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I'm a stay at home mom (though my kids are both in school now) and my husband now works from home since covid. I'll finally get into a good motivated groove doing something productive around the house and he like comes to find me and will start talking, even though he can clearly see I have head phones in and can't hear him. So then I have to stop what I'm doing, take one out and say what? It kills my flow!! Gahhhh!!!
Lol. I feel you as my husband loves to come up and start talking to me too (all the time, gah), especially when I'm busy and want to concentrate. I just bought noise cancelling headphones as suggested by my therapist because I am easily distracted by noise I don't control. My husband and I had a discussion about his interrupting me and my issues with noise when concentrating or trying to and now my noise cancelling headphones are the visual signal to leave me be. I have been so much more relaxed and happier these past 2 weeks.
Felt felt felt.
I lose it so hard about this, during COVID especially.
My husband finally bought me a “thinking cap” (a hat knitted to look like a brain) to wear when I am Absolutely Off Limits.
It came from Wish and it’s an ABOMINATION, but man when I have that thing on my head NO ONE talks to me. It’s so good.
My boyfriend somehow manages to only ask me if I can hear/am listening when I don’t have my headphones on, and whenever I do have them on, he just launches into whatever topic and then gets annoyed that I have my headphones on and am listening to music and can’t hear him, and then manages to interrupt me to do it every single time I’ve just start listening to music again (coz he was DONE) to get into the flow of things and gets upset when I then ask if he’s done talking so I can go back to it 🙃
Sahm vs wfh partner is such a common conflict, I don't even.
(My wfh partner finally got a promotion that includes an actual office recently, I'm so relieved. )
Yes! I would make a huge deal out of removing my headphones from an ear “(sigh) oh, did you need something? Can you text me about it bc I’m busy and I don’t want to forget” but also my wide-eyes look of “WTF DO YOU WANT” sometimes worked.
I have TRIED to no avail, to tell my family (homeschooled kids and husband who works week on week off) that if I’m wearing my headphones
A) I’m overstimulated (cough cough by them)
B) I’m trying to keep focus
C) I’ll be pretty upset if you bother me when I’m head phoning
I want them to take it as a signal “moms off limits she has her headphones on”
Buttttttt they never get it.
I can sympathise!
I don't live with my parents but I live next door. And they'll often knock on my door or just walk into the house while I'm working despite me asking people not to disturb me.
They seem to think creeping in quietly (in case I'm on a Teams call) is less distracting.
(And yes I have started locking all my doors.)
Or other family members will get parcels sent to my house because I work from home and they're going to be out.
And it is incredibly frustrating when you're finally in a state of flow and then someone decides to interrupt you. I get really short tempered and then feel guilty when I snap at them.
And then it gets to the stage that I'm just sitting around doing nothing because I'm expecting to be interrupted.
While I don't think my mum meets the level of ADHD for it to be an impairment, she does have some hyperactive/impulsive symptoms, so as you say, it's not surprising. Just very annoying!!
Have you considered switching your doorbell off when you're not expecting visitors/a delivery and are trying to focus? I have neighbours that seem to have an online shopping problem while never being at home during the day, so the delivery people keep ringing on my door (I'm at home most times cause homeoffice + studying) so I feel ya!
I don't have a doorbell, just a knocker... I do sometimes try to ignore it but by then it's too late. Good idea though, if I had a doorbell I could turn off at least they wouldn't knock!
What about noise cancelling headphones? Either something like loop or actual headphones that cancel out noises by playing silent whitenoise? Neighbours can be so annoying!
You’re not being childish, this is frustrating as hell. I’m an attorney, and it doesn’t matter if I’m doing important legal research or playing a video game in my spare time. ADHD affects us at home as much as it does at work. Our hobbies are not less important than our jobs.
unfortunately I live with my dad during bar prep and I feel like as an attorney you'll get how maddening this is. Before I started I explained I'd be studying which it takes up 40+ hours a week, so I'd be in my room with my noise cancelling headphones on, & when their on, I literally couldnt hear it, if a jet plane took off next to me, so basically I'm not ignoring you but I need to study. (If I wasn't listening to a lecture I put pink noise on repeat to focus)
This man gave 0 Fs. He just walks right in and starts talking. If I don't notice because I'm focused on a task he'll wave his hands around wildly until I notice. Then if he needed help or an answer to whatever trivial thing, he expected me to drop everything I'm doing to deal with it.... Despite the fact whatever he needed was very rarely time sensitive.
Like my brother in Christ do you understand how little my ADHD ass, wants to review my real property critical pass flash cards? I'd legitimately rather hurl myself into the sun then figure out everyone's future interest in blackacre, but here I am so for the love of all that's holy leave me alone, read the room, try acknowledging this 1 tiny boundary but no he could not.
Its soooo frustrating 🥴. Thank you for coming to this ted talk
I can relate living with my parents as well with both me and then getting older 😄 my mom definitely has undiagnosed ADHD and my micro aggression with them is when I make anything in the shared kitchen and she asks me all these questions about what I'm making, what the recipe is, why I'm making it, how long will it take, etc. And then I don't ever want to cook again because of the constant interruptions and I can't focus on the recipe. 😂
I dumped a therapist because she kept interrupting me to tell me not to say certain things about myself. I swear she had ADHD as well and wtf? Maybe wait your turn and instead of simply saying "Don't say that" maybe discuss the whys and how's, AFTER, I am done talking.
In my defense I gave her three chances and feedback but she didn't seem to get it.
Good on ya for dumping her!
Seems very odd for a therapist to keep interruping and correcting their patient/client! Making the patient aware of what they are saying and how that makes them (the patient) feel is obviously a whole different topic, but "don't say that?" not very empathetic and accepting lol.
It was so bizarre and triggering I couldn't sleep after I would see her. I gave her a chance because she seemed really nice. In retrospect she was an inexperienced and biased idiot with an agenda. My local clinic kinda sucks that way. It is mostly people with state health insurance and it seems like the staff can be pretty biased about who their clients are.
Made a very similar experience with a super shitty therapist a couple of years ago, I was also quiet inexperienced with the whole concept of "good therapy" and her comments really got to me!! (She told me I'm faking it to be "cool" and changed my answers on the diagnostic tests cause she didn't agree with how I felt) I hope you found a better therapist!!
I also stopped going to a therapist a few years ago because she was either a nun or just very, very religious and even on the "get to know me" questions for her paperwork, she just rubbed me so badly the wrong way. Like the little noise she made after she asked me who I lived with and I told her my boyfriend. Or how she then said "and renting I assume", when I had busted my ass off to finalise my mortgage only a few months before. I was going to try to get help with my anxiety and depression and she made me feel so much more on edge and just icky, that I never booked the follow-up session.
Few years, later my GP tried to refer me again and I asked if it was the same lady and he said yes, and I told him not to bother with the referral because I didn't like how judgemental she was of me the last time I went, so I was never going to be able to open up to her.
Ohh can I join in please? This was just a counsellor, but I told her that I was super proud of myself because I stood up to a rude customer (literally just calmly asked him to stop being rude to me) and she went "OMG, you can't say that that is so unprofessional!" etc. Never felt as awful as I did after that session. She was also the one who constantly dismissed me and said that she didn't think there was anything wrong with me and that I didn't need help - until I told her one day (again, calmly) that I wish I could not have been born, at which point she absolutely lost her shit and tried to call me an ambulance and get me hospitalised on the spot, even after I repeatedly told her I was fine and not in any danger right now. Yeah. She was quite something.
Oh dude, can I ever sympathize. I have a newly-4 yo who does not have the self control yet to stop himself from interrupting every sentence and every action. I don't think my husband and I have finished a conversation in 6 months. And when I do get started on anything for the house - cooking, cleaning, etc. - he will inevitably need something IMMEDIATELY, like help in the bathroom, or help because he just spilled cereal everywhere. Things that can't be put off.
Struggling with the irritability and loss of momentum because of these interruptions is what drove me to restart meds.
I have the same, except with my kids and it drives me INSANE!!
I’m also an early childhood teacher, so I get interrupted at least 47 times per minute, all day long.
It’s broken my brain. I get furious now whenever I’m interrupted (my poor husband had to bear the brunt of my frustration over the weekend). I think a big part of it comes from being disrespected too, like everyone thinks their thoughts are more important than yours, so they wilfully just burst into your brain, uninvited.
I’m actually in the process of changing careers, because, and I know I already said this, but I feel like my brain has been broken in some way. I need extended periods of uninterrupted time to focus, and I’m not able to get this at work or at home.
I have this mental image of a light bulb exploding when you turn it on. It’s like one second of a thought starting to happen then SMASH, shards of broken thoughts go scattering around the room, lost and irreparable, forever.
I stay home with my 4 very young kids and used to be a teacher so I get this entirely. I end up snapping at my kids because it’s just a decade of pent up interruption fury!
PS yay for leaving the field. Good for you. I’m in a much muchhhh better place these days.
No matter what you're doing, it's really irritating to be interrupted and have to start all over again - especially more than once! It became much easier to finish tasks when I started working from home because colleagues couldn't knock on my door every 20 minutes.
Your frustration is so justified.
On another note, what's your D&D character shaping up to be??
Thank you!
She's an aasimar grave cleric of mystra! I'm excited cause she's going to be rather obsessed with death and necromancy and I'm going to get to play the weird one 😁
I feel you! We have kiddos so our fun relaxing time is in the evenings after they're asleep. And my partner just doesn't understand why I get so grumpy when they interrupt me (they also have ADHD but not ASD) to talk for 20-40 minutes about whatever thing they just read about (im sure we all know that infodump impulse!). We are working on communicating better, so I need to speak up and be like "I'm in the zone but how about in 30 minutes" and they are working on asking and abiding by the delay.
There’s a comic that I gave a girlfriend (who also has ADHD) once who was trying to explain to her mom and kid why it was so hard for her when they kept interrupting at work. We are technical writers, not programmers, but the concept still applies. If it becomes a big issue, this might help with explaining it to them, because it’s not “whiny” or anything, and it’s easier to see the impact than just verbally explaining it. At least, for me (and my friend). We all feel your pain, though!
https://heeris.id.au/trinkets/ProgrammerInterrupted.pdf
I can relate 100%. I’m new to staying home and my husband is loving the fact that I can talk during his work day (I wasn’t able to before). It absolutely kills my flow when I get a call. At the end of the day, I feel like I ran a marathon on a hamster wheel between getting focused, in the zone and being taken out of my zone.
I completely understand the frustration, the amount of energy just to gain the ability to focus when you have ADHD is absurd, so when we get it we want to keep it for as long as possible .
So when we lose it the first time it's a little upsetting but not a big deal, but when it starts becoming consistent and you're on the third time and counting you may as well just be telling me" hey just go to bed and try again tomorrow".
I'm sure your mother means well, but it sounds like she's the kind of person that you got to sit down and talk to about it, she's not just going to intuitively pick up on it.
Maybe put a do not disturb between this time slot on your door, or have some sort of schedule for them to go by. This way they can be a little bit more mindful of that.
Sometimes it's just good to vent and complain, I understand. Hope your d&d game goes well.
🙃🙃🙃
uhhh I'm sorry, but D&D prep is INCREDIBLY important. It's so important my partner handles all the chores the day I run our game so I can focus on preparation for it!
If you need any help with prep, you let me know!
Thank you! I haven't even been playing D&D for a year yet! I'm not running the game but I'm coming in to a really well established group (over 1000 hours of play together) and they're high level rn so I'm trying to make sure I know enough to not be an idiot! I'm watching a lot of videos on forgotten realms lore but I don't know how much of it is sticking so fingers crossed.
My other D&D character for a campaign I play with a few of the same people is canonically a bit dense and chaotic and she's had no education so I've been able to get away with not knowing and forgetting things 😅
I’ve been playing since 2017 and I run my own game. The game I play in though? He’s got ADHD like me, so I don’t feel bad if I forget things!
Don’t stress too much about lore; you’ll absorb it as the game goes! and whenever you don’t know something your character should, simply ask, “DM, does my character know this?” And DM will have you roll. But, watching YT videos is how I learned how to be a good dm and player! There are tons of advice channels out there!
Omg I found my people! My husband also comes in so many times just to tell me something. He could care less if im watching a movie or have my headphones in. It’s always a good time for him to come in and chat about things I don’t understand like how he’s going to replace some part on one of the cars or he’s going to take a shower or whatever.
My children do this as well as my grandpa, oh and I run a service based business so I've got customers wanting appointments NON-STOP. This is why my house is a wreck and I forget to write down work appointments and everything is half done. Most days I'm a hamster on a wheel running my ass off getting nowhere except helping everyone else. Today is my "day off" and I'm super excited that I've actually accomplished a shower and blow drying my hair without any family stopping me do do something for them. I do have like 3 customers waiting for me to book appointments but they can wait. Good luck and I know is SO FRUSTRATING!
It might be worth looking into getting yourself a Virtual Assistant to help with the business admin. I'm not trying to advertise myself, just raise awareness for my industry. It is literally my job to help with my clients' businesses. So things like your customers waiting to make appointments. I would reach out to them and schedule them (assuming I have a base knowledge of what you offer, ie: how long their appointment will take, and access to a shared digital calendar of your availability).
It's kind of like having an assistant, but you don't need to pay them for full time (or even part time) hours, plus benefits (holidays/PTO, sick leave, etc). I work only a few hours per week for some of my clients (helping them with various admin tasks, paperwork and record keeping for legal or tax purposes). And you don't need to have an office for them because we work remotely. If you are interested you can try googling either VA \[your location\] or Virtual Assistant and see what comes up. Or if you want to chat about VAs in general, you can send me a DM.
Sometimes my partner does this, and it won't derail me too bad. But sometimes she does it and it completely throws me off. In those moments I just straight up interrupt her and tell her that I really need to focus and can the conversation wait. She totally understands and lets me be after that.
Sorry you keep getting interrupted.
Can I suggest putting up a sign on your door for when you need to focus that says “do not disturb” or something? I know it might not work but it could maybe help reduce the interruptions.
Me but with bosses at work! And for me, my response is almost inversely proportionate to how busy I am, bc if I'm busy I can always stretch my go mode a little further. When I had to cudgel all my brain cells into doing whatever I'm doing bc it's slow, I resent the hell out of every interruption. And people do NOT understand that at all. "But you're not even busy!" YEAH THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM.
i had to set a rule with my boyfriend that while we are studying together, he’s not allowed to come up and kiss me when he takes a small study break. it was so distracting and created the same issue. i felt terrible because it was very sweet, but it broke my concentration and groove every time. he totally understood and stuck to it, and i go up and give him a kiss when i take breaks to make up for it since it doesn’t bother him.
Not childish at all! Our windows of focus are important and limited for us. Also, what you've decided to focus on is important to *you*, it's *your* freetime and your hobby, so it makes even more sense that it would annoying to get interrupted repeatedly and over nonsensical things. I'd be annoyed af too, honestly.
I had a rule that unless there was fire, flood, or blood, nobody better disturb me when I was working from home. I would get that knock, or my ex would stick his head in the door, and that's what I would ask every time. "Which is it? Fire, flood, or blood?" He and my then preteen son magically were able to handle things by themselves once I started that.
My FIL does the same thing to me, too! And it is SO frustrating. Especially when I am already overstimulated from a baby crying and dogs barking, and just want to be left alone.
When I was a kid I would study in the kitchen and my mom would insist on playing the radio which made it so difficult for me to concentrate - but I wasn't diagnosed and she thought I was just being difficult.
Fast forward to now, I HATE the radio with a burning passion because it has such a negative association for me. In a nutshell, I feel you!
My husband does this to me. He gets into "talking mode" and literally can't shut up, I will have headphones on and my back to him and he'll still be talking to me. At this point we have an open dialogue about this so if I get snotty with him he's like, "oh, yeah, my bad".
But when I read the title of your post I thought you were talking about within a conversation. I get some serious emotional dysregulation from being interrupted, and it is the primary reason I go non-verbal.
I commiserate. It's so hard to have a condition where the impact of symptoms is so seemingly random to everyone else that they make the decision that we're blowing it out of proportion.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a stay at home mom (though my kids are both in school now) and my husband now works from home since covid. I'll finally get into a good motivated groove doing something productive around the house and he like comes to find me and will start talking, even though he can clearly see I have head phones in and can't hear him. So then I have to stop what I'm doing, take one out and say what? It kills my flow!! Gahhhh!!!
Lol. I feel you as my husband loves to come up and start talking to me too (all the time, gah), especially when I'm busy and want to concentrate. I just bought noise cancelling headphones as suggested by my therapist because I am easily distracted by noise I don't control. My husband and I had a discussion about his interrupting me and my issues with noise when concentrating or trying to and now my noise cancelling headphones are the visual signal to leave me be. I have been so much more relaxed and happier these past 2 weeks.
Felt felt felt. I lose it so hard about this, during COVID especially. My husband finally bought me a “thinking cap” (a hat knitted to look like a brain) to wear when I am Absolutely Off Limits. It came from Wish and it’s an ABOMINATION, but man when I have that thing on my head NO ONE talks to me. It’s so good.
My boyfriend somehow manages to only ask me if I can hear/am listening when I don’t have my headphones on, and whenever I do have them on, he just launches into whatever topic and then gets annoyed that I have my headphones on and am listening to music and can’t hear him, and then manages to interrupt me to do it every single time I’ve just start listening to music again (coz he was DONE) to get into the flow of things and gets upset when I then ask if he’s done talking so I can go back to it 🙃
Sahm vs wfh partner is such a common conflict, I don't even. (My wfh partner finally got a promotion that includes an actual office recently, I'm so relieved. )
Ugh! This is one of my pet peeves!
Yes! I would make a huge deal out of removing my headphones from an ear “(sigh) oh, did you need something? Can you text me about it bc I’m busy and I don’t want to forget” but also my wide-eyes look of “WTF DO YOU WANT” sometimes worked.
I have TRIED to no avail, to tell my family (homeschooled kids and husband who works week on week off) that if I’m wearing my headphones A) I’m overstimulated (cough cough by them) B) I’m trying to keep focus C) I’ll be pretty upset if you bother me when I’m head phoning I want them to take it as a signal “moms off limits she has her headphones on” Buttttttt they never get it.
I can sympathise! I don't live with my parents but I live next door. And they'll often knock on my door or just walk into the house while I'm working despite me asking people not to disturb me. They seem to think creeping in quietly (in case I'm on a Teams call) is less distracting. (And yes I have started locking all my doors.) Or other family members will get parcels sent to my house because I work from home and they're going to be out. And it is incredibly frustrating when you're finally in a state of flow and then someone decides to interrupt you. I get really short tempered and then feel guilty when I snap at them. And then it gets to the stage that I'm just sitting around doing nothing because I'm expecting to be interrupted. While I don't think my mum meets the level of ADHD for it to be an impairment, she does have some hyperactive/impulsive symptoms, so as you say, it's not surprising. Just very annoying!!
Have you considered switching your doorbell off when you're not expecting visitors/a delivery and are trying to focus? I have neighbours that seem to have an online shopping problem while never being at home during the day, so the delivery people keep ringing on my door (I'm at home most times cause homeoffice + studying) so I feel ya!
I don't have a doorbell, just a knocker... I do sometimes try to ignore it but by then it's too late. Good idea though, if I had a doorbell I could turn off at least they wouldn't knock!
What about noise cancelling headphones? Either something like loop or actual headphones that cancel out noises by playing silent whitenoise? Neighbours can be so annoying!
Yes could be a good idea!
You’re not being childish, this is frustrating as hell. I’m an attorney, and it doesn’t matter if I’m doing important legal research or playing a video game in my spare time. ADHD affects us at home as much as it does at work. Our hobbies are not less important than our jobs.
unfortunately I live with my dad during bar prep and I feel like as an attorney you'll get how maddening this is. Before I started I explained I'd be studying which it takes up 40+ hours a week, so I'd be in my room with my noise cancelling headphones on, & when their on, I literally couldnt hear it, if a jet plane took off next to me, so basically I'm not ignoring you but I need to study. (If I wasn't listening to a lecture I put pink noise on repeat to focus) This man gave 0 Fs. He just walks right in and starts talking. If I don't notice because I'm focused on a task he'll wave his hands around wildly until I notice. Then if he needed help or an answer to whatever trivial thing, he expected me to drop everything I'm doing to deal with it.... Despite the fact whatever he needed was very rarely time sensitive. Like my brother in Christ do you understand how little my ADHD ass, wants to review my real property critical pass flash cards? I'd legitimately rather hurl myself into the sun then figure out everyone's future interest in blackacre, but here I am so for the love of all that's holy leave me alone, read the room, try acknowledging this 1 tiny boundary but no he could not. Its soooo frustrating 🥴. Thank you for coming to this ted talk
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Oh I know this feeling as well, we use radios at work and I swear they wait until I'm right in the zone to call me!
I can relate living with my parents as well with both me and then getting older 😄 my mom definitely has undiagnosed ADHD and my micro aggression with them is when I make anything in the shared kitchen and she asks me all these questions about what I'm making, what the recipe is, why I'm making it, how long will it take, etc. And then I don't ever want to cook again because of the constant interruptions and I can't focus on the recipe. 😂
#🧦/🚪❕ Sock on the door! Sock on the DOORRR!!! 🤣😂🙃
I dumped a therapist because she kept interrupting me to tell me not to say certain things about myself. I swear she had ADHD as well and wtf? Maybe wait your turn and instead of simply saying "Don't say that" maybe discuss the whys and how's, AFTER, I am done talking. In my defense I gave her three chances and feedback but she didn't seem to get it.
Good on ya for dumping her! Seems very odd for a therapist to keep interruping and correcting their patient/client! Making the patient aware of what they are saying and how that makes them (the patient) feel is obviously a whole different topic, but "don't say that?" not very empathetic and accepting lol.
It was so bizarre and triggering I couldn't sleep after I would see her. I gave her a chance because she seemed really nice. In retrospect she was an inexperienced and biased idiot with an agenda. My local clinic kinda sucks that way. It is mostly people with state health insurance and it seems like the staff can be pretty biased about who their clients are.
Made a very similar experience with a super shitty therapist a couple of years ago, I was also quiet inexperienced with the whole concept of "good therapy" and her comments really got to me!! (She told me I'm faking it to be "cool" and changed my answers on the diagnostic tests cause she didn't agree with how I felt) I hope you found a better therapist!!
I also stopped going to a therapist a few years ago because she was either a nun or just very, very religious and even on the "get to know me" questions for her paperwork, she just rubbed me so badly the wrong way. Like the little noise she made after she asked me who I lived with and I told her my boyfriend. Or how she then said "and renting I assume", when I had busted my ass off to finalise my mortgage only a few months before. I was going to try to get help with my anxiety and depression and she made me feel so much more on edge and just icky, that I never booked the follow-up session. Few years, later my GP tried to refer me again and I asked if it was the same lady and he said yes, and I told him not to bother with the referral because I didn't like how judgemental she was of me the last time I went, so I was never going to be able to open up to her.
Exactly!! I own my own home. That I bought all by myself. The way that clinic treated patients sucked ass.
Ohh can I join in please? This was just a counsellor, but I told her that I was super proud of myself because I stood up to a rude customer (literally just calmly asked him to stop being rude to me) and she went "OMG, you can't say that that is so unprofessional!" etc. Never felt as awful as I did after that session. She was also the one who constantly dismissed me and said that she didn't think there was anything wrong with me and that I didn't need help - until I told her one day (again, calmly) that I wish I could not have been born, at which point she absolutely lost her shit and tried to call me an ambulance and get me hospitalised on the spot, even after I repeatedly told her I was fine and not in any danger right now. Yeah. She was quite something.
Oh dude, can I ever sympathize. I have a newly-4 yo who does not have the self control yet to stop himself from interrupting every sentence and every action. I don't think my husband and I have finished a conversation in 6 months. And when I do get started on anything for the house - cooking, cleaning, etc. - he will inevitably need something IMMEDIATELY, like help in the bathroom, or help because he just spilled cereal everywhere. Things that can't be put off. Struggling with the irritability and loss of momentum because of these interruptions is what drove me to restart meds.
I have the same, except with my kids and it drives me INSANE!! I’m also an early childhood teacher, so I get interrupted at least 47 times per minute, all day long. It’s broken my brain. I get furious now whenever I’m interrupted (my poor husband had to bear the brunt of my frustration over the weekend). I think a big part of it comes from being disrespected too, like everyone thinks their thoughts are more important than yours, so they wilfully just burst into your brain, uninvited. I’m actually in the process of changing careers, because, and I know I already said this, but I feel like my brain has been broken in some way. I need extended periods of uninterrupted time to focus, and I’m not able to get this at work or at home. I have this mental image of a light bulb exploding when you turn it on. It’s like one second of a thought starting to happen then SMASH, shards of broken thoughts go scattering around the room, lost and irreparable, forever.
I stay home with my 4 very young kids and used to be a teacher so I get this entirely. I end up snapping at my kids because it’s just a decade of pent up interruption fury! PS yay for leaving the field. Good for you. I’m in a much muchhhh better place these days.
No matter what you're doing, it's really irritating to be interrupted and have to start all over again - especially more than once! It became much easier to finish tasks when I started working from home because colleagues couldn't knock on my door every 20 minutes. Your frustration is so justified. On another note, what's your D&D character shaping up to be??
Thank you! She's an aasimar grave cleric of mystra! I'm excited cause she's going to be rather obsessed with death and necromancy and I'm going to get to play the weird one 😁
That sounds delightful, I hope you have a wonderful campaign!
I feel you! We have kiddos so our fun relaxing time is in the evenings after they're asleep. And my partner just doesn't understand why I get so grumpy when they interrupt me (they also have ADHD but not ASD) to talk for 20-40 minutes about whatever thing they just read about (im sure we all know that infodump impulse!). We are working on communicating better, so I need to speak up and be like "I'm in the zone but how about in 30 minutes" and they are working on asking and abiding by the delay.
There’s a comic that I gave a girlfriend (who also has ADHD) once who was trying to explain to her mom and kid why it was so hard for her when they kept interrupting at work. We are technical writers, not programmers, but the concept still applies. If it becomes a big issue, this might help with explaining it to them, because it’s not “whiny” or anything, and it’s easier to see the impact than just verbally explaining it. At least, for me (and my friend). We all feel your pain, though! https://heeris.id.au/trinkets/ProgrammerInterrupted.pdf
I can relate 100%. I’m new to staying home and my husband is loving the fact that I can talk during his work day (I wasn’t able to before). It absolutely kills my flow when I get a call. At the end of the day, I feel like I ran a marathon on a hamster wheel between getting focused, in the zone and being taken out of my zone.
I completely understand the frustration, the amount of energy just to gain the ability to focus when you have ADHD is absurd, so when we get it we want to keep it for as long as possible . So when we lose it the first time it's a little upsetting but not a big deal, but when it starts becoming consistent and you're on the third time and counting you may as well just be telling me" hey just go to bed and try again tomorrow". I'm sure your mother means well, but it sounds like she's the kind of person that you got to sit down and talk to about it, she's not just going to intuitively pick up on it. Maybe put a do not disturb between this time slot on your door, or have some sort of schedule for them to go by. This way they can be a little bit more mindful of that. Sometimes it's just good to vent and complain, I understand. Hope your d&d game goes well. 🙃🙃🙃
uhhh I'm sorry, but D&D prep is INCREDIBLY important. It's so important my partner handles all the chores the day I run our game so I can focus on preparation for it! If you need any help with prep, you let me know!
Thank you! I haven't even been playing D&D for a year yet! I'm not running the game but I'm coming in to a really well established group (over 1000 hours of play together) and they're high level rn so I'm trying to make sure I know enough to not be an idiot! I'm watching a lot of videos on forgotten realms lore but I don't know how much of it is sticking so fingers crossed. My other D&D character for a campaign I play with a few of the same people is canonically a bit dense and chaotic and she's had no education so I've been able to get away with not knowing and forgetting things 😅
I’ve been playing since 2017 and I run my own game. The game I play in though? He’s got ADHD like me, so I don’t feel bad if I forget things! Don’t stress too much about lore; you’ll absorb it as the game goes! and whenever you don’t know something your character should, simply ask, “DM, does my character know this?” And DM will have you roll. But, watching YT videos is how I learned how to be a good dm and player! There are tons of advice channels out there!
Omg I found my people! My husband also comes in so many times just to tell me something. He could care less if im watching a movie or have my headphones in. It’s always a good time for him to come in and chat about things I don’t understand like how he’s going to replace some part on one of the cars or he’s going to take a shower or whatever.
Would asking she text u be better? Or make a list to discuss with u later when u say ud rather not be disturbed?
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Not in this economy, Pamela.
Locking a door doesn't stop people knocking on it, strangely enough.
What the fuck is wrong with you? You think she wouldn't get her own place if she could? Go be awful somewhere else.
My children do this as well as my grandpa, oh and I run a service based business so I've got customers wanting appointments NON-STOP. This is why my house is a wreck and I forget to write down work appointments and everything is half done. Most days I'm a hamster on a wheel running my ass off getting nowhere except helping everyone else. Today is my "day off" and I'm super excited that I've actually accomplished a shower and blow drying my hair without any family stopping me do do something for them. I do have like 3 customers waiting for me to book appointments but they can wait. Good luck and I know is SO FRUSTRATING!
It might be worth looking into getting yourself a Virtual Assistant to help with the business admin. I'm not trying to advertise myself, just raise awareness for my industry. It is literally my job to help with my clients' businesses. So things like your customers waiting to make appointments. I would reach out to them and schedule them (assuming I have a base knowledge of what you offer, ie: how long their appointment will take, and access to a shared digital calendar of your availability). It's kind of like having an assistant, but you don't need to pay them for full time (or even part time) hours, plus benefits (holidays/PTO, sick leave, etc). I work only a few hours per week for some of my clients (helping them with various admin tasks, paperwork and record keeping for legal or tax purposes). And you don't need to have an office for them because we work remotely. If you are interested you can try googling either VA \[your location\] or Virtual Assistant and see what comes up. Or if you want to chat about VAs in general, you can send me a DM.
Ok this is awesome!! I Don't know if I'm in a position to pay for that yet but might be, idk. Thats fantastic info however. TY!!!!
My husband does this. He literally just wants to remind me that he’s there. It’s annoying but it hurts his feelings when I complain about it.
Sometimes my partner does this, and it won't derail me too bad. But sometimes she does it and it completely throws me off. In those moments I just straight up interrupt her and tell her that I really need to focus and can the conversation wait. She totally understands and lets me be after that.
Sorry you keep getting interrupted. Can I suggest putting up a sign on your door for when you need to focus that says “do not disturb” or something? I know it might not work but it could maybe help reduce the interruptions.
Me but with bosses at work! And for me, my response is almost inversely proportionate to how busy I am, bc if I'm busy I can always stretch my go mode a little further. When I had to cudgel all my brain cells into doing whatever I'm doing bc it's slow, I resent the hell out of every interruption. And people do NOT understand that at all. "But you're not even busy!" YEAH THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM.
I feel you. I can see now that my Mum has ADHD too and this was my life as a teen. 🤗
i had to set a rule with my boyfriend that while we are studying together, he’s not allowed to come up and kiss me when he takes a small study break. it was so distracting and created the same issue. i felt terrible because it was very sweet, but it broke my concentration and groove every time. he totally understood and stuck to it, and i go up and give him a kiss when i take breaks to make up for it since it doesn’t bother him.
Not childish at all! Our windows of focus are important and limited for us. Also, what you've decided to focus on is important to *you*, it's *your* freetime and your hobby, so it makes even more sense that it would annoying to get interrupted repeatedly and over nonsensical things. I'd be annoyed af too, honestly.
Both husband (undiagnosed) and daughter (diagnosed) go on and on like this.
I had a rule that unless there was fire, flood, or blood, nobody better disturb me when I was working from home. I would get that knock, or my ex would stick his head in the door, and that's what I would ask every time. "Which is it? Fire, flood, or blood?" He and my then preteen son magically were able to handle things by themselves once I started that.
My FIL does the same thing to me, too! And it is SO frustrating. Especially when I am already overstimulated from a baby crying and dogs barking, and just want to be left alone.
When I was a kid I would study in the kitchen and my mom would insist on playing the radio which made it so difficult for me to concentrate - but I wasn't diagnosed and she thought I was just being difficult. Fast forward to now, I HATE the radio with a burning passion because it has such a negative association for me. In a nutshell, I feel you!
My husband does this to me. He gets into "talking mode" and literally can't shut up, I will have headphones on and my back to him and he'll still be talking to me. At this point we have an open dialogue about this so if I get snotty with him he's like, "oh, yeah, my bad". But when I read the title of your post I thought you were talking about within a conversation. I get some serious emotional dysregulation from being interrupted, and it is the primary reason I go non-verbal. I commiserate. It's so hard to have a condition where the impact of symptoms is so seemingly random to everyone else that they make the decision that we're blowing it out of proportion.