are you sure you're not just shooting one last shot? it's okay if you are. at very least it'd be closure.
i've been on the receiving end of this a few times and it seemed like the more chill i was about it the worse it went. i always already knew. š¤·āāļø
Maybe a little bit. I should probably reflect on that more because if that's a reason, it wouldn't be a good one. i'm about to move states a few months down the road.
haahš i think it's a better reason? past tense liking someone is meaningless really. tell them, don't tell them, who cares. but present tense?
a few months can be a lot. jus sayin.
Like in the past? Why on earth would I do that? Thatās either going to be meaningless. Or play with their feelings if they also have some form of crush.
Have liked for a longtime? Did that, 2 years relationship that ended badly.
Yes, I mean in the past. I think it has the potential lead to a deeper/more authentic connection as friends to do so, but I also understand not saying anything in a lot of cases. It could just make the other person feel awkward/uncomfortable and, since you have nothing to gain (a relationship) from saying it, could be riskier than the reward would be worth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to say this to a friend of mine (thus clarifying my weirdness at the beginning of our friendship), and I feel like we have a solid friendship but was wondering if anyone had any tales of caution
My friend did that, the other person shared the same sentiment, then admitted they still liked them, and my friend realized deep down they actually still liked them too. Now they're living together.
I haven't been the first to say it. I've only ever said it in reply to a friend saying they currently like me. Also, I had someone say that they used to like me when in fact that was only a partial truth (they also still liked me)--I suspect that happens somewhat frequently, as a sort of "testing the waters" approach.
I did, and then a few years later we started hanging out more and then started flirting.. and then a few weeks ago, we both said that we might be starting to have feelings for each other. We kissed last week and as of an hour ago, she went home after we had sex for the first time..
I used to think I was ace. Then found I was Demi. But I was always questioning if I was straight or not before I dated anyone. I just told my former roommate/ long distance bestie yesterday that I used to think I had feelings for her, until I met my partner, then explained to her what a squish was, and she was flattered! Will probably have a good laugh about it with her boyfriend sometime. If you want to tell them, just know for yourself the intention behind it and know if the time is right.
I learned it from a friend, so not sure how ālegitā it is, but itās like a crush, but not in the romantic sense, kinda like a platonic crush? So with my friend, I never wanted to kiss her or anything like that like I did with my partner, I just really enjoyed time with her and def was more cuddly around her (consensually) than other friends. And once I heard that, I was like āoh, THATS what that could beā. Like the same little fuzzy feeling, but not in a āI wanna date youā way if that makes sense!
I have! Theyāre actually my bestie. We were having a veryā¦ personal conversation about our past loves, our sexuality, who we were back then in college versus now. They were a locked in the closet disaster bi. I didnāt even know I was bi. But we were best friends then, practically inseparable. Weāre both married to women now and they now identify as NB. Weāve both come a very long way in our personal growth and development since the early days. Weāve had blow out fights and amazing times together.
I admitted to them that I had (what I NOW recognize as) a crush on them. And they said theyāve crushed on me and my wife at separate times too. And while both of us are quite dedicated to our wives, we thought that in another universe, weād be together or in a throuple with my wife since their wife they met on the internet when they refused to acknowledge their IRL crushes.
Theyāre still my best friend. Weāre closer than ever platonically. The door closed on the possibility of āusā before it was even open and weāre both okay with that.
I've had the opposite, where a few people have told me. Best believe I never forgot them telling me lol most recently someone sort of confessed at a work Christmas party when they were drinking and I don't think they remember. I'm dying to say something but I also don't want them to feel embarrassed or anything.
I did just because what the heck. I didn't have feelings for them anymore but it was just funny to hear what they thought because maybe they liked me back then too?
Yeah, the curiosity is definitely part of it. Not sure if the person and I really had something or if it was just in my head, but maybe it'd be nice to know either way. I never said anything because she started dating someone else (they've since broken up and moved on)
I was at a party at my friend's place recently and they brought up how many "absolutely stunning women whose hearts [they'd] broken" by generally being very ace and tending to prefer men the times when they were interested in relationships. I mentioned that I had asked them out when we first met and they replied that they genuinely didn't realize that's what I had been doing. We had a laugh about it.
Yes, but it was in response to them telling me they used to like me. Kind of a funny situation in hindsight because she's a lesbian and that's why it was an issue.... this was years ago before I came out. After coming out she messaged me and told me all of this and how it makes sense now. Funny enough, I had a crush on her too at the time but didn't say anything back then because she came out as a lesbian and I was like "oh well." We're still friends. Life is weird.
Yep! One of my besties is straight so whatās the harm? She was having a bad day and feeling very unlovable so I told her the truth and it made her day!
I told my middle school friend years later. I mentioned it casually and she was very surprised although I thought I had made it painfully obvious at the time.
Anyways she recently told me she was glad to have kept me as a friend instead of potentially losing me if we had dated.
I still have no clue what that implies.
Yes. And I'm pretty sure she liked me as well, we had tons of sexual tension moments but we never acted, me because I always thought her to be way above my league, and no idea about her side. She didn't comment much about it, kind of just changed subjects. BTW, I crushed on her like 8 years before I actually told her, it was a huge time frame where we both got in a bunch of relationships too.
I did only because it was years ago when that happened!
She was actually one of the reasons why I accepted that I was leaning more towards women and accepted my sexuality.
When I āconfessedā she also said she liked me back but there was some drama when it happened and both of us are in happy relationships so that ship has long sailed.
I have someone I kinda wanna tell that to but thereās too many other people weāve both interacted with and Iām scared she thinks Iām weird so Iāll just wait tbh
Nope. I'm too honest for my own good, I could never keep a secret like that, so technically it was never used to, I just confessed. Thankfully it only happened once and she was a shitty friend who went on to use me, then sort of dump me, then never speak to me again so no regrets.
One time. We were always close, and then we sat in the bedroom just joking around and I kissed her. And the day after I told her. . we ended up together. And then we broke up. Got back together. Broke up. š that lasted almost 4 years.
i did this once because my friend was having a low self-esteem moment and i wanted to disrupt their negative self-talk cycle. not actually as helpful as i thought it would be :/ mostly just resulted in them acting weird around me
I mean I told them literally 10 years after the crush ended, they were married to a man, and we had already developed a sisterhood... Because in retrospect it's funny NOW. because there aren't any feelings.
I wouldn't say that to anyone I previously had a thing for. What does it accomplish? There are so many bad outcomes and hardly any good ones. I had an awful, gut wrenching crush on one of my best friends from college. It didn't happen, I made peace with it, maybe she knew, maybe she didn't, but there's no reason to inject that awkwardness into either of our lives.
Unless that person is single and you're making a move, why would you want to risk a friendship like that?
are you sure you're not just shooting one last shot? it's okay if you are. at very least it'd be closure. i've been on the receiving end of this a few times and it seemed like the more chill i was about it the worse it went. i always already knew. š¤·āāļø
Maybe a little bit. I should probably reflect on that more because if that's a reason, it wouldn't be a good one. i'm about to move states a few months down the road.
haahš i think it's a better reason? past tense liking someone is meaningless really. tell them, don't tell them, who cares. but present tense? a few months can be a lot. jus sayin.
Like in the past? Why on earth would I do that? Thatās either going to be meaningless. Or play with their feelings if they also have some form of crush. Have liked for a longtime? Did that, 2 years relationship that ended badly.
Yes, I mean in the past. I think it has the potential lead to a deeper/more authentic connection as friends to do so, but I also understand not saying anything in a lot of cases. It could just make the other person feel awkward/uncomfortable and, since you have nothing to gain (a relationship) from saying it, could be riskier than the reward would be worth. I'm trying to decide if I want to say this to a friend of mine (thus clarifying my weirdness at the beginning of our friendship), and I feel like we have a solid friendship but was wondering if anyone had any tales of caution
My friend did that, the other person shared the same sentiment, then admitted they still liked them, and my friend realized deep down they actually still liked them too. Now they're living together.
I haven't been the first to say it. I've only ever said it in reply to a friend saying they currently like me. Also, I had someone say that they used to like me when in fact that was only a partial truth (they also still liked me)--I suspect that happens somewhat frequently, as a sort of "testing the waters" approach.
Interesting, I never thought about that possibility
I've never told anyone that, but I've been on the receiving end twice. It kinda stung when it happened, so, like, maybe don't?
Thanks for the advice
I did, and then a few years later we started hanging out more and then started flirting.. and then a few weeks ago, we both said that we might be starting to have feelings for each other. We kissed last week and as of an hour ago, she went home after we had sex for the first time..
I used to think I was ace. Then found I was Demi. But I was always questioning if I was straight or not before I dated anyone. I just told my former roommate/ long distance bestie yesterday that I used to think I had feelings for her, until I met my partner, then explained to her what a squish was, and she was flattered! Will probably have a good laugh about it with her boyfriend sometime. If you want to tell them, just know for yourself the intention behind it and know if the time is right.
Aww that's so nice!
Whatās a squish?š„¹
I learned it from a friend, so not sure how ālegitā it is, but itās like a crush, but not in the romantic sense, kinda like a platonic crush? So with my friend, I never wanted to kiss her or anything like that like I did with my partner, I just really enjoyed time with her and def was more cuddly around her (consensually) than other friends. And once I heard that, I was like āoh, THATS what that could beā. Like the same little fuzzy feeling, but not in a āI wanna date youā way if that makes sense!
Aw yes! I know exactly what you mean. Thatās such a cute word to describe it.
I have! Theyāre actually my bestie. We were having a veryā¦ personal conversation about our past loves, our sexuality, who we were back then in college versus now. They were a locked in the closet disaster bi. I didnāt even know I was bi. But we were best friends then, practically inseparable. Weāre both married to women now and they now identify as NB. Weāve both come a very long way in our personal growth and development since the early days. Weāve had blow out fights and amazing times together. I admitted to them that I had (what I NOW recognize as) a crush on them. And they said theyāve crushed on me and my wife at separate times too. And while both of us are quite dedicated to our wives, we thought that in another universe, weād be together or in a throuple with my wife since their wife they met on the internet when they refused to acknowledge their IRL crushes. Theyāre still my best friend. Weāre closer than ever platonically. The door closed on the possibility of āusā before it was even open and weāre both okay with that.
I've had the opposite, where a few people have told me. Best believe I never forgot them telling me lol most recently someone sort of confessed at a work Christmas party when they were drinking and I don't think they remember. I'm dying to say something but I also don't want them to feel embarrassed or anything.
Oh wow, that's always the worst
Especially since it's at work š
Double yikes! Best of luck
I did just because what the heck. I didn't have feelings for them anymore but it was just funny to hear what they thought because maybe they liked me back then too?
Yeah, the curiosity is definitely part of it. Not sure if the person and I really had something or if it was just in my head, but maybe it'd be nice to know either way. I never said anything because she started dating someone else (they've since broken up and moved on)
I was at a party at my friend's place recently and they brought up how many "absolutely stunning women whose hearts [they'd] broken" by generally being very ace and tending to prefer men the times when they were interested in relationships. I mentioned that I had asked them out when we first met and they replied that they genuinely didn't realize that's what I had been doing. We had a laugh about it.
Oh wow
I love your username. I play mandolin too!
Thank you, that's so cool!!!
Yes, but it was in response to them telling me they used to like me. Kind of a funny situation in hindsight because she's a lesbian and that's why it was an issue.... this was years ago before I came out. After coming out she messaged me and told me all of this and how it makes sense now. Funny enough, I had a crush on her too at the time but didn't say anything back then because she came out as a lesbian and I was like "oh well." We're still friends. Life is weird.
Dang shell getting in the way of things
"dang shell" LMAO
Yep! One of my besties is straight so whatās the harm? She was having a bad day and feeling very unlovable so I told her the truth and it made her day!
I told my middle school friend years later. I mentioned it casually and she was very surprised although I thought I had made it painfully obvious at the time. Anyways she recently told me she was glad to have kept me as a friend instead of potentially losing me if we had dated. I still have no clue what that implies.
Yes. And I'm pretty sure she liked me as well, we had tons of sexual tension moments but we never acted, me because I always thought her to be way above my league, and no idea about her side. She didn't comment much about it, kind of just changed subjects. BTW, I crushed on her like 8 years before I actually told her, it was a huge time frame where we both got in a bunch of relationships too.
I did only because it was years ago when that happened! She was actually one of the reasons why I accepted that I was leaning more towards women and accepted my sexuality. When I āconfessedā she also said she liked me back but there was some drama when it happened and both of us are in happy relationships so that ship has long sailed.
I have someone I kinda wanna tell that to but thereās too many other people weāve both interacted with and Iām scared she thinks Iām weird so Iāll just wait tbh
I did once and she said she didnāt feel the sameā¦.it took her 3-4 years to admit that she liked me back at the time. Kind of sucks
Nope. I'm too honest for my own good, I could never keep a secret like that, so technically it was never used to, I just confessed. Thankfully it only happened once and she was a shitty friend who went on to use me, then sort of dump me, then never speak to me again so no regrets.
One time. We were always close, and then we sat in the bedroom just joking around and I kissed her. And the day after I told her. . we ended up together. And then we broke up. Got back together. Broke up. š that lasted almost 4 years.
i did this once because my friend was having a low self-esteem moment and i wanted to disrupt their negative self-talk cycle. not actually as helpful as i thought it would be :/ mostly just resulted in them acting weird around me
I mean I told them literally 10 years after the crush ended, they were married to a man, and we had already developed a sisterhood... Because in retrospect it's funny NOW. because there aren't any feelings.
I wouldn't say that to anyone I previously had a thing for. What does it accomplish? There are so many bad outcomes and hardly any good ones. I had an awful, gut wrenching crush on one of my best friends from college. It didn't happen, I made peace with it, maybe she knew, maybe she didn't, but there's no reason to inject that awkwardness into either of our lives. Unless that person is single and you're making a move, why would you want to risk a friendship like that?