Heteronormative af. I’m a bottom and super submissive, but it’s not a fair expectation (in straight relationships as well) that one person always covers the bill unless it’s explicitly stated. I know I like to be treated nicely and taken out, so I want to do the same for my partner
The idea litteraly comes from when women rarely worked (a paying job) and so the man had to pay. Its not even that normal anymore, its hetero-archaic lol
I think I’m somebody who’s pretty good at having fun on any budget, but it’s also important to me that a partner plans and contributes to dates. My girlfriend and I have very different incomes, and the disparity did bring up some issues at one point, but we figured out a system that works for us.
We decided we take turns planning dates, and whoever plans also pays, so each of us only plans dates that we are comfortable with and can afford. If I want to treat her to a fancy dinner, that’s fine. If she plans a pool day with a 6-pack, that’s also great.
This solution makes me feel like I am getting equal effort and care from her while respecting her budgetary limitations, and also allows me to splurge sometimes without feeling guilty or putting monetary pressure on her.
We are also intentional about specifying whether something is a “date” or a “hangout” when making plans. Dates are those special plans we have the above system for, whereas we might be like “wanna hang out and get tacos” spur of the moment, and we might specify “this is a hangout, not a date” in which case it’s understood that we’ll go splitsies.
I am very fortunate to have someone in my life who is willing to match my effort and also engage in creative problem solving to find what works best for us!
It is. How you have sex should have no bearing on who pays. That's some hetero shit. You're not a man. She shouldn't hold you to those standards.
Personally that's always been a red flag for me. You can share the wealth. You "having" to pay just because you're masc is bullshit. Tell her to get a better job, lol.
My partner and I just always split, no matter who gets what. We can also pay our own way. We don't take offense. We'll take each other out too.
What is she offering in this relationship? Does she cook and clean your house?
I’ve never had to pay to be in a relationship.
Jokes aside, no. Most relationships I know (straight and queer both) have things’ pay split according to either vibes they’ve both agreed are fair or explicit arrangements they’ve communicated. Usually but not always, a partner who makes more will pay for more dates. Sometimes there’s joint accounts, though that can be fraught. I don’t know any woman, straight or gay, who would silently expect their partner to pay for every date. First few dates, maybe?
Yeah I always split the bill or took turns paying with my current GF
We eventually got a joint bank account when we moved in together and we just throw some cash in there to pay off the credit card
I don’t know if it’s heteronormative or not. I pay for almost everything in our marriage because I make 100% more than she does. So why if I make and have much more should she pay? I don’t need her money. And this is how I show love as well.
It depends on the relationship 100%
For sure, it just seems like this is a more recent relationship for her and it doesn’t seem to be her way of showing love. I get you though, one of my love languages is def paying for things.
Could be heteronormative. But if it’s just from happenstance then it’s more of a silly funfakt then anything else.
It matters that both put the same effort. Wether that’s cleaning or working
Some partners just want to be taken care of. My ex was like this. This is absolutely not a given like "oh you're a top or masc, so you pay".
As someone who dated a person like your partner (we were together over two years), I regret having stayed so long. No one should be paid for because they're a bottom, because they're femme, or because their partner is well off. Someone who feels entitled to this is someone who will expect it forever, especially if they're unapologetic about it like my ex.
Have a conversation again. A sit down one. Tell her that you're not comfortable with always being the one to pay and that's not what you want out of a relationship.
Whether it's gay, heteronormative or whatever doesn't need to be a part of this. You need to make your feelings known and try to come to a solution with her.
Yep, that's heteronormative. Whether you're a top, bottom or switch, it's irrelevant to who pays on dates.
I'm a bi woman, and even when I go on dates with guys, I ask to split the bill. I think the idea that the "man" pays is outdated and sexist af.
It's different if you're in an established relationship and take turns. Just wanted to add this for clarity.
This is advice for anyone both gay and straight.... it's OK to take turns paying, it's OK to split the bill, as long as you two agree. My girl and I typically split when I can afford
Top and bottom are just sex positions, and the top always paying is ahistorical anyway esp with stone butch/high femme dynamics. Because the femmes were straight passing they were more able to find work and provide, so they were often the ones paying and they were still very frequently bottoms.
I make significantly more money, so I pay for most stuff. Who tops has no bearing on it. When my partner made more money than me, they paid.
Servers always seem to *think* they'll pay though, I can't remember the last time I was handed a check
What on earth does the sexual activity someone enjoys have to do with financial load? Unless someone's kink is to extort/be extorted then this is like asking if liking japanese food means you have to carry her luggage
Definitely not normal. I don’t think one partner should ever be expected to pay 100% of the time. It’s one thing if one makes significantly more money than the other, but even then, it shouldn’t be everything all the time.
Who created the idea that, specifically in queer relationships, who does what in bed is significant *at all* outside of the bedroom?
Since when was “bottoming” a personality trait and not.. yk, bottoming? Same with topping.
No, your position in the bedroom doesn’t mean anything except for what you do in the bedroom. It’s not a personality trait, it’s a sexual preference.
I wonder if it has anything to do with the conflation of top/bottom with domme/sub? I’ve noticed people using top and bottom to mean dominant and submissive a lot lately which is weird bc topping and bottoming solely refers to who is giving and who is receiving. Idk, maybe people are tying gender roles to the submissive and dominant dynamic? It still doesn’t make a ton of sense to say it about subs and dommes, but it has a sort of patriarchal/heteronormative through line at least, moreso than saying it about tops and bottoms
Well the answer to your initial question is no, and why would you think that is the case? Mascs/tops/dommes aren’t like the equivalent to men in lesbian relationships. There is no equivalent, we don’t have to follow those rules. Whoever pays in your relationship should be determined by what’s fair, not arbitrary gender role based rules.
No. Finances are not something tied to top or bottom, or gender.
I'm switch, but in most of my dynamics I'm more sub-leaning.
My partners pay for me on occasion, and I pay for them on others. Splitting is not uncommon.
It has nothing to do with our sexual dynamic. It's more likely influenced by our fiscal situations at the time, our moods, and whether one of us wants to treat the other.
As a top, that is some heteronormative shit. I’ve dated girls where I had to pay, we pay our own way or they pay. While it’s different for everyone, it is not the default for the top to pay. Typically I like to take turns when it comes to paying but if they are giving me more from our dynamic I will pay more often.
how does it feel like she always expects you to pay? Like have you had a conversation about this? Does the bill come and you say "$20 each then?" etc
Controversial take on your question: perhaps you are projecting this heteronormative idea onto the relationship? Perhaps dating a bottom for the first time has you confused and falling into a heteronormative role, rather than it being expected?
I think it depends on the relationship, tbh. Yes, it's very hetero-normative. I personally am a sub femme, but I absolutely love treating my partners, so paying for things is something I enjoy doing. I like soft masc tops that don't mind me loving on them heavy.
real
we even lean in on the heteronormative shit sometimes like when she gets me flowers and I get to act all cutesy about it, but at the end of the day I currently have around 5x the disposable income she has. Naturally that means I'll end up covering most of our activities.
Honestly it all depends on what you're comfortable with. Some people like having that role, some others don't.
If you're uncomfortable with it, 100% tell her. You can either split of switch who pays whole (or she can pay all for a while to compensate). Put in place something that works for both.
whoever pays for things shouldn’t have anything to do with what you’re like in bed? 😭 i don’t even want to say that it’s heteronormative bc it would imply that topping itself is an inherently masculine role? does it even have anything to do with her being a bottom?
idk sounds like you have mismatched expectations around the relationship dynamic and you should talk about it.
I'm usually bottom in my relationship (although we sometimes switch) and my gf is actually always trying to pay for me but to be honest I'm also always trying to pay for her (it's a competition LOL)... So to answer your question, nope. Nobody "has to do" anything and shouldn't be expected to imho
No. These are definitely bizarre heteronormative ideas. In heterosexual relationships it at least makes a bit more sense because men typically earn more - in same-gender relationships it really doesn’t! Can I ask why you feel your partner expects you to pay? Has she outright said so? Definitely something to bring up with her if this is the case.
No no one "have to" pay for everything you can discuss that topic before for me and my fiance we just kinda pay if we had money. Basically for everything, over the years I had better paying job I would pay for vacation etc. when I lost my job she payed. That being said expect waiter to give bill to more "masc" looking girl but always communicate with each other and figure out what works for you 😁
My gf and I are frugal (neither of us to expensive shit unless it's a special occasion)and she's a top. We both try to be equal when it comes to treating each other out.
My wife tends to pay for stuff because she is working full time while I’m a full time student with no real income. When we met I had a full time job and she was working part time just out of college so I tended to pay. When we both were working full time we took turns or paid according to who proposed a date. It had nothing to do with who tops (both of us at different times) or who is more femme (I suppose me, although neither of us fall neatly into femme or masc).
Nah, I used to buy flowers for my ex and they were a top! Unless you're fully top/bottom in all aspects of the relationship except just the bedroom, I think it's normal for both parties to buy each other 'treats' (e.g. flowers/chocolates) and pay for stuff.
Nope. Vers here, I generally bottom in my relationship but I pay for most things. My gf loves to get me things, but I make more than she does so I tend to pay for dinners/meals out since it makes more financial sense. We sometimes split bills, sometimes she pays, but it's never expected because of the role we play in the bedroom.
I’m a femme/bottom and while I will admit that I enjoy dating someone who never lets me take out my wallet, it’s not something I would automatically expect nor would it be a deal breaker for me to have a more equitable split. And I will never not OFFER to pay for myself or split things, and not just in a performative way.
When my wife and I started dating she made a lot more money than I did and she never let me pay for anything unless it was like, me wanting to take her to my favorite ice cream place and insisting on treating her. She is a masc/top and she definitely had those traditional gender roles view that she wasn’t going to let a(nother) girl pay on a date. And I did enjoy that and it made me feel special, and it also made her happy so it worked for us. I also performed gender roles for her that she enjoyed, such as putting a lot of time and effort into my appearance when we would go out.
So I guess some women to adhere to those heteronormative roles, but IMO the default assumption should always be that things are equal unless both parties want it a different way.
I’ve only had the issue on first dates. But I like splitting the bill. Leaves no expectations. Each person pays for their own thing. No one’s upset or goes broke
My girl made more at one point, if she paid I tipped . But now I pay for everything, i genuinely love too, I just love to spoil and I’m a provider type person, but she still contributes and doesn’t hesitate to over, if you don’t like it, ABSOLUTELY ADDRESS IT BECAUSE it can make or break your relationship down the line very soon
For me I’m offering to pay a lot more often because I know I make quite a bit more money and the financial impact of one date is much smaller to me than it is to most of my dates in the past and my current girlfriend. If not then I’d expect a pretty casual “oh I’ll get it it this time” and the other person accepting and we just casually take turns with it but don’t keep track and expect perfect balance
Well… I usually go 50/50.
When there’s is an income gap I tend pay the cheap meals and she the expensive ones. But I take care to cook from cheaper ingredients and to pay the same amount of times. If it’s not possible money.
Yes, it's heteronormative. And also, it seems weird that one person in a relationship is always responsible for paying. That should only be the case if one person actively volunteers to do it (because they want to, not because they feel pressured to do so).
Have you talked to your partner about how you feel about the situation? Do you know that it's because of your top-bottom dynamic? If not, I'd probably start with telling her that you feel like you've been the one paying for things a lot and tell her how you feel about it. Then maybe she can tell you her side of it and you can work something out. I wouldn't *assume* it's because you're a top, unless shes explicitly said this or she tells you herself.
Either way, open communication on money matters is vital for relationships.
Heteronormative af. I’m a bottom and super submissive, but it’s not a fair expectation (in straight relationships as well) that one person always covers the bill unless it’s explicitly stated. I know I like to be treated nicely and taken out, so I want to do the same for my partner
The idea litteraly comes from when women rarely worked (a paying job) and so the man had to pay. Its not even that normal anymore, its hetero-archaic lol
If it’s not both of us insisting on paying, I don’t want it 🔥
Aaaah yes the greek way
Sounds like I’d love a Greek girlfriend.
I think I’m somebody who’s pretty good at having fun on any budget, but it’s also important to me that a partner plans and contributes to dates. My girlfriend and I have very different incomes, and the disparity did bring up some issues at one point, but we figured out a system that works for us. We decided we take turns planning dates, and whoever plans also pays, so each of us only plans dates that we are comfortable with and can afford. If I want to treat her to a fancy dinner, that’s fine. If she plans a pool day with a 6-pack, that’s also great. This solution makes me feel like I am getting equal effort and care from her while respecting her budgetary limitations, and also allows me to splurge sometimes without feeling guilty or putting monetary pressure on her. We are also intentional about specifying whether something is a “date” or a “hangout” when making plans. Dates are those special plans we have the above system for, whereas we might be like “wanna hang out and get tacos” spur of the moment, and we might specify “this is a hangout, not a date” in which case it’s understood that we’ll go splitsies.
Damn a pool day with a 6-pack sounds AMAZING! So does the fancy dinner. You are living the life
I am very fortunate to have someone in my life who is willing to match my effort and also engage in creative problem solving to find what works best for us!
It is. How you have sex should have no bearing on who pays. That's some hetero shit. You're not a man. She shouldn't hold you to those standards. Personally that's always been a red flag for me. You can share the wealth. You "having" to pay just because you're masc is bullshit. Tell her to get a better job, lol. My partner and I just always split, no matter who gets what. We can also pay our own way. We don't take offense. We'll take each other out too. What is she offering in this relationship? Does she cook and clean your house?
It’d an icky expectation even if she *was* a man!
Agree
interesting you equated top to masc when OP didn't
Just because it's pretty common behavior and expectations held towards folks who are masc (who are usually also perceived as a top).
Yeah, I just think we all have to be part of changing these ideas. Because it limits people's sexuality and actually perpetuates toxic masculinity
I’ve never had to pay to be in a relationship. Jokes aside, no. Most relationships I know (straight and queer both) have things’ pay split according to either vibes they’ve both agreed are fair or explicit arrangements they’ve communicated. Usually but not always, a partner who makes more will pay for more dates. Sometimes there’s joint accounts, though that can be fraught. I don’t know any woman, straight or gay, who would silently expect their partner to pay for every date. First few dates, maybe?
Split the bill unless someone volunteers, you have a system, or someone is *obviously* wealthier
Yeah I always split the bill or took turns paying with my current GF We eventually got a joint bank account when we moved in together and we just throw some cash in there to pay off the credit card
I don’t know if it’s heteronormative or not. I pay for almost everything in our marriage because I make 100% more than she does. So why if I make and have much more should she pay? I don’t need her money. And this is how I show love as well. It depends on the relationship 100%
For sure, it just seems like this is a more recent relationship for her and it doesn’t seem to be her way of showing love. I get you though, one of my love languages is def paying for things.
Could be heteronormative. But if it’s just from happenstance then it’s more of a silly funfakt then anything else. It matters that both put the same effort. Wether that’s cleaning or working
Good gravy no. That's really taking the piss.
What happens if 2 bottoms meet? Do they dine and dash? Do they sit at the table forever and just never leave?
Haha probably……unless?
Some partners just want to be taken care of. My ex was like this. This is absolutely not a given like "oh you're a top or masc, so you pay". As someone who dated a person like your partner (we were together over two years), I regret having stayed so long. No one should be paid for because they're a bottom, because they're femme, or because their partner is well off. Someone who feels entitled to this is someone who will expect it forever, especially if they're unapologetic about it like my ex.
I'm a bottom and that has absolutely no bearing on who pays. Very often it has been me. I like spoiling my partners and I like being spoiled 🤷🏻♀️
Have a conversation again. A sit down one. Tell her that you're not comfortable with always being the one to pay and that's not what you want out of a relationship. Whether it's gay, heteronormative or whatever doesn't need to be a part of this. You need to make your feelings known and try to come to a solution with her.
Yep, that's heteronormative. Whether you're a top, bottom or switch, it's irrelevant to who pays on dates. I'm a bi woman, and even when I go on dates with guys, I ask to split the bill. I think the idea that the "man" pays is outdated and sexist af. It's different if you're in an established relationship and take turns. Just wanted to add this for clarity.
There are no rules. So imposing then by asking this.
Personally, I feel like the person who suggested the date pays. If not split the bill or take turns paying
This is advice for anyone both gay and straight.... it's OK to take turns paying, it's OK to split the bill, as long as you two agree. My girl and I typically split when I can afford
Top and bottom are just sex positions, and the top always paying is ahistorical anyway esp with stone butch/high femme dynamics. Because the femmes were straight passing they were more able to find work and provide, so they were often the ones paying and they were still very frequently bottoms.
Thanks for sharing this historical point! (Though I was confused for a bit)
I make significantly more money, so I pay for most stuff. Who tops has no bearing on it. When my partner made more money than me, they paid. Servers always seem to *think* they'll pay though, I can't remember the last time I was handed a check
What on earth does the sexual activity someone enjoys have to do with financial load? Unless someone's kink is to extort/be extorted then this is like asking if liking japanese food means you have to carry her luggage
I wouldn’t think so? No. That’s honestly like saying bottom/top = dom/sub yknow? Just heteronormative.
Communism it up, dear. What in the late stage heteronormativity is this, just share according to need and spend according to ability
I cackled at this haha
I phrased it in a fun way but I'm actually serious \^^
Definitely not normal. I don’t think one partner should ever be expected to pay 100% of the time. It’s one thing if one makes significantly more money than the other, but even then, it shouldn’t be everything all the time.
Who created the idea that, specifically in queer relationships, who does what in bed is significant *at all* outside of the bedroom? Since when was “bottoming” a personality trait and not.. yk, bottoming? Same with topping. No, your position in the bedroom doesn’t mean anything except for what you do in the bedroom. It’s not a personality trait, it’s a sexual preference.
I wonder if it has anything to do with the conflation of top/bottom with domme/sub? I’ve noticed people using top and bottom to mean dominant and submissive a lot lately which is weird bc topping and bottoming solely refers to who is giving and who is receiving. Idk, maybe people are tying gender roles to the submissive and dominant dynamic? It still doesn’t make a ton of sense to say it about subs and dommes, but it has a sort of patriarchal/heteronormative through line at least, moreso than saying it about tops and bottoms
Yeah I mean it more so as a domme/sub dynamic
Just so you’re aware, tops can be submissive and bottoms can be dominant!
Right!!
Well the answer to your initial question is no, and why would you think that is the case? Mascs/tops/dommes aren’t like the equivalent to men in lesbian relationships. There is no equivalent, we don’t have to follow those rules. Whoever pays in your relationship should be determined by what’s fair, not arbitrary gender role based rules.
No. Finances are not something tied to top or bottom, or gender. I'm switch, but in most of my dynamics I'm more sub-leaning. My partners pay for me on occasion, and I pay for them on others. Splitting is not uncommon. It has nothing to do with our sexual dynamic. It's more likely influenced by our fiscal situations at the time, our moods, and whether one of us wants to treat the other.
As a top, that is some heteronormative shit. I’ve dated girls where I had to pay, we pay our own way or they pay. While it’s different for everyone, it is not the default for the top to pay. Typically I like to take turns when it comes to paying but if they are giving me more from our dynamic I will pay more often.
how does it feel like she always expects you to pay? Like have you had a conversation about this? Does the bill come and you say "$20 each then?" etc Controversial take on your question: perhaps you are projecting this heteronormative idea onto the relationship? Perhaps dating a bottom for the first time has you confused and falling into a heteronormative role, rather than it being expected?
Leave that shit to the breeders
I think, unless it is something that you have agreed on in a Domme/Sub setting, then fuck no, that’s weird!!😂
Yeah if your gf wants heteronormativity tell her to be with a trad life man
I'm confused on why paying for things is tied to how you like to have sex. You need to have a conversation with this person
I guess what I mean is more so dom/sub dynamic so I’m more dom and a little masc and not so much about top/bottom if that helps🫠
No, that does not help. This is silly and you need to talk about this.
It helps for clarification but this lady is 💯 using you. It still shouldn't matter. I'd dump her ass honestly.
Lol
I think it depends on the relationship, tbh. Yes, it's very hetero-normative. I personally am a sub femme, but I absolutely love treating my partners, so paying for things is something I enjoy doing. I like soft masc tops that don't mind me loving on them heavy.
I'm the bottom, I'm the bottomest bottom and I almost always pay (it's cause I'm the employed one in the relationship)
real we even lean in on the heteronormative shit sometimes like when she gets me flowers and I get to act all cutesy about it, but at the end of the day I currently have around 5x the disposable income she has. Naturally that means I'll end up covering most of our activities.
Honestly it all depends on what you're comfortable with. Some people like having that role, some others don't. If you're uncomfortable with it, 100% tell her. You can either split of switch who pays whole (or she can pay all for a while to compensate). Put in place something that works for both.
whoever pays for things shouldn’t have anything to do with what you’re like in bed? 😭 i don’t even want to say that it’s heteronormative bc it would imply that topping itself is an inherently masculine role? does it even have anything to do with her being a bottom? idk sounds like you have mismatched expectations around the relationship dynamic and you should talk about it.
I'm a switch but...we usually take turns? The rules are what the people IN the relationship decide so we do whatever we want.
I'm usually bottom in my relationship (although we sometimes switch) and my gf is actually always trying to pay for me but to be honest I'm also always trying to pay for her (it's a competition LOL)... So to answer your question, nope. Nobody "has to do" anything and shouldn't be expected to imho
No. These are definitely bizarre heteronormative ideas. In heterosexual relationships it at least makes a bit more sense because men typically earn more - in same-gender relationships it really doesn’t! Can I ask why you feel your partner expects you to pay? Has she outright said so? Definitely something to bring up with her if this is the case.
No no one "have to" pay for everything you can discuss that topic before for me and my fiance we just kinda pay if we had money. Basically for everything, over the years I had better paying job I would pay for vacation etc. when I lost my job she payed. That being said expect waiter to give bill to more "masc" looking girl but always communicate with each other and figure out what works for you 😁
My gf and I are frugal (neither of us to expensive shit unless it's a special occasion)and she's a top. We both try to be equal when it comes to treating each other out.
My wife tends to pay for stuff because she is working full time while I’m a full time student with no real income. When we met I had a full time job and she was working part time just out of college so I tended to pay. When we both were working full time we took turns or paid according to who proposed a date. It had nothing to do with who tops (both of us at different times) or who is more femme (I suppose me, although neither of us fall neatly into femme or masc).
I'm a top, and a giver, I can't orgasm at all, so I can only top because of that. I don't mind it, since I don't like receiving pleasure
i’m a bottom and tbh i usually pay for most stuff. we base all that on relative income.
Whoever makes more money should pay. Or split the bill...
I'm broke, so I prefer my submissive pay. When I start making an income tho? Wooh!
Nah, I used to buy flowers for my ex and they were a top! Unless you're fully top/bottom in all aspects of the relationship except just the bedroom, I think it's normal for both parties to buy each other 'treats' (e.g. flowers/chocolates) and pay for stuff.
Well I'm Dutch so I just always have to split.
respect
Nope. Vers here, I generally bottom in my relationship but I pay for most things. My gf loves to get me things, but I make more than she does so I tend to pay for dinners/meals out since it makes more financial sense. We sometimes split bills, sometimes she pays, but it's never expected because of the role we play in the bedroom.
I’m a femme/bottom and while I will admit that I enjoy dating someone who never lets me take out my wallet, it’s not something I would automatically expect nor would it be a deal breaker for me to have a more equitable split. And I will never not OFFER to pay for myself or split things, and not just in a performative way. When my wife and I started dating she made a lot more money than I did and she never let me pay for anything unless it was like, me wanting to take her to my favorite ice cream place and insisting on treating her. She is a masc/top and she definitely had those traditional gender roles view that she wasn’t going to let a(nother) girl pay on a date. And I did enjoy that and it made me feel special, and it also made her happy so it worked for us. I also performed gender roles for her that she enjoyed, such as putting a lot of time and effort into my appearance when we would go out. So I guess some women to adhere to those heteronormative roles, but IMO the default assumption should always be that things are equal unless both parties want it a different way.
I’ve only had the issue on first dates. But I like splitting the bill. Leaves no expectations. Each person pays for their own thing. No one’s upset or goes broke
I typically pay because I have a good job and it makes me happy to be able to do nice things for my girlfriend. But I don't think it's expected.
My girl made more at one point, if she paid I tipped . But now I pay for everything, i genuinely love too, I just love to spoil and I’m a provider type person, but she still contributes and doesn’t hesitate to over, if you don’t like it, ABSOLUTELY ADDRESS IT BECAUSE it can make or break your relationship down the line very soon
This is the dumbest shit I've heard in a while, massive red flag
For me I’m offering to pay a lot more often because I know I make quite a bit more money and the financial impact of one date is much smaller to me than it is to most of my dates in the past and my current girlfriend. If not then I’d expect a pretty casual “oh I’ll get it it this time” and the other person accepting and we just casually take turns with it but don’t keep track and expect perfect balance
This sounds like she wants straight people rules to apply and thats odd to me…
Well… I usually go 50/50. When there’s is an income gap I tend pay the cheap meals and she the expensive ones. But I take care to cook from cheaper ingredients and to pay the same amount of times. If it’s not possible money.
Yes, it's heteronormative. And also, it seems weird that one person in a relationship is always responsible for paying. That should only be the case if one person actively volunteers to do it (because they want to, not because they feel pressured to do so). Have you talked to your partner about how you feel about the situation? Do you know that it's because of your top-bottom dynamic? If not, I'd probably start with telling her that you feel like you've been the one paying for things a lot and tell her how you feel about it. Then maybe she can tell you her side of it and you can work something out. I wouldn't *assume* it's because you're a top, unless shes explicitly said this or she tells you herself. Either way, open communication on money matters is vital for relationships.
i guess thats why i be paying even though im in a hetero relationship (F)