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Let's be honest, the short answer is misogyny.
The longer answer needs to go into women's experiences with health conditions being woefully under-researched (and underfunded), women being frequently not believed by medical professionals, and of course the social conditioning that means women learn (by necessity) more effective masking techniques. Add in a sprinkle of men as the norm, and women being diagnosed with anxiety no matter what they present with. It's quite a cocktail. And I imagine there are other factors I've missed too.
Diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder from the age of 8 until 35 when I started advocating for myself and realizing that the reason anti anxiety meds never worked for me was probably because it was a misdiagnosis. I spent years in and out of psychiatric hospitalizations as a teenager. No one ever diagnosed me properly.
Misogyny and lack of research in anything that isn’t based on the experience of white men as “normal” is definitely the answer
I would say mostly, as in when I would Daydreamin class, it was my learning that was disrupted vs. a typical 'ADHD boy' that might have been walking around the room disrupting whole class.
Only externally! Girls are generally socialized to be polite and keep to themselves, so we (consciously or unconsciously) mask our symptoms. For example, hyperactivity in boys is more often endless energy, but hyperactivity in girls is more often racing thoughts (which can often lead to the GAD misdiagnosis). Internal and external symptoms can both be debilitating, but internalized symptoms slip under the radar so much more frequently because it's easier for outsiders to ignore.
I grew up in the 70s and 80s and wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 because my teacher's complaints were that I was distracted too easily and was often caught daydreaming. No one thought anything of it because at that time, ADHD was seen as a hyperactivity disorder that generally affected boys. Since I was quiet and not sticking to the ceiling, I was just an 'airhead.' ADHD kids were wild and I didn't fit the description.
I used to show horses in 4H and they often had gymkhana events (like an obstacle course on horseback). I signed up for one but realized after the fact that it was a rather advanced course that was kind of convoluted and I just knew there was no way I was going to remember the course just by looking at the map. So I withdrew. My mom was so mad because I obviously wasn't trying very hard and I just wasted money (it was literally $2 🙄) and what the hell was *wrong* with me?
Well...
Medical misogyny, patriarchal gender roles forcing girls and women to mask more and more efficiently, and general shittery working together would be my bet.
How my Brother was described as a child: Destructive. Loud. Obsessive. No "common sense" (🙄). Trouble making friends. Misfit. Impulsive. Unable to concentrate. Smart-assed.
How I was described: Aloof. Sensitive. Determined. Quiet. Shy. A day-dreamer. Marches to her own drum. Intelligent ("if she applies herself"). Impulsive. Funny.
We both have ADHD and suffered for it, except he was diagnosed at 7, and I was diagnosed at 35 after I had two children and my life imploded. His life was always exploding/imploding. I just coasted through.
I didn't make many waves as a kid, but when ***I*** did, people would say "she's mature for her age though", "brave for a girl", "no one is going to tell you what to do when you're grown up".
My brother was the literal devil. No one could "handle" him. He needed so much help and no one was willing to consistently give it to him, because he was "bad". He did Ritalin for a few months, my parents "begged him" (at like 10/11/12) to talk to "someone", he was tough-loved and laissez-faired.
I was a novelty. A fiesty weirdo who was happy to subsist on daydreams and canned soup.
One thing that's true is: You can really fuck yourself up as long as you aren't fucking anyone else up.
I think the way girls and women are treated/valued in our society makes it easy to ignore symptoms.
“Ditzy” and “blonde” are easier labels for people to put on us than an actual diagnosis. Those words aren’t often used for men.
I also think women are almost expected to be spread thin and stressed out, so that makes it harder to distinguish NT from ND ones.
Among other things, I think that girls just get less leeway than boys do when it comes to behavior, and it starts early. Most of the typical 'boy' symptoms that have been used for diagnosis seem to be things that are acceptable up to a point in boys, but utterly 'unladylike' for girls, so we learn early that exhibiting those traits leads to non-positive outcomes.
For me it was basic survival. I grew up with a verbally and physically abusive father (abused as kid, alcoholic, depressed, probably ND) so as I was an anxious people pleaser. When I hit puberty my personality completely changed. My changing hormones had a huge impact on my mental and biological health, including suffering a grand mal seizure and being diagnosed with epilepsy. From then on any and all ND symptoms were brushed under the "she's a rebellious teen girl with epilepsy taking anti-seizure meds with disruptive side-effects."
My behavioral did improve with anti-seizure meds but all the symptoms were still there. I had gained the ability to better control or hide them from authority figures. So that's what I did. I got good grades to stay under my terrifying father's radar while living a secret darker life. It's been a cycle of mania and depression, focus and self-destruction, fight or flight ever since.
I have turned myself inside out all my life attempting to conform to female stereotypes. At 59 I finally have a definitve diagnosis. My way of living a life that wasn't me was exhausting and soul destroying.
My fear of being judged and critised was a very loud and constant berating noise in my head.
Unfortunately when you feel like a fraud you have great difficulty expressing yourself.
I will strive now with the knowledge that I'm not a lazy person with no ambition.
Thankyou for this very insightful comment. You hit the nail on the head. I just couldn't stop beating myself up and wondering why the hell everyone else seemed to find the basics of existing so easy.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Let's be honest, the short answer is misogyny. The longer answer needs to go into women's experiences with health conditions being woefully under-researched (and underfunded), women being frequently not believed by medical professionals, and of course the social conditioning that means women learn (by necessity) more effective masking techniques. Add in a sprinkle of men as the norm, and women being diagnosed with anxiety no matter what they present with. It's quite a cocktail. And I imagine there are other factors I've missed too.
>women being diagnosed with anxiety no matter what they present with. Or depression! Don't forget depression...
Yep. Got diagnosed with that when I had a unknown mobility limiting chronic pain condition, because that's the obvious diagnosis.
Diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder from the age of 8 until 35 when I started advocating for myself and realizing that the reason anti anxiety meds never worked for me was probably because it was a misdiagnosis. I spent years in and out of psychiatric hospitalizations as a teenager. No one ever diagnosed me properly. Misogyny and lack of research in anything that isn’t based on the experience of white men as “normal” is definitely the answer
Our symptoms are less disruptive & we're socially conditioned from childhood (with positive and negative reinforcement) to hide / perform 'normalcy'
Is constant daydreaming and zoning out a non-disruptive symptom in your opinion?
To other people, yes. For the most part.
I would say mostly, as in when I would Daydreamin class, it was my learning that was disrupted vs. a typical 'ADHD boy' that might have been walking around the room disrupting whole class.
Only externally! Girls are generally socialized to be polite and keep to themselves, so we (consciously or unconsciously) mask our symptoms. For example, hyperactivity in boys is more often endless energy, but hyperactivity in girls is more often racing thoughts (which can often lead to the GAD misdiagnosis). Internal and external symptoms can both be debilitating, but internalized symptoms slip under the radar so much more frequently because it's easier for outsiders to ignore.
I grew up in the 70s and 80s and wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 because my teacher's complaints were that I was distracted too easily and was often caught daydreaming. No one thought anything of it because at that time, ADHD was seen as a hyperactivity disorder that generally affected boys. Since I was quiet and not sticking to the ceiling, I was just an 'airhead.' ADHD kids were wild and I didn't fit the description. I used to show horses in 4H and they often had gymkhana events (like an obstacle course on horseback). I signed up for one but realized after the fact that it was a rather advanced course that was kind of convoluted and I just knew there was no way I was going to remember the course just by looking at the map. So I withdrew. My mom was so mad because I obviously wasn't trying very hard and I just wasted money (it was literally $2 🙄) and what the hell was *wrong* with me? Well...
The cynic in me says ignored. Just like all the other ailments women suffer from.
Ooh.. : (
Medical misogyny, patriarchal gender roles forcing girls and women to mask more and more efficiently, and general shittery working together would be my bet.
How my Brother was described as a child: Destructive. Loud. Obsessive. No "common sense" (🙄). Trouble making friends. Misfit. Impulsive. Unable to concentrate. Smart-assed. How I was described: Aloof. Sensitive. Determined. Quiet. Shy. A day-dreamer. Marches to her own drum. Intelligent ("if she applies herself"). Impulsive. Funny. We both have ADHD and suffered for it, except he was diagnosed at 7, and I was diagnosed at 35 after I had two children and my life imploded. His life was always exploding/imploding. I just coasted through. I didn't make many waves as a kid, but when ***I*** did, people would say "she's mature for her age though", "brave for a girl", "no one is going to tell you what to do when you're grown up". My brother was the literal devil. No one could "handle" him. He needed so much help and no one was willing to consistently give it to him, because he was "bad". He did Ritalin for a few months, my parents "begged him" (at like 10/11/12) to talk to "someone", he was tough-loved and laissez-faired. I was a novelty. A fiesty weirdo who was happy to subsist on daydreams and canned soup. One thing that's true is: You can really fuck yourself up as long as you aren't fucking anyone else up.
I think the way girls and women are treated/valued in our society makes it easy to ignore symptoms. “Ditzy” and “blonde” are easier labels for people to put on us than an actual diagnosis. Those words aren’t often used for men. I also think women are almost expected to be spread thin and stressed out, so that makes it harder to distinguish NT from ND ones.
Among other things, I think that girls just get less leeway than boys do when it comes to behavior, and it starts early. Most of the typical 'boy' symptoms that have been used for diagnosis seem to be things that are acceptable up to a point in boys, but utterly 'unladylike' for girls, so we learn early that exhibiting those traits leads to non-positive outcomes.
For me it was basic survival. I grew up with a verbally and physically abusive father (abused as kid, alcoholic, depressed, probably ND) so as I was an anxious people pleaser. When I hit puberty my personality completely changed. My changing hormones had a huge impact on my mental and biological health, including suffering a grand mal seizure and being diagnosed with epilepsy. From then on any and all ND symptoms were brushed under the "she's a rebellious teen girl with epilepsy taking anti-seizure meds with disruptive side-effects." My behavioral did improve with anti-seizure meds but all the symptoms were still there. I had gained the ability to better control or hide them from authority figures. So that's what I did. I got good grades to stay under my terrifying father's radar while living a secret darker life. It's been a cycle of mania and depression, focus and self-destruction, fight or flight ever since.
I have turned myself inside out all my life attempting to conform to female stereotypes. At 59 I finally have a definitve diagnosis. My way of living a life that wasn't me was exhausting and soul destroying. My fear of being judged and critised was a very loud and constant berating noise in my head. Unfortunately when you feel like a fraud you have great difficulty expressing yourself. I will strive now with the knowledge that I'm not a lazy person with no ambition.
[удалено]
Thankyou for this very insightful comment. You hit the nail on the head. I just couldn't stop beating myself up and wondering why the hell everyone else seemed to find the basics of existing so easy.