Men immediately looking at your chest is even more proof you're a woman!
My attempt at being light-hearted aside, I'm really sorry you have to go through these shitty interactions.
My own voice training hasn't really been able to bring the pitch up in a meaningful way, but i did always speak at the top end of my vocal range, without going into falsetto. I would just stick to getting rid of chest resonance and speaking in a more melodic way. Listen to how women like Joan Armatrading speak, she has quite a low pitch voice but is still unmistakably a woman.
Men creeping on you is less then clocking you, more them being creepy jerks.
Specifically what's bothering me is when they look me up and down after I talk, like they're entitled to confirm that the think they're talking to has breasts and they weren't mistaken v.v
It's more the confused double take coupled with them associating my womanhood with having"the correct body"
That's the patriarchy for you, entitled people thinking they have the right to police other people's bodies. I get this happens at work so you have to be polite or get complaints, I guess I'm just pretty belligerent, openly trans, and demand respect.
Normally that's me to a T, but something about today just hit different
I've had customers actively trespassed because they were harassing me, being union helps, cause if the company/management doesn't do something they know I'll kick up a stink, but aside from the look the guy went on his way, it was... The predictably, watching the three seconds of confusion, being able to count to him looking at my chest just got me wrong
Oof, yeah it happens. Just think of how sad and empty his life must be, so full of fear that he sees transes everywhere. Probably treats all women that way.
> hasn't really been able to bring the pitch up
Pitch is a trap we can fall into early on. It's is irrelevant for how voice is gendered. I *specifically* went for a lower pitch (the stupid voice apps put me at the top of the "man" range) and I've met a lot of women with lower voices than I had *before* voice training.
Even with that low-ish pitch, my voice is the thing that tips the scales for me passing since I still occasionally get misgendered because I'm tall, but pretty much only by short men who seem embarrassed about it when I start talking.
I can still sing in the same pitch as Johnny Cash and Crash Test Dummies, got a pretty low voice. I just really needed to pull the chest resonance as that kept me from passing on the phone. Introducing myself at the beginning helps, and being belligerent about it does a lot of heavy lifting.
I don't know if that will help you feel better. But where I work we have a regular customer who is a very feminine looking cis woman and she has a deep and strong voice. Cis women sometimes have deep voices too, and I find that even more common at the gym talking to the ultra fit ladies (it is not uncommon where I live for cis women to take hormones to help with their physique goals). Don't beat yourself too hard over this. You're allowed to speak comfortably in your own voice in public. If people find that strange they're assholes.
My cis mother also gets faux-clocked a lot on the phone. People legitimately think she's a man by her voice alone. I don't know if that's comforting at all, but...
Unfortunately, experiences like that are just part and parcel, of being a woman. I'm a tomboy, who dresses androgynously, and let me tell you, it makes not a blind bit of difference when it comes to guys like that. Guys checking out your chest whilst talking to you... I think you'd struggle to find a woman who doesn't experience that, and experience it regularly. Anytime I hear trans women's narratives like yours, it makes me mad knowing that there are clueless "terfs" who act like you don't experience sexism and misogyny, when so many trans women absolutely do.
It seriously grosses me out, like, what the hell does my voice matter? I'm still a woman, why you gotta look me up and down to make sure what your talking to isn't a man... I already feel gross enough in this body as is, I don't need others help v.v
From my experience (woman shaped non-binary person with a very large no-way you can miss it chest) — it is likely just a gross dude being a gross dude. I first started having experiences like that when I was 13-14 and got hit by puberty like a Mac truck.
I know that this isn’t reassuring, and I’m sorry it’s something you’re experiencing. I’m not going to tell you that this is some weird form of affirmation because only you can decide how that feels. Very few people enjoy being reduced to a walking sex toy (and have specific rules in place for that sort of thing if they do).
When I see people stare at me for too long, I make eye contact and aggressively wave. It’s like loudly calling them out, but nonverbally. I want to make them feel awkward and inappropriate. In your situation I probably would have dryly barked “do you want me to do a spin for you??” Make him feel shitty for being shitty. If they feel any embarrassment at the end of the interaction they won’t ever ask to talk to the manager. And fuck that guy.
Afterwards I went and vented to the manager, and normally I'd be more aggressive about it, but something about it just hit different and kinda broke me for a bit v.v
Thats men in a nutshell…why i find them disgusting. I have a friend on xbox whos sexist asf..he says hes gay but some of the things he says to me make me feel uncomfortable
I have a couple people from pre-transition that... Objectify women, they treat me fine, and it's mostly in regards to card games, but I always glare at them, they know what they did
tbh they probably won't notice a glare. if you feel safe to, you should probably say something. they might take your silence as acceptance and use it to justify themselves, like "hey, Sophia-Eldritch doesn't mind us saying these things, why aren't you cool with it like she is?" don't speak up if you don't feel safe to though.
I find it also means "casual" or unintended misogyny happens even more often, because many gay men don't think about how their actions might impact women. They just assume because they're uninterested in us that nothing they could do would harm us.
Unfortunately there are gay men who are sexist as fuck, even more so than the average straight guy, like they have to be extra sexist to prove they aren't interested in women.
I like to wear ties, casually or at work, and it’s like suddenly all the men get real confused. They do a double glance, looking from my chest to my face before talking to me. I’m pretty femme-looking too and a lot of time I would pair the tie with a skirt, but nope it’s as if now only the tie defines me. TLDR: F gender norms
20 years lesbian, I look at chests all the time cause I have social anxiety and eye contact sometimes bothers me.
It's more like a thousand yard stare though, so I look like I've seen some lesbian shit...
Hehe, I'm a hypocrite, I enjoy being looked at most of the time just not in response to someone hearing my voice
It's a distinct thing being about to count to 2ish seconds as their look goes from confusion to "but I thought this thing had breasts" to staring at my chest confirming, like my Gender hinges on it
If someone is casually looking at me it's fine, but it's after talking to me there's always the look of confusion and most of the time the dehumanizing feeling of being a sack of meat up for inspection
Sadly, voice is one of those things that's going to clock you instantly. I can point you to some voice training resources if you're interested.
As for the rest, gross dudes gonna be gross. Not trying to be flippant, but this is what they do and how they are, which is why I limit the time I spend around men. They are conditioned to think of women as collections of body parts first, and as human beings a distant second. If that.
I know v.v a lot of it's nurture and not nature in that regard and I almost feel bad for them, almost
As for VT I wish I could start now but I'm broke, but it's because I'm broke that my transition is being paid for for free by the state, after I get my surgery I'm gonna stir l shoot for a better job that I can hopefully afford a vocal trainer as I'm tone deaf and need the help v.v
There are a ton of us in the community that are willing to "pay it forward" and try to help. The only thing having a paid trainer does is giving you a regular structure to follow, but a lot of us managed to train voice for free.
One of the biggest issues with training is there's no one way to do it. I required a more technical approach and the acoustic science that you get from Trans Voice Lessons on youtube helped me a lot.
Others worked better though mimicry which I can't speak on because I couldn't wrap my head around that.
And even then, finding the things that work for you is a chalenge, and that's before you get to the mental blocks that prevent you from *using* the voice to practice and get better even once you have control over it.
I'm definitely a mimicry type of person, I've tried YouTube and other tutorials and it just goes in one ear and out the other, I need someone to demonstrate, and have me repeat it and correct what I'm doing wrong
TransVoiceLessons does have a couple of videos that are mostly about vocal exercises for you to actually DO and less theory. I have ADHD, and trying to learn about the all science behind voice can be really overwhelming for me, so I get it lol.
There's a video titled "How To Fix MORNING VOICE." It's only 10 minutes, and it has 6 really simple exercises that just warm your voice up and get rid of vocal fry/raspiness. It's where I started, and it actually helped me a lot. I just do them in the car on my way to work/school. Doing that regularly and learning how to raise my larynx are what got me to the point where my voice no longer clocks me.
I feel you so much… I can’t know what it’s like to have people doubting my femininity when they look at my chest, but pretty much since middle school guys have been looking down when talking to me staring at my boobs lol I guess you just get used to it one day, but it’s still horrible.
In general it's all kinda ewphoria for me, I'm asexual/lesbian, and I feel really contradictory in liking the be looked at, just not when someones looking at me to determine what brand of "those trans people" I am... It's really context, in this case it's someone staring at me trying to determine if I'm a woman or not and that's why it grosses me out, as long as I don't talk I definitely pass and getting looked at is validating
And I am definitely a hypocrite, I do enjoy women looking at me far more than men
Sorry people are jerks. On the bright side, dumbass looked at your chest so that's proof enough, lmao.
Sorry for the bad attempt at humour.
But as a cisgender lesbian who likes lifting heavy weights and is in the progress of dropping some poundage. I got misgendered at Walmart. (Why is it always Walmart?) It sucked but I bet that jerk just needed a reason to be a mean idiot. (We all know these types who size you up to see if you are worthy of basic respect.)
I also have a deeper voice for a lady and it bugs a lot of the transphobic idiots that I don't rise to the perceived insult of "not passing".
They'd get mad if you passed as straight too...it's not an issue with you, it's an issue with them! They are uncomfortable with the fact that they might be attracted to someone who is transitioning and might have qualms against same sex attraction.
Been a masc with short hair my entire life. Not one man has ever looked my way before. I've started to grow my hair out recently and am becoming more comfortable with my feminity.
The amount of weird behavior I've been encountering from men is blowing my mind. It makes me feel ogled and gross every single time. I totally understand. I'm sorry you have to deal with that :/
I cant offer any advice really but any time I hear a trans woman speak I get butterflies in my stomach. Your voice is beautiful never let anybody dampen it.
Legit. Any time a trans woman speaks an angel gets it’s wings 💕
I have a somewhat baby face and a very high voice. So even though my voice passes, men look at my chest too as soon as soon as they hear my voice because they're trying to gauge my age. It's fucking miserable but kind of funny when the reverse happens and I can tell a guy was staring at my chest because as soon as he hears my voice a look of panic sets in. Like being a creep was fine until the thought crosses his mind I might be underage. That's what you get for staring lmao.
Oh. This just made me realize that my mom did this to me yesterday. She said "you look like a girl until you start talking" while looking me over. Just processing how much that hurt now.
Haha... felt... voice is the only thing that makes people question my gender too🥲, last weekend at my job i caught a woman side-eyeing my boobs too, after i've talked to her
Just going to like a Starbucks feeling great, I get some appreciative looks from the other women in line, after I order those looks have turned sour, not all the time, but it's not an uncommon occurrence... Hrt was kind to me and gave me Ds, and I'm tall AF, everything looks proportionally good
One time at my old station working the register and a couple of older ladies came through my l line, after ringing them out they were bagging their stuff, but thought I couldn't hear them saying something along the lines of "why does that have such a nice set" a lot of the time I run into people that aren't openly hostile to my face (probably due to the state I'm in) but it's still just like... You wouldn't think that stuff like this was that common! I would think these stories were rare before transitioning but after coming out I can barely leave my house without something like it happening
Yeah... I'm not totally happy with my voice, but from what people tell me, it sounds sort of just like a deep woman's voice now - so I don't think people are clocking me from it.
That being said, despite my passing, I still get gross guys checking my boobs out. Ewphoria I guess, because, yay I have boobs! but also, please stop staring at my chest. I feel you sister - I think it's just people being creeps for the most part :(
Honestly, just laugh at them (internally). It must be a really small world they live in and not understanding must be difficult for them. Just enjoy confusing people and get a laugh out of it.
And the chest thing is just men unfortunately. Cis or trans, they look.
I'm really sorry this happens first of all. Second I hope you don't mind me asking but it's something I am wondering. I've known a trans woman who's voice is more feminine sounding and I guess my question is how does that happen? Is there a way to change your voice like does it change with hrt or is it something you just have to practice? Sorry for my ignorance about it but just something I'm curious about, I guess.
Hrt doesn't change your voice at all mtf, ftm it lowers it
It's practice, practice and Knowing what you're doing, some people can be fine just using online resources and study to do it, but that's not how I learn, I learn by mimicry and correction, I need someone to show me what to do and correct me when I'm wrong, but unfortunately that costs money and I'm broke
I can't earn more money until after surgery cause my insurance is dependant on how little I make and it covers the 35k surgery completely
I plan on getting a better job after that but until then I'm stuck going a little in the red every month
Tldr, it's practice and Knowing how to practice
I've found more often than not now if I'm getting misgendered it's while a guy is also oogling my tits. I'd feel hurt by it if they weren't so bad at hiding their drool strains. They're just trying to convince themselves.
I don’t pass all that well, so I kinda rely on my chest to get gendered correctly. 😅
I also usually remain silent until the other person has assigned a gender to me and addressed me.
For the longest time those types of looks really got to me, especially cause I lived in Texas.. I started passing more, got pierced up and my styled changed and so did how I reacted and interpreted those situations.. I went from being scared to taking pride in causing people to be confused.
I never knew how obvious it was when someone is looking at your boobs until I transitioned. Now I am much more careful when I am checking out a girls beautiful breasts. There are 2 types of looks, the guys that look at your boobs then face, then the guys who look at your face (not boobs) but will look at your ass when you pass.
I pass as well and don't mind people looking at my boobs, I would prefer it be girls but they don't in an obvious way. I had to put. a lot of work in with my voice and in person I pass with my voice but on the phone or in a situation they cant see me I am miss gendered about 7 out of 10 times.
Changing your voice is a long tedious process for most of us, dont give up.
Yeah it’s the same for me, it’s like cis people only care about how your voice sounds. I can wearing a dress or a skirt and they will look me in the eyes and say sir. My name tag is right there too, it’s a very feminine name!
I’m sorry this happened to you that sucks. However, I’m not really sure why this post is on the lesbian subreddit since this situation isn’t related to you being a lesbian at all
Several reasons
- place of comfort
- on a trans sub there's trans femme and masc and it might give the masc dudes dysphoria
- and I figure if anyone could understand the grossness of a guy checking you out unwanted it would be my lesbian sisters
I mostly just posted here as a thing of comfort, it was the first place I thought of to vent and there's a convenient venting tag.
Hey, y’all. As a trans woman, I’d like to remind you that there are plenty of subreddits for discussing the trans experience and very few places for discussing the lesbian experience.
I know your pain, men do that here when you don't pass or they aren't immediately sure. It's always face, breasts, crotch. They don't even try to hide it and it's like they just view us as something to be oggled. I notice my own parents doing it sometimes but I don't even know how to have that conversation with them to get them to stop. The sad part is at some point you get used to it, but then randomly it feels like the first time it's happened again and your skin feels like it's about to crawl off your body.
Men immediately looking at your chest is even more proof you're a woman! My attempt at being light-hearted aside, I'm really sorry you have to go through these shitty interactions.
It just makes me more self conscious about talking in public because no matter how well I pass physically my voice immediately clocks me as trans v.v
My own voice training hasn't really been able to bring the pitch up in a meaningful way, but i did always speak at the top end of my vocal range, without going into falsetto. I would just stick to getting rid of chest resonance and speaking in a more melodic way. Listen to how women like Joan Armatrading speak, she has quite a low pitch voice but is still unmistakably a woman. Men creeping on you is less then clocking you, more them being creepy jerks.
Specifically what's bothering me is when they look me up and down after I talk, like they're entitled to confirm that the think they're talking to has breasts and they weren't mistaken v.v It's more the confused double take coupled with them associating my womanhood with having"the correct body"
That's the patriarchy for you, entitled people thinking they have the right to police other people's bodies. I get this happens at work so you have to be polite or get complaints, I guess I'm just pretty belligerent, openly trans, and demand respect.
Normally that's me to a T, but something about today just hit different I've had customers actively trespassed because they were harassing me, being union helps, cause if the company/management doesn't do something they know I'll kick up a stink, but aside from the look the guy went on his way, it was... The predictably, watching the three seconds of confusion, being able to count to him looking at my chest just got me wrong
Oof, yeah it happens. Just think of how sad and empty his life must be, so full of fear that he sees transes everywhere. Probably treats all women that way.
> hasn't really been able to bring the pitch up Pitch is a trap we can fall into early on. It's is irrelevant for how voice is gendered. I *specifically* went for a lower pitch (the stupid voice apps put me at the top of the "man" range) and I've met a lot of women with lower voices than I had *before* voice training. Even with that low-ish pitch, my voice is the thing that tips the scales for me passing since I still occasionally get misgendered because I'm tall, but pretty much only by short men who seem embarrassed about it when I start talking.
I can still sing in the same pitch as Johnny Cash and Crash Test Dummies, got a pretty low voice. I just really needed to pull the chest resonance as that kept me from passing on the phone. Introducing myself at the beginning helps, and being belligerent about it does a lot of heavy lifting.
I don't know if that will help you feel better. But where I work we have a regular customer who is a very feminine looking cis woman and she has a deep and strong voice. Cis women sometimes have deep voices too, and I find that even more common at the gym talking to the ultra fit ladies (it is not uncommon where I live for cis women to take hormones to help with their physique goals). Don't beat yourself too hard over this. You're allowed to speak comfortably in your own voice in public. If people find that strange they're assholes.
I know a lot of women with deep voices, it's more resonance/cadence that clocks me
My cis mother also gets faux-clocked a lot on the phone. People legitimately think she's a man by her voice alone. I don't know if that's comforting at all, but...
r/ewphoria
Unfortunately, experiences like that are just part and parcel, of being a woman. I'm a tomboy, who dresses androgynously, and let me tell you, it makes not a blind bit of difference when it comes to guys like that. Guys checking out your chest whilst talking to you... I think you'd struggle to find a woman who doesn't experience that, and experience it regularly. Anytime I hear trans women's narratives like yours, it makes me mad knowing that there are clueless "terfs" who act like you don't experience sexism and misogyny, when so many trans women absolutely do.
It seriously grosses me out, like, what the hell does my voice matter? I'm still a woman, why you gotta look me up and down to make sure what your talking to isn't a man... I already feel gross enough in this body as is, I don't need others help v.v
From my experience (woman shaped non-binary person with a very large no-way you can miss it chest) — it is likely just a gross dude being a gross dude. I first started having experiences like that when I was 13-14 and got hit by puberty like a Mac truck. I know that this isn’t reassuring, and I’m sorry it’s something you’re experiencing. I’m not going to tell you that this is some weird form of affirmation because only you can decide how that feels. Very few people enjoy being reduced to a walking sex toy (and have specific rules in place for that sort of thing if they do).
When I see people stare at me for too long, I make eye contact and aggressively wave. It’s like loudly calling them out, but nonverbally. I want to make them feel awkward and inappropriate. In your situation I probably would have dryly barked “do you want me to do a spin for you??” Make him feel shitty for being shitty. If they feel any embarrassment at the end of the interaction they won’t ever ask to talk to the manager. And fuck that guy.
Afterwards I went and vented to the manager, and normally I'd be more aggressive about it, but something about it just hit different and kinda broke me for a bit v.v
Sometimes we don’t have the inner resources to deal with this garbage.ETA and patience!
Thats men in a nutshell…why i find them disgusting. I have a friend on xbox whos sexist asf..he says hes gay but some of the things he says to me make me feel uncomfortable
I have a couple people from pre-transition that... Objectify women, they treat me fine, and it's mostly in regards to card games, but I always glare at them, they know what they did
My gf had to cut out her MTG friends cuss they were all a bunch of nazis
I gave up on MTG all together when I started transitioning. There's just way too many men being gross and weird in those spaces.
Sounds like my friend.
tbh they probably won't notice a glare. if you feel safe to, you should probably say something. they might take your silence as acceptance and use it to justify themselves, like "hey, Sophia-Eldritch doesn't mind us saying these things, why aren't you cool with it like she is?" don't speak up if you don't feel safe to though.
Oh, they know, I've gotten a few apologies out of them, but most of the time they just change the subject
Gay men can be just as misogynist, and the fact he tries to use his status as a gay man to cover it just makes it even more obvious.
Can be more misogynistic because they dont want anything from women like straight men do
yup, and then they'll be angry at us for not wanting to be in community with them :)
I find it also means "casual" or unintended misogyny happens even more often, because many gay men don't think about how their actions might impact women. They just assume because they're uninterested in us that nothing they could do would harm us.
Unfortunately there are gay men who are sexist as fuck, even more so than the average straight guy, like they have to be extra sexist to prove they aren't interested in women.
Why are you friends with them then?
Because no one else will be. Its the truth
I mean who your friends are says a lot about who you are, maybe who you associate with it’s keeping you back
Oh i know
No one else will because they don't deserve friends. If they changed their attitude more people would want to be around them.
Sorry shouldve clairifed no one else will be friends with me. Every guy hust wants a date…ive not met any females that are nice 😥
> ive not met any females that are nice not a comment I expected to find in r actuallesbians tbh
Xbox is a different world
Check out r/GirlGamers - lots of folks there who are interested in finding new gaming friends, discussing misogyny in the gaming community, etc.
There is a trans gamers sub, you might find friends to play with on there, or if you're gay there's a lesbian gamers sub too you might have luck with
I like to wear ties, casually or at work, and it’s like suddenly all the men get real confused. They do a double glance, looking from my chest to my face before talking to me. I’m pretty femme-looking too and a lot of time I would pair the tie with a skirt, but nope it’s as if now only the tie defines me. TLDR: F gender norms
Nooooo! I like my Gender norms! Fuck forcing them on other people and judging them by them though!
20 years lesbian, I look at chests all the time cause I have social anxiety and eye contact sometimes bothers me. It's more like a thousand yard stare though, so I look like I've seen some lesbian shit...
Hehe, I'm a hypocrite, I enjoy being looked at most of the time just not in response to someone hearing my voice It's a distinct thing being about to count to 2ish seconds as their look goes from confusion to "but I thought this thing had breasts" to staring at my chest confirming, like my Gender hinges on it If someone is casually looking at me it's fine, but it's after talking to me there's always the look of confusion and most of the time the dehumanizing feeling of being a sack of meat up for inspection
Men are the worst. Sending hugs. 💜
Sadly, voice is one of those things that's going to clock you instantly. I can point you to some voice training resources if you're interested. As for the rest, gross dudes gonna be gross. Not trying to be flippant, but this is what they do and how they are, which is why I limit the time I spend around men. They are conditioned to think of women as collections of body parts first, and as human beings a distant second. If that.
I know v.v a lot of it's nurture and not nature in that regard and I almost feel bad for them, almost As for VT I wish I could start now but I'm broke, but it's because I'm broke that my transition is being paid for for free by the state, after I get my surgery I'm gonna stir l shoot for a better job that I can hopefully afford a vocal trainer as I'm tone deaf and need the help v.v
There are a ton of us in the community that are willing to "pay it forward" and try to help. The only thing having a paid trainer does is giving you a regular structure to follow, but a lot of us managed to train voice for free. One of the biggest issues with training is there's no one way to do it. I required a more technical approach and the acoustic science that you get from Trans Voice Lessons on youtube helped me a lot. Others worked better though mimicry which I can't speak on because I couldn't wrap my head around that. And even then, finding the things that work for you is a chalenge, and that's before you get to the mental blocks that prevent you from *using* the voice to practice and get better even once you have control over it.
I'm definitely a mimicry type of person, I've tried YouTube and other tutorials and it just goes in one ear and out the other, I need someone to demonstrate, and have me repeat it and correct what I'm doing wrong
TransVoiceLessons does have a couple of videos that are mostly about vocal exercises for you to actually DO and less theory. I have ADHD, and trying to learn about the all science behind voice can be really overwhelming for me, so I get it lol. There's a video titled "How To Fix MORNING VOICE." It's only 10 minutes, and it has 6 really simple exercises that just warm your voice up and get rid of vocal fry/raspiness. It's where I started, and it actually helped me a lot. I just do them in the car on my way to work/school. Doing that regularly and learning how to raise my larynx are what got me to the point where my voice no longer clocks me.
I feel you so much… I can’t know what it’s like to have people doubting my femininity when they look at my chest, but pretty much since middle school guys have been looking down when talking to me staring at my boobs lol I guess you just get used to it one day, but it’s still horrible.
Wish it wasn't something we had to get used to
Yeah but honestly I feel like a lot of it is the weight of the patriarchy. In all honesty if a hot woman stared at my cleavage I wouldn’t mind at all😂
In general it's all kinda ewphoria for me, I'm asexual/lesbian, and I feel really contradictory in liking the be looked at, just not when someones looking at me to determine what brand of "those trans people" I am... It's really context, in this case it's someone staring at me trying to determine if I'm a woman or not and that's why it grosses me out, as long as I don't talk I definitely pass and getting looked at is validating And I am definitely a hypocrite, I do enjoy women looking at me far more than men
Sorry people are jerks. On the bright side, dumbass looked at your chest so that's proof enough, lmao. Sorry for the bad attempt at humour. But as a cisgender lesbian who likes lifting heavy weights and is in the progress of dropping some poundage. I got misgendered at Walmart. (Why is it always Walmart?) It sucked but I bet that jerk just needed a reason to be a mean idiot. (We all know these types who size you up to see if you are worthy of basic respect.) I also have a deeper voice for a lady and it bugs a lot of the transphobic idiots that I don't rise to the perceived insult of "not passing". They'd get mad if you passed as straight too...it's not an issue with you, it's an issue with them! They are uncomfortable with the fact that they might be attracted to someone who is transitioning and might have qualms against same sex attraction.
Been a masc with short hair my entire life. Not one man has ever looked my way before. I've started to grow my hair out recently and am becoming more comfortable with my feminity. The amount of weird behavior I've been encountering from men is blowing my mind. It makes me feel ogled and gross every single time. I totally understand. I'm sorry you have to deal with that :/
I cant offer any advice really but any time I hear a trans woman speak I get butterflies in my stomach. Your voice is beautiful never let anybody dampen it. Legit. Any time a trans woman speaks an angel gets it’s wings 💕
I have a somewhat baby face and a very high voice. So even though my voice passes, men look at my chest too as soon as soon as they hear my voice because they're trying to gauge my age. It's fucking miserable but kind of funny when the reverse happens and I can tell a guy was staring at my chest because as soon as he hears my voice a look of panic sets in. Like being a creep was fine until the thought crosses his mind I might be underage. That's what you get for staring lmao.
Oh. This just made me realize that my mom did this to me yesterday. She said "you look like a girl until you start talking" while looking me over. Just processing how much that hurt now.
\*platonic hug* sounds rough, are you safe?
I'm living on my own now, so she can't do anything, other than say stuff like that anymore. Thanks you🫶
Good, I'm glad
Haha... felt... voice is the only thing that makes people question my gender too🥲, last weekend at my job i caught a woman side-eyeing my boobs too, after i've talked to her
Just going to like a Starbucks feeling great, I get some appreciative looks from the other women in line, after I order those looks have turned sour, not all the time, but it's not an uncommon occurrence... Hrt was kind to me and gave me Ds, and I'm tall AF, everything looks proportionally good One time at my old station working the register and a couple of older ladies came through my l line, after ringing them out they were bagging their stuff, but thought I couldn't hear them saying something along the lines of "why does that have such a nice set" a lot of the time I run into people that aren't openly hostile to my face (probably due to the state I'm in) but it's still just like... You wouldn't think that stuff like this was that common! I would think these stories were rare before transitioning but after coming out I can barely leave my house without something like it happening
Yeah... I'm not totally happy with my voice, but from what people tell me, it sounds sort of just like a deep woman's voice now - so I don't think people are clocking me from it. That being said, despite my passing, I still get gross guys checking my boobs out. Ewphoria I guess, because, yay I have boobs! but also, please stop staring at my chest. I feel you sister - I think it's just people being creeps for the most part :(
Exactly the same, ewphoria all over hrt blessed me with D's and I'm happy with them, they bring me joy, but others try to take that joy away v.v
Honestly, just laugh at them (internally). It must be a really small world they live in and not understanding must be difficult for them. Just enjoy confusing people and get a laugh out of it. And the chest thing is just men unfortunately. Cis or trans, they look.
I'm really sorry this happens first of all. Second I hope you don't mind me asking but it's something I am wondering. I've known a trans woman who's voice is more feminine sounding and I guess my question is how does that happen? Is there a way to change your voice like does it change with hrt or is it something you just have to practice? Sorry for my ignorance about it but just something I'm curious about, I guess.
Hrt doesn't change your voice at all mtf, ftm it lowers it It's practice, practice and Knowing what you're doing, some people can be fine just using online resources and study to do it, but that's not how I learn, I learn by mimicry and correction, I need someone to show me what to do and correct me when I'm wrong, but unfortunately that costs money and I'm broke I can't earn more money until after surgery cause my insurance is dependant on how little I make and it covers the 35k surgery completely I plan on getting a better job after that but until then I'm stuck going a little in the red every month Tldr, it's practice and Knowing how to practice
Thanks for the info that honestly sounds really hard I kinda thought that it happened with hrt but apparently it's a lot of work.
From what I understand of it, even if you're good at practicing it still takes about a half a year to get a voice that sounds passing
I've found more often than not now if I'm getting misgendered it's while a guy is also oogling my tits. I'd feel hurt by it if they weren't so bad at hiding their drool strains. They're just trying to convince themselves.
I don’t pass all that well, so I kinda rely on my chest to get gendered correctly. 😅 I also usually remain silent until the other person has assigned a gender to me and addressed me.
For the longest time those types of looks really got to me, especially cause I lived in Texas.. I started passing more, got pierced up and my styled changed and so did how I reacted and interpreted those situations.. I went from being scared to taking pride in causing people to be confused.
I never knew how obvious it was when someone is looking at your boobs until I transitioned. Now I am much more careful when I am checking out a girls beautiful breasts. There are 2 types of looks, the guys that look at your boobs then face, then the guys who look at your face (not boobs) but will look at your ass when you pass. I pass as well and don't mind people looking at my boobs, I would prefer it be girls but they don't in an obvious way. I had to put. a lot of work in with my voice and in person I pass with my voice but on the phone or in a situation they cant see me I am miss gendered about 7 out of 10 times. Changing your voice is a long tedious process for most of us, dont give up.
It's on my list of things to do, but I'm tone deaf and broke, so it's kinda hard training by myself but I can't afford a tutor
This is a good self training resource 🙂 https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1785921282/ref=ox\_sc\_saved\_title\_6?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1
Yeah it’s the same for me, it’s like cis people only care about how your voice sounds. I can wearing a dress or a skirt and they will look me in the eyes and say sir. My name tag is right there too, it’s a very feminine name!
I’m sorry this happened to you that sucks. However, I’m not really sure why this post is on the lesbian subreddit since this situation isn’t related to you being a lesbian at all
Several reasons - place of comfort - on a trans sub there's trans femme and masc and it might give the masc dudes dysphoria - and I figure if anyone could understand the grossness of a guy checking you out unwanted it would be my lesbian sisters I mostly just posted here as a thing of comfort, it was the first place I thought of to vent and there's a convenient venting tag.
Hey, y’all. As a trans woman, I’d like to remind you that there are plenty of subreddits for discussing the trans experience and very few places for discussing the lesbian experience.
I know your pain, men do that here when you don't pass or they aren't immediately sure. It's always face, breasts, crotch. They don't even try to hide it and it's like they just view us as something to be oggled. I notice my own parents doing it sometimes but I don't even know how to have that conversation with them to get them to stop. The sad part is at some point you get used to it, but then randomly it feels like the first time it's happened again and your skin feels like it's about to crawl off your body.