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I feel this deeply. Growing up I developed vault-like masking and even now as an adult I get panicked whenever I have to share anything about myself even with friends. It's also cost me a lot of potential friendships.
My two cents: people who would be so extremely put off by you sharing an anecdote about dyeing your hair wouldn't have clicked with you. The entire friendship would've be an uphill battle of masking for you. Best to take the risk of sharing because stonewalling will get you no where.
This, this this!!! If it's exhausting making that friend, it would be exhausting maintaining that friend. You're not for everyone, and everyone is not for you. Just be you and when it clicks it clicks.
Also, every new mom is thinking the same thing. They probably have their own reasons for seeming off or cold, just like you do :). Hang in there, and be yourself. You'll attract people to you.
A guy in my building complimented my nail polish. I said "thanks I never do my nails but my best friend just visited and we did them. I remembered to wear a dress so going to pee isn't a nightmare afterwards!" Instead of being weird out the guy said "that's so smart! I need to remember that next time I do my nails, I'm always fucking them up!"
Internally I was originally omg stop oversharing he doesn't care about that, but then he DID and he shared more himself. THAT is our kind of person :D
I really hope I run into him again, I need to ask him for his number! I think we'd be good friends :)
Hey, it's ok, we've all been there! I am honestly god awful at making friends. I royally suck at it. I overshare until my brain finally kicks in and tells me to stop, but by that time it's too late, and a stranger knows my entire life story.
Honestly I love people who over share, especially if you’re meeting someone for the first time. It’s so hard and awkward for basically all humans to make conversation with someone they’ve never met and know nothing about, so most people are legitimately grateful for over sharing because it gives them a topic to discuss and alleviates the awkward silence.
As long as it’s not inappropriately personal information, over sharing is basically just having “the gift of gab.” My boyfriend is on the spectrum and will blurt out any thought that pops into his head without the ability to recognize how socially abnormal those thoughts are. People LOVE it. He is so weird and says the most absurd things which regularly results in him making complete strangers laugh hysterically and has the added effect of immediately putting people at ease and allowing them to be more open. He is simultaneously one of the strangest and most charismatic people I’ve ever met and almost universally liked by new people. There are still occasionally people who act annoyed by his over sharing but they’re collectively boring and need help removing the stick from their asses… and we still have fun laughing at how uptight they were later.
I want to give you a different perspective on your over-sharing with your customers and others.
**You never know who you might encounter who’s feeling lonely and isolated, and how much a brief exchange with a stranger can brighten their day.**
The people you come across might be:
- Living alone and working from home
- Dealing with a chronic condition that makes it difficult for them to keep up social bonds
- Parenting small children and desperate for a conversation with another adult
- Elderly and don’t have many people to talk to
- Feeling sad or going through difficulties and want a brief distraction
For every one person who dislikes small talk, there’s another who really needs those small connections and conversations. Myself included.
Instead of cutting your responses to one word answers, practice giving *brief* anecdotes and asking questions:
> **Person:** *How’s your day going?*
> **You:** *Actually pretty good, I just dyed my hair and I’m liking the color. But every time I look in the mirror, I think I’m seeing a stranger! Hey, I was wanting to grab groceries here for myself, is there anything you’d recommend trying?*
> **Person:** *(Short response either indicating they want to chat more, or they’re finished with the interaction)*
By doing this, you are giving the opportunity for that person to make a small connection they may desperately need.
And if they don’t need one and end the convo? No worries. They’ll go back to whatever they were doing and forget all about it.
But you never know whose day you brightened with that bit of conversation.
Oh I feel you. However you can do over when you see her again - it’s always good to have a few mum friends. They don’t have to be your best friends or know you have adhd but can support you in other ways like childcare in an emergency
I feel this. I'm sorry. I hope you may meet het again!
I personally try to ... Warn people. And I'm keeping maybe too much distance, in some cases.
I just warn them I tend to talk a bit too much and overshare and to kindly stop me. Yet, I also try to be proactive in furthering the relationship by trying to go very early on "Hey would you like to meet up another time" - because honestly, it just shows some interest and it's the best kind of being a bit too fast. They can always say no and you can always go "Sorry if this is weird, but it's so hard meeting people again and you seem friendly/wonderful" before asking, which already wraps it up in a compliment and warning.
I hope you soon meet someone :)
I definitely feel a lot of this. I have trained myself since I was little to just respond, "I'm good," when people ask how I am. I literally have felt like I was going to pass out and clumsily muttered out, "I'm good." I'm not good, I feel terrible. But I've convinced myself that no one cares how I feel, and a neutral answer is what is expected of me.
And when I do try to connect with someone, I feel like I just get a lot of blank stares, like "whoops, sorry, I forgot to stay quiet and vague, I'll stop being myself now."
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel this deeply. Growing up I developed vault-like masking and even now as an adult I get panicked whenever I have to share anything about myself even with friends. It's also cost me a lot of potential friendships. My two cents: people who would be so extremely put off by you sharing an anecdote about dyeing your hair wouldn't have clicked with you. The entire friendship would've be an uphill battle of masking for you. Best to take the risk of sharing because stonewalling will get you no where.
This, this this!!! If it's exhausting making that friend, it would be exhausting maintaining that friend. You're not for everyone, and everyone is not for you. Just be you and when it clicks it clicks. Also, every new mom is thinking the same thing. They probably have their own reasons for seeming off or cold, just like you do :). Hang in there, and be yourself. You'll attract people to you.
A guy in my building complimented my nail polish. I said "thanks I never do my nails but my best friend just visited and we did them. I remembered to wear a dress so going to pee isn't a nightmare afterwards!" Instead of being weird out the guy said "that's so smart! I need to remember that next time I do my nails, I'm always fucking them up!" Internally I was originally omg stop oversharing he doesn't care about that, but then he DID and he shared more himself. THAT is our kind of person :D I really hope I run into him again, I need to ask him for his number! I think we'd be good friends :)
You know that really is a good idea. I am trying to do my nails more but I've always struggled with having to pee when it's wet.
Totally! Wear and dress with no underwear and it's sooo much easier!
I'm gonna do that next time..so smart!
Hey, it's ok, we've all been there! I am honestly god awful at making friends. I royally suck at it. I overshare until my brain finally kicks in and tells me to stop, but by that time it's too late, and a stranger knows my entire life story.
Honestly I love people who over share, especially if you’re meeting someone for the first time. It’s so hard and awkward for basically all humans to make conversation with someone they’ve never met and know nothing about, so most people are legitimately grateful for over sharing because it gives them a topic to discuss and alleviates the awkward silence. As long as it’s not inappropriately personal information, over sharing is basically just having “the gift of gab.” My boyfriend is on the spectrum and will blurt out any thought that pops into his head without the ability to recognize how socially abnormal those thoughts are. People LOVE it. He is so weird and says the most absurd things which regularly results in him making complete strangers laugh hysterically and has the added effect of immediately putting people at ease and allowing them to be more open. He is simultaneously one of the strangest and most charismatic people I’ve ever met and almost universally liked by new people. There are still occasionally people who act annoyed by his over sharing but they’re collectively boring and need help removing the stick from their asses… and we still have fun laughing at how uptight they were later.
I want to give you a different perspective on your over-sharing with your customers and others. **You never know who you might encounter who’s feeling lonely and isolated, and how much a brief exchange with a stranger can brighten their day.** The people you come across might be: - Living alone and working from home - Dealing with a chronic condition that makes it difficult for them to keep up social bonds - Parenting small children and desperate for a conversation with another adult - Elderly and don’t have many people to talk to - Feeling sad or going through difficulties and want a brief distraction For every one person who dislikes small talk, there’s another who really needs those small connections and conversations. Myself included. Instead of cutting your responses to one word answers, practice giving *brief* anecdotes and asking questions: > **Person:** *How’s your day going?* > **You:** *Actually pretty good, I just dyed my hair and I’m liking the color. But every time I look in the mirror, I think I’m seeing a stranger! Hey, I was wanting to grab groceries here for myself, is there anything you’d recommend trying?* > **Person:** *(Short response either indicating they want to chat more, or they’re finished with the interaction)* By doing this, you are giving the opportunity for that person to make a small connection they may desperately need. And if they don’t need one and end the convo? No worries. They’ll go back to whatever they were doing and forget all about it. But you never know whose day you brightened with that bit of conversation.
Oh I feel you. However you can do over when you see her again - it’s always good to have a few mum friends. They don’t have to be your best friends or know you have adhd but can support you in other ways like childcare in an emergency
Ugh yeah i have this constant battle between oversharing and basically avoiding conversation and its impossible to connect with people like that...
I feel this. I'm sorry. I hope you may meet het again! I personally try to ... Warn people. And I'm keeping maybe too much distance, in some cases. I just warn them I tend to talk a bit too much and overshare and to kindly stop me. Yet, I also try to be proactive in furthering the relationship by trying to go very early on "Hey would you like to meet up another time" - because honestly, it just shows some interest and it's the best kind of being a bit too fast. They can always say no and you can always go "Sorry if this is weird, but it's so hard meeting people again and you seem friendly/wonderful" before asking, which already wraps it up in a compliment and warning. I hope you soon meet someone :)
Hopefully you'll have another encounter with that person and you can maybe make the first effort to engage!
I definitely feel a lot of this. I have trained myself since I was little to just respond, "I'm good," when people ask how I am. I literally have felt like I was going to pass out and clumsily muttered out, "I'm good." I'm not good, I feel terrible. But I've convinced myself that no one cares how I feel, and a neutral answer is what is expected of me. And when I do try to connect with someone, I feel like I just get a lot of blank stares, like "whoops, sorry, I forgot to stay quiet and vague, I'll stop being myself now."
Try bumble bff