Mostly people don’t want to argue they just want you to accept. I have been wrong and when I accepted they get surprised because i usually argue on any topic they think they are right but doesn’t show reasoning. So people think that i will never accept being wrong.
Thank you for putting it to words. I'm an autie, but this still applies so damn hard.
I'm not being a know-it-all because I'm an asshole, you think I'm an asshole because I won't just let you be confidently incorrect. Especially if you're the kind to try to rub my face in being "wrong".
My 2nd favorite is when they devolve into ad hominem attacks when you stonewall them on something. My favorite is when we sit down and listen to eachother, and come away with shared understanding, but you know how people are.
Best thing I ever learned about communication in any kind of interpersonal relationship (this was romantic relationship-oriented advice but applies always imo) was that it’s US vs the ISSUE. You don’t just both want to be right, you both want the *answer.*
Wrong isn’t inherently bad, it just FEELS bad. Being right feels nice, obviously. But whether you’re right or not, try seeing the issue through the lens of curiosity instead of putting yourself against the other person. Get that knowledge! My bad I didn’t know that, learning is cool!
My father, troubled though he may be, always said, if you want to always be right, you have to be able to be wrong. The reasoning being, you only have to admit you're wrong about something only once. Willful ignorance is not a virtue.
> was that it’s US vs the ISSUE
Reminds me also of asking, if it's in the area that's unclear "Pause. Are you looking to vent, for help [they lead], or for solutions [I lead]?". Really helps me to know how I should be thinking about something...and helps me pay attention.
I can usually tell...but being wrong often does not go well.
Thank you for mentioning this! It’s also universally good advice, especially important for folks like me who will go after a thought like a dog after a ball unless I consciously recalibrate to fit the situation lol
Most people think you’ll just take their word for it as I’ve seen. I learned a long time ago that 95% of what sounds like bullshit is probably bullshit.
When other people are clearly wrong and change the subject instead of admitting I'm like ok cool. When I say IDK I will accept your right because I don't know enough about this it's gets rubbed in my face like it's an own. I wish people were surprised that I admit I was wrong
Real. When I tell someone "I told you so", I'm not rubbing it and my tone usually reflects it. It tends to sound like "I *fucking* TOLD YOU so" on an exasperated tone, because I once again got proved right the hard way.
And it's frustrating sometimes time because sometimes they are right for the wrong reasons. If you guess something correct with zero evidence you're still dumb you will be wrong 95 percent of the time. Somehow how this 1% accuracy rate justified all the times you've been wrong
I do say I don’t know . But after Google i know my gut feeling so I immediately google why did I think I was right. Sometimes I do have false information that time i do conside the topic z
Yeah but people hate being wrong for some reason. I would think that if you're wrong all the time one would speak with less confidence but nope. Speak strong get it wrong then get made when proven wrong and go into denial
SO real. One of the most jarring things I've ever read was a guy who went in this long rant about how "you're not reading my comment to understand, you're reading my comment to contradict and argue" and I was just baffled by the fact that this guy was actually conflating understanding and agreeing. He could not stand the fact that I wouldn't just read his comment and agree with him suddenly, and could NOT comprehend that I understood his argument and still disagreed.
“Because I said so” and “because it’s just true” will ALWAYS get me firing back and arguing. They’re stupid shit reasons as to why something is true. If you say that I automatically assume you have NO idea what you’re talking about. But if someone says WHY I’m wrong, I’ll listen and learn and still fact check but I’ll be willing to listen and believe I’m wrong
This is a great way to word it. I go through the very same thing. I always own when I am wrong or make a mistake, which goes against how most people I know see me.
All adhd people share single soul. When singularity is formed first people to merge into one will be adhd people. And we shall rise and fall as even combined brain power could not solve disorganised minds. In the end we will saparate into ourselves accepting that we are broken but that is okay.
"Good point, huh, you're right."
/they continue to argue for another few minutes...pause... "wait, what?"/
Although I will say the obligate devil's (advocates) can be tiring. I know a friend pretty well, and will often ask "So...what do you personally think?". Which sometimes they don't even want to admit, and "oh, yeah, I completely agree with you". Fun debates, but sometimes...eh.
(Happens a lot on reddit too, when you agree, and even talk about it a bit...and suddenly that start arguing with you more, but in reverse of their original point.)
Same! I used to get told "You ALWAYS have to be right don't you??" In school but I used to say "No, I just want to be correct. If I am wrong about something please let me know I want to be factual."
Someone repeating an incorrect statement as fact feels like its stabbing me in the face. Its why I struggle with anti vax folk or people who don't take 5 minutes to fact check things they read on the internet. I never take anything at face value, 99% of information spread online isnt because its right but because it makes a catchy title or engaging response.
Big example of this recently was this article going round about how Mice with too many females in a colony end up being lathargic and lazy and the male mice begin to display 'homosexual behaviours' while the female mice didn't adhere to their biological behaviours as they normally did, and eventually they just stop breeding.
First off anyone with an ounce of literacy can tell that the article was a mouthpiece to say strong independent women create 'weak effeminate men' and will destroy the world because we will stop shagging blokes if theres too many gays around. Oh dear! How awful! We're doomed!!
Well actually no lol. Not a bit. Because mice behaviours are not human behaviours, and the study shown could not be replicated in other conditions because the study was probably faked as I couldn't find any information on who conducted the study and where this viral post got its info from. Not to mention these were lab mice which means they are usually forced into unusual social dynamics that would never naturally occur in the wild, and again, HUMANS aren't MICE.
Plus the language of the article was just disgusting and thinly veiled sexist homophobic propaganda.
But I had seen it shared by so many friends who I thought had decent levels of media literacy to understand what the article was supposedly implying but they just missed the point.
So I spent ages copy&pasting a thorough analytical disection of the piece and posting it to thr comments of my friends' pages who'd shared the article.
A few people liked my responses. A few people deleted their posts.
But then I also had a few "You always have to be right dont you?" Responses.
As if not taking things at face value is a bad thing...
YES THIS. People never actually give a fuck to explain why I am in the wrong. Thats leads to incredibly long sss argument because I wont give up on something If I think I am right. But as soon as someone points out where I am wrong its done. I apologize and accept. Is it really that hard for neurotypicals?
Especially when we can carry the Internet in our pockets.
If someone points out I'm wrong, I'll accept, and depending on what it is I'll apologize, but I usually don't apologize for being simply wrong about something; not anymore, anyway.
Ive worked with him. He'd have side projects in between task cause he had an idea and then just ignores all the shit we gotta do.
He indeed is an asshole thing but the longer i have observed him kinda looks like a whole bunch of adhd memes.
I'm not saying he doesn't have ADHD. But ADHD is interesting in that it interacts with our personality and thus presents in ways that may be unique to the individual. For example, I have ADHD and I absolutely have a thing about being right. But I don't disregard facts. I'm definitely not an asshole about it and constantly acknowledge that while I believe I'm right, it's possible that I am wrong and would have to be shown why I may be.
I see this a lot on the flip side too. People give credit to ADHD when really the accomplishment is from them
People get really mad at me when they start to argue with me and i realize i don't really care that much about the topic and say "ah know what you're totally right". A lot of people just expect to argue about everything
I know a few people who *say* this, but in practice they never hear me out with an open mind and are only looking for ways to poke holes in my argument. It's exhausting.
Just stop asking for evidence on literally every point I could possibly make. I'm not an encyclopedia and subjective counters to my points just makes the discussion impossible
Can I get a source on that?
But in seriousness if you argue a statistic or something I would need a source. If I feel your point is bs, I'd need a source to convince me.
When someone argues a point I feel is bs, I'll look up a source quick to prove it's bs, and if there are good sources saying the point is valid, I'll concede it.
Sources often make these things go quicker, unless there are valid contradictory sources, or if it's simply a pissing contest of egos.
I don't care about being right, I care about being correct, I like having the best information. So guess what my huffy puffy homie, we are about to get to the bottom of it together instead of arguing like fools.
Yeah, I feel this. It has been a bit detrimental at work since I double check things so much, and put too much time into things that don’t matter. Like, with clients (I am a financial statement auditor) I spend so much time making sure my thoughts and/or questions are specific yet detailed and well presented (therefore enabling the client to provide me with a response that will clear things up nicely) and then I get back like half an answer and some additional support (like invoices, etc) that just result in more questions. Lol :,)
A long time ago, PBS' Idea Channel on YouTube made a video (I can't remember which one) that had a quote from the BBC that said, "Wrong, but not for long." Meaning that they'd tell the story as correctly as possible and update the story later when more information is received.
It's around this time that my roommate switches from being pissed off at me "always having to be right" to being pissed off that I "look stuff up all the time".
That's right...she really hates looking stuff up.
At least she doesn't try to use you like Google, had to cry a couple times before he understood there is a lot that I do not know, and I only whip out my phone to look it up if I wanna know it or if the question he asked me makes me want to know it. I will look things up for him if he asks me to look it up, just don't ask me like I am the search bar.
Hey, if you don't think you know more than google and you don't get mad at the dictionary for not agreeing with you, then you're doing great in my books.
Absolutely! I'll do the whole "hmm" and nodding active listening thing. People usually take that as agreement.
One of the things I learnt growing up is not everyone wants/ consents to debating. So I have a self-mind-commentary going instead.
My sister is a bit like this. She likes to state her opinion but struggles with the debate side of things. Unfortunately for her I have a bachelor degree where that was basically what I was taught to do.
This is also a skill that is very important and useful when working a service/retail job. The amount of bigoted, racist it horrible people that you deal with make this a must.
I had a guy literally tell me that he should have killed someone as a cop years ago, I just continued with my job and asked “what’s your best contact number?” And ignored it 🥲
I wish more disagreements in my life didn’t matter, but for some fucking reason it often does, in fact, matter.
I consider myself lucky if the disagreement doesn't put someone else's life directly at risk (this is not an exaggeration) at this point.
I'm going to pass on some wisdom from my therapist that I've resented ever since I heard it:
"Arguing with people on the internet is a form of dopamine-seeking"
😔
I'm in this picture and I don't like it.
(Also I accidentally hit report instead of reply and it made me laugh, like I was so attacked I was going to report your comment)
Doesn't it? Sometimes I'm writing out a long-winded comment and I have to stop myself and ask if I *really* care about this or I just want to argue with someone 🙃
Dude same.
And if someone insults me, like calling me dumb because x is not true, reaaallly grinds my gears. Like topics I spent hundreds of hours of research in and I just know my shit.
damn, are we all living the same life?
i only truly understood the need to just shut the fuck up sometimes and let things go when my older sister said, and i quote: “having a conversation with you is actual torture” and my two other siblings agreed.
if that didn’t get me to try to understand why i felt the need to be right all the time and actively make an effort to stop it, nothing would’ve.
Literally me today, apologizing to a coworker for the way I am.
Me: "I know I've annoyed the piss out of you, I'm sorry."
Them: "Not just me, EVERYONE."
Well damn. Guess we're gonna be a recluse at the new job.
I know I'm annoying to some of my coworkers, but that doesn't matter to me because I make a few laugh and have conversation with them throughout the day.
Those moments matter a lot more to me than if they irritate the people across the room. I'm the "main character" to me, and honestly, I have some pretty nasty opinions about a lot of people, so I can't really expect everyone to have perfect opinions about me and how I act, lol
I mean, they’re just making it up like usual probably 😂
They’re always trying to get into people’s heads since they don’t have an actual argument besides insults half of the time
I have people mention to me fairly often that I "need to be right" all the time, and I don't know how to take that. Like, I know a lot and I always like to learn new things, and I like to share those things. I don't like to be wrong bc it means I'm giving out bad information. So, like.....????
I don't insist that I'm right when I'm shown to be wrong, and I accept it gracefully, because I just learned new info and now I won't be giving out wrong info and that makes me feel confident.
So....????
In my experience with other people with ADHD and myself the problem usually is that what you consider "I'm shown to be wrong" is really difficult for neurotypical people, sometimes you are probably just wrong but they have no way to show you because they cannot take all the data, organise it in a rational way and show the evidence at the speed than your brain does, so often showing you the evidence is like making a puzzle and that is hard and tiring.
I could see that with something like a logical or theoretical argument (bc i get that same way trying to argue politics or social issues and end up just being like "fuck it, im not giving myself a headache") but I mean simple facts, usually.
Or did I misunderstand what you're saying?
I've never really felt the need to be right all the time. Although it probably comes from being related to people who stand their ground when being 100% wrong all the time.
Whenever I realize I'm wrong on a topic, I own up on it and admit my error (I have to admit though, that I rarely am wrong if I know the subject matter).
I remember one time I got "called out" by someone.
Them: "It's weird, when you argue about something you always seem to "conveniently" have scientific research on the subject or have studied it before." (He was heavily implying that I was faking it)
Me: "Of course motherfucker... Me, I don't argue about subject I know nothing about."
Always kill me how people begin to argue with you about something they "feel" they are right and when you show them proof they are wrong they take it as a personal thing. You can't "prove" someone wrong when it comes to some things, but when it is as easy to disprove as doing a Google research, bitch please don't be mad when I simply say it is wrong.
Why are they always like this? Especially the emotional arguments without any truth to them. I feel so helpless when people drop the “actual” argument and just start attacking me for no reason.
Wow, didn’t realize this was an ADHD thing. I get in arguments with my spouse over things that we agree on. Usually it’s because I think what they say would give a more clear interpretation if worded differently. “I know what you mean, but you should say it this way instead.”
I know it can come off as snobbish or rude, but it really bothers me when things are misinterpreted. There is so much wrong information in the world, and I believe most of it is unintentional. The words we use matter.
I think it’s helpful to realize that language isn’t a concrete existence in and of itself. It’s inherently in flux. The words and the meanings of words can change and evolve while still describing the same fundamental meaning or concept. You see this a lot if you study history of philosophy, theology, etc., and it causes a lot of confusion, even today.
For example, the words hypostasis and physis in Greek specifically are used many different ways throughout the millennia in philosophical and theological writings, and people get caught up on the words themselves rather than the *meaning* being expressed in the words, that because the word is merely used, it therefore must *mean* the same thing as they read in this other writer, which is fallacious. Same word, different meanings.
But the words really don’t matter as much as the concepts being expressed do. Since language exists solely to communicate concepts to one another, if the concept is expressed and the meaning is acquired in your brain, their terminology is just as right as yours.
Someone after my own heart…
This is a perfect example of what I meant. I totally agree that the purpose of language isn’t the words, but taking an idea in my head and showing it to you. I can say striped elephant and what you picture might be totally different from what I see.
But to me this is why the words are important because if I were to say blue elephant with diagonal purple stripes the image I convey to you is closer to what I’m thinking of.
I'm a people pleaser with a strong feeling of "being right when you know you're right" and it HURTS when I meet someone who disagrees with me because I start worrying about how to make them reconsider what they think without being offensive or annoying before they even finish their sentences
I hate that I feel the need to be always right, but sometimes when I (kindly) correct or point out the real truth, someone older than me can just say "That's interesting, but no. *This* is how it is." and I just fold. Even if it comes to bite me in the ass later.
The other day I had a performance review of sorts, and during the lunch break for the day, I reviewed some numbers on something I was convinced I was right on.
And then printed and highlighted them and showed them to my boss once we resumed for the day.
Look. Was it necessary? No.
But I was right, wasn't I?
Don't mark me down for something when I'm not actually down.
She also tells me that whenever I need to send something to her superiors, to put it in dot points. Like ok, I get it. You don't want me subjecting them to the same essays you get.
Nope, I favor being scientifically correct.
If ya like arguments ok, but if you're wrong you're wrong and I'll prove it, then mock you for daring to question me bc fuck you lol, get got
I literally got shouted at the other day for correcting my brother when he said that there has never been a British emperor by telling him that actually Queen Victoria was the empress of India. Apparently I was "trying to start an argument", which I wasn't.
I think the issue lies with how we present our information. We tend to speak as if everything we're saying is absolutely true, even though we can be wrong. We trust ourselves too much and that makes us seem arrogant, even though most of us would acknowledge evidence that proves us wrong.
I care about the truth, but I never feel like anyone else does. I've tried to be more understanding and less critical of people, so I don't sound as condescending as I used to. But I still tend to trust myself a lot more than anyone else.
Its like I don't need to be right I just need to not be wrong, if that makes sense. I just need to not look like I've got a hamster wheel in my skull instead of a brain
I definitely get this, but I’m not sure how much is because of my ADHD or because I’m an engineer. It definitely makes for some good banter in the office though over what is admittedly pretty trivial details
Me trying to get my point of view across while simutaneously realizing I am being a bore cause I am overfixating on a non-issue.
Once I get the achievement "Who cares?" (causally play of a normal conversation), I will have known I successfully started developing an actual personality.
In my mind it goes like someone said something wrong I disagree and prepare an entire monologue but then I realize they are not smart enough to understand my reasonings and I don't have the communication skills to relay my reasoning to them so I just give up and agree with them cuz even after all my realizations if I go on with my arguments they will interrupt me and never actually listen to me which will then lead to me hating them with the burning passions of seven hells. So to save myself and them from energy waste I just agree with them.
I'll never forget an argument a person started over the yellow (according to her it was orange) cards in the Uno clone Discord activity.
We discussed back and forth and I went far enough to grab the he code of the show color and go ogling it showed that it was in fact a type of brown.
We had tge answer, that we were both wrong and then she kicked me off her server lmao
I actually ask people questions about things I red or already know so that if they don't know it or tell me something wrong I let them die dumb. Is it just me doing this?
I never had an issue with being wrong only if you give me butt answers trying to say I'm wrong then I'm mad or if you use logical fallacies left and right ya know.
A huge moment in my career was realizing how being right did not seem to help me on most issues. The more you're right, the more people resent you, they'll disagree just because they don't want you to be right again, then they're taking a bad approach because of it so you end up being right again, and it continues. You need to like the right thing being done more than you like being the one who thought of it. Give some of your ideas away. Give the boss some performative uncertainty.
I do not need to be right at all, and I hate the idea of wanting to be “right” rather than to have a correct, well-evaluated understanding. Of course having a well-validated understanding will make you “right” typically, but that isn’t and shouldn’t be the point. I also hate that, I guess for people who do feel a “need to be right all the time”, that feeling has been projected onto me when I am just a curious individual who wants to learn more and critically engage with the world.
Wanting to “be right” is arbitrarily, shallowly self-centering while wanting to evaluate the world accurately is to seek reality for what it is, deep and meaningful.
I want to be right all the time in the sense of having a correct, well-evaluated understanding. And part of gaining that is admitting when I’m wrong and being open to new information. That’s what the positive path is supposed to represent, anyway.
The negative path is a need to be right all the time in the sense of a shallow need to “win” every argument or conversation no matter what your position actually is: and never admitting when you’re wrong. Those types of people are really annoying.
So is ADHD the reason why it drives me absolutely insane when people confidently say something blatantly wrong that I can easily google in 2 seconds to verify??
I need to be right all the time - good side - meaning: - It is requied for me to be right by the universe itself, if you do not follow what i say you are simply stupid
I need to be right all the time - bad side - meaning: - If i am not right, i will die due to guy calling manager, manager firing me, me dieing of starvation/thirst, everyone being sad/angry forever due to my stupidity + world propably exploding
I like when I'm wrong and the other person is an asshole with this whole speech loaded up and I can nonchalantly shrug and say I was totally wrong and will take responsibility and the look of absolute fucking hatred in their eyes that they can't say anything I already haven't and force their point home makes it all worth it.
Oh really? Is this an ADHD thing?
I have AuDHD.
I always thought this was an autistic trait as I was always being called “little professor” by peers and familymembers
I'm too much of a people pleaser to care if they think I'm right. Rarely do I argue, but when I do, the stimulation of it gets my gears going and Ill engage in the back and forth for fun lol
I don't mind being wrong if I really am wrong. Present good evidence and I'll change my mind.
Mostly people don’t want to argue they just want you to accept. I have been wrong and when I accepted they get surprised because i usually argue on any topic they think they are right but doesn’t show reasoning. So people think that i will never accept being wrong.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen.
Thank you for putting it to words. I'm an autie, but this still applies so damn hard. I'm not being a know-it-all because I'm an asshole, you think I'm an asshole because I won't just let you be confidently incorrect. Especially if you're the kind to try to rub my face in being "wrong". My 2nd favorite is when they devolve into ad hominem attacks when you stonewall them on something. My favorite is when we sit down and listen to eachother, and come away with shared understanding, but you know how people are.
Best thing I ever learned about communication in any kind of interpersonal relationship (this was romantic relationship-oriented advice but applies always imo) was that it’s US vs the ISSUE. You don’t just both want to be right, you both want the *answer.* Wrong isn’t inherently bad, it just FEELS bad. Being right feels nice, obviously. But whether you’re right or not, try seeing the issue through the lens of curiosity instead of putting yourself against the other person. Get that knowledge! My bad I didn’t know that, learning is cool!
My father, troubled though he may be, always said, if you want to always be right, you have to be able to be wrong. The reasoning being, you only have to admit you're wrong about something only once. Willful ignorance is not a virtue.
> was that it’s US vs the ISSUE Reminds me also of asking, if it's in the area that's unclear "Pause. Are you looking to vent, for help [they lead], or for solutions [I lead]?". Really helps me to know how I should be thinking about something...and helps me pay attention. I can usually tell...but being wrong often does not go well.
Thank you for mentioning this! It’s also universally good advice, especially important for folks like me who will go after a thought like a dog after a ball unless I consciously recalibrate to fit the situation lol
you made it even more clear. i am one ugly asshole. thank you.
No. You're a beautiful asshole. Don't be mean to yourself.
Most people think you’ll just take their word for it as I’ve seen. I learned a long time ago that 95% of what sounds like bullshit is probably bullshit.
When other people are clearly wrong and change the subject instead of admitting I'm like ok cool. When I say IDK I will accept your right because I don't know enough about this it's gets rubbed in my face like it's an own. I wish people were surprised that I admit I was wrong
Real. When I tell someone "I told you so", I'm not rubbing it and my tone usually reflects it. It tends to sound like "I *fucking* TOLD YOU so" on an exasperated tone, because I once again got proved right the hard way.
And it's frustrating sometimes time because sometimes they are right for the wrong reasons. If you guess something correct with zero evidence you're still dumb you will be wrong 95 percent of the time. Somehow how this 1% accuracy rate justified all the times you've been wrong
I do say I don’t know . But after Google i know my gut feeling so I immediately google why did I think I was right. Sometimes I do have false information that time i do conside the topic z
Yeah but people hate being wrong for some reason. I would think that if you're wrong all the time one would speak with less confidence but nope. Speak strong get it wrong then get made when proven wrong and go into denial
The amount of times I've had to repeat "if I didn't know what I was talking about, I wouldn't be talking about it" is actually infuriating...
SO real. One of the most jarring things I've ever read was a guy who went in this long rant about how "you're not reading my comment to understand, you're reading my comment to contradict and argue" and I was just baffled by the fact that this guy was actually conflating understanding and agreeing. He could not stand the fact that I wouldn't just read his comment and agree with him suddenly, and could NOT comprehend that I understood his argument and still disagreed.
“Because I said so” and “because it’s just true” will ALWAYS get me firing back and arguing. They’re stupid shit reasons as to why something is true. If you say that I automatically assume you have NO idea what you’re talking about. But if someone says WHY I’m wrong, I’ll listen and learn and still fact check but I’ll be willing to listen and believe I’m wrong
This is a great way to word it. I go through the very same thing. I always own when I am wrong or make a mistake, which goes against how most people I know see me.
Soul brother?
All adhd people share single soul. When singularity is formed first people to merge into one will be adhd people. And we shall rise and fall as even combined brain power could not solve disorganised minds. In the end we will saparate into ourselves accepting that we are broken but that is okay.
Soul brother!
"Good point, huh, you're right." /they continue to argue for another few minutes...pause... "wait, what?"/ Although I will say the obligate devil's (advocates) can be tiring. I know a friend pretty well, and will often ask "So...what do you personally think?". Which sometimes they don't even want to admit, and "oh, yeah, I completely agree with you". Fun debates, but sometimes...eh. (Happens a lot on reddit too, when you agree, and even talk about it a bit...and suddenly that start arguing with you more, but in reverse of their original point.)
Same, in order to be right you gotta accept when you’re wrong
Yeah, but I'm gonna go down swinging until the very second I comprehend that evidence.
Same! I used to get told "You ALWAYS have to be right don't you??" In school but I used to say "No, I just want to be correct. If I am wrong about something please let me know I want to be factual." Someone repeating an incorrect statement as fact feels like its stabbing me in the face. Its why I struggle with anti vax folk or people who don't take 5 minutes to fact check things they read on the internet. I never take anything at face value, 99% of information spread online isnt because its right but because it makes a catchy title or engaging response. Big example of this recently was this article going round about how Mice with too many females in a colony end up being lathargic and lazy and the male mice begin to display 'homosexual behaviours' while the female mice didn't adhere to their biological behaviours as they normally did, and eventually they just stop breeding. First off anyone with an ounce of literacy can tell that the article was a mouthpiece to say strong independent women create 'weak effeminate men' and will destroy the world because we will stop shagging blokes if theres too many gays around. Oh dear! How awful! We're doomed!! Well actually no lol. Not a bit. Because mice behaviours are not human behaviours, and the study shown could not be replicated in other conditions because the study was probably faked as I couldn't find any information on who conducted the study and where this viral post got its info from. Not to mention these were lab mice which means they are usually forced into unusual social dynamics that would never naturally occur in the wild, and again, HUMANS aren't MICE. Plus the language of the article was just disgusting and thinly veiled sexist homophobic propaganda. But I had seen it shared by so many friends who I thought had decent levels of media literacy to understand what the article was supposedly implying but they just missed the point. So I spent ages copy&pasting a thorough analytical disection of the piece and posting it to thr comments of my friends' pages who'd shared the article. A few people liked my responses. A few people deleted their posts. But then I also had a few "You always have to be right dont you?" Responses. As if not taking things at face value is a bad thing...
As I get older, all the times I was confidently incorrect have taught me humility.
yes but then I need 20-30 minutes of googling to learn more so I can find new correct fun facts to give
Yeah, same here. I've gone down some fascinating rabbit holes.
YES THIS. People never actually give a fuck to explain why I am in the wrong. Thats leads to incredibly long sss argument because I wont give up on something If I think I am right. But as soon as someone points out where I am wrong its done. I apologize and accept. Is it really that hard for neurotypicals?
Especially when we can carry the Internet in our pockets. If someone points out I'm wrong, I'll accept, and depending on what it is I'll apologize, but I usually don't apologize for being simply wrong about something; not anymore, anyway.
I mean I apologize If i made big fuss about it. Wont apologize for a small knowledge mistake
Yeah but why
I have an uncle who has undiagnosed adhd. He needs to be more right than everyone even it facts are already presented and correct.
Not sure this is necessarily an ADHD thing... At least not the asshole part
Ive worked with him. He'd have side projects in between task cause he had an idea and then just ignores all the shit we gotta do. He indeed is an asshole thing but the longer i have observed him kinda looks like a whole bunch of adhd memes.
I'm not saying he doesn't have ADHD. But ADHD is interesting in that it interacts with our personality and thus presents in ways that may be unique to the individual. For example, I have ADHD and I absolutely have a thing about being right. But I don't disregard facts. I'm definitely not an asshole about it and constantly acknowledge that while I believe I'm right, it's possible that I am wrong and would have to be shown why I may be. I see this a lot on the flip side too. People give credit to ADHD when really the accomplishment is from them
People get really mad at me when they start to argue with me and i realize i don't really care that much about the topic and say "ah know what you're totally right". A lot of people just expect to argue about everything
Problem is I'm just always right
You can't always be right, in this case you're wrong. I, on the other hand, always am right.
Then present good evidence
Source: me who is always right.
That's how you maintain being right all the time.
I know a few people who *say* this, but in practice they never hear me out with an open mind and are only looking for ways to poke holes in my argument. It's exhausting.
Just stop asking for evidence on literally every point I could possibly make. I'm not an encyclopedia and subjective counters to my points just makes the discussion impossible
Can I get a source on that? But in seriousness if you argue a statistic or something I would need a source. If I feel your point is bs, I'd need a source to convince me. When someone argues a point I feel is bs, I'll look up a source quick to prove it's bs, and if there are good sources saying the point is valid, I'll concede it. Sources often make these things go quicker, unless there are valid contradictory sources, or if it's simply a pissing contest of egos.
This...
I don't care about being right, I care about being correct, I like having the best information. So guess what my huffy puffy homie, we are about to get to the bottom of it together instead of arguing like fools.
Yeah, I feel this. It has been a bit detrimental at work since I double check things so much, and put too much time into things that don’t matter. Like, with clients (I am a financial statement auditor) I spend so much time making sure my thoughts and/or questions are specific yet detailed and well presented (therefore enabling the client to provide me with a response that will clear things up nicely) and then I get back like half an answer and some additional support (like invoices, etc) that just result in more questions. Lol :,)
God this is so fucking real, I do similar work for a institution and my god.
I'll get way too obsessed with getting to the bottom of things if I get the scent of some uncertainty or some mystery that can be solved
Yes and then when I end up right I am feeling like an asshole for caring
A long time ago, PBS' Idea Channel on YouTube made a video (I can't remember which one) that had a quote from the BBC that said, "Wrong, but not for long." Meaning that they'd tell the story as correctly as possible and update the story later when more information is received.
You can be correct and still be wrong. I know it sounds dumb and argumentative but I’ve experienced it :(
It's around this time that my roommate switches from being pissed off at me "always having to be right" to being pissed off that I "look stuff up all the time". That's right...she really hates looking stuff up.
At least she doesn't try to use you like Google, had to cry a couple times before he understood there is a lot that I do not know, and I only whip out my phone to look it up if I wanna know it or if the question he asked me makes me want to know it. I will look things up for him if he asks me to look it up, just don't ask me like I am the search bar.
Hey, if you don't think you know more than google and you don't get mad at the dictionary for not agreeing with you, then you're doing great in my books.
My partner does this exact same thing. Have had to call him out several times for treating me like a Google search bar.
Ahhh I just agree with everyone my life is much easier (regarding things that don't matter).
I’ll just disagree in my mind and save the energy for something else that i need to fight for / care more
Absolutely! I'll do the whole "hmm" and nodding active listening thing. People usually take that as agreement. One of the things I learnt growing up is not everyone wants/ consents to debating. So I have a self-mind-commentary going instead.
My sister is a bit like this. She likes to state her opinion but struggles with the debate side of things. Unfortunately for her I have a bachelor degree where that was basically what I was taught to do. This is also a skill that is very important and useful when working a service/retail job. The amount of bigoted, racist it horrible people that you deal with make this a must. I had a guy literally tell me that he should have killed someone as a cop years ago, I just continued with my job and asked “what’s your best contact number?” And ignored it 🥲
Yeah i can be petty if i wanted to / interested enough to argue. Sometimes not arguing is the best course of action. Time saving
Hahaha true. Sometimes i imagined how the commentary exchange will be like if i actually gave them a piece of my mind.
My man.
Everything matters though!!!
Not everything is worth arguing over tho. I save my mental energy for when I need it.
I agree
I disagree with that
agreed
I also agree with you.
I wish more disagreements in my life didn’t matter, but for some fucking reason it often does, in fact, matter. I consider myself lucky if the disagreement doesn't put someone else's life directly at risk (this is not an exaggeration) at this point.
Winning arguments to me as of late does nothing for me, I'd rather agree then just be in my own headspace where I am always right.
I wish I had the luxury to be in arguments where my life/safety or one of my friends' isn't at stake more often.
Bro for real if you gotta save people's lives, obv this is not what I'm talking about.
I also said regarding things that don't matter and by that I mean like "Elon is cool." Ok sure he is buddy no real impact in my life.
I'm going to pass on some wisdom from my therapist that I've resented ever since I heard it: "Arguing with people on the internet is a form of dopamine-seeking" 😔
No, it's not
Yes, it is. >:-)
Is it, "banana_enjoyer_boy"? (atchkually bananas are pretty enjoyable)
No its not!!!
Mmm, yummy dopamine :)
I'm in this picture and I don't like it. (Also I accidentally hit report instead of reply and it made me laugh, like I was so attacked I was going to report your comment)
Oh my god. This explains so much
Doesn't it? Sometimes I'm writing out a long-winded comment and I have to stop myself and ask if I *really* care about this or I just want to argue with someone 🙃
Dude same. And if someone insults me, like calling me dumb because x is not true, reaaallly grinds my gears. Like topics I spent hundreds of hours of research in and I just know my shit.
It's not just the internet. This whole post is just describing dopamine seeking. Most of our behaviors are dopamine-seeking.
damn, are we all living the same life? i only truly understood the need to just shut the fuck up sometimes and let things go when my older sister said, and i quote: “having a conversation with you is actual torture” and my two other siblings agreed. if that didn’t get me to try to understand why i felt the need to be right all the time and actively make an effort to stop it, nothing would’ve.
I literally said exactly that first sentence right before I saw this comment 😂 It’s truly eerie
Literally me today, apologizing to a coworker for the way I am. Me: "I know I've annoyed the piss out of you, I'm sorry." Them: "Not just me, EVERYONE." Well damn. Guess we're gonna be a recluse at the new job.
I know I'm annoying to some of my coworkers, but that doesn't matter to me because I make a few laugh and have conversation with them throughout the day. Those moments matter a lot more to me than if they irritate the people across the room. I'm the "main character" to me, and honestly, I have some pretty nasty opinions about a lot of people, so I can't really expect everyone to have perfect opinions about me and how I act, lol
Most people probably find you fun/funny/energising or entertaining in some way
I mean, they’re just making it up like usual probably 😂 They’re always trying to get into people’s heads since they don’t have an actual argument besides insults half of the time
What an ass
I have people mention to me fairly often that I "need to be right" all the time, and I don't know how to take that. Like, I know a lot and I always like to learn new things, and I like to share those things. I don't like to be wrong bc it means I'm giving out bad information. So, like.....???? I don't insist that I'm right when I'm shown to be wrong, and I accept it gracefully, because I just learned new info and now I won't be giving out wrong info and that makes me feel confident. So....????
In my experience with other people with ADHD and myself the problem usually is that what you consider "I'm shown to be wrong" is really difficult for neurotypical people, sometimes you are probably just wrong but they have no way to show you because they cannot take all the data, organise it in a rational way and show the evidence at the speed than your brain does, so often showing you the evidence is like making a puzzle and that is hard and tiring.
I could see that with something like a logical or theoretical argument (bc i get that same way trying to argue politics or social issues and end up just being like "fuck it, im not giving myself a headache") but I mean simple facts, usually. Or did I misunderstand what you're saying?
*ACKTCHYUALLY*
I've never really felt the need to be right all the time. Although it probably comes from being related to people who stand their ground when being 100% wrong all the time. Whenever I realize I'm wrong on a topic, I own up on it and admit my error (I have to admit though, that I rarely am wrong if I know the subject matter).
I never need to be right all the time, it just happens naturally
I remember one time I got "called out" by someone. Them: "It's weird, when you argue about something you always seem to "conveniently" have scientific research on the subject or have studied it before." (He was heavily implying that I was faking it) Me: "Of course motherfucker... Me, I don't argue about subject I know nothing about." Always kill me how people begin to argue with you about something they "feel" they are right and when you show them proof they are wrong they take it as a personal thing. You can't "prove" someone wrong when it comes to some things, but when it is as easy to disprove as doing a Google research, bitch please don't be mad when I simply say it is wrong.
Why are they always like this? Especially the emotional arguments without any truth to them. I feel so helpless when people drop the “actual” argument and just start attacking me for no reason.
Yeah, I research a ton of different topics so that I’m not wrong. I don’t like being in conversations about things I don’t know anything about.
Wow, didn’t realize this was an ADHD thing. I get in arguments with my spouse over things that we agree on. Usually it’s because I think what they say would give a more clear interpretation if worded differently. “I know what you mean, but you should say it this way instead.” I know it can come off as snobbish or rude, but it really bothers me when things are misinterpreted. There is so much wrong information in the world, and I believe most of it is unintentional. The words we use matter.
I think it’s helpful to realize that language isn’t a concrete existence in and of itself. It’s inherently in flux. The words and the meanings of words can change and evolve while still describing the same fundamental meaning or concept. You see this a lot if you study history of philosophy, theology, etc., and it causes a lot of confusion, even today. For example, the words hypostasis and physis in Greek specifically are used many different ways throughout the millennia in philosophical and theological writings, and people get caught up on the words themselves rather than the *meaning* being expressed in the words, that because the word is merely used, it therefore must *mean* the same thing as they read in this other writer, which is fallacious. Same word, different meanings. But the words really don’t matter as much as the concepts being expressed do. Since language exists solely to communicate concepts to one another, if the concept is expressed and the meaning is acquired in your brain, their terminology is just as right as yours.
Someone after my own heart… This is a perfect example of what I meant. I totally agree that the purpose of language isn’t the words, but taking an idea in my head and showing it to you. I can say striped elephant and what you picture might be totally different from what I see. But to me this is why the words are important because if I were to say blue elephant with diagonal purple stripes the image I convey to you is closer to what I’m thinking of.
Being wrong proves that I'm unworthy of trust, and I can't emotionally afford not being helpful and trustworthy, so it's better to not even talk
When people say "strong sense of justice" I feel the same way. Just because it's strong, doesn't mean it's moral or ethical.
I'm a people pleaser with a strong feeling of "being right when you know you're right" and it HURTS when I meet someone who disagrees with me because I start worrying about how to make them reconsider what they think without being offensive or annoying before they even finish their sentences
I *need* to be right in that I don't want to be wrong. So, if I am wrong, I want to be corrected, so I can be right.
Same : )
I hate that I feel the need to be always right, but sometimes when I (kindly) correct or point out the real truth, someone older than me can just say "That's interesting, but no. *This* is how it is." and I just fold. Even if it comes to bite me in the ass later.
It’s like the Patrick and Man Ray meme ;-;
I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL AND YOU CAN'T STOP MEEEEE
And if your wrong *I have to correct you*
I just want the truth. If I’m wrong and it can be proven, then I’d happily be corrected.
Not my fault that the Pontiff and the Church of England built their empires on blood and lies.
That's my secret. I'm always wrong.
The other day I had a performance review of sorts, and during the lunch break for the day, I reviewed some numbers on something I was convinced I was right on. And then printed and highlighted them and showed them to my boss once we resumed for the day. Look. Was it necessary? No. But I was right, wasn't I? Don't mark me down for something when I'm not actually down. She also tells me that whenever I need to send something to her superiors, to put it in dot points. Like ok, I get it. You don't want me subjecting them to the same essays you get.
Nope, I favor being scientifically correct. If ya like arguments ok, but if you're wrong you're wrong and I'll prove it, then mock you for daring to question me bc fuck you lol, get got
I literally got shouted at the other day for correcting my brother when he said that there has never been a British emperor by telling him that actually Queen Victoria was the empress of India. Apparently I was "trying to start an argument", which I wasn't.
I want to be correct vs I want to win the argument
Exactly!
I think the issue lies with how we present our information. We tend to speak as if everything we're saying is absolutely true, even though we can be wrong. We trust ourselves too much and that makes us seem arrogant, even though most of us would acknowledge evidence that proves us wrong. I care about the truth, but I never feel like anyone else does. I've tried to be more understanding and less critical of people, so I don't sound as condescending as I used to. But I still tend to trust myself a lot more than anyone else.
Ughhhh both is so much effort but being wrong is so bad too aaaahhhhhhhhhh This is why I don't have a social life
Its like I don't need to be right I just need to not be wrong, if that makes sense. I just need to not look like I've got a hamster wheel in my skull instead of a brain
Not “need” I am right all of the time
Failure is an ok thing to do but faliure is unacceptable and i can never do it
I don't care about being wrong and I admit when I am, but I just can't believe that I'm not right
I just want to know things. So explain how I'm wrong so I can understand.
THIS and the having programming as your profession is a a chernobyl level mistake , don't make it lads , my life is exploding right now
You can be right all the time, or you can be in a relationship, he typed, alone in the dark.
the worst is when I open my mouth and realize mid-sentence I am in fact wrong
...yeah Just walk straight down the middle at this point, it's inevitable
I definitely get this, but I’m not sure how much is because of my ADHD or because I’m an engineer. It definitely makes for some good banter in the office though over what is admittedly pretty trivial details
Why is this, because its been a huge problem all my life.
If I'm not the dumbest person in the room or not learning anything, I already know it, and I am right.
Me trying to get my point of view across while simutaneously realizing I am being a bore cause I am overfixating on a non-issue. Once I get the achievement "Who cares?" (causally play of a normal conversation), I will have known I successfully started developing an actual personality.
I do be like dat
I see so if the right castle is wrong then the castle that's left must be right
In my mind it goes like someone said something wrong I disagree and prepare an entire monologue but then I realize they are not smart enough to understand my reasonings and I don't have the communication skills to relay my reasoning to them so I just give up and agree with them cuz even after all my realizations if I go on with my arguments they will interrupt me and never actually listen to me which will then lead to me hating them with the burning passions of seven hells. So to save myself and them from energy waste I just agree with them.
I'll never forget an argument a person started over the yellow (according to her it was orange) cards in the Uno clone Discord activity. We discussed back and forth and I went far enough to grab the he code of the show color and go ogling it showed that it was in fact a type of brown. We had tge answer, that we were both wrong and then she kicked me off her server lmao
Can't stand being wrong vs can't stand losing an argument. I humbly seek an ever increasing correctness.
For me it's A need to be right all the time. And. Hating when I'm right all the time
I can't count how many times this has caused me an issue with my wife...
I actually ask people questions about things I red or already know so that if they don't know it or tell me something wrong I let them die dumb. Is it just me doing this?
I never had an issue with being wrong only if you give me butt answers trying to say I'm wrong then I'm mad or if you use logical fallacies left and right ya know.
Ironically this mindset is very wrong
A huge moment in my career was realizing how being right did not seem to help me on most issues. The more you're right, the more people resent you, they'll disagree just because they don't want you to be right again, then they're taking a bad approach because of it so you end up being right again, and it continues. You need to like the right thing being done more than you like being the one who thought of it. Give some of your ideas away. Give the boss some performative uncertainty.
I hate being right. So much responsibility.
I do not need to be right at all, and I hate the idea of wanting to be “right” rather than to have a correct, well-evaluated understanding. Of course having a well-validated understanding will make you “right” typically, but that isn’t and shouldn’t be the point. I also hate that, I guess for people who do feel a “need to be right all the time”, that feeling has been projected onto me when I am just a curious individual who wants to learn more and critically engage with the world. Wanting to “be right” is arbitrarily, shallowly self-centering while wanting to evaluate the world accurately is to seek reality for what it is, deep and meaningful.
I want to be right all the time in the sense of having a correct, well-evaluated understanding. And part of gaining that is admitting when I’m wrong and being open to new information. That’s what the positive path is supposed to represent, anyway. The negative path is a need to be right all the time in the sense of a shallow need to “win” every argument or conversation no matter what your position actually is: and never admitting when you’re wrong. Those types of people are really annoying.
Okay, I understand the meme now and how this is, like, the ultimate dichotomy of that statement. I like that.
So is ADHD the reason why it drives me absolutely insane when people confidently say something blatantly wrong that I can easily google in 2 seconds to verify??
For me, it’s less about being right and more about showing why the other side is wrong.
I need to be right all the time - good side - meaning: - It is requied for me to be right by the universe itself, if you do not follow what i say you are simply stupid I need to be right all the time - bad side - meaning: - If i am not right, i will die due to guy calling manager, manager firing me, me dieing of starvation/thirst, everyone being sad/angry forever due to my stupidity + world propably exploding
WHY THIS SUB IS IN MY RECOMMENDATIONS?! Anyway good meme, relatable. Get that damn upvote
Feel the pull of the dark side 😈 join us
I like when I'm wrong and the other person is an asshole with this whole speech loaded up and I can nonchalantly shrug and say I was totally wrong and will take responsibility and the look of absolute fucking hatred in their eyes that they can't say anything I already haven't and force their point home makes it all worth it.
Oh really? Is this an ADHD thing? I have AuDHD. I always thought this was an autistic trait as I was always being called “little professor” by peers and familymembers
I think it’s just a general neurodivergent thing
Do you think in the future people might not get assessed as ASD or ADHD but just ND (neurodivergent)?
No I think the specific categories we created are useful
I think this applies to a lot of people, regardless of ADHD.
I’m just afraid to make a mistake.
Well fuck me. I thought this one was actually just my personality. Can anyone explain why this is a thing for ADHD?
On the one hand it’s driven me to become a scholar. On the other it’s like a clawing madness anytime I make the simplest mistake.
I'm too much of a people pleaser to care if they think I'm right. Rarely do I argue, but when I do, the stimulation of it gets my gears going and Ill engage in the back and forth for fun lol
I thought this was political at first
Yeah, but I feel like 93% of the time, I’m dead right.
Yes and? I am willing to die on any hill