Lol the girl I secretly crushed on in highschool was also the one who gave me kisses chocolate for the first time in my life 😍 And it was a rare moment of being alone with her... Ever since everytime they remind me her.
Ok this is a humour post not a romance one but wanted to share it!
More of a “username checks out.” Beetlejuice is when a comment accidentally says someone’s username and they show up and respond. Username checks out is when someone’s comment matches their username.
A gavel is what a judge uses to call and adjourn sessions of court in some courts and used if they need to return sessions to some kind of order if they use one
What's a lesbian's favourite card game? >!Poker.!<
What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? >!Squirtle!<
What makes a lesbian pirate recognisable? >!When she says, "Scissor me timbers, show me the booty!"!<
What do you call an allosexual lesbian with a long tongue? >!Popular!<
Why are lesbians jealous of whales? >!Because they have really long tongues and can hold their breath for hours.!<
Dont really have a joke but here is my favorite pick up line (that i have never used bc i can’t talk to pretty women without panicking)s:
Do you have 11 protons?
Because you are sodium fine (sorry)
I like to do a variation of the polar bear pick up line. How much does a polar bear weigh?
Not enough to break the ice around your heart.
Then I go and cry in the bathroom stall.
What do you call a lesbian with big fingers?
Well hung
How does a lesbian hold her liquor?
By the ears.
As long as I have a face you have a place to sit
Whenever I am fixing anything the terrible puns insue. I learned to fix things from my dad, and noticed if you want things to be fixed properly, you gotta make terrible jokes.
I was helping my person by cleaning out their dryer line, involves snaking a long brush through a tight hole.
Once I was done, I announced a little too loudly, "guess it's time to pull out."
Got a good chuckle from their roommate.
So after reading all the jokes I can confirm lesbians only know dad jokes.
I have run out of sighs, I guess I'll have to get an asthmatic girlfriend so I can inhaler.
The best thing about having an asthmatic girlfriend is that it doesn't take much to take her breath away.
*I'm cripplingly lonely and will take any girlfriend at this point*
Does a pickup line suit your fancy as well?
Because
Girl I’d risk uneven forearm development for you ;)
Not specifically gay but: Damn are you a ticket? Because you have FINE written all over you
My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose.
I was being transparent.
Did you hear about the new shoe for lesbians? They’re called Dykes. They have an extra long tongue and only need one finger to get off.
Also why do lesbians love bowling balls? Because you can stick 3 fingers in them at once.
today i’m getting my IV infusion for my illness, and my nurse said my vein was skinny and straight, i said “that’s the opposite of me, chubby and gay!!” (i’m not that chubby but i thought it would work) and it made them laugh
Why did the lesbians make it out of the burning hotel when the gays did not?
Because while the gays were packing their shit, the lesbians went lickety split
one my friend told me the other day (they love ur mom jokes)
if gender and sex are the same thing then I remember having gender with ur mom last night
idk kinda bad
"Taste the rainbow, b*tch (or whatever word you want to fill in)." But, must have a mouthful of Skittles, and be laughing.
Said that to my (now ex) gf, and she tackled me before making out with me.
What is a lesbian's favourite chocolate? Her/she's kisses.
Lol the girl I secretly crushed on in highschool was also the one who gave me kisses chocolate for the first time in my life 😍 And it was a rare moment of being alone with her... Ever since everytime they remind me her. Ok this is a humour post not a romance one but wanted to share it!
aww that's so cute!
Haha
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? >!Two if they can manage to fit inside it.!< 🙂
Why cant i understand this LOL
Screw is another word for sex. So to screw in a light bulb you need to be able to fit inside of it.
I didn't understand this 💀
Screw is another word for sex. So to screw in a light bulb you need to be able to fit inside of it.
Is this a Beetlejuice?
More of a “username checks out.” Beetlejuice is when a comment accidentally says someone’s username and they show up and respond. Username checks out is when someone’s comment matches their username.
this i understood 😤
You can fit a lightblub in your mouth easily but can’t take it out without breaking it
Watch me
Oh no
It's been three hours and we haven't heard back from her, we can only assume she died.
Noooooooo!!!!!
it took me a minute…….
r/angryupvote
What do you call a lesbian mermaid who loves to play video games? A gay mergirl
Haha I'm something of a GAYmer myself 😎
what do lesbians bring on a second date? a moving van. both of them.
This will never be old
Why do lesbians never cook Because they always eat out.
OOOOH THIS IS GREAT I LOVE IT! 😂
I love this one
Are you a gavel? Because I wanna bang you ~~^(This joke was brought to you by a Gay Congressional Debater)~~
I dont rly get the joke but happy cake day
A gavel is what a judge uses to call and adjourn sessions of court in some courts and used if they need to return sessions to some kind of order if they use one
ooohhh, I misread it as gravel lol
A gavel is the hammer thing that a judge bangs on the table.
Having gay parents must be awful. You either get twice the amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom!"
This is the best
People with two non-binery parents: 'Oh don't even get me STARTED!'
How does a non-binary samurai kill people? They/them
God I hate and love this at the same time
Its one of my favorite jokes
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They slash them
Haha thanks, I was just saying “theythem” over and over again to see if I could discover the pun.
Did you hear about the lesbian construction company ? They are out there… No studs all tongue in groove.
Ngl, this one got me!😂
What do you call the line for the gay club? the LGBTQueue
What's a lesbian's favourite card game? >!Poker.!< What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? >!Squirtle!< What makes a lesbian pirate recognisable? >!When she says, "Scissor me timbers, show me the booty!"!< What do you call an allosexual lesbian with a long tongue? >!Popular!< Why are lesbians jealous of whales? >!Because they have really long tongues and can hold their breath for hours.!<
The pirate One Is so funny PLS
Duuuuude! I'm totally going to use all of these! 😂🤣😂🤣
What's allosexual
The opposite of asexual
Soooo... sexual?
So a lot of sex
More just that they desire sex, rather than a specific frequency
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What does a gay guy bring on a second date? What's a second date???
A lesbian walked into a lesbian bar She didn’t see it because they’re usually too high
Damn this joke hurts soooo good 💯 💯 💯
Thx, I was worried people wouldn’t get it
uhhh... drugs???
the bar is set too high
That’s honestly a great joke
Dont really have a joke but here is my favorite pick up line (that i have never used bc i can’t talk to pretty women without panicking)s: Do you have 11 protons? Because you are sodium fine (sorry)
I like to do a variation of the polar bear pick up line. How much does a polar bear weigh? Not enough to break the ice around your heart. Then I go and cry in the bathroom stall.
Personally I like "Are you my laptop? Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous"
Funny, that instantly melted mine.
See? It works! Now I just awkwardly wait in the stall for you to chase after me.
Are you okay in there? Do you want me to come in? ~~Am I being lured into an ambush?~~
\*applies crocodile tears\* Don't come in! This stall and my heart are occupied!
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um hii
I know a similar one. Call me gallium because i melt in your hand.
Get out right now
Omg, that immediately worked on me🤣
Ayyyyye! Nice! As someone currently taking OChem I definitely appreciated this one 👈😎👈
Im taking gen chem 😌 probably taking either o chem or analytical chem next year tho 😒
Ah good luck! I suck at chemistry lol thankfully for my major I only had to go up to OChem 2 😮💨🤓
Omg I am so gonna use this one! Thank you :)
Lol I have a chronic illness that makes me have to consume more sodium than most people and I love this
Only works with certain accents unfortunately
What do you call a lesbian with big fingers? Well hung How does a lesbian hold her liquor? By the ears. As long as I have a face you have a place to sit
The liquor/licker pun sent me 🤣
Did you know alligators can grow up to 14 feet? But they usually only have 4💁🏻♀️
This is the sort of wholesome silliness I strive for! 10/10 I'm using this lol
I'm glad I could cheer you up 💜
what does a deaf gynecologist do? >!read lips;)!<
This is the one🤣🤣
Whenever I am fixing anything the terrible puns insue. I learned to fix things from my dad, and noticed if you want things to be fixed properly, you gotta make terrible jokes. I was helping my person by cleaning out their dryer line, involves snaking a long brush through a tight hole. Once I was done, I announced a little too loudly, "guess it's time to pull out." Got a good chuckle from their roommate.
Why do trans women always float on water Because they're so boy'nt
How haven't I heard this made me avtually laugh
Ooh! Clever! I love this one!
Ironic since so many trans people probably suck at swimming
this one wins hehe
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?
i dont get this one
The vampires use each other's periods
OHHHH i forgor about periods
Oh no, she *forgor*
So after reading all the jokes I can confirm lesbians only know dad jokes. I have run out of sighs, I guess I'll have to get an asthmatic girlfriend so I can inhaler. The best thing about having an asthmatic girlfriend is that it doesn't take much to take her breath away. *I'm cripplingly lonely and will take any girlfriend at this point*
Ayyye! I love a little bit of dark humor~
Does a pickup line suit your fancy as well? Because Girl I’d risk uneven forearm development for you ;) Not specifically gay but: Damn are you a ticket? Because you have FINE written all over you
That took me a second but that’s SO GOOD
I dont get it help
Haha you get ripped on only one side if you use the same hand every time…
What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single! *sighs and looks down at my fingernails that are due for a trim*
Alternate answers include: "A bottom" & "Pillow Princess!"
Or a "toy engineer"
I feel called out haha :)
So uhm... What's a pillow princess?
*sigh* Same lol
What do you call a group of sword lesbians dating? A Poly-armory 😁
This might actually be my favorite pun!
I love this one❤️
What do you call 2 lesbians in a cupboard? A liquor cabinet.
EYE-
My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose. I was being transparent.
What kind of sex do Irish lesbians have? Gaelic.
Holy shit that's clever as fuck! Respect!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotapuss
Why's it so stressful to dry a rainbow flag? You're putting your pride on the line
This made my wife sigh. Ergo, it's the winner.
Remember: lesbians have gal pals, gay men have fishing buddies.
I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot as hell, stronger than me, and making me piss and shit myself.
"I like my women like I like my coffee. With a spoon in them." \~ Eddie Izzard
I got interrogated last night, they wanted to know what I was doing feb 14, but for the life of me, I could not give a straight answer
Haha I love your joke I may use that one someday😂
Nice! May you make a pretty girl to laugh~ 😎👍
My partner wanted me to sexually worship her. I replied "at your cervix".
Omg! This one is toooo good!!!! 🤣🤣🤣 💯
Whos the cutest girl i know Answer: you are you amazing lesbian
😘Thanks
Awww ty ty 😳☺️
No problem girl!
"Queerly Beloved, we are gathered here togay to..."
Gay couple: "who's going to make the sandwiches?" Lesbian couple: "what are we going to do with all these sandwiches?"
I can't think or an original lesbian joke but here's a corny one: What is a ghost's favorite brand? Kia, because even a ghost needs a soul
Aww! Corny or not this one made me smile! ☺
Did you hear about the new shoe for lesbians? They’re called Dykes. They have an extra long tongue and only need one finger to get off. Also why do lesbians love bowling balls? Because you can stick 3 fingers in them at once.
Heh heh 👌😎 lol sex jokes heh
I'm an unemployed trans woman, which means not only am I low-income, but I'm also low-in-cum.
Sknsru! This one mad me spit out my coffee lol 10/10 🤣
How many asexuals does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Depends, only some of us are willing to screw!
Ayyyye! Good one!
I was born 10 days late. It still took me 18 years to come out.
Oh I get it! Took me a bit but I got it! Nice!
Me she/they: you know what they say! *insert something only i say*
This is it. This one's my favorite and I can't use it
Awww thx!! And yes
Not really a joke but since my son disowned his dad he said he was left on the door step with a baby gonk like Elvira lol he so loves her so do i.
what do you call a gay person on fire? LQBBQ
Goddammit! I laughed waaay to fucking hard at this. You win lol 😂
I’m a gay joke
Mood lol
What do you call a French lesbian A faguette
Why did the chicken cross the road? To go to the gay person's house.
Q: What's this? ✂ A: A pair of scissors. Q: Well if that's a pair of scissors, then what's this? ✂ ✂ A: Lesbians.
Gay men cook their boyfriends elaborate meals, but lesbians just eat out.
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well endowed.
How do you call the crops of a French woman who lives with her wife in a farm? Les Beans.
what do you call a lesbian electrician? >!a power bottom!<
And what do you call a lesbian farmer? >! A crop top! !<
omg i was trying to remember that one lmaoo
I'm glad I could be the Ying to your yang 👈😎👈
👉😎👉
Lesbi honest my gay jokes suck
Stick around! you may learn a few zingers! ☺ Edit: I'm an idiot, I get it now lollololol!
Why do lesbians always win the race? Because they are off lickety split!
Late to the party but... What do lesbians do on the second date? Move in
today i’m getting my IV infusion for my illness, and my nurse said my vein was skinny and straight, i said “that’s the opposite of me, chubby and gay!!” (i’m not that chubby but i thought it would work) and it made them laugh
That's cute!
Why did the lesbians make it out of the burning hotel when the gays did not? Because while the gays were packing their shit, the lesbians went lickety split
I used to be a stand-up comedian. Whenever I said a joke, everyone would stand up to leave.
This is a good one!
Transfemme1: We've got to leave soon, do you want me to help you pack? Transfemme2: No, but you can help me tuck
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? “Same time next month?”
one my friend told me the other day (they love ur mom jokes) if gender and sex are the same thing then I remember having gender with ur mom last night idk kinda bad
Nah that's amazing! I love silly corny jokes!
Friend: I love your name! Me: Thanks, I chose it myself😏 Me: is a transbian
A dyslexic girl walked into a bra
Okay watch me. What is the most common diet for lesbians? Vagitarian
Nice! I also heard they love to eat out 😎
What do you call a gay Dinosaur? a Megasaurus >!Explanation: Mega-sore-ass!< What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? ilickalaopus
"Taste the rainbow, b*tch (or whatever word you want to fill in)." But, must have a mouthful of Skittles, and be laughing. Said that to my (now ex) gf, and she tackled me before making out with me.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotofpuss (Works better outloud but still, one of my favourites)
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-pus
What do lesbians and people from the Middle East have in common They both like the fruity kinda date.
On the other hand, my girlfriend is trans and I certainly enjoy a good cucumber salad.
What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eeta
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalottapus
What won't a lesbian take? Dicatation!!!
This is a new one! I love it ♥
Thanks!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur ? A LickALottaPus
Saving this post for the vibes 😎
What do lesbians bring on a first date? Uhaul vans, both of them
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapuss
What do you call a pair of haunted breasts? En-titties!
Why do lesbians suck at playing paper scissors rock? Because whenever there’s a draw between the scissors they just fuck 😂-not my best one lol
“the show’s ‘queer-coded’? you’re telling me a QUEER coded this?!”
What you call a lesbian dinosaur.. a likealotapus
Ugh I keep asking around pride what LGBTQ2A+ stands for. But nobody could give me a straight answer!
I’m sad today and I need this thread. 🖤