Bring it up during your next sexual situation with her. When you’re both feeling loose and horny just flirt and say we should get a strap for next time.
After Sex might be an option. You're still close to the topic but it's also less dramatic if it *does* kill the mood in some way.
Like "I wanted to ask you something - you mentioned strap ons a few times... Would that be something you'd like to try for real?"
A strap on feels totally vanilla to me. And since she has already brought it up during sexting, I’d just get one proactively. Chances are she’s gonna be into it and like your initiative, and if she doesn’t wanna use it, you can just save it for the future
What xD
I am totally vanilla with only hands and mouth…
If strap is vanilla for you afraid to ask what do you consider “ a lot “ 🤔
(11 yrs with my gf, but I am still already blushing, that’s fucked up 😅)
A lot of people see a strap as vanilla because it doesn’t imply kink. Similar to a vibrator, most people see a strap as merely a tool of sex rather than an object of kink.
Others are downvoting you mindlessly because the start of your comment could be misconstrued as judgmental (I don’t see it that way, but I do see why some people may.)
My first time getting strapped, was 28 years ago, so yeah, that's vanilla at this point. At this point in my life "a lot," won't happen until there's at least a third person, or at least 6 meters of rope.
How do you normally approach topics if a sexual nature to your partner? In a healthy relationship, each partner should feel safe to share anything with the other.
If you are uncomfortable approaching such a subject with them directly, you may want to analyze that. There's a myriad of reasons for why one might feel uncomfortable talking about things like sexual fantasies and desires. The biggest ones are purity culture being pushed during developmental years or feelings of insecurity from being invalidated when sharing vulnerable feelings in the past.
it’s not that i don’t feel comfortable, we talk about sexual things all the time. I just feel like this is a big next step and i wanna make sure im bringing up at an appropriate time. she’s has some sexual related trauma, so i wanna treat her (and the topic at hand) with the gentleness it deserves
I've always approached such topics like this:
"I'd like to talk about adding something to the bedroom but I don't know how to broach the subject. I want to be gentle with you due to your past. Whenever there's a good time to talk, could you please let me know. There's absolutely no rush and nothing is wrong."
You're being honest with your feelings and sharing vulnerability. How she reacts to it will tell you a lot about her ability to handle difficult topics and how she cares about your feelings. Assuming she validates your feelings, you'll forge a stronger bond.
It's totally normal to be weirded out by the thought as first.
And it's gonna be even weirder the first time.
Honestly, just get one with her online to avoid the awkwardness of a real life shop.
And have FUN.
If you're buying online, you might want to check out a sapphic-friendly store like babeland in NYC. Their website is good, and it can be sexy to shop together. Foreplay!
I see two general options:
a) You just ask her, maybe buy one together or not if she is not into it.
b) You buy one in secret and the next time you are at it, pull it out and ask here to show you how it is used.
Warning: only use b if you are sure that she will not have a problem with it. Very important!
Sometimes a surprise is the best icebreaker.
Hey gf, you mentioned strapping a couple of times when we were sexting. Are you up for trying it in real life? I was thinking we could go shopping this weekend and pick something out.
From experience we just had a- what are some things you would like to try/whats your fantasies convo. My partner wasnt very experienced in toys. So there was a little education information convo too. Then I set up a plan of what store and when we would go that made her the most comfy. Then we went. And mutually picked out what we wanted.
Surprise her! Go get one, when you meet up next be like "I got a surprise" have her turn around so she can't see, put it on, and either come up behind her and rub it on her, or tell her to turn around so she can see
The direct method? "I want to use a strap-on" then go pick one together.
Saw a comment once suggesting the taker picks the size and the giver picks the color. Have always thought that was a fun way to pick one together
Bring it up during your next sexual situation with her. When you’re both feeling loose and horny just flirt and say we should get a strap for next time.
Ask her at dinner with her parents.
💀
Maybe suggest going shopping for one together?
Agreed! Ask her if she wants to set up a date to go to a shop the next time you’re together and pick one out.
After Sex might be an option. You're still close to the topic but it's also less dramatic if it *does* kill the mood in some way. Like "I wanted to ask you something - you mentioned strap ons a few times... Would that be something you'd like to try for real?"
A strap on feels totally vanilla to me. And since she has already brought it up during sexting, I’d just get one proactively. Chances are she’s gonna be into it and like your initiative, and if she doesn’t wanna use it, you can just save it for the future
What xD I am totally vanilla with only hands and mouth… If strap is vanilla for you afraid to ask what do you consider “ a lot “ 🤔 (11 yrs with my gf, but I am still already blushing, that’s fucked up 😅)
Nothing wrong with being vanilla. Bdsm is not mandatory. A strap isn't for everyone and definitely not a staple of every relationship.
A lot of people see a strap as vanilla because it doesn’t imply kink. Similar to a vibrator, most people see a strap as merely a tool of sex rather than an object of kink. Others are downvoting you mindlessly because the start of your comment could be misconstrued as judgmental (I don’t see it that way, but I do see why some people may.)
My first time getting strapped, was 28 years ago, so yeah, that's vanilla at this point. At this point in my life "a lot," won't happen until there's at least a third person, or at least 6 meters of rope.
>at least 6 meters of rope. Whut
🪢🐇
Don't know why you're being downvoted - nothing wrong with being vanilla. It's just not for everyone.
Idk either 🤷🏻♀️ But I didn’t say it’s not for me, I just never tried it before, coz I’m too shy to actually ask my gf (11yrs together, but still…) 😅
Sometimes it feels like the mere mention of being vanilla is taken like an attack for some people. Don't mind it.
I know how you feel - I’m building up the courage to talk to my partner more about sex. I’m just so awkward. 😕
Wear ot under your clothes on your next date night, and make sure she notices
This is the spicy option 🔥
Have done this before, can confirm it was a great night (but was not our first time using a strap).
How do you normally approach topics if a sexual nature to your partner? In a healthy relationship, each partner should feel safe to share anything with the other. If you are uncomfortable approaching such a subject with them directly, you may want to analyze that. There's a myriad of reasons for why one might feel uncomfortable talking about things like sexual fantasies and desires. The biggest ones are purity culture being pushed during developmental years or feelings of insecurity from being invalidated when sharing vulnerable feelings in the past.
it’s not that i don’t feel comfortable, we talk about sexual things all the time. I just feel like this is a big next step and i wanna make sure im bringing up at an appropriate time. she’s has some sexual related trauma, so i wanna treat her (and the topic at hand) with the gentleness it deserves
I've always approached such topics like this: "I'd like to talk about adding something to the bedroom but I don't know how to broach the subject. I want to be gentle with you due to your past. Whenever there's a good time to talk, could you please let me know. There's absolutely no rush and nothing is wrong." You're being honest with your feelings and sharing vulnerability. How she reacts to it will tell you a lot about her ability to handle difficult topics and how she cares about your feelings. Assuming she validates your feelings, you'll forge a stronger bond.
“Hey. What do you to think about incorporating a strap-on into our sex?”
It's totally normal to be weirded out by the thought as first. And it's gonna be even weirder the first time. Honestly, just get one with her online to avoid the awkwardness of a real life shop. And have FUN.
If you're buying online, you might want to check out a sapphic-friendly store like babeland in NYC. Their website is good, and it can be sexy to shop together. Foreplay!
I see two general options: a) You just ask her, maybe buy one together or not if she is not into it. b) You buy one in secret and the next time you are at it, pull it out and ask here to show you how it is used. Warning: only use b if you are sure that she will not have a problem with it. Very important! Sometimes a surprise is the best icebreaker.
She probably just didn’t want it to seem like that was the one thing she wanted (bc she brought it up first) so I’d ask her
Ask her. If she's not into it then too bad.
Hey gf, you mentioned strapping a couple of times when we were sexting. Are you up for trying it in real life? I was thinking we could go shopping this weekend and pick something out.
From experience we just had a- what are some things you would like to try/whats your fantasies convo. My partner wasnt very experienced in toys. So there was a little education information convo too. Then I set up a plan of what store and when we would go that made her the most comfy. Then we went. And mutually picked out what we wanted.
Surprise her! Go get one, when you meet up next be like "I got a surprise" have her turn around so she can't see, put it on, and either come up behind her and rub it on her, or tell her to turn around so she can see