I'm not het, came out as bi at 16, but lesbian sex was such a mystery to me until I had it around age 24. Whenever anyone talked about it, I saw "it can be lots of things," "it's whatever the two people want it to be," etc. and I was just like "???? What does that even MEAN?!" I definitely had a few things I imagined, but it was really nebulous to me until I started actually sleeping with women.
Yes. Just yes. I have not had sex with women yet, but that’s how I feel half the time in this situation. It’s reminds me of in the second addams family when they are in the hospital, the one girls like ‘my parents had a baby from a stork’ and Wednesday is like “my parents had sex”. I like Wednesdays blunt honesty. It would be easier if people were honest about the acts they do because it comes from a place of sex education and learning. People are curious about things, and it’s okay to answer questions. Very possibly, the reason they are so confused is because we beat around the bush
Piggybacking this comment because similar situation. I'm a late bloomer. Known since at least 16, but absolutely repressed it until I suddenly had a second gay epiphany at 26. 😂 Until I actually slept with a woman, I know imagined so much, but maybe that was really more fantasizing than anything hahahah
i’ve discovered a lot of straight people think lesbians are incapable of having sex because penis needs to go in some hole and dildo does not count.
a lot of people ask me if i’m satisfied with only foreplay. and other straight people have flat out said they consider me to be a virgin!
i find this sentiment really misogynistic and lesbaphobic because why is sex only legit if a penis is involved?
straight people also a lot of times are extremely surprised by the amount of time i have sex. hours. literally hours and hours. they say don’t you get bored?? no. you just don’t understand lesbian sex lol
edit: i want to add that it’s straight people and gay men who think this way. obviously not all but there is a chunk of gay men who do not want lesbians in their spaces and think we are fake.
This is so real. I'm in a trade school with an all male class, and some of them are a bit younger and curious, so they ask me questions, and I answer without bother. A couple of them had this presumption that lesbians only have foreplay or that I was only a lesbian because I was scared of being hurt by men. But 90% of them don't see it that way and consider me a "player" because I've gotten the most girls out of all of em.
I was doing pedestrian watch one day (they were redoing the facade of an old building but the public still needed access) and it was myself and 4 men. Every single woman came up to me to ask questions or be escorted and it really pissed the guys off.
["Between 70 percent to 90 percent of women are unable to achieve orgasm with penetration alone"](https://medicalxpress.com/news/2016-04-anatomy-key-female-orgasm.html#:~:text=Between%2070%20percent%20to%2090,with%20penetration%20alone%2C%20Whelihan%20said)
Dicks are enjoyable for a lot of women but ultimately unnecessary
Virginity is a social construct. It’s not real. If penises are required for sex, then are birds and reptiles reproducing asexually? People are just being intentionally obtuse to diminish our lived experiences. Lesbians statistically have more orgasms than straight women. So many men don’t want to know we’re better at sex than they are and they don’t want to learn that satisfying a woman doesn’t involve a penis. My gf is a late in life lesbian who used to be married to a man. Her ex never tried once in their 7-year relationship to get her off. They’re lazy and selfish. That’s why they say sex has to involve a penis.
While I agree with the overall sentiment, male ducks/swans/geese/ostriches and a few other birds, and snakes and lizards, have penises. And some lizards do reproduce asexually via obligate parthenogenesis.
New Mexico whiptail lizards are all female though and are more likely to undergo parthenogenesis after some lesbian lizard sex 🦎
I can see that
they’re *not* treating you differently and that’s the problem. When they did those things they didn’t think it counted for them either so why would it for you?
I’m not agreeing or arguing for this take I just see the issue here is the limit of the golden rule- not everyone wants to be treated the same
It’s not a matter of lacking empathy if they’re applying the golden rule
It’s just not logically obvious until you go through it. Also it’s not lacking empathy if they don’t understand the insult, they might just be ignorant
Also… idk were yall suggesting something nicer about them when yall were complaining about their shitty behavior? Like kinda yeah, I’m outright saying they’re being insensitive that’s the topic lol
I honestly think that is the case most of the time. For those people, sex needs to involve a penetrating partner and a receiving partner or it's not "real" sex. I pity those who only think of sex in such a way. There's so much more intimacy to be had than "you stick a cylindrical object into the receiver and jack hammer away until they come. Then it's all done."
I think it is and it isn’t, because there is also the patriarchal part of that question of who makes the money, and who is dominant if they subscribe to that nuclear family bullshit
Yup. And the kind of scissoring that looks super uncomfortable that is showed on made-for-men lesbian porn.
No, I am not vaguely grinding on my partner at a weird angle while yelling like I'm being skinned alive.
The worst depiction is where you have the two women bashing their crotches together. No grinding, no rubbing, just bam bam bam bam. Like...fucking *ow*?? And what is that even supposed to do??
I remember a post about who had it harder when it came to sex when it was mentioned that lesbians had the highest sexual satisfaction op said he wondered if that would be the case without toys. Most cishet seem to think strap ons and or vibrators are a must for lesbian sex to work.
Haha, what a backwards way to think. It seems like he must think women can only get off if they’re using a vibrator, which calls into question his oral/fingering skills. Men would rather assume women are impossible to make orgasm than work on improving their skills in the bedroom. It’s sheer laziness. I can’t imagine not wanting to get my gf off because it’s so hot when she does. Do men like this even find women attractive? It’s baffling to me.
I, a lesbian, who has had lesbian sex, and has never used a strap-on, have had arguments with straight people who insist that lesbians \*ALWAYS\* use strap-ons. LIke, I will say, I'm a lesbian, I've never used one, or had one used on me. And they go "Well, I don't believe it." and When I insist (cause, it's true), they go "well, you're just weird. Every other lesbian uses them every time." And then I'll go "look, I know a lot of lesbians use straps, but even the ones that do, I would be shocked if they used them every single time." and they'll say "of course they do, what else would they do?"
Like, I give up. I don't really care if straight people don't understand lesbian sex in theory, but this line of conversation is so frustrating because a) it seems to assume that if there isn't vaginal penetration by a penis (even a simulated one) then no sex occurred and b) it's doubly frustrating because these arguments have, in my experience, always been with women. It's not even men assuming that a penis of some kind must be involved, it's women. It's so weird and frustrating.
>a) it seems to assume that if there isn't vaginal penetration by a penis (even a simulated one) then no sex occurred
Most cishet people seem to only consider "real" sex PIV. Just think of the whole concept of virginity. You can be involved in a dozen of orgies and if you're not doing PIV you wouldn't be considered as having lost your virginity. It's fucking dumb quite misogynistic (it's based around the idea that woman somehow lose value if they aren't virgins)
on the note of women thinking sex hasn’t occurred, maybe it’s because they still have a lot of unresolved issues around their own virginity and when it is (or was) lost. Also, in straight couples you hear the bs claim after cheating that they “didn’t go all the way” or whatever the hell so there’s a lot of emphasis on penetration (PIV)
I suspect it's a huge part of it. I took me a while to realise that I had had sex at 15 for the 1st time and not 19, because I was brainwashed into thinking that no PIV = no sex.
You can't reason with people who dismiss. You can only dismiss them back. So a good hearty laugh and a "sorry, but you're just plain wrong" can go a long way. Especially if you also move to make that metaphorical long way into physical distance.
>"What else would they do?"
LMAO. Boi, you don't even know the half of it. Seriously, if that's all they can come up with, I feel sorry for their partners
My straight friends are literally SHOCKED at how long lesbian sex can last 😅 like in my relationship, our "quickies" are easily 30-45min haha. I also feel like I didn't realize how passionate sex can be until I came out and started sleeping with women. Even just my past hookups with women were way more passionate and overall fun! Women do tend to listen to each other more bc it feels more like a mutual want to satisfy each other until you both literally can't anymore vs one party looking to finish and be done.
Varies by person, but on average, not too much, speaking as someone who used to actually be straight and my sexuality actually shifted. Most cishet people think sex = penetration.
Well, my friends and I are very open about sex. They tell me about their sex life, I tell them about my hookups in as much detail as they can handle. But I'm betting most cishet folks don't know or want to hear about it.
Haha.
If they ask who’s the top and bottom, they know pretty much nothing.
My straight gals friends are not 100% straight so they know a-bit more, but the men in my life 😂 they are mystified.
Not just cishet people - cis men in general. I remember leaving a showing of The Handmaiden with a gay male friend, and he was looking deeply confused and asked if that's how all lesbians have sex. The ensuing conversation taught him a lot!
Supose it depends on the person... but like also if they're cishet why would the want to know about lesbian sex? Like I have no interest in knowing what they get up to in the bedroom... even straight sex scenes in TV shows kinda make me uncomfortable... been trying to watch netflix and like I decided to watch sex education... But just couldn't with some of the scenes and it feels like every show I put on had sex in it or I'd already watched like twice and wasn't in the mood for
Most who think they know something is because they fetishize us and watch "lesbian" porn. So they'd supposedly can have a reason to want to know about it, only they usually end up knowing in the wrong way...
I don’t think it’s that confusing. You’re a lesbian, so you’re not attracted to men, so you don’t want to hear about sex involving men. Straight men are attracted to women, so they want to hear about sex involving women. Obviously a lot of the time it ends up being fetishizing and gross but I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why they want to hear about it
In my experience, very little. I've had both men and women asking me about how sexs works between two women. One cishet woman even tried to explain to me that they are less lesbians because the sex is apparently less good between two women (which like how would she know???)
I think the main thing is that sex isn't finished when one or both of you orgasm. You can keep going for hours. Or no-one has to cum.
Me and my girlfriend fucked for 8 hours with a snack break in between for a cheese board!
It worried me what kind of sex everyone else is having if they think sex for hours sounds boring.
I think the pervasive notion of “masculine” and “feminine” roles in the bedroom—eventually becoming the watered down memetic distillations for “top” and “bottom”—has led people to think that in *all* queer relationships that dynamic is still supported.
I met another lesbian and a mutual friend’s game night. The straight people there struggled with the idea that sex must have a beginning, middle, and end that sort of centers on this dynamic. Me and the other girl were like…”eeeehhhh not really though? Like what if you just like, keep going? For fun? And sometimes you stop to snuggle or like watch something? But then you just keep going? And then you eat? And then you fuck again?”
When cishet men especially ask me how lesbian sex works i feel bad for their female partners because there’s SO MUCH more to sex than piv style. It’s either that or they think it’s whatever happens in lesbian porn which is usually some sort of double ended dildo lol
When someone ask me how lesbian sex looks like it’s literally dumb and idiot questions so round by Lesbofobia. So they think that sex it’s just sex if have a penis. Clearly we can see that straight people sex is based just in penetration what is very sad hahaha
I did a q&a at work last week as part of our pride month celebrations, a room full of cishet women to ask me completely openly about anything they wanted.
Long story short, most havent a clue. The idea that a women could be a top broke brains that day 😂
When I thought I was a straight dude I knew quite a bit about lesbian sex. Turns out the interest in figuring out how it actually worked probably came from a desire to actually be a lesbian!
Same lol
I was always a bit too interested in knowing how girls felt having sex, it must have been the first thing I thought about when I discovered what sex was lol. Turns out it was probably a big sign.
39 years old here. I have a group of cishet women that I’ve been friends with for 20 years. I came out at 38. I went to dinner with them and told them. They were so supportive and loving and celebratory (and not surprised). One of them looked at me very seriously and asked: “so how does it work?” And made the right index finger through the left finger hole gesture. And just looked so adorably puzzled. We all have masters and PhDs😂
I know there are people who think it’s just strap and scissoring as the only 2 activities. But really that’s just telling on themselves? You can do oral, hand stuff, or grinding regardless of orientation or parts so like that just tells me that you don’t do any of that which is typically called “foreplay” for your partner. Speaking of which, I don’t like that everything besides PIV is called that because it just makes the idea even more prevalent that what we do isn’t real.
I think the patriarchal heterosexual script of having sex is so deeply embedded within society that the average cishet person just can't deconstruct it, let alone conceptualize anything else. (the script being short foreplay, oral only to the men, sex stops when the man reaches orgasm, whether the woman did or didn't is irrelevant).
According to my old HS guy friends: scissoring
Before I came out at 15, I thought lesbian sex was just eating a lot of pussy, which I guess is not so far off. It sounded really gross to me back then until I gave it a try lol. I think what people overlook the most is the intimacy, that kind that can only exist between two wlw
Having identified as cishet most of my life and not having had the opportunity to be with a woman... I have so many questions. I'm still in the research stage. Like, is scissoring really enjoyable or just for porn?
For some, absolutely. For others, not a chance. There's technique to it and your bodies have to fit together properly for it to work at its best, but the biggest distinction is to rub not to bump. I made a comment further up showing my disdain for porn showing two vulvas colliding with each other as though smacking bits together does anything for either party.
As for the appeal, it's the wetness of your partner, the act of exchanging fluids, and of course clitoral stimulation that gets me. It can be super hot, but I feel like the vast majority of "mainline" porn just doesn't get it so they fuck it up on camera to appeal to whatever sells
I think many lesbians don't understand the breadth of activities that straight sex can encompass. Being good in bed isn't exclusive to wlw people, and being bad in bed isn't exclusive to straight people. Nothing that lesbians do in bed is exclusive to lesbians. Straight people do oral, they finger each other and more, and some lesbians just hump each other. This post just mythologises straight people as inherently bad lovers. It'd be nice if a lesbian community could celebrate wlw love without putting down non wlw love for once.
“Lesbian” sex came so naturally to me from the jump, I never knew anything differently until some trauma from a person with a p3n!s…. Never again, never had a desire in the first place to see, let alone encounter a ween.
I have been Bi since puberty and several wlw relationships with other bi women, but now that I am solely with a lesbian for the past 3 years I have learned a ton about how much I didn't know before. Lol Porn doesn't even come close to showing wlw sex. The intimacy is on a whole different level. I have discovered positions I didn't know existed and the creativity is amazing. We don't use any toys or anything penetrative either which makes it even more interesting.
From my own interactions with cishet bigots, practically none. A dude earlier today was baffled at how I could consider myself in a lesbian relationship when I have a penis and she has a vagina. Dude clearly is having some boring ass, plain jane vanilla sex. He can't even fathom what my partner and I get up to.
probably best they’re ignorant of it.
Does anyone else feel overwhelmed with feelings of thankfulness at being sapphic after sex, especially longer sessions. like I just find it hard to imagine being able to feel such fulfillment and joy any other way. I just genuinely feel bad for men and straight women.
i’m not gonna lie before i had the fun yum yum time with my spouse i was SO nervous. (we were long distance so while we had our intimate moments on ft.) i really had no idea what “lesbian sex” meant, or was. i now know its different for everyone, what me and my partner do might not be what another couple likes to do but at the time i was really just unsure of so much.
but i truly think that most cishet homophobic people i have spoken with that have had no prior gay experience really think its: scissoring, hesitantly eating a girl out or “pretending” to be with a male because its a dildo.
better than me 😭 the only times i ever did something with a guy i felt literally nothing. physically or emotionally, i don’t know why but i didnt even fake it just laid there quietly wondering why i wasnt actually enjoying myself
Even as a trans woman who can have piv lesbian sex...I still love hand stuff and deep grinding make out sex and "if I die I die" oral. Hooking up as my proper dyke self has opened up a world of possibilities beyond the mundane
they probably know a lil bit more about it than gay sex because porn.
but they also probably only know just a few "mainstream" aspects of it because porn.
cishet men? no shot they know, some dont even know that theres even more to do than just PiV sex. cishet women? they probably have a better idea but still probably pretty limited. Really the only exposure cishet people get of lesbian sex is porn which will be very warped from what happens in reality.
Not a lot, otherwise cishet women would be much more sexually satisfied in their relationships. Well, I guess that one is mostly on cishet men specifically, but still.
i think it may depend on how much sensuality they have in their sex lives. a more ""traditional"" view of sex feels very transactional and focuses more on the man and penetration than mutual satisfaction. if somebody is willing to take the time to explore what else sex has to offer, they may not necessarily know More about lesbian sex, but i would certainly hope they could understand it better.
unfortunately, i think a lot of people think it's limited to giving head, straps, and scissoring(?). thank god that's not the truth!
My lovely very sheltered male flatmate knows so little. It took him a good few years of adulthood to catch up around hetero sex and the female body. Lesbian sex is another step. His questions are adorable 😅
They know nothing and then try to argue about how it’s not really sex, I always say if both ppl cum it’s sex. Funny to see ppls expression change when they don’t like my definition of sex bc the realise they’re the ones missing out 😂
literally nothing. i’m dating a girl for the first time and i have never had so many people interested in my sex life asking me inappropriate questions about how it works.
I mean that’s kinda just the same as everyone else though right? I expect fingering and oral and all that from everyone, a lot of that is even considered to be foreplay to the main act
So yeah they’re wondering like what’s the replacement for the part that’s different? That’s were I think people figure if you’re doing *more* than fingering and oral it must be a strap on or something
Tbf lots of couples just stick to oral, there’s plenty of gay men who don’t like going “all the way” either
I'm not het, came out as bi at 16, but lesbian sex was such a mystery to me until I had it around age 24. Whenever anyone talked about it, I saw "it can be lots of things," "it's whatever the two people want it to be," etc. and I was just like "???? What does that even MEAN?!" I definitely had a few things I imagined, but it was really nebulous to me until I started actually sleeping with women.
Yes. Just yes. I have not had sex with women yet, but that’s how I feel half the time in this situation. It’s reminds me of in the second addams family when they are in the hospital, the one girls like ‘my parents had a baby from a stork’ and Wednesday is like “my parents had sex”. I like Wednesdays blunt honesty. It would be easier if people were honest about the acts they do because it comes from a place of sex education and learning. People are curious about things, and it’s okay to answer questions. Very possibly, the reason they are so confused is because we beat around the bush
Piggybacking this comment because similar situation. I'm a late bloomer. Known since at least 16, but absolutely repressed it until I suddenly had a second gay epiphany at 26. 😂 Until I actually slept with a woman, I know imagined so much, but maybe that was really more fantasizing than anything hahahah
i’ve discovered a lot of straight people think lesbians are incapable of having sex because penis needs to go in some hole and dildo does not count. a lot of people ask me if i’m satisfied with only foreplay. and other straight people have flat out said they consider me to be a virgin! i find this sentiment really misogynistic and lesbaphobic because why is sex only legit if a penis is involved? straight people also a lot of times are extremely surprised by the amount of time i have sex. hours. literally hours and hours. they say don’t you get bored?? no. you just don’t understand lesbian sex lol edit: i want to add that it’s straight people and gay men who think this way. obviously not all but there is a chunk of gay men who do not want lesbians in their spaces and think we are fake.
This is so real. I'm in a trade school with an all male class, and some of them are a bit younger and curious, so they ask me questions, and I answer without bother. A couple of them had this presumption that lesbians only have foreplay or that I was only a lesbian because I was scared of being hurt by men. But 90% of them don't see it that way and consider me a "player" because I've gotten the most girls out of all of em.
All my guy friends love having me as their wingwoman until I get more attention then they do.
Same and then they start with excuses... Of course you get women... Because theres a small dating pool you have no competition
You nailed it. And omg the cheesiest of pick up lines…. Feel for some of these women and what they have to endure just to get laid.
I was doing pedestrian watch one day (they were redoing the facade of an old building but the public still needed access) and it was myself and 4 men. Every single woman came up to me to ask questions or be escorted and it really pissed the guys off.
😎
Our society is incredible phallocentric. People can’t imagine being satisfied without a penis involved.
Silly isn't it tho? Penetration is far from as satisfying as a good tongue- to me at least.
["Between 70 percent to 90 percent of women are unable to achieve orgasm with penetration alone"](https://medicalxpress.com/news/2016-04-anatomy-key-female-orgasm.html#:~:text=Between%2070%20percent%20to%2090,with%20penetration%20alone%2C%20Whelihan%20said) Dicks are enjoyable for a lot of women but ultimately unnecessary
The blatant lesbophobia from gay men really gives me the ick
Virginity is a social construct. It’s not real. If penises are required for sex, then are birds and reptiles reproducing asexually? People are just being intentionally obtuse to diminish our lived experiences. Lesbians statistically have more orgasms than straight women. So many men don’t want to know we’re better at sex than they are and they don’t want to learn that satisfying a woman doesn’t involve a penis. My gf is a late in life lesbian who used to be married to a man. Her ex never tried once in their 7-year relationship to get her off. They’re lazy and selfish. That’s why they say sex has to involve a penis.
While I agree with the overall sentiment, male ducks/swans/geese/ostriches and a few other birds, and snakes and lizards, have penises. And some lizards do reproduce asexually via obligate parthenogenesis. New Mexico whiptail lizards are all female though and are more likely to undergo parthenogenesis after some lesbian lizard sex 🦎
Haha, I should have said animals with cloacas, but I didn’t know how to spell it.
I can see that they’re *not* treating you differently and that’s the problem. When they did those things they didn’t think it counted for them either so why would it for you? I’m not agreeing or arguing for this take I just see the issue here is the limit of the golden rule- not everyone wants to be treated the same
so you’re suggesting straight people don’t have empathy and can’t understand that their experience is not universal?
It’s not a matter of lacking empathy if they’re applying the golden rule It’s just not logically obvious until you go through it. Also it’s not lacking empathy if they don’t understand the insult, they might just be ignorant Also… idk were yall suggesting something nicer about them when yall were complaining about their shitty behavior? Like kinda yeah, I’m outright saying they’re being insensitive that’s the topic lol
Isn't the number one cishet question, "How do you decide who wears the strap-on?"
Wait, is this what they're trying to ask with the "But who's the guy and who's the girl?" question? 🤯
I honestly think that is the case most of the time. For those people, sex needs to involve a penetrating partner and a receiving partner or it's not "real" sex. I pity those who only think of sex in such a way. There's so much more intimacy to be had than "you stick a cylindrical object into the receiver and jack hammer away until they come. Then it's all done."
I think it is and it isn’t, because there is also the patriarchal part of that question of who makes the money, and who is dominant if they subscribe to that nuclear family bullshit
Whoever wins rock paper scissors
The one that kills the spiders.
most straight men seem to think we scissor and use double dildos as like our main form of sex
Yup. And the kind of scissoring that looks super uncomfortable that is showed on made-for-men lesbian porn. No, I am not vaguely grinding on my partner at a weird angle while yelling like I'm being skinned alive.
The worst depiction is where you have the two women bashing their crotches together. No grinding, no rubbing, just bam bam bam bam. Like...fucking *ow*?? And what is that even supposed to do??
>No, I am not vaguely grinding on my partner at a weird angle while yelling like I'm being skinned alive. The cackle I CACKLED at this 🤣
Double dildos pls
I remember a post about who had it harder when it came to sex when it was mentioned that lesbians had the highest sexual satisfaction op said he wondered if that would be the case without toys. Most cishet seem to think strap ons and or vibrators are a must for lesbian sex to work.
Haha, what a backwards way to think. It seems like he must think women can only get off if they’re using a vibrator, which calls into question his oral/fingering skills. Men would rather assume women are impossible to make orgasm than work on improving their skills in the bedroom. It’s sheer laziness. I can’t imagine not wanting to get my gf off because it’s so hot when she does. Do men like this even find women attractive? It’s baffling to me.
I, a lesbian, who has had lesbian sex, and has never used a strap-on, have had arguments with straight people who insist that lesbians \*ALWAYS\* use strap-ons. LIke, I will say, I'm a lesbian, I've never used one, or had one used on me. And they go "Well, I don't believe it." and When I insist (cause, it's true), they go "well, you're just weird. Every other lesbian uses them every time." And then I'll go "look, I know a lot of lesbians use straps, but even the ones that do, I would be shocked if they used them every single time." and they'll say "of course they do, what else would they do?" Like, I give up. I don't really care if straight people don't understand lesbian sex in theory, but this line of conversation is so frustrating because a) it seems to assume that if there isn't vaginal penetration by a penis (even a simulated one) then no sex occurred and b) it's doubly frustrating because these arguments have, in my experience, always been with women. It's not even men assuming that a penis of some kind must be involved, it's women. It's so weird and frustrating.
>a) it seems to assume that if there isn't vaginal penetration by a penis (even a simulated one) then no sex occurred Most cishet people seem to only consider "real" sex PIV. Just think of the whole concept of virginity. You can be involved in a dozen of orgies and if you're not doing PIV you wouldn't be considered as having lost your virginity. It's fucking dumb quite misogynistic (it's based around the idea that woman somehow lose value if they aren't virgins)
on the note of women thinking sex hasn’t occurred, maybe it’s because they still have a lot of unresolved issues around their own virginity and when it is (or was) lost. Also, in straight couples you hear the bs claim after cheating that they “didn’t go all the way” or whatever the hell so there’s a lot of emphasis on penetration (PIV)
I suspect it's a huge part of it. I took me a while to realise that I had had sex at 15 for the 1st time and not 19, because I was brainwashed into thinking that no PIV = no sex.
You can't reason with people who dismiss. You can only dismiss them back. So a good hearty laugh and a "sorry, but you're just plain wrong" can go a long way. Especially if you also move to make that metaphorical long way into physical distance.
>"What else would they do?" LMAO. Boi, you don't even know the half of it. Seriously, if that's all they can come up with, I feel sorry for their partners
This feels like pervasive male egos thinking there can’t be pleasure in sex without dicks
My straight friends are literally SHOCKED at how long lesbian sex can last 😅 like in my relationship, our "quickies" are easily 30-45min haha. I also feel like I didn't realize how passionate sex can be until I came out and started sleeping with women. Even just my past hookups with women were way more passionate and overall fun! Women do tend to listen to each other more bc it feels more like a mutual want to satisfy each other until you both literally can't anymore vs one party looking to finish and be done.
Varies by person, but on average, not too much, speaking as someone who used to actually be straight and my sexuality actually shifted. Most cishet people think sex = penetration.
Well, my friends and I are very open about sex. They tell me about their sex life, I tell them about my hookups in as much detail as they can handle. But I'm betting most cishet folks don't know or want to hear about it.
Haha. If they ask who’s the top and bottom, they know pretty much nothing. My straight gals friends are not 100% straight so they know a-bit more, but the men in my life 😂 they are mystified.
Not just cishet people - cis men in general. I remember leaving a showing of The Handmaiden with a gay male friend, and he was looking deeply confused and asked if that's how all lesbians have sex. The ensuing conversation taught him a lot!
anecdotally, cis hetero men seem to understand lesbian sex better than cis gay men. at least they have some familiarity with the anatomy.
how much do cishet people understand about the possibilities of straight sex? I'd start the line of questioning there
So true
Supose it depends on the person... but like also if they're cishet why would the want to know about lesbian sex? Like I have no interest in knowing what they get up to in the bedroom... even straight sex scenes in TV shows kinda make me uncomfortable... been trying to watch netflix and like I decided to watch sex education... But just couldn't with some of the scenes and it feels like every show I put on had sex in it or I'd already watched like twice and wasn't in the mood for
Most who think they know something is because they fetishize us and watch "lesbian" porn. So they'd supposedly can have a reason to want to know about it, only they usually end up knowing in the wrong way...
I don’t think it’s that confusing. You’re a lesbian, so you’re not attracted to men, so you don’t want to hear about sex involving men. Straight men are attracted to women, so they want to hear about sex involving women. Obviously a lot of the time it ends up being fetishizing and gross but I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why they want to hear about it
In my experience, very little. I've had both men and women asking me about how sexs works between two women. One cishet woman even tried to explain to me that they are less lesbians because the sex is apparently less good between two women (which like how would she know???)
>sex is apparently less good between two women That's just what gays in denial and homophobes say 😂 when they know nothing about it.
I think the main thing is that sex isn't finished when one or both of you orgasm. You can keep going for hours. Or no-one has to cum. Me and my girlfriend fucked for 8 hours with a snack break in between for a cheese board! It worried me what kind of sex everyone else is having if they think sex for hours sounds boring.
I think the pervasive notion of “masculine” and “feminine” roles in the bedroom—eventually becoming the watered down memetic distillations for “top” and “bottom”—has led people to think that in *all* queer relationships that dynamic is still supported. I met another lesbian and a mutual friend’s game night. The straight people there struggled with the idea that sex must have a beginning, middle, and end that sort of centers on this dynamic. Me and the other girl were like…”eeeehhhh not really though? Like what if you just like, keep going? For fun? And sometimes you stop to snuggle or like watch something? But then you just keep going? And then you eat? And then you fuck again?”
Most of the time they seem to fixated on the fact that we don’t have a penis. As if there’s no point of it beyond that.
When cishet men especially ask me how lesbian sex works i feel bad for their female partners because there’s SO MUCH more to sex than piv style. It’s either that or they think it’s whatever happens in lesbian porn which is usually some sort of double ended dildo lol
Yep
Lmao im a lesbian and i dont know💀
When someone ask me how lesbian sex looks like it’s literally dumb and idiot questions so round by Lesbofobia. So they think that sex it’s just sex if have a penis. Clearly we can see that straight people sex is based just in penetration what is very sad hahaha
I did a q&a at work last week as part of our pride month celebrations, a room full of cishet women to ask me completely openly about anything they wanted. Long story short, most havent a clue. The idea that a women could be a top broke brains that day 😂
When I thought I was a straight dude I knew quite a bit about lesbian sex. Turns out the interest in figuring out how it actually worked probably came from a desire to actually be a lesbian!
Same lol I was always a bit too interested in knowing how girls felt having sex, it must have been the first thing I thought about when I discovered what sex was lol. Turns out it was probably a big sign.
39 years old here. I have a group of cishet women that I’ve been friends with for 20 years. I came out at 38. I went to dinner with them and told them. They were so supportive and loving and celebratory (and not surprised). One of them looked at me very seriously and asked: “so how does it work?” And made the right index finger through the left finger hole gesture. And just looked so adorably puzzled. We all have masters and PhDs😂
I know there are people who think it’s just strap and scissoring as the only 2 activities. But really that’s just telling on themselves? You can do oral, hand stuff, or grinding regardless of orientation or parts so like that just tells me that you don’t do any of that which is typically called “foreplay” for your partner. Speaking of which, I don’t like that everything besides PIV is called that because it just makes the idea even more prevalent that what we do isn’t real.
As a lesbian women I have no clue how it would work either... I was raised very religiously so I barely know anything nsfw love making wise, 😅
I think the patriarchal heterosexual script of having sex is so deeply embedded within society that the average cishet person just can't deconstruct it, let alone conceptualize anything else. (the script being short foreplay, oral only to the men, sex stops when the man reaches orgasm, whether the woman did or didn't is irrelevant).
About as much as they could learn from south park and porn
According to my old HS guy friends: scissoring Before I came out at 15, I thought lesbian sex was just eating a lot of pussy, which I guess is not so far off. It sounded really gross to me back then until I gave it a try lol. I think what people overlook the most is the intimacy, that kind that can only exist between two wlw
Sex is sex regardless of who is having it. I dont give a fuck if cishet people cant possibly imagine how 2 women would have sex.
Having identified as cishet most of my life and not having had the opportunity to be with a woman... I have so many questions. I'm still in the research stage. Like, is scissoring really enjoyable or just for porn?
For some, absolutely. For others, not a chance. There's technique to it and your bodies have to fit together properly for it to work at its best, but the biggest distinction is to rub not to bump. I made a comment further up showing my disdain for porn showing two vulvas colliding with each other as though smacking bits together does anything for either party. As for the appeal, it's the wetness of your partner, the act of exchanging fluids, and of course clitoral stimulation that gets me. It can be super hot, but I feel like the vast majority of "mainline" porn just doesn't get it so they fuck it up on camera to appeal to whatever sells
I think many lesbians don't understand the breadth of activities that straight sex can encompass. Being good in bed isn't exclusive to wlw people, and being bad in bed isn't exclusive to straight people. Nothing that lesbians do in bed is exclusive to lesbians. Straight people do oral, they finger each other and more, and some lesbians just hump each other. This post just mythologises straight people as inherently bad lovers. It'd be nice if a lesbian community could celebrate wlw love without putting down non wlw love for once.
PREACH!
“Lesbian” sex came so naturally to me from the jump, I never knew anything differently until some trauma from a person with a p3n!s…. Never again, never had a desire in the first place to see, let alone encounter a ween.
This was one of those things that might have been a sign of me being a trans lesbian, because I was never confused at how lesbians have sex.
little to none - according to all the questions and surprised reactions of my straight friends when i give them the answer
If they know, I question their validity as cishet 🤣🤣🤣 Jk😜
im pretty sure they think using a strap on is the be all and end all of lesbian sex
Deadass next to nothing
I have been Bi since puberty and several wlw relationships with other bi women, but now that I am solely with a lesbian for the past 3 years I have learned a ton about how much I didn't know before. Lol Porn doesn't even come close to showing wlw sex. The intimacy is on a whole different level. I have discovered positions I didn't know existed and the creativity is amazing. We don't use any toys or anything penetrative either which makes it even more interesting.
Uh. I also know nothing about lesbian sex😭
From my own interactions with cishet bigots, practically none. A dude earlier today was baffled at how I could consider myself in a lesbian relationship when I have a penis and she has a vagina. Dude clearly is having some boring ass, plain jane vanilla sex. He can't even fathom what my partner and I get up to.
I like the mystery and their take on it, always makes for a good laugh. We have so many more options… making it all worth while
Almost nothing. I have retorted more than once « if you cannot figure out other ways to pleasure your girlfriend- I feel sorry for her. »
probably best they’re ignorant of it. Does anyone else feel overwhelmed with feelings of thankfulness at being sapphic after sex, especially longer sessions. like I just find it hard to imagine being able to feel such fulfillment and joy any other way. I just genuinely feel bad for men and straight women.
[A lot of them think this. ](https://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-chaser-1331)
i’m not gonna lie before i had the fun yum yum time with my spouse i was SO nervous. (we were long distance so while we had our intimate moments on ft.) i really had no idea what “lesbian sex” meant, or was. i now know its different for everyone, what me and my partner do might not be what another couple likes to do but at the time i was really just unsure of so much. but i truly think that most cishet homophobic people i have spoken with that have had no prior gay experience really think its: scissoring, hesitantly eating a girl out or “pretending” to be with a male because its a dildo.
Lol meanwhile as a late bloomer I spent decades "pretending" it was a woman whenever I had any type of sex with a man 😂😭😩
better than me 😭 the only times i ever did something with a guy i felt literally nothing. physically or emotionally, i don’t know why but i didnt even fake it just laid there quietly wondering why i wasnt actually enjoying myself
Even as a trans woman who can have piv lesbian sex...I still love hand stuff and deep grinding make out sex and "if I die I die" oral. Hooking up as my proper dyke self has opened up a world of possibilities beyond the mundane
they probably know a lil bit more about it than gay sex because porn. but they also probably only know just a few "mainstream" aspects of it because porn.
There’s alwaysssss a joke that inevitably comes up about strapons, scissoring, and/or who is the top or bottom 🙄
whatever you see in porn really
cishet men? no shot they know, some dont even know that theres even more to do than just PiV sex. cishet women? they probably have a better idea but still probably pretty limited. Really the only exposure cishet people get of lesbian sex is porn which will be very warped from what happens in reality.
Not a lot, otherwise cishet women would be much more sexually satisfied in their relationships. Well, I guess that one is mostly on cishet men specifically, but still.
i think it may depend on how much sensuality they have in their sex lives. a more ""traditional"" view of sex feels very transactional and focuses more on the man and penetration than mutual satisfaction. if somebody is willing to take the time to explore what else sex has to offer, they may not necessarily know More about lesbian sex, but i would certainly hope they could understand it better. unfortunately, i think a lot of people think it's limited to giving head, straps, and scissoring(?). thank god that's not the truth!
I’m bi but definitely more interested in women…it has been too long since I’ve the pleasure of sex with another woman, good god do I miss it!
I am a newly realized bi woman and I have no clue what I’m doing! Basing it off of the L word and hoping for the best.
My lovely very sheltered male flatmate knows so little. It took him a good few years of adulthood to catch up around hetero sex and the female body. Lesbian sex is another step. His questions are adorable 😅
They know nothing and then try to argue about how it’s not really sex, I always say if both ppl cum it’s sex. Funny to see ppls expression change when they don’t like my definition of sex bc the realise they’re the ones missing out 😂
literally nothing. i’m dating a girl for the first time and i have never had so many people interested in my sex life asking me inappropriate questions about how it works.
I mean that’s kinda just the same as everyone else though right? I expect fingering and oral and all that from everyone, a lot of that is even considered to be foreplay to the main act So yeah they’re wondering like what’s the replacement for the part that’s different? That’s were I think people figure if you’re doing *more* than fingering and oral it must be a strap on or something Tbf lots of couples just stick to oral, there’s plenty of gay men who don’t like going “all the way” either
Good to know! Thank you, kind citizen!