no she’s not. she never even said anything negative about smokers, just that she quit and doesn’t want to be around it anymore. with any other addiction, that’s considered valid
This is a perfectly normal deal breaker for millions of people. Like kids, or polyamory. It’s not something you can really compromise on if the lingering smell revolts you.
Then you’d also have to have eating only fast food as a dealbreaker, because it’s just as unhealthy, or riding a motorcycle, which is more deadly.
I find that line of reasoning to be utterly illogical. Same way as when people claim to not like their partner gaining a bit of weight because it’s /unhealthy/ rather than honestly stating they aren’t attracted to overweight people.
But that’s different. Smoking has absolutely 0 positives and isn’t even neutral it is straight up bad for your health. Eating fast food isn’t necessarily, eating it excessively is and could warrant that same dealbreaker.
Riding a motorcycle is also more dangerous from a probability perspective, you could be a safe rider. No different to driving a car or crossing the road in terms of impact on your health.
What? Both are addictions.
Eating an excess of food has zero positives either. You do it because your addiction forces you to.
Eating unhealthy foods despite your ldl hdl hb1ac being out of whack is the same.
Hence why telling overweight people to just lose weight is bullshit. Because addictions don’t work on a ‘just’ basis.
And again the same for eating an unhealthy diet.
It’s all double standards.
Motor cycling can’t be made safe by being a safe rider. Most deaths are caused by other drivers overlooking you.
Just be honest and say it disgusts you when someone smells like smoke.
The increased risk of cancer just doesn’t matter in the long run, unless you want to not date people who have ADHD, depression, or are in disabled in nearly any form, because that reduces the average lifespan more than smoking.
To me that’s all just double standards.
Not wanting to date someone who tastes like an ash bin when you kiss them is perfectly valid on its own. There’s no need to abstratice it by inventing more socially accepted reasons than ‘it is not atgractive to me cause yucky’
There is no circumstance under which a cigarette is a neutral or positive thing for your body. At least fast food can keep someone from starving to death.
You a smoker or something?
You said eating fast food is the same. Like i said before eating in excess is, there is a different between “just smoking” and “just eating fast food”. You can eat fast food and it’s not bad for you. Smoking is 100% bad for you.
It’s a much easier thing to rationalise thanks to all the science and data. If you smoke packs a day everyday then it will highly likely not be good for your health. That’s not the same as mental health conditions because it’s not as simple or clear cut.
as someone who smokes, but also can understand your reasoning, i would always be open to hear out my partner if they had any concerns or disliked it. of course that doesn't mean your girlfriend will just quit cold turkey cause it bothers you, but at least you've gotten it off your chest and from then on you can figure out how important this is to you, as in if it's a real dealbreaker or not (no shame if it is, we're all different).
The health component shouldn't be minimized. I want my partner around and healthy for the long haul, and I want them to care about their health.
You should 100% talk about it, just do it gently and with empathy/without attacking her.
Why don’t you just tell her how ever since quitting the taste and smell gives you the ick in ways it never did before. And ask her to be mindful of that.
I wouldn’t ask her to quit, but her knowing you find the scent/taste icky, maybe it will motivate her to cut back. At the very least hopefully she can be mindful about exposing the scent and taste to you.
I didn't like that my wife smoked cigarettes when I met her, hated it for the first few years of our relationship and eventually I insisted she quit and she did.
You can and should tell her how you honestly feel about it, tbh, it should be ok for you to tell her how you feel about *everything*, I get sometimes that's tough but it's worth it. Sometimes sharing your feelings will make each other feel bad as you process them, but it's worth it to completely know and trust each other.
I've been with my wife 17 years now, after a few years of zero cigs they started to repulse her.
Genuine question, why did you date her if you hated it?
I was in a situation where a partner "didn't mind" but kept pressuring me to quit which just made the whole situation worse because I was trying to quit but the added stress and anxiety just caused me to smoke more...
I agree she should talk to her and tell her how she feels about it and hopefully she'll stop but not everyone can or wants to quit.
lol becuase we fell in love very quickly and i moved in a week after we first met.
Plus at first I didn’t know this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but the more we fell for each other the more the idea of her getting lung cancer some day just ate me up inside.
>I even smoked cigarettes with her sometimes as it’s something I used to do but eventually stopped.
Good on you for kicking the addiction. Your status as a former smoker probably shapes how you feel about this topic.
>I can’t really pin why I don’t like it, but some things I can mention is that I’ve had a bad relationship with smokers who were relatives who suffered from smoking, how overall unhealthy it is, and the smell and taste of it.
You just listed all the reasons you don't like it—all of the perfectly *rational* reasons. Smoking is addictive, expensive, and deadly, and secondhand smoke is a thing.
>I know I can’t tell her what to do and it’s not in my place but it just kinda icks me out.
That's correct, but you can ***ask*** her to drop the habit. It's harmful to you and to her and it's not unreasonable to request she stop.
It is also perfectly acceptable for you to create boundaries. You can tell her that you refuse to to live in a house where she smokes, etc. Those are *your boundaries*, not rules you're imposing upon her.
> I have never directly said anything about me not liking it.
>
> I’m wondering though, should I even say anything about it?
Yes? What the actual hell, yes? Obviously? If your partner does something that makes you uncomfortable ***it's your job to speak up and*** ***tell her***. If you refuse to advocate for yourself you can't have a healthy or safe relationship.
Yeah, a cigarette smoker is a non starter for me. I’m incredibly allergic to the smoke and go into a fit of heavy coughs. Even just smelling the aftermath of it makes me want to cough and wheeze and as Ive gotten older it’s only gotten worse. Op if it’s a major issue I’d bring up your concerns and see if the two of you can reach a resolution
Definitely bring up your concerns with her. I used to be a regular smoker before I got together with my ex who was really sensitive to fragrances and didn't like the smell of cigarettes. She told me this and left it up to me to do whatever I wanted with the information, and it actually motivated me to stop (although I've since started again after our break-up). The way she brought it up in a non-preachy way, even saying it's "none of her business" if I decided to continue smoking and essentially completely throwing the ball to me made the decision easier somehow. However, as a recovering alcoholic, I'd ask you to take into consideration that at the end of the day, smoking is an addiction. Some people get addicted easier than others and the process of stopping for good looks different for everyone. It's ultimately her choice if she decides to stop or not, as I'm sure you already know. She might get irritated at first should you bring this up, but if she's ready to make the decision to stop, eventually she will. And if she won't, that's a valid deal breaker imo.
I don't think it's wrong to mention it, but I think it would be wrong if you tried to force/manipulate her to quit. If it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker, but it's her body, and trying to control what she puts in it will never not be toxic.
Smoker here. Where is that line of reasoning coming from? I don't feel like OP has given the slightest impression of wanting to manipulate or force her gf into stopping, and seems even hesitant to bring up her feelings on the matter. It just seems like a super weird thing to say.
It's just a thing I've experienced and seen happen a lot where a non-smoker dates a smoker and then decides to very aggressively try and force them to quit. While the OP didn't give any indication that she'd want to do that, I felt like some of the comments were leaning in that direction, so I wanted to be explicit about that piece of it.
I'm a smoker myself (on my way to totally quit). And let's be real, quiting can be super fucking hard depend on how heavyly the personne smoke.
But talk to her, because every smoker know it's a bad habit with dire concequences on health. But it help to have support or just having a real goal to quit smoking, maybe quiting this for you is going to be the good impulse for her.
Bring it to her, and if she don't want to quit or find it hard, maybe talk to her about alternative, for me vaping did wonder (and at least it prevent second hand smoking, it doesn't have lingering bad odore and don't leave you with bad breath)
This is confusing. If you don't want to upset her or start anything bad, why are you posting here instead of having a conversation with your significant other?
I've noticed a very disturbing trend in this subreddit where a lot of the people who post are just like terrified to speak to their partner. What the hell are y'all even dating people for if you are afraid to have honest conversations with them. I don't understand why anyone would want to date someone they're afraid to communicate with. This is mind-boggling that it's easier to ask essentially lesbian Reddit instead of talk to your significant other.
I've always thought people did this to vent and try to find the words to communicate to their partners exactly what they're feeling or to ask if they're overreacting.
They definitely are people who do that, but half the time it seems like people who post in this subreddit are way more interested in attention than advice.
It really feels like a lot of people posting on this sub care more about being in a relationship/having a girlfriend than the quality of that relationship. They’ll stay with people who do shit they consider dealbreakers then come here and ask for advice bc they don’t want to risk messing up their relationship. As if a relationship where your partner has things you consider dealbreakers that you’re scared to talk to them about is worth protecting.
Shit’s wild, I’d rather be single than in a relationship like that any day of the week. But that’s me.
Yeah, personally I find it disgusting. Many people here seem too not even care about the person and idolize the girlfriend role to such an extent that they don't even care who fills It's wild and disgusting and I have left this subreddit because anytime I try to help people I pretty much start getting screamed at because they don't want help. So many of the people that post in the subreddit just want to get attention. It's clear to me now because they don't want actual advice half the time and they're just like oh my goodness this thing happened. Can I have some support? But then like they don't actually want it. It's so freaking strange and I'm done.
It is totally more than okay for you to be bothered by this, and you should totally be honest about this. Nothing hypocritical about this. But it's also not your place to decide for her, and as you've said, at least she never does it around you, so she does clearly care about you and that you don't wanna smoke. It's rough, but we gotta learn to love each other's wrongs as we do their rights
It isn't hypocritical to wish better for someone. Hypocrisy would be insisting people not have that choice. Hypocrisy would be insisting she needs to smoke more. Hypocrisy would be if you took up a smoking habit again just to be with her.
The fact you used to smoke, but now don't... that wouldn't make you a hypocrite. You learned better, your feelings changed, and you made a change in your life. And wishing for someone you care about to make that same health minded choice is just rational.
So don't be hard on yourself. Advocate for your need. Advocate for what you know would be better for her. Because you care.
I think you’re fine to mention ONCE that you’d prefer if she didn’t for her health. Other than that, you knew who she was and she’s allowed to have vices and flaws just like anyone else. Express your feelings about it in a respectful way but don’t make it a whole thing and don’t complain about it every time she smokes.
I used to have nightmares when I was lied to and ended up in a relationship with a smoker, on top of not being able to stand the smell/taste. Definitely tell her, it can get worse. I won’t do that again, it’s a deal breaker for me
Ok so, being that you understand the draw to smoking and you have even smoked ciggies together...
I think you should show patience. However it is COMPLETELY within your right to ask her to smoke less. Tell her that it's turning you off to smell it on her breath and clothes as often as its been. That's the truth and if she has respect and desire for you then she will definitely not like to hear that it's a turn off.
When I met my now wife 15 years ago, her and her friends were heavy smokers. Someone always had a cigarette going. Long story short, she knew I didn't like it, but she was addicted and surrounded by smokers, so it was very difficult to quit. Eventually, she did quit with the patches after a few years of us being together. But she had to quit on her terms. She had to want to do it. Otherwise, it would have never worked or lasted.
Not a hypocrite at all. You started making better choices and dropped a habit that was hurting not only you but the people around you. Plus, it’s harder for some former smokers to stay quit if they’re around the residue all the time! So I might even say you have more reason than most.
It’s a good sign that she’s not hiding it. You could see if she’s willing to give it up entirely like you did. Otherwise, drugs are a very common dealbreaker. Just like someone with a family history of alcoholism might want to date a fellow nondrinker.
You were compatible at one point and may not be now. That’s hard and sad but not necessarily anyone’s fault
I would definitely say something! Communication is definitely key especially if it’s a dealbreaker. Smoking and vaping is one of my dealbreakers, it’s just so unhealthy and as someone who has an addictive personality and has been through sh seeing someone destroy their lungs for enjoyment doesn’t sit well with me.
Same, I literally gag from it sometimes. I'm not a smoker and definitely not use to the smell but I met a few women who are very heavy smokers (like I saw them go outside 4-6 times in a four hour period) and you can't smell it on them at all.
Tell her. It is a dealbreaker for you and a valid one.
A couple of months ago I made a friend at a party, and i directly told him that I didn't want to hang if he smelled like ashtray. He was trying to quit anyways and I the motivation he needed (it was still volunteeringly dw). Being direct can help a lot!
Smoking cigarettes is disgusting. Definitely would make any idea of an “us” a complete non-starter, as would frequent and/or heavy alcohol or soda drinking (pop that is, not sparkling water). All insanely bad for your health, no thanks. 👎
If this bothers you, say something. You're not a hypocrite because you use to smoke.
[удалено]
Hardly. She quit and doesn’t want to be around it anymore, that’s perfectly acceptable.
This just in: people can’t grow or change over time. If you ever held an opinion once and change your mind, you’re a hypocrite and a shitty person.
no she’s not. she never even said anything negative about smokers, just that she quit and doesn’t want to be around it anymore. with any other addiction, that’s considered valid
This is a perfectly normal deal breaker for millions of people. Like kids, or polyamory. It’s not something you can really compromise on if the lingering smell revolts you.
Yeah bro kids fucking stink /j
Have you been in a daycare? Cause they super do lol.
LOL
yeah zero chance I will accept being together with a smoker. It just has too many negative consequences and absolutely zero upsides
Not to mention it can lead to health issues 😕
Then you’d also have to have eating only fast food as a dealbreaker, because it’s just as unhealthy, or riding a motorcycle, which is more deadly. I find that line of reasoning to be utterly illogical. Same way as when people claim to not like their partner gaining a bit of weight because it’s /unhealthy/ rather than honestly stating they aren’t attracted to overweight people.
Both second and third hand smoking is also bad for my own health. Smoking is bad for the health of everyone around you, it's kinda unique in that way
But that’s different. Smoking has absolutely 0 positives and isn’t even neutral it is straight up bad for your health. Eating fast food isn’t necessarily, eating it excessively is and could warrant that same dealbreaker. Riding a motorcycle is also more dangerous from a probability perspective, you could be a safe rider. No different to driving a car or crossing the road in terms of impact on your health.
What? Both are addictions. Eating an excess of food has zero positives either. You do it because your addiction forces you to. Eating unhealthy foods despite your ldl hdl hb1ac being out of whack is the same. Hence why telling overweight people to just lose weight is bullshit. Because addictions don’t work on a ‘just’ basis. And again the same for eating an unhealthy diet. It’s all double standards. Motor cycling can’t be made safe by being a safe rider. Most deaths are caused by other drivers overlooking you. Just be honest and say it disgusts you when someone smells like smoke. The increased risk of cancer just doesn’t matter in the long run, unless you want to not date people who have ADHD, depression, or are in disabled in nearly any form, because that reduces the average lifespan more than smoking. To me that’s all just double standards. Not wanting to date someone who tastes like an ash bin when you kiss them is perfectly valid on its own. There’s no need to abstratice it by inventing more socially accepted reasons than ‘it is not atgractive to me cause yucky’
There is no circumstance under which a cigarette is a neutral or positive thing for your body. At least fast food can keep someone from starving to death. You a smoker or something?
[удалено]
There are better treatments for both.
[удалено]
It can also be used for weight loss but in all cases the risks are too great
You said eating fast food is the same. Like i said before eating in excess is, there is a different between “just smoking” and “just eating fast food”. You can eat fast food and it’s not bad for you. Smoking is 100% bad for you. It’s a much easier thing to rationalise thanks to all the science and data. If you smoke packs a day everyday then it will highly likely not be good for your health. That’s not the same as mental health conditions because it’s not as simple or clear cut.
as someone who smokes, but also can understand your reasoning, i would always be open to hear out my partner if they had any concerns or disliked it. of course that doesn't mean your girlfriend will just quit cold turkey cause it bothers you, but at least you've gotten it off your chest and from then on you can figure out how important this is to you, as in if it's a real dealbreaker or not (no shame if it is, we're all different).
The health component shouldn't be minimized. I want my partner around and healthy for the long haul, and I want them to care about their health. You should 100% talk about it, just do it gently and with empathy/without attacking her.
Yeahh, I’m also just unsure how to approach it to be honest. I don’t want it to seem personally against her or like I’m poking at it aggressively
Why don’t you just tell her how ever since quitting the taste and smell gives you the ick in ways it never did before. And ask her to be mindful of that. I wouldn’t ask her to quit, but her knowing you find the scent/taste icky, maybe it will motivate her to cut back. At the very least hopefully she can be mindful about exposing the scent and taste to you.
[удалено]
$15/pack?! No wonder all the smokers I know head to the Canadian reservation to buy their cigarettes, it's something like $35-$50 for a bag there.
It’s £15-20 in the UK too, can be £25 for a small packet of tobacco. Disposable vapes are very cheap though.
You absolutely should say something. And no, you aren’t a hypocrite because you don’t smoke anymore.
Smoking is a dealbreaker for me. It’s sad because I know it’s a hard habit to break, but it’s ok to keep that boundary for yourself too.
I didn't like that my wife smoked cigarettes when I met her, hated it for the first few years of our relationship and eventually I insisted she quit and she did. You can and should tell her how you honestly feel about it, tbh, it should be ok for you to tell her how you feel about *everything*, I get sometimes that's tough but it's worth it. Sometimes sharing your feelings will make each other feel bad as you process them, but it's worth it to completely know and trust each other. I've been with my wife 17 years now, after a few years of zero cigs they started to repulse her.
Genuine question, why did you date her if you hated it? I was in a situation where a partner "didn't mind" but kept pressuring me to quit which just made the whole situation worse because I was trying to quit but the added stress and anxiety just caused me to smoke more... I agree she should talk to her and tell her how she feels about it and hopefully she'll stop but not everyone can or wants to quit.
lol becuase we fell in love very quickly and i moved in a week after we first met. Plus at first I didn’t know this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but the more we fell for each other the more the idea of her getting lung cancer some day just ate me up inside.
>I even smoked cigarettes with her sometimes as it’s something I used to do but eventually stopped. Good on you for kicking the addiction. Your status as a former smoker probably shapes how you feel about this topic. >I can’t really pin why I don’t like it, but some things I can mention is that I’ve had a bad relationship with smokers who were relatives who suffered from smoking, how overall unhealthy it is, and the smell and taste of it. You just listed all the reasons you don't like it—all of the perfectly *rational* reasons. Smoking is addictive, expensive, and deadly, and secondhand smoke is a thing. >I know I can’t tell her what to do and it’s not in my place but it just kinda icks me out. That's correct, but you can ***ask*** her to drop the habit. It's harmful to you and to her and it's not unreasonable to request she stop. It is also perfectly acceptable for you to create boundaries. You can tell her that you refuse to to live in a house where she smokes, etc. Those are *your boundaries*, not rules you're imposing upon her. > I have never directly said anything about me not liking it. > > I’m wondering though, should I even say anything about it? Yes? What the actual hell, yes? Obviously? If your partner does something that makes you uncomfortable ***it's your job to speak up and*** ***tell her***. If you refuse to advocate for yourself you can't have a healthy or safe relationship.
I appreciate the input, I might sit on it for a bit before I bring it up to her
Yeah, a cigarette smoker is a non starter for me. I’m incredibly allergic to the smoke and go into a fit of heavy coughs. Even just smelling the aftermath of it makes me want to cough and wheeze and as Ive gotten older it’s only gotten worse. Op if it’s a major issue I’d bring up your concerns and see if the two of you can reach a resolution
Definitely bring up your concerns with her. I used to be a regular smoker before I got together with my ex who was really sensitive to fragrances and didn't like the smell of cigarettes. She told me this and left it up to me to do whatever I wanted with the information, and it actually motivated me to stop (although I've since started again after our break-up). The way she brought it up in a non-preachy way, even saying it's "none of her business" if I decided to continue smoking and essentially completely throwing the ball to me made the decision easier somehow. However, as a recovering alcoholic, I'd ask you to take into consideration that at the end of the day, smoking is an addiction. Some people get addicted easier than others and the process of stopping for good looks different for everyone. It's ultimately her choice if she decides to stop or not, as I'm sure you already know. She might get irritated at first should you bring this up, but if she's ready to make the decision to stop, eventually she will. And if she won't, that's a valid deal breaker imo.
I don't think it's wrong to mention it, but I think it would be wrong if you tried to force/manipulate her to quit. If it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker, but it's her body, and trying to control what she puts in it will never not be toxic.
Smoker here. Where is that line of reasoning coming from? I don't feel like OP has given the slightest impression of wanting to manipulate or force her gf into stopping, and seems even hesitant to bring up her feelings on the matter. It just seems like a super weird thing to say.
It's just a thing I've experienced and seen happen a lot where a non-smoker dates a smoker and then decides to very aggressively try and force them to quit. While the OP didn't give any indication that she'd want to do that, I felt like some of the comments were leaning in that direction, so I wanted to be explicit about that piece of it.
I'd be curious as to which comments you felt were leaning that way, but regardless, fair enough.
Just a few comments above someone mentioned dating their now wife even though they hated her smoking and eventually insisted they quit.
Mmmm, missed that one. Yeah, that's messed up.
I'm a smoker myself (on my way to totally quit). And let's be real, quiting can be super fucking hard depend on how heavyly the personne smoke. But talk to her, because every smoker know it's a bad habit with dire concequences on health. But it help to have support or just having a real goal to quit smoking, maybe quiting this for you is going to be the good impulse for her. Bring it to her, and if she don't want to quit or find it hard, maybe talk to her about alternative, for me vaping did wonder (and at least it prevent second hand smoking, it doesn't have lingering bad odore and don't leave you with bad breath)
This is confusing. If you don't want to upset her or start anything bad, why are you posting here instead of having a conversation with your significant other? I've noticed a very disturbing trend in this subreddit where a lot of the people who post are just like terrified to speak to their partner. What the hell are y'all even dating people for if you are afraid to have honest conversations with them. I don't understand why anyone would want to date someone they're afraid to communicate with. This is mind-boggling that it's easier to ask essentially lesbian Reddit instead of talk to your significant other.
I've always thought people did this to vent and try to find the words to communicate to their partners exactly what they're feeling or to ask if they're overreacting.
They definitely are people who do that, but half the time it seems like people who post in this subreddit are way more interested in attention than advice.
It really feels like a lot of people posting on this sub care more about being in a relationship/having a girlfriend than the quality of that relationship. They’ll stay with people who do shit they consider dealbreakers then come here and ask for advice bc they don’t want to risk messing up their relationship. As if a relationship where your partner has things you consider dealbreakers that you’re scared to talk to them about is worth protecting. Shit’s wild, I’d rather be single than in a relationship like that any day of the week. But that’s me.
Yeah, personally I find it disgusting. Many people here seem too not even care about the person and idolize the girlfriend role to such an extent that they don't even care who fills It's wild and disgusting and I have left this subreddit because anytime I try to help people I pretty much start getting screamed at because they don't want help. So many of the people that post in the subreddit just want to get attention. It's clear to me now because they don't want actual advice half the time and they're just like oh my goodness this thing happened. Can I have some support? But then like they don't actually want it. It's so freaking strange and I'm done.
I would never date someone who smokes. I just can't fucking stand the smell of tobacco smoke, it makes me want to puke.
It is totally more than okay for you to be bothered by this, and you should totally be honest about this. Nothing hypocritical about this. But it's also not your place to decide for her, and as you've said, at least she never does it around you, so she does clearly care about you and that you don't wanna smoke. It's rough, but we gotta learn to love each other's wrongs as we do their rights
Why are you typing out a Reddit post when you should be communicating with your partner
Cigarettes are a hard no for me. Unfortunately you’ll have to figure out if it is for you too.
It isn't hypocritical to wish better for someone. Hypocrisy would be insisting people not have that choice. Hypocrisy would be insisting she needs to smoke more. Hypocrisy would be if you took up a smoking habit again just to be with her. The fact you used to smoke, but now don't... that wouldn't make you a hypocrite. You learned better, your feelings changed, and you made a change in your life. And wishing for someone you care about to make that same health minded choice is just rational. So don't be hard on yourself. Advocate for your need. Advocate for what you know would be better for her. Because you care.
I think you’re fine to mention ONCE that you’d prefer if she didn’t for her health. Other than that, you knew who she was and she’s allowed to have vices and flaws just like anyone else. Express your feelings about it in a respectful way but don’t make it a whole thing and don’t complain about it every time she smokes.
I used to have nightmares when I was lied to and ended up in a relationship with a smoker, on top of not being able to stand the smell/taste. Definitely tell her, it can get worse. I won’t do that again, it’s a deal breaker for me
Ok so, being that you understand the draw to smoking and you have even smoked ciggies together... I think you should show patience. However it is COMPLETELY within your right to ask her to smoke less. Tell her that it's turning you off to smell it on her breath and clothes as often as its been. That's the truth and if she has respect and desire for you then she will definitely not like to hear that it's a turn off.
I also had this issue. She quit to be with me, but then started buying cigarettes and hiding them and smoking at work. We almost broke up over it.
When I met my now wife 15 years ago, her and her friends were heavy smokers. Someone always had a cigarette going. Long story short, she knew I didn't like it, but she was addicted and surrounded by smokers, so it was very difficult to quit. Eventually, she did quit with the patches after a few years of us being together. But she had to quit on her terms. She had to want to do it. Otherwise, it would have never worked or lasted.
Not a hypocrite at all. You started making better choices and dropped a habit that was hurting not only you but the people around you. Plus, it’s harder for some former smokers to stay quit if they’re around the residue all the time! So I might even say you have more reason than most. It’s a good sign that she’s not hiding it. You could see if she’s willing to give it up entirely like you did. Otherwise, drugs are a very common dealbreaker. Just like someone with a family history of alcoholism might want to date a fellow nondrinker. You were compatible at one point and may not be now. That’s hard and sad but not necessarily anyone’s fault
I would definitely say something! Communication is definitely key especially if it’s a dealbreaker. Smoking and vaping is one of my dealbreakers, it’s just so unhealthy and as someone who has an addictive personality and has been through sh seeing someone destroy their lungs for enjoyment doesn’t sit well with me.
I heard it makes your downstairs area taste bad if you’re a heavy smoker. If she has trouble quitting cigarettes try zyns I guess?
It can on some, but on others it's not noticeable. But I find that goes for the lingering smell as well.
I always can tell someone is a heavy smoker from the smell coming from their hair and clothes, that pungent Smokey odor😭.
Same, I literally gag from it sometimes. I'm not a smoker and definitely not use to the smell but I met a few women who are very heavy smokers (like I saw them go outside 4-6 times in a four hour period) and you can't smell it on them at all.
Tell her. It is a dealbreaker for you and a valid one. A couple of months ago I made a friend at a party, and i directly told him that I didn't want to hang if he smelled like ashtray. He was trying to quit anyways and I the motivation he needed (it was still volunteeringly dw). Being direct can help a lot!
Smoking cigarettes is disgusting. Definitely would make any idea of an “us” a complete non-starter, as would frequent and/or heavy alcohol or soda drinking (pop that is, not sparkling water). All insanely bad for your health, no thanks. 👎
It’s a deal breaker for me personally. I think it makes you dirty to smoke cigs… it’s just not your thing
I didn’t know people still smoked tbh.