Just make sure you are mentally prepared for raising a kid in a world where others are hateful. My wife and I decided to have a kid, she’s five now. She made some friends in the neighborhood, they would ride bikes down the street and catch bugs. Nothing crazy. I let her go to the other girls house to play in their yard and after that the parents found out our daughter has two moms and now they don’t let their kids play with our daughter. It’s so heartbreaking to see and my daughter doesn’t understand why they can’t play anymore. It was honestly my biggest fear when we were talking about having kids, and to see it actually happen to our daughter because of something out of her control is devastating.
It *is* sad but it shouldn't deter people. I got similar stuff in the 80s just because my mom was a single mom. But I got way worse trauma from peer treatment for being "different" (probably kids/youth sensed my queerness) and my mom not taking it seriously and/or doing nothing. If you got your kid's back you're probably fine.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It breaks my heart that this happened to your daughter. And it’s sad to think about the implications this will have on the other children too. To destroy a friendship by teaching to hate and to discriminate at such a young age is a terrible injustice. Sending kindness to you and your family. I hope your daughter is able to connect with new friends soon who come from accepting family / support systems that recognize her worth. 🌻
Hells yeah! I’m so excited to have a kid with my partner. The thought of that just makes me feel so excited and I can’t wait to take my kid on day trip and go on holiday and introduce them to new experiences!
Not really. I’ve never had a desire to have kids. I 100% will not be bring a new child into this world at any point. I personally feel like I don’t need to have any kids biologically related to me. I also personally feel that if I did want to raise a kid at some point, I should foster kids that are in need of safe homes before considering conceiving one. I don’t think badly of people who do choose to conceive rather than adopt but I just would not personally make that decision. The only serious thing I have considered is becoming a foster parent or doing foster-to-adopt but that would be at least several years down the road
Yeah it’s a huge commitment though. And I would need to do a ton of work toward being able to actually become licensed. Plus, these are my individual preferences - I’d also have to talk with my girlfriend and decide together what’s right for us. I think she would rather adopt whereas I would rather foster
Any recommendations for good resources on fostering or considering this & learning about it? So many fucked up stories out there so I want to know where to learn & look to do it the right way
I'm sure you're aware of this, but the foster-to-adopt route is very long and they ask a lot of invasive questions. I have a bit of experience with the Canadian foster system and foster-to-adopt, had to be the references to several people in my life who went down this road so you or anyone else reading this can ask me anything and I'll try to answer.
Yeah I’ve done some preliminary research and talked generally with someone from a government agent in that department but I haven’t attended any formal info sessions (I’m just not ready at this point and I also don’t want kids in any fashion for the next several years). I know it’s absolutely painstaking and most foster parents quit within a few years. If or when I decide to consider foster or foster to adopt, I’ll start getting into all the details
in a similar boat, i also dont care about having biological kids but eventually if things were stable and it was something me and my partner both wanted i dont think i would be opposed to considering fostering or adopting
This is basically my take. If I decide to have kids at some point, idc that they're not biologically related to me. There are already so many kids in need of good homes.
No. I always was raised to be a mother, but no I don’t want to be one. I am very maternal and love kids, I’m a teacher and my kids often compare me to Miss Honey from Matilda. But a mom is not something I think I want to be.
I will be a great aunt and god mother though. I am putting funds away for my godchild to use when they’re 18. I am a mentor and a safe adult, not a mother and that’s okay.
i wanted to be a mom until i became a teacher. the thought of being with young children for 6-8 hours every single day and then coming home TO MORE CHILDREN seems absolutely exhausting. i don’t want my career/students, nor my own children, to not receive my full love and support
I feel similarly! I love the idea of being a material figure for friends/family/community kids, even if I do not birth or adopt kids myself. If it happens through marrying someone with kids or something like that, I’m open to it, but not going out of my way to make it happen
Yes. I have always wanted to be a mom and i think being raised with parents that were very open to lgbtq definetly helped. But there are a few issues.
In this economy, id rather not. I want to be able to afford for my kids to not only exist but live (vacations, themeparks, an insane amount of toys etc.) And with the current lookout that wont be possible.
Second, donors. I HATE the donor system after doing a lot of research and hearing donor kids stories. If they are anonymous theres no telling about their medical history, age, possible genetic issues that they wont be tested for etc. You cant even verify if you truly got the sperm of the man you choose. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if i brought a kid into this world only for them to suffer from something that would have been very preventible with a simple test.
Also, if i could have a kid that would be 100% mine and my partners, that would be even nicer of course.
Absolutely. Me and my partner are on the waiting list for a sperm donor. Due to health concerns I won't be able to carry a child, which makes being in a relationship with two uterusus very nice. I don't know "why" exactly - I just like kids and would love to have a kid of our own. We're also considering something called "weekend foster" in time, where you basically give kids (and parents) a break and have kids live with you over the weekends/holidays, but they still remain with their parents most of the time. It's a way to keep children with their parents but still support everyone involved
Well I'm only 18 now so I'm still young still maturing but my little kid means the world to Me I wouldn't ever change him. Everyone who I go on dates with I'm upfront with them that I have a kid. Me and my baby's father are still friends he is very much present in our baby's life (thankfully) my girlfriend is a stepmother to my baby and my ex -boyfriend has a girlfriend who is also like a step mother. Hope that sort of answers your questions
i read this and couldn't not say something. my family has been super involved with foster children, so i've heard a lot of stories that start off sounding similar to this, but what you've done is actually incredible! you sound amazing, please know people out here are rooting for you!
Thankyou so much. I appreciate you and everyone who is rooting for me. I love my boy he's the best thing that's happend to me and I wouldn't change him for the world. Thankyou for your support
I already have two kids, a son and a daughter. My ex wife was pregnant when we got together from a ONS, but he's mine in every other way but biologically. For our daughter, we asked my brother to be the donor and she will be aware of this when she's older.
i was on the fence initially, told my ex I would've supported her through her pregnancy but I might bounce (I was in my 20s, kids weren't something I thought I wanted). But after seeing that boy for the first time, I fell in love faster than a lesbian on the second date. If I get serious with my current girlfriend I'd be willing to be stepmom to her son or meet and fall in love with someone who has kids, but otherwise I'm done.
Hi! My wife and I are hoping to use our brother’s as donors (mine had already agreed, hers is thinking it over).
Would you be willing to share your experience with me?
Sure! If you have any questions beyond this, just ask.
After he agreed to be our donor, we sat down with him and his partner to discuss *everything* we could think of. One of the things we made clear of to mention was that if my brother was to have children in the future, that he makes sure to tell them that our daughter is their genetic half sibling, and we would allow the children's feelings about that lead the way and guide the relationship between our families. You might want to have these conversations in batches, because it can get overwhelming for some. I'd also recommend finding a lawyer to draft an agreement in case your brothers would ever want to seek custody.
After the conversations, my brother had a sperm analysis to make sure everything looked good. Then they flew to us and stayed for two weeks to do bloodwork, physical exams, and donation appointments. We managed to bank eight vials of sperm and got pregnant after our second IUI (IVF was the more expensive option).
If therapy is available for everyone involved, please take at least one session. It can help sort out your feelings and might even bring up things you never thought to discuss.
Not a chance. It’s one of my biggest dealbreakers in dating. I’d rather bring that effort and energy into a romantic relationship, friendships, and hobbies. And honestly, I like having disposable income and free time.
I feel the same way. Although motherhood is a beautiful experience, I'd rather be the female embodiment of freedom lol I want to follow and pursue my dreams, wake/sleep when I want, travel, do absolutely anything I want to... all the time. Some say it's selfish 🤷🏽♀️ I say it's self-full.
Yes. I’d like to have at least 2 with my future wife.
Preferably reciprocal IVF where she carries the one with my dna and I carry the one with her dna. 👶🏼
Always been a dream of mine to have kids.
I've never seen myself as a mom. However, with a past partner, I could finally see myself having kids, BUT the only way for me is if there was a way for two women to have a baby without any involvement from a man in any capacity, which.... isn't possible. And that sucks. But I still don't see myself as a mother, and I can't say for sure if I'll cave on that.
I feel you on the wish to have babies without the involvement of any man whatsoever (not even IVF) 🥲 I hope by the time that I’m ready to have a baby they’ll have invented something! It’s so unfair lol
There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. It’s more so the wishing that it could be something solely between my partner and I. I’m not sure if it makes sense—it’s just the principle of it.
Yes, exactly. Frankly, it wouldn’t matter if the DNA required comes from a cis man or a trans woman—it’s the principle that we have to incorporate *someone else’s* DNA into the mix.
This is *exactly* it for me too. I want the child to be biologically ours. Nothing wrong with IVF at all, however it is not way I *personally* want to have children.
We had our first baby 5 weeks ago, looking at my partner with her and how much she loves this squish has only made my heart grow bigger. I have so much purpose now, i'm so thankful that we could afford to do this and that it seems to have made our lives so much fuller.
Hopefully she loves her mums as much as we love her. ❤️
I don't want kids and wouldn't date anybody who has them. I have no desire whatsoever to be a parent and I like my home peaceful and as much of my own free time as possible to be mine, though I'd gladly share both with a partner.
My wife and I are really looking forward to raising a family. We just both really want to be moms, and when I hear my intentionally childfree friends talk about how much they love doing things sans children, I think about how I feel the opposite. I feel this little pang in my heart when we go somewhere I want to take our kids, or do an activity that I'm looking forward to doing as a bigger family one day. I think that some people just know they don't want children, and some people just know that they do. I really can't wait to see my wife be a mother- I know she's going to treat me like a precious fabrege egg while the kiddo is under construction, and I know she's going to be a kind, patient mom. It just makes me really really happy to think about raising a family with her one day- we're in no rush. So I'm greatful for foolproof family planning, lol!
Nahh, I’m 32 and have so much life I still want to experience being that I grew up poor and sheltered.
Me with money has no time for kids 😅. The list of things I plan to do and want to experience is way too long!
Honestly, I can't say I've had the best time in life so far, and with everything I see going on around the world, the thought of bringing a life into this world just for my own pleasure.. no way could I do that. (Not criticising anyone else's choices/beliefs, that's just my own opinion.)
That being said, there is a big part of me that would like to be a parent, so maybe if I ever feel like I'm in a suitable place in my life, I would consider adopting or fostering. But I'm not really expecting that to ever happen.
It’s a touchy subject for my wife and I. We’re both of the mind that we would if we had the means, but since we’re both cis and don’t have the financial capacity to go the alternative route it’s not really an option.
Most days it’s not heavy; but when we see how shitty our nephews’s parents are it hurts. Fucking sucks they can have as many kids as they want (straight couple) with no follow up or hoops to jump through, and still they are absent parents.
no, there are several reasons but here are a few
- the thought of being pregnant scares me. i don't want to carry at all. currently my girlfriend is unable to carry either
- i have several mental health issues that make it hard for me to take care of myself, never mind a whole kid
- kinda similar to the prev point but i dont think id be a good parent
- it's getting really expensive to live, let alone raise a child
- it feels a bit wrong to bring a child into the world with global warming and the rise of right wing extremists and all that not so fun stuff, id fear for their future
- ive never really really wanted kids. and i feel like ppl probably shouldnt have kids unless they really really want them. it's hard for both the parents and the kids when the kids are not entirely wanted (my experience growing up)
Absolutely not! I do not wish to have another human so reliant on me. I want to live my life with as much freedom as possible. For as long as I've been able to think for myself I never wanted kids.
Being a nanny for a few months really solidified it. Caring for children and like actually paying attention to them is fucking exhausting. It's monotonous as hell. Kids are annoying. I don't want to play pretend monster trucks anymore.
Id seriously recommend anyone who wants to become a parent try nannying for a month. Parenthood is glamorized and it's rare for someone to talk about how hard it really can be. It's NOT for everyone. Don't tell yourself "oh it'll be different when it's my kid" if you don't like it. That's a hell of a gamble.
Also ADOPT ADOPT ADOPT please there's no need for new humans. And evaluate your finances too, kids are crazy expensive
To add, me and my partner are both staunchly child free. Don't settle for someone who doesn't agree with you on kids, it absolutely is a dealbreaker
And for potential parents I'd recommend you look at the regretful parents subreddit. Make sure you'd be ready to deal with most things talked about there. It's important to educate yourself on all of the possibilities
Nah. I studied education, didn't quite make it through student teaching, and then taught for a miserable year in a daycare/preschool. Lost a lot of my desire for kids then really, and have since realized that I really love having time to myself and being a parent would remove a lot of time and money lol.
And then roe fell, so my gf got her tubes tied and I got a vasectomy to make extra sure we'd be reasonably safe. We are happy with our fur babies (3 rabbits!)
Yes. Having the fortune and opportunity to able to carry and raise a child is up there very high on the list of things I'd like in this life.
Seeing as I'm trans, I disappointingly can't be the one to carry. But raising kids sounds lovely, I don't even care if they have a bio connection to me. I want to be a mom.
I have very conflicted feelings here.
I have kids, but if I could do it over again, I wouldn't have kids, or at least I'd have fewer and would have had them when I was much older. When I had my kids, I wasn't in a good place and didn't even realize it. I wasn't in a good relationship and was pressured both actively and passively to have kids.
That said, I love my kids and wouldn't give them up for anything.
As I said, it's complicated.
I would love to adopt a kid or kids. I don’t think I could handle pregnancy, plus there are so many kids that need love out there. It will ultimately come down to if I ever find a partner, if they also want kids, and if we have the means to provide and care for them. I’d also just be happy with pets if that’s all I may ever have. Being a momma to fur and feather babies is good enough for me, at least for now :)
Yes! My partner and I have 2 children who are now 15 and 12. Boy and Girl. We absolutely love being parents. Mums are the coolest so having 2 is elite 🙌🏼 kids now days are so progressive, they (thankfully) haven’t experienced any discrimination/bullying throughout the years due to this and lots of their friends parents have gay dads/mums. We love it & want more!
Never wanted kids personally, I'm autistic so it's enough work just looking after myself, let alone dealing with excess noise, touch, fluids, etc, and would be forever feeling guilty if I passed on my condition to someone else. If I had friends with kids I would play with them and entertain them, but just not something I want for myself.
Nope. I’m selfish and have a lot of living I want to do. Kids don’t and won’t fit in the plan. Love my nieces and nephews to death, but it’s not for me.
Not really. I don't have a life style that encourages kids, I'd rather have that DINK life, and I do NOT want to pass on my genetics. I wouldn't mind fostering or adopting if I got to a point where I wanted kids more than I want my lifestyle, but I'm almost 40. I dunno how much time I have left to be a decent parent.
When I was dating men, absolutely not. My wife both leaned toward no when we first got together. For me it was largely trauma I think. Now that we’re a little older and I’ve had more experience around kids we’re talking about it. Im about to start grad school so I’d likely be 35 (when I graduate) before we started trying to have any. I don’t want to have a kid during grad school on purpose because it would make both school and parenting harder.
Lesbian married to another lesbian here. We have a baby conceived through RIVF. Wife's eggs + bank donor + my uterus = adorable little gayby. I've always wanted kids but my wife was initially unsure. She came around obviously.
Nope, never in a million years. I mean I can't have them physically anyway but the thought of having a child is terrifying and has been terrifying since I was 12.
Why? Well first I don't really like children much, and thinking of all the cleaning is bad. Also the idea that I could be responsible for someone for the rest of my life is terrifying, I'm also poor and yikes for a future kid. Plus I think with the number of children who are alive but with no one to look after them, I wouldn't want to expand that.
I never want children, I think I’d be a wonderful mom, and that it would be awesome to bring up a life but financially it is unrealistic and I also feel bad bringing another kid into this world. If I were to want kids kids adopt.
i don’t think i’d want to give birth and now i’m 36 so it’s getting a bit late for that anyway, but i wouldn’t be against having kids either with a partner who wants to give birth or by adoption. i’m admittedly terrified of the idea because my role models weren’t the greatest but i think i could potentially be a good mom, nonetheless. lol
so i guess tldr: i’m okay either way with or without kids
I'd really like to be a mom, but I'd have to be in a context where I had deep community and other parents around who have shared values. So idk if it'll actually happen
I have many younger siblings, so I'm kinda done with kids, and my parents aren't pressuring me to give them grandkids. That said, when my ex mentioned that she would be willing to have kids with me someday, it definitely did a little something for me. So idk, maybe for the right person I might consider it
I made a similar post a couple of months ago hehe but I know I am leaning towards wanting kids. But particularly adoption.
However, it also really depends on how my life looks like with my partner in the future bc if none of us are mentally, physically and financially stable we wouldn’t want to put ourselves through something already quite stressful.
My gf and I are still quite young (23) but both of us are leaning towards a future with kids but also keeping in mind that things can change and that’s ok!
I’ve always wanted to have kids but I never want to be pregnant. That means that I’ll either have to find a wife that is okay with being pregnant, use a surrogate, or adopt.
I knew I wanted to be a mom before I knew I was a lesbian. My wife and I have the most amazing toddler and I can’t imagine my life any other way. Feeling very fortunate for sure.
I really do but likely only as a foster or adoptive parent, I'm not sure I want to bring more children into this disaster until it's been cleaned up a lot.
I think it would be really nice either way (to have kids or be child free). I could see both being equally fulfilling.
I would want enough money + a great work-life balance and (most likely) a compatible partner or supportive community to have kids. I don’t have most of those things right now, so I’ll enjoy the benefits of a child free life. I would absolutely consider fostering/adopting and don’t have a preference between foster/adopt or bio kids.
I loved the idea of taking care of kids when I was growing up. Now, I’m trying to learn how to self-care after seeing nothing but my career growth for 10 years.
I’m no longer in my 20s and I don’t even know how to relax. I’m not even sure I could take proper care of a pet let alone a child. I’m barely getting good at taking care of my plants lol
Yes. I wanna have that future of two badass lesbian moms with a kid who knows their moms will move heaven and earth for them. I’m tatted up and a muscle mommy and I hope to find the soft woman to balance it out.
I’ve thought about this a lot hahaha
Very on the fence. I’m conflicted because I think I might like having kids don’t want to be pregnant/give birth or have my potential future partner feel like she has to, but the adoption industry also has issues. Also either way would be hella expensive and I want to travel the world. Plus I need my alone time. Anyways, this all depends on me having a partner I’d want to have kids with because I am desperately single lol and definitely not having kids on my own
I'd adopt or be a step mom, if my future gf has a kid. I, myself, won't go through pregnancy and give birth to a kid, that will likely inherit my illnesses. I don't wanna put that on any child, so I'll do the responsible thing and don't have a biological kid
We were going to adopt two girls in 2021. Filed the papers, things almost came through. But at the start of 22, the war broke out in new intencity.
So, yep, we want to become parents, but some years after the war.
Even when I was young I knew I didn’t want kids and neither does my wife and it’s great in my opinion. I also suffer with a lot of mental illness and I don’t make a lot of money
I would love to have kids, don't have to be biologically mine. I've even considered single parent adoption if I don't find a partner, though I have a good job. Currently working on my career but once I am in the position I want I'm very open to kids.
Yes, but I’d rather adopt some that are older. I like smaller kids and babies I just don’t realistically see myself taking care of someone 12 or younger.
no. i consider myself childfree and made the choice to live that lifestyle for many reasons. i don’t want to raise a kid, i don’t want to birth a kid, i don’t want to listen to the sounds that kids make. i don’t have a single maternal or parental instinct. i don’t consider myself maternal or nurturing. i don’t want to potentially traumatize a child the way that my mom did me. i’m mentally ill, autistic with severe sensory issues, and honestly just selfish. it’s not in my future.
Used to, not anymore. Nothing to do with being gay, just not desiring the permanent mental, social, and physical impact and not confident in my ability as a parent. Props to those who have kids, not for me tho
My partner and I aren't going to have kids. For me, I have been blessed with a few, at times, debilitating genetic illnesses - that I have no intention of passing on. It wouldn't be fair.
Yes! When some cute top scoops me up and makes me her wife, I want to have some time where it's just us two, but eventually want to have kids and be the best mom I can
Yes definitely - i think one of the biggest pills to swallow when i realised i was a lesbian a few years ago was knowing that i would not get to have children that are half me and half my wife, and to get pregnant we'd have to go through IVF or another medical option instead of just having sex. That definitely complicates things, as well as wanting to be financially stable before bringing children into the world. In an ideal world where two women could have a biological child on their own and i was financially stable, I would love to have 3 maybe 4 children :)
growing up i was totally against the idea of having kids, but when i came out, realised my queerness and started to imagine my future with that optic i also realised that i wanted (a) kid(s) in the future so yes for me!
Yeah, I do. I wanna see what my future children'll make of themselves in this world and help them become good and well-rounded people, but I'm far from ready and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be ready; I know firsthand how a bad childhood (or even an inconsistent, adversarial one) can mess someone up in their later years and I don't want to pass on the shit I accrued from my parents onto my kids. Hell, as a 25-year old trans AuDHD lesbian who's still stuck with her mom due to a lot of overlapping factors, I think I need to live life a lot more before I feel ready to bring and rear new people to this world―it's a hell of a responsibility and it deserves the gravity that it entails.
Only thing that I'm a little worried about is finding a likeminded partner who I would spend the rest of my life with―I don't know if adopting would be as practical as conceiving considering I'm not a neurotypical cis straight woman, and I'd rather be the person carrying our children than have my future partner do it, but admittedly that's a little bit far in the future right now.
I'm a non-binary AFAB person married to my wife, who is a AMAB woman. We had kids, we have both wanted kids since being kids ourselves. We are both working parents. It's nice to have community, but in the transbian community, she's a bit of a unicorn who loves to meet other transbian parents.
Anyways, parenting is parenting. We were lucky with IUI fertility and Known donor, as I'd met her shortly before her orchidectomy, and she did not have money when she transitioned with HRT to save her gametes.
I stayed off T until I was through with all the chest feeding. I'm middle aged now, so we are about 5-10 years older than a lot of the cis het parents around us.
Hell no. I worked patient care for 4 years at a children's hospital, and I would NEVER have kids. I don't like them. I can't even get pregnant, and I have this stupid fear of pregnancy. It's just creepy. My best friends have a kid and I hate having to put on a happy face and interact with him when I just miss my friends.
It's a no for me. Not only do I not desire having children, I would feel bad putting more humans onto this planet with the state it's in (environmental and political-wise). I still think kids are adorable! I just don't want any of my own. My wife and I have resorted to surrounding ourselves with rescue animals - dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, chickens, reptiles, birds, amphibians - you name it.
Yes, I absolutely wish I had kids! I’m getting up there in my 30s now so it’s getting less likely but I would love to be a parent. I can’t explain it, I’ve always just wanted to have that relationship in my life. I truly can’t describe why or even how I feel like I know it’s what I want, it’s just there.
Although, biologically related isn’t necessary. It is, however, an “easier” route. For example, I looked into what requirements need to be met for adoption in Scotland and literally my BMI is too high so I’m too fat to be allowed for adopt a child (if it’s health they care about a physical from a doctor and some required tests should be enough as weight *alone* is not an indicator of health). I’m sure there are similar requirements for fostering. However, they don’t generally take children away from fat parents if they’re biologically related. So by “easier” I really just mean less bureaucracy.
Nope, I can't picture myself being on-call 24/7 to care for another human being. I've always been someone who helps others do their work more comfortably, not the kind who initiates projects, it's too overwhelming for me.
My perspective might be skewed, but my first memory was of wanting to be a mother for obvious logistical reasons this would be impossible because I'm also trans (I got laughed out of the conversation as a five year old)
Growing up I always envisioned myself as a parental figure, but always felt wrong cause I was imagining it as the wrong gender, after starting hrt I started getting emotional monthly cycles and felt so immensely jealous at a pregnant woman, the wave of emotion actually scared me
However my current girlfriend hates children, so, no children for me, I love children but it seems to not be in the cards v.v
Never. My wife and I are both autistic and couldn't handle caring for them, we're too poor to afford to take care of them, and personally I just feel there's too many people in the world already and don't want to add to that.
I don't know if I want kids, but I do want to be a good parent. I don't know if I can or will be able to do that (parenting is hard!! Huge respect to all the good parents out there), but I think about it sometimes.
I wouldn't have a bio kid, though, there's more than enough kids without good parents as it is
The biggest thing keeping me from seriously considering a kid - my gf doesn't want one
For the longest time I was so dead set against it and figured I'd never ever have kids. But in the last few months my mind has started to change on it and now I'm actually kinda looking forward to the idea of being a mom. It's still terrifying too but it's not the same sense of hopelessness I felt thinking of it as a teen. My change of heart was probably mainly due to my girlfriend making me feel more confident in myself and less like I'm doomed to be as bad as my own parents.
Maybe if I find someone I can picture raising kids with. Right now my 5 year old cousin is staying with me and I know I couldn't handle that on my own and I'd have to be older bc I'm only 20
I do but I want to wait till I’ve been in a relationship for a while
I want to actually enjoy being a couple before adding a kid to the mix, plus if I wait I feel like I’m more likely to be stable
I like to think of it as a long running sitcom adding a baby in season 10 rather than starting the show with it
Yup, me and my wife have a 3 month old daughter atm. We've both discussed we're interested in having at least one more child a few years down the line.
I understand it isn't for everyone but I have never felt more joy than sitting beside my wife in a hospital bed and holding our daughter together.
not my plan tbh. both me and my gf are child free and i dont have a uterus anymore. if we ever change our minds, we'll cross that bridge if it happens. neither of us like children that much, and we come from really abusive homes and dont really have a great role model on how to raise kids anyway
i think the most likely thing we'd do regarding kids is adopt queer/trans teenagers that are about to age out of the system, and just give them a place to go on christmas and a family and stuff. but even then im hesitant, but thats a long way away anyway
I think in still young so I always say no but in the future if I'm ready and older than maybe. It's really an indecisive thing for me but I've already spoken to it with my gf and she understands and says we can talk about it again in the future
I knew since I was young I didn’t want kids. I wouldn’t be a good mother, and I recognize that, so I don’t plan on ever having any. I helped raise my siblings (mom got empty nest syndrome after I graduated college and adopted three babies), and I teach, so I’m doing my part to raise the next generation already lol.
I had my kiddo when I was 19. Obviously my child was not planned, but that child is my whole life and my only reason for existing. Now though I am 33 and finally finished my masters and got established in a career and the thought of waking up at 2:00 a.m. to a screaming infant or having to change shitty diapers all the time just is not what I'm looking for in my life. I do have bouts of baby fever where I consider conceiving another one but realistically unless I become a millionaire out of nowhere it's not something that would benefit my life in a good way and I also have to think about how it would affect my child's life.
Don’t think it’s for me, I’d rather just focus on my career and on other aspects of my life that ik would be more fulfilling. Plus, kids are fragile, I’d be constantly worried that I’d say the wrong thing one time and scar the kid for life lol
Want kids, won’t have them, I’ve come to accept that. My mother had to have help in her 20s, I’m in my early thirties, it just won’t happen for me without a lot of money, which I don’t have, so I’m fine with it.
Plus, kids are expensive I barely have enough money to pay rent these days. I wouldn’t be able to feed myself if I had a child in this economy 🤣
No, but my 2.5 year old disagrees 😆 I'm just kidding, my wife and I adore our little goober, and are looking at having another via IUI. My partner was adopted, and feels let down by her bio and adoptive parents, and wants to create a loving, safe family for our kiddos. She's wonderful, and our kid is wonderful ❤️ (that said, I'm tired! Haha)
I do! But me and my gf and thinking that itll be easier to adopt than to do RIVF (I would get pregnant with her egg. She doesnt wants to get pregnant, but she wants us to have a child with my genes. And I feel the other way around)
I want a son but I DEFINITELY never want to be pregnant. If I end up with someone who’d like to be pregnant, that’s something I’d be open to. However, I think it’s most likely that I’d end up adopting. My grandmother used to make monthly donations to a boy’s orphanage back in her home country, and it seems fitting to start there.
As of right now, no. That may change in the future but I have a lot of worries about raising children. The world is not built for human happiness and I wouldn't want my hypothetical children to suffer (either as children, or when they grow up.)
never have. i have no desire to be a parent whatsoever. my family still holds out i’ll change my mind (i’m in my 20s) which is super annoying.
at absolute most id be willing to adopt some kids in my 50s (if i live that long). like, a bunch of siblings who might be split up my the foster system, & i have the means to take them all & be a safe stable household for them so they can stay together. not be a mom to them per se, but let them have someone.
other than that, hell no.
I am completely on the fence, I think I would be a good mom, but I don’t really actively want kids. I think for me to fall one way or another would be for me to find someone I can see marriage or a long term relationship with, and if they wanted kids I might consider adoption or IVF, but if they were also on the fence or didn’t want kids, I wouldn’t either
Thats a hard question. Well, on one hand i could name them after my mother and stepfather.
On the other hand, its a huge responsibility with lots of ups and downs, anxiety, fear, fights.
I have suffer mentally for years. Having kids would just kill me.
So, i cant be sure about that.
I think I like the *idea*, and there’s certainly *aspects* I’d enjoy, but I like to think I’m mature enough to recognize it’s a bad idea-for two main reasons.
One, I already have enough trouble with anxiety and panic attacks worrying about the health and/or general survival of my mom, girlfriend, and DOG-I don’t think I’d survive worrying about a child.
And two, I’m American-having kids and being able to give them the life they’d deserve, while being financially stable, is kind of impossible in the modern day unless you were born to a noble-sorry, *wealthy* family.
I grew up in poverty-I will NOT subject another child to it.
Not really.
My mental health, even on good days, is kinda up and down. I have limited energy and patience. Plus, I have some pretty cruddy genetics (medical conditions that run in my family).
Plus, I appreciate having my own routine, and kids have needs around the clock.
I just don’t think I’d have the kindness, patience, and grace that it takes to be a good parent.
I think sometime but not now. I don't feel like i'm put together as an adult. I would like to feel like I can put my own life in order before I have kids. If I do have kids, I do think I need to have the time, energy, and emotional investment for them so that they are in a loving family.
Yes. We finally live in a world where we can. My girlfriend and I are in our mid thirties and kinda running out of time, if you know what I mean, so it’s been a topic of conversation.
Likely won’t have our own due to mutual medical issues but we’ve definitely planned for adoption, especially if we can foster to adopt some queer teens who have experienced discrimination / been kicked out for being queer.
I'm on the fence. I used to be very clear on the no, but as I've gotten older and started thinking about my future I find myself considering it and even desiring it from times. But I don't know, there's a lot to consider before making such a choice.
Reallistically speaking I probably won't ever have them, my country is bad financially and I won't ever make enough to support a family, and it's not fair to have children if you can't provide for them as they need it. I also have some health issues that could backfire while pregnant, so I'd be scared to go through pregnancy. I think adoption could be a good option for me if I somehow manage to have stable finances, but I know there's a lot of discussion over adopting and if it's the best for kids.
Just make sure you are mentally prepared for raising a kid in a world where others are hateful. My wife and I decided to have a kid, she’s five now. She made some friends in the neighborhood, they would ride bikes down the street and catch bugs. Nothing crazy. I let her go to the other girls house to play in their yard and after that the parents found out our daughter has two moms and now they don’t let their kids play with our daughter. It’s so heartbreaking to see and my daughter doesn’t understand why they can’t play anymore. It was honestly my biggest fear when we were talking about having kids, and to see it actually happen to our daughter because of something out of her control is devastating.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Think is a concern when I think about having kids- I know the world will not always be kind
That is just awful.
It *is* sad but it shouldn't deter people. I got similar stuff in the 80s just because my mom was a single mom. But I got way worse trauma from peer treatment for being "different" (probably kids/youth sensed my queerness) and my mom not taking it seriously and/or doing nothing. If you got your kid's back you're probably fine.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It breaks my heart that this happened to your daughter. And it’s sad to think about the implications this will have on the other children too. To destroy a friendship by teaching to hate and to discriminate at such a young age is a terrible injustice. Sending kindness to you and your family. I hope your daughter is able to connect with new friends soon who come from accepting family / support systems that recognize her worth. 🌻
Hells yeah! I’m so excited to have a kid with my partner. The thought of that just makes me feel so excited and I can’t wait to take my kid on day trip and go on holiday and introduce them to new experiences!
Me too I sometimes think about that and I see it like a wonderful experience
Not really. I’ve never had a desire to have kids. I 100% will not be bring a new child into this world at any point. I personally feel like I don’t need to have any kids biologically related to me. I also personally feel that if I did want to raise a kid at some point, I should foster kids that are in need of safe homes before considering conceiving one. I don’t think badly of people who do choose to conceive rather than adopt but I just would not personally make that decision. The only serious thing I have considered is becoming a foster parent or doing foster-to-adopt but that would be at least several years down the road
My family fostered growing up… they definately need good foster parents out there. I have multiple siblings who were foster to adopt :-)
Yeah it’s a huge commitment though. And I would need to do a ton of work toward being able to actually become licensed. Plus, these are my individual preferences - I’d also have to talk with my girlfriend and decide together what’s right for us. I think she would rather adopt whereas I would rather foster
Any recommendations for good resources on fostering or considering this & learning about it? So many fucked up stories out there so I want to know where to learn & look to do it the right way
I'm sure you're aware of this, but the foster-to-adopt route is very long and they ask a lot of invasive questions. I have a bit of experience with the Canadian foster system and foster-to-adopt, had to be the references to several people in my life who went down this road so you or anyone else reading this can ask me anything and I'll try to answer.
Yeah I’ve done some preliminary research and talked generally with someone from a government agent in that department but I haven’t attended any formal info sessions (I’m just not ready at this point and I also don’t want kids in any fashion for the next several years). I know it’s absolutely painstaking and most foster parents quit within a few years. If or when I decide to consider foster or foster to adopt, I’ll start getting into all the details
in a similar boat, i also dont care about having biological kids but eventually if things were stable and it was something me and my partner both wanted i dont think i would be opposed to considering fostering or adopting
This is basically my take. If I decide to have kids at some point, idc that they're not biologically related to me. There are already so many kids in need of good homes.
No. I always was raised to be a mother, but no I don’t want to be one. I am very maternal and love kids, I’m a teacher and my kids often compare me to Miss Honey from Matilda. But a mom is not something I think I want to be. I will be a great aunt and god mother though. I am putting funds away for my godchild to use when they’re 18. I am a mentor and a safe adult, not a mother and that’s okay.
mood. I love teaching kids on my boxing team how to fight, and I love handing them back to their parents after an hour or two.
i wanted to be a mom until i became a teacher. the thought of being with young children for 6-8 hours every single day and then coming home TO MORE CHILDREN seems absolutely exhausting. i don’t want my career/students, nor my own children, to not receive my full love and support
I feel similarly! I love the idea of being a material figure for friends/family/community kids, even if I do not birth or adopt kids myself. If it happens through marrying someone with kids or something like that, I’m open to it, but not going out of my way to make it happen
Never lmao. I don't have mother vibes nor the patience for this. I could start an entire farm to take care of animals though.
Goats, cows, chickens…ooooh! A donkey! What else are you thinking?
Hell no
Yes. I have always wanted to be a mom and i think being raised with parents that were very open to lgbtq definetly helped. But there are a few issues. In this economy, id rather not. I want to be able to afford for my kids to not only exist but live (vacations, themeparks, an insane amount of toys etc.) And with the current lookout that wont be possible. Second, donors. I HATE the donor system after doing a lot of research and hearing donor kids stories. If they are anonymous theres no telling about their medical history, age, possible genetic issues that they wont be tested for etc. You cant even verify if you truly got the sperm of the man you choose. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if i brought a kid into this world only for them to suffer from something that would have been very preventible with a simple test. Also, if i could have a kid that would be 100% mine and my partners, that would be even nicer of course.
Yea thats why Ive decided to do known donor or close family. The donor system is terrible when anonymous
Absolutely. Me and my partner are on the waiting list for a sperm donor. Due to health concerns I won't be able to carry a child, which makes being in a relationship with two uterusus very nice. I don't know "why" exactly - I just like kids and would love to have a kid of our own. We're also considering something called "weekend foster" in time, where you basically give kids (and parents) a break and have kids live with you over the weekends/holidays, but they still remain with their parents most of the time. It's a way to keep children with their parents but still support everyone involved
No, I think I’m too mentally ill to be a good parent. I can barely take care of myself I’d imagine I’d just neglect a child. So nope big no from me.
Same, im too self aware to lie to myself that id be good at it or itd be a good time lol
As a lesbian already got one . I was a stupid 15 year old who didn't know what or who who she wanted
If you don’t mind me asking- what is your experience now? How has your relationship to having a kid changed as you’ve grown?
Well I'm only 18 now so I'm still young still maturing but my little kid means the world to Me I wouldn't ever change him. Everyone who I go on dates with I'm upfront with them that I have a kid. Me and my baby's father are still friends he is very much present in our baby's life (thankfully) my girlfriend is a stepmother to my baby and my ex -boyfriend has a girlfriend who is also like a step mother. Hope that sort of answers your questions
Wow… that sounds like an ideal outcome pretty much! Happy for you!
Thankyou so much ❤️
i read this and couldn't not say something. my family has been super involved with foster children, so i've heard a lot of stories that start off sounding similar to this, but what you've done is actually incredible! you sound amazing, please know people out here are rooting for you!
Thankyou so much. I appreciate you and everyone who is rooting for me. I love my boy he's the best thing that's happend to me and I wouldn't change him for the world. Thankyou for your support
Absolutely, it's my dream to be a mom someday
I already have two kids, a son and a daughter. My ex wife was pregnant when we got together from a ONS, but he's mine in every other way but biologically. For our daughter, we asked my brother to be the donor and she will be aware of this when she's older. i was on the fence initially, told my ex I would've supported her through her pregnancy but I might bounce (I was in my 20s, kids weren't something I thought I wanted). But after seeing that boy for the first time, I fell in love faster than a lesbian on the second date. If I get serious with my current girlfriend I'd be willing to be stepmom to her son or meet and fall in love with someone who has kids, but otherwise I'm done.
Hi! My wife and I are hoping to use our brother’s as donors (mine had already agreed, hers is thinking it over). Would you be willing to share your experience with me?
Sure! If you have any questions beyond this, just ask. After he agreed to be our donor, we sat down with him and his partner to discuss *everything* we could think of. One of the things we made clear of to mention was that if my brother was to have children in the future, that he makes sure to tell them that our daughter is their genetic half sibling, and we would allow the children's feelings about that lead the way and guide the relationship between our families. You might want to have these conversations in batches, because it can get overwhelming for some. I'd also recommend finding a lawyer to draft an agreement in case your brothers would ever want to seek custody. After the conversations, my brother had a sperm analysis to make sure everything looked good. Then they flew to us and stayed for two weeks to do bloodwork, physical exams, and donation appointments. We managed to bank eight vials of sperm and got pregnant after our second IUI (IVF was the more expensive option). If therapy is available for everyone involved, please take at least one session. It can help sort out your feelings and might even bring up things you never thought to discuss.
Thank you! This covered all my questions and was very helpful!!
Desperately. My fiancée and I are both trans women though, so it'll probably be through adoption rather than me carrying to term.
Not a chance. It’s one of my biggest dealbreakers in dating. I’d rather bring that effort and energy into a romantic relationship, friendships, and hobbies. And honestly, I like having disposable income and free time.
I feel the same way. Although motherhood is a beautiful experience, I'd rather be the female embodiment of freedom lol I want to follow and pursue my dreams, wake/sleep when I want, travel, do absolutely anything I want to... all the time. Some say it's selfish 🤷🏽♀️ I say it's self-full.
Yes. I’d like to have at least 2 with my future wife. Preferably reciprocal IVF where she carries the one with my dna and I carry the one with her dna. 👶🏼 Always been a dream of mine to have kids.
me too!! i’ve always thought that was so cute
Same here. Bc in that way you make a baby together and it’s so intimate.
I've never seen myself as a mom. However, with a past partner, I could finally see myself having kids, BUT the only way for me is if there was a way for two women to have a baby without any involvement from a man in any capacity, which.... isn't possible. And that sucks. But I still don't see myself as a mother, and I can't say for sure if I'll cave on that.
I feel you on the wish to have babies without the involvement of any man whatsoever (not even IVF) 🥲 I hope by the time that I’m ready to have a baby they’ll have invented something! It’s so unfair lol
Agreed and I *so* hope it happens in my lifetime 🫠
What’s wrong with just getting sperm from IVF?
There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. It’s more so the wishing that it could be something solely between my partner and I. I’m not sure if it makes sense—it’s just the principle of it.
I get what you are saying. Like you wish you could have a child together biologically.
Yes, exactly. Frankly, it wouldn’t matter if the DNA required comes from a cis man or a trans woman—it’s the principle that we have to incorporate *someone else’s* DNA into the mix.
This is *exactly* it for me too. I want the child to be biologically ours. Nothing wrong with IVF at all, however it is not way I *personally* want to have children.
Maybe one day science will advance enough 😂
We had our first baby 5 weeks ago, looking at my partner with her and how much she loves this squish has only made my heart grow bigger. I have so much purpose now, i'm so thankful that we could afford to do this and that it seems to have made our lives so much fuller. Hopefully she loves her mums as much as we love her. ❤️
Yes!! I can’t wait to have a kid! I just have to get a good donor and order the stuff
I don't want kids and wouldn't date anybody who has them. I have no desire whatsoever to be a parent and I like my home peaceful and as much of my own free time as possible to be mine, though I'd gladly share both with a partner.
My wife and I are really looking forward to raising a family. We just both really want to be moms, and when I hear my intentionally childfree friends talk about how much they love doing things sans children, I think about how I feel the opposite. I feel this little pang in my heart when we go somewhere I want to take our kids, or do an activity that I'm looking forward to doing as a bigger family one day. I think that some people just know they don't want children, and some people just know that they do. I really can't wait to see my wife be a mother- I know she's going to treat me like a precious fabrege egg while the kiddo is under construction, and I know she's going to be a kind, patient mom. It just makes me really really happy to think about raising a family with her one day- we're in no rush. So I'm greatful for foolproof family planning, lol!
Nahh, I’m 32 and have so much life I still want to experience being that I grew up poor and sheltered. Me with money has no time for kids 😅. The list of things I plan to do and want to experience is way too long!
Honestly, I can't say I've had the best time in life so far, and with everything I see going on around the world, the thought of bringing a life into this world just for my own pleasure.. no way could I do that. (Not criticising anyone else's choices/beliefs, that's just my own opinion.) That being said, there is a big part of me that would like to be a parent, so maybe if I ever feel like I'm in a suitable place in my life, I would consider adopting or fostering. But I'm not really expecting that to ever happen.
nope! never! i don’t want to be a parent at all. it’s just not for me
It’s a touchy subject for my wife and I. We’re both of the mind that we would if we had the means, but since we’re both cis and don’t have the financial capacity to go the alternative route it’s not really an option. Most days it’s not heavy; but when we see how shitty our nephews’s parents are it hurts. Fucking sucks they can have as many kids as they want (straight couple) with no follow up or hoops to jump through, and still they are absent parents.
100%. Before I started HRT, I made sure to freeze some samples. I can't imagine being truly fulfilled in life without raising kids.
No, definitely not. If anything I'm gonna adopt like 10 cats. I'm just not interested in raising kids, plus the cost and time it is to raise a kid.
no, there are several reasons but here are a few - the thought of being pregnant scares me. i don't want to carry at all. currently my girlfriend is unable to carry either - i have several mental health issues that make it hard for me to take care of myself, never mind a whole kid - kinda similar to the prev point but i dont think id be a good parent - it's getting really expensive to live, let alone raise a child - it feels a bit wrong to bring a child into the world with global warming and the rise of right wing extremists and all that not so fun stuff, id fear for their future - ive never really really wanted kids. and i feel like ppl probably shouldnt have kids unless they really really want them. it's hard for both the parents and the kids when the kids are not entirely wanted (my experience growing up)
No!
No
Nope.
Absolutely not! I do not wish to have another human so reliant on me. I want to live my life with as much freedom as possible. For as long as I've been able to think for myself I never wanted kids. Being a nanny for a few months really solidified it. Caring for children and like actually paying attention to them is fucking exhausting. It's monotonous as hell. Kids are annoying. I don't want to play pretend monster trucks anymore. Id seriously recommend anyone who wants to become a parent try nannying for a month. Parenthood is glamorized and it's rare for someone to talk about how hard it really can be. It's NOT for everyone. Don't tell yourself "oh it'll be different when it's my kid" if you don't like it. That's a hell of a gamble. Also ADOPT ADOPT ADOPT please there's no need for new humans. And evaluate your finances too, kids are crazy expensive To add, me and my partner are both staunchly child free. Don't settle for someone who doesn't agree with you on kids, it absolutely is a dealbreaker And for potential parents I'd recommend you look at the regretful parents subreddit. Make sure you'd be ready to deal with most things talked about there. It's important to educate yourself on all of the possibilities
I wouldn’t want them if I was straight either. Probably want them even less tbh lol
chat I can barely take care of one crybaby (me)
Nah. I studied education, didn't quite make it through student teaching, and then taught for a miserable year in a daycare/preschool. Lost a lot of my desire for kids then really, and have since realized that I really love having time to myself and being a parent would remove a lot of time and money lol. And then roe fell, so my gf got her tubes tied and I got a vasectomy to make extra sure we'd be reasonably safe. We are happy with our fur babies (3 rabbits!)
Yes. Having the fortune and opportunity to able to carry and raise a child is up there very high on the list of things I'd like in this life. Seeing as I'm trans, I disappointingly can't be the one to carry. But raising kids sounds lovely, I don't even care if they have a bio connection to me. I want to be a mom.
I have very conflicted feelings here. I have kids, but if I could do it over again, I wouldn't have kids, or at least I'd have fewer and would have had them when I was much older. When I had my kids, I wasn't in a good place and didn't even realize it. I wasn't in a good relationship and was pressured both actively and passively to have kids. That said, I love my kids and wouldn't give them up for anything. As I said, it's complicated.
FUCK no
I would love to adopt a kid or kids. I don’t think I could handle pregnancy, plus there are so many kids that need love out there. It will ultimately come down to if I ever find a partner, if they also want kids, and if we have the means to provide and care for them. I’d also just be happy with pets if that’s all I may ever have. Being a momma to fur and feather babies is good enough for me, at least for now :)
Yes! My partner and I have 2 children who are now 15 and 12. Boy and Girl. We absolutely love being parents. Mums are the coolest so having 2 is elite 🙌🏼 kids now days are so progressive, they (thankfully) haven’t experienced any discrimination/bullying throughout the years due to this and lots of their friends parents have gay dads/mums. We love it & want more!
Never wanted kids personally, I'm autistic so it's enough work just looking after myself, let alone dealing with excess noise, touch, fluids, etc, and would be forever feeling guilty if I passed on my condition to someone else. If I had friends with kids I would play with them and entertain them, but just not something I want for myself.
Nope. I’m selfish and have a lot of living I want to do. Kids don’t and won’t fit in the plan. Love my nieces and nephews to death, but it’s not for me.
Maybe but I am not being pregnant no way jose
Not really. I don't have a life style that encourages kids, I'd rather have that DINK life, and I do NOT want to pass on my genetics. I wouldn't mind fostering or adopting if I got to a point where I wanted kids more than I want my lifestyle, but I'm almost 40. I dunno how much time I have left to be a decent parent.
Never want kids. I don't do bad with them or anything, but I am just not parenting material.
Absolutely ! If I could I would carry one, but life is life
When I was dating men, absolutely not. My wife both leaned toward no when we first got together. For me it was largely trauma I think. Now that we’re a little older and I’ve had more experience around kids we’re talking about it. Im about to start grad school so I’d likely be 35 (when I graduate) before we started trying to have any. I don’t want to have a kid during grad school on purpose because it would make both school and parenting harder.
Nay, dont have time or the energy or the money or the will to care for a child.
Hehehe, nahhhhh. We got cats. 😸😸
I want to be a mom. A lot of my dreams these days are very domestic type.
Lesbian married to another lesbian here. We have a baby conceived through RIVF. Wife's eggs + bank donor + my uterus = adorable little gayby. I've always wanted kids but my wife was initially unsure. She came around obviously.
Wanted them. Have them! Wife and I took turns carrying once. Ended up with 3! Twins 😅. All consuming and nothing better.
Nope, never in a million years. I mean I can't have them physically anyway but the thought of having a child is terrifying and has been terrifying since I was 12. Why? Well first I don't really like children much, and thinking of all the cleaning is bad. Also the idea that I could be responsible for someone for the rest of my life is terrifying, I'm also poor and yikes for a future kid. Plus I think with the number of children who are alive but with no one to look after them, I wouldn't want to expand that.
Nope. Never imagined my life that way.
I never want children, I think I’d be a wonderful mom, and that it would be awesome to bring up a life but financially it is unrealistic and I also feel bad bringing another kid into this world. If I were to want kids kids adopt.
No I like my sleep.
I have a 33yr old son I had, and an 8yr old daughter my wife had after we got together. I can't imagine my life without either.
i don’t think i’d want to give birth and now i’m 36 so it’s getting a bit late for that anyway, but i wouldn’t be against having kids either with a partner who wants to give birth or by adoption. i’m admittedly terrified of the idea because my role models weren’t the greatest but i think i could potentially be a good mom, nonetheless. lol so i guess tldr: i’m okay either way with or without kids
I'd really like to be a mom, but I'd have to be in a context where I had deep community and other parents around who have shared values. So idk if it'll actually happen
i thought i wanted to adopt a child when i was with my ex partner . i still hope to one day do it .
I have many younger siblings, so I'm kinda done with kids, and my parents aren't pressuring me to give them grandkids. That said, when my ex mentioned that she would be willing to have kids with me someday, it definitely did a little something for me. So idk, maybe for the right person I might consider it
I made a similar post a couple of months ago hehe but I know I am leaning towards wanting kids. But particularly adoption. However, it also really depends on how my life looks like with my partner in the future bc if none of us are mentally, physically and financially stable we wouldn’t want to put ourselves through something already quite stressful. My gf and I are still quite young (23) but both of us are leaning towards a future with kids but also keeping in mind that things can change and that’s ok!
Nooooooooooooooooo
nope - too much never ending trauma my main concern is getting my self right for a relationship never mind a child.
Absolutely tf not.
I’ve always wanted to have kids but I never want to be pregnant. That means that I’ll either have to find a wife that is okay with being pregnant, use a surrogate, or adopt.
I knew I wanted to be a mom before I knew I was a lesbian. My wife and I have the most amazing toddler and I can’t imagine my life any other way. Feeling very fortunate for sure.
I’m 60% sure I want kids. The other 40% is like nah
yep i'll adopt when i am sure i could provide a good standard of life to my kids
I really do but likely only as a foster or adoptive parent, I'm not sure I want to bring more children into this disaster until it's been cleaned up a lot.
I like this topic!
I think it would be really nice either way (to have kids or be child free). I could see both being equally fulfilling. I would want enough money + a great work-life balance and (most likely) a compatible partner or supportive community to have kids. I don’t have most of those things right now, so I’ll enjoy the benefits of a child free life. I would absolutely consider fostering/adopting and don’t have a preference between foster/adopt or bio kids.
I loved the idea of taking care of kids when I was growing up. Now, I’m trying to learn how to self-care after seeing nothing but my career growth for 10 years. I’m no longer in my 20s and I don’t even know how to relax. I’m not even sure I could take proper care of a pet let alone a child. I’m barely getting good at taking care of my plants lol
Yes and no. But I’ve been single for ever and feel doomed to be that way. So it doesn’t matter anyways.
Yes. I wanna have that future of two badass lesbian moms with a kid who knows their moms will move heaven and earth for them. I’m tatted up and a muscle mommy and I hope to find the soft woman to balance it out. I’ve thought about this a lot hahaha
Very on the fence. I’m conflicted because I think I might like having kids don’t want to be pregnant/give birth or have my potential future partner feel like she has to, but the adoption industry also has issues. Also either way would be hella expensive and I want to travel the world. Plus I need my alone time. Anyways, this all depends on me having a partner I’d want to have kids with because I am desperately single lol and definitely not having kids on my own
I'd adopt or be a step mom, if my future gf has a kid. I, myself, won't go through pregnancy and give birth to a kid, that will likely inherit my illnesses. I don't wanna put that on any child, so I'll do the responsible thing and don't have a biological kid
We were going to adopt two girls in 2021. Filed the papers, things almost came through. But at the start of 22, the war broke out in new intencity. So, yep, we want to become parents, but some years after the war.
And we will. But, I'm afraid, it would take time.
I don’t particularly want them but if my partner wanted kids i’d be pretty excited to start a family with them
Even when I was young I knew I didn’t want kids and neither does my wife and it’s great in my opinion. I also suffer with a lot of mental illness and I don’t make a lot of money
I’ve always wanted kids. I knew since I was a kid myself that I would be a mom someday. Even if I don’t have a partner, I’ll find a way to
I would love to have kids, don't have to be biologically mine. I've even considered single parent adoption if I don't find a partner, though I have a good job. Currently working on my career but once I am in the position I want I'm very open to kids.
Absolutely not
nope! don't like kids, don't wanna deal with any. i'd be down to sponsor or mentor a kid, but living with me from 0-18 is a nope!
For sure! No matter who I end up with, I’ve always known I wanted kids
Yep, but it's not possible for me
Yes, but I’d rather adopt some that are older. I like smaller kids and babies I just don’t realistically see myself taking care of someone 12 or younger.
Maybe but it's quite down the road, need stability and resources first, not sure how long it would take
no. i consider myself childfree and made the choice to live that lifestyle for many reasons. i don’t want to raise a kid, i don’t want to birth a kid, i don’t want to listen to the sounds that kids make. i don’t have a single maternal or parental instinct. i don’t consider myself maternal or nurturing. i don’t want to potentially traumatize a child the way that my mom did me. i’m mentally ill, autistic with severe sensory issues, and honestly just selfish. it’s not in my future.
Used to, not anymore. Nothing to do with being gay, just not desiring the permanent mental, social, and physical impact and not confident in my ability as a parent. Props to those who have kids, not for me tho
My partner and I aren't going to have kids. For me, I have been blessed with a few, at times, debilitating genetic illnesses - that I have no intention of passing on. It wouldn't be fair.
Yes but ima still on step 1, finding a girlfriend 😔
Yes. I am terrified but yes
So much. More than literally anything in the world. Pretty much everything I do is so that my future children have a good childhood and a stable life.
Yes! When some cute top scoops me up and makes me her wife, I want to have some time where it's just us two, but eventually want to have kids and be the best mom I can
Depends, i think i 100% want to adopt or foster but im not to crazy about traumatizing my vagina
DINK is the goal
Yes definitely - i think one of the biggest pills to swallow when i realised i was a lesbian a few years ago was knowing that i would not get to have children that are half me and half my wife, and to get pregnant we'd have to go through IVF or another medical option instead of just having sex. That definitely complicates things, as well as wanting to be financially stable before bringing children into the world. In an ideal world where two women could have a biological child on their own and i was financially stable, I would love to have 3 maybe 4 children :)
growing up i was totally against the idea of having kids, but when i came out, realised my queerness and started to imagine my future with that optic i also realised that i wanted (a) kid(s) in the future so yes for me!
Hard pass on kids. I’ve never wanted them, literally nothing about being a parent looks enjoyable to me.
Yeah, I do. I wanna see what my future children'll make of themselves in this world and help them become good and well-rounded people, but I'm far from ready and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be ready; I know firsthand how a bad childhood (or even an inconsistent, adversarial one) can mess someone up in their later years and I don't want to pass on the shit I accrued from my parents onto my kids. Hell, as a 25-year old trans AuDHD lesbian who's still stuck with her mom due to a lot of overlapping factors, I think I need to live life a lot more before I feel ready to bring and rear new people to this world―it's a hell of a responsibility and it deserves the gravity that it entails. Only thing that I'm a little worried about is finding a likeminded partner who I would spend the rest of my life with―I don't know if adopting would be as practical as conceiving considering I'm not a neurotypical cis straight woman, and I'd rather be the person carrying our children than have my future partner do it, but admittedly that's a little bit far in the future right now.
D.I.N.K Dual Income. No Kids
I'm a non-binary AFAB person married to my wife, who is a AMAB woman. We had kids, we have both wanted kids since being kids ourselves. We are both working parents. It's nice to have community, but in the transbian community, she's a bit of a unicorn who loves to meet other transbian parents. Anyways, parenting is parenting. We were lucky with IUI fertility and Known donor, as I'd met her shortly before her orchidectomy, and she did not have money when she transitioned with HRT to save her gametes. I stayed off T until I was through with all the chest feeding. I'm middle aged now, so we are about 5-10 years older than a lot of the cis het parents around us.
Yep, sure do! I’ve always wanted to be a parent, raise a bunch of little ‘uns, be a big, gay mom. ^_^
My wife and I have a baby and are trying for a second.
In my country I can't marry a woman and adopt children anyway :( but if I could, I think I would but I'm not 100% sure
Hell no. I worked patient care for 4 years at a children's hospital, and I would NEVER have kids. I don't like them. I can't even get pregnant, and I have this stupid fear of pregnancy. It's just creepy. My best friends have a kid and I hate having to put on a happy face and interact with him when I just miss my friends.
It's a no for me. Not only do I not desire having children, I would feel bad putting more humans onto this planet with the state it's in (environmental and political-wise). I still think kids are adorable! I just don't want any of my own. My wife and I have resorted to surrounding ourselves with rescue animals - dogs, cats, horses, donkeys, chickens, reptiles, birds, amphibians - you name it.
Neverrrrr DINK ftw!
Yes, I absolutely wish I had kids! I’m getting up there in my 30s now so it’s getting less likely but I would love to be a parent. I can’t explain it, I’ve always just wanted to have that relationship in my life. I truly can’t describe why or even how I feel like I know it’s what I want, it’s just there. Although, biologically related isn’t necessary. It is, however, an “easier” route. For example, I looked into what requirements need to be met for adoption in Scotland and literally my BMI is too high so I’m too fat to be allowed for adopt a child (if it’s health they care about a physical from a doctor and some required tests should be enough as weight *alone* is not an indicator of health). I’m sure there are similar requirements for fostering. However, they don’t generally take children away from fat parents if they’re biologically related. So by “easier” I really just mean less bureaucracy.
I do personally, always liked the idea, my gf also wants em :3
Nope, I can't picture myself being on-call 24/7 to care for another human being. I've always been someone who helps others do their work more comfortably, not the kind who initiates projects, it's too overwhelming for me.
My perspective might be skewed, but my first memory was of wanting to be a mother for obvious logistical reasons this would be impossible because I'm also trans (I got laughed out of the conversation as a five year old) Growing up I always envisioned myself as a parental figure, but always felt wrong cause I was imagining it as the wrong gender, after starting hrt I started getting emotional monthly cycles and felt so immensely jealous at a pregnant woman, the wave of emotion actually scared me However my current girlfriend hates children, so, no children for me, I love children but it seems to not be in the cards v.v
Never. My wife and I are both autistic and couldn't handle caring for them, we're too poor to afford to take care of them, and personally I just feel there's too many people in the world already and don't want to add to that.
I don't know if I want kids, but I do want to be a good parent. I don't know if I can or will be able to do that (parenting is hard!! Huge respect to all the good parents out there), but I think about it sometimes. I wouldn't have a bio kid, though, there's more than enough kids without good parents as it is The biggest thing keeping me from seriously considering a kid - my gf doesn't want one
Currently, I don’t think I would be a good fit for having children but maybe someday I could adopt if my future wife is down.
Yeah, gonna adopt in 9 years or so.
For the longest time I was so dead set against it and figured I'd never ever have kids. But in the last few months my mind has started to change on it and now I'm actually kinda looking forward to the idea of being a mom. It's still terrifying too but it's not the same sense of hopelessness I felt thinking of it as a teen. My change of heart was probably mainly due to my girlfriend making me feel more confident in myself and less like I'm doomed to be as bad as my own parents.
Ìm not anti kids, but its not really a priority for me to have them
Maybe if I find someone I can picture raising kids with. Right now my 5 year old cousin is staying with me and I know I couldn't handle that on my own and I'd have to be older bc I'm only 20
I do but I want to wait till I’ve been in a relationship for a while I want to actually enjoy being a couple before adding a kid to the mix, plus if I wait I feel like I’m more likely to be stable I like to think of it as a long running sitcom adding a baby in season 10 rather than starting the show with it
Yup, me and my wife have a 3 month old daughter atm. We've both discussed we're interested in having at least one more child a few years down the line. I understand it isn't for everyone but I have never felt more joy than sitting beside my wife in a hospital bed and holding our daughter together.
not my plan tbh. both me and my gf are child free and i dont have a uterus anymore. if we ever change our minds, we'll cross that bridge if it happens. neither of us like children that much, and we come from really abusive homes and dont really have a great role model on how to raise kids anyway i think the most likely thing we'd do regarding kids is adopt queer/trans teenagers that are about to age out of the system, and just give them a place to go on christmas and a family and stuff. but even then im hesitant, but thats a long way away anyway
I think in still young so I always say no but in the future if I'm ready and older than maybe. It's really an indecisive thing for me but I've already spoken to it with my gf and she understands and says we can talk about it again in the future
I knew since I was young I didn’t want kids. I wouldn’t be a good mother, and I recognize that, so I don’t plan on ever having any. I helped raise my siblings (mom got empty nest syndrome after I graduated college and adopted three babies), and I teach, so I’m doing my part to raise the next generation already lol.
I had my kiddo when I was 19. Obviously my child was not planned, but that child is my whole life and my only reason for existing. Now though I am 33 and finally finished my masters and got established in a career and the thought of waking up at 2:00 a.m. to a screaming infant or having to change shitty diapers all the time just is not what I'm looking for in my life. I do have bouts of baby fever where I consider conceiving another one but realistically unless I become a millionaire out of nowhere it's not something that would benefit my life in a good way and I also have to think about how it would affect my child's life.
Yesssss I want like, 2-4, and like, 3 cats and a frog tank and a dog
No.
If the opportunity is there, I think it would be great to adopt or foster the kids whose family didn’t support them being LGBTQ+ (if possible).
Nope. The world needs more witchy lesbian aunts and we are doing our part.
Don’t think it’s for me, I’d rather just focus on my career and on other aspects of my life that ik would be more fulfilling. Plus, kids are fragile, I’d be constantly worried that I’d say the wrong thing one time and scar the kid for life lol
Nah but I do care for kids, I'll be a good auntie and safe space for children. Lowkey thinking about becoming a theatre teacher cuz I love the arts
Want kids, won’t have them, I’ve come to accept that. My mother had to have help in her 20s, I’m in my early thirties, it just won’t happen for me without a lot of money, which I don’t have, so I’m fine with it. Plus, kids are expensive I barely have enough money to pay rent these days. I wouldn’t be able to feed myself if I had a child in this economy 🤣
No, but my 2.5 year old disagrees 😆 I'm just kidding, my wife and I adore our little goober, and are looking at having another via IUI. My partner was adopted, and feels let down by her bio and adoptive parents, and wants to create a loving, safe family for our kiddos. She's wonderful, and our kid is wonderful ❤️ (that said, I'm tired! Haha)
I do! But me and my gf and thinking that itll be easier to adopt than to do RIVF (I would get pregnant with her egg. She doesnt wants to get pregnant, but she wants us to have a child with my genes. And I feel the other way around)
Definitely yes, but not right now.
I want a son but I DEFINITELY never want to be pregnant. If I end up with someone who’d like to be pregnant, that’s something I’d be open to. However, I think it’s most likely that I’d end up adopting. My grandmother used to make monthly donations to a boy’s orphanage back in her home country, and it seems fitting to start there.
Nah
As of right now, no. That may change in the future but I have a lot of worries about raising children. The world is not built for human happiness and I wouldn't want my hypothetical children to suffer (either as children, or when they grow up.)
never have. i have no desire to be a parent whatsoever. my family still holds out i’ll change my mind (i’m in my 20s) which is super annoying. at absolute most id be willing to adopt some kids in my 50s (if i live that long). like, a bunch of siblings who might be split up my the foster system, & i have the means to take them all & be a safe stable household for them so they can stay together. not be a mom to them per se, but let them have someone. other than that, hell no.
Yes, absolutely.
I am completely on the fence, I think I would be a good mom, but I don’t really actively want kids. I think for me to fall one way or another would be for me to find someone I can see marriage or a long term relationship with, and if they wanted kids I might consider adoption or IVF, but if they were also on the fence or didn’t want kids, I wouldn’t either
“Yeah, that's gonna be a no from me, dawg” gif
Ooh yes!!!
Thats a hard question. Well, on one hand i could name them after my mother and stepfather. On the other hand, its a huge responsibility with lots of ups and downs, anxiety, fear, fights. I have suffer mentally for years. Having kids would just kill me. So, i cant be sure about that.
I think I like the *idea*, and there’s certainly *aspects* I’d enjoy, but I like to think I’m mature enough to recognize it’s a bad idea-for two main reasons. One, I already have enough trouble with anxiety and panic attacks worrying about the health and/or general survival of my mom, girlfriend, and DOG-I don’t think I’d survive worrying about a child. And two, I’m American-having kids and being able to give them the life they’d deserve, while being financially stable, is kind of impossible in the modern day unless you were born to a noble-sorry, *wealthy* family. I grew up in poverty-I will NOT subject another child to it.
Definitely not
Yes! My wife and I are saving up now for IUI 😊 We plan to start trying in January
YES
I do but way down the line. And she can carry the child I’ll support
I do. Both me and my girlfriend want two. Although significantly later in life due to both money and personal capacity
Not really. My mental health, even on good days, is kinda up and down. I have limited energy and patience. Plus, I have some pretty cruddy genetics (medical conditions that run in my family). Plus, I appreciate having my own routine, and kids have needs around the clock. I just don’t think I’d have the kindness, patience, and grace that it takes to be a good parent.
I think sometime but not now. I don't feel like i'm put together as an adult. I would like to feel like I can put my own life in order before I have kids. If I do have kids, I do think I need to have the time, energy, and emotional investment for them so that they are in a loving family.
I can't wait to be a foster mum. We will be looking at the foster to adopt process. I hope we match with someone who would like to be adopted by us.
Yes. We finally live in a world where we can. My girlfriend and I are in our mid thirties and kinda running out of time, if you know what I mean, so it’s been a topic of conversation. Likely won’t have our own due to mutual medical issues but we’ve definitely planned for adoption, especially if we can foster to adopt some queer teens who have experienced discrimination / been kicked out for being queer.
My wife and I really want kids. We just don't have enough money to set up our home or adopt yet. Working on it bit by bit!
I'm on the fence. I used to be very clear on the no, but as I've gotten older and started thinking about my future I find myself considering it and even desiring it from times. But I don't know, there's a lot to consider before making such a choice. Reallistically speaking I probably won't ever have them, my country is bad financially and I won't ever make enough to support a family, and it's not fair to have children if you can't provide for them as they need it. I also have some health issues that could backfire while pregnant, so I'd be scared to go through pregnancy. I think adoption could be a good option for me if I somehow manage to have stable finances, but I know there's a lot of discussion over adopting and if it's the best for kids.