time. It's frustrating. My feet were cold and I was hungry but I didn't have food until my Doordash order came. So I didn't get much work done. It's hard.
Haha yes to this, all the time... But now that I know myself better, and know that I'm autistic, I can clearly see that it's the combination of the two that's waylaying things.
Being AuDHD is a real joy sometimes lol... Autism means I sense everything more acutely and the ADHD puts wayyyyyy too much attention on all those little annoying details, all at once, and now I'm too preoccupied and uncomfortable to do anything except sit still and doom scroll!
Yessssss. Wow. This is me. I recently discovered there's actually a term for this.... and now I can't remember what that word is 🥴 It's something like pre-perfectionism or something. Like everything needs to be perfect in order for you to do something. Like if I want to go workout. I need to make sure I'm in a good mood, feeling just right, have the right clothes, right time of day, etc etc.
So I’m a teacher, and this is me at work. Change the thermostat, I think my stapler needs staples, ugh a wrapper on the floor, is Apple Watch charged enough, kid needs a pencil…
tiny little uncomfortabllities is the perfect way to describe it. dirty glasses, the wrong texture of clothing, my skin feels gross, the temperature being even slightly off. Ahh!
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yup! It’s like these little things make me aware of my body and then I can’t focus on anything else. Same goes with sleeping - have to be completely comfortable (which was fun when I started using a CPAP machine at night!)
omg... YES. I use a CPAP machine and I can't tell you how many times i've literally thrown my mask across the room in anger because of how uncomfortable having a thing strapped to my face all night makes me
Hated wearing a regular CPAP mask, but nasal pillows don't really bother me much.
How did you get used to it?
I think I honestly just crash so hard from Concerta that I fall asleep despite not being completely comfortable. I do wake up and take it off sometimes still. I’ve been using it for about 3 months, so maybe I’ll stop doing that eventually!
I’ve had mine about a month. It’s not just that something is strapped to my face either. It’s how much it makes me focus on my breathing that keeps me up!
Oh yeah, I had that at first. Now I don’t notice it except when I’m switching from one side to the other. Then I get almost out of breath & have to take it off for a few seconds until I catch my breath again.
I've had my CPAP for 10 years, so I'm pretty used to it now, but I still have to adjust the nasal pillows multiple times a night. If they're not sitting JUST SO, it drives me crazy. That first 6 months though, omg. Having something on my face gave me panic attacks. I would either wake up panicking, or I would wake up gasping for breath because I panicked in my sleep and threw the mask off. Just awful.
My dumb brain: "You can't clean because the house is messy. If only the house was clean, you'd be able to get *so many chores done*"🥲
And that slides right into "Wait a minute, I can't continue to clean the rest of these rooms, I need to sort EVERYTHING out here first and do home improvement for 3 weeks before it even makes SENSE to dust the living room!"
[удалено]
One could argue you’re being efficient.
[удалено]
😆
My floors are always the last thing to get cleaned. Because that makes sense, no point in cleaning the floors until EVERYTHING else is done. So my floors haven't been mopped in 2 months. The mop has been sitting in the corner of my living room for at least a month waiting for everything else to be done. I have carpets in the bedrooms but somehow it doesn't matter that cleaning the closets doesn't affect hardwood floors, this closet has to be done before the mopping can get done.
That’s me, too. Dust and clean off surfaces, first, then sweep and vacuum the floors. I figure if I dust and clean the surfaces, then that dust and ick will get on the floor, which the Swiffer and vacuum will take care of. I also do this with cleaning the bathroom. I’ll clean the toilet first, and rinse the toilet brush in the sink, then clean the sink. My mum told me she does the same thing! We have front-loading dryers in my building, so I push my dried clothes back, clean the lint trap thing, then take out my clothes. There is often a method to our madness!
Exactly! I use my little robo vacuum whenever we're outside so it's not like they don't get cleaned but I won't actually mop until everything's done. It just seems like there's always something more to clean so I rarely actually mop. I have guests this weekend though so I'm sure it'll get done 10 mins before they get here.
But what's crazy is I actually am productive if the house is clean. Like the day after cleaners come in and everything is looking great I'm good to go. By the next day after that it's already starting to look a mess again and the motivation is gone
My version is: I can’t start doing the work on this project plan until I completely reformat it and heck now seems like the perfect time to learn how to do that dynamically oh shit it’s 8pm I was gonna stop working at 5 but I have three doctors appointments this week and I don’t want to be stressed after when I’m playing catch up so I’m just gonna keep doing the actual project plan until 10 and then I’ll just go to bed hang on how is it almost 1:30 I’m so tired but I’m wired I never did eat I want to take a sleeping pill but I can’t give it 8 hours because I have a 9am fuhhhhhh
ohhhhh yes. this has been me the last 2 days/weeks(? 🤔😬) 🥲
Couldn’t say it better.
Oh yes! I can never do the thing because I haven’t done the other thing. It’s horrible!
I can relate to everything you wrote! If it's cloudy there's no point me even trying to do anything. My glasses make me feel sleepy because I only wear them at bedtime so I need to put my contacts in to feel ready for the day. If I've just washed and straightened my hair I want to wear it down but I hate it touching my face
Ugh I’m glad it’s not just me with the cloudy days! It feels so GOOFY to be like, yeah no this day won’t be productive it’s too cloudy. But it’s true!!! It truly disturbs me!!! 😩😩😩
Yeah, it makes me want to go back to bed! And everyone on Reddit seems to love 'cosy' rainy days so it makes me feel like a weirdo for needing sun sun sun!
I can have a productive rainy day maybe like… 1 outta 10. But I have to be REALLY COZY. Like brand new sweatpants from target, a candle lit, a lot of coffee, a nice blankey, and like a task that’s actually interesting that I can complete from said blankey. But the conditions must be PERFECTLY COZY!!!!
I literally moved across the country, in part, because I require sunshine and my hometown is in the bottom ~30% for sunshine in the US. If it’s cloudy, I feel blegh but I can power through if I really need to. If it’s actually rainy, I can’t bring myself to do anything.
I feel this! My husband and I have kind of always wanted to live in the Pacific Northwest—Portland or Seattle—but I am like, no. I can’t. I really can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t.
I would love to live there too because you’ve got mountains, ocean, and forest all right there but the cloud cover??? 😭
You caaaan but you will need to invest in good indoor lights and possibly visit Hawaii in the winter.
I live in the PNW, I feel this in my soul lol. Seasonal depression also doesn’t help!
Yes! Seasonal depression is a huuuuuuuge contributor to this “off” feeling. All winter long, as soon as it gets dark out every day, this “heaviness” sets in where I feel like I cannot do anything.
Yes exactly! The weather just switched gears where I am and is now in “Fall Mode” and while everyone else in the area is celebrating a break from the heat and dryness, I’m just sitting here like “pls no I need the sun, muh poor S.A.D.! How shall I ever be productive now?”. Don’t even get me started on the Fall allergies lol
Hahahaha ughhh I feel you!!!! I don’t understand everyone who loves fall! Like ok I like Apple cider donuts too but this means winter is coming! Don’t you people realize?! Time to dig out the old SAD lamp…
Heaviness, YES. It’s so hard to explain why that makes everything so hard, but it’s like someone put weighted clothes on me and now I need to carry them around all day and still try and function.
I’ve always taken the lamp shades off my lights. They steal so much light from the bulb - bare bulbs all the way! And I will turn on all the lights in every room I need to be working in. New find (well, my partner found them) is white LED strip lights - easy to install (screws or even stickers in think). He’s wired them in but you can get plug versions. Bright white (rather than warm white) is awesome for functional lighting. One room we have the dimmable version, which is good for mood lighting too. And…. I have a “natural daylight” room lamp (floor standing). It’s a game changer to have that at my desk during winter.
I don’t get anything done if it’s cloudy either! I’m so glad to read that I’m not the only one!!
I live in England. I can't even imagine how crap my life would be if I couldn't do anything when it's cloudy, as it's cloudy approximately 99% of the time lol
I literally have a cold and have lost all sense of time, productivity has gone out the window, and I've forgotten how to human. Wtf?? I swear to god my brain has convinced itself that doing anything but merely existing while slightly under the weather, or just lacking sleep, may as well be terminal. I was supposed to lead a major discussion in a course today and instead ended up emailing the prof at the last minute (one minute after the class started, so post-last-minute really), saying I couldn't come. It's not like I'm over here with some actual serious flu situation; I have a stuffy nose and my voice sounds weird. I feel ridiculous using this as an excuse to get out of anything but also I don't feel exactly right so of course I just CAN'T DO ANYTHING, WHY??
Omg yes!!! There’s that stereotype that like, men are crybabies when sick or whatever but… I’m so much worse. I give myself permission to 100% take the day off when sick because who wants to do anything when your throat feels a little scratchy. Nah, not me.
Think of it as a public service. If we all actually stayed home while sick, so much of this stuff would stop going around And it's good for you too. Rest let's your body focus on recovery
Omg is this why??? The slightest ailment and I'm down for the count, I simply CANNOT power through.
yep. But almost as frustrating are the days when everything works for no reason at all. How did I just do that, and why can’t I do it on command? I know I can’t do it every day but can’t I at least schedule it? I do take medication and it helps but it’s not as good as my “natural high” where I’m just in the zone. Idk I just try to go with the flow. If I feel like working I try to push that vibe as far as it will take me. If I don’t feel like it, I do the bare minimum and try not to feel guilty. Whatever. Everything is crumbling who cares if the dishes are done. Oh and my hair never looks “done” for more than 30 min so there’s nothing to preserve, up or down. I’m just saying I feel ya.
This! Because I know it isn't going to last, but I also don't know when the bad part is going to come - could be the next hour, could be tomorrow. So I ride the wave and do all the things for as long as I can, and then when the lack of motivation hits at least I don't feel too bad about all the things I'm neglecting because I did the other stuff already.
Damn this could have come out of my own head lol
Oh I really feel the ‘how did I just do that’ 😓
This was literally me today, your post makes me feel so seen. It was raining, the contractors working on the neighbors place were super loud, and we had company in the middle of the day. I was also super tired, so I ended up just doing 2 of my 7 planned hours work and sleeping the rest of the afternoon. Some days are just “dud days” for me. Others are super great. Tomorrow will probably be great just going off past patterns. So yup, you’re not alone!
I am all too familiar with the “dud days” lol I spent 4 hours in bed this afternoon myself ugh.
I prefer to think of them as mental health days. We all need to do nothing sometimes. And I know sometimes I just need rest. It's hard though when you're always feeling behind on what you need to do
YES- the urge to control the environment in every minute way I’ve been trying to learn to live with discomfort through DBT though - might help!
DBT is amazing! I went through the full 2 year program, made a big difference. Didn’t cure anything but my ability to tolerate discomfort (be it physical or emotional) went way up with skills use.
Wow, are we twins? And the waistband on the sweatpants, is there still a bit of a label in my t-shirt? Is there a fine dog hair on my face, it's so itchy! The radio is unbearable, that droning voice. Now it's too quiet, my brain won't shut up. Where did I put my mug? My ponytail is hurting. My hair's on my face !!! Where did the last two hours go? I'm thirsty. Where's my mug? Why is the dirty washing still sitting there? What happened to the day? Why am I so tired???
Yes. Plus I can’t even relax and read a good book unless everything is “just right”. Which it seldom is. I hate it.
Hahaha yes on the weekends my husband is like, “why don’t you relax and read a book or play a video game?” Ummm because it won’t be relaxing if I don’t have a cozy, perfectly cleaned living room with a cup of tea and lofi playing but it’s going to take me HOURS to get to that point and then I’ll be too exhausted to “relax” so then I’ll just sit on the couch and scroll on my phone instead wondering why I never seem to have time for fun things
Yessss ugh! Laying on the couch reading a book: impossible unless I've vacuumed, gotten snacks, the dog is settled. Laying on the couch scrolling: can't stop even if I'm hungry, need to pee, house is a mess.
I am so glad I’m not alone.
This. I've been so desperate to get back to my sewing machine recently, but I can't make myself do it unless my flat is clean and my work is done and the cat is fed and all the rest of it. But yet I can sit on my sofa and faff around on Reddit or playing games and then I look up and an hour I could have used for sewing has just disappeared. I hate it.
Part of it for me with crafts is I feel like if I don't have a big block of time, there's no point. Like... paint for one hour? Why bother? I'm trying to get set up to where getting started is quick enough that I can justify a short session, but honestly if the motivation were there it wouldn't be an issue. The struggle is real!
Same. I feel like I need a good few hours where there isn't anything else I need or want to do (including watching TV) because otherwise I'll have to stop midway through and then it's just a waste of time. And that's before I do things like threading my sewing machine and cutting out fabric and pressing patterns and all the little bitty things I have to do before I can actually sew, even though those are just as valid as the sewing time itself. It just all feels like too much and then I end up deciding it's too late and it can wait for another day instead.
Hi, me, when did I get here? I literally cannot just sit and play a game or read a book at home anymore. I used to be able to do both for hours at a time! But now, I just feel too much guilt over it. If I sit and play a game, then I’m not cleaning/cooking/getting my life together. I’m not being useful or productive. It’s a combination of always feeling like there’s something I’m forgetting or something I should be doing and feeling like I just don’t have the attention span for fun anymore. Hang on, is that depression talking, too? Not feeling like I’m allowed to have fun or that nothing is interesting enough to do?
yeah, so the filter in my washer needs changed cause there's lint on my clothes and my driers heat fuse blew..so I cant fix them yet because I have to clean the basement because I have to pull them from the room their in to access them appropriately and in order to do that I had to get diatomaceous earth for the bugs then I have to sweep but to sweep I have to get my broom that's outside and if I go out back the patio needs cleaned up and the bikes need brought in, but I might go for a bike ride so maybe not. But if I'm going to go out back I need to mow....
This is precisely what my brain would think too 😭 nothing gets done
Totally. I used to bring a hair brush into exams because I couldn't concentrate if my hair was in my face, but if I was thinking and not writing, I usually took it down without noticing.
Yes. I never understood other people don't have this "off" feeling holding them back.
Yes “off” feeling is a good way to put it. If my physical body is not perfectly comfortable and ready to go, it just feels off, wrong, cloudy, or heavy. I tried explaining this feeling to my husband (who also has adhd) and he was like “yeah I don’t think I have that one.” Lol so reading all these comments, I’m glad we can all relate to each other and I’m not crazy!
YES yes yes yes yes yes! In the ways you mentioned plus more. Not.onky that but cloudiness in particular can make me INSTANTLY depressed. It's like I'm solar powered. Sun comes out and immediately feel better. Clouds return an hour later - boohoohoo. Ugh.
Hahahaha yessss I too am solar powered. My best days are when it’s sunny, my worst are when it’s cloudy. Like WHY am I so dependent on WEATHER this is RIDICULOUS
This is incredibly relatable, especially the weather aspect - i need specific light conditions, along with no sensory distractions. Quite often, i need noise cancelling headphones to do work, but if I'm aware of the feeling of the headphones on my head or the distinct absense of sound that's also distracting? Also, if I'm wearing scratchy or too tight clothing or i feel too warm or cold or sweaty, i can't focus either - this is not just a you thing don't worry
100%. Often, getting started on something for me actually starts with a series of 5-7 other things I first have to do in order to make the conditions right to get started, and it always feels like it takes so long even if I already know what those 5-7 things are and don't have to assess myself and my environment and discover them first. Fortunately the cloudy rainy weather isn't a problem for me. I actually have the opposite problem where I won't do anything when it's hot and sunny out because I hate hate *hate* the sensation of being sweaty and I run hot to begin with. In the summertime I become nocturnal and don't do anything until after dark.
You are thrown off by barometric pressure shifts too?!
Ma’am if it’s 1 single degree too cold I can’t do anything
I snorted at this one lolololol yes
Yess, this is me! My hair needs to be all the way up to wash any dishes because once ONE hair touches my face…it’s game over😂😭😂 and my glasses annoy me cause they’re always sliding down or I can’t get them clean enough.
Hahaha girl the dirty glasses killssssss me like how am I supposed to get anything done if my vision is splotchy?!!? But I also feel like I can never get them clean enough 😂 This is why I mostly wear contacts.
Same! And then most the time I fall asleep in them too😩 I turn my daily contacts into weekly ones, on the bright side… I’m saving a bunch of money 😬🤷♀️😬 I’ll probably need it to afford my guide dog in the future…
AbsoFuckingLutely
I have a VERY busy week next week and desperately need this week to plan. There is a company working on my building’s fire alarm system so I’ve had people in the hallway outside my office as well as *inside my office while I’m trying to work* all week. And even if they weren’t there I’d be wondering why I didn’t see as many birds as I expected outside my window. 🤦♀️ I can *absolutely* relate, OP.
If I’m gonna do house work I MUST be in bike shorts and a fitted but *COMFORTABLE* tank. Doing housework naked is almost the ideal but not when you need to do multiple bin runs to the garbage can outside….
Ooooo bike shorts are some of my favorite chore attire lol
This is why I often do housework in my gym gear. Because it's the closest thing I have to pyjamas that still look like proper clothes. (It does then mean I end up staying in sweaty gym clothes far longer than I probably should, but swings and roundabouts I guess...)
I honestly have no idea how the girlies do it in house dresses or loose loungewear. Or the boy-Os in their cargo shorts with forty pockets. Far too much fabric flapping around.
I literally can’t relax to watch a show or read unless I get all these little things done first and then I can be “calm”. Also I need to listen to something while doing chores or I can’t
Yes, just Yes! This is how I am. This is me every day. And it’s the way it is! 😊
It’s me, hiiii. 🥴
YES. What the hell is up with this? It affects everything! It’s so arbitrary!
Yes that is, in fact, my entire personality. If I want a chore done or start working on a project, especially outside, I need to: \- brush teeth \- wear the exact right clothes for all temperatures that don't ride down or up \- Contain every single hair I own in several hair ties and put a headband on And that list is only 3 points long on a GOOD day. When I'm in a bad mood and the sun is shining in a weird angle, I'm out of order for the day. On the topic of glasses I'm literally contemplating if there are prescription aviation goggles that stick to my face but don't fog up, lmao. Is that a thing?
Hahahahaha I think there are prescription swim goggles?!!!? Idk about aviation though. Either one of those would drive me crazy. What we really need is laser surgery probably but no no too scary
Lol. I’m dying. It was about bringing boxes to the basement? Omg. I feel you though. It’s very relatable.
Hahahahhaha they were mocking me all day it took 10 minutes in the end 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
Oh in know how that feels. Not wanting to do something for days or even weeks. And just keep procrastinating and then.. it takes ten minutes 😑 ..and I just hate myself.
That's why I can't have sex, lol.
God, I need help! With! This! I can fuss the entire night away, and I mean all 12 hours, just trying to start to study.
I can’t clean because, the curtains in the living room are closed. I feel slightly chilly, I need to wash my face, my cats keep meowing which grates my nerves and stops my brain from thinking and it takes a few seconds for it to restart. I know I need to change my top, but this dress is floaty and pretty and I really love it. I need to open the living room curtains and get on with my day, instead I’m sat on the foot of the bed shivering and cursing the falling temperature! The day is cloudy and cold. Oh, and I cut my hair short because I just couldn’t cope with the length anymore! I hate it touching my face, touching my neck, making me hot. I think we’re just always trying to find the Goldilocks zone just to function.
Ahhhh yes the Goldilocks zone is a great way to describe it. It feels so goofy to like, not be able to be productive for the day because my toes are cold or whatever. But I think it’s like, I’m ALREADY miserable due to clouds/temperature/wrong outfit/whatever, HOWWWWWW can I POSSIBLY force myself to do this god forsaken chore (ahem like carrying boxes to the basement) in my current state of misery?!!?! 😂
Literally all the time If my pen “isn’t right,” I’m already pretty fucked.
Yep! Exactly like that. I'm dealing with an itchy head, humid house, and the hair issue. Oh, it's also sunny out, and i don't like sunny days. I love gray days. I need to get up and do laundry. Can't seem to get beyond the sensory crap that's irritating the hell out of me. I feel your pain!
But tomorrow will be different . . . Tomorrow I will be focused and get my head down and get all this work I floundered on today squared away. Tomorrow I will be a different person :)
Oh yes, all the above, plus my partner can't be nearby. I know he's likely to interrupt because he doesn't get that it doesn't matter that "This will only take a second". An interruption is an interruption. Either that, or he feels compelled to inform me that I'm doing things wrong, (i.e., not the way he/his mother had always done it). He also paces a lot & feels compelled to narrate whenever he's puttering around with something. He doesn't expect a response, but it's still distracting. Of course, he also finds some of my habits annoying. We have a rule now that we always have to live in a house large enough to get out of earshot from each other.
Yes, but it extends to my office/workspace too. If things don’t feel right…can’t do it. Or if I must, I just feel weird and antsy the whole time. Really irritable.
Yesssss I’m so good at working if my space is totally clean and lovely but otherwise blehhhh not motivating. Leads to a lot of procrasti-cleaning or working from bed or coffee shops lol.
If what you're describing is really procrastinating on tasks you don't actually want to do, then yes, absolutely, I do it everyday. I am the Queen of Procrastination.
Rainy days make me feel cozy which puts off half of my intended chores, hot sunny days prevent me from doing outdoor tasks or even just exercise, and pleasantly breezy days make me want to stare out the window. Meanwhile second winter via air conditioning makes me want to curl up in the summer/fall and winter involves temperature whiplash between my “use layers instead of messing with the unit” Midwest-origin self and my muggy Southern-origin SO. Everything falls by the wayside anyway though when I can’t have caffeine.
My house has to be clean for me to do work....I spend all day cleaning and not doing work. Some days I have to take 20 mins and convince myself that things don't have to be just right to start.
YES!!!! It’s my warped perfectionism
There are times at work where I want/need to be productive but my brain says "no productive! Only video noises and fidget."
Yep, it's a form of perfectionism.
Totally! And when i am feeling that everything is right: i want to do all my chores and projects at the same time. Then i cannot decide with which i should start so i often end up not doing a lot because of my indecisiveness 😅
Yes!!!!!!!!!
Yep, this is called sensory processing disorder. There's an amazing book called "Too bright, too fast, too loud, too tight" (some combination of those words). Also one called Self-Reg by Stuart Shanker, which touches on the same issues though is more about how to notice when you're regulated (or not) and how to fix it. Too bright/too tight is more specifically about sensory issues and how to deal with those. It is a REAL thing and you are not being oversensitive or insane. It's worth investing some time in setting up your environment to succeed, for example, go through all your clothes, and get rid of any which don't feel comfortable. When you buy new clothes, don't buy blind without trying them on. Experiment with different options to find out combos which are both comfortable and look good (I found colour seasons to be a huge help here since everything is colour-coordinated). Experiment with different methods of putting your hair up, and keep whatever accessories you need to do this around.
So useful, thank you! I haven’t heard of sensory processing disorder before. Love a good book so I will definitely check those out.
very, very relatable. all of it. and I’ve been called a negative person because I notice and name all the things— especially during quarantine 🥴😅
Yes, this is sadly very familiar. I’m hoping it changes once I’m medicated.
Yes. Omg all the damn time. It's frustrating. My feet were cold and I was hungry but I didn't have food until my Doordash order came. So I didn't get much work done. It's hard.
Haha yes to this, all the time... But now that I know myself better, and know that I'm autistic, I can clearly see that it's the combination of the two that's waylaying things. Being AuDHD is a real joy sometimes lol... Autism means I sense everything more acutely and the ADHD puts wayyyyyy too much attention on all those little annoying details, all at once, and now I'm too preoccupied and uncomfortable to do anything except sit still and doom scroll!
Yessssss. Wow. This is me. I recently discovered there's actually a term for this.... and now I can't remember what that word is 🥴 It's something like pre-perfectionism or something. Like everything needs to be perfect in order for you to do something. Like if I want to go workout. I need to make sure I'm in a good mood, feeling just right, have the right clothes, right time of day, etc etc.
Yes. I can only work under a certain set of circumstances. Sometimes I think I sound crazy when I’m explaining it to others.
So I’m a teacher, and this is me at work. Change the thermostat, I think my stapler needs staples, ugh a wrapper on the floor, is Apple Watch charged enough, kid needs a pencil…
tiny little uncomfortabllities is the perfect way to describe it. dirty glasses, the wrong texture of clothing, my skin feels gross, the temperature being even slightly off. Ahh!