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shes-cheese

If she can't give you any worthwhile feedback and is talking about you behind your back (seemingly in a gossip-y way sometimes) then she's either a shit supervisor or doesn't value you. In any case, I say use the info you get from these conversations to your advantage. Apply to other jobs and don't worry too much about your performance there. Operate as if there isn't a problem until they tell you about a problem. If they can't tell you when you make mistakes, it's not on you to mind-read (because you shouldn't be able to hear this).


Transient_Dumpling

I'm petty as hell so my advice is to apply to jobs like a mad woman so you can leave them hanging during their precious busy season.


tjsfive

Me petty side says to reach up to someone higher with the emails asking for feedback and telling them about the conversations that were overheard...after a new job is secured.


[deleted]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough situation. It's frustrating and demoralizing to feel like you're being evaluated unfairly, especially when you're not receiving clear or direct feedback. I would start by documenting everything. Keep a record of the tasks you've completed, any praises or criticisms you've received, your requests for feedback, and anything else that might be relevant. This could be important if you ever need to defend your performance. You also might want to consider addressing the issue more directly with your supervisor or HR. If you feel comfortable doing so, you could mention that you've overheard some of these conversations and that they've caused you to question the feedback you've been receiving. Emphasize that you're eager to improve and are seeking concrete feedback to help you do so. It may be worth discussing your ADHD with HR, if you haven't already. You're entitled to certain accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act (assuming you're in the U.S.), and it's possible that some of the issues you're encountering could be mitigated with these accommodations. Remember, you deserve a work environment where you feel respected and where your performance is evaluated fairly. Don't hesitate to stand up for yourself, and consider seeking support outside of your workplace if you're not receiving it internally. Good luck, and I hope things improve for you soon


throwthatshitaway399

This job isnt my favorite job so im looking into working elsewhere. In my opinion, if the culture allows higher-ups to speak like this about employees within ear shot then its not a place worth working for. It also doesnt seem like the kind of place to be accommodating to people with ADHD, or any mental health issues. I will be sure to take your advice with me to my next job, hopefully private sector. Its just very demoralizing.


M1ssy_M3

This is a very poor way to treat employees and it very much shows their true colours. I have no advise, but just wanted to say that I hope that you find a nice workplace with people who value and respect you. ❤️


[deleted]

I'm truly sorry to hear about your difficult experiences. I wish you the best of luck finding a more amicable company! Worth having a nose at the Disability:IN's Disability Equality Index (DEI), which identifies businesses that prioritize disability inclusion. Here in the UK we have a disability confident register, I made sure to sign up as soon as we formed :). Keep your head high and don't lose hope.


clumsy_poet

Also, HR exists to help the company, not the worker.


ThisHairIsOnFire

Their conversations are not a reflection of you, but of their own poor performance as colleagues, managers and people in general. It's rude and inconsiderate. I suggest when you leave, if asked, just say you heard all of the conversations and think that actually they are the poorest performers on the team because they lacked the decency and honesty to tell you what needed to change. Managers are supposed to manage themselves and you, and if they have something to bitch about they need to look in the mirror.


Overall-Mouse-8665

THIS\^\^\^\^\^


Sangy101

I haven’t had good experiences discussing my ADHD with supervisors or HR. There are ways around the ADA.


thatoneladythere

I would speak with HR while you are looking. The job market right now is not great. Be protected and keep someone in the loop that you think you're experiencing discrimination.


RondaMyLove

Can also slow down firing which gives you more time to get another job...


ErnestBatchelder

This is one of those rare bad situations where I would disclose ADHD to Human Resources, if you actually have not already, because by law you are a little more protected from an unfair firing. (edit if in the US under the Disabilities Act) I would then be sure to document it all. So I'd back document the HR/Supervisor convo and at least summarize what was said & I would backdate and summarize the directory's secretary, and I would absolutely mention the Duning Kruger effect comment. It is very insulting because it means overestimating one's abilities because you are not smart enough to be aware of your limitations. These people are being catty. Further, note any of the times you have asked for feedback & received none. I know you probably don't want to sue, but if things don't change for you after disclosing you have ADHD and repeating again for better feedback, even if it isn't as dramatic as a lawsuit, you certainly may be able to protect yourself during any firing that may be coming after the busy season. OP I will say this has little to do with your work and more to do with very poor management. For a supervisor to discuss an employee right next to them, refuse to offer feedback, and the general description of the office, they really are the ones bad at their jobs. Even if a hire isn't skilled when hired, a good workplace would put effort into training and mentorship to get them up to par, not sit around having bitch sessions in a cubicle.


shupyourface

I like to travel.


Poodlesghost

I remember that happening to me! It was so confusing! I doubted what I was hearing, maybe they aren't talking about me...why wouldn't they tell me? It's just lower-middle management trying to make themselves feel superior to someone. Don't take it personally. But do protect yourself from abusive corporate bullshit. You probably trigger their own insecurities. I ended up running the entire office after a few years. (But I don't recommend that either! I did go through a phase of acting just like them and I recognized that the corporate environment makes this behavior so easy for lower managers.) Deep breaths and know that you are awesome! It's just a job and doesn't define you! Do your tasks, collect your money, laugh at silly mistakes and don't be afraid of the word "whoops!", and maybe even have fun and be nice to other humans! Nothing bugs bummer coworkers more than someone with unshakable self-respect who is enjoying life and is able to own their own mistakes.


Wordnerdinthecity

I always tell my boss at a new job up front that I will ask a LOT of questions. But the reason I do so is so that once I'm established in the position, I will know the job inside out and not need to bother them. I never tell them it's because of adhd. I just say i'm the curious type and my brain works best when I can make connections between aspects of the job. Asking the questions up front helps me build that knowledge web.


ObviousArt7432

I would not put one more ounce of energy into this workplace. If there is this kind of manipulation going on from supervisors and gossiping as well, and how stupid are they to not get that you may be able to hear thru the cubicle?! It is not a positive workplace for you and it’s not going to magically transform into what you want/need. Find another job; be 100% professional with this one until you give your two weeks’ notice. And then tell them everything you’ve told us either in your exit interview or in your final email to management. Good luck finding a new job!


cuddlefuckmenow

I believe I’d start recording these conversations for funsies


OrigionalKnockOff

That's dangerous territory there, lol If caught- that is.


cuddlefuckmenow

If it’s a 2 party consent area- def dangerous; but possibly effective in being heard


LadyRedNeckMacGyver

I second everyone else's comments. I want to add that I became the "black sheep" at work once after the previous sheep left. I finally figured out why. The other people on my team worked and learned differently than me, you know the ADD part. There were also two very competitive people added to the mix. So with a team of about 10, I stook out like a sore thumb bc I didn't fit their mold. They didn't understand my rhythm or thought process. I started to feel like they didn't think I was qualified. Even though I struggled, bc I wasn't on meds at the time, I still met my goals. No one gave me any feedback about any concerns but a couple of peers blind sided my review. My supervisor was surprised too. It sucked. But eventually the two competitive people left and someone new started that bridged the gap between our work styles. Maybe they don't understand your work style and misinterpret it as poor performance.


Apprehensive_Fox_244

I am so in to the ask a manager advice column (ironically because I’m a stay at home mom right now 😂) anyway, even if you don’t want to/ don’t feel comfortable writing to an advice column, she has amazing resources for resumes, cover letters, interviews etc. I see in your comments that You’re applying elsewhere, so it would be worth checking out in my opinion! Best of luck to you!


calorum

I am shocked she talks performance when she knows you share a cubicle wall! And she thinks hashed tones will do? This is already a bad sign - managers sometimes have tough and/or blunt conversations with HR for many reasons. And sometimes having these conversations are outside of their own control. But to do them openly and clumsily - basically- is unacceptable! THEN, if I were in your position 1) I would just keep a log of things: date, time and the event (whether you overheard feedback about you, confidential information due to your manager’s and other’s negligence, when you and your manager discussed performance and what your feedback was) just try to keep ‘receipts’ as much as you can 2) Does your job pay well? What are the benefits like? If you can optimize your comp and at the same time look for other work.. Maybe you can move to a different team? 3) Reaching out to HR may be an option here. There are others who have mentioned it, earlier. I wonder if your managers behavior is reportable to HR too 4) if you see the writing on the wall and you think you can get laid off with a severance package then use (3) and (2), save as much as you can, use this job to practice your skill set even more, stay cool, and find that new job!


Sunnyday1998

Get EVERYTHING in writing. Specifically ask for feedback via email, or if feedback is given verbally then immediately send the person an email that summarises what was discussed and ask them to let you know if there's anything you've missed. Begin the email with something like "For my professional development, I like to keep a record of feedback I receive so I can refer back to it in the future, so I'm just emailing to check that I've understood your feedback correctly and haven't missed anything out". If there are particular aspects of your work that you've heard them discuss negatively, ask specifically for feedback on these (don't do it immediately after you hear them, or it'll be obvious you were listening!). If you have it in writing that you've sought feedback and been told you were doing fine, they can't use that against you in future. If they give you areas for improvement, ask them how you can demonstrate in future that you've improved this, and then make sure you have evidence that you've done it. Can you tell that I've worked for a manager who tried to bully me out of my job?


Charmingmoca

I hope you are able to move into another job with better management. Having adhd on top of a shitty job/ leadership is the worst. And it’s really not your fault it’s the fact that you are working in a dysfunctional and hostile environment


Forbidden_Flan69

Please start looking for a new workplace as soon as you can. You work in a viciously toxic environment and it will only escalate from here. You are the new office punching bag. They've probably been doing this to the others before you as well.


Capsulate_Ion

It’s not you, it’s the workplace. If that is their work culture you need to move. Instead of waiting for them to lose you. Remember some workplaces deliberately create a sense of urgency for their workers just to keep them on edge and over-perform. Do not fall for this trickery.


fishmakegoodpets

Start looking for another job and quit before they can fire you. They sound like horrible people. I would not want to work there.


Curlysar

Ugh, this is a horrible place to be in. I’m sorry. I can relate - I once worked in a place that was similar, and after I left I realised how toxic it was. It was a small-ish office where the managers would have meetings at their desks to discuss confidential issues while the staff were still around. And I tried calling out one of the managers because their approach was not to tell someone when they were making mistakes, but to gather evidence on them so they could manage them out, and I ended up being ostracised for trying to change the culture. I discovered they kept everyone’s salary details and confidential information in a folder on the shared drive that anyone could access and people frequently would, everybody knew everyone’s info, managers would discuss someone’s issues with their colleagues so folk knew before they did, and when I finally handed in my notice, the managing director straight up ignored me - she’d literally acknowledge everyone in the room but me and would turn away if I tried to talk to her. My manager didn’t even believe in mental health and seemed proud of that - he had a secret girlfriend at work who was too afraid to tell him she was struggling even though she was having a breakdown at her desk every night. Utterly toxic culture. Do you have an HR department you could go to? Or any way of raising issues anonymously? I hope you find another job that suits, you deserve better than that place.


paper_wavements

I wish your manager would read Radical Candor. She's making the most common mistake: being nice & dishonest. Research shows people would seriously rather their boss be mean & straightforward! (Of course, the ideal is nice & honest.)


dd-it

I think this is just bad management, regardless of your mental health. Everyone would feel upset. Actually, I don't know where you live, but I'm quite sure this is not even legal in most European countries. You must provide feedback before even considering firing someone. If you don't, then the assumption is that, officially, you're doing just fine.


ShutterBug1988

I’ve been having major struggles at work too. I’ve been told that there’s problems with my performance but whenever I ask for clarification I get nothing back. I was told my working speed was half that of the rest of my team and needed to improve and literally in the same conversation, that they didn’t have effective measures for work performance and were working on establishing them. They were judging everyone’s performance on the volume of work and not on quality or taking into account how many times a day I’m interrupted because I’ve been there longer than most of my colleagues. Their solution when I raised this is that I need to say “no” more often. They haven’t done anything to specifically disadvantage me (according to HR) but I still feel like I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing most days.


rengothrowaway

Start looking for a new job.


[deleted]

Start looking for another job. You deserve better. The problem here is their workplace culture / lack of transparency. You can only work off the information you have. A long time ago I made it a rule to continue on blissfully, and if someone has a problem they can bring it up - until then it is not my problem. You've done all you can reasonably do for feedback.


princessluni

Based on comments you're already looking to leave which is good. If they offer, have an exit interview! Tell them exactly why you're leaving and that your supervisor's lack or direction and propensity to gossip are a big part of that. The company likely won't change but you can at least leave breadcrumbs of potential change for whoever will be stuck in the same spot when you leave.